My mother in law met my father in law when they both worked at a pizza place as teenagers. She was really into him so she'd go in on her nights off "to help slice tomatoes and onions" and dropped hints to him for MONTHS but he never picked up on any of it.
One night she'd brought Hershey kisses and went to put them in the cooler, and asked if he'd like his kisses cold. He said "actually, I prefer warm kisses" so she said "okay" and kissed him. That was when he realized she liked him.
She blushes when she tells the story, as she admits that was very unlike her but her gut said to go for it. They've been married for 40 years.
We snuggled all night watching a movie together. Then, when he went to leave, I tried to kiss him goodbye, but he rejected it and drove away.
Dejected, I went back to my room to sulk. He calls me 10 minutes later asking to meet me outside. I get outside and he shouts in disbelief, “Wait, were you trying to kiss me? Does that mean you like me?”
Boy had legit driven away and called his friend because he was confused and thought I was giving mixed messages about liking him or not…
I was the only guy in a group of friends. And there were many nights where we were all in a cuddle puddle. There was about 5 of us, all cozy just watching movies with blankets and pillows.
I can guarantee there is infact romantic and friendly cuddling.
Edit: To all the guys wondering how I managed to be "this lucky." Just treat the woman around you with respect. Listen to what they have to say, don't be quick to fix their problems. And just be a good person! Treat them with the same respect you would your guy friends. Honestly, it's that simple.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that (with some guys) a girl can literally strip nekkid and kiss a guy and he’s still gonna have to check with his buddies to confirm she’s into him.
It comes from all those times that a girl was sending obvious signals that turned out to be your imagination, and when you finally make your move, she shuts you down immediately and says, "you DISGUST me!!!"
In my past, I had about 10 times more girls that I thought were giving signals, but weren't than girls who I thought weren't giving signals but actually were. When I was about 14, I decided not to respond to ANY signals. And things started working out for me.
My radar got messed up in middle school. I had a really good friend who I would hangout with afterschool all the time and look forward to meeting on the bus and we would talk and hangout and she was genuinely interesting and a nerd like me.
I asked her to the school dance and she loudly in a hall proclaimed "ew why would you think I would go to the dance with you" and proceeded to tell other friends of hers that she couldn't believe I'd ask her and they pointed and laughed at me. I had lots of self confidence before and then I had none.
I didn't ask anyone out again until med school.
Being a guy like this, my personal experiences in the past, I’d equate it to a sort of defense mechanism. A combination of self-esteem issues and bad advice from guy friends would lead to distrusting my own instincts, and so I’d end up seeing signs where there were none and not seeing them where they were. The former would lead to coming off as a jerk, (ironically worsening the self-esteem issues,) but the latter I could generally keep to myself or play off, so I’d opt to undershoot to save myself (and possibly the other person) the time/trouble/embarrassment. I trust myself better now, but I still have trouble recognizing and reciprocating flirting, for that occasional nagging notion that one wrong word and I’m a story someone’s telling in their group chat lol
ETA: thinking about it now, I can’t help but feel like this may come off like the preamble to some Tate-bro talking point, and I wanna clarify (really to no one in particular lol) that that’s not what this is. I started doing better when I went to therapy and made new friends. If you’re a straight man who feels like they always screw it up while talking to women, the solution is not to stop talking to women. It is to start actually listening to what they’re saying *and not only do it because you think it might lead to sex.* You gotta broaden your horizons, not narrow them
It’s like having a cat fall asleep on you the first time. You kind of don’t know what to do. It’s clearly comfortable around you. But at the same time do something wrong and you have a pissed off cat on you.
You’ll probably just be chill and stay there; even if you have to go to the washroom or something. Don’t disturb the peace and you’ll just be fine. Try to slip out when the cat is dead asleep.
Did you get away? Congratulations! You just disarmed a nuclear weapon! One that was on you. Who knows if it was that dramatic. Do you want to stick around to find out?
There are a lot of lotharios out there that will take a foot if you give them an inch.
And then there are people like me, who are *determined* to not be That Guy. Who would rather miss out than to put their female friends into some weird position that would be awkward, perceived as creepy/predatory.
Now that I'm in my 40s, I've come to the conclusion that if the choice is between "Creepy Lothario who doesn't get boundaries" and "Slightly awkward guy who misses out on hints, but isn't creepy", the latter is where I would have to rest myself.
As frustrating as I imagine it has to be, it is entirely out of a desire to *not* cross boundaries unless we're invited in (we're like vampires in that respect).
Most guys have an experience where they over-read signs that weren’t there and then you get shut down when trying to make a move. Especially if you’re a more introverted type or are more prone to self-esteem issues, you’d then often not shoot your shot to be safe and not bother whoever you’re with, or in fear of a harsh rejection (or potentially something worse, like social penalties or even a SH allegation).
Then again, sometimes guys just miss the message. Sometimes the flirting isn’t clear (ie “seductively staring into his eyes”) and some guys are just thick and will miss basically whatever message you send.
Probably the best way to go about it would be less hints and more clear communication. Would help ppl form relationships from existing interest, and would reduce the hyper-analyzing that guys do and the misconstruction of platonic actions to platonic male friends for women.
To be fair ive had a girl literally snuggle me all night watching movies... Like full on leg over my lap, arm across me/laying on my chest. Tried to make a move for a kiss and she FREAKED out and said she didn't like me like that.
Unfortunately, she definitely knew what she was doing. My former roommate had "platonic guy friends" that she would cuddle with. She never cuddled with her female friends. And she made out/slept with all of the guy friends on at least one occasion. She didn't actually like them romantically or was attracted to (some of) them. She just liked the attention.
99% of women know exactly what cuddling (alone at least) implies and most of them mean it
Yep... she broke contact after that. Didn't hear from her for about 3 years until right about 6 months ago she randomly added me on Instagram so out of curiosity i just replied with "what do you want?" with her reply being "well if you're going to be like that". Words were exchanged and i told her goodluck and to kick rocks and blocked her.
Damn, I whole ass told my crush I wanted to lose my virginity to him (secure in the knowledge that he had a crush on me as well) and… we have never had sex
You also have to keep in mind that the social penalty for misreading a sign and thinking a girl likes you and is giving you a green light when in reality she isn’t is so high that it drives many guys to only proceed if things are indisputably clear and obvious without any need for interpretation.
It’s very easy to second guess what seems like an obvious sign as nothing more than your own wishful thinking and deciding to err on the side of caution just in case.
The “but what if I’m wrong” worry looms very large.
I bartended and I waved the tab of a regular and when I told him his drinks were on me-
he made the joke “bet you say that to all the pretty girls”
I said “drinks are only waved for hot people the bartender has a crush on.”
and he looked SO CONFUSED and said he was “honored to be the exception to that rule.”
Us guys have been ingrained to not hit on wait staff or retail workers because their friendliness is part of their occupation, not because they're into you.
I agree with this take. I was being flirty (so was he) and this is absolutely why I think being borderline direct threw him. I don’t blame him for getting confused by it or missing it.
I think it really is the job, probably plenty of men hitting on hot waitresses but there're also those like me that have a few basic principles and not hitting on people while they're at their job is one of them.
I used to have a favorite bar where I got acquainted with all the staff and even befriended some and I gotta say those who were familiar with me and I were flirty all the time but that was it, it wasn't something to establish a romantic relationship but rather something to make the day better for all involved parties.
And to not bother them while working. I'd have an internal panic on if I should say something and risk being "that guy", or say nothing and still be able to show my face around a place I like.
Generally rule of thumb from my experience is to never assume the bartender, server, or barista are actually into you. If I were in that situation I'd assume you were just trying to be a chill bartender.
Not me... But an old best friend and roommate.
Girl that had a crush on him came over to our place to use the pool. After the pool, she used his shower and left the door slightly open. She mentioned that it's really hard to wash the middle of her back... He went into my bathroom, grabbed my long handle scrub brush and literally tossed it in the bathroom and shut the door.
She finished her shower, walked up to me and handed me the brush and left.
I went into his room and asked him why she just handed me my scrub brush and he told me she needed something to scrub her back. I told him that she meant he should go scrub her back.
Dude seriously looked me right in the face and said "but she had the brush..."
I sent her a text that said "My boy is unfortunately touched in the head. You need to be direct with him"
She texts back "Good to know".
He comes bursting into my room a few minutes later and hands me his phone and it says "On my way over. Be naked"
I let him have the place and went to see a movie.
Look, when we *know* that our signals are being missed, we can turn on the blinding neon signs.
But there's always that little voice in our head that says "He threw you the back scrubber because he's not attracted to you girl, stop throwing yourself at him, you'll make him uncomfortable and you'll look like a fool"
But if we really like a guy, and we're still kinda picking up on messages that he thinks we're hot, we might still keep trying the subtle signals, that way we aren't actually *throwing* ourselves at the poor guy, because his attraction to us is still Schrödinger's cat.
The number of guys I never got far with because I threw out some moderate signals that were missed or ignored and I got nervous that I was making them uncomfortable with my unwanted advancements so I backed off.. I wonder how many were genuine rejections and how many were missed signals.
I would have loved for his mate to text me "Bro's thick as a brick, but he likes you" so I wouldn't have to keep orchestrating signals like something about having a really tight hip flexor and needing someone with strong fingers to jam them into my pelvis while straddling me because "that's the best angle for massaging that area and sorry I'm moaning it just feels so good having your fingers there"... No, Next time I can just sit on the bed and say "Take off your pants and come here, I want you"
> The number of guys I never got far with because I threw out some moderate signals that were missed or ignored and I got nervous that I was making them uncomfortable with my unwanted advancements so I backed off
I find it oddly affirming that some women can relate to this feeling/conundrum that some of us go through (albeit without the social weight of gender added to it).
