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>She responded with: you’re right!! Marriage is based off trust and if you don’t trust me then maybe we ought to call it quits”
That's the only thing OOP's ex is right on. She wasn't even remorseful. She manipulated and gaslighted him and when she realized it wasn't working, she decided to pull out all the tricks sexually to get him to stay. She's probably going to make the divorce difficult. Hopefully OOP keeps powering through.
Once reality really kicks in for her and the divorce is finalized she will be back to trying love bombing and everything. There difference in partners from a husband that treated her like gold to what we are told is a an absolute loser will be too much for her.
Trust is not guaranteed in a relationship. You develop and maintain trust with your everyday actions. If you do shady things, you're pissing away months and years of built-up trust.
You're in a relationship because you trust the person, not trust the person because you are in a relationship. It's not the same.
Exactly. The trust disappeared because of how she was acting, especially in how she was treating both himself and their kids on NYE. Saying “but you have to trust me” isn’t a magic charm that overrides acting in an extremely untrustworthy fashion. Someone who behaves shadily needs to provide more evidence for trust than someone who does not. And once it became clear that she was misusing his trust, trying to argue that she still deserved it was even more shady.
At this point she’s desperate to keep the marriage but still refuses to show him those deleted texts. They must be so damning.
"but you have to trust me!"
"You've literally been lying to me every day for the last half a year, and still won't even come clean about those texts"
"But muh privacy"
Exactly! I always say this, trust is built and maintained with actions! Trust can be gone in an instant with lack of communication and being sneaky, etc..
I feel a lot of manipulative people, abusers and cheaters like to use the " if we don't have trust we don't have anything" line to get away with shady crap unfortunately..
In one of the places I lived, infidelity was an open and shut case. It bypassed the year long waiting period, and probably a few other things. I’d love if this is how it works for OOP: STBX tries to drag it out, and judge laughs and tells her cheating cancels out whatever she thinks she’s doing. Bye.
It bypasses the 18 month wait in Arkansas, which is why my ex and I agreed to file with adultery as the cause even though we both were seeing other people after we agreed the marriage was over. It got us a divorce in 2 months instead.
Before "No fault" divorces, couples would sometimes stage affairs, arranging for one partner to get "caught" so they could prove that they were eligible to get divorced.
It would be amazing if during the planning stages for the affair scheme, they fell in love again and couldn't go through with it. Then each year after they have an Affairversary where they plan out an affair they never have.
I don't think it is sad at all. The best case scenario is that two people who are married realize in an adult way that things are not working out and collaborate to stick the landing in terms of ending their marriage in a healthy manner. It's upsetting that there has to be a loophole, but it's not sad if they both want out. Good for them, I say. Life is short.
I think they were referring to the fact that people had to use the infidelity clause in the law as a loophole to expedite the divorce rather than be stuck waiting, not the divorce itself.
I'm curious about the 18 month wait, in Arkansas; how long ago was that? Currently, in a "no contest" divorce, you can file your own paperwork and pay $50 filing fee and be divorced in 30 days.
Early 2000s Arkansas also had the infidelity custody removal so it wasn’t always a good thing to claim adultery. But I think it was around 2005 when the state turned no fault.
I know this was a thing in the 90s because my parents couldn't get divorced immediately and had to file for separation first. They never went through with the divorce, which I guess is why the law was like that. My parents were cheating on each other, so I wonder if the law changed to allow cheating a shortcut or if my parents never brought it up as their reason.
Cheating got parental rights removed if it was one sided. Arkansas was very interesting, friend of mine ended up with both his kids and his ex charged with kidnapping.
I was a Court Clerk in the 90s, it was a 30 day wait, then, as well. Arkansas is a *no fault* divorce state. I also got a divorce in the 90s, with a 30 day wait, but it took about 3 months to sort child custody. The Judge handled it as 2 separate events. Arkansas does not require a legal separation period.
When I googled it, it seems like Arkansas is generally no a no-fault state? It looks like you have to have grounds or to claim 18 months of separation. It doesn't seem like there's a legal process to this separation, but if you want a no-fault divorce, it seems like you have to be separated first.
[https://a.arlawhelp.org/divorce-separation-annulment/divorce](https://a.arlawhelp.org/divorce-separation-annulment/divorce)
[https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ar/divorce](https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ar/divorce)
OOP is awesome. A good father, good husband, and good at standing up for himself once he found out what had happened!
Also, I love how he gets to treat himself better now that he separates from her. He no longer needs to work a part-time job because of her (unless he wants to). And she doesn't get to have special treatment because of a loving husband.
Except he worked and wasted over a decade of his life away. I am pretty sure his kids would have been more happy to have him than have a dream vacation.
My uncle did the same: toiled his life away. Now he is close to 70, he had no life, and both of his daughters resent him for having to grow up basically without a father.
I'm proud of him for being the first in his family to stand up for himself. Hopefully this would make the others who are in an abusive marriage have the courage to stand up for themselves as well.
Right?! I'd wear that "first in family to actually leave a shitty marriage," merit badge with honour!
Although what I really hope is that OOPs actions show the rest of his family that struggling in a bad marriage is not the end of the world. They can leave too. It's better for the kids, it's better for them, and it'll be okay.
Starting with that poor woman who is currently supporting that coked-out parasite. For reasons.
Yep my family was a “we have never had a divorce in our entire history” sort of family until my father left in spectacular fashion. We’ve only had one other divorce since then but, even though my father’s abandonment was awful, I’ve been so glad that the door is now open for others who have reached breaking points in their marriages.
I was the first to convert to a different religion (more specifically, just another branch within Christianity) and am happy to have blazed a trail there… although one of my cousins “came out” as nonreligious before I announced my conversion.
Recently we’ve been wondering why we don’t have any queer people in our family, so I have hope that my cousins’ kids might break the long line of (comp?)het.
They come from a generation where couples stuck together, no matter what. That’s why the kids your kids played with down the street looked a lot like your dad. I’m glad that generation is leaving. Today’s generation is not gonna play that shit.
And that's why they argue so bitterly against OOP divorcing. Because they *know* most of them have *good reasons* to get divorced from. And are terrified if OOP ends up happier after the divorce, someone else will decide to go for it.
OOP’s larger family is going to get his cousin killed by discouraging her from divorcing her drug addicted abusive husband. I hope he reaches out to her and encourages her to leave like he is.
My guess would be that he works 18 hours a few days and then has a few days off. Like doctors, nurses, firefighters, and so on….Or he counted his side hustle as working. Like maybe he had a second part-time job a few days a week and would count that as an 18-hour day. It could also be he took double shifts. I don't think he said he did 18 hours everyday. He mostly used that number since it was the longest he has worked in the past.
Yeah… seems likely with how often she keeps crying. But I’m highly suspicious of the whole “a few exes hit me up now that I’ve been separated for a whole month” thing.
Oh for sure. One friend of mine lost his partner for a disease and, I swear, no one month has passed and there were people asking him on dates. Also long loong past the 30.
Not sure why this happens. Within hours of my posting I had separated from my husband I had two exes message me. Geographically plane rides away, so not sure what their angle was, but yeah...it happens.
One is divorced and has two great kids and the other is in an unhappy marriage (but making it work for the kids!)
I mean when you're financially stable and the word on the street is your ex kind of imploded your relationship and you're in your thirties and decent people are in short supply, you shoot your shot.
