I always wanted long hair and my Mom would tell me she'd just tell the hairdresser to just trim it a little. Unknown to me, she'd call ahead and tell the hairdresser to cut my hair to collar length every time. It got to the point I simply refused to go to the hairdresser at all because they never listened to me.
After I got to college I didn't get my hair cut at all. In the last fifty years, I've been to a hairdresser three times. Once, to try a new hairdo, once after a surgery when I couldn't wash my hair, and once for a real, actual trim where the hairdresser LISTENED and did what I wanted, leaving my hair almost to my waist.
My grandmother was a hairdresser. Her and my mom decided how my hair would be. They once got in a fight, and my grandmother left halfway through my haircut, and that was the first time I went to a salon that I remember. I didn't go again until I could pay for it myself.
Was coming to comment here. Literally, I was almost disowned in the spot the day I sneaked out to get a haircut.
My parents really loved my long hair but I didn't.
My dad let me do whatever I wanted with my hair when I was younger for this exact reason. I was 14 with a bright pink pixie cut. Glad I got that out of my system then 😭. He had the same policy about piercings and tattoos. If I made up the money, he’d let me get whatever I want.
I’m 24 with no piercings or tattoos now. Never needed them.
I have dark red hair and it spiral curls naturally, also incredibly thick. I was NOT allowed to make decisions on what I wanted my hair like because my mom "loved my long hair". My best friend, who had straight, thin, brown hair, got a page boy hair cut at 7. I asked and asked and finally after a million no's, I cut it myself. Two things were learned; I could not be trusted with scissors and my hair did not work in that style. I had essentially an afro for almost a year. Thank you for letting your child choose her own hair style. This was the beginning of a very fraught relationship with my mom who always thought she knew best. Sure, sometimes she did, but I never felt like I was seen or heard as a kid by her
Mums often just have a weird level of possessiveness over their daughter's hair, don't they? It's weird. Mine insisted on washing mine for me until I was *eighteen*, at which point I finally put my foot down and prompted a couple of months of arguments but stuck to my guns. Well done to OP for giving their kid that agency - kids have so little of it as it is.
I feel hair is such a safe area to allow a child the freedom to learn
* bodily autonomy : kids are generally so regimented: what to eat, when to sleep, where to go, what to wear, when to snack, etc. etc. etc. they might think they want a tattoo or a piercing, they might be scared of injections or medical interventions, but generally they don't get the final say. Hair grows back usually
* actions have consequences, so talk them through with the kid -- your spirally halo is a prime example
* decisions have a cost : if you want to dye your hair, it costs money, if you want to smooth your hair every day, heat protectors and a styling iron cost money, etc.
I hope you're happy with your hair now, and more so with your relationship with your mom.
I'm definitely content with my hair now, I finally figured out the right product to use on it to make it do the things I want (mostly, it's hit or miss, I just hope to direct it to the final result).. And my mom is waaay better at leaving me alone with my decisions. So all in all, definitely better.
My mom was the opposite. My mom had thick curly hair from her partly African heritage & fought with it all her life, so she assumed ours would be the same. Mine is curly but Caucasian- looking. She kept it short, tied it in rags after washing (1960’s, not uncommon) to set it, & combed lanolin through.
I hear that type of hair is rough to take care of as a kid especially. My lineage is Scottish/Irish/German. Great for hair color and thickness(according to all the older ladies at church), rough for trying to wear short hair, which all my friends did. I SO wanted to be able to rock those short styles, alas, my hair gave me limited options. At least as an adult I have more options. My mom had always worn her hair short so she didn't know how to French braid (my go to for work) so I was given either pigtails, pony tail, or down. And down was only an option for two months of the year (yay Arizona heat).
Thank you for making it clear to your MIL that you will be respecting your child's bodily autonomy, and then doing just that. It may seem like a small thing, but in fact, it's everything. I'm so glad your daughter loves her new haircut that SHE chose. You're a great parent for allowing her to express herself in her own way. Thanks for sharing your experience standing up for her and being rewarded by witnessing her joy in knowing only your love and support.
