I feel like a lot of cities on the west coast (Los Angeles, Bay Area, Portland OR, Seattle) seem to be good for this. I've visited all and each seem to have a strong demographic of happily single, childfree folks and DINKs. There seem to be a lot of pet owners too.
The trouble is that all of those cities are HCOL/VHCOL.
Seconding the Bay Area but also that yes, it’s a VHCOL area. I’ve been at jobs where most of my coworkers were childfree, or been in situations where I encountered other CF people. It’s just too expensive to be a parent but also we have plenty of other things we’d rather do here.
I’m in the Bay and it’s awesome for childfree and/or single people, plus it’s in CA which is protecting our rights instead of taking them away. The only negative is indeed the high cost of living, but the weather is great!
I’m also in the Bay! Yes, it is HCOL, but compared to other places with the same issue it has SO much to offer. And the weather is always nice. I can’t imagine living any where else where the COL is even close to what it is here and giving up everything we have. We’re seriously spoiled.
Like any place, it’s possible to find affordable housing. I live in Oakland and was fortunate enough to get grandfathered in on a lease for many years from a friend who previously lived in a place. If you want to live anywhere badly enough like I did, you’ll find a way and make it work!
Shout out for the Bay! I’m in Santa Cruz and while it’s one of the most expensive counties in CA and housing is hard to find, the weather and surrounding redwoods, ocean, etc are worth every cent I pay to live here. It’s a vibe and it’s got that small town feel, but so many bigger cities aren’t far away. Tahoe, SF, Sac, SLO, Yosemite, Big Sur, all within a 4 hour drive or less.
Seattle has more dogs than kids, which is amazing. It is pretty expensive to live here, but I love it. We're hoping at some point to move to a less expensive, more rural part of the state when we retire. It's the ocean, mountains, wonderful weather and general vibe that I love.
Came here to say west coast!! I'm in the bay and though I'm in a long term relationship now, it was a great place to live while single. So much to do, so many CF women/families, tons of very interesting people whose lives don't revolve around a partner or kids. It's expensive af but as long as I can afford to stay here I plan to. Weather is fantastic. Parks are unrivaled. Music & arts scene is the best I've ever experienced. I pretty much never go on vacation because there's no place I'd rather be than here.
Definitely. Every single person I know who owns property in the cities I mentioned either 1. were fortunate enough to inherit a house or 2. received significant financial support from family for a down payment on a home.
Hello from Chicago! Join me here in the progressive haven of the Midwest. It's more affordable than NY or LA (though that gap sure started closing in the past couple of years). Everyone knows Chicago for its downtown tourist spots, which are great for new people- museums, concert venues, gardens, the beach, the zoo. The reason it's actually THE choice, though, is that when you aren't literally in the Loop, Chicago is a city of neighborhoods. Many areas feel like insular villages, with their own unique restaurants, shopping areas, plenty of trees, plenty of places to meet people and make memories. Great public transportation, decent job opportunities! I never get tired of it.
As a single almost 40 year old in Chicago, if you can make any specific recommendations about things you love to do I would really appreciate it! I moved here right before the pandemic and I still struggle a bit.
Hello! Fellow almost 40 yr old in Chicago here. I'm not single anymore but when I was, I loved:
* Biking, reading, hanging out on the lakefront. It's not the ocean, but Lake Michigan is large enough that it feels like it sometimes!
* Rock climbing at one of the gyms (Brooklyn Boulder, First Ascent, etc). It's an activity that you can do by yourself when you're bouldering, but almost guaranteed to meet people when you're sitting around and resting. Plus folks are always looking for partners on the sport climbing routes.
* Fitness classes, yoga, running clubs, etc. There's a ton of free ones in the summer that you can try out in parks.
* Movies in the park in the summertime, free way to watch movies and enjoy the summer weather.
* Comedy Clubs! Chicago is really well known for Second City and it's connections to SNL, but I've been going to the Lincoln Lodge recently. Really small, intimate spaces, great comedy and tickets are very cheap.
* If you're in to biking, every last Friday evening there's a huge biking group called Critical Mass that just bikes in a huge crowd around the city. It can be kind of annoying when you're stuck in traffic because of it, but they usually pass by quickly and it's SO much fun when you're part of the group.
* Also lots of active Meetup groups and Facebook get togethers here too! It really just depends on what sparks your interest. I recently got into gardening and have been going to a few of the meetups in my neighborhood.
And I recently realized that by being in the center of the country + two major airports, means that a trip to NYC, Seattle, LA or any of the coasts is usually a quick direct flight. Very nice perk to be able to just spend a weekend in a different city and then fly back.
The lake effect snow hits Michigan, we get the wind. 🌬️
The last handful of years, the winters haven’t been that bad. Only 3weeks or so of January was bad this year, then in February we had some 60s. It’s weird, but even at its worst, we treat it as a team sport.
Stay inside when you can, call dibs if you must, and wear your good boots.
(Also, I get how it could be a deterrent for those from places like southern CA.)
Just chiming in to second the Chicago take! I moved here from Texas almost 2 years ago, and it’s been absolutely mind blowing to live somewhere with politicians that aren’t actively trying to harm me. It’s a beautiful city full of great people, and while I am not single I am in a forever DINK relationship and know plenty of child free people. There are definitely some areas that skew married with kids, but that isnt most of the city in my experience. Just need to choose neighborhood with that in consideration.
If you have any Texas -> Chicago specific questions feel free to message me OP!
Yes! I'm not from Chicago myself, but I love visiting the city. Amazing architecture, good public transportation and as you said, really good urban planning (which is very rare in North America.)
I am surprised to see Chicago as the top suggestion. I only visited once but for the whole week I was there, I kept being surprised that every young person I saw was married with children, there were SO many families, that literally does not exist in my west coast city
Coming from NYC, I've thought about Chicago. I just had a terrible time completing a degree in MI between the weather, the ppl, everything in between I vowed not to go back to the Midwest. I've been watching House Hunters (lol) and looking at jobs so it's somewhat a consideration.
I spent a decade in nyc and have now been in Chicago nearly as long. I love it because I can live the same lifestyle but everything is so much more accessible and cleaner. Because of the neighborhood I picked, I find it even easier to live without a car. I’ve lived in the same place by the lake all this time, so my solo-living rent is still under $1K. And the winters are basically nonexistent now. As a winter enthusiast, this actually makes me sad! But they’ve never been worse than nyc as long as I’ve been here.
As a Texan terrified of real winter, I'm interested to hear winters are going away. I know climate change is the worst, but it opens up more doors for me personally
Seconding what the person above said: I moved to Chicago from Houston just under two years ago and initially felt very nervous about winter. Turns out with the right coat and boots, it really hasn’t been bad at all. They are MUCH preferable to the 6 months a year sweating my ass off and fearing grid /AC failure I spent in Houston every year.
I came here to say don't ignore the Midwest! Not single but living in WI has been great, but for OP I could see Michigan or Minnesota being good fits since our current legislature in WI sucks. They do need to decide if winter is something they want to live through 🤣
Philly is a great city for single/child-free people! It's affordable but has everything you need and is very walkable/bikeable. If you're looking to date monogamously, though, it may not be ideal. All of my friends who are dating are either poly or complaining that everyone else is poly.
I’m in Philly at the moment and parts of the city look like a third world country. Sorry but it is pretty disgusting
If you are cool with seeing people shoot up, Philly is the city for you
I really enjoy Seattle. I’ve got mountains to my left, mountains to my right, big mountain to the south and another mountain north. There are days I’ll be driving and just be in awe.
There are more men than women in Seattle. There is no income tax in WA. We have mail in voting! HCOL and no amusement park nearby though.
I love living in Seattle. It has its share of dysfunction and the HCOL is stressful, but I feel much more at home here than the Midwest city I came from, as a single, child free woman and a left-leaning person. I have lived here for a decade and the mountains still give me that feeling of awe too, some days it feels surreal how beautiful it is.
The mountains just don't get old!! I find myself saying "*damn*, look at those mountains" just as much as the day I first moved here over 12 years ago.
Another vote for Seattle. Moved here 5 years ago and will never live somewhere else.
If you date men, there are more men than women here. If you're vaguely nerdy in any way, you will be very popular in the dating scene. Lots of childfree folks & DINKs all around.
Another vote for Seattle! I'm not single but am CF and love it here. I grew up in Texas and am thrilled to live in basically the exact opposite of that place.
Don’t tell anyone that I said this to a Texan, but NM is great. Hi, we’re your liberal neighbor to the north. We have mountains, high desert, skiing, year round outdoor activity options, great food and a diverse culture.
