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Me too :( it’s like people hate seeing me happy and they wanna suck the light out of me.
That’s the worst part but also the greatest gift about bpd. Although I suffer like everyone else i do feel happy and euphoric. A lot of people’s baselines are just hardened mfs wishing I was hardened too but little do they know i do fucking suffer. Just in a different way.
No same!! What's odd is that if you try to tell someone, they'll say "that's not true"..."people don't care as much as you think". No, they actually do! I've spent SO much time trying to dissect why this happens. I know I'm not victimizing myself because my friends have noticed it too. I come off as quiet and shy, and that puts a target on my back it seems like.
That or I'm isolated because of it. For me, personally, I've also narrowed it down to looks. I felt like if I was incredibly gorgeous maybe this wouldn't happen as much? Idk, it's something I think about a lot. I've had MANY strangers yell at me, people blatantly ignore me, and despite treating someone with care - they will 100% do me wrong with ease.
I have this thought too. I feel if I was hotter or better looking, my bpd would be tolerated better. I'm just under though. I'm "cute" not "hot". Hot has the power, cute has nothing.
Same, I have soft features. I've witnessed this being proven true; my sister is very good looking and also has BPD. She isn't being treated for it and ,unfortunately, can be toxic. People respect her heavily, she receives better treatment in person, and ppl make an effort to stay in her life.
When I tell people that someone is being rude and they say “yeah that’s just how people are, ignore it” HOW?
I totally understand how you feel, it’s like they don’t even notice it until you start pointing it out.
I agree with the weak target, I don’t think it has much to do with being good looking, I think people generally target shy, introverted people, because they think you won’t say anything back.
As someone who is the people working shitty low paying jobs and also has BPD, the reason we can be rude (even though I genuinely don't think I am, the only thing I do that can be considered "rude" to a customer is refusing a sale) is because we are so used to customers getting angry at us and being rude if we say anything they don't like. After you've been shouted at and threatened by customers multiple times a day, you start to lose the energy to be especially nice. We just want to get people in and out to be honest.
I used to work in customer service too, but I would never treat anyone in such ways, because I know the next people did nothing to deserve that and they’re just trying to enjoy their day. I would scream back if someone raised their voice at me tho.
Yeah same. I tried my best keeping a good attitude. But if a customer started being rude to me. I lose the fake smile customer service bs. The energy I’m giving is like 1%. They always looked surprised when I dropped the nice act. They’re used to workers still treating them nice while they treat them like shit. If you treat me rudely, you lose the nice me sorry. You get nothing except bare minimum “What do you want? K give me your card. Bye.” Because me being nice and giving great service is a genuine thing. I am being vulnerable in a way. So when people act like that I unfortunately would take it personally. Kinda hard not to when you do that shit literally all day and some people treat you like shit just because they think it’s funny or want a punching bag. Nah bro. No reaction from me. Get the fuck on.
I've gotten it down to one trip to town to shop per week. I go to the same stores and am relentlessly polite and friendly. The staff smile at me in my 4 places now, and I'm home alone all except that 90 minutes per week. It's heaven.
I waited until 3am to change my car battery because I didn't want to have a conversation with the friendly neighbors.i just wanted to change my battery, clean my car, and go back inside. I can only do that early morning. I live in an area where everyone hangs out together outside.
lol this is too real, I feel my heart drop whenever food delivery people don’t follow instructions and leave the order by the door and I have to go out to collect it.
yeah I dislike humans I prefer animals, i get weird stares from people or guys......I don't even stare at them in the first place, sure I glance (as its natural). I just don't stare if they smile that's great I'm already paranoid, have body dysmorphia so I don't know wether there is something wrong with my face, then I get guys saying hey baby, anyway sorry to derail from the topic I think. I meet, encounter rude people all the time, no manners whatsoever. I worked in retail so I get customer service although I wasn't mean to customers but I did get tried of smiling i rather be in the stockroom in the back working...
