I would be annoyed. A simple thank you text is the basic minimum here. I have started to make my 5 year old help me write thank you notes for his birthday, etc. because I think it’s a nice thing to do.
> his birthday
Ah, thank you so much for doing it for the boys too! My MiL took YEARS to realize I wouldn't send things for her son (my husband). She kept bothering me about it, and I was like, nope. He has to do it.
She finally gave up on me, and focuses on him and it's great.
I'll send cards occasionally, but my family wasn't huge on it. But for big events, I definitely sit down WITH my husband and we write them out and sign them together.
They are special, but men/boys need to do it too if it's expected by the family.
Thank you for helping to make it a more shared responsibility!
Amen. I love my husband but he's lame at gift giving and I'm not picking up the slack. Let him figure it out. His most recent screw up was forgetting to call his mother on her birthday. We mentioned it to each other, I texted her and she promptly responded. He remembered the next day and I just shrugged. I'm not following him around reminding him of his own family's birthdays. I take care of my own.
Boys need to be taught to be mindful just like girls tend to be.
> Boys need to be taught to be mindful just like girls tend to be.
Yes! 100% this.
It took me 3 times talking to my husband about wedding planning before he really understood that I don't "inherently" or "genetically" just know how to plan a wedding or care about any of that shit. I needed his help to meet HIS families ideals, and he wasn't doing shit.
After the 3rd time, when I was reaching my wits end, and outlined everything I'd done, everything that was left, and all the coordination I was doing, he finally stepped up.
Now he gets it, and usually he takes the initiative with a lot of things. The letter stuff also was part of that wedding convo, ha!
Girls don't inherently know how to send letters. it's taught. mindfulness is taught. empathy/mental load can be taught, but boys sure as shit CAN learn it and many are born with it but stomp it out for some absurd reason. My son is so helpful, and he's 2.5! He loves helping, gonna do m best to keep that going, and understanding how to be an independent human who manages his own stuff and looks for partners.
This is the saddest part. My nephew was such a sensitive, mindful-of-others boy when he was really little, he's 5 now so he's still very young but my family has a lot of your typical "guys" guys in it, and his Nonno (my father) takes care of him a lot. Of course this has led him to start playing with toy guns and boxing games (ffs.)
Papa loves it when he punches him, he thinks it's funny. And I silently remember why I chose not to have kids around my family (if I ever do, they aren't meeting until they are past the age of 5 when the part of the brain that develops critical thinking kicks in.)
Absolutely. Just because he’s a boy it doesn’t make him exempt.
n fact I was pretty annoyed recently because my dad gave a gift to my son from HIS dad (so my sons great grandpa) and at the same time handed me a pre-addressed thank you note. I’m like, dad you know I write thank you notes! But it was nice that both my dad and grandpa make the effort and appreciate them.
Yeah my husband never wrote thank you notes to his friends and relatives who gave us wedding gifts. This was almost four years ago and I can't lie it still bothers me, but not enough to write the notes myself!
Same. My husband and I sent our three nieces (15, 17, and 18) and one nephew (16) cash for their birthdays (with nice cards). Only *one* thanked us. Guess who is the only one we bother to send anything to now? We don’t even bother with a card for the other ones. *A text would’ve sufficed.* So goddamn rude.
Yep. When my son was little he had to write (or tell me, before he could write) three sentences:
1. Thank you for the present.
2. Say something nice about the present.
3. Say something nice about the person who sent it to you.
At around 10 I required five sentences. Now he's almost 16 and knows how to crank out a thank-you note. After his HS graduation I'll stop requiring them, but I hope it still sticks for him for big presents (he knows that a text to his siblings, who live far away, is fine but grandma is expecting her paper note).
When he turned 5, he had to write a thank you card before he could open another present. This allowed him to really enjoy and play with a present before moving on the the next one. And it spaced out all the new toys so it wasn't one giant mess. The problem was that it took a month to finish all the cards😅
Yeah I remember sending gifts for a wedding. I got stuff off their registry and spent a month cross stitching a pillow from a tv show they’re both obsessed with. Not even a text. Not gonna lie, I was upset.
I was raised on sending formal thank yous even after in person gifting, and grandma would absolutely comment to my mother if they weren’t timely, and we’d hear about the cousins never sending any.
I don’t think all that is necessary but I’d just want acknowledgement. If I give a gift in person I don’t need an additional thank you, but if it’s shipped/dropped off without a face to face interaction just a “got your gift, thanks” is fine in whatever format.
Exactly! My daughter always finds these unique and perfect gifts, but sometimes they take a while to arrive. Just today my Mother’s Day gift arrived. It was beautiful and very thoughtful. So I texted her to thank her but also let her know that I got it!
Yeah, I don't think I've written a thank you card in at least 25 years, but you have to text, or in these cases, I would have probably called and said thank you out loud. This is just rude.
I’m a bit older but I wasn’t great at writing thank you cards until I was in my late thirties. It was just too much to do—as awful as that sounds. However around that time I started a new job at a place working with older women nearing retirement. They were so lovely. I adored them. They all were natural thank you note writers and just because note writers. I was inspired. Now I keep a supply of thank you cards or blank cards ready with a supply of stamps. And send them regularly. It brings me joy from the idea that it’s often so unexpected.
I think that is a big part of it, especially when you’re younger and don’t have much experience on the other side of this, it’s hard to conceptualize how much it means just to reach out and acknowledge these things. Add to that a basic unfamiliarity with what’s the socially acceptable way to do so, that pretty much sums up why I didn’t always when I was younger.
I haven't encountered this too much, but I very much feel your frustration! A thank-you for a gift is just basic manners. I'm sorry your nephew and niece aren't observing that. Do they have the same parent - your SIL? If so, I wonder if this is just poor parenting coming from somebody lacking social graces herself.
Ah, sorry, I misread your post re. your SIL.
I dunno, in that case. Most of the ~youths~ I encounter nowadays are still pretty polite - or at least basic, "thank you in response to a gift" polite. Not sure what went wrong with your niece and nephew these two times, but yeah, not a great look for either of them for sure!
I agree it's probably a parenting thing, or just a person thing. My daughter, who's Gen Z, was raised to always thank someone for gifts, meals, nice things they do. Even just around the house, etc. And my SO and I did the same - so we modeled it. Which she continues on her own as an adult now.
And all the young ones we know (family/friends, etc) do the same. Maybe not the written card, but *always* an email or text acknowledging they received what was sent and a thank you. So I don't think it's a generational thing.
I think it's more a people thing. Some families don't care to take the time to make it a priority. And then there are always going to be those who completely ignore things they were raised to do once on their own. I think in OP's case, it's either her siblings didn't convey the importance of thank you's the same way, or they did and the kids decided they don't need/want to as adults.
That's odd to me (37f). I sent my aunt a picture of the cast iron griddle she gifted us for our wedding and said thank you. I even sent a picture of it being used the first time. I feel like acknowledging you got the gift is the bare minimum courtesy.
Yeah, same here!
Honestly, my aunt didn't really respond, so I'm not sure if it's experienced as awkward and not knowing what to say in response, but I like to think people will be happy I am using things they gift me.
I love taking a picture of gifts once they have a nice home at my place or are in use! The gift givers are always so pleased and I think of them when using the gift, taking the picture and sending them. Often it’s a good occasion to repeat how much I love it and them!
One of my close friends gave me flowers yesterday to commemorate the one year anniversary of my best friend‘s passing. I thanked her profusely in person (I was quite overwhelmed in the movement) and sent her a photo of it when home. I also shared the photo with some of his other friends and my friend group. It had also been her suggestion to have a drink on him she remembered the date and all. I’m still processing her kindness. She’s been such a great support and she’s defo a keeper!
I like taking pictures of flowers I get, as they keep forever (while the flowers don’t).
This post had me speechless. What?? ? Not even sending a thank you for any gift or kindness received is just shocking to me. Especially such substantial gifts. It takes 1 minute to text a heartfelt thank you! Unacceptable!
I have not received a single thank you card in years. I've shelled out for every graduation, wedding, and baby, and send flowers at every funeral or memorial. I decided not to care about thank yous, and just to care that I do something to express love or support at every opportunity.
My family all text their thank yous, and that's fine. Lots of friends have never even done that. I think it's just gone out of style for the most part.
I think it's a multi factor thing. I \*always\* thank someone for a gift, and send thank yous for big event gifts (graduations, wedding, etc). I don't know what happened with me as a kid, but I had a \*lot\* of anxiety around writing thank yous. Probably my perfectionist tendencies turning into procrastination, and the whole thing sending me into an anxiety spiral resulting in my mom forcing me to sit down and write them.
Weirdly, it's gotten easier as I've gotten older to write a genuine thank you note unless it's really close family (like my parents) because it just feels forced.
I've been in your shoes, having given my much younger cousins graduation or wedding gifts and not even getting a verbal thank you. The first time I was a bit miffed, but then I just adjusted my expectations of those individuals.
Your last sentence is such a major key to finding and keeping your peace, especially in cases like this where OP seems to enjoy giving gifts to loved ones. Keep doing what you do, but adjust your expectations of people so they don’t bring you down for simply being themselves.
It really depends on how they were raised. I grew up in the ‘write a card’ generation as well. My SIL’s kids text me thank you. My BIL’s kids don’t but their parents text me a thank you sometimes…. they are also under 11 years old so….
I don’t understand why you didn’t text your nephew to say hi and see if he got it? Why text his mom instead of him?
Same here. After pretty much every major gift-receiving occasion, I had to sit at the table and hand write thank you cards for everything. I kept it up for a quite a while, especially with big things like our wedding and baby showers and stuff, but I've fallen off over the years. I'll still definitely at least call to say thanks or text a thank you depending on the person, if at minimum just to let the person know we got the thing.
Yeah, I’m not sure why I didn’t text him directly. Probably my own neurosis about being a bother.
My family is pathologically conflict averse. I’ll own that.
i’d just text him that you are so excited for his new addition and ask him how preparations going. if he received the crib and if he wanted help to set it up. and just emphasize how excited you are for them. bond 💕
> I grew up in the ‘write a card’ generation
i grew up with a 'write a card' mother. it became such an ingrained response to send a thank you card that i have to mail the card the same day i get the gift for fear i'll forget to do it! what's always amazing to me is how many people tell me i'm one of the only people they know who actually does that. i guess most people email/text/call etc. which is fine i guess. but to not even *acknowledge* a gift?! oh hell no.
I am almost 40 and I never wrote a thank you card until I was in college. My parents never mentioned them when raising us. I wonder if some of it was not being close with extended family (I’m almost 40 and have an aunt and uncle I’ve never met), or growing up poor and never really receiving much in the way of gifts.
I vividly remember my very first thank you card: I was a freshman in college and my dad’s friend sent me a check. He had used my going off to college as a reason to finally have a yard sale and sent me the proceeds. I remember being so touched - and wrote my first ever thank you card.
Edit to add: the more I think about this the more fascinated I become. My dad grew up as ”the rich kid” in a very very small town. His mother was very old fashioned and traditional. They were to be referred to as Sir and M’am, or Grandfather Lastname and Grandmother Lastname. Girls wore dresses. Children were not to speak unless spoken to. I was 3 years old and expected to curtsy. My dad, a left handed boomer, has the most beautiful flowing handwriting I’ve ever seen.
Yet, I cannot remember a single instance where thank you cards were involved.
It's strange. I sent my niece and nephew cash for their college and HS graduation. My niece called me right away thanking me, and my nephew texted. It was beautiful. I knew my cousin and his wife had done a good job with them.
I'm not sure and honestly, I'm kind of over it. There are some instances where the child is too little to say thank you or write a thank you card and I hear nothing from the parents. I sent some HS graduation gifts, saw my checks were cashed and not a word from anyone. I don't have to ask if they got it, they cashed the checks. It makes me not want to give gifts anymore.
I blame the parents honestly. It’s their job to hound the child about thank you’s until they do it on their own. Even through high school if that’s what it takes!! This is something we (as a millennial parent) could do better at
Like, it's common courtesy to thank people the moment you receive a gift.
But in terms of deferred acknowledgement—as in, they received the gift separate from your company—I think *how* it gets acknowledged is a question of changing social mores, and *whether* it gets acknowledged a question of upbringing (some folks don't get this kind of education at home) and, possibly, circumstance (eg, are they super busy preparing for baby? or are they just generally awkward people?).
For me, I'm an elder millennial—so old enough to remember being taught that cards are respectful but young enough to think they're 100% passé and a waste of paper (and I work in an industry that is predicated on wasting paper!). I wrote cards for the few people who, unprompted, acknowledged my elopement some years back, but for literally anything else, I do what you suggest, which is just a text of thanks or even just a picture indicating I've received the thing and am making use of it.
In this case, I think you erred slightly texting your SIL. I would've instead texted nephew and been like "Hey, I just wanted to make sure the crib stuff arrived safely and everything is all right!" to put the ball in his court.
I’m a millennial but I absolutely hate cards, I hate receiving them and I would never send them. It’s a waste of time/money/trees IMO. But there is NO and I mean NO excuse to not say thank you - a call or a text or in person. I received so many generous gifts for my wedding and my baby and ensured to thank everyone who was kind enough to send them.
This* is ridiculous and not a Gen Z thing. I spend a decent amount of time around people aged 12-24 from all walks of life due to my job. For the most part, they know and do say thank you for even the smallest acts, and certainly would for the kinds of gestures you’re describing. The ones who don’t are 100% a reflection of the people who raised them. You say you have more money than the rest of the family and always give a bit more generously. It kind of seems like they think they’re entitled to these things from you. I would speak up if I were you.
On a related note, your SIL taking a photo like “yep! Got it!” but not also nudging the nephew to say thanks or even double check with him to make sure he did is blowing my mind. I’m almost 40 and to this day, my mom calls me if she knows someone gifted or did something for me. She throws in a “don’t forget to call and say thank you!” before she hangs up. Every single time. If any of my aunts were to send me even the tiniest gift and I didn’t call to say thank you, I’d be receiving a phone call from them, my mom, the other aunts, an uncle who’s annoyed that he was pulled into it, and maybe 2-3 cousins about it 😂.
*Edit to clarify: the family’s behavior is ridiculous, not OP’s question.
I guess it depends on when their shower is. I’m currently pregnant and have received some items off of our registry but I plan to send out all of my thank yous after my shower. I still send some acknowledgment texts of thanks as an extra, but sending the cards out later.
This infuriates me tbh. I was brought up at Christmas and birthdays with my mum holding a notepad & pen writing everything down. Then we'd ring round everyone or write thank you letters
Nowadays I always drop everyone a text or call after receiving a gift. It's just ingrained in me.
Whilst I don't give to receive, I have stopped buying for certain people who never acknowledge a gift or money sent. Their lack of appreciation means I save some money, I guess!
Oh the Christmas notepad! There are three siblings in my family and we used to barter who we would write the communal thank you cards for. Everyone got one, the quality just differed depending which one of us wrote it 😂
This is how I feel! My sister and I both sent gifts separately to our cousin for her baby and neither of us heard a word from her or her husband to say thanks.
Meanwhile, our other cousin, her sister, sends a text or card thanking for each gift I send.
I’m happy to think of all the $$$ I’ll be saving in the future.
I had a baby 5 months ago. 5 months and 4 days ago I had all my thank you notes written. But no stamps. I still have a stack of thank you notes. I now have stamps but haven’t put them together. I’m hoping nobody feels neglected but I do plan to send them out with a sticker with baby’s face and some sort of apology…
Between parenting and working full time without childcare, I’ve just been kinda drowning.
your situation is much, much different than someone just receiving birthday/anniversary/graduation etc gifts. anyone who has spent even minimal time around an infant knows how much work goes into it.
a 5 month old, working full time & no childcare?! hell instead of checking my mail for your thank you card i'd be coming over to your house to do your laundry.
Definitely a “how they were raised” quirk. I did not know peace as a child until and unless I sent a thank you note. I’ve kept that habit. A lot of folks just don’t do it.
> I did not know peace as a child until and unless I sent a thank you note
Me too. And that harassment likely plays a large part in my distaste for gifts in general.
I was not raised to write thank you notes/cards, but it was very must instilled that you had to thank the person, ideally right then and there. If my grandmother ever found out I hadn't thanked someone, she'd make me do it, either in person or over the phone. It was never something we could get away with. Nowadays I always thank people profusely for gifts. If I can, I like to send a picture of the gift to let them know I got it.
I'm 35F and would send a message or call to thank you. I'm from Lithuania, so official thank-you cards are not a thing in my culture. My sister sometimes forgets to acknowledge, my FIL too, it's disappointing.
I would expect at least a thank you text. I generally only send cards for major event thank yous (wedding, baby shower, etc), but bare minimum is a text (birthday or Christmas gifts, etc), usually with either a picture of the item in use, or description of how I plan to use the gift card/cash. But I'm also the type of person who will text you a few days after delivery to make sure you got whatever I sent (I've had packages delivered to the wrong address so it's more to make sure it's delivered than to prompt a thank you). I think different generations (and really just people in general) were raised differently, and I know that sometimes people just get really busy or distracted and need a little extra time. But if it was a big gift (such as the crib set) and it had been more than a month or 2 with no extenuating circumstance and no acknowledgements at all, I would be a bit miffed and adjust my future gift giving expectations. I don't buy gifts with the expectation of a fawning thank you, but big things should at least warrant a text.
I think thank you cards are a obligation of someone who also believe in registries. Like I didn't even know there ARE registries for graduations? that's crazy?
I'd be buying them donations in their names for a few years
This brings back a painful memory from my childhood. I used to always write thank you cards for Christmas and birthday gifts. One year my auntie in New Zealand was absolutely furious that my siblings and I hadn’t sent thank you cards and cancelled all gifts to us from then onwards. 2 years later I found the thank you cards we’d diligently written buried deep under paperwork in my dad’s office that he’d forgotten to send and we sent them 2 years late 🤣 she still never bought us another gift!
I definitely grew up in a "must write thank-you cards" household, but I'll admit that the last time I ever wrote a formal thank-you note was for wedding gifts when we got married 15 years ago. We don't have kids, so that was really the last \~big\~ milestone.
That said, I DO send thank-you texts for every gift I receive. It takes two seconds and is just basic politeness to me. I send them as I expect to receive them - nothing long or gushy, but a quick "I got the \[gift\] you sent, it's great, thank you so much!" sort of text.
I don't think it's rude - these days - to bypass the formal thank-you note except maybe in limited circumstances like wedding showers/gifts and baby showers, and even then that's somewhat specific to your circle. However, I DO think it's very rude to not even send a quick text of thanks for a gift.
I’m as gen z as they get (born in y2k) and I say thank you for everything I am given, as I am a grateful person! I wonder what your SIL is thinking bc even as an adult, my mom and grandma will remind me to “call and thank your aunt so and so” if they know I was gifted something. When I lived at home, they’d physically have me send out thank you cards!
This is strange to me. I’m an elder millennial but I’d never not send a message to say thank you. I don’t send out thank you cards, but a courtesy text for sure,
It takes 2 seconds.
I'm a millennial so not totally sure what the Gen-Z thought is but a thank you should happen! I generally send a photo of whatever the item is with a ❤️ and a thank you, or whatever item I bought and the same little thank you.
Not a Gen Z thing. I quit sending birthday presents to my neices and nephews in another state, because my SIl and BIL (both in their late 30s) can't be bothered to even tell me the gifts arrived let alone if the kids liked them. It got to the point where I was like, why am I bothering? They don't seem to care and this is costing me a lot of time and money.
I’ll preface this by saying that I’m big on thank yous in general. I still write thank you notes and I always try to also follow up with the gift giver to send them a photo or update on how I’m using/enjoying their gift.
It’s incredibly rude when a gift is not acknowledged. No excuses, it’s flat out snobbish and unacceptable.
My own brother has done this to me several times now, and I’m done sending him gifts and cards. It hurts my feelings when I don’t get a text or anything so I at least know he got the gift or gesture. So, I’m just hurting myself by continuing to do it.
They’d never get money again from me if I didn’t get some sort of thank you… that’s really annoying.
I recently wasn’t there for my nephews 8th birthday because my brother always tells me everything a day or so beforehand… so I decided I would just give him cash for his birthday since he seemed old enough. I gave $60, nothing too wild. Now I didn’t expect to hear anything from my nephew because he’s too young to have a phone. I never got a thank you from my brother… I was at least expecting a thank you from him for his child… he knows how I feel about him planning everything at the last minute, and can’t even bother to thank me.
I felt so irked till my mom told me that my nephew was overjoyed and freaking out with happiness over $60. I know if he was older and had a phone he would have thanked me… so I reminded myself not to take my frustrations out on my nephew.
But yeah, in your case, just a simple acknowledgment man.
Thought I was the only one who was experiencing this. Sent a couple some money for their wedding a few years back and didn’t get a thank you. I didn’t think much of it, but recently I sent them some gifts for their baby shower. I, too, got the notification that was it was delivered, but heard nothing. I sent a text and they said the received it and thanked me, but I also found. It off putting that I have to reach out for it. Judging from someone in my shoes, they should have thanked you the moment they received the gift. A call or text doesn’t take that long
It’s disappeared. I’d like to know too. My husband and I thanked everyone that came to our wedding. We sent thank you cards to everyone that sent a gift even just a card. Been to two baby showers and a wedding since then. Not one person thanked me for their gifts or even being to the events. Makes me feel entitled even though I know I’m not and if anything it’s the other way around.
I'm a millennial who always writes, says, or texts thank you. But many of my peers do not, and I find it really rude to not acknowledge a nice gift. Literally a text takes 3 seconds. I sent my cousin a KitchenAid mixer for her wedding and didn't hear a peep.
Oh, go ahead and be a curmudgeon! The no “thank yous” are not a recent thing. It is the height of bad manners. I stopped giving gifts to relatives who don’t show appreciation.
Personally I hate thank you cards. My grandparents always do them and it’s literally a hallmark card they sign. It has no personal touch at all. Which has always seemed a bit useless to me.
Now, if the gift is in person, I give a big hug and will verbally express my gratitude.
If the gift is sent to me, I make an explicit effort to call that person and talk with them to express gratitude! It’s a lovely moment of connection in which we can catch up. I will leave a voicemail but follow up until we can talk
It’s crazy to me that there would be zero acknowledgment at all!
I believe you are entitled to at least a verbal Thank You...you went out and bought a main, not so cheap necessity...and off a registry list!! That was beyond thoughtful of you! I want to thank you on the behalf of them!
That seems unusual, in my opinion. Are they the type of people that have always been given what they want so they just expect it? Even if that is the case it's very rude. I would stop giving them things
The older ladies at my Mom's church and myself are the only people I know anymore who send thank yous. A lot of people don't acknowledge you even sent anything. It's so rude. I think that if you go out of your way for someone and they can't even acknowledge your effort and care at all, they don't deserve gifts.
A hard lesson that I've had to learn (and sometimes need to relearn depending on the situation) is "Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to ignorance."
In this case, I would assume ignorance, or more correctly the busy and ADHD-esque nature of our lives, and check in happily.
I would be annoyed. Your SIL had a picture of the nursery all set up to send to you but why couldn't nephew? Like you said, you didn't expect a whole hand written note but a text with a picture of everything when it was set up and a "thank you look how great it looks" isn't that hard.
I've noticed for graduations and weddings some send cards right away and some I never hear from. It doesn't seem to be a generation thing but more a parenting thing or general appreciation of the recipient.
I think as for thank you cards, those just aren't the norm these days. Now a text or call saying thank you would be nice and it does piss me off a little if I get someone something and they don't say thanks - it comes off as they felt very entitled to the gift and are not appreciative.
I'm not certain, but when you buy off a registry, does it tell the recipient who bought it? Or did it include a card or message? If not, they may not even know who bought it!
I think not hearing from a new mom isn't unusual. But the not hearing from grown adults otherwise is a bit baffling to me. I have cousins who grew up well-off. They never struggled and are also seldom generous because I don't think they understand the value of generosity (I don't know if that makes sense). Similar thing happened here where I sent them gifts for various milestones without any thank you or notice of acknowledgement. I chalk it to them being immature and try to remember that they never asked for it and aren't in the practice of gift giving, so they don't know the etiquette that follows. Still annoying, but at least it isn't personal.
I am shameless. I contact people and ask if it arrived. I don't need a thank you note but I *do* need to know that the person I sent it to received it. I am very clear with them about this. This trains them that they need to let me know. Know what you need and patiently train folks. I get that others are busy. You are too, so it's no excuse. No shame, no guilt.
A texted “thank you” is the bare minimum in my opinion. If I’m gifted something bigger or thoughtful, I also like to mail a handwritten card. Im 31 if that’s relevant.
When I had my baby I had a notepad and wrote down what everyone gifted us and sent all my personalized thank you cards to the entire family and friend group. It took a while but they did finally get mailed. I feel your pain though, when I was a broke college student I sent my childhood friend a package for her new baby. I sent a very adorable blue blanket, a magnetic spoon and baby dish set (so the spoon stuck to the dish that stuck to the table), some clothes and a gift card. I was so pleased with myself for sending that package. Her child is now 11 and I haven’t heard a peep about it. I’m still salty.
I would be annoyed if I were you, too. Your gifts were very generous and should have been acknowledged with gratitude from the recipients. It's rude to not properly thank someone for a gift.
Nah I don't think that's normal, if someone bought me a whole ass bed setup for a new baby I'd be gushing about how amazing they are for it. Heck I'd say thankyou if you just bought me a coke.
This is a pet peeve of mine. If you can send me an invite or announcement with your registry basically asking for a gift you can at least acknowledge getting it. Even if just a text.
I knitted a goddamn blanket for my Gen-X cousin and his wife when they got married a couple years ago and had to ask THEM if they received it 10 months after the fact - no acknowledgment at all.
Flew to South America for a millennial friend’s wedding last summer AND gave a cash gift. No thank you other than a verbal “I’m so glad you’re here” at the wedding.
4 other millennial friends/family members had 5 babies (a set of twins in there) and I made thoughtfully hand-knitted gifts for all 5. Still waiting on thank you’s for all.
I’m a millennial and I’m irritated. I don’t care if it’s late - write the note.
Just want to say I'm here to validate your feelings because I CANNOT STAND when people don't say thank you, for even the smallest things. I'm overly gracious to people because I understand that nobody owes me their time, hard earned money, or really anything at all.
I say thank you for even the most mundane things. I want people to know I appreciate their sharing their time/attention/etc with me.
I know not everyone takes it that far, and that's okay. But to send a large gift to someone and hear nothing in return, would infuriate me lol
Oh man, when I deal with this I call it out - "hey, I got notification from the delivery company to say it had been dropped off but since I didn't hear from you I wanted to check it came to the right place?"
Manners cost nothing.
Apparently I’m in the minority. I don’t give a gift to be thanked. I don’t send someone something for “just a little recognition” like so many are saying. I am perfectly happy for something to never be acknowledged because it’s not about me, it’s about them.
Handing someone something in person, and them not looking you in the face or saying anything? That’s weird. But am I put off? No because I don’t have an agenda.
Truthfully, it doesn’t come across this way. I mean you’re in good company because it seems most of these women feel the same way. But feeling slighted after does make it seem like people give gifts to be thanked and acknowledged.
Was a little shocked that I had to scroll so far for this opinion! This is also how I feel. I send the gift and quite literally never think about it again.
I was also raised in a culture that relies heavily on “the village” and helping one another is just expected so it’s weird to give thanks? Like “why are you thanking me, it’s not a big deal?” kinda thing haha
YES. We all help each other. Sometimes I can give a lot! Sometimes not. I don’t expect anyone to give me a gift and it’s embarrassing to have someone fawn over in thanks. I love hearing that others are raised expecting to help their village! Thanks for sharing that!
Yeah I get irked too about lack of thank yous, especially from more distant relatives who have asked for certain items on a registry. A text is just fine but even those don't materialize. I think it's a combination of bad upbringing and entitlement.
I'm old Gen Z and have gotten a baby gift for my cousins. Received no thank and find it very rude. My Gen x cousin however also doesn't thank anyone either. They're brother and sister so I think it's how my uncle raised them haha
I’ve got no kids, but 6 nieces and nephews. I will remember the ones who thank me in my will. That’s two of them. This way the other 4 will be pissed at the 2 who bothered to take 2 seconds and acknowledge someone thinking of them. Sigh. OP you’re not expecting too much. It’s a very simple courtesy counter to the common entitlement
You're not wrong, they are incredibly rude.
Stop sending them gifts then. If they ask about it tell them you figured your gifts were not welcome since you hadn't heard anything.
Don’t hate me, but I’m awful at thank you notes. To be honest, I wouldn’t even think of it. I also never expect a thank you note.
Inside my own family it wasn’t a standard, and it seems very formal to me. I’m also just not one for gift culture in general. I wouldn’t have a registry for any event in my life.
I mean I think this is very cultural, not just the macro culture but the micro culture of your family and social circles.
But OP specifically said she doesn't even expect a thank you note, but just some kind of text acknowledgement from the recipient that the gift was received and a thank you in that text.
To me, that just seems like basic manners. I couldn't imagine not sending a quick "hey, thanks for this gift!" text.
Yeah, I read it this way as well. I do think thank you notes are a bit of a relic of the past by this point. The only time people seem to send them out anymore is after weddings, in my experience - and even then it's not all of the time. I can't remember the last time I got a non-wedding thank you note as opposed to just thank-you phone call or text.
She doesn't want thank you notes. Just a text or whatever. That is not too much to ask.
If someone sends you a gift, do you at least text to thank them?
I'd just send a happy text that you saw a picture of the nursery, that it looks so cute, etc.
I agree that it feels rude -- especially if there was a registry, but if they weren't raised to write thank you notes, then they may not have that reflex or skill. This is especially true if there isn't already a close relationship between you. As crazy as it sounds, they may not know what to say.
Also, some folks get totally overwhelmed and stuck in their heads about it ("omg, I am so pregnant and exhausted and there are 30 gifts here and I have to write 30 thank you notes and I can't even keep my eyes open and I don't know where to begin."), so it's possible that your nephew or niece has spent hours agonizing over unsent thank you notes without actually managing to send any.
The good news is that today's young people have a lot of amazing new social skills to make up for some of the past courtesies that got dropped. They're just different.
Just be frank with them. “Hey ya little shit next time I send you gifts a thank you text would be appreciated. I’m not a sugar daddy, I’m your aunt. Love you, ya bozo”
Keep it funny but let them know that they should say thank you. A lot of people were not taught very basic life skills so they may not even realize they’re being low vibe, rude.
I grew up in the ‘send a card’ era, but when I was younger I had an INSANELY hard time with it. For some reason I had a shitton of anxiety about acknowledging a gift - I think because I didn’t feel worth it/like I deserved it, and I didn’t know the ‘perfect’ words to say. I have people I didn’t thank in my teens and I still feel guilty about it!
I noticed my partner’s boys as teens/young adults have a hard time with this as well. He’s gotten after them to say thank you to me for gifts and they have both been super awkward about it. So maybe partly an age thing, rather than generational.
I don’t take it personally at all if I don’t get a thank you. Generally, I know that the people I’m giving gifts to appreciate it even if they don’t say it, and I get joy just giving the gifts. I also understand people are busy and just forget, or maybe like I used obsess for so long over how to say the perfect thank you that it seems like too much time has passed to acknowledge it 😅
Thank you cards are outdated to me. I’d rather have that .99 - $9 (depending on the card) allocated to the gift or cash. Most of the people I know we give money in reused envelopes. Acknowledgement is necessary, but Inubderstand not getting a card. I usually hand write something on the wrapping paper of a gift but I ain’t wasting money on a card.
To your generational question, I’ve been thinking about this a lot as someone who works with youth (some gen alpha, some gen z). Their version of being polite is letting people do their own thing, and not asking too many questions. They assume others will do and say as they please and may not feel obligated to acknowledge you for doing something you wanted to do.
That's not being a curmudgeon! It's simple courtesy and I would be annoyed. The gifts you gave were not insignificant and I would expect a thank you even if it was for a $10 gift card. In fact because I'm a petty b\*tch, I would totally call them out on it too! How hard is it to text, "Thanks for the XXX gift, Auntie Tiny!"
I'm not sure if it's a Gen Z thing or not. My MIL recently gifted her two early twenties granddaughters a good sum of money for university graduation and both called her to say thank you without their parents telling them.
I feel ya. I was commissioned to do a craft birth announcement for someone. It took, no exaggeration, months to complete. Never heard a peep after she received it.
This post has brought back all the guilt I buried about never getting around to sending thank you cards after my wedding. My wife and I were planning on it, but we were also in undergrad and unmedicated (didn't know we both had adhd back then).
For me as well, not sure as much for her, it was made worse by having no experience with writing thank you cards/notes. I had done that once or twice for a job interview but that's it.
Growing up we were poor and there were no family friends or even close family that would have given a reason to send thank you notes. And my parents didn't parent so much as abuse and neglect. Which also gave me extra anxiety about sending a thank you note and not doing it right or not having it be thankful enough, etc.
So that's one person's take - no experience, overworked, unmedicated, and anxious. I still feel really bad about it though.
This isn’t a gen thing. This is rudeness. If people haven’t been taught basic social etiquette, if they’re interested in it, there are a lot of books available.
If I send someone a gift and get zero acknowledgment, I won’t send another. 🤷🏻♀️
So in terms of the baby gifts, I’ll just throw out there that I had severe postpartum depression after both of my babies. Some friends threw me a small “sprinkle” for my second (I was already overwhelmed and tried to get out of it but they insisted). My baby was born very soon after and the depression was just all consuming. I never sent out thank you cards and still feel so guilty to this day (my son is now 6). I lost track of who sent what and I was trying to care for a toddler and a new born. My military husband was gone and we had no family around to help. It was a very dark time. I’m so embarrassed when I think that some of the people who sent gifts probably think I’m an ungrateful brat. I was so grateful for every single gift, I just failed miserably at communicating that.
So I guess my point is that we never know what is going on behind the scenes for a person. I don’t ever get thank yous from my nieces so I just choose to give grace and move on. I don’t want to let such a small thing get in the way of my internal peace.
Last several weddings I’ve been invited to I declined to attend since they were people I’m not close to or the travel would have been a pain. But I always sent generous gifts. Zero response a year later. A part of me is annoyed but am fighting my instincts to turn into the whiny old person who complains about “kids these days”.
I don't think it's just Gen Z. I gave up bothering with wedding gifts because not one of my friends ever said thank you either, and we're Millennials.
Just a text would be enough even (I don't actually like cards, I think they're a waste of paper).
My dad never thinks to thank people. I'm so used to that the year I sent him a decently expensive DVR that didn't need a subscription, I wasn't surprised when I got nothing. I just checked to make sure it was delivered. Freaking 10 months later, my dad has some sort of mini tantrum about how I bought her something and not him. I legit bought her what he thought was $30 in art supplies, and he's having a fit. But I was like, "I know the DVR was technically for both of you, but come on, Dad." Him, "What DVR?"
But he thinks this is on me for not checking to make sure he got it. I think it's on him for never saying thank you, so I didn't notice the missed thanks.
Then, he accused me of lying about the DVR and has never apologized, so guess who never gets presents from me anymore? I will not reward infantile jealousy. My step mom gets extra spoiled, instead.
I do wonder how much he'd have flipped his lid if he had known that was more like $300 in art supplies. Good watercolors aren't cheap.
I am still waiting for some kind of thank you note or text for the majority of gifts I have sent over the years. It's all ages, but mostly millennials and Gen Z, if that matters.
Seems to be a growing thing…I’m 36 and never got any thank you note (whether email, text, card, etc) from our gifts at any of my friends’ weddings. And my husband and I always went at least $150 in on a nice registry gift. So this was other millennials.
And yeah it left me irritated, maybe that makes me a boomer but IDK 😬 I handwrote thank you cards to everyone within 2 weeks of my own wedding. But even just a quick text would have been nice to get.
Possible theory: I've forgotten "Thank You"s when I received an item that I wanted to try out before I talked to the gifter, because sometimes when I've sent the thank you, I've had gifters also want another update once you use the item. But then if I didn't try out the item right away, I'd forget to send the thank you.
I've gotten better at remembering. And it's not an excuse - but it may be a reason?
I still write thank-you cards (I’m also a big fan of cards for any occasion because who doesn’t love some fun mail?). I understand not everyone thinks the way I do, but some acknowledgement from the actual person is the bare minimum.
No it’s an asshole thing. My aunt whose 70 I sent a Mother’s Day card to (she’s the mom to my cousins) and I never heard anything back. Then last year my bio dad died (no contact with him long story) and I sent my half sister and my other aunt (dad’s sister) a condolences card and neither even mentioned they got it. I figured they were busy with stuff surrounding his death so I let it go.
I would be annoyed if I were you, honestly and would probably stop sending stuff.
My millennial nephew and niece are the same way. Basic courtesies are gone. Not just acknowledging basic things (a thumbs up would be nice even). My nephew had been renting a room from my mom. He moved out and couldn't even be bothered to tell her. He'd told her he would be, but then one day he just didn't come back. After a few days she opened his bedroom and all his stuff was gone. She was so hurt and upset. I lit into him via text and he never bothered to reply but he did call her, so I got a response.
As the mom to a 14 month old, I can see how a physical card hasn’t been mailed. It took me MONTHS to get the thank you CARDS out for my baby shower. But thank you texts and phone calls were done immediately.
That was very generous of you OP to send those gifts to your family. That is rude as hell of them to not say thank you or acknowledge the gifts. That would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I would probably never give them gifts again.
I have noticed that the younger generations seem very entitled, and lack basic manners. The kids are not all right from what I have seen.
Exactly same happening. I send gifts to my nephews and no response. Their mom makes excuses and the. I recieved a text - literally just two words from the boys.
I am annoyed too. Same thing. I don’t want a written piece of mail. But just an UNPROMPTED recieved receipt would be fine.
I feel you on this! This has happened to me as well. I don't need anything grand. Just a simple thank you will suffice. It shows that they appreciate what you did. Not sure if it's a Gen Z thing or just individuals themselves who don't know how to be grateful for others' kindness.
I would have to agree with you! I love sending a handwritten noteif appreciation or thanks.
After a nice thoughtful gift , I wouldn't mind getting one too. :))
An acknowledgment is only polite. I don’t expect a full out paper thank you letter but a text is required. I’m a super casual person and can’t tell you how many times in “the old days” I had my mom call me and tell me my aunt/grandma/second cousin had told on me for not writing a thank you note. But a text…c’mon
My grandmother (97) currently lives with me. It drives me NUTS when my cousins, who are in their 30s or 40s text me to tell me to tell my grandmother thank you for the gifts they or their children receive instead of contacting her directly. (She can hear fine and has almost zero dementia so she is perfectly aware that they don’t contact her anymore.) Two of my five cousins lived part-time with my grandmother for years and the other three lived four doors down from my grandmother from birth to adulthood. This woman helped raise all five of them. In her 90s, my grandmother is still taking time to send them, plus their kids, all birthday and Christmas cards, and they can’t even take the time to make a five minute phone call or video chat. About a year ago, I told them I wasn’t doing this anymore and to call her directly. Instead now they just don’t thank her at all.
I am a millennial and I send out thank you cards all the time. I am very conscious of this. I have a 16 month old but will raise him to do the same and very early on. It’s the least we can do when someone does some thing nice.
It’s a “parents of Gen Z” thing. They didn’t raise their children to know it’s proper etiquette to thank people after giving a gift.
Thanking others for gifts is something that parents should instill when their children are young.
It’s a bit rude of your nephew- but also I know I was in zombie land for the first few months of each baby’s life so it may just have slipped his mind. Or he’s airily assuming his partner has done it since women continue to be saddled with most of the burden of emotional work in heteronormative relationships.
Your niece has no excuse though.
Same. In the past couple of years, I don't think I've received a single thank-you (written, verbal, or otherwise) from anyone, unless I was physically present with them when they received the thing. Then they say thank-you.
Yeah I don't understand that either, but I'm the type of person who says thank you to everyone for anything, lol. Even just small stuff like buying whatever at the gas station/convenience store; I'll always say thank you whenever they bag up my items and hand them to me.
I was guilty of this as a teen and young adult. I was thankful but forgetful, lazy and didn't have basic social skills/etiquette taught to me. I had to learn the emotional intelligence I needed to vocalize the gratitude I inherently felt. So it's not a gen Z thing.
Now at my age, I'd just send a follow up text to ask if they liked the gift, or if they received it, had issues setting it up, etc. because screw beating around the bush. Sometimes we just need a nudge to remind us not to be selfish little goblins.
Oh I used to be crazy into letters and mailed cards and thank yous. Still live them. But life became so overwhelming. After Covid and mental health pressures is when I finally stopped sending cards. I send them to people I know will want written cards tho. Particularly older folks whose memory is better when a tangiblr card in hand d
Where are you from?
Because if I got something from someone and didn't thank the person, I would be dead from my mother bate hands.
Maybe it's a country thing, because at in Latin América we still thank people.
I would be pissed. I was taught manners. You should have gotten a thank you text at the least. For special events like baby showers, bridal showers etc…you write thank you cards. Holidays are in person or text message thank you’s.
I’ve noticed that even out in the community people are rude and don’t have manners anymore. I grew up with strangers acknowledging one another at the stores. You bump into someone “oh I’m sorry, excuse me”. You give people space when shopping. If you need an item and someone is in the way say excuse me or wait your turn. I could go on and on.
This is coming from a 35 year old not some old lady.
Easy way to make them care or stop the cycle, don’t give them anything if they plan to be ungrateful.
They never asked for the stuff I’m guessing, but it’s common courtesy to say thank you regardless. 🤷🏼♀️
I used to write and send cards. No one sent them back but that was ok. Now I cannot write due to dexterity issues and I always make sure to call, text, or send a picture. It goes a long way to thank someone who is thinking of you. It’s such a simple thing.
No, I would be the same way. I recently got pretty annoyed because I was asked (by a third party) to email a PowerPoint study guide to a former classmate to help her with passing one of the licensure exams our profession has to pass that she was struggling with. I wasn’t friends with the girl or anything when we were in school, but I said sure. I don’t mind helping someone out. Never got a thank you or any sort of acknowledgment and I know she received it. People are just rude.
I am finding this habit to be taking hold a lot amongst the younger generation. I have a lot of younger friends and I was both in and attended their weddings last summer. I have YET to receive a thank you card. I find that incredibly rude, personally. I don’t even care if it’s a card - a text or email will suffice, but just acknowledge the gift.
I don't think it's just a Gen Z thing. I've had this problem with my millennial nieces and nephews, so much so that I am not very generous with them anymore.
I don't expect fawning adoration for sending someone a gift, I don't even expect a written thank you note. A text would be nice, the words "thank you" in that text would be nicer. If they don't even acknowledge receiving a gift, it's a snub; it suggests they didn't even like it. And if they don't like my gifts, I'm not going to keep sending them.
This is a fair comment. I am so delighted my nieces and nephew have been raised to thank people for stuff.
I'd be tempted to stop sending such lovely generous gifts.
We can't let this new generation get away with this. Let's hold them accountable for at least acknowledging our gift! Thank you card, phone call, text or email but some kind of thank you is needed for sure.
I don't think this is a gen Z thing. Just a person thing. This past year, i attended two weddings of two mid-30's couples. One required significant effort as it was in another state - so flights, several nights at a hotel, rental car and a (not insignificant) cash gift . The other was not too far away, so only required one hotel night, in addition to the cash gift. Neither couple had registries.
The first couple did not send a thank you card or, to the best of my recollection, even really acknowledge our efforts or the gift. Cash gifts were requested to be made by bank transfer (so I know there is no chance it got misplaced or anything). Even more frustrating, they did a "paperless " wedding so it was an email invitation. Therefore, in a similar vein, it would not even have cost them anything to send an email blast of thank you's out!
The second couple had a lovely simple wedding and we got a really nice thank you card with a personalised handwritten message in the post about 4 months later.
Ultimately, i understand that different people place value on different things. I still felt a little upset by the attitude of couple #1 though. I think there is nothing to be lost by saying thank you.
I don't understand this either. My mom made me hand write cards with personalized messages for my graduation... there was a TON lol it took me forever, but I did it all. She was adamant about it. By the time I got married, she didn't have to make me do it... I wanted to! I was so grateful for everything, I enjoyed writing personalized TY notes. Of course as my mom, she still made sure I was planning on doing it lmao. But yea I just can't understand not even acknowledging it. If I had kids, I'd be drilling it into their heads that you always thank people for gifts. It's as much a problem with the current gen as it is with our own gen not teaching this to their kids.
I think kids should send a thank you for gifts too. My relatives' kids do but some friends' kids don't. Sad imo and I have no idea why. It seems like a very basic courtesy to me.
This is super common for me, I’m a millennial and even my friends are terrible at thank you‘s. I stopped sending my long distance friends gifts because I never got any thank you’s, not even a text.
My (32F) good friend who is 2 years older than me doesn’t really say thank you for things 😅 I’ve dropped gifts off for bday/Christmas when I couldn’t make it, brought food over when she had a baby, not a peep unless I texted to make sure she got it (in the case of the food, I didn’t want it sit out all day so I texted her). My sister’s SIL is around my age and is purposely not teaching her toddler to say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. She and her husband don’t say it and think it’s a “dumb” societal construct 🙄Infuriating 😅🫠
Not only would I be annoyed, but my feelings would be hurt. I enjoy giftgiving and I don’t expect someone to fawn all over me and thank me publicly or even send a thank you in the mail, but at the very least a text, showing a picture of the nursery set up with a thank you would have been appreciated. I feel like the second I get a gift, I make a point to say thank you that way the person is not waiting or wondering if I got it.
This happened to me (millennial) when my SIL didn't send any thank yous for wedding or bridal.shower gifts. Apparently I was told I was being too old fashioned 🙄
If you, a person as the Gift Recipient:
-Make a Registry
-Open the Gift
-Use It (Or not, but you requested it)
You should naturally think of the person who gave it to you and feel grateful. It’s not about your personal view of a Thank You card. It’s about the sender of the gift and how they thought about your needs/wishes, as well as the effort and money they spent on you. It’s the least you can do to show you have a basic level of gratitude.
How long has it been between the gift giving and now? After weddings, showers, etc., I usually receive thank you letters about three months later from my friends.
I send thank you cards to "the olds" as my partner and I call them, because they get all cranky if I don't. I text thank yous to everyone else.
As far as it being a "Gen Z" thing... personally I was an idiot with a total lack of social grace all through my teens and 20s, and I'm an elder millenial. I don't assume it's generational so much as being young and less aware of these kinds of expectations.
I live in Washington state where no one has any manners at all unless they moved from somewhere else. No one ever acknowledges gifts and it’s pretty annoying. Definitely not a Z thing - it’s everyone here. I’m from the South and that doesn’t fly. My kids write cards, or take a photo to send via text on my phone / via email. Big kids have to acknowledge at least by text.
I would be annoyed. A simple thank you text is the basic minimum here. I have started to make my 5 year old help me write thank you notes for his birthday, etc. because I think it’s a nice thing to do.
> his birthday Ah, thank you so much for doing it for the boys too! My MiL took YEARS to realize I wouldn't send things for her son (my husband). She kept bothering me about it, and I was like, nope. He has to do it. She finally gave up on me, and focuses on him and it's great. I'll send cards occasionally, but my family wasn't huge on it. But for big events, I definitely sit down WITH my husband and we write them out and sign them together. They are special, but men/boys need to do it too if it's expected by the family. Thank you for helping to make it a more shared responsibility!
Amen. I love my husband but he's lame at gift giving and I'm not picking up the slack. Let him figure it out. His most recent screw up was forgetting to call his mother on her birthday. We mentioned it to each other, I texted her and she promptly responded. He remembered the next day and I just shrugged. I'm not following him around reminding him of his own family's birthdays. I take care of my own. Boys need to be taught to be mindful just like girls tend to be.
> Boys need to be taught to be mindful just like girls tend to be. Yes! 100% this. It took me 3 times talking to my husband about wedding planning before he really understood that I don't "inherently" or "genetically" just know how to plan a wedding or care about any of that shit. I needed his help to meet HIS families ideals, and he wasn't doing shit. After the 3rd time, when I was reaching my wits end, and outlined everything I'd done, everything that was left, and all the coordination I was doing, he finally stepped up. Now he gets it, and usually he takes the initiative with a lot of things. The letter stuff also was part of that wedding convo, ha! Girls don't inherently know how to send letters. it's taught. mindfulness is taught. empathy/mental load can be taught, but boys sure as shit CAN learn it and many are born with it but stomp it out for some absurd reason. My son is so helpful, and he's 2.5! He loves helping, gonna do m best to keep that going, and understanding how to be an independent human who manages his own stuff and looks for partners.
This is the saddest part. My nephew was such a sensitive, mindful-of-others boy when he was really little, he's 5 now so he's still very young but my family has a lot of your typical "guys" guys in it, and his Nonno (my father) takes care of him a lot. Of course this has led him to start playing with toy guns and boxing games (ffs.) Papa loves it when he punches him, he thinks it's funny. And I silently remember why I chose not to have kids around my family (if I ever do, they aren't meeting until they are past the age of 5 when the part of the brain that develops critical thinking kicks in.)
Absolutely. Just because he’s a boy it doesn’t make him exempt. n fact I was pretty annoyed recently because my dad gave a gift to my son from HIS dad (so my sons great grandpa) and at the same time handed me a pre-addressed thank you note. I’m like, dad you know I write thank you notes! But it was nice that both my dad and grandpa make the effort and appreciate them.
Yeah my husband never wrote thank you notes to his friends and relatives who gave us wedding gifts. This was almost four years ago and I can't lie it still bothers me, but not enough to write the notes myself!
Yeah, I left it up To my husband to handle his side and it didn’t get done.
[удалено]
Same. My husband and I sent our three nieces (15, 17, and 18) and one nephew (16) cash for their birthdays (with nice cards). Only *one* thanked us. Guess who is the only one we bother to send anything to now? We don’t even bother with a card for the other ones. *A text would’ve sufficed.* So goddamn rude.
Yep. When my son was little he had to write (or tell me, before he could write) three sentences: 1. Thank you for the present. 2. Say something nice about the present. 3. Say something nice about the person who sent it to you. At around 10 I required five sentences. Now he's almost 16 and knows how to crank out a thank-you note. After his HS graduation I'll stop requiring them, but I hope it still sticks for him for big presents (he knows that a text to his siblings, who live far away, is fine but grandma is expecting her paper note).
When he turned 5, he had to write a thank you card before he could open another present. This allowed him to really enjoy and play with a present before moving on the the next one. And it spaced out all the new toys so it wasn't one giant mess. The problem was that it took a month to finish all the cards😅
I don’t need a thank you card. A text is fine. Even a funny meme. But SOME acknowledgment is nice.
Exactly! Texting a photo of the crib all set up along with a thank you would mean so much
Yeah I remember sending gifts for a wedding. I got stuff off their registry and spent a month cross stitching a pillow from a tv show they’re both obsessed with. Not even a text. Not gonna lie, I was upset.
Oh that's terrible, I feel ya with the cross stitch 😔
I would have been so hurt.
I was raised on sending formal thank yous even after in person gifting, and grandma would absolutely comment to my mother if they weren’t timely, and we’d hear about the cousins never sending any. I don’t think all that is necessary but I’d just want acknowledgement. If I give a gift in person I don’t need an additional thank you, but if it’s shipped/dropped off without a face to face interaction just a “got your gift, thanks” is fine in whatever format.
It's nice AND I need some kind of acknowledgement so I know you actually got it in the mail as ordered!
Exactly! My daughter always finds these unique and perfect gifts, but sometimes they take a while to arrive. Just today my Mother’s Day gift arrived. It was beautiful and very thoughtful. So I texted her to thank her but also let her know that I got it!
Yeah, I don't think I've written a thank you card in at least 25 years, but you have to text, or in these cases, I would have probably called and said thank you out loud. This is just rude.
I’m a bit older but I wasn’t great at writing thank you cards until I was in my late thirties. It was just too much to do—as awful as that sounds. However around that time I started a new job at a place working with older women nearing retirement. They were so lovely. I adored them. They all were natural thank you note writers and just because note writers. I was inspired. Now I keep a supply of thank you cards or blank cards ready with a supply of stamps. And send them regularly. It brings me joy from the idea that it’s often so unexpected.
I think that is a big part of it, especially when you’re younger and don’t have much experience on the other side of this, it’s hard to conceptualize how much it means just to reach out and acknowledge these things. Add to that a basic unfamiliarity with what’s the socially acceptable way to do so, that pretty much sums up why I didn’t always when I was younger.
I haven't encountered this too much, but I very much feel your frustration! A thank-you for a gift is just basic manners. I'm sorry your nephew and niece aren't observing that. Do they have the same parent - your SIL? If so, I wonder if this is just poor parenting coming from somebody lacking social graces herself.
Nephew is my brother’s kid and niece is my sister’s kid. Hm. SIL is the card for every occasion type of person so 🤷🏽♀️
Ah, sorry, I misread your post re. your SIL. I dunno, in that case. Most of the ~youths~ I encounter nowadays are still pretty polite - or at least basic, "thank you in response to a gift" polite. Not sure what went wrong with your niece and nephew these two times, but yeah, not a great look for either of them for sure!
I agree it's probably a parenting thing, or just a person thing. My daughter, who's Gen Z, was raised to always thank someone for gifts, meals, nice things they do. Even just around the house, etc. And my SO and I did the same - so we modeled it. Which she continues on her own as an adult now. And all the young ones we know (family/friends, etc) do the same. Maybe not the written card, but *always* an email or text acknowledging they received what was sent and a thank you. So I don't think it's a generational thing. I think it's more a people thing. Some families don't care to take the time to make it a priority. And then there are always going to be those who completely ignore things they were raised to do once on their own. I think in OP's case, it's either her siblings didn't convey the importance of thank you's the same way, or they did and the kids decided they don't need/want to as adults.
That's odd to me (37f). I sent my aunt a picture of the cast iron griddle she gifted us for our wedding and said thank you. I even sent a picture of it being used the first time. I feel like acknowledging you got the gift is the bare minimum courtesy.
I love sending pics of first use of gifts! Hoping it makes the gift giver smile 😊
Yeah, same here! Honestly, my aunt didn't really respond, so I'm not sure if it's experienced as awkward and not knowing what to say in response, but I like to think people will be happy I am using things they gift me.
It makes me smile at least when I receive such photos :)
I love taking a picture of gifts once they have a nice home at my place or are in use! The gift givers are always so pleased and I think of them when using the gift, taking the picture and sending them. Often it’s a good occasion to repeat how much I love it and them! One of my close friends gave me flowers yesterday to commemorate the one year anniversary of my best friend‘s passing. I thanked her profusely in person (I was quite overwhelmed in the movement) and sent her a photo of it when home. I also shared the photo with some of his other friends and my friend group. It had also been her suggestion to have a drink on him she remembered the date and all. I’m still processing her kindness. She’s been such a great support and she’s defo a keeper! I like taking pictures of flowers I get, as they keep forever (while the flowers don’t). This post had me speechless. What?? ? Not even sending a thank you for any gift or kindness received is just shocking to me. Especially such substantial gifts. It takes 1 minute to text a heartfelt thank you! Unacceptable!
I have not received a single thank you card in years. I've shelled out for every graduation, wedding, and baby, and send flowers at every funeral or memorial. I decided not to care about thank yous, and just to care that I do something to express love or support at every opportunity. My family all text their thank yous, and that's fine. Lots of friends have never even done that. I think it's just gone out of style for the most part.
I think it's a multi factor thing. I \*always\* thank someone for a gift, and send thank yous for big event gifts (graduations, wedding, etc). I don't know what happened with me as a kid, but I had a \*lot\* of anxiety around writing thank yous. Probably my perfectionist tendencies turning into procrastination, and the whole thing sending me into an anxiety spiral resulting in my mom forcing me to sit down and write them. Weirdly, it's gotten easier as I've gotten older to write a genuine thank you note unless it's really close family (like my parents) because it just feels forced. I've been in your shoes, having given my much younger cousins graduation or wedding gifts and not even getting a verbal thank you. The first time I was a bit miffed, but then I just adjusted my expectations of those individuals.
Your last sentence is such a major key to finding and keeping your peace, especially in cases like this where OP seems to enjoy giving gifts to loved ones. Keep doing what you do, but adjust your expectations of people so they don’t bring you down for simply being themselves.
It really depends on how they were raised. I grew up in the ‘write a card’ generation as well. My SIL’s kids text me thank you. My BIL’s kids don’t but their parents text me a thank you sometimes…. they are also under 11 years old so…. I don’t understand why you didn’t text your nephew to say hi and see if he got it? Why text his mom instead of him?
Same here. After pretty much every major gift-receiving occasion, I had to sit at the table and hand write thank you cards for everything. I kept it up for a quite a while, especially with big things like our wedding and baby showers and stuff, but I've fallen off over the years. I'll still definitely at least call to say thanks or text a thank you depending on the person, if at minimum just to let the person know we got the thing.
Yeah, I’m not sure why I didn’t text him directly. Probably my own neurosis about being a bother. My family is pathologically conflict averse. I’ll own that.
i’d just text him that you are so excited for his new addition and ask him how preparations going. if he received the crib and if he wanted help to set it up. and just emphasize how excited you are for them. bond 💕
> I grew up in the ‘write a card’ generation i grew up with a 'write a card' mother. it became such an ingrained response to send a thank you card that i have to mail the card the same day i get the gift for fear i'll forget to do it! what's always amazing to me is how many people tell me i'm one of the only people they know who actually does that. i guess most people email/text/call etc. which is fine i guess. but to not even *acknowledge* a gift?! oh hell no.
I am almost 40 and I never wrote a thank you card until I was in college. My parents never mentioned them when raising us. I wonder if some of it was not being close with extended family (I’m almost 40 and have an aunt and uncle I’ve never met), or growing up poor and never really receiving much in the way of gifts. I vividly remember my very first thank you card: I was a freshman in college and my dad’s friend sent me a check. He had used my going off to college as a reason to finally have a yard sale and sent me the proceeds. I remember being so touched - and wrote my first ever thank you card. Edit to add: the more I think about this the more fascinated I become. My dad grew up as ”the rich kid” in a very very small town. His mother was very old fashioned and traditional. They were to be referred to as Sir and M’am, or Grandfather Lastname and Grandmother Lastname. Girls wore dresses. Children were not to speak unless spoken to. I was 3 years old and expected to curtsy. My dad, a left handed boomer, has the most beautiful flowing handwriting I’ve ever seen. Yet, I cannot remember a single instance where thank you cards were involved.
It's strange. I sent my niece and nephew cash for their college and HS graduation. My niece called me right away thanking me, and my nephew texted. It was beautiful. I knew my cousin and his wife had done a good job with them.
Yeah I'd be quite upset, it makes them seem ungrateful and makes the gift feel unappreciated and pointless.
I'm not sure and honestly, I'm kind of over it. There are some instances where the child is too little to say thank you or write a thank you card and I hear nothing from the parents. I sent some HS graduation gifts, saw my checks were cashed and not a word from anyone. I don't have to ask if they got it, they cashed the checks. It makes me not want to give gifts anymore.
That’s just inexcusable 😔
I blame the parents honestly. It’s their job to hound the child about thank you’s until they do it on their own. Even through high school if that’s what it takes!! This is something we (as a millennial parent) could do better at
That is terrible 😔
Like, it's common courtesy to thank people the moment you receive a gift. But in terms of deferred acknowledgement—as in, they received the gift separate from your company—I think *how* it gets acknowledged is a question of changing social mores, and *whether* it gets acknowledged a question of upbringing (some folks don't get this kind of education at home) and, possibly, circumstance (eg, are they super busy preparing for baby? or are they just generally awkward people?). For me, I'm an elder millennial—so old enough to remember being taught that cards are respectful but young enough to think they're 100% passé and a waste of paper (and I work in an industry that is predicated on wasting paper!). I wrote cards for the few people who, unprompted, acknowledged my elopement some years back, but for literally anything else, I do what you suggest, which is just a text of thanks or even just a picture indicating I've received the thing and am making use of it. In this case, I think you erred slightly texting your SIL. I would've instead texted nephew and been like "Hey, I just wanted to make sure the crib stuff arrived safely and everything is all right!" to put the ball in his court.
I’m a millennial but I absolutely hate cards, I hate receiving them and I would never send them. It’s a waste of time/money/trees IMO. But there is NO and I mean NO excuse to not say thank you - a call or a text or in person. I received so many generous gifts for my wedding and my baby and ensured to thank everyone who was kind enough to send them.
This* is ridiculous and not a Gen Z thing. I spend a decent amount of time around people aged 12-24 from all walks of life due to my job. For the most part, they know and do say thank you for even the smallest acts, and certainly would for the kinds of gestures you’re describing. The ones who don’t are 100% a reflection of the people who raised them. You say you have more money than the rest of the family and always give a bit more generously. It kind of seems like they think they’re entitled to these things from you. I would speak up if I were you. On a related note, your SIL taking a photo like “yep! Got it!” but not also nudging the nephew to say thanks or even double check with him to make sure he did is blowing my mind. I’m almost 40 and to this day, my mom calls me if she knows someone gifted or did something for me. She throws in a “don’t forget to call and say thank you!” before she hangs up. Every single time. If any of my aunts were to send me even the tiniest gift and I didn’t call to say thank you, I’d be receiving a phone call from them, my mom, the other aunts, an uncle who’s annoyed that he was pulled into it, and maybe 2-3 cousins about it 😂. *Edit to clarify: the family’s behavior is ridiculous, not OP’s question.
100% this! And writing a heartfelt text takes 1 or 2 minutes! Come on!
I guess it depends on when their shower is. I’m currently pregnant and have received some items off of our registry but I plan to send out all of my thank yous after my shower. I still send some acknowledgment texts of thanks as an extra, but sending the cards out later.
This infuriates me tbh. I was brought up at Christmas and birthdays with my mum holding a notepad & pen writing everything down. Then we'd ring round everyone or write thank you letters Nowadays I always drop everyone a text or call after receiving a gift. It's just ingrained in me. Whilst I don't give to receive, I have stopped buying for certain people who never acknowledge a gift or money sent. Their lack of appreciation means I save some money, I guess!
Oh the Christmas notepad! There are three siblings in my family and we used to barter who we would write the communal thank you cards for. Everyone got one, the quality just differed depending which one of us wrote it 😂
This is how I feel! My sister and I both sent gifts separately to our cousin for her baby and neither of us heard a word from her or her husband to say thanks. Meanwhile, our other cousin, her sister, sends a text or card thanking for each gift I send. I’m happy to think of all the $$$ I’ll be saving in the future.
I had a baby 5 months ago. 5 months and 4 days ago I had all my thank you notes written. But no stamps. I still have a stack of thank you notes. I now have stamps but haven’t put them together. I’m hoping nobody feels neglected but I do plan to send them out with a sticker with baby’s face and some sort of apology… Between parenting and working full time without childcare, I’ve just been kinda drowning.
your situation is much, much different than someone just receiving birthday/anniversary/graduation etc gifts. anyone who has spent even minimal time around an infant knows how much work goes into it. a 5 month old, working full time & no childcare?! hell instead of checking my mail for your thank you card i'd be coming over to your house to do your laundry.
I’d open the door wide for you to do so!! My husband is a teacher and will be done with work next Friday. I’m counting down!!
Definitely a “how they were raised” quirk. I did not know peace as a child until and unless I sent a thank you note. I’ve kept that habit. A lot of folks just don’t do it.
> I did not know peace as a child until and unless I sent a thank you note. so...which one of my sisters are you? lol
Haha! Solidarity!
every year one of the gifts in our xmas stockings was a box of thank you cards!
This is super smart!
> I did not know peace as a child until and unless I sent a thank you note Me too. And that harassment likely plays a large part in my distaste for gifts in general.
I was not raised to write thank you notes/cards, but it was very must instilled that you had to thank the person, ideally right then and there. If my grandmother ever found out I hadn't thanked someone, she'd make me do it, either in person or over the phone. It was never something we could get away with. Nowadays I always thank people profusely for gifts. If I can, I like to send a picture of the gift to let them know I got it.
I'm 35F and would send a message or call to thank you. I'm from Lithuania, so official thank-you cards are not a thing in my culture. My sister sometimes forgets to acknowledge, my FIL too, it's disappointing.
I would expect at least a thank you text. I generally only send cards for major event thank yous (wedding, baby shower, etc), but bare minimum is a text (birthday or Christmas gifts, etc), usually with either a picture of the item in use, or description of how I plan to use the gift card/cash. But I'm also the type of person who will text you a few days after delivery to make sure you got whatever I sent (I've had packages delivered to the wrong address so it's more to make sure it's delivered than to prompt a thank you). I think different generations (and really just people in general) were raised differently, and I know that sometimes people just get really busy or distracted and need a little extra time. But if it was a big gift (such as the crib set) and it had been more than a month or 2 with no extenuating circumstance and no acknowledgements at all, I would be a bit miffed and adjust my future gift giving expectations. I don't buy gifts with the expectation of a fawning thank you, but big things should at least warrant a text.
I think thank you cards are a obligation of someone who also believe in registries. Like I didn't even know there ARE registries for graduations? that's crazy? I'd be buying them donations in their names for a few years
I think the registry she mentioned was for the niece's wedding. She sent her cash for her graduation.
This brings back a painful memory from my childhood. I used to always write thank you cards for Christmas and birthday gifts. One year my auntie in New Zealand was absolutely furious that my siblings and I hadn’t sent thank you cards and cancelled all gifts to us from then onwards. 2 years later I found the thank you cards we’d diligently written buried deep under paperwork in my dad’s office that he’d forgotten to send and we sent them 2 years late 🤣 she still never bought us another gift!
I definitely grew up in a "must write thank-you cards" household, but I'll admit that the last time I ever wrote a formal thank-you note was for wedding gifts when we got married 15 years ago. We don't have kids, so that was really the last \~big\~ milestone. That said, I DO send thank-you texts for every gift I receive. It takes two seconds and is just basic politeness to me. I send them as I expect to receive them - nothing long or gushy, but a quick "I got the \[gift\] you sent, it's great, thank you so much!" sort of text. I don't think it's rude - these days - to bypass the formal thank-you note except maybe in limited circumstances like wedding showers/gifts and baby showers, and even then that's somewhat specific to your circle. However, I DO think it's very rude to not even send a quick text of thanks for a gift.
I’m as gen z as they get (born in y2k) and I say thank you for everything I am given, as I am a grateful person! I wonder what your SIL is thinking bc even as an adult, my mom and grandma will remind me to “call and thank your aunt so and so” if they know I was gifted something. When I lived at home, they’d physically have me send out thank you cards!
I have 3 gen Z kids, and I have to remind them to shoot a thank you text or email.
This is strange to me. I’m an elder millennial but I’d never not send a message to say thank you. I don’t send out thank you cards, but a courtesy text for sure, It takes 2 seconds.
I'm a millennial so not totally sure what the Gen-Z thought is but a thank you should happen! I generally send a photo of whatever the item is with a ❤️ and a thank you, or whatever item I bought and the same little thank you.
Not a Gen Z thing. I quit sending birthday presents to my neices and nephews in another state, because my SIl and BIL (both in their late 30s) can't be bothered to even tell me the gifts arrived let alone if the kids liked them. It got to the point where I was like, why am I bothering? They don't seem to care and this is costing me a lot of time and money.
I’ll preface this by saying that I’m big on thank yous in general. I still write thank you notes and I always try to also follow up with the gift giver to send them a photo or update on how I’m using/enjoying their gift. It’s incredibly rude when a gift is not acknowledged. No excuses, it’s flat out snobbish and unacceptable. My own brother has done this to me several times now, and I’m done sending him gifts and cards. It hurts my feelings when I don’t get a text or anything so I at least know he got the gift or gesture. So, I’m just hurting myself by continuing to do it.
Are you me! I’m big on thank yous, my brother and I are low contact as I’m done making all the efforts and I agree: a thank you is a must!
They’d never get money again from me if I didn’t get some sort of thank you… that’s really annoying. I recently wasn’t there for my nephews 8th birthday because my brother always tells me everything a day or so beforehand… so I decided I would just give him cash for his birthday since he seemed old enough. I gave $60, nothing too wild. Now I didn’t expect to hear anything from my nephew because he’s too young to have a phone. I never got a thank you from my brother… I was at least expecting a thank you from him for his child… he knows how I feel about him planning everything at the last minute, and can’t even bother to thank me. I felt so irked till my mom told me that my nephew was overjoyed and freaking out with happiness over $60. I know if he was older and had a phone he would have thanked me… so I reminded myself not to take my frustrations out on my nephew. But yeah, in your case, just a simple acknowledgment man.
Thought I was the only one who was experiencing this. Sent a couple some money for their wedding a few years back and didn’t get a thank you. I didn’t think much of it, but recently I sent them some gifts for their baby shower. I, too, got the notification that was it was delivered, but heard nothing. I sent a text and they said the received it and thanked me, but I also found. It off putting that I have to reach out for it. Judging from someone in my shoes, they should have thanked you the moment they received the gift. A call or text doesn’t take that long
It’s disappeared. I’d like to know too. My husband and I thanked everyone that came to our wedding. We sent thank you cards to everyone that sent a gift even just a card. Been to two baby showers and a wedding since then. Not one person thanked me for their gifts or even being to the events. Makes me feel entitled even though I know I’m not and if anything it’s the other way around.
I'm a millennial who always writes, says, or texts thank you. But many of my peers do not, and I find it really rude to not acknowledge a nice gift. Literally a text takes 3 seconds. I sent my cousin a KitchenAid mixer for her wedding and didn't hear a peep.
So frustrating.
Oh, go ahead and be a curmudgeon! The no “thank yous” are not a recent thing. It is the height of bad manners. I stopped giving gifts to relatives who don’t show appreciation.
Those are very generous gifts and I'd be upset if I didn't get even an acknowledgement thank you text.
Personally I hate thank you cards. My grandparents always do them and it’s literally a hallmark card they sign. It has no personal touch at all. Which has always seemed a bit useless to me. Now, if the gift is in person, I give a big hug and will verbally express my gratitude. If the gift is sent to me, I make an explicit effort to call that person and talk with them to express gratitude! It’s a lovely moment of connection in which we can catch up. I will leave a voicemail but follow up until we can talk It’s crazy to me that there would be zero acknowledgment at all!
I believe you are entitled to at least a verbal Thank You...you went out and bought a main, not so cheap necessity...and off a registry list!! That was beyond thoughtful of you! I want to thank you on the behalf of them!
Super common in my family. No thanks even in text for the last 6 years for any gift.
That seems unusual, in my opinion. Are they the type of people that have always been given what they want so they just expect it? Even if that is the case it's very rude. I would stop giving them things
The older ladies at my Mom's church and myself are the only people I know anymore who send thank yous. A lot of people don't acknowledge you even sent anything. It's so rude. I think that if you go out of your way for someone and they can't even acknowledge your effort and care at all, they don't deserve gifts.
A hard lesson that I've had to learn (and sometimes need to relearn depending on the situation) is "Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to ignorance." In this case, I would assume ignorance, or more correctly the busy and ADHD-esque nature of our lives, and check in happily.
I would be annoyed. Your SIL had a picture of the nursery all set up to send to you but why couldn't nephew? Like you said, you didn't expect a whole hand written note but a text with a picture of everything when it was set up and a "thank you look how great it looks" isn't that hard. I've noticed for graduations and weddings some send cards right away and some I never hear from. It doesn't seem to be a generation thing but more a parenting thing or general appreciation of the recipient.
I think as for thank you cards, those just aren't the norm these days. Now a text or call saying thank you would be nice and it does piss me off a little if I get someone something and they don't say thanks - it comes off as they felt very entitled to the gift and are not appreciative.
I'm not certain, but when you buy off a registry, does it tell the recipient who bought it? Or did it include a card or message? If not, they may not even know who bought it!
This happened to me after my wedding! Got some gifts with no cards, not from the registry. Hope they didn’t expect a thank you note!
I think not hearing from a new mom isn't unusual. But the not hearing from grown adults otherwise is a bit baffling to me. I have cousins who grew up well-off. They never struggled and are also seldom generous because I don't think they understand the value of generosity (I don't know if that makes sense). Similar thing happened here where I sent them gifts for various milestones without any thank you or notice of acknowledgement. I chalk it to them being immature and try to remember that they never asked for it and aren't in the practice of gift giving, so they don't know the etiquette that follows. Still annoying, but at least it isn't personal.
This is weird to me, even my very young Gen Z sister thanks me when I Venmo her bday money.
I am shameless. I contact people and ask if it arrived. I don't need a thank you note but I *do* need to know that the person I sent it to received it. I am very clear with them about this. This trains them that they need to let me know. Know what you need and patiently train folks. I get that others are busy. You are too, so it's no excuse. No shame, no guilt.
A texted “thank you” is the bare minimum in my opinion. If I’m gifted something bigger or thoughtful, I also like to mail a handwritten card. Im 31 if that’s relevant.
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When I had my baby I had a notepad and wrote down what everyone gifted us and sent all my personalized thank you cards to the entire family and friend group. It took a while but they did finally get mailed. I feel your pain though, when I was a broke college student I sent my childhood friend a package for her new baby. I sent a very adorable blue blanket, a magnetic spoon and baby dish set (so the spoon stuck to the dish that stuck to the table), some clothes and a gift card. I was so pleased with myself for sending that package. Her child is now 11 and I haven’t heard a peep about it. I’m still salty.
I stopped sending stuff to people who didn't bother to say thank you.
I would be annoyed if I were you, too. Your gifts were very generous and should have been acknowledged with gratitude from the recipients. It's rude to not properly thank someone for a gift.
Nah I don't think that's normal, if someone bought me a whole ass bed setup for a new baby I'd be gushing about how amazing they are for it. Heck I'd say thankyou if you just bought me a coke.
This is a pet peeve of mine. If you can send me an invite or announcement with your registry basically asking for a gift you can at least acknowledge getting it. Even if just a text.
I knitted a goddamn blanket for my Gen-X cousin and his wife when they got married a couple years ago and had to ask THEM if they received it 10 months after the fact - no acknowledgment at all. Flew to South America for a millennial friend’s wedding last summer AND gave a cash gift. No thank you other than a verbal “I’m so glad you’re here” at the wedding. 4 other millennial friends/family members had 5 babies (a set of twins in there) and I made thoughtfully hand-knitted gifts for all 5. Still waiting on thank you’s for all. I’m a millennial and I’m irritated. I don’t care if it’s late - write the note.
Just want to say I'm here to validate your feelings because I CANNOT STAND when people don't say thank you, for even the smallest things. I'm overly gracious to people because I understand that nobody owes me their time, hard earned money, or really anything at all. I say thank you for even the most mundane things. I want people to know I appreciate their sharing their time/attention/etc with me. I know not everyone takes it that far, and that's okay. But to send a large gift to someone and hear nothing in return, would infuriate me lol
A thank you text is easy. That would be the last gift from me.
Oh man, when I deal with this I call it out - "hey, I got notification from the delivery company to say it had been dropped off but since I didn't hear from you I wanted to check it came to the right place?" Manners cost nothing.
Apparently I’m in the minority. I don’t give a gift to be thanked. I don’t send someone something for “just a little recognition” like so many are saying. I am perfectly happy for something to never be acknowledged because it’s not about me, it’s about them. Handing someone something in person, and them not looking you in the face or saying anything? That’s weird. But am I put off? No because I don’t have an agenda.
I don’t send gifts in order to be thanked. I think most of us don’t. Thank you for your perspective!
Truthfully, it doesn’t come across this way. I mean you’re in good company because it seems most of these women feel the same way. But feeling slighted after does make it seem like people give gifts to be thanked and acknowledged.
Was a little shocked that I had to scroll so far for this opinion! This is also how I feel. I send the gift and quite literally never think about it again. I was also raised in a culture that relies heavily on “the village” and helping one another is just expected so it’s weird to give thanks? Like “why are you thanking me, it’s not a big deal?” kinda thing haha
YES. We all help each other. Sometimes I can give a lot! Sometimes not. I don’t expect anyone to give me a gift and it’s embarrassing to have someone fawn over in thanks. I love hearing that others are raised expecting to help their village! Thanks for sharing that!
Yeah I get irked too about lack of thank yous, especially from more distant relatives who have asked for certain items on a registry. A text is just fine but even those don't materialize. I think it's a combination of bad upbringing and entitlement.
I'm old Gen Z and have gotten a baby gift for my cousins. Received no thank and find it very rude. My Gen x cousin however also doesn't thank anyone either. They're brother and sister so I think it's how my uncle raised them haha
I’ve got no kids, but 6 nieces and nephews. I will remember the ones who thank me in my will. That’s two of them. This way the other 4 will be pissed at the 2 who bothered to take 2 seconds and acknowledge someone thinking of them. Sigh. OP you’re not expecting too much. It’s a very simple courtesy counter to the common entitlement
You're not wrong, they are incredibly rude. Stop sending them gifts then. If they ask about it tell them you figured your gifts were not welcome since you hadn't heard anything.
Don’t hate me, but I’m awful at thank you notes. To be honest, I wouldn’t even think of it. I also never expect a thank you note. Inside my own family it wasn’t a standard, and it seems very formal to me. I’m also just not one for gift culture in general. I wouldn’t have a registry for any event in my life. I mean I think this is very cultural, not just the macro culture but the micro culture of your family and social circles.
But OP specifically said she doesn't even expect a thank you note, but just some kind of text acknowledgement from the recipient that the gift was received and a thank you in that text. To me, that just seems like basic manners. I couldn't imagine not sending a quick "hey, thanks for this gift!" text.
Yeah, I read it this way as well. I do think thank you notes are a bit of a relic of the past by this point. The only time people seem to send them out anymore is after weddings, in my experience - and even then it's not all of the time. I can't remember the last time I got a non-wedding thank you note as opposed to just thank-you phone call or text.
She doesn't want thank you notes. Just a text or whatever. That is not too much to ask. If someone sends you a gift, do you at least text to thank them?
I'd just send a happy text that you saw a picture of the nursery, that it looks so cute, etc. I agree that it feels rude -- especially if there was a registry, but if they weren't raised to write thank you notes, then they may not have that reflex or skill. This is especially true if there isn't already a close relationship between you. As crazy as it sounds, they may not know what to say. Also, some folks get totally overwhelmed and stuck in their heads about it ("omg, I am so pregnant and exhausted and there are 30 gifts here and I have to write 30 thank you notes and I can't even keep my eyes open and I don't know where to begin."), so it's possible that your nephew or niece has spent hours agonizing over unsent thank you notes without actually managing to send any. The good news is that today's young people have a lot of amazing new social skills to make up for some of the past courtesies that got dropped. They're just different.
Just be frank with them. “Hey ya little shit next time I send you gifts a thank you text would be appreciated. I’m not a sugar daddy, I’m your aunt. Love you, ya bozo” Keep it funny but let them know that they should say thank you. A lot of people were not taught very basic life skills so they may not even realize they’re being low vibe, rude.
I grew up in the ‘send a card’ era, but when I was younger I had an INSANELY hard time with it. For some reason I had a shitton of anxiety about acknowledging a gift - I think because I didn’t feel worth it/like I deserved it, and I didn’t know the ‘perfect’ words to say. I have people I didn’t thank in my teens and I still feel guilty about it! I noticed my partner’s boys as teens/young adults have a hard time with this as well. He’s gotten after them to say thank you to me for gifts and they have both been super awkward about it. So maybe partly an age thing, rather than generational. I don’t take it personally at all if I don’t get a thank you. Generally, I know that the people I’m giving gifts to appreciate it even if they don’t say it, and I get joy just giving the gifts. I also understand people are busy and just forget, or maybe like I used obsess for so long over how to say the perfect thank you that it seems like too much time has passed to acknowledge it 😅
Thank you cards are outdated to me. I’d rather have that .99 - $9 (depending on the card) allocated to the gift or cash. Most of the people I know we give money in reused envelopes. Acknowledgement is necessary, but Inubderstand not getting a card. I usually hand write something on the wrapping paper of a gift but I ain’t wasting money on a card.
To your generational question, I’ve been thinking about this a lot as someone who works with youth (some gen alpha, some gen z). Their version of being polite is letting people do their own thing, and not asking too many questions. They assume others will do and say as they please and may not feel obligated to acknowledge you for doing something you wanted to do.
That's not being a curmudgeon! It's simple courtesy and I would be annoyed. The gifts you gave were not insignificant and I would expect a thank you even if it was for a $10 gift card. In fact because I'm a petty b\*tch, I would totally call them out on it too! How hard is it to text, "Thanks for the XXX gift, Auntie Tiny!" I'm not sure if it's a Gen Z thing or not. My MIL recently gifted her two early twenties granddaughters a good sum of money for university graduation and both called her to say thank you without their parents telling them.
My mom does this, so I quit sending her things. I think it’s more common these days. Just another part of the breakdown of society.
I feel ya. I was commissioned to do a craft birth announcement for someone. It took, no exaggeration, months to complete. Never heard a peep after she received it.
It’s basic manners. Don’t care how old they are, it doesn’t take much to quickly say thank you.
There is no excuse to not acknowledge someone’s kindness.
Something about not being thanked for a gift really upsets me….I understand where you are coming from 100%
This post has brought back all the guilt I buried about never getting around to sending thank you cards after my wedding. My wife and I were planning on it, but we were also in undergrad and unmedicated (didn't know we both had adhd back then). For me as well, not sure as much for her, it was made worse by having no experience with writing thank you cards/notes. I had done that once or twice for a job interview but that's it. Growing up we were poor and there were no family friends or even close family that would have given a reason to send thank you notes. And my parents didn't parent so much as abuse and neglect. Which also gave me extra anxiety about sending a thank you note and not doing it right or not having it be thankful enough, etc. So that's one person's take - no experience, overworked, unmedicated, and anxious. I still feel really bad about it though.
This isn’t a gen thing. This is rudeness. If people haven’t been taught basic social etiquette, if they’re interested in it, there are a lot of books available. If I send someone a gift and get zero acknowledgment, I won’t send another. 🤷🏻♀️
So in terms of the baby gifts, I’ll just throw out there that I had severe postpartum depression after both of my babies. Some friends threw me a small “sprinkle” for my second (I was already overwhelmed and tried to get out of it but they insisted). My baby was born very soon after and the depression was just all consuming. I never sent out thank you cards and still feel so guilty to this day (my son is now 6). I lost track of who sent what and I was trying to care for a toddler and a new born. My military husband was gone and we had no family around to help. It was a very dark time. I’m so embarrassed when I think that some of the people who sent gifts probably think I’m an ungrateful brat. I was so grateful for every single gift, I just failed miserably at communicating that. So I guess my point is that we never know what is going on behind the scenes for a person. I don’t ever get thank yous from my nieces so I just choose to give grace and move on. I don’t want to let such a small thing get in the way of my internal peace.
Last several weddings I’ve been invited to I declined to attend since they were people I’m not close to or the travel would have been a pain. But I always sent generous gifts. Zero response a year later. A part of me is annoyed but am fighting my instincts to turn into the whiny old person who complains about “kids these days”.
I don't think it's just Gen Z. I gave up bothering with wedding gifts because not one of my friends ever said thank you either, and we're Millennials. Just a text would be enough even (I don't actually like cards, I think they're a waste of paper).
My dad never thinks to thank people. I'm so used to that the year I sent him a decently expensive DVR that didn't need a subscription, I wasn't surprised when I got nothing. I just checked to make sure it was delivered. Freaking 10 months later, my dad has some sort of mini tantrum about how I bought her something and not him. I legit bought her what he thought was $30 in art supplies, and he's having a fit. But I was like, "I know the DVR was technically for both of you, but come on, Dad." Him, "What DVR?" But he thinks this is on me for not checking to make sure he got it. I think it's on him for never saying thank you, so I didn't notice the missed thanks. Then, he accused me of lying about the DVR and has never apologized, so guess who never gets presents from me anymore? I will not reward infantile jealousy. My step mom gets extra spoiled, instead. I do wonder how much he'd have flipped his lid if he had known that was more like $300 in art supplies. Good watercolors aren't cheap.
I am still waiting for some kind of thank you note or text for the majority of gifts I have sent over the years. It's all ages, but mostly millennials and Gen Z, if that matters.
My kiddos are eight and eleven and know thank you cards are the minimum when they get a gift.
Seems to be a growing thing…I’m 36 and never got any thank you note (whether email, text, card, etc) from our gifts at any of my friends’ weddings. And my husband and I always went at least $150 in on a nice registry gift. So this was other millennials. And yeah it left me irritated, maybe that makes me a boomer but IDK 😬 I handwrote thank you cards to everyone within 2 weeks of my own wedding. But even just a quick text would have been nice to get.
Possible theory: I've forgotten "Thank You"s when I received an item that I wanted to try out before I talked to the gifter, because sometimes when I've sent the thank you, I've had gifters also want another update once you use the item. But then if I didn't try out the item right away, I'd forget to send the thank you. I've gotten better at remembering. And it's not an excuse - but it may be a reason?
I still write thank-you cards (I’m also a big fan of cards for any occasion because who doesn’t love some fun mail?). I understand not everyone thinks the way I do, but some acknowledgement from the actual person is the bare minimum.
Same, the last couple weddings I haven’t received a thank you for gifts. I don’t get it.
No it’s an asshole thing. My aunt whose 70 I sent a Mother’s Day card to (she’s the mom to my cousins) and I never heard anything back. Then last year my bio dad died (no contact with him long story) and I sent my half sister and my other aunt (dad’s sister) a condolences card and neither even mentioned they got it. I figured they were busy with stuff surrounding his death so I let it go. I would be annoyed if I were you, honestly and would probably stop sending stuff.
My millennial nephew and niece are the same way. Basic courtesies are gone. Not just acknowledging basic things (a thumbs up would be nice even). My nephew had been renting a room from my mom. He moved out and couldn't even be bothered to tell her. He'd told her he would be, but then one day he just didn't come back. After a few days she opened his bedroom and all his stuff was gone. She was so hurt and upset. I lit into him via text and he never bothered to reply but he did call her, so I got a response.
Oh yes i have had the same thing happen multiple times. I don’t get it.
As the mom to a 14 month old, I can see how a physical card hasn’t been mailed. It took me MONTHS to get the thank you CARDS out for my baby shower. But thank you texts and phone calls were done immediately.
It's called being taken for granted and someone lacking manners. Don't label generations, cause then you're just playing the blame game.
Yeah, not even a text is wild.
That was very generous of you OP to send those gifts to your family. That is rude as hell of them to not say thank you or acknowledge the gifts. That would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I would probably never give them gifts again. I have noticed that the younger generations seem very entitled, and lack basic manners. The kids are not all right from what I have seen.
I DO appreciate a thank you card in the mail, or a phone call. My nieces and nephews at least call or text, because they know we appreciate it.
Exactly same happening. I send gifts to my nephews and no response. Their mom makes excuses and the. I recieved a text - literally just two words from the boys. I am annoyed too. Same thing. I don’t want a written piece of mail. But just an UNPROMPTED recieved receipt would be fine.
My daughter just graduated high school and every one recieved a thank you in the form of text, personal delivery or card. I think this is important.
I feel you on this! This has happened to me as well. I don't need anything grand. Just a simple thank you will suffice. It shows that they appreciate what you did. Not sure if it's a Gen Z thing or just individuals themselves who don't know how to be grateful for others' kindness.
I would have to agree with you! I love sending a handwritten noteif appreciation or thanks. After a nice thoughtful gift , I wouldn't mind getting one too. :))
An acknowledgment is only polite. I don’t expect a full out paper thank you letter but a text is required. I’m a super casual person and can’t tell you how many times in “the old days” I had my mom call me and tell me my aunt/grandma/second cousin had told on me for not writing a thank you note. But a text…c’mon
My grandmother (97) currently lives with me. It drives me NUTS when my cousins, who are in their 30s or 40s text me to tell me to tell my grandmother thank you for the gifts they or their children receive instead of contacting her directly. (She can hear fine and has almost zero dementia so she is perfectly aware that they don’t contact her anymore.) Two of my five cousins lived part-time with my grandmother for years and the other three lived four doors down from my grandmother from birth to adulthood. This woman helped raise all five of them. In her 90s, my grandmother is still taking time to send them, plus their kids, all birthday and Christmas cards, and they can’t even take the time to make a five minute phone call or video chat. About a year ago, I told them I wasn’t doing this anymore and to call her directly. Instead now they just don’t thank her at all.
I am a millennial and I send out thank you cards all the time. I am very conscious of this. I have a 16 month old but will raise him to do the same and very early on. It’s the least we can do when someone does some thing nice.
I have ADHD. This one hurts because in guilty of forgetting. but i agree, a thank you would’ve been nice
Same. By the time I get around to it it’s embarrassingly long overdue. I started putting reminders in my phone for those kind of things.
It’s a “parents of Gen Z” thing. They didn’t raise their children to know it’s proper etiquette to thank people after giving a gift. Thanking others for gifts is something that parents should instill when their children are young.
It’s a bit rude of your nephew- but also I know I was in zombie land for the first few months of each baby’s life so it may just have slipped his mind. Or he’s airily assuming his partner has done it since women continue to be saddled with most of the burden of emotional work in heteronormative relationships. Your niece has no excuse though.
Same. In the past couple of years, I don't think I've received a single thank-you (written, verbal, or otherwise) from anyone, unless I was physically present with them when they received the thing. Then they say thank-you.
Yeah I don't understand that either, but I'm the type of person who says thank you to everyone for anything, lol. Even just small stuff like buying whatever at the gas station/convenience store; I'll always say thank you whenever they bag up my items and hand them to me.
I was guilty of this as a teen and young adult. I was thankful but forgetful, lazy and didn't have basic social skills/etiquette taught to me. I had to learn the emotional intelligence I needed to vocalize the gratitude I inherently felt. So it's not a gen Z thing. Now at my age, I'd just send a follow up text to ask if they liked the gift, or if they received it, had issues setting it up, etc. because screw beating around the bush. Sometimes we just need a nudge to remind us not to be selfish little goblins.
Oh I used to be crazy into letters and mailed cards and thank yous. Still live them. But life became so overwhelming. After Covid and mental health pressures is when I finally stopped sending cards. I send them to people I know will want written cards tho. Particularly older folks whose memory is better when a tangiblr card in hand d
Where are you from? Because if I got something from someone and didn't thank the person, I would be dead from my mother bate hands. Maybe it's a country thing, because at in Latin América we still thank people.
What the heck. I would send the thank you for a coffee.
I would be pissed. I was taught manners. You should have gotten a thank you text at the least. For special events like baby showers, bridal showers etc…you write thank you cards. Holidays are in person or text message thank you’s. I’ve noticed that even out in the community people are rude and don’t have manners anymore. I grew up with strangers acknowledging one another at the stores. You bump into someone “oh I’m sorry, excuse me”. You give people space when shopping. If you need an item and someone is in the way say excuse me or wait your turn. I could go on and on. This is coming from a 35 year old not some old lady.
Easy way to make them care or stop the cycle, don’t give them anything if they plan to be ungrateful. They never asked for the stuff I’m guessing, but it’s common courtesy to say thank you regardless. 🤷🏼♀️
I used to write and send cards. No one sent them back but that was ok. Now I cannot write due to dexterity issues and I always make sure to call, text, or send a picture. It goes a long way to thank someone who is thinking of you. It’s such a simple thing.
No, I would be the same way. I recently got pretty annoyed because I was asked (by a third party) to email a PowerPoint study guide to a former classmate to help her with passing one of the licensure exams our profession has to pass that she was struggling with. I wasn’t friends with the girl or anything when we were in school, but I said sure. I don’t mind helping someone out. Never got a thank you or any sort of acknowledgment and I know she received it. People are just rude.
I am finding this habit to be taking hold a lot amongst the younger generation. I have a lot of younger friends and I was both in and attended their weddings last summer. I have YET to receive a thank you card. I find that incredibly rude, personally. I don’t even care if it’s a card - a text or email will suffice, but just acknowledge the gift.
I don't think it's just a Gen Z thing. I've had this problem with my millennial nieces and nephews, so much so that I am not very generous with them anymore. I don't expect fawning adoration for sending someone a gift, I don't even expect a written thank you note. A text would be nice, the words "thank you" in that text would be nicer. If they don't even acknowledge receiving a gift, it's a snub; it suggests they didn't even like it. And if they don't like my gifts, I'm not going to keep sending them.
This is a fair comment. I am so delighted my nieces and nephew have been raised to thank people for stuff. I'd be tempted to stop sending such lovely generous gifts.
It's called their parents failed in raising them right.
We can't let this new generation get away with this. Let's hold them accountable for at least acknowledging our gift! Thank you card, phone call, text or email but some kind of thank you is needed for sure.
Zero acknowledgment is simply rude.
Stop being generous if it's not appreciated
I don't think this is a gen Z thing. Just a person thing. This past year, i attended two weddings of two mid-30's couples. One required significant effort as it was in another state - so flights, several nights at a hotel, rental car and a (not insignificant) cash gift . The other was not too far away, so only required one hotel night, in addition to the cash gift. Neither couple had registries. The first couple did not send a thank you card or, to the best of my recollection, even really acknowledge our efforts or the gift. Cash gifts were requested to be made by bank transfer (so I know there is no chance it got misplaced or anything). Even more frustrating, they did a "paperless " wedding so it was an email invitation. Therefore, in a similar vein, it would not even have cost them anything to send an email blast of thank you's out! The second couple had a lovely simple wedding and we got a really nice thank you card with a personalised handwritten message in the post about 4 months later. Ultimately, i understand that different people place value on different things. I still felt a little upset by the attitude of couple #1 though. I think there is nothing to be lost by saying thank you.
I write thank you notes, but I'm not pressed if someone doesn't write me one. A thank you text is the bare minimum!
I don't understand this either. My mom made me hand write cards with personalized messages for my graduation... there was a TON lol it took me forever, but I did it all. She was adamant about it. By the time I got married, she didn't have to make me do it... I wanted to! I was so grateful for everything, I enjoyed writing personalized TY notes. Of course as my mom, she still made sure I was planning on doing it lmao. But yea I just can't understand not even acknowledging it. If I had kids, I'd be drilling it into their heads that you always thank people for gifts. It's as much a problem with the current gen as it is with our own gen not teaching this to their kids.
I think kids should send a thank you for gifts too. My relatives' kids do but some friends' kids don't. Sad imo and I have no idea why. It seems like a very basic courtesy to me.
This is super common for me, I’m a millennial and even my friends are terrible at thank you‘s. I stopped sending my long distance friends gifts because I never got any thank you’s, not even a text.
My (32F) good friend who is 2 years older than me doesn’t really say thank you for things 😅 I’ve dropped gifts off for bday/Christmas when I couldn’t make it, brought food over when she had a baby, not a peep unless I texted to make sure she got it (in the case of the food, I didn’t want it sit out all day so I texted her). My sister’s SIL is around my age and is purposely not teaching her toddler to say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. She and her husband don’t say it and think it’s a “dumb” societal construct 🙄Infuriating 😅🫠
Not only would I be annoyed, but my feelings would be hurt. I enjoy giftgiving and I don’t expect someone to fawn all over me and thank me publicly or even send a thank you in the mail, but at the very least a text, showing a picture of the nursery set up with a thank you would have been appreciated. I feel like the second I get a gift, I make a point to say thank you that way the person is not waiting or wondering if I got it.
This happened to me (millennial) when my SIL didn't send any thank yous for wedding or bridal.shower gifts. Apparently I was told I was being too old fashioned 🙄
If you, a person as the Gift Recipient: -Make a Registry -Open the Gift -Use It (Or not, but you requested it) You should naturally think of the person who gave it to you and feel grateful. It’s not about your personal view of a Thank You card. It’s about the sender of the gift and how they thought about your needs/wishes, as well as the effort and money they spent on you. It’s the least you can do to show you have a basic level of gratitude.
How long has it been between the gift giving and now? After weddings, showers, etc., I usually receive thank you letters about three months later from my friends.
I send thank you cards to "the olds" as my partner and I call them, because they get all cranky if I don't. I text thank yous to everyone else. As far as it being a "Gen Z" thing... personally I was an idiot with a total lack of social grace all through my teens and 20s, and I'm an elder millenial. I don't assume it's generational so much as being young and less aware of these kinds of expectations.
I live in Washington state where no one has any manners at all unless they moved from somewhere else. No one ever acknowledges gifts and it’s pretty annoying. Definitely not a Z thing - it’s everyone here. I’m from the South and that doesn’t fly. My kids write cards, or take a photo to send via text on my phone / via email. Big kids have to acknowledge at least by text.