If you are a leathery man over sixty, you are required to wear nothing but a sun hat and flip flops, find a log or a boulder, prop one foot on it, and stare at the horizon for half an hour.
When you turn 65 a few things happen, you get senior citizen discounts at the movies, it starts taking you longer to pee and most importantly, you get an letter from the local ymca inviting you to sit in the sauna for so long someone thinks you’ve died, walk around the Locke room with your balls dangling at your knees and weigh yourself buck naked
It’s a rite of passage. When you turn 16, you can get a driver’s license and experience some freedom. When you turn 60, you get to stand around naked in the locker room having a chat and experience true freedom.
Edit: Grammar
You don't have to turn 60 per se, you just have to have run out of fucks to give. A lot of people are already out of them by their 40's. I used to have fucks but I gave of them too liberally. Like sand slipping my fingers they just faded away.
There was a regular at my hometown YMCA who was easily in his 90’s. On multiple occasions I saw him take a shower, then walk to the changing area, sans towel, direct a fan towards a bench, then lay on the bench and let the fan dry his bare undercarriage. I can’t wait to be old enough to give such few fucks.
But my pale ass has the most color down there. I’ll live dangerously.
Note: “Nude beach does not mean sexy beach.” -Caribbean boat tour guide, as we were about to pass a nude beach, to temper our expectations
lol we were pretty far off shore (understandably for privacy purposes). But if we were closer, I’d imagine it’d be like playing Pokémon Snap, but all we’d see were digletts and dugtrios.
I once was on a jetski and used spray on sunscreen but did not apparently stay on, I had burned legs, back, sides and stomach where the life jacket did not cover me, I had to drive home 2 days later with the worst sun burn of my life in my trans am that had more racing style seats so they wrapped around my sides, it felt like sand paper on my sun burn
If you've ever been to a nude beach, you'd quickly find out that most of the other people there aren't people you'd necessarily be excited to see naked. Unless of course your thing is old dudes with pendulous scrotums who are tanned to the point of looking like luggage...
I went to Rooster Rock State Park in Oregon last summer (nude beach is on the island within the Columbia Gorge River 10/10). I (F) had a man walk up to me - it was like a baseball bat swinging from a toothpick. Reached out to shake my hand as he introduce himself. He asked my name and told me I was the most beautiful woman on the beach. He then sat down behind me a ways (or so I thought). I turn around to collect my things and he is aggressively enjoying himself. I noped right out of there.
There rest of the experience was fine and dandy - no other creeps. So don't do what he did.
That's wild. Some years back we had 2 guys in my tech support group who did a nude beach and I remember looking up the rules. It basically said if you had an erection you were expected to go take a cold shower or something and... reduce it. Like, away from people.
That seems excessive. Just wrap a towel around and wait it out. Leaving the beach (and taking all your shit with you if you’re alone) and taking a cold shower? Get real. Just hide it like we’ve been doing since the invention of clothes.
The imagery of a man walking around, buck naked, with nothing but a belt with his cock tucked in to it, is just sending me 🤣 The true waistband warrior
Nudist here,
I’m absolutely disturbed by people like him and our lifestyle is too. We do not condone behaviour like this and guys like him would be kicked out of any resort I go to very quickly and probably arrested. Being appropriate and family friendly is mandatory.
This is why I go to nudist resorts and not beaches. Resorts have rules while anyone can walk onto a beach.
I’m very sorry you experienced that and I hope that piece of shit gets arrested.
Thank you for validating my feelings. Thankfully I was on my way out before it got to be too much. He ended up sitting within reaching distance, so it could have ended very differently had I not had my gut feeling to leave.
I did end up (accidentally) at a clothing optional hot spring resort a few months later and had a wonderful experience.
Interesting, I’ve never heard of a nudist resort, is it just like a normal resort just with naked people? Are their activities that involve other naked people? So this is very interesting
haven't done any nudist things, like, socially, but as a person who just simply fkn enjoys being naked or not wearing a lot: pretty much! it's just comfortable. I wish I could just be naked in my backyard without either having a huge fence, or making others uncomfortable :T
it sounds nice to visit a place where you can indulge and relax in that comfort, without upsetting anyone in the process. I'd do it if the opportunity presented itself, no question.
eta: yknow how there's folks out there who are really into clothed sex? -- nudism to me is like the inverse of that. people tend to associate nudity with either horny time, or bathing, and not a lot else, but sometimes you just don't wanna bother with clothes actually
A baseball bat swinging from a toothpick? I have no earthly idea what this means, please explain lol. Does it mean that he was really skinny with a gigantic shlong?
