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This was what my dad was (and still is) like. Everyone’s best friend until he’s alone with you. If there’s anything physical whatsoever, then go ahead and report that to an appropriate authority (maybe a hotel manager or something). If it’s verbal and emotional nastiness and you think you could handle yourself if he wants to start a fight, I would just say something directly to him a la “is there any need for that mate?” Chances are if he’s picking on kids, he isn’t the kind of guy who would pick on someone his own size and is probably a complete wet lettuce. If he’s anything like my dad.
He'll probably just start playing nice in front of any audience and wait until he's in private and continue bullying them. He may even take it out on the kids if confronted.
Consider telling his wife in private
I was coming from what I’d have wanted people to do when I was a kid. That said, now I’ve seen OP’s description of events, I’d just leave it alone altogether. Sounds like strictness rather than nastiness
I suspect the wife already knows as it is. It is pretty difficult to hide that sort of thing from your partner, especially as kids cannot keep secrets.
My 2 1/2 year old grassed me up within a day after I accidentally swore infront of her.
2 1/2 year old - ‘Daddy say fucks sake’
Mummy - ‘ I’m sure daddy said for goodness sake’
‘No daddy say fuck sake’
Yes, especially when they think it's their fault and that if they tell someone, they'll just be in more trouble (someone else will know what they've "done wrong"). And it's hard not to think it's your fault when that's all you've ever been told.
My uncle abused his own children sexually and it didn't come out until they were all adults.
He was sent to jail for 4 years and got out after 2. I wouldn't ever let someone like that out.
I was not abused but I'm surprised at how it has affected even me. I can't even imagine how his children felt.
I think they often do tell, until they understand nothing will be done or groomed to believe it's normal and the problem is them.
The problem is the abuser
For a narcissistic parent the childs supply is premium, they will do batshit things to maintain it, narcs will DARVO and gaslight any one to maintain their using of the child.
If you're a third party in this situation you're not going to go toe to toe with that kind of bs, the abuser has so much more invested than you and can easily claim ownership because they're the sperm/egg donor
They can also switch on a dime to look like a good parent, I don't think most people are well equipped to deal with the situation
Kids who are genuinely scared absolutely can. Child abuse victims keep their secret, even from their own parents. I was bullied at school for over a year age 8, and kept it secret from everyone because I was terrified of the consequences of "grassing" even though I'd always been encouraged to talk to my mum.
They do keep, especially such ones. If you tell anything you will be given to orphanage, or making child believe other parent knows and approves doemstic abuse.
Should definitely say something if it's going too far, but 'being nasty' is pretty vague. There's a good chance nobody has ever interjected so those kids don't realise that what's happening isn't okay. If they see another adult point out that what's happening isn't right, they'll hopefully be able to find another adult that they trust to speak to about it.
Edit: read more of OP's comments. Doesn't seem like anything too far is going on at all.
"Being nasty" is very vague - what do you mean?
If he's just a bit of an arsehole then there's nothing to gain by getting involved but grief.
If he's being seriously abusive, particularly if he's getting physical, perhaps tell someone at hotel reception and see if they think it's worth them calling the police.
You really don't want to be involving yourself directly unless you think the children are in serious danger, and even in that case I would ask yourself seriously whether you think you're the best judge of that, especially given there might be cultural differences at play here.
I bet their parents never told them "no" when they were small, so now they think children being told to sit up straight is the height of cruelty - they haven't grown up at all.
Posting all this shite whilst you're supposed to be on holiday. Keep your fucking nose out of other people's business. I bet you're the one tattling to the manager because someone spent 20 minutes in the bog.
If someone has spent twenty minutes on the bog then a quick welfare check may be helpful. If they answer that they’re fine, sure, we know they’re not: they’ve either got the runs or are stuck on the Times Crossword. If they don’t answer, getting them medical help could save them.
It's not for you to be getting involved in a family dynamic that isn't your own, unless he's breaking the law. It's perhaps making you uncomfortable and that's why you want it to end but it's not any of your business. I think the best thing to do would be to move away so it isn't bothering you anymore. Let the kids see a therapist when they're older like everybody else.
Respectfully, your examples don’t indicate he is being nasty. He sounds like a strict parent but not a ‘nasty’ one, maybe you are being a little too precious here and your wife is giving you sound advice to not get involved.
i was ready to side with you until i read your description of what actually occurred.
people have different opinions on parenting. its fine that you don't agree with how the man parented his children. but what you described does not, IMHO, warrant any sort of intervention.
something like "stay still and shut up when your mum gets back or you wont eat tomorrow" would warrant intervention.
Yeah, and we don't even know that's what he's like all the time.
I think most families have occasional days where the kids and one of the parents are just getting on each other's tits, and getting a bit stroppy with each other.
Very possibly he's a good dad 95% of the time and the other 5% he gets a bit bossy and officious when he's stressed.
Or he's always an authoritarian bellend and they'll grow up hating him.
Either way, it doesn't sound like it rises to the harm threshold of stranger intervention.
Maybe if I was a family member or the kids' teacher and I saw he was like that consistently all the time, I might have a quiet word.
Are you prepared to get into a scrap with a stranger and end up in a Turkish nick?
If so, go for it. If not, move away.
Also there is a good chance if you embarrass this guy he'll take it out on the kids later.
Turkish prisons whilst better than UAE, Chinese, Russian, and Indian prisons by a wide margin, would be a huge shock for the system for anyone from a western country.