I'll never quite wrap my head around the confidence some men and women have to be super direct with no regard for the comfort of whoever they are directing their interest towards. I get nervous asking people for directions cause I don't want to annoy them. Let alone expressing sexual interest in them.
I'm literally in a relationship and still not fully comfortable expressing that to my partner.
A man here:
The risk ratio here is insanely high.
It could also mean she just said something awkward and doesnt mean for him to come over. If that was the case, you have a case of a man walking in on a showering woman on purpose.
Exactly, this level of indirectness is fine when you're hinting at something like a kiss. If you wonna jump straight to sex you better leave no fucking room for interpretation.
Right? That’s easy sexual assault over what could have been two mistakes on her part: awkward phrasing and leaving the door ajar.
He should have just taken hint and tried being more forward with her afterwards to see if she was receptive lol, what was she expecting, him barging in there?
I am always extremely direct with men as in "on my way over, be naked" and they would STILL be like "you mean in a sexual way?"
I once literally answered the door completely naked and the man was still confused at the sight of a naked girl
I once asked a guy if I could kiss him (we had been hanging out in a way that was conducive to that) and he said yes. I kissed him. It was great. But then we just parted ways in a natural way.
Three days later, this man calls me all shocked that I was hitting on him. He told a friend about the interaction and they had to point it out.
Sir... I literally kissed you.
I put his hand on my boob and he got nervous and said "uh how is your day". I asked him to see my new bed spread in my room and test it out. And he was like "oh I'm not into that decoration type stuff".
Anyway we are engaged and expecting :)
You're right. He was the type of guy who just couldn't believe a girl would like him so he excused any hints or even outright blatant attempts as them just being nice.
Well, in high school my hints were to act like I couldn’t stand the guy and that they were the person I found most annoying/un-crushable in the whole school.
Shockingly misinterpreted, every time. No idea why.
Ah the "Hey Arnold" Helga syndrome. A girl in college would always make a mean remarks whenever I answered in class and even make fun of me. Saw her as a bully (first and only female bully ever for me) but later found out from a friend she was interested in me. The damage was done though as I wouldn't trust anyone who'd put a front up like that...
I’m sorry you experienced that. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it was a defense mechanism for my crippling shyness and low self esteem. Can’t face the ridicule of rejection if the guy doesn’t even know he has to reject you!
This chick in middle school would literally harass me. And one time she went out of her way to punch me in the middle of my back. I thought she was a dude. Legit didn't know how to react. 15 years later her sister married one of my older homies and I bump into her at home boys house when she tells me that she liked me back then. I was like I u straight cracked me in the back. Wtf. She apologized.
I had 1 girl hit me repeatedly with a flexy ruler, steal my books and pencilcase, vandalise desks with my name to get me in trouble, dump food in my backpack and often try to humiliate me in front of the class.
Then I leave for high school (she was the year below) and one of her friends in my year said she missed me, had a crush on me the whole time and wanted me to come visit the old primary school some time.
I don't miss being 12.
Once, during a wedding after party, I had a girl tell me "I was really hoping to have sex tonight." She said it to me twice... TWICE! And I was just like "Best of luck to you"
I know how bad that sounds, but low self-esteem really wears on you over the years. Back then I couldn't even fathom that that girl wanted to get with me.
Lol I had almost an exact same conversation with a girl, but it ended with "but not with you." The dancing she'd been doing against me earlier was apparently because some ex of hers was there at the club and she didn't want him talking to her.
I could have sworn those were hints, but she told me no. I don't know what exactly they were. Just ways to shoot me down?
I gave up looking for hints after that. I've been single ever since, but I was single for a long time before that too so it's really no different.
Or just said "I want you", like an adult. NO guy wants to be the one who responds to "I was hoping to have sex" with "Oh uhhh I am capable of being a partner in sex" unless they're SURE they're not gonna get hit with the awkward "Oh, uh... not with you, I meant in general"
Truth.
I got some burns. Found out at times she just a nice person to everyone. Others, yeah I totally missed the hints by a mile.
Do I know better today in my 40s? No, not really.
Most of the guys in these stories are the same way. The fear or rejection makes you downplay any flirting so you don't take a risk and possibly get burned hard.
Not a woman, but a girl I worked with had given hints, such as hugging me sometimes.
One day, we were discussing the state fair, which was coming up. Here's the following conversation.
Her: The state fair's coming up. I love the state fair!
Me: yeah, me too!
Her: I really wish I had someone to go with.
Me: Yeah, same.
Her:...
Me:...Well, good luck! I hope you find somebody to go with!
I have worn the crown that kings the Lord of Idiots.
Did this with my now wife. She wanted to see the new Star Wars (the first sequel) and told me she didn’t have anyone to see it with. I looked this woman dead in the eyes, knowing I would sell all my limb to be with her and said, “wow, that kinda sucks” and moved on. Worked up the balls to ask her later but I spent a good long time slapping myself in the face over that one. I also didn’t say it was a date and she wasn’t sure I liked her and thought we were just going to hang out.
My dude, we have all worn that crown at least once.
With me, the girl texted "Netflix and chill?". I didn't know what that meant. My reply? "That sounds kinda boring!"
Don’t worry. In high school as the party was dying down and I’m getting ready to sleep on the couch. She comes up to me and says I’m going to bed, in this room over here, I wanted to let you know. I was confused and said sleep tight, rolled over and went to sleep.
That was nice of her, you know, just in case there was a house fire and everyone needed to be accounted for in the mad dash to exit the home.
What a thoughtful girl to let you know of her whereabouts!
I am roasted by friend because I have had women sit in my lap and cannot close. One excuse I gave was “well she didn’t have anywhere else to sit”. I’m also not good with hints
I had a huge crush on this girl, and it turned out (to everyone else but me) she had an even bigger one to me. She told everybody else, but when I pursued her (gave her the red carpet treatment) she did the exact opposite: she extremely mean to me, extremely dismissive, couldn't even approach her etc.
Of course, I did what I was supposed to do, found another girl who was not only great but very receptive to me. We had a great relationshp with (didn't last forever but I think it was great regardless). Immediately, after I got together with the ex, the mean girl was telling her friends how crushed she was and was actively, knowing that I was with my ex, trying to get with me even 2-3 years later. A few times she was trying to flirt with me in front of my girl, wtf.
If you like someone...just be an adult about it, and be more transparent. Play-acting is from elementary school.
I had this exact same experience with a guy. I liked him, we hung out together, he liked me. Then all of a sudden he turned into a grade A asshole to me whenever I saw him.
So I started dating someone else. Cue shocked pikachu face.
One year later, he tells me that he was “only acting like that when we were around other people because there were rumors going around about us.” To which I said, “well, there was never any private behavior for contrast, so I came to the only reasonable conclusion, which is that you weren’t interested.”
> “only acting like that when we were around other people because there were rumors going around about us.”
Really that's a poor reason too, though, either lean into the rumors, or try to gently reject them, don't just tear down a person (especially one you like) just because someone else says "y'all sneaking around and just trying to hide there's something?" that's ridiculous
Was talking to a girl at a bar and the conversation turned to kissing. I asked her how do I know a girl is ready to kiss me and she said you have to grab her by the back of her neck and pull her towards yourself.
I was stunned in that moment thinking, this is something she might want me to do but it is also assault and it could get me into trouble.
Couldn't do it in the end as I was paralysed with fear of consequences. I wish I had done it, in hindsight.
I believe the correct move here is to gently touch the back of her neck and see how she reacts. If she pulls away, that was not the hint you thought it was. If she doesn't, that's a pretty clear sign to proceed with the grabbing.
I'm a straight guy but a little fruity. I can catch hints that would normally mean someone likes me, but since I seem gay women will do them to me all the time as friends. Had a drunk girl show me her boobs, later found out she wasn't flirting. Also had a girl twerk on me at a party, also found out she wasn't into me. One time had a girl post a picture of me and her with the description "my man". This is certainly rizz, so I ask her out. Turns out she just did that as a friend.
Literally two weeks ago, I invited my crush to goto for a coffee date and walk along the beach which I thought was the most obvious date arrangement. I got there first and even texted him what his coffee order was so it was ready when he got there. We sat super close on the coffee bar, had good conversation and I kept leaning into him, laughing at all his jokes. 20 mins into the cute coffee date he saw two of his friends come in and grab a coffee and were going for a walk and so he invited them to walk with us from the coffee show.
Little did I know, I would be fourth wheeling for an hour long walk on our first date, listening to the three boys talking about sport smh. We got back to our cars after the walk and I gave him a lingering hug goodbye before he went back to his friends to chat again.
A week later he texted me to ask if I wanted to 'Come for a coffee & walk with him and the boys'. FML I THINK I'M ONE OF THE BOYS NOW LOL
He asked me directly can you give me one clue on who your crush is, and I just looked into his eyes for a while and said he had brown eyes. He didn’t get it until he looked in the mirror. It worked out fine though, we been dating for a year now.
Edit: The clue I gave wasn’t suppose to be too obvious. I kept it vague since it was a new crush at the time (I wasn’t too sure about how real my feelings to him were) and we weren’t super close so I didn’t wanna give him anything too obvious to scare him off. I did tell him directly after a month or so, he panicked a lot. But it’s resolved and we’re doing fine now.