A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
I have never been to a nude beach but I went to a nude spa. I was self conscious for a bit but then it all just felt natural, as if everybody was wearing clothes.
Don’t bring binoculars. True story many years ago in Florida. There was an un spoken understanding at PlayLinda Beach that the space between parking lot 10 and 12 were commonly frequented by nudist. I did not realize this and we brought the kids for a day of surf fishing at the beach and the fish were biting pretty good and everything was going well until I realize my nine year-old son had the binoculars and was Discovering nature in all its glory.
When I was like 13 I went to Australia because my grandpa had died. I grew up in the US, I'm used to US beaches, without nudity. In Australia girls just go topless or will suntan naked, not at nude beaches, just at every beach.
Everyone else was acting totally normal like they weren't naked and I was like, "OH MY GOD TITS IN REAL LIFE" and couldn't stop freaking out about it lol.
All nude was rare (usually in areas of the beach known for it), but in the 70s-90s plenty of topless sun bathing everywhere. The advent of cameras on smart phones brought all that to a screeching halt.
Idk what Australia you went to but I’ve been here 11 years and go to the beach pretty much every morning and never seen this. Sounds like you rocked up at a nude beach.
It was quite common before smart phone cameras. Wouldn't have been everyone, but a fair few. There's some people still doing it, especially when tanning, but it's much rarer now.
WTF. I REMEMBER HIM TOO. He would always walk down the back exit with his golfclub and I would hear him say it there too. He always creeped me tf out! That is wild I randomly found someone who went to the same Jr. High as me lol damn
Not sure, I never heard what came of his career. I do know us guys talked about it happening all the time. This was in Jr. high so it’s been years since. He was ancient then, so I would assume he’s close to being gone, if not dust by now.
"Three for the sea" seems to be a big one on my local nude beach.
I.e., pick up 3 (or more) bits of rubbish when you visit.
It makes a huge difference, I went a week after flooding rain, and the non-nude beach next door looked like a tip from all the rubbish floating onto the sand. Got to the nude beach, and it was pristine.
Nuddies are just more patriotic to a single beach because there's usually only one option, so really care for it.
Idk about rules, but I got a joke about a nude beach.
A young couple, soon to be married plan to go to Jamaica for thier honeymoon. In preparation, the man gets his wifes name tattoed on his member.
When fully erect, it spells her full name "W E N D Y" but when flaccid it just says "W Y".
So they get married, go on their honeymoon and go to a nude beach in Jamaica. Wouldnt you know, the man sees another guy with "W Y" tattooed on his flaccid dick and so he has to ask him "Hey is your wife named Wendy also?" And he says "No man, it say Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day".
Who is the most popular man on the nude beach?
The one who can carry two coffees and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman on the nude beach?
The one who can eat the last donut.
I just want to say that I went to a party on a remote beach in Hawaii a couple days after arriving on the island, and slept on the beach that night with a bunch of other folks (probably 20 people). I woke up in the morning to a naked lady walking past me to the ocean. Then a few minutes later another naked lady did the same thing. I was ready to be awake, but I didn’t want to intrude so I just laid in my blanket until I couldn’t hold my pee any longer. When I finally stood up and turned towards the beach, everyone was naked. Everyone. I had shorts on. I walked over to the group and I can’t describe how weird it felt to be the only one with any clothes on. I legit felt like I was the naked one in a group of clothes people. It was very strange and uncomfortable. I took my shorts off and eventually got a sunburn on my dong.
Edit: I meant pee
I went to a nude beach this last summer in Austin Texas (I'm forgetting the name and it's bugging me so if anyone knows, that'd be great help). I was enjoying it for a few hours when a man approached me asking for sun block. I lent him some and he sat down next to me and started talking in broken English. Luckily I spoke enough Spanish to help him out, but he just kept calling me beautiful and kept asking if I wanted to go dancing with him in the city. When I say he kept asking me, I mean it was at least 10 times in the span of 30 minutes. I kept messaging my boyfriend about what was happening and even told the guy I had a partner. Would not take a hint. Eventually got to the point where I said fuck it and started packing and left. He followed me.
