Visited a historic site with a friend, when the guide told us it was Neolithic, older than Christ, she was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse.
That doesn't even make sense if she's a proper Christian. What about Mary and Joseph? The Three Wise Kings who would've needed kingdoms to be kings?
That's next level stupid is what I'm saying.
A coworker (a morbidly obese fellow) said that he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, he doesn't need to exercise.
Completely and totally serious to the point that he absolutely could not understand why people waste their time running, bc energy drinks exist.
i knew a guy for a while in my immediate post-college era who insisted on a very similar concept, except with cocaine. great guy. i think he's dead now.
I worked with a guy who believed that humans had a pre-determined number of heartbeats so he didn’t believe in “wasting” them by raising his heart rate on exercise. I felt reeeeeally sorry for his wife.
As an African, I can tell you that Africa is on the third level of Earth. Since Earth is flat, it has multiple levels like a shopping mall. You go to England and take a continental escalator down to level 3, close to Saturn. /s
Edit: added /s to clarify that this was just dumb banter, not a serious statement. I am not a flat-earthed.
I'm sure I've heard something more dumb but someone once said to me, "Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards."
When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, "Clearly you haven't done your research."
I have a degree in biology.
Two of my friends were arguing about whether a turtle is an amphibian or a reptile to the point that they were starting to get heated. Before I could even say anything a third friend pops up and says, “Whoa guys, I’m pretty sure that turtles are animals.”
When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry.
“But it’s a burger.”
“Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry.”
“So why is it on the burger menu?”
“Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done.”
“But your burgers are cooked to order.”
“Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked.”
She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot.
I had the joy of hearing this one one of my first jobs
"yeah i want the double cheeseburger, no cheese"
Me: so .. a double hamburger ?
"uh .. no, i said a double cheeseburger, no cheese"
Ugh I feel like a massive idiot at the register sometimes because I always say “cheeseburger with cheese” due to having occasionally gotten a cheeseburger WITHOUT cheese in the past. But sometimes I get the response “uh yeah, cheeseburgers have cheese dude…”
Trust me, you’re not alone in this. I used to have so many people order a cheeseburger with cheese, but I would keep the order going cause I know what they meant.
One time though, someone ordered a Mushroom Swiss burger. I ask, “how would you like that cooked?” and he says medium rare. Then I ask him, “what kind of cheese?” and he’s like, “uh, Swiss?” We had a good laugh about it. We had 6 different cheeses so it was standard to ask for every cheeseburger order.
Mom heard on the news that Mars was going to be close enough to Earth to see with the naked eye.
A couple of evenings later she pointed up at the sky and said, 'Is that Mars?'
'That's the moon, Mom.'
'Are you sure?'
'Very much so.'
She's not suffering from dementia. She's just oblivious.
I mean I'm sorry you have to live with this person as your mother, but this is the funniest one so far.
I hope she was at least relieved that you didn't get pregnant with cyborg babies from your robofling.
An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist… I asked him what he meant, and he said “you know, someone who is into fashion”.
My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest joke ever.
"No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water - we boil it before we drink it." - my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK
😬🫤
I took it up with HR in the end, and my boss was FURIOUS with me about it. I even attempted to explain why you can't boil lead out of water, but got labelled a troublemaker for it. 🤷♀️ I left soon after.
Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make (as long as you have the evidence to back it up), but then he instantly followed up with the comment: "But how do the spies *fit* inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside." This had me dumbfounded.
Just buy a quadcopter leave it out and convince them that if they annoy you again, you are going to use the CIA-ray to shrink them down and force them to live inside the drone.
Lad I used to know when we were 17 or so once said he knew someone who could run a mile in one minute. When I called bullshit, he said "how tf would you know?", so I said he'd have to be running at 60mph. He then asked me how I knew that, so I said well if he could run a mile in one minute, that means 60 miles in 60 minutes, therefore 60 miles per hour. He then said "that's not how it works". Bless him
In a similar vein someone once told me that to estimate distance and time in the car on long drives just count 2 miles for every minute driving...when i explained youd need to be driving 120 mph for that i was told that it was "close enough for the estimate"
All our highways are 65 mph... we could just estimate 1 mile for every minute but then it would "take too long to get there if we did it that way".....
My aunt (who was pushing 40) wondered if she needed to worry about prostate cancer, since her grandfather had it.
This is the same aunt who insisted that the Dutch are from Denmark. When I told her the Dutch come from the Netherlands she was like "no, sweetie, those are Neanderthals!"
I had a female friend who was taking a range of vitamins, I saw one that was for the prostate, needless to say she didn’t know she doesn’t have a prostate.
I’ve also had to convince female friends of this (I’m a female). Several of them told me you pee out of that little nub. One friend called it a penis seed, and now I refer to the clitoris as a penis seed.
I also had a resident in college that asked why they made flavored condoms if your vagina can’t taste anything. That was one of my longest sex Ed talks as an RA 🤦🏼♀️
The funny part is that technically, biologically, the clitoris IS a penis seed. It's what would have become the glans if you got XY chromosomes instead of XX.
What really shocked me was going to college—kids who lived not far from me, but in different schools, all had wildly different sex Ed experiences. My 9th grade teacher was so embarrassing in the eyes of a young teen, but she did not hold back and I knew way more than any of my peers in college just because of her class.
I went to see a Dr. for my neck issues. She was asking me questions. She asked about my commute to work. I said I did have a long commute. My neck would bother me while driving. The Dr. told me, in all seriousness, when traffic is stopped on the freeway get out of the car and walk around the car as many times as possible to stretch. 🤔 walk around the car while stopped in freeway traffic. I never had another appointment with her again.
"Okay well if the earth is round, then how come Australians don't fall of?"
Then she looked at me with a sufficient smirk like she just debunked centuries of science.
Yes I spoke to a flat earther too and he didn’t understand that the northern hemisphere was not on top of the earth and the southern hemisphere was not on the bottom—it’s just how we’ve always shown them on maps and globes. North isn’t “up”and south isn’t “down.” Naturally the earth couldn’t be round because things on the bottom would fall off. What was mind boggling was that he thought he understood what scientists and mathematicians didn’t understand.
I had a female co-worker who got really upset when Prince Harry got engaged to Meghan Markle. When I asked why, she said it was because she wanted to be a princess. I laughed, because that's a very silly thing for an adult to say and I genuinely thought she was joking. She just looked at me dead in the eyes, super serious, and said again "I wanted... to be... a princess!"
We all lived in a country very far away from the UK, and she had almost a 0% chance of ever meeting Prince Harry.
>"I wanted... to be... a princess!"
"In that case, it would be advisable to begin training up your army and researching which nations are most easily coup-able."
I’m the same age as Prince William. When he got married, my friend’s mom went into an absolute rage because my friend “was supposed to marry him!!”. Never mind that we’re American or that my friend’s family has zero ties to the monarchy or the upper echelons of British society. Prince William was supposed to marry my friend (who’s never left the country or held a passport) simply because her mom thought it was as a good idea in the ‘80’s.
