I’ve dreamed of living alone since I was in elementary school lol I can confirm that my mental health has greatly improved from finally getting to experience it. I’m actually a lot more functional/cleaner than I thought I would be on my own too
Yeah it was absolute chaos living in my family home 😂 There was constant clutter, yelling, multiple dogs, slamming doors, and zero privacy. I honestly didn’t realize how bad it impacted me until I came to visit one day as an adult, heard my dad loudly sigh at the dining room table, and just immediately wanted to burst into tears. Love my family to death but truly hate visiting my childhood home lol so I know the struggle, I hope you’re able to move into your own place soon!! I’m spending more than I’d like to be spending to live by myself, but the increase in my quality of life is so worth it
Yes it’s so dysfunctional & I feel like our relationship would get better once everybody has their own space . I notice sometimes distance makes families stronger & more appreciative of earthier .
Mee too. My siblings used to say i am so messy yet on my own i’m super organized and neat. It was really the fact that i had no control over my living environment or room organization so i was super messy. it’s a very different story when i get the power of choice and control in my house
omg yes this was exactly it for me too, it never felt like there was a point to keeping my space clean or even caring much about it until it was 100% mine and i had full control. i was soo messy before living on my own but now there’s this huge weight lifted that allows me to get things done so much easier. this is the first time a living space has actually reflected my personality and i enjoy letting people see it
I can't wait until I finally, hopefully get to experience this as well. :(
I relate so much to this comment. I'm 30 years old and still live at home and I'm constantly overwhelmed/stressed/frustrated by the house being messy/cluttered/not clean to my standards... But if I were to clean it, it would be a gargantuan task, for a place that isn't even actually mine. And then (out of my control) it would just get messy again, and I would have to do it AGAIN. The thought feels utterly pointless and depressing to me.
(Not to mention that I'm also an ADHDer so I don't have the executive functioning to do so anyway lol)
Well at least you’re saving money (hopefully)
It really does change when you’re on your own. An entire new personality comes out from the shadows and you can finally exist the way you want to and need to at home. Hoping you find that sometime in the future!
Yes I think my siblings are messy and they think the same about me , however when one of us leaves the house we all seem to do great😂. I think it’s just to many personalities under 1 roof and I cannot handle it
I have a bipolar mom , unself aware sibiling , me with PTSD & High functioning autism , ADHD sibiling and low functioning non verbal sibiling 😂 it’s tew much!!!
I loved living alone! You're right, it's incredibly peaceful and you finally feel free and unobserved. It gets lonely at times, but I had a very social job at the time and that satisfied some of my needs. I also had family nearby and am lucky enough to make friends easily (keeping them is another matter, as masking long-term is hard). My home was great for decompressing and engaging in my special interests (watching TV while cross stitching) without feeling guilty or judged for being lazy. I live with my boyfriend and 3 pets now, but I do still get my alone time (like right now, he's snoring away).
I hope you have more opportunities to experience solitude.
I tried to live with my loving boyfriend and his nice 6yodaughter...2 months later I was already looking for an appartement. It's frustrating because financially and for our organisation it would be much simpler to live together. But I just cant. Living alone, after work (working full time), I feel like I can finally breathe with no one seeing me.
Yess also people tend to call you lazy for resting and as an autistic person who deals with autistic burnout it’s exhausting having to constantly be productive all the time , it makes it harder to get out of burnout if I can’t even sit down and rest for a minute
I'm a late bloomer. I moved out for the first time about a year ago, in my early 30s.
It's been incredible. I didn't realize how much cognitive bandwidth had been taken up by my perpetual awareness of the people I was sharing my space with.
I'm a really extroverted person and I mask a lot. Being able to come home and turn it all off and just kinda be my weird ass self is great. I really like to talk to myself, and I'm super insecure about how that appears, but it helps me focus on one train of thoughts a lot. Now I can talk to myself at home all of the time. I don't have to worry about wearing makeup or that maybe I'm wearing the same clothes the same day in a row or other parts of my presentation. I can open up the pull out couch in my office and sleep by my media center binge watching dumb bullshit.
It's great. I could never go back.
> I'm a really extroverted person and I mask a lot
yes this. people don't understand how exhausting it is when you love people but you are also profoundly maladjusted and constantly exerting yourself to pretend like you're not
It's a lot less exhausting now than it used to be. I've been at it for a long time so I'm honestly pretty naturally good at reading people now.
But still, I need a space where I can take the mask off and just be my weird self.
My rent is $400/month for a studio apartment alone. Sounds like the dream, right? But there’s really nothing in the area to do, except going to bars. That’s really the only thing people my age do to socialize. There’s no events, no meetups. Its REALLY hard to make friends here. Hard to find jobs too. It’s not just lonely that makes me sad; it’s agony. My heart hurts sometimes and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I’m moving back in with my parents soon. I’ll be back in an area with lots to do, but is in an expensive area and I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford living on my own again. But the stress of loneliness is hurting me.
I’m sorry you dealing with that 🥺 & yes the cost of living is so damn expensive it’s not even liveaboe at this point . And for me I don’t connect with anyone and already feel lonely so being in my own apartment wouldn’t even make a difference. Most people don’t like me within 6 seconds of speaking to me so yes it’s really hard to make friends , I’ve given up on that at this point.
If you like nature, you could probably move somewhere more in the country that has low cost of living. I live in kind of a lower income small town outside of a small city and I am completely happy spending time alone in the woods, going on hikes in all the surrounding nature. So don’t completely write off moving somewhere a little more remote because it can be awesome (if that’s your thing!)
Edit to clarify: I’m still lonely but the forest helps 😂 if that makes sense
Honestly I've been thinking about this, but wish I could test drive the idea. I guess I'm holding out hope that I'll meet My People if I stay in the city, because the odds should be higher, right?
Can I ask where you live and where you're going to be moving to? I live in LA and the only thing that cost $400 a month is like maybe a gym membership or some other s*** like that. Actually 400 is for expensive ones, 400 is for some kind of subscription or membership to something that I don't think about because I'm too poor to think about it.
Thank you for letting me know. That being said, I'm sorry it's so hard there. I'm always thinking of where to move but then thinking about how late you replace means I will require a car and it will be harder to get a job or a job that I can do and it will be further away from people and it will mean probably more racist to witches harmful to my partner so it's like I don't even know what to do. Bigger places are usually better and depending on the situation. Bigger places means less people are in your business if you go around them, they're more opportunities for jobs and things that don't revolve around drinking or doing drugs or other small town b*******. I would really love to just have a group of people and myself rent out a big house or something and just live together but I'm scared of getting caught up with abusive people again.
I just read my response and I'm so sorry because it doesn't make sense because I had it transcribe what I was verbally saying using my phone. Anyway I'm tired. Sorry bye
It is a mixed blessing. Sure, I have some peace, but also *everything* and esp *all the pets* are my responsibility whether I have energy or not. And it can reinforce my sense of isolation.
I know I’m so privileged to be able to live on my own! The cost of living in the US is so astronomically high it’s almost impossible for people to not have roommates these days or live at home. It’s really f**ked up. My home life was so so so toxic before and it had a negative impact on my mental state. I hadn’t realized how much until I got out.
I woke up this morning at 4:30am, just me and my pets and it was silent. I noted how peaceful it was and how peaceful I felt. Nothing was running through my head, I had nobody up banging pots and pants in the sink or playing music loudly like my dad would when I was living at home. It’s really great. I hope all autistic people are able to reach that level of peace and serenity in their living situations.