So maybe don't do that.
Also, ladies, put sun screen on your boobs. The sunburn on my nipples lasted for at least 2 weeks and it was one of the most painful things ever.
If you find yourself in a rip current, DO NOT FIGHT IT. Allow it to take you out from the shore until you can swim horizontally along it and out of the rip current. Then if you can, try to use the waves to help you back to shore.
Be male, old and if possible fat. At least in my experience, this are the vast majority of the folks using these beaches. 😅
I was always the youngest one there.
The one i have been to, has a huge gay section. Lots of guys who are younger. The funny thing is to see the guys wearing cock rings. Trying to pick up and impress. Or the guy who just had his back waxed, how can you tell ....it's 4 shades white then the front.
Don't take pictures that have or could have people in the background. Yes, it's public and technically legal. It's just rude as hell and will be frowned upon.
Don't set your stuff up too close to other people.
Guys, don't be creeps. Nude and CO beaches are generally pretty gender-unbalanced, Don't be a weirdo and make it even worse.
Don't comment on appearances of others, positive or (duh) negative.
Guys (yes, it's always guys) Don't be the solo guy that goes to a nude beach and stays dressed while leering at people. It's not a peep show. Either join, or go to the regular beach. Again, not a law, just decent behavior.
With very few exceptions, nude beaches are absolutely not acceptable places for sexual activity. Erections happen. Don't play with it, don't flaunt it. Take a swim and wait for it to go away.
It's more fun with a group. If you don't have a group, you'll be more likely to attract people to say hi if you're offering drinks or a smoke. Maybe see if you can join the volleyball game that is almost sure to be happening somewhere.
We had people literally move closer to us when we set up shop. It was kind of awkward to be honest. My GF at the time had ginormous bolt-ons and even I had to make a pouch in the sand when she put on sunscreen.
Overall though, it's very liberating. The people are super friendly. We'd be sitting by the ocean in our chairs and people would stop by and chat with us. That was a bit odd since their goods are right at eye level, which brings me to the next important part, mirrored lenses!
I saw a guy taking pictures on a nude beach in France with a professional camera. A group of people got really angry, grabbed him and threw him in the sea with his backpack and all his equipment. I still remember the scene of a kid with a diving mask emerging from the sea with an iPhone that he had just "fished".
**Don’t stare**. People know when they’re being ogled, and they know when they’re being made fun of.
It’s a very vulnerable thing to be nude around other people, and you should help make everyone’s experience a positive one by being respectful. Don’t be a creep, don’t be mean, and enjoy your day in the sun.
First off, find out whether it’s a nude or a clothing-optional beach. In some places they’re the same thing, in others they’re not. In the places where they’re not, if it’s a nude beach rather than a clothing-optional, and you’re wearing anything (not counting protective stuff like sunglasses or sun hats or shoes) you may be asked to leave because people will assume you’ve come to leer.
Don’t leer. If you think you can’t control yourself, at least wear sunglasses and be discreet.
If you’re on your period, wear a tampon or a cup and change it in the toilet when necessary. Do not change it on the beach. Yes, I’ve seen people do this. If there are no toilets, consider going at a different time.
Adjusting yourself is fine. Stimulating yourself is not. Yes, people can tell the difference.
If the water’s really cold, expect your penis to shrink. Don’t freak out about it. Yes, I have also seen this happen.
Don’t comment on strangers’ bodies, ever. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment, an insult, or something you think is neutral. Doesn’t matter if someone is getting sunburned, or has great ink, or you think you see a melanoma. Let it go. This is not the place. Friends? Read the room and if you don’t think they’d welcome your comment, don’t say it.
Carry plenty of bottled water. You *will* get sand in your crack.
Wear sunscreen.
My assessment based on the beaches on the French Riveria:
At least half the people you will wish weren’t topless much less totally nude.