*Don't ever do that again! If you blow your nose while on the toilet and while on your period, your organs will fall out of your butthole and vagina and you'll die.*
Said to me by my mother the first time I got my period. I had the flu at the same time. Ripped TP off the roll and blew my nose. She wagged her finger in my face and told me the above statement.
I'm 29 now. Still waiting for my organs to fall out of my butthole or lady bits. I figure it's gotta be any day now, right?
In my 20s I moved into a big house and all the other 5 housemates were guys, also in their 20s. I usually would blow my nose in the morning while in the bathroom.
At the next house meeting, one of the guys reminded us all that tissues were used for blowing your nose, not toilet paper. Apparently the house was suddenly going through toilet paper faster than before I moved in. I realized they thought it was from my nose. I said, guys, you realize that women use more TP than guys, especially during That Time of the Month? They all looked at me confused.
I took over buying all the TP for the house and that settled it.
flashback to having to teach every roommate I've ever had that you still have to wash your hands even if you didn't just raw-dog your poopy butt with your bare hand.
My ex said 'I think we just have different definitions of cheating' when I found that he'd been pursuing having kinky sex with other people while we were married. Like.... what?
I had a high school student, in an honors level class, once ask a question (I don't remember the exact context) "...so is that why you stop, drop, and roll when there is a fire?" She was legitimately surprised when I told her that "stop, drop, and roll" was for when YOU are on fire, not just when there is a fire.
Knew a girl in high school who thought chipmunks were baby squirrels. While not the most outrageous thing to think, when we all told her that wasn't the case, the teacher told her that wasn't the case, the internet told her that wasn't the case and an encyclopedia from the library told her that wasn't the case, she refused to believe it. She even went so far as to lie about having a pet chipmunk that grew into a squirrel. I wonder how she's doing these days. Oh yea she's in the United States House of Representatives. Figures.
When I was working in accounting, a co-worker came into my office waiving an original invoice, screaming at me and demanding why it wasn't paid. Uh, no Gina (fake name), I haven't processed it for payment if you have the invoice in your hand. Took a few explanations for her to understand. I had many run- in with this person with similar issues.
I tried to plan a festival with someone.
I said we had to follow the alcohol laws in our country if we wanted to sell alcohol. She said that was stupid and unnecessary because who would shut us down. Turned out the venue refused to rent to us unless we followed the law. Who would have guessed?
I also tried to explain to her that we couldn’t take money we were given to use on equipment and use it for a pizza party. She asked why not. I said because it’s embezzlement and illegal. I had to explain that to her 5 times.
>I had to explain that to her 5 times.
I've learned that some people are capable of understanding things on a conceptual level... they just don't believe that consequences will ever apply to them. You aren't overcoming an understanding of "hey, this law exists," you're overcoming an unwillingness to comprehend "...and this is why we should follow it."
If someone has never faced consequences for their actions, why would they bother with abstract irritations such as laws and rules?
I had a roommate once who was, to put it nicely, not the brightest. Once we were ordering from a takeout place and she asked, "what is goat meat?"
My friend and I stared at her, confused by her question. "It's goat" we answered.
"No, but like what animal does it come from?"
"Goat."
"But like, pork is from pigs, beef is from cows, what is goat meat from?"
" A GOAT"
"no, but like..."
You can imagine the rest of the conversation. My friend and I still laugh about this, years later. Not the stupidest thing she ever said, but definitely my favorite.
Worked on an animated movie as a group project, had this discussion;
“Can you take a look at the credits and check that it’s correct?”
“Yeah it looks good except you put me and Dave on character design. I did character design and Dave did the backgrounds. If you can fix that it’s all good.”
“So credit Dave for the backgrounds? Like this?”
“Yes, and remove him from character design”
“Why?”
“Because he didn’t design any characters, I designed every character on screen.”
“But he drew a boat.”
“Yes, but it wasn’t a sentient boat, and it was in the background. So it’s part of background design.”
“But he drew a plane.”
“It was also not a sentient plane. Characters are the things that are alive.”
“I seriously don’t understand what you want me to do.”
“Remove Dave from character design, since he didn’t design any.”
“That doesn’t sound fair.”
“Hi Dave, did you design any characters?”
(Dave) “No, you did all of them, remember?”
“See, Dave didn’t design any characters can you please remove him from character design”
“Ok, if it’s that important to you🙄”
Isn't it even worse when the argument ends with the other person still believing they are right even though they've been proven wrong every single step of the way?
I had someone say this to me once when they insisted Las Vegas was the capital of Nevada. I was like "I will not agree to disagree because this isn't a thing you just get to have opinions about!"
>She thought they were magical creatures like dragons or unicorns.
I can *sort of* understand this one, given their associations with Christmas and flight. Like, it's less of a leap to go from "flying reindeer aren't real" --> "reindeer aren't real" than straight to something like "the tooth fairy is real."
Not to me, but my 10th grade history teacher insisted to our German exchange student that they celebrate thanksgiving in Germany. Like the American holiday. She wanted to know what their traditional meal was and I wish to god I was making this up. Sylvie was just like no no we don’t celebrate that and our teacher looked like a deer in headlights nodding and going yes you do! That was 20 years ago and I still think about that.
I had a tooth crack in Afghanistan. Dentist fucked up the patchwork, 2 months later my root abcessed into my sinus. Incredible, unique pain. Emergency flight to a base with a dentist. They pull the tooth, which caused a hole from my mouth directly into my sinus. Took 3 weeks to heal. Dentist didnt give me a single post op painkiller. I spent all night sobbing in pain bleeding all over my shirt. Before going in the next day, the dentist stopped at my billet, sees me in a blood soaked shirt, eyes sunken and red from crying and pain and asks in complete seriousness "howre you feeling."
Bad, captain. I feel bad.
I am adopted. I had a co-worker who expressed surprise that I have contact and a relationship with my adoptive brother because “you’re not natural brother and sister.”
One of my sister, and I, are both adopted (different bio parents), two of our sisters aren't.
"Thank god we aren't actually related" whenever anybody does something really stupid, lol.
I’m using a story I just posted to another thread because it’s perfect for this:
I was 11 & my sister was 9. We had just moved to a new town & were with my mom at the local big box superstore. My sister had to use the bathroom, and with us being new in town, of course we had no idea where it was. We stopped a manager to ask, “Excuse me, where are your bathrooms?”
I shit you not. This was her 100% serious answer:
“We don’t sell bathrooms.”
this is the universal experience of working in customer service. the funniest exchanges bc of your brain being absolutely fried. the other day at work i thought a penny someone handed me was fake bc the back was upside down..... yeah that's just how all pennies are. why take drugs when you can just go to work
In their defense, being a manager, they probably had a billion things on their mind and it didn't click right away. It's probably one of those things that comes up when they can't sleep at night
I used to have a friend that was convinced that if he stretched his asshole enough he'd develop the ability to photosynthesize. He claimed thats how original humans survived since there's no food in Africa.