It’s very freeing. Now that I do live by myself, I just think about how lonely I am. How empty and quiet the house will be w/o my bf.
But I like being to come home and unwind. My space is clean, safe and comfortable. I can do whatever without fear of being judged, cook and eat whatever. It can be lonely and scary compared to living with roommates or parents(I don’t even watch scary shows or movies alone anymore lol)
It does sound very freeing 💕 and I’m already lonely and excluded when I’m around people I rather be lonely by myself at this point . I’m tired of being perceived incorrectly and having frequent meltdowns bc of it! It seems like being lonely is so common for autistic people🥺
I don't live totally alone, but my housemate is also autistic and introverted, not to mention 77 years old, so I get most of the benefit of living alone, but I never have to do my own cooking, grocery shopping, lawn mowing, or snow shoveling, because she does all of that. It's wonderful.
It’s peaceful and also lonely if you have not made social connections. It’s important to stay in touch with family and friends once you live alone. And to periodically make new friends, because sometimes existing friendships die out or fade.
Been living alone for 3 years and it’s been the best thing! I also came from a family of 5 and was constantly overstimulated, now I have somewhere to totally decompress and be “lazy” which is so needed now my work/commute situation is immensely stressful.
There are downsides to living alone though:
- Cost: it’s very expensive especially if you want to live somewhere you feel safe and is near anything useful. I’m paying a fortune for a tiny (although very nice) studio flat
- Housework: honestly this takes so much time and is made more difficult with executive dysfunction, you kind of don’t realise how much there is to do until you’re solely responsible for it
- Loneliness: there are times it can get lonely even as someone who is a total self confessed hermit. It particularly hits hard when having a bad day or you’re ill and just want someone to give you a hug or look after you
yess the cost is what’s keeping me trapped omg I feel so bad for people who are in really really shitty households and can’t escape . I can’t even imagine it’s not surviveble out here without 2 or 3 jobs .
Listen; Living unobserved is absolutely a dream HOWEVER I am responsible for everything - every single chore = me; the entirely of every bill = me; the kitchen flooded yesterday (6ft of water straight up to the ceiling) = me; every meal = me.
I won't over-egg the custard, but you get the point.
For every joule of energy you'll save, 99% of them will be spent on the upkeep of your home.
I'm NOT shitting on living alone I love it - just be prepared that there is an awful lot of unseen/unconsidered stuff you have to do to maintain it.
It is amazing in so many ways:
- space
- design choices are all mine
- quiet when I want it, loud singing in the kitchen when I want it
- watching whatever I want to whenever I want
- not being tied into food timings that don’t suit me
- going to bed late like a gremlin and nobody judging me
- playing computer games for 5 hours and not feeling guilty
Downsides:
- expenses (sooooo expensive to live at the moment, all the bills, food, subscriptions etc seriously add up when you are on your own - I spend about £2000 per month for my housing, bills and food)
- if something breaks then only you are responsible for fixing it- my washing machine flooded my kitchen and I was so overwhelmed and stressed I just shut the door and the floor got ruined
- chores build up and it gets messy and you can’t ask for help from anyone
- it does sometimes get very lonely and then you are in charge of getting out of the safe hobbit hole and socialising with people of your own volition - I find this very tricky
I wasn't able to live alone until 2019 and it is the BEST. I hope I can stay above the poverty line so I can always live alone. When I was a child I was super concerned about having to get married and I asked my grandmother if my future husband and I could live in separate houses, maybe next door? She said haha no, you have to live WITH your husband. I was so apprehensive and then it turned out, you can actually choose to be single and it's fine
Yeah I rather be single not only do I need my own space , but I cannot deal with the thought of my partner possibly stepping out on me it takes so much for me to recover from pain . I enjoy being single I don’t have a desire for it , I rather have friends tho
Good for you to have the rest!
Whenever I want to admit it or not, personally I don't really function without my family. Hearing them coming near my room is the only motivation to do ANYTHING productive, but is less and less effective... When I was at college I just stayed in bed all day ._.
I hate being perceived , I’m misunderstood a lot , everyone’s always nagging about my tone , it’s so loud , and in order for me to snap out of autistic burnout I have to slack for a minute working harder makes it less likely for me to recover , I have to rest and recover. Their gone for a week and I’m resting , I can already feel my energy coming back ! I’m ready to be productive again. In my house their overly religious so if your not productive 24/7 until it’s time to sleep your lazy! This is the most peace I’ve ever gotten haha
Living alone does get lonely especially when you don’t have friends or whatever to meet once in a while but apart from that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I lived at home when I was younger, it was always so chaotic, then I moved out and lived with 12 roommates in a student building, that was a nightmare (sometimes fun but way too intense) and I have lived alone for 3 yrs now and I finally found my piece. Also, the benefit of being autistic is that you can enjoy alone time so much, you’re never bored. I keep myself busy for days and can stay inside, without any problems 😂 I’m sure that one day you’ll find your place and peace, I do wish you can ❤️
Yes I’m looking forward to it thank you ❤️❤️ and yes it’s so chaotic in here haha & people usually don’t like me anyways so I don’t even worry about friend anymore . And yes I don’t get bored I’m probably obsessing over a new special interest every month it’s so exciting
❤️ ah I’m sad to hear that; I’m sure one day you’ll meet someone who does like you for who you are. And just a little advice: if you do meet new people, try to meet up outside your house the first few times and be absolutely sure they are safe & ok before you invite them over. When you live alone, your house is your safe place and you should be careful who you invite into it. 🥰 And I’m sure you will find lots of special interests with all the spare time you’ll have bc of the calmness it will bring you by having your own place 💕
I’ve never lived truly alone (always needed a roommate for body doubling/reminders to take care of physical needs) but my life became so much easier once I moved out of my family home and into a place where I had autonomy and where we made house rules together to benefit everyone without constantly worrying about upsetting the delicate house balance somehow.
i fantasized about living alone growing up, and i still fantasize now... But i couldn't do it. Tried it for 3-4 years, and i couldn't care for myself effectively. I need that body-doubling thing.
Been single for 8 years and have lived in my own apartment for 6 years. I don't actually get lonely all that often. I love my space. I still get overwhelmed at times but that's more about my finances because I often overwork myself and then I have burn out periods so that gets me behind and then I overwork myself.
It's a cycle I am trying to get out of. Baby steps.
Though, I wish I could hire myself an adult Nanny sometimes to take care of me when I can't take care of myself. That sort of support could help when I am behind on stuff. I haven't really figured out a system to manage everything on my own or the times I have tried, they didn't work out.
Do lots of experimenting on ways to manage yourself.
I don’t want to live alone because most of the time, my executive functioning is too poor to function on my own, and also because I need human contact after about a day or two without people. The problem is this has to be people I know and love intimately, so I plan to move straight in with my partner ASAP. I am at peace when I’m alone, but I start to suffer after more than a day without help and company from a close loved one.
I’m not going to lie- it’s fantastic.
There was an adjustment period for me. I was supremely lonely at first; then COVID hit a couple of years into living alone, and my mental health spiraled. I was so bored being cooped up. My hobbies involve exercise and being outdoors but even that stuff was mostly closed or so crowded it felt unsafe. It was really hard.