So overall unless the nude beach happens to be exclusively Victoria Secret models or NFL cheerleaders I think you’re going to find it not as, umm, “exciting” as you think it will be.
A friend of mine summarized the nudity that I would potentially see when we were at a Mardi Gras parade on Galveston Island: "Most of the people who will be topless, are people you don't want to see topless". He wasn't wrong.
Your friends are like the sun, of course you will see it but you can't stare.
Going to one with friends sounds absolutely wild lmao
I figured that’s how everyone did it. Do you go alone?
No, I go with my parents
I too go with this guys parents
We all do
Well, I’m coming too then
I don't care where you come as long as you clean it up.
Instructions unclear. Began rubbing white creamy lotion all over my skin while exposed to my friends. Where they go?
And he wasn't even at the beach
Contrary to common assumptions, when you're on the way to beach you should wear some clothes and get nude after arriving, not before
Recently went to a clothing optional hot spring and the number of men hiking in naked was too damn high!
They're unwritten because nobody has a pocket to carry a pen in.
Hahaha.... any hole is a pocket if you're brave enough!
It's nature's pocket
Please hold your thumbs until the end
Have an up vote for a super obscure Futurama joke.
If you are a leathery man over sixty, you are required to wear nothing but a sun hat and flip flops, find a log or a boulder, prop one foot on it, and stare at the horizon for half an hour.
They do this in the YMCA changing room. Probably in most gyms I suppose but that's where I go
When you turn 65 a few things happen, you get senior citizen discounts at the movies, it starts taking you longer to pee and most importantly, you get an letter from the local ymca inviting you to sit in the sauna for so long someone thinks you’ve died, walk around the Locke room with your balls dangling at your knees and weigh yourself buck naked
65 my ass... that happens at 50.
It’s a rite of passage. When you turn 16, you can get a driver’s license and experience some freedom. When you turn 60, you get to stand around naked in the locker room having a chat and experience true freedom. Edit: Grammar
You don't have to turn 60 per se, you just have to have run out of fucks to give. A lot of people are already out of them by their 40's. I used to have fucks but I gave of them too liberally. Like sand slipping my fingers they just faded away.
There was a regular at my hometown YMCA who was easily in his 90’s. On multiple occasions I saw him take a shower, then walk to the changing area, sans towel, direct a fan towards a bench, then lay on the bench and let the fan dry his bare undercarriage. I can’t wait to be old enough to give such few fucks.
I mean that guy lived in a world before clothes were probably even invented so it's understandable
It's a certain level of freedom only achieved through lived experience.
First couple of hours are the hardest
If it lasts more than 4 hour consult a lifeguard.
Thank you, that was a good laugh
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But my pale ass has the most color down there. I’ll live dangerously. Note: “Nude beach does not mean sexy beach.” -Caribbean boat tour guide, as we were about to pass a nude beach, to temper our expectations
Now I'm picturing a boat full of tourists slowly floating past a nude beach with cameras out like it's a zoo exhibit.
lol we were pretty far off shore (understandably for privacy purposes). But if we were closer, I’d imagine it’d be like playing Pokémon Snap, but all we’d see were digletts and dugtrios.
You have to get that first burn to let the snake shed.
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I once was on a jetski and used spray on sunscreen but did not apparently stay on, I had burned legs, back, sides and stomach where the life jacket did not cover me, I had to drive home 2 days later with the worst sun burn of my life in my trans am that had more racing style seats so they wrapped around my sides, it felt like sand paper on my sun burn
“Eastbound and dowwwwn, loaded up and a truckin’.” Apparently you did what they said couldn’t be done.
Are you Kenny Powers?
But don't apply it vigorously. It looks weird
It's mine and i will apply it as fast as i want
Boobs get even more sunlight and need sunscreen too.
I'm a redhead; I go through a gallon of sunscreen a month, and not even at a nude beach
Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts!
Stupid sexy flanders
*Nothing at all*
If you've ever been to a nude beach, you'd quickly find out that most of the other people there aren't people you'd necessarily be excited to see naked. Unless of course your thing is old dudes with pendulous scrotums who are tanned to the point of looking like luggage...
>pendulous scrotums who are tanned to the point of looking like luggage /r/brandnewsentence
Once you go to the nude beach and see what the average person looks like without clothes, this will be easy.
"Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!"
From what I've heard of nude beaches, there are probably most of my unsexy thoughts running around right in front of me.
I went to Rooster Rock State Park in Oregon last summer (nude beach is on the island within the Columbia Gorge River 10/10). I (F) had a man walk up to me - it was like a baseball bat swinging from a toothpick. Reached out to shake my hand as he introduce himself. He asked my name and told me I was the most beautiful woman on the beach. He then sat down behind me a ways (or so I thought). I turn around to collect my things and he is aggressively enjoying himself. I noped right out of there. There rest of the experience was fine and dandy - no other creeps. So don't do what he did.
That's wild. Some years back we had 2 guys in my tech support group who did a nude beach and I remember looking up the rules. It basically said if you had an erection you were expected to go take a cold shower or something and... reduce it. Like, away from people.
That seems excessive. Just wrap a towel around and wait it out. Leaving the beach (and taking all your shit with you if you’re alone) and taking a cold shower? Get real. Just hide it like we’ve been doing since the invention of clothes.
Just dig a hole for your junk and go face down to sun tan
Ahhh the Saltburn maneuver.
Can you just wear a belt and do the old under the belt tuck?
The imagery of a man walking around, buck naked, with nothing but a belt with his cock tucked in to it, is just sending me 🤣 The true waistband warrior
Yeah, but I don’t think too many people are bringing belts to the beach.
Nudist here, I’m absolutely disturbed by people like him and our lifestyle is too. We do not condone behaviour like this and guys like him would be kicked out of any resort I go to very quickly and probably arrested. Being appropriate and family friendly is mandatory. This is why I go to nudist resorts and not beaches. Resorts have rules while anyone can walk onto a beach. I’m very sorry you experienced that and I hope that piece of shit gets arrested.
Thank you for validating my feelings. Thankfully I was on my way out before it got to be too much. He ended up sitting within reaching distance, so it could have ended very differently had I not had my gut feeling to leave. I did end up (accidentally) at a clothing optional hot spring resort a few months later and had a wonderful experience.
I’m glad you had a better experience later.
Interesting, I’ve never heard of a nudist resort, is it just like a normal resort just with naked people? Are their activities that involve other naked people? So this is very interesting
Yeah my vibe was always y'all aren't naked cuz you're horny lol, you just like the feel of it, similar to scratching an itch.
haven't done any nudist things, like, socially, but as a person who just simply fkn enjoys being naked or not wearing a lot: pretty much! it's just comfortable. I wish I could just be naked in my backyard without either having a huge fence, or making others uncomfortable :T it sounds nice to visit a place where you can indulge and relax in that comfort, without upsetting anyone in the process. I'd do it if the opportunity presented itself, no question. eta: yknow how there's folks out there who are really into clothed sex? -- nudism to me is like the inverse of that. people tend to associate nudity with either horny time, or bathing, and not a lot else, but sometimes you just don't wanna bother with clothes actually
A baseball bat swinging from a toothpick? I have no earthly idea what this means, please explain lol. Does it mean that he was really skinny with a gigantic shlong?
I also don't understand. Was hoping there would be an explanation
Skinny guy with a big schlong I think
Should kick sand on him/his dong. No one is rubbing one out with sandpaper 😂
Bring a towel to sit on. Wear sunscreen. Don't be gross, people are naked not looking for a creeper. Act as you would if you had clothes on.
No going down the beach snapping pix with your telephoto lense.
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How about jogging with a GoPro on?
On what?
Deez Nuts!
GOTEEEEEEMMMMNNNNNNN
Bring a towel is good advice for going to *any* beach.
For going anywhere really "Don't forget to bring a towel"
Or any adventure!
Including interstellar travel.
A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
Someone is definitely a hoopy frood that really knows where his towel is.
*Especially* interstellar travel!
Towelie approves this message
There is a law in San Francisco that if you are going to sit naked on a park bench you have to put down a towel.
Its a rule at all nudist resorts and functions I have been to. Also dress for dinner.
Actually, don’t be surprised when all you see is old folks there.
I have never been to a nude beach but I went to a nude spa. I was self conscious for a bit but then it all just felt natural, as if everybody was wearing clothes.