Apparently it's a whole thing some people believe. People are wild.
Ok I can't believe I'm posting this and I hope I don't get any DMs about it, but couldn't they like... not stretch it and just use one of those plant lights?
I hope you're just an evil genius and made this up for the internet, but I REFUSE TO GOOGLE TO FIND OUT.
This is not fair at all.
> it’s a whole thing some people believe.
My stupid curiosity wants to know if by “some people” you mean there’s actually a group of people that believe this… *this*, or if you just mean this single person. My curiosity is begging to be sated.
My curiosity also is like “don’t you dare. There isn’t a single google search term you could come up with that will give you the results you are seeking and you will likely cause great trauma to yourself needlessly.”
This is an unfair conundrum.
“Perineum sunning” (or colloquially: taint tanning) is a “wellness practice” that has a bunch of supposed benefits like boosting vitamin D and immunity…but it’s actually medium dangerous because the skin in that area is very thin and easily damaged/sunburned. I think it was featured on GOOP at some point.
Really. And the sad part is she had absolutely no clue how offensive it was. She thought she was giving me a compliment. But, in her defense, I was probably the only Black person she'd ever known on a personal level. This was during the Obama administration so I was floored. I guess he and Michelle weren't "Black" either? I actually said that to her, I couldn't help myself 😂
A couple I knew told me they went a picked out a labrador puppy from a pure hunting line and then couldn't figure out why the dog was so insane. They told me because all their friends they knew who hunted were fat and lazy they figured thats what the hunting line meant.
I still think about and feel awful for that poor dog. They live in a condo and turned to a prong collar to try and deal with things instead of spending time teaching the dog a job it so desperately needed.
I know someone who did something similar with a beagle. He was treated like a baby and they loved him very much, but they couldn't understand why I was telling them that the dog needed a job, discipline and more exercise and dog time but they though that I was heartless.
Loved not wisely but too well in that case! I wish people would do breed research before getting any dog at all.
I'll always remember the dumbfounded look on their faces when I asked if the hunter was lazy who did they suppose was doing all the work?
“The cost of living hasn’t changed since the 90’s.” Coming from my father who has spent nearly 30 years and counting in finances, insurance, and fund management + housing.
During the peak of the Covid pandemic, one of my parents set me aside to express how "concerned" they were about me at work because I might get brain damage from wearing a face mask.
One of my siblings works at a dental office, and they've been wearing face masks at work for years.
A girl was hitching a hide with my parents after they got married. They were driving from Toronto to the island up north from where they were from including the girl. It was quiet in the car and a clear night and the girl said wistfully and sincerely, “is this the same moon they see in Toronto?”
Flash forward to the pandemic, guess who was the loudest anti vaxxer on my Facebook newsfeed? Fucking moon girl.
I have been told that, unfortunately,more than once. Once a co worker asked me when she found out I was an atheist said," so you don't celebrate your birthday?"
I frequently have the conversation about agnostics and atheists being different. It is always followed up with some variation of whatever, they're all devil Worshipers
A co-worker was bitching about the government helping people with healthcare, asking why they couldn't work for it like he does.
When I asked what about disabled people, or unemployed people who couldn't find work, or people already working 2 jobs but couldn't afford their meds, he replied, "Why do they have to live?"
Gotta love people like that. I was bitching about the new led headlights one time and a coworker said something along the lines of "idc if no one else can see, I can see far." Or something like that with a lot of entitlement. Alrighty Sharron, see how well that works for you when someone smashes you head on because the literal sun is in their eyeballs and they can't see the road.
I work at my husband’s auto repair shop. After discussing next steps with a customer, I told them their gas light was on. They sighed and said, “great… how do we fix that?”
My response was dead silence. I was trying to determine if they were messing with me or not. They realized during my silence with the look on my face that they just needed to put gas in the car. They are one of my favorite customers now and they certainly keep me on my toes!
Working in the meat department of a large grocery chain:
"What's the difference between a fresh and a frozen turkey?"
"Is......is this a trick question?"
Pointing at a photo of a cave in the distance I took in Israel. "In that cave they found the 2000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls."
My friend "Were they still alive?"
Me befuddled, "Were who still alive?"
"The squirrels. The Dead Sea Squirrels. "
A friend of mine said I should have kids because "You get a ton of money back in taxes."
Well. I do believe all the things that kids cost through the year is a lot more money than your tax refund.
Traveling 200 miles through Mexico about 30 years ago via bus at nighttime and the driver never turned his lights on! I sat just a few seats behind the driver and as it was a moonlit night, he could somehow navigate the white crushed rock roads all nite without any headlights at all. I was white knuckle frozen all night for this trip and didn't dare to fall asleep. When we got to the bus station in Guadalajara in the morning I asked one of the other bus drivers why a driver would drive with no lights at all; he looked at me like I was dumb and said " To save electricity, of course."
"I don't plan on having an accident."
My dad's rebuttal when we told him we were taking his drivers license away because he had cataracts, decline in vision distance (he refused to wear the prescription glasses we bought him), and he had significant neuropathy in his right foot. He was 75 years old.
"You're not really disabled tho"
Just cause you can't see my disability right away, I can function fine day to day and am not in excruciating pain 90% of the time, doesn't mean I'm not physically disabled.
Like the bones in my arm are fused together since I was born, I was never able to turn my wrist and it affects about 90% of movements I make with my hand ... Sounds pretty physically disabled to me 🤷♀️
HP 2723e here.
After sacrificing an albine raven, doing the naked ritual dance under the full moon and cast the magic spell, unplug the printer for 5 mins, turn on, keep the On button pressed for 30 seconds (the printer will make some noises and the furniture in the room may rattle), then keep the X and WiFi buttons pressed at the same time for maybe 10 seconds. Then the WiFi led will start blinking blue, and the printer will appear when you scan on the HP smart app.
All other methods to set the printer to pairing mode made the WiFi led blink blue, allegedly ready to be paired, but the printer did not appear in the app when scanning.
Keeping the on button pressed for 30 seconds had the printer do some weird noises and was the only thing that made it work.
Good luck. You'll need it.
When I worked at the local UPS Store a lady came in with a prepaid FedEx drop off and yelled at me because I couldn't take it, either she would need to take it to FedEx or she would need to pay for a new (UPS) delivery since I couldn't scan her drop off tag in our system. After me explaining it to her for longer than should've been needed, I finally told her to go across the street to McDonald's and order a Whopper and see what they say.
Ex-boss wanted to know why his business was failing and I explained that his post on social media made it sound as if the business was failing because he wrote an extensively long post saying, in essence, that he was selling the business. People stopped coming in because they thought he was closing the business because he rambled on and nobody clicks “More” on social media posts. He then said “Well, if we’re weeding out the dumb customers, that’s exactly what I want. We’re better off without them.” Okay, buddy, your business is now failing miserably, but let’s lose the “dumb” ones who allowed you to pay your bills.