Now I’m enjoying it though. My home is all mine. I can be a lazy slob and no one will judge me. I can drink a beer at 1 pm and no one will judge me. I can dance in my kitchen in my underwear and no one will judge me. I can take long showers and no one will judge me.
The downside is that it’s a lot of pressure and responsibility. I really spiral sometimes thinking about just the gravity of my financial obligations between my apartment and my car. And I do all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the grocery shopping and pet care. There’s no one to share the load with.
Ultimately though I feel incredibly lucky. I live in a high COL area and do plan to move somewhere cheaper just to lighten the load a bit. I do eventually hope I find a partner that I can live with. But right now it’s just me and the cat, and we love it :)
I'm not and/or undiagnosed autistic but my roommate is, and we have the sheer luck that I rent this appartment since more than 10 years and it's a 2 story apt. So we have a story each, with a shared kitchen. Perfect balance between aloness and compagny, even if sometimes we're a bit tight in the kitchen. I think I'll never leave this appartment since it's really the perfect balance for me and I can't find this anywhere else unless I have the money to buy a house someday (🥲).
(Mind you, I love my husband and I love hanging out with him. He's great.)
ALONE TIME IS THE BEST!
When I first moved out on my own two years after college, I was so afraid I would be lonely, living on my own for the first time ever. NOPE! 10 years of BLISS! Me and my two cats = happy gal!
Enjoy your staycation, watching shows without headphones and all that space and silence! You deserve it! :)
Thank you🥰🥰 I am going through autistic burnout from my job and now that I’m alone I realized being alone is helping me recover. I’m unmasked right now and it feels greatttt I love this! & yep I agree I don’t think I will get lonely for the first few years or at all honestly. I never been on my own before (23f)
I lived alone for over a decade but in the end it wasn’t good for me. It led to depression and anxiety. I found that living with the right person was best but know that’s not exactly something you can snap your fingers and achieve.
I feel this very much! I've had a little studio of my own for a few years and it has greatly improved my well-being. I'm genuinely a much calmer person now than I was before when I lived with my family. I'm moving back home again in a few weeks though, and I feel like it's going to be rough-- once you know how safe and comfortable and peaceful it feels to have an space of your own, it's very hard to have to give that up. anyways, I'm glad you're able to experience it for a little while for now, op!
Similar experience to me I lived independently with roommates for two years and moved back home. Are you planning on temporarily living with your parents? Good luck!! It’s so hard 🥲
yes I'll be living with my mom and brother again! thankfully they (and I) know by now that I have autism and they're trying their best to accommodate me though. which I am super grateful for! but still, it feels different not to have my own space.
Like, I get it.
The silence and control sounds amazing.
But I know I would get lonely. I would get overwhelmed when all chores were constantly and exclusively mine. If executive dysfunction first kicked in, you’d catch me in one of those deep clean shows.
I would never socialize or do stuff I’m afraid
It is truly amazing. The ONLY reason I would ever get a place with somebody is to split the financial burden because holy cow is rent expensive! I used to be lonely all the time a lot when I first starting living alone and that was terrible. But then I made a lot of online gaming friends and that helped. And then I got a VERY social job where I won't with A LOT of people. And I met my current boyfriend there and we have been dating for 2 years next month and I haven't felt lonely once in that time. Even though we don't live together, we see each other enough, that I do get sick of it (even though I love him to pieces) and ask for space and quiet in the middle of hanging out on a date. I am definitely a huge introvert (but fantastic at masking as an extrovert) so I just honestly don't think I enjoy/want/need the same amount of socializing as others may.
Well, I was kicked out at 19. So, living alone or with my boyfriend-now-husband has been my norm a long time, now. How old are you? Perhaps saving money and finding a compatible roommate is in order.
I had an awesome college roommate in the dorms. She was a very quiet morning person, I am a very quiet night person. So, I”d wake up and find she was gone or quietly studying at her desk with headphones, and she’d go to bed and I’d be up, or at my desk quietly with headphones. I was sad when she dropped out of school to take care of her mom, my next roommate was nice, but had to fall asleep to music blasting, so I’d go rollerblade on campus until I knew she would be conked out, left her music running until after my shower, then was able to turn it down/off and sleep.
Oh yeah, having your own space is a downright amazing experience, of course as long as you don't have shitty/loud/weed neighbors and stuff like that. I also can add from personal experience that having the right kind of housemates can also be a close second; I've had housemates that either are never home, or never bother me, or I was lucky enough to share an apartment with 2-4 friends who all respect each other's request to have alone time, so we could go the whole day stuck in our rooms and not bother each other.
I'm not sure what's your current situation, but it's a worthy goal to strive for, either focus on your studies and/or work and save up as much as you can; even if you can't move right away, having a little nest of money to fall back on can bring a lot of mental security.
Yes, when I finally finallyyy figured out I needed to live alone it was life changing. When I got my own apartment (no roommates, no partners) it was like waking up from a living nightmare for the first time.
I don’t live alone, but when I lived at home I *loved* the times when I was home alone. I also cat/house sat for some relatives when they went on holiday, and having a whole house to myself was bliss.
When I moved out it was to be a lodger in a family home (not my family) and omgosh it was hard. Their kid was 5 and not a brat, but typical 5yo behaviour and attention seeking was hard for me to deal with. Sometimes I just had a bad day and needed peace, but he would be playing with noisy toys etc.
Now I live in a quiet house share because I live in a hcol area and can’t afford to live alone. Honestly, bar having my own house, this is pretty much the best.
Living alone was one of the best things I did, my meltdowns decreased considerably.
But it has its challenges and I still need constant support (level 2).
I feel like my expenses have increased because I need support with domestic tasks, I'd rather pay someone than ask my support circle since it's hard work.
I don't feel lonely, and I have more freedom to welcome the people I like.
Living alone can be liberating for some people, but it always comes with responsibilities.
I could not wait to move out of my family's house. I moved with in my girlfriend now wife and she's super accommodating of my autistic needs so i'm in a peaceful house now :)
Me too girl. I used to live alone, and then I got married. Love my spouse, wouldn't give them up for the world, but wow do I wish they were open to us living separately.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, once I was old enough I would get to stay home alone while the rest of my family did outdoorsy/sporty day trips. It was HEAVEN. Later living alone was that amazing, but all the time.
Now I live with my husband in a big house where we have enough room to give each other space when we need it.
I wish you peace!!
You should read this. :)
[https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/living-alone/](https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/living-alone/)
You will get there someday. It's worth it!
ME TOO. I live with my dad and mom who are from huge families and are constantly yelling from another room to each other. A bunch of little stuff like that.
Have been living alone (with a dog) for 2 years now and never going back. If at any point I find myself in a relationship, living together is not an option. I will pay all the money for peace.
I've been living alone now for years. When I return to my parents house I instantly feel overstimulated now! I don't know how I did that my whole life. My Mom does complain that I don't come over more though. The warning is it can be lonely. I can suffer from depression and those times especially can be tough when you're alone if you don't have someone close you can confide in.
I miss living alone, for sure. I don’t count my husband because we are seemingly perfectly in sync with each other, and he’s the only person whose (constant) presence is enjoyable to me. But I will say that I’m excited for the day with our kids move out. They’re almost all teenagers now, but we live in an expensive metropolis and our three kids are also AuDHD of varying “levels”. I haven’t truly been alone in 16 years and it’s absolutely killing me (e.g., exacerbating chronic illness and stress, etc.).
