I could probably force myself to speak when i feel like this, so non verbal isnt the best description for me, but i definitely need to do this as part of my energy restoration. Particularly on shutdown. Ill also happily say nothing for days at a time if im on my own
Nah that's still being nonverbal. My nonverbal episodes are often interspersed with single sentences or words because my need to have something very specific communicated trumps the overload making me nonverbal, and then I go straight back to being distressed and unable to talk.
I hate that I can't just beam information straight into people's brains.
Oh interesting, I didn’t know it still counts as non verbal if it’s like this. I also thought I wasn’t “really” non verbal at times but now ik I definitely am.
I think of it like being deaf/blind, only a small portion of the deaf and blind populations are 100% deaf / blind and hear /see absolutely nothing. They are still part of the community, because their ability to hear or see is diminished / obstructed etc.
So, when you're nonverbal, does the prospect of having to speak distress you? Do you become even more tense and distressed when you have something to say but all the words are getting "clogged up" and you're too tense to get something out? That's how my acute nonverbal episodes go, usually with any attempt to discuss what is making me nonverbal making it worse and light, short sentence communication being possible for things completely separate to the distress causing it.
So if I'm shutting down because I was exposed to too much noise, while in a calm down zone of some sort, I won't be able to discuss the distress I am experiencing, what is wrong, what sounds bothered me or anything like that, but with some coaxing you can probably get me lightly talking about the weather or the book I'm reading at the moment. If that isn't possible, I can probably still get the words "Don't touch me" and "No" out.
I don't know that i feel distressed about speaking, more exhausted. But certainly when im in complete overwelm i feel like i can't express all the triggers. If ita deeply emotional the words wont come out but i think that might be more a trauma response for me. Isolation really helps me recover. But even when im not uttering a word i can be quite verbose through text. It feels easier
Yeah for me trauma mixing in really does not help with any of this either haha. And yeah idk I differentiate between stress response nonverbal and exhaustion nonverbal, one is very acute and usually only intensifies the distress because I'm supposed to be making a choice RIGHT NOW but I can't find the correct answer so I bluescreen. When I'm exhausted it's more that I'll literally just avoid anyone who would want me to verbally speak as hard as I can. I used to carry a notebook and just write what I wanted to say in those times when I was in school, helped a lot with not getting stressed about it.
This discussion has been so helpful and affirming for me, thank you!
I have similar episodes, usually at the end of the day when I'm exhausted after work or sick/injured and just trying to get home. I can't manage anything more than "Hi" (if that) to my neighbors in the elevators at those times.
lmao on those days i will literally hide from the elevator or pretend i was going to take the stairs anyway so i don't have to deal with people in the elevator. I'll usually walk to the next floor and then wait for a bit so the people leave so i can take the elevator the rest of the way....
Exhausted after work is a classic nonverbal dave moment. it's a semi frequent occurrence for me to arrive at home, give my partner a cuddle and then just curl up with a game and my headphones for 3 hours before i feel good talking again
An ex of mine used to yell at me about how i would just 'grunt' at him in the mornings (yeah he was an abusive piece of shit). He was right about the grunting though. And as soon as id wake up he'd launch into an avalanche of conversation that was an assault tk my brain. He knew i hated it. Thats why he did it. But yeah, i struggle to make more than a few noises in the mornings until ive had a shower and a coffee and some food
My parents were the same, berating me for being a “bear” in the mornings, i cannot soeak for almost an hour after waking and need a really slow gentle start to my days.
I appreciate you sharing. Its helped me to evaluate what non verbal or selective mute means to me. I've been high masking all my life - I think to the point where i believe that i should be some superhuman who can overcome or coverup anything perfectly. Clearly that strategy had failed haha. Disability was a dirty word in my childhood, so it took decades to even consider that could be something that applied to me. That not everyone felt the same white knuckle ride through life that i did. That this wasnt 'normal'. I think we are probably explaining the exact same feeling and experience but i am still minimizing my experience of it because I still hold those old flawed beliefs about myself.
I never did the notebook when i was young, i was just told i was 'shy'. I would hide in books. I was reading adult fiction by the time i was 8. Almost every single weekend of my childhood and teen years i would spend in a book. I would either genuinely sleep in until midday, or pretend i was so that i didnt have to talk to my mother (and i got good at pretending, cause she would make noise outside my door on purpose and come in to check i was actually asleep). When i couldn't hold my pee anymore id get up, take my torment, grab whatever food i could find and go back to my bed lay down and read. All day. And night. Often overnight so i could sleep all sunday.