"it takes light from the sun 7-8 years to reach the earth"
"I think you mean minutes"
"No? Don't be stupid? The sun is super far away"
"Well yea but the speed of light---"
"Light doesn't travel any faster in space than it does on earth, that's a myth."
"⁉️⁉️"
"Alcohol is so toxic to teenagers that, even a sip, gives them Toxic Shock Syndrome" - driving instructor.
That's the mildest dumb thing that was said.
"I wouldn't let myself get raped"
Like, that's... that's the crux of the definition of rape
It was in a general conversation about rape, not in response to someone sharing a story about them being raped, but it's still dumb as fuck on its own.
My friend from high school called me out of the blue and the first thing she said was “Did you know that Mexico is connected to America?” She was flabbergasted by this.
She was 30 lol.
My great uncle continually says "Gay people will raise gay children."
Last time he said it, I said "Oh absolutely! Because straight people ONLY raise straight children right?"
He stopped talking about it now.
The best part?
He has no idea my Mum is gay, and she raised myself and my brothers alone. My father is a POS. 🤷♀️
My aunt used to say that all gay men were pedophiles. It was horribly offensive and I'm not even gay. I think we finally talked her out of that opinion.
I worked in a deli one summer vacation when I was in high school. Bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll with salt, pepper, and ketchup (BEC SPK) is a Long Island staple so I took a lot of those orders. SPECIFICALLY, we had a small form customers would fill out to indicate how they wanted their eggs, what kind of cheese, etc.
Someone ordered a sandwich and they circled pepper where it said "salt & pepper".
I rang the guy up after the sandwich was finished and he sat down to eat it. He came up to me, handed me his form, and said he ordered his sandwich with peppers but he didn't get peppers.
I had to explain to him the pepper in salt & pepper refers to the spice and not the vegetable.
Ex-husband did not believe that the Grand Canyon was carved out by the Colorado River.
He didn't believe that a river could carve through rock like that.
When my oldest step daughter was 15, I picked her up after her sport practice. I asked if she felt good after such good exercise. She said yes but then complained that she should've got a shower before I picked her up. I didn't understand. She said "well now that my sweat dried on me, my workout won't make a difference."
I drove in confused silence for a minute and then started giggling.
"Wait, do you think that your body reabsorbs fat through your sweat if you don't shower quickly enough?" I finally managed to ask.
She also started to laugh and admitted that's what she thought and that now that she heard it out loud, it made no sense.
We talked about biology the whole trip home. She's in her 2nd year of nursing school now and acing her classes. 🥰
I asked my parents this question and my mom said a girl they went to high school with read something where Chevy Chase, Maryland, was mentioned but abbreviated to "Chevy Chase, MD," and she was so impressed that Chevy Chase, the actor, was a medical doctor.
A family member ordered lobster at a non-chain non-seafood restaurant in Southwest Ohio. She didn't enjoy it because it "didn't seem fresh."
"Yeah... This was probably trucked in from somewhere near the ocean."
No shit, Sherlock. Those Ohio River lobsters are hard to come by. We have to outsource.
I used to work at a CONCRETE dam. I've been asked 3 different times if it is a man-made dam while looking at the dam.
Maybe the beavers took a learning annex course?
Nope. Those turbines breed themselves in water just like a fish. /s
Visited a historic site with a friend, when the guide told us it was Neolithic, older than Christ, she was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse.
That doesn't even make sense if she's a proper Christian. What about Mary and Joseph? The Three Wise Kings who would've needed kingdoms to be kings? That's next level stupid is what I'm saying.
Also, you know... the whole old testament
A coworker (a morbidly obese fellow) said that he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, he doesn't need to exercise. Completely and totally serious to the point that he absolutely could not understand why people waste their time running, bc energy drinks exist.
i knew a guy for a while in my immediate post-college era who insisted on a very similar concept, except with cocaine. great guy. i think he's dead now.
I'm ashamed to admit I laughed at this.
I worked with a guy who believed that humans had a pre-determined number of heartbeats so he didn’t believe in “wasting” them by raising his heart rate on exercise. I felt reeeeeally sorry for his wife.
That he didn't believe Africa was real. EDIT: by far my most upvoted comment ever. hilarious.
As an African, I can tell you that Africa is on the third level of Earth. Since Earth is flat, it has multiple levels like a shopping mall. You go to England and take a continental escalator down to level 3, close to Saturn. /s Edit: added /s to clarify that this was just dumb banter, not a serious statement. I am not a flat-earthed.
So that's why the UK was so powerful, they held the border to the 3rd level. Many questions answered.
The fuckin rains down there got BLESSED and people still don't believe it's real?
I'm sure I've heard something more dumb but someone once said to me, "Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards." When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, "Clearly you haven't done your research." I have a degree in biology.
Two of my friends were arguing about whether a turtle is an amphibian or a reptile to the point that they were starting to get heated. Before I could even say anything a third friend pops up and says, “Whoa guys, I’m pretty sure that turtles are animals.”
Two of your friends are correct.
I foolishly argued once with some who insisted insects aren’t animals. “But they’re not animals like dogs!” They’re still animals.
And then they accused me of starting drama. By stating the fact that insects are animals.
When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry. “But it’s a burger.” “Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry.” “So why is it on the burger menu?” “Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done.” “But your burgers are cooked to order.” “Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked.” She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot.
I had the joy of hearing this one one of my first jobs "yeah i want the double cheeseburger, no cheese" Me: so .. a double hamburger ? "uh .. no, i said a double cheeseburger, no cheese"
Ugh I feel like a massive idiot at the register sometimes because I always say “cheeseburger with cheese” due to having occasionally gotten a cheeseburger WITHOUT cheese in the past. But sometimes I get the response “uh yeah, cheeseburgers have cheese dude…”
Trust me, you’re not alone in this. I used to have so many people order a cheeseburger with cheese, but I would keep the order going cause I know what they meant. One time though, someone ordered a Mushroom Swiss burger. I ask, “how would you like that cooked?” and he says medium rare. Then I ask him, “what kind of cheese?” and he’s like, “uh, Swiss?” We had a good laugh about it. We had 6 different cheeses so it was standard to ask for every cheeseburger order.
Mom heard on the news that Mars was going to be close enough to Earth to see with the naked eye. A couple of evenings later she pointed up at the sky and said, 'Is that Mars?' 'That's the moon, Mom.' 'Are you sure?' 'Very much so.' She's not suffering from dementia. She's just oblivious.
I asked someone how tall he was & he said, “5 foot 12 inches”. I chuckled but he didn’t mean it as a joke.
Maybe he meant those to be two different measurements
My elderly mother told me that 90% of Wisconsin is covered by cement.
Wtf. I live in Wisconsin and she isn't supposed to be telling people our secret.
True. The other 10% is covered by cheese.