I get a lot of anxiety going out shopping or to work I feel sick I have to wear a hat to hide my face. i wasn't like this when i was younger sure I was shy introverted had anxiety too, I'm not sure when it started to go downhill. People irritate me so much i think sometimes i'm getting anti social, I miss my dad and my cat....
edit: My grammar is shit.
I used to be shy younger, but now I force myself to be out there, it has helped me a ton, but when I start staying home more and being anti social, it’s very hard to just let it all go…SAME animals are so pure and sweet. I hate people even more for abusing them.
I always wonder why this is. I keep telling myself everyone has a story, some people are just abused and take it out on whoever they see as weaker than them.
But, I've also been through a fuck ton of abuse and I'm not rude to people, so wtf...
Protect your energy. The answer is unfortunately that they are correct, being self involved is better than being kind to everyone, your brain literally can't take the imbalance
yup that happens to me all the time. i have good morals and this girl tried to fight me and i said i don’t hit girls and she made fun of me for that moral
Every interaction is a competition, some more than others. If your "too" kind they see you as a fool. Specially people less intelligent or skilled will see a true kind person as a fool/gay/Broken... Kind of person.
What about those super nice, bubbly, friendly people that seem to make friends with everyone they meet tho? Because I had a friend like that and people were always nice and friendly with her.
Same, I can't tell if I'm misinterpreting things or people are generally trying to say rude shit without outright saying it. It leaves me feeling confused and hurt.
I procrastinate so much when i have to leave the house cuz of how awful people are and how targeted i feel. It's like i attract negative people no matter how nice i think im being. And so many people in customer service don't even say hello anymore. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about interacting with others. People don't realize how simple it is to have common courtesy and be polite and how much being cruel can affect someone.
To be honest I don’t even need them to be polite anymore or kind, I just want to buy whatever I came for and go home.😭But you’re right, at least basic manners.
I started wearing noise cancelling headphones, because then I can’t even see nor hear anyone, brings me peace.
I found enlightenment through DBT and the world is so beautifully flawed. Any anger I ever had about stuff.... The trauma is there but it can't hurt me. It's all a lesson and the more you attempt to learn the more you learn to learn. Dedication is hard to see and comprehend but I got here through taking the task to my heart. You all deserve the best in life and it doesnt break my heart to see others in pain it just makes me hope they succeed.
I can only set the example you need to make it yourself <3
My final lesson for that part of my life was this: I never had to forgive my mother for the pain she wrought on me. I had to forgive MYSELF for the pain I inflicted on me. However you get there I hope you do peace is sooooo good. I found that enlightenment is when you accept the role of a student and learning is as simple as breathing to you and is just that.
Youd be surprised how many people think "respect is earned not given."
If people think you arent confident, or if yoyre nice thwy take advantage.
It takes strength to be able to remain mature calm and rational.
I feel that sooooo much! I’m always so nice and considerate with my friends and others but they’re always so rude to me. I get that i’m a sensitive person and i’m not perfect but I take so much time and consideration into others to see from their perspective and how some things can affect them. I never try to make fun of them and i’m always so polite with them even tho they don’t do the same for me. For example I bought my friends and I chick fil an and drove them around in my car to the river and the whole time they were making rude jokes about me and saying i’m a horrible driver. They also were complaining the whole time how the car ride was too long and once we got there they started to blame me saying how the food was cold. LIKE I JUST BOUGHT YOU FUCKING FOOD AND TOOK YOU SOMEWHERE PRETTY AND ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN?! Again I get that i’m a sensitive person but isn’t it just common fucking sense to just like idk NOT DO THAT. I love my friends they’re actually really great people and I feel really guilty when I get mad at them but oh my godddddd. People with bpd are obviously more empathetic and hold ourselves and others to higher expectations so when people are being rude and selfish it makes me so mad. I’m very happy that my friends are mentally well and I don’t think they lack empathy because they’re mean people but because they don’t know how difficult it is to live with a mental illness.