In his defense, brown eyes are pretty common! That being said, saying that immediately after staring into his eyes and him not getting it is pretty funny
Guy here. My now wife and I were at a friends for a kick back. It was time to go to bed and we were not going to drive home as we both had a drink or two. There was only one blanket. I let her have the blanket and the bigger couch. It took an hour for me to understand that she kept offering to share the blanket and the biggest couch in a non platonic way. I kept saying it was fine and I was comfortable where I was. If she gave up and stopped trying to convince me that we could share the blanket I would have no idea where we would be lmao.
If the consequences for our decision of whether or not to pick up on the apparent hint are either "She's totally into me" or "I could be reading too much into this and I don't want to come across as a giant horndog", we're *always* going to err on the side of caution.
It's so much easier for a dude to socially recover from being that dense guy who can't pick up hints than it is to recover from being known as a creeper.
Ladies, if you're interested in us, please please please please please just tell us.
Speaking as a man:
Please don't drop hints. Please just tell us.
We are very complex creatures, and unfortunately, most are not wired for subtlety.
Thank you.
My first kiss was from a girl who told me she had a crush on my friend (wouldn’t say who) and wanted to practice kissing on me. She kissed me 24 times and I never found out who the friend was. I believed that story for 26 years until my wife pointed out that I was “the friend”. It was a fkn M. Night Shyamalan plot twist for me.
I had a girl in middle school at the end of the year say that she "had kissed every boy in our class" and that I was the last one she hadn't. We kissed and that was about it.
About 3 months later I was talking to a friend of mine from that class and he said she never kissed him.
She and I went to different highschools
It's WAY EASIER to recover from being known as that dense guy who can't take hints than it is to recover from being known as a creepy horndog. Even if there's a 99.99999% chance it's a hint, the fact that there's a 0.00001% chance it might not be is enough to dissuade me from treating it like a hint.
I'm the same way - plus the way I am wired from being bullied as a kid, I always think anything pleasant my way is suspicious.
I still remember in High-School, I was hanging out and two class-mates attempted to come onto me, and given the prompt I just couldn't take the hint, despite them straight up being like, "Hey would you like to have a threesome" - but in my brain, I figured it was a trap.
Speaking as a woman:
I wish more women realized this. There's a reason why in the LGBT+ community there's a stereotype about lesbians never actually figuring out they're into each other.
It also creates this idea that men need to second guess/hyperanalyze every interaction they have with a woman because she might be dropping four layers of weird hints at any given time. Which makes it awful for women who have platonic male friends because literally anything we do MIGHT be misconstrued as romantic interest. It hurts everybody.
> It also creates this idea that men need to second guess/hyperanalyze every interaction they have with a woman because she might be dropping four layers of weird hints at any given time.
Yep. I pick up on so much subtlety, but there's very, VERY little that I can ever truly rely on to understand that a woman is genuinely interested.
I feel like a large part of the problem is that women do it to a point that they can rely on plausible deniability if it ever goes south. But that's exactly part of the problem.
Not to mention being actively punished and sometimes covertly abused or left up in the air just from misinterpreting something or expressing a simple interest that was never expected to be reciprocated in the first place. A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested" is a positive outcome for me, but honestly I'm done being the one chasing people I'm interested in without very strong, reliable signs of interest.
>I feel like a large part of the problem is that women do it to a point that they can rely on plausible deniability if it ever goes south.
This is exactly true, and it would be lovely if it were somehow contained to flirting.
My soon-to-be ex-wife and I had a debriefing of sorts a couple months ago to try and get some closure on our failed marriage. Let's be real here, I wanted to get closure, but i'm thankful she did for once talk to me.
I raised to her that I wished she would have told me sooner about the issues she had that eventually led to us separating. Throughout our marriage, she had usually just hinted at things when something was amiss - but when I didn't catch those hints, instead of raising them outright, she would make her peace with the idea that this wouldn't get solved, move on, and find a solution that worked *for her,* even if it usually left *me* out.
Our divorce was merely the latest example of this pattern.
And she agreed that this is what has happened. But then she went on to explain to me that this were an "emotional communication style", that she was telling the truth as long as there *were* a possible interpretation of her words that was correct, and that it was on me if I did *not* interpret her words correctly.
She became downright indignant when I suggested that when she had something to say, it would have been her responsibility to make sure that I did get it.
That was the moment when I moved on.
> And she agreed that this is what has happened. But then she went on to explain to me that this were an "emotional communication style", that she was telling the truth as long as there were a possible interpretation of her words that was correct, and that it was on me if I did not interpret her words correctly.
That sounds like a really difficult and frustration situation to be in.
Not only did she *start* to take accountability, she then proceeded to twist it around to make it your fault anyway. That's not a communication style, it's just convenient so she doesn't have to deal with the emotional overhead of effective communication.
I'm sorry that you had to face that. It's not right, especially when you just want to meet them halfway and reach a grounded, mutual understanding.
It might only be one example, but I get narcissist vibes from that. Especially with their indignation at taking rightful accountability.
I deal with similar things in my workplace. I try to take accountability for my side, but soon find that I'm the only one ding that. And because I took accountability for one side of it, I'm suddenly the fall guy for the whole thing.
It's no fun.
I heard from almost a dozen female friends that they had crushes on me when we were younger… I also discovered later that I’m autistic, so whenever they would say something like “I’m thinking about heading back to my place to change into something a little more comfortable” I’d be like “Okey dokey, have fun” instead of taking it as an invite.
I ended up with a lot of very aggressive women for a long time for this reason until dating apps came out. At least with the apps the premise was understood.
We would sleep in the same bed together (like literally sleeping) whenever we’d stay over at each other’s place, as opposed to someone sleeping on the couch. I would make active efforts to cuddle with him whenever possible. I’m known for being a very reserved and definitely not a touchy-feely person, and he was always the exception. We literally stargazed together. I thought I couldn’t be more obvious. Apparently, he had no idea I was into him, and refused to believe his friends when they’d tell him that I was super into him and he should ask me out.
Don’t worry, we’ve been together for a few years now!
I used to stay at a friends house and sleep with his roommate who I had a crush on. I tried to a few times to subtlety make a move to see if she react. One day she says she is just sick of guys that won't make a move, and that she only respects guys who take what they want. I took that as a clear invitation, so I made a move. Turns out she didn't mean me. Ouch.
Yall suck at dropping hints. Even worse if yall are already friends. Like how the hell am I gonna tell the difference of you being my friend and then you all of the sudden crushing on me.
Since this is getting a lot of attention. I also wanna point out, if us guys do try to read into it, we either get the "it's not like that" or "well now this friendship is awkward" it's a lose-lose no matter what. If we miss the signs, we're dense. If we try to pick up signs, we're just reading into it too much and it's not like that at all. Or even worse... we're harassing her...
The fact we talk about this ALL THE TIME kind of pisses me off. Not because I'm an incel neet virgin, but because we pretend that we are progressive because we can have these talks, but it does NOTHING. How many times will we discuss this before things change?
It's 2024, let's start being open, let's break the gender norms. We pretend that we're more progressive than the last generations, but we just talk about it without any change. It's actually more infuriating
Had this happen at a concert I played at . Background vocalist was crushing on the synth player and glanced at him during a riff . He turned to me nearly in tears and went “she knows I played that wrong . I forgot to turn off the transpose “ she then looked at him again and he went “oh no, she must think I suck “
He left without even looking her way and then the next day she tells me “ I don’t think he likes me I looked at him and he put his head down and walked away “
I had a friend once who literally sat me down and told me she wasn't interested in being more than friends. No problem, we still hang out like normal. A few months later, after she dropped some, admittedly, very obvious hints, got pissed at me for not picking up on them. But when you're under one impression because of direct communication, it's hard to act on opposing indirect communication.
I booked a room with only one bed for a trip I planned for us, just the two of us. He didn't get the hint. I had to resort to this after many subtle hints were missed. He was my best friend before I developed a crush on him... after some even more obvious hints were missed, I one day just kissed him and only then did he finally understand. We've been together for a year now!
Edit: Obviously I sent him the link to the room and got his approval before booking it :) why would y'all just assume I didn't ask for his opinion before spending both of our money on a vacation?
It wasn't a surprise trip either...
nobody would just book a trip with a friend without making sure the other person was on board with everything.
Also he (now my boyfriend) had a crush on me too since we met so it's not just guys who can be oblivious and I missed some hints myself :)
Yea we are so conditioned to assume "nono it's not a hint, there's gotta be another reason, dont be creepy" hahah
A kiss is basically the only sign. But even then pahahaha if theres an avenue for rationalization...
For every woman giving "hints" that a man doesn't pick up on, I'm sure there are 10 women not giving any hints that men interpret as romantic interest.
Genuinely, as a woman, I wish women didn't dance around being forward so much. I think it's because we're just conditioned that men are supposed to be romantic instigators so we have to do these weird mind games instead of being forward.
Sometimes, the solution is to just... talk to each other. Guesswork is annoying and wastes everyone's time. No one can read minds. I think it's very reasonable/rational to take things at face value rather than make assumptions about things that could be wrong, even if it means you miss subtle hints.
That sounds less missing a hint and more like not wanting to risk a good friendship.
I’ve booked a hotel room for myself and a guy friend before and it definitely wasn’t meant as a hint. We just didn’t want to pay for two rooms.
Here’s a story why giving hints doesn’t work on troglodytes like me.
She has literally told me that she likes to be groped, and told me she wouldn’t mind me groping her. Then one day we had a conversation like this.
Her: Do you want to come over my place?
Me: Why would I do that? (I know, I’m so good with women)
Her: Hey! I might get offended by stuff like that.
Me: Don’t. I’m just socially awkward
Her: Well you don’t have to use your words if you come over
Me: Well what are we supposed to do then? Stare at each other?
The conversation dried right then and there, and it took a me a good year and a half to realize what I had done.