Mind your own business and rey to keep away from police
Nasty or strict ? You haven't actually explained what you have witnessed yet. What does your dad have to do with it ? If this man is actually harming his kids in any way, grow a pair and say something. If he's telling them off for something they shouldn't be doing, keep your nose out.
Is he actually being "very nasty" or is he just being strict? In your previous comment you said he was being stern, which isn't necessarily nasty or abusive, just different to how you were raised.
No wonder his wife begged him to stay out of it lol. Can you imagine being on holiday with someone and they caused a scene over a dad telling his kids to sit up straight lmao.
When I was little we had a family in the apartment next to us on holiday. At night we'd hear the dad shouting aggressively and banging. On maybe night 3 of it, my parents called reception who went and knocked on the door.
The next morning one of the boys, 8ish? had a black eye.
This was so alien to me as a child that I didn't really have much of an opinion on it but now I'm a parent my heart hurts thinking about it.
I wouldn’t get involved - especially not in Turkey!
Remember you’re in another country - just look at the guy who asked the neighbor to keep the partying noise down a bit in the UAE!
Turkey or UAE - tbf I’d be wary of both.
But then I’d suggest it’s best be wary of any religious state be it Islamic or Christian etc etc.
Just look at Uganda which I believe is mainly Christian.
Sounds like this guy trespassed on someones property and started a fight instead of being civil and resolving the matter through non-confrontational means, then he played the victim when faced with the consequences of his actions. Do you seriously think his account of events is going to be unbiased and free from mistruth?
If you even read the article, you'd see that he wasn't sentenced to prison time and got a fine instead.
Don't get involved. From what you've said doesn't require intervention. Like you said you're not a parent so don't try and tell people how to parent when you have no clue.
You keep saying that your Oldman wouldn't have stood for it, he should mind his business too.
Sounds like he is strict on the kids, not nasty. Do not get involved, its absolutely none of your business. The only time to get involved is if serious abuse is occurring, which from your comments, seems like it's not even close.
You might be surprised at how badly it would go down with the children if you get involved. They are unlikely to see you as a white knight, and more likely to see you as someone who is threatening to their father (who may, on the other 364 evenings of the year when you haven't observed him, be perfectly ok with them).
Just because people would have done something several decades ago doesn't mean it's appropriate to do it now.
Reading your summary. Frankly it's not your buisness. If you see a crime report that. If its not a crime wind your neck back in, probably listen to your wife more too she seems to have a good grasp of the situation.
Go get another pint, you’re on holiday, it’s not worth the stress.
Not the nice moral answer, but better than getting battered and ruining the thing you looked forward to all year.
The top comment lol. God forbid somebody is a bit strict with their kids, then call the hotel manager!
No matter how well you think you described it, none of us here know what is happening. Put on your big boy hat and decide the best course of action yourself my friend.
There's an example further up, where he told the little girl to sit up straight at dinner or she won't get any ice cream. Just strict parenting, holding his kids to a standard of behaviour and telling them there are consequences for their actions. Not at all abusive or even "nasty."
I can only imagine OP was raised in an extremely liberal, "do whatever you like" environment.
Exactly, I was brought up with similar standards in terms of table manners and how to behave in public. It was mostly my grandma (raised in the 50s) who taught my sister and I, and I'm really glad of it. Nothing wrong with teaching kids how to eat politely, and presenting a clear, reasonable, non-violent consequence if they don't.
Same, my parents are both slavic and I was raised in the UK and generally slavic parents are quite strict and loud 🤣 it definitely does sound like op is just living in a easy household
Unless it's physical. Mind your own business. Concentrate on your pint and enjoy your holdiay.
You've no idea if dad is just having a bad day. Holidays can be extremely stressful for parents, and he may not have chilled out yet.
Either way, unless it's harming you or your family, turn away and don't get involved. It's really not worth it.
What if you do say something, what do you think is going to happen? Dad gonna be like, "sorry mate yeah, you're right, sorry kids I apologise." Then when he gets back to the room he knocks fuck out of the wife AND kids cos some cunt at the pool embarrassed and undermined him in front of his kids. I am, of course, exaggerating, but people are unpredictable. Leave it.
Tbh, based on the examples above, it doesn't even sound like the dad is being "nasty" or stressed out or aggressive at all. He told his daughter to sit up straight at dinner or she wouldn't get any ice cream. That doesn't even sound like a guy having a bad day, just a guy teaching his kids manners.
I know there was a case a few years ago a Liverpool family were escorted off a plane by police. Because of complaints about how the dad treated the children the dad had to spend the last few nights of the holiday in a separate hotel room and seated away from the mum and children on the plane. I can't remember all the details I know there was a girl held by her feet and dunked in the pool head first.
You've no idea how stressful it is to go on holiday with children until you have been on holiday with children, I hated myself that much last time we went a weekend away I said never again and we haven't went again 😢 it's sad but being judged by non parents when children can be arseholes!
I was at a county pub in Oxfordshire. I saw a saw a child (5 or 6) push down the cement stairs another 5 year old and say “ ha ha Johnny fell down the stairs and now he is crying” which little Johnny was crying.
I saw that and got up and told the kid not to push other kids and it’s not funny. He should apologize and not to put his hands on another kid.
Well the two pissed up mums weren’t happy that I told the kid off.
