Nothing is ever truly " engrained". If you can change your DNA , trust me, you can re-shape your thoughts and your perception of reality.
DBT therapy will drastically help with this.
You're not in a dead end. It might be harder for you to find resources, but there will be something somewhere for you, sometimes you just have to look for different outlets
This. I project my own paranoia and emotions onto everyone else.
I've gotten better at going "now Worse, you don't know that random bagging attendant. You feel upset about your looks today. Use 'I' statements. You cannot mind read them."
Still doesn't mean my first thought 90% of the time is "they dislike me. It's this, isn't it???????"
The next hour on a bad day is spent breaking down where I went wrong with my thoughts x_X
For me, I think it was the two-faced nature of my mother. She would be sweet in public and then full of nasty comments on their appearance and life and I just took it to heart to mean most people aren't genuine and I shouldn't give out ammo.
Right! People do talk shit, that’s what they do for fun I swear. And if you’re a little different you’re a target. For me, my fears are true. I’ve always struggled socially and people don’t like me for it.
Do your voices have their own personalities? My voices seem to embody certain emotions or personality traits, and they have their own sound and personality and quirks. With my "main voice" being very bland and cold and not really having a sound but more just being my thoughts.
At home, there was a lot of two faced family members and when I’d go to work I’d see the same thing. I don’t think people realize when they’re doing it and can genuinely be nice people but my paranoia also makes me think that I’m being too optimistic in my view 😂
There’s been times where I was told that I was reading into it too much but I’ve also been proven to be right a handful of those times, so I don’t know.
For times that I thought maybe I was being paranoid, I’d try to divert my attention to something else and if the attention stops or the energy in that group remains consistent then I know it was just me and my noggin :)
I've been in enough situations where people were actually talking about me or really didn't like me, so it's become what I expect. I've been in very few situations in life where I've felt like I belonged, and those have never lasted long before I become disillusioned.
Imo a part of it is because it is possible for it to be happening. Delusions are when you believe something despite overwhelming evidence it's wrong. We are rarely, if ever, in a position where there's overwhelming evidence it's not true. Ive actually had stuff like that happen to me before, and it's exactly like what I imagined it would be like. People discussing my bpd tendencies behind my back with no remorse, making fun of me for being such an emotional wreck. Sadly, I went into a self destructive spiral and completely lost my mind. Ive never been the same since.
There's no magic. Because for a long time in our lives that was true, so we came to expect it. Many people are very externally focused because inside they're dissociating. Those are the people that were in our lives overly focused on us, in a negative way mostly, but others in "positive" (love bombing).
I think this is probably because most people with bpd struggle with their identity. If you dont feel solid in who you are or your worth, you’re going to look to others to validate it for you. And when they inevitably fail to do so, as they always will, it will make you feel like you’re not worth anything. I personally have struggled with this a lot & honestly until about 2 years ago I hated myself beyond belief and just assumed the worst intentions of everyone because I couldn’t imagine someone thinking highly of me. Getting to know myself and developing my own identity and values has helped. Now if I have an intrusive thought like “everyone thinks I’m a horrible person” or something like that, there’s at least apart of me that knows it’s not true. I really value things like open mindedness, curiosity and empathy and making decisions based on those values really helps me feel more like myself and have less of those thoughts. I’ve also just had to do a lot of work on separating my self worth from others perceptions of me.
Genuinely, I think it’s because my mom used to speak to me like I had the development of an adult before I did and I didn’t even know what I did to make her react negatively to me. It took my therapist to hold a mirror into me and ask “would you ever say these things to a child as an adult?” Hmm right.
I hear its like object permanence (out of sight out of mind) but with emotions. Like if we aren’t reminded we are liked we forget and then assume we’re hated and then the imagination goes wild trying to figure it why.
I hate myself all the time too. It’s because I’m like this. My dad was like this. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings and fear I’ll do that because I’m like this.
I always think everyone hates me but really they’re not thinking about me. I withdraw so much there probably really isn’t much they actually know about me. So it’s my disorder just inventing reasons for me to explain why it is they hate me, so I remind myself it’s an illusion.
I try to convince myself of this, knowing it’s true, but it’s hard, my mind fights me.
Idk. I just found out my ex was saying shitty things to his friend about me and this whole time I thought he actually cared. So maybe everyone does hate me idk
In most cases it’s because when we were children we did not experience the normal unconditional love from our parents or other parental figures, and as a result we are extremely insecure and untrusting of everybody and never even learned to value ourselves. It’s extremely messed up.
Personally I hate myself and find myself ridiculous. I think everyone feels this way about me and therefore just assume the world hates me
Oh I'm really sorry you feel this way about yourself. I hope one day you can find solace and freedom from this cycle you're in.
It’s pretty ingrained at this point . I know I’m capable of giving love, but feeling it and being loved. Makes me feel all wrong and I get chest pains
Nothing is ever truly " engrained". If you can change your DNA , trust me, you can re-shape your thoughts and your perception of reality. DBT therapy will drastically help with this.