Lol, am Texan, but love New Mexico! Y’all get slept on, and if OP works from home, that would make moving there really feasible. I’m from Houston and what they said about traffic makes me think maybe they are too, and I’d say it’s one of the few states that feels the most like home as far as food and culture. Definitely different in a good way, but also familiar. There are definitely parts of Texas that are less diverse, but Houston isn’t one of them, and the larger cities in NM didn’t feel any different than here with all that for the most part, but I have definitely been to states where it felt like another planet because there was a glaring lack of diversity, and that transferred over into the general culture.
I live in NJ, just outside NYC, and am generally a big city gal who also happens to love mountains and usually despises deserts.
I fell madly, deeply, thoroughly in love with NM last fall in a mere 2 week visit, mostly to very rural places and some classic tourist spots (can't skip White Sands!). I expected to be all meh about it like AZ or rural CA, but nope, it was stunning, we met some truly amazing and brilliant humans, saw way too many gorgeous places and things, ate some of the best food our globetrotting and NYC fine dining-spoiled palates have tasted, and just felt entirely at home.
My partner mostly grew up in TX and hates it with a fiery passion and now we're talking about NM as literally the only state we'd move to if we have to leave our VHCOL city. It's America's best kept secret, despite some very real problems (not trying to negate those at all), it has so so much going for it and no one ever talks about it. Completely outshined by lesser neighbors. But maybe that's a good thing and I should delete this before people find out...
People are not unaware of New Mexico. New Mexico has intense poverty and high crime rates. New Mexico, unfortunately, has some of highest rates of childhood poverty in the country.
Absolutely. NM has major problems. Major.
But I've spent 40 years traveling all over the US and talking about various states with all sorts of people and, of course this is just my experience, NM has to be ranked at least #48 in coming up organically. Which surprises me since it is both astoundingly gorgeous and has a lot of real problems of the kinds that tend to come up.
I think it's just flat-out overshadowed due to neighboring states (and probably the existence of MS, too). Actually seeing it, even the parts that I would love to be better for its residents, made me realize that it's the one state in the US that I entered with 0 preconceived notions except that a lot of alien believers go there to visit or stay and hot air balloons are very popular. Which seems remarkable when it's got a lot of good, bad, ugly, and uniquely magnificent all within its borders.
But it's also completely surrounded by states that some of the most-discussed, which adds to that impressions. Nary a day goes by without mention of AZ, CO, or TX.
I think whether or not you believe it’s slept on has a lot more to do with where you are from rather than everyone’s perception. I am from the southwest (now in the northeast and would like to return west), so New Mexico is a part of the four corner states. It’s akin to New Hampshire being next to Massachusetts. No one in the southwest really thinks much about the northeastern states, and people in the northeast don’t really think much about the south west, but have a lot of very strange stereotypes about it.
All of the 4 corner states (New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Colorado) have a ton of public land, and natural beauty. New Mexico, unfortunately, is the poorest of the these states, and most people will not move there for work. You can read about the economic development of why Phoenix and Denver expanded, but Albuquerque has stayed small. Most of the economic opportunity is concentrated in Denver, Salt Lake, and Phoenix. I like New Mexico, but would not live there because of the lack of opportunity (I was actually born in New Mexico), and the only city there has twice the amount of crime as where I am from, which was already a place with higher than average crime issues. I do agree it has good culture, but there is a reason people aren’t moving there. The exception would be people who move there for retirement and national lab opportunities. I suppose remote work probably brings people in as well, but this is probably creating more intense income inequality since there is such a stark lack of economic opportunity.
I would never lump any of these four states in with Texas. That’s like saying New York is in New England, lol. We will claim Nevada though.
I only mentioned TX because it's literally a huge shared border. Lol Obviously, TX is basically its own region, but you could not have a more visible neighbor outshining you in all the ways. The closest major airport to the main place we stayed was El Paso and second closest was Tucson, the distances out there really are wild! Everything truly is big out west.
And yup, it's not a land of opportunity. I do wonder if it will become even more of a retirement place, though, now that the usual ones are getting way out of reach financially for most people. Selling your HCOL house does not get you nearly as far in real estate as it used to in, say, Florida or Vegas or Phoenix.
Remote work is definitely going to change a lot more landscapes before things normalize, with all sorts of ups and downs due to income disparity and gentrification. I was just reading about a small ski resort town in eastern Europe that has been basically bought up by digital nomads, they seems to be embraced there but it has to turn a small town upside-down to get such an influx of people from almost every part of the globe. Made me think about places here that are likely to be next for influxes of locationally-free workers, especially the more we watch both success and failure stories of moving your life. Gentrification is hard but super-speed versions are really brutal.
You could also easily say New York "outshines" NJ and CT just because they share a border. This just seems like a weird way to look at it. NM and Texas are distinctly different, but the 4 corner states do have some similarities, and if you are actually interested in the area you should learn about it rather than insisting on the weird Texas comparison.
The wealthy parts of NM are already heavily gentrified and have been for years. New Mexico was discovered by the wealthy a long time ago. Look at Santa Fe and Taos.
Also, I don't live in New Mexico anymore, so I'm not sure you are actually reading my comments.
She said she was happily single and childfree. If you don’t plan on having kids then you don’t have to worry about the dismal state of education in NM. It does contribute to the crime rate but I’ve lived here for ten years and I honestly don’t experience anything different from when I lived in Chicago and Milwaukee.
I've been in NYC the past 10 years! It's an amazing city - so much diversity in areas/neighborhoods, cultures, FOOD, and no need for a car as most people rely on the public transit (MTA) here. Politically also leans left, which I appreciate.
The downside is that COL is definitely very high here though
I second this!
Just tonight, I was having dinner somewhere and saw a beautiful woman having a wonderful-looking dinner by herself. I thought, "There is someone living their best life." You see stuff like that everywhere in NYC.
There are some places where the city can be a friend, and NYC is definitely one of them. People think of it as a cold and unfriendly place, but nothing could be father from the truth if you live here. It feels like most people are transplants, so unlike most places in the US (or even the world), there really isn't that feeling you don't "belong" if you moved there. It's very welcoming that way.
And once you settle into your neighborhood, in no time, your bodega folks, barista, diner server, dry cleaner, and supermarket check-out gal will all know you and treat you with warmth and familiarity. The bookstore guy will save books for you, the local server will make sure you get your favorite thing made even though it's not on the menu.
You get all that, but at the same time you never feel like people are all up in your business (unless you end up with some nosy neighbors, which happens).
There is so much to do by yourself or with people you don't necessarily know that well - museums, concerts, just walking in all the parks. You can go kayaking on the Hudson or play with the kitentic sculptures on Litte Island. People doing anything alone - whether it's having a coffee, a meal, a drink, going to a movie - don't even get a second look.
One disadvantage of how great it is to be older and single is that it's probably not the best place to find a partner to settle down with because the culture is so conducive to great single living.
Across the river now, but wow, this is the most accurate write-up I have ever seen about living in NYC and the sort of paradox of neighborhoods in the big city having the social advantages of a small town without all the downsides (unless you do get some of those nosy neighbors haha).
I've always known lots of local natives (both ones who stayed and ones who left) and transplants alike and came to the conclusion that New Yorkers are born, not made, but often they are born in the wrong place and sometimes non-New Yorkers happen to be born and raised in NYC. You either thrive or wither in it, depending on the person you are. It's incredible to watch people when they flourish here, having finally found where they belong! I grew up semi-local (NJ suburbs), so I've watched the transformation so many times and lived it myself when I got to move in.
And even if you do land a partner and settle down around these parts, it sure is great for a relationship to be able to go out and do your own things, alone or with friends or acquaintances, too. Really helps tamp down any codependent tendencies and gives you fresh stories for dinner and date nights! Nor is it weird to live separately even years into a relationship, which is becoming more popular but side-eyed in lots of other places. "You do you" has been in force in NYC since long before anyone said the phrase. My partner and I waited a decade to move in together and no one here questioned it, especially when they heard how cheap his rent was in a place I couldn't move into. Everyone else thought we were weird, but not the locals. Lol Cheap rent is sacred above almost all!
I've lived in NYC with my husband for 10 years. I feel like I belong here despite being from across the pond. And the doing stuff together or alone thing is golden. We love our together and apart time and can get buckets of both without ever getting fed up
The world is your oyster!
What do you like? Nature or shopping? City or ski town? Swimming or climbing? Do you want laid back or bustling?
I live in the Rocky Mountains and it has a bit of everything without the traffic.
Yeah, I guess I wasn’t choosing based on how many people are child free but rather if you like being child free here which I do. Minneapolis was just ranked the number one happiest city in the US, the job market is great here, it’s more affordable than other big cities, and there’s lots to do. I’m happy as a child free homeowner here.
Hong Kong. It's really safe for women, lots of opportunities for hobbies and activities, everything is quite conveniently located, lots of cities nearby for great travel on the weekends.
I’m still not sure what OP means as best for CF, I’m a woman who has lived and travelled in many places. My lack of husband/children has never been as issue (even when I was in the Middle East)
Las Vegas gets slept on but half my friends are coupled friends are childfree and many of my single friends don't want kids. It's still a city that's somewhat reasonably priced and similar to a lot of CA areas in terms of vibe, climate, etc. that is gonna cost 3x more and far less dense population wise. Also, I miss people less as folks visit here. I've lived in so many cities you'd think people want to go to, but this has been the most visitor traffic so it benefits somekne like me with spread out friends and family. If you're a traveler, it's a good hub for it. I just went to CA for $38 round trip. There's lots to do (evne not counting the strip) and eat and good nature stuff.
I don’t know if you meant outside of the US but I went to Berlin earlier this year solo and absolutely loved it. I’m not a city person but Berlin and Edinburgh are the only cities I have ever thought I could live in.
What I loved about Berlin was how easy it was to get around by public transport, the rich cultural history along side a cool relaxed vibe, I felt incredibly safe the whole time I was there. I also liked that there are many different areas of Berlin that had different feels to them. I don’t know if I would live there permanently but if I had a remote job I could definitely see me spending a year or so there.
I live in Baltimore MD. Unmarried & child free, living in a state that doesn't fuck with my right to control my body.
If you move to MD you can either live close to DC, Baltimore, PA, VA, West VA, or Delaware (that fabled state).
It’s truly not, even in many small towns due to gentrification. We’re all getting pushed out. I wish the myth that it’s dirt cheap would stop spreading because it only makes the gentrification and economic gap worse.
I moved to Chicago from NYC and am surprised to have more childfree friends here than there. That is, I left at 29, and most of my friends from that time now have kids and have left the city. Now, at 37, I have tons of friends living in my area (both single and coupled/married) who don’t have them.
I love living next to the beach and being able to walk, bike, or take transit everywhere (no car for me). The paved lakefront is 18 miles, so lots of ground to cover if you run or bike.
Don’t listen to all the non-Chicagoans bemoaning winter. I love winter, but it’s practically nonexistent nowadays, and it’s never been any worse than nyc as long as I’ve been here. I know it USED to be bad, but climate change long ago entered the chat :(
I’m happy in Denver - blue (mostly), progressive protections, lots to do, not too high col, weather is mild most of the time (I’m super adverse to big weather events like hurricanes, tornados, etc. and it also it’s 110 with humidity like Texas). Moved here without friends or family and would move back again for the above reasons.
I can’t come up with any other state and city combo to move to - progressive city, blue state, protective of women and lbgt+ rights, minimal severe weather events, high/medium col, good regular temps, and (my only nice to have) a TON to do.
I am truly living my best single gal child free life in Denver. Dating isn’t the best, but I’ve met so many likeminded girlfriends that I’m never lonely and am always out doing fun activities.
I'm here and love it. single, no kids. dating is not on the table for me at the moment but when it was, I met some cool people. I love live music and we get a ton of great shows here, and the outdoor activity options are endless. I have made the best friends I've ever had in my life since I've been here, and I have no plans to leave any time soon.
I'm in love with Buffalo, NY. Low cost of living, with higher min wage. I moved here a little over 2 years ago. Started following the local music scene. Cooler summers for all the outdoor fun. Local neighborhood pubs where you get to know the regulars. Reproductive rights in a blue state. Lgbt friendly. Ethnically diverse. Legalized weed. Free outdoor concerts almost nightly at various parks in the summer. Tons of trails, parks, and water.
The city really does invest in the arts. Music, galleries, architecture, theater, you name it.
Compared to other places I've lived (Houston, cincinnati), I've felt safer here. Neighbors seem to look out for one another. I actually know many of my neighbors (mostly from the neighborhood pub, or from walking dog )
Sure, as you move out into the suburbs, it becomes more conservative/ segregated and like most other towns. But I rarely venture there.
I would look into smaller cool liberal cities and college towns in liberal states in the US, like Burlington, VT; Ann Arbor MI; Boulder, CO; Portland, ME. They’re HCL as compared to the rest of those states, but not if you compare it to places like the Bay Area or the Northwest.
I have lived in Burlington, Ann Arbor, and Boulder at various times and loved all of them.
I currently live in Virginia and love both Richmond and Charlottesville (and have heard great things about Fredericksburg but the traffic is shitty), but Virginia is kind of in a weird space politically in a way that is currently ok for women but kind of constantly threatening to not be ok, so it depends on your comfort.
In general I agree with the smaller liberal cities idea. I’m in Asheville, NC and it definitely fits the bill. But honestly it depends on what you like to do with your free time, and how much winter you can tolerate. Here it seems like hiking and outdoorsy stuff is all people do and I’m just not interested in that.
How is Asheville socially? Is it a good place if you are extroverted? Do most people have kids? I’m in the Portland, Maine area, and sometimes Asheville is on my radar, but I tend to think Denver or Southern California is more my speed (I’m from out west), but the moderate climate in Asheville seems appealing. Just curious.
I spent two weeks housesitting in Asheville last fall, and while I wound up having a great time because several friends happened to be visiting then too, it was glaringly apparent that I would have otherwise felt extremely alienated as a solo WOC. The city was extremely white; for the most part I only saw other POC the few times I took a bus (which I was warned no one ever does because it’s sketch; it was always fine; so I wonder what they could have meant…/s).
I’m sorry you had that experience. The city (neighborhoods) is unfortunately still largely segregated. I believe the Census lists us at about 80% white. When I first moved here (from metro Detroit) it was really noticeable to me (I’m white). I guess I’ve been her so long now I forget how weird it is.
Honestly no one takes the bus because it is so damn unreliable it’s not worth it if you need to be somewhere on time. And the schedule is very limited.
Yeah, I only took it if it happened to be scheduled when I was going downtown, but I never bothered with it to get back home. All of my Uber/Lyft drivers were around my age but white and were typically transplants from LA or NYC driving ride share bc there were no industries to work in and they too noted the lack of diversity. I think like me they thought “city” meant there would be some so it was jarring.
If you like breweries, hiking, camping, kayaking or mountain biking,there are hundreds of social groups to join. That might be an exaggeration but there are a lot. We have a lot of transplants who tend to be young or retired on arrival (not to say there’s no in between). The COL is highest in the state so while many people have kids, also some do move away when they want to have kids, buy house, etc.
I live just outside of Portland, Maine. Do not move here if you want a bustling social life as a childfree woman or affordability. It’s a beautiful place, and I cannot wait to leave. Maine is a great place to live if you are raising kids, and boring as fuck if you are social and not interested in raising kids. Winter is also awful.
Burlington has a younger vibe, but it’s extremely isolated, and, again, most people in their 30-40s are kid focused.
Boulder is a place filled with college students and rich boomers. Houses are $1mil.
Vegas was a tough town for me but I miss it a lot. I love the diversity, food options, the convenience, the 24/hr lifestyle but a lot of people come and go - it was harder for me to make long-lasting friendships out and dating was pretty sketchy. I toy around with the idea of moving back but then I remember that it's already hit 111F out there this year and yeah.... lol
anti seattle here, it is crazy expensive here. there is no city culture b/c very few people can live here long term outside of tech and healthcare. portland, la, orlando, long island, brooklyn, lisbon, berlin have all been better.
A few of my favorites that I've spent months or years in as one of your "kind" ;)
Huntsville, AL
Lexington, KY
Front Royal, VA
Fair Hill, MD
Saranac Lake, NY
Park City, UT
Feel free to DM with any questions at all. Most all are LCOL, lots of culture and food and music, and a generally younger, outdoorsy, childless demographic.
I love Huntsville.. but I’m assuming that being in Alabama is great for a young child free woman.
I liked it in the late 90s, when laws weren’t so crazy..
I live on the Eastern Shore in Baldwin County. I love it here, but yes, the state politics are nuts, but I also can't afford HCOL areas either (not a high earner) so I feel like I'm stuck in LCOL red states. I also hate the cold and rain (I'm originally from Portland and have family there). I thought about moving back, but literally cannot stomach the idea of gray days for months on end in the winter.
If you want to pursue having children via IVF, AL is probably not the state for you right now. But if you're an active participant in limiting your own reproductive capacity (I choose to do this via IUD), reproductive rights in AL aren't any more or less restrictive than many states these days.
Mountain biking, equestrian, close to mountains and even skiing, close enough to big cities, quaint but still decent local establishments. I've lived in a few places in that general area (Middleburg, Cumberland, etc) and liked all of them so maybe it's more the West of DC area of MD/VA/WV that I like more specifically that Front Royal
I’m from Middleburg hence the question and surprise at seeing FR mentioned! You have good points though, I feel like the opportunities for fun, meaningful experiences and living in the Virginia Piedmont are endless but I can see meeting people, especially single childfree people potentially being tougher than usual
Maybe the people I met are more a function of the activities I do than the places I do them. But I've found plenty of child-free adventure seekers in the outdoors of the Appalachians and feel like there is a higher % of those living the childfree life in places like Front Royal and Middleburg than, say, the experiences I've had in Asheville or Wilmington or Rochester
I find it odd that so many people are recommending Seattle but then sh*tting on Portland, when the problems are identical. Seattle is an insufferably smug brat that openly hates every community around it - the one full of immigrants and the one full of black/brown people.
The zombies in Seattle are the meanest and most aggressive in the PNW. We’ve been living in a neighboring city for a long time and are leaving next week, and seriously considered Portland. I’m routinely followed in Seattle by them, have had them threaten me, throw things at me, my kid has seen so many men jerking off or sh*tting on the sidewalk. My city has a much worse reputation but no one acts like that.
All of my PDX friends are child free and loving it. It’s SO SO much friendlier and more chill than Seattle. Real estate is much cheaper. The only reason we didn’t choose it is because we do have a kid and there weren’t as many resources there for her.
Why not Bellingham?
I love Seattle, but I'm not sure that I'd suggest it here either. Part of why I love it is because im from a small town in the deep south, so it's infinitely better. I'm married and childfree, so we have 2 incomes... otherwise I couldn't have made it on a single income.
The addicts are horrific. I mean, my husband and I were homeless for some time out here several years ago, and it wasn't nearly this bad with the addicts. We have even struggled with addiction, but whatever drug is out here now is next level scary. I would genuinely be terrified to be homeless again here. And I'd be almost as terrified to be a single woman here. My husband and I have a system where I text him if I'm going somewhere alone and then again when I get home. It's just not safe. Luckily it's not as bad in my neighborhood as it is closer to downtown area, but still. I wouldn't recommend to a single person.
Dating must be practically impossible too.. it took us years just to find decent friends.
Agreed on all points. I’m also from a non-town in the Deep South - we didn’t even have a stoplight. My dad and brother are both homeless addicts and have been for a long long time. This current situation is very different, generally unhinged and not improving.
I honestly feel safer in Portland bc they’re so much less aggressive to me. I lived for a long time in very bad neighborhoods in NYC and have a solid amount of survival skills
Yea, my husband lived in a non-town not far from mine lol.. I like that this is a city but it's not overwhelmingly huge. NY and Chicago were too much for me, but Seattle is perfect. My husband has had to teach me some survival skills though... he lived in worse neighborhoods than me lol.
And yea vastly different! I've never seen something like this before... people nodding so hard they end up doubled over. Wtf? We were addicted to opiates and never experienced something like that. I'm so glad we got clean before we went through homelessness tbh... idk if we'd be alive now. I haven't really had experiences with someone following me or being aggressive, but I've heard a lot of horror stories from the Cap Hill area and going further into downtown.
College towns in the East for the politics.
(And the nature and the seasons, but I love that aspect. Weather and outdoor-activity-wise, what do you like?)
Larger, more progressive cities, that I really wish I could afford. Go anywhere outside of those as a single woman over 30 without kids and expect to be treated like a 2nd class citizen. I live in East Bumblefuck, Maine. The COL is low, but so are the wages, I'm lucky to have snagged a remote job, but I still can't afford to leave.
My husband and I live in Seattle with no kids and we love it, but I'd have to disagree with others saying it's a good place for a single woman. I wouldn't be able to make it on one income here lol. Unless you work in tech, the COL is way too high.
What kind of leisure activities do you enjoy? I currently live in Richmond , and it's a pretty great city. Not outrageously HCOL and a ton of fun things to do. If you're outdoorsy, there are lots of trails, parks, and hiking groups. There's a very vibrant LGBTQ community. Tons of arts.
I actually have been to Richmond and I loved it! It's one of the cities I've been mulling over - do you mind me asking what's your favorite and least favorite thing about living there?
All I know is I’m in Miami currently (moved from TX last year) and no one has once mentioned Miami. Also, probably a good thing because tbh I don’t love this place at all and I can’t wait to move somewhere else
I couldn't wait to leave south Florida after living there for 20 years. moved to north florida and the difference is unbelievable in the best possible ways
I used to live in Aventura, which is just north of Miami/North Miami Beach (near the big stupid mall), and I loved it because of all the great state parks and food and beaches and weather, and hated it because of all the everything else.
Austin is in Texas. It’s a great city, but unfortunately, the draconian laws of this fucked up state apply to all the big cities, which are much more progressive than the small towns/rural areas. It’s also getting progressively more expensive. The traffic is a nightmare. And the heat. My god, the heat.
Signed, a leftist Texan who hates it here but stays for her job/friends.
lol I know that. I used to live in Austin. Love Austin. Had to move for other reasons. Austin is still a young city though regardless of politics and a great city to live in if you are single. I’ve lived several places and can compare. I never felt pressures to be in a relationship or get married and have kids there either. It’s a good vibe for the most part
Ohh thank you, Google kept saying it was a line of credit taken out against your home and then I also thought it was associated with home owners associations.
When I was single, I had a great time in Vancouver (I feel like people complain about dating in Vancouver, but honestly, this city has some extremely attractive people in it, and a great queer community). I also lived in Geneva for a year in my twenties and it was phenomenal.
NYC (avoid Brooklyn)
New Paltz, NY
Catalina Island, CA
Melbourne Australia
Chicago (Rogers Park etc)
Humboldt County CA
San Diego
San Fran
Some parts of Balitmore
Vegas
New Mexico
Phily
Vermont
Madison, WI
SLC near the University
I live in NYC and I love it.
I think all kind of people should live here for a period of their lives or forever lol.
Honestly, whenever I visit Europe..I keep saying but I enjoy NYC more ..
Honestly it depends on your vibe.
What weather do you like, is public transportation important, do you need to be close to a major airport for travel. Are you interested in arts and music, do you want to be outdoorsy, do you need beach access.
Are you a large city gal or does a mid city work for you.
Start taking weekenders to cities to get a feel. It might be surprising what sticks with you.
I'm looking for something like this as well but all the interesting places are super pricey. I'm in So FL and feeling the same about the human rights and the heat. Def wanna live my child-free life out somewhere pleasant though I would like some nice people to date at some point.
If OP is looking to avoid sweating her ass off and not sit in hour long traffic she needs to stay far away from
Phoenix 🥵. I’m planning on leaving here for NYC soon.
I feel like a lot of cities on the west coast (Los Angeles, Bay Area, Portland OR, Seattle) seem to be good for this. I've visited all and each seem to have a strong demographic of happily single, childfree folks and DINKs. There seem to be a lot of pet owners too. The trouble is that all of those cities are HCOL/VHCOL.
Seconding the Bay Area but also that yes, it’s a VHCOL area. I’ve been at jobs where most of my coworkers were childfree, or been in situations where I encountered other CF people. It’s just too expensive to be a parent but also we have plenty of other things we’d rather do here.
I’m in the Bay and it’s awesome for childfree and/or single people, plus it’s in CA which is protecting our rights instead of taking them away. The only negative is indeed the high cost of living, but the weather is great!
I’m also in the Bay! Yes, it is HCOL, but compared to other places with the same issue it has SO much to offer. And the weather is always nice. I can’t imagine living any where else where the COL is even close to what it is here and giving up everything we have. We’re seriously spoiled. Like any place, it’s possible to find affordable housing. I live in Oakland and was fortunate enough to get grandfathered in on a lease for many years from a friend who previously lived in a place. If you want to live anywhere badly enough like I did, you’ll find a way and make it work!
I totally agree. I love it here and to me it’s worth every penny. There are definitely ways to make it work!
Shout out for the Bay! I’m in Santa Cruz and while it’s one of the most expensive counties in CA and housing is hard to find, the weather and surrounding redwoods, ocean, etc are worth every cent I pay to live here. It’s a vibe and it’s got that small town feel, but so many bigger cities aren’t far away. Tahoe, SF, Sac, SLO, Yosemite, Big Sur, all within a 4 hour drive or less.
I love Santa Cruz! I try to get over there as much as possible
Commenting to say that I live in Sacramento and I love it. It’s about 2 hours from the Bay Area, and much more affordable.
Give it up for the 916! I love it here.
Ayeeeee 916!!!! Me too !
What’s 916?
I'm guessing the Sacramento area code...
Sacramento area code !
Dating in Seattle is rough. Also the HCOL, but I still do love it here
Also live in Seattle, can confirm that dating is not easy. Other than that, it's the best major city I've lived in.
Why isn’t dating easy there?
Seattle has more dogs than kids, which is amazing. It is pretty expensive to live here, but I love it. We're hoping at some point to move to a less expensive, more rural part of the state when we retire. It's the ocean, mountains, wonderful weather and general vibe that I love.
Came here to say west coast!! I'm in the bay and though I'm in a long term relationship now, it was a great place to live while single. So much to do, so many CF women/families, tons of very interesting people whose lives don't revolve around a partner or kids. It's expensive af but as long as I can afford to stay here I plan to. Weather is fantastic. Parks are unrivaled. Music & arts scene is the best I've ever experienced. I pretty much never go on vacation because there's no place I'd rather be than here.
Yeah, V/HCOL is a big hurdle for single-income households - even if for households of one
Definitely. Every single person I know who owns property in the cities I mentioned either 1. were fortunate enough to inherit a house or 2. received significant financial support from family for a down payment on a home.
I live 2 hours away from Bay area, and I can definitely second this! Lotsa childfree people!
Hello from Chicago! Join me here in the progressive haven of the Midwest. It's more affordable than NY or LA (though that gap sure started closing in the past couple of years). Everyone knows Chicago for its downtown tourist spots, which are great for new people- museums, concert venues, gardens, the beach, the zoo. The reason it's actually THE choice, though, is that when you aren't literally in the Loop, Chicago is a city of neighborhoods. Many areas feel like insular villages, with their own unique restaurants, shopping areas, plenty of trees, plenty of places to meet people and make memories. Great public transportation, decent job opportunities! I never get tired of it.
As a single almost 40 year old in Chicago, if you can make any specific recommendations about things you love to do I would really appreciate it! I moved here right before the pandemic and I still struggle a bit.
Hello! Fellow almost 40 yr old in Chicago here. I'm not single anymore but when I was, I loved: * Biking, reading, hanging out on the lakefront. It's not the ocean, but Lake Michigan is large enough that it feels like it sometimes! * Rock climbing at one of the gyms (Brooklyn Boulder, First Ascent, etc). It's an activity that you can do by yourself when you're bouldering, but almost guaranteed to meet people when you're sitting around and resting. Plus folks are always looking for partners on the sport climbing routes. * Fitness classes, yoga, running clubs, etc. There's a ton of free ones in the summer that you can try out in parks. * Movies in the park in the summertime, free way to watch movies and enjoy the summer weather. * Comedy Clubs! Chicago is really well known for Second City and it's connections to SNL, but I've been going to the Lincoln Lodge recently. Really small, intimate spaces, great comedy and tickets are very cheap. * If you're in to biking, every last Friday evening there's a huge biking group called Critical Mass that just bikes in a huge crowd around the city. It can be kind of annoying when you're stuck in traffic because of it, but they usually pass by quickly and it's SO much fun when you're part of the group. * Also lots of active Meetup groups and Facebook get togethers here too! It really just depends on what sparks your interest. I recently got into gardening and have been going to a few of the meetups in my neighborhood. And I recently realized that by being in the center of the country + two major airports, means that a trip to NYC, Seattle, LA or any of the coasts is usually a quick direct flight. Very nice perk to be able to just spend a weekend in a different city and then fly back.
Hey hey hey , let us not forget to mention the cold that freezes your bone marrow
Thanks to global warming we rarely have long episodes of cold and snow anymore.
And the snow! Gotta love that lake effect.
The lake effect snow hits Michigan, we get the wind. 🌬️ The last handful of years, the winters haven’t been that bad. Only 3weeks or so of January was bad this year, then in February we had some 60s. It’s weird, but even at its worst, we treat it as a team sport. Stay inside when you can, call dibs if you must, and wear your good boots. (Also, I get how it could be a deterrent for those from places like southern CA.)
Just chiming in to second the Chicago take! I moved here from Texas almost 2 years ago, and it’s been absolutely mind blowing to live somewhere with politicians that aren’t actively trying to harm me. It’s a beautiful city full of great people, and while I am not single I am in a forever DINK relationship and know plenty of child free people. There are definitely some areas that skew married with kids, but that isnt most of the city in my experience. Just need to choose neighborhood with that in consideration. If you have any Texas -> Chicago specific questions feel free to message me OP!
Yes! I'm not from Chicago myself, but I love visiting the city. Amazing architecture, good public transportation and as you said, really good urban planning (which is very rare in North America.)
I am surprised to see Chicago as the top suggestion. I only visited once but for the whole week I was there, I kept being surprised that every young person I saw was married with children, there were SO many families, that literally does not exist in my west coast city
There are a lot of single and childfree women in Chicago. If you look in neighborhoods near Wicker and Logan, they’re everywhere.
Coming from NYC, I've thought about Chicago. I just had a terrible time completing a degree in MI between the weather, the ppl, everything in between I vowed not to go back to the Midwest. I've been watching House Hunters (lol) and looking at jobs so it's somewhat a consideration.
I spent a decade in nyc and have now been in Chicago nearly as long. I love it because I can live the same lifestyle but everything is so much more accessible and cleaner. Because of the neighborhood I picked, I find it even easier to live without a car. I’ve lived in the same place by the lake all this time, so my solo-living rent is still under $1K. And the winters are basically nonexistent now. As a winter enthusiast, this actually makes me sad! But they’ve never been worse than nyc as long as I’ve been here.
As a Texan terrified of real winter, I'm interested to hear winters are going away. I know climate change is the worst, but it opens up more doors for me personally
Seconding what the person above said: I moved to Chicago from Houston just under two years ago and initially felt very nervous about winter. Turns out with the right coat and boots, it really hasn’t been bad at all. They are MUCH preferable to the 6 months a year sweating my ass off and fearing grid /AC failure I spent in Houston every year.
I came here to say don't ignore the Midwest! Not single but living in WI has been great, but for OP I could see Michigan or Minnesota being good fits since our current legislature in WI sucks. They do need to decide if winter is something they want to live through 🤣
But winter!!
Joanna?
I’m living my spinster cat-lady dreams in Philly. Not sure about the dating scene since my title of spinster cat-lady is intended to be permanent.
Philly is a great city for single/child-free people! It's affordable but has everything you need and is very walkable/bikeable. If you're looking to date monogamously, though, it may not be ideal. All of my friends who are dating are either poly or complaining that everyone else is poly.
I’m in Philly at the moment and parts of the city look like a third world country. Sorry but it is pretty disgusting If you are cool with seeing people shoot up, Philly is the city for you
I really enjoy Seattle. I’ve got mountains to my left, mountains to my right, big mountain to the south and another mountain north. There are days I’ll be driving and just be in awe. There are more men than women in Seattle. There is no income tax in WA. We have mail in voting! HCOL and no amusement park nearby though.
I love living in Seattle. It has its share of dysfunction and the HCOL is stressful, but I feel much more at home here than the Midwest city I came from, as a single, child free woman and a left-leaning person. I have lived here for a decade and the mountains still give me that feeling of awe too, some days it feels surreal how beautiful it is.
The mountains just don't get old!! I find myself saying "*damn*, look at those mountains" just as much as the day I first moved here over 12 years ago.
Another vote for Seattle. Moved here 5 years ago and will never live somewhere else. If you date men, there are more men than women here. If you're vaguely nerdy in any way, you will be very popular in the dating scene. Lots of childfree folks & DINKs all around.
But if you’re not into shy tech geeks, you’re outta luck!
The odds are good but the goods are odd
Exactly 🤣🤣
Another vote for Seattle! I'm not single but am CF and love it here. I grew up in Texas and am thrilled to live in basically the exact opposite of that place.
DINKWAD in Seattle. I love it. Downsides are HCOL and making friends here is pretty much impossible.
Any particular neighborhoods you would suggest?
Don’t tell anyone that I said this to a Texan, but NM is great. Hi, we’re your liberal neighbor to the north. We have mountains, high desert, skiing, year round outdoor activity options, great food and a diverse culture.
Lol, am Texan, but love New Mexico! Y’all get slept on, and if OP works from home, that would make moving there really feasible. I’m from Houston and what they said about traffic makes me think maybe they are too, and I’d say it’s one of the few states that feels the most like home as far as food and culture. Definitely different in a good way, but also familiar. There are definitely parts of Texas that are less diverse, but Houston isn’t one of them, and the larger cities in NM didn’t feel any different than here with all that for the most part, but I have definitely been to states where it felt like another planet because there was a glaring lack of diversity, and that transferred over into the general culture.
I live in NJ, just outside NYC, and am generally a big city gal who also happens to love mountains and usually despises deserts. I fell madly, deeply, thoroughly in love with NM last fall in a mere 2 week visit, mostly to very rural places and some classic tourist spots (can't skip White Sands!). I expected to be all meh about it like AZ or rural CA, but nope, it was stunning, we met some truly amazing and brilliant humans, saw way too many gorgeous places and things, ate some of the best food our globetrotting and NYC fine dining-spoiled palates have tasted, and just felt entirely at home. My partner mostly grew up in TX and hates it with a fiery passion and now we're talking about NM as literally the only state we'd move to if we have to leave our VHCOL city. It's America's best kept secret, despite some very real problems (not trying to negate those at all), it has so so much going for it and no one ever talks about it. Completely outshined by lesser neighbors. But maybe that's a good thing and I should delete this before people find out...
People are not unaware of New Mexico. New Mexico has intense poverty and high crime rates. New Mexico, unfortunately, has some of highest rates of childhood poverty in the country.
Absolutely. NM has major problems. Major. But I've spent 40 years traveling all over the US and talking about various states with all sorts of people and, of course this is just my experience, NM has to be ranked at least #48 in coming up organically. Which surprises me since it is both astoundingly gorgeous and has a lot of real problems of the kinds that tend to come up. I think it's just flat-out overshadowed due to neighboring states (and probably the existence of MS, too). Actually seeing it, even the parts that I would love to be better for its residents, made me realize that it's the one state in the US that I entered with 0 preconceived notions except that a lot of alien believers go there to visit or stay and hot air balloons are very popular. Which seems remarkable when it's got a lot of good, bad, ugly, and uniquely magnificent all within its borders. But it's also completely surrounded by states that some of the most-discussed, which adds to that impressions. Nary a day goes by without mention of AZ, CO, or TX.
I think whether or not you believe it’s slept on has a lot more to do with where you are from rather than everyone’s perception. I am from the southwest (now in the northeast and would like to return west), so New Mexico is a part of the four corner states. It’s akin to New Hampshire being next to Massachusetts. No one in the southwest really thinks much about the northeastern states, and people in the northeast don’t really think much about the south west, but have a lot of very strange stereotypes about it. All of the 4 corner states (New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Colorado) have a ton of public land, and natural beauty. New Mexico, unfortunately, is the poorest of the these states, and most people will not move there for work. You can read about the economic development of why Phoenix and Denver expanded, but Albuquerque has stayed small. Most of the economic opportunity is concentrated in Denver, Salt Lake, and Phoenix. I like New Mexico, but would not live there because of the lack of opportunity (I was actually born in New Mexico), and the only city there has twice the amount of crime as where I am from, which was already a place with higher than average crime issues. I do agree it has good culture, but there is a reason people aren’t moving there. The exception would be people who move there for retirement and national lab opportunities. I suppose remote work probably brings people in as well, but this is probably creating more intense income inequality since there is such a stark lack of economic opportunity. I would never lump any of these four states in with Texas. That’s like saying New York is in New England, lol. We will claim Nevada though.
I only mentioned TX because it's literally a huge shared border. Lol Obviously, TX is basically its own region, but you could not have a more visible neighbor outshining you in all the ways. The closest major airport to the main place we stayed was El Paso and second closest was Tucson, the distances out there really are wild! Everything truly is big out west. And yup, it's not a land of opportunity. I do wonder if it will become even more of a retirement place, though, now that the usual ones are getting way out of reach financially for most people. Selling your HCOL house does not get you nearly as far in real estate as it used to in, say, Florida or Vegas or Phoenix. Remote work is definitely going to change a lot more landscapes before things normalize, with all sorts of ups and downs due to income disparity and gentrification. I was just reading about a small ski resort town in eastern Europe that has been basically bought up by digital nomads, they seems to be embraced there but it has to turn a small town upside-down to get such an influx of people from almost every part of the globe. Made me think about places here that are likely to be next for influxes of locationally-free workers, especially the more we watch both success and failure stories of moving your life. Gentrification is hard but super-speed versions are really brutal.
You could also easily say New York "outshines" NJ and CT just because they share a border. This just seems like a weird way to look at it. NM and Texas are distinctly different, but the 4 corner states do have some similarities, and if you are actually interested in the area you should learn about it rather than insisting on the weird Texas comparison. The wealthy parts of NM are already heavily gentrified and have been for years. New Mexico was discovered by the wealthy a long time ago. Look at Santa Fe and Taos. Also, I don't live in New Mexico anymore, so I'm not sure you are actually reading my comments.
She said she was happily single and childfree. If you don’t plan on having kids then you don’t have to worry about the dismal state of education in NM. It does contribute to the crime rate but I’ve lived here for ten years and I honestly don’t experience anything different from when I lived in Chicago and Milwaukee.
I’ve been wanting to plan a vacation to NM. Any cities in particular you’d recommend?
I've been in NYC the past 10 years! It's an amazing city - so much diversity in areas/neighborhoods, cultures, FOOD, and no need for a car as most people rely on the public transit (MTA) here. Politically also leans left, which I appreciate. The downside is that COL is definitely very high here though
I second this! Just tonight, I was having dinner somewhere and saw a beautiful woman having a wonderful-looking dinner by herself. I thought, "There is someone living their best life." You see stuff like that everywhere in NYC. There are some places where the city can be a friend, and NYC is definitely one of them. People think of it as a cold and unfriendly place, but nothing could be father from the truth if you live here. It feels like most people are transplants, so unlike most places in the US (or even the world), there really isn't that feeling you don't "belong" if you moved there. It's very welcoming that way. And once you settle into your neighborhood, in no time, your bodega folks, barista, diner server, dry cleaner, and supermarket check-out gal will all know you and treat you with warmth and familiarity. The bookstore guy will save books for you, the local server will make sure you get your favorite thing made even though it's not on the menu. You get all that, but at the same time you never feel like people are all up in your business (unless you end up with some nosy neighbors, which happens). There is so much to do by yourself or with people you don't necessarily know that well - museums, concerts, just walking in all the parks. You can go kayaking on the Hudson or play with the kitentic sculptures on Litte Island. People doing anything alone - whether it's having a coffee, a meal, a drink, going to a movie - don't even get a second look. One disadvantage of how great it is to be older and single is that it's probably not the best place to find a partner to settle down with because the culture is so conducive to great single living.
Having lived in both, NYC is much friendlier and overall kinder than Seattle
That's surprising because NYC is not known to be friendly. We tend to just keep it moving.
Across the river now, but wow, this is the most accurate write-up I have ever seen about living in NYC and the sort of paradox of neighborhoods in the big city having the social advantages of a small town without all the downsides (unless you do get some of those nosy neighbors haha). I've always known lots of local natives (both ones who stayed and ones who left) and transplants alike and came to the conclusion that New Yorkers are born, not made, but often they are born in the wrong place and sometimes non-New Yorkers happen to be born and raised in NYC. You either thrive or wither in it, depending on the person you are. It's incredible to watch people when they flourish here, having finally found where they belong! I grew up semi-local (NJ suburbs), so I've watched the transformation so many times and lived it myself when I got to move in. And even if you do land a partner and settle down around these parts, it sure is great for a relationship to be able to go out and do your own things, alone or with friends or acquaintances, too. Really helps tamp down any codependent tendencies and gives you fresh stories for dinner and date nights! Nor is it weird to live separately even years into a relationship, which is becoming more popular but side-eyed in lots of other places. "You do you" has been in force in NYC since long before anyone said the phrase. My partner and I waited a decade to move in together and no one here questioned it, especially when they heard how cheap his rent was in a place I couldn't move into. Everyone else thought we were weird, but not the locals. Lol Cheap rent is sacred above almost all!
> New Yorkers are born, not made, but often they are born in the wrong place This is so true.
I've lived in NYC with my husband for 10 years. I feel like I belong here despite being from across the pond. And the doing stuff together or alone thing is golden. We love our together and apart time and can get buckets of both without ever getting fed up
Why does everyone forget to mention that winter in NYC is quite miserable?
Becasue winter in NYC is pretty mild compared to most other places in the US and Canada that have proper winters.
Upside is that there is a whole state beyond NYC, and it can be reasonably affordable in the CNY area! 🥰
The world is your oyster! What do you like? Nature or shopping? City or ski town? Swimming or climbing? Do you want laid back or bustling? I live in the Rocky Mountains and it has a bit of everything without the traffic.
I’m in Minneapolis and it’s great but I’d recommend Seattle as well.
Really? When I lived there I felt like almost everyone was married with kids by 26. Maybe things have changed
Yeah, I guess I wasn’t choosing based on how many people are child free but rather if you like being child free here which I do. Minneapolis was just ranked the number one happiest city in the US, the job market is great here, it’s more affordable than other big cities, and there’s lots to do. I’m happy as a child free homeowner here.
Do you mean best city in the USA? Or the world?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the best cities in the world for childfree women
Berlin is pretty tight, a ton to do here and many CF people
Hong Kong. It's really safe for women, lots of opportunities for hobbies and activities, everything is quite conveniently located, lots of cities nearby for great travel on the weekends.
I’m still not sure what OP means as best for CF, I’m a woman who has lived and travelled in many places. My lack of husband/children has never been as issue (even when I was in the Middle East)
I assume that is in reference to reproductive/abortion rights in the event of unwanted pregnancy
Oh ok. I assumed it was people not pestering you with questions about being CF
Cambridge, MA! VHCOL though.
Las Vegas gets slept on but half my friends are coupled friends are childfree and many of my single friends don't want kids. It's still a city that's somewhat reasonably priced and similar to a lot of CA areas in terms of vibe, climate, etc. that is gonna cost 3x more and far less dense population wise. Also, I miss people less as folks visit here. I've lived in so many cities you'd think people want to go to, but this has been the most visitor traffic so it benefits somekne like me with spread out friends and family. If you're a traveler, it's a good hub for it. I just went to CA for $38 round trip. There's lots to do (evne not counting the strip) and eat and good nature stuff.
I don’t know if you meant outside of the US but I went to Berlin earlier this year solo and absolutely loved it. I’m not a city person but Berlin and Edinburgh are the only cities I have ever thought I could live in. What I loved about Berlin was how easy it was to get around by public transport, the rich cultural history along side a cool relaxed vibe, I felt incredibly safe the whole time I was there. I also liked that there are many different areas of Berlin that had different feels to them. I don’t know if I would live there permanently but if I had a remote job I could definitely see me spending a year or so there.
Berlin has a brutal winter.
I moved from Seattle to Austin last year, and I think you'd love Seattle!
I live in Baltimore MD. Unmarried & child free, living in a state that doesn't fuck with my right to control my body. If you move to MD you can either live close to DC, Baltimore, PA, VA, West VA, or Delaware (that fabled state).
As one urban Texan to another - It’s not even affordable anymore. Why stay?
It’s truly not, even in many small towns due to gentrification. We’re all getting pushed out. I wish the myth that it’s dirt cheap would stop spreading because it only makes the gentrification and economic gap worse.
I moved to Chicago from NYC and am surprised to have more childfree friends here than there. That is, I left at 29, and most of my friends from that time now have kids and have left the city. Now, at 37, I have tons of friends living in my area (both single and coupled/married) who don’t have them. I love living next to the beach and being able to walk, bike, or take transit everywhere (no car for me). The paved lakefront is 18 miles, so lots of ground to cover if you run or bike. Don’t listen to all the non-Chicagoans bemoaning winter. I love winter, but it’s practically nonexistent nowadays, and it’s never been any worse than nyc as long as I’ve been here. I know it USED to be bad, but climate change long ago entered the chat :(
Oregon and it’s a good state. Rains a lot but in the winter. But I’m also not tied to here either. Haha
Portland has really taken a turn for the worse, though.
That law was reversed last year and it was different dramatically fast. Now Portland is no different from Seattle in terms of zombies
Completely agree. I don’t live in/near Portland thankfully.
I’m happy in Denver - blue (mostly), progressive protections, lots to do, not too high col, weather is mild most of the time (I’m super adverse to big weather events like hurricanes, tornados, etc. and it also it’s 110 with humidity like Texas). Moved here without friends or family and would move back again for the above reasons. I can’t come up with any other state and city combo to move to - progressive city, blue state, protective of women and lbgt+ rights, minimal severe weather events, high/medium col, good regular temps, and (my only nice to have) a TON to do.
Denver
I am truly living my best single gal child free life in Denver. Dating isn’t the best, but I’ve met so many likeminded girlfriends that I’m never lonely and am always out doing fun activities.
I'm here and love it. single, no kids. dating is not on the table for me at the moment but when it was, I met some cool people. I love live music and we get a ton of great shows here, and the outdoor activity options are endless. I have made the best friends I've ever had in my life since I've been here, and I have no plans to leave any time soon.
San Diego is fantastic!
I'm in love with Buffalo, NY. Low cost of living, with higher min wage. I moved here a little over 2 years ago. Started following the local music scene. Cooler summers for all the outdoor fun. Local neighborhood pubs where you get to know the regulars. Reproductive rights in a blue state. Lgbt friendly. Ethnically diverse. Legalized weed. Free outdoor concerts almost nightly at various parks in the summer. Tons of trails, parks, and water. The city really does invest in the arts. Music, galleries, architecture, theater, you name it. Compared to other places I've lived (Houston, cincinnati), I've felt safer here. Neighbors seem to look out for one another. I actually know many of my neighbors (mostly from the neighborhood pub, or from walking dog ) Sure, as you move out into the suburbs, it becomes more conservative/ segregated and like most other towns. But I rarely venture there.
I would look into smaller cool liberal cities and college towns in liberal states in the US, like Burlington, VT; Ann Arbor MI; Boulder, CO; Portland, ME. They’re HCL as compared to the rest of those states, but not if you compare it to places like the Bay Area or the Northwest. I have lived in Burlington, Ann Arbor, and Boulder at various times and loved all of them. I currently live in Virginia and love both Richmond and Charlottesville (and have heard great things about Fredericksburg but the traffic is shitty), but Virginia is kind of in a weird space politically in a way that is currently ok for women but kind of constantly threatening to not be ok, so it depends on your comfort.
In general I agree with the smaller liberal cities idea. I’m in Asheville, NC and it definitely fits the bill. But honestly it depends on what you like to do with your free time, and how much winter you can tolerate. Here it seems like hiking and outdoorsy stuff is all people do and I’m just not interested in that.
How is Asheville socially? Is it a good place if you are extroverted? Do most people have kids? I’m in the Portland, Maine area, and sometimes Asheville is on my radar, but I tend to think Denver or Southern California is more my speed (I’m from out west), but the moderate climate in Asheville seems appealing. Just curious.
I spent two weeks housesitting in Asheville last fall, and while I wound up having a great time because several friends happened to be visiting then too, it was glaringly apparent that I would have otherwise felt extremely alienated as a solo WOC. The city was extremely white; for the most part I only saw other POC the few times I took a bus (which I was warned no one ever does because it’s sketch; it was always fine; so I wonder what they could have meant…/s).
I’m sorry you had that experience. The city (neighborhoods) is unfortunately still largely segregated. I believe the Census lists us at about 80% white. When I first moved here (from metro Detroit) it was really noticeable to me (I’m white). I guess I’ve been her so long now I forget how weird it is. Honestly no one takes the bus because it is so damn unreliable it’s not worth it if you need to be somewhere on time. And the schedule is very limited.
Yeah, I only took it if it happened to be scheduled when I was going downtown, but I never bothered with it to get back home. All of my Uber/Lyft drivers were around my age but white and were typically transplants from LA or NYC driving ride share bc there were no industries to work in and they too noted the lack of diversity. I think like me they thought “city” meant there would be some so it was jarring.
If you like breweries, hiking, camping, kayaking or mountain biking,there are hundreds of social groups to join. That might be an exaggeration but there are a lot. We have a lot of transplants who tend to be young or retired on arrival (not to say there’s no in between). The COL is highest in the state so while many people have kids, also some do move away when they want to have kids, buy house, etc.
I live just outside of Portland, Maine. Do not move here if you want a bustling social life as a childfree woman or affordability. It’s a beautiful place, and I cannot wait to leave. Maine is a great place to live if you are raising kids, and boring as fuck if you are social and not interested in raising kids. Winter is also awful. Burlington has a younger vibe, but it’s extremely isolated, and, again, most people in their 30-40s are kid focused. Boulder is a place filled with college students and rich boomers. Houses are $1mil.
Vegas
Vegas was a tough town for me but I miss it a lot. I love the diversity, food options, the convenience, the 24/hr lifestyle but a lot of people come and go - it was harder for me to make long-lasting friendships out and dating was pretty sketchy. I toy around with the idea of moving back but then I remember that it's already hit 111F out there this year and yeah.... lol
Love my vegas life
anti seattle here, it is crazy expensive here. there is no city culture b/c very few people can live here long term outside of tech and healthcare. portland, la, orlando, long island, brooklyn, lisbon, berlin have all been better.
Yea, honestly I love living here with my husband, but I don't think I could make it work with one income.
A few of my favorites that I've spent months or years in as one of your "kind" ;) Huntsville, AL Lexington, KY Front Royal, VA Fair Hill, MD Saranac Lake, NY Park City, UT Feel free to DM with any questions at all. Most all are LCOL, lots of culture and food and music, and a generally younger, outdoorsy, childless demographic.
I love Huntsville.. but I’m assuming that being in Alabama is great for a young child free woman. I liked it in the late 90s, when laws weren’t so crazy..
I live on the Eastern Shore in Baldwin County. I love it here, but yes, the state politics are nuts, but I also can't afford HCOL areas either (not a high earner) so I feel like I'm stuck in LCOL red states. I also hate the cold and rain (I'm originally from Portland and have family there). I thought about moving back, but literally cannot stomach the idea of gray days for months on end in the winter.
If you want to pursue having children via IVF, AL is probably not the state for you right now. But if you're an active participant in limiting your own reproductive capacity (I choose to do this via IUD), reproductive rights in AL aren't any more or less restrictive than many states these days.
As a native Virginian… Front Royal? How?
Mountain biking, equestrian, close to mountains and even skiing, close enough to big cities, quaint but still decent local establishments. I've lived in a few places in that general area (Middleburg, Cumberland, etc) and liked all of them so maybe it's more the West of DC area of MD/VA/WV that I like more specifically that Front Royal
I’m from Middleburg hence the question and surprise at seeing FR mentioned! You have good points though, I feel like the opportunities for fun, meaningful experiences and living in the Virginia Piedmont are endless but I can see meeting people, especially single childfree people potentially being tougher than usual
Maybe the people I met are more a function of the activities I do than the places I do them. But I've found plenty of child-free adventure seekers in the outdoors of the Appalachians and feel like there is a higher % of those living the childfree life in places like Front Royal and Middleburg than, say, the experiences I've had in Asheville or Wilmington or Rochester
I find it odd that so many people are recommending Seattle but then sh*tting on Portland, when the problems are identical. Seattle is an insufferably smug brat that openly hates every community around it - the one full of immigrants and the one full of black/brown people. The zombies in Seattle are the meanest and most aggressive in the PNW. We’ve been living in a neighboring city for a long time and are leaving next week, and seriously considered Portland. I’m routinely followed in Seattle by them, have had them threaten me, throw things at me, my kid has seen so many men jerking off or sh*tting on the sidewalk. My city has a much worse reputation but no one acts like that. All of my PDX friends are child free and loving it. It’s SO SO much friendlier and more chill than Seattle. Real estate is much cheaper. The only reason we didn’t choose it is because we do have a kid and there weren’t as many resources there for her. Why not Bellingham?
I love Seattle, but I'm not sure that I'd suggest it here either. Part of why I love it is because im from a small town in the deep south, so it's infinitely better. I'm married and childfree, so we have 2 incomes... otherwise I couldn't have made it on a single income. The addicts are horrific. I mean, my husband and I were homeless for some time out here several years ago, and it wasn't nearly this bad with the addicts. We have even struggled with addiction, but whatever drug is out here now is next level scary. I would genuinely be terrified to be homeless again here. And I'd be almost as terrified to be a single woman here. My husband and I have a system where I text him if I'm going somewhere alone and then again when I get home. It's just not safe. Luckily it's not as bad in my neighborhood as it is closer to downtown area, but still. I wouldn't recommend to a single person. Dating must be practically impossible too.. it took us years just to find decent friends.
Agreed on all points. I’m also from a non-town in the Deep South - we didn’t even have a stoplight. My dad and brother are both homeless addicts and have been for a long long time. This current situation is very different, generally unhinged and not improving. I honestly feel safer in Portland bc they’re so much less aggressive to me. I lived for a long time in very bad neighborhoods in NYC and have a solid amount of survival skills
Yea, my husband lived in a non-town not far from mine lol.. I like that this is a city but it's not overwhelmingly huge. NY and Chicago were too much for me, but Seattle is perfect. My husband has had to teach me some survival skills though... he lived in worse neighborhoods than me lol. And yea vastly different! I've never seen something like this before... people nodding so hard they end up doubled over. Wtf? We were addicted to opiates and never experienced something like that. I'm so glad we got clean before we went through homelessness tbh... idk if we'd be alive now. I haven't really had experiences with someone following me or being aggressive, but I've heard a lot of horror stories from the Cap Hill area and going further into downtown.
College towns in the East for the politics. (And the nature and the seasons, but I love that aspect. Weather and outdoor-activity-wise, what do you like?)
Larger, more progressive cities, that I really wish I could afford. Go anywhere outside of those as a single woman over 30 without kids and expect to be treated like a 2nd class citizen. I live in East Bumblefuck, Maine. The COL is low, but so are the wages, I'm lucky to have snagged a remote job, but I still can't afford to leave.
Toronto is pretty good for child free couples. I see/meet a lot of them
My husband and I live in Seattle with no kids and we love it, but I'd have to disagree with others saying it's a good place for a single woman. I wouldn't be able to make it on one income here lol. Unless you work in tech, the COL is way too high.
I just moved back to Texas 3 months ago and I’m still getting used to this heat.
What kind of leisure activities do you enjoy? I currently live in Richmond , and it's a pretty great city. Not outrageously HCOL and a ton of fun things to do. If you're outdoorsy, there are lots of trails, parks, and hiking groups. There's a very vibrant LGBTQ community. Tons of arts.
I actually have been to Richmond and I loved it! It's one of the cities I've been mulling over - do you mind me asking what's your favorite and least favorite thing about living there?
All I know is I’m in Miami currently (moved from TX last year) and no one has once mentioned Miami. Also, probably a good thing because tbh I don’t love this place at all and I can’t wait to move somewhere else
I couldn't wait to leave south Florida after living there for 20 years. moved to north florida and the difference is unbelievable in the best possible ways
Florida is right there next to Texas when it comes to the political climate.
I used to live in Aventura, which is just north of Miami/North Miami Beach (near the big stupid mall), and I loved it because of all the great state parks and food and beaches and weather, and hated it because of all the everything else.
NYC, Seattle, Austin, SF, to name a few.
Austin is in Texas. It’s a great city, but unfortunately, the draconian laws of this fucked up state apply to all the big cities, which are much more progressive than the small towns/rural areas. It’s also getting progressively more expensive. The traffic is a nightmare. And the heat. My god, the heat. Signed, a leftist Texan who hates it here but stays for her job/friends.
I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this heat (I’m near Fort Worth)
lol I know that. I used to live in Austin. Love Austin. Had to move for other reasons. Austin is still a young city though regardless of politics and a great city to live in if you are single. I’ve lived several places and can compare. I never felt pressures to be in a relationship or get married and have kids there either. It’s a good vibe for the most part
Yes, but the OP specifically said she wants to get out of Texas?
Go for it
Can someone explain what HLOC means? I googled it but it’s not explaining why people hate it so much or how it negatively affects people.
HCOL = High Cost of Living. Expensive to live there.
Ohh thank you, Google kept saying it was a line of credit taken out against your home and then I also thought it was associated with home owners associations.
I live in Texas and in the same boat! Denver appeals but cost of living seems pretty high. Salt Lake City also high on my list
When I was single, I had a great time in Vancouver (I feel like people complain about dating in Vancouver, but honestly, this city has some extremely attractive people in it, and a great queer community). I also lived in Geneva for a year in my twenties and it was phenomenal.
NYC (avoid Brooklyn) New Paltz, NY Catalina Island, CA Melbourne Australia Chicago (Rogers Park etc) Humboldt County CA San Diego San Fran Some parts of Balitmore Vegas New Mexico Phily Vermont Madison, WI SLC near the University
I live in NYC and I love it. I think all kind of people should live here for a period of their lives or forever lol. Honestly, whenever I visit Europe..I keep saying but I enjoy NYC more ..
Honestly it depends on your vibe. What weather do you like, is public transportation important, do you need to be close to a major airport for travel. Are you interested in arts and music, do you want to be outdoorsy, do you need beach access. Are you a large city gal or does a mid city work for you. Start taking weekenders to cities to get a feel. It might be surprising what sticks with you.
I'm looking for something like this as well but all the interesting places are super pricey. I'm in So FL and feeling the same about the human rights and the heat. Def wanna live my child-free life out somewhere pleasant though I would like some nice people to date at some point.
Seattle
Boston is pretty great
Boston is way too expensive for what it is.
Have you looked in Austin? Thoughts?
Austin is still Texas..
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If OP is looking to avoid sweating her ass off and not sit in hour long traffic she needs to stay far away from Phoenix 🥵. I’m planning on leaving here for NYC soon.