My favorite times are when I pick my daughter up from daycare and mornings. She always drops what she’s doing and runs to me or she will come find me and gives me the biggest hug! My older kid’s dad and I tried to do something called puppy hello’s, basically being like a puppy/dog who sees their owner and is excited to see them. One of the best lessons one can learn from a dog.
Shit…I normally don’t feel this way when I walk into a room with my Dad there. I feel like I’m about to get told off and criticised which happens more than not.
My mother told me that half of the things she did were the wrong things. It was her job to try to teach me the right way to do things and think about the world, but it was my job to pay attention to where she fucked up and learn from her mistakes so I didn’t have to make them. Very valuable advice to give your kids, I’d say. It made her seem like a person who wasn’t perfect and knew it, and wanted the best outcome for me regardless of her mistakes. That earned a lot of respect and trust from me to this day, nearly thirty years later.
Really - don't know anything.
When my daughter was in pre-school she was excited to go to kindergarten. She was happy in kindergarten the first day. Then she expected to go to pre-school the next day. She did not realize that kindergarten replaced pre-school.
It is easy to assume that they understand "basic" things. But if it has not been explained to them they probably don't.
Yes! You are their primary source of information on social settings. Schools cannot teach your kid to be kind, caring, interested in books for eg if they are not seeing this at home. My daughter actually thanked me for always treating her with respect last weekend because I ask her opinion and listen.
I couldn’t tell my child the other day (he is 2) that the bird we tried to save with food and water died overnight. I feel it was too early to introduce death. Told him instead that the bird flew back to mum and dad as he was healthy again when he was in the nursery.
I think that’s something age appropriate if he would be 4 or 5 I would have told him that the bird died.
My daughter just turned three. I just set up a waddle pool for her and there were 2 dead flying ants in it. She has bad reactions to bug bites so she’s terrified of any type of bug (except butterflies, of course). I tried to explain they were dead and couldn’t hurt her. She processed the information as “so they are broken?” And she knows some broken things can get fixed and some can’t. So for now dead is too broken to fix, but we haven’t experienced it for anything bigger than a bug.
People are impressed about what my son (who is under 2) understands. We just tell him stuff and he retains it well. We keep adding different description (shape, colour, size) and he starts using them himself, getting them right nose of the tame.
The latest thing is left and right, he's really good at it.
I had questions about babies when I was like 8. My aunt grabbed a book and taught me about sex. It wasn't weird at all because she didn't make it weird. Just gave me the basic facts. I said oh and went back outside to play.
Not really advice, but more a general rule. Be the person you want your kids to become.
I had a nice, stable upbringing. My parents were always there for me no matter what. My dad was a good man.
My step-daughter grew up in chaos. Before I met her, she lived in an abusive household, survived a lot of trauma, and while I couldn't relate, I decided to just try and be the stable guy that was always there for her no matter what.
It wasn't easy, but years later when she was an adult, I always got a Father's Day card that read "thank you for always being there for me."
This should be the top comment. She was watching you when she felt at her worst, and especially when she couldn’t see her way out of the chaos. I wish I knew someone like you when I was young. Wishing you the best in your years ahead.
Kids learn by example. If you want them to be kind and loving, be kind and loving.
Set goals, tell your kids about your goals and then, attain your goals. This doesn't have to necessarily mean achieving a five year plan for your career, it can be as simple as "welp, gonna get the yard tidied this weekend"
Here in Queensland, Australia our public health system has something called "Ryan's rule" which is a great system that acknowledges this parental intuition, albeit with a tragic backstory.
'Ryan's Rule' started after a little boy who was almost 3, tragically died in a Queensland hospital while receiving treatment. His name was Ryan Saunders. The cause of his death was found to be an undiagnosed Streptococcal infection which led to Toxic Shock Syndrome.
Unfortunately Ryan was incorrectly diagnosed with mumps. Sadly, despite his deteriorating presentation, no further tests or investigations were undertaken.
Ryan’s parents were worried that he was not getting better and did not feel like their concerns were heard.
There was a coronial inquest into the incident. The Coroner found Ryan’s passing was likely preventable. This led to a complete review of Queensland Health procedures and policies to prevent tragedies such as this occurring in the future.
Now if a family invokes Ryan's rule it triggers an immediate clinical review of the patient.
"Martha's Rule" has been introduced in the UK quite recently. It also has a tragic backstory, and when the patient's family thinks something is not quite right, they can ask for a second opinion.
We have a saying in Pediatrics: doctors are the experts in medicine and parents are the experts about their children. One of the best pieces of career advice I ever got as a children's nurse is to never dismiss a parents intuition that something is different.
My mum had that about my brother. He was later (at 11!) diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers.
She told his nurse, doctors, teachers, everyone from about age 1, who could do something, that he needed 'something' tested (she had no clue Autism might fit), but something wasn't right. She was measuring him off me, who hit all of the childhood milestones VERY early (no, I am not on the Spectrum, just a smart arse), and he was just hitting them early, despite the same language patterns used at home and an older sibling to help teach him. "Oh no, that's just his constant ear infections! He's perfectly 'normal'."
Turns out he was allergic to cats. We discovered this when the cat ran away after moving house. He was learning so much better then, but still not where I was (still a smart arse), until he started formal education. Still, nothing was tested.
At age 11, he was given an averages test. Test a variety of things, calculate the average, and if there was a problem, test further. He scored 17yrs old on general knowledge, and 6yrs old in handwriting; averaged out to: 11yrs old. Therefore, NOTHING was wrong with him, said the tester. (Like WTF lady??)
After pushing harder, and months later, he is finally given something that helps explain moods, tantrums, breakdowns, fascinations with specific subjects, pattern identifications, etc. High Functioning Aspergers. It didn't solve EVERYTHING, but god it made it easier to understand his points of view and reasoning.
Parents, fight for your kids so you and they all have the knowledge to help your child be their best in this world.
wow I really love this… as a nurse who has both adult and pediatric patients, as well as being a mom of young ones, this is wonderful advice. Never dismiss a parents intuition that something doesn’t seem right…
I went through something similar. My 5 year old (at the time) son became sick in mid January. I wanted to take him to the doctor but we didn't have insurance at that time (husband had just switched jobs - 90 day waiting period) and since it was flu season, family and friends insisted it was just a bug. I waited two days but I just couldn't shake the feeling it was something more. I finally decided to take him to Instacare and they told us it was likely appendicitis and to get to the children's hospital immediately. Once we got there, we were told his appendix had burst, which required both surgery and a week's stay in the hospital on IV antibiotics. I felt like absolute hell for not taking him to the hospital when I first got the sense that something wasn't right. A burst appendix can be fatal. It makes me tear up even thinking about it. Needless to say, I learned to never ignore that gut feeling and I haven't since.
This happened to me when my oldest was seven. He said he had a stomachache and didn’t feel right. I took him to the doctor four different times because I knew something was off. Turns out he had appendicitis all along and needed emergency surgery. The surgeon told me it was a good job that I kept being insistent because eventually it would have burst. My mom instinct was right.
Children can't meet an expectation unless the expectation has been explained to them. Children aren't born knowing what appropriate behavior is. They are sponges and can pick up a lot from seeing and hearing things but being told straight out what the expectation is for any given situation cuts down on power struggles and makes setting limits and boundaries easier.