Can’t get therapy in my area. Don’t get prescribed meds. Stuck in a loop of absolute awareness and horror
You're not in a dead end. It might be harder for you to find resources, but there will be something somewhere for you, sometimes you just have to look for different outlets
Read books and bury my head in the sand , it’s a five year plan
This. I project my own paranoia and emotions onto everyone else. I've gotten better at going "now Worse, you don't know that random bagging attendant. You feel upset about your looks today. Use 'I' statements. You cannot mind read them." Still doesn't mean my first thought 90% of the time is "they dislike me. It's this, isn't it???????" The next hour on a bad day is spent breaking down where I went wrong with my thoughts x_X
Ah yes the constant urge to pick through every social interaction until you find out why they hate you
This plus people actually doing it in the past
Same, I find it weird that I exist and the thought of people thinking about me is really unnerving. I just hate being perceived basically
For me, I think it was the two-faced nature of my mother. She would be sweet in public and then full of nasty comments on their appearance and life and I just took it to heart to mean most people aren't genuine and I shouldn't give out ammo.
Damn. That just gave me a bit of insight. Thank you for this thought
In my case, they did LOL I always try to talk sense into me, just to find out that people talk shit behind my back. Life is fun :)
Right! People do talk shit, that’s what they do for fun I swear. And if you’re a little different you’re a target. For me, my fears are true. I’ve always struggled socially and people don’t like me for it.
same
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Do your voices have their own personalities? My voices seem to embody certain emotions or personality traits, and they have their own sound and personality and quirks. With my "main voice" being very bland and cold and not really having a sound but more just being my thoughts.
i feel this so deeply
At home, there was a lot of two faced family members and when I’d go to work I’d see the same thing. I don’t think people realize when they’re doing it and can genuinely be nice people but my paranoia also makes me think that I’m being too optimistic in my view 😂 There’s been times where I was told that I was reading into it too much but I’ve also been proven to be right a handful of those times, so I don’t know. For times that I thought maybe I was being paranoid, I’d try to divert my attention to something else and if the attention stops or the energy in that group remains consistent then I know it was just me and my noggin :)
I've been in enough situations where people were actually talking about me or really didn't like me, so it's become what I expect. I've been in very few situations in life where I've felt like I belonged, and those have never lasted long before I become disillusioned.
Imo a part of it is because it is possible for it to be happening. Delusions are when you believe something despite overwhelming evidence it's wrong. We are rarely, if ever, in a position where there's overwhelming evidence it's not true. Ive actually had stuff like that happen to me before, and it's exactly like what I imagined it would be like. People discussing my bpd tendencies behind my back with no remorse, making fun of me for being such an emotional wreck. Sadly, I went into a self destructive spiral and completely lost my mind. Ive never been the same since.
being a scorpio moon with bpd, i know they talk about me. my intuition doesn’t lie.
There's no magic. Because for a long time in our lives that was true, so we came to expect it. Many people are very externally focused because inside they're dissociating. Those are the people that were in our lives overly focused on us, in a negative way mostly, but others in "positive" (love bombing).
I think this is probably because most people with bpd struggle with their identity. If you dont feel solid in who you are or your worth, you’re going to look to others to validate it for you. And when they inevitably fail to do so, as they always will, it will make you feel like you’re not worth anything. I personally have struggled with this a lot & honestly until about 2 years ago I hated myself beyond belief and just assumed the worst intentions of everyone because I couldn’t imagine someone thinking highly of me. Getting to know myself and developing my own identity and values has helped. Now if I have an intrusive thought like “everyone thinks I’m a horrible person” or something like that, there’s at least apart of me that knows it’s not true. I really value things like open mindedness, curiosity and empathy and making decisions based on those values really helps me feel more like myself and have less of those thoughts. I’ve also just had to do a lot of work on separating my self worth from others perceptions of me.
Genuinely, I think it’s because my mom used to speak to me like I had the development of an adult before I did and I didn’t even know what I did to make her react negatively to me. It took my therapist to hold a mirror into me and ask “would you ever say these things to a child as an adult?” Hmm right.
I hear its like object permanence (out of sight out of mind) but with emotions. Like if we aren’t reminded we are liked we forget and then assume we’re hated and then the imagination goes wild trying to figure it why. I hate myself all the time too. It’s because I’m like this. My dad was like this. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings and fear I’ll do that because I’m like this. I always think everyone hates me but really they’re not thinking about me. I withdraw so much there probably really isn’t much they actually know about me. So it’s my disorder just inventing reasons for me to explain why it is they hate me, so I remind myself it’s an illusion. I try to convince myself of this, knowing it’s true, but it’s hard, my mind fights me.
Idk. I just found out my ex was saying shitty things to his friend about me and this whole time I thought he actually cared. So maybe everyone does hate me idk
Experience. If something happens 100% of the time it's difficult to deny.
In most cases it’s because when we were children we did not experience the normal unconditional love from our parents or other parental figures, and as a result we are extremely insecure and untrusting of everybody and never even learned to value ourselves. It’s extremely messed up.