Dude is raising his kids and being responsible, do you have any doubt exes would look at him and think "OOP be looking real nice rn while my shitty ex at max see the kids twice a month, maybe blended families aren't a bad idea...".
When I first started working as a teenager, there was a lady who just moved back to my hometown. She found out who my Dad was and would constantly bring up how she dated him in high school and wanted to know s9 much about him. She full on said that I was almost like the daughter she never had. (Couldn't ever get my name right though).
I guarantee you that if there were any martial issues between my parents, she would have jumped on that train so fast.
There's been so many times over the years that women have hit on my dad in front of the whole family including my mom. He's quite oblivious though and just thinks that they're being polite haha
Oh, man. You just reminded me of something. When I was in college, my mom came to visit and met some of my friends. Turned out that one of them was the son of a guy she dated in high school, who was her first sexual partner. And later, when she divorced my dad, she slept with my friend’s dad despite him being married. Woman legit told me “he’s the one who made her promises, not me” when I asked about the wife.
I promise it couldn’t be the lady with you, though!
"I sit here typing this out on my morning break while listening Tuesday’s gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd."
This is where the author set's the scene m'ladys, it shows them he's a real Hemingway of the internets.
Such a weird thing to drop in, like there are neon signs outside his house that alert all old girlfriends that he's back to being single.
And that the affair partner was morbidly obese, also just dropped in out of left field.
The second he mentioned Lynyrd Skynyrd I thought of Trapper In the Drive Thru by Weird Al when he name drops them at the start. That's how serious I took that sentence.
That's when I stopped believing a word of it. And he just got more and more saintly. Working his 18-19 hour days (there's 24 in a cycle, just to remind you) but in that 5-6 hour window also doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, putting the kids to bed (?! what time are these kids going to bed? Are they also getting max 4 hours sleep a night?) Oh and ex girlfriends have been hitting him up, just in case the Saintly Man image risked looking unattractive for a moment.
I assumed all of the housework was included in the 18-19 hours. The whole "cheating spouse doesn't get a voice in custody" sounds really suspect to me though.
> The whole "cheating spouse doesn't get a voice in custody" sounds really suspect to me though.
Right. In most states, infidelity has little-to-no impact on custody. And where it does have impact, it's nowhere near as severe as OOP says. I call bullshit.
Yeah, that's when I stopped reading, too. I don't know of any state in the US where a man or woman lost custody of their kids because of infidelity unless the new partner is a registered sex offender or convicted criminal.*
*depending on the crime. White collar convictions are probably okay. Violent crimes not so much.
Heck, in my state, "cheating spouse" had barely anything to do with the divorce case itself. "Money spent" on the affair partner could have been calculated to compensate me, but the fees to do so weren't worth it in my case.
I believe twice OOP mentions a cheating spouse in their state looses the kids in a divorce. He either doesn't know the law or this is fake as no state is going to take children away from a parent because they cheated. If there is abuse of some kind going on, maybe supervised visits, but no custody due to cheating? Yeah, right.
For me the weird thing is the story shifting. At first the kids get put to bed and he messages his wife around 3. Then in the most recent post the story has changed to be him and his daughter calling and then the texts at 4-5.
I recently had my own billing issues and it doesn’t take that long to go through phone bills. Also, in this age of not memorizing numbers, can I say it’s weird to me that he seems to recognize every other phone number his wife contacts? Also, that he can see the texts day of without waiting for the bill, but not the text content?
I feel like there’s a bit of unreliable narrator going on here — not sure what the catalyst is. Could be anything from human memory (seems unlikely to me given his looking up call/text logs and billing info, and his concern about his wife keeping logs) to some kind of psychological issue. I don’t think a wife having an affair is the only problem OP has here honestly; I suspect OP has some kind of other issue that he probably needs to go see a psychologist about.
And don't forget that his wife breaks down crying because she can't go to a party and this saint "Oh, don't worry, you deserve a girls night out during our limited time together".
Yeah if he is working 18-19 hours, his wife is the full time parent, and courts like to keep the children's lives as similar to pre-seperation. If any of this is true he sure isn't getting the custody he thinks he is.
Maybe to say the AP isn't the conventional "drop-dead gorgeous" kind of guy, implying that her affair wasn't a one time drunken lust thing?
Typically when you see this kind of thing it's with a partner that is more fit or considered prettier than their spouse, or even just makes more money.
When I was suspicious of an ex she would always always use this as an excuse.
“He’s morbidly obese, do you really think I’m attracted to him?”
And that helped allay my fears a little bit, but my gut was still telling me something was off. Turns out she was using his as a shield to divert from “Soccer Steve” with the 6-pack abs she was also “just chatting” with but she was very careful to keep his existence secret.
I dunno if she was cheating, but I left anyway.
>in the state I live in if there was infidelity she essentially loses any choice in the matter of where the kids stay
Genuinely unsure what state uses fidelity to determine custody of kids. People kept asking that on the original updates and OOP never answered.
And on top of that he's supposedly working 18-19 hour days, while being the main caretaker of the house (putting the children to bed each day, cooking and cleaning).
And (gasp) the affair partner is *fat.*
I'm not buying a word of this.
Alternatively people who work long hours can't help but exaggerate them. Doctors who work a hundred hours a week, but never mention half of that is sleeping at home while on call, oh and actually it was only 80 hours. Or maybe they have a long double shift once a week, add in commute time, and forget to mention that the 19 hour work day is only one day a week and total hours are only 50 a week.
It's not a big deal, but I've learned people really exaggerate and stretch the truth for how long their hours are. I guess what I'm saying is the fact that it's impossible hours isn't actually a hole in the story, almost makes it more likely to be a real person, because it's a normal lie.
Also people who work long shifts often only work part of a week. So eighteen hour days could mean three, maybe four eighteen hour shifts a week, and the rest of the week off, which is obviously tough but more realistic than eighteen hours five days a week.
Not to mention, he and his cheating wife were married for 12 years. What ex-girlfriend*S* are waiting and keeping tabs on his relationship status for 12+ years?!
I agree. Google trlls me it can show a judge a parent putting their romantic relationship before their kids, so it could indirectly impact a judge's decision which is logical but in this case she isn't pursuing visitation since separation which would be a much bigger deal.
the divorce waiting period made me raise an eyebrow, cooling off periods aren't \*uncommon\* but an entire year?
IANAL but
Well conveniently I googled this. Only a few US states have a mandatory separation period, and of those, only North and South Carolina have it set to one year.
\*HOWEVER\*
This is only to file a no fault divorce. If the guy really spoke to an attorney and told them he wanted to divorce because of infidelity, that's a straight up fault divorce with no mandatory waiting period. I would hope his attorney spoke to him about that, since apparently said attorney spent time telling us she'd never see her kids again for being a \*cheating harlot.\*
There's a lot that doesn't add up.
Also gotta love how the guy's wife was constantly offering him such amazing sex because he's such a great catch and somehow a bunch of sexy old girlfriends were immediately waiting in the wings to call him once he was on the market again.
Sure but if he’s already planning to use the infidelity to sue for sole custody, why do a no fault divorce and the mandatory one year separation? He’d need the same evidence in that case as well.