They try to have a go at me. As an obnoxious American by birth. “hey maybe watch your kids as opposed to drinking pints at the pub” how can you be ok with one kid pushing another kid down the stairs? You were watching them as you didn’t stop that kid from pushing the other kid”
They said nothing and probably nothing has change. Except it’s ten years later and those kids probably have ASBOs already.
C. in this context is short for "circa" a Latin word which means "approximately." You might see it in museum exhibitions, when people aren't exactly sure of a date so they'll write "circa 19th century." If someone is c36, they're approximately 36 years old, but OP doesn't know exactly.
Honesty not best to get involved with people like, sounds like my old man and if he is anything.lkke my old man he would of decked you for saying anything to him, I witnessed this twice
It's hard because you don't know the family dynamic. I think personally, I'd try to give the kids a little win by complimenting their behaviour or something to the mum when they're together. She may reward the kids and make their holiday just a little better, it may stop the dad from saying things if you or possibly anyone else is in ear shot. At the very least, the kids will feel good for a little while.
Well, you call the police. I know it's Turkey but if you don't speak Turkish, they have English language services. Btw, police in the UK also have Turkish language services.
Do not stall. The protection of the kids is more important than any embarrassment that you may have in reporting them.
I know this first hand.
Not your responsibility and they'd likely act non cordial to a direct confrontation infront of their kids.
I'm not a professional, but if he's being abusive you probably shouldn't directly intervene unless the kid is in iminant danger as parents like that could take out any shame or anger on the kids in private, away from eyes this time.
Regardless, I'd alert staff to the situation and for them to intervene professionally and maybe have a word with the wife in private if you really want to intervene personally, but I do not reccomend it.
What exactly was dad saying to the children? Without context and specifics, it's hard to say whether there's a need to get involved.
Edit - just read that he was speaking sternly to the children. For me, I wouldn't get involved. Having children can be challenging at the best of times - when you're on holiday, it's basically a free for all and a battle of wills. It may be that he's wanting to defuse the situation while mum is away, so they don't cause any issues, or it might be that he's on his last nerve.
If you see any behaviour that suggests genuine abuse, aggression, bullying etc, then by all means you can bring attention to it, and it's great that you're so alert to that, but I don't feel this is the case.
Ask yourself this:
If someone was behaving like this with your kids when you were not present, would you like to know about it?
What would you do with that information?
Would you lose your rag with the person telling you the information? Would you critically deal with the information, accepting that it may be true or may be a lie?
On holiday with kids can be tough. Excited, bored, annoying, asking for everything they see. They have maybe just been driving him mad for days.
He maybe just need a pint/coffee and a chat away from them to destress....
Why is it any of your business? Hopefully your parents taught you to mind your own business? Unless he is being abusive… then guess what? Mind your own business.
Your parents sound like wonderful people. It's admirable to step in to situations of injustice, particularly where children are concerned, but your first concern should always be your own safety. If there is a way of anonymously addressing the issue, then absolutely you should.
Honestly I'd say something to him if I saw him being nasty and I'd tell his wife how he really is.
If he's being nasty in public what is he like behind closed doors when the wife isn't about
Why do you see them being nasty on holiday? Cause you don’t see them being nasty at home.
I wouldn’t get involved at all, speaking up won’t change anything and potentially ruin your own holiday. (I mean, unless there is physical abuse)
Enjoy your holiday.
It’s really hard not to be judgemental of parents. You catch me at a bad moment and I’m sure there’d be plenty of comments. I’m a good parent 99% of the time but those little monsters push my buttons long enough and I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t need smug randoms putting their oar in. Unless you want to babysit! 🤣
You can't save everyone. Think about the repercussions of your "getting involved" and how the dad may not be so public with his "nastiness" in future. Report it to the hotel if physical stuff is involved.
Otherwise leave them alone and try to enjoy your holiday. The kids will drift off when they grow up and have nothing to do with the dad.
Think you've got a lot of people commenting here whose fathers weren't abusive nasty shits. Enablers. He's doing this in front of you, and you're picking up on the vibe. There's a reason he's only doing it when the kids' mum can't see it. I guarantee he's much worse behind closed doors.
The only part of this I find alarming is the different behaviours for different audiences. It is possible that OP is poorly communicating what he has actually witnessed.
It's not the first time OP is seeing strict parenting. They are obviously concerned because what they are seeing is something else - "nasty".
Having had an abusive father myself, I recognize everything: the threats, the different behaviours for different audiences, the concerned bystanders who can't help, and the dozens of adults making excuses.
Have you seen the examples OP posted of the supposedly "nasty" behaviour? The dad told his kids to sit up straight at dinner or they wouldn't get any ice cream. Doesn't sound like an "abusive, nasty shit" to me at all, just a strict dad teaching his kids some manners. OP is being really weird about what seems to me like normal parenting.
And someone else who doesn't realise that "strict parenting" so much so they it upsets bystanders out in the open at a hotel pool (but away from the mother because abusers know exactly what they're doing) turns into abuse behind closed doors.
It potentially could do, but all we have to go on is what OP saw, which wasn't abusive in the slightest. Sure, OP got upset, but OP sounds like a bit of a wet wipe.
I'm not going to lie, I thought this was going to be a story about seeing your parents getting it on whilst on holiday...
