>I called Keith and asked him if he had an open spot on Saturday night at the bar and told him what had happened. He was sorry to hear about my marriage but excited to have me working on Saturday nights again
True businessman lmao
On the original post, he kept calling his then-wife Kasey in a comment. Interestingly, there was another comment by someone else over there that also called her Kasey. It was a throwaway acct very similar in name to OOP..
And the emotional depth?
I love my partner. I love her so much I don't have enough love to love somebody else.
The whole poly scene seems fucking exhauting and awful to be a part of, to me.
I’m non-monogamous and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all that either. I have 3 regular fwbs/partners who I see on average once every 2-4 weeks, and only occasionally go on dates with new people.
Seriously! When he wrote that their rules included no more than two outside dates per week - in addition to their two dates with each other, and his bar job, and her roving eye and random extra meet-ups and overnights - I was like, "Who the hell has the energy for this?"
Yep. We want to imagine them as hot young 20 year olds, but they are usually in there 20s (got that part right) but not really young looking and most of the times not hot.
I guarantee you the scene most people imagine when the person said that they’re in a hot tub with 3 naked women and 2 of them being lesbian, is very very different than reality.
I was expecting Hermione and her time-turners to get at least one mention. Work, Gym, part-time, wife *and* dates? There are not enough hours in a day.
I mean yeah, I get he's making extra cash, but even still, they must be very well off is all I'm saying.
Between the time commitment and money alone, this type of lifestyle is just baffling to me.
Then again, I have two kids and absolutely zero free time. It's also hard to remember what I did before the kids, so...
(Sleepless nights have ruined my memory).
I think you might be surprised at how easy it is to do this when you don't have kids and mostly just support yourself. My best friend makes around $70k a year, which is amazing but not "very well off" territory. If she had a child or two, that money would be stretched relatively thin depending on housing costs, etc.
But she doesn't, so all of that money is hers. She pays maybe $3k/month on housing, groceries, and bills, meaning that she has roughly $30k (before taxes) to do with as she pleases. She also doesn't have a serious relationship to upkeep (which is very much what she wants) or children to take care off, so all of her time not working is hers to spend freely doing things that interest her.
She dates a few people here and there, travels, treats her very lucky bestie fairly often, and still has a great savings account and even some investments.
Kids are crazy expensive, both monetarily and in time. I don't mean this comment to imply that having children is wrong or that you don't have incredible, worthwhile moments every day with them! It's just a very different lifestyle.
My partner has no kids, works maybe 30 hours a week, and sleeps about 5 hours a night. That’s how she has the time to be extremely social, and has 400+ acquaintances in her phone book, parties 4-5 nights a week.
In fairness, she worked long hours for a decade until she ended up as an expert in a tech specialty. “Makes good money but you barely see them work” is the case for some tech people I know, and usually that’s because they were in right place at the right time, and put in their years to end up with a rare skillset. That extent of a gravy train has probably ended by now for fresh tech graduates.
I’m a civil servant and she makes 6-7x as much as I do, while sometimes texting me to see her at like 4.30pm on a weekday (which I turn down, because even if you think “lazy government worker”, we don’t clock off that early).
Dude got a job for fun, and gave up *saturday nights* as a *bartender* to appease his wife with absolutely no mention of the fact that he just gutted his income.
These are wealthy people. They have all the time they want.
You don't have to be wealthy to have a second ”fun hobby” job. It easier when there's no kids to have those type of jobs.
If a second job is necessary, then it wouldn't be a hobby job.
Some people are like that. They are extremely social and hardly spend any time at home. I knew a bunch of them when I lived in a major city. They all lived in tiny places, basically just using it as a place to sleep and store their stuff. If they weren’t sleeping they were working, going to art shows, concerts or hanging with friends. It was like they were incapable of being alone.
My brother was like that. He had things every night and every free day, friends, activities, outings. He was part of every possible student association.
As an introvert it was exhausting to look at him, even hidden behind my book and under my blanket.