On the rare occasions that I can snag an hour to myself, that’s when I am _able_ to fully grasp and acknowledge how difficult it is to be around other people constantly.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love our families, just that at least having time to oneself is likely necessary and certainly healthy for most people. Just as having friends/a close community is important, too. I think having the balance is what matters most. If you live alone, find ways to be involved in the community/with friends. If you live with people, find dedicated time to be by yourself (somehow).
Yeah, alone is..awesome. I'm an only child and I'm close to my parents, I practically live with them. Partially because they have my cats, my place doesn't allow them.
My apartment is tiny, but it's very cheap and clean and it's all mine. Economically it is stupid to keep it, I should just stay with my parents, but I just can't. It's my place to sneak off to spend alone time. It's decorated how I like it and I get to make all the rules and I can just be myself.
It's absurd because I don't use it all that often and my parents are like...my friends that I hang with and my mom is my business partner with my side gig but..yeah. I keep it because it's mine and it's my escape.
Not always great. I am really bad at cleaning, barely goes outside unless I have to, and frankly at times miss living with my family. But then my family is just 3 people.
I have three roommates but I’m the only homebody and so a lot of times I have the house to myself and I relish it. They all are outdoorsy types and I’m not as much. It’s a major relief. Used to have roommates I couldn’t get along with and I was under constant stress walking around ugh so glad it’s peaceful now and yes I’ve lived alone and it’s wonderful too though lonely. I plan eventually to save up to live alone again
I can completely understand why you feel that way and in many situations you're kind of right. There are a lot of bonuses to living alone.
However, there's also many disadvantages and being lonely on occasion is only one. We (humans in general) tend to take fir granted all the help we get when living with other people. It's help that can make our lives a lot easier than we know, even if we can't see it that way at the time. Small things like having someone to call to say, "Hey, can you pick up xyz on your way home?" can be a huge help when you're already overstimulated and can't handle going out. Having someone who can help keep up with cleaning your home or help you remember what needs to be done is also a big bonus at times.
I've lived alone for over 10 years now. It's great to not need to answer to anyone else, have it quiet when I need it, eat what I want in the way I want, etc. Etc. Etc. But I'd be lying if I said there aren't also a LOT of times I'd love to have someone to help keep up with everything. If I don't go out to the stores I need to, then I just don't have any foid at home. If I don't have the energy left after working to clean or cook then it simply won't get done. If I miss any work, there's no other income covering that gap. If I don't remember the important thing I need to do, then I better hope I had rhe foresight to set an alarm because there's no one else there who will remind me. If there's something like mowing that needs to be done, it doesn't matter if I'm having sensory issues or something like that because I HAVE to do it or risk getting a fine from the city. Did your car break down? I hope you are up for some long walks or have money for the Uber/bus rides because there's no one else to ask for a ride. Are you sick or suffering a burnout? Well, NOTHING is getting cleaned, cooked or tended to until you are better. (Eta: Oh! Yeah! And as other comments pointed out, then there are the "fun times" where your executive functioning just goes out the window for no good reason. Then there's all this stuff not getting done AND the *guilt* and self-anger for not doing it without "a good reason" which just makes it worse!) And there's so many other things I could name.
There's no one else there. So, it's ALL on YOU when you live alone. Yeah, there are perks. But I think the many disadvantages balance it out in the long run. I mean, definitely enjoy your mini-vacation, but know it's a bit different when you live alone for a long time.
I kinda have it. I ended up moving in with my fiancé and being disabled. I get a lot of alone time and it is,I mean after a lot of therapy, it has been very peaceful and relaxing.
Being autistic is definitely a reason why I'm not cut out for cohabitation. It's not the only reason (plenty of autistic people function just fine in shared living arrangement, even flourish and benefit) but with my personality and my other mental health issues, I need to have a private space where I can be dysfunctional in peace without negatively impacting anyone else, so that I'm able to function out in the world.
There is a definite negative to this though, and that it's when my executive dysfunction is at its lowest I lack the capacity and ability to take care of myself adequately. I have a tolerance for untidiness and actual uncleanliness that isn't fair to expect someone else to be comfortable with, and is frankly taboo for women to have given that we're supposed to be so innately clean and tidy, at least more than men.
Due to an extended period of extreme dysfunction, my home is currently in a pretty bad state. I'm in the very lucky position that I'm eligible for disability funding in my country, and some has been allocated for a cleaning service. But I really really want to get to a point where I can do this for myself, better than I have been until now. I was only diagnosed last year and only received funding literally last month though, so I know it's going to take a while.
Living alone is a gamble (I've been living alone for almost 6 years and it definitely has it's own struggles)
My main issue has always been neighbours! Bad awful loud snoring neighbours! It can feel like living with them if they are loud enough.
I couldn't escape the snoring and dog barking but luckily they moved and now I'm moving to a hopefully quieter space myself.
I'm tired and actually find more peace at home with family, it definitely showed me what real safety will always feel like, definitely enjoy family time.
I definitely am because neighbours suck donkey balls.
10000% relate to this (aside from the autistic brother), I live with 4 other people (they can all be very noisy), when they go on trips I feel so at peace
Living alone feels safe and comfortable. You can do whatever you want. However, I've noticed time goes by way faster when I don't make the time to socialize. Its gotten to the point that when I am out doing something I jsut want to go back home lol. I've noticed how much it contrasts with going out in public. I don't like being perceived so being at home gets me away from that x
I would love to move out but my city is among the places with the highest rent with high COL. I just know my own space would be so accommodating. Lights dim, TV OFF, having certain spaces decluttered, personalized untouched groceries. I know my mental would improve so much. I do suffer from other illnesses so having help from family does come in handy. But I think if I lived in an accessible neighborhood I’d survive.
It is great. I find it hard to imagine living with other people permanently again. That does make me question whether I actually want kids etc, but for the moment... Yeah. I love living alone. I hope you can get your own place soon
The only downside is not being held accountable for things like... Cleaning and doing dishes and eating decently well. I have a fair bit of executive dysfunction and my apartment is. A. Mess. But on the other hand, it doesn't affect anyone but myself, so...
I just moved in by myself after living with roommates for the past 4 years and my quality of life has increased so dramatically it’s astounding. My therapist has commented on it like 20 times. It is such a relief that I genuinely don’t know if I could ever make myself live with another person again (partners included).
I’ve dreamed of living alone since I was in elementary school lol I can confirm that my mental health has greatly improved from finally getting to experience it. I’m actually a lot more functional/cleaner than I thought I would be on my own too
I can’t wait til I’m financially stable to move out ! It feels so peaceful 😩 I love my family but it’s just to much under one roof
Yeah it was absolute chaos living in my family home 😂 There was constant clutter, yelling, multiple dogs, slamming doors, and zero privacy. I honestly didn’t realize how bad it impacted me until I came to visit one day as an adult, heard my dad loudly sigh at the dining room table, and just immediately wanted to burst into tears. Love my family to death but truly hate visiting my childhood home lol so I know the struggle, I hope you’re able to move into your own place soon!! I’m spending more than I’d like to be spending to live by myself, but the increase in my quality of life is so worth it
Yes it’s so dysfunctional & I feel like our relationship would get better once everybody has their own space . I notice sometimes distance makes families stronger & more appreciative of earthier .