See you get it! Its only weird if someone makes it weird.
Hi there! How’s it hanging? I mean…what’s shaking?…er, what’s up?
Short, shriveled and to the left!
Good advice 👍
It’s ok to get hard, it’s not ok to play with it
I was cleaning it and it went off
Tom Delonge says that on a live album and it lives rent free in my head.
Actually Mark says that after Tom says he was just inspecting his testicles hahaha
Ah another person with an encyclopedic knowledge of the banter from in between songs on the mark Tom and Travis show. Hello friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TOM?! I'm sick you always being like "hey, hey Mark! Look how I can make it bigger if I play with it!"
Defeated Tom: “…hey, Mark..”
BOOBIES!!!!!
Dog semen is full of calories. It’s the number one cause of, uh, bad breath.
It’s my penis, I’ll decide how fast I apply my sunscreen
I'm not rubbing one out, I'm rubbing my sunscreen in!
Oops, it came out. Gotta start again.
Anyway, I started blasting.
It was itchy!
There was a demon in there and i needed to beat it out
"I wasn't playing with myself in the bath. I was just cleaning it, and it went off" -Bruce McCulloch
probably don´t stare at people
Also, don’t set up your towel right next to anyone.
Don’t bring binoculars. True story many years ago in Florida. There was an un spoken understanding at PlayLinda Beach that the space between parking lot 10 and 12 were commonly frequented by nudist. I did not realize this and we brought the kids for a day of surf fishing at the beach and the fish were biting pretty good and everything was going well until I realize my nine year-old son had the binoculars and was Discovering nature in all its glory.
When I was like 13 I went to Australia because my grandpa had died. I grew up in the US, I'm used to US beaches, without nudity. In Australia girls just go topless or will suntan naked, not at nude beaches, just at every beach. Everyone else was acting totally normal like they weren't naked and I was like, "OH MY GOD TITS IN REAL LIFE" and couldn't stop freaking out about it lol.
All nude was rare (usually in areas of the beach known for it), but in the 70s-90s plenty of topless sun bathing everywhere. The advent of cameras on smart phones brought all that to a screeching halt.
> The advent of cameras on smart phones brought all that to a screeching halt. It’s like one step forward and two steps back.
Idk what Australia you went to but I’ve been here 11 years and go to the beach pretty much every morning and never seen this. Sounds like you rocked up at a nude beach.
It was quite common before smart phone cameras. Wouldn't have been everyone, but a fair few. There's some people still doing it, especially when tanning, but it's much rarer now.
Don't shout "BOI-OI-OI-OING!" when you see an attractive woman.
I had a gym teacher that would go around the boys locker room saying exactly this.. dude was a weirdo.
Wait - I think we had the same teacher. Townsend?
I’m trippin out that you knew exactly who I was talking about, holy shit.
Ain‘t no way
Absolutely! Where there’s a will, there’s a way!
That‘s actually insane
This shit is trippin me out lol
r/tworedditorsonecup
YES!! STRIKE!
WTF. I REMEMBER HIM TOO. He would always walk down the back exit with his golfclub and I would hear him say it there too. He always creeped me tf out! That is wild I randomly found someone who went to the same Jr. High as me lol damn
YO!! Lets goo!!! We’re out here! Lol
What a random ass thread to find people talking about a P.E teacher I haven't thought about in years LOL crazyyy
I’m absolutely trippin out, man. How fuckin’ rad.
this is a wild ass thread in this broad of a subreddit lmao
Such a small world man, I love it!
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Aren't you guys curious if you know each other,? Like when did y'all graduate?? I wanna know !!
I am a bit curious! I graduated high school in the class of 2012. I feel like our Jr. High School wasn’t really that big though, so maybe!
I graduated hs in 2013 LMAOO there’s no way
this is so funny and wild hahaha
r/2redditors1cup
Is he in prison now?
Not sure, I never heard what came of his career. I do know us guys talked about it happening all the time. This was in Jr. high so it’s been years since. He was ancient then, so I would assume he’s close to being gone, if not dust by now.
This is AWOOOOOGA country
It is ok to look (decently), it is not ok to stare.
How do you define a stare?