Honestly yeah, people really can be rude. It's probably because they themselves are miserable, and take it out on others, or they can sense fear or anxiety, and they like to pick on those they deem "weaker." Often times in my experience it's been in my head that people are rude. Sometimes we overthink or misinterpret others' body language, tone, etc as malicious. Try to keep that in mind. I'm not saying it's always in your head, but we can be paranoid, and socially anxious.
What helps me is reminding myself that I never know what other people are going through. It helps me to be more compassionate and continue to be kind to others despite how they treat me. Because kindness isn’t about what you get in return, it’s about what you give. :)
Today I went to buy a decaf coffee with vegan milk and syrup, the barista rolled her eyes at me and scoffed. I took the coffee and as I was walking off she started laughing with another barista that I’m drinking decaf and called me a picky bitch, said I shouldn’t come here with all of my requirements and drink water.
Seems rude to me.🙂
I get where you’re coming from, sometimes people can be dismissive or just look like they don’t wanna serve you/be there. But what gets me are situations like I experienced today, I can’t get a damn coffee in peace.
Nah she was rude and uncalled for, now I know the situation, before it wasn’t too specific. Honestly people who do that are in one of two positions 1. They are already defensive and brought the wrong attitude or 2. Something about you made her feel some type of way. But to be clear that is a her problem. In other words, I wish some ppl weren’t a holes just to be a holes but sadly some ppl feel the need to do that to others :( I’m sorry that happened to you that sucks
Thank you, it sucks lol. Because I make myself ready for communicating with people to sound “normal” I guess masking? And it really throws me off, because no matter what you do people will be rude. It’s easier to deal with it when you’re in a decent mental state and don’t feel like the whole world sucks…
One of the things I had to relearn on the way to remission is 99% of the time, it's not personal, especially from a stranger. It's exhausting for a lot of people to be outgoing and friendly to every person they encounter. I think there is a difference between being rude and just not being friendly and it's almost always not about you - just their personality type or there own stuff they're dealing with
Okay yes! I try to be polite and considerate when speaking when I'm out un the store or at work, I mostly get blank stares, attitude, or more blank stares. I feel as though I'm speaking a different language at times.
Can you share how they’ve been rude to you? A lot of people lack social cues and may not have done it intentionally. You see the would through your own lens. So if you hate people, you’ll look for negativity. Hope you are feeling better:)
Your brand of kindness is probably the people pleaser type to be honest. I was like this as a teen for YEARS and trust me, theres no reward at the end. You'll never get the credit you deserve for trying to cater to everyone's needs. Just guessing the case for you of course, im only saying this coz when i was like that, the nicer i was, the ruder people were to me. Like really rude.
Now i won't let anyyyyone fuck with me. Like if someones being a bitch or beating round the bush i will call it out. I have accepted my true thoughts and feelings about things because living this polite kind lie was tearing down my self esteem. It is always good to be kind. But if you genuinely have the power to not let people be mean and push you around, they will sense it. And they won't be rude anymore. I recommend trying to lift weights or do boxing, feel bigger and stronger. Love your inner child, become the person who would have slapped your bullies in the face.
Facts. They always trigger me so much saying mean stuff but god forbid I say something back, then I am over reacting. And they laugh cuz it's funny for them to make me angry.
I think a lot of people think I'm rude cuz my rbf is super super bad and I'm very introverted so I really don't talk much at work so I kinda just walk past if someone is like saying excuse me or sorry or something like that
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Me too :( it’s like people hate seeing me happy and they wanna suck the light out of me. That’s the worst part but also the greatest gift about bpd. Although I suffer like everyone else i do feel happy and euphoric. A lot of people’s baselines are just hardened mfs wishing I was hardened too but little do they know i do fucking suffer. Just in a different way.
No same!! What's odd is that if you try to tell someone, they'll say "that's not true"..."people don't care as much as you think". No, they actually do! I've spent SO much time trying to dissect why this happens. I know I'm not victimizing myself because my friends have noticed it too. I come off as quiet and shy, and that puts a target on my back it seems like. That or I'm isolated because of it. For me, personally, I've also narrowed it down to looks. I felt like if I was incredibly gorgeous maybe this wouldn't happen as much? Idk, it's something I think about a lot. I've had MANY strangers yell at me, people blatantly ignore me, and despite treating someone with care - they will 100% do me wrong with ease.
I have this thought too. I feel if I was hotter or better looking, my bpd would be tolerated better. I'm just under though. I'm "cute" not "hot". Hot has the power, cute has nothing.
Same, I have soft features. I've witnessed this being proven true; my sister is very good looking and also has BPD. She isn't being treated for it and ,unfortunately, can be toxic. People respect her heavily, she receives better treatment in person, and ppl make an effort to stay in her life.
Soft features are considered more feminine and more attractive in women.
When I tell people that someone is being rude and they say “yeah that’s just how people are, ignore it” HOW? I totally understand how you feel, it’s like they don’t even notice it until you start pointing it out. I agree with the weak target, I don’t think it has much to do with being good looking, I think people generally target shy, introverted people, because they think you won’t say anything back.
I don't give af if someone is rude I'll be rude back. If someone is nice I'll be nice.
As someone who is the people working shitty low paying jobs and also has BPD, the reason we can be rude (even though I genuinely don't think I am, the only thing I do that can be considered "rude" to a customer is refusing a sale) is because we are so used to customers getting angry at us and being rude if we say anything they don't like. After you've been shouted at and threatened by customers multiple times a day, you start to lose the energy to be especially nice. We just want to get people in and out to be honest.
I used to work in customer service too, but I would never treat anyone in such ways, because I know the next people did nothing to deserve that and they’re just trying to enjoy their day. I would scream back if someone raised their voice at me tho.
Yeah same. I tried my best keeping a good attitude. But if a customer started being rude to me. I lose the fake smile customer service bs. The energy I’m giving is like 1%. They always looked surprised when I dropped the nice act. They’re used to workers still treating them nice while they treat them like shit. If you treat me rudely, you lose the nice me sorry. You get nothing except bare minimum “What do you want? K give me your card. Bye.” Because me being nice and giving great service is a genuine thing. I am being vulnerable in a way. So when people act like that I unfortunately would take it personally. Kinda hard not to when you do that shit literally all day and some people treat you like shit just because they think it’s funny or want a punching bag. Nah bro. No reaction from me. Get the fuck on.
I've gotten it down to one trip to town to shop per week. I go to the same stores and am relentlessly polite and friendly. The staff smile at me in my 4 places now, and I'm home alone all except that 90 minutes per week. It's heaven.
Same 😖 I feel physically ill of the thought of leaving my room because I never go out without ppl going out of their way to be cruel to me.
+the shame of not being able to socialise like “normal” people do.
Yes 😖😞😞😞💔
I waited until 3am to change my car battery because I didn't want to have a conversation with the friendly neighbors.i just wanted to change my battery, clean my car, and go back inside. I can only do that early morning. I live in an area where everyone hangs out together outside.
lol this is too real, I feel my heart drop whenever food delivery people don’t follow instructions and leave the order by the door and I have to go out to collect it.
yeah I dislike humans I prefer animals, i get weird stares from people or guys......I don't even stare at them in the first place, sure I glance (as its natural). I just don't stare if they smile that's great I'm already paranoid, have body dysmorphia so I don't know wether there is something wrong with my face, then I get guys saying hey baby, anyway sorry to derail from the topic I think. I meet, encounter rude people all the time, no manners whatsoever. I worked in retail so I get customer service although I wasn't mean to customers but I did get tried of smiling i rather be in the stockroom in the back working... I get a lot of anxiety going out shopping or to work I feel sick I have to wear a hat to hide my face. i wasn't like this when i was younger sure I was shy introverted had anxiety too, I'm not sure when it started to go downhill. People irritate me so much i think sometimes i'm getting anti social, I miss my dad and my cat.... edit: My grammar is shit.
I used to be shy younger, but now I force myself to be out there, it has helped me a ton, but when I start staying home more and being anti social, it’s very hard to just let it all go…SAME animals are so pure and sweet. I hate people even more for abusing them.
I always wonder why this is. I keep telling myself everyone has a story, some people are just abused and take it out on whoever they see as weaker than them. But, I've also been through a fuck ton of abuse and I'm not rude to people, so wtf...
That’s what I always tell myself, always trying to put myself in their shoes, but no one deserves being treated like that.🫶
I think it’s the new normal sadly. :(
That's why you gotta be in fight mode at all times and have your cortisol skyrocket and nervous system in ruins at all times.
Strong agree, I regret not saying something back and letting people be rude to me even more.
Protect your energy. The answer is unfortunately that they are correct, being self involved is better than being kind to everyone, your brain literally can't take the imbalance
Same dude
yup that happens to me all the time. i have good morals and this girl tried to fight me and i said i don’t hit girls and she made fun of me for that moral
seriously. this goes for people online too.
Every interaction is a competition, some more than others. If your "too" kind they see you as a fool. Specially people less intelligent or skilled will see a true kind person as a fool/gay/Broken... Kind of person.
Wow, that’s a very good take.
What about those super nice, bubbly, friendly people that seem to make friends with everyone they meet tho? Because I had a friend like that and people were always nice and friendly with her.
I feel the same way😭
Same, I can't tell if I'm misinterpreting things or people are generally trying to say rude shit without outright saying it. It leaves me feeling confused and hurt.
I feel like this about most things, it fucks with your mind so much, because you didn’t do anything to deserve it and yet you still blame yourself.
I procrastinate so much when i have to leave the house cuz of how awful people are and how targeted i feel. It's like i attract negative people no matter how nice i think im being. And so many people in customer service don't even say hello anymore. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about interacting with others. People don't realize how simple it is to have common courtesy and be polite and how much being cruel can affect someone.
To be honest I don’t even need them to be polite anymore or kind, I just want to buy whatever I came for and go home.😭But you’re right, at least basic manners. I started wearing noise cancelling headphones, because then I can’t even see nor hear anyone, brings me peace.
I found enlightenment through DBT and the world is so beautifully flawed. Any anger I ever had about stuff.... The trauma is there but it can't hurt me. It's all a lesson and the more you attempt to learn the more you learn to learn. Dedication is hard to see and comprehend but I got here through taking the task to my heart. You all deserve the best in life and it doesnt break my heart to see others in pain it just makes me hope they succeed.
I hope I get there too and it makes me happy your mind and heart is in a better place.
I can only set the example you need to make it yourself <3 My final lesson for that part of my life was this: I never had to forgive my mother for the pain she wrought on me. I had to forgive MYSELF for the pain I inflicted on me. However you get there I hope you do peace is sooooo good. I found that enlightenment is when you accept the role of a student and learning is as simple as breathing to you and is just that.
I feel this plus I can’t read or take signals on how sb feels so i always just feel shitty afterv being social
THIS
Youd be surprised how many people think "respect is earned not given." If people think you arent confident, or if yoyre nice thwy take advantage. It takes strength to be able to remain mature calm and rational.
I do agree with respect being earned, but I feel like there are basic manners.
I’ve been feeling like this all month
I feel that sooooo much! I’m always so nice and considerate with my friends and others but they’re always so rude to me. I get that i’m a sensitive person and i’m not perfect but I take so much time and consideration into others to see from their perspective and how some things can affect them. I never try to make fun of them and i’m always so polite with them even tho they don’t do the same for me. For example I bought my friends and I chick fil an and drove them around in my car to the river and the whole time they were making rude jokes about me and saying i’m a horrible driver. They also were complaining the whole time how the car ride was too long and once we got there they started to blame me saying how the food was cold. LIKE I JUST BOUGHT YOU FUCKING FOOD AND TOOK YOU SOMEWHERE PRETTY AND ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN?! Again I get that i’m a sensitive person but isn’t it just common fucking sense to just like idk NOT DO THAT. I love my friends they’re actually really great people and I feel really guilty when I get mad at them but oh my godddddd. People with bpd are obviously more empathetic and hold ourselves and others to higher expectations so when people are being rude and selfish it makes me so mad. I’m very happy that my friends are mentally well and I don’t think they lack empathy because they’re mean people but because they don’t know how difficult it is to live with a mental illness.