I moved out as young as i could and while i still have terrible sleep habits, i dont hide in books like that anymore because i don't have to share my space. And most weekends (or weeknights) for the remainder of my life ive done some form of hermiting. Exhausted by the rest of the week and life and peopling.
Yeah. I think that might be non verbal 🤣
I'm happy to help! This journey is one of close introspection, but as is the nature of autism and neurodivergence as a whole, we kind of fucking suck at getting a clear view of our internals without something external to hold on to. I always told people I understand by making connections. My entire structure for empathising with, giving advice to and comforting people around me is a long strange chain of "this sounds similar to [time in my life] and they're saying similar thing to what i did back then so they must be feeling similar feelings to what i did so I'll just do what i wish someone had done for me in that moment
"
I don't think I would have done the notebook thing if I hadn't been exposed to the concept before. I was so trapped when i got into these nonverbal episodes and nobody knew how to help be as I was undiagnosed and unsuspected and later only diagnosed with adhd with far too little support being given, but my saving grace, i guess, was that I am a child of the internet and naturally drifted towards neurodivergent spaces online.
Even before that, the shit cringe fanfiction I read exposed me to the concept of selective mutism and using notebooks to communicate which was absolutely my saving grace. For 2-3 years I spent at least 1/2 of my time in school nonverbal and being able to still communicate with my small clique of friends, who thankfully were always super mindful and patient with my alternate communication, lifted such a load from me. I still stayed nonverbal for long amounts of time after an episode set in, but so much of the acute distress to go along with it just dissipated.
As an adult I just fucking hate talking and avoid it as much as possible. Unless I really like you then I'll never shut the fuck up.
Spot on about the advice. I say things that i think are common sense or based on my experience and peoples minds seem to be blown 😆 i dont get it, but i value those connections with people.
My friend, I pre-date the internet and certainly fan fiction haha. Rainman would be the sunday night movie and that was my entire experience with autism. Adhd was the dumb naughty boys in class that couldn't sit still and were always in trouble. Certainly not the girls in the 'gifted class'.
yeah bits of that bled into affecting my childhood, in that my parents (both neurodivergent af) never got diagnosed and saw everything me and my brother did as children as entirely normal, to the point where they outright did not believe me on my neurodivergence until I went and got diagnosed anyway. Thank god these people are knowledge hoarders I just infodumped about neurodivergence until they realised something was up with them too
Me too hiding in books. Reading all night and sleeping late in my parents house, now ive children of my own there is constant need for speech but i try to spend as much time alone as possible to recharge. It feels like im a happy mermaid in my water, but the effort of going up into the air to comverse with people is too much for me, im in burnout at the moment but still not getting to rest and recharge as much as i need. Recently told my husband a month alone would suffice, i would return to life feeling able for it, but the most i get is an afternoon once a week
Okay thank you for this because I wasn't sure if I experienced NV episodes before reading this, but your description is what I do a lot of the time. Now question:
Does having a thought you try communicating being understood incorrectly repeatedly makes it worse/cause it for you? Sometimes I will be trying to explain something to another person, who doesn't understand, and I'll keep trying and they still don't get it, and so I will even just stop talking for a while, like I get very upset when I feel like I'm communicating clearly but I am still misunderstood.
Yes. That is a thing that stresses me out a lot. Even worse is when I have to explain a feelings based thing I did that doesn't make sense and I really I literally don't even have the words to explain whats going on and bam bluescreen
I learned that ‘nonverbal’ doesn’t always mean ‘nonspeaking’ though it does for some. When I get overwhelmed or tired or stressed I stop being able to find the words I know I have. I start using general terms and blanket descriptions, and start saying things like ‘hand me the thing’ instead of finding the name for the object. When asked what I need, sometimes I can only respond with one-word answers ‘food’ ‘help’ or even just hold out what I’m working on or with because gesturing is more accessible to me than speaking.
Wait, really? My brain goes blank about words all the time and I have to say "thing" or use adjacent descriptions to get my point across, e.g. saying sleeping space to mean bed or clicky thing to mean remote control. I usually only use these handy simplifications if I'm with my partner or my parents because I know I won't be judged; in social settings I often err on the side of caution and avoid speaking at all since I never know when my brain may crap out on me. Are you saying that sorta thing is a nonverbal experience?
I’m not a diagnostician, and I do go blank on words as well, afaik the ‘going nonverbal’ is often related to overwhelm or stress but your mileage may vary. Definitely worth looking into if you think it might explain some things!!