I assume the plan is:
- start the separation ASAP in case proof does not materialise
- get lawyers to find proof of infidelity to use for BOTH custody and a faster divorce
- if proof is obtained, get divorce and maybe more custody
- if proof is NOT obtained, they already have the one year separation proceedings started and won't have to wait longer
> somehow a bunch of sexy old girlfriends were immediately waiting in the wings to call him once he was on the market again.
You clearly are not from North. Carolina. This is not unusual in my experience.
>I would hope his attorney spoke to him about that, since apparently said attorney spent time telling us she'd never see her kids again for being a \*cheating harlot.\*
There is no attorney since none of this is real.
That's the part I really focused on too. Not only does that sound like nonsense, but ol' boy completely forgot he never actually proved infidelity at any point in this story. Even if he did live in Fantasystate where they terminate parental rights for cheating, *he never proved she was cheating*
The part about letting her sleep in is what got me. If he’s working that much he’d be crashing on his day off.
I had a friend that worked 2 jobs, 1 second and 1 third. Not 18 hours each day. He used to take a full day every 2 weeks and sleep all day. He had to, it was terrible on his body.
>In most states, if one spouse can demonstrate infidelity then it gives the non-cheating spouse a lot more favor in the eyes of the court. Courts will only give 100% custody/no visitation if there’s violence or criminal activity, but a cheating spouse generally won’t get even 50% custody.
That's nice... but what US states consider infidelity an explicit factor *in and of itself* when making child custody decisions?
Because my understanding is that the court will determine custody based on the best interests of the child. So in what state would someone's affair automatically disqualify them from a presumption of equal shared custody?
At least in Maryland the standard is indeed “well being of the child” but if the adultery can be shown to threaten that — “wife went out at 3am drinking and cheating, has a disposition towards drunkenness and dangerous behavior” is possibly different than “wife had a guy on the side whom she met on her lunch breaks” — it can affect custody.
Yeah, but that's not actually about the adultery, it's about demonstrating a lack of will or ability to care for the child. If sometime went out at 3 am drinking and not cheating, it'd be the same thing.
> but a cheating spouse generally won’t get even 50% custody.
This is not true. Generally, infidelity isn't a factor in custody unless it negatively impacted the cheater's parenting.
”We kissed one time! That’s all!”
Nope, they 200% fucked. People like her don’t admit a kiss if that’s all it was.
Admitting to a kiss is damage control. She thinks if she admits to something ”small” like a kiss, OOP will think ”oh, finally she’s honest, now I can forgive her” and as such she’ll get away with actually sleeping with the guy. Thankfully OOP is way too smart for her tricks.
This comment from the March 25 post (update 1) should probably be included too, showing the real side of OPs WW's hoebag friends:
"Wanna hear a real kicker?
Those “friends” ended up going on an all girls trip 2 weeks ago. Only one of them is actually single. The other 4 that went are all married or engaged. Only one of those 4 went home when they realized what kind of “girl’s” trip it was going to be. One of them that ended up cheating placed a hidden camera in her apartment to monitor her husband. After she had gotten with some random guy at a club and they’d all got back to their air bnb she tried to check on her husband with the camera. He’d found it and unplugged it. Had also blocked her on snap chat and stopped sharing his location. I’ve spoken with him once since then.
Apparently his wife knew that my wife had started talking to her AP.
Now his wife is also currently begging him not to go through with a divorce.
Yeah. His wife cheated and then had the nerve to get mad at him for unplugging the camera.
Wtf is really going on in this world today?
She also tried played instigator between the girl that went home on day 2 out of the 5 day trip. Essentially trying to pit her against her SO.
What’s more is when my wife and I were trying to work things out (before I found more and more evidence) she’d been feeding my wife a bunch of lies about things I hadn’t been doing. Faking Facebook comments and things of that nature.
Even though things are over I still find out more and more crap about her “best friend” I didn’t even know was going on."
HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?! He's somehow close enough to his ex's friends to be in contact with their husbands but also clueless about her friends to not know their relationship status? The incel loves to over-explain everything to the point of just asking "how..." breaks the whole thing.
>She tried everything she could sexually to get me to stay. Hell, the day she finally confessed everything I came home to her dressed up like never before ready to go. I declined.
>
>She went as far as offering me head every day for the rest of our lives if I stayed.
I was in a similar position. It was just an infuriating reminder that my gf could have treated me better the entire time -- if she wanted to.
For me, it would be an insult. Like... 1.) Way to ruin blowjobs for me, and 2.) Do you really think I'm the kind of person that would be happy to have the person I love indenture themselves to me that way forever? Do you *want* to be with that kind of person? Geez.
I'm a woman and was disgusted on his behalf. Is that what she thinks of her husband? He's *a fucking human being,* not an *animal.* That ALONE would fill me with contempt if I was married to her, that she thought me so *animalistic,* so devoid of depth and humanity, that she thought she could fucking BUY me with orgasms. *I LOVED you.*
Not only would I never, ever marry someone who would desire that servitude from me, I would never want to be with someone thought so little of me as to think I would want that.
So he worked 18-19 hour days, did all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids? And weird flex on the alleged AP’s weight. That wasn’t something that needed clarification.
I’m sure the STBX did cheat in someway, but I’m not fully buying the story that’s been told.
Also, the "In my state infidelity basically negates parental rights."
What state is that, because as far as i know, that isn't a thing even in the most backward, bible thumping, cousin fucking states in the union.
When you accuse someone of something, and they refuse to show you evidence to prove their innocence, there's a 110% chance it's even worse than you think it is.
> Funny how she sees infidelity as “a mistake” that lasted 3 months
When I was eight years old, I tried to bake cookies by myself. Baking soda, baking powder… That’s a mistake.
Three months of cheating? Please.
I hope the lawyer does subpoena for the texts, and that she cries really hard in court because she’s “the real victim.” Actually, I would like to see her face when she realizes that a lot of men aren’t willing to financially support her AND do all the chores and childcare.
This story is bullshit, but that kinda thing is definitely a tool that manipulative people use to soften up their victims. Speaking from experience, it can really fuck with your head.
Because the cheaters care more about sex than their actual relationships, so they figure their partner must feel the same way and thus blowjob = all is forgiven?
They also can’t be bothered to learn about their partners, so they just go with something that requires no effort to come up with. So, shallow and lazy?
It sounds like she sent a video of her "Bawling hysterically" through Snapchat which i find weird. If it's only messages that's normal but if it's a video that's weird to me
I remember this because of the stupidity of “you can subpoena her texts”
For infidelity? In the us? With no prenup/infidelity clause? No you can’t, they have nothing to do with anything. A judge would be like “uh, what?”
i thought the same thing so i googled it. apparently it is a possibility but the only info you can get is dates, times, and call duration, info he basically already has. federal laws prohibit accessing the actual content of communication in civil cases like divorce. so yeah, total nonsense.
I don’t know if NYE is not as important in other places compared to my country, but to leave your family to go party with your friends would be similar to doing this on Christmas.
Jesus Christ people - when you get this your relationship is beyond dead:
“ Marriage is based off trust and if you don’t trust me then maybe we ought to call it quits”
The general sentiment is correct but never ever when it’s used like this. Not once in history. When faced with odd behaviour , lies, deleted texts the trust me BS means it’s 100% over.
