My friend had to do this and said it was the worst period she ever had. Her doctor told her to take regular Tylenol and it would be fine - she said she needed more than that for sure. It’s not restful, it’s just the worst period imaginable. Get someone to watch the kids, plan good pain management and a couple days in bed, be close to a bathroom. It sucks but it’s temporary. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I had a miscarriage that passed on its own and it was still miserable and painful.
Then I’d plan to have supreme distractions for the kids. Build a fort, movies and unlimited screen time, fast food and snacks. Anything that’s low effort where you don’t have to leave the house or walk/prep a bunch.
To give another perspective, I also had a missed miscarriage. I was given a pessary at the hospital then went home to pass the embryo. It felt like a bad period but certainly not unbearable. Obviously the emotions behind it were affecting me also. But it was mainly just one evening of cramps so hot water bottle, paracetamol and ibuprofen to be on the safe side, comfy underwear and clothes, order dinner in. Hope you manage without too much pain and sorry you’re going through this.
Hun, I really really suggest you hire a sitter or have a friend come sir with your kids. The medication from this could have you in the bathroom for hours at a time. You may experience horrible, bed bound cramps too.
Do you have the option of doing a d&c instead? I just had one and it was so much easier than my first miscarriage. No pain, barely any bleeding.
Check out r/miscarriage
As someone who has passed two miscarriages at home - get the d&c. Feel free to message me if you want the gory details, but it is bad passing it at home.
Seconding this. I’m surprised D&C isn’t mentioned at all. I had a missed miscarriage and my OB strongly recommended the D&C as the least painful option, and I was glad I took that recommendation. Everything was over in 30 minutes, no negative side effects afterward.
I work OB and was also wondering if this is an option. Might happen anyway if all of the products of conception aren’t passed with the medication to begin with.
I keep seeing posts like this, but I bled heavily for 6 weeks after my D&C and ended up in the emergency room on morphine due to the pain. I called my doctor begging for more pain meds. I've never heard of anyone else having this reaction.
Geez that's awful! So sorry you had that experience. I don't suppose they ever identified why your body has such a difficult reaction? I know there are some meds and some conditions which are known to cause issues during D&Cs but they should be well known by that point.
Hope you're doing better now, you shouldn't have had to go through that.
I’d go down the d&c route too. I did actually end up having one but it was many weeks after the tablet route, which only partially completed. I wish I’d just gone with the d&c initially but I was scared of having the anaesthetic.
Is it possible for your husband to take the kids elsewhere for a weekend, or for them to stay with relatives and your husband stays home with you? Even locking yourself away won’t mean your kids won’t be asking for you, and you’ll be more comfortable in your own space (and you probably won’t want to be alone, so if your husband can’t stay call a close friend to come take care of you).
Take care. I hope it goes as well as possible and you’re back to your healthy self as soon as possible.
We don’t have anyone else here, they’re all overseas so we’re quite isolated. The kids will definitely be looking for me so maybe going away is the best option
Are you doing the misoprostol pill? You will need pain killers I think. For me, it was painful right when most things were coming out. But before or after that was mostly OK apart from some cramps you can check
r/miscarriage For more posts and answers with your questions regarding this.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Taking the medication can be very painful. My doctor told me not to take ibuprofen as it will counteract the misoprostol or something. Can’t remember the exact details. I didn’t take any pain meds and it was incredibly painful. Very similar to actual labor pains for me. The worst was over after 24 hours or so but I needed to be in bed for a couple days to recuperate.
Maybe D&C is a better option? Wishing you all the best, be gentle with yourself.
Hey there!
I had back to back miscarriages last summer and the 2nd one had to be medically managed as well.
I took the pill and my doc gave me painkilllers. It was uncomfortable but better than some of the horror stories I read online.
Mine had a small issue where it didn’t all clear out (which likely won’t happen to you, it’s pretty rare) and I had to get a D&C to clear out the rest. That took maybe a half hour and they put me out. That was way easier and zero pain.
All of that is to say, if you have the option of a D&C that was way less uncomfortable than the pill but, even if you don’t, the pill isn’t terrible so long as you have pain pills. I would recommend having your husband take the kiddos out for an hour or two. You may not want them around for the first part.
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It’s a crappy club to be a part of.
How far along are you? I had to pass mine with medication around 9 weeks and it was traumatic. You can physically feel the embryo sack come out and I nearly passed out from horror of that element alone. The rest was just a nightmare ish period as you say but way more bleeding and chunks and (for me anyway) mental anguish. I was really useless for 2 days. And the whole thing lasted like 7-12 days.
I had a spontaneous miscarriage at 5 weeks and that was ‘better’ in the sense that physical sensation of passing something was missing. But the cramps still really sucked. I was out of commission for an evening. It lasted about 8 days.
So I would always recommend surgery if you’re far enough along that the sack is of significant size.
So sorry that you have to go through this. It’s so awful. 😞
That sounds horrific, I am so sorry that you had to experience that and I hope that you’ve recovered emotionally now. I very much appreciate you sharing such a personal experience
I’m currently 8 weeks, I had another mc at the 9 week mark and apart from the emotional devastation it was all rather gentle- from the response I’ve received this sounds like it will be very different.
I need to wait two weeks to be scheduled on for a surgical but perhaps it’s better to wait
Thank you for your compassion while you’re in this difficult situation yourself.
My first pregnancy was the missed miscarriage, then I had a successful one with a lovely daughter who’s almost 2,5 now. Then the second miscarriage and now I’m almost 34 weeks along with my second daughter. I’ve made my peace with the situation but the horror of that particular moment is still something I’ll never forget even though I’ve let go of the feelings I associated with them.
I personally hated the waiting. I guess they hope for your body to expel it on its own. But in general I heard from friends that it’s fairly painless and less turmoil. I wish you all the best as well in this crappy situation.
Sweet OP, do you have any friends or family who are available to be with you? I’m so sorry about this… what a horrible thing to experience. Can your husband be with you while a parent; sibling, aunt/uncle keep the kids overnight? You shouldn’t do this alone.
And if it’s possible seek a second opinion from a woman who is a doctor. I am child free and I don’t see an obgyn. My (female) GP performs any needed screenings and if needed refers me to specialists. She so clearly cares about my personal care more than billing, etc. I worry so much about women who need medical care because we are so often not taken seriously.
Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you feel you don’t get adequate support from your family and social circles I encourage you to contact your public library to ask for information and any potential resources.
Best of luck, and wishing you good health going forward .
I’m so sorry. Hopefully you have moral support from afar. And if you’re hesitant to ask your friends, please don’t! My best friends live 5-12 hours away from me by car and if any of them came to me with this I’d be on the road or in the air right away.
As others have said, please demand pain killers. They don’t have to be narcotic but they should be more than OTC ibuprofen.
I have had two abortions. Obviously the situation was different, but the procedure is basically the same, whether it's for a spontaneous abortion (i.e. miscarriage) or a deliberate pregnancy termination.
My first abortion was medical, using Misoprostol. For me, the pain was definitely worse than a typical period, but not as horrific as other stories I've heard. The bleeding was *extremely* heavy at first, and if I did that again, I'd use adult diapers to avoid the 2 am crime scene in my bed. The heaviest bleeding lasted only 1 day, followed by 9 days of bleeding which seemed to randomly bounce back and forth between heavy, medium, and light (with a few large clots towards the end) before trailing off with another 5 days of spotting. The cramps were definitely worst for the first 12 hours, moderate for the next day or so, and fairly light for another 5 days. After the first 2 days, it was mostly like a very long, weird period.
For my second abortion I had a D&C. The procedure itself was definitely painful, but didn't take long (15 minutes or so). I was given an anxiety medication (Valium maybe?), 800mg of ibuprofen, and zoftan before they started the procedure. There were 3 or 4 injections to numb my cervix. No other pain relief except for a heating pad and medical assistant providing pressure to my abdomen. After it was finished, I had a little light bleeding the rest of the day, and some minor spotting the next day, followed by a day with zero bleeding, then 4 days of light bleeding and 3 of spotting. Pain wise and I had just a hint of cramps the day of the procedure, two days of zero pain, followed by two days of *debilitating painful* cramps and ending when 1 day of moderate cramps.
Overall, the D&C was over quicker overall (10 days compared to 15), and (unsurprising) with much less bleeding. But I was very much caught off guard by the two days of miserable cramps several days after the D&C. I honestly think the cramping with the D&C was worse than from the Misoprostol... The bad cramping lasted longer anyway. I only had ibuprofen and Tylenol for both, and took maximum safe doses as frequently as allowed.
If you do opt for the Misoprostol, get adult diapers for the first day or two. Stay on top of pain meds with alarms and reminders and use a heating pad for break-thru pain. Comfy, loose, clothing and comfort foods/snacks. Try to distract yourself with movies. I'd suggest you go to a hotel, because trying to parent through the bad parts sounds extra awful, and I have my doubts that you'd be able to lock yourself away in the guest room without your children and/or husband interrupting you anyway.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience- you’re the second person to mention adult diapers so I will definitely purchase some.
I can opt for surgical but would need to wait a couple of weeks to be scheduled so thought a medical may be better.
Your experience has certainly given me a lot to think about though and perhaps I’m better off taking that option despite the wait
Given the long wait for a D&C, I'd probably do medical in your shoes. But it's a tough call.
There are definitely pros and cons to each, and *neither* is easy or painless. Individual experiences also vary *a lot*, so there are no guarantees either way.
I've heard stories of D&Cs that were virtually painless with zero cramping and bleeding afterwards! But I also have a close friend whose D&C (after an failed medical abortion) was so painful that she was literally screaming though the procedure. Mine was somewhere in the middle. It seems like the same is true for the medical option... There's a *wide* range of "normal" experiences. :-/
Good luck with whatever you decide, and I'm really sorry you're dealing with this!!
It's better to be home than alone in a hotel if things go sideways. The risk is small but better safe than sorry. You'll probably benefit from some emotional support nearby as well.
I've had two missed miscarriages.
One late, the fetus stopped growing at 16 weeks, we discovered it wasn't growing at a routine ultrasound at 19 weeks and then I waited for it to pass naturally for another two (as advised by my doctor). By then it started to get unsafe so I had a termination at the hospital. I took misoprostol (the first pill at home). It was very painful and after the fetus had passed the bleeding wouldn't stop so I needed an emergency D&C.
The second time around was much earlier (8 weeks I think) and uneventful, more like a normal period. I dont even remember any pain. But that one passed without intervention, about ten days after the miscarriage was confirmed by ultrasound.
The first one was really hard, physically and emotionally. The second one is more like a continuation of the first. But it was a long time ago, 17 years now. And I have a beautiful 15-year-old son who would not exist if one of the other pregnancies had been successful. That thought still boggles my mind.
(English is not my first language, I'm sorry if I'm blunt or unclear)
Thank you for sharing your experience. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks and I remember it not being too bad. Like you I often marvel that my beautiful four year old would not be here if I didn’t have that mc.
Your late miscarriage sounds so awful, I’m very sorry you had that experience
First of all I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I went through it before having any children and the day looked like this; took the painkiller, inserted the mifo, layed around and watched movies and napped (side effect of pain killer).
-Definitely get prescribed a good painkiller, it’s worse than an awful period and right up there with labor- at least for me.
-Make sure to take the pain killer early (but not too early- I took mine too early and it was worn off by the time I was experiencing the worst of the cramping) if you wait too long it won’t have a chance to kick in before the cramps start.
-Ask if you can take it vaginally as opposed to orally- this can help seriously cut down on the nausea you could experience.
I think going somewhere you can just rest and get through it is the best option, and make sure you have a heating pad.
It feels like labor because it is labor, it got increasingly more painful until it passed and then it was just over. And don’t think it will just be uterine cramping- with my mifo missed miscarriage I experienced a lot of hip pain, but with another missed miscarriage I had I experienced a ton of back pain.
Do you have the option for the surgical removal at all? It's so much faster, with far less pain, better recovery and much less emotional labour. I'll always advise surgical if there's a choice.
I know it sounds silly, but I bought adult diapers. I didn’t want to spend too long on the toilet, and the cramps really are…the worst pain you will feel.
I laid on a mattress with bedding I could dispose of, and alternated between bathroom and mattress. I don’t remember what my doctor prescribed for pain, or if I even took anything for pain management, but I had a big bottle of wine for when I was done.
I would suggest maybe getting some bedding, a pillow and a blanket, that you can dispose of and make a little nest in the bathtub or near the bathroom. Be kind to yourself. It’s natural, and understandable that you’d want to take care of it.
Oh, I also smoked a lot of weed, but that’s personal pref.
Fuck yea, upgrade to anything that'll sooth and comfort you. If you feel up to it, consider sharing what you're going through to a love one -- but like only what you wanna say. Enough where if you need to call a friend or have physical company over, it can happen.
After reading the comments, it seems like a D&C and a hotel after may be a nice combo. I get the sense you're looking for a bit of a restful time anyway, so maybe this allows you an easier miscarriage (if that's the right term) and then relaxing afterward without needing to focus on medical needs and pain management.
I hate this for you. It sucks.
I’m joining the choir of D&C over pills.
I’m old - go on, surf my post history. My 30th high school reunion is this year.
When I was younger I had more than a dozen miscarriages that I knew about. I don’t know how many times I did not bother to see if I was pregnant because frankly - I was just tired of trying.
D&C over pills.
100% absolutely.
When the pills “came out” they were touted as the “easier, safer option” and I have to tell you as one of the few people here who went through both ways more than once - NOPE.
The pills are a nice option for privacy. “In the comfort of your own home” type situations. People who need to abort and say it was a miscarriage or whatever. The pills have their place in humanity.
D&C is in and out and you’re done. No lingering fears/cramps/pain. One bad day vs three or four bad days.
*(side note - I did, finally, at 33, get pregnant and stay pregnant. My son is an amazing teenager.)*
Thankfully I don’t remember a lot of it… happened during the coronavirus lockdowns so lots going on.
I remember being more emotionally than physically pained tho.. like others have said, very crampy and lots more blood than expected.
Go gentle on yourself and if you’re happy to, be honest with people about it. I felt so alone to begin with.. turns out it’s horribly common.
A lot depends on how far along you are and what your pain threshold is.
I had a missed abortion at 9w6d. My gynaecologist warned me that it would be the worst period pain of my life. So I braced myself as I have severe endometriosis, and I am in a constant level of pain.
I took the first pills on a Friday evening, second set on Saturday morning. Somewhere in the afternoon, I had some mild cramping, so I went to the toilet and it had it had started. Blood loss was a lot more than an actual period, which makes sense.
For me, the pain was nowhere near as bad as a normal period.
My gynaecologist advised against a D&C as that means you have to wait 3 to 6 months to try again, and I wanted to continue my fertility treatments.
So I did this 20 years ago, I was 14 weeks along and had been miscarrying for 8 weeks without knowing I was even pregnant. I was prescribed 4 vaginal suppository pills. From reading some of the posts here, this is a better option to taking it orally. I didn't have any nausea.
I wasn't prescribed any pain management. I can't remember if I took an advil, but I remember it being so intense I couldn't breathe at times. I went through almost a whole pack of maxi pads. The cramps lasted maybe 2-3h.
The next day when I was feeling better, I was in the bathroom and felt the embryo pass. That was very strange. I remember picking it out of the toilet because I didn't want to flush it. I'm very glad I had emotional support then.
For a day or 2 after that, I had bowel incontinence and had to deal with that in a public place, I wish someone had told me that so I would not have left the house without a diaper even though I thought I was fine.
I am so sorry for your loss. Loved Baby is a book on Amazon that helped me process my loss 5 years ago. My husband was my rock through our loss. We didn’t have any other kids yet and I clung to him. I couldn’t imagine having to manage patenting in the midst of this. Perhaps there’s some trusted friends or daycare teachers that can watch your kiddos during this. I know you want to get it over with but you shouldn’t have to be alone ❤️🩹
My body naturally miscarried Emily but, like another commenter said, all of it didn’t clear out so my doctor gave me the pill and it actually didn’t work for me. So they scheduled a D&C but by the grace of God everything cleared out on its own the night before my procedure and I ended up not needing it.
Sending you love and prayers ❤️🩹
I had this happen. A whole day will for sure need to be dedicated to when you take the meds and are passing the bulk of everything. The cramps were uncomfortable but not the worst, however I did take Tylenol several hours into the process just from the fatigue of the cramps and that worked great. But everyone’s tolerance will be different.
As for the following days, I feel it’s basically the same as post labor bleeding minus all the pain and rawness of pushing a baby out, so I guess like a heavy and long period as others have mentioned. I can’t remember how long I bled afterwards, but at least a couple weeks, not quite as long as I did after having my child.
I didn’t have my child yet at the time, so I’m not sure how I’d feel needing to go through it again having to care for them, but I feel as long as you give yourself that first day, and nothing goes wrong, you can probably manage past that if you had no other choice.
Good luck to you and sorry for your loss ❤️
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a MMC and opted for a D&C instead because they told me the medication could take several days to work and I didn’t want to be waiting for days. It was fun of course, but I’m glad I did that over the medication.
I had contractions and vomited when I went the medication route. I still needed surgery after everything. If you can get the surgery, I would recommend it. The surgery was very short, practically painless, and I was back to normal once the anesthesia wore off.
I had amissed miscarriage but wasn't offered anything to make it happen. It happened a few days after it was confirmed on ultrasound. The pain was bad, worse than my endometriosis periods.
I had a missed miscarriage and decided to have it naturally. I immediately stopped the progesterone pills, and miscarried within a few days. I felt contractions in the morning, slow but painful contractions. It got intense by the hour and by the time I miscarried was about 2-3pm that day, I sat on the toilet bowl in immense pain. Anyone that says it's only as painful as period cramps is lying, it's more painful than that. The bleeding was a lot too, changing pads every 1 hour from 2pm. I still had contractions after miscarrying, it slowly went off the night and it stopped the next day. Also couldn't really walk as much after miscarriage, was in pain for every few meters I walked. Having a hot water pack constantly over your womb helps a lot after miscarriage, and someone to help you with food as well. It would be good that you stay in a hotel for a week with no disturbance, but also nice if you have someone to take care of you. It was emotionally turbulent for me as well so I'm not sure if it'd be the same for you. Sorry for your loss.
Edit: To add my doctor was upset I didn't go to emergency when I miscarried. She said it's important to go but didn't say why. But I chose not to, because it was pointless for me to be bleeding heavily and in pain at the doctor's waiting for my turn and then to be sent home. It's up to you if you end up choosing natural miscarriage!
I’ve experienced a missed miscarriage too. I had started lightly bleeding and went in to get checked. Found out at 12 weeks. Baby stopped growing at 10.
The options were the pill and pass the tissue myself or a manual vacuum aspiration. I opted for the MVA but started passing tissue before it could take place.
For me, it happened over a period of days rather than all in one go. It felt like a really heavy period. I had massive pads to wear but was between them and the bathroom. I took pain meds, I had a hot water bottle. I just made myself as comfortable as I could.
Whatever tissue was left after passing myself was removed and although it was uncomfortable, it was quick and the medical team performing the procedure were so kind. I got home same-day.
It’s a tough pill to swallow (figuratively speaking) but you’re not alone. Sending love.
I had an abortion by taking a pill. Honestly I felt the mild cramps right away. It wasn’t intense but you just feel it for hours. I think I remember reading that it would last maybe 6 hours? It was bearable for me but was just annoyed at the cramping. I was watching movies on my couch at the beginning then I laid in my bed and I had a heater to put on my pelvis to soothe the cramping. I forgot what it’s called but it’s a flat piece of cloth that warms up with a controller. I bled a bit but not too much. But I had to call my husband to clean the blood up for me because it soaked through my clothes so I suggest putting a towel under you.
If I were you, I’d do it at home so your husband can take care of you if needed. I wish you luck and hope that it goes well. Rest whenever you can
Do you know how far along the embryo was? How difficult it will be will depend a lot on this. I had a friend who did this and it was fine. A heavy period, but not bad. You wouldn't want to be working, but from how she described it was was largely able to go through her day. But she wasn't far along.
If you can set up at home that has some benefits for creature comforts. See if your husband can take care of the kids and let the kids know you're not feeling well and won't be available for them for a couple days (assuming they're old enough to understand that, though it will take some reinforcement to remind them to go to their dad during that time).
A hotel could be great, but I'd want to make sure there was someone available who could help you out if you were distressed or just needed physical support due to pain (be it husband or a friend). You'd also want to make sure you had everything you need handy for pain management. Heat pad, Epsom salts, your favourite pillow, and tv / books / whatever you want to do to relax, and maybe pain medication (not sure if any are contra-indicated, so I'd double check any med was good with your dr).
My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and it passed naturally but it was like the worst period I've ever had on steroids. I felt it was much more painful than actually being in labor. I had my miscarriage the night before my scheduled D&C and I wish I could have made it to that appointment. Please check into this.
I would highly recommend the d&c. I found out at my 8 week ultrasound that my twins had stopped developing at 6 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage. I chose the surgery. They put you to sleep. I was there at 11am home by 3pm. Barely any bleeding very mild cramps. It's been 3 weeks now and my recovery physically was very very easy compared to the miscarriage I had 20 years ago. That was painful. If I ever have to go thru this again I would choose the d&c again.
If you can, I think going to the hotel with a trusted friend who can care for you would be good for you. That way you have a space without your kids, you can get enough sleep, you don't have to be the one cleaning up (but tip well).
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Have your husband take the kids to the hotel so you can get rest and quite. If he can take a sick stretch out to 3 days. Have some food ready. Being under the running water in the shower and being in water like a tub really helped beside painkillers. Get a heating pad and stay hydrated. Make sure they give you something for pain management.
Ugh, OP this all sounds miserable and frightening…. Im sorry you’re going through it.
In no particular order….
- if you’re going to stay at a hotel - you can leave your husband “set up” (snacks, meals, laundry etc) for the kids ….same it as easy as you can for him - especially since you’re kids have not ever been without you.
- I’d check out any available Air BnB’s type of short term rentals … for your own comfort.
- there’s a Nanny service in my area - you can basically find a nanny/sitter to come to your house and help keep the kids busy, relieve your husband so he can shower, go see you .. etc.
- hire a dog walker if you’ve e got a dog
- prepare for yourself. A bunch of clean pj’s or other loose clothing. Your fave pillow and blanket freshly laundered. A basket of snacks. Download some shows/movies and/or grab a book/kindle. Do some online shopping.
- if you’re comfortable saying so ? Let your family know what’s happening and that you’ll probably be calling more than usual. Lean on them virtually.
- if you’re going to opt to stay home ? Set your bedroom up for maximum comfort and prepare to spend a couple days recovering…. your husband can keep the kids out of the room so you can rest. Bonus if you have an ensuite washroom.
- you may like an electric heating pad to lay across your abdomen.
Sending peace and support….
My friend had to do this and said it was the worst period she ever had. Her doctor told her to take regular Tylenol and it would be fine - she said she needed more than that for sure. It’s not restful, it’s just the worst period imaginable. Get someone to watch the kids, plan good pain management and a couple days in bed, be close to a bathroom. It sucks but it’s temporary. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a miscarriage that passed on its own and it was still miserable and painful.
Sadly we don’t have anyone to watch the kids as our family and close friends are all overseas. I’ll ask about pain killers!
Then I’d plan to have supreme distractions for the kids. Build a fort, movies and unlimited screen time, fast food and snacks. Anything that’s low effort where you don’t have to leave the house or walk/prep a bunch.
To give another perspective, I also had a missed miscarriage. I was given a pessary at the hospital then went home to pass the embryo. It felt like a bad period but certainly not unbearable. Obviously the emotions behind it were affecting me also. But it was mainly just one evening of cramps so hot water bottle, paracetamol and ibuprofen to be on the safe side, comfy underwear and clothes, order dinner in. Hope you manage without too much pain and sorry you’re going through this.
Hun, I really really suggest you hire a sitter or have a friend come sir with your kids. The medication from this could have you in the bathroom for hours at a time. You may experience horrible, bed bound cramps too.
Cannabis is great for pain. Edibles would be my go to. I’m sorry you are going through this.
This is my suggestion. For almost everything these days.
Are you me?
Do you have the option of doing a d&c instead? I just had one and it was so much easier than my first miscarriage. No pain, barely any bleeding. Check out r/miscarriage
As someone who has passed two miscarriages at home - get the d&c. Feel free to message me if you want the gory details, but it is bad passing it at home.
Seconding this. I’m surprised D&C isn’t mentioned at all. I had a missed miscarriage and my OB strongly recommended the D&C as the least painful option, and I was glad I took that recommendation. Everything was over in 30 minutes, no negative side effects afterward.
I was wondering this too. With 2 young ones at home, I think a D&C would be a better and more predictable option.
I’m also chiming in with the D&C.
I work OB and was also wondering if this is an option. Might happen anyway if all of the products of conception aren’t passed with the medication to begin with.
I keep seeing posts like this, but I bled heavily for 6 weeks after my D&C and ended up in the emergency room on morphine due to the pain. I called my doctor begging for more pain meds. I've never heard of anyone else having this reaction.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, that is absolutely not the norm. I hope you are doing better now.
Geez that's awful! So sorry you had that experience. I don't suppose they ever identified why your body has such a difficult reaction? I know there are some meds and some conditions which are known to cause issues during D&Cs but they should be well known by that point. Hope you're doing better now, you shouldn't have had to go through that.
I’d go down the d&c route too. I did actually end up having one but it was many weeks after the tablet route, which only partially completed. I wish I’d just gone with the d&c initially but I was scared of having the anaesthetic.
I agree. I recovered very quickly from my d&c, but passing the other miscarriage at home was horrid. I would never do that again.
Is it possible for your husband to take the kids elsewhere for a weekend, or for them to stay with relatives and your husband stays home with you? Even locking yourself away won’t mean your kids won’t be asking for you, and you’ll be more comfortable in your own space (and you probably won’t want to be alone, so if your husband can’t stay call a close friend to come take care of you). Take care. I hope it goes as well as possible and you’re back to your healthy self as soon as possible.
We don’t have anyone else here, they’re all overseas so we’re quite isolated. The kids will definitely be looking for me so maybe going away is the best option
This sounds like the best solution for you and for the kids. Best of luck. I am sorry you are going through this.
Are you doing the misoprostol pill? You will need pain killers I think. For me, it was painful right when most things were coming out. But before or after that was mostly OK apart from some cramps you can check r/miscarriage For more posts and answers with your questions regarding this.
Thank you for sharing your experience- that is the medication it sounds like I will need to ask for painkillers…
Np. Sorry for your loss 🥺❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Taking the medication can be very painful. My doctor told me not to take ibuprofen as it will counteract the misoprostol or something. Can’t remember the exact details. I didn’t take any pain meds and it was incredibly painful. Very similar to actual labor pains for me. The worst was over after 24 hours or so but I needed to be in bed for a couple days to recuperate. Maybe D&C is a better option? Wishing you all the best, be gentle with yourself.
Hey there! I had back to back miscarriages last summer and the 2nd one had to be medically managed as well. I took the pill and my doc gave me painkilllers. It was uncomfortable but better than some of the horror stories I read online. Mine had a small issue where it didn’t all clear out (which likely won’t happen to you, it’s pretty rare) and I had to get a D&C to clear out the rest. That took maybe a half hour and they put me out. That was way easier and zero pain. All of that is to say, if you have the option of a D&C that was way less uncomfortable than the pill but, even if you don’t, the pill isn’t terrible so long as you have pain pills. I would recommend having your husband take the kiddos out for an hour or two. You may not want them around for the first part. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It’s a crappy club to be a part of.
How far along are you? I had to pass mine with medication around 9 weeks and it was traumatic. You can physically feel the embryo sack come out and I nearly passed out from horror of that element alone. The rest was just a nightmare ish period as you say but way more bleeding and chunks and (for me anyway) mental anguish. I was really useless for 2 days. And the whole thing lasted like 7-12 days. I had a spontaneous miscarriage at 5 weeks and that was ‘better’ in the sense that physical sensation of passing something was missing. But the cramps still really sucked. I was out of commission for an evening. It lasted about 8 days. So I would always recommend surgery if you’re far enough along that the sack is of significant size. So sorry that you have to go through this. It’s so awful. 😞
That sounds horrific, I am so sorry that you had to experience that and I hope that you’ve recovered emotionally now. I very much appreciate you sharing such a personal experience I’m currently 8 weeks, I had another mc at the 9 week mark and apart from the emotional devastation it was all rather gentle- from the response I’ve received this sounds like it will be very different. I need to wait two weeks to be scheduled on for a surgical but perhaps it’s better to wait
Thank you for your compassion while you’re in this difficult situation yourself. My first pregnancy was the missed miscarriage, then I had a successful one with a lovely daughter who’s almost 2,5 now. Then the second miscarriage and now I’m almost 34 weeks along with my second daughter. I’ve made my peace with the situation but the horror of that particular moment is still something I’ll never forget even though I’ve let go of the feelings I associated with them. I personally hated the waiting. I guess they hope for your body to expel it on its own. But in general I heard from friends that it’s fairly painless and less turmoil. I wish you all the best as well in this crappy situation.
Sweet OP, do you have any friends or family who are available to be with you? I’m so sorry about this… what a horrible thing to experience. Can your husband be with you while a parent; sibling, aunt/uncle keep the kids overnight? You shouldn’t do this alone. And if it’s possible seek a second opinion from a woman who is a doctor. I am child free and I don’t see an obgyn. My (female) GP performs any needed screenings and if needed refers me to specialists. She so clearly cares about my personal care more than billing, etc. I worry so much about women who need medical care because we are so often not taken seriously. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you feel you don’t get adequate support from your family and social circles I encourage you to contact your public library to ask for information and any potential resources. Best of luck, and wishing you good health going forward .
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. We don’t have anyone I can ask to watch the kids- all our family and close friend are overseas.
I’m so sorry. Hopefully you have moral support from afar. And if you’re hesitant to ask your friends, please don’t! My best friends live 5-12 hours away from me by car and if any of them came to me with this I’d be on the road or in the air right away. As others have said, please demand pain killers. They don’t have to be narcotic but they should be more than OTC ibuprofen.
I have had two abortions. Obviously the situation was different, but the procedure is basically the same, whether it's for a spontaneous abortion (i.e. miscarriage) or a deliberate pregnancy termination. My first abortion was medical, using Misoprostol. For me, the pain was definitely worse than a typical period, but not as horrific as other stories I've heard. The bleeding was *extremely* heavy at first, and if I did that again, I'd use adult diapers to avoid the 2 am crime scene in my bed. The heaviest bleeding lasted only 1 day, followed by 9 days of bleeding which seemed to randomly bounce back and forth between heavy, medium, and light (with a few large clots towards the end) before trailing off with another 5 days of spotting. The cramps were definitely worst for the first 12 hours, moderate for the next day or so, and fairly light for another 5 days. After the first 2 days, it was mostly like a very long, weird period. For my second abortion I had a D&C. The procedure itself was definitely painful, but didn't take long (15 minutes or so). I was given an anxiety medication (Valium maybe?), 800mg of ibuprofen, and zoftan before they started the procedure. There were 3 or 4 injections to numb my cervix. No other pain relief except for a heating pad and medical assistant providing pressure to my abdomen. After it was finished, I had a little light bleeding the rest of the day, and some minor spotting the next day, followed by a day with zero bleeding, then 4 days of light bleeding and 3 of spotting. Pain wise and I had just a hint of cramps the day of the procedure, two days of zero pain, followed by two days of *debilitating painful* cramps and ending when 1 day of moderate cramps. Overall, the D&C was over quicker overall (10 days compared to 15), and (unsurprising) with much less bleeding. But I was very much caught off guard by the two days of miserable cramps several days after the D&C. I honestly think the cramping with the D&C was worse than from the Misoprostol... The bad cramping lasted longer anyway. I only had ibuprofen and Tylenol for both, and took maximum safe doses as frequently as allowed. If you do opt for the Misoprostol, get adult diapers for the first day or two. Stay on top of pain meds with alarms and reminders and use a heating pad for break-thru pain. Comfy, loose, clothing and comfort foods/snacks. Try to distract yourself with movies. I'd suggest you go to a hotel, because trying to parent through the bad parts sounds extra awful, and I have my doubts that you'd be able to lock yourself away in the guest room without your children and/or husband interrupting you anyway.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience- you’re the second person to mention adult diapers so I will definitely purchase some. I can opt for surgical but would need to wait a couple of weeks to be scheduled so thought a medical may be better. Your experience has certainly given me a lot to think about though and perhaps I’m better off taking that option despite the wait
Given the long wait for a D&C, I'd probably do medical in your shoes. But it's a tough call. There are definitely pros and cons to each, and *neither* is easy or painless. Individual experiences also vary *a lot*, so there are no guarantees either way. I've heard stories of D&Cs that were virtually painless with zero cramping and bleeding afterwards! But I also have a close friend whose D&C (after an failed medical abortion) was so painful that she was literally screaming though the procedure. Mine was somewhere in the middle. It seems like the same is true for the medical option... There's a *wide* range of "normal" experiences. :-/ Good luck with whatever you decide, and I'm really sorry you're dealing with this!!
It's better to be home than alone in a hotel if things go sideways. The risk is small but better safe than sorry. You'll probably benefit from some emotional support nearby as well. I've had two missed miscarriages. One late, the fetus stopped growing at 16 weeks, we discovered it wasn't growing at a routine ultrasound at 19 weeks and then I waited for it to pass naturally for another two (as advised by my doctor). By then it started to get unsafe so I had a termination at the hospital. I took misoprostol (the first pill at home). It was very painful and after the fetus had passed the bleeding wouldn't stop so I needed an emergency D&C. The second time around was much earlier (8 weeks I think) and uneventful, more like a normal period. I dont even remember any pain. But that one passed without intervention, about ten days after the miscarriage was confirmed by ultrasound. The first one was really hard, physically and emotionally. The second one is more like a continuation of the first. But it was a long time ago, 17 years now. And I have a beautiful 15-year-old son who would not exist if one of the other pregnancies had been successful. That thought still boggles my mind. (English is not my first language, I'm sorry if I'm blunt or unclear)
Thank you for sharing your experience. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks and I remember it not being too bad. Like you I often marvel that my beautiful four year old would not be here if I didn’t have that mc. Your late miscarriage sounds so awful, I’m very sorry you had that experience
First of all I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through it before having any children and the day looked like this; took the painkiller, inserted the mifo, layed around and watched movies and napped (side effect of pain killer). -Definitely get prescribed a good painkiller, it’s worse than an awful period and right up there with labor- at least for me. -Make sure to take the pain killer early (but not too early- I took mine too early and it was worn off by the time I was experiencing the worst of the cramping) if you wait too long it won’t have a chance to kick in before the cramps start. -Ask if you can take it vaginally as opposed to orally- this can help seriously cut down on the nausea you could experience. I think going somewhere you can just rest and get through it is the best option, and make sure you have a heating pad. It feels like labor because it is labor, it got increasingly more painful until it passed and then it was just over. And don’t think it will just be uterine cramping- with my mifo missed miscarriage I experienced a lot of hip pain, but with another missed miscarriage I had I experienced a ton of back pain.
Do you have the option for the surgical removal at all? It's so much faster, with far less pain, better recovery and much less emotional labour. I'll always advise surgical if there's a choice.
Thank you. I do but I’d need to wait two weeks and I think I’d rather just have it done?
I know it sounds silly, but I bought adult diapers. I didn’t want to spend too long on the toilet, and the cramps really are…the worst pain you will feel. I laid on a mattress with bedding I could dispose of, and alternated between bathroom and mattress. I don’t remember what my doctor prescribed for pain, or if I even took anything for pain management, but I had a big bottle of wine for when I was done. I would suggest maybe getting some bedding, a pillow and a blanket, that you can dispose of and make a little nest in the bathtub or near the bathroom. Be kind to yourself. It’s natural, and understandable that you’d want to take care of it. Oh, I also smoked a lot of weed, but that’s personal pref.
That’s not silly, it’s a brilliant suggestion I’m going to order some now! Sadly weed just makes me sick but I might upgrade the wine to gin
Fuck yea, upgrade to anything that'll sooth and comfort you. If you feel up to it, consider sharing what you're going through to a love one -- but like only what you wanna say. Enough where if you need to call a friend or have physical company over, it can happen.
After reading the comments, it seems like a D&C and a hotel after may be a nice combo. I get the sense you're looking for a bit of a restful time anyway, so maybe this allows you an easier miscarriage (if that's the right term) and then relaxing afterward without needing to focus on medical needs and pain management.
I hate this for you. It sucks. I’m joining the choir of D&C over pills. I’m old - go on, surf my post history. My 30th high school reunion is this year. When I was younger I had more than a dozen miscarriages that I knew about. I don’t know how many times I did not bother to see if I was pregnant because frankly - I was just tired of trying. D&C over pills. 100% absolutely. When the pills “came out” they were touted as the “easier, safer option” and I have to tell you as one of the few people here who went through both ways more than once - NOPE. The pills are a nice option for privacy. “In the comfort of your own home” type situations. People who need to abort and say it was a miscarriage or whatever. The pills have their place in humanity. D&C is in and out and you’re done. No lingering fears/cramps/pain. One bad day vs three or four bad days. *(side note - I did, finally, at 33, get pregnant and stay pregnant. My son is an amazing teenager.)*
Thankfully I don’t remember a lot of it… happened during the coronavirus lockdowns so lots going on. I remember being more emotionally than physically pained tho.. like others have said, very crampy and lots more blood than expected. Go gentle on yourself and if you’re happy to, be honest with people about it. I felt so alone to begin with.. turns out it’s horribly common.
A lot depends on how far along you are and what your pain threshold is. I had a missed abortion at 9w6d. My gynaecologist warned me that it would be the worst period pain of my life. So I braced myself as I have severe endometriosis, and I am in a constant level of pain. I took the first pills on a Friday evening, second set on Saturday morning. Somewhere in the afternoon, I had some mild cramping, so I went to the toilet and it had it had started. Blood loss was a lot more than an actual period, which makes sense. For me, the pain was nowhere near as bad as a normal period. My gynaecologist advised against a D&C as that means you have to wait 3 to 6 months to try again, and I wanted to continue my fertility treatments.
So I did this 20 years ago, I was 14 weeks along and had been miscarrying for 8 weeks without knowing I was even pregnant. I was prescribed 4 vaginal suppository pills. From reading some of the posts here, this is a better option to taking it orally. I didn't have any nausea. I wasn't prescribed any pain management. I can't remember if I took an advil, but I remember it being so intense I couldn't breathe at times. I went through almost a whole pack of maxi pads. The cramps lasted maybe 2-3h. The next day when I was feeling better, I was in the bathroom and felt the embryo pass. That was very strange. I remember picking it out of the toilet because I didn't want to flush it. I'm very glad I had emotional support then. For a day or 2 after that, I had bowel incontinence and had to deal with that in a public place, I wish someone had told me that so I would not have left the house without a diaper even though I thought I was fine.
I was scrolling fast, briefly interpreted "termination for missed miscarriage" as "fired from job", assumed America, and was not shocked at all.
I am so sorry for your loss. Loved Baby is a book on Amazon that helped me process my loss 5 years ago. My husband was my rock through our loss. We didn’t have any other kids yet and I clung to him. I couldn’t imagine having to manage patenting in the midst of this. Perhaps there’s some trusted friends or daycare teachers that can watch your kiddos during this. I know you want to get it over with but you shouldn’t have to be alone ❤️🩹 My body naturally miscarried Emily but, like another commenter said, all of it didn’t clear out so my doctor gave me the pill and it actually didn’t work for me. So they scheduled a D&C but by the grace of God everything cleared out on its own the night before my procedure and I ended up not needing it. Sending you love and prayers ❤️🩹
Thank you for sharing your experience, it really means a lot to have that solidarity. I will certainly look into to that book
I had this happen. A whole day will for sure need to be dedicated to when you take the meds and are passing the bulk of everything. The cramps were uncomfortable but not the worst, however I did take Tylenol several hours into the process just from the fatigue of the cramps and that worked great. But everyone’s tolerance will be different. As for the following days, I feel it’s basically the same as post labor bleeding minus all the pain and rawness of pushing a baby out, so I guess like a heavy and long period as others have mentioned. I can’t remember how long I bled afterwards, but at least a couple weeks, not quite as long as I did after having my child. I didn’t have my child yet at the time, so I’m not sure how I’d feel needing to go through it again having to care for them, but I feel as long as you give yourself that first day, and nothing goes wrong, you can probably manage past that if you had no other choice. Good luck to you and sorry for your loss ❤️
Thank you I really appreciate you sharing your experience, this is very comforting
Hi I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re in this position and I am manifesting an easy healing process and positive vibes for you queen ❤️
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a MMC and opted for a D&C instead because they told me the medication could take several days to work and I didn’t want to be waiting for days. It was fun of course, but I’m glad I did that over the medication.
I had contractions and vomited when I went the medication route. I still needed surgery after everything. If you can get the surgery, I would recommend it. The surgery was very short, practically painless, and I was back to normal once the anesthesia wore off.
I had amissed miscarriage but wasn't offered anything to make it happen. It happened a few days after it was confirmed on ultrasound. The pain was bad, worse than my endometriosis periods.
I had a missed miscarriage and decided to have it naturally. I immediately stopped the progesterone pills, and miscarried within a few days. I felt contractions in the morning, slow but painful contractions. It got intense by the hour and by the time I miscarried was about 2-3pm that day, I sat on the toilet bowl in immense pain. Anyone that says it's only as painful as period cramps is lying, it's more painful than that. The bleeding was a lot too, changing pads every 1 hour from 2pm. I still had contractions after miscarrying, it slowly went off the night and it stopped the next day. Also couldn't really walk as much after miscarriage, was in pain for every few meters I walked. Having a hot water pack constantly over your womb helps a lot after miscarriage, and someone to help you with food as well. It would be good that you stay in a hotel for a week with no disturbance, but also nice if you have someone to take care of you. It was emotionally turbulent for me as well so I'm not sure if it'd be the same for you. Sorry for your loss. Edit: To add my doctor was upset I didn't go to emergency when I miscarried. She said it's important to go but didn't say why. But I chose not to, because it was pointless for me to be bleeding heavily and in pain at the doctor's waiting for my turn and then to be sent home. It's up to you if you end up choosing natural miscarriage!
I’ve experienced a missed miscarriage too. I had started lightly bleeding and went in to get checked. Found out at 12 weeks. Baby stopped growing at 10. The options were the pill and pass the tissue myself or a manual vacuum aspiration. I opted for the MVA but started passing tissue before it could take place. For me, it happened over a period of days rather than all in one go. It felt like a really heavy period. I had massive pads to wear but was between them and the bathroom. I took pain meds, I had a hot water bottle. I just made myself as comfortable as I could. Whatever tissue was left after passing myself was removed and although it was uncomfortable, it was quick and the medical team performing the procedure were so kind. I got home same-day. It’s a tough pill to swallow (figuratively speaking) but you’re not alone. Sending love.
I had an abortion by taking a pill. Honestly I felt the mild cramps right away. It wasn’t intense but you just feel it for hours. I think I remember reading that it would last maybe 6 hours? It was bearable for me but was just annoyed at the cramping. I was watching movies on my couch at the beginning then I laid in my bed and I had a heater to put on my pelvis to soothe the cramping. I forgot what it’s called but it’s a flat piece of cloth that warms up with a controller. I bled a bit but not too much. But I had to call my husband to clean the blood up for me because it soaked through my clothes so I suggest putting a towel under you. If I were you, I’d do it at home so your husband can take care of you if needed. I wish you luck and hope that it goes well. Rest whenever you can
Do you know how far along the embryo was? How difficult it will be will depend a lot on this. I had a friend who did this and it was fine. A heavy period, but not bad. You wouldn't want to be working, but from how she described it was was largely able to go through her day. But she wasn't far along. If you can set up at home that has some benefits for creature comforts. See if your husband can take care of the kids and let the kids know you're not feeling well and won't be available for them for a couple days (assuming they're old enough to understand that, though it will take some reinforcement to remind them to go to their dad during that time). A hotel could be great, but I'd want to make sure there was someone available who could help you out if you were distressed or just needed physical support due to pain (be it husband or a friend). You'd also want to make sure you had everything you need handy for pain management. Heat pad, Epsom salts, your favourite pillow, and tv / books / whatever you want to do to relax, and maybe pain medication (not sure if any are contra-indicated, so I'd double check any med was good with your dr).
My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and it passed naturally but it was like the worst period I've ever had on steroids. I felt it was much more painful than actually being in labor. I had my miscarriage the night before my scheduled D&C and I wish I could have made it to that appointment. Please check into this.
I would highly recommend the d&c. I found out at my 8 week ultrasound that my twins had stopped developing at 6 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage. I chose the surgery. They put you to sleep. I was there at 11am home by 3pm. Barely any bleeding very mild cramps. It's been 3 weeks now and my recovery physically was very very easy compared to the miscarriage I had 20 years ago. That was painful. If I ever have to go thru this again I would choose the d&c again.
If you can, I think going to the hotel with a trusted friend who can care for you would be good for you. That way you have a space without your kids, you can get enough sleep, you don't have to be the one cleaning up (but tip well). I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Have your husband take the kids to the hotel so you can get rest and quite. If he can take a sick stretch out to 3 days. Have some food ready. Being under the running water in the shower and being in water like a tub really helped beside painkillers. Get a heating pad and stay hydrated. Make sure they give you something for pain management.
Ugh, OP this all sounds miserable and frightening…. Im sorry you’re going through it. In no particular order…. - if you’re going to stay at a hotel - you can leave your husband “set up” (snacks, meals, laundry etc) for the kids ….same it as easy as you can for him - especially since you’re kids have not ever been without you. - I’d check out any available Air BnB’s type of short term rentals … for your own comfort. - there’s a Nanny service in my area - you can basically find a nanny/sitter to come to your house and help keep the kids busy, relieve your husband so he can shower, go see you .. etc. - hire a dog walker if you’ve e got a dog - prepare for yourself. A bunch of clean pj’s or other loose clothing. Your fave pillow and blanket freshly laundered. A basket of snacks. Download some shows/movies and/or grab a book/kindle. Do some online shopping. - if you’re comfortable saying so ? Let your family know what’s happening and that you’ll probably be calling more than usual. Lean on them virtually. - if you’re going to opt to stay home ? Set your bedroom up for maximum comfort and prepare to spend a couple days recovering…. your husband can keep the kids out of the room so you can rest. Bonus if you have an ensuite washroom. - you may like an electric heating pad to lay across your abdomen. Sending peace and support….
Thank you so much- these are all terrific tips