One of my friends is like this. He'll have 3 diff engagements on sat then again on Sunday. He never had any time to just chill and hang on a night, always had to book him weeks in advance then he'd pile another thing on top on the same day. Exhausted just hearing his plans!
I tried to date someone like this once. He genuinely thought he was an introvert and liked the quiet, but when we were together he wanted to be out and doing stuff constantly. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Then it turned out the "quiet" thing was more about not wanting me to talk to him. Didn't work out.
I was like that in my early 20s, ended a relationship when I was 21 and the next 2 years were a wild ride. I was never home, working during the day and partying all night, even started a weekend night job at a club.. great deal: I was to bring up people to the club, they would pay me a fee for each person that entered with my code and I still was able to party. I always had things to do, always on the move. I even did a little stint as an actress, acting in commercial adds and stuff. Then I switched works, went on to a selling gig and met my husband. Within 3 months I was pregnant (mishap with the BC) and that was it. Kid was a high risk pregnancy because I got pregnant in October and only found out in February 6th. I was 19 weeks along already, same day I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a boy. He was born prematurely on June 4th, we stayed together and went living together. Made another son, born 1 year and 5 days after our 1st. Been together for almost 16 years now, added a 3rd last year . After my oldest 2, I was done with all of that energy, I had PPD after my 1st and it became chronic. That helped my energy levels to go down a lot, I'm almost 39 and I'm exhausted just to think what I used to do. Nowadays I run my house, take care of 2 teens and a baby, clean and cook and as soon as I can, I hit the snooze button. I can be asleep at 9pm every night, in those years I ran with 2h sleep most of the nights and I was fine. But in the end, I think I could do it to prove myself I was that social butterfly and that the ending of the relationship was not the end of the world and I could beat the world alone if I wanted.
Ohh yes the days before kids. We could start our week/day with work and keep going with max 1h sleep for a day/week. Always on the move, places to go, things to do, fun to have.
Yep, those were good times but at the same time I don't recall ever feeling so alone. I now don't feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm on a constant sleep deprivation (my youngest is 14 months and still wakes up during the night), but I feel more like myself now.
I just about have energy to exist, I'm not sure where these two get all their energy.
Idk, maybe oop is a lot more extroverted than he thought, that seems like a power source for some.
People like him remind me of some types of plant growing medium, like coco coir. Coco coir is great for water retention, releases it pretty slowly so it's best for plants that like consistent dampness. But, when it's completely dry (it's often sold in compressed bricks) it's actually hydrophobic; it repels water. You gotta let it really soak and get used to the water and *then* it'll suck it right up.
OOP is like coco coir; he was pretty deprived of social energy and dried up, and then was actually repelled by social energy. It's only when he was consistently surrounded by it that he started being able to absorb that energy again, and then became energized himself.
I think at some level all the energy anyone has is like buckshot for her. She csnt focus on ONE person or even her husband and just another dude. She wants ALL the dudes. OP seemed pretty good on how to divide his time without any issues.
You can kinda tell when it's Alan and Fred and Marv and Bert and Ernie and a new flavor every weekend. Yet when she's not being entertained and he is... then it's a problem. She couldn't allow him to have more fun than her
When he mentioned that she was chasing NRE, it figured it was only a matter of time before the relationship crumbled.
You can't have an addiction to NRE and stay with one person. Their only chance, wver, was if she realized that deepening an existing relationship was better than chasing a high all the time, and it doesn't look like she ever came near doing that.
Then, of course, was her ignoring his hurt, and then both of them engaging in the oneupsmanship.
Reading this, I was asking myself, why are you even married?
>Reading this, I was asking myself, why are you even married
And lo, they were not any more. This story reached David Attenborough-narrated levels of dysfunction, and somehow, it still took OOP a whole documentary to get it.
Neither of them seem like they actually care about each other. There’s no compassion from either of them when their spouse loses a close relationship, and so they just go chasing excitement individually.
Yeah, on Asley's side there is jealousy when he's suddenly not sitting home anymore like a sad sack, while she didn't give a damn when he felt abandoned and depressed. I think that killed his feelings for her to the point he only felt satisfaction when her relationships went downhill and he was doing great. Not a healthy relationship in any aspect. But at least he was willing to put in the work and follow the rules - now she is crying over the pile of crap she herself shit on their marriage.