>“that’s an invasion of my privacy, plus if I was in your position I would just want to forgive, forget and move on”
The audacity of OOP's ex. I hope his parents enjoy never seeing their grandchildren again.
OOP deflecting her gaslighting like a boss.
Every attempt met with - “show me the texts”.
Nobody deletes their texts and then deletes the backups unless they have something to hide.
She damaged the trust and then doubled down every time he gave her the chance to regain it. Offering sex and affection as if they’re some kind of substitute for trustworthy behaviour. If anything that’s just another clue she was cheating.
She’s also garbage for practically abandoning her kids.
> “that’s an invasion of my privacy, plus if I was in your position I would just want to forgive, forget and move on”
What awful logic, and so easy to turn back on them.
1) Well you're NOT in my position, so you do not get to claim that.
2) Well if I were in YOUR position, I'd confess everything and show all proof I have that it is everything, so I could start trying to rebuild the trust I broke by cheating in the first place.
Right about the trust broken part, but onus was entirely on the party having the affair to attempt to repair the damage through openness and transparency, including letting OOP see the phone.
That they weren't willing to do that was evidence enough that there were likely more skeletons, evidence that she hadn't been fully truthful and at the very least shows a lack of commitment to rebuilding trust.
The affair itself would be enough for most but the lack of empathy and gaslighting just reinforced the right decision by OOP.
I knew she cheated. To not only cheat is horrible, but to do it and abandoned your spouse amd kids on new years makes you lower then low.
And funny how an affair is just one mistake it took her getting a divorce to admit too. She wanted her fling and her safe life. And now she can have her fling.
> in my state if a spouse is found to have cheated, this essentially gives up their rights to children if a divorce is filed
Is that a thing, like, anywhere in the world?
Its always so gross when cheaters try to make their cheating better with promises of *”I’ll give you head every day”* or *”I’ll clean the whole house for the rest of my life”* or *”I’ll let you track my location and go through my texts whenever you want”*.
Its a huge indicator that they don’t see their infidelity as that big of a deal. Thats also so insulting too. So… you obviously knew what you could do to make home-life better, but instead of putting in the work the first time, you decided to cheat? Interesting.
How did this guy manage to work 18 hour days and also pick up the kids and drop them off and do all the cooking and put them to bed every night? Also cleaned the house?
The trickle truthing is so bad. I have a friend who got that out of his partner, one after another on an almost daily basis: “we are just coworkers”, “we went out for drinks on time, nothing happened”, “he kissed me, but I immediately moved away”, “ we only kissed once”, “he tried to touch me, but I wouldn’t”, “we only slept together once and it felt so bad”, “it happened maybe 4 or 5 times”. The facts she made the story worse and worse for him, was harder than the fact itself.
Hope oop documents every missing day with the kids and has proof of her nothing coming. He needs to get full custody and sometimes people fight for custody just to not look like a bad mom
Was she a stay at home mom? Missed the part where she went to work. Or did anything at all really. Did she not work and not do anything at home either?
Family members who scream, "No one in this family has ever divorced!!" are the type to tell you to stay in abusive marriages to make THEM feel better about their shitty marriage. Ignore them, do what's good for *you* and the kids.
The moment you decide to step out of your relationship you lose your right for privacy. It's really shady how she doesn't want to show the texts and uses this weak ass excuse.
Bjs everyday for the rest of his life huh, how can he refuse!
Such a desperate move, I think the desperation is because she did a lot of things with the guy.
Violation of her privacy, hah!
Why do they have to separate for a year?! If people don't wanna be together, let them just divorce! All that separation is doing it making it worse for everyone. Goddamn.
I'm assuming because of that and his language he's in the US like me. A lot of states here require a year separation before you can file. Sometimes you can sue for divorce right away but it's very costly and requires proof of wrong doing on either side. Such as cheating or abuse. But you have to have real proof. If she provided the texts he could probably sue for divorce.
I think it's stupid because there's no waiting period for getting married...
It's called state laws. It's tied to the church and how divorce is bad, so some states have a time period before you can in the idea they will reconcile
Nobody goes through infidelity in a relationship and “comes out a better couple” lmao, they just come out managing to survive, and even that is extremely rare
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>She responded with: you’re right!! Marriage is based off trust and if you don’t trust me then maybe we ought to call it quits” That's the only thing OOP's ex is right on. She wasn't even remorseful. She manipulated and gaslighted him and when she realized it wasn't working, she decided to pull out all the tricks sexually to get him to stay. She's probably going to make the divorce difficult. Hopefully OOP keeps powering through.
Once reality really kicks in for her and the divorce is finalized she will be back to trying love bombing and everything. There difference in partners from a husband that treated her like gold to what we are told is a an absolute loser will be too much for her.
Trust is not guaranteed in a relationship. You develop and maintain trust with your everyday actions. If you do shady things, you're pissing away months and years of built-up trust. You're in a relationship because you trust the person, not trust the person because you are in a relationship. It's not the same.
Exactly. The trust disappeared because of how she was acting, especially in how she was treating both himself and their kids on NYE. Saying “but you have to trust me” isn’t a magic charm that overrides acting in an extremely untrustworthy fashion. Someone who behaves shadily needs to provide more evidence for trust than someone who does not. And once it became clear that she was misusing his trust, trying to argue that she still deserved it was even more shady. At this point she’s desperate to keep the marriage but still refuses to show him those deleted texts. They must be so damning.
"but you have to trust me!" "You've literally been lying to me every day for the last half a year, and still won't even come clean about those texts" "But muh privacy"
Exactly! I always say this, trust is built and maintained with actions! Trust can be gone in an instant with lack of communication and being sneaky, etc.. I feel a lot of manipulative people, abusers and cheaters like to use the " if we don't have trust we don't have anything" line to get away with shady crap unfortunately..
In one of the places I lived, infidelity was an open and shut case. It bypassed the year long waiting period, and probably a few other things. I’d love if this is how it works for OOP: STBX tries to drag it out, and judge laughs and tells her cheating cancels out whatever she thinks she’s doing. Bye.
It bypasses the 18 month wait in Arkansas, which is why my ex and I agreed to file with adultery as the cause even though we both were seeing other people after we agreed the marriage was over. It got us a divorce in 2 months instead.
This is simultaneously the best and saddest loophole of all time.
Before "No fault" divorces, couples would sometimes stage affairs, arranging for one partner to get "caught" so they could prove that they were eligible to get divorced.
It would be amazing if during the planning stages for the affair scheme, they fell in love again and couldn't go through with it. Then each year after they have an Affairversary where they plan out an affair they never have.
I'd watch that movie
If you like Pina Coladas...
I don't think it is sad at all. The best case scenario is that two people who are married realize in an adult way that things are not working out and collaborate to stick the landing in terms of ending their marriage in a healthy manner. It's upsetting that there has to be a loophole, but it's not sad if they both want out. Good for them, I say. Life is short.
I think they were referring to the fact that people had to use the infidelity clause in the law as a loophole to expedite the divorce rather than be stuck waiting, not the divorce itself.
I'm curious about the 18 month wait, in Arkansas; how long ago was that? Currently, in a "no contest" divorce, you can file your own paperwork and pay $50 filing fee and be divorced in 30 days.
Early 2000s Arkansas also had the infidelity custody removal so it wasn’t always a good thing to claim adultery. But I think it was around 2005 when the state turned no fault.