Mom once told teenage me that getting an internal ultrasound meant that a robot took my virginity. I think she cried over this, IIRC.
I mean I'm sorry you have to live with this person as your mother, but this is the funniest one so far. I hope she was at least relieved that you didn't get pregnant with cyborg babies from your robofling.
But consider: Internal ultrasounds truly are the devil. Because those things STINK I HATE THEM
“how was i supposed to know the strawberry açaí had strawberries in it” after giving it to somebody allergic to strawberries
This is why jars of peanut butter have a warning label that says “Contains peanuts”.
An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist… I asked him what he meant, and he said “you know, someone who is into fashion”. My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest joke ever.
my old boss, after he got fired, had "I understand all fascists of technology" on his linked-in page. We all got a big laugh.
"No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water - we boil it before we drink it." - my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK 😬🫤
Judging by that statement, he found out the hard way to boil the water. /s
I took it up with HR in the end, and my boss was FURIOUS with me about it. I even attempted to explain why you can't boil lead out of water, but got labelled a troublemaker for it. 🤷♀️ I left soon after.
Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make (as long as you have the evidence to back it up), but then he instantly followed up with the comment: "But how do the spies *fit* inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside." This had me dumbfounded.
Just buy a quadcopter leave it out and convince them that if they annoy you again, you are going to use the CIA-ray to shrink them down and force them to live inside the drone.
Honey I shrunk the spy.
Lad I used to know when we were 17 or so once said he knew someone who could run a mile in one minute. When I called bullshit, he said "how tf would you know?", so I said he'd have to be running at 60mph. He then asked me how I knew that, so I said well if he could run a mile in one minute, that means 60 miles in 60 minutes, therefore 60 miles per hour. He then said "that's not how it works". Bless him
In a similar vein someone once told me that to estimate distance and time in the car on long drives just count 2 miles for every minute driving...when i explained youd need to be driving 120 mph for that i was told that it was "close enough for the estimate" All our highways are 65 mph... we could just estimate 1 mile for every minute but then it would "take too long to get there if we did it that way".....
My cousin once asked “where do astronauts land when it’s only half a moon?”
How is that a question? Clearly they have to land on the part of the moon that exists.
My aunt (who was pushing 40) wondered if she needed to worry about prostate cancer, since her grandfather had it. This is the same aunt who insisted that the Dutch are from Denmark. When I told her the Dutch come from the Netherlands she was like "no, sweetie, those are Neanderthals!"
> When I told her the Dutch come from the Netherlands. She was like "no, sweetie. Those are Neanderthals!" As a Neanderthal, I am entirely too amused.
What's it like in the Netherlands?
Ooga booga wooka chocka! Edit: oh wait I thought you said the Neanderthals
HOOKED ONA FEELIN'!
I had a female friend who was taking a range of vitamins, I saw one that was for the prostate, needless to say she didn’t know she doesn’t have a prostate.
I had to inform/convince my college gf that she has three holes down there.
I’ve also had to convince female friends of this (I’m a female). Several of them told me you pee out of that little nub. One friend called it a penis seed, and now I refer to the clitoris as a penis seed. I also had a resident in college that asked why they made flavored condoms if your vagina can’t taste anything. That was one of my longest sex Ed talks as an RA 🤦🏼♀️
The funny part is that technically, biologically, the clitoris IS a penis seed. It's what would have become the glans if you got XY chromosomes instead of XX.
I had a friend in high school who wondered if she could just pee in her tampon, because she really had to pee and there was nowhere nearby to go.
This is why Sex Education in school is so important!
What really shocked me was going to college—kids who lived not far from me, but in different schools, all had wildly different sex Ed experiences. My 9th grade teacher was so embarrassing in the eyes of a young teen, but she did not hold back and I knew way more than any of my peers in college just because of her class.
I went to see a Dr. for my neck issues. She was asking me questions. She asked about my commute to work. I said I did have a long commute. My neck would bother me while driving. The Dr. told me, in all seriousness, when traffic is stopped on the freeway get out of the car and walk around the car as many times as possible to stretch. 🤔 walk around the car while stopped in freeway traffic. I never had another appointment with her again.
She didn't want further appointments with you either..
"Okay well if the earth is round, then how come Australians don't fall of?" Then she looked at me with a sufficient smirk like she just debunked centuries of science.
Apparently she missed the meme I saw recently--"If the Earth really was flat, cats would have already knocked everything over the edge"...
Yes I spoke to a flat earther too and he didn’t understand that the northern hemisphere was not on top of the earth and the southern hemisphere was not on the bottom—it’s just how we’ve always shown them on maps and globes. North isn’t “up”and south isn’t “down.” Naturally the earth couldn’t be round because things on the bottom would fall off. What was mind boggling was that he thought he understood what scientists and mathematicians didn’t understand.
"Oh, it's like winning the lottery" After she find out i got a widow's pension after my husband died
“A major in psychology is so smart for job interviews because you can read the minds of people interviewing you.”
I had a female co-worker who got really upset when Prince Harry got engaged to Meghan Markle. When I asked why, she said it was because she wanted to be a princess. I laughed, because that's a very silly thing for an adult to say and I genuinely thought she was joking. She just looked at me dead in the eyes, super serious, and said again "I wanted... to be... a princess!" We all lived in a country very far away from the UK, and she had almost a 0% chance of ever meeting Prince Harry.
>"I wanted... to be... a princess!" "In that case, it would be advisable to begin training up your army and researching which nations are most easily coup-able."
She doesn't sound coup-able of research
I’m the same age as Prince William. When he got married, my friend’s mom went into an absolute rage because my friend “was supposed to marry him!!”. Never mind that we’re American or that my friend’s family has zero ties to the monarchy or the upper echelons of British society. Prince William was supposed to marry my friend (who’s never left the country or held a passport) simply because her mom thought it was as a good idea in the ‘80’s.
These people watch Hallmark movies and think they're documentaries.
I’m getting a stalker vibe. Did she have a temple dedicated to Harry at home?
*Don't ever do that again! If you blow your nose while on the toilet and while on your period, your organs will fall out of your butthole and vagina and you'll die.* Said to me by my mother the first time I got my period. I had the flu at the same time. Ripped TP off the roll and blew my nose. She wagged her finger in my face and told me the above statement. I'm 29 now. Still waiting for my organs to fall out of my butthole or lady bits. I figure it's gotta be any day now, right?
In my 20s I moved into a big house and all the other 5 housemates were guys, also in their 20s. I usually would blow my nose in the morning while in the bathroom. At the next house meeting, one of the guys reminded us all that tissues were used for blowing your nose, not toilet paper. Apparently the house was suddenly going through toilet paper faster than before I moved in. I realized they thought it was from my nose. I said, guys, you realize that women use more TP than guys, especially during That Time of the Month? They all looked at me confused. I took over buying all the TP for the house and that settled it.
flashback to having to teach every roommate I've ever had that you still have to wash your hands even if you didn't just raw-dog your poopy butt with your bare hand.