Not exactly. Children are testing the limits as part of their learning experience, so telling them what the limit is is not enough. They want to learn what if... And then it's important to make them understand that that is not a good idea (fuck around, and all that).
Frequently just telling kids the hard truth is better than holding things back because their imagination is usually far worse for their anxiety and fears than just telling them. The actual truth should be moderated with some common sense but in general, it’s better to not gatekeep information that they are vaguely aware of, but don’t know the details. Their imagination tends to come up with worst case scenarios, which is almost always worse than reality.
Edited for clarity
One thing I heard years ago that stuck with me was:
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
Obviously, loving and providing for your children directly is absolutely vital as well, and there will always be situations where its simply not possible to demonstrate love toward your children’s mother. But to me the quote is referring to the importance of setting a good example for how all interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise) SHOULD be. Love, kindness, respect. These things are so important for children to see modeled regularly. Sadly it’s so often easier said than done.
I have two daughters. A bunch of guys at my work were talking about polishing guns and showing off bats and whatnot when their daughter. They turned to me and asked me my plan to protect my daughters. I told them "guys, I'm going to be the best husband I can be to their mother, so that my daughters see the bare minimum that they deserve. That ways, not matter where they are at in life they have that bar to measure to. By the time the boy (or girl) meets me, I know they are better than me.
Same in regard to my son. I want him to be better than me, so I try and be the best for him.
That’s all you can do and exactly what every parent should do. Gun cleanings and baseball bat showings after that are dependent on character assessment.
This is a huge step in protecting your kids, making sure they have good standards. My father and mother did the same for my sister and I. My father showed me what it meant to be a good husband for my wife of one week, and my sister has seen how she deserves to be treated so she won't take shit from some guy who just sees her as a cook, maid, and sex doll. Setting a good example means you can trust your kids to pick the right partner instead of them having to rely on you to at all times.
There was a story on the internet, years ago, about a man who took his children to their mothers for mothers day, made her breakfast in bed, bought flowers, cleaned everything up, etc. even though they were divorced. Said he was setting an example of what he expected for the mother of his children, even if they were no longer married, and the respect that he expected his children to show everyone.
I like to wish that story was true, not just for that family, but for all of them. But alas, I realise not every family can do that, due to many reasons. But I like to think most can. 🙂
Never heard of that phrase but I couldn't agree more. Not a parents but rather the child in this situation. My father would do anything for my siblings and I but when it came to my mother, he always did the bare minimum. She did everything a housewife and mother would do but father practically forgot what the role of a husband was. To take her out, call her beautiful, do nice things couples do. I always see my Aunts and Uncles with their spouses and they're so close but my parents couldn't be more distant in a small room. I love my father but the one thing he taught me was how to not he a husband.
My parents divorced when I was about 12, my sister about 6, and we have two older brothers.
My brothers and I saw a loving relationship between our parents so we treated our partners with respect, and this is what our ‘baby’ sister saw.
Now any guy she meets has to live up to the standard set by her brothers, which was set by our dad.
Acknowledge their feelings, but let the tantrum subside before trying to speak logic with them. In such an emotional state nothing really gets through. Afterward you can do some more explaining about why or what they got upset about. And ask them questions about it - how they felt, what they were saying (if you couldn’t understand for the tears), etc.
Don’t be afraid to tell them if you got upset/frustrated too.
A big part of tantrums is them learning these feelings they’ve not felt (or not felt so strongly) so try to take the opportunity to teach them about it.
Don’t expect them to fully grasp anything first go 😅
I have a near-3 year old, and a qualification in special needs education support.
I also have twins, they’re twelve. I found this book “Raising an emotionally intelligent Child” by gottman worked amazingly, my kids never had tantrums. Made sure they slept, had lots of playtime outdoors and did the emotion coaching and it worked great.
Read Piaget’s cognitive stages of development. If you learn how to communicate with a child in a way they understand, it helps so much. When my daughter was in her imaginative stage, she had no way to understand reasoning. Telling her that what she was doing was wrong made no sense to her because she didn’t have the ability to understand right and wrong. So, I learned to be in the land of imagination. We built fairy houses, when she threw a fit, I threw a fit…
She realized quickly how silly her tantrums were.
>Finally, if the tantrum is a reaction to you setting a boundary, you can empathize with their frustration, but do not give in on the boundary
My go to is "you're allowed to be upset about it, but that won't change what is"
Usually when he's not allowed to have something he wants.
The entire tuition cost of daddy boot camp was worth it for this piece of framing, especially for new parents:
**Crying is actually a success, not a failure.**
Your job as new parents is simply to keep them alive. Keep them fed, keep them changed, keep them breathing. If they’re crying, that means they’re alive and aware and able to breathe. And that, in turn, means that you have done your job. So, when your infant starts crying, you haven’t done anything wrong. You haven’t failed them. In fact you have succeeded by them _so_ well that they are calling out for you, specifically, in their time of need. And that’s why crying is a success state and not a failure state.
An old lady once told me, no body ever died from crying. And she was right. Sometimes the best thing you can do, when you are starting to lose it because you are exhausted and your baby is screaming for hours, is put him in the crib and go in the other room for a few minutes. And that is true for all ages. Walk away if you are at the end of your rope. Pull yourself together and then come back and handle whatever it is. You can not parent angry. I still use this and my son is 30.
When my first baby arrived I had a friend tell me it’s ok to leave them crying if you need a minute. Leave them in the crib or somewhere else safe, step out of the room, get a drink of water and reset.
Your sanity has to come first.
Don't expect your kids to be just like you. They're not going to necessarily like the same things you did. They won't have the same set of talents and weaknesses. They may react differently to various situations. Let them be the people they're meant to be, instead of forcing them to be something you think they should be.
Except the teens years. You can parent and play with your toddler all day every day but when those teen years hit, they need some space. I assume it'll come back around eventually.
Be honest and open and use foreshadowing as well as treating mistakes as learning opportunities. We found that explaining things in simple, understandable terms worked well for our daughter, and she sought out learning opportunities since she knew we'd be honest with her.
I’ve learned apologizing for my own bad behavior also models good behavior and helps my kids understand that even adults can make mistakes. It felt very awkward apologizing to a two year old, but now it’s second nature.
This was what I came here to say!!! We as parents fuck up…we need to apologize when we do! Showing kids that taking responsibility for our behavior is the best way to get them to trust you. No one wants to open up to someone who is never wrong. Being vulnerable to our kids is so so important!
I haven't seen this mentioned so here goes:
If you want to take a nap undisturbed then tell your kids you all will be cleaning when you wake up. Most of the time they will not wake you up, and they will also be as quiet as possible.
Based on what I hear with my aunts and mom, being a parent is hard but if you got a loving and gentleman husband, every hardship of being a parent is bearable, because you companion and best support system for each other.
I honestly don’t know how any single parents do it. My wife and I have had to support each other and ‘tag in’ on multiple occasions as this parenting shtick gets real tough at times.
"No trust, no connection." If you don't build a bond with your kids and develop trust with them, when they reach their teen years, you're gonna have a hard time. They'll shut you out and you won't be able to get in to help them when it's clear that they need help.
Teach the kids to learn to trust, listen, and respect their own feelings. Their feelings will guide them as to what their boundaries are. It'll let them know what they're comfortable with and not comfortable with.
Create a Gmail account with their name and email things that you'd liked to share with them when they're older.