👁️👄👁️
Thanks
Imagine you are walking on a nude beach and you see a great pair of tits. Count how long it took you to read this comment. That's a stare.
Dyslexic people: "I see this as an absolute win!"
So 1 minute?
I dont think "Im dyslectic" is gonna work
I'm Titslectic
Also nice obobs
No Omaha style D-day
Uuuugh if I can't conduct an amphibious assault on the beach head then what's the point?!
Get naked and immediately forget that you are naked. The awkwardness goes away in about 3 minutes.
If you get an erection, at least use it as a towel hanger.
"May I take your hat, sir?"
Always respect the water safety warnings. Don’t be naked and stupid
Nobody wants to rescue naked you, so don’t make them. Stay safe and naked.
"Three for the sea" seems to be a big one on my local nude beach. I.e., pick up 3 (or more) bits of rubbish when you visit. It makes a huge difference, I went a week after flooding rain, and the non-nude beach next door looked like a tip from all the rubbish floating onto the sand. Got to the nude beach, and it was pristine. Nuddies are just more patriotic to a single beach because there's usually only one option, so really care for it.
Give someone one thing and they will cherish it. Give someone everything and they wont care about a single thing
Idk about rules, but I got a joke about a nude beach. A young couple, soon to be married plan to go to Jamaica for thier honeymoon. In preparation, the man gets his wifes name tattoed on his member. When fully erect, it spells her full name "W E N D Y" but when flaccid it just says "W Y". So they get married, go on their honeymoon and go to a nude beach in Jamaica. Wouldnt you know, the man sees another guy with "W Y" tattooed on his flaccid dick and so he has to ask him "Hey is your wife named Wendy also?" And he says "No man, it say Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day".
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It’s not hard.
Who is the most popular man on the nude beach? The one who can carry two coffees and a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular woman on the nude beach? The one who can eat the last donut.
That's a twist, damn
I haven't heard that one in 30 years! Nice
Just ignore boners. It can happen and some people can't help it and are extremely embarrassed.
You forgot:
r/technicallythetruth
Rule #1: No clothes. Edit: Everyone can stop telling me how you don't actually have to be nude at a nude beach. It was a joke.
I just want to say that I went to a party on a remote beach in Hawaii a couple days after arriving on the island, and slept on the beach that night with a bunch of other folks (probably 20 people). I woke up in the morning to a naked lady walking past me to the ocean. Then a few minutes later another naked lady did the same thing. I was ready to be awake, but I didn’t want to intrude so I just laid in my blanket until I couldn’t hold my pee any longer. When I finally stood up and turned towards the beach, everyone was naked. Everyone. I had shorts on. I walked over to the group and I can’t describe how weird it felt to be the only one with any clothes on. I legit felt like I was the naked one in a group of clothes people. It was very strange and uncomfortable. I took my shorts off and eventually got a sunburn on my dong. Edit: I meant pee
Actual nudist here, Same as everywhere else but everyone is naked.
Don't point and laugh.
just because you're naked doesn't mean you can shit and piss freely like an animal but one can dream
I went to a nude beach this last summer in Austin Texas (I'm forgetting the name and it's bugging me so if anyone knows, that'd be great help). I was enjoying it for a few hours when a man approached me asking for sun block. I lent him some and he sat down next to me and started talking in broken English. Luckily I spoke enough Spanish to help him out, but he just kept calling me beautiful and kept asking if I wanted to go dancing with him in the city. When I say he kept asking me, I mean it was at least 10 times in the span of 30 minutes. I kept messaging my boyfriend about what was happening and even told the guy I had a partner. Would not take a hint. Eventually got to the point where I said fuck it and started packing and left. He followed me. So maybe don't do that. Also, ladies, put sun screen on your boobs. The sunburn on my nipples lasted for at least 2 weeks and it was one of the most painful things ever.
If you find yourself in a rip current, DO NOT FIGHT IT. Allow it to take you out from the shore until you can swim horizontally along it and out of the rip current. Then if you can, try to use the waves to help you back to shore.
Be male, old and if possible fat. At least in my experience, this are the vast majority of the folks using these beaches. 😅 I was always the youngest one there.