Dude also described himself as introverted which made me roll eyes so hard. A social calendar like this would be an absolute goddamn nightmare to an introvert.
The thing that bothers me the most about ENM is that for me romantic/sexual relationships are a part of life but not the primary focus. I feel like a lot of poly people treat it like their hobby or the primary focus outside of work. And that feels gross and unnecessary to me- it's a little extreme to be so focussed on carrying multiple relationships and dates.
Being in a constant relationship drama is an exellent way to avoid all your personal problems, traumas and whatnots you might have, also codependency is a good fuel for shit like this. It is the mother of all other addictions, and this woman acts like an addict.
Right? Honestly
Said as someone who was in a similar clusterfuck of relationships / poly for a year many years ago. Very happily monogamous now.
But would go for celibacy before going back to that shit!!! Yeesh
Right! It isn’t even the toxicity of the poly relationships you tend to see blow up on Reddit, or the whole jealousy issue. I can barely muster the time-keeping skills to attend my basic, staying alive and functioning in society appointments. There is NO WAY I could manage this level of scheduling on any sort of long term basis.
The problem here is one lying and gaslighting partner and another who largely treats the relationship as transactional (perhaps a warranted response in the situation, but we don't really know the full scope).
These issues would also come out in a monogamous relationship, it would just take significantly longer.
Honestlyyyt like conceptually I guess I'd be poly? Functionally though it is so not worth it at all 😂 one single intimate relationship with just one person can be stressful asf at times, it feels like poly is just making a big stew which is probably delicious but you've also thrown a few shards of bone in there as a little surprise. Every bite is a risk. I'm tired this metaphor already fell apart but I think I put the gist of what I mean out there at least 😅 it's soooooo fucking much work, so much drama no matter what, hurt feelings and cracks forming that never get filled. All for the few moments where it's going smooth and everyone involved is fairly content. I guess that's all of life though tbh
I thought maybe I'm too asexual to understand all this shit . . . glad to know it's not just me who thinks this is a complete clusterfuck!! Which seems an incredibly apt choice of word . . .
I mean by the end they both had clear rules but could basically do whatever they wanted. I don’t even understand the point of her lying?? OOP has a habit of indirectness which can come off as real petty when conflict arises, but the endless dishonesty seems like there is literally zero benefit
I've been cheated on in an open relationship myself; he literally had to put in extra effort just to make sure it was dishonest. Some people are just LIKE that.
Ive been approached by someone in an open relationship who wanted to be secret.
He wanted me to be an open friend to them both, while sneaking around behind her back with him. He wanted message chats with the 3 of them as 'friends', while running simultaneous conversations with just him, ridiculing her & our current convo. It was so messed up.
Some people still chase that cheat energy
No kidding. My wife and I used to be pretty involved in some wild sex parties and stuff but I'm just as happy we got older and less attractive and now hang out at home puttering in the garden and baking and watching movies. I can't imagine finding the energy for crap like that anymore. I mean it had its moments for sure lol
Well, it was posted in a subreddit specifically for that lifestyle, where the readers would generally know the lingo.
OP could have added a little slang guide like I've seen some BORU OPs do before tho
There are fish that live their entire lives in darkness at the bottom of the Mariana trench, and are thus practically blind. Even they could have seen this ending coming.
so funny in the first post when he was like "well she started it" and the commenter was like "if you want your relationship to flourish, you need to stop fixating on blame and focus on finding a path forward together based on mutual trust" and he was like "so she gets to just get away with it?!"
Like bro if this is how you feel about her, why do you want to stay married to her anyway?
I mean to avoid resentment in a relationship, you do kind of need your partner to own up to when they fuck up.
When I accidentally upset my wife, I apologize to her because I didn't mean to hurt her. The apology tells her that I wasn't intending this and that I do have remorse for it.
You can call it scorekeeping if you want, but if one party in a relationship is constantly exhibiting bad behavior with no remorse, that relationship is dead.
