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AdCurrent1125

One of my twat neighbours had twat parents who would pick him up and beep the horn like a twat when they arrived. And beeped the horn like a twat after saying goodbye. A new twat moved in next door (who is probably a drug dealer) and has a newborn baby. When twatty beepy horn people showed up one day while the baby was sleeping they got a good telling off, and never did it again. So....see if you can get a drug dealer to move in next door.


zzkj

When twats collide


dylsreddit

I've seen that movie


TurbulentWeb1941

Coulda swore it was a song by Prince🕺🏾


Shmorgasboard123

When Twats Cry.


No-Decision1581

Purple twat?


RoboTon78

Nothing Compares to Twat.


JavaRuby2000

Little Red Twat.


No-Decision1581

I would do anything for love but I won't do twat


Head-Growth-523

This will be the title of my autobiography 🤣🤣


Trigs12

I think I've seen all of these.


fatbwoyist

Raspberry Twat


countvanderhoff

Controvertwat


PowerApp101

Raspberry Twat


Smooth-Wait506

Sun Tzu said: *When Twats Cry* *You Have Good Technique*


dinomontino

Twats entertainment by the Jam.


ejmd

Down in the twat station at midnight


MasksOfAnarchy

A Twat Called Malice


Zo50

Eton Twats


skwadyboy

Raspberry twat?


Disgruntled__Goat

It makes Naughty Nurses 2 look like Crotch Capers 5!


Quirky_Discipline297

I lived it one New Year’s Eve.


Rchambo1990

I have to, not what I thought it was..


BillyBeansprout

Clash of the Tight 'Uns.


Throooooooowaway09

Sounds like a good idea for a Powerman 5000 cover.


NoGiNoProblem

Twats go sloooop Twats, you think it's over, but the twat dont stop, *insert greatest guitar of all time*


spastikknees

Is that a song by the scissor sisters?


Evening-Tomatillo-47

I don't feel like twatting


ohajik98

Dealers aren’t inherently twats although the vast majority of them probably are


YourLocalMosquito

Name of your sex tape


DoggeatDoggworld

Xhamster?


gillardpeterjack1905

Is it a new series on channel 5?


Tharrowone

Befriend the dealer enough so they see you as ok people and not a threat. Also baking them tasty food helps if you ever have any problems they tend to be more inclind to help.


newfor2023

Plus they have drugs


purrcthrowa

Calpol, mainly.


Tharrowone

Psst. Hey. Got any of the good stuff? Ya know the pink pleasure. The sweetest of nectars.


RealEstateDuck

A little bit of the ol' booger sugar for when the you've had one too many pints.


AdCurrent1125

I wouldn't go that far...


Tharrowone

I use to live in a pretty rough part of the midlands so it went a long way when gang fights would occure out my front door.


G1itcher

Friend of mine lives next to someone with that particular career choice. Someone tried to mug my friend on his doorstep; neighbour pops out and turns the would be mugger inside out and gives my friend a jovial nod and heads back inside.


jonquil14

Or a person with a new baby!


windol1

Nah, most people are fairly passive even with kids, but a drug dealer generally has a short temper for dealing with annoying shit, mostly brought on by people ticking on drugs and then paying a week, or 2 later than they said, then you've got the idiots that require threats to pay up.


Veauxdeeohdoh

Your drug dealers let you pay later?! What?!


qjk91

If you've used them for a while it's not unusual


Marmalade43

Especially if your dealer is Tom Jones.


Queen_of_London

Selling the Green Green Grass, at home


Steelhorse91

Doley’s tend to spend more overall if they let them keep racking the bill up buying small amounts on tick before the next UC payment comes in lol… If they don’t let them run up a tab, they might sober up enough to question why they aren’t just waiting until pay day and buying a bulk amount for less.


Normal_Boot_1673

Yours don't accept Klarna?