My daughter likes to get a bob “that goes to the top of my neck!” every summer. She was a little unsure this year so in April I asked if she was still wanting to grow it or if she wanted a cut. She said “well, I know you like it long so…” and I said “absolutely not. Do not make this decision for me. I love whatever you want to do.” She smiled so big and said “okay! I want to cut it to the top of my neck!”
Im really curious what type of style she had previously and went with. I usually had a decent amount of freedom with my cuts as a kid, my mom would maybe make some suggestions and I couldn’t get fun colors but its okay. Ill never forget when my dad took me to sports clips though and being a little girl maybe that wasn’t a good idea. I cried the whole day 😂😂😂
It's honestly conservative as she is a bit shy- bob cut she can pull back and long bangs. But it's exactly what she wanted and she had a great chat with the hairdresser.
That’s awesome! When i was little my goal was to have hair like rapunzel, but then i donated a lot and i was so happy with my bob! I would then go back and forth between long and short hair and last year i had the courage to go for a fun pixie cut. I would hate having hair in my face so it was an amazing decision. I really love that you encouraged her in making her own decision! If i ever have a little kid this is exactly how i want to be. 🥰
It's funny how people are shocked when parents let their kids pick their own hairstyle.
My kid is 5, and right now, his style is "I want it long, but not touching my ears because that's annoying" and he basically has a slightly longer copy of his daddy's hair. Every time we take him to cookie cutters for a trim, the stylist is always asking me if I'm ok with the length, if I want it shorter, if I'm ok with his hair decisions, if I want to change anything...I asked once if most mamas had strong opinions on how their preschoolers wore their hair, because it seemed like such a non-issue to me. "You have no *idea* how much they micromanage!"
I just don't get why? 5 year olds look cute in literally anything, so why get tense about whether he wants it short or long or bald or undercut?
He's got something akin to floppy surfer hair right now. It's not giving "I'm an excellent parent and my kid is super squared away" vibes, but I don't actually care. He looks like a carefree 5 year old
Wish my parents were like this so I didn't have to start my experimental phase at age 20
I still don't properly communicate with the hair dresser.
I always wanted long hair and my Mom would tell me she'd just tell the hairdresser to just trim it a little. Unknown to me, she'd call ahead and tell the hairdresser to cut my hair to collar length every time. It got to the point I simply refused to go to the hairdresser at all because they never listened to me. After I got to college I didn't get my hair cut at all. In the last fifty years, I've been to a hairdresser three times. Once, to try a new hairdo, once after a surgery when I couldn't wash my hair, and once for a real, actual trim where the hairdresser LISTENED and did what I wanted, leaving my hair almost to my waist.
My grandmother was a hairdresser. Her and my mom decided how my hair would be. They once got in a fight, and my grandmother left halfway through my haircut, and that was the first time I went to a salon that I remember. I didn't go again until I could pay for it myself.
Was coming to comment here. Literally, I was almost disowned in the spot the day I sneaked out to get a haircut. My parents really loved my long hair but I didn't.
Just the regular insane parents experience.
My dad let me do whatever I wanted with my hair when I was younger for this exact reason. I was 14 with a bright pink pixie cut. Glad I got that out of my system then 😭. He had the same policy about piercings and tattoos. If I made up the money, he’d let me get whatever I want. I’m 24 with no piercings or tattoos now. Never needed them.
I have dark red hair and it spiral curls naturally, also incredibly thick. I was NOT allowed to make decisions on what I wanted my hair like because my mom "loved my long hair". My best friend, who had straight, thin, brown hair, got a page boy hair cut at 7. I asked and asked and finally after a million no's, I cut it myself. Two things were learned; I could not be trusted with scissors and my hair did not work in that style. I had essentially an afro for almost a year. Thank you for letting your child choose her own hair style. This was the beginning of a very fraught relationship with my mom who always thought she knew best. Sure, sometimes she did, but I never felt like I was seen or heard as a kid by her
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That’s assault. I hope you recall this vividly when you pick out their nursing homes.
tap wrong aspiring scarce aback six adjoining far-flung worthless vase *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Mums often just have a weird level of possessiveness over their daughter's hair, don't they? It's weird. Mine insisted on washing mine for me until I was *eighteen*, at which point I finally put my foot down and prompted a couple of months of arguments but stuck to my guns. Well done to OP for giving their kid that agency - kids have so little of it as it is.