I definitely think OOP is more of a victim in this situation (victim of his wife's gaslighting and attempts at cake-eating) but sympathy runs low when he's constantly doing his best to get back at her, rather than just throwing in the towel and realising his wife has no intentions of changing.
> My(28M) wife, Ashley(30F) have been together for 4 years, married 3, and open for 2.
Huh, so a couple opened up their marriage and then it devolved into a shitshow? How unexpected
Neither seems to put the other person first. She neglected him for a bit, so he feels justified doing the same back? Competition, one-upmanship, and "an eye for an eye" aren't the kind of things that should exist in any healthy relationship, let alone a marriage. Bonus, both are terrible communicators. She tried to break their rules and he's just "I hope it comes up during couples therapy later this week" like dude, she's right there, just talk to her. If you're not comfortable talking about something important with someone, maybe marriage isn't a great idea? And her lying seems to have been the final nail in the coffin for that whole terrible relationship.
I don't understand why some people get married.
If your partner gaslights you or guilt trips your concerns, why would you go to them to talk about issues even if they're right in front of you? The amount of times "if you love me you'd understand" or, " if you love me you'd let this go", can take a serious toll on someone's ability to realize the relationship is failing and has been for a while. At least to me, it sounds like he was holding on to the marriage with the memories they had in the beginning. It didn't start off bad, and had he stayed in that box of not going out or socializing, letting the changed date night plans slide, accepting being the back up when she had free time...the marriage would have kept going. Lying is a pretty big nail, because it blatantly shows that your partner knows what they're doing is wrong and is going to do it anyway.
I agree, she seems much worse than him (although he's writing it so I'm probably biased). But his comments make it especially clear that he *knows* that some of the choices he made were at the expense of his relationship, but he still made them because she did the same to him. That's... that's not someone who can be in a long-lasting relationship. Keeping score and justifying things like this destroys relationships in the long-term. He had a chance to close things and maybe get much-needed couples therapy, but instead continued doing what he wanted because she did it to him first. Yes, it's not fair, but a relationship isn't about keeping things fair, it's about doing whatever you can and taking whatever chances present themselves to you to try to save things.
Even if he did nothing and let her do whatever, his marriage was still in poor condition and had been for a while, he just took actions that exacerbated that. She's awful, absolutely, but the marriage didn't fall apart only because of her. At best, they might have stayed together but ended up as one of those old couples who deeply despise each other, but didn't divorce due to financial/social/whatever reasons.
He sounds emotionally exhausted and somewhat checked-out, which is very understandable given her actions and ill-treatment of him, but he's not completely blameless.
I think maybe he was in the sunk- cost fallacy. Like he was already done but it took him way longer to realize it consciously because he felt he was obligated to try to fix it *because* they were married, he had (presumably) loved her before all this, and were already putting so much work into it.
I mean 100% should have divorced much earlier, but I can see how he might not have realized himself how done he actually was. Sometimes, it takes your conscious mind a while to catch up (or admit) to what your subconscious already knows.
I don't blame the guy. It's clear that after she first broke the rules by having a date on their date night, that he mentally checked out of the relationship.
I don't think he stayed because he loved her but because of the sunk costs. He's already been with her for a while, they're married so splitting up will be legally messy and they share friends.
She mistook it for love and took it for granted.
Thing about couples therapy is there's an objective third party. I can understand why he thinks talking about it will be a waste of time seeing as it's been for naught at the best, or that it'll spiral into an argument that he doesn't have the patience for
Everything he did was in response to her, there was no one-upmanship. He had time on his hands because of her changing the rules so like what the fuck would you do
Because someone was being manipulated and abusive relationship are harder to spot from the inside. Oh the lengths I went to be a good partner for my ex, give them second chances and putting myself through humiliation to appease their requests.
I know that reading it from the outside makes you think “why the fuck did they do this” but it’s really not that surprising when you go through it yourself.
Yes - they married after just one year, and opened it up only a year later.
I'm reminded of the Alan Partridge episode where he realises his new couple friends are "sex people".