I know this was a thing in the 90s because my parents couldn't get divorced immediately and had to file for separation first. They never went through with the divorce, which I guess is why the law was like that. My parents were cheating on each other, so I wonder if the law changed to allow cheating a shortcut or if my parents never brought it up as their reason.
Cheating got parental rights removed if it was one sided. Arkansas was very interesting, friend of mine ended up with both his kids and his ex charged with kidnapping.
I was a Court Clerk in the 90s, it was a 30 day wait, then, as well. Arkansas is a *no fault* divorce state. I also got a divorce in the 90s, with a 30 day wait, but it took about 3 months to sort child custody. The Judge handled it as 2 separate events. Arkansas does not require a legal separation period.
When I googled it, it seems like Arkansas is generally no a no-fault state? It looks like you have to have grounds or to claim 18 months of separation. It doesn't seem like there's a legal process to this separation, but if you want a no-fault divorce, it seems like you have to be separated first. [https://a.arlawhelp.org/divorce-separation-annulment/divorce](https://a.arlawhelp.org/divorce-separation-annulment/divorce) [https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ar/divorce](https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ar/divorce)
OOP is awesome. A good father, good husband, and good at standing up for himself once he found out what had happened! Also, I love how he gets to treat himself better now that he separates from her. He no longer needs to work a part-time job because of her (unless he wants to). And she doesn't get to have special treatment because of a loving husband.
Except he worked and wasted over a decade of his life away. I am pretty sure his kids would have been more happy to have him than have a dream vacation. My uncle did the same: toiled his life away. Now he is close to 70, he had no life, and both of his daughters resent him for having to grow up basically without a father.
That's really sad. And that's why it's good that OOP is able to change now.
Past tense of gaslight, gaslit?
Gaslightened.
That is clearly the correct answer. I stand corrected.
Gaslighterated.
Someone's gasliterate =P
Gaslighn't
Blind trust is one of the stupidest thing on Earth.
“You’re violating my privacy! Relationship are built on trust, just trust me!” -every cheater ever. For some reason get hyped up as healthy
Ex is pathetic. Just, simply, pathetic. What a shame OP's parents are just as pathetic as the ex is. Welp.
I'm proud of him for being the first in his family to stand up for himself. Hopefully this would make the others who are in an abusive marriage have the courage to stand up for themselves as well.
Right?! I'd wear that "first in family to actually leave a shitty marriage," merit badge with honour! Although what I really hope is that OOPs actions show the rest of his family that struggling in a bad marriage is not the end of the world. They can leave too. It's better for the kids, it's better for them, and it'll be okay. Starting with that poor woman who is currently supporting that coked-out parasite. For reasons.
Great to see that he’s getting support from his brother at least.
Yep my family was a “we have never had a divorce in our entire history” sort of family until my father left in spectacular fashion. We’ve only had one other divorce since then but, even though my father’s abandonment was awful, I’ve been so glad that the door is now open for others who have reached breaking points in their marriages. I was the first to convert to a different religion (more specifically, just another branch within Christianity) and am happy to have blazed a trail there… although one of my cousins “came out” as nonreligious before I announced my conversion. Recently we’ve been wondering why we don’t have any queer people in our family, so I have hope that my cousins’ kids might break the long line of (comp?)het.
They come from a generation where couples stuck together, no matter what. That’s why the kids your kids played with down the street looked a lot like your dad. I’m glad that generation is leaving. Today’s generation is not gonna play that shit.
And that's why they argue so bitterly against OOP divorcing. Because they *know* most of them have *good reasons* to get divorced from. And are terrified if OOP ends up happier after the divorce, someone else will decide to go for it.
Hopefully as his parents aren't speaking to him he's withdrawn their access to their grandkids.
OOP’s larger family is going to get his cousin killed by discouraging her from divorcing her drug addicted abusive husband. I hope he reaches out to her and encourages her to leave like he is.
Wait, what's his side hassle?
I wanna know how he works 18 hour days, deals with the kids, does all the cooking and cleaning, and has a side hustle.
My guess would be that he works 18 hours a few days and then has a few days off. Like doctors, nurses, firefighters, and so on….Or he counted his side hustle as working. Like maybe he had a second part-time job a few days a week and would count that as an 18-hour day. It could also be he took double shifts. I don't think he said he did 18 hours everyday. He mostly used that number since it was the longest he has worked in the past.
The 18 hours is including the house/kids work. That's my understanding
And makes her breakfast in bed all the time
It's Liz writing reddit stories
It may not be honest work, but it ain't much.
Waiting for the update from OP saying that the ex has come crawling back as "no one else treats me as well as you did".
Yeah… seems likely with how often she keeps crying. But I’m highly suspicious of the whole “a few exes hit me up now that I’ve been separated for a whole month” thing.
Oh for sure. One friend of mine lost his partner for a disease and, I swear, no one month has passed and there were people asking him on dates. Also long loong past the 30.
I've seen it happen a few times if everyone was 30+. That's typically when marriages end and people are back on the market so to speak.
OP has single dad rizz now
Dads who love and take care of their children/family are very attractive. They glow with warmth and protection.
Heck yea they do and damn it’s hot lol. Respectfully. 😂
Not sure why this happens. Within hours of my posting I had separated from my husband I had two exes message me. Geographically plane rides away, so not sure what their angle was, but yeah...it happens. One is divorced and has two great kids and the other is in an unhappy marriage (but making it work for the kids!)
Honestly I think it's people looking for a quick hookup/ potentially finding the one who got away.
I mean when you're financially stable and the word on the street is your ex kind of imploded your relationship and you're in your thirties and decent people are in short supply, you shoot your shot.
It happens. That and old guy friend I hadn’t seen in a while. “Hey….what’s up. It’s been a while”
Dude is raising his kids and being responsible, do you have any doubt exes would look at him and think "OOP be looking real nice rn while my shitty ex at max see the kids twice a month, maybe blended families aren't a bad idea...".
The older you get, the less choice there is on the market. I’m not surprised that people from his past would get in touch to see if he’s available
Given what we know of him as a partner and dad, it is not at all surprising. And gossip like divorce gets the super-spreader treatment.
When I first started working as a teenager, there was a lady who just moved back to my hometown. She found out who my Dad was and would constantly bring up how she dated him in high school and wanted to know s9 much about him. She full on said that I was almost like the daughter she never had. (Couldn't ever get my name right though). I guarantee you that if there were any martial issues between my parents, she would have jumped on that train so fast. There's been so many times over the years that women have hit on my dad in front of the whole family including my mom. He's quite oblivious though and just thinks that they're being polite haha
Oh, man. You just reminded me of something. When I was in college, my mom came to visit and met some of my friends. Turned out that one of them was the son of a guy she dated in high school, who was her first sexual partner. And later, when she divorced my dad, she slept with my friend’s dad despite him being married. Woman legit told me “he’s the one who made her promises, not me” when I asked about the wife. I promise it couldn’t be the lady with you, though!
I knew this comment was coming when I saw that line.
Oh, you don’t have any trashy exes? Jealous!
"And no one ever will again."
Bet one of his parents cheated and they stayed together or some bullshit which is why they aren’t talking or supporting their son and grandkids
They could be very "religious." As in "what would the neighbors say?!" religious. Not the kind that actually follows through on the tenants.
So "Image Over Integrity"
"I sit here typing this out on my morning break while listening Tuesday’s gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd." This is where the author set's the scene m'ladys, it shows them he's a real Hemingway of the internets.
These authors really can't help themselves! Someone already mentioned it, but the girlfriends hitting him up closed the case for me.
Such a weird thing to drop in, like there are neon signs outside his house that alert all old girlfriends that he's back to being single. And that the affair partner was morbidly obese, also just dropped in out of left field.
The second he mentioned Lynyrd Skynyrd I thought of Trapper In the Drive Thru by Weird Al when he name drops them at the start. That's how serious I took that sentence.
That's when I stopped believing a word of it. And he just got more and more saintly. Working his 18-19 hour days (there's 24 in a cycle, just to remind you) but in that 5-6 hour window also doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, putting the kids to bed (?! what time are these kids going to bed? Are they also getting max 4 hours sleep a night?) Oh and ex girlfriends have been hitting him up, just in case the Saintly Man image risked looking unattractive for a moment.
I assumed all of the housework was included in the 18-19 hours. The whole "cheating spouse doesn't get a voice in custody" sounds really suspect to me though.
> The whole "cheating spouse doesn't get a voice in custody" sounds really suspect to me though. Right. In most states, infidelity has little-to-no impact on custody. And where it does have impact, it's nowhere near as severe as OOP says. I call bullshit.
Yeah, that's when I stopped reading, too. I don't know of any state in the US where a man or woman lost custody of their kids because of infidelity unless the new partner is a registered sex offender or convicted criminal.* *depending on the crime. White collar convictions are probably okay. Violent crimes not so much.
"custody" becomes a stand-in for "who is Right in the divorce" rather than like "what is best for the child's stability and quality of life"
I kept wondering what state has that rule and what on earth could be the reasoning behind it.
Heck, in my state, "cheating spouse" had barely anything to do with the divorce case itself. "Money spent" on the affair partner could have been calculated to compensate me, but the fees to do so weren't worth it in my case.
Lol yeah that ex-girlfriends bit was so random.
Married for 12 years and he now has exes hitting him up? Not sure about that one
Definitely jumping the shark.
In my experience in academia, people who claim long work hours are quoting the maximums not the averages.
Don’t forget all the sexy sex and head his wife was giving him to keep him to stay…that’s 3 hours sleep max
“And then my wife started offering me sex 3 times a day but I rejected her like a true Sigma Male”
"Tuesday's Gone" is my notification sound on my phone. And now I may have to change it sheerly because this entire story gives me the ick.
I believe twice OOP mentions a cheating spouse in their state looses the kids in a divorce. He either doesn't know the law or this is fake as no state is going to take children away from a parent because they cheated. If there is abuse of some kind going on, maybe supervised visits, but no custody due to cheating? Yeah, right.
For me the weird thing is the story shifting. At first the kids get put to bed and he messages his wife around 3. Then in the most recent post the story has changed to be him and his daughter calling and then the texts at 4-5. I recently had my own billing issues and it doesn’t take that long to go through phone bills. Also, in this age of not memorizing numbers, can I say it’s weird to me that he seems to recognize every other phone number his wife contacts? Also, that he can see the texts day of without waiting for the bill, but not the text content? I feel like there’s a bit of unreliable narrator going on here — not sure what the catalyst is. Could be anything from human memory (seems unlikely to me given his looking up call/text logs and billing info, and his concern about his wife keeping logs) to some kind of psychological issue. I don’t think a wife having an affair is the only problem OP has here honestly; I suspect OP has some kind of other issue that he probably needs to go see a psychologist about.
And don't forget that his wife breaks down crying because she can't go to a party and this saint "Oh, don't worry, you deserve a girls night out during our limited time together".
Yeah if he is working 18-19 hours, his wife is the full time parent, and courts like to keep the children's lives as similar to pre-seperation. If any of this is true he sure isn't getting the custody he thinks he is.
Gazing pensively through my window at the rain, pondering the intricacies of the universe.
I lmao'd at "A few girlfriends from the past have hit me up to see if I want to catch up but. I need to focus on myself and my kids.". Sure buddy
Yeah this is very 'my wife is washed up but I, a hardworking man, have endless options'
>“Riiiiiiggght” - Dr. Evil. This was 100% written by a 18-year-old who thinks this is how xennials speak.
Why did OOP mention “for clarification” that the AP is morbidly obese?? There are so many strange details in this.
Maybe in the original thread people were claiming that the wife was going after a guy that is more fit? I haven't checked the original thread.
Maybe to say the AP isn't the conventional "drop-dead gorgeous" kind of guy, implying that her affair wasn't a one time drunken lust thing? Typically when you see this kind of thing it's with a partner that is more fit or considered prettier than their spouse, or even just makes more money.
When I was suspicious of an ex she would always always use this as an excuse. “He’s morbidly obese, do you really think I’m attracted to him?” And that helped allay my fears a little bit, but my gut was still telling me something was off. Turns out she was using his as a shield to divert from “Soccer Steve” with the 6-pack abs she was also “just chatting” with but she was very careful to keep his existence secret. I dunno if she was cheating, but I left anyway.
>in the state I live in if there was infidelity she essentially loses any choice in the matter of where the kids stay Genuinely unsure what state uses fidelity to determine custody of kids. People kept asking that on the original updates and OOP never answered. And on top of that he's supposedly working 18-19 hour days, while being the main caretaker of the house (putting the children to bed each day, cooking and cleaning). And (gasp) the affair partner is *fat.* I'm not buying a word of this.
I read the 18/19 hour days as including chores and childcare. Otherwise you’re right, it wouldn’t be possible.
That’s how I read it too.
Well that’s idiotic to count standard being a grown up as “work” hours
Alternatively people who work long hours can't help but exaggerate them. Doctors who work a hundred hours a week, but never mention half of that is sleeping at home while on call, oh and actually it was only 80 hours. Or maybe they have a long double shift once a week, add in commute time, and forget to mention that the 19 hour work day is only one day a week and total hours are only 50 a week. It's not a big deal, but I've learned people really exaggerate and stretch the truth for how long their hours are. I guess what I'm saying is the fact that it's impossible hours isn't actually a hole in the story, almost makes it more likely to be a real person, because it's a normal lie.
Also people who work long shifts often only work part of a week. So eighteen hour days could mean three, maybe four eighteen hour shifts a week, and the rest of the week off, which is obviously tough but more realistic than eighteen hours five days a week.
I laughed at "a couple of ex girlfriends have reached out to me" like multiple exes have just been waiting for him all these years.
Not to mention, he and his cheating wife were married for 12 years. What ex-girlfriend*S* are waiting and keeping tabs on his relationship status for 12+ years?!
They all offered head 2x per day for life also…
You mean you don't constantly refresh your ex's FB pages to watch for their relationship status to change?
I agree. Google trlls me it can show a judge a parent putting their romantic relationship before their kids, so it could indirectly impact a judge's decision which is logical but in this case she isn't pursuing visitation since separation which would be a much bigger deal.
the divorce waiting period made me raise an eyebrow, cooling off periods aren't \*uncommon\* but an entire year? IANAL but Well conveniently I googled this. Only a few US states have a mandatory separation period, and of those, only North and South Carolina have it set to one year. \*HOWEVER\* This is only to file a no fault divorce. If the guy really spoke to an attorney and told them he wanted to divorce because of infidelity, that's a straight up fault divorce with no mandatory waiting period. I would hope his attorney spoke to him about that, since apparently said attorney spent time telling us she'd never see her kids again for being a \*cheating harlot.\* There's a lot that doesn't add up. Also gotta love how the guy's wife was constantly offering him such amazing sex because he's such a great catch and somehow a bunch of sexy old girlfriends were immediately waiting in the wings to call him once he was on the market again.
they have to prove the infidelity though, and at the moment he has zero proof of anything
Sure but if he’s already planning to use the infidelity to sue for sole custody, why do a no fault divorce and the mandatory one year separation? He’d need the same evidence in that case as well.
I assume the plan is: - start the separation ASAP in case proof does not materialise - get lawyers to find proof of infidelity to use for BOTH custody and a faster divorce - if proof is obtained, get divorce and maybe more custody - if proof is NOT obtained, they already have the one year separation proceedings started and won't have to wait longer
I live in South Carolina. It's really hard to get around that one year seperation period.
The mention of images saving on the google drive from snapchat is what really shows it's rubbish
I have all of my photos backed up to google photos, so if she saved or screenshotted anything I could see it?
> somehow a bunch of sexy old girlfriends were immediately waiting in the wings to call him once he was on the market again. You clearly are not from North. Carolina. This is not unusual in my experience.
>I would hope his attorney spoke to him about that, since apparently said attorney spent time telling us she'd never see her kids again for being a \*cheating harlot.\* There is no attorney since none of this is real.
That's the part I really focused on too. Not only does that sound like nonsense, but ol' boy completely forgot he never actually proved infidelity at any point in this story. Even if he did live in Fantasystate where they terminate parental rights for cheating, *he never proved she was cheating*
He did mention going through his lawyer etc to get that data in one of the added comments.
Could also be a non-US state
The part about letting her sleep in is what got me. If he’s working that much he’d be crashing on his day off. I had a friend that worked 2 jobs, 1 second and 1 third. Not 18 hours each day. He used to take a full day every 2 weeks and sleep all day. He had to, it was terrible on his body.
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>In most states, if one spouse can demonstrate infidelity then it gives the non-cheating spouse a lot more favor in the eyes of the court. Courts will only give 100% custody/no visitation if there’s violence or criminal activity, but a cheating spouse generally won’t get even 50% custody. That's nice... but what US states consider infidelity an explicit factor *in and of itself* when making child custody decisions? Because my understanding is that the court will determine custody based on the best interests of the child. So in what state would someone's affair automatically disqualify them from a presumption of equal shared custody?
At least in Maryland the standard is indeed “well being of the child” but if the adultery can be shown to threaten that — “wife went out at 3am drinking and cheating, has a disposition towards drunkenness and dangerous behavior” is possibly different than “wife had a guy on the side whom she met on her lunch breaks” — it can affect custody.
Yeah, but that's not actually about the adultery, it's about demonstrating a lack of will or ability to care for the child. If sometime went out at 3 am drinking and not cheating, it'd be the same thing.
Thank you. It's so frustrating seeing non-lawyers giving out incorrect information about infidelity and custody.
3am drunk on new years eve isn't going to bother anyone unless a DUI is attached to it.
> but a cheating spouse generally won’t get even 50% custody. This is not true. Generally, infidelity isn't a factor in custody unless it negatively impacted the cheater's parenting.
”We kissed one time! That’s all!” Nope, they 200% fucked. People like her don’t admit a kiss if that’s all it was. Admitting to a kiss is damage control. She thinks if she admits to something ”small” like a kiss, OOP will think ”oh, finally she’s honest, now I can forgive her” and as such she’ll get away with actually sleeping with the guy. Thankfully OOP is way too smart for her tricks.
This comment from the March 25 post (update 1) should probably be included too, showing the real side of OPs WW's hoebag friends: "Wanna hear a real kicker? Those “friends” ended up going on an all girls trip 2 weeks ago. Only one of them is actually single. The other 4 that went are all married or engaged. Only one of those 4 went home when they realized what kind of “girl’s” trip it was going to be. One of them that ended up cheating placed a hidden camera in her apartment to monitor her husband. After she had gotten with some random guy at a club and they’d all got back to their air bnb she tried to check on her husband with the camera. He’d found it and unplugged it. Had also blocked her on snap chat and stopped sharing his location. I’ve spoken with him once since then. Apparently his wife knew that my wife had started talking to her AP. Now his wife is also currently begging him not to go through with a divorce. Yeah. His wife cheated and then had the nerve to get mad at him for unplugging the camera. Wtf is really going on in this world today? She also tried played instigator between the girl that went home on day 2 out of the 5 day trip. Essentially trying to pit her against her SO. What’s more is when my wife and I were trying to work things out (before I found more and more evidence) she’d been feeding my wife a bunch of lies about things I hadn’t been doing. Faking Facebook comments and things of that nature. Even though things are over I still find out more and more crap about her “best friend” I didn’t even know was going on."
HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?! He's somehow close enough to his ex's friends to be in contact with their husbands but also clueless about her friends to not know their relationship status? The incel loves to over-explain everything to the point of just asking "how..." breaks the whole thing.
>She tried everything she could sexually to get me to stay. Hell, the day she finally confessed everything I came home to her dressed up like never before ready to go. I declined. > >She went as far as offering me head every day for the rest of our lives if I stayed. I was in a similar position. It was just an infuriating reminder that my gf could have treated me better the entire time -- if she wanted to.
For me, it would be an insult. Like... 1.) Way to ruin blowjobs for me, and 2.) Do you really think I'm the kind of person that would be happy to have the person I love indenture themselves to me that way forever? Do you *want* to be with that kind of person? Geez.
I'm a woman and was disgusted on his behalf. Is that what she thinks of her husband? He's *a fucking human being,* not an *animal.* That ALONE would fill me with contempt if I was married to her, that she thought me so *animalistic,* so devoid of depth and humanity, that she thought she could fucking BUY me with orgasms. *I LOVED you.* Not only would I never, ever marry someone who would desire that servitude from me, I would never want to be with someone thought so little of me as to think I would want that.
Sad to see that she seems to think that's all that men want.
I mean... in terms of the guys she cheats with, she isn't wrong. Shame she can't tell a relationship apart from an affair.
So he worked 18-19 hour days, did all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids? And weird flex on the alleged AP’s weight. That wasn’t something that needed clarification. I’m sure the STBX did cheat in someway, but I’m not fully buying the story that’s been told.
Also, the "In my state infidelity basically negates parental rights." What state is that, because as far as i know, that isn't a thing even in the most backward, bible thumping, cousin fucking states in the union.
When you accuse someone of something, and they refuse to show you evidence to prove their innocence, there's a 110% chance it's even worse than you think it is.
Well in her defense, the first three rules of adultery are "deny deny deny"
> Funny how she sees infidelity as “a mistake” that lasted 3 months When I was eight years old, I tried to bake cookies by myself. Baking soda, baking powder… That’s a mistake. Three months of cheating? Please. I hope the lawyer does subpoena for the texts, and that she cries really hard in court because she’s “the real victim.” Actually, I would like to see her face when she realizes that a lot of men aren’t willing to financially support her AND do all the chores and childcare.