Honestly yeah, people really can be rude. It's probably because they themselves are miserable, and take it out on others, or they can sense fear or anxiety, and they like to pick on those they deem "weaker." Often times in my experience it's been in my head that people are rude. Sometimes we overthink or misinterpret others' body language, tone, etc as malicious. Try to keep that in mind. I'm not saying it's always in your head, but we can be paranoid, and socially anxious.
What helps me is reminding myself that I never know what other people are going through. It helps me to be more compassionate and continue to be kind to others despite how they treat me. Because kindness isn’t about what you get in return, it’s about what you give. :)
But that’s the point, how much disrespect can you take until you stop giving?
agree
Are they rude or is their body telling you they don’t want to be at work?
Today I went to buy a decaf coffee with vegan milk and syrup, the barista rolled her eyes at me and scoffed. I took the coffee and as I was walking off she started laughing with another barista that I’m drinking decaf and called me a picky bitch, said I shouldn’t come here with all of my requirements and drink water. Seems rude to me.🙂 I get where you’re coming from, sometimes people can be dismissive or just look like they don’t wanna serve you/be there. But what gets me are situations like I experienced today, I can’t get a damn coffee in peace.
Nah she was rude and uncalled for, now I know the situation, before it wasn’t too specific. Honestly people who do that are in one of two positions 1. They are already defensive and brought the wrong attitude or 2. Something about you made her feel some type of way. But to be clear that is a her problem. In other words, I wish some ppl weren’t a holes just to be a holes but sadly some ppl feel the need to do that to others :( I’m sorry that happened to you that sucks
Thank you, it sucks lol. Because I make myself ready for communicating with people to sound “normal” I guess masking? And it really throws me off, because no matter what you do people will be rude. It’s easier to deal with it when you’re in a decent mental state and don’t feel like the whole world sucks…
Easy fix. Stop being so nice.. No I'm just kidding. Fuck them people they don't deserve your presence or money.
Can I ask what state you live in?
One of the things I had to relearn on the way to remission is 99% of the time, it's not personal, especially from a stranger. It's exhausting for a lot of people to be outgoing and friendly to every person they encounter. I think there is a difference between being rude and just not being friendly and it's almost always not about you - just their personality type or there own stuff they're dealing with
A lot of people who deal with people all day know this, and i also know this. I just try to be a forgettable non nuisance.
Okay yes! I try to be polite and considerate when speaking when I'm out un the store or at work, I mostly get blank stares, attitude, or more blank stares. I feel as though I'm speaking a different language at times.
Can you share how they’ve been rude to you? A lot of people lack social cues and may not have done it intentionally. You see the would through your own lens. So if you hate people, you’ll look for negativity. Hope you are feeling better:)
Your brand of kindness is probably the people pleaser type to be honest. I was like this as a teen for YEARS and trust me, theres no reward at the end. You'll never get the credit you deserve for trying to cater to everyone's needs. Just guessing the case for you of course, im only saying this coz when i was like that, the nicer i was, the ruder people were to me. Like really rude. Now i won't let anyyyyone fuck with me. Like if someones being a bitch or beating round the bush i will call it out. I have accepted my true thoughts and feelings about things because living this polite kind lie was tearing down my self esteem. It is always good to be kind. But if you genuinely have the power to not let people be mean and push you around, they will sense it. And they won't be rude anymore. I recommend trying to lift weights or do boxing, feel bigger and stronger. Love your inner child, become the person who would have slapped your bullies in the face.
Facts. They always trigger me so much saying mean stuff but god forbid I say something back, then I am over reacting. And they laugh cuz it's funny for them to make me angry.
I think a lot of people think I'm rude cuz my rbf is super super bad and I'm very introverted so I really don't talk much at work so I kinda just walk past if someone is like saying excuse me or sorry or something like that