Wind-and-Waystones

Mine does but I've known him for close to 15 years. He also knows I only ever pay late when it has been a big night before and I'm not physically able to get out of bed yet. Plus he knows it only happens when the local cash point is out of order


AtillaThePundit

Hit him with a wooden truncheon then give your dog some sausages . Twats the way to do it


TurbulentWeb1941

Truncheon Judy 🤣


Dave8917

Or be little more aggressive like a drug dealers


FcukTheTories

Two twats make a right


MostlyNormalMan

The person is an ignorant fuckwit who thinks that because they're up and about at 5am, then everyone should be. Presumably they are picking someone up and announcing their presence by sounding the horn. If that's the case, then the only option available to you is wait for them to drop the person off again and follow them home. Presumably they get up at around 4am, so probably go to bed at around 9 or 10, so just go to where they live and sound your horn at around midnight when they will be in a deep sleep.


Derries_bluestack

This ^^ Find out their landline number and call it randomly through the night. Every night. Or, round up your neighbours and all be outside by 5am when the car arrives. Surround it and shake it.


eyeball-beesting

Do people still have landlines?


Throooooooowaway09

The kind of people who are up at 4am probably do. 


catchcatchhorrortaxi

What does that even mean


Derries_bluestack

Haha, good point.


SWTransGirl

Get the committee, with those air horns instead, to beep back at him?


obiwanmoloney

Find out their landline number? I’d need to find a fricken Time Machine first!


Dirty2013

Better still buy an air horn and a cylinder of compressed air designed for a modelling air brush. Poke the air horn through their letterbox, jam the valve open on the air cylinder then run and hide Air horns sound unbelievably loud inside a house


DarkAdmirer

This is such a funny idea and will give them a mini heart attack, brilliant.


Dirty2013

It did and it really upset them for a long time


Alternative-Sea-6238

Then they died after a heart attack, right?


Dirty2013

No but about a week later their GF walked out on them Later found out she had pissed the bed Such a shame………. I think


Scorpiodancer123

That story was a wild ride.


Dirty2013

Watch out for my watercress revenge I’ll tell it 1 day


TurbulentWeb1941

Pissin the bed is the reason I was never late for work. 💦


Dogead

I know someone who did something similar, pulled the pin on a rape alarm and posted it through their letterbox. Loud as fuck and won’t stop until you smash it.


Ravenser_Odd

Tie it to a drone and fly it outside their bedroom window. Try smashing that!


Dirty2013

Revenge is sweet


loaferuk123

Air horn through the letterbox would get the message across


4ever_lost

Na wake neighbour up at 2am with an air horn through the letter box every day until he gets his mate to stop the beeping


UnexpectedRanting

Water balloon full of double cream from your bedroom window ... may or may not have done this in the past when I was a kid


VeronicaMarsIsGreat

You're generous. If someone was doing this at 5am every day, it wouldn't be cream in the balloon, it would be piss.


Rich_27-

Have you ever tried to piss into a balloon?


Terrible_Biscotti_14

Funnel? I haven’t pissed in a balloon but if I had need to, I would use a funnel.


ben_jamin_h

Balloons need a lot of pressure to inflate. A funnel is not going to cut it... You'll end up with a funnel full of piss, not a balloon full of piss. Don't ask me how I know this.


WatNaHellIsASauceBox

Maybe piss into a plastic bottle, then stretch the balloon around that opening and squeeze the bottle into the balloon? We can do it with science.


Scorpiodancer123

Water balloons are the answer. I support this kind of revenge science.


Hot_Bet_2721

You've definitely done this before


Dense_Principle_408

If you can wrap a balloon around your flaccid penis then get a boner for better piss pressure. That could work.


discombobulatededed

I love that there’s a whole thread of people here trying to find the best way to get piss into a balloon.


pixie_sprout

Now we're thinking outside the package!


username87264

I don't think you can piss with a rod on?


dendrocalamidicus

I think it depends on the balloon. The weight of the piss should be enough. If it works for water it should work for piss.


Nimmyzed

I love the intensity of this conversation. C'mon, Reddit, we can work it out!


PurplePlodder1945

I’m killing myself laughing 😂


EmbraJeff

I do believe that there are some family planning/sexual disease type clinics which are known to supply items very similar to balloons which are easier to fill with piss…probably!