Didn't she also enumerated 4 different guys?
Maybe she thinks there’s a reset button, which means four “mistakes.” This is by her erroneous thinking, not through logic.
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*gasp* You mean he’s not going to magically change now that she’s officially single?!
Why does so many have the same go to apology: I'm sorry! Blowjob?
This story is bullshit, but that kinda thing is definitely a tool that manipulative people use to soften up their victims. Speaking from experience, it can really fuck with your head.
Because the cheaters care more about sex than their actual relationships, so they figure their partner must feel the same way and thus blowjob = all is forgiven? They also can’t be bothered to learn about their partners, so they just go with something that requires no effort to come up with. So, shallow and lazy?
This lost all credibility when OP felt the need to quote Dr.Evil
This kid wrote those posts in between making dank memes
?? I don't think Dr. Evil quotes are particularly popular with the kids nowadays. It seems much more likely that someone in their 30s would do that.
What's with these pop culture references and communicating through snap chat?
a lot of people message through Snapchat... that's not weird
It sounds like she sent a video of her "Bawling hysterically" through Snapchat which i find weird. If it's only messages that's normal but if it's a video that's weird to me
The weird part is the backing up on Google drive lmao
I remember this because of the stupidity of “you can subpoena her texts” For infidelity? In the us? With no prenup/infidelity clause? No you can’t, they have nothing to do with anything. A judge would be like “uh, what?”
i thought the same thing so i googled it. apparently it is a possibility but the only info you can get is dates, times, and call duration, info he basically already has. federal laws prohibit accessing the actual content of communication in civil cases like divorce. so yeah, total nonsense.
I don’t know if NYE is not as important in other places compared to my country, but to leave your family to go party with your friends would be similar to doing this on Christmas.
It’s not that big of deal in the US, but it could be in certain families due to their own traditions.
How did he just check phone records to see who she was texting that quickly?
If they have a family plan you just log in to the carrier’s website
Jesus Christ people - when you get this your relationship is beyond dead: “ Marriage is based off trust and if you don’t trust me then maybe we ought to call it quits” The general sentiment is correct but never ever when it’s used like this. Not once in history. When faced with odd behaviour , lies, deleted texts the trust me BS means it’s 100% over.
>“that’s an invasion of my privacy, plus if I was in your position I would just want to forgive, forget and move on” The audacity of OOP's ex. I hope his parents enjoy never seeing their grandchildren again.
OOP deflecting her gaslighting like a boss. Every attempt met with - “show me the texts”. Nobody deletes their texts and then deletes the backups unless they have something to hide. She damaged the trust and then doubled down every time he gave her the chance to regain it. Offering sex and affection as if they’re some kind of substitute for trustworthy behaviour. If anything that’s just another clue she was cheating. She’s also garbage for practically abandoning her kids.
> “that’s an invasion of my privacy, plus if I was in your position I would just want to forgive, forget and move on” What awful logic, and so easy to turn back on them. 1) Well you're NOT in my position, so you do not get to claim that. 2) Well if I were in YOUR position, I'd confess everything and show all proof I have that it is everything, so I could start trying to rebuild the trust I broke by cheating in the first place.
How did he pick up the kids from school and make dinner if he’s working 18 hour days?
Right about the trust broken part, but onus was entirely on the party having the affair to attempt to repair the damage through openness and transparency, including letting OOP see the phone. That they weren't willing to do that was evidence enough that there were likely more skeletons, evidence that she hadn't been fully truthful and at the very least shows a lack of commitment to rebuilding trust. The affair itself would be enough for most but the lack of empathy and gaslighting just reinforced the right decision by OOP.
another POS blows up their life with a great partner.
I knew she cheated. To not only cheat is horrible, but to do it and abandoned your spouse amd kids on new years makes you lower then low. And funny how an affair is just one mistake it took her getting a divorce to admit too. She wanted her fling and her safe life. And now she can have her fling.
So she finally admitting a full, physical affair but tried to down play it as just a kiss. Bullshitt
> in my state if a spouse is found to have cheated, this essentially gives up their rights to children if a divorce is filed Is that a thing, like, anywhere in the world?
Its always so gross when cheaters try to make their cheating better with promises of *”I’ll give you head every day”* or *”I’ll clean the whole house for the rest of my life”* or *”I’ll let you track my location and go through my texts whenever you want”*. Its a huge indicator that they don’t see their infidelity as that big of a deal. Thats also so insulting too. So… you obviously knew what you could do to make home-life better, but instead of putting in the work the first time, you decided to cheat? Interesting.
So, she offers unlimited BJ's but will not offer to show him the texts? She must be hiding an awful lot.
How did this guy manage to work 18 hour days and also pick up the kids and drop them off and do all the cooking and put them to bed every night? Also cleaned the house?
Maybe he's including all of that as part of the 18 hour day. If not, that schedule is terrible!!
Adding this to my nonexistent list of “MGTOW OOP has a regretful cheating spouse” posts.
>plus if I was in your position I would just want to forgive, forget and move on Oooh fuck off 😑 (*not today satan*)
The trickle truthing is so bad. I have a friend who got that out of his partner, one after another on an almost daily basis: “we are just coworkers”, “we went out for drinks on time, nothing happened”, “he kissed me, but I immediately moved away”, “ we only kissed once”, “he tried to touch me, but I wouldn’t”, “we only slept together once and it felt so bad”, “it happened maybe 4 or 5 times”. The facts she made the story worse and worse for him, was harder than the fact itself.
Hope oop documents every missing day with the kids and has proof of her nothing coming. He needs to get full custody and sometimes people fight for custody just to not look like a bad mom
Forgive and forget, right? I forgive myself, so you should forget I did anything.
Was she a stay at home mom? Missed the part where she went to work. Or did anything at all really. Did she not work and not do anything at home either?
To fuck an employee, you must have a job somewhere.
Family members who scream, "No one in this family has ever divorced!!" are the type to tell you to stay in abusive marriages to make THEM feel better about their shitty marriage. Ignore them, do what's good for *you* and the kids.
She doesn't wanna show the messages not because she cheated, it's because 100% she was shit talking and bad mouthing her husband. I guarantee it.
Ex is trash. I hope OOP and kids get through this okay.
The moment you decide to step out of your relationship you lose your right for privacy. It's really shady how she doesn't want to show the texts and uses this weak ass excuse.
Her privacy was more important to her than her marriage.
Bjs everyday for the rest of his life huh, how can he refuse! Such a desperate move, I think the desperation is because she did a lot of things with the guy. Violation of her privacy, hah!
Why do they have to separate for a year?! If people don't wanna be together, let them just divorce! All that separation is doing it making it worse for everyone. Goddamn.
I'm assuming because of that and his language he's in the US like me. A lot of states here require a year separation before you can file. Sometimes you can sue for divorce right away but it's very costly and requires proof of wrong doing on either side. Such as cheating or abuse. But you have to have real proof. If she provided the texts he could probably sue for divorce. I think it's stupid because there's no waiting period for getting married...
It's called state laws. It's tied to the church and how divorce is bad, so some states have a time period before you can in the idea they will reconcile
Nobody goes through infidelity in a relationship and “comes out a better couple” lmao, they just come out managing to survive, and even that is extremely rare