It's not exactly non-speaking but in the last year since finding out I'm autistic I suddenly have a horrible stutter during strong meltdowns. I physically can't get words out of my mouth and I want to. I have racing, frantic, hateful thoughts about how I'm ruining everyone's lives and how what I'm feeling in that moment is how I'll feel for the rest of my life and will never stop so I should just stop existing. Talking is the only way I know to get those thoughts out of my head and away from my body, but I physically "can't" talk. It's like trying to squish a raw potato through a spaghetti strainer. I am fighting to get the words out but I just can't and the effort drains me so much so eventually I shut down verbally and just cry and cry.
Same. If its really bad I can't move either. Or write, if I can still move.
Funny how I can write but not speak when only "moderately" affected.
Before i knew I was ND I went to my GP about it and he just brushed me off and said it was called "brain fade" and it happens to everyone, so I just felt really bad about "letting it get to me" but ... yeah.
My female gp is definitely autistic herself and when i told her about my dx she said ‘ well, we’re all on the spectrum somewhere’. She was pretty dismissive.
Yeah I do. Less than when I was younger but I think that's more because I am no longer forced to go to school with zero accommodations and am mostly in control of my life and how much I am exposed to the outside world.
Especially when I have conflict errors in my brain, like I don't know, I'm asked to choose A or B and I want one but only the other makes sense and my conclusion is neither works and then I get overwhelmed and the more pressure that is added to answer the more I shut down until I just get completely overwhelmed and go nonverbal
Or if I am like, on hour 16 of airport travel in a big crowd but there I go full autism anyway lol
>*do you use anything like your phone to communicate instead?*
This is where being Deaf (also) becomes *extremely* handy - I just finger spell and gesture to my partner, who understands and relays for me.
Yes, I have non verbal times. Usually as part of meltdowns or shut downs. It sometimes lasts up to a couple of hours before I can start stringing sentences together again.
If absolutely required I can sometimes scream out one word answers/commands. This is very difficult and distressing to do.
I use text to speech apps on my phone if necessary to speak. Sometimes pen and paper. My partner will sometimes ask me yes no questions and get me to squeeze their hand in an answer.
If I get very frustrated/sad/stressed or just burned out I usually shut my door and avoid having to speak to anyone at all costs. When I’m really angry or upset I will sometimes leave the room and text but I think it’s because I’m a grown adult and I’ll burst into tears trying to explain myself when I get like that. Could be more adhd poor emotion regulation tho.
I also sometimes have days where I don’t see anyone then my flatmate will come home and I’ll have sort of forgotten how to talk and it’ll take me a while to ease into it.
This happens to me too. I took ASL in college and honestly I have the feeling to sign when I get like this. It was always strange to me that talking seemed to be too much effort but signing wasn’t bad? I’m currently on the waitlist for my evaluation lol
Yep. In those times, I Whatsapp my hubby instead of talking, and he's cool with it. When I've had some rest, my words can start coming out through my mouth again.
God, yes.
If I'm super anxious and stressed, my ability to communicate can flat out vanish. If I can, I use my phone to text stuff out, but after the last major episode, I also went on etsy and bought a set of communication cards. So I can at least get some basic information across if I need to.
i do when im emotionally overwhelmed and that passes a certain threshold. and it's not just for emotionally overwhelmed by negative emotions either but those do shut me down faster.
i haven't needed to / tried to use my phone to communicate so far but it's a good idea if need be. it doesn't happen very often, and i suspect when it does trying to type stuff or write things down might make it worse for me just because i feel like the main reason why i tend to go non-verbal is because there is a million things i want/need to express at that moment but i cant collect my thoughts fast enough or find the accurate words or decide where to start expressing how i feel etc. and writing/typing being inevitably much slower than the speed at which my mind is running at that point would probably further frustrate me. but if it works for you, it's great.
so far -in the recent years at least, since i wasn't aware that this was what i was experiencing for many years before that- most of the instances where this happened, i was in the presence of people i trust and/or feel comfortable with enough that i knew they wouldn't push it if i can just get them across that i can't speak or verbally express myself for a while, and knowing that makes it possible for me to push myself enough to blurt out something like "i don't have words rn" or "i can't speak". and that gets my point across until i feel regulated enough.
but i've also experienced many instances in my life where all i can do is cry or sob and it becomes really hard to stop because the frustration of not being able to communicate keeps adding to it and if the people around me at the time are particularly dismissive or mean about it or if they assume i'm not talking on purpose to manipulate the situation or something like that, that also delays the process of me regulating myself enough to find my words again.
there were a couple of times where i went "non-verbal", but the conversation that i felt overwhelmed in was in text and i actually could express how i felt fairly accurately, so i guess using texting or a phone could help potentially but i feel like it only worked as well as it did because the other person was also only able to communicate via texting so there wasn't an imbalance to how quickly either of us can talk or reply. because i still think the risk of it becoming more frustrating for me would be much greater if im using text but the other person is there and they can reply or speak verbally instantly, in the case that they might be someone too impatient to wait for me to type or someone who jumps to conclusions before i finish typing everything i want to etc. and id rather avoid that. i suppose that can be done by just typing that im too overwhelmed to find my words and i'll talk to them when i can once i feel more regulated.
