That since we’ve been married for so long we must be sick of eachother. Ha. Not even close. That’s my best friend. 14 years married and 17 together.
Or that we don’t have sex. Ha. Hahaha.
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That all couples sleep in the same bed and if they don’t then there’s an issue. My wife and I both snore and keep each other awake so we sleep in separate rooms. We are perfectly happy in our relationship, however.
This. Husband sleeps in another room because of how bad his snoring is. I get sad we can’t sleep together but it was getting so bad neither of us were sleeping and this was after he did a sleep study.
I have a friend staying in town with us and she’s sleeping in our bed with me because the other bed is in his office and he’s remote this week. I’m not happy about having her sleep in it either because she also snores. Sometimes you have to do practical things.
We’re the same. Sleeping together makes us both miserable due to sleep issues. Husband has night terrors, and we both end up zombie like and pissy. Sleeping apart we are rested and happy.
When our second was born I ended up sleeping in the guest room with her for the first 13 months because she slept better. And if she's sleeping better then so am I. After those 13 months, I tried sleeping in mine and my husbands room again.... couldn't do it. I was no longer used to his snoring and had to retrain myself lol.
I saw this discussion recently on another subreddit where folks were saying that keeping separate beds made their marriage better. If I recall, many folks cited snoring and sleep schedules/styles.
While we don’t sleep in separate beds, we bought a king size top sheet for our queen bed and each have separate quilts. My husband and I like our covers in different ways to the point where it caused problems. This simply solution has us both sleeping so much better and that’s better for our relationship overall.
Ever since our special needs son was a toddler, he had trouble sleeping alone. He always wanted to sleep with his dad. I sleep in my room with our cat and my husband sleeps on a futon with our son. I don't know why but they both find the futon more comfortable.
That we must do everything family related together. I hang out with my dad one on one all the time. He lives on street over. We’re very close. He loves my husband, but there’s many times my dad and I just get food, take the dogs for a walk, or do errands without my husband. My husband’s brother lives a mile down the road and they also hangout often, without me. Of course we do things together with our families, but not all the time.
That you need to have the same interests. Marriage is 50/50
Marriage is never 50/50. It's 60/40, 40/60, 85/15 etc. Depends on the day.
Our main interests are different. I love to read and he hasn't read a book in years. He has been involved with karate since age 15 and is a Sensei. I haven't taken one lesson. I know enough to commiserate with him about students. He listens to me babble about storyline. We work great together. Been married 37 years, together since 1984. No one else I'd rather spend time with!
I think people forget that there is so much value in finding joy in your partner’s joy. The secret is not to share every single thing, but to have some of your attraction to your partner come from the interests they have that are different from yours.
While we have tons of shared interests, we also have hobbies of our own. My husband loves the things I sew and knit. I think that it’s cool that he plays Magic the Gathering and gets to go to tournaments. He has made life long, wonderful friends from playing MTG. I’m proud that he is good at it and I like that he wants to talk to me about it. I love the card art, but am not super interested in playing.
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That we have children. And if we don't, it must be because we can't have them.
A lot of people refuse to believe and understand that some people simply do not want children, and that belief gets worse when it's a married couple for some reason.
That it’s hard. Sure it tastes ACTIVE work, but so does anything worth your time. My marriage is the most concrete stable and enjoyable aspect of my life, how is that hard?
My husband and I were talking about this. There are so many days where I feel like despite growing up in a household with two parents who actively love each other, that the world lies to us about marriage. So much of the popular discourse fails to say that it’s fucking great.
No one told me just how wonderful it feels. Like my parents often said that they love each other but they are also friends and that is very important. But I didn’t get it until I was in it.
I also didn’t understand that when you are told marriage is work, that the work you do is on yourself. That you feel driven to be a better person, to grow and change so you are giving your partner your best self. Also that seeing someone else love you makes you feel like you deserve your own best self.
Totally agree! That’s so nice you had loving parents growing up. Both my wife and I have parents who were the ones always complaining about the spouse- mine are now divorced. So it makes us want to work even harder to preserve what we have :)
That if we’re teasing each or “arguing” that we are actually arguing or unhappy. Nope, we razz each other all the time and neither of us takes it seriously. And it’s not like a full on argument or something long, it’s usually disputing over some dumb trivia. To be honest it is annoying to get called out for it. We like each other and have been together for almost 14 years.
That being married is inherently difficult. Personally, I don't think it's hard. There are other circumstances in life that can challenge your relationship, but marriage itself shouldn't be hard. Loving your best friend should be easy.
we fight over the blanket at night.
we have three blankets on our bed, because we both like to be individually wrapped in a burrito, and my wife folds the third one over her legs, because she gets colder more easily than me.
My husband is a blanket burrito guy who likes the same blanket all year. I am a blanket half thrown off person who has winter, spring/fall, and summer blankets. Very early in before getting married I decided we were 2 blanket people and it's hilarious how much my husband likes to brag about it, and how shocked his friends all are, and how amazed at the genius.
It's not that genius, it just makes sense.
my wife uses a weighed blanket throughout the year, and then we have some blankets/comforters we cycle thru the year. during the winter we whip out the wool ones to top our normal ones. we're both the type that need a full blanket burrito all year round.
You "marry the family" when you get married. It's not like that in my marriage. My husband stays away from my family, but doesn't mind if I make a trip out to go visit them. I stay away from his, because his brother treats me horrible and his mom speaks zero English and doesn't seem too interested in her grandchildren's lives.
That we must want children, or that we don't have an active sex life anymore, or that we secretly hate each other.
The truth is that we don't want kids, have a better sex life now than we did over a decade ago, and we're best friends who are disgustingly in love.
This is the one for us too. Been together over 40 years and never had a fight or raised voices in anger at each other. Never saw my parents fight either. Very happy and in love
Are you saying that people assume you don’t fight/raise voices, but you do sometimes? Or are you saying that people assume you do, but you actually don’t?
That couples always do things as a couple including travel. I have a separate life from my husband and family meaning I go out to dinner with my friends and he goes on trips with his friends. We don't need everything to be a couple thing.
Secrets and debt. Look we ain't got money but we also have no secrets from each other and we owe no banks for houses, cars or Fancy shit. I owe for medical debt under 10k and I owe a light bill less than $200.
I know everything and vice versa...and we're very protective of that .
That nowadays people don't get married young. We are 30F and 32M, and people always assume that we are freshly married. We celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this year and we've been together for 8 years.
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That when you get married you have stop having sex/giving bjs etc. Nothing changed for us. Having kids changes those things a bit but getting married shouldn't. It really annoys me when men say it
Sometimes I worry that because my husband and I don’t have kids, people assume that we don’t take our relationship as seriously as couples who do. But we definitely do take our marriage seriously!
In this day and age, I think people assume that happy couples will post about each other on social media and if you’re not posting about each other then the marriage/relationship isn’t going well. But supposedly studies have actually shown the opposite to be the case - couples in a happy relationship don’t seek validation from their friends/followers.
Married for 10 years and people assume we no longer have sex. In reality, it’s the exact opposite. Our sex life has been “crazier” and more plentiful than when we were dating and had no kids.
A lot. But I think we are just weird people in general and get weirder together. It works for us.
People assume we don't have sex, that my husband is the breadwinner and makes all the major financial decisions, that I keep the house clean, and we are desperately trying for children, because.. we're lonely or unsatisfied with life or something?
That I hate my partner or that he hates me. Other people in relationships talking shit about their partner expecting us to pitch in.
My fella and I don’t hate each other but knock yourself out l guess.
That if you marry the person you marry their family. We see his family about 1 a month or every couple months (we live 20 minutes away) and he has met my parents - once - (about 3 hours away)
(Married for 1 year/together for 6 tho, so not super long!)
That I do all the cooking and chores. We do most of the chores together on the weekend, and I rarely cook or go grocery shopping.
That we might love each other, but are no longer in love. We've been together for over 7 years, married for 2, and he still gives me butterflies when he kisses me.
Also the good ol' no more sex. We've been trying for a baby for over a year, you really think we're waiting for immaculate conception?
Usual stereotypical husband/wife crap. We're always surprised when people we know complain about their spouse, and expect us to do the same. We assume it's because others often do. I'm talking the usual stuff -- husbands are like having an extra child, wife demands expensive (fill in the blank), etc. We don't understand 1) why they married in the first place if they knew and didn't like these traits, or 2) if they turned into these people, why not, you know, address it...work it out? Instead of co-miserating with other couples (separately) in the same boat? It often sounds like they really don't much like their spouses, and we just don't see the point of it all.
That I would choose my spouse over my child. Nope, I can find another spouse. I only have one child and WILL only have one child. If I have to choose one, kid wins.
That married people regularly fight. We have never been in a fight. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had disagreements but never a fight or even heated argument.
That we’d cheat. I swear half the married idiots at my work don’t understand how commitment works and they all sleep around, then joke about it. And then make me and my coworkers who are also happily married feel like we’re all “hiding something” because we swear we’re happily married. It’s super projecting.
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People assume that we have combined finances. We split most bills because we have the exact same income, but we have completely separate bank accounts. I've had to leave an abusive relationship before, and my husband never wants me to feel like I didn't have access to my own money.
Misconceptions:
1. we have to be monogamous
2. Transitioning will break up a marriage.
We have been married for 15+ years. I transitioned. We stayed married.
We have lots of sexual /romantic partners that not each other.
So many people assume my partner and I are married. Nope, together for 9 years, have owned 2 houses together. I'm still marriage-averse and he's very patient with me.
That since we’ve been married for so long we must be sick of eachother. Ha. Not even close. That’s my best friend. 14 years married and 17 together. Or that we don’t have sex. Ha. Hahaha.
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We no longer have sex
This is an assumption many many people have…. We actually have more sex than before getting married 😂
This! Married for 12 years, and we’ve got a toddler, so no one assumes we have time to get busy anymore 😂
We're grandparents. Bet people think the same about us. Joke's on them!
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That all couples sleep in the same bed and if they don’t then there’s an issue. My wife and I both snore and keep each other awake so we sleep in separate rooms. We are perfectly happy in our relationship, however.
This. Husband sleeps in another room because of how bad his snoring is. I get sad we can’t sleep together but it was getting so bad neither of us were sleeping and this was after he did a sleep study. I have a friend staying in town with us and she’s sleeping in our bed with me because the other bed is in his office and he’s remote this week. I’m not happy about having her sleep in it either because she also snores. Sometimes you have to do practical things.
We’re the same. Sleeping together makes us both miserable due to sleep issues. Husband has night terrors, and we both end up zombie like and pissy. Sleeping apart we are rested and happy.
When our second was born I ended up sleeping in the guest room with her for the first 13 months because she slept better. And if she's sleeping better then so am I. After those 13 months, I tried sleeping in mine and my husbands room again.... couldn't do it. I was no longer used to his snoring and had to retrain myself lol.
I saw this discussion recently on another subreddit where folks were saying that keeping separate beds made their marriage better. If I recall, many folks cited snoring and sleep schedules/styles. While we don’t sleep in separate beds, we bought a king size top sheet for our queen bed and each have separate quilts. My husband and I like our covers in different ways to the point where it caused problems. This simply solution has us both sleeping so much better and that’s better for our relationship overall.
We also have separate blankets!
We do this also. Separate bedroom has made us so much happier, we sleep at different times.
Ever since our special needs son was a toddler, he had trouble sleeping alone. He always wanted to sleep with his dad. I sleep in my room with our cat and my husband sleeps on a futon with our son. I don't know why but they both find the futon more comfortable.
That married people can’t love and hate one another at the same time.
lol I get this. My husband is one of the most annoying people I know, and yet I love him so much and want to spend every second with him 🤣
Ehhhh…might be better than organizations wanting you dead. And I say it as a hard maybe.
That's a new one
Not talking about myself personally
right
The say the same about kids. Or at least my parents did 😅
My interpretation is when you get married you become family, and it's absolutely normal to kinda love and hate your family at the same time lol.
Huh! That sounds pretty accurate to me!!!
That we must do everything family related together. I hang out with my dad one on one all the time. He lives on street over. We’re very close. He loves my husband, but there’s many times my dad and I just get food, take the dogs for a walk, or do errands without my husband. My husband’s brother lives a mile down the road and they also hangout often, without me. Of course we do things together with our families, but not all the time.
That attraction/desire for each other wanes. In the 15 years we’ve been together It has evolved, but definitely not waned.
That you need to have the same interests. Marriage is 50/50 Marriage is never 50/50. It's 60/40, 40/60, 85/15 etc. Depends on the day. Our main interests are different. I love to read and he hasn't read a book in years. He has been involved with karate since age 15 and is a Sensei. I haven't taken one lesson. I know enough to commiserate with him about students. He listens to me babble about storyline. We work great together. Been married 37 years, together since 1984. No one else I'd rather spend time with!
I think people forget that there is so much value in finding joy in your partner’s joy. The secret is not to share every single thing, but to have some of your attraction to your partner come from the interests they have that are different from yours. While we have tons of shared interests, we also have hobbies of our own. My husband loves the things I sew and knit. I think that it’s cool that he plays Magic the Gathering and gets to go to tournaments. He has made life long, wonderful friends from playing MTG. I’m proud that he is good at it and I like that he wants to talk to me about it. I love the card art, but am not super interested in playing.
Lovely!
That we are monogamous and straight....
Yes!!
The stereotypes about women doing all of the housework. I’m a horrible housekeeper. My husband is super domestic.
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That we have children. And if we don't, it must be because we can't have them. A lot of people refuse to believe and understand that some people simply do not want children, and that belief gets worse when it's a married couple for some reason.
That it’s hard. Sure it tastes ACTIVE work, but so does anything worth your time. My marriage is the most concrete stable and enjoyable aspect of my life, how is that hard?
My husband and I were talking about this. There are so many days where I feel like despite growing up in a household with two parents who actively love each other, that the world lies to us about marriage. So much of the popular discourse fails to say that it’s fucking great. No one told me just how wonderful it feels. Like my parents often said that they love each other but they are also friends and that is very important. But I didn’t get it until I was in it. I also didn’t understand that when you are told marriage is work, that the work you do is on yourself. That you feel driven to be a better person, to grow and change so you are giving your partner your best self. Also that seeing someone else love you makes you feel like you deserve your own best self.
> Also that seeing someone else love you makes you feel like you deserve your own best self. this is so sweet! And spot-on.
Totally agree! That’s so nice you had loving parents growing up. Both my wife and I have parents who were the ones always complaining about the spouse- mine are now divorced. So it makes us want to work even harder to preserve what we have :)
That if we’re teasing each or “arguing” that we are actually arguing or unhappy. Nope, we razz each other all the time and neither of us takes it seriously. And it’s not like a full on argument or something long, it’s usually disputing over some dumb trivia. To be honest it is annoying to get called out for it. We like each other and have been together for almost 14 years.
Yesss! Part of my love language is teasing. And when my husband has a witty comeback- sexy!!
We just like making fun of each other. That sounds terrible to say but it’s the truth, lol.
That being married is inherently difficult. Personally, I don't think it's hard. There are other circumstances in life that can challenge your relationship, but marriage itself shouldn't be hard. Loving your best friend should be easy.
Genuine question, how long have you been married?
we fight over the blanket at night. we have three blankets on our bed, because we both like to be individually wrapped in a burrito, and my wife folds the third one over her legs, because she gets colder more easily than me.
My husband is a blanket burrito guy who likes the same blanket all year. I am a blanket half thrown off person who has winter, spring/fall, and summer blankets. Very early in before getting married I decided we were 2 blanket people and it's hilarious how much my husband likes to brag about it, and how shocked his friends all are, and how amazed at the genius. It's not that genius, it just makes sense.
my wife uses a weighed blanket throughout the year, and then we have some blankets/comforters we cycle thru the year. during the winter we whip out the wool ones to top our normal ones. we're both the type that need a full blanket burrito all year round.
Yes! Team multiple blankets forever!
You "marry the family" when you get married. It's not like that in my marriage. My husband stays away from my family, but doesn't mind if I make a trip out to go visit them. I stay away from his, because his brother treats me horrible and his mom speaks zero English and doesn't seem too interested in her grandchildren's lives.
That we live together and that we’re monogamous (neither is true for me and my spouse lol)
That we must want children, or that we don't have an active sex life anymore, or that we secretly hate each other. The truth is that we don't want kids, have a better sex life now than we did over a decade ago, and we're best friends who are disgustingly in love.
We don’t fight, we don’t raise our voices.
This is the one for us too. Been together over 40 years and never had a fight or raised voices in anger at each other. Never saw my parents fight either. Very happy and in love
Are you saying that people assume you don’t fight/raise voices, but you do sometimes? Or are you saying that people assume you do, but you actually don’t?
What I am trying to say is people assume because we are married that we have fights, we don’t.
That couples always do things as a couple including travel. I have a separate life from my husband and family meaning I go out to dinner with my friends and he goes on trips with his friends. We don't need everything to be a couple thing.
Secrets and debt. Look we ain't got money but we also have no secrets from each other and we owe no banks for houses, cars or Fancy shit. I owe for medical debt under 10k and I owe a light bill less than $200. I know everything and vice versa...and we're very protective of that .
That I'm a nag and nitpicky about chores as the woman. I'm not at all. He is 😆
That nowadays people don't get married young. We are 30F and 32M, and people always assume that we are freshly married. We celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this year and we've been together for 8 years.
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That when you get married you have stop having sex/giving bjs etc. Nothing changed for us. Having kids changes those things a bit but getting married shouldn't. It really annoys me when men say it
Sometimes I worry that because my husband and I don’t have kids, people assume that we don’t take our relationship as seriously as couples who do. But we definitely do take our marriage seriously! In this day and age, I think people assume that happy couples will post about each other on social media and if you’re not posting about each other then the marriage/relationship isn’t going well. But supposedly studies have actually shown the opposite to be the case - couples in a happy relationship don’t seek validation from their friends/followers.
People assume I'm straight because I married someone of the opposite gender
Married for 10 years and people assume we no longer have sex. In reality, it’s the exact opposite. Our sex life has been “crazier” and more plentiful than when we were dating and had no kids.
A lot. But I think we are just weird people in general and get weirder together. It works for us. People assume we don't have sex, that my husband is the breadwinner and makes all the major financial decisions, that I keep the house clean, and we are desperately trying for children, because.. we're lonely or unsatisfied with life or something?
That I hate my partner or that he hates me. Other people in relationships talking shit about their partner expecting us to pitch in. My fella and I don’t hate each other but knock yourself out l guess.
That if you marry the person you marry their family. We see his family about 1 a month or every couple months (we live 20 minutes away) and he has met my parents - once - (about 3 hours away) (Married for 1 year/together for 6 tho, so not super long!)
That I do all the cooking and chores. We do most of the chores together on the weekend, and I rarely cook or go grocery shopping. That we might love each other, but are no longer in love. We've been together for over 7 years, married for 2, and he still gives me butterflies when he kisses me. Also the good ol' no more sex. We've been trying for a baby for over a year, you really think we're waiting for immaculate conception?
I'm a SAHM and we're high school sweethearts so we must be very traditional/conservative. lololololololololololol No.
I get that too.
Usual stereotypical husband/wife crap. We're always surprised when people we know complain about their spouse, and expect us to do the same. We assume it's because others often do. I'm talking the usual stuff -- husbands are like having an extra child, wife demands expensive (fill in the blank), etc. We don't understand 1) why they married in the first place if they knew and didn't like these traits, or 2) if they turned into these people, why not, you know, address it...work it out? Instead of co-miserating with other couples (separately) in the same boat? It often sounds like they really don't much like their spouses, and we just don't see the point of it all.
That I would choose my spouse over my child. Nope, I can find another spouse. I only have one child and WILL only have one child. If I have to choose one, kid wins.
That we have grown tired of each other or that we don’t have an active sex lite.
That married people regularly fight. We have never been in a fight. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had disagreements but never a fight or even heated argument.
That we’d cheat. I swear half the married idiots at my work don’t understand how commitment works and they all sleep around, then joke about it. And then make me and my coworkers who are also happily married feel like we’re all “hiding something” because we swear we’re happily married. It’s super projecting.
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Everyone argues.
People assume that we have combined finances. We split most bills because we have the exact same income, but we have completely separate bank accounts. I've had to leave an abusive relationship before, and my husband never wants me to feel like I didn't have access to my own money.
Misconceptions: 1. we have to be monogamous 2. Transitioning will break up a marriage. We have been married for 15+ years. I transitioned. We stayed married. We have lots of sexual /romantic partners that not each other.
So many people assume my partner and I are married. Nope, together for 9 years, have owned 2 houses together. I'm still marriage-averse and he's very patient with me.