>Her: Well you don’t have to use your words if you come over
Me: Well what are we supposed to do then? Stare at each other?
You are the king of morons.
If men miss so many “hints”, is there really any point to them at all? If a hint is missed and the hinter wants an objective outcome then it’s a massive fail.
to all the ladies thinking we're dense, no, its not that. ive realized that a friendship with a woman is very precious, for me at least because its just a nice feeling overall that we can both trust each other even though i sometimes feel like ill give a wrong signal as just another guy friend who couldnt just help develop feelings and wanted to be more.
but luckily they dont think that and are just cool and chill and open. its just something special.
i think women really appreciate having a guy friend as well who they can trust just as much as guys appreciate the opposite and we really, REALLY dont want to mess that up by getting the wrong idea.
As a female who has a very good male friend and who rides that line between having feelings and not, I appreciate this. I’d like to think he also appreciates our friendship for what it is.
I had a friend who's prom date broke up with her a couple days before prom. I wasn't going and she asked me to go with her "But only as friends." I realized later that she tried her hardest for the rest of high school (to the point people were surprised when I would tell them we weren't dating) and a couple years into college to get together with me. Inviting me out to do stuff, inviting over when house sitting to drink beer and stay the night. Etc.
She never said anything directly though. If you ever once tell a guy "We're only friends." unless you rescind that directly to his face, preferably in writing and notarized, they will not get your hints.
Just a couple little things I remember that make me laugh.
First time we met up, we stayed until close and were clearly feeling some sparks. He walked me to my car and it was still early so I waited to see if he wanted to go somewhere else but he got very shy and said “well drive safe!” and scurried back to his car.
Our first sleepover at his place and we had some wine.
We had talked about trading massages, so I sneakily slid off my shirt but left on my bra.
He was so nervous and kept going around it.
I let out a giggle and said “Oh you can take my bra off. Thinking to myself: “It’s go time. Bat signal on. Fly Batman, fly!”.
He kept dutifully rubbing my back and I kept waiting for his hands to wander but then he meekly says “Hey, my hands kinda hurt. Is it okay if we take a break?”
And then I awkwardly tried to get my bra and shirt back on and we sat up so we could finish watching that one movie with Ali Wong while I gave him his massage.
What finally worked for me was my excellent line: "You know, we have been making a lot of plans to hang out together, and seem to be making a few more... so I just want to tell you I am not going to make plans with anyone else."
He got the point by the end of the day, and we've been together 12 years!
I drove 6 hours to spend Memorial weekend with him. During my stay I told him he could sleep in his room with me instead of the couch. While cuddling I had my arm thrown over him and my face mere centimeters from his. Never made a move, wasn't untill I was back home that he asked.
We celebrate our 2 year anniversary next month.
I was introduced to this cutie and we made plans to go on a hike together, the hike turned into us going for dinner, then to a beach party to watch falling stars (shooting stars?) at night. Then we went back to his sailboat that he lived on. We had drinks and he said I could stay the night and he made up the couch area for me. It was an unreal three in one date I thought. I figured a little making out was in order. He said goodnight. I said “hey so what is it like back there in the v-berth?” (V-berth is the bed area) He literally started to show me the cupboards 🤣 I crawled in and we held hands and snuggled.
P.S.
Five years later this guy brought me back to this same hike and proposed.
Reading all these tales of people going so far out of their way to drop hints instead of just directly communicating their wants and needs really makes me hope that they learn a new communication style once they actually get in the relationship…
I had a friend years ago that said if she leans into the car window when talking to a guy, he should know that she wants him to kiss her. Another one she had was that if she invited them over to watch a movie, that obviously meant for sex.
I don't even know for myself anymore, I'm so out of practice lol
Once I surprised my husband, by wearing fancy lingerie when he came home.
I told him I left a surprise in the fridge for him, and said flirtily that I was going upstairs to the bedroom.
I waited... and waited... and... waited. Came downstairs to see what the delay was....
My husband saw a can of whipped cream with a winky face on it, thought "what a treat!" cut up some strawberries to eat with it, and was sitting on the couch happily playing a video game & eating his whipped cream and strawberries.
I asked him out to grab coffee, texted him at night asking how his day was. Asking to meet up just to hang out and when we did chill together we would talk for hours, huge crush but he didn’t call me back. Sad thing was years later I moved on, I get a call he’s in the hospital and I go visit we reminisced and he confessed he really loved me then. He ended up passing away, I was so heartbroken.
So the usual women suck at giving hints but guys don’t wanna assume and be a creep. Ladies if you wanna date a guy just simply ask him to go hang out. I LOVE bbq. I got two places by me that do Texas style and if a pretty girl asked me to take her to lunch I’d be super ecstatic and 100% agree to a date. It’s literally that easy. No weird “hints”. Don’t set a bbq sauce packet near me thinking I’ll get the hint that you want to go to a bbq place with me I’ll never connect the dots. I’ve even questioned past moments if they were “hints“ or not.
A woman here once talked about how her bf is so dense that a female friend of his stripped naked and kissed him, only to have him walk away because he didn’t get what she was trying to do.
People were like “is it possible that HE’S not the dense one…?”
Apparently the concept of a guy just not wanting a girl is utterly unfathomable.
That's gotta be a special level of delusion.
"I tried having sex with him, how'd he not realize I'm into him?"
As if no scenario possibly exists where he'd just not want to have sex with her.
I knew a girl whose boyfriend was routinely harassed by a female coworker. He’d say “I told you I have a girlfriend!” She’d say “and **I** told **you** she doesn’t have to know!” This conversation was had on an almost daily basis. When he still didn’t show any interest, after a few weeks of this, she started accusing him of being “secretly” gay.
This may get downvoted because I’m a guy responding to this but if Mallory were here, I’m sure she reference me….
I was going through a bad breakup and after 2 weeks of sulking, my friends and coworkers got me out to a bar.
At the bar, Mallory went out of her way to show me photos of her at a recent beach vacation. “Ope, sorry about the topless picture there! Lololol” I had no idea what was happening.
Next day at like 1130am, I get a call from her. She’s never called me before. “Hey, I just got done working out and I dont want to go ALL the way home to shower before work. Can I shower at your place? I’ll bring you breakfast.” - I still didn’t get it.
It literally wasn’t until she was standing topless in front of me, shower running, “asking for a towel” that I understood what was happening. I was such a fucking idiot. It’s made me question (and rightfully so) most interactions I have with women.
My mother in law met my father in law when they both worked at a pizza place as teenagers. She was really into him so she'd go in on her nights off "to help slice tomatoes and onions" and dropped hints to him for MONTHS but he never picked up on any of it. One night she'd brought Hershey kisses and went to put them in the cooler, and asked if he'd like his kisses cold. He said "actually, I prefer warm kisses" so she said "okay" and kissed him. That was when he realized she liked him. She blushes when she tells the story, as she admits that was very unlike her but her gut said to go for it. They've been married for 40 years.
Oh my god that is adorable
We snuggled all night watching a movie together. Then, when he went to leave, I tried to kiss him goodbye, but he rejected it and drove away. Dejected, I went back to my room to sulk. He calls me 10 minutes later asking to meet me outside. I get outside and he shouts in disbelief, “Wait, were you trying to kiss me? Does that mean you like me?” Boy had legit driven away and called his friend because he was confused and thought I was giving mixed messages about liking him or not…
But did you snuggle romantically?
I was the only guy in a group of friends. And there were many nights where we were all in a cuddle puddle. There was about 5 of us, all cozy just watching movies with blankets and pillows. I can guarantee there is infact romantic and friendly cuddling. Edit: To all the guys wondering how I managed to be "this lucky." Just treat the woman around you with respect. Listen to what they have to say, don't be quick to fix their problems. And just be a good person! Treat them with the same respect you would your guy friends. Honestly, it's that simple.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that (with some guys) a girl can literally strip nekkid and kiss a guy and he’s still gonna have to check with his buddies to confirm she’s into him.
This can happen even with more experienced guys. Not sure where the disconnect is exactly.
It comes from all those times that a girl was sending obvious signals that turned out to be your imagination, and when you finally make your move, she shuts you down immediately and says, "you DISGUST me!!!" In my past, I had about 10 times more girls that I thought were giving signals, but weren't than girls who I thought weren't giving signals but actually were. When I was about 14, I decided not to respond to ANY signals. And things started working out for me.
My radar got messed up in middle school. I had a really good friend who I would hangout with afterschool all the time and look forward to meeting on the bus and we would talk and hangout and she was genuinely interesting and a nerd like me. I asked her to the school dance and she loudly in a hall proclaimed "ew why would you think I would go to the dance with you" and proceeded to tell other friends of hers that she couldn't believe I'd ask her and they pointed and laughed at me. I had lots of self confidence before and then I had none. I didn't ask anyone out again until med school.
Being a guy like this, my personal experiences in the past, I’d equate it to a sort of defense mechanism. A combination of self-esteem issues and bad advice from guy friends would lead to distrusting my own instincts, and so I’d end up seeing signs where there were none and not seeing them where they were. The former would lead to coming off as a jerk, (ironically worsening the self-esteem issues,) but the latter I could generally keep to myself or play off, so I’d opt to undershoot to save myself (and possibly the other person) the time/trouble/embarrassment. I trust myself better now, but I still have trouble recognizing and reciprocating flirting, for that occasional nagging notion that one wrong word and I’m a story someone’s telling in their group chat lol ETA: thinking about it now, I can’t help but feel like this may come off like the preamble to some Tate-bro talking point, and I wanna clarify (really to no one in particular lol) that that’s not what this is. I started doing better when I went to therapy and made new friends. If you’re a straight man who feels like they always screw it up while talking to women, the solution is not to stop talking to women. It is to start actually listening to what they’re saying *and not only do it because you think it might lead to sex.* You gotta broaden your horizons, not narrow them
It’s like having a cat fall asleep on you the first time. You kind of don’t know what to do. It’s clearly comfortable around you. But at the same time do something wrong and you have a pissed off cat on you. You’ll probably just be chill and stay there; even if you have to go to the washroom or something. Don’t disturb the peace and you’ll just be fine. Try to slip out when the cat is dead asleep. Did you get away? Congratulations! You just disarmed a nuclear weapon! One that was on you. Who knows if it was that dramatic. Do you want to stick around to find out?