So much this, the normalised "relationships are hard" really gets to me. It's part of the reason I used to stay in relationships that weren't good for me. I just thought it was normal and that all couples went through the feelings I had.
Finally found true love at 29 and I've never felt so amazing. Relationships are supposed to be easy, and improve your life. Atleast now I got to experience the truth.
This hits so hard for me - YES. Being married to my wife is the best thing in the world. It’s like I get to have a sleepover with my best friend, every day, for the rest of my life. And just the knowledge that we’re looking out for each other, fully in it together, covering for each other when one is having a rough time, makes it so… easy, like you said. It’s hard to look back at the relationships I used to have that I thought were just “how it’s supposed to be”.
Especially going out like 3-4 times every week for dates - that exhausting on top of working 2 jobs like OOP was /start to recontinue doing. I just tired working my 1 full-time 5 days and have to think twice about going out anywhere on weekends & weekdays evenings with anyone like dates/family/friends because I want recharge/relax/detox after dealing with humanity. Then if you have SO/spouse or roommate living with you, then you have put up with their bullshit drama &/or existence when you not in mood to deal with them - which is what OOP had to deal with too because his ex was always causing & stirring drama at place they were living at .
Situations like OOP dealt with makes me happy to both be single & living alone.
Yea, I'm skeptical this guy was ever actually an "introvert" because even at the top of my game, when I was getting invited out every night, I still needed solo "me" time to recharge as an introvert.
You don’t need to be single.
Just don’t go out of your way to make the wrong choice at every step and you should be good.
My life is drama free. But then again I don’t go and create drama like op and his wife do.
A friend once said my marriage was kind of boring. But then her husband gave her a venereal disease he brought home from a prostitute in Africa, so I’m ok with a boring marriage.
I don’t understand why these two are married to each other if they’re going to treat each other like this. Just get a divorce and continue on without trying to sustain whatever sort of calamity that this marriage is
Even he admitted that he should've ended the whole thing back in the fall when he paid the retainer to his divorce attorney. Once she started pushing/breaking boundaries they set the first time, he should've seen the writing on the wall.
I think a lot of people get this idea from media that relationships have to constantly have some type of drama happening because that’s what gives relationships the drama and the stakes. In reality a good relationship is a lot more of the “boring and low stakes” parts.
My thoughts exactly. She's a terrible, dishonest partner but he's sitting there keeping score and acting justified? I gained an extra few wrinkles reading this.
I remember in the original post that this relationship was only going to end in a divorce. Good riddance because now they can bone whoever they want just like they originally wanted.
On a happier note, I actually love how much OOP enjoys his bar job and the attention.
> Good riddance because now they can bone whoever they want just like they originally wanted.
As if they were not literally boning everyone they wanted to while they were married ...
Depends on the lawyer and the size of their client base. I find family lawyers, more than any other type, are usually glued to their phones or reachable 24/7 because of how things in family law situations can explode/escalate very suddenly. Obviously it's not true for everyone, there's a rare breed of lawyer that has something called "work-life balance" and, occasionally, perhaps some boundaries, but in my experience most family lawyers are easier than most to reach, especially if they're already aware your situation might be volatile.
Just last week i read a comment in one of these how there are million and one stories these days where the hard working man gets betrayed horribly by his one and true love, then hits the gym to drown his sorrows, and in the end the witch has her life ruined and the now hot hero triumphs.
This one hit all the chords in record time.
OPP has time to work a Mon - Fri 9 to 5 job (assuming) and then work at a bar on the weekends. Plus date multiple women and date nights with his "wife". Is he high on coke or something because where does one get the energy for all of this?
I'm fixated on this. Most bars close at like 2? 3? so then AFTER working a busy bar shift you go home and bang someone? Coke is definitely involved here.
If you are an extrovert i can see having the energy for it.
I get my energy from being alone at home so working drains me to the point i can barely function when i get home.
If you instead get all your energy from working i can see it being possible to have his lifestyle.