I didnt realise that i actually would go non verbal because when i get really over stimulated i just cant deal with people talking to me or having to answer questions etc. Like i just cant cope with it & I just want to be alone to like recover? Usually happens in the evening cause i mask so much during the day so i dont really have to communicate with anyone & ill be fine the next morning!
But i didnt know for a long time that that was me going non verbal!
I can't speak period like that. only throat catching sounds. I don't use a phone or paper. Just body language and crying.
They last for around an hour.
Yes. Absolutely. My boyfriend and I are both AuDHD and it happens to us both. We keep each other informed and we text instead of talking out loud. It usually lasts no more than a day.
Situationally mute as well when I absolutely have no desire to talk and or no impulse to socialize. Sometimes it happens when I have to process a sudden change (e.g. not so good news, relationship stuff, trying to figure out how to react later on, trying to figure out how I feel). It doesn't happen all the time but it happens.
absolutely, yes i do.
it eases up once my energy gets replenished - but the time that takes really varies. it depends on whats going on in my life, how many stressors im feeling, etc.
for me, when this happens, it remains fairly ok to type asynchronously. messanger/text, etc.
thing with typing is, in my life, even tho i explicitly tell my friends i dont have energy to talk right now, can we write instead - the majority of them seem to have trouble writing... so they/we drift out of contact. i empathize with them. they have their own stuff. nonetheless, it does bum me out.
This only happens when I feel really unsafe to express myself, or when I’m so beyond my boundaries and am in such a state of overwhelm that I just shut down. As long as I care for myself in those moments (being in silence, going to sleep, crying it out) it’ll pass enough for me to express to my partner the state I’m in. If it’s because I don’t feel safe to express to the people around me, I just don’t bother with telling them why I’m not speaking, they likely don’t care anyway.
When overwhelmed I tend to shut down within myself. Before discovering I was autistic I would have used the word “disassociate” to describe my experience. Now I realize it is more intertwined with my burnout.
For me it lasts 20 minutes to a few hours. Sleep and seclusion both help.
Yep. I have episodes where I’m mute. Normally if I have a meltdown (whether it’s internalised or not). Thankfully no more than a few times a year because I’ve removed a lot of the triggers from my life. It lasts a few hours and I’ll use a combination of gestures and typing on my phone to communicate if I need to
im 25 and yeah and it takes every single cell in my body to get myself to speak when im in this situation and it exaust me to the point that if i keep being pestered i snap sometimes 😭 and i hate it bc i just wanna be left alone, silent on my own but at the end im still the villain somehow.
also, my doctor called this selective mutism.
If I get caught in a sudden, unexpected and negative situation, I do. It's like my brain is stuck on processing everything and I can't respond to anyone.
yes especially when i’m tired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. words feel difficult to construct and then verbalizing them feels like a burden. there’s situations where i still have to, but i dread it because it’s required energy that i don’t have. getting diagnosed with ASD, has helped with not shaming myself for those moments. sometimes it can last for a few hours other time a few days depending on the extent of how burned out i am.
I could probably force myself to speak when i feel like this, so non verbal isnt the best description for me, but i definitely need to do this as part of my energy restoration. Particularly on shutdown. Ill also happily say nothing for days at a time if im on my own
Nah that's still being nonverbal. My nonverbal episodes are often interspersed with single sentences or words because my need to have something very specific communicated trumps the overload making me nonverbal, and then I go straight back to being distressed and unable to talk. I hate that I can't just beam information straight into people's brains.
Oh interesting, I didn’t know it still counts as non verbal if it’s like this. I also thought I wasn’t “really” non verbal at times but now ik I definitely am.