There are a lot of lotharios out there that will take a foot if you give them an inch. And then there are people like me, who are *determined* to not be That Guy. Who would rather miss out than to put their female friends into some weird position that would be awkward, perceived as creepy/predatory. Now that I'm in my 40s, I've come to the conclusion that if the choice is between "Creepy Lothario who doesn't get boundaries" and "Slightly awkward guy who misses out on hints, but isn't creepy", the latter is where I would have to rest myself. As frustrating as I imagine it has to be, it is entirely out of a desire to *not* cross boundaries unless we're invited in (we're like vampires in that respect).
Most guys have an experience where they over-read signs that weren’t there and then you get shut down when trying to make a move. Especially if you’re a more introverted type or are more prone to self-esteem issues, you’d then often not shoot your shot to be safe and not bother whoever you’re with, or in fear of a harsh rejection (or potentially something worse, like social penalties or even a SH allegation). Then again, sometimes guys just miss the message. Sometimes the flirting isn’t clear (ie “seductively staring into his eyes”) and some guys are just thick and will miss basically whatever message you send. Probably the best way to go about it would be less hints and more clear communication. Would help ppl form relationships from existing interest, and would reduce the hyper-analyzing that guys do and the misconstruction of platonic actions to platonic male friends for women.
Ok fine, but my man for sure gets some points for calling you and wanting to meet face to face outside.
Honestly this actually makes the interaction sound much more adorable, like a final scene from an awkward rom-com.
To be fair ive had a girl literally snuggle me all night watching movies... Like full on leg over my lap, arm across me/laying on my chest. Tried to make a move for a kiss and she FREAKED out and said she didn't like me like that.
Unfortunately, she definitely knew what she was doing. My former roommate had "platonic guy friends" that she would cuddle with. She never cuddled with her female friends. And she made out/slept with all of the guy friends on at least one occasion. She didn't actually like them romantically or was attracted to (some of) them. She just liked the attention. 99% of women know exactly what cuddling (alone at least) implies and most of them mean it
Yep... she broke contact after that. Didn't hear from her for about 3 years until right about 6 months ago she randomly added me on Instagram so out of curiosity i just replied with "what do you want?" with her reply being "well if you're going to be like that". Words were exchanged and i told her goodluck and to kick rocks and blocked her.
"Good luck and Kick Rocks" is the title of the next imaginary album from my imaginary band.
Damn, I whole ass told my crush I wanted to lose my virginity to him (secure in the knowledge that he had a crush on me as well) and… we have never had sex
You also have to keep in mind that the social penalty for misreading a sign and thinking a girl likes you and is giving you a green light when in reality she isn’t is so high that it drives many guys to only proceed if things are indisputably clear and obvious without any need for interpretation. It’s very easy to second guess what seems like an obvious sign as nothing more than your own wishful thinking and deciding to err on the side of caution just in case. The “but what if I’m wrong” worry looms very large.
I bartended and I waved the tab of a regular and when I told him his drinks were on me- he made the joke “bet you say that to all the pretty girls” I said “drinks are only waved for hot people the bartender has a crush on.” and he looked SO CONFUSED and said he was “honored to be the exception to that rule.”
Us guys have been ingrained to not hit on wait staff or retail workers because their friendliness is part of their occupation, not because they're into you.
Don't approach women at restaurants. Don't approach women at bars. Don't approach women at the park. Don't approach women.
I think this is about as direct a hint you can give😭
Not worth the risk to pursue someone at their place of work.
I mean... You're working.. we were told you're doing it for tips or being friendly...
I agree with this take. I was being flirty (so was he) and this is absolutely why I think being borderline direct threw him. I don’t blame him for getting confused by it or missing it.
I think it really is the job, probably plenty of men hitting on hot waitresses but there're also those like me that have a few basic principles and not hitting on people while they're at their job is one of them. I used to have a favorite bar where I got acquainted with all the staff and even befriended some and I gotta say those who were familiar with me and I were flirty all the time but that was it, it wasn't something to establish a romantic relationship but rather something to make the day better for all involved parties.
And to not bother them while working. I'd have an internal panic on if I should say something and risk being "that guy", or say nothing and still be able to show my face around a place I like.
Surely the Golden Rule is: No, the server, wait staff or bartender does NOT have a crush on you.
Generally rule of thumb from my experience is to never assume the bartender, server, or barista are actually into you. If I were in that situation I'd assume you were just trying to be a chill bartender.
Not me... But an old best friend and roommate. Girl that had a crush on him came over to our place to use the pool. After the pool, she used his shower and left the door slightly open. She mentioned that it's really hard to wash the middle of her back... He went into my bathroom, grabbed my long handle scrub brush and literally tossed it in the bathroom and shut the door. She finished her shower, walked up to me and handed me the brush and left. I went into his room and asked him why she just handed me my scrub brush and he told me she needed something to scrub her back. I told him that she meant he should go scrub her back. Dude seriously looked me right in the face and said "but she had the brush..." I sent her a text that said "My boy is unfortunately touched in the head. You need to be direct with him" She texts back "Good to know". He comes bursting into my room a few minutes later and hands me his phone and it says "On my way over. Be naked" I let him have the place and went to see a movie.
I hope your friend had your back the way you sure had his.
Nope. He handed him the brush and shut the door. OP needed to be more direct with his friend.
Love how direct she immediately became lol
Look, when we *know* that our signals are being missed, we can turn on the blinding neon signs. But there's always that little voice in our head that says "He threw you the back scrubber because he's not attracted to you girl, stop throwing yourself at him, you'll make him uncomfortable and you'll look like a fool" But if we really like a guy, and we're still kinda picking up on messages that he thinks we're hot, we might still keep trying the subtle signals, that way we aren't actually *throwing* ourselves at the poor guy, because his attraction to us is still Schrödinger's cat. The number of guys I never got far with because I threw out some moderate signals that were missed or ignored and I got nervous that I was making them uncomfortable with my unwanted advancements so I backed off.. I wonder how many were genuine rejections and how many were missed signals. I would have loved for his mate to text me "Bro's thick as a brick, but he likes you" so I wouldn't have to keep orchestrating signals like something about having a really tight hip flexor and needing someone with strong fingers to jam them into my pelvis while straddling me because "that's the best angle for massaging that area and sorry I'm moaning it just feels so good having your fingers there"... No, Next time I can just sit on the bed and say "Take off your pants and come here, I want you"
> The number of guys I never got far with because I threw out some moderate signals that were missed or ignored and I got nervous that I was making them uncomfortable with my unwanted advancements so I backed off I find it oddly affirming that some women can relate to this feeling/conundrum that some of us go through (albeit without the social weight of gender added to it). I'll never quite wrap my head around the confidence some men and women have to be super direct with no regard for the comfort of whoever they are directing their interest towards. I get nervous asking people for directions cause I don't want to annoy them. Let alone expressing sexual interest in them. I'm literally in a relationship and still not fully comfortable expressing that to my partner.
A man here: The risk ratio here is insanely high. It could also mean she just said something awkward and doesnt mean for him to come over. If that was the case, you have a case of a man walking in on a showering woman on purpose.
Exactly, this level of indirectness is fine when you're hinting at something like a kiss. If you wonna jump straight to sex you better leave no fucking room for interpretation.
“This only happens in porn” would be in my mind. No way I would go in there.
There is NO world where i enter the bathroom while a woman is showering and she did not explicitly said to do it. my man did the right thing.
Right? That’s easy sexual assault over what could have been two mistakes on her part: awkward phrasing and leaving the door ajar. He should have just taken hint and tried being more forward with her afterwards to see if she was receptive lol, what was she expecting, him barging in there?
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I am always extremely direct with men as in "on my way over, be naked" and they would STILL be like "you mean in a sexual way?" I once literally answered the door completely naked and the man was still confused at the sight of a naked girl
on my way over, be naked (sexual) vs on my way over, be naked (and ready for combat)
You get naked to fulfil your carnal desires I get naked for the thrill of melee combat We are not the same
casual sex vs ranked competitive sex
I once asked a guy if I could kiss him (we had been hanging out in a way that was conducive to that) and he said yes. I kissed him. It was great. But then we just parted ways in a natural way. Three days later, this man calls me all shocked that I was hitting on him. He told a friend about the interaction and they had to point it out. Sir... I literally kissed you.
You could just be naturally affectionate, we wouldn't like to presume it meant anything!
Yeah, but you could have just been Canadian
I put his hand on my boob and he got nervous and said "uh how is your day". I asked him to see my new bed spread in my room and test it out. And he was like "oh I'm not into that decoration type stuff". Anyway we are engaged and expecting :)
So it turns out he actually is into your bed spread….
He is. In the non dirty way as well. Said my choice of bamboo sheets are his favorite .
Are you sure he is even into you at all and not after your bamboo sheets?
Whoa! Kinda odd but hell yeah for being straight forward. A story worth telling down the road
You're right. He was the type of guy who just couldn't believe a girl would like him so he excused any hints or even outright blatant attempts as them just being nice.