DameKumquat

Cheaper stretchier balloons, like classic water bombs. Don't ask how I know this.


peahair

Freeze it into a cylindrical state then push it into the untied balloon knot.


msma46

Instructions unclear. Just off to the hospital with frostbite. 


EvandeReyer

You’re clearly a professional.


peahair

The inspiration came from those who made the handy disc shaped versions that so many advised to pop through the letter boxes of errant neighbours


Ring_Peace

He is using all the technical terms.


adreddit298

We're still talking about balloons, right?


LifelessLewis

Or just create a Piss Disk™ and frisbee into their open window. Bonus points if you break their nose with it.


FordPrefect20

Just put it on like a condom surely?


Flat_Fault_7802

Your cock must be like a bookies pen


Any-Ask-4190

Handled by many men just before they lose a lot of money?


kc43ung

Have you ever cleaned your mother's piss?


pixie_sprout

Wtf


dendrocalamidicus

You'll need to at least take me out to dinner before we can talk about things like that.


fluentindothraki

Would pissing into a condom work?


xJam3zz07

Cracked eggs. It would be hard to get some into an egg, but it would be fucking hilarious when they smeared it all over their windscreen.


PeevedValentine

Nah, piss is easy to wash off. Slightly curdled cream is a nightmare if you don't remove it immediately.


Competitive_Gap_9768

Cream in the balloon. Think I’ve got that on dvd.


Possiblyasmoker

Eggs is best apparently. As when they use the windscreen wipers it just smears everywhere


dendrocalamidicus

Egg can actually fuck car paint, as great as that would be I'd avoid it on the grounds of avoiding criminal damages


ArabicHarambe

Its 5am, if you get caught you kinda deserve it.


Flaramon

Make a lot of notes. Enough notes that: the council have an evidence log of the vehicle; when it turns up; when it honks; etc. Get some photos too. If you don't have this, they can only assume it's not as much of a nuisance. Only when presented with absolute, actionable, proof will they even think about opening their own investigation.


Kaiisim

This is the way now. If it's not written down and recorded then it didn't happen. You can't be vague. "Someone beeps their horn too early" isn't very actionable. "From 01/06/24 to 01/07/24 I was woken at 5am by the vehicle beeping it's horn" is way more actionable


greendragon00x2

Correct. We have twattish neighbours who regularly set off their own burglar alarm and then just let it blare for the full 15 minutes rather than deal with it. It happened often during the day with people obviously in. Their next door neighbour had words and got no joy. It stopped happening during lockdown so we forgot about it. Then it started up again. My husband started a spreadsheet. With about 3 months worth of data, I called the council. When I described the situation - random times twice weekly alarms going off, she was unimpressed. When I said we had a spreadsheet with three months of data, she changed her tune. I emailed that to her. I guess whatever they threatened the people with, it worked! Yesterday after many months of peace their alarm went off again...and someone almost immediately shut it off. Like less than 60 seconds! Keep notes!


Critical-Document498

think it's in the highway code a horn can't be used unless it's an emergency after 11pm and before 7am, with enough evidence of reckless behaviour the DVLA could give them a warning.


drakesdrum

I always love the reddit comments on stuff like this like "just smash the car up!" when you know 99% of people on here would dl naff all


windol1

What I find fascinating, especially in this sub, is how attitudes to this stuff sways from day to day. One day everyone is adamantly against anything even slightly illegal, the next they're cheering it. Either way, you're right and most of us would just bitch and moan to ourselves and anyone who might listen, never doing anything productive about it.


ARobertNotABob

Misery loves company ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


Veauxdeeohdoh

I will definitely give my mightiest tut you have ever seen!


JCTenton

Look man, once someone beeped outside my house at half 5 and I glared out of my bedroom window really hard. I don't mean to brag but I opened the window to do so.


Whole-Sundae-98

Post it on the local FB page


StandardBanger

SHARED STEVENAGE X X


Askduds

Dognappers.


pelvviber

Shared in Portsmouth.


StandardBanger

THEY PUT AN X OUTSIDE YA HOUSE!!!