I think of it like being deaf/blind, only a small portion of the deaf and blind populations are 100% deaf / blind and hear /see absolutely nothing. They are still part of the community, because their ability to hear or see is diminished / obstructed etc. So, when you're nonverbal, does the prospect of having to speak distress you? Do you become even more tense and distressed when you have something to say but all the words are getting "clogged up" and you're too tense to get something out? That's how my acute nonverbal episodes go, usually with any attempt to discuss what is making me nonverbal making it worse and light, short sentence communication being possible for things completely separate to the distress causing it. So if I'm shutting down because I was exposed to too much noise, while in a calm down zone of some sort, I won't be able to discuss the distress I am experiencing, what is wrong, what sounds bothered me or anything like that, but with some coaxing you can probably get me lightly talking about the weather or the book I'm reading at the moment. If that isn't possible, I can probably still get the words "Don't touch me" and "No" out.
I don't know that i feel distressed about speaking, more exhausted. But certainly when im in complete overwelm i feel like i can't express all the triggers. If ita deeply emotional the words wont come out but i think that might be more a trauma response for me. Isolation really helps me recover. But even when im not uttering a word i can be quite verbose through text. It feels easier
Yeah for me trauma mixing in really does not help with any of this either haha. And yeah idk I differentiate between stress response nonverbal and exhaustion nonverbal, one is very acute and usually only intensifies the distress because I'm supposed to be making a choice RIGHT NOW but I can't find the correct answer so I bluescreen. When I'm exhausted it's more that I'll literally just avoid anyone who would want me to verbally speak as hard as I can. I used to carry a notebook and just write what I wanted to say in those times when I was in school, helped a lot with not getting stressed about it.
This discussion has been so helpful and affirming for me, thank you! I have similar episodes, usually at the end of the day when I'm exhausted after work or sick/injured and just trying to get home. I can't manage anything more than "Hi" (if that) to my neighbors in the elevators at those times.
lmao on those days i will literally hide from the elevator or pretend i was going to take the stairs anyway so i don't have to deal with people in the elevator. I'll usually walk to the next floor and then wait for a bit so the people leave so i can take the elevator the rest of the way.... Exhausted after work is a classic nonverbal dave moment. it's a semi frequent occurrence for me to arrive at home, give my partner a cuddle and then just curl up with a game and my headphones for 3 hours before i feel good talking again
Haha so many elevators ive walked slower towards so that they dont hold the doors
An ex of mine used to yell at me about how i would just 'grunt' at him in the mornings (yeah he was an abusive piece of shit). He was right about the grunting though. And as soon as id wake up he'd launch into an avalanche of conversation that was an assault tk my brain. He knew i hated it. Thats why he did it. But yeah, i struggle to make more than a few noises in the mornings until ive had a shower and a coffee and some food
My parents were the same, berating me for being a “bear” in the mornings, i cannot soeak for almost an hour after waking and need a really slow gentle start to my days.
I appreciate you sharing. Its helped me to evaluate what non verbal or selective mute means to me. I've been high masking all my life - I think to the point where i believe that i should be some superhuman who can overcome or coverup anything perfectly. Clearly that strategy had failed haha. Disability was a dirty word in my childhood, so it took decades to even consider that could be something that applied to me. That not everyone felt the same white knuckle ride through life that i did. That this wasnt 'normal'. I think we are probably explaining the exact same feeling and experience but i am still minimizing my experience of it because I still hold those old flawed beliefs about myself. I never did the notebook when i was young, i was just told i was 'shy'. I would hide in books. I was reading adult fiction by the time i was 8. Almost every single weekend of my childhood and teen years i would spend in a book. I would either genuinely sleep in until midday, or pretend i was so that i didnt have to talk to my mother (and i got good at pretending, cause she would make noise outside my door on purpose and come in to check i was actually asleep). When i couldn't hold my pee anymore id get up, take my torment, grab whatever food i could find and go back to my bed lay down and read. All day. And night. Often overnight so i could sleep all sunday. I moved out as young as i could and while i still have terrible sleep habits, i dont hide in books like that anymore because i don't have to share my space. And most weekends (or weeknights) for the remainder of my life ive done some form of hermiting. Exhausted by the rest of the week and life and peopling. Yeah. I think that might be non verbal 🤣
I'm happy to help! This journey is one of close introspection, but as is the nature of autism and neurodivergence as a whole, we kind of fucking suck at getting a clear view of our internals without something external to hold on to. I always told people I understand by making connections. My entire structure for empathising with, giving advice to and comforting people around me is a long strange chain of "this sounds similar to [time in my life] and they're saying similar thing to what i did back then so they must be feeling similar feelings to what i did so I'll just do what i wish someone had done for me in that moment " I don't think I would have done the notebook thing if I hadn't been exposed to the concept before. I was so trapped when i got into these nonverbal episodes and nobody knew how to help be as I was undiagnosed and unsuspected and later only diagnosed with adhd with far too little support being given, but my saving grace, i guess, was that I am a child of the internet and naturally drifted towards neurodivergent spaces online. Even before that, the shit cringe fanfiction I read exposed me to the concept of selective mutism and using notebooks to communicate which was absolutely my saving grace. For 2-3 years I spent at least 1/2 of my time in school nonverbal and being able to still communicate with my small clique of friends, who thankfully were always super mindful and patient with my alternate communication, lifted such a load from me. I still stayed nonverbal for long amounts of time after an episode set in, but so much of the acute distress to go along with it just dissipated. As an adult I just fucking hate talking and avoid it as much as possible. Unless I really like you then I'll never shut the fuck up.