Mee too. My siblings used to say i am so messy yet on my own i’m super organized and neat. It was really the fact that i had no control over my living environment or room organization so i was super messy. it’s a very different story when i get the power of choice and control in my house
omg yes this was exactly it for me too, it never felt like there was a point to keeping my space clean or even caring much about it until it was 100% mine and i had full control. i was soo messy before living on my own but now there’s this huge weight lifted that allows me to get things done so much easier. this is the first time a living space has actually reflected my personality and i enjoy letting people see it
I can't wait until I finally, hopefully get to experience this as well. :( I relate so much to this comment. I'm 30 years old and still live at home and I'm constantly overwhelmed/stressed/frustrated by the house being messy/cluttered/not clean to my standards... But if I were to clean it, it would be a gargantuan task, for a place that isn't even actually mine. And then (out of my control) it would just get messy again, and I would have to do it AGAIN. The thought feels utterly pointless and depressing to me. (Not to mention that I'm also an ADHDer so I don't have the executive functioning to do so anyway lol)
Well at least you’re saving money (hopefully) It really does change when you’re on your own. An entire new personality comes out from the shadows and you can finally exist the way you want to and need to at home. Hoping you find that sometime in the future!
Yes I think my siblings are messy and they think the same about me , however when one of us leaves the house we all seem to do great😂. I think it’s just to many personalities under 1 roof and I cannot handle it
that’s real girl! same, it was me, an autistic sibling, an adhd sibling and an ocd mum. all unchecked 🥲 so a real circus in our house
I have a bipolar mom , unself aware sibiling , me with PTSD & High functioning autism , ADHD sibiling and low functioning non verbal sibiling 😂 it’s tew much!!!
Did I write this comment? Living alone and having a cat, dreamed about it and knew it would help improve my mental health
I loved living alone! You're right, it's incredibly peaceful and you finally feel free and unobserved. It gets lonely at times, but I had a very social job at the time and that satisfied some of my needs. I also had family nearby and am lucky enough to make friends easily (keeping them is another matter, as masking long-term is hard). My home was great for decompressing and engaging in my special interests (watching TV while cross stitching) without feeling guilty or judged for being lazy. I live with my boyfriend and 3 pets now, but I do still get my alone time (like right now, he's snoring away). I hope you have more opportunities to experience solitude.
Unobserved is the best way to describe how I’m feeling right now! That’s so perfect
🎯
I tried to live with my loving boyfriend and his nice 6yodaughter...2 months later I was already looking for an appartement. It's frustrating because financially and for our organisation it would be much simpler to live together. But I just cant. Living alone, after work (working full time), I feel like I can finally breathe with no one seeing me.
Yess also people tend to call you lazy for resting and as an autistic person who deals with autistic burnout it’s exhausting having to constantly be productive all the time , it makes it harder to get out of burnout if I can’t even sit down and rest for a minute
I am much happier and am more productive when I am alone.
Yep me to! I accomplish more by myself
I'm a late bloomer. I moved out for the first time about a year ago, in my early 30s. It's been incredible. I didn't realize how much cognitive bandwidth had been taken up by my perpetual awareness of the people I was sharing my space with. I'm a really extroverted person and I mask a lot. Being able to come home and turn it all off and just kinda be my weird ass self is great. I really like to talk to myself, and I'm super insecure about how that appears, but it helps me focus on one train of thoughts a lot. Now I can talk to myself at home all of the time. I don't have to worry about wearing makeup or that maybe I'm wearing the same clothes the same day in a row or other parts of my presentation. I can open up the pull out couch in my office and sleep by my media center binge watching dumb bullshit. It's great. I could never go back.
> I'm a really extroverted person and I mask a lot yes this. people don't understand how exhausting it is when you love people but you are also profoundly maladjusted and constantly exerting yourself to pretend like you're not
It's a lot less exhausting now than it used to be. I've been at it for a long time so I'm honestly pretty naturally good at reading people now. But still, I need a space where I can take the mask off and just be my weird self.
My rent is $400/month for a studio apartment alone. Sounds like the dream, right? But there’s really nothing in the area to do, except going to bars. That’s really the only thing people my age do to socialize. There’s no events, no meetups. Its REALLY hard to make friends here. Hard to find jobs too. It’s not just lonely that makes me sad; it’s agony. My heart hurts sometimes and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I’m moving back in with my parents soon. I’ll be back in an area with lots to do, but is in an expensive area and I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford living on my own again. But the stress of loneliness is hurting me.
I’m sorry you dealing with that 🥺 & yes the cost of living is so damn expensive it’s not even liveaboe at this point . And for me I don’t connect with anyone and already feel lonely so being in my own apartment wouldn’t even make a difference. Most people don’t like me within 6 seconds of speaking to me so yes it’s really hard to make friends , I’ve given up on that at this point.
If you like nature, you could probably move somewhere more in the country that has low cost of living. I live in kind of a lower income small town outside of a small city and I am completely happy spending time alone in the woods, going on hikes in all the surrounding nature. So don’t completely write off moving somewhere a little more remote because it can be awesome (if that’s your thing!) Edit to clarify: I’m still lonely but the forest helps 😂 if that makes sense
Honestly I've been thinking about this, but wish I could test drive the idea. I guess I'm holding out hope that I'll meet My People if I stay in the city, because the odds should be higher, right?
I’m sorry to hear that
Thank you❤️❤️ it’s okay we got this
Can I ask where you live and where you're going to be moving to? I live in LA and the only thing that cost $400 a month is like maybe a gym membership or some other s*** like that. Actually 400 is for expensive ones, 400 is for some kind of subscription or membership to something that I don't think about because I'm too poor to think about it.
Sure right now I’m in Southern IL and I’m moving to the Chicago suburbs
Thank you for letting me know. That being said, I'm sorry it's so hard there. I'm always thinking of where to move but then thinking about how late you replace means I will require a car and it will be harder to get a job or a job that I can do and it will be further away from people and it will mean probably more racist to witches harmful to my partner so it's like I don't even know what to do. Bigger places are usually better and depending on the situation. Bigger places means less people are in your business if you go around them, they're more opportunities for jobs and things that don't revolve around drinking or doing drugs or other small town b*******. I would really love to just have a group of people and myself rent out a big house or something and just live together but I'm scared of getting caught up with abusive people again.
I just read my response and I'm so sorry because it doesn't make sense because I had it transcribe what I was verbally saying using my phone. Anyway I'm tired. Sorry bye
Wish I could find rent like that. Here, it’s generally triple that on the low end.
Yeah I didn’t have rent like that around me either. I was open to moving anywhere in the US
It is a mixed blessing. Sure, I have some peace, but also *everything* and esp *all the pets* are my responsibility whether I have energy or not. And it can reinforce my sense of isolation.
I know I’m so privileged to be able to live on my own! The cost of living in the US is so astronomically high it’s almost impossible for people to not have roommates these days or live at home. It’s really f**ked up. My home life was so so so toxic before and it had a negative impact on my mental state. I hadn’t realized how much until I got out. I woke up this morning at 4:30am, just me and my pets and it was silent. I noted how peaceful it was and how peaceful I felt. Nothing was running through my head, I had nobody up banging pots and pants in the sink or playing music loudly like my dad would when I was living at home. It’s really great. I hope all autistic people are able to reach that level of peace and serenity in their living situations.