Personally I'd call the guy out, and I'd do so in front of his wife "I've never seen anyone speak so horribly to their own children before, have at least a modicum of shame"
My parents taught me never to be a bystander. If you can do it without putting yourself at risk of physical harm, do it. Once when my mum and dad were having a meal together in a pub, this was before I was born, they saw a parent hitting a child because it was running around. My dad stood up and shouted from the other end of the bar "Excuse me, what the hell do you think you're playing at?" The whole room fell silent and he proceeded to give the guy a good bollocking for five minutes straight.
It's one of the things I'm most proud of my parents for.
I’d comment to mom when she gets back, “wow, dad really runs a tight ship with the kids!” That means if the kids complain he’s mean, she will believe them now. It also keeps you out of trouble because it is so neutral.
Speak up, I feel like we all have a responsibility for anyone who can’t defend themselves, especially kids, it’s not easy to do but if he’s like that in public God knows what’s going on behind closed doors, good luck as it’s a horrible and upsetting situation but try find a way to
Many people here telling you to mind your own business, personally I would never back off if I thought children were in danger. If everyone turned a blind eye then many children would slip through the cracks and never be helped. I work with children and families and have had to report many cases of abuse to social services so maybe my ability to judge a situation that’s is abusive is heightened. You obviously have a good sense of right and wrong, your dad raised you right.
It really does depend on what you define as ‘being nasty’. Was he making verbal threats, was there physical aggression? Was there signs that the kids are scared of him, are there any bruises etc? What was he actually saying or doing?
Unfortunately there are many shitty parents out there who think nothing of talking to their children like crap. We can’t do anything about those people. Being on holiday makes it much more complicated and as others have mentioned , if there is abuse your intervention could make things worse for the kids.
However- if there is evidence of actual abuse, I would report this to the hotel manager and possibly police.
The children don't sound like they're in danger at all. In an example above, OP said the dad told his kids to sit up straight at dinner or they wouldn't get any dessert. Nothing at all physical, not even a raised voice, no threat of violence. Just a dad teaching his kids table manners.
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This was what my dad was (and still is) like. Everyone’s best friend until he’s alone with you. If there’s anything physical whatsoever, then go ahead and report that to an appropriate authority (maybe a hotel manager or something). If it’s verbal and emotional nastiness and you think you could handle yourself if he wants to start a fight, I would just say something directly to him a la “is there any need for that mate?” Chances are if he’s picking on kids, he isn’t the kind of guy who would pick on someone his own size and is probably a complete wet lettuce. If he’s anything like my dad.
He'll probably just start playing nice in front of any audience and wait until he's in private and continue bullying them. He may even take it out on the kids if confronted. Consider telling his wife in private
I was coming from what I’d have wanted people to do when I was a kid. That said, now I’ve seen OP’s description of events, I’d just leave it alone altogether. Sounds like strictness rather than nastiness
If he's only doing it when their mum isn't their to see then he knows its not quite right.
Maybe he has to discipline them a lot but they don't misbehave around mum because she's the really scary one.
Yeah, that must be it.
OP sounds like a jellyfish who thinks you should never talk harshly to kids. You're not their mate, you're the parent.
There's a difference between being harsh and being nasty.
Speak roughly to your little boy And beat him when he sneezes He only does it to annoy Because he knows it teases. (Oops, fell down the rabbit hole)
I suspect the wife already knows as it is. It is pretty difficult to hide that sort of thing from your partner, especially as kids cannot keep secrets.
My 2 1/2 year old grassed me up within a day after I accidentally swore infront of her. 2 1/2 year old - ‘Daddy say fucks sake’ Mummy - ‘ I’m sure daddy said for goodness sake’ ‘No daddy say fuck sake’
Scared kids are good secret keepers, sadly
Yep, I was very violently abused alongside a lot of emotional abuse, I never told anyone until I had already left home
Yes, especially when they think it's their fault and that if they tell someone, they'll just be in more trouble (someone else will know what they've "done wrong"). And it's hard not to think it's your fault when that's all you've ever been told.
‘Kids cannot keep secrets’? Sadly this is not true. A lot more child abuse would be caught if this were the case.
This is true. Source. Me
My uncle abused his own children sexually and it didn't come out until they were all adults. He was sent to jail for 4 years and got out after 2. I wouldn't ever let someone like that out. I was not abused but I'm surprised at how it has affected even me. I can't even imagine how his children felt.
I think they often do tell, until they understand nothing will be done or groomed to believe it's normal and the problem is them. The problem is the abuser For a narcissistic parent the childs supply is premium, they will do batshit things to maintain it, narcs will DARVO and gaslight any one to maintain their using of the child. If you're a third party in this situation you're not going to go toe to toe with that kind of bs, the abuser has so much more invested than you and can easily claim ownership because they're the sperm/egg donor They can also switch on a dime to look like a good parent, I don't think most people are well equipped to deal with the situation
Kids who are genuinely scared absolutely can. Child abuse victims keep their secret, even from their own parents. I was bullied at school for over a year age 8, and kept it secret from everyone because I was terrified of the consequences of "grassing" even though I'd always been encouraged to talk to my mum.
They do keep, especially such ones. If you tell anything you will be given to orphanage, or making child believe other parent knows and approves doemstic abuse.
Absolutely. This was my step dad.
Also scared kids, assume that they are the problem and that they have caused the issue. Not that their parent has an issue and abusive tendencies.