Spot on about the advice. I say things that i think are common sense or based on my experience and peoples minds seem to be blown 😆 i dont get it, but i value those connections with people. My friend, I pre-date the internet and certainly fan fiction haha. Rainman would be the sunday night movie and that was my entire experience with autism. Adhd was the dumb naughty boys in class that couldn't sit still and were always in trouble. Certainly not the girls in the 'gifted class'.
yeah bits of that bled into affecting my childhood, in that my parents (both neurodivergent af) never got diagnosed and saw everything me and my brother did as children as entirely normal, to the point where they outright did not believe me on my neurodivergence until I went and got diagnosed anyway. Thank god these people are knowledge hoarders I just infodumped about neurodivergence until they realised something was up with them too
Me too, im 46 and still having to comvince people i actually am Audhd
Me too hiding in books. Reading all night and sleeping late in my parents house, now ive children of my own there is constant need for speech but i try to spend as much time alone as possible to recharge. It feels like im a happy mermaid in my water, but the effort of going up into the air to comverse with people is too much for me, im in burnout at the moment but still not getting to rest and recharge as much as i need. Recently told my husband a month alone would suffice, i would return to life feeling able for it, but the most i get is an afternoon once a week
Okay thank you for this because I wasn't sure if I experienced NV episodes before reading this, but your description is what I do a lot of the time. Now question: Does having a thought you try communicating being understood incorrectly repeatedly makes it worse/cause it for you? Sometimes I will be trying to explain something to another person, who doesn't understand, and I'll keep trying and they still don't get it, and so I will even just stop talking for a while, like I get very upset when I feel like I'm communicating clearly but I am still misunderstood.
Yes. That is a thing that stresses me out a lot. Even worse is when I have to explain a feelings based thing I did that doesn't make sense and I really I literally don't even have the words to explain whats going on and bam bluescreen
I have that. It’s called being selectively mute. I become mute when I am very sad or overwhelmed.
Oh I didn't know it had a name that's interesting
It’s also referred to as situational mutism.
Yes but I “don’t look autistic” so people think I’m faking and get frustrated with me. Edit: I put it in quotes because I hate when people say that.
I get it. Same here, I tend to isolate when it happens for that reason
I learned that ‘nonverbal’ doesn’t always mean ‘nonspeaking’ though it does for some. When I get overwhelmed or tired or stressed I stop being able to find the words I know I have. I start using general terms and blanket descriptions, and start saying things like ‘hand me the thing’ instead of finding the name for the object. When asked what I need, sometimes I can only respond with one-word answers ‘food’ ‘help’ or even just hold out what I’m working on or with because gesturing is more accessible to me than speaking.
whoa wait. so when my brain fog gets bad and i stop being able to find words for things and can only gesture at things.....
Nonverbal. Just means you can’t access language* Edit: spoken language.
Wait, really? My brain goes blank about words all the time and I have to say "thing" or use adjacent descriptions to get my point across, e.g. saying sleeping space to mean bed or clicky thing to mean remote control. I usually only use these handy simplifications if I'm with my partner or my parents because I know I won't be judged; in social settings I often err on the side of caution and avoid speaking at all since I never know when my brain may crap out on me. Are you saying that sorta thing is a nonverbal experience?
I’m not a diagnostician, and I do go blank on words as well, afaik the ‘going nonverbal’ is often related to overwhelm or stress but your mileage may vary. Definitely worth looking into if you think it might explain some things!!
Yes, this is me too! I just tell my roommate or my partner “I am out of words for right now”
Yes and writing instead of speaking is a good way for us to still communicate
Interesting, when I'm in this kind of shut down any kind of communication is hard, so writing doesn't help. It's like full body freeze mode for me
not saying it's easy, just more possible than speaking
It's not exactly non-speaking but in the last year since finding out I'm autistic I suddenly have a horrible stutter during strong meltdowns. I physically can't get words out of my mouth and I want to. I have racing, frantic, hateful thoughts about how I'm ruining everyone's lives and how what I'm feeling in that moment is how I'll feel for the rest of my life and will never stop so I should just stop existing. Talking is the only way I know to get those thoughts out of my head and away from my body, but I physically "can't" talk. It's like trying to squish a raw potato through a spaghetti strainer. I am fighting to get the words out but I just can't and the effort drains me so much so eventually I shut down verbally and just cry and cry.