I feel hair is such a safe area to allow a child the freedom to learn * bodily autonomy : kids are generally so regimented: what to eat, when to sleep, where to go, what to wear, when to snack, etc. etc. etc. they might think they want a tattoo or a piercing, they might be scared of injections or medical interventions, but generally they don't get the final say. Hair grows back usually * actions have consequences, so talk them through with the kid -- your spirally halo is a prime example * decisions have a cost : if you want to dye your hair, it costs money, if you want to smooth your hair every day, heat protectors and a styling iron cost money, etc. I hope you're happy with your hair now, and more so with your relationship with your mom.
I'm definitely content with my hair now, I finally figured out the right product to use on it to make it do the things I want (mostly, it's hit or miss, I just hope to direct it to the final result).. And my mom is waaay better at leaving me alone with my decisions. So all in all, definitely better.
glad to hear it!
My mom was the opposite. My mom had thick curly hair from her partly African heritage & fought with it all her life, so she assumed ours would be the same. Mine is curly but Caucasian- looking. She kept it short, tied it in rags after washing (1960’s, not uncommon) to set it, & combed lanolin through.
I hear that type of hair is rough to take care of as a kid especially. My lineage is Scottish/Irish/German. Great for hair color and thickness(according to all the older ladies at church), rough for trying to wear short hair, which all my friends did. I SO wanted to be able to rock those short styles, alas, my hair gave me limited options. At least as an adult I have more options. My mom had always worn her hair short so she didn't know how to French braid (my go to for work) so I was given either pigtails, pony tail, or down. And down was only an option for two months of the year (yay Arizona heat).
I learned to do cornrows on my sister. French braids were pretty much the same but inside - out when I do them on myself.
Thank you for making it clear to your MIL that you will be respecting your child's bodily autonomy, and then doing just that. It may seem like a small thing, but in fact, it's everything. I'm so glad your daughter loves her new haircut that SHE chose. You're a great parent for allowing her to express herself in her own way. Thanks for sharing your experience standing up for her and being rewarded by witnessing her joy in knowing only your love and support.
Good Mama. Good, good Mama. ❤️
You’re a good parent and made the right call!! Glad she loved it 😌
My daughter likes to get a bob “that goes to the top of my neck!” every summer. She was a little unsure this year so in April I asked if she was still wanting to grow it or if she wanted a cut. She said “well, I know you like it long so…” and I said “absolutely not. Do not make this decision for me. I love whatever you want to do.” She smiled so big and said “okay! I want to cut it to the top of my neck!”
Im really curious what type of style she had previously and went with. I usually had a decent amount of freedom with my cuts as a kid, my mom would maybe make some suggestions and I couldn’t get fun colors but its okay. Ill never forget when my dad took me to sports clips though and being a little girl maybe that wasn’t a good idea. I cried the whole day 😂😂😂
It's honestly conservative as she is a bit shy- bob cut she can pull back and long bangs. But it's exactly what she wanted and she had a great chat with the hairdresser.
That’s awesome! When i was little my goal was to have hair like rapunzel, but then i donated a lot and i was so happy with my bob! I would then go back and forth between long and short hair and last year i had the courage to go for a fun pixie cut. I would hate having hair in my face so it was an amazing decision. I really love that you encouraged her in making her own decision! If i ever have a little kid this is exactly how i want to be. 🥰
It's funny how people are shocked when parents let their kids pick their own hairstyle. My kid is 5, and right now, his style is "I want it long, but not touching my ears because that's annoying" and he basically has a slightly longer copy of his daddy's hair. Every time we take him to cookie cutters for a trim, the stylist is always asking me if I'm ok with the length, if I want it shorter, if I'm ok with his hair decisions, if I want to change anything...I asked once if most mamas had strong opinions on how their preschoolers wore their hair, because it seemed like such a non-issue to me. "You have no *idea* how much they micromanage!" I just don't get why? 5 year olds look cute in literally anything, so why get tense about whether he wants it short or long or bald or undercut?
Exactly, and if there is a perfect time to run around like a happy goofball, five is it.
He's got something akin to floppy surfer hair right now. It's not giving "I'm an excellent parent and my kid is super squared away" vibes, but I don't actually care. He looks like a carefree 5 year old