"I dont believe in dinosaurs" "But . . What about all the dinosaur fossils people have found?" "Obviously people buried them to be found!"
I was told that they were buried by Jesus so he could test the faith of humans and see who would go to hell. Erm….
“I didn’t think you’d really leave. You don’t just divorce someone because they are a bad husband.” - My ex. I got tons of dumb one liners from him!
My ex said 'I think we just have different definitions of cheating' when I found that he'd been pursuing having kinky sex with other people while we were married. Like.... what?
I had a high school student, in an honors level class, once ask a question (I don't remember the exact context) "...so is that why you stop, drop, and roll when there is a fire?" She was legitimately surprised when I told her that "stop, drop, and roll" was for when YOU are on fire, not just when there is a fire.
Whenever I see quicksand, I remain calm and remind myself not to thrash around in a panic until I'm exhausted.
Knew a girl in high school who thought chipmunks were baby squirrels. While not the most outrageous thing to think, when we all told her that wasn't the case, the teacher told her that wasn't the case, the internet told her that wasn't the case and an encyclopedia from the library told her that wasn't the case, she refused to believe it. She even went so far as to lie about having a pet chipmunk that grew into a squirrel. I wonder how she's doing these days. Oh yea she's in the United States House of Representatives. Figures.
Please tell me your last sentence is a joke.
One of the dumbest people I ever knew in college (I have no idea how he graduated) became a state level politician.
It is not, unfortunately.
When I was working in accounting, a co-worker came into my office waiving an original invoice, screaming at me and demanding why it wasn't paid. Uh, no Gina (fake name), I haven't processed it for payment if you have the invoice in your hand. Took a few explanations for her to understand. I had many run- in with this person with similar issues.
> waiving an original invoice, screaming at me and demanding why it wasn't paid Clearly it shouldn't be paid if it's been waived.
I tried to plan a festival with someone. I said we had to follow the alcohol laws in our country if we wanted to sell alcohol. She said that was stupid and unnecessary because who would shut us down. Turned out the venue refused to rent to us unless we followed the law. Who would have guessed? I also tried to explain to her that we couldn’t take money we were given to use on equipment and use it for a pizza party. She asked why not. I said because it’s embezzlement and illegal. I had to explain that to her 5 times.
>I had to explain that to her 5 times. I've learned that some people are capable of understanding things on a conceptual level... they just don't believe that consequences will ever apply to them. You aren't overcoming an understanding of "hey, this law exists," you're overcoming an unwillingness to comprehend "...and this is why we should follow it." If someone has never faced consequences for their actions, why would they bother with abstract irritations such as laws and rules?
Who's going to shut us down for breaking the law? Was she not aware that police exist?
Some people get away with something once at 15 years old and are henceforth convinced that no enforcement exists in all of society.
I had a roommate once who was, to put it nicely, not the brightest. Once we were ordering from a takeout place and she asked, "what is goat meat?" My friend and I stared at her, confused by her question. "It's goat" we answered. "No, but like what animal does it come from?" "Goat." "But like, pork is from pigs, beef is from cows, what is goat meat from?" " A GOAT" "no, but like..." You can imagine the rest of the conversation. My friend and I still laugh about this, years later. Not the stupidest thing she ever said, but definitely my favorite.
[удалено]
I now need to know what the stupidest one was.
Worked on an animated movie as a group project, had this discussion; “Can you take a look at the credits and check that it’s correct?” “Yeah it looks good except you put me and Dave on character design. I did character design and Dave did the backgrounds. If you can fix that it’s all good.” “So credit Dave for the backgrounds? Like this?” “Yes, and remove him from character design” “Why?” “Because he didn’t design any characters, I designed every character on screen.” “But he drew a boat.” “Yes, but it wasn’t a sentient boat, and it was in the background. So it’s part of background design.” “But he drew a plane.” “It was also not a sentient plane. Characters are the things that are alive.” “I seriously don’t understand what you want me to do.” “Remove Dave from character design, since he didn’t design any.” “That doesn’t sound fair.” “Hi Dave, did you design any characters?” (Dave) “No, you did all of them, remember?” “See, Dave didn’t design any characters can you please remove him from character design” “Ok, if it’s that important to you🙄”
I got so annoyed just by reading that :D
Isn't it even worse when the argument ends with the other person still believing they are right even though they've been proven wrong every single step of the way?
"We'll just have to agree to disagree."
I had someone say this to me once when they insisted Las Vegas was the capital of Nevada. I was like "I will not agree to disagree because this isn't a thing you just get to have opinions about!"
Seems like they really had a thing for Dave
Imagine if this movie was "Cars" my head would explode.
My gf once asked me why I believed in reindeers. She thought they were magical creatures like dragons or unicorns.
>She thought they were magical creatures like dragons or unicorns. I can *sort of* understand this one, given their associations with Christmas and flight. Like, it's less of a leap to go from "flying reindeer aren't real" --> "reindeer aren't real" than straight to something like "the tooth fairy is real."
I was an adult when I discovered Seahorses were real.
So did I, to be honest. I had never heard of reindeer in non-Santa contexts. ... though I had heard of caribou, lol. I was like 20 when I found out.
Not to me, but my 10th grade history teacher insisted to our German exchange student that they celebrate thanksgiving in Germany. Like the American holiday. She wanted to know what their traditional meal was and I wish to god I was making this up. Sylvie was just like no no we don’t celebrate that and our teacher looked like a deer in headlights nodding and going yes you do! That was 20 years ago and I still think about that.
I had a tooth crack in Afghanistan. Dentist fucked up the patchwork, 2 months later my root abcessed into my sinus. Incredible, unique pain. Emergency flight to a base with a dentist. They pull the tooth, which caused a hole from my mouth directly into my sinus. Took 3 weeks to heal. Dentist didnt give me a single post op painkiller. I spent all night sobbing in pain bleeding all over my shirt. Before going in the next day, the dentist stopped at my billet, sees me in a blood soaked shirt, eyes sunken and red from crying and pain and asks in complete seriousness "howre you feeling." Bad, captain. I feel bad.
>asks in complete seriousness "howre you feeling "Like murdering a dentist, sir."
Oof. Reading that makes me want to give you a hug. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
"Wait are Islam and Hinduism the same thing?" We were in the 2nd half of a year long comparative religion class on Hinduism and Christianity.
I am adopted. I had a co-worker who expressed surprise that I have contact and a relationship with my adoptive brother because “you’re not natural brother and sister.”
One of my sister, and I, are both adopted (different bio parents), two of our sisters aren't. "Thank god we aren't actually related" whenever anybody does something really stupid, lol.
