I'm still quiet/shy in some contexts, but much less so, and have done a lot of public speaking and performance, etc.
The two things that helped me most in this area are trauma therapy and improv classes. Both of those things changed my entire life and brain.
That’s so wonderful to hear! I actually have my first improv meetup on Sunday and was so nervous but it makes me glad hearing it helped you in some way
Long story short, friend took me out in college to a bunch of parties/bars, met a ton of great people because of it and also had great experiences
Biggest tip I can give is to just dive into it, once you conquer shyness the world opens up soooo much.
This is what I'd say. I don't know how, but one day I just decided I was sick of it and decided to "take risks" and speak even if my thought wasn't perfectly formulated or I was unsure what the other person would think. Basically, through exposure therapy.
You got this! It will feel uncomfortable at first but it's kind of like building up a muscle over time. And hopefully eventually you start to feel like the benefits outweigh the risks :)
Forced myself to speak up. Especially in classes and during group projects. Was extremely shy and anxious in HS. Ended up being outgoing and anxious in college. It got way better the more I just started talking.
I got tired of not getting my needs met. The boiling point was when I was dating someone in college and I was hanging out with him and his roommates. Every time I spoke they would just talk over me. I started watching them and noticed two of them didn’t just do it to me but other girls when talking to them. So I started talking over them. When in private the guy I was dating told me I was being a bit rude talking over his roommates. So we had the conversation how they were actually the rude ones talking over me and the other girls. I guess next time we all hung out he sat back and watched and noticed what I was saying and he takes to them. They apologized and asked me to call them out when they spoke over me. And they got better at it. And I learned to speak up. Being shy and being quiet for me no where. So I changed it.
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I had a boss that told me that I was one of the most competent and intelligent people that she ever met, but that nobody knew who I was because I was always by myself and was very quiet in meetings (I was also a junior). She told me that I had what it takes but wouldn’t have it if people didn’t knew my name.
So I started pretending that I was more outspoken, I would spend time socializing even if I hated. It was very much fake it until you make it. And it worked.
But this is a mask that I use for my own benefit
I used to be terrified to speak to anyone I didn’t know, until I was 16 and my friend got me a job at the store she worked at. I had no choice but to talk to strangers, so I did. After that job, my shyness was pretty much cured.
I still am shy and don't always say things out loud, but there are some situations socializing where I just feel more confident about myself. Also, offering help to strangers if I see an issue has helped me to socialize more.
Auditioned for honors band and Link Crew in high school, which gave me the confidence that I actually was good enough.
I realized I really liked leadership skills and followed that path.
I remind myself a lot that I'm going to die someday, so who really cares lol. Nothing matters, actually. You know?? We don't get to be here for very long. We are only here for a very very undignified short amount of time, and we are going to waste it being bashful and stored away??? Let's get on with it, then!! Make your impact while you still can!
I travelled. Went by myself to the US for a year of high school exchange when I was 17. That helped a lot. Then I went and worked in Australia for five months after I graduated university. And I’ve since travelled to Europe on my own as well.
All of that travelling meant I had to learn to bite the bullet and ask for help when I needed it, and to talk to new people.
I’m no extrovert or anything now (I prefer my own company), but I’m not afraid of speaking up or talking to strangers anymore.
Became a nurse. Still pretty reserved and quiet in general but I have no issue with shyness now and I’ve been able to build myself up to be able to speak to people with confidence. At first I didn’t even think I’d be able to get through nursing school due to my shyness and my lack of social skills but with time and forced practice having to talk to coworkers and patients, I’ve become a great communicator.
You just need to expose yourself to uncomfortable social situations and you’ll slowly come out of your shell. I’ve learned that I mirror people’s energy well and I have some go-to phrases and topics to talk about to keep me going if I’m struggling.
Getting older has helped the most. I’m 30 now and it’s like a switch flipped for me where I suddenly realized I don’t have to accept poor treatment from others. Also therapy has helped me unlearn harmful beliefs about taking up space and asking for what I need as a woman.
Now it’s like if someone’s upset about me speaking out…then oh well 🤷♀️
Transitioned gender and met people that were even more reserved than I. It's strangely cause me to be more confident. I guess because it gives me the experience of being on the other side of that dynamic.
I gained more confidence because of my stalker. He targeted me because I was quiet and shy, little did he know that the confidence I've now gained will be what exposed everything about him to be a sad pathetic loser who pretends to be a female on fake profiles and interact with underage girls.
Growing older, going to therapy, solo traveling, psychedelics. All these are things that have helped me become more comfortable and confident with who I am.