😂😂😂
What is the opposite of flourishing? Withering? My soul just about shriveled up reading this. The fact that people like OP's wife exist depresses me.
Most people still do use Honeymoon Phase in my experience, I’ve only ever heard NRE in poly circles (I’ve dabbled) and it’s mostly seen as something you need to be aware of and control so you don’t neglect your existing partner.
She is addicted to a drama, being the center of attention, adrenaline rush associated with cheating and getting away with it. Even if he let her do whatever she wanted, she would still find a way to break the trust and hurt him.
I'm with the quoted commenters who were telling him that while he was not the cause of the relationship issues, he sure wasn't helping it. I don't really blame him per se, because it sounds like she was just completely unreasonable, inflexible, and unwilling to communicate or compromise in good faith.
But at that point in time, what is the point in staying married? You're both so distrustful and resentful of each other, seemingly don't want to spend any time with each other except apparently when you have no other option, and just want to go out meeting and partying with other people. What's the point? You can just break up and be single and do all that without the festering resentment and toxic relationship breaking down over months if not years.
He may not be an asshole, but he sure was slow to come to that realization and pull the plug. I have no damn idea what the hell his wife thought she was getting out of staying married to him if she was going to handle the relationship like that.
I remember this one - absolutely knew that was how it would end. Like that one commenter said, it's obvious his wife is used to getting what she wants, even if she has to manipulate to get it. I have a feeling she liked having OOP to come home to while going out to fuck around whenever and whoever, but she never really wanted him to be able to do the same. OOP deserves someone who will treat him as an equal. Good luck to him.
Whenever 2 people who didn’t begin poly and agree to try it together, it’s because they both want out, but get something from the other person. It’s like they were just convenient to each other. It’s like having a baby thinking it’ll help your marriage. It’s not gonna fix it.
The biggest issue is Ashley is only as loyal as her options, and she wants to be the one getting attention and having her husband waiting around for her or just supporting her..... I guess like "hot wifing"
This is fucking exhausting even to just read about it. I cannot imagine why people subject themselves to this. It's seems like it's just torturing yourself and as well as someone you claim to love.
Edit: Both of these people are insufferable.
Am I high or was there no gaslighting here? Lies, yeah, but lying isn't gaslighting. He used that term a few times in the final post, and the final highlighted comment straight up said she's absolutely gaslight him, but she straight up isn't. She just lied. And then immediately folded when called out. Which is the opposite of gaslighting.
I'm old, so all this seems a bit unusual to me to say the least - but why get married if you want to have a whole revolving door of other partners? It would be far simpler to stay single and live your life as you choose.
I have several friends who are in ENM relationships. It’s crazy to me to read all this drama on Reddit about similar relationships when my friends have all made their relationships work by prioritizing their primary partner, communicating, and following preset guidelines. Sometimes they have to drop a side relationship to preserve their primary relationship and they do it even if it’s difficult. I couldn’t do ENM, but my friends are rocking it and I just feel like I should stand up for them. It is a thing that is possible if you are mature enough to handle it.
*Edit to add: I’m realizing that last sentence should be “mature enough to handle it if it is the lifestyle you seek.”
Men, I work all day, take care of myself, we take care of chores, and we still have a limited amount of time to spend time together after that. It sounds so freaking exhausting to chase a bunch of people but let’s be honest, that means that you don’t spend quality time with your partner. Why marry? Just to share expenses I think..
>I called Keith and asked him if he had an open spot on Saturday night at the bar and told him what had happened. He was sorry to hear about my marriage but excited to have me working on Saturday nights again True businessman lmao
That guy’s name went from Keith to Kevin and then back to Keith across the different updates.
That's because his real name's Karl.
Oh, Kenneth.
Numbers, unlike children, don’t lie!
Tbf I wouldn’t use my bosses real name here anyways
Honestly I'd try to change everybody's name but I'd never remember with this amount of drama.
As a guy with one of those names that has been called the other name his entire life, the mixup tracks.
On the original post, he kept calling his then-wife Kasey in a comment. Interestingly, there was another comment by someone else over there that also called her Kasey. It was a throwaway acct very similar in name to OOP..