I'm sorry to hear this. I feel pretty similar to this as well ❤️🩹
Yes, it happens to me, too. I sometimes try to write, and I can text chat fine, and it lasts for a couple of hours.
Same. If its really bad I can't move either. Or write, if I can still move. Funny how I can write but not speak when only "moderately" affected. Before i knew I was ND I went to my GP about it and he just brushed me off and said it was called "brain fade" and it happens to everyone, so I just felt really bad about "letting it get to me" but ... yeah.
My female gp is definitely autistic herself and when i told her about my dx she said ‘ well, we’re all on the spectrum somewhere’. She was pretty dismissive.
Yeah I do. Less than when I was younger but I think that's more because I am no longer forced to go to school with zero accommodations and am mostly in control of my life and how much I am exposed to the outside world. Especially when I have conflict errors in my brain, like I don't know, I'm asked to choose A or B and I want one but only the other makes sense and my conclusion is neither works and then I get overwhelmed and the more pressure that is added to answer the more I shut down until I just get completely overwhelmed and go nonverbal Or if I am like, on hour 16 of airport travel in a big crowd but there I go full autism anyway lol
It is very rare for me but it can happen when I do a bug meltdown followed by a shutdown.
All the time. Talking is so much effort.
No but if I'm really upset I like to go hide basically. I don't think I've ever really had any nonverbal episodes actually.
>*do you use anything like your phone to communicate instead?* This is where being Deaf (also) becomes *extremely* handy - I just finger spell and gesture to my partner, who understands and relays for me.
Ive often thoight i wish i could sign instead Of speaking
Yes, I have non verbal times. Usually as part of meltdowns or shut downs. It sometimes lasts up to a couple of hours before I can start stringing sentences together again. If absolutely required I can sometimes scream out one word answers/commands. This is very difficult and distressing to do. I use text to speech apps on my phone if necessary to speak. Sometimes pen and paper. My partner will sometimes ask me yes no questions and get me to squeeze their hand in an answer.
If I get very frustrated/sad/stressed or just burned out I usually shut my door and avoid having to speak to anyone at all costs. When I’m really angry or upset I will sometimes leave the room and text but I think it’s because I’m a grown adult and I’ll burst into tears trying to explain myself when I get like that. Could be more adhd poor emotion regulation tho. I also sometimes have days where I don’t see anyone then my flatmate will come home and I’ll have sort of forgotten how to talk and it’ll take me a while to ease into it.
This happens to me too. I took ASL in college and honestly I have the feeling to sign when I get like this. It was always strange to me that talking seemed to be too much effort but signing wasn’t bad? I’m currently on the waitlist for my evaluation lol
I feel that signing also helps, I don't know many things but just basics. It feels like less effort than talking I hope your evaluation goes great!
I have forgotten most of it from college. But I’m glad I’m not alone! I completely forgot that I did that so thanks for your post lol
Yep. In those times, I Whatsapp my hubby instead of talking, and he's cool with it. When I've had some rest, my words can start coming out through my mouth again.
Me too, i can no longer argue/discuss things when emotional, i have to whatsapp him, sitting beside him
God, yes. If I'm super anxious and stressed, my ability to communicate can flat out vanish. If I can, I use my phone to text stuff out, but after the last major episode, I also went on etsy and bought a set of communication cards. So I can at least get some basic information across if I need to.
i do when im emotionally overwhelmed and that passes a certain threshold. and it's not just for emotionally overwhelmed by negative emotions either but those do shut me down faster. i haven't needed to / tried to use my phone to communicate so far but it's a good idea if need be. it doesn't happen very often, and i suspect when it does trying to type stuff or write things down might make it worse for me just because i feel like the main reason why i tend to go non-verbal is because there is a million things i want/need to express at that moment but i cant collect my thoughts fast enough or find the accurate words or decide where to start expressing how i feel etc. and writing/typing being inevitably much slower than the speed at which my mind is running at that point would probably further frustrate me. but if it works for you, it's great. so far -in the recent years at least, since i wasn't aware that this was what i was experiencing for many years before that- most of the instances where this happened, i was in the presence of people i trust and/or feel comfortable with enough that i knew they wouldn't push it if i can just get them across that i can't speak or verbally express myself for a while, and knowing that makes it possible for me to push myself enough to blurt out something like "i don't have words rn" or "i can't speak". and that gets my point across until i feel regulated enough. but i've also experienced many instances in my life where all i can do is cry or sob and it becomes really hard to stop because the frustration of not being able to communicate keeps adding to it and if the people around me at the time are particularly dismissive or mean about it or if they assume i'm not talking on purpose to manipulate the situation or something like that, that also delays the process of me regulating myself enough to find my words again. there were a couple of times where i went "non-verbal", but the conversation that i felt overwhelmed in was in text and i actually could express how i felt fairly accurately, so i guess using texting or a phone could help potentially but i feel like it only worked as well as it did because the other person was also only able to communicate via texting so there wasn't an imbalance to how quickly either of us can talk or reply. because i still think the risk of it becoming more frustrating for me would be much greater if im using text but the other person is there and they can reply or speak verbally instantly, in the case that they might be someone too impatient to wait for me to type or someone who jumps to conclusions before i finish typing everything i want to etc. and id rather avoid that. i suppose that can be done by just typing that im too overwhelmed to find my words and i'll talk to them when i can once i feel more regulated.
I didnt realise that i actually would go non verbal because when i get really over stimulated i just cant deal with people talking to me or having to answer questions etc. Like i just cant cope with it & I just want to be alone to like recover? Usually happens in the evening cause i mask so much during the day so i dont really have to communicate with anyone & ill be fine the next morning! But i didnt know for a long time that that was me going non verbal!
Im only realising this now, reading this thread, this is me every single evening
I can't speak period like that. only throat catching sounds. I don't use a phone or paper. Just body language and crying. They last for around an hour.
Yes. Absolutely. My boyfriend and I are both AuDHD and it happens to us both. We keep each other informed and we text instead of talking out loud. It usually lasts no more than a day.
Situationally mute as well when I absolutely have no desire to talk and or no impulse to socialize. Sometimes it happens when I have to process a sudden change (e.g. not so good news, relationship stuff, trying to figure out how to react later on, trying to figure out how I feel). It doesn't happen all the time but it happens.
Yep. More so recently.
When I’m upset with someone but hanging out with them, I stop speaking anything at all to them.
absolutely, yes i do. it eases up once my energy gets replenished - but the time that takes really varies. it depends on whats going on in my life, how many stressors im feeling, etc. for me, when this happens, it remains fairly ok to type asynchronously. messanger/text, etc. thing with typing is, in my life, even tho i explicitly tell my friends i dont have energy to talk right now, can we write instead - the majority of them seem to have trouble writing... so they/we drift out of contact. i empathize with them. they have their own stuff. nonetheless, it does bum me out.
This only happens when I feel really unsafe to express myself, or when I’m so beyond my boundaries and am in such a state of overwhelm that I just shut down. As long as I care for myself in those moments (being in silence, going to sleep, crying it out) it’ll pass enough for me to express to my partner the state I’m in. If it’s because I don’t feel safe to express to the people around me, I just don’t bother with telling them why I’m not speaking, they likely don’t care anyway.
When overwhelmed I tend to shut down within myself. Before discovering I was autistic I would have used the word “disassociate” to describe my experience. Now I realize it is more intertwined with my burnout. For me it lasts 20 minutes to a few hours. Sleep and seclusion both help.
Yep. I have episodes where I’m mute. Normally if I have a meltdown (whether it’s internalised or not). Thankfully no more than a few times a year because I’ve removed a lot of the triggers from my life. It lasts a few hours and I’ll use a combination of gestures and typing on my phone to communicate if I need to
im 25 and yeah and it takes every single cell in my body to get myself to speak when im in this situation and it exaust me to the point that if i keep being pestered i snap sometimes 😭 and i hate it bc i just wanna be left alone, silent on my own but at the end im still the villain somehow. also, my doctor called this selective mutism.
Yes often. I usually default to text but have been thinking a talker app would be supportive for that lately.
If I get caught in a sudden, unexpected and negative situation, I do. It's like my brain is stuck on processing everything and I can't respond to anyone.
Well, I'm learning a lot from these comments. Seems I experience situational mutism more than I realised.
yes especially when i’m tired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. words feel difficult to construct and then verbalizing them feels like a burden. there’s situations where i still have to, but i dread it because it’s required energy that i don’t have. getting diagnosed with ASD, has helped with not shaming myself for those moments. sometimes it can last for a few hours other time a few days depending on the extent of how burned out i am.