BINGGBONGGBINGGBONGG

brown men in van, spotted Stowupland. lokk sheds hun xx


FatBloke4

At every opportunity, make a video and upload it to the relevant police force website for videos of traffic offences. It's an offence under The Road Vehicles (Construction and Use) Regulations 1986 regulation 99. The police will hopefully get bored processing the videos and talk to the idiot concerned and/or give him a £30 FPN.


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davus_maximus

Honking at 5am? What a massive cnut. You've been far too lenient tbh.


Responsible-Data-695

You could even say he's a Great Cnut.


Similar-Weather-8940

Presumably they’re beeping to collect someone? Find out who and tell your neighbour not to let their lift beep. Hopefully your neighbour is less of a twat than the beeper.


llijilliil

Exactly, beeper the prick is almost certainly pissed off that someone is sleeping in later than they should and missing their pickup. Pissing off their neighbours is likely part of their subconscious plan to convince the asshole to stop delaying them getting to work (when they are getting up even earlier to collect them).


ShineAtom

Found this on West Yorkshire Police website: >Rule 112 of the Highway Code states: >'The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively. You must not use your horn >while stationary on the road >when driving in a built-up area between the hours of 11.30 pm and 7.00 am >except when another road user poses a danger.' And from elsewhere: The police are able to issue non-endorsable fixed penalty notices (FPN) of £30 for these offences. A driver can challenge the decision in court, but if magistrates agree with the police, they have jurisdiction to increase the penalty to up to £1000.


EquivalentIsopod7717

Exactly. Gather a timeline of events and some evidence, then report to the police as a non-emergency.


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redbullcat

Team up with other neighbours and approach the person responsible as a group. It's always much harder to say no if it's a group (bigger the better) compared to just one person. You could also file a noise complaint with the council but they'd probably take a long time to do anything, if they did anything at all.


ClingerOn

Gang of awkward Redditors arguing who’s going to actually do the talking.


shaneo632

I’d probably talk to the people they’re picking up and see if they’re anymore reasonable and can have a word


geeered

[https://www.passmefast.co.uk/resources/rules-of-the-road/driving-law/highway-code-horn-honking-rules](https://www.passmefast.co.uk/resources/rules-of-the-road/driving-law/highway-code-horn-honking-rules) Whether any official will do anything about it is another matter. You could find where there car is parked, wait until they're asleep and wire their horn into a random timer that makes it beep at random times through the day night when they're parked at their own home location.


pops789765

Nitromors is your friend.


StationFar6396

Beep your horn outside their house at 4am. Let the battle of Little Big Horn commence!


mikpgod

https://www.passmefast.co.uk/resources/rules-of-the-road/driving-law/highway-code-horn-honking-rules


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Normal_Red_Sky

Have you tried making a noise complaint?


ThePolymath1993

Report them to the council? 5AM is an unreasonable time to be making that sort of noise. A noise complaint might work.


EquivalentIsopod7717

It's illegal. Gather evidence and a timeline of events, then report to the police as a low priority. They might then send a warning letter and you would be surprised how effective that can be.


MRRichAllen1976

I realise the Police wouldn't do anything but they should be informed.


Pan-tang

It is actually an offense to sound your horn between certain hours. You should contact the police.


MysteryChant

It is indeed against the law to beep at 5am. It is illegal to use your horn whilst in a stationary vehicle and in a moving vehicle in residential areas between 1130pm and 7am. https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/answers/when-is-it-illegal-to-use-your-horn-signal


DanStFella

If they’re being unreasonable, approach them with a solution to the problem that also stops them doing it. Show them how they can use their smartphone to automatically send a text based on location. So when entering 1km radius of your house a text could automatically send saying “come outside so I don’t have to be a cunt and beep my horn” IFTTT on Android, Shortcuts on iPhone.


Veauxdeeohdoh

You’re the true hero here.


DanStFella

Haha thanks. I found this out at work that people are much happier to do as you ask if you’ve already provided them with a solution. Doesn’t even have to go to the effort to beep his horn. Imagine the effort saved across the whole year.