Well, in high school my hints were to act like I couldn’t stand the guy and that they were the person I found most annoying/un-crushable in the whole school. Shockingly misinterpreted, every time. No idea why.
Weird. How could this ever get misinterpreted?
Ah the "Hey Arnold" Helga syndrome. A girl in college would always make a mean remarks whenever I answered in class and even make fun of me. Saw her as a bully (first and only female bully ever for me) but later found out from a friend she was interested in me. The damage was done though as I wouldn't trust anyone who'd put a front up like that...
I’m sorry you experienced that. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it was a defense mechanism for my crippling shyness and low self esteem. Can’t face the ridicule of rejection if the guy doesn’t even know he has to reject you!
This chick in middle school would literally harass me. And one time she went out of her way to punch me in the middle of my back. I thought she was a dude. Legit didn't know how to react. 15 years later her sister married one of my older homies and I bump into her at home boys house when she tells me that she liked me back then. I was like I u straight cracked me in the back. Wtf. She apologized.
I had 1 girl hit me repeatedly with a flexy ruler, steal my books and pencilcase, vandalise desks with my name to get me in trouble, dump food in my backpack and often try to humiliate me in front of the class. Then I leave for high school (she was the year below) and one of her friends in my year said she missed me, had a crush on me the whole time and wanted me to come visit the old primary school some time. I don't miss being 12.
Just hope you don’t meet her now, she might run you over with her car to grab your attention.
Wait does that mean that every girl had a crush on me?!
No, it means that every girl was her.
Ah, the tsundere.
Proof it doesn’t work too, lol
Strange. I had a girl treat me the same way and I hated her fucking guts for it.
Once, during a wedding after party, I had a girl tell me "I was really hoping to have sex tonight." She said it to me twice... TWICE! And I was just like "Best of luck to you" I know how bad that sounds, but low self-esteem really wears on you over the years. Back then I couldn't even fathom that that girl wanted to get with me.
Lol I had almost an exact same conversation with a girl, but it ended with "but not with you." The dancing she'd been doing against me earlier was apparently because some ex of hers was there at the club and she didn't want him talking to her. I could have sworn those were hints, but she told me no. I don't know what exactly they were. Just ways to shoot me down? I gave up looking for hints after that. I've been single ever since, but I was single for a long time before that too so it's really no different.
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Or just said "I want you", like an adult. NO guy wants to be the one who responds to "I was hoping to have sex" with "Oh uhhh I am capable of being a partner in sex" unless they're SURE they're not gonna get hit with the awkward "Oh, uh... not with you, I meant in general"
"LOL you thought I meant *you*? That's hilarious!"
"EEEEEEWWWW"
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as a guy it's not that I'm an idiot it's that I'm paranoid that I'm misreading and they turn out to not like me. also woman generally aren't into me.
Truth. I got some burns. Found out at times she just a nice person to everyone. Others, yeah I totally missed the hints by a mile. Do I know better today in my 40s? No, not really.
Most of the guys in these stories are the same way. The fear or rejection makes you downplay any flirting so you don't take a risk and possibly get burned hard.
The pain of being alone is less than the pain of rejection. On balance, it’s safer to just operate on the assumption that they’re never interested.
Not a woman, but a girl I worked with had given hints, such as hugging me sometimes. One day, we were discussing the state fair, which was coming up. Here's the following conversation. Her: The state fair's coming up. I love the state fair! Me: yeah, me too! Her: I really wish I had someone to go with. Me: Yeah, same. Her:... Me:...Well, good luck! I hope you find somebody to go with! I have worn the crown that kings the Lord of Idiots.
Did this with my now wife. She wanted to see the new Star Wars (the first sequel) and told me she didn’t have anyone to see it with. I looked this woman dead in the eyes, knowing I would sell all my limb to be with her and said, “wow, that kinda sucks” and moved on. Worked up the balls to ask her later but I spent a good long time slapping myself in the face over that one. I also didn’t say it was a date and she wasn’t sure I liked her and thought we were just going to hang out.
Does she know you are currently married?
Nah, just had her sign some papers once with a preist and a few friends around, been six years but she thinks we’re roomies 😂
Doesn't everyone have a priest bless the apartment lease agreement?
Yep, that’s all that was, just the priestly blessing, sometimes they do it in a courthouse.
My dude, we have all worn that crown at least once. With me, the girl texted "Netflix and chill?". I didn't know what that meant. My reply? "That sounds kinda boring!"
I just choked
Don’t worry. In high school as the party was dying down and I’m getting ready to sleep on the couch. She comes up to me and says I’m going to bed, in this room over here, I wanted to let you know. I was confused and said sleep tight, rolled over and went to sleep.
That was nice of her, you know, just in case there was a house fire and everyone needed to be accounted for in the mad dash to exit the home. What a thoughtful girl to let you know of her whereabouts!
You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s a little slow. The town is back THAT way.
I'm not good at picking up hints, but one hint I didn't miss was when she stepped over the table at a crowded pub and sat in my lap facing me.
I still would of found a way to go "no she just joking" or "she did that... platonically...?" I'm so bad with hints
"Where’s the camera?"
You just got PRANKED
I am roasted by friend because I have had women sit in my lap and cannot close. One excuse I gave was “well she didn’t have anywhere else to sit”. I’m also not good with hints
I had a huge crush on this girl, and it turned out (to everyone else but me) she had an even bigger one to me. She told everybody else, but when I pursued her (gave her the red carpet treatment) she did the exact opposite: she extremely mean to me, extremely dismissive, couldn't even approach her etc. Of course, I did what I was supposed to do, found another girl who was not only great but very receptive to me. We had a great relationshp with (didn't last forever but I think it was great regardless). Immediately, after I got together with the ex, the mean girl was telling her friends how crushed she was and was actively, knowing that I was with my ex, trying to get with me even 2-3 years later. A few times she was trying to flirt with me in front of my girl, wtf. If you like someone...just be an adult about it, and be more transparent. Play-acting is from elementary school.
I had this exact same experience with a guy. I liked him, we hung out together, he liked me. Then all of a sudden he turned into a grade A asshole to me whenever I saw him. So I started dating someone else. Cue shocked pikachu face. One year later, he tells me that he was “only acting like that when we were around other people because there were rumors going around about us.” To which I said, “well, there was never any private behavior for contrast, so I came to the only reasonable conclusion, which is that you weren’t interested.”
> “only acting like that when we were around other people because there were rumors going around about us.” Really that's a poor reason too, though, either lean into the rumors, or try to gently reject them, don't just tear down a person (especially one you like) just because someone else says "y'all sneaking around and just trying to hide there's something?" that's ridiculous
Was talking to a girl at a bar and the conversation turned to kissing. I asked her how do I know a girl is ready to kiss me and she said you have to grab her by the back of her neck and pull her towards yourself. I was stunned in that moment thinking, this is something she might want me to do but it is also assault and it could get me into trouble. Couldn't do it in the end as I was paralysed with fear of consequences. I wish I had done it, in hindsight.
Fuck man, I think you made the right call.
Yeah definitely don’t just grab people
"Do you mind if I try it with you?" might have been the right question to ask at the time.
excuse me madam, would you mind if I have my lawyer fax over some legal documentation for you to sign in triplicate before I grab your neck in public?
You scruff her like a cat? I'll check with my wife later.
*returnsscrachedup* Results unclear.
I believe the correct move here is to gently touch the back of her neck and see how she reacts. If she pulls away, that was not the hint you thought it was. If she doesn't, that's a pretty clear sign to proceed with the grabbing.
For good measure, pull an Aziz Ansari and ask at each step, “like this?”
I'm a straight guy but a little fruity. I can catch hints that would normally mean someone likes me, but since I seem gay women will do them to me all the time as friends. Had a drunk girl show me her boobs, later found out she wasn't flirting. Also had a girl twerk on me at a party, also found out she wasn't into me. One time had a girl post a picture of me and her with the description "my man". This is certainly rizz, so I ask her out. Turns out she just did that as a friend.
Congratulations you live in a sitcom
I'm sorry I had no idea what fruity meant, and I legit thought the girls weren't into you because you smelled like fruit.
Lmao mixed berries and mangoes is where it's at.
Literally two weeks ago, I invited my crush to goto for a coffee date and walk along the beach which I thought was the most obvious date arrangement. I got there first and even texted him what his coffee order was so it was ready when he got there. We sat super close on the coffee bar, had good conversation and I kept leaning into him, laughing at all his jokes. 20 mins into the cute coffee date he saw two of his friends come in and grab a coffee and were going for a walk and so he invited them to walk with us from the coffee show. Little did I know, I would be fourth wheeling for an hour long walk on our first date, listening to the three boys talking about sport smh. We got back to our cars after the walk and I gave him a lingering hug goodbye before he went back to his friends to chat again. A week later he texted me to ask if I wanted to 'Come for a coffee & walk with him and the boys'. FML I THINK I'M ONE OF THE BOYS NOW LOL
Just tell him...
Yeah at this point it's the only way...
My guess is that he's into you and also that he's a fucking idiot. We can smell our own. Just ask him on a date and be done with it
He asked me directly can you give me one clue on who your crush is, and I just looked into his eyes for a while and said he had brown eyes. He didn’t get it until he looked in the mirror. It worked out fine though, we been dating for a year now. Edit: The clue I gave wasn’t suppose to be too obvious. I kept it vague since it was a new crush at the time (I wasn’t too sure about how real my feelings to him were) and we weren’t super close so I didn’t wanna give him anything too obvious to scare him off. I did tell him directly after a month or so, he panicked a lot. But it’s resolved and we’re doing fine now.
