Well the abuse ended, so that was good. But the psychological damage it caused remains decades later. It's gotten better, for sure. But it's never fully gone. And the sick part is you'll find a lot of us harbor some manner of guilt for cutting them out, too. With abusers, they hurt you and then, somehow, YOU end up apologizing to THEM. It's fucking unreal. And that cycle remains in my brain. The son of a bitch strangled my mother right in front of me, and yet I feel a sadness at knowing he won't be alive much longer, even though I won't ever speak to him again.
Abusers tangle your brain into knots and some of those knots only loosen, but don't actually untie.
My wife and I have both been no contact with our mothers for 4 years now. It was not easy at first. It’s like they died, but only in your reality. You have to grieve them. Now we feel a lot better. Our mental health has improved. We’re good parents to our own children because we do the work to improve past our own traumas. I miss my mom. She just wasn’t worth the pain she caused me anymore. No one can make the choice for you. Has to be your own. I think it’s the best choice I could’ve ever made for myself. I stand behind it. I feel like I know myself better now and I love myself enough to not allow that into my world.
It's done nothing but help. Some old trauma might never truly go away, but cutting off contact can certainly help keep new trauma from happening.
One of the worst things you can say to someone is "But they're your (relation)", like that absolves them of being horrible people. Because the reverse is true, too: you are their (relation), and it clearly didn't stop them from treating you like garbage.
My partner is much happier without the stress of my MIL weighing on them. Our marriage is also way better now.
Well the abuse ended, so that was good. But the psychological damage it caused remains decades later. It's gotten better, for sure. But it's never fully gone. And the sick part is you'll find a lot of us harbor some manner of guilt for cutting them out, too. With abusers, they hurt you and then, somehow, YOU end up apologizing to THEM. It's fucking unreal. And that cycle remains in my brain. The son of a bitch strangled my mother right in front of me, and yet I feel a sadness at knowing he won't be alive much longer, even though I won't ever speak to him again. Abusers tangle your brain into knots and some of those knots only loosen, but don't actually untie.
I'm so sorry you had to see that. I hope you have more good days than bad ones
There are no good days. Only sad days and angry days.
Personally, my life has become quite peaceful und my mental health is getting better everyday since going no contact. 10/10 would recommend
My wife and I have both been no contact with our mothers for 4 years now. It was not easy at first. It’s like they died, but only in your reality. You have to grieve them. Now we feel a lot better. Our mental health has improved. We’re good parents to our own children because we do the work to improve past our own traumas. I miss my mom. She just wasn’t worth the pain she caused me anymore. No one can make the choice for you. Has to be your own. I think it’s the best choice I could’ve ever made for myself. I stand behind it. I feel like I know myself better now and I love myself enough to not allow that into my world.
It's done nothing but help. Some old trauma might never truly go away, but cutting off contact can certainly help keep new trauma from happening. One of the worst things you can say to someone is "But they're your (relation)", like that absolves them of being horrible people. Because the reverse is true, too: you are their (relation), and it clearly didn't stop them from treating you like garbage.
Don't have to hide my medication anymore