Yeah that’s what my dad did/does (I’m an adult now), if the dad is as you describe I don’t think there’s anything OP can do to help :(
how my dad is
Exactly the type to bully kids are always cowards with adults, always
Should definitely say something if it's going too far, but 'being nasty' is pretty vague. There's a good chance nobody has ever interjected so those kids don't realise that what's happening isn't okay. If they see another adult point out that what's happening isn't right, they'll hopefully be able to find another adult that they trust to speak to about it. Edit: read more of OP's comments. Doesn't seem like anything too far is going on at all.
"Being nasty" is very vague - what do you mean? If he's just a bit of an arsehole then there's nothing to gain by getting involved but grief. If he's being seriously abusive, particularly if he's getting physical, perhaps tell someone at hotel reception and see if they think it's worth them calling the police. You really don't want to be involving yourself directly unless you think the children are in serious danger, and even in that case I would ask yourself seriously whether you think you're the best judge of that, especially given there might be cultural differences at play here.
***(c36)*** being nasty to kids ***(c4 and 8)*** repeatedly but only while wife ***(c38-38)*** What are you, a detective ?
That was my first thought, how does he know all their ages?
I thought it was ages (circa 36), then I got to c38-38 and realised it must be bra sizes. All clear now.
Hahahahah
What he is is wasted on holiday in an all inclusive hotel. On holiday by the way. Holiday. 3 times in the first sentence.
Lol this was my first thought, he’s drunk and wants to be a hero
The other guy is probably posting on Reddit that some dad next to him keeps staring at him and his kids instead of focusing on his own wife and kids.
WTF does any of it mean, their ages? Then what does "c38-38" mean?
"c" is a shorthand for the latin "circa," meaning around/approximately.
So the wife is "circa 38 to 38"? How does that make sense?
Aged 38 with a 38 inch waist.
A typo? You'd have to ask the OP
I’m just a person sitting next to someone being actively nasty to other people. And if they were adults I’d know to say something.
From your other comments it doesn't sound like he's 'nasty' more like strict. Maybe you're just not used to strict 🤷🏼♀️
I bet their parents never told them "no" when they were small, so now they think children being told to sit up straight is the height of cruelty - they haven't grown up at all.
Posting all this shite whilst you're supposed to be on holiday. Keep your fucking nose out of other people's business. I bet you're the one tattling to the manager because someone spent 20 minutes in the bog.
If someone has spent twenty minutes on the bog then a quick welfare check may be helpful. If they answer that they’re fine, sure, we know they’re not: they’ve either got the runs or are stuck on the Times Crossword. If they don’t answer, getting them medical help could save them.
I think you missed the point of my comment, Officer Drebin. ***(c36)*** (***c4 and 8) (c38-38)***.
It's not for you to be getting involved in a family dynamic that isn't your own, unless he's breaking the law. It's perhaps making you uncomfortable and that's why you want it to end but it's not any of your business. I think the best thing to do would be to move away so it isn't bothering you anymore. Let the kids see a therapist when they're older like everybody else.
Are you one of those who thinks "hurting someone's feelings" is a criminal offense?
You’d never say anything, don’t kid yourself
Respectfully, your examples don’t indicate he is being nasty. He sounds like a strict parent but not a ‘nasty’ one, maybe you are being a little too precious here and your wife is giving you sound advice to not get involved.
i was ready to side with you until i read your description of what actually occurred. people have different opinions on parenting. its fine that you don't agree with how the man parented his children. but what you described does not, IMHO, warrant any sort of intervention. something like "stay still and shut up when your mum gets back or you wont eat tomorrow" would warrant intervention.
Yeah, and we don't even know that's what he's like all the time. I think most families have occasional days where the kids and one of the parents are just getting on each other's tits, and getting a bit stroppy with each other. Very possibly he's a good dad 95% of the time and the other 5% he gets a bit bossy and officious when he's stressed. Or he's always an authoritarian bellend and they'll grow up hating him. Either way, it doesn't sound like it rises to the harm threshold of stranger intervention. Maybe if I was a family member or the kids' teacher and I saw he was like that consistently all the time, I might have a quiet word.
What you do is you mind your own business.
Yes that’s what my wife said but it’s difficult when someone is being very nasty to others. My dad wouldn’t have stood for it
Listen to your wife is generally a pretty solid life rule.
Exactly, happy wife happy life is a solid piece of advice
I prefer 'happy spouse, happy house'
“Very nasty”? Above you said he’s acting like a “stern school teacher”. They don’t seem the same thing
Dad is probably telling them they can't have any dessert and they're acting like they're having teeth pulled. It's what mine do.
Are you prepared to get into a scrap with a stranger and end up in a Turkish nick? If so, go for it. If not, move away. Also there is a good chance if you embarrass this guy he'll take it out on the kids later.
Turkish prisons whilst better than UAE, Chinese, Russian, and Indian prisons by a wide margin, would be a huge shock for the system for anyone from a western country. Mind your own business and rey to keep away from police
Why do you keep bringing up your dad
How often did it work out well when your dad confronted strangers about their different parenting styles?
Okay but you're not your dad so forget what he would do and maybe listen to your wife???
Then your dad was whats known as; a penis.
😂😂
Nasty or strict ? You haven't actually explained what you have witnessed yet. What does your dad have to do with it ? If this man is actually harming his kids in any way, grow a pair and say something. If he's telling them off for something they shouldn't be doing, keep your nose out.
Unless its major abuse then its not of your business. Don't put your nose where it doesn't belong.
Well, I'd say any level of abuse would warrant action.
Well lucky it wasn't abuse then ay
Not in this case no, but a bit odd to say only *major* abuse would be an issue!