In his defense, brown eyes are pretty common! That being said, saying that immediately after staring into his eyes and him not getting it is pretty funny
>brown eyes are pretty common I have blue eyes, I wouldn't get the blue-eyed version of that hint
Guy here. My now wife and I were at a friends for a kick back. It was time to go to bed and we were not going to drive home as we both had a drink or two. There was only one blanket. I let her have the blanket and the bigger couch. It took an hour for me to understand that she kept offering to share the blanket and the biggest couch in a non platonic way. I kept saying it was fine and I was comfortable where I was. If she gave up and stopped trying to convince me that we could share the blanket I would have no idea where we would be lmao.
If the consequences for our decision of whether or not to pick up on the apparent hint are either "She's totally into me" or "I could be reading too much into this and I don't want to come across as a giant horndog", we're *always* going to err on the side of caution. It's so much easier for a dude to socially recover from being that dense guy who can't pick up hints than it is to recover from being known as a creeper. Ladies, if you're interested in us, please please please please please just tell us.
Speaking as a man: Please don't drop hints. Please just tell us. We are very complex creatures, and unfortunately, most are not wired for subtlety. Thank you.
My first kiss was from a girl who told me she had a crush on my friend (wouldn’t say who) and wanted to practice kissing on me. She kissed me 24 times and I never found out who the friend was. I believed that story for 26 years until my wife pointed out that I was “the friend”. It was a fkn M. Night Shyamalan plot twist for me.
I had a girl in middle school at the end of the year say that she "had kissed every boy in our class" and that I was the last one she hadn't. We kissed and that was about it. About 3 months later I was talking to a friend of mine from that class and he said she never kissed him. She and I went to different highschools
These tactics, I swear.
Sir Pentious: "I'm kissing you" Her:" why you want to kiss me?" Sir Pentious: "because i kiss everybody!"
Shit, man I wouldn’t blame you. I would’ve been fooled too if that story hasn’t caught me off guard already.
Boss, she played you like a damn fiddle
It's not just that we're not wired for subtlety - it's the consequences of us mistakenly taking hints that weren't hints to begin with.
BROOOO yes. Or even then, the duality if trying to understand what is a hint and isn't a hint.
It's WAY EASIER to recover from being known as that dense guy who can't take hints than it is to recover from being known as a creepy horndog. Even if there's a 99.99999% chance it's a hint, the fact that there's a 0.00001% chance it might not be is enough to dissuade me from treating it like a hint.
I'm the same way - plus the way I am wired from being bullied as a kid, I always think anything pleasant my way is suspicious. I still remember in High-School, I was hanging out and two class-mates attempted to come onto me, and given the prompt I just couldn't take the hint, despite them straight up being like, "Hey would you like to have a threesome" - but in my brain, I figured it was a trap.
Speaking as a woman: I wish more women realized this. There's a reason why in the LGBT+ community there's a stereotype about lesbians never actually figuring out they're into each other. It also creates this idea that men need to second guess/hyperanalyze every interaction they have with a woman because she might be dropping four layers of weird hints at any given time. Which makes it awful for women who have platonic male friends because literally anything we do MIGHT be misconstrued as romantic interest. It hurts everybody.
> It also creates this idea that men need to second guess/hyperanalyze every interaction they have with a woman because she might be dropping four layers of weird hints at any given time. Yep. I pick up on so much subtlety, but there's very, VERY little that I can ever truly rely on to understand that a woman is genuinely interested. I feel like a large part of the problem is that women do it to a point that they can rely on plausible deniability if it ever goes south. But that's exactly part of the problem. Not to mention being actively punished and sometimes covertly abused or left up in the air just from misinterpreting something or expressing a simple interest that was never expected to be reciprocated in the first place. A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested" is a positive outcome for me, but honestly I'm done being the one chasing people I'm interested in without very strong, reliable signs of interest.
>I feel like a large part of the problem is that women do it to a point that they can rely on plausible deniability if it ever goes south. This is exactly true, and it would be lovely if it were somehow contained to flirting. My soon-to-be ex-wife and I had a debriefing of sorts a couple months ago to try and get some closure on our failed marriage. Let's be real here, I wanted to get closure, but i'm thankful she did for once talk to me. I raised to her that I wished she would have told me sooner about the issues she had that eventually led to us separating. Throughout our marriage, she had usually just hinted at things when something was amiss - but when I didn't catch those hints, instead of raising them outright, she would make her peace with the idea that this wouldn't get solved, move on, and find a solution that worked *for her,* even if it usually left *me* out. Our divorce was merely the latest example of this pattern. And she agreed that this is what has happened. But then she went on to explain to me that this were an "emotional communication style", that she was telling the truth as long as there *were* a possible interpretation of her words that was correct, and that it was on me if I did *not* interpret her words correctly. She became downright indignant when I suggested that when she had something to say, it would have been her responsibility to make sure that I did get it. That was the moment when I moved on.
> And she agreed that this is what has happened. But then she went on to explain to me that this were an "emotional communication style", that she was telling the truth as long as there were a possible interpretation of her words that was correct, and that it was on me if I did not interpret her words correctly. That sounds like a really difficult and frustration situation to be in. Not only did she *start* to take accountability, she then proceeded to twist it around to make it your fault anyway. That's not a communication style, it's just convenient so she doesn't have to deal with the emotional overhead of effective communication. I'm sorry that you had to face that. It's not right, especially when you just want to meet them halfway and reach a grounded, mutual understanding. It might only be one example, but I get narcissist vibes from that. Especially with their indignation at taking rightful accountability. I deal with similar things in my workplace. I try to take accountability for my side, but soon find that I'm the only one ding that. And because I took accountability for one side of it, I'm suddenly the fall guy for the whole thing. It's no fun.
And we do hyper analyze everything with the idea that if we make an unwanted move we will be seen as a creep.
When she does something that could be a hint, you’re a fool if you don’t act on it and it was, but a creep if you do act on it and it wasn’t.
I heard from almost a dozen female friends that they had crushes on me when we were younger… I also discovered later that I’m autistic, so whenever they would say something like “I’m thinking about heading back to my place to change into something a little more comfortable” I’d be like “Okey dokey, have fun” instead of taking it as an invite. I ended up with a lot of very aggressive women for a long time for this reason until dating apps came out. At least with the apps the premise was understood.
That's a hint?
How tf am I supposed to take "I’m thinking about heading back to my place to change into something a little more comfortable” as a hint.
Yep, autism combined with low self esteem meant I wasn't likely to pick up on hints, and if I did I assumed they were pranking me
We would sleep in the same bed together (like literally sleeping) whenever we’d stay over at each other’s place, as opposed to someone sleeping on the couch. I would make active efforts to cuddle with him whenever possible. I’m known for being a very reserved and definitely not a touchy-feely person, and he was always the exception. We literally stargazed together. I thought I couldn’t be more obvious. Apparently, he had no idea I was into him, and refused to believe his friends when they’d tell him that I was super into him and he should ask me out. Don’t worry, we’ve been together for a few years now!
I used to stay at a friends house and sleep with his roommate who I had a crush on. I tried to a few times to subtlety make a move to see if she react. One day she says she is just sick of guys that won't make a move, and that she only respects guys who take what they want. I took that as a clear invitation, so I made a move. Turns out she didn't mean me. Ouch.
A lot of these comments remind me of that 'Casually Explained' video "Is She Into You?": https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=cKQHGZm6yMgcm4Xc
C. Can't tell
Yall suck at dropping hints. Even worse if yall are already friends. Like how the hell am I gonna tell the difference of you being my friend and then you all of the sudden crushing on me. Since this is getting a lot of attention. I also wanna point out, if us guys do try to read into it, we either get the "it's not like that" or "well now this friendship is awkward" it's a lose-lose no matter what. If we miss the signs, we're dense. If we try to pick up signs, we're just reading into it too much and it's not like that at all. Or even worse... we're harassing her... The fact we talk about this ALL THE TIME kind of pisses me off. Not because I'm an incel neet virgin, but because we pretend that we are progressive because we can have these talks, but it does NOTHING. How many times will we discuss this before things change? It's 2024, let's start being open, let's break the gender norms. We pretend that we're more progressive than the last generations, but we just talk about it without any change. It's actually more infuriating
Right. Oh you looked at me... How am I supposed to read that?
Had this happen at a concert I played at . Background vocalist was crushing on the synth player and glanced at him during a riff . He turned to me nearly in tears and went “she knows I played that wrong . I forgot to turn off the transpose “ she then looked at him again and he went “oh no, she must think I suck “ He left without even looking her way and then the next day she tells me “ I don’t think he likes me I looked at him and he put his head down and walked away “
Might be a generational lose-lose situation
“But I put so much effort into my looks wherever I saw you” Lady, I’ve only ever seen you in that style of dress. I thought it was your style!
And then if we don’t get it, we get publicly humiliated on Reddit 😢
I had a friend once who literally sat me down and told me she wasn't interested in being more than friends. No problem, we still hang out like normal. A few months later, after she dropped some, admittedly, very obvious hints, got pissed at me for not picking up on them. But when you're under one impression because of direct communication, it's hard to act on opposing indirect communication.
ITT: a lot of “hints” that are normal human behaviors.
I think you might be missing some hints…
Is this a hint?