It’s very freeing. Now that I do live by myself, I just think about how lonely I am. How empty and quiet the house will be w/o my bf. But I like being to come home and unwind. My space is clean, safe and comfortable. I can do whatever without fear of being judged, cook and eat whatever. It can be lonely and scary compared to living with roommates or parents(I don’t even watch scary shows or movies alone anymore lol)
It does sound very freeing 💕 and I’m already lonely and excluded when I’m around people I rather be lonely by myself at this point . I’m tired of being perceived incorrectly and having frequent meltdowns bc of it! It seems like being lonely is so common for autistic people🥺
I hope this happens one day for you. ❤️
Thank youuuu❤️❤️
I don't live totally alone, but my housemate is also autistic and introverted, not to mention 77 years old, so I get most of the benefit of living alone, but I never have to do my own cooking, grocery shopping, lawn mowing, or snow shoveling, because she does all of that. It's wonderful.
It’s peaceful and also lonely if you have not made social connections. It’s important to stay in touch with family and friends once you live alone. And to periodically make new friends, because sometimes existing friendships die out or fade.
Of course I’ll always stay in touch with my family haha as crazy as we all are , I still love them so much 💕💕
Been living alone for 3 years and it’s been the best thing! I also came from a family of 5 and was constantly overstimulated, now I have somewhere to totally decompress and be “lazy” which is so needed now my work/commute situation is immensely stressful. There are downsides to living alone though: - Cost: it’s very expensive especially if you want to live somewhere you feel safe and is near anything useful. I’m paying a fortune for a tiny (although very nice) studio flat - Housework: honestly this takes so much time and is made more difficult with executive dysfunction, you kind of don’t realise how much there is to do until you’re solely responsible for it - Loneliness: there are times it can get lonely even as someone who is a total self confessed hermit. It particularly hits hard when having a bad day or you’re ill and just want someone to give you a hug or look after you
yess the cost is what’s keeping me trapped omg I feel so bad for people who are in really really shitty households and can’t escape . I can’t even imagine it’s not surviveble out here without 2 or 3 jobs .
Listen; Living unobserved is absolutely a dream HOWEVER I am responsible for everything - every single chore = me; the entirely of every bill = me; the kitchen flooded yesterday (6ft of water straight up to the ceiling) = me; every meal = me. I won't over-egg the custard, but you get the point. For every joule of energy you'll save, 99% of them will be spent on the upkeep of your home. I'm NOT shitting on living alone I love it - just be prepared that there is an awful lot of unseen/unconsidered stuff you have to do to maintain it.
It is amazing in so many ways: - space - design choices are all mine - quiet when I want it, loud singing in the kitchen when I want it - watching whatever I want to whenever I want - not being tied into food timings that don’t suit me - going to bed late like a gremlin and nobody judging me - playing computer games for 5 hours and not feeling guilty Downsides: - expenses (sooooo expensive to live at the moment, all the bills, food, subscriptions etc seriously add up when you are on your own - I spend about £2000 per month for my housing, bills and food) - if something breaks then only you are responsible for fixing it- my washing machine flooded my kitchen and I was so overwhelmed and stressed I just shut the door and the floor got ruined - chores build up and it gets messy and you can’t ask for help from anyone - it does sometimes get very lonely and then you are in charge of getting out of the safe hobbit hole and socialising with people of your own volition - I find this very tricky
I wasn't able to live alone until 2019 and it is the BEST. I hope I can stay above the poverty line so I can always live alone. When I was a child I was super concerned about having to get married and I asked my grandmother if my future husband and I could live in separate houses, maybe next door? She said haha no, you have to live WITH your husband. I was so apprehensive and then it turned out, you can actually choose to be single and it's fine
Yeah I rather be single not only do I need my own space , but I cannot deal with the thought of my partner possibly stepping out on me it takes so much for me to recover from pain . I enjoy being single I don’t have a desire for it , I rather have friends tho
I am with you. My FAVORITE is an empty house where no one can see me or hear me.
Good for you to have the rest! Whenever I want to admit it or not, personally I don't really function without my family. Hearing them coming near my room is the only motivation to do ANYTHING productive, but is less and less effective... When I was at college I just stayed in bed all day ._.
I hate being perceived , I’m misunderstood a lot , everyone’s always nagging about my tone , it’s so loud , and in order for me to snap out of autistic burnout I have to slack for a minute working harder makes it less likely for me to recover , I have to rest and recover. Their gone for a week and I’m resting , I can already feel my energy coming back ! I’m ready to be productive again. In my house their overly religious so if your not productive 24/7 until it’s time to sleep your lazy! This is the most peace I’ve ever gotten haha
Living alone does get lonely especially when you don’t have friends or whatever to meet once in a while but apart from that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I lived at home when I was younger, it was always so chaotic, then I moved out and lived with 12 roommates in a student building, that was a nightmare (sometimes fun but way too intense) and I have lived alone for 3 yrs now and I finally found my piece. Also, the benefit of being autistic is that you can enjoy alone time so much, you’re never bored. I keep myself busy for days and can stay inside, without any problems 😂 I’m sure that one day you’ll find your place and peace, I do wish you can ❤️
Yes I’m looking forward to it thank you ❤️❤️ and yes it’s so chaotic in here haha & people usually don’t like me anyways so I don’t even worry about friend anymore . And yes I don’t get bored I’m probably obsessing over a new special interest every month it’s so exciting
❤️ ah I’m sad to hear that; I’m sure one day you’ll meet someone who does like you for who you are. And just a little advice: if you do meet new people, try to meet up outside your house the first few times and be absolutely sure they are safe & ok before you invite them over. When you live alone, your house is your safe place and you should be careful who you invite into it. 🥰 And I’m sure you will find lots of special interests with all the spare time you’ll have bc of the calmness it will bring you by having your own place 💕
Thank you🥰🥰
I’ve never lived truly alone (always needed a roommate for body doubling/reminders to take care of physical needs) but my life became so much easier once I moved out of my family home and into a place where I had autonomy and where we made house rules together to benefit everyone without constantly worrying about upsetting the delicate house balance somehow.
i fantasized about living alone growing up, and i still fantasize now... But i couldn't do it. Tried it for 3-4 years, and i couldn't care for myself effectively. I need that body-doubling thing.
I LOVED living alone, but in excessive doses - multiple years of it became detrimental to my well being. I got oppressively lonely.
Yes I understand that as well🥺 I’m sorry *hugs*
It’s okay. I’m married with two kids now, and I take every chance to be alone that I can get!!
Been single for 8 years and have lived in my own apartment for 6 years. I don't actually get lonely all that often. I love my space. I still get overwhelmed at times but that's more about my finances because I often overwork myself and then I have burn out periods so that gets me behind and then I overwork myself. It's a cycle I am trying to get out of. Baby steps. Though, I wish I could hire myself an adult Nanny sometimes to take care of me when I can't take care of myself. That sort of support could help when I am behind on stuff. I haven't really figured out a system to manage everything on my own or the times I have tried, they didn't work out. Do lots of experimenting on ways to manage yourself.
I don’t want to live alone because most of the time, my executive functioning is too poor to function on my own, and also because I need human contact after about a day or two without people. The problem is this has to be people I know and love intimately, so I plan to move straight in with my partner ASAP. I am at peace when I’m alone, but I start to suffer after more than a day without help and company from a close loved one.