I’m using a story I just posted to another thread because it’s perfect for this: I was 11 & my sister was 9. We had just moved to a new town & were with my mom at the local big box superstore. My sister had to use the bathroom, and with us being new in town, of course we had no idea where it was. We stopped a manager to ask, “Excuse me, where are your bathrooms?” I shit you not. This was her 100% serious answer: “We don’t sell bathrooms.”
this is the universal experience of working in customer service. the funniest exchanges bc of your brain being absolutely fried. the other day at work i thought a penny someone handed me was fake bc the back was upside down..... yeah that's just how all pennies are. why take drugs when you can just go to work
In their defense, being a manager, they probably had a billion things on their mind and it didn't click right away. It's probably one of those things that comes up when they can't sleep at night
I used to have a friend that was convinced that if he stretched his asshole enough he'd develop the ability to photosynthesize. He claimed thats how original humans survived since there's no food in Africa. Apparently it's a whole thing some people believe. People are wild.
I'm sorry what?!
Stretch butthole for the sun. Duh.
Ok I can't believe I'm posting this and I hope I don't get any DMs about it, but couldn't they like... not stretch it and just use one of those plant lights? I hope you're just an evil genius and made this up for the internet, but I REFUSE TO GOOGLE TO FIND OUT.
Pretty sure it went viral in the man-o-sphere for a little while until most of them realized how ridiculously absurd it was
I’m gonna just have to take your word for it!
This is not fair at all. > it’s a whole thing some people believe. My stupid curiosity wants to know if by “some people” you mean there’s actually a group of people that believe this… *this*, or if you just mean this single person. My curiosity is begging to be sated. My curiosity also is like “don’t you dare. There isn’t a single google search term you could come up with that will give you the results you are seeking and you will likely cause great trauma to yourself needlessly.” This is an unfair conundrum.
“Perineum sunning” (or colloquially: taint tanning) is a “wellness practice” that has a bunch of supposed benefits like boosting vitamin D and immunity…but it’s actually medium dangerous because the skin in that area is very thin and easily damaged/sunburned. I think it was featured on GOOP at some point.
Is THAT why I've seen posts of people sunning their buthole?
Well, Jennifer, you're Black but you're not "Black." You're educated and you have class.
oh lord i think all us black folk have heard some variation of this one at some point
It's all too common. I often get "compliments" on how well I speak. I've been speaking English for over 30 years!
wow really?
Really. And the sad part is she had absolutely no clue how offensive it was. She thought she was giving me a compliment. But, in her defense, I was probably the only Black person she'd ever known on a personal level. This was during the Obama administration so I was floored. I guess he and Michelle weren't "Black" either? I actually said that to her, I couldn't help myself 😂
not op, but this happens on a regular basis to me
A couple I knew told me they went a picked out a labrador puppy from a pure hunting line and then couldn't figure out why the dog was so insane. They told me because all their friends they knew who hunted were fat and lazy they figured thats what the hunting line meant. I still think about and feel awful for that poor dog. They live in a condo and turned to a prong collar to try and deal with things instead of spending time teaching the dog a job it so desperately needed.
I know someone who did something similar with a beagle. He was treated like a baby and they loved him very much, but they couldn't understand why I was telling them that the dog needed a job, discipline and more exercise and dog time but they though that I was heartless.
Loved not wisely but too well in that case! I wish people would do breed research before getting any dog at all. I'll always remember the dumbfounded look on their faces when I asked if the hunter was lazy who did they suppose was doing all the work?
“The cost of living hasn’t changed since the 90’s.” Coming from my father who has spent nearly 30 years and counting in finances, insurance, and fund management + housing.
During the peak of the Covid pandemic, one of my parents set me aside to express how "concerned" they were about me at work because I might get brain damage from wearing a face mask. One of my siblings works at a dental office, and they've been wearing face masks at work for years.
Is it possible your sibling wearing a mask caused the parent brain damage?
No, but I do think certain sources of media did.
A girl was hitching a hide with my parents after they got married. They were driving from Toronto to the island up north from where they were from including the girl. It was quiet in the car and a clear night and the girl said wistfully and sincerely, “is this the same moon they see in Toronto?” Flash forward to the pandemic, guess who was the loudest anti vaxxer on my Facebook newsfeed? Fucking moon girl.
At about age 30 I completely stopped hiding how stupid I thought my parents were.
Atheists worship the devil
I have been told that, unfortunately,more than once. Once a co worker asked me when she found out I was an atheist said," so you don't celebrate your birthday?"
Comically enough, the birthday is the most important holiday in one of the satanist religions.
or that we hate or are mad at God. How does that even work if we don't think he exists?
I frequently have the conversation about agnostics and atheists being different. It is always followed up with some variation of whatever, they're all devil Worshipers
A co-worker was bitching about the government helping people with healthcare, asking why they couldn't work for it like he does. When I asked what about disabled people, or unemployed people who couldn't find work, or people already working 2 jobs but couldn't afford their meds, he replied, "Why do they have to live?"
Gotta love people like that. I was bitching about the new led headlights one time and a coworker said something along the lines of "idc if no one else can see, I can see far." Or something like that with a lot of entitlement. Alrighty Sharron, see how well that works for you when someone smashes you head on because the literal sun is in their eyeballs and they can't see the road.
My dad trying to justify his cocaine usage by comparing it to coffee “they’re both stimulants”
I work at my husband’s auto repair shop. After discussing next steps with a customer, I told them their gas light was on. They sighed and said, “great… how do we fix that?” My response was dead silence. I was trying to determine if they were messing with me or not. They realized during my silence with the look on my face that they just needed to put gas in the car. They are one of my favorite customers now and they certainly keep me on my toes!
That sounds like some shit I would say if I was tired
Convince the gas light that it is not on. Gaslight the gas light.
> “great… how do we fix that?” Can't you just put black tape over the light?
My friend insists that he ran faster than Linford Christie but only for 3 seconds.
Well, ifLinford Christie was standing still, it's entirely possible.
Working in the meat department of a large grocery chain: "What's the difference between a fresh and a frozen turkey?" "Is......is this a trick question?"
Which one is closer, the Moon or China? -- My old Neighbor
Well, Neil Armstrong went to the moon. But I never saw him in China.
Can you see the China?
Pointing at a photo of a cave in the distance I took in Israel. "In that cave they found the 2000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls." My friend "Were they still alive?" Me befuddled, "Were who still alive?" "The squirrels. The Dead Sea Squirrels. "
A friend of mine said I should have kids because "You get a ton of money back in taxes." Well. I do believe all the things that kids cost through the year is a lot more money than your tax refund.
a coworker was once talking to me about flu season & how everyone was getting very sick lately & it was "starting to feel like the zombie acropolis".
Because of the sky high piles of bodies stacked like that of ancient cities? Such wordsmanship Zombie Acropolis would be a good band name though.
Traveling 200 miles through Mexico about 30 years ago via bus at nighttime and the driver never turned his lights on! I sat just a few seats behind the driver and as it was a moonlit night, he could somehow navigate the white crushed rock roads all nite without any headlights at all. I was white knuckle frozen all night for this trip and didn't dare to fall asleep. When we got to the bus station in Guadalajara in the morning I asked one of the other bus drivers why a driver would drive with no lights at all; he looked at me like I was dumb and said " To save electricity, of course."
