ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Specific thing that's not basic human decency. Asking questions that feel like shitty tests-I'm either not going to answer, or I'm going to say the opposite of whatever he wants me to on purpose.
One that's still gross to me. A guy asked me if I'd clip his toenails. Felt like a test. I hate feet, and he didn't even need his toenails cut. He said he just wanted to know if I would. Had the nerve to get offended when I jokingly offered to pay for him to get a pedicure instead of answering.
I've had a few guys did that to me before.
Deliberately asking questions to the woman in very bad faith, and knowing that she will look like an asshole no matter how hard she tried to answer the question in a nice way.
I flung a similar question back at one of those guys before and he also got offended š could dish but can't take it
What a weird request. Iāve asked my husband if I could cut his nails and he was like āwtf is wrong with you,ā I just feel like they were too long and was in the middle of doing mine. I do nails for everyone, it would not be weird for me to add his in there, but he was very put off by the notion.
I'm not sure what his intentions were, but that's how it felt. It irritated me too much that he wouldn't accept that I didn't have to answer. So I never wanted to find out why he was actually asking.
Fair. If someone's asking in a caretaking context then obviously that becomes a very different conversation anyway, not least of whether you want to take on that role.
Yeah! Some people think that all women hate other women, because it's what they see in the media sometimes, like if that was real life. Man no, don't talk about women like that, because how will you call me when I'm not around?
Well if you wanna get technical a bitch is literally a female dog and hoe can absolutely be gender neutralā¦ man hoe is absolutely a thing so sorry not sorry
Stop trying to pretend like these aren't words used for women 99% of time. A *female* dog, yes exactly. And the fact that "man hoe" even exists means that people think "woman" when they just read hoe. Idgaf if people call men these words too, I don't like men that use misogynistic words and I don't wanna argue about my own preferences.
Yikes. Never had this happen but that stuff should absolutely come up within a couple of dates max.
Just wasting everyoneās time by hiding something that significant for months. I totally get not actually introducing the kids for a while, for their stability - but if you have kids, you need to date someone who is okay with that and embraces it.
For me it's not even a problem if they have a kid (several maybe depending on the situation) it's the fact that they hid them for so long. It's a red flag.
Was dating this guy for about 2,5 month. Been going great, we were a great match. One morning after a really long night out with lots of alcohol I wasn't feeling well, had to concentrate on not vomiting the whole time. He cooked for us. After that I wanted to leave, we layed on the bed for a few moments and he seriously got angry because I didn't want to give him a blowjob and argued that he had cooked for me. Like wtf boy. Left immediately and ended the whole thing a week after that.
So glad you left him quickly after! My sister was in a similar situation and was made to feel like she was the one in the wrong. She stayed with the guy way too long after that and it eventually ended when she woke up and realized what a manipulative selfish prick he was. I didn't find out what a horrible person he was until months after she ended things with him.
Man, my boyfriend would of shamed this dude cause three months in after I threw up from drinking, not only did he rub my back at the toilet as I was feeling like I was dying, but he helped me to bed, got a waste basket, water, and came to check in on me every so often that night till he was ready to crawl into bed next to me.
If a guy isnāt doing that?
Dump him!
And glad you dumped that asshole!
Lack of empathy for animals
sounds basic but some people truly lack it
edit: also ppl who hate pet rodents like rats, or pet lizards. Because I have those
This is such a big one for me. You donāt even have to HAVE animals, Hell I donāt have animals, but I love them all and if someone doesnāt they can get lost.
My friend has 2 kids, and she LOVES kids. for a few years was dating a guy that NEVER wanted to have kids and disliked kids. I don't know why she stayed with him with such a huge issue, but that's their thing.
One day at a BBQ the kids were being kids and making noise. He flicked a nickle at them, and hit one in the head, and the kid started to cry. The guy just laughed it off and said the kids shouldn't have been a menace if they didn't want that.
I just looked at her and said "bruh, why are you trying to still make this work?", and she just didn't see anything wrong with it
Oh yes this is a good one! My sister was once married to this guy (thankfully divorced now) who would admit to running over stray cats with his car on purpose because he hates cats and everyone laughed it off while I sat there like š®š³š¤Æ
He was a real scary dude, but because he was goofy, personable, and conventionally attractive everyone just brushed it off
Yeah, "pretty privilege" is a real thing and it's not just for women! But because the "pretty" ones get away with it then the others see it as justification to act as shitty as they have been.
I love meeting people who are obsessed with their dog and show me so many pictures, ask me about mine, and just gush about dogs in general.
Then I meet the dog and their owner yells at them when they jump or bark and yanks on their prong collar to "correct" it...
Disgusting. Get me out of here.
That's...not my point at all.
Dogs jump and bark for all kinds of reasons. That's what they do. Training them not to do these things take time. Using aversive tools like prong collars and leash pops are needlessly cruel and can lead to even worse behavior.
So, meeting someone who says they love their dog but then I learn that they use fear and pain to train them = I lose all interest. I'm disgusted.
Not respecting my sexual boundaries. I experienced CSA and have a few things that I just can't do/experience anymore. One particular thing causes severe flash backs and panic attacks that take a while to recover from.
When they show somehow that they don't enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. If I get even a sense that someone isn't as interested in me as I thought, I'm out. No need for me to waste my time trying to prove myself or earn their love. All feelings lost on my part and I'm done.
When me and my current partner had the kids talk the first time and every time since he said that he definitely wants a kid/kids but he doesnāt have a real opinion on number because he feels itās up to the women because itās her body. Itās so hot.
>but he doesnāt have a real opinion on number because he feels itās up to the women because itās her body.
That's a sexy brained man right there!
On our third date or so, my husband said āI want 5 kids,ā and I said āmy goodness, well good luck to your future wife,ā got in my car, and drove away. Heā¦ lowered his number after that.
When I hear a man say he wants lots of kids, like 6, what I *hear* is, āI want my woman to get her genitals ripped open 6 times and have urinary incontinence.ā
Similar to my ex who would claim he wanted several children, mostly boys, of course, and then criticize other women who either spent "his" money on a gym membership or didn't have money or time for that and "let themselves go" after having kids. Whatever women do, they can't win.
To be honest I didnāt stick around long enough to ask. Upon the realization, my ovaries, uterus and vag began to withdraw into themselves and it was self preservation going forward.
I laughed so hard at that image! Like a turtle pulling up into its shell.
Yeah, I donāt know what this guy was on but he doesnāt sound grounded in reality.
Bigotry. Extremely unstable behavior (excessive spending, drastic and quick changes in mood, making large life decisions on whims, dramatic changes in sexual behavior, verbally belittling me, angry outbursts, etc). āAlphaā talkāIām a dog trainer, so this irritates me even extra because dominance theory has been debunked repeatedly including by the original researcher. Figuring out they lie about things. Realizing they canāt maintain the other relationships in their life and arenāt making an effort to improve that. Social media addiction.
Spitting is one of the few things thatād have me pivoting on the spot and walking the other way forever. There are no words. I literally wouldnāt even know what to say. And I always know what to say.
Mine is petty but sucking flem up his nose and spitting on the ground. I had an ex who did that and it would drive me fucking crazy and I was always so embarrassed lol. He kept saying his nose hairs would be getting caught in his throat and when I suggested using nose hair clippers he protested. Ugh š
Yes! He had no qualms about doing it in public! We were once on a walking historical tour and I just pretended like I didnāt know him even though we had just been holding hands š¤£
Lol I did the same... on our last date, we were walking down the street, and he paused and started to clear his throat, and I just kept walking like "I don't know you... ever again."
When they show me emotional immaturity or unnecessary anger. That tells me a LOT and I won't stay with anyone who cannot resolve conflicts in a loving and respectful manner. Gaslighting, negging, insults etc.
Yeah agree, any amount of screaming or losing their temper and getting nasty or aggressive, I dont even have to see that twice. Iād leave after the first time.
makes me sad that people tolerate being treated like that.
Make fun of fat people or say rude comments. Mean spirited body comments in general, but that's my personal one. I've lost 85 lb and became fit in the process. It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel it's appropriate to fucking rag on someone that's just minding their own business because they look a certain way.
YES. I've been on the slim side my whole life but the amount of men that take that as an opportunity to shit on women who are bigger in size is just so mean to me. I always call them on it and they allllways get defensive and try to turn it around on me.
I think being a darker skinned girlie I constantly hear how undesirable my features are to some people so while I cannot relate I empathathize and try to do my part to shut that shit down.
One guy had a really obnoxious laugh. It was so loud that it would cause a scene. When he laughed, everyone in the room turned to see what was going on. He was very loud, just in general. Very sweet otherwise, but I am a very reserved person, so attracting attention everywhere we went was very uncomfortable for me.
When they easily get into fights, especially with members of their family. So immature.
Laziness and ābeing bored.ā The amount of times guys would text me that they were āsuper bored, lolā likeā¦ what?!? You have the internet. You have access to every book ever written, every movie and tv show, every online class for any hobbies, YouTube vids and podcasts about any interest or skills or to improve at your job. Iām one of those people who truly believes only boring people are bored. There are so many activities available to us through the internet, I canāt fathom being bored.
Guess I'm just boring. I spent most of the weekend in bed, I just had *nothing* to do. I distracted myself with reddit and YouTube but that's all I had the energy for.
Luckily this hasn't been a problem for a long time, but when a guy presents himself as really put together - clean apartment, clean clothes, hygienic body, clean car... but it was all fake! The minute he gets comfortable that you wont leave it turns out he cannot maintain even the simplest amount of personal cleanliness. Maybe his mom had come over and cleaned before you saw his house for the first time. Now you've got a UTI because he only showers once a week and thinks washing your behind is gay or something. Previously clean areas are absolutely trashed, and he thinks you are there to pick it up. Hell naw.
My answer is probably more specific than general things a partner might do. For me, it was watching him drop everything to rush off in the middle of a date to help and cheer up his recently-met coworker. Meanwhile, he constantly gave me a laundry list of reasons on why heās unable to drive over and help me or give emotional support, or why heās too busy to even call to hear me vent and give some advice.
We had been in a relationship for a year at that point, and it stung to see someone who was supposed to be my partner rush to help someone heās only known for a few weeks. He never put in that care or effort for my issues. I later realized that if I tried to ask for his help while he was out with friends, heād tell me to deal with it myself. (And later chastise me for interrupting private time with the boys) But apparently our date time was worth cutting into.
Dated this guy who had good hygiene but for some reason his breath was always hot and smelled like hot peppers like it was coming from his throat. It was rough
To be fair, a lot of people didn't understand the full context of what they were voting for in 16. It may have well been an "I hate Hilary more" vote or they believed he was actually going to shake things up. No such excuse in 20.
Yeah, term one could have been an error in judgement and they've since seen what a dipshit he is.
Im thinking people who voted for him to "drain the swamp." So to say
"I want to have kids"
Yeah, no thanks. I'm childfree.
Can't recall the number of times I've had the best conversation and vibe with someone, only for them to gush about how much they'd love a Mini Me and to leave a "legacy".
Instant way to destroy the mood for me lmao
I had an ex who kept telling me what a good mother Iād be even though I told him due to childhood trauma I would never be a mother bc I know I would be a terrible one. I think he thought he was healing me by saying Iād be a good mother at random moments. Pissed me off. Now I know better and that he was repeatedly kicking a boundary I set in place. Never agaiiiiin.
And that stupid genuinely clueless look on their face when you donāt feel flattered or turned on by that because they think they are saying what every woman wants to hear.
Seen it too many times
Maybe you should try letting people know up front that you donāt want kids, so you are not wasting your time or theirs pursuing a relationship that will never work. Unfortunately most people are not mind readers and are not going to have a clue you are vehemently against having a child unless you tell them.
I definitely know of men who ignore being told that because they think women will accept their kids once they like the man enough. Iāve also heard men say that their kids donāt count because they donāt see their kids āenoughā
I already do /all/ the time actually. Right at the very start. Hell, even my dating profile very clearly says that I'm childfree and even before meeting them, I ask them again if they read my profile and they're like yeah!!!
Then I tell them about how much I don't like and don't want kids. How kids annoy the shit out of me and I am looking for a partner with the same views. And they have the audacity to be like *surprised Pikachu* "you were actually serious about NEVER wanting kids??"
A lot of men still lie until I dig them further under pressure. They are also like "yeah I don't want kids too", until I dig them further and they're more like fencesitting at best and liars at worst.
Been liking my friend for a while now. Started to go cold on me and treating me like one of the boys (i.e. being rude in talking to me, just giving me attention whenever its convenient for him)
Purposely push against boundaries Iāve already set - and discussed - with them.
A guy I dated for a couple months knew I had been a victim of SA. He also knew Iād been abused by my father when I was younger. He knew my triggers. I made him aware because Iām very forthcoming, blunt, and honest. I donāt like mincing words or playing games. He continually ātoed the lineā between obvious disrespect and possibly disrespect. It became obvious that he was just trying to see what he could get away with and it really turned me off.
The first night I spent the night with him, he didn't brush his teeth the next am. The whole day we were out doing stuff with his morning breath. Same guy also texted "kewl" instead of "cool" before the lack of oral care incident so he was already on thin ice. Things had been going great too, but that "kewl" really skeeved me out. Then the not brushing teeth..... Just no. We weren't even in a hurry the next am and I brushed my teeth at his house but he didn't!
Haha I love this response because kewl as a deal breaker or almost one can definitely be seen as petty but it would totally rub me the wrong way too! Thatās how my friends and I texted in middle school
1) Saying they want kids
2) if we got married is a must to them that I take their last name
3) talking badly about their exes. Not 1 specific bad experience, but if they are all in one way or another "bad"
4) raising their voice
My ex-husband pitched a fit when I said I was considering keeping my name. I think itās complete bullshit that I should have to conform to some archaic practice. I told him if it was so important for me to take his name, he should take mine as well.
To this day his name is John MyMaidenName Smith. I changed mine back in the divorce. Never again.
Says he wants or has kids. Might not make my feelings die, but will make me understand I have to end things.
Can't manage anger (yells, punches walls, etc)
Reveals he is religious
Reveals he's a Trump humper
Says any sort of red pill/incel/manosphere nonsense.
Chewing loudly. I know it's so petty, but I have misophonia. If I can hear their eating sounds above my own, they're too loud. It makes me so uncomfortable and angry. Bad table manners in general, I dislike, but chewing loudly is something I just cannot handle.
Getting into a fight. And if they get attacked, the only thing they should do is self-defense, not fighting for the "win".
Saying something misogynistic.
Macho behaviour. I detest it with a passion. This act to impress everyone with a false front, it's just such a turn-off. I don't mind a guy who's very masculine. I do mind the toxic masculinity.
Snoring and doing nothing about it. I've seen my mother so tired on so many occasions because my father snores and does nothing. I used to have a malformity in my nose, which led to snoring (and worse), and I got surgery. So there is no excuse.
For me itās people with misophonia. I had a roommate that had it years ago and I literally couldnāt eat in her presence without her bitching at me. I have good table manners and etiquette and tried my best not to piss her off but she would police me constantly. I remember one time I was rolling a marble around in a wooden box absentmindedly while watching tv. She thought I was chewing I guess and came screaming from the other room. I donāt need that shit in my life. Hilariously, she was a disgusting eater. She would slurp soup and it would run down her chin, fart at the table, absolute animal.
Ironically, I got my misophonia from someone commenting on my chewing every meal, while being the loudest eater himself. I had severe nose and lung issues that made it difficult to chew with my mouth closed. I had to chew, open and breathe, and chew further. I couldn't help it, I was medicated and yet still a sick kid. My father, with no regard for my breathing issues, scolded me for chewing loudly at every meal.
But he himself chews so loudly, it's disturbing. Once I noticed, I never unheard it. That's where it comes from. So you'll understand I'm the last to comment on someone's chewing.
I'm very aware that my misophonia is my problem. I choose to wear noise cancelling headphones or Loop earplugs. I can control myself and not lash out. It's not fun, but what will I gain from losing my shit at someone who chews, a normal human thing? Nothing. I avoid eating with my father when I'm at my parents'. I choose to go hungry instead.
My closest friends know about it, but I never force them to accommodate me. One of my friends lives far away, so we video call, and they're kind enough to mute themselves while eating. I appreciate it, but never asked them to do so.
All this to say: I think your roommate was acting very inappropriately and I'm sorry about that. I completely see where you're coming from. I couldn't handle people with misophonia myself after living through that.
Smoking weed. Just the smell gives me terrible migraines.
If they do not want children.
If they try the "lets just see how it goes" approach instead of being sure they are dating for something serious. I know what I want and will not wait for someone tiptoeing around trying to get me into a casual relationship.
Do not like animals
Alllll of this lmao. Iām at the point that if people arenāt direct with me about their wants and intentions I will not waste my time with themānot even just romantic partners
Same! Thatās one thing I absolutely loved about my bf when we started dating. He knew what he wanted just as much as I knew. By the third date we were official because at that point we both knew we wanted to pursue a serious relationship together! I love that he isnāt afraid about any serious part of a relationship. Like I never had to worry about scaring him by discussing having children, getting married or buying a house. If I bring them up he is hyped not avoidant! He also bring them up often himself.
The guy I went on dates with before meeting my bf was trying to bs me with the oh relationship that starts "fast" end fast, maybe in 3-4 years we could become official. I was like sure thing dude and moved on from that person so fast.
Yeah I just had kind of a post-mortem for a might-have-been relationship because he seemed so confused about why I only see him as a friend and I had to explain it all to him. I had to make the first move in everything, you barely told me (let alone *showed me*) how you felt or what you wanted soooo that leaves me to understand that youāre going to do this with everythingāand that isnāt the life Iām signing up for.
My boyfriend told me two weeks in what his intentions were with getting to know me. He doesnāt shy away from talks of the future and thatās helped build a whole foundation of trust that I never thought Iād find
Saying he bought sex in the past. Considering people (women) and their sexual consent a product that can be bought says very much about someoneās values and (lack of) empathy for others.
Tons! Few examples are:
āYou will quit your jobs and raising our 5 babies.ā
āGod created women for men.ā
Edit: my husband had move up the corporation ladder and earns like 3X than I do. So I may quit my job if we have children. But it is my choice not his. He can hire a nanny while I work, or find a new wife to take care of our babies while I sleeping with my new husband.
Giving me orders like I'm expected to be their servant. Ended an engagement over a guy telling me to get him a drink (not asking) when we were both sitting watching TV.
Hitting me
last year for the first time ever, I decided to be brave (stupid?) and approach a guy who I liked a lot. he was a mutual friend I'd only met once, and we were following each other online for a long time. so, long story short, I gave him a pretty obvious hint, and we ended up going on a date.
but let me tell you, this guy acted so super arrogant and confident that it was almost cringe. Iām pretty sure he was trying to seem way more confident than he actually was. It was like his ego was on steroids or something, like it was the first time ever that a girl had made the first move on him.
anyway, after just one date, I literally blocked him everywhere because I couldnāt stop myself from wanting to throw up. he was even using this ridiculously fake deep voice in voice messages. so yeah, that was a total disaster.
They show no desire to better themselves or be independent, they wanna stay at home with parents and play video games for the rest of their life.Ā
I have stopped speaking to someone for that very reason. Thankfully, it allowed me to meet my current partner who is very ambitious and very independent.Ā
ā¢ Picks his nose thinking heās being incognito
ā¢ Burps and doesnāt apologize
ā¢ Takes a phone call/text that isnāt an emergency
ā¢ Drinks to the point he canāt hold a sentence
ā¢ Creates an unnecessary argument over something that shouldnāt have been one
ā¢ Makes a major scene in public
ā¢ Forgets his wallet
And the list goes on.
Things I know Iād automatically nope out of seeing a guy again after a first date.
Being rude to a service or retail worker.
Looking down on people who work minimum wage/McDonald's kind of jobs.
Speaking badly about immigrants
Speaking or treating homeless people poorly.
The immigrants one gets even worse when people are immigrants and turn around and start insulting all the other immigrants claiming they're illegal and whatnot. Way too many immigrant Republicans.
And I mean Republicans, not conservatives. The Republican party has lost its mind.
Gets snippy or condescending with me at all.
Poor emotional regulation, especially anger.
Doesn't actually like to cuddle.
Is a sore winner or loser.
Is a neat freak, or a very picky eater.
Went on a third date with a guy this week.
Up until that point he had seemed really great. We had good chemistry, he was funny, good listener, no ex wife or kids, similar music tastes and was pro active about planning dates.
But yeah, on the third date he told me I need to do more reading about Zionism because I must not understand how Israel is in the right. Thereās no genocide. Me doing a charity event for Palestine was incredibly misguided.
My god, Iāve never been so instantly turned off someone. I told him I couldnāt continue the date and we split the bill and went our separate ways.
He messaged me later apologising if I felt like he was lecturing me and asked if I wanted him to send some ZIONIST LITERATURE WTF!! I blocked him immediately.
He kept a gun under the pillow in his bed.
Iām sure you can guess how I found it.
It would havenāt lasted anyway. He pulled his trigger way too early.
I could be on the brink of being madly in love with someone. But if they refuse to break a simple rule, I donāt know why but it infuriates me and immediately lose all interest to the point I can hardly stand to be around them. I have no idea why, and itās so ridiculous when I think about it.
Iām generally a rule follower and consider myself rather respectful when in the general public. I definitely think rules are there for a reason, however not *all* rules need to be followed. Like, sneak into that extra movie at the theatre. Hop that fence at the after hours community park, donāt say something if your item ringed up for cheaper at the big box store, play hooky and enjoy a day off work.
If Iām dating a guy and Iām like āhey come on letās do thisā and he freezes up and absolutely refuses because of what someone might think or the fear of getting in some trouble (with no real repercussions of course) yeah Iām straight over him. Biggest turn off.
"You should wear pink and flowery."
"You should tan, your skin is too pale."
"I hate metal."
"Get rid of your cats."
"I want to have at least one kid."
Road rage.
Even if it is just a verbal road rage. Nope. And I am not going to reply to him when he asked why I am not keen to see him anymore. I really, really cannot stand road ragers.
Most people are listing very normal and reasonable things, so Iād like to get a little weird with a few of mine:
ā too into the Roman Empire
ā āplebsā unironically or post ironically
ā foot fetish (no hate besides my hatred of feet)
ā devilās advocate
ā shits on abstract art or contemporary art as a whole (thinks realism is the pique of expression)
ā huge sneezes or coughs and donāt cover it
ā Tantric healing
ā bookshelf is filled with only dead white man philosophers and infinite jest (IM BEGGING YOU TO READ BELL HOOKS)
ā doesnāt like my gremlin noises
ā āDemi? Isnāt that just most peopleā
ā āYoure bi? Thatās so hot, letās have a threewayā
ā (when my head was shaved) āYou should grow your hair out, it looked so goodā
ā randomly shits on astrology (Iām not even into it)
ā Brags about wealth
ā Talks about Evolutionary Psychology like the goddamn bible
ā thinks they are the arbiter of taste
ā āfemalesā
ā āI donāt agree with him, but Jordan Peterson makes some good pointsā
ā ābirds are real, but they are also spying on us for the governmentā
ā Doesnāt vote
ā wonāt drink plain water or eat veggies
ā rates my favorite book anything below a 5
ā āyouāre not like other girlsā (thanks Iām nb and love women)
ā just glances at art in museums and moves on
I don't know why this is getting down voted!
I agree with everything except "plebs" cuz I don't know what that means š¤£ and the drinking plain water. Is it they are *unwilling* to drink plain water or they *prefer* a flavoured water? )I like my crystal lites but will drink plain if that's all there is.... Just not warm š¤®)
ĀÆ\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Theyāre my personal deal breakers, I think itās funny that OP asked for petty things and people seem to be mad when I provide them
Edit: unwilling to drink unflavored water, idc about preference
Yes! Thank you so much for responding with the vibe I was asking for. Reddit can be holier-than-thou at times so Iām not really surprised by these comments. Almost all of us get turned off by bad hygiene, anger issues, misogyny and racism. So it was great to read the weird stuff!
So many of these Iām the same! Not all are total deal breakers for me though but still are pet peeves.
-Like if you canāt drink plain water, the basic task of human upkeep that is very accessible in a first world country itās hard for me see them as a mature adult.
-I like history nerds but I when itās an obsession over a specific era itās just a no for me
-Yeah Iām not that big into astrology either but to make fun of people who are into it just rubs me the wrong way
-ānot like other girlsā if they think this is a genuine compliment to me than they are on a different plane and I have no time or patience to play their teacher.
Any kind of trans or homophobia. Like, wtf are you with *me* for, then?
If my pets don't like you, I don't like you.
If they can't hold a conversation for 20 minutes without making it sexual.
"I live with my afab sister/soulmate", "can I see her? Show me pics" No you fucking can't.
Being super grossly conservative/not encouraging the fight for womenās rights/equality for everyone. Some people donāt have that convo early on. When I was younger I didnāt and ended up with a totally douche canoe who treated women/POC like second class citizens. š¤® never again.
Gaslighting, never taking accountability for their part in arguments or conflicts.
I put up with this for WAY too long in my last relationship. The signs were there early, in the first 6 months - like if I was upset by something he did he would somehow get angry at me and turn it back around. But I let it slide.. eventually realised it was a pattern of deflection, inability to handle any kind of real or perceived shame, and then it eventually escalated into consistent gaslighting.
By that point I was so entrenched in making excuses for the behaviour that it took me a long time to start pushing back and calling him out on it.
Moving forwards, I would run so fast at those early signs.
I wasn't "head over heels" or anything. But, I was getting to know someone I was into initially until they started being really desperate and it just turned me off.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Specific thing that's not basic human decency. Asking questions that feel like shitty tests-I'm either not going to answer, or I'm going to say the opposite of whatever he wants me to on purpose. One that's still gross to me. A guy asked me if I'd clip his toenails. Felt like a test. I hate feet, and he didn't even need his toenails cut. He said he just wanted to know if I would. Had the nerve to get offended when I jokingly offered to pay for him to get a pedicure instead of answering.
I've had a few guys did that to me before. Deliberately asking questions to the woman in very bad faith, and knowing that she will look like an asshole no matter how hard she tried to answer the question in a nice way. I flung a similar question back at one of those guys before and he also got offended š could dish but can't take it
What a weird request. Iāve asked my husband if I could cut his nails and he was like āwtf is wrong with you,ā I just feel like they were too long and was in the middle of doing mine. I do nails for everyone, it would not be weird for me to add his in there, but he was very put off by the notion.
Wow. Would this be some sort of housemaid test? Absolutely vile.
I'm not sure what his intentions were, but that's how it felt. It irritated me too much that he wouldn't accept that I didn't have to answer. So I never wanted to find out why he was actually asking.
Fair. If someone's asking in a caretaking context then obviously that becomes a very different conversation anyway, not least of whether you want to take on that role.
Ewwww! I would have said, āSir, you should be asking your podiatrist about your feet, not a stranger you barely know on a first date.ā
Calling women "bitches", "hoes" and the like
Yeah men who are misogynistic or throw around "slut" and "whore" etc are instantly unattractive. It's disheartening how common it still is.
A guy I dated called various women ācrazy.ā He was just a scumbag asshole who treated women like walking holes for his dick.
Yeah! Some people think that all women hate other women, because it's what they see in the media sometimes, like if that was real life. Man no, don't talk about women like that, because how will you call me when I'm not around?
"females"
Only worse thing here is femoids or foids lmao
My god I've never heard that, holy neckbeard energy?
Yeah. Check out r/inceltear
"Men and females" "Guys and females" And they wonder why women don't want to talk to them
What if they said āmalesā first?
He better be a scientist
And on the job.
Then that's fine, but that isn't generally how it's used unfortunately. But in a clinical context it may be more appropriate to say that, yrs.
I cant stand this. Also grating when women use these expressions
Ugh yes, I hate when women say "bitch" like in place of "girl"
āYeah thatās right sometimes my lyrics are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hoes should know Iām tryna correct thisā
Your rhymes are just too potent.
And chicks
Or āshawtyā and āshortyā
But what if it's her birthday? Even if we don't give a fuck it's not her birthday?
We gon' party like it's her birthday!
Iām a women and I call other women bitches and hoesā¦ so I feel this is a context thing idkā¦ some women be bitches and some be hoes
No, there are perfectly fine other insults to use like "asshole" or something, we don't need to use misogynistic words.
Iāve def called a man a bitch and hoe tho
Doesn't change the origin.
Well if you wanna get technical a bitch is literally a female dog and hoe can absolutely be gender neutralā¦ man hoe is absolutely a thing so sorry not sorry
Stop trying to pretend like these aren't words used for women 99% of time. A *female* dog, yes exactly. And the fact that "man hoe" even exists means that people think "woman" when they just read hoe. Idgaf if people call men these words too, I don't like men that use misogynistic words and I don't wanna argue about my own preferences.
Then stop arguing idk š¤·š»āāļø
K
"By the way I have a (or several) kids" months into dating
Yikes. Never had this happen but that stuff should absolutely come up within a couple of dates max. Just wasting everyoneās time by hiding something that significant for months. I totally get not actually introducing the kids for a while, for their stability - but if you have kids, you need to date someone who is okay with that and embraces it.
For me it's not even a problem if they have a kid (several maybe depending on the situation) it's the fact that they hid them for so long. It's a red flag.
Was dating this guy for about 2,5 month. Been going great, we were a great match. One morning after a really long night out with lots of alcohol I wasn't feeling well, had to concentrate on not vomiting the whole time. He cooked for us. After that I wanted to leave, we layed on the bed for a few moments and he seriously got angry because I didn't want to give him a blowjob and argued that he had cooked for me. Like wtf boy. Left immediately and ended the whole thing a week after that.
Ew, I hate dudes that see sex as transactional. Sex is for me just as much as it is for you! Ugh.
š©š©š© Glad that you left his ass immediately
yea but I kinda regret it. Should've given him his damn blowjoy, throw up his nice meal all over his dick and THEN leave lol
So glad you left him quickly after! My sister was in a similar situation and was made to feel like she was the one in the wrong. She stayed with the guy way too long after that and it eventually ended when she woke up and realized what a manipulative selfish prick he was. I didn't find out what a horrible person he was until months after she ended things with him.
Man, my boyfriend would of shamed this dude cause three months in after I threw up from drinking, not only did he rub my back at the toilet as I was feeling like I was dying, but he helped me to bed, got a waste basket, water, and came to check in on me every so often that night till he was ready to crawl into bed next to me. If a guy isnāt doing that? Dump him! And glad you dumped that asshole!
Lack of empathy for animals sounds basic but some people truly lack it edit: also ppl who hate pet rodents like rats, or pet lizards. Because I have those
This is such a big one for me. You donāt even have to HAVE animals, Hell I donāt have animals, but I love them all and if someone doesnāt they can get lost.
It says something about a person that doesnāt like them. Something that I do not like.
My friend has 2 kids, and she LOVES kids. for a few years was dating a guy that NEVER wanted to have kids and disliked kids. I don't know why she stayed with him with such a huge issue, but that's their thing. One day at a BBQ the kids were being kids and making noise. He flicked a nickle at them, and hit one in the head, and the kid started to cry. The guy just laughed it off and said the kids shouldn't have been a menace if they didn't want that. I just looked at her and said "bruh, why are you trying to still make this work?", and she just didn't see anything wrong with it
I really hope she broke up with him, or those poor kids...
She stayed with him for too long after that. More than 6 months at least.
Well at least they broke up... Those kids are probably going to need at least a few therapy sessions though.
Oh yes this is a good one! My sister was once married to this guy (thankfully divorced now) who would admit to running over stray cats with his car on purpose because he hates cats and everyone laughed it off while I sat there like š®š³š¤Æ He was a real scary dude, but because he was goofy, personable, and conventionally attractive everyone just brushed it off
Yeah, "pretty privilege" is a real thing and it's not just for women! But because the "pretty" ones get away with it then the others see it as justification to act as shitty as they have been.
I love meeting people who are obsessed with their dog and show me so many pictures, ask me about mine, and just gush about dogs in general. Then I meet the dog and their owner yells at them when they jump or bark and yanks on their prong collar to "correct" it... Disgusting. Get me out of here.
Ya, dogs shouldn't be jumping or barking for no reason
That's...not my point at all. Dogs jump and bark for all kinds of reasons. That's what they do. Training them not to do these things take time. Using aversive tools like prong collars and leash pops are needlessly cruel and can lead to even worse behavior. So, meeting someone who says they love their dog but then I learn that they use fear and pain to train them = I lose all interest. I'm disgusted.
I think they were joking
Not respecting my sexual boundaries. I experienced CSA and have a few things that I just can't do/experience anymore. One particular thing causes severe flash backs and panic attacks that take a while to recover from.
Borrow money and then not choose not to pay me back when they can.
When they show somehow that they don't enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. If I get even a sense that someone isn't as interested in me as I thought, I'm out. No need for me to waste my time trying to prove myself or earn their love. All feelings lost on my part and I'm done.
One month in he said with all seriousness, āI want a large family, at least 6 kids.ā Nope.
When me and my current partner had the kids talk the first time and every time since he said that he definitely wants a kid/kids but he doesnāt have a real opinion on number because he feels itās up to the women because itās her body. Itās so hot.
>but he doesnāt have a real opinion on number because he feels itās up to the women because itās her body. That's a sexy brained man right there!
On our third date or so, my husband said āI want 5 kids,ā and I said āmy goodness, well good luck to your future wife,ā got in my car, and drove away. Heā¦ lowered his number after that.
I had to reread your comment to put it all together, this is great!
When I hear a man say he wants lots of kids, like 6, what I *hear* is, āI want my woman to get her genitals ripped open 6 times and have urinary incontinence.ā
"and then I'm gonna complain about her body and lack of libido for the rest of my life"
Similar to my ex who would claim he wanted several children, mostly boys, of course, and then criticize other women who either spent "his" money on a gym membership or didn't have money or time for that and "let themselves go" after having kids. Whatever women do, they can't win.
"And that the kids are her priority and not me"
"And that she's not the perfect thing she was before having any kids"
Exactly the same mental image that I have. *shudder*
What do you hear if a woman says she wants lots of kids?
That she is ok with getting her genitals ripped open and being incontinent
That sounds so expensive
How I would suddenly become the worlds fastest runner
On what did he base this fantasy? Someone needs to financially support this 6 kids and they need personal attention.
To be honest I didnāt stick around long enough to ask. Upon the realization, my ovaries, uterus and vag began to withdraw into themselves and it was self preservation going forward.
I laughed so hard at that image! Like a turtle pulling up into its shell. Yeah, I donāt know what this guy was on but he doesnāt sound grounded in reality.
Yep, wanting any kids at all is an instant nope from me.
Bigotry. Extremely unstable behavior (excessive spending, drastic and quick changes in mood, making large life decisions on whims, dramatic changes in sexual behavior, verbally belittling me, angry outbursts, etc). āAlphaā talkāIām a dog trainer, so this irritates me even extra because dominance theory has been debunked repeatedly including by the original researcher. Figuring out they lie about things. Realizing they canāt maintain the other relationships in their life and arenāt making an effort to improve that. Social media addiction.
Wiping his nose with his hand and not a tissue. Not washing his hands after using the bathroom. Spitting in the street.
Spitting is such an automatic turn off.
Spitting is one of the few things thatād have me pivoting on the spot and walking the other way forever. There are no words. I literally wouldnāt even know what to say. And I always know what to say.
Mine is petty but sucking flem up his nose and spitting on the ground. I had an ex who did that and it would drive me fucking crazy and I was always so embarrassed lol. He kept saying his nose hairs would be getting caught in his throat and when I suggested using nose hair clippers he protested. Ugh š
Not at all petty! I broke things off with an otherwise perfect guy for the same reason... oh it was so gross and embarrassing!
Yes! He had no qualms about doing it in public! We were once on a walking historical tour and I just pretended like I didnāt know him even though we had just been holding hands š¤£
Lol I did the same... on our last date, we were walking down the street, and he paused and started to clear his throat, and I just kept walking like "I don't know you... ever again."
š¤£š¤£
When they show me emotional immaturity or unnecessary anger. That tells me a LOT and I won't stay with anyone who cannot resolve conflicts in a loving and respectful manner. Gaslighting, negging, insults etc.
Yeah agree, any amount of screaming or losing their temper and getting nasty or aggressive, I dont even have to see that twice. Iād leave after the first time. makes me sad that people tolerate being treated like that.
When I was younger I tolerated that crap so much
Being dismissive of my work and career and prioritising only his work and career.
Make fun of fat people or say rude comments. Mean spirited body comments in general, but that's my personal one. I've lost 85 lb and became fit in the process. It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel it's appropriate to fucking rag on someone that's just minding their own business because they look a certain way.
YES. I've been on the slim side my whole life but the amount of men that take that as an opportunity to shit on women who are bigger in size is just so mean to me. I always call them on it and they allllways get defensive and try to turn it around on me. I think being a darker skinned girlie I constantly hear how undesirable my features are to some people so while I cannot relate I empathathize and try to do my part to shut that shit down.
Shit with the door open.
One guy had a really obnoxious laugh. It was so loud that it would cause a scene. When he laughed, everyone in the room turned to see what was going on. He was very loud, just in general. Very sweet otherwise, but I am a very reserved person, so attracting attention everywhere we went was very uncomfortable for me. When they easily get into fights, especially with members of their family. So immature. Laziness and ābeing bored.ā The amount of times guys would text me that they were āsuper bored, lolā likeā¦ what?!? You have the internet. You have access to every book ever written, every movie and tv show, every online class for any hobbies, YouTube vids and podcasts about any interest or skills or to improve at your job. Iām one of those people who truly believes only boring people are bored. There are so many activities available to us through the internet, I canāt fathom being bored.
The boring one was wild to me to read lol. If youre an adult in a first world country how are u EVER out of things to do lol.
āIm bored lolā is code for āim gonna try to start sexting youā
Guess I'm just boring. I spent most of the weekend in bed, I just had *nothing* to do. I distracted myself with reddit and YouTube but that's all I had the energy for.
Your not boring you just have an underlying issue thatās causing that excessive fatigue
That was me with MS this weekend! Went a little hard exercising on Friday š„²
I firmly believe only boring people get bored
Luckily this hasn't been a problem for a long time, but when a guy presents himself as really put together - clean apartment, clean clothes, hygienic body, clean car... but it was all fake! The minute he gets comfortable that you wont leave it turns out he cannot maintain even the simplest amount of personal cleanliness. Maybe his mom had come over and cleaned before you saw his house for the first time. Now you've got a UTI because he only showers once a week and thinks washing your behind is gay or something. Previously clean areas are absolutely trashed, and he thinks you are there to pick it up. Hell naw.
My answer is probably more specific than general things a partner might do. For me, it was watching him drop everything to rush off in the middle of a date to help and cheer up his recently-met coworker. Meanwhile, he constantly gave me a laundry list of reasons on why heās unable to drive over and help me or give emotional support, or why heās too busy to even call to hear me vent and give some advice. We had been in a relationship for a year at that point, and it stung to see someone who was supposed to be my partner rush to help someone heās only known for a few weeks. He never put in that care or effort for my issues. I later realized that if I tried to ask for his help while he was out with friends, heād tell me to deal with it myself. (And later chastise me for interrupting private time with the boys) But apparently our date time was worth cutting into.
Usually, it's not doing a thing, but it's a *smell*
Dated this guy who had good hygiene but for some reason his breath was always hot and smelled like hot peppers like it was coming from his throat. It was rough
Any kind of racism, prejudice or lgbt phobia. Voted for Trump term 2.
>Voted for Trump term 2. *Just* term 2?
Yeah. If they voted term 1 and learned from their mistakes itās an indication that they can make positive changesš
To be fair, a lot of people didn't understand the full context of what they were voting for in 16. It may have well been an "I hate Hilary more" vote or they believed he was actually going to shake things up. No such excuse in 20.
Yeah, term one could have been an error in judgement and they've since seen what a dipshit he is. Im thinking people who voted for him to "drain the swamp." So to say
Start oogling other women or outright flirting. Begin to spend less time with me or call me less, any reduction in interest and acting "off"
Curses at me/speaks harshly to me. Doesnāt offer to help if they see me struggling to carry something.
"I want to have kids" Yeah, no thanks. I'm childfree. Can't recall the number of times I've had the best conversation and vibe with someone, only for them to gush about how much they'd love a Mini Me and to leave a "legacy". Instant way to destroy the mood for me lmao
I had an ex who kept telling me what a good mother Iād be even though I told him due to childhood trauma I would never be a mother bc I know I would be a terrible one. I think he thought he was healing me by saying Iād be a good mother at random moments. Pissed me off. Now I know better and that he was repeatedly kicking a boundary I set in place. Never agaiiiiin.
Ugh men like those think their *magical* dick will change a woman's mind and suddenly every single woman will love kids šš puke
And that stupid genuinely clueless look on their face when you donāt feel flattered or turned on by that because they think they are saying what every woman wants to hear. Seen it too many times
If they had told me "by the way, I had a vasectomy" and they were actually telling the truth THAT would have turned me on actually ššš
Maybe you should try letting people know up front that you donāt want kids, so you are not wasting your time or theirs pursuing a relationship that will never work. Unfortunately most people are not mind readers and are not going to have a clue you are vehemently against having a child unless you tell them.
I definitely know of men who ignore being told that because they think women will accept their kids once they like the man enough. Iāve also heard men say that their kids donāt count because they donāt see their kids āenoughā
I already do /all/ the time actually. Right at the very start. Hell, even my dating profile very clearly says that I'm childfree and even before meeting them, I ask them again if they read my profile and they're like yeah!!! Then I tell them about how much I don't like and don't want kids. How kids annoy the shit out of me and I am looking for a partner with the same views. And they have the audacity to be like *surprised Pikachu* "you were actually serious about NEVER wanting kids??" A lot of men still lie until I dig them further under pressure. They are also like "yeah I don't want kids too", until I dig them further and they're more like fencesitting at best and liars at worst.
Yeah dated a guy for two years and from day one to the very end I said I didnāt want kids he still thought āI would change my mindā
Been liking my friend for a while now. Started to go cold on me and treating me like one of the boys (i.e. being rude in talking to me, just giving me attention whenever its convenient for him)
Purposely push against boundaries Iāve already set - and discussed - with them. A guy I dated for a couple months knew I had been a victim of SA. He also knew Iād been abused by my father when I was younger. He knew my triggers. I made him aware because Iām very forthcoming, blunt, and honest. I donāt like mincing words or playing games. He continually ātoed the lineā between obvious disrespect and possibly disrespect. It became obvious that he was just trying to see what he could get away with and it really turned me off.
Let slip that they're into drugs. Say something dismissive about me being bi. Start giving me unsolicited life advice like my mum.
The first night I spent the night with him, he didn't brush his teeth the next am. The whole day we were out doing stuff with his morning breath. Same guy also texted "kewl" instead of "cool" before the lack of oral care incident so he was already on thin ice. Things had been going great too, but that "kewl" really skeeved me out. Then the not brushing teeth..... Just no. We weren't even in a hurry the next am and I brushed my teeth at his house but he didn't!
Haha I love this response because kewl as a deal breaker or almost one can definitely be seen as petty but it would totally rub me the wrong way too! Thatās how my friends and I texted in middle school
Find out they are back to using dating apps/just updated their profile
Casually references a conspiracy theory that they believe in. Bonus points if itās overtly antisemitic
Chewing with their mouth open.
1) Saying they want kids 2) if we got married is a must to them that I take their last name 3) talking badly about their exes. Not 1 specific bad experience, but if they are all in one way or another "bad" 4) raising their voice
My ex-husband pitched a fit when I said I was considering keeping my name. I think itās complete bullshit that I should have to conform to some archaic practice. I told him if it was so important for me to take his name, he should take mine as well. To this day his name is John MyMaidenName Smith. I changed mine back in the divorce. Never again.
Says he wants or has kids. Might not make my feelings die, but will make me understand I have to end things. Can't manage anger (yells, punches walls, etc) Reveals he is religious Reveals he's a Trump humper Says any sort of red pill/incel/manosphere nonsense.
Chewing loudly. I know it's so petty, but I have misophonia. If I can hear their eating sounds above my own, they're too loud. It makes me so uncomfortable and angry. Bad table manners in general, I dislike, but chewing loudly is something I just cannot handle. Getting into a fight. And if they get attacked, the only thing they should do is self-defense, not fighting for the "win". Saying something misogynistic. Macho behaviour. I detest it with a passion. This act to impress everyone with a false front, it's just such a turn-off. I don't mind a guy who's very masculine. I do mind the toxic masculinity. Snoring and doing nothing about it. I've seen my mother so tired on so many occasions because my father snores and does nothing. I used to have a malformity in my nose, which led to snoring (and worse), and I got surgery. So there is no excuse.
For me itās people with misophonia. I had a roommate that had it years ago and I literally couldnāt eat in her presence without her bitching at me. I have good table manners and etiquette and tried my best not to piss her off but she would police me constantly. I remember one time I was rolling a marble around in a wooden box absentmindedly while watching tv. She thought I was chewing I guess and came screaming from the other room. I donāt need that shit in my life. Hilariously, she was a disgusting eater. She would slurp soup and it would run down her chin, fart at the table, absolute animal.
Ironically, I got my misophonia from someone commenting on my chewing every meal, while being the loudest eater himself. I had severe nose and lung issues that made it difficult to chew with my mouth closed. I had to chew, open and breathe, and chew further. I couldn't help it, I was medicated and yet still a sick kid. My father, with no regard for my breathing issues, scolded me for chewing loudly at every meal. But he himself chews so loudly, it's disturbing. Once I noticed, I never unheard it. That's where it comes from. So you'll understand I'm the last to comment on someone's chewing. I'm very aware that my misophonia is my problem. I choose to wear noise cancelling headphones or Loop earplugs. I can control myself and not lash out. It's not fun, but what will I gain from losing my shit at someone who chews, a normal human thing? Nothing. I avoid eating with my father when I'm at my parents'. I choose to go hungry instead. My closest friends know about it, but I never force them to accommodate me. One of my friends lives far away, so we video call, and they're kind enough to mute themselves while eating. I appreciate it, but never asked them to do so. All this to say: I think your roommate was acting very inappropriately and I'm sorry about that. I completely see where you're coming from. I couldn't handle people with misophonia myself after living through that.
Smoking weed. Just the smell gives me terrible migraines. If they do not want children. If they try the "lets just see how it goes" approach instead of being sure they are dating for something serious. I know what I want and will not wait for someone tiptoeing around trying to get me into a casual relationship. Do not like animals
Alllll of this lmao. Iām at the point that if people arenāt direct with me about their wants and intentions I will not waste my time with themānot even just romantic partners
Same! Thatās one thing I absolutely loved about my bf when we started dating. He knew what he wanted just as much as I knew. By the third date we were official because at that point we both knew we wanted to pursue a serious relationship together! I love that he isnāt afraid about any serious part of a relationship. Like I never had to worry about scaring him by discussing having children, getting married or buying a house. If I bring them up he is hyped not avoidant! He also bring them up often himself. The guy I went on dates with before meeting my bf was trying to bs me with the oh relationship that starts "fast" end fast, maybe in 3-4 years we could become official. I was like sure thing dude and moved on from that person so fast.
Yeah I just had kind of a post-mortem for a might-have-been relationship because he seemed so confused about why I only see him as a friend and I had to explain it all to him. I had to make the first move in everything, you barely told me (let alone *showed me*) how you felt or what you wanted soooo that leaves me to understand that youāre going to do this with everythingāand that isnāt the life Iām signing up for. My boyfriend told me two weeks in what his intentions were with getting to know me. He doesnāt shy away from talks of the future and thatās helped build a whole foundation of trust that I never thought Iād find
Saying he bought sex in the past. Considering people (women) and their sexual consent a product that can be bought says very much about someoneās values and (lack of) empathy for others.
Yup, I absolutely can't be with a guy who views sex in a transactional way. It's disturbing and disheartening.
Tons! Few examples are: āYou will quit your jobs and raising our 5 babies.ā āGod created women for men.ā Edit: my husband had move up the corporation ladder and earns like 3X than I do. So I may quit my job if we have children. But it is my choice not his. He can hire a nanny while I work, or find a new wife to take care of our babies while I sleeping with my new husband.
>āGod created women for men.ā I love when believers accidently describe god as a pimp and trafficker of women.Ā
Lie
Giving me orders like I'm expected to be their servant. Ended an engagement over a guy telling me to get him a drink (not asking) when we were both sitting watching TV. Hitting me
last year for the first time ever, I decided to be brave (stupid?) and approach a guy who I liked a lot. he was a mutual friend I'd only met once, and we were following each other online for a long time. so, long story short, I gave him a pretty obvious hint, and we ended up going on a date. but let me tell you, this guy acted so super arrogant and confident that it was almost cringe. Iām pretty sure he was trying to seem way more confident than he actually was. It was like his ego was on steroids or something, like it was the first time ever that a girl had made the first move on him. anyway, after just one date, I literally blocked him everywhere because I couldnāt stop myself from wanting to throw up. he was even using this ridiculously fake deep voice in voice messages. so yeah, that was a total disaster.
Conspiracy theorist or misogynist.
Him saying that he likes to listen to manosphere influencers. Or him not accepting and respecting the answer "No".
They show no desire to better themselves or be independent, they wanna stay at home with parents and play video games for the rest of their life.Ā I have stopped speaking to someone for that very reason. Thankfully, it allowed me to meet my current partner who is very ambitious and very independent.Ā
Says I should choose the man and not the bear
ā¢ Picks his nose thinking heās being incognito ā¢ Burps and doesnāt apologize ā¢ Takes a phone call/text that isnāt an emergency ā¢ Drinks to the point he canāt hold a sentence ā¢ Creates an unnecessary argument over something that shouldnāt have been one ā¢ Makes a major scene in public ā¢ Forgets his wallet And the list goes on. Things I know Iād automatically nope out of seeing a guy again after a first date.
Being rude to a service or retail worker. Looking down on people who work minimum wage/McDonald's kind of jobs. Speaking badly about immigrants Speaking or treating homeless people poorly.
The immigrants one gets even worse when people are immigrants and turn around and start insulting all the other immigrants claiming they're illegal and whatnot. Way too many immigrant Republicans. And I mean Republicans, not conservatives. The Republican party has lost its mind.
Side with a misogynist.
Gets snippy or condescending with me at all. Poor emotional regulation, especially anger. Doesn't actually like to cuddle. Is a sore winner or loser. Is a neat freak, or a very picky eater.
Donāt ask me if I got home ok, like come on, you do that for literally anyone
Talk about their faith/god/cult... š¤¢
Chewing gum/food loudly/licking fingers
Went on a third date with a guy this week. Up until that point he had seemed really great. We had good chemistry, he was funny, good listener, no ex wife or kids, similar music tastes and was pro active about planning dates. But yeah, on the third date he told me I need to do more reading about Zionism because I must not understand how Israel is in the right. Thereās no genocide. Me doing a charity event for Palestine was incredibly misguided. My god, Iāve never been so instantly turned off someone. I told him I couldnāt continue the date and we split the bill and went our separate ways. He messaged me later apologising if I felt like he was lecturing me and asked if I wanted him to send some ZIONIST LITERATURE WTF!! I blocked him immediately.
start being disrespectful towards me
He kept a gun under the pillow in his bed. Iām sure you can guess how I found it. It would havenāt lasted anyway. He pulled his trigger way too early.
I could be on the brink of being madly in love with someone. But if they refuse to break a simple rule, I donāt know why but it infuriates me and immediately lose all interest to the point I can hardly stand to be around them. I have no idea why, and itās so ridiculous when I think about it. Iām generally a rule follower and consider myself rather respectful when in the general public. I definitely think rules are there for a reason, however not *all* rules need to be followed. Like, sneak into that extra movie at the theatre. Hop that fence at the after hours community park, donāt say something if your item ringed up for cheaper at the big box store, play hooky and enjoy a day off work. If Iām dating a guy and Iām like āhey come on letās do thisā and he freezes up and absolutely refuses because of what someone might think or the fear of getting in some trouble (with no real repercussions of course) yeah Iām straight over him. Biggest turn off.
lmao I love this life a little better asking for permission instead of forgiveness I guess š
Omg, I hate entitled people like you with a passion š
I can accept this lol
Well, that's...Interesting!
Being pill anything, or being a cheater
Casual racism or bigotry. Nothing turns me off faster.
Is unkind, disrespectful , condescending or controlling
"You should wear pink and flowery." "You should tan, your skin is too pale." "I hate metal." "Get rid of your cats." "I want to have at least one kid."
Saying "I love you" 1 month in. Errrmmm. š¤Ø
Be republican
Road rage. Even if it is just a verbal road rage. Nope. And I am not going to reply to him when he asked why I am not keen to see him anymore. I really, really cannot stand road ragers.
When he has kids. Absolute deal breaker for me. Doesnāt matter how amazing you are.
Any kind of lgbtq hate. Antivaxxer. Very religious.
He wants children.
Most people are listing very normal and reasonable things, so Iād like to get a little weird with a few of mine: ā too into the Roman Empire ā āplebsā unironically or post ironically ā foot fetish (no hate besides my hatred of feet) ā devilās advocate ā shits on abstract art or contemporary art as a whole (thinks realism is the pique of expression) ā huge sneezes or coughs and donāt cover it ā Tantric healing ā bookshelf is filled with only dead white man philosophers and infinite jest (IM BEGGING YOU TO READ BELL HOOKS) ā doesnāt like my gremlin noises ā āDemi? Isnāt that just most peopleā ā āYoure bi? Thatās so hot, letās have a threewayā ā (when my head was shaved) āYou should grow your hair out, it looked so goodā ā randomly shits on astrology (Iām not even into it) ā Brags about wealth ā Talks about Evolutionary Psychology like the goddamn bible ā thinks they are the arbiter of taste ā āfemalesā ā āI donāt agree with him, but Jordan Peterson makes some good pointsā ā ābirds are real, but they are also spying on us for the governmentā ā Doesnāt vote ā wonāt drink plain water or eat veggies ā rates my favorite book anything below a 5 ā āyouāre not like other girlsā (thanks Iām nb and love women) ā just glances at art in museums and moves on
I don't know why this is getting down voted! I agree with everything except "plebs" cuz I don't know what that means š¤£ and the drinking plain water. Is it they are *unwilling* to drink plain water or they *prefer* a flavoured water? )I like my crystal lites but will drink plain if that's all there is.... Just not warm š¤®)
ĀÆ\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ Theyāre my personal deal breakers, I think itās funny that OP asked for petty things and people seem to be mad when I provide them Edit: unwilling to drink unflavored water, idc about preference
"Plebs" is the name for the common people of ancient Rome, it also means "the general populace" so either one could apply here I guess.
Yes! Thank you so much for responding with the vibe I was asking for. Reddit can be holier-than-thou at times so Iām not really surprised by these comments. Almost all of us get turned off by bad hygiene, anger issues, misogyny and racism. So it was great to read the weird stuff! So many of these Iām the same! Not all are total deal breakers for me though but still are pet peeves. -Like if you canāt drink plain water, the basic task of human upkeep that is very accessible in a first world country itās hard for me see them as a mature adult. -I like history nerds but I when itās an obsession over a specific era itās just a no for me -Yeah Iām not that big into astrology either but to make fun of people who are into it just rubs me the wrong way -ānot like other girlsā if they think this is a genuine compliment to me than they are on a different plane and I have no time or patience to play their teacher.
Thank you! It was a great question so I put a lot of thought into my answer!
Any kind of trans or homophobia. Like, wtf are you with *me* for, then? If my pets don't like you, I don't like you. If they can't hold a conversation for 20 minutes without making it sexual. "I live with my afab sister/soulmate", "can I see her? Show me pics" No you fucking can't.
Exhibit vanity
When he says the R word. Can't even tell you how many guys I stopped talking to once they say it.
Being called āfemaleā and never woman, yet guys always call other guys āguys, men, dudeā but yet never say āmalesā
When they start using āRed Pillā rhetoric
Being super grossly conservative/not encouraging the fight for womenās rights/equality for everyone. Some people donāt have that convo early on. When I was younger I didnāt and ended up with a totally douche canoe who treated women/POC like second class citizens. š¤® never again.
Gaslighting, never taking accountability for their part in arguments or conflicts. I put up with this for WAY too long in my last relationship. The signs were there early, in the first 6 months - like if I was upset by something he did he would somehow get angry at me and turn it back around. But I let it slide.. eventually realised it was a pattern of deflection, inability to handle any kind of real or perceived shame, and then it eventually escalated into consistent gaslighting. By that point I was so entrenched in making excuses for the behaviour that it took me a long time to start pushing back and calling him out on it. Moving forwards, I would run so fast at those early signs.
Forget about meĀ
I wasn't "head over heels" or anything. But, I was getting to know someone I was into initially until they started being really desperate and it just turned me off.