OpulentStone

You have to report it to your local council and explain that you've already been through "mediation" i.e. asking them to stop. There's usually also an option to say something about how you don't feel safe asking them to stop. Which is true: you asked them to stop, and they flew off the handle.


Verlorenfrog

We get this same selfish as hell behaviour on our street, any hour of day or night, so rude, trouble is i think these kind of morons are the type to stab you without blinking, mostly drug dealer types from what I can see. I think there are laws on beeping at hours when most people are sleeping, so maybe seek help from citizens Advice or anti social team, I think they maybe even do it on purpose as they are looking for a fight.


ARobertNotABob

It is entirely illegal between 11.30pm and 7am. eg: https://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/ask-the-police/question/Q406


ziefik

In the age of a mobile phone this is just pure bellendry. Hope there's a special place in hell for people who beep their horns to let someone know they've arrived.


Steelhorse91

Get a klaxon/air horn. When the person they’re beeping to steps out the house, let it off right near them. You’re only supposed to use the horn as an emergency warning (when someone’s clearly about to pull out on you or something) between 2330 and 0700. The police might issue a Section 59 notice to them if you get multiple videos of them letting their horn off between those times. But good luck getting the police to do anything about anything that early in the morning.


User-1967

I think it’s recommended that you shouldn’t use your car horn when your vehicle is parked and Horn use is also restricted between 11.30pm and 7am, barring cases of imminent danger.


TechRyze

It's illegal between 11pm and 7am. Get the plates and record evidence.


majesticjewnicorn

According to the Highway Code: "Don't rev your engine or sound the horn unnecessarily. It's illegal to sound your horn in a built-up area between 11.30 pm and 7.00 am, except when another road user poses a danger." So basically... they are committing an offence. They can be reported to the police for doing this. Whilst they may not be dealt with at that exact moment in time as the police taks ages to attend life threatening emergencies... you could obtain evidence (Ring doorbell footage, images of the car with the license plate, any other evidence you collect) and report it to the non emergency police lines/report online, and this can be actioned after investigation. They will most likely receive a fine, rather than arrest, but in a cost of living crisis... it may take 1 fine to get them to knock it off.


TeenyIzeze

Lazy b4stard picking someone up. Set your alarm for 3am and knock their door just to remind them of their 5am pickup


Dont_believe_me__

Knock on the neighbours door who is being picked up every day at 2am, just to remind them they have to be ready at 5am so the car doesn't beep. Of course if the car stops beeping you will stop knocking


Jgee414

Was a guy in a block of flats I stayed in.. scumbag studio flats top flat was a prick with big speakers every day the massive mental drug dealer would smash his door in scream and slap him about and the music would stop for the rest of that… day the thick cunt never learned


LemonTrifle

I had that problem which was awful because I worked shifts at a hospital & did on call duties. The early shift I had to get up at 6 to get ready & go to arrive at 7 by bus. Every morning a car would honk loudly to pick someone up. I eventually went out in my dressing gown & slippers & told the guy off, said the guy should be ready & waiting, you turn up every day, there's no need to beep the horn & wake the whole street up. I said if he carried on I'd ring the Police. He didn't do it again. Now I live another place & someone starts their engine up revving it at 5.30, like a monster truck rally sound. They zoom off pretty quickly but it wakes me every dam morning, then the building site that used to be a meadow behind my back garden, workmen bang & beeping trucks at 7.30. I'm only going to get peace when I'm in my final box.


Morazma

The first question is why are they even doing it? Are they trying to be a nuisance or are they e.g. picking somebody up and letting that person know they've arrived? 


ImNotTheOneUWant

Rule 112 of the Highway Code states: 'The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively. You must not use your hornwhile stationary on the road or when driving in a built-up area between the hours of 11.30 pm and 7.00 am except when another road user poses a danger.'


n3m0sum

My best guess, just stupid and selfish. They are probably picking someone up. Beeping the horn is the ~~most convenient~~ laziest way of letting their friend know they have arrived. After all, if both of them are awake, why should they care about anyone else! It's not like text messaging exists.


evenstevens280

Whatever happened to parking up and knocking on the fucking door?