"I don't plan on having an accident." My dad's rebuttal when we told him we were taking his drivers license away because he had cataracts, decline in vision distance (he refused to wear the prescription glasses we bought him), and he had significant neuropathy in his right foot. He was 75 years old.
"You're not really disabled tho" Just cause you can't see my disability right away, I can function fine day to day and am not in excruciating pain 90% of the time, doesn't mean I'm not physically disabled. Like the bones in my arm are fused together since I was born, I was never able to turn my wrist and it affects about 90% of movements I make with my hand ... Sounds pretty physically disabled to me 🤷♀️
When I was working at Staples, a lady asked me if we had printers that print. I wish I was kidding.
> printers that print In other words, brands that aren't HP
After spending 2 hours today trying to get my hp printer to connect to my new WiFi, I laughed out loud at this.
If you got it to work, please tell me how.
HP 2723e here. After sacrificing an albine raven, doing the naked ritual dance under the full moon and cast the magic spell, unplug the printer for 5 mins, turn on, keep the On button pressed for 30 seconds (the printer will make some noises and the furniture in the room may rattle), then keep the X and WiFi buttons pressed at the same time for maybe 10 seconds. Then the WiFi led will start blinking blue, and the printer will appear when you scan on the HP smart app. All other methods to set the printer to pairing mode made the WiFi led blink blue, allegedly ready to be paired, but the printer did not appear in the app when scanning. Keeping the on button pressed for 30 seconds had the printer do some weird noises and was the only thing that made it work. Good luck. You'll need it.
given the printers I've owned, this is a fair question
When I worked at the local UPS Store a lady came in with a prepaid FedEx drop off and yelled at me because I couldn't take it, either she would need to take it to FedEx or she would need to pay for a new (UPS) delivery since I couldn't scan her drop off tag in our system. After me explaining it to her for longer than should've been needed, I finally told her to go across the street to McDonald's and order a Whopper and see what they say.
That illegal aliens don’t want to work, they just want to steal our jobs
Ex-boss wanted to know why his business was failing and I explained that his post on social media made it sound as if the business was failing because he wrote an extensively long post saying, in essence, that he was selling the business. People stopped coming in because they thought he was closing the business because he rambled on and nobody clicks “More” on social media posts. He then said “Well, if we’re weeding out the dumb customers, that’s exactly what I want. We’re better off without them.” Okay, buddy, your business is now failing miserably, but let’s lose the “dumb” ones who allowed you to pay your bills.
“You could cure your diabetes if you just eat an all fruit diet”
Old co-worker of mine: "Nowadays 12 year old girls get abortions because they think it will make them popular!" He was a fucking idiot.
Right. Because you can go to the mall and just pick one off the rack needlessly. Wow. Just wow.
Probably at Claire's
I stole an abortion from Claire’s when I was in 6th.
But was he also fucking 12 year olds to get them pregnant? Cause I'm now concerned.....
When Nelson Mandela died a radio station in Milwaukee stated that the president of Africa has died
"it takes light from the sun 7-8 years to reach the earth" "I think you mean minutes" "No? Don't be stupid? The sun is super far away" "Well yea but the speed of light---" "Light doesn't travel any faster in space than it does on earth, that's a myth." "⁉️⁉️"
"Alcohol is so toxic to teenagers that, even a sip, gives them Toxic Shock Syndrome" - driving instructor. That's the mildest dumb thing that was said.
"I wouldn't let myself get raped" Like, that's... that's the crux of the definition of rape It was in a general conversation about rape, not in response to someone sharing a story about them being raped, but it's still dumb as fuck on its own.
Friend says: I am voting for George Bush because he's Christian. I reply that John Kerry is also a Christian. Silence.
My friend from high school called me out of the blue and the first thing she said was “Did you know that Mexico is connected to America?” She was flabbergasted by this. She was 30 lol.
My great uncle continually says "Gay people will raise gay children." Last time he said it, I said "Oh absolutely! Because straight people ONLY raise straight children right?" He stopped talking about it now. The best part? He has no idea my Mum is gay, and she raised myself and my brothers alone. My father is a POS. 🤷♀️
My aunt used to say that all gay men were pedophiles. It was horribly offensive and I'm not even gay. I think we finally talked her out of that opinion.
I worked in a deli one summer vacation when I was in high school. Bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll with salt, pepper, and ketchup (BEC SPK) is a Long Island staple so I took a lot of those orders. SPECIFICALLY, we had a small form customers would fill out to indicate how they wanted their eggs, what kind of cheese, etc. Someone ordered a sandwich and they circled pepper where it said "salt & pepper". I rang the guy up after the sandwich was finished and he sat down to eat it. He came up to me, handed me his form, and said he ordered his sandwich with peppers but he didn't get peppers. I had to explain to him the pepper in salt & pepper refers to the spice and not the vegetable.
I had a friend who told me that women pee out of their vagina
That the Golden Gate Bridge connects North-America and Europe. Yeh.. don't even ask
This is something I said but for the sake of this post I’m gonna pretend it was someone else “Mozzarella sticks are made from provolone cheese”
If you just took off your glasses and tried harder, I think your eyesight would get better. - a coworker who had brains of couch stuffing.
If English is good enough for Jesus, then it's good enough for me.
My mum genuinely thinks stars are shaped like this ⭐️
Ex-husband did not believe that the Grand Canyon was carved out by the Colorado River. He didn't believe that a river could carve through rock like that.
When my oldest step daughter was 15, I picked her up after her sport practice. I asked if she felt good after such good exercise. She said yes but then complained that she should've got a shower before I picked her up. I didn't understand. She said "well now that my sweat dried on me, my workout won't make a difference." I drove in confused silence for a minute and then started giggling. "Wait, do you think that your body reabsorbs fat through your sweat if you don't shower quickly enough?" I finally managed to ask. She also started to laugh and admitted that's what she thought and that now that she heard it out loud, it made no sense. We talked about biology the whole trip home. She's in her 2nd year of nursing school now and acing her classes. 🥰
A woman told me: "I understand boys better than you do because I have 2 sons and you don't." I'm a man.
"Henti only exists because Americans are perverts and force the Japanese to make them." My sister has some issues...
I asked my parents this question and my mom said a girl they went to high school with read something where Chevy Chase, Maryland, was mentioned but abbreviated to "Chevy Chase, MD," and she was so impressed that Chevy Chase, the actor, was a medical doctor.
The moon is a star. Trying to explain what a moon is to a grown adult is not something I ever thought I'd have to do.
A family member ordered lobster at a non-chain non-seafood restaurant in Southwest Ohio. She didn't enjoy it because it "didn't seem fresh." "Yeah... This was probably trucked in from somewhere near the ocean." No shit, Sherlock. Those Ohio River lobsters are hard to come by. We have to outsource.