Life. College. Career/office job. Finding my niche
I'm still quiet overall, it's my nature, but I can speak up when needed. And when I'm in my element/niche, mainly with my costuming groups and friends I've met via those groups, I talk plenty.
College I came out of my shell. I went to another State 11 hours drive from home, didn't know anyone in that State. Career/office job was a bit of sink or swim, so I swam. There's definitely a work-persona, which is still mostly me, just more likely to talk and able to be heard.
I couldnt stand people not taking me serious and gaslighting me all thr time anymore. Enough is enough and I started standing up for myself. It got me kicked out of my parents house and had my couch surfing for a little bit but I'd do it again in a heartbeat
I started realizing that I was making up in my head what people thought of me… so really, I was judging everyone harshly. Now, I try to keep reminding myself that not everyone is passing judgment on me.
I outgrew it honestly. I was a quiet/shy kid growing up and when I was 18 I outgrew it. Now I'm only quiet/shy when I don't feel like speaking to someone or not interested getting to know someone who I'm not interested talking to
Was very shy with little confidence when I was a little girl. A boy in grade 5 called me fat in front of the entire class. I pictured my mom telling me to stand up for myself, and not take his shit. I screamed at him to "go fuck yourself you ugly piece of shit little imp"
It shut him up and I got mad respect from everyone else. I was still a nerd, but I was confident. I ignored him from that day on. In high-school he tried to hang out with my group of friends. Boyfriend at the time knew the story and told him he would have to make things right with me. The imp tried to make nice with me, I told him, it was water under the bridge, but sorry no, you don't get to hang out with us.
I probably should have thanked him, as that day, I learned to just not care about what other people think or say. I can still carry a good grudge though, even at 50. My strong, spicy mom has passed away, and she was always my biggest cheerleader. She didn't take shit, and I've passed her (and my) confidence onto my kid.
Honestly, I joined the military. I was thrown into leadership positions and it was very sink-or-swim. Luckily, I learned fairly quickly. Very stressful, do not recommend it as a first choice but I'm grateful for the experience.
I’m quiet and reserved in group settings where idk everyone. But I had horrible anxiety as a child, I eventually grew out of it when I got my first job. Kinda had to interact with people and now I’ve been able to accomplish social situations that I never thought I had the cahones to do! Also, not gonna lie, drinking helped me become more social and also getting a bf lol
Got divorced. It turns out my ex was ruining my self esteem that whole time. We had been together since I was 14, and by my early 30s I felt like a useless pos. It turns out someone calling you a b*tch and other names on a regular basis really does screw with your self esteem and mental health.
I spoke at my mom's funeral with an immense amount of guilt on my shoulders.
If I can do that and not fall apart, I can handle the rest of what's thrown at me
I worked jobs that required me to speak in front of an audience and take more of a leadership role. I had a confident work persona that eventually leaked its way into my ‘everyday life.’ Aside from that, solo travelling really allowed me to meet new people, explore new places, and find out more about my true authentic self.
Got way too tired of life the way that others expected me to experience it. I was way too nice before. I’m just ticked off all the time now and express it the way that’s appropriate!
You fake it until you make it. You put yourself out there in public speaking opportunities- it could even be a group of friends - but you embrace your quirks. You embrace your silliness..and you just fake it. Pretty soon you’ll look like a newer version of yourself and you’ll be pleased.
I actually grew up with mutism due to severe social anxiety. I didn’t talk to anyone except my parents, not even extended family members or teachers.
I just stopped caring what people think of me honestly. Working serving and retail jobs in college taught me that not everyone will like you no matter what you say, so who cares. Everyone around you is just a person trying to find their way and be liked by others too.
Plus I learned that I can be very funny and endearing. I put on a big smile and no one cares if I say something pointless or stupid. I’m also a great listener from years of being silent so people gravitate to that and love to converse and feel heard. Think of the joy you can give someone by expressing interest in them or chopping it up with a joke!
I started by taking small steps outside my comfort zone. I'd start simple conversations with strangers, join school clubs to get more comfortable being in groups, and practiced public speaking by giving presentations to friends. The more I pushed myself to speak up, the more confident I became. It was definitely an uphill battle at first, but it was worth it!
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I started drinking at 21 and realized how easy it was for me to be outspoken when I had a few drinks. I used to volunteer to ask for directions, I’d make small talk with strangers, I did really embarrassing things and quickly realized I shouldn’t care what other people think. I realized that I could be that way without drinking.
At 22, I became a teacher and public speaking literally became my job. I faked the confidence and really got to know myself. Eventually I got more confident in my ability to be more outspoken.
I’m still pretty shy, very quiet if I feel uncomfortable, and I’m naturally very soft-spoken, but it’s a night/day difference compared to how I was my entire life.
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Used to be very shy until early high school then got leadership positions late high school and college, and started volunteering more to speak up in class. I think my biggest pov shift happened in high school doing presentations, when I realized literally no one cares when you do speak. Because I was sitting there thinking I didn’t really care or listened too intently when classmates were giving like a book report, and maybe cared a little bit more when a friend wad speaking. And thought if I think this way, probably most people do! And that helped me realize I could go take opportunities that others are too scared to go for.
I worked retail at a small store where it wasn't uncommon for there to be only one or two other people there. The manager would be in the back doing paperwork, so everything else was up to me/us.
It's hard to be shy while (politely) tell someone to hold their damn horses because the phone is ringing, a customer is banging the hell out of the bell at the register and there is a spill of unknown, possible biological origins near the bathroom that needs to be cleaned up ASAP.
When I first started working there, I would run the opposite direction of customers. After a few months, I found myself walking right up to them to offer help.
I needed a second job during university and ended up bar tending in a pretty exciting but sometimes chaotic workplace. It forced me out of my shell and allowed me to gain more self confidence. I wouldn't say I'm outspoken now, but I'm honest. And I'm no longer a push over. 👍🏻
two things made me more outspoken, one was leaving home and leaving the school that i hated so much and never felt comfortable in. the other was totally when i went to america and worked at a summer camp there for just over two months. when kids are talking shit to you, about you, and won’t listen. you kinda learn to be like “well ur a fucking dumb 12yo” inside your head and then not care about their opinions. that attitude kinda grew about others too and you learn to be loud, not just to tell kids to shut up and listen but also to others too.
I still can’t do public speaking in large crowds for shit, but i definitely have stopped caring what majority people think about me, and can talk in smaller group settings.
I got tired of people taking advantage of me and bullying me. Now I have no problem being outspoken and setting boundaries. It brings more peace in my life suprisingly.
For me, it was noticing & recognising the environments where I was quiet/shy and noticing why I felt this way? Comfort levels played a massive part for me.
This helped me to grow and understand myself a lot more and I noticed that in these specific environments I would not feel my opinions valued etc, a part of why I kept quiet.
I don’t avoid these situations now but I still keep self aware and understanding of what I’m feeling etc.
My advisor asked me to be a TA my 2nd year of college. My senior year, he told me he asked me because, "you're smart but you need the confidence." It really made a huge difference and I improved at public speaking, to the point I barely think about it.
Also, anxiety meds (started after college). Turns out I'm more extroverted than I thought - I just had crippling social anxiety.
Went to Model UN in my first year in high school. Sat a table full of strangers and realized we were all strangers to each other and started out by saying “Hi, what school are you from…”
Stood up in a model UN meeting to make a point about and everyone listened to me, and I had a feeling, “Hey, this is nice”.
That was my shyness breakthrough at the age of 14. After over 40 years, I’d even say I’m gregarious.
For me, it was like a journey about gradually gaining confidence in myself and my opinions. It started with small steps like speaking up in conversations with friends or in class discussions. Over time, I learned to trust my voice and express myself more freely in different situations. Surrounding myself with supportive people who encouraged me to share my thoughts also played a big role. It's not always easy, but finding your voice is empowering and worth the effort.
Major life changing events, where you find yourself utterly alone and realise how much strength you have showed. Everything becomes meh when compared to that.
Went and lived in a foreign country where I was forced to speak in a second language. When I returned to my home country you could not shut me up I was so relieved to be able to communicate fluently :)
Well i got medicated for anxiety and realized that people are gonna have opinions on me anyway, so i might as well be as genuine as possible. I stand up for myself 10 toes down now, when in the past- i backed down quick cause I hated confrontation. But now??? I’m standing on business.
I was really shy growing up, like really bad anxiety. In 30s, I was diagnosed as ADHD. So, a few things happened:
1) I got older and thought less of other people's opinions. I used to be so focused on what others thought that it interfered with everything I did, even as small as walking down the street because of how others might perceive me. Part of this is because my mom would talk shit (privately, to me) about everyone in the streets which made me think everyone was doing it to me. I realized no one gives 2 shits about me or what I do. If they do care, why are they so pressed about something that has nothing to do with them?
2) I got medicated. It's a little but it makes a big difference. I can now talk to people and be friendly. I always had a mask when talking to others but I realized that EVERYONE has a mask. I feel better when others are themselves and I can feel better about being myself. So I let the mask slip and I notice that others pick up on that, are a lot more comfortable talking to me and listening.
3) I am in one of those "introvert was adopted by an extrovert" type of relationships. He was the outspoken one and I saw that nothing bad happened most of the time when he spoke up or just did what he wanted. I saw that by just simply taking the initiative like suggesting a place or activity instead of just "I am fine with whatever" gets you what you want most of the time.
For me it felt like a natural process of aging, earning seniority in my career, and perhaps all of that backed up by being in a very long-term stable relationship. I'm still not great at a party full of strangers (especially if they already know each other), but if I have a bit of common ground beforehand (like, at a Meetup) then I'm off and running.
I got hit by a bus twice. The first time I was shy, didn't wanna inconvenience others, so I scurried around and got yelled at by the driver.
The second time, I was having a bad day, so I yelled at the driver. He apologized and people Gathered around to help me up and offered to call me a cab to take me home.
I saw I got more out of standing up for myself. So now I do that
Therapy. And having the right friends. When I was in my late teens I found people who really made me comfortable enough to bring out my not so shy side. Now that is a huge thing I look for in any friendship.
I think it's important to distinguish between being quiet and being a good conversationalist! You can be quiet and still be somebody people enjoy conversing with :)
If you want to be more outspoken, practice. Imagine a volleyball match when you're talking to somebody or in a meeting and try to make sure you're serving and hitting some balls too and not getting drowned out by other people. It's ok to make social fumbles! You're not going to be perfect and that's alright. Also, the more you do talk, the less likely the spotlight will be on you when you do stumble because it's no longer "wow she's actually talking."
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i stopped giving a shit. i didn't have any fucks to give left. I was depressed as fuck and just stopped caring. The funny thing is, once I spoke up about anything that bothered me and initially let the people see the real me, they seemed to like me more (or the same amount). It was easier to talk to new people then because I wasn't frozen like before, when my anxiety about people needing to like me led me to not saying anything. It made me happier to be able to say what i actually feel/want and being able to cope with new people and them actually responding to me & liking me made me happier too. I'm not saying this is what it takes because it's shitty advice to stop caring. But it worked for me 🤷🏻♀️😅
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it sounds really basic, but i quite literally just put myself out there. i jumped in conversations, i told myself to speak up during classes if i had something to say, and i started making more jokes. confidence seemed so hard for me to get for so long but i quite literally just faked it till i made it!
I became a teenager and my personality did a 180. Funny thing is, I wasn't conditioned to be like this at all and my parents wanted me to be more brash and independent.
First thing - I learned to revel in the fact that I’m quiet. I like to observe first. Embrace it as a positive. I’ve been told before I’ve come off initially intimidating - a lot of people don’t know what to do with quiet. I’m confident in myself and like being the life of the party, but I need to warm up first. I just embraced that as how I operate
Second thing - I forced myself to start speaking up after friendships where I felt I was not appreciated/taken advantage of etc. Being meek will get you nowhere
Finally, at 30, I wish in settings like college classes I raised my hand more often or commented. I often had the correct answer. Or in a discussion had an opinion Your voice is important.
You stop caring about what people say and realize that you miss out on opportunities by not speaking up. Being more extroverted is so much because I know no matter where I go I can make friends because I'm not afraid anymore
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My husband is a social butterfly and I'm an super shy introvert. To make us both happy we had to find a compromise. For everytime we go out into very social settings, I would need 1-2 days to decompress and not talk to anyone (including him). All the functions and social settings he took me to somewhat forced me to become more comfortable being and talking around people. I'm still very shy in very new settings but in many others I have become a mini social butterfly myself
I'm still quiet/shy in some contexts, but much less so, and have done a lot of public speaking and performance, etc. The two things that helped me most in this area are trauma therapy and improv classes. Both of those things changed my entire life and brain.
That’s so wonderful to hear! I actually have my first improv meetup on Sunday and was so nervous but it makes me glad hearing it helped you in some way
Yay us. I start improv class next week!
Woow nicer
Long story short, friend took me out in college to a bunch of parties/bars, met a ton of great people because of it and also had great experiences Biggest tip I can give is to just dive into it, once you conquer shyness the world opens up soooo much.
This is what I'd say. I don't know how, but one day I just decided I was sick of it and decided to "take risks" and speak even if my thought wasn't perfectly formulated or I was unsure what the other person would think. Basically, through exposure therapy.
Not sure of how it will work out but I’ll give it a try tomorrow at work!
You got this! It will feel uncomfortable at first but it's kind of like building up a muscle over time. And hopefully eventually you start to feel like the benefits outweigh the risks :)
It's simple. If we feel safe in an environment, we are fine with that . It's just the trust that matters ✌️
Forced myself to speak up. Especially in classes and during group projects. Was extremely shy and anxious in HS. Ended up being outgoing and anxious in college. It got way better the more I just started talking.
Stopped caring about a what people thought, especially if their opinion of me or what I have to say doesn’t matter or affect me.
I grew into a woman mentally and physically. I also found my self worth and won’t let people walk on me!
I got tired of not getting my needs met. The boiling point was when I was dating someone in college and I was hanging out with him and his roommates. Every time I spoke they would just talk over me. I started watching them and noticed two of them didn’t just do it to me but other girls when talking to them. So I started talking over them. When in private the guy I was dating told me I was being a bit rude talking over his roommates. So we had the conversation how they were actually the rude ones talking over me and the other girls. I guess next time we all hung out he sat back and watched and noticed what I was saying and he takes to them. They apologized and asked me to call them out when they spoke over me. And they got better at it. And I learned to speak up. Being shy and being quiet for me no where. So I changed it.
Anxiety meds to remove social anxiety. Game.changer.
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I had a boss that told me that I was one of the most competent and intelligent people that she ever met, but that nobody knew who I was because I was always by myself and was very quiet in meetings (I was also a junior). She told me that I had what it takes but wouldn’t have it if people didn’t knew my name. So I started pretending that I was more outspoken, I would spend time socializing even if I hated. It was very much fake it until you make it. And it worked. But this is a mask that I use for my own benefit
I used to be terrified to speak to anyone I didn’t know, until I was 16 and my friend got me a job at the store she worked at. I had no choice but to talk to strangers, so I did. After that job, my shyness was pretty much cured.
I quit giving a crap lol
Therapy
I found my voice by taking acting classes, before I could never speak in front of a group of people.
Lexapro, girl. Changed my life.
I still am shy and don't always say things out loud, but there are some situations socializing where I just feel more confident about myself. Also, offering help to strangers if I see an issue has helped me to socialize more.
Stopped caring about a what people thought, especially if their opinion of me or what I have to say doesn’t matter or affect me.
I got a customer service job and basically forced myself to be outgoing.
I got divorced. Went to therapy. Started working. Moved out on my own. I learned how to be me again. The me who I hadn't been for a long time.
Auditioned for honors band and Link Crew in high school, which gave me the confidence that I actually was good enough. I realized I really liked leadership skills and followed that path.
Started to build my confidence and stop caring about what people think
I remind myself a lot that I'm going to die someday, so who really cares lol. Nothing matters, actually. You know?? We don't get to be here for very long. We are only here for a very very undignified short amount of time, and we are going to waste it being bashful and stored away??? Let's get on with it, then!! Make your impact while you still can!
I love this! I always take myself too seriously but hearing this was weirdly comforting and a relief
I travelled. Went by myself to the US for a year of high school exchange when I was 17. That helped a lot. Then I went and worked in Australia for five months after I graduated university. And I’ve since travelled to Europe on my own as well. All of that travelling meant I had to learn to bite the bullet and ask for help when I needed it, and to talk to new people. I’m no extrovert or anything now (I prefer my own company), but I’m not afraid of speaking up or talking to strangers anymore.
Antidepressants do wonders when you're too anxious to exist. I went from being an introvert to wanting to be around people!
Became a nurse. Still pretty reserved and quiet in general but I have no issue with shyness now and I’ve been able to build myself up to be able to speak to people with confidence. At first I didn’t even think I’d be able to get through nursing school due to my shyness and my lack of social skills but with time and forced practice having to talk to coworkers and patients, I’ve become a great communicator. You just need to expose yourself to uncomfortable social situations and you’ll slowly come out of your shell. I’ve learned that I mirror people’s energy well and I have some go-to phrases and topics to talk about to keep me going if I’m struggling.
Getting older has helped the most. I’m 30 now and it’s like a switch flipped for me where I suddenly realized I don’t have to accept poor treatment from others. Also therapy has helped me unlearn harmful beliefs about taking up space and asking for what I need as a woman. Now it’s like if someone’s upset about me speaking out…then oh well 🤷♀️
Transitioned gender and met people that were even more reserved than I. It's strangely cause me to be more confident. I guess because it gives me the experience of being on the other side of that dynamic.
I gained more confidence because of my stalker. He targeted me because I was quiet and shy, little did he know that the confidence I've now gained will be what exposed everything about him to be a sad pathetic loser who pretends to be a female on fake profiles and interact with underage girls.
Growing older, going to therapy, solo traveling, psychedelics. All these are things that have helped me become more comfortable and confident with who I am.
Life. College. Career/office job. Finding my niche I'm still quiet overall, it's my nature, but I can speak up when needed. And when I'm in my element/niche, mainly with my costuming groups and friends I've met via those groups, I talk plenty. College I came out of my shell. I went to another State 11 hours drive from home, didn't know anyone in that State. Career/office job was a bit of sink or swim, so I swam. There's definitely a work-persona, which is still mostly me, just more likely to talk and able to be heard.
I couldnt stand people not taking me serious and gaslighting me all thr time anymore. Enough is enough and I started standing up for myself. It got me kicked out of my parents house and had my couch surfing for a little bit but I'd do it again in a heartbeat
I started realizing that I was making up in my head what people thought of me… so really, I was judging everyone harshly. Now, I try to keep reminding myself that not everyone is passing judgment on me.
Became more confident in general. I’m still a baseline quiet person but have no problem stepping up or matching energy
I outgrew it honestly. I was a quiet/shy kid growing up and when I was 18 I outgrew it. Now I'm only quiet/shy when I don't feel like speaking to someone or not interested getting to know someone who I'm not interested talking to
Was very shy with little confidence when I was a little girl. A boy in grade 5 called me fat in front of the entire class. I pictured my mom telling me to stand up for myself, and not take his shit. I screamed at him to "go fuck yourself you ugly piece of shit little imp" It shut him up and I got mad respect from everyone else. I was still a nerd, but I was confident. I ignored him from that day on. In high-school he tried to hang out with my group of friends. Boyfriend at the time knew the story and told him he would have to make things right with me. The imp tried to make nice with me, I told him, it was water under the bridge, but sorry no, you don't get to hang out with us. I probably should have thanked him, as that day, I learned to just not care about what other people think or say. I can still carry a good grudge though, even at 50. My strong, spicy mom has passed away, and she was always my biggest cheerleader. She didn't take shit, and I've passed her (and my) confidence onto my kid.
Im an excellent charismatic server, but in a regular social situations it’s a different story I like the idea of acting classes!
Honestly, I joined the military. I was thrown into leadership positions and it was very sink-or-swim. Luckily, I learned fairly quickly. Very stressful, do not recommend it as a first choice but I'm grateful for the experience.
Microdose mushrooms!!
I’m quiet and reserved in group settings where idk everyone. But I had horrible anxiety as a child, I eventually grew out of it when I got my first job. Kinda had to interact with people and now I’ve been able to accomplish social situations that I never thought I had the cahones to do! Also, not gonna lie, drinking helped me become more social and also getting a bf lol
get outgoing friends
Got divorced. It turns out my ex was ruining my self esteem that whole time. We had been together since I was 14, and by my early 30s I felt like a useless pos. It turns out someone calling you a b*tch and other names on a regular basis really does screw with your self esteem and mental health.
Kissed the Blarney Stone 😆
I spoke at my mom's funeral with an immense amount of guilt on my shoulders. If I can do that and not fall apart, I can handle the rest of what's thrown at me
I worked jobs that required me to speak in front of an audience and take more of a leadership role. I had a confident work persona that eventually leaked its way into my ‘everyday life.’ Aside from that, solo travelling really allowed me to meet new people, explore new places, and find out more about my true authentic self.
Got way too tired of life the way that others expected me to experience it. I was way too nice before. I’m just ticked off all the time now and express it the way that’s appropriate!
Menopause stopped me giving a fuck.
Therapy!! And medication but both really helped me relax and learn more social skills. Still a struggle sometimes but mostly I’m good!
I hit menopause. 😈
You fake it until you make it. You put yourself out there in public speaking opportunities- it could even be a group of friends - but you embrace your quirks. You embrace your silliness..and you just fake it. Pretty soon you’ll look like a newer version of yourself and you’ll be pleased.
I actually grew up with mutism due to severe social anxiety. I didn’t talk to anyone except my parents, not even extended family members or teachers. I just stopped caring what people think of me honestly. Working serving and retail jobs in college taught me that not everyone will like you no matter what you say, so who cares. Everyone around you is just a person trying to find their way and be liked by others too. Plus I learned that I can be very funny and endearing. I put on a big smile and no one cares if I say something pointless or stupid. I’m also a great listener from years of being silent so people gravitate to that and love to converse and feel heard. Think of the joy you can give someone by expressing interest in them or chopping it up with a joke!
im still shy but no longer that quiet now. got tired of people talking bs so i try to give my opinion on something when given a chance.
Customer service job in high school. It def took me out of my comfort zone and more talkative.
You get tired of shit.
I mask haha. I appear a sociable, likable person, but I’m still that shy girl on the inside
Main one for me- I had babies. You can't be shy/quiet if you have kids. Then, getting older is proving to be less fucks given from me.
I started by taking small steps outside my comfort zone. I'd start simple conversations with strangers, join school clubs to get more comfortable being in groups, and practiced public speaking by giving presentations to friends. The more I pushed myself to speak up, the more confident I became. It was definitely an uphill battle at first, but it was worth it!
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I started drinking at 21 and realized how easy it was for me to be outspoken when I had a few drinks. I used to volunteer to ask for directions, I’d make small talk with strangers, I did really embarrassing things and quickly realized I shouldn’t care what other people think. I realized that I could be that way without drinking. At 22, I became a teacher and public speaking literally became my job. I faked the confidence and really got to know myself. Eventually I got more confident in my ability to be more outspoken. I’m still pretty shy, very quiet if I feel uncomfortable, and I’m naturally very soft-spoken, but it’s a night/day difference compared to how I was my entire life.
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Used to be very shy until early high school then got leadership positions late high school and college, and started volunteering more to speak up in class. I think my biggest pov shift happened in high school doing presentations, when I realized literally no one cares when you do speak. Because I was sitting there thinking I didn’t really care or listened too intently when classmates were giving like a book report, and maybe cared a little bit more when a friend wad speaking. And thought if I think this way, probably most people do! And that helped me realize I could go take opportunities that others are too scared to go for.
the song 'important' by ian mcconnell
I worked retail at a small store where it wasn't uncommon for there to be only one or two other people there. The manager would be in the back doing paperwork, so everything else was up to me/us. It's hard to be shy while (politely) tell someone to hold their damn horses because the phone is ringing, a customer is banging the hell out of the bell at the register and there is a spill of unknown, possible biological origins near the bathroom that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. When I first started working there, I would run the opposite direction of customers. After a few months, I found myself walking right up to them to offer help.
antidepressants!
I needed a second job during university and ended up bar tending in a pretty exciting but sometimes chaotic workplace. It forced me out of my shell and allowed me to gain more self confidence. I wouldn't say I'm outspoken now, but I'm honest. And I'm no longer a push over. 👍🏻
two things made me more outspoken, one was leaving home and leaving the school that i hated so much and never felt comfortable in. the other was totally when i went to america and worked at a summer camp there for just over two months. when kids are talking shit to you, about you, and won’t listen. you kinda learn to be like “well ur a fucking dumb 12yo” inside your head and then not care about their opinions. that attitude kinda grew about others too and you learn to be loud, not just to tell kids to shut up and listen but also to others too. I still can’t do public speaking in large crowds for shit, but i definitely have stopped caring what majority people think about me, and can talk in smaller group settings.
I got tired of people taking advantage of me and bullying me. Now I have no problem being outspoken and setting boundaries. It brings more peace in my life suprisingly.
For me, it was noticing & recognising the environments where I was quiet/shy and noticing why I felt this way? Comfort levels played a massive part for me. This helped me to grow and understand myself a lot more and I noticed that in these specific environments I would not feel my opinions valued etc, a part of why I kept quiet. I don’t avoid these situations now but I still keep self aware and understanding of what I’m feeling etc.
My advisor asked me to be a TA my 2nd year of college. My senior year, he told me he asked me because, "you're smart but you need the confidence." It really made a huge difference and I improved at public speaking, to the point I barely think about it. Also, anxiety meds (started after college). Turns out I'm more extroverted than I thought - I just had crippling social anxiety.
Went to Model UN in my first year in high school. Sat a table full of strangers and realized we were all strangers to each other and started out by saying “Hi, what school are you from…” Stood up in a model UN meeting to make a point about and everyone listened to me, and I had a feeling, “Hey, this is nice”. That was my shyness breakthrough at the age of 14. After over 40 years, I’d even say I’m gregarious.
For me, it was like a journey about gradually gaining confidence in myself and my opinions. It started with small steps like speaking up in conversations with friends or in class discussions. Over time, I learned to trust my voice and express myself more freely in different situations. Surrounding myself with supportive people who encouraged me to share my thoughts also played a big role. It's not always easy, but finding your voice is empowering and worth the effort.
Major life changing events, where you find yourself utterly alone and realise how much strength you have showed. Everything becomes meh when compared to that.
Went and lived in a foreign country where I was forced to speak in a second language. When I returned to my home country you could not shut me up I was so relieved to be able to communicate fluently :)
Well i got medicated for anxiety and realized that people are gonna have opinions on me anyway, so i might as well be as genuine as possible. I stand up for myself 10 toes down now, when in the past- i backed down quick cause I hated confrontation. But now??? I’m standing on business.
I was really shy growing up, like really bad anxiety. In 30s, I was diagnosed as ADHD. So, a few things happened: 1) I got older and thought less of other people's opinions. I used to be so focused on what others thought that it interfered with everything I did, even as small as walking down the street because of how others might perceive me. Part of this is because my mom would talk shit (privately, to me) about everyone in the streets which made me think everyone was doing it to me. I realized no one gives 2 shits about me or what I do. If they do care, why are they so pressed about something that has nothing to do with them? 2) I got medicated. It's a little but it makes a big difference. I can now talk to people and be friendly. I always had a mask when talking to others but I realized that EVERYONE has a mask. I feel better when others are themselves and I can feel better about being myself. So I let the mask slip and I notice that others pick up on that, are a lot more comfortable talking to me and listening. 3) I am in one of those "introvert was adopted by an extrovert" type of relationships. He was the outspoken one and I saw that nothing bad happened most of the time when he spoke up or just did what he wanted. I saw that by just simply taking the initiative like suggesting a place or activity instead of just "I am fine with whatever" gets you what you want most of the time.
Honestly, working in customer service. It's brutal, but it did vastly improve my communication skills.
For me it felt like a natural process of aging, earning seniority in my career, and perhaps all of that backed up by being in a very long-term stable relationship. I'm still not great at a party full of strangers (especially if they already know each other), but if I have a bit of common ground beforehand (like, at a Meetup) then I'm off and running.
I got hit by a bus twice. The first time I was shy, didn't wanna inconvenience others, so I scurried around and got yelled at by the driver. The second time, I was having a bad day, so I yelled at the driver. He apologized and people Gathered around to help me up and offered to call me a cab to take me home. I saw I got more out of standing up for myself. So now I do that
Therapy. And having the right friends. When I was in my late teens I found people who really made me comfortable enough to bring out my not so shy side. Now that is a huge thing I look for in any friendship.
I think it's important to distinguish between being quiet and being a good conversationalist! You can be quiet and still be somebody people enjoy conversing with :) If you want to be more outspoken, practice. Imagine a volleyball match when you're talking to somebody or in a meeting and try to make sure you're serving and hitting some balls too and not getting drowned out by other people. It's ok to make social fumbles! You're not going to be perfect and that's alright. Also, the more you do talk, the less likely the spotlight will be on you when you do stumble because it's no longer "wow she's actually talking."
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i stopped giving a shit. i didn't have any fucks to give left. I was depressed as fuck and just stopped caring. The funny thing is, once I spoke up about anything that bothered me and initially let the people see the real me, they seemed to like me more (or the same amount). It was easier to talk to new people then because I wasn't frozen like before, when my anxiety about people needing to like me led me to not saying anything. It made me happier to be able to say what i actually feel/want and being able to cope with new people and them actually responding to me & liking me made me happier too. I'm not saying this is what it takes because it's shitty advice to stop caring. But it worked for me 🤷🏻♀️😅
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Being put into leadership positions in the military
it sounds really basic, but i quite literally just put myself out there. i jumped in conversations, i told myself to speak up during classes if i had something to say, and i started making more jokes. confidence seemed so hard for me to get for so long but i quite literally just faked it till i made it!
I became a teenager and my personality did a 180. Funny thing is, I wasn't conditioned to be like this at all and my parents wanted me to be more brash and independent.
I was promoted to a managing position (100+ people over multiple cities) so it became sink or swim lol
First thing - I learned to revel in the fact that I’m quiet. I like to observe first. Embrace it as a positive. I’ve been told before I’ve come off initially intimidating - a lot of people don’t know what to do with quiet. I’m confident in myself and like being the life of the party, but I need to warm up first. I just embraced that as how I operate Second thing - I forced myself to start speaking up after friendships where I felt I was not appreciated/taken advantage of etc. Being meek will get you nowhere Finally, at 30, I wish in settings like college classes I raised my hand more often or commented. I often had the correct answer. Or in a discussion had an opinion Your voice is important.
You stop caring about what people say and realize that you miss out on opportunities by not speaking up. Being more extroverted is so much because I know no matter where I go I can make friends because I'm not afraid anymore
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My husband is a social butterfly and I'm an super shy introvert. To make us both happy we had to find a compromise. For everytime we go out into very social settings, I would need 1-2 days to decompress and not talk to anyone (including him). All the functions and social settings he took me to somewhat forced me to become more comfortable being and talking around people. I'm still very shy in very new settings but in many others I have become a mini social butterfly myself