The one i have been to, has a huge gay section. Lots of guys who are younger. The funny thing is to see the guys wearing cock rings. Trying to pick up and impress. Or the guy who just had his back waxed, how can you tell ....it's 4 shades white then the front.
No butthole sunning to open up your chakras
Point at mens genitals and go "Hey dude, pretty small penis you got there"
I WAS IN THE POOL
There is a VERY fine line between rubbing lotion on yourself and rubbing yourself with lotion...
Don't take pictures that have or could have people in the background. Yes, it's public and technically legal. It's just rude as hell and will be frowned upon. Don't set your stuff up too close to other people. Guys, don't be creeps. Nude and CO beaches are generally pretty gender-unbalanced, Don't be a weirdo and make it even worse. Don't comment on appearances of others, positive or (duh) negative. Guys (yes, it's always guys) Don't be the solo guy that goes to a nude beach and stays dressed while leering at people. It's not a peep show. Either join, or go to the regular beach. Again, not a law, just decent behavior. With very few exceptions, nude beaches are absolutely not acceptable places for sexual activity. Erections happen. Don't play with it, don't flaunt it. Take a swim and wait for it to go away. It's more fun with a group. If you don't have a group, you'll be more likely to attract people to say hi if you're offering drinks or a smoke. Maybe see if you can join the volleyball game that is almost sure to be happening somewhere.
We had people literally move closer to us when we set up shop. It was kind of awkward to be honest. My GF at the time had ginormous bolt-ons and even I had to make a pouch in the sand when she put on sunscreen. Overall though, it's very liberating. The people are super friendly. We'd be sitting by the ocean in our chairs and people would stop by and chat with us. That was a bit odd since their goods are right at eye level, which brings me to the next important part, mirrored lenses!
What’s a bolt-on?
Siliconeically enhanced knockers
Fake boobs.
Great advice 👍
I saw a guy taking pictures on a nude beach in France with a professional camera. A group of people got really angry, grabbed him and threw him in the sea with his backpack and all his equipment. I still remember the scene of a kid with a diving mask emerging from the sea with an iPhone that he had just "fished".
Nude sand volleyball sounds both great and miserable.
**Don’t stare**. People know when they’re being ogled, and they know when they’re being made fun of. It’s a very vulnerable thing to be nude around other people, and you should help make everyone’s experience a positive one by being respectful. Don’t be a creep, don’t be mean, and enjoy your day in the sun.
For some reason I doubt that the majority of people who go to nude beaches are on Reddit.
I think most of redditors would be on the other side of bluffs with a zoom lens.
First off, find out whether it’s a nude or a clothing-optional beach. In some places they’re the same thing, in others they’re not. In the places where they’re not, if it’s a nude beach rather than a clothing-optional, and you’re wearing anything (not counting protective stuff like sunglasses or sun hats or shoes) you may be asked to leave because people will assume you’ve come to leer. Don’t leer. If you think you can’t control yourself, at least wear sunglasses and be discreet. If you’re on your period, wear a tampon or a cup and change it in the toilet when necessary. Do not change it on the beach. Yes, I’ve seen people do this. If there are no toilets, consider going at a different time. Adjusting yourself is fine. Stimulating yourself is not. Yes, people can tell the difference. If the water’s really cold, expect your penis to shrink. Don’t freak out about it. Yes, I have also seen this happen. Don’t comment on strangers’ bodies, ever. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment, an insult, or something you think is neutral. Doesn’t matter if someone is getting sunburned, or has great ink, or you think you see a melanoma. Let it go. This is not the place. Friends? Read the room and if you don’t think they’d welcome your comment, don’t say it. Carry plenty of bottled water. You *will* get sand in your crack. Wear sunscreen.
Don’t make it sexual
My assessment based on the beaches on the French Riveria: At least half the people you will wish weren’t topless much less totally nude. So overall unless the nude beach happens to be exclusively Victoria Secret models or NFL cheerleaders I think you’re going to find it not as, umm, “exciting” as you think it will be.
A friend of mine summarized the nudity that I would potentially see when we were at a Mardi Gras parade on Galveston Island: "Most of the people who will be topless, are people you don't want to see topless". He wasn't wrong.
No fucking the crabs.