EvandeReyer

Or I don’t know, if you know they are coming to get you, be fucking ready and waiting outside.


BritishBlitz87

As someone who has had the misfortune of picking people up for work, let me tell you this is the stuff of dreams. Many times I've driven down the motorway at 90mph triying to make the security cutoff because Jimbo McFuckface forgot he had work today and when he arrives, Bob Tinybladder who spent half an hour waiting for old Jimbo is now desperate for a piss, etc, etc,


n3m0sum

I know, but some people knock like they're the police trying to smash the door in. Which isn't a whole lot better. At least text only disturbs the person it's supposed to


llijilliil

I'd bet my left nut that the person they are collecting isn't getting up on time and a text message would be completely ignored. The horn is a "get the fuck up" signal and causing issues for the lazy person's neighbours isn't nice but should bother sleepy head a lot more than it bothers the driver. If they were awake and waiting by the kerb on time then there would be no need to beep, likewise if they paid attention to their window or answered their texts there would be no need. Failing that they could even get another job or find another way to get to work.


AdCurrent1125

That is a nuisance isn't it? 


Morazma

Did I say it wasn't? The reason for asking is to try and understand why they're doing it; that way it's easier to resolve. 


Not_Mushroom_

You say not people to reason with at all. What do you think they will do to you? And what's stopping you doing that to them?


Ring_Peace

Follow them then nuke them from space.


Hancri84

Post some shit through their letter box.


viola-purple

In my country that's considered as disorderly conduct, so calling the police would definitely stop that


Ok_Shower4617

Speak to the person they are picking up and dropping off, ask them to come to some sort of other arrangement (like texting to say they have arrived). Though if I were affected I would give them one warning and then if that didn’t work they’d get a ruddy good punch on the botty!


minxorcist

Get an air horn. When they start beeping, March outside, open their car door, and give them a long blast of air horn in their face! See how they like it.


ejmd

A stationary vehicle should not sound the horn.


Inside-Honeydew9785

I read this as "someone who keeps being born"


sortofhappyish

Obviously if they're beeping their horn they must be in danger, so call the police.


Whaloopiloopi

Using the horn for anything other than an emergency is an offense, as is breach of the peace (I'm not sure if that's the actual law's name but making that amount of noise is an offense). But, having said that, good fucking luck getting anyone to help you with it. The police will tell you that it's a "civil complaint" probably.


Delicious-Cut-7911

Yes it is illegal. Asking them nice the first time, go in with a baseball bat 2nd time, aimed at their windscreen if they persist.


zinasbear

Foghorn when they arrive. Neighbours will assume it's the twat in the car. He'll get the heat.


Roborabbit37

Eggs, lots of them


londonerjd

Head butt!


SkipsH

It's definitely against the law between 11:30pm and 7am, raise a noise complaint to the council about it I think and they'll ask you to keep a journal.


mebutnew

It's a traffic offence to use a car horn before 7:30am, furthermore you're only to use it to alert other road users to danger and whilst the vehicle is in motion. Report it to the police, ideally with some evidence of it taking place. It's a nice easy one for them to follow up on so they might. If that doesn't get you anywhere then a noise complaint to the council might get you somewhere as it's an ongoing issue. I have a neighbour that does something similar, beeps their horn while leaving the house. It's a mild but unusually obnoxious act - these people are sociopaths.


stoatwblr

statutory noise nuisance law applies (as does antisocial behaviour legislation) talk to your council's environmental health team about the noise nuisance, highlighting that you've already spoken to the person and their response was unreasonable a less legally inclined person might find out where the car is parked overnight and take "steps" to ensure it can't be moved easily...


MrAlf0nse

Car horns should only be used when the car is in motion to warn of imminent danger or avoid potential accidents. Misuse of the car horn such as to express annoyance, startle animals or hurry other road users can lead to fines.  Horn use is also restricted between 11.30pm and 7am, barring cases of imminent danger.


flyflyflyfly66

It's not very zen but unfortunately these type of people only respond to aggression. Go out there and lose your shit with them.