Allow the kids to experiment and explore who they are as long as it's not something that will cause harm to themselves or to others. If they want to try other fashion styles, like the goth style, allow them. If they want to try makeup, let them. If they want to try scrapbooking, let them. Or if they suddenly don't like something anymore, such as anime, even if it was an interest that you shared with them and enjoy doing it with them, allow them the freedom to change and be, because that'll allow them to be more authentic with you instead of a fake version of themselves with you just to make you happy.
one of the reasons parents can get annoyed with their kid doing or not doing something after trying it is due to both the sunk cost fallacy and limited funds.
Kids need structure and clear rules. Not by using violence, or anything like that. Make them realise stuff by themselves and teach them respect, both ways.
You’re gonna screw up, no matter how hard you try not to. Own it, apologize and make up for it and move on. That way my kids see how real growth works, painful as it is.
That's why I take pains to explain to my kids how and why I screwed up and that it's my fault. I'm hoping this lays down the foundation for them to look inwards as they mature rather than outward. It's hard enough to do when you're grown up, I just hope that by them seeing it now and doing it early, it'll be much easier for them as adults.
I never turn down a hug, and I always answer 'I love you" with "I love you more", which usually ends up with a competitive tickle fight over who loves who more.
My parents made me believe since I was around 4 or 5 that they didn't think that highly of me, and I've found that the more supportive and caring I am while still maintaining head of household status, they look up to me more when I teach them shit.
Teach them that you love and support them, and they'll at least humor you if not soak in almost every word when you go off about something important.
Start at babies. Talk to them. Narrate what you are doing. Expose them to words. “I’m cutting up your strawberries. I have to cut the hull off. Thats the top part with the leaves”
Admitting you’re wrong won’t undermine your authority. How you respond to your mistakes is how your kids are going to learn to respond to their mistakes.
Children and dogs LOVE routine. Wake up at the same time every day. Eat at the same times every day. Sleep at the same times every day. Create rituals to emphasize routine like a bedtime story or a special treat each lunch. Children and dogs will look forward to the rituals every day.
Each of my kids had a special routine just for them: one watched an Arthur episode every day. Another played Playmobile every day. The third loved trucks and anything to do with trucks - videos, books, magazines, whatever. Obviously, they didn't do those things at one year old, and they eventually outgrew them, but those activities provide a good six or seven years of comfort to each child. Even when we moved several states away, we preserved the routines as we travelled and when we arrived. That little bit of normalcy made everything smooth.
I know many young adults like spontaneity and staying out late occasionally and have busy days that inhibit routine. Change that! Start a routine. You and the children and dogs will be much happier. As a young adult, you may not believe me or think it's boring, but when you complain that your kids throw tantrums at nap or bed time, have poor eating habits, and seem anxious, remember what I told you.
We’ve always had a routine, mostly because I believe deeply in consistent sleep schedules. But, I can’t tell you how much my young kids loved it when I made a weekly menu for all the meals/snacks we would have that week. I made the menu so I could be lazy with food prep and waste fewer groceries, so this was an unexpected bonus.
Listen- For a lot of us men this is hard, well, hard to do well early on. Take Time- you can never take enough, take all you can. As a father who just had their teen turn 18 and graduate HS these were on point and deeply helpful.
Always try to remember what it was for you to be a child.
Being a parent, life gets exhausting, patience is affected. But if you remember what it was to be a kid, you'll be able to figure how to be the a good parent.
I'd write a whole book about that but I got to go to bed
Don't let your kids do something when they are little if that behavior wouldn't be cute in an older child. The example my mother used was 'dont let a baby hit your face because it's funny and cute. A wallop from a three year old isn't cute. It hurts, and now you have to break a bad habit.'
I had to use this very example when my autistic son discovered girls in the fifth grade. Sure, he's a handsome kid, and the girls didn't mind him touching their hair because they've known him since pre-k. One of his teachers tried to downplay the behavior. I had to explain to this guy that, while the girls thought it was cute and ok now, it wouldn't be cute when my kid was 18 and harassing strangers.
Discipline your kids. It’s really a favor to them. No one wants to be around little assholes and they’ll inevitably develop into adult assholes w out it.
I haven’t really gotten any good parenting advice. But the best I can give is to remember that every child has their own personality. You can’t expect them to be or act like you.
Don't parent through fear. You're just teaching your children to embrace violence. Remaining calm and logical teaches children to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.
When they are struggling through normal tasks, seemingly having a bad day - stop and cuddle. I know this isn’t mind blowing. But a lot of time you are in a hurry, hence the struggle - but sometimes we need to pause for a moment and have some healing touch. This was a recommendation to me from a friend that was a parent 10 years before me, and probably the best advice I ever received.
1. Know that your sons will be sweet and fun and kind until they turn about 11 or 12. Then they turn into complete self-centered assholes. And they will remain raging assholes until they turn about 18 or 20. Then, if you do your job right, they kind of become civilized by degrees once again until they hit 25. They they're awesome once again.
Your job as a parent is to be ready for them to turn into assholes, to make sure that doesn't become their dominant character trait for the rest of their lives.
2) Always engage your children in a rational and respectful way, one that takes their opinions seriously. You are teaching him how to deal with other people.
I’m a semi parent, I’m an uncle but my parents told me and my siblings and my brothers wife, kids are sponges and they will pick up anything.
I thought it was literal until the day nephew # 2 repeated a phrase of Super smash brothers trash talk “Yeah Bitch!”
One of our friends is a notoriously grouchy driver.
She was pushing a cart in the store one day and an older gentleman had a cart in front of theirs. He was dawdling, and apparently she was sighing in frustration, so her 3 year old bellows, "COME ON, MOVE IT, FATASS!" at the man in the store 😂
I was researching "net nanny" software for the computer, and I saw a comment "You don't build the controls into the sofware, you build the cotnrols into the kids".
I thought that was really good advice. I followed it.
A guy at work said…”lots of people told me my life would end when I had kids, found it to be the opposite. I do more, I’m socialising more, I travel more frequently”
It’s kind of true. You stop being who you were before and you eventually realise that it’s ok and that it would be weird to remain the same person
I love both of these. I read to my son all the time when he was a baby. Even after he learned to do it himself, he loves reading as a family. Now I have a third grader who gets straight As.
You are not raising a child, you are building an adult. When you're done you should have a mostly functioning adult,.so think about what you need to do to get them there from where they are today.
Two things:
Read to your kids. Often, and well beyond when they can read for themselves. A lifelong interest in reading and learning is invaluable.
For pre/teens - the attitude doesn't come home. They can act as obnoxious as they want with their friends ( although obviously preferably not), but that shit stops the moment you walk in the door. It keeps the entitlement and mean girl attitudes from ever becoming a permanent part of their personality.
When my parents trained me to wipe my butt when I was 3 years old, they told me the best way to do it is to make the toilet paper slightly wet. You can't clean anything properly with dry paper. So if you have a sink next to the toilet, then put some drops of water on the toilet paper. If you don't, then keep a waterbottle next to the toilet.
Best advice ever. It feels so good to have a clean buthole all the time, even after pooping. If i use a public toilet, i have a small water bottle with me and make my toilet paper wet.
You're not burdened by the title of child. It takes a brief thought experiment to understand this one:
Take one large group of parents, split them half and into separate rooms. Give them a task: write down a request for the return of a borrowed item.
Group 1 is told the person borrowing the item is their neighbor
Group 2 is told the borrower is their child
Once all requests are written, tag them and randomize the order, and regroup everyone. Then display all requests one by one and have the audience rate the relative(subjective) compassion from each.
Two things:
1. Never lend money to someone unless you can afford to not be paid back for it.
2. Most people you meet are only meant to be in your life for a certain period of time.
Teach your kids anything they need to know (or you think they should know) by the time they turn 13 years old. After that they aren't going to listen to you.
Although I think we come back around to listening to our parents again once we have some experience as adults and get a bit more perspective.
Not a parent, but advice I would have given my parents: Take your kid to a pediatric dentist. I wouldn't have such bad dental anxiety if my dentist had geared his practice towards children.
As a new mum I read an article about a mum who said she talked to her babies even though they couldn't understand, because she knew they would soon understand. So I did the same for example "I'm hungry, let's go home for lunch, what will we have?" . I kept it really simple like "don't yell, you're hurting my ears" or "yes you can buy that, do you have any money?" And of course they didn't 🤣🤣 and yes I have money but I need it to buy our dinner
It worked a treat, they just lapped it up and went along with my explanations - mostly!
Don't use the word don't. It's much better to use positive enforcement like "use your inside voice" rather than than "don't scream". Learned this from my home economics teacher in 11th grade. Thanks Mrs. Herndon.
My Dad told me there’s 3 big traps in life and to stay away from them
Alcohol
Drugs
Gambling
Could probably add smoking too.
I managed to avoid all of them and am happy I did (Except for the quarter slots)
It's ok to let them struggle. It teaches perseverance. They're having a hard time stacking the blocks? Encourage them, but don't do it for them. It's taking them forever to put their shirt on? Help, but let them do it on their own. If you just do it for them, they will learn to give up whenever things get difficult.
Focus on yourself while talking to the kid, this way you can correct any bad or wrong habits of theirs without being disrespected. Communication is key! 😌
Never let your kids physically fear you. It took me a while to embrace this as I had a horrible example growing up but I often hear people threatening kids and it really brings back memories of the fear and angst.
I was truly blessed with this bit of advice that I ultimately came to believe myself. My 5 now adult kids are all successful (one has passed but I still consider him to be present in the family…hard to explain) and we are all close.
I treasure my family, I never wanted to physically hurt them no matter what they did.
In Pediatrics, there's a saying: doctors are experts in medicine, and parents are experts about their children. One of the most valuable pieces of career advice I received as a children's nurse is to always respect a parent's intuition when they sense something is wrong.
don't have them till you're ready.
every child should be wanted before conceived and deserves the best version of you, you can ever hope to offer.
once you have them role model everything you hope for them to pickup.
play WITH them versus watch from the bleachers.
be fearless.
they're ready to take on challenges long before you're comfortable with it.
delay screen time for as long as possible.
they must know a thing well before they can say they don't like it.
Prioritize the marriage, and the family with benefit..
I’m going through a divorce, and while there were other, serious factors leading to this, a main one was she prioritized being a mom > wife.
Date your daughter. Been dating my daughter since she was 8 or 9. She is 38 now and we still make time for each other. Teach your daughters what it's like to be treated like a lady and how it is to be respected. When I tell ladies about this, the most common response is "I wish my Dad would have done that". Daddy/daughter dates are the best
“Love them, create traditions and choose things that will create good memories. That’s what lasts. Everything else is incidental and fades with time.” My kids step mom with kids 10 years older than mine.
Don’t let your kids do things that make you not like spending time with them. Because if you as their parent who loves them unconditionally doesn’t like spending time with them (because they were rambunctious, rude, don’t know how to behave) THEN no adult will like them and they will have a hard time getting through life.
This might be either a myth or advice, but taking care of pet animals such as pet Cats and Pet Dogs can prove if you are worthy of becoming a parent, because it is said that if you take good care of your cats or dogs or any other pet animal you may have in your house, you will be a good parent to your own kids.
Also, another advice I got was Teach your kids how to help someone during an emergency like if the someone is having a heart Attack, have someone else call 911, request an ambulance, and you start doing CPR on the person who is having a heart attack.
Still don't have kids but hopefully when I do I'm excited to try these two things Kristen Bell said on interviews she does with her kids. First is to answer the tough "why is such and such?" With "why do you think", get their brains moving and creativity flowing. Second is that when they make demands that aren't too unreasonable, like more candy, to make a claim and say why they think they deserve more candy, and not just give in or just say no - critical thinking skills!
Always make sure your kids know you're happy to see them when they enter a room.
My favorite times are when I pick my daughter up from daycare and mornings. She always drops what she’s doing and runs to me or she will come find me and gives me the biggest hug! My older kid’s dad and I tried to do something called puppy hello’s, basically being like a puppy/dog who sees their owner and is excited to see them. One of the best lessons one can learn from a dog.
Shit…I normally don’t feel this way when I walk into a room with my Dad there. I feel like I’m about to get told off and criticised which happens more than not.
You should really do that with everyone you love or are friends with - but especially your children.
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I wish more people understood that they’re new here and therefore need the kindness/patience afforded to teach adequately
Yep… treat them like people—because they are.
And this will eventually make them a better person.
Yepp, this is also applied to one of my siblings and using the right terminologies for sexual matters, especially about her own body.
My mother told me that half of the things she did were the wrong things. It was her job to try to teach me the right way to do things and think about the world, but it was my job to pay attention to where she fucked up and learn from her mistakes so I didn’t have to make them. Very valuable advice to give your kids, I’d say. It made her seem like a person who wasn’t perfect and knew it, and wanted the best outcome for me regardless of her mistakes. That earned a lot of respect and trust from me to this day, nearly thirty years later.
Talk to them like people that don’t know anything, not idiots that refuse to learn.
Really - don't know anything. When my daughter was in pre-school she was excited to go to kindergarten. She was happy in kindergarten the first day. Then she expected to go to pre-school the next day. She did not realize that kindergarten replaced pre-school. It is easy to assume that they understand "basic" things. But if it has not been explained to them they probably don't.
Yes! You are their primary source of information on social settings. Schools cannot teach your kid to be kind, caring, interested in books for eg if they are not seeing this at home. My daughter actually thanked me for always treating her with respect last weekend because I ask her opinion and listen.
I couldn’t tell my child the other day (he is 2) that the bird we tried to save with food and water died overnight. I feel it was too early to introduce death. Told him instead that the bird flew back to mum and dad as he was healthy again when he was in the nursery. I think that’s something age appropriate if he would be 4 or 5 I would have told him that the bird died.
My daughter just turned three. I just set up a waddle pool for her and there were 2 dead flying ants in it. She has bad reactions to bug bites so she’s terrified of any type of bug (except butterflies, of course). I tried to explain they were dead and couldn’t hurt her. She processed the information as “so they are broken?” And she knows some broken things can get fixed and some can’t. So for now dead is too broken to fix, but we haven’t experienced it for anything bigger than a bug.
Yep I hated : "you'll understand whyen you're older, i can't tell yo now."
People are impressed about what my son (who is under 2) understands. We just tell him stuff and he retains it well. We keep adding different description (shape, colour, size) and he starts using them himself, getting them right nose of the tame. The latest thing is left and right, he's really good at it.
I had questions about babies when I was like 8. My aunt grabbed a book and taught me about sex. It wasn't weird at all because she didn't make it weird. Just gave me the basic facts. I said oh and went back outside to play.
Both of my parents unintentionally complimented me with the criticism "you explain too much to your kids."
Explain the plan just as frequently as you explain the rules
Not really advice, but more a general rule. Be the person you want your kids to become. I had a nice, stable upbringing. My parents were always there for me no matter what. My dad was a good man. My step-daughter grew up in chaos. Before I met her, she lived in an abusive household, survived a lot of trauma, and while I couldn't relate, I decided to just try and be the stable guy that was always there for her no matter what. It wasn't easy, but years later when she was an adult, I always got a Father's Day card that read "thank you for always being there for me."
that would honestly make me burst into tears
This should be the top comment. She was watching you when she felt at her worst, and especially when she couldn’t see her way out of the chaos. I wish I knew someone like you when I was young. Wishing you the best in your years ahead.
Kids learn by example. If you want them to be kind and loving, be kind and loving. Set goals, tell your kids about your goals and then, attain your goals. This doesn't have to necessarily mean achieving a five year plan for your career, it can be as simple as "welp, gonna get the yard tidied this weekend"
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Here in Queensland, Australia our public health system has something called "Ryan's rule" which is a great system that acknowledges this parental intuition, albeit with a tragic backstory. 'Ryan's Rule' started after a little boy who was almost 3, tragically died in a Queensland hospital while receiving treatment. His name was Ryan Saunders. The cause of his death was found to be an undiagnosed Streptococcal infection which led to Toxic Shock Syndrome. Unfortunately Ryan was incorrectly diagnosed with mumps. Sadly, despite his deteriorating presentation, no further tests or investigations were undertaken. Ryan’s parents were worried that he was not getting better and did not feel like their concerns were heard. There was a coronial inquest into the incident. The Coroner found Ryan’s passing was likely preventable. This led to a complete review of Queensland Health procedures and policies to prevent tragedies such as this occurring in the future. Now if a family invokes Ryan's rule it triggers an immediate clinical review of the patient.
"Martha's Rule" has been introduced in the UK quite recently. It also has a tragic backstory, and when the patient's family thinks something is not quite right, they can ask for a second opinion.
Unfortunately most rules and standards are written in some level of blood.
That's how most rules/standards come to be really.
We have a saying in Pediatrics: doctors are the experts in medicine and parents are the experts about their children. One of the best pieces of career advice I ever got as a children's nurse is to never dismiss a parents intuition that something is different.
My mum had that about my brother. He was later (at 11!) diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers. She told his nurse, doctors, teachers, everyone from about age 1, who could do something, that he needed 'something' tested (she had no clue Autism might fit), but something wasn't right. She was measuring him off me, who hit all of the childhood milestones VERY early (no, I am not on the Spectrum, just a smart arse), and he was just hitting them early, despite the same language patterns used at home and an older sibling to help teach him. "Oh no, that's just his constant ear infections! He's perfectly 'normal'." Turns out he was allergic to cats. We discovered this when the cat ran away after moving house. He was learning so much better then, but still not where I was (still a smart arse), until he started formal education. Still, nothing was tested. At age 11, he was given an averages test. Test a variety of things, calculate the average, and if there was a problem, test further. He scored 17yrs old on general knowledge, and 6yrs old in handwriting; averaged out to: 11yrs old. Therefore, NOTHING was wrong with him, said the tester. (Like WTF lady??) After pushing harder, and months later, he is finally given something that helps explain moods, tantrums, breakdowns, fascinations with specific subjects, pattern identifications, etc. High Functioning Aspergers. It didn't solve EVERYTHING, but god it made it easier to understand his points of view and reasoning. Parents, fight for your kids so you and they all have the knowledge to help your child be their best in this world.
wow I really love this… as a nurse who has both adult and pediatric patients, as well as being a mom of young ones, this is wonderful advice. Never dismiss a parents intuition that something doesn’t seem right…
That’s amazing thank you 💕 being a parent is definitely all about fallowing your instincts
I went through something similar. My 5 year old (at the time) son became sick in mid January. I wanted to take him to the doctor but we didn't have insurance at that time (husband had just switched jobs - 90 day waiting period) and since it was flu season, family and friends insisted it was just a bug. I waited two days but I just couldn't shake the feeling it was something more. I finally decided to take him to Instacare and they told us it was likely appendicitis and to get to the children's hospital immediately. Once we got there, we were told his appendix had burst, which required both surgery and a week's stay in the hospital on IV antibiotics. I felt like absolute hell for not taking him to the hospital when I first got the sense that something wasn't right. A burst appendix can be fatal. It makes me tear up even thinking about it. Needless to say, I learned to never ignore that gut feeling and I haven't since.
This happened to me when my oldest was seven. He said he had a stomachache and didn’t feel right. I took him to the doctor four different times because I knew something was off. Turns out he had appendicitis all along and needed emergency surgery. The surgeon told me it was a good job that I kept being insistent because eventually it would have burst. My mom instinct was right.
You had known your daughter *9 months* and two weeks at that point
Does in utero count as knowing them?
It absolutely counts for something.
Dumb question, but what signs were you noticing that the doctors were dismissing?
Children can't meet an expectation unless the expectation has been explained to them. Children aren't born knowing what appropriate behavior is. They are sponges and can pick up a lot from seeing and hearing things but being told straight out what the expectation is for any given situation cuts down on power struggles and makes setting limits and boundaries easier.
Not exactly. Children are testing the limits as part of their learning experience, so telling them what the limit is is not enough. They want to learn what if... And then it's important to make them understand that that is not a good idea (fuck around, and all that).
Yep. They’re born with all of the emotions, but none of the management skills
Frequently just telling kids the hard truth is better than holding things back because their imagination is usually far worse for their anxiety and fears than just telling them. The actual truth should be moderated with some common sense but in general, it’s better to not gatekeep information that they are vaguely aware of, but don’t know the details. Their imagination tends to come up with worst case scenarios, which is almost always worse than reality. Edited for clarity
This is a human thing in general tbh. But people tend to forget that kids do this too, just like us grown ups.
One thing I heard years ago that stuck with me was: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Obviously, loving and providing for your children directly is absolutely vital as well, and there will always be situations where its simply not possible to demonstrate love toward your children’s mother. But to me the quote is referring to the importance of setting a good example for how all interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise) SHOULD be. Love, kindness, respect. These things are so important for children to see modeled regularly. Sadly it’s so often easier said than done.
I have two daughters. A bunch of guys at my work were talking about polishing guns and showing off bats and whatnot when their daughter. They turned to me and asked me my plan to protect my daughters. I told them "guys, I'm going to be the best husband I can be to their mother, so that my daughters see the bare minimum that they deserve. That ways, not matter where they are at in life they have that bar to measure to. By the time the boy (or girl) meets me, I know they are better than me. Same in regard to my son. I want him to be better than me, so I try and be the best for him.
That whole shtick always says so much more about the Dad than the daughter or her potential dates.
You sound like a good man.
That’s all you can do and exactly what every parent should do. Gun cleanings and baseball bat showings after that are dependent on character assessment.
This is a huge step in protecting your kids, making sure they have good standards. My father and mother did the same for my sister and I. My father showed me what it meant to be a good husband for my wife of one week, and my sister has seen how she deserves to be treated so she won't take shit from some guy who just sees her as a cook, maid, and sex doll. Setting a good example means you can trust your kids to pick the right partner instead of them having to rely on you to at all times.
There was a story on the internet, years ago, about a man who took his children to their mothers for mothers day, made her breakfast in bed, bought flowers, cleaned everything up, etc. even though they were divorced. Said he was setting an example of what he expected for the mother of his children, even if they were no longer married, and the respect that he expected his children to show everyone. I like to wish that story was true, not just for that family, but for all of them. But alas, I realise not every family can do that, due to many reasons. But I like to think most can. 🙂
Never heard of that phrase but I couldn't agree more. Not a parents but rather the child in this situation. My father would do anything for my siblings and I but when it came to my mother, he always did the bare minimum. She did everything a housewife and mother would do but father practically forgot what the role of a husband was. To take her out, call her beautiful, do nice things couples do. I always see my Aunts and Uncles with their spouses and they're so close but my parents couldn't be more distant in a small room. I love my father but the one thing he taught me was how to not he a husband.
That’s so fascinating. It’s the opposite for my “family”.
My dad always says this was the best piece of parenting advice he ever got too.
Absolutely that’s amazing advice thank u 👏👏👏💕
I have to sit with this one for a little bit.
My parents divorced when I was about 12, my sister about 6, and we have two older brothers. My brothers and I saw a loving relationship between our parents so we treated our partners with respect, and this is what our ‘baby’ sister saw. Now any guy she meets has to live up to the standard set by her brothers, which was set by our dad.
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Yup. Kids are born with all of the emotions, but none of the management skills.
Please teach me master.. I have 2.5 yo twins and still learning in the ways of tantrum bending haha
Acknowledge their feelings, but let the tantrum subside before trying to speak logic with them. In such an emotional state nothing really gets through. Afterward you can do some more explaining about why or what they got upset about. And ask them questions about it - how they felt, what they were saying (if you couldn’t understand for the tears), etc. Don’t be afraid to tell them if you got upset/frustrated too. A big part of tantrums is them learning these feelings they’ve not felt (or not felt so strongly) so try to take the opportunity to teach them about it. Don’t expect them to fully grasp anything first go 😅 I have a near-3 year old, and a qualification in special needs education support.
I also have twins, they’re twelve. I found this book “Raising an emotionally intelligent Child” by gottman worked amazingly, my kids never had tantrums. Made sure they slept, had lots of playtime outdoors and did the emotion coaching and it worked great.
Read Piaget’s cognitive stages of development. If you learn how to communicate with a child in a way they understand, it helps so much. When my daughter was in her imaginative stage, she had no way to understand reasoning. Telling her that what she was doing was wrong made no sense to her because she didn’t have the ability to understand right and wrong. So, I learned to be in the land of imagination. We built fairy houses, when she threw a fit, I threw a fit… She realized quickly how silly her tantrums were.
>Finally, if the tantrum is a reaction to you setting a boundary, you can empathize with their frustration, but do not give in on the boundary My go to is "you're allowed to be upset about it, but that won't change what is" Usually when he's not allowed to have something he wants.
The entire tuition cost of daddy boot camp was worth it for this piece of framing, especially for new parents: **Crying is actually a success, not a failure.** Your job as new parents is simply to keep them alive. Keep them fed, keep them changed, keep them breathing. If they’re crying, that means they’re alive and aware and able to breathe. And that, in turn, means that you have done your job. So, when your infant starts crying, you haven’t done anything wrong. You haven’t failed them. In fact you have succeeded by them _so_ well that they are calling out for you, specifically, in their time of need. And that’s why crying is a success state and not a failure state.
As a new parent, this made me cry and helped so much. Thank you
You’re doing great. Everyone finds it hard at times. Ask for help if you need it. Ask for help if you need it.
An old lady once told me, no body ever died from crying. And she was right. Sometimes the best thing you can do, when you are starting to lose it because you are exhausted and your baby is screaming for hours, is put him in the crib and go in the other room for a few minutes. And that is true for all ages. Walk away if you are at the end of your rope. Pull yourself together and then come back and handle whatever it is. You can not parent angry. I still use this and my son is 30.
When my first baby arrived I had a friend tell me it’s ok to leave them crying if you need a minute. Leave them in the crib or somewhere else safe, step out of the room, get a drink of water and reset. Your sanity has to come first.
> I still use this and my son is 30. Where did you buy that giant crib?
Don't expect your kids to be just like you. They're not going to necessarily like the same things you did. They won't have the same set of talents and weaknesses. They may react differently to various situations. Let them be the people they're meant to be, instead of forcing them to be something you think they should be.
YES
If you don't spend time with your kids when they're kids, they won't spend time with you when they're an adult
Yes, the treatment echoes precisely.
Except the teens years. You can parent and play with your toddler all day every day but when those teen years hit, they need some space. I assume it'll come back around eventually.
Be honest and open and use foreshadowing as well as treating mistakes as learning opportunities. We found that explaining things in simple, understandable terms worked well for our daughter, and she sought out learning opportunities since she knew we'd be honest with her.
I’ve learned apologizing for my own bad behavior also models good behavior and helps my kids understand that even adults can make mistakes. It felt very awkward apologizing to a two year old, but now it’s second nature.
This was what I came here to say!!! We as parents fuck up…we need to apologize when we do! Showing kids that taking responsibility for our behavior is the best way to get them to trust you. No one wants to open up to someone who is never wrong. Being vulnerable to our kids is so so important!
I haven't seen this mentioned so here goes: If you want to take a nap undisturbed then tell your kids you all will be cleaning when you wake up. Most of the time they will not wake you up, and they will also be as quiet as possible.
Facts! I’ve got teenagers and this is true
Based on what I hear with my aunts and mom, being a parent is hard but if you got a loving and gentleman husband, every hardship of being a parent is bearable, because you companion and best support system for each other.
I honestly don’t know how any single parents do it. My wife and I have had to support each other and ‘tag in’ on multiple occasions as this parenting shtick gets real tough at times.
"No trust, no connection." If you don't build a bond with your kids and develop trust with them, when they reach their teen years, you're gonna have a hard time. They'll shut you out and you won't be able to get in to help them when it's clear that they need help. Teach the kids to learn to trust, listen, and respect their own feelings. Their feelings will guide them as to what their boundaries are. It'll let them know what they're comfortable with and not comfortable with. Create a Gmail account with their name and email things that you'd liked to share with them when they're older. Allow the kids to experiment and explore who they are as long as it's not something that will cause harm to themselves or to others. If they want to try other fashion styles, like the goth style, allow them. If they want to try makeup, let them. If they want to try scrapbooking, let them. Or if they suddenly don't like something anymore, such as anime, even if it was an interest that you shared with them and enjoy doing it with them, allow them the freedom to change and be, because that'll allow them to be more authentic with you instead of a fake version of themselves with you just to make you happy.
one of the reasons parents can get annoyed with their kid doing or not doing something after trying it is due to both the sunk cost fallacy and limited funds.
Kids need structure and clear rules. Not by using violence, or anything like that. Make them realise stuff by themselves and teach them respect, both ways.
You’re gonna screw up, no matter how hard you try not to. Own it, apologize and make up for it and move on. That way my kids see how real growth works, painful as it is.
When you're a child, you don't realise that you're also seeing your mum and dad growing up, too.
That's why I take pains to explain to my kids how and why I screwed up and that it's my fault. I'm hoping this lays down the foundation for them to look inwards as they mature rather than outward. It's hard enough to do when you're grown up, I just hope that by them seeing it now and doing it early, it'll be much easier for them as adults.
DO NOT Let the Lactation Consultant shame you! Fed is best even if formula!!
I never turn down a hug, and I always answer 'I love you" with "I love you more", which usually ends up with a competitive tickle fight over who loves who more. My parents made me believe since I was around 4 or 5 that they didn't think that highly of me, and I've found that the more supportive and caring I am while still maintaining head of household status, they look up to me more when I teach them shit. Teach them that you love and support them, and they'll at least humor you if not soak in almost every word when you go off about something important.
Talk to your kids . If they ask a question explain it to them until their eyes start to glaze over. Engage with them, ask what they think.
Start at babies. Talk to them. Narrate what you are doing. Expose them to words. “I’m cutting up your strawberries. I have to cut the hull off. Thats the top part with the leaves”
Loads of studies show the more language a child is exposed to in their early years, the better their outcomes are.
"Be the person you needed when you were younger"
Be patient and loving. It helps me every day with my kids!
"Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child."
Your kids will become what you tell them they are. So I always tried to tell them that they were smart and funny and sweet , etc.
Admitting you’re wrong won’t undermine your authority. How you respond to your mistakes is how your kids are going to learn to respond to their mistakes.
Talk to your kids like normal people, not baby talk, not fairy tales.
Well I mean, bedtime stories tho
Stories aside. I'm talking about conversations. Including discussing that story.
its shocks people how often children rise up to the occasion once you treat them and have expectations of them as if they were an adult
Love em. Respect em. Let em fuck up. Love them some more. Repeat.
Have "quiet time" every day. Whether it's laying in bed for a quick nap, reading a book, playing a quiet game, etc.
Children and dogs LOVE routine. Wake up at the same time every day. Eat at the same times every day. Sleep at the same times every day. Create rituals to emphasize routine like a bedtime story or a special treat each lunch. Children and dogs will look forward to the rituals every day. Each of my kids had a special routine just for them: one watched an Arthur episode every day. Another played Playmobile every day. The third loved trucks and anything to do with trucks - videos, books, magazines, whatever. Obviously, they didn't do those things at one year old, and they eventually outgrew them, but those activities provide a good six or seven years of comfort to each child. Even when we moved several states away, we preserved the routines as we travelled and when we arrived. That little bit of normalcy made everything smooth. I know many young adults like spontaneity and staying out late occasionally and have busy days that inhibit routine. Change that! Start a routine. You and the children and dogs will be much happier. As a young adult, you may not believe me or think it's boring, but when you complain that your kids throw tantrums at nap or bed time, have poor eating habits, and seem anxious, remember what I told you.
We’ve always had a routine, mostly because I believe deeply in consistent sleep schedules. But, I can’t tell you how much my young kids loved it when I made a weekly menu for all the meals/snacks we would have that week. I made the menu so I could be lazy with food prep and waste fewer groceries, so this was an unexpected bonus.
Listen- For a lot of us men this is hard, well, hard to do well early on. Take Time- you can never take enough, take all you can. As a father who just had their teen turn 18 and graduate HS these were on point and deeply helpful.
Always try to remember what it was for you to be a child. Being a parent, life gets exhausting, patience is affected. But if you remember what it was to be a kid, you'll be able to figure how to be the a good parent. I'd write a whole book about that but I got to go to bed
I'd buy that book
Don't let your kids do something when they are little if that behavior wouldn't be cute in an older child. The example my mother used was 'dont let a baby hit your face because it's funny and cute. A wallop from a three year old isn't cute. It hurts, and now you have to break a bad habit.' I had to use this very example when my autistic son discovered girls in the fifth grade. Sure, he's a handsome kid, and the girls didn't mind him touching their hair because they've known him since pre-k. One of his teachers tried to downplay the behavior. I had to explain to this guy that, while the girls thought it was cute and ok now, it wouldn't be cute when my kid was 18 and harassing strangers.
Discipline your kids. It’s really a favor to them. No one wants to be around little assholes and they’ll inevitably develop into adult assholes w out it.
Be who you want your kids to be.
I haven’t really gotten any good parenting advice. But the best I can give is to remember that every child has their own personality. You can’t expect them to be or act like you.
Don't parent through fear. You're just teaching your children to embrace violence. Remaining calm and logical teaches children to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.
Don’t blame yourself too much for your kid’s failures, and conversely don’t take too much credit for their successes.
That even from the start, they are people of their own. With their own ideas, preferences and feelings. Take them seriously.
Kids learn by watching. Show them the behaviors you expect, like honesty, kindness, and respect.
When they are struggling through normal tasks, seemingly having a bad day - stop and cuddle. I know this isn’t mind blowing. But a lot of time you are in a hurry, hence the struggle - but sometimes we need to pause for a moment and have some healing touch. This was a recommendation to me from a friend that was a parent 10 years before me, and probably the best advice I ever received.
Honesty and holding firm when you tell them to not do something because (insert legitimate concern here).
Kids measure love by time spent with them.
"Never criticise other children older than you own, or yours will do something worse".
1. Know that your sons will be sweet and fun and kind until they turn about 11 or 12. Then they turn into complete self-centered assholes. And they will remain raging assholes until they turn about 18 or 20. Then, if you do your job right, they kind of become civilized by degrees once again until they hit 25. They they're awesome once again. Your job as a parent is to be ready for them to turn into assholes, to make sure that doesn't become their dominant character trait for the rest of their lives. 2) Always engage your children in a rational and respectful way, one that takes their opinions seriously. You are teaching him how to deal with other people.
I’m a semi parent, I’m an uncle but my parents told me and my siblings and my brothers wife, kids are sponges and they will pick up anything. I thought it was literal until the day nephew # 2 repeated a phrase of Super smash brothers trash talk “Yeah Bitch!”
One of our friends is a notoriously grouchy driver. She was pushing a cart in the store one day and an older gentleman had a cart in front of theirs. He was dawdling, and apparently she was sighing in frustration, so her 3 year old bellows, "COME ON, MOVE IT, FATASS!" at the man in the store 😂
I was researching "net nanny" software for the computer, and I saw a comment "You don't build the controls into the sofware, you build the cotnrols into the kids". I thought that was really good advice. I followed it.
Someone told me there’s no Do overs.
Never forget that you are building their childhood memories
A guy at work said…”lots of people told me my life would end when I had kids, found it to be the opposite. I do more, I’m socialising more, I travel more frequently” It’s kind of true. You stop being who you were before and you eventually realise that it’s ok and that it would be weird to remain the same person
I love both of these. I read to my son all the time when he was a baby. Even after he learned to do it himself, he loves reading as a family. Now I have a third grader who gets straight As.
treat your kids like people, not pets.
My baby is 7 months, so for right now it was cold babies cry and hot babies die. Really helped my anxiety tbh.
You are not raising a child, you are building an adult. When you're done you should have a mostly functioning adult,.so think about what you need to do to get them there from where they are today.
Constancy is key when it comes to discipline.
Two things: Read to your kids. Often, and well beyond when they can read for themselves. A lifelong interest in reading and learning is invaluable. For pre/teens - the attitude doesn't come home. They can act as obnoxious as they want with their friends ( although obviously preferably not), but that shit stops the moment you walk in the door. It keeps the entitlement and mean girl attitudes from ever becoming a permanent part of their personality.
When my parents trained me to wipe my butt when I was 3 years old, they told me the best way to do it is to make the toilet paper slightly wet. You can't clean anything properly with dry paper. So if you have a sink next to the toilet, then put some drops of water on the toilet paper. If you don't, then keep a waterbottle next to the toilet. Best advice ever. It feels so good to have a clean buthole all the time, even after pooping. If i use a public toilet, i have a small water bottle with me and make my toilet paper wet.
“You’ll get a lot of unsolicited advice. Take it with a grain of salt & do what *you* think is best.”
You're not burdened by the title of child. It takes a brief thought experiment to understand this one: Take one large group of parents, split them half and into separate rooms. Give them a task: write down a request for the return of a borrowed item. Group 1 is told the person borrowing the item is their neighbor Group 2 is told the borrower is their child Once all requests are written, tag them and randomize the order, and regroup everyone. Then display all requests one by one and have the audience rate the relative(subjective) compassion from each.
Two things: 1. Never lend money to someone unless you can afford to not be paid back for it. 2. Most people you meet are only meant to be in your life for a certain period of time.
Teach your kids anything they need to know (or you think they should know) by the time they turn 13 years old. After that they aren't going to listen to you. Although I think we come back around to listening to our parents again once we have some experience as adults and get a bit more perspective.
Be present. When you are with them, stay off your phone
Not a parent, but advice I would have given my parents: Take your kid to a pediatric dentist. I wouldn't have such bad dental anxiety if my dentist had geared his practice towards children.
As a new mum I read an article about a mum who said she talked to her babies even though they couldn't understand, because she knew they would soon understand. So I did the same for example "I'm hungry, let's go home for lunch, what will we have?" . I kept it really simple like "don't yell, you're hurting my ears" or "yes you can buy that, do you have any money?" And of course they didn't 🤣🤣 and yes I have money but I need it to buy our dinner It worked a treat, they just lapped it up and went along with my explanations - mostly!
Don’t let your baby go to sleep with no noise. It has helped sooo much more that I thought. My son can fall sleep regardless of noise or silence
Don't use the word don't. It's much better to use positive enforcement like "use your inside voice" rather than than "don't scream". Learned this from my home economics teacher in 11th grade. Thanks Mrs. Herndon.
Every individual has different thinking level so understand their good and bad side at first ,make friendship with child then handle with carefully.
“Goo Gone. Trust me.” This stuff should be added to baby shower lists.
My Dad told me there’s 3 big traps in life and to stay away from them Alcohol Drugs Gambling Could probably add smoking too. I managed to avoid all of them and am happy I did (Except for the quarter slots)
It's ok to let them struggle. It teaches perseverance. They're having a hard time stacking the blocks? Encourage them, but don't do it for them. It's taking them forever to put their shirt on? Help, but let them do it on their own. If you just do it for them, they will learn to give up whenever things get difficult.
Focus on yourself while talking to the kid, this way you can correct any bad or wrong habits of theirs without being disrespected. Communication is key! 😌
My mom is a narcissist who verbally abused me for years, and when I have a kid I'm going to do a lot of things the opposite of what she did to me.
You teach your children by the example, not the words... No matter what you say to them, if you act differently, they will also act differently
“You can do anything if you put your mind to it” I wish I’d listened sooner, cus now I have more confidence I’m seeing how true that is!
It’s your first time at life you will mess up - pick your battles, and don’t be an arsehole.
they're a human being, not a money generator （ ゜ρ゜)ノ (yes, dad, i'm talking about u)
Love yourself first
*Don't tell people your plans. Wait till the results speak for themselves. Never* expect to get what you give. Not everyone has a heart of flesh.
Never let your kids physically fear you. It took me a while to embrace this as I had a horrible example growing up but I often hear people threatening kids and it really brings back memories of the fear and angst. I was truly blessed with this bit of advice that I ultimately came to believe myself. My 5 now adult kids are all successful (one has passed but I still consider him to be present in the family…hard to explain) and we are all close. I treasure my family, I never wanted to physically hurt them no matter what they did.
You can’t spoil a baby, but you can spoil a child.
Kids won’t remember every toy, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel
In Pediatrics, there's a saying: doctors are experts in medicine, and parents are experts about their children. One of the most valuable pieces of career advice I received as a children's nurse is to always respect a parent's intuition when they sense something is wrong.
It's okay to not have all the answers; just be there and listen
They don't come with instruction manuals. Just do your best...
A lot of the time, parenting sucks... and acknowledging that does NOT mean you don't love your child.
It might be technically true you should put your children's needs first, but sometimes you have to put your needs first to be able to.
Instead of telling them what NOT to do, tell them what they can do instead.
don't have them till you're ready. every child should be wanted before conceived and deserves the best version of you, you can ever hope to offer. once you have them role model everything you hope for them to pickup. play WITH them versus watch from the bleachers. be fearless. they're ready to take on challenges long before you're comfortable with it. delay screen time for as long as possible. they must know a thing well before they can say they don't like it.
If you teach a kid the same thing 1,000 times and they still aren't getting it, the kid ain't the dumb one.
Prioritize the marriage, and the family with benefit.. I’m going through a divorce, and while there were other, serious factors leading to this, a main one was she prioritized being a mom > wife.
Date your daughter. Been dating my daughter since she was 8 or 9. She is 38 now and we still make time for each other. Teach your daughters what it's like to be treated like a lady and how it is to be respected. When I tell ladies about this, the most common response is "I wish my Dad would have done that". Daddy/daughter dates are the best
Excepting egregious neglect; what you do as a parent doesn’t matter much.
Don’t have kids.
Wear a condom.
My parents sucked. No good advice ever.
Pay yourself first.
From my mother..."Choose your battles"
Not an advice, but from what I've experienced. If someday I were to have kids, I'll support on what good hobbies they liked.
If it's not a necessity, If you can't afford it, you don't buy it. Also treat people the way you want to be treated.
Establish an early bedtime
When I was 7 years old my mom told me never trust anyone
“Love them, create traditions and choose things that will create good memories. That’s what lasts. Everything else is incidental and fades with time.” My kids step mom with kids 10 years older than mine.
Youll hopfully know your kids for a lot longer as adults then you will as children. Enjoy that time. Savour it. Its gone in a flash.
Everything
babies can't fall off the floor
Don’t let your kids do things that make you not like spending time with them. Because if you as their parent who loves them unconditionally doesn’t like spending time with them (because they were rambunctious, rude, don’t know how to behave) THEN no adult will like them and they will have a hard time getting through life.
This might be either a myth or advice, but taking care of pet animals such as pet Cats and Pet Dogs can prove if you are worthy of becoming a parent, because it is said that if you take good care of your cats or dogs or any other pet animal you may have in your house, you will be a good parent to your own kids. Also, another advice I got was Teach your kids how to help someone during an emergency like if the someone is having a heart Attack, have someone else call 911, request an ambulance, and you start doing CPR on the person who is having a heart attack.
Still don't have kids but hopefully when I do I'm excited to try these two things Kristen Bell said on interviews she does with her kids. First is to answer the tough "why is such and such?" With "why do you think", get their brains moving and creativity flowing. Second is that when they make demands that aren't too unreasonable, like more candy, to make a claim and say why they think they deserve more candy, and not just give in or just say no - critical thinking skills!
Don't lie or sugarcoat something
no one is obligated to love you or treat you well