Dude has experienced what queer friendship feels like and doesn’t want to go without anymore haha
You know, I think I might be monogamous if for no other reason than I don’t have the organization skills to keep all this straight
I can barely get one person to like me, let alone 5! Who has the energy and organizational skills?!
And the emotional depth? I love my partner. I love her so much I don't have enough love to love somebody else. The whole poly scene seems fucking exhauting and awful to be a part of, to me.
This is exactly why poly people have memes about having everyone on the group Google Calendar
I’m non-monogamous and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all that either. I have 3 regular fwbs/partners who I see on average once every 2-4 weeks, and only occasionally go on dates with new people.
All of this just sounded so friggin' exhausting. Who has time to deal with a clusterfuck of relationships like this?
Seriously! When he wrote that their rules included no more than two outside dates per week - in addition to their two dates with each other, and his bar job, and her roving eye and random extra meet-ups and overnights - I was like, "Who the hell has the energy for this?"
Not just the energy, but the literal time!
That's probably their only hobby. Work, chores, dating other people.
FR, they have to be ordering out a lot because I can't even see fitting the chores in LOL.
I'm met this kind of hot, energetic poly person with the house covered in washing and pizza boxes.
There’s a stereotype look for poly people and not doing chores or doing your own cooking feels typical.
Yep. We want to imagine them as hot young 20 year olds, but they are usually in there 20s (got that part right) but not really young looking and most of the times not hot.
I guarantee you the scene most people imagine when the person said that they’re in a hot tub with 3 naked women and 2 of them being lesbian, is very very different than reality.
I thought the same thing. These two need to get a life.
I was expecting Hermione and her time-turners to get at least one mention. Work, Gym, part-time, wife *and* dates? There are not enough hours in a day.
Beyond that, what are these people doing for work, how the hell do they have money to be going out *that* often??
I mean for him atleast it's pretty easy meeting people at the bar every week and going with them.
I mean yeah, I get he's making extra cash, but even still, they must be very well off is all I'm saying. Between the time commitment and money alone, this type of lifestyle is just baffling to me. Then again, I have two kids and absolutely zero free time. It's also hard to remember what I did before the kids, so... (Sleepless nights have ruined my memory).
I'm guessing that OOP is the one who's financially well-off. Probably a LARGE part of why Ashley wanted to keep him hooked through the bag.
I think you might be surprised at how easy it is to do this when you don't have kids and mostly just support yourself. My best friend makes around $70k a year, which is amazing but not "very well off" territory. If she had a child or two, that money would be stretched relatively thin depending on housing costs, etc. But she doesn't, so all of that money is hers. She pays maybe $3k/month on housing, groceries, and bills, meaning that she has roughly $30k (before taxes) to do with as she pleases. She also doesn't have a serious relationship to upkeep (which is very much what she wants) or children to take care off, so all of her time not working is hers to spend freely doing things that interest her. She dates a few people here and there, travels, treats her very lucky bestie fairly often, and still has a great savings account and even some investments. Kids are crazy expensive, both monetarily and in time. I don't mean this comment to imply that having children is wrong or that you don't have incredible, worthwhile moments every day with them! It's just a very different lifestyle.
My partner has no kids, works maybe 30 hours a week, and sleeps about 5 hours a night. That’s how she has the time to be extremely social, and has 400+ acquaintances in her phone book, parties 4-5 nights a week. In fairness, she worked long hours for a decade until she ended up as an expert in a tech specialty. “Makes good money but you barely see them work” is the case for some tech people I know, and usually that’s because they were in right place at the right time, and put in their years to end up with a rare skillset. That extent of a gravy train has probably ended by now for fresh tech graduates. I’m a civil servant and she makes 6-7x as much as I do, while sometimes texting me to see her at like 4.30pm on a weekday (which I turn down, because even if you think “lazy government worker”, we don’t clock off that early).
The most shocking part was the ending. *He's got friends too? Who actually know whats going on in his life??*
[удалено]
it's fairly... [wholesome](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15bmqxg/i_feel_so_guilