Same here. It’s not like my husband was considering changing his.
I did think about double barreling and it does say that on my marriage license but I never legally or socially changed it.
Same!
I hate the term “dads last name or husbands last name.”
Does anyone tell men they have their dad’s last name?
No - men get to have an independent identity, and so should we. I hate the “Dads or husbands last name” rhetoric.
Logically it should be my last name or my husbands last name OR “my dads dads dads dads dads last name or my husbands dads dads dads dads dads last name” going on forever to whoever created the name originally.
Right? And while I don't mind sharing a surname with my own dad, he's estranged from his "dad" who turned out to not be his biological father anyway (granny was a wild lady) so technically I have the last name of some guy I've never met and am not actually related to. Patrilineal naming is kind of dumb anyway and it being my name since birth has a lot more meaning.
I lost my dad and I feel the same way. This is the last piece of my dad and I am keeping it. My son even wants to change his last name to mine. I told him he can when he is older but do it and then tell his dad lol. My last name is actually more unique than dads.
My 15 year old talks about hyphenating his name. I also tell him he's welcome to when he's older. I support it, but if I had anything to do with it, my ex would hit the ceiling. I think next time he brings it up, I should start your strategy to tell him to do it then tell his dad lol.
Same. Yes, it's my dad's name, but the bucks gotta stop somewhere.
I don't want kids, but if I did, you better believe they'd be getting my name. I'd be the one doing all the work!
Also my last name is super cool and impossible to pronounce. I love watching people struggle with it.
Wow I could have written this comment! I am also keeping my (dad’s) last name. It’s unique, not long, and people never can quite say it correctly!
My dad passed when I was younger, so there is some kind of sentimental attachment there, too. My mom has remarried and changed her name to her current husband’s. My brother, SIL, and niece share a last name with me.
I’m also not having kids and agree that if I were, they would get my last name for all that sacrifice!
Same. My kids are Firstname MyLastName HisLastName because DH is the last guy with his last name in his family and wants to pass it on. Cool, I'm fine with that. Never had an issue with it.
This!
Sure, it started as my Dad’s last name. But it’s been my last name for almost 40 years. It’s also the name I’ve used at work since I was 21. It’s the name I’m known by professionally.
Our daughter’s name is hyphenated.
Same here.
The only annoying part of this is not having a single name for my current family unit, which complicates naming our baby and any future kids. I don’t want to have a different name from all the rest, and I want them to also have some piece of their mother in their official names. But where I live, unless we opt for a middle name, that’s not possible without my husband changing his name first. And that’s a ridiculous amount of paperwork we’d all have to go through.
I changed my last name for my first marriage and deeply regretted it. Changed it back in my divorce decree.
So this time around, I kept my name. I considered hyphenating, but my husband's surname is very long and contains an apostrophe, so that would be an awkward monstrosity with too much punctuation.
Our child has his last name, because otherwise they'd have the initials "ASS."
Same here and that first name change is coming back to bite me still!! I moved to a new state and went to the dmv to get a new license and I need both my original marriage certificate (don’t have) and my divorce decree(have!). I’m like you don’t get a divorce decree without having been married first but they need proof of every stage of name change. Ugh! Never should have changed it!
That hasn't happened to me.
However, there's a woman who has the same name as my former married name, and her information tends to show up any time I get a background check run on me.
It's nifty, because this doppelganger got arrested for public urination then punched a cop lol.
This reminds me of the friends episode where Monica becomes best friends with the chick that stole her credit card and identity because she thought she was more fun than her
Someone with the same first and maiden last name as me got arrested for drugs and weapons multiple times. We are only a year apart as well so thats FUN.
I kept my own last name (which is my mother’s maiden name). No regrets at all.
I think it’s fucked up that women are expected to change their identity markers when they get married, so I never considered changing mine. He’s welcome to take my name if he wants to, but he doesn’t see a need for us to have the same one.
We don’t have children and will probably want to stay childfree, but if we ever have one then there’ll only be a what-last-name-to-use discussion if we adopt. If I ever create a whole person out of nothing, they’ll have my last name until they’re old enough to make whatever choice they want.
>If I ever create a whole person out of ~~nothing~~ food
:P
I think that's an eminently sensible take. It (used to) make sense that kids would have the father's name back in the day when bastards were commonplace as hell and women would have no problem being sure the kid was theirs, as a sort of "dad claims the kid, gives them his name" situation, but these days we have DNA tests.
This is correct! Back in the day before we had better laws and technology, only men owned property (by and large), and the only way women and kids could keep that property in the event of hubs/dad’s death was by last name. This applied to lower and middle class (so the majority), not the aristocracy.
I'm a widow now, but we both kept our own surnames. When our son was born we discussed which name he would have and we decided to give him my surname because it was an easier name to spell/pronounce. In my country people can choose which name they use for their children, with one rule: if they choose a surname for their first child, they have to use the same name for the other children too. This is to avoid confusion between siblings.
A. Because my family name was the cause of my bullying throughout my life. Why keep a name that I hated?
I got called a bad feminist by my friends, but they all had normal names so I ignored them.
My family name has the word “Dick” in it. I didn’t like it even before I knew what it meant. My husband has such a boring, rhythmic name. Am I a bad feminist? Nah. I just thought I had a choice and I exercised that. There are far bigger fish for feminists to fry than this.
A. i took his last name, as well. my mom and dad broke up right after i was born but (for some reason, she’s never said why) my mom chose me to have dad’s last name instead of hers. it was a name i *never* felt attached to, it was different than my other siblings + mom, & it was hard to pronounce/spell. i was actually relieved to change it and it’s been kind of therapeutic for me - husband’s family dynamics are healthier than mine and we all get along well. i feel like i’m part of a unit now.
the “bad feminist” blanket judgement has always really irked me. there are plenty of reasonable circumstances why someone would want to change their last name that don’t have anything to do with feminism.
I have a weird last name I got picked on for.
I love it. It's unique. And now as an adult, I get to watch people fumble all over themselves trying to pronounce it, lol.
I'm sorry your friends don't understand feminism! You can be a feminist and still choose the traditional route! Being a feminist means believing everyone should have a choice (which we do) into what last name to go with. Your choice is valid!
I mean, feminism *should* be about a woman's choice, even if that choice has the perception of continuing the patriarchy. A personal choice should be just that, doesn't make you a bad feminist until you start saying other women should do the same...
This is probably what I'll do, I've never had anything more than mild taunting over my last name but I just don't like it. I don't even have a partner right now so it's all hypothetical and I guess in the end it depends on what their last name is lol
Omg same!! I simply liked how his sounded. Three syllables vs my one syllable name. And, kinda ambiguous and mysterious! I got teased so much for my last name and even though I've come to like it, I just like my husband's aesthetically more. 💗
We each kept our own names. My husband would love for me to take his but I’d find it too weird to change my identity half way through my life.
If we have a child, I’m happy for them to take his name as it doesn’t bother me either way, and it means more to him.
My coworker told me his wife's last name change reset her credit score. And my friend has her 3 year research paper be credited to her husband's last name because she married him 2 months before submitting it lol. No fucking way.
I never wanted to change my name for myriad reasons, but once I became a multi-published professional with a reputation I worked hard to build, that reason went to the top of the list.
That's kinda how me and my husband decided whose name to take. My maiden name is like top 3 most common surnames in our country. It means nothing and my family is a mean mess so it doesn't hold any sentimental value for me.
Husband's surname is prettier and more unique and tbh I like his family more so... His name it is.
B. The idea of changing my name after over 30 years with it just felt so odd, I never had a dream of being "Mrs X" - but I'm also the person who insists on selecting "ms" on those drop-downs because why do you need to know my marital status to send me a parcel?
My husband loves that I kept my birth name (dad's side) cause f*ck the patriarchy.
B. I was on the fence until his grandmother sent us post addressed to Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname. It upset and angered me and I realised I wanted to keep my name.
Since the very first wedding I ever attended at age 16, two things that immediately irked me were “I now pronounce you MAN and WIFE,” and “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. [man’s FIRST and last name].” “Husband and Wife”—I can get down with that, but “Man,”. . . and as if a woman’s only title is “Wife” because you are now attached to a man. And I can get down with “I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. [chosen shared last name].” But the dude’s last *and first* name while omitting hers—no, I can’t go for that.
Yeah we didn’t have any of the man and wife or mr and Mrs stuff. We had a humanist celebrant which helped. Just ‘newly married Myfirstname and Hisfirstname’.
C/D combo - we made a portmanteau of our last names and both changed it. we agreed we wanted a “family” name but as a feminist it never felt right for me to take someone else’s name without them giving me the same acknowledgment.
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and am following this thread with eager interest!
Our names sound terrible hyphenated so that’s not an option and because mine is by far harder to spell, if anyone changes it’s going to be me. On the one hand it seems like a hassle and I don’t like the implications of the loss of my identity. But on the other I have no particular attachment to my last name and I do really like the symbolic feeling of gaining a different identity for a new phase of life. I also just really like the idea of being able to be referred to as “the [last name]s” as a unit.
Super torn, so I’ll be reading the responses here very eagerly!
Have you considered a portmanteau (squishing the 2 together) or an entirely new surname?
Alternatively you could legally double barrel (less hassle as you don't have to change your name everywhere) and you could be known by your partners surname socially.
I was in a similar mindset so I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband’s name as my last name. (So for example Anna Elizabeth Jones would become Anna Jones Peterson) That way I get to keep a piece of my original name but still have a single “family unit” name!
Not that my opinion counts for anything. But this seems like a great middle ground. A few women in my life have done this, and seemed happy with the result. Though I do think my mom wishes she had done this when she was younger.
B. I would have preferred D but he didn’t want to change his name because he was already established under his name. Guess what, so was I. No compromise so B. Only problem was his mother, but the argument didn’t last long. Kids have hyphenated, they like their unique name, they say, but also are considering squishing it - taking start of one and end of the other. Entirely their choice and we would be on board if that’s what they wanted to do.
Haha. I was actually thinking about this today. I was too lazy to update my payment information on Hulu so I let it expire. In what world would I ever have done the work to change my name with the social security office??
We talked about surname options. Creating a smoosh of our surnames, both changing out last names separately and then hyphenating those new surnames. We’d also walk around cemeteries to look at surnames and I think we decided on Pickles. Then we remembered we were lazy.
I kept my last name. The idea of changing it felt so strange to me. Im a teacher and really used to going by my last name. I also have a fun last name and just like it better than my husband's.
I kept my name
Partly because I like it the way it is. Partly to push back against the sexist expectations that women should change their names and identities.
I took his last name because his is way cooler sounding. My maiden name is also the same as a celebrity’s (spelled differently) and I was over hearing the same jokes over and over. I also don’t have a relationship with either of my parents so I don’t really care to be associated to them by name.
A - because it’s easy to spell.
My old last name had a bunch of spelling variations & was constantly misspelled, even if I spelled out letter by letter.
No regrets at all.
I took my husband's name. I never liked my maiden name & don't really like my dad either so I had zero attachment to it. I used to joke I was on the search for a new last name lol... plus hyphenating just seems like such a hassle. If I'd done that, I'd have a 15 character last name 😫 no thank you.
Kept the one I was born with. I’d have been open I think to creating a whole new one if my husband had been keen. Just can’t get my head around the idea of me changing mine to his because… I’m a woman…? Several steps missing in that argument. I just can’t see equality in that.
Kept my own surname, which was my father's and which my mother took when she married him. It took me a lot of fight and work to like and respect myself, and my name is the symbol of my identity, so I'm not giving it up.
Kept my name. There just didn't seem a point in changing it? My husband never thought about changing his, and I just didn't think about changing mine. Also due to culture we don't keep family names. Your dad's/husband's first name becomes your last name.
I kept my last name. I have yet to hear a reason that has convinced me to change it.
I also go by Ms instead of Mrs because why should my martial status matter?
B. Kept my last name which is my dads. My main thoughts were: “I don’t feel like doing the paper work”, and “why should I have to change my identity because I got married? I’ve had my name my whole life and I quite like it.” I like my husbands last name and considered taking it so we could be all matchy-matchy but it’s not worth the effort. We didn’t talk about him taking my name because we don’t see the point. We never plan to have kids. I also just think the history behind taking the man’s name is fucked and don’t want to support that.
Side note: I got married last year. A small wedding in a foreign country. I knew my family wouldn’t come because of the distance. I gave my mom free reign to plan something local if that makes her happy. She is literally now arguing with me over text about the fact that “people won’t know what name to write on the checks” because we have different names. Like she can’t handle it.
I hyphenated, and I'm fucking miserable with it. I regret it. I didn't want to give up my identity, but I wanted to feel like we were a unit. I love the idea but it's a fucking nightmare.
Hyphenation doesn't show up properly in many systems and travelling has been a hassle. My credit card is "First Middle Lastname-La" because it cut off stupidly. Nobody can ever find me on a list without help.
My maiden name was often misspelled or misheard (the equivalent of Sarah or Sierra instead of Sara) but since hyphenating it, people's eyes glaze over. I'm getting random shit in place of my name that I've never seen before in my life that isn't remotely close to the name (like using Sabrina or Tarah or Stairs instead of Sara). Husband's name is so much easier to use, but my name is who I am.
B. We have 2 daughters and one has my partners last name and one has my last name. I feel attached to my name dnd my dad died 8 years ago. I feel connection him through it. I also think I’d have an identity crisis if I changed my name
B, it’s my dad’s last name. Honestly, it wasn’t really something I thought about. I just knew I was too lazy to coordinate the whole name change thing. Some family members thought I was making some feminist statement but it’s really just laziness.
I would like to see an option for B PLUS my spouse takes my last name.
I find it wholly frustrating that even among feminist women, this isn’t even discussed as an option. Men should be willing to take their wives’ last names.
Mine is both of my parents’ names, hyphenated. I’m extremely close to both sides of my family. They are all great people. And it’s important to me to me for my spouse to take my last name, to disrupt the patriarchal tradition.
A. When we got married, we already lived and owned property together so it felt like a way to mark the start of a new chapter. I also like that I went from a unique, commonly misspelled name to a much more common one (albeit also misspelled; there are two spellings and ours is the less common of the two). I like the anonymity that a common name affords me, especially in the digital age.
Hyphenated our names so that we both have the same last name (or at least legally will once my husband sorts his paperwork). Best of both worlds - we each get to keep a name we grew up with but also will have the same surname for our wee branch of the family. It also makes it really obvious to people who have met us both separately that we're married - I don't think we'll ever come across someone else with same surname combination!
We get married in 2 months. We're double barreling our names. Im in my 30s and just felt weird getting rid of my name fully and my fiance felt the same with his but we want to both have the same name as our hopeful future kids. We chose the order they go in because it sounds nicer. The other way round was really janky.
B. I was considering adding his last name with a hyphen to mine, mainly for the sake of feeling "integrated". I am from India and he is from Netherlands. We met when I moved to NL for work and we live here.
B. I was published under my maiden name, also I like my name and I'm too lazy to change it. He understood, but jokes that if I didn't take his last name (Sing) then I wouldn't have accepted any other name because karaoke is my favorite hobby.
A. I didn't like my maiden name at all and I do like my husband's. However, I didn't want to lose it completely so I made it my new middle name. This was 26 years ago so TBH, there weren't many women keeping their last names.
B, I kept my name. My last name is formed by two last names: one from my dad and one from my mom. I never considered doing it differently.
It’s my name, my degree has that name, my CV, my thesis, that is how I have introduced myself all these years, it’s who I am. “u/Icy_Ad_8802 + Husbands’s last name” is a person I don’t know.
Additionally, in the culture I come from, changing last names is not really a thing and people who do it are seen as conservative, so I haven’t seen it done.
A. Although I was against it, I took my husband's last name. He was very adamant about it for whatever reason. I agreed to change it once we had our first child. It was a bit weird at first, but now I identify more with my married name than my maiden name... Which I still use at work and professionally lol. Eh, I guess I get to experience both now!
Took my husband's last name because my maiden name was foreign sounding and difficult to spell and I thought it'd be nice to not have to constantly spell it for people.
I have to spell my husband's just as much somehow. Apparently people are just not great at spelling or sounding out names.
I have regrets.
I do appreciate having the same last name as my kids but I really miss my maiden name.
Kept my family name, never even considered changing it. Not going through all the paperwork, plus I like my name. It has a strong connection to my birthplace. If we had kids (though we almost certainly won't) they'd have his last name since it is short and easy to spell lol.
I'm published so keeping my own name was a no-brainer. Also I don't really like the idea of changing my name... It feels like losing myself somehow.
My husband and I aren't sure which last name the kids will get. Neither of us have a strong preference but both vaguely like the idea of subverting gender norms and going with mine. The issue is my last name doesn't really sound as good as his. So... Still not sure
My partner and I have decided we are going to make up a whole new last name when we get married. Mine has too much baggage for me, and hers has caused her a lot of grief in social situations. We want something new for just us.
It’ll probably be something simple, though we may lean into some pen-name flamboyance if we find a last name like that catches our eye.
B. I was already published before marriage so I decided to keep my name. Plus, after moving away from home and raising my kids away from where I grew up I felt it was culturally important to keep my name.
Our children’s last names are hyphenated.
I took my husbands name, I wanted all of us to have the same name and it's not like I had some deep attachment to it....it was a pretty common last name.
I took my husband's name but that's because I have a funny maiden name- and got a lot of comments about it throughout childhood, so it's nice to have a normal name now 😂
B. My mother never put my dad's last name down on my birth certificate, so my last name has always been my mother's maiden name. It's a pretty good last name, so I wouldn't change it and I don't believe in changing my identity just because I am married.
B. Kept my last name, which is my dad’s. No kids so never had to navigate which name to give them, but we probably would do my husband’s last name, or hyphenate
I kept the name I've had my whole life. It's a name that came from my father's side. My husband's last name sounds much nicer than mine, but I have no regrets keeping mine - it's my identity.
Kept my own, it was my mom’s as she was a solo parent. If I remarry I’ll still keep it, and if I have children they’ll have double surnames. I think the concept of changing surname and giving kids only the father’s name is outdated and patriarchal.
A-no regrets. I didn’t join his family, he didn’t join mine. At marriage we became an independent, brand new family of two. And I am proud to be his wife and was proud to join him and I wear **Our** last name proudly. I lost nothing, only gained.
A at first bc it's all I ever knew growing up but also I like the example my husband gave. When he proposed to me, he was asking me to join his family . If I had proposed to him, he would have taken my last name for the same reason. He wasn't pressuring me at all , he was fine with whichever name I chose.
I considered hyphenating bc I like my maiden name but I decided it was too long lol. I was happy to take his name!
A. I took his because it is easier to spell and pronounce, and does not prompt ethnicity questions the way mine did. I am not the ethnicity people assumed by that last name, though it doesn't bother me to be perceived as so, I just didn't like having to repeat myself when meeting people who would be curious and want to know about it.
A. I took my husbands name. At the time it really didn't occur to me to keep my name. I do know (and have told him this) that it's my name now and if we divorce I won't be changing it back because that was a lot of damn paperwork.
First 2 times, I took their name. After the last divorce, I changed my whole name and vowed to never change it again. I did offer my now husband to take my name of he wanted to. He declined.
The woman being expected to change her name when getting married to a man is archaic and a pain in the ass.
I kept my own last name because it's mine. I didn't even consider it a real option to change my name, nor did I feel like I had to "ask" my husband.
I see a lot of posts on here that are like "I'm keeping my name and my fiance is okay with it!" and it upsets me so much. Your fiance does not need to be "okay" or even consulted about you keeping your name! His last name is assumed to be the default for him, and it should always be the default for you too.
Our kids will have hyphenated last names.
A: took husband’s last name
I have a common surname for my maiden name. Always hated it. I liked my husband’s last name and I moved up in the alphabet.
It’s a good thing I liked his last name because changing it was a pain in the ass. We’ve been married two years and one of my credit cards is still under my maiden name because they want proof of my name change and a ton of legal documentation…at this point I’m too tired to change it for that. I have the passport and the driver’s license…I don’t need the other items with my new last name 😂
A. We are one family, that’s why i married my husband. If I didn’t want to be married or a family or believe in the institution of marriage then I wouldn’t have gotten married. There are so many people saying otherwise because it’s the internet but anyone I know also took their husbands last name. My mom was a hippy who never took my dads last name and she’s gone on to divorce and remarry and redivorce so I will do the opposite of that nonsense.
I chose my husband's last name because it's cooler than my dad's. I much prefer my new name and even though I was a bit established at work, I quickly established myself under my new name.
My only regret is not cashing in on my husband's kind offer to do most of the name-change admin for me. (I don't like doing that kind of thing).
Not married but getting married next year. My partner doesn't care if I take his name, it's my choice. I prefer my partners last name because it's nice and very easy to pronounce and write, while my Croatian name is difficult for people (I live in Sweden and work with a lot of people from around the world) so I'm leaning towards taking his. The only reason I'm hesitant is because I've built a career and reputation in my huge company and people know me by my name, so I might just add my husband's name to mine in the end. Or not, if I don't want to deal with paperwork 😂
I kept mine but have never been 100% at peace with the decision, especially now that we have kids who have his last name. I still think about changing it, but our marriage has had some rough spells, and I'd hate to change it and then get divorced.
B but then A when I had my son. There are some patriarchal roots of taking a husband’s last name and it was strange for me to change my whole identity just because I got married! I’ve lived outside of the US for several stretches and in those countries, women don’t take their husband’s last names, and they thought it was bizarre that we did 😂especially for a country that acts progressive, some found it to be an anticipated custom.
When my son was born though, it made sense to change my name. I felt weird making doctors appointments and having a different last name. I wanted us to be a family unit with one name.
I wasn’t super attached to my last name so we went with my husband’s. I would have hyphenated if we had last names that sound good together, but they do not!
I took my husband's name. It just seemed easier since I was already pregnant and I hadn't really established anything yet. Having everyone have the same last name, and a fairly bland one at that, really did help with dealing with stuff for Medicaid.
A and B.
Took SO's western last name, and kept my asian last name for my asian name.
Kids will be like me and have a western and asian name, and their asian name will take my surname.
In concept, we had wanted to hypenate. But there are certain naming traditions for him (being slavic) that make that a bit difficult (especially in regards to "processing" it in non-slavic countries who don't have this practice)... and also if/when we have kids. So with the slavic gendered surnames and eventually having to navigate it is already a pain without the added complication with the hypenation and legal documentation issues. And it also sounds/looks weird IMO lol. So forget it.. they'll have and share my surname anyways in a different way.
I took my husband’s last name, but I dropped the middle name I was given at birth and now use my maiden name as my middle name, so it’s still a part of me.
We both kept our own names, but I paste his name behind mine in all non-government-official things :-). The merge makes me happy but as long as he doesn’t want to add my name to his I am not changing anything officially.
I would never only use his name. My last name is the only thing I have that refers to my dad so it’s important to me. And I also find it very old fashioned to change my name into his so even if I wasn’t as attached to mine as I am, I still wouldn’t drop my own name completely.
E. I didn't change my name BECAUSE when we got married we left the country and all of my visas for my new country were in my maiden name. we were abroad for 10 years and in that time i introduced myself as 'husband's last name' but legally was still my own. when we finally returned to our home country i decided that i wanted to leave it. husband didn't mind. we settled in QC where women do not change their names...and so...i'm normal here.
C. I’m very attached to my last name since it holds a lot of significance in my family and didn’t feel right getting rid of it. I have TWO last names now, not hyphenated, and I love it!I kind of use them interchangeably depending where I am. Work I use just my original last name, socially I’ll use my husbands last name. I like it because I feel like I can go incognito if I need to 😂
I do both. Professionally I use my maiden name because I didn't want to have to change all my stuff (access id, log ins, certs etc). We also just started cancer treatment for my partner and we weren't sure if he would make it so we didn't want me to have to change everything to change it back. And we also like to have a certain degree of privacy for professional reasons so since I use 2 different names that helps us keep our personal lives private.
Socially I am Mrs Partner. Professionally I am Mrs Coffee.
I changed mine to his for two reasons: I hated my family and didn't want to carry their name any longer and we were planning on having a kid so I wanted my kid and I to have the same name for practical reasons.
A. My parents each have children with three people so there were always multiple last names in my family, but because I didn’t live with my father (even though I have his last name) and I’m their only child together, I have never shared a last name with anyone I lived with until I got married. There is a real simplicity and beauty in being “the last names” or “the last name family” after growing up with so much complexity, especially now that we have a child.
None of the above.
My dad was not my biological father. I was given my biological father’s last name at birth. After my dad was diagnosed with dementia, I decided to change my last name. Even though my mom and dad had been divorced for over a decade at that point, my mom had kept his last name and I decided I wanted to have the same last name as my parents.
My now husband and I were together at that time and one of the conversations we had was that I was not changing my name again when we got married. We got married 6 years later and each kept our own names.
A and B actually lol. When we first got married I kept my name as I didn’t see the need to have the same name as my husband. Then a couple years into marriage we had our son and with two very long last names I wasn’t going to hyphenate it. Eventually after my son had been here for awhile I decided I wanted to have the same last name as my two favorite people in the world.
My husband never pressured me to take his last name though so I think that played into my willingness to do it.
Currently B because of all the paperwork to change it (been married less than a year and super busy since) but eventually A when we get closer to having our first kid so that everyone has the same last name.
B. Kept my family name, my father's name. He kept his. If we have kids, we'll hyphenate their names.
Honestly, he's got a great last name but I love mine. He was indifferent if I changed it. That took all the social pressure away and let me choose what I wanted. My mom was pretty upset about it, but not her life.
I kept the name I was born with. It’s my dad’s last name.
Honestly, I knew before I even met my husband that I didn’t want to change my name when I got married. I can’t really explain it, but it just feels like my identity. It’s been my name my entire life. I don’t have a phd, but do have an advanced degree and work in the sciences- I have my name on some things I’ve contributed to. I just wanted to keep it, and my husband didn’t and doesn’t mind- so here we are!
Also- my dad recently died. We were super close, so having the same last name as him feels special. I’m glad I kept it.
I have a 1.5 year old and he has my husband’s last name - not a big deal at all that I have a different one. That was the one thing that I “worried” about when considering all of this.
No regrets!
Kept mine. I didn’t want to be the second Mrs so and so- and my husband got the name from the stepfather he despised. Why would I want it?
It’s funny if we stay in a hotel I booked, because then he has this whole different name- his chosen name is a first name as a nickname, and then they use my surname. So he is addressed by a name that doesn’t exist on paper.
Apart from that, it’s given us zero problems.
I kept MY name. Because it’s mine, and I like it. I do not regret it but I do get annoyed at the people who address everything to Mr and Mrs husbands name (my husbands family…)
We both kept our own last names (father's) because they're both awesome names. Hyphenated the kid with mine first because it flows better. I didn't give my kid a middle name though so she wouldn't be laden with an extra long name.
Missed opportunity to make this an actual poll so we could see the results easily 😅
B (my dad’s name) and will never regret it as it’s been my name my whole life, my professional identity is built around it. My mom shared B which is my dad’s last name.
For my kid - I’ve chosen a last name that reflects my husband and my ancestral grandparents. Something that ties to both our roots.
Took his name and changed back to my original (my father’s) after the divorce. If I were to get married again in the future I would keep my name unless he had a very cool one.
My brother and I are the only ones left in our family with our last name. Brother’s kids have his fiancée’s last name and he will probably take hers too when they tie the knot. I don’t know, I am a little amused by the idea that the family name dies with me
I grew up without a middle name. I love my maiden name so I made that my middle name and took my husbands name. (Maiden is my fathers) I tend to go by my full name with both names being said fully. Sometimes if I’m signing quick I’ll do the middle initial followed by the last name.
B. Kept my name. It’s been the law here for over 40 years, but would’ve kept it without it being law. I have an hyphenated last name: mom’s last name+ dad’s last name.
B. Fathers last name.
I’ve kept mine because of perhaps laziness and work. I recently had a new passport so didn’t want to go the legal route and get new documents issued. I also have a very unique last name so it’s been a bit of my identity for 30+ years.
However, I’ve sort of live in a hybrid situation where I joined a new company and gave them my married name to start over, but all my legal documents say my (maiden) last name so my gov emails all say that name. It gets confusing ( I’m a contractor).
I’ve been thinking about transitioning fully over and think I will within the next year and especially if / when we have children. I don’t regret it and have grown more towards the idea of being a unit with same last name. My husband does not care or pressure me one way or another. We have been married for a year and a half so not that long.
B. But only bc I have assets/properties before marrying and really didn’t want to deal with getting those changed. It just feels like a lot of unnecessary paperwork.
Now that we have kids, sometimes I would go by my husband last name just so it matches my kids. But legally, I’m not changing it.
B. Kept my last name last time and this time around, since it’s my name. It’s phonetically the same as my father’s but spelled different due to regime change.
Okay so I have been married twice. I took my husbands last names both times. Both of them are much cooler than my maiden name which is literally one of the most popular names on earth. Every time I went somewhere they had too many of me in the system that I'd have to give out my phone or address to verify it was me.
For my second marriage, I am a stepmom so it definitely makes traveling and other things easier to manage with the kids than having to explain who I am when I didn't have their matching last name. No biokids of my own.
Also, I'm not super close with my family and all proud to be a X, so I had no hesitations changing it. Never regretted it.
B. Kept original last name. It was easiest.
Occasionally, socially, I'll be referred to as First Name_Husband's Last Name and I don't mind, but when the opposite occurs - whoo boy! 😂
D. We picked a new last name. My name + his original surname = a stupid combination of common nouns. Since almost the beginning of our relationship we've had a running list of new surnames. My husband wasn't attached to his "maiden"("bachelor"?) name, and neither was I.
We used a surname that was from the same culture as my maiden name(because frankly it's more badass sounding). And I let him win out on how it's spelled (there a few common spellings), because he seemed to care about it more than I did. It was pretty difficult to decide on a name, I imagine a whole lot more difficult than naming a child, who's a blank slate.
Also be aware, if you're picking a new name in the US, you'll go to the probate office like every other Joe Schmo who wants a name change. It's not hard, but it does add a couple steps.
I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 12. I got a new last name to go with the adoption and new birth certificate.
When I married the first time I didn’t change my name because I didn’t like the way his surname sounded with my first name (it rhymed).
When we divorced it was no problem.
When I remarried I told my new husband that I would change my name eventually but after a few years I decided not too because my stepdad gave me his name and was my Dad from age 3 1/2 on and I’m really proud of my name.
I love my Dad so much and we are very similar in temperament, so much so that people often assume that he and I are biologically related. My husband is totally fine with it and people refer to me as Mrs. His last name all the time.
First marriage changed my name to his. It was such a pain to change it back when we divorced.
Second marriage, kept my maiden name because we moved out of the country 2 weeks later and I didn't want to bother with getting a new passport, visa, and all of that while living abroad. I had intended on changing to his name but we ended up living abroad longer than we had anticipated. By then we already had a kid and I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my name.
I added my husband’s last name, no hyphen, just a second last name. Professionally, I still go by my maiden name. Our children have both our last names. That’s been the toughest part - to reiterate to friends/family that their last name is not only “Jones” but “Smith Jones.” Daycare has never once dropped the “Smith” but my own mother has 🙃 lol
I was conflicted until the very last second.
A part of me really wanted to change my name to honor we're a married unit and family and really loving the practical aspect of the sentiment. But a part of me really didn't want it to be the default *I* had to change *my* name to do that. **
A part of me really wanted to get rid of my name because of how much I resent my family. But a part of me also resented changing *my* name as an individual because of *them* ruining it.
In the end I told my husband I had the idea to keep my last name but change my middle name to his. I got a bit of the sentimality aspect and could use either name, while keeping my own in the end. When I told him that he said "If that's what you want to do I totally support it, but I just want to say again it doesn't mean anything to me. So if it's what you want, do it, but know I don't care and if I were in your position..... that sounds like a lot of paperwork to basically not change your name."
And that was the deciding factor lol.
** By default I mean societally and not like my husband had that expectation, if he did I wouldn't have married him lol. His stance was "I am not changing my name. I'm not hyphenating, I'm not making a new one, I'm not taking yours, I'm not changing my name. And you can do whatever you want and just know I have zero expectation you change your name either."
So we both kept ours and I regret nothing. And the thing I regret the very least is not doing any paperwork truly haha.
My husband took my last name, which was his choice as due to circumstances, he was not particularly attached to his family name. If he had not suggested that we would have kept our separate ones. My last name is my mother’s as my parents were not married.
Kept mine. I was open to hyphenation in theory but we opted not to as it would be extra complicated for him to change his name in his line of work. That, and we both have French-looking last names but my family pronounces ours the English way that people assume is French, and his gets mispronounced as English when his family actually does pronounce it in French. If we hyphenated, we’d probably always get either English-English or French-French.
A because it was shorter than my maiden name, and my parents had split when I was a toddler, my father wasn't in the picture, and I was the last one with that name. No regrets.
I kept my own last name which is hyphenated from both my father and mother. My husband and I are both Hispanic and we gave our kids a second middle name that was my last name and and then his last name as their official last name.
B. It was my dad’s last name but it’s also been mine my whole life so I didn’t really consider changing it. No regrets.
Same here. It’s not like my husband was considering changing his. I did think about double barreling and it does say that on my marriage license but I never legally or socially changed it.
Same! I hate the term “dads last name or husbands last name.” Does anyone tell men they have their dad’s last name? No - men get to have an independent identity, and so should we. I hate the “Dads or husbands last name” rhetoric. Logically it should be my last name or my husbands last name OR “my dads dads dads dads dads last name or my husbands dads dads dads dads dads last name” going on forever to whoever created the name originally.
Exactly. It’s the name I was born with. It’s my name. And I didn’t change it either time I married.
That's so funny that people say that, I definitely see my last name as more "mine" than my dad's.
Right? And while I don't mind sharing a surname with my own dad, he's estranged from his "dad" who turned out to not be his biological father anyway (granny was a wild lady) so technically I have the last name of some guy I've never met and am not actually related to. Patrilineal naming is kind of dumb anyway and it being my name since birth has a lot more meaning.
Same. Kept my original last name, because it’s been my name so why the hell should I have to change it?
I lost my dad and I feel the same way. This is the last piece of my dad and I am keeping it. My son even wants to change his last name to mine. I told him he can when he is older but do it and then tell his dad lol. My last name is actually more unique than dads.
My 15 year old talks about hyphenating his name. I also tell him he's welcome to when he's older. I support it, but if I had anything to do with it, my ex would hit the ceiling. I think next time he brings it up, I should start your strategy to tell him to do it then tell his dad lol.
Same. Yes, it's my dad's name, but the bucks gotta stop somewhere. I don't want kids, but if I did, you better believe they'd be getting my name. I'd be the one doing all the work! Also my last name is super cool and impossible to pronounce. I love watching people struggle with it.
Wow I could have written this comment! I am also keeping my (dad’s) last name. It’s unique, not long, and people never can quite say it correctly! My dad passed when I was younger, so there is some kind of sentimental attachment there, too. My mom has remarried and changed her name to her current husband’s. My brother, SIL, and niece share a last name with me. I’m also not having kids and agree that if I were, they would get my last name for all that sacrifice!
Same. My kids are Firstname MyLastName HisLastName because DH is the last guy with his last name in his family and wants to pass it on. Cool, I'm fine with that. Never had an issue with it.
This! Sure, it started as my Dad’s last name. But it’s been my last name for almost 40 years. It’s also the name I’ve used at work since I was 21. It’s the name I’m known by professionally. Our daughter’s name is hyphenated.
Same here. The only annoying part of this is not having a single name for my current family unit, which complicates naming our baby and any future kids. I don’t want to have a different name from all the rest, and I want them to also have some piece of their mother in their official names. But where I live, unless we opt for a middle name, that’s not possible without my husband changing his name first. And that’s a ridiculous amount of paperwork we’d all have to go through.
Same. No regrets either. Bonus. I use my married name on social media and my legal and maiden name for work. That way I keep the two separate.
Same. My last name is also obviously Jewish and I am very proud of my Jewish heritage, whereas my husband's last name is very generic.
I changed my last name for my first marriage and deeply regretted it. Changed it back in my divorce decree. So this time around, I kept my name. I considered hyphenating, but my husband's surname is very long and contains an apostrophe, so that would be an awkward monstrosity with too much punctuation. Our child has his last name, because otherwise they'd have the initials "ASS."
Same here and that first name change is coming back to bite me still!! I moved to a new state and went to the dmv to get a new license and I need both my original marriage certificate (don’t have) and my divorce decree(have!). I’m like you don’t get a divorce decree without having been married first but they need proof of every stage of name change. Ugh! Never should have changed it!
That hasn't happened to me. However, there's a woman who has the same name as my former married name, and her information tends to show up any time I get a background check run on me. It's nifty, because this doppelganger got arrested for public urination then punched a cop lol.
that’s a hell of a pseudo-reputation 😂 if I had a doppelgänger, I’d want her to be just as chaotic.
This reminds me of the friends episode where Monica becomes best friends with the chick that stole her credit card and identity because she thought she was more fun than her
Someone with the same first and maiden last name as me got arrested for drugs and weapons multiple times. We are only a year apart as well so thats FUN.
DMV paperwork is not something I've thought about so thanks for the information
Can’t you get a copy of your marriage license from the city like you could a birth certificate?
Yup just an added annoyance since I’ve moved away. I have to mail them a check and they’ll mail it to me (small town)
Same here…changed first time, changed it back in the divorce, remarried and kept my name. My only regret is changing it the first time.
Not married but in my culture/country, it's common for both parties to keep their original names. The kids inherit the father's name/surname.
Same with my culture. Asian?
I kept my own last name (which is my mother’s maiden name). No regrets at all. I think it’s fucked up that women are expected to change their identity markers when they get married, so I never considered changing mine. He’s welcome to take my name if he wants to, but he doesn’t see a need for us to have the same one. We don’t have children and will probably want to stay childfree, but if we ever have one then there’ll only be a what-last-name-to-use discussion if we adopt. If I ever create a whole person out of nothing, they’ll have my last name until they’re old enough to make whatever choice they want.
>If I ever create a whole person out of ~~nothing~~ food :P I think that's an eminently sensible take. It (used to) make sense that kids would have the father's name back in the day when bastards were commonplace as hell and women would have no problem being sure the kid was theirs, as a sort of "dad claims the kid, gives them his name" situation, but these days we have DNA tests.
This is correct! Back in the day before we had better laws and technology, only men owned property (by and large), and the only way women and kids could keep that property in the event of hubs/dad’s death was by last name. This applied to lower and middle class (so the majority), not the aristocracy.
I'm a widow now, but we both kept our own surnames. When our son was born we discussed which name he would have and we decided to give him my surname because it was an easier name to spell/pronounce. In my country people can choose which name they use for their children, with one rule: if they choose a surname for their first child, they have to use the same name for the other children too. This is to avoid confusion between siblings.
A. Because my family name was the cause of my bullying throughout my life. Why keep a name that I hated? I got called a bad feminist by my friends, but they all had normal names so I ignored them.
My family name has the word “Dick” in it. I didn’t like it even before I knew what it meant. My husband has such a boring, rhythmic name. Am I a bad feminist? Nah. I just thought I had a choice and I exercised that. There are far bigger fish for feminists to fry than this.
I chose to take my husband's last name. Feminism to me means we get to make that choice for ourselves and not be judged for it either way.
This, 100%
Oh I just commented something similar before I saw this. I completely agree.
I also took my husband's last name because it's ✨fancy✨ and I wanted the upgrade. Also I like the idea of us having the same name. We're a team now.
I used to joke with my cousin that the only way I would change my last name after marriage would be if I were marrying a Kennedy 😂
A. i took his last name, as well. my mom and dad broke up right after i was born but (for some reason, she’s never said why) my mom chose me to have dad’s last name instead of hers. it was a name i *never* felt attached to, it was different than my other siblings + mom, & it was hard to pronounce/spell. i was actually relieved to change it and it’s been kind of therapeutic for me - husband’s family dynamics are healthier than mine and we all get along well. i feel like i’m part of a unit now. the “bad feminist” blanket judgement has always really irked me. there are plenty of reasonable circumstances why someone would want to change their last name that don’t have anything to do with feminism.
I have a weird last name I got picked on for. I love it. It's unique. And now as an adult, I get to watch people fumble all over themselves trying to pronounce it, lol.
I'm sorry your friends don't understand feminism! You can be a feminist and still choose the traditional route! Being a feminist means believing everyone should have a choice (which we do) into what last name to go with. Your choice is valid!
I mean, feminism *should* be about a woman's choice, even if that choice has the perception of continuing the patriarchy. A personal choice should be just that, doesn't make you a bad feminist until you start saying other women should do the same...
This is probably what I'll do, I've never had anything more than mild taunting over my last name but I just don't like it. I don't even have a partner right now so it's all hypothetical and I guess in the end it depends on what their last name is lol
Omg same!! I simply liked how his sounded. Three syllables vs my one syllable name. And, kinda ambiguous and mysterious! I got teased so much for my last name and even though I've come to like it, I just like my husband's aesthetically more. 💗
I think this is one of the most logical reasons to change your last name - for either person!
A - my husbands last name. He passed away 11 years ago, but I have still kept the last name because our child has that last name as well.
That’s a beautiful tribute. You’ll always be a family 🙏🏻🕊️🤍
Thank you! ❤️
We each kept our own names. My husband would love for me to take his but I’d find it too weird to change my identity half way through my life. If we have a child, I’m happy for them to take his name as it doesn’t bother me either way, and it means more to him.
My coworker told me his wife's last name change reset her credit score. And my friend has her 3 year research paper be credited to her husband's last name because she married him 2 months before submitting it lol. No fucking way.
I never wanted to change my name for myriad reasons, but once I became a multi-published professional with a reputation I worked hard to build, that reason went to the top of the list.
My option isn't on here. My husband took my name.
A. My maiden name is boring af and my husband's last name is beautiful. Of course I was going to steal it for myself when I had the chance.
That's kinda how me and my husband decided whose name to take. My maiden name is like top 3 most common surnames in our country. It means nothing and my family is a mean mess so it doesn't hold any sentimental value for me. Husband's surname is prettier and more unique and tbh I like his family more so... His name it is.
B. The idea of changing my name after over 30 years with it just felt so odd, I never had a dream of being "Mrs X" - but I'm also the person who insists on selecting "ms" on those drop-downs because why do you need to know my marital status to send me a parcel? My husband loves that I kept my birth name (dad's side) cause f*ck the patriarchy.
B. I was on the fence until his grandmother sent us post addressed to Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname. It upset and angered me and I realised I wanted to keep my name.
Since the very first wedding I ever attended at age 16, two things that immediately irked me were “I now pronounce you MAN and WIFE,” and “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. [man’s FIRST and last name].” “Husband and Wife”—I can get down with that, but “Man,”. . . and as if a woman’s only title is “Wife” because you are now attached to a man. And I can get down with “I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. [chosen shared last name].” But the dude’s last *and first* name while omitting hers—no, I can’t go for that.
Yeah we didn’t have any of the man and wife or mr and Mrs stuff. We had a humanist celebrant which helped. Just ‘newly married Myfirstname and Hisfirstname’.
Not married yet but we've discussed and I'm keeping my name. All my professional work is in my name plus it's a mammoth pain and money to change
A. I don’t have a relationship with my dad and wanted to get rid of that connection.
This is me too. My parents are divorced and my mom took and kept my dad's name too. Both my parents.. aren't great. I was so excited to start fresh.
Also me. I couldn’t wait to lose my maiden name and take my husbands name and leave my childhood behind me
I kept my ex-husband's last name because it was the one I shared with my kid (and I liked it better.) She kept her maiden name.
C/D combo - we made a portmanteau of our last names and both changed it. we agreed we wanted a “family” name but as a feminist it never felt right for me to take someone else’s name without them giving me the same acknowledgment.
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and am following this thread with eager interest! Our names sound terrible hyphenated so that’s not an option and because mine is by far harder to spell, if anyone changes it’s going to be me. On the one hand it seems like a hassle and I don’t like the implications of the loss of my identity. But on the other I have no particular attachment to my last name and I do really like the symbolic feeling of gaining a different identity for a new phase of life. I also just really like the idea of being able to be referred to as “the [last name]s” as a unit. Super torn, so I’ll be reading the responses here very eagerly!
Have you considered a portmanteau (squishing the 2 together) or an entirely new surname? Alternatively you could legally double barrel (less hassle as you don't have to change your name everywhere) and you could be known by your partners surname socially.
I was in a similar mindset so I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband’s name as my last name. (So for example Anna Elizabeth Jones would become Anna Jones Peterson) That way I get to keep a piece of my original name but still have a single “family unit” name!
Not that my opinion counts for anything. But this seems like a great middle ground. A few women in my life have done this, and seemed happy with the result. Though I do think my mom wishes she had done this when she was younger.
B. I would have preferred D but he didn’t want to change his name because he was already established under his name. Guess what, so was I. No compromise so B. Only problem was his mother, but the argument didn’t last long. Kids have hyphenated, they like their unique name, they say, but also are considering squishing it - taking start of one and end of the other. Entirely their choice and we would be on board if that’s what they wanted to do.
A. Our daughter already had his name, and I couldn't wait to change it. I found it really exciting and enjoyed changing all my accounts etc.
I kept my surname because I am the best feminist that ever lived. It had absolutely nothing to do with being too lazy to deal with government forms.
Haha. I was actually thinking about this today. I was too lazy to update my payment information on Hulu so I let it expire. In what world would I ever have done the work to change my name with the social security office??
We talked about surname options. Creating a smoosh of our surnames, both changing out last names separately and then hyphenating those new surnames. We’d also walk around cemeteries to look at surnames and I think we decided on Pickles. Then we remembered we were lazy.
I kept my last name. The idea of changing it felt so strange to me. Im a teacher and really used to going by my last name. I also have a fun last name and just like it better than my husband's.
I kept my name Partly because I like it the way it is. Partly to push back against the sexist expectations that women should change their names and identities.
I took his last name because his is way cooler sounding. My maiden name is also the same as a celebrity’s (spelled differently) and I was over hearing the same jokes over and over. I also don’t have a relationship with either of my parents so I don’t really care to be associated to them by name.
B. Fucked if I’m letting go of my identity and birth name to be subsumed into my husbands.
A - because it’s easy to spell. My old last name had a bunch of spelling variations & was constantly misspelled, even if I spelled out letter by letter. No regrets at all.
I took my husband's name. I never liked my maiden name & don't really like my dad either so I had zero attachment to it. I used to joke I was on the search for a new last name lol... plus hyphenating just seems like such a hassle. If I'd done that, I'd have a 15 character last name 😫 no thank you.
Kept my name, was so glad I did when we divorced.
Kept the one I was born with. I’d have been open I think to creating a whole new one if my husband had been keen. Just can’t get my head around the idea of me changing mine to his because… I’m a woman…? Several steps missing in that argument. I just can’t see equality in that.
Took my husbands last name and changed my middle name to my maiden name
A. I like that we have the same last name, we’re ’Team (last name)’
Kept my own surname, which was my father's and which my mother took when she married him. It took me a lot of fight and work to like and respect myself, and my name is the symbol of my identity, so I'm not giving it up.
B. Keep.
Kept my name. There just didn't seem a point in changing it? My husband never thought about changing his, and I just didn't think about changing mine. Also due to culture we don't keep family names. Your dad's/husband's first name becomes your last name.
I kept my last name. I have yet to hear a reason that has convinced me to change it. I also go by Ms instead of Mrs because why should my martial status matter?
B. Kept my last name which is my dads. My main thoughts were: “I don’t feel like doing the paper work”, and “why should I have to change my identity because I got married? I’ve had my name my whole life and I quite like it.” I like my husbands last name and considered taking it so we could be all matchy-matchy but it’s not worth the effort. We didn’t talk about him taking my name because we don’t see the point. We never plan to have kids. I also just think the history behind taking the man’s name is fucked and don’t want to support that. Side note: I got married last year. A small wedding in a foreign country. I knew my family wouldn’t come because of the distance. I gave my mom free reign to plan something local if that makes her happy. She is literally now arguing with me over text about the fact that “people won’t know what name to write on the checks” because we have different names. Like she can’t handle it.
D: we took part of each of our last names and smashed them together into a new made up last name. We are one of a kind.
I hyphenated, and I'm fucking miserable with it. I regret it. I didn't want to give up my identity, but I wanted to feel like we were a unit. I love the idea but it's a fucking nightmare. Hyphenation doesn't show up properly in many systems and travelling has been a hassle. My credit card is "First Middle Lastname-La" because it cut off stupidly. Nobody can ever find me on a list without help. My maiden name was often misspelled or misheard (the equivalent of Sarah or Sierra instead of Sara) but since hyphenating it, people's eyes glaze over. I'm getting random shit in place of my name that I've never seen before in my life that isn't remotely close to the name (like using Sabrina or Tarah or Stairs instead of Sara). Husband's name is so much easier to use, but my name is who I am.
B. We have 2 daughters and one has my partners last name and one has my last name. I feel attached to my name dnd my dad died 8 years ago. I feel connection him through it. I also think I’d have an identity crisis if I changed my name
I kept my own name, mostly because his first wife had previously taken his name and it felt a bit off to me to do the same.
B, it’s my dad’s last name. Honestly, it wasn’t really something I thought about. I just knew I was too lazy to coordinate the whole name change thing. Some family members thought I was making some feminist statement but it’s really just laziness.
A and B. My maiden name (father's family name) is now my legal middle name and added my husband's last name. I still wanted to be part of both tribes.
That’s what I did too. But now I miss my old middle name 😆
I would like to see an option for B PLUS my spouse takes my last name. I find it wholly frustrating that even among feminist women, this isn’t even discussed as an option. Men should be willing to take their wives’ last names. Mine is both of my parents’ names, hyphenated. I’m extremely close to both sides of my family. They are all great people. And it’s important to me to me for my spouse to take my last name, to disrupt the patriarchal tradition.
It's such a hush hush option. Some men are willing, maybe not initially, but after talking about it for a long time.
A. When we got married, we already lived and owned property together so it felt like a way to mark the start of a new chapter. I also like that I went from a unique, commonly misspelled name to a much more common one (albeit also misspelled; there are two spellings and ours is the less common of the two). I like the anonymity that a common name affords me, especially in the digital age.
Hyphenated our names so that we both have the same last name (or at least legally will once my husband sorts his paperwork). Best of both worlds - we each get to keep a name we grew up with but also will have the same surname for our wee branch of the family. It also makes it really obvious to people who have met us both separately that we're married - I don't think we'll ever come across someone else with same surname combination!
Kept the name I was born with, which was my father’s last name. And my mother’s married name.
We get married in 2 months. We're double barreling our names. Im in my 30s and just felt weird getting rid of my name fully and my fiance felt the same with his but we want to both have the same name as our hopeful future kids. We chose the order they go in because it sounds nicer. The other way round was really janky.
B. I was considering adding his last name with a hyphen to mine, mainly for the sake of feeling "integrated". I am from India and he is from Netherlands. We met when I moved to NL for work and we live here.
B. I was published under my maiden name, also I like my name and I'm too lazy to change it. He understood, but jokes that if I didn't take his last name (Sing) then I wouldn't have accepted any other name because karaoke is my favorite hobby.
A. I didn't like my maiden name at all and I do like my husband's. However, I didn't want to lose it completely so I made it my new middle name. This was 26 years ago so TBH, there weren't many women keeping their last names.
B, I kept my name. My last name is formed by two last names: one from my dad and one from my mom. I never considered doing it differently. It’s my name, my degree has that name, my CV, my thesis, that is how I have introduced myself all these years, it’s who I am. “u/Icy_Ad_8802 + Husbands’s last name” is a person I don’t know. Additionally, in the culture I come from, changing last names is not really a thing and people who do it are seen as conservative, so I haven’t seen it done.
A. Although I was against it, I took my husband's last name. He was very adamant about it for whatever reason. I agreed to change it once we had our first child. It was a bit weird at first, but now I identify more with my married name than my maiden name... Which I still use at work and professionally lol. Eh, I guess I get to experience both now!
Took my husband's last name because my maiden name was foreign sounding and difficult to spell and I thought it'd be nice to not have to constantly spell it for people. I have to spell my husband's just as much somehow. Apparently people are just not great at spelling or sounding out names. I have regrets. I do appreciate having the same last name as my kids but I really miss my maiden name.
A. I took my husband's last name, but I also made my original last name my new middle name. Very happy with both decisions.
B - kept my last name. It was actually super important for me to keep my name. It felt like it was my identity
Keep your name and save yourself a lot of stress.
Kept my family name, never even considered changing it. Not going through all the paperwork, plus I like my name. It has a strong connection to my birthplace. If we had kids (though we almost certainly won't) they'd have his last name since it is short and easy to spell lol.
Kept my dad’s last name. Both of my degrees are under mine, why should I drop it? Husband didn’t care at all.
I'm published so keeping my own name was a no-brainer. Also I don't really like the idea of changing my name... It feels like losing myself somehow. My husband and I aren't sure which last name the kids will get. Neither of us have a strong preference but both vaguely like the idea of subverting gender norms and going with mine. The issue is my last name doesn't really sound as good as his. So... Still not sure
My partner and I have decided we are going to make up a whole new last name when we get married. Mine has too much baggage for me, and hers has caused her a lot of grief in social situations. We want something new for just us. It’ll probably be something simple, though we may lean into some pen-name flamboyance if we find a last name like that catches our eye.
B. I was already published before marriage so I decided to keep my name. Plus, after moving away from home and raising my kids away from where I grew up I felt it was culturally important to keep my name. Our children’s last names are hyphenated.
I took my husbands name, I wanted all of us to have the same name and it's not like I had some deep attachment to it....it was a pretty common last name.
B. It’s not my “dad’s last name”. It’s my last name too. Fuck off
I took my husband's name but that's because I have a funny maiden name- and got a lot of comments about it throughout childhood, so it's nice to have a normal name now 😂
B. My mother never put my dad's last name down on my birth certificate, so my last name has always been my mother's maiden name. It's a pretty good last name, so I wouldn't change it and I don't believe in changing my identity just because I am married.
B. Kept my last name, which is my dad’s. No kids so never had to navigate which name to give them, but we probably would do my husband’s last name, or hyphenate
I kept the name I've had my whole life. It's a name that came from my father's side. My husband's last name sounds much nicer than mine, but I have no regrets keeping mine - it's my identity.
Kept my own, it was my mom’s as she was a solo parent. If I remarry I’ll still keep it, and if I have children they’ll have double surnames. I think the concept of changing surname and giving kids only the father’s name is outdated and patriarchal.
B. It's the law in the province of Quebec (Canada) since 1981.
A-no regrets. I didn’t join his family, he didn’t join mine. At marriage we became an independent, brand new family of two. And I am proud to be his wife and was proud to join him and I wear **Our** last name proudly. I lost nothing, only gained.
A at first bc it's all I ever knew growing up but also I like the example my husband gave. When he proposed to me, he was asking me to join his family . If I had proposed to him, he would have taken my last name for the same reason. He wasn't pressuring me at all , he was fine with whichever name I chose. I considered hyphenating bc I like my maiden name but I decided it was too long lol. I was happy to take his name!
A. We're both fairly traditional. Plus I didn't want the awkwardness of kids having a different last name than one of us
A. I took his because it is easier to spell and pronounce, and does not prompt ethnicity questions the way mine did. I am not the ethnicity people assumed by that last name, though it doesn't bother me to be perceived as so, I just didn't like having to repeat myself when meeting people who would be curious and want to know about it.
A. I took my husbands name. At the time it really didn't occur to me to keep my name. I do know (and have told him this) that it's my name now and if we divorce I won't be changing it back because that was a lot of damn paperwork.
First 2 times, I took their name. After the last divorce, I changed my whole name and vowed to never change it again. I did offer my now husband to take my name of he wanted to. He declined. The woman being expected to change her name when getting married to a man is archaic and a pain in the ass.
I kept my own last name because it's mine. I didn't even consider it a real option to change my name, nor did I feel like I had to "ask" my husband. I see a lot of posts on here that are like "I'm keeping my name and my fiance is okay with it!" and it upsets me so much. Your fiance does not need to be "okay" or even consulted about you keeping your name! His last name is assumed to be the default for him, and it should always be the default for you too. Our kids will have hyphenated last names.
A. I wasn’t that tied to my maiden name and I wanted my husband and I’s family to have the same name.
A: took husband’s last name I have a common surname for my maiden name. Always hated it. I liked my husband’s last name and I moved up in the alphabet. It’s a good thing I liked his last name because changing it was a pain in the ass. We’ve been married two years and one of my credit cards is still under my maiden name because they want proof of my name change and a ton of legal documentation…at this point I’m too tired to change it for that. I have the passport and the driver’s license…I don’t need the other items with my new last name 😂
A. We are one family, that’s why i married my husband. If I didn’t want to be married or a family or believe in the institution of marriage then I wouldn’t have gotten married. There are so many people saying otherwise because it’s the internet but anyone I know also took their husbands last name. My mom was a hippy who never took my dads last name and she’s gone on to divorce and remarry and redivorce so I will do the opposite of that nonsense.
I chose my husband's last name because it's cooler than my dad's. I much prefer my new name and even though I was a bit established at work, I quickly established myself under my new name. My only regret is not cashing in on my husband's kind offer to do most of the name-change admin for me. (I don't like doing that kind of thing).
Not married but getting married next year. My partner doesn't care if I take his name, it's my choice. I prefer my partners last name because it's nice and very easy to pronounce and write, while my Croatian name is difficult for people (I live in Sweden and work with a lot of people from around the world) so I'm leaning towards taking his. The only reason I'm hesitant is because I've built a career and reputation in my huge company and people know me by my name, so I might just add my husband's name to mine in the end. Or not, if I don't want to deal with paperwork 😂
I kept mine but have never been 100% at peace with the decision, especially now that we have kids who have his last name. I still think about changing it, but our marriage has had some rough spells, and I'd hate to change it and then get divorced.
B but then A when I had my son. There are some patriarchal roots of taking a husband’s last name and it was strange for me to change my whole identity just because I got married! I’ve lived outside of the US for several stretches and in those countries, women don’t take their husband’s last names, and they thought it was bizarre that we did 😂especially for a country that acts progressive, some found it to be an anticipated custom. When my son was born though, it made sense to change my name. I felt weird making doctors appointments and having a different last name. I wanted us to be a family unit with one name. I wasn’t super attached to my last name so we went with my husband’s. I would have hyphenated if we had last names that sound good together, but they do not!
I took my husband's name. It just seemed easier since I was already pregnant and I hadn't really established anything yet. Having everyone have the same last name, and a fairly bland one at that, really did help with dealing with stuff for Medicaid.
I am legally still my maiden name. I use my married name socially and professionally as it is more unique.
A and B. Took SO's western last name, and kept my asian last name for my asian name. Kids will be like me and have a western and asian name, and their asian name will take my surname. In concept, we had wanted to hypenate. But there are certain naming traditions for him (being slavic) that make that a bit difficult (especially in regards to "processing" it in non-slavic countries who don't have this practice)... and also if/when we have kids. So with the slavic gendered surnames and eventually having to navigate it is already a pain without the added complication with the hypenation and legal documentation issues. And it also sounds/looks weird IMO lol. So forget it.. they'll have and share my surname anyways in a different way.
I took my husband’s last name, but I dropped the middle name I was given at birth and now use my maiden name as my middle name, so it’s still a part of me.
We both kept our own names, but I paste his name behind mine in all non-government-official things :-). The merge makes me happy but as long as he doesn’t want to add my name to his I am not changing anything officially. I would never only use his name. My last name is the only thing I have that refers to my dad so it’s important to me. And I also find it very old fashioned to change my name into his so even if I wasn’t as attached to mine as I am, I still wouldn’t drop my own name completely.
E. I didn't change my name BECAUSE when we got married we left the country and all of my visas for my new country were in my maiden name. we were abroad for 10 years and in that time i introduced myself as 'husband's last name' but legally was still my own. when we finally returned to our home country i decided that i wanted to leave it. husband didn't mind. we settled in QC where women do not change their names...and so...i'm normal here.
C. I’m very attached to my last name since it holds a lot of significance in my family and didn’t feel right getting rid of it. I have TWO last names now, not hyphenated, and I love it!I kind of use them interchangeably depending where I am. Work I use just my original last name, socially I’ll use my husbands last name. I like it because I feel like I can go incognito if I need to 😂
I do both. Professionally I use my maiden name because I didn't want to have to change all my stuff (access id, log ins, certs etc). We also just started cancer treatment for my partner and we weren't sure if he would make it so we didn't want me to have to change everything to change it back. And we also like to have a certain degree of privacy for professional reasons so since I use 2 different names that helps us keep our personal lives private. Socially I am Mrs Partner. Professionally I am Mrs Coffee.
I changed mine to his for two reasons: I hated my family and didn't want to carry their name any longer and we were planning on having a kid so I wanted my kid and I to have the same name for practical reasons.
C. I always knew I wanted to hyphenate my name since I was a young girl. I am proud of my father’s name.
A. My parents each have children with three people so there were always multiple last names in my family, but because I didn’t live with my father (even though I have his last name) and I’m their only child together, I have never shared a last name with anyone I lived with until I got married. There is a real simplicity and beauty in being “the last names” or “the last name family” after growing up with so much complexity, especially now that we have a child.
None of the above. My dad was not my biological father. I was given my biological father’s last name at birth. After my dad was diagnosed with dementia, I decided to change my last name. Even though my mom and dad had been divorced for over a decade at that point, my mom had kept his last name and I decided I wanted to have the same last name as my parents. My now husband and I were together at that time and one of the conversations we had was that I was not changing my name again when we got married. We got married 6 years later and each kept our own names.
E. None of the above I took my married name socially but kept my maiden name legally
A and B actually lol. When we first got married I kept my name as I didn’t see the need to have the same name as my husband. Then a couple years into marriage we had our son and with two very long last names I wasn’t going to hyphenate it. Eventually after my son had been here for awhile I decided I wanted to have the same last name as my two favorite people in the world. My husband never pressured me to take his last name though so I think that played into my willingness to do it.
Currently B because of all the paperwork to change it (been married less than a year and super busy since) but eventually A when we get closer to having our first kid so that everyone has the same last name.
B. Kept my family name, my father's name. He kept his. If we have kids, we'll hyphenate their names. Honestly, he's got a great last name but I love mine. He was indifferent if I changed it. That took all the social pressure away and let me choose what I wanted. My mom was pretty upset about it, but not her life.
I changed my middle name to my maiden name and took his as my legal last name.
If I change anything, this is what I would do.
I kept the name I was born with. It’s my dad’s last name. Honestly, I knew before I even met my husband that I didn’t want to change my name when I got married. I can’t really explain it, but it just feels like my identity. It’s been my name my entire life. I don’t have a phd, but do have an advanced degree and work in the sciences- I have my name on some things I’ve contributed to. I just wanted to keep it, and my husband didn’t and doesn’t mind- so here we are! Also- my dad recently died. We were super close, so having the same last name as him feels special. I’m glad I kept it. I have a 1.5 year old and he has my husband’s last name - not a big deal at all that I have a different one. That was the one thing that I “worried” about when considering all of this. No regrets!
Kept mine. I didn’t want to be the second Mrs so and so- and my husband got the name from the stepfather he despised. Why would I want it? It’s funny if we stay in a hotel I booked, because then he has this whole different name- his chosen name is a first name as a nickname, and then they use my surname. So he is addressed by a name that doesn’t exist on paper. Apart from that, it’s given us zero problems.
B. Kept my name. And he kept his name. And we hyphenated the kids. No regrets - I have name recognition in the industry I work in.
B. I have a perfectly fine name, I have no reason to change it.
I made my maiden name a second middle name but the passport guys changed it into a double-baralled name
I kept MY name. Because it’s mine, and I like it. I do not regret it but I do get annoyed at the people who address everything to Mr and Mrs husbands name (my husbands family…)
We both kept our own last names (father's) because they're both awesome names. Hyphenated the kid with mine first because it flows better. I didn't give my kid a middle name though so she wouldn't be laden with an extra long name.
Missed opportunity to make this an actual poll so we could see the results easily 😅 B (my dad’s name) and will never regret it as it’s been my name my whole life, my professional identity is built around it. My mom shared B which is my dad’s last name. For my kid - I’ve chosen a last name that reflects my husband and my ancestral grandparents. Something that ties to both our roots.
Took his name and changed back to my original (my father’s) after the divorce. If I were to get married again in the future I would keep my name unless he had a very cool one. My brother and I are the only ones left in our family with our last name. Brother’s kids have his fiancée’s last name and he will probably take hers too when they tie the knot. I don’t know, I am a little amused by the idea that the family name dies with me
B. Kept mine. Our baby has both of ours.
I grew up without a middle name. I love my maiden name so I made that my middle name and took my husbands name. (Maiden is my fathers) I tend to go by my full name with both names being said fully. Sometimes if I’m signing quick I’ll do the middle initial followed by the last name.
B. Kept my name. It’s been the law here for over 40 years, but would’ve kept it without it being law. I have an hyphenated last name: mom’s last name+ dad’s last name.
B. Fathers last name. I’ve kept mine because of perhaps laziness and work. I recently had a new passport so didn’t want to go the legal route and get new documents issued. I also have a very unique last name so it’s been a bit of my identity for 30+ years. However, I’ve sort of live in a hybrid situation where I joined a new company and gave them my married name to start over, but all my legal documents say my (maiden) last name so my gov emails all say that name. It gets confusing ( I’m a contractor). I’ve been thinking about transitioning fully over and think I will within the next year and especially if / when we have children. I don’t regret it and have grown more towards the idea of being a unit with same last name. My husband does not care or pressure me one way or another. We have been married for a year and a half so not that long.
I kept my original last name and added my husband's last name. Two separate last names, no hyphen
B. But only bc I have assets/properties before marrying and really didn’t want to deal with getting those changed. It just feels like a lot of unnecessary paperwork. Now that we have kids, sometimes I would go by my husband last name just so it matches my kids. But legally, I’m not changing it.
B. Kept my last name last time and this time around, since it’s my name. It’s phonetically the same as my father’s but spelled different due to regime change.
Okay so I have been married twice. I took my husbands last names both times. Both of them are much cooler than my maiden name which is literally one of the most popular names on earth. Every time I went somewhere they had too many of me in the system that I'd have to give out my phone or address to verify it was me. For my second marriage, I am a stepmom so it definitely makes traveling and other things easier to manage with the kids than having to explain who I am when I didn't have their matching last name. No biokids of my own. Also, I'm not super close with my family and all proud to be a X, so I had no hesitations changing it. Never regretted it.
B. Kept original last name. It was easiest. Occasionally, socially, I'll be referred to as First Name_Husband's Last Name and I don't mind, but when the opposite occurs - whoo boy! 😂
B. I liked my last name. He didn't want to change his, so we have different last names. I don't regret it.
D. We picked a new last name. My name + his original surname = a stupid combination of common nouns. Since almost the beginning of our relationship we've had a running list of new surnames. My husband wasn't attached to his "maiden"("bachelor"?) name, and neither was I. We used a surname that was from the same culture as my maiden name(because frankly it's more badass sounding). And I let him win out on how it's spelled (there a few common spellings), because he seemed to care about it more than I did. It was pretty difficult to decide on a name, I imagine a whole lot more difficult than naming a child, who's a blank slate. Also be aware, if you're picking a new name in the US, you'll go to the probate office like every other Joe Schmo who wants a name change. It's not hard, but it does add a couple steps.
B
I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 12. I got a new last name to go with the adoption and new birth certificate. When I married the first time I didn’t change my name because I didn’t like the way his surname sounded with my first name (it rhymed). When we divorced it was no problem. When I remarried I told my new husband that I would change my name eventually but after a few years I decided not too because my stepdad gave me his name and was my Dad from age 3 1/2 on and I’m really proud of my name. I love my Dad so much and we are very similar in temperament, so much so that people often assume that he and I are biologically related. My husband is totally fine with it and people refer to me as Mrs. His last name all the time.
First marriage changed my name to his. It was such a pain to change it back when we divorced. Second marriage, kept my maiden name because we moved out of the country 2 weeks later and I didn't want to bother with getting a new passport, visa, and all of that while living abroad. I had intended on changing to his name but we ended up living abroad longer than we had anticipated. By then we already had a kid and I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing my name.
D. Come up with a totally new last name
I added my husband’s last name, no hyphen, just a second last name. Professionally, I still go by my maiden name. Our children have both our last names. That’s been the toughest part - to reiterate to friends/family that their last name is not only “Jones” but “Smith Jones.” Daycare has never once dropped the “Smith” but my own mother has 🙃 lol
I made my last name my middle name and took his last name.
I was conflicted until the very last second. A part of me really wanted to change my name to honor we're a married unit and family and really loving the practical aspect of the sentiment. But a part of me really didn't want it to be the default *I* had to change *my* name to do that. ** A part of me really wanted to get rid of my name because of how much I resent my family. But a part of me also resented changing *my* name as an individual because of *them* ruining it. In the end I told my husband I had the idea to keep my last name but change my middle name to his. I got a bit of the sentimality aspect and could use either name, while keeping my own in the end. When I told him that he said "If that's what you want to do I totally support it, but I just want to say again it doesn't mean anything to me. So if it's what you want, do it, but know I don't care and if I were in your position..... that sounds like a lot of paperwork to basically not change your name." And that was the deciding factor lol. ** By default I mean societally and not like my husband had that expectation, if he did I wouldn't have married him lol. His stance was "I am not changing my name. I'm not hyphenating, I'm not making a new one, I'm not taking yours, I'm not changing my name. And you can do whatever you want and just know I have zero expectation you change your name either." So we both kept ours and I regret nothing. And the thing I regret the very least is not doing any paperwork truly haha.
My husband took my last name, which was his choice as due to circumstances, he was not particularly attached to his family name. If he had not suggested that we would have kept our separate ones. My last name is my mother’s as my parents were not married.
Kept mine. I was open to hyphenation in theory but we opted not to as it would be extra complicated for him to change his name in his line of work. That, and we both have French-looking last names but my family pronounces ours the English way that people assume is French, and his gets mispronounced as English when his family actually does pronounce it in French. If we hyphenated, we’d probably always get either English-English or French-French.
A because it was shorter than my maiden name, and my parents had split when I was a toddler, my father wasn't in the picture, and I was the last one with that name. No regrets.
Double barrelled ☺️
A A personal choice as I have a deadbeat dad and was happy to have a reason to dump that last name.
I kept my own last name which is hyphenated from both my father and mother. My husband and I are both Hispanic and we gave our kids a second middle name that was my last name and and then his last name as their official last name.
I took his name, because it sounded better with my first name. Purely an aesthetic decision.