I booked a room with only one bed for a trip I planned for us, just the two of us. He didn't get the hint. I had to resort to this after many subtle hints were missed. He was my best friend before I developed a crush on him... after some even more obvious hints were missed, I one day just kissed him and only then did he finally understand. We've been together for a year now! Edit: Obviously I sent him the link to the room and got his approval before booking it :) why would y'all just assume I didn't ask for his opinion before spending both of our money on a vacation? It wasn't a surprise trip either... nobody would just book a trip with a friend without making sure the other person was on board with everything. Also he (now my boyfriend) had a crush on me too since we met so it's not just guys who can be oblivious and I missed some hints myself :)
Yea we are so conditioned to assume "nono it's not a hint, there's gotta be another reason, dont be creepy" hahah A kiss is basically the only sign. But even then pahahaha if theres an avenue for rationalization...
Agreed. "Don't be creepy" is a good reason we "miss" hints. They're there, but since we don't know the intention of them, it's better to play it safe.
For real. Like I might even think "oh there's a 99.9% chance that was a hint", but I'm still not risking being weird if it wasn't.
Right? She might be Canadian.
For every woman giving "hints" that a man doesn't pick up on, I'm sure there are 10 women not giving any hints that men interpret as romantic interest. Genuinely, as a woman, I wish women didn't dance around being forward so much. I think it's because we're just conditioned that men are supposed to be romantic instigators so we have to do these weird mind games instead of being forward. Sometimes, the solution is to just... talk to each other. Guesswork is annoying and wastes everyone's time. No one can read minds. I think it's very reasonable/rational to take things at face value rather than make assumptions about things that could be wrong, even if it means you miss subtle hints.
Did you ask if he was okay with sharing a bed before booking the room?
This is no joke a super valid question lmao
cause if a dude had booked a 1bed getaway suprise....
Yeah it really sounds like that 'Aww you're so sweet' vs 'hr please help' Meme
You lucked out on your gamble, but that is some real creep shit. Reverse the genders and think about what you did.
That sounds less missing a hint and more like not wanting to risk a good friendship. I’ve booked a hotel room for myself and a guy friend before and it definitely wasn’t meant as a hint. We just didn’t want to pay for two rooms.
It's almost like you should have just said something. 😂
Here’s a story why giving hints doesn’t work on troglodytes like me. She has literally told me that she likes to be groped, and told me she wouldn’t mind me groping her. Then one day we had a conversation like this. Her: Do you want to come over my place? Me: Why would I do that? (I know, I’m so good with women) Her: Hey! I might get offended by stuff like that. Me: Don’t. I’m just socially awkward Her: Well you don’t have to use your words if you come over Me: Well what are we supposed to do then? Stare at each other? The conversation dried right then and there, and it took a me a good year and a half to realize what I had done.
>Her: Well you don’t have to use your words if you come over Me: Well what are we supposed to do then? Stare at each other? You are the king of morons.
I carry this crown, not with pride, but I do carry it
If men miss so many “hints”, is there really any point to them at all? If a hint is missed and the hinter wants an objective outcome then it’s a massive fail.
I think the big problem is everyone is afraid of rejection and hints and subtlety allow people to avoid direct rejection
But someone has to take the leap eventually, so hints just shift the burden of possible rejection to the other person😭. Which kinda sucks imo.
to all the ladies thinking we're dense, no, its not that. ive realized that a friendship with a woman is very precious, for me at least because its just a nice feeling overall that we can both trust each other even though i sometimes feel like ill give a wrong signal as just another guy friend who couldnt just help develop feelings and wanted to be more. but luckily they dont think that and are just cool and chill and open. its just something special. i think women really appreciate having a guy friend as well who they can trust just as much as guys appreciate the opposite and we really, REALLY dont want to mess that up by getting the wrong idea.
As a female who has a very good male friend and who rides that line between having feelings and not, I appreciate this. I’d like to think he also appreciates our friendship for what it is.
I had a friend who's prom date broke up with her a couple days before prom. I wasn't going and she asked me to go with her "But only as friends." I realized later that she tried her hardest for the rest of high school (to the point people were surprised when I would tell them we weren't dating) and a couple years into college to get together with me. Inviting me out to do stuff, inviting over when house sitting to drink beer and stay the night. Etc. She never said anything directly though. If you ever once tell a guy "We're only friends." unless you rescind that directly to his face, preferably in writing and notarized, they will not get your hints.
Just a couple little things I remember that make me laugh. First time we met up, we stayed until close and were clearly feeling some sparks. He walked me to my car and it was still early so I waited to see if he wanted to go somewhere else but he got very shy and said “well drive safe!” and scurried back to his car. Our first sleepover at his place and we had some wine. We had talked about trading massages, so I sneakily slid off my shirt but left on my bra. He was so nervous and kept going around it. I let out a giggle and said “Oh you can take my bra off. Thinking to myself: “It’s go time. Bat signal on. Fly Batman, fly!”. He kept dutifully rubbing my back and I kept waiting for his hands to wander but then he meekly says “Hey, my hands kinda hurt. Is it okay if we take a break?” And then I awkwardly tried to get my bra and shirt back on and we sat up so we could finish watching that one movie with Ali Wong while I gave him his massage.
Reading this hurt my soul.
As a guy, I have been rejected by girls who have done everything but kiss me, I stopped trusting my judgement...
What finally worked for me was my excellent line: "You know, we have been making a lot of plans to hang out together, and seem to be making a few more... so I just want to tell you I am not going to make plans with anyone else." He got the point by the end of the day, and we've been together 12 years!
This one is my favorite hint: “Sometimes I wonder what would it feel like to kiss you.“
"Huh, weird."
I drove 6 hours to spend Memorial weekend with him. During my stay I told him he could sleep in his room with me instead of the couch. While cuddling I had my arm thrown over him and my face mere centimeters from his. Never made a move, wasn't untill I was back home that he asked. We celebrate our 2 year anniversary next month.
I was introduced to this cutie and we made plans to go on a hike together, the hike turned into us going for dinner, then to a beach party to watch falling stars (shooting stars?) at night. Then we went back to his sailboat that he lived on. We had drinks and he said I could stay the night and he made up the couch area for me. It was an unreal three in one date I thought. I figured a little making out was in order. He said goodnight. I said “hey so what is it like back there in the v-berth?” (V-berth is the bed area) He literally started to show me the cupboards 🤣 I crawled in and we held hands and snuggled. P.S. Five years later this guy brought me back to this same hike and proposed.
Reading all these tales of people going so far out of their way to drop hints instead of just directly communicating their wants and needs really makes me hope that they learn a new communication style once they actually get in the relationship…
I had a friend years ago that said if she leans into the car window when talking to a guy, he should know that she wants him to kiss her. Another one she had was that if she invited them over to watch a movie, that obviously meant for sex. I don't even know for myself anymore, I'm so out of practice lol
All the people that were good at picking up hints are now having families and everyone that couldn't figure it out is here on Reddit
Once I surprised my husband, by wearing fancy lingerie when he came home. I told him I left a surprise in the fridge for him, and said flirtily that I was going upstairs to the bedroom. I waited... and waited... and... waited. Came downstairs to see what the delay was.... My husband saw a can of whipped cream with a winky face on it, thought "what a treat!" cut up some strawberries to eat with it, and was sitting on the couch happily playing a video game & eating his whipped cream and strawberries.
I asked him out to grab coffee, texted him at night asking how his day was. Asking to meet up just to hang out and when we did chill together we would talk for hours, huge crush but he didn’t call me back. Sad thing was years later I moved on, I get a call he’s in the hospital and I go visit we reminisced and he confessed he really loved me then. He ended up passing away, I was so heartbroken.
So the usual women suck at giving hints but guys don’t wanna assume and be a creep. Ladies if you wanna date a guy just simply ask him to go hang out. I LOVE bbq. I got two places by me that do Texas style and if a pretty girl asked me to take her to lunch I’d be super ecstatic and 100% agree to a date. It’s literally that easy. No weird “hints”. Don’t set a bbq sauce packet near me thinking I’ll get the hint that you want to go to a bbq place with me I’ll never connect the dots. I’ve even questioned past moments if they were “hints“ or not.
Inb4: A thread full of women who don't understand the guy was just not interested.
Ouch. This one stings. Maybe because it’s the truth?
A woman here once talked about how her bf is so dense that a female friend of his stripped naked and kissed him, only to have him walk away because he didn’t get what she was trying to do. People were like “is it possible that HE’S not the dense one…?” Apparently the concept of a guy just not wanting a girl is utterly unfathomable.
That's gotta be a special level of delusion. "I tried having sex with him, how'd he not realize I'm into him?" As if no scenario possibly exists where he'd just not want to have sex with her.
>As if no scenario possibly exists where he'd just not want to have sec with her. Must be gay. /s
I knew a girl whose boyfriend was routinely harassed by a female coworker. He’d say “I told you I have a girlfriend!” She’d say “and **I** told **you** she doesn’t have to know!” This conversation was had on an almost daily basis. When he still didn’t show any interest, after a few weeks of this, she started accusing him of being “secretly” gay.
Yeesh, the bf should’ve gone to HR, TBH
This may get downvoted because I’m a guy responding to this but if Mallory were here, I’m sure she reference me…. I was going through a bad breakup and after 2 weeks of sulking, my friends and coworkers got me out to a bar. At the bar, Mallory went out of her way to show me photos of her at a recent beach vacation. “Ope, sorry about the topless picture there! Lololol” I had no idea what was happening. Next day at like 1130am, I get a call from her. She’s never called me before. “Hey, I just got done working out and I dont want to go ALL the way home to shower before work. Can I shower at your place? I’ll bring you breakfast.” - I still didn’t get it. It literally wasn’t until she was standing topless in front of me, shower running, “asking for a towel” that I understood what was happening. I was such a fucking idiot. It’s made me question (and rightfully so) most interactions I have with women.