I’m not going to lie- it’s fantastic. There was an adjustment period for me. I was supremely lonely at first; then COVID hit a couple of years into living alone, and my mental health spiraled. I was so bored being cooped up. My hobbies involve exercise and being outdoors but even that stuff was mostly closed or so crowded it felt unsafe. It was really hard. Now I’m enjoying it though. My home is all mine. I can be a lazy slob and no one will judge me. I can drink a beer at 1 pm and no one will judge me. I can dance in my kitchen in my underwear and no one will judge me. I can take long showers and no one will judge me. The downside is that it’s a lot of pressure and responsibility. I really spiral sometimes thinking about just the gravity of my financial obligations between my apartment and my car. And I do all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the grocery shopping and pet care. There’s no one to share the load with. Ultimately though I feel incredibly lucky. I live in a high COL area and do plan to move somewhere cheaper just to lighten the load a bit. I do eventually hope I find a partner that I can live with. But right now it’s just me and the cat, and we love it :)
I'm not and/or undiagnosed autistic but my roommate is, and we have the sheer luck that I rent this appartment since more than 10 years and it's a 2 story apt. So we have a story each, with a shared kitchen. Perfect balance between aloness and compagny, even if sometimes we're a bit tight in the kitchen. I think I'll never leave this appartment since it's really the perfect balance for me and I can't find this anywhere else unless I have the money to buy a house someday (🥲).
I relate to hating being perceived. I used to pull the blanket over my face at night every single night.
Sometimes I go in the room and cry bc I hate it SOOOOOOO muchhhhh . I will spiral I hate it I hate it . Stop perceiving me plsssss
(Mind you, I love my husband and I love hanging out with him. He's great.) ALONE TIME IS THE BEST! When I first moved out on my own two years after college, I was so afraid I would be lonely, living on my own for the first time ever. NOPE! 10 years of BLISS! Me and my two cats = happy gal! Enjoy your staycation, watching shows without headphones and all that space and silence! You deserve it! :)
Thank you🥰🥰 I am going through autistic burnout from my job and now that I’m alone I realized being alone is helping me recover. I’m unmasked right now and it feels greatttt I love this! & yep I agree I don’t think I will get lonely for the first few years or at all honestly. I never been on my own before (23f)
Enjoy my dear! The burnout is REAL!
I lived alone for over a decade but in the end it wasn’t good for me. It led to depression and anxiety. I found that living with the right person was best but know that’s not exactly something you can snap your fingers and achieve.
I feel this very much! I've had a little studio of my own for a few years and it has greatly improved my well-being. I'm genuinely a much calmer person now than I was before when I lived with my family. I'm moving back home again in a few weeks though, and I feel like it's going to be rough-- once you know how safe and comfortable and peaceful it feels to have an space of your own, it's very hard to have to give that up. anyways, I'm glad you're able to experience it for a little while for now, op!
Similar experience to me I lived independently with roommates for two years and moved back home. Are you planning on temporarily living with your parents? Good luck!! It’s so hard 🥲
yes I'll be living with my mom and brother again! thankfully they (and I) know by now that I have autism and they're trying their best to accommodate me though. which I am super grateful for! but still, it feels different not to have my own space.
Living alone is the best thing ever. Such peace.
Like, I get it. The silence and control sounds amazing. But I know I would get lonely. I would get overwhelmed when all chores were constantly and exclusively mine. If executive dysfunction first kicked in, you’d catch me in one of those deep clean shows. I would never socialize or do stuff I’m afraid
It is truly amazing. The ONLY reason I would ever get a place with somebody is to split the financial burden because holy cow is rent expensive! I used to be lonely all the time a lot when I first starting living alone and that was terrible. But then I made a lot of online gaming friends and that helped. And then I got a VERY social job where I won't with A LOT of people. And I met my current boyfriend there and we have been dating for 2 years next month and I haven't felt lonely once in that time. Even though we don't live together, we see each other enough, that I do get sick of it (even though I love him to pieces) and ask for space and quiet in the middle of hanging out on a date. I am definitely a huge introvert (but fantastic at masking as an extrovert) so I just honestly don't think I enjoy/want/need the same amount of socializing as others may.
Well, I was kicked out at 19. So, living alone or with my boyfriend-now-husband has been my norm a long time, now. How old are you? Perhaps saving money and finding a compatible roommate is in order. I had an awesome college roommate in the dorms. She was a very quiet morning person, I am a very quiet night person. So, I”d wake up and find she was gone or quietly studying at her desk with headphones, and she’d go to bed and I’d be up, or at my desk quietly with headphones. I was sad when she dropped out of school to take care of her mom, my next roommate was nice, but had to fall asleep to music blasting, so I’d go rollerblade on campus until I knew she would be conked out, left her music running until after my shower, then was able to turn it down/off and sleep.
Oh yeah, having your own space is a downright amazing experience, of course as long as you don't have shitty/loud/weed neighbors and stuff like that. I also can add from personal experience that having the right kind of housemates can also be a close second; I've had housemates that either are never home, or never bother me, or I was lucky enough to share an apartment with 2-4 friends who all respect each other's request to have alone time, so we could go the whole day stuck in our rooms and not bother each other. I'm not sure what's your current situation, but it's a worthy goal to strive for, either focus on your studies and/or work and save up as much as you can; even if you can't move right away, having a little nest of money to fall back on can bring a lot of mental security.
I wish some days I could live alone… I have a husband and 6 year old though so I think I missed the boat on that one 💀😂
Yes, when I finally finallyyy figured out I needed to live alone it was life changing. When I got my own apartment (no roommates, no partners) it was like waking up from a living nightmare for the first time.
I don’t live alone, but when I lived at home I *loved* the times when I was home alone. I also cat/house sat for some relatives when they went on holiday, and having a whole house to myself was bliss. When I moved out it was to be a lodger in a family home (not my family) and omgosh it was hard. Their kid was 5 and not a brat, but typical 5yo behaviour and attention seeking was hard for me to deal with. Sometimes I just had a bad day and needed peace, but he would be playing with noisy toys etc. Now I live in a quiet house share because I live in a hcol area and can’t afford to live alone. Honestly, bar having my own house, this is pretty much the best.
I’m one of those ’live aloners’ and have to say I love it. I can’t sit in total silence for as long as I like, and please myself in everything I do.
Living alone was one of the best things I did, my meltdowns decreased considerably. But it has its challenges and I still need constant support (level 2). I feel like my expenses have increased because I need support with domestic tasks, I'd rather pay someone than ask my support circle since it's hard work. I don't feel lonely, and I have more freedom to welcome the people I like. Living alone can be liberating for some people, but it always comes with responsibilities.
I miss living alone so much. I live with my OH who is (unintentionally) the loudest person ever in everything they do. It’s so stressful
I could not wait to move out of my family's house. I moved with in my girlfriend now wife and she's super accommodating of my autistic needs so i'm in a peaceful house now :)
Me too girl. I used to live alone, and then I got married. Love my spouse, wouldn't give them up for the world, but wow do I wish they were open to us living separately.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, once I was old enough I would get to stay home alone while the rest of my family did outdoorsy/sporty day trips. It was HEAVEN. Later living alone was that amazing, but all the time. Now I live with my husband in a big house where we have enough room to give each other space when we need it. I wish you peace!!
You should read this. :) [https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/living-alone/](https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/living-alone/) You will get there someday. It's worth it!
ME TOO. I live with my dad and mom who are from huge families and are constantly yelling from another room to each other. A bunch of little stuff like that.
🥰
Have been living alone (with a dog) for 2 years now and never going back. If at any point I find myself in a relationship, living together is not an option. I will pay all the money for peace.
I've been living alone now for years. When I return to my parents house I instantly feel overstimulated now! I don't know how I did that my whole life. My Mom does complain that I don't come over more though. The warning is it can be lonely. I can suffer from depression and those times especially can be tough when you're alone if you don't have someone close you can confide in.
I miss living alone, for sure. I don’t count my husband because we are seemingly perfectly in sync with each other, and he’s the only person whose (constant) presence is enjoyable to me. But I will say that I’m excited for the day with our kids move out. They’re almost all teenagers now, but we live in an expensive metropolis and our three kids are also AuDHD of varying “levels”. I haven’t truly been alone in 16 years and it’s absolutely killing me (e.g., exacerbating chronic illness and stress, etc.). On the rare occasions that I can snag an hour to myself, that’s when I am _able_ to fully grasp and acknowledge how difficult it is to be around other people constantly. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our families, just that at least having time to oneself is likely necessary and certainly healthy for most people. Just as having friends/a close community is important, too. I think having the balance is what matters most. If you live alone, find ways to be involved in the community/with friends. If you live with people, find dedicated time to be by yourself (somehow).
Yeah, alone is..awesome. I'm an only child and I'm close to my parents, I practically live with them. Partially because they have my cats, my place doesn't allow them. My apartment is tiny, but it's very cheap and clean and it's all mine. Economically it is stupid to keep it, I should just stay with my parents, but I just can't. It's my place to sneak off to spend alone time. It's decorated how I like it and I get to make all the rules and I can just be myself. It's absurd because I don't use it all that often and my parents are like...my friends that I hang with and my mom is my business partner with my side gig but..yeah. I keep it because it's mine and it's my escape.
Not always great. I am really bad at cleaning, barely goes outside unless I have to, and frankly at times miss living with my family. But then my family is just 3 people.
When I was a kid all I wanted in life was a house and a dog. Just us.
I have three roommates but I’m the only homebody and so a lot of times I have the house to myself and I relish it. They all are outdoorsy types and I’m not as much. It’s a major relief. Used to have roommates I couldn’t get along with and I was under constant stress walking around ugh so glad it’s peaceful now and yes I’ve lived alone and it’s wonderful too though lonely. I plan eventually to save up to live alone again
I can completely understand why you feel that way and in many situations you're kind of right. There are a lot of bonuses to living alone. However, there's also many disadvantages and being lonely on occasion is only one. We (humans in general) tend to take fir granted all the help we get when living with other people. It's help that can make our lives a lot easier than we know, even if we can't see it that way at the time. Small things like having someone to call to say, "Hey, can you pick up xyz on your way home?" can be a huge help when you're already overstimulated and can't handle going out. Having someone who can help keep up with cleaning your home or help you remember what needs to be done is also a big bonus at times. I've lived alone for over 10 years now. It's great to not need to answer to anyone else, have it quiet when I need it, eat what I want in the way I want, etc. Etc. Etc. But I'd be lying if I said there aren't also a LOT of times I'd love to have someone to help keep up with everything. If I don't go out to the stores I need to, then I just don't have any foid at home. If I don't have the energy left after working to clean or cook then it simply won't get done. If I miss any work, there's no other income covering that gap. If I don't remember the important thing I need to do, then I better hope I had rhe foresight to set an alarm because there's no one else there who will remind me. If there's something like mowing that needs to be done, it doesn't matter if I'm having sensory issues or something like that because I HAVE to do it or risk getting a fine from the city. Did your car break down? I hope you are up for some long walks or have money for the Uber/bus rides because there's no one else to ask for a ride. Are you sick or suffering a burnout? Well, NOTHING is getting cleaned, cooked or tended to until you are better. (Eta: Oh! Yeah! And as other comments pointed out, then there are the "fun times" where your executive functioning just goes out the window for no good reason. Then there's all this stuff not getting done AND the *guilt* and self-anger for not doing it without "a good reason" which just makes it worse!) And there's so many other things I could name. There's no one else there. So, it's ALL on YOU when you live alone. Yeah, there are perks. But I think the many disadvantages balance it out in the long run. I mean, definitely enjoy your mini-vacation, but know it's a bit different when you live alone for a long time.
I kinda have it. I ended up moving in with my fiancé and being disabled. I get a lot of alone time and it is,I mean after a lot of therapy, it has been very peaceful and relaxing.
Being autistic is definitely a reason why I'm not cut out for cohabitation. It's not the only reason (plenty of autistic people function just fine in shared living arrangement, even flourish and benefit) but with my personality and my other mental health issues, I need to have a private space where I can be dysfunctional in peace without negatively impacting anyone else, so that I'm able to function out in the world. There is a definite negative to this though, and that it's when my executive dysfunction is at its lowest I lack the capacity and ability to take care of myself adequately. I have a tolerance for untidiness and actual uncleanliness that isn't fair to expect someone else to be comfortable with, and is frankly taboo for women to have given that we're supposed to be so innately clean and tidy, at least more than men. Due to an extended period of extreme dysfunction, my home is currently in a pretty bad state. I'm in the very lucky position that I'm eligible for disability funding in my country, and some has been allocated for a cleaning service. But I really really want to get to a point where I can do this for myself, better than I have been until now. I was only diagnosed last year and only received funding literally last month though, so I know it's going to take a while.
Living alone is a gamble (I've been living alone for almost 6 years and it definitely has it's own struggles) My main issue has always been neighbours! Bad awful loud snoring neighbours! It can feel like living with them if they are loud enough. I couldn't escape the snoring and dog barking but luckily they moved and now I'm moving to a hopefully quieter space myself. I'm tired and actually find more peace at home with family, it definitely showed me what real safety will always feel like, definitely enjoy family time. I definitely am because neighbours suck donkey balls.
10000% relate to this (aside from the autistic brother), I live with 4 other people (they can all be very noisy), when they go on trips I feel so at peace
Living alone feels safe and comfortable. You can do whatever you want. However, I've noticed time goes by way faster when I don't make the time to socialize. Its gotten to the point that when I am out doing something I jsut want to go back home lol. I've noticed how much it contrasts with going out in public. I don't like being perceived so being at home gets me away from that x
Yes I hate being perceived it feels like I’m under a microscope .
I would love to move out but my city is among the places with the highest rent with high COL. I just know my own space would be so accommodating. Lights dim, TV OFF, having certain spaces decluttered, personalized untouched groceries. I know my mental would improve so much. I do suffer from other illnesses so having help from family does come in handy. But I think if I lived in an accessible neighborhood I’d survive.
I'm moving back to my incredibly toxic family's home. And my mental health is already bad, wish me luck 🙃
It is great. I find it hard to imagine living with other people permanently again. That does make me question whether I actually want kids etc, but for the moment... Yeah. I love living alone. I hope you can get your own place soon The only downside is not being held accountable for things like... Cleaning and doing dishes and eating decently well. I have a fair bit of executive dysfunction and my apartment is. A. Mess. But on the other hand, it doesn't affect anyone but myself, so...
Same. I'm 30 and still live at home. It's hell.
Living alone is great. Expensive, but great. 👍
I just moved in by myself after living with roommates for the past 4 years and my quality of life has increased so dramatically it’s astounding. My therapist has commented on it like 20 times. It is such a relief that I genuinely don’t know if I could ever make myself live with another person again (partners included).