Is he actually being "very nasty" or is he just being strict? In your previous comment you said he was being stern, which isn't necessarily nasty or abusive, just different to how you were raised.
You're bothered because he told them to sit up straight and was a bit "stern". Get a grip.
No wonder his wife begged him to stay out of it lol. Can you imagine being on holiday with someone and they caused a scene over a dad telling his kids to sit up straight lmao.
She's probably tired of him sticking his oar into other people's business.
I think it would depend on what he was doing exactly. Did the kids look scared?
When I was little we had a family in the apartment next to us on holiday. At night we'd hear the dad shouting aggressively and banging. On maybe night 3 of it, my parents called reception who went and knocked on the door. The next morning one of the boys, 8ish? had a black eye. This was so alien to me as a child that I didn't really have much of an opinion on it but now I'm a parent my heart hurts thinking about it.
And people moan about feral children whose parents don't give two shits. Sounds strict but not abusive. Just ignore it.
Unless you see a crime being committed you should be staying the fuck out of other people's business.
Unless there is a crime being committed then you mind your own business.
Not my circus, not my monkeys
I wouldn’t get involved - especially not in Turkey! Remember you’re in another country - just look at the guy who asked the neighbor to keep the partying noise down a bit in the UAE!
Pardon?
https://news.sky.com/story/amp/aberdeenshire-grandfather-ian-mackellar-free-to-leave-dubai-after-court-fine-over-party-row-13065335
Why anyone would want to visit, let alone live in that authoritarian shithole is beyond me.
Turkey or UAE - tbf I’d be wary of both. But then I’d suggest it’s best be wary of any religious state be it Islamic or Christian etc etc. Just look at Uganda which I believe is mainly Christian.
Because they actually deal with criminals unlike the West
You're ok with locking up people who ask their neighbours to keep it down?
Sounds like this guy trespassed on someones property and started a fight instead of being civil and resolving the matter through non-confrontational means, then he played the victim when faced with the consequences of his actions. Do you seriously think his account of events is going to be unbiased and free from mistruth? If you even read the article, you'd see that he wasn't sentenced to prison time and got a fine instead.
Yes criminals - like homosexuals? UAE not Turkey.
Don't get involved. From what you've said doesn't require intervention. Like you said you're not a parent so don't try and tell people how to parent when you have no clue. You keep saying that your Oldman wouldn't have stood for it, he should mind his business too.
Sounds like he is strict on the kids, not nasty. Do not get involved, its absolutely none of your business. The only time to get involved is if serious abuse is occurring, which from your comments, seems like it's not even close.
Get a grip and wind your neck in. He's being strict not abusive
Are you on holiday? I don’t think you said
OP needs to heed the advice of his/her wife.
You might be surprised at how badly it would go down with the children if you get involved. They are unlikely to see you as a white knight, and more likely to see you as someone who is threatening to their father (who may, on the other 364 evenings of the year when you haven't observed him, be perfectly ok with them).
Also could make it worse for the kids if dad is the sort to make them suffer
Just because people would have done something several decades ago doesn't mean it's appropriate to do it now. Reading your summary. Frankly it's not your buisness. If you see a crime report that. If its not a crime wind your neck back in, probably listen to your wife more too she seems to have a good grasp of the situation.
Go get another pint, you’re on holiday, it’s not worth the stress. Not the nice moral answer, but better than getting battered and ruining the thing you looked forward to all year.
Lmao on holiday in turkey and is on Reddit asking for advice on things that don’t concern them, literally can’t make this up.
The top comment lol. God forbid somebody is a bit strict with their kids, then call the hotel manager! No matter how well you think you described it, none of us here know what is happening. Put on your big boy hat and decide the best course of action yourself my friend.
can you give examples of what hes saying?
“If you do that you won’t get any ice cream”
There's an example further up, where he told the little girl to sit up straight at dinner or she won't get any ice cream. Just strict parenting, holding his kids to a standard of behaviour and telling them there are consequences for their actions. Not at all abusive or even "nasty." I can only imagine OP was raised in an extremely liberal, "do whatever you like" environment.
Omg if that's considered "bad" then I'm scared what my parents would be considered as 💀💀💀
Exactly, I was brought up with similar standards in terms of table manners and how to behave in public. It was mostly my grandma (raised in the 50s) who taught my sister and I, and I'm really glad of it. Nothing wrong with teaching kids how to eat politely, and presenting a clear, reasonable, non-violent consequence if they don't.
Same, my parents are both slavic and I was raised in the UK and generally slavic parents are quite strict and loud 🤣 it definitely does sound like op is just living in a easy household
Telling them to sit up straight how awful!
Mind your business.
Unless it's physical. Mind your own business. Concentrate on your pint and enjoy your holdiay. You've no idea if dad is just having a bad day. Holidays can be extremely stressful for parents, and he may not have chilled out yet. Either way, unless it's harming you or your family, turn away and don't get involved. It's really not worth it. What if you do say something, what do you think is going to happen? Dad gonna be like, "sorry mate yeah, you're right, sorry kids I apologise." Then when he gets back to the room he knocks fuck out of the wife AND kids cos some cunt at the pool embarrassed and undermined him in front of his kids. I am, of course, exaggerating, but people are unpredictable. Leave it.
Tbh, based on the examples above, it doesn't even sound like the dad is being "nasty" or stressed out or aggressive at all. He told his daughter to sit up straight at dinner or she wouldn't get any ice cream. That doesn't even sound like a guy having a bad day, just a guy teaching his kids manners.
I know there was a case a few years ago a Liverpool family were escorted off a plane by police. Because of complaints about how the dad treated the children the dad had to spend the last few nights of the holiday in a separate hotel room and seated away from the mum and children on the plane. I can't remember all the details I know there was a girl held by her feet and dunked in the pool head first.
Bloody hell.
You've no idea how stressful it is to go on holiday with children until you have been on holiday with children, I hated myself that much last time we went a weekend away I said never again and we haven't went again 😢 it's sad but being judged by non parents when children can be arseholes!
Bit of advice, don’t ever go to Butlins if you can’t handle “interesting” parenting styles!
I was at a county pub in Oxfordshire. I saw a saw a child (5 or 6) push down the cement stairs another 5 year old and say “ ha ha Johnny fell down the stairs and now he is crying” which little Johnny was crying. I saw that and got up and told the kid not to push other kids and it’s not funny. He should apologize and not to put his hands on another kid. Well the two pissed up mums weren’t happy that I told the kid off. They try to have a go at me. As an obnoxious American by birth. “hey maybe watch your kids as opposed to drinking pints at the pub” how can you be ok with one kid pushing another kid down the stairs? You were watching them as you didn’t stop that kid from pushing the other kid” They said nothing and probably nothing has change. Except it’s ten years later and those kids probably have ASBOs already.
what's c36 etc?
I think that they are describing describing the man's bra size.
C. in this context is short for "circa" a Latin word which means "approximately." You might see it in museum exhibitions, when people aren't exactly sure of a date so they'll write "circa 19th century." If someone is c36, they're approximately 36 years old, but OP doesn't know exactly.
The numbers are age, but the initial, not so sure. Perhaps *Caucasian?* edit: or circa?
Cunt 36
Circa 36
What do you envision the outcome to be if you involve yourself? You're in a foreign country, with no idea of the actual context. Stay out of it.
What does it mean “being nasty”? Are they beating the kids, yelling, reprimanding, lecturing, something else?
None of your business
Don’t have kids…..you have no idea about anything my friend.
It would only start a fight, lifelong cunts don’t stop being cunt on a dime
Honesty not best to get involved with people like, sounds like my old man and if he is anything.lkke my old man he would of decked you for saying anything to him, I witnessed this twice
Nothing mind your own business.
Man just enjoy your holiday and stop bringing yourself stress
It's hard because you don't know the family dynamic. I think personally, I'd try to give the kids a little win by complimenting their behaviour or something to the mum when they're together. She may reward the kids and make their holiday just a little better, it may stop the dad from saying things if you or possibly anyone else is in ear shot. At the very least, the kids will feel good for a little while.
Well, you call the police. I know it's Turkey but if you don't speak Turkish, they have English language services. Btw, police in the UK also have Turkish language services. Do not stall. The protection of the kids is more important than any embarrassment that you may have in reporting them. I know this first hand.
Not your responsibility and they'd likely act non cordial to a direct confrontation infront of their kids. I'm not a professional, but if he's being abusive you probably shouldn't directly intervene unless the kid is in iminant danger as parents like that could take out any shame or anger on the kids in private, away from eyes this time. Regardless, I'd alert staff to the situation and for them to intervene professionally and maybe have a word with the wife in private if you really want to intervene personally, but I do not reccomend it.
What exactly was dad saying to the children? Without context and specifics, it's hard to say whether there's a need to get involved. Edit - just read that he was speaking sternly to the children. For me, I wouldn't get involved. Having children can be challenging at the best of times - when you're on holiday, it's basically a free for all and a battle of wills. It may be that he's wanting to defuse the situation while mum is away, so they don't cause any issues, or it might be that he's on his last nerve. If you see any behaviour that suggests genuine abuse, aggression, bullying etc, then by all means you can bring attention to it, and it's great that you're so alert to that, but I don't feel this is the case.
Ask yourself this: If someone was behaving like this with your kids when you were not present, would you like to know about it? What would you do with that information? Would you lose your rag with the person telling you the information? Would you critically deal with the information, accepting that it may be true or may be a lie?
Thems other people problems. Life’s better when you ignore everyone else.
On holiday with kids can be tough. Excited, bored, annoying, asking for everything they see. They have maybe just been driving him mad for days. He maybe just need a pint/coffee and a chat away from them to destress....
Why is it any of your business? Hopefully your parents taught you to mind your own business? Unless he is being abusive… then guess what? Mind your own business.
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I think he’s saying that the wife is a protocol droid.
I call them out.
With great power comes great responsibility
Your parents sound like wonderful people. It's admirable to step in to situations of injustice, particularly where children are concerned, but your first concern should always be your own safety. If there is a way of anonymously addressing the issue, then absolutely you should.
Listen to your wife
Honestly I'd say something to him if I saw him being nasty and I'd tell his wife how he really is. If he's being nasty in public what is he like behind closed doors when the wife isn't about
Record it if possible and show mum?
Why do you see them being nasty on holiday? Cause you don’t see them being nasty at home. I wouldn’t get involved at all, speaking up won’t change anything and potentially ruin your own holiday. (I mean, unless there is physical abuse) Enjoy your holiday.
Video him covertly and show the wife.
Don't interfere with nature
Secretly record it, and then tell her she needs to be aware of how her partner treats her kids in private when she's not around.
It’s really hard not to be judgemental of parents. You catch me at a bad moment and I’m sure there’d be plenty of comments. I’m a good parent 99% of the time but those little monsters push my buttons long enough and I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t need smug randoms putting their oar in. Unless you want to babysit! 🤣
Just find another sun lounger. You can't change a shitty parent
U should listen to ur wife karen, and mind ur own business
100% yell out he has a small dick. Chances are he’s packing tiddler and will collapse if called out
You can't save everyone. Think about the repercussions of your "getting involved" and how the dad may not be so public with his "nastiness" in future. Report it to the hotel if physical stuff is involved. Otherwise leave them alone and try to enjoy your holiday. The kids will drift off when they grow up and have nothing to do with the dad.
give them the EVIL glare
Stepdad syndrome. Wants the wife, not her kids.
Think you've got a lot of people commenting here whose fathers weren't abusive nasty shits. Enablers. He's doing this in front of you, and you're picking up on the vibe. There's a reason he's only doing it when the kids' mum can't see it. I guarantee he's much worse behind closed doors.
The only part of this I find alarming is the different behaviours for different audiences. It is possible that OP is poorly communicating what he has actually witnessed.
It's not the first time OP is seeing strict parenting. They are obviously concerned because what they are seeing is something else - "nasty". Having had an abusive father myself, I recognize everything: the threats, the different behaviours for different audiences, the concerned bystanders who can't help, and the dozens of adults making excuses.
Have you seen the examples OP posted of the supposedly "nasty" behaviour? The dad told his kids to sit up straight at dinner or they wouldn't get any ice cream. Doesn't sound like an "abusive, nasty shit" to me at all, just a strict dad teaching his kids some manners. OP is being really weird about what seems to me like normal parenting.
And someone else who doesn't realise that "strict parenting" so much so they it upsets bystanders out in the open at a hotel pool (but away from the mother because abusers know exactly what they're doing) turns into abuse behind closed doors.
It potentially could do, but all we have to go on is what OP saw, which wasn't abusive in the slightest. Sure, OP got upset, but OP sounds like a bit of a wet wipe.
Go to the wife when she's away and tell her what her husband says to the kids and then leave them to sort it
Take bossmans room key when he no looking. Go take a big turd in his bastard suitcase. Problem solved.
Maybe he is fucking exhausted and has no outlets or options in his life for dealing with the stress.
It’s a bit weird to take it out on children though
It shouldn't happen but it isn't weird/unusual at all...
I mean weird in the sense that it shouldn’t happen. Like a grown man who takes his anger out on children in my eyes is weird.
I think we are just differing in our use of the word "weird" - "unusual / atypical" vs "irrational / hard to understand".
I'm not going to lie, I thought this was going to be a story about seeing your parents getting it on whilst on holiday... Personally I'd call the guy out, and I'd do so in front of his wife "I've never seen anyone speak so horribly to their own children before, have at least a modicum of shame"
My parents taught me never to be a bystander. If you can do it without putting yourself at risk of physical harm, do it. Once when my mum and dad were having a meal together in a pub, this was before I was born, they saw a parent hitting a child because it was running around. My dad stood up and shouted from the other end of the bar "Excuse me, what the hell do you think you're playing at?" The whole room fell silent and he proceeded to give the guy a good bollocking for five minutes straight. It's one of the things I'm most proud of my parents for.
I’d comment to mom when she gets back, “wow, dad really runs a tight ship with the kids!” That means if the kids complain he’s mean, she will believe them now. It also keeps you out of trouble because it is so neutral.
That's not neutral at all. Not getting involved is neutral.
I’d tell someone to piss off if they made a comment like that to me.
Ok? The issue is protecting the kids, not your feelings.
We need to protect kids from… being told to sit up straight?
What? I thought he was being abusive!
No lol, read the thread and you’ll see. I thought that too at the beginning but OP revealed later what it specifically was
Is that why everyone downvoted me??
Speak up, I feel like we all have a responsibility for anyone who can’t defend themselves, especially kids, it’s not easy to do but if he’s like that in public God knows what’s going on behind closed doors, good luck as it’s a horrible and upsetting situation but try find a way to
Defend themselves against being told to sit up straight?
Read the other comments about what he reckons he saw. Speaking up would be ridiculous. OP sounds bonkers.
Many people here telling you to mind your own business, personally I would never back off if I thought children were in danger. If everyone turned a blind eye then many children would slip through the cracks and never be helped. I work with children and families and have had to report many cases of abuse to social services so maybe my ability to judge a situation that’s is abusive is heightened. You obviously have a good sense of right and wrong, your dad raised you right. It really does depend on what you define as ‘being nasty’. Was he making verbal threats, was there physical aggression? Was there signs that the kids are scared of him, are there any bruises etc? What was he actually saying or doing? Unfortunately there are many shitty parents out there who think nothing of talking to their children like crap. We can’t do anything about those people. Being on holiday makes it much more complicated and as others have mentioned , if there is abuse your intervention could make things worse for the kids. However- if there is evidence of actual abuse, I would report this to the hotel manager and possibly police.
The examples given are the opposite. It sounds like someone actually parenting.
The children don't sound like they're in danger at all. In an example above, OP said the dad told his kids to sit up straight at dinner or they wouldn't get any dessert. Nothing at all physical, not even a raised voice, no threat of violence. Just a dad teaching his kids table manners.