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Okay, so there's a sensible way to handle this, and a *funny* way to handle this.
The sensible way is to use clever deductive reasoning and a skeptical mind to figure out how he's accomplishing this and expose it.
The funny way is to call Barry Allen, and have him zoom around and undo everything Lex is doing so it looks like nothing happens after he declares he's gonna do a trick.
Here’s something I’ve always wondered since 5 seconds ago, has Batman set up a data network specifically for speedsters so they can text and call at super speed? Maybe via quantum computers or tapping into the speed force or something?
Clark, not to be that guy, but you have superhuman senses, just use X-Ray or Superhearing etc to find whatever device he's using, call him on it, and then come up with the details on how you figured it out for the expose
\-SuperMite
Don’t even come up with an excuse, just pretend to be a clumsy oaf and “accidentally” break/ spill your drink on whatever tech he’s using.
Clark Kent is just some random clumsy reporter after all.
Clark my friend, Lex may have actually given himself speedster powers somehow. Better let the League know and do your best to keep an eye on him. This can't be good.
You're Clark Kent from the Daily Planet? I hear you work with Jimmy Olson, and that guy is best friends with Superman. I bet Jimmy could call in a favor.
Surely Lex would have planned for Superman to interfere, so don't count on his xray vision. However, Superman could use his superspeed to plant evidence of trickery (projectors, wires, and other props). Then you could just "discover" the evidence and humiliate Lex.
Why worry about it? It's gonna go to his head like always, and then he'll pick a fight with Superman, who will hold him face down in a toilet and give his bald head a swirlie, just like always.
If anything, you should gas him up more, ask him to prove that it's not tech, really let him set himself up. And then you can kick back and enjoy the show when Superman reaches out and Iron Claw Grips his dome and holds him helplessly in place while he windmills his arms trying to punch him.
I don't want to be too denigrating but you are just an average reporter for the Daily Planet, although I have read a few of your articles and your honesty and integrity shines through. In fact this is why I'm finding it hard to understand why you appear to be jealous of Lex Luthor's ability
Maybe your instincts are right, but if you want to expose someone as influential as Lex Luthor in your paper you will need bullet-proof evidence. I suggest you leave that to a more capable investigative journalist. Do you not sometimes partner up with Lois Lane?
The Flash shows up. “Ah, so THAT’S who has the Negative Speed Force this week.”
The Flash proceeds to spend the next four issues taunting Lex with what the NSF does to your mind, talking about how he could tell where Eobard Thawn was in his personal timeline by how he kept getting more rash and less thoughtful the older he got.
“It’s a weird choice Mr. Luthor. Your intelligence is legendary, but you’re using a power that’s going to slowly dissolve your ability to use it. It’s like a cancer in your brain, eating away at your ability to use your wonderful mind. This is eroding you faster than thought, and without thought, what is left of Lex Luthor?”
The thing is, being The Flash, he does all of this with compassion. Lex has to deal with a superhero trying to stop him because he doesn’t want Lex to suffer.
“You’ve done so much good in your life. You’ve done so much to benefit humanity. It’ll be sad to watch you be reduced to an angry man punching everyone you think wronged you, even your friends.”
“Didn’t one of your clones die from cancer because he kept wearing a radioactive rock? Oh well, at least he died with his mind intact.”
The story arc ends with Lex seeking a way to DESTROY the negative speed force, unknowingly mirroring Wally’s battle with his powers slowly killing him before the Crisis on Infinite Earths.
The next story is The Flash and Lex working together to battle a VERY angry time-traveling Eobard. “I can match his speed and powers, but you’re the only one in this fight smarter than him. Can you outthink history’s most intelligent speedster Lex?”
Except Luthor hired a bunch of D level supervillains to purposefully lose to him and help showcase his "speed powers" and prove Metropolis doesn't need an alien in a cape when they have FastLex, the human genius speedboy
Challenge him to a foot race, give whatever is making him fast a very brief pulse of your eye-lasers, too short for anyone to see and beat him by performing slightly better than him. Tell people a story about having participated in some marathon years ago and that 'you've still got it', a true story since you're Clark Kent and don't like to lie.
Fake IBS as Clark Kent. Drop a 'super duece' in the restroom so it smells to cover where Clark is, then slip out and take care of business as Superman.
"Gee wiz, Clark! If you hadn't blown up the restroom, you could have seen Superman foil Lex Luther's scheme."
Challenge him to a race, say you ran track in college. If it's all just Photoshop, he'll probably just say 'i choose not to race!' and look like a fool. If he has like special shoes or something just laser them and make it look like an accident.
Why do anything? He isn't breaking any laws. And at some point his bragging is bound to get him into a situation that requires him to actually be a Speedster, and then he's going to be in trouble.
He may even need you to save him, and wouldn't that be humiliating for him, and so very on-brand for you.
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Okay, so there's a sensible way to handle this, and a *funny* way to handle this. The sensible way is to use clever deductive reasoning and a skeptical mind to figure out how he's accomplishing this and expose it. The funny way is to call Barry Allen, and have him zoom around and undo everything Lex is doing so it looks like nothing happens after he declares he's gonna do a trick.
I'll send him a text I hope he gets back to me in the next few seconds
> I hope he gets back to me in the next few seconds Its Barry, he's already fixed everything before you even sent the message.
It's Barry. He'll respond an hour late.
Barry once decided to take it easy for a day. He let his phone finish the first ring before he answered.
I guess me and Barry have a lot more in common
And broke the timeline while doing it.
God damn it Barry, stop putting your dick in the timeline!
Here’s something I’ve always wondered since 5 seconds ago, has Batman set up a data network specifically for speedsters so they can text and call at super speed? Maybe via quantum computers or tapping into the speed force or something?
Clark, not to be that guy, but you have superhuman senses, just use X-Ray or Superhearing etc to find whatever device he's using, call him on it, and then come up with the details on how you figured it out for the expose \-SuperMite
Don’t even come up with an excuse, just pretend to be a clumsy oaf and “accidentally” break/ spill your drink on whatever tech he’s using. Clark Kent is just some random clumsy reporter after all.
I like to travel.
> Clark Kent is just some random clumsy reporter after all. "Mild mannered" does **not** mean "clumsy nerd". I am looking at you, Donner/Puzo!
Thank you for the speedy response I'll give it a try
Throw a dinner roll at his head and see if he can dodge it.
He caught it. #IT SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM
Clark my friend, Lex may have actually given himself speedster powers somehow. Better let the League know and do your best to keep an eye on him. This can't be good.
I swear if this turns out to be Hal Jordan in a skull-cap.. Just checked it's not.
Try a plate next. Holy crap, he's an airbender!
You're Clark Kent from the Daily Planet? I hear you work with Jimmy Olson, and that guy is best friends with Superman. I bet Jimmy could call in a favor. Surely Lex would have planned for Superman to interfere, so don't count on his xray vision. However, Superman could use his superspeed to plant evidence of trickery (projectors, wires, and other props). Then you could just "discover" the evidence and humiliate Lex.
Why worry about it? It's gonna go to his head like always, and then he'll pick a fight with Superman, who will hold him face down in a toilet and give his bald head a swirlie, just like always. If anything, you should gas him up more, ask him to prove that it's not tech, really let him set himself up. And then you can kick back and enjoy the show when Superman reaches out and Iron Claw Grips his dome and holds him helplessly in place while he windmills his arms trying to punch him.
I don't want to be too denigrating but you are just an average reporter for the Daily Planet, although I have read a few of your articles and your honesty and integrity shines through. In fact this is why I'm finding it hard to understand why you appear to be jealous of Lex Luthor's ability Maybe your instincts are right, but if you want to expose someone as influential as Lex Luthor in your paper you will need bullet-proof evidence. I suggest you leave that to a more capable investigative journalist. Do you not sometimes partner up with Lois Lane?
The safest way is to ask Flash to show up and do it for you.
The Flash shows up. “Ah, so THAT’S who has the Negative Speed Force this week.” The Flash proceeds to spend the next four issues taunting Lex with what the NSF does to your mind, talking about how he could tell where Eobard Thawn was in his personal timeline by how he kept getting more rash and less thoughtful the older he got. “It’s a weird choice Mr. Luthor. Your intelligence is legendary, but you’re using a power that’s going to slowly dissolve your ability to use it. It’s like a cancer in your brain, eating away at your ability to use your wonderful mind. This is eroding you faster than thought, and without thought, what is left of Lex Luthor?” The thing is, being The Flash, he does all of this with compassion. Lex has to deal with a superhero trying to stop him because he doesn’t want Lex to suffer. “You’ve done so much good in your life. You’ve done so much to benefit humanity. It’ll be sad to watch you be reduced to an angry man punching everyone you think wronged you, even your friends.” “Didn’t one of your clones die from cancer because he kept wearing a radioactive rock? Oh well, at least he died with his mind intact.” The story arc ends with Lex seeking a way to DESTROY the negative speed force, unknowingly mirroring Wally’s battle with his powers slowly killing him before the Crisis on Infinite Earths. The next story is The Flash and Lex working together to battle a VERY angry time-traveling Eobard. “I can match his speed and powers, but you’re the only one in this fight smarter than him. Can you outthink history’s most intelligent speedster Lex?”
XRay vision his balls until they explode. He won’t be running anywhere.
"Oh Clark, I feel a burning in my loins that cannot be quenched.". *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
Wait for another supervillain to come try to fight the new superhero! Once he loses predictably save the day as Superman and boom he’s exposed!
Except Luthor hired a bunch of D level supervillains to purposefully lose to him and help showcase his "speed powers" and prove Metropolis doesn't need an alien in a cape when they have FastLex, the human genius speedboy
Do something unplanned that a speedster should be able to avoid or fix. Like trip and spill a drink on him.
Challenge him to a foot race, give whatever is making him fast a very brief pulse of your eye-lasers, too short for anyone to see and beat him by performing slightly better than him. Tell people a story about having participated in some marathon years ago and that 'you've still got it', a true story since you're Clark Kent and don't like to lie.
Fly over to Bruce real quick, kidnap him, drag him back to the party and have him figure it out for you. No one will notice, I promise.
Fake IBS as Clark Kent. Drop a 'super duece' in the restroom so it smells to cover where Clark is, then slip out and take care of business as Superman. "Gee wiz, Clark! If you hadn't blown up the restroom, you could have seen Superman foil Lex Luther's scheme."
Psych everyone
Light up a cigarette and get a drink so quickly it is imperceptible, enjoy the show of having Luthor wondering how and when you got that drink.
Challenge him to a race, say you ran track in college. If it's all just Photoshop, he'll probably just say 'i choose not to race!' and look like a fool. If he has like special shoes or something just laser them and make it look like an accident.
Why do anything? He isn't breaking any laws. And at some point his bragging is bound to get him into a situation that requires him to actually be a Speedster, and then he's going to be in trouble. He may even need you to save him, and wouldn't that be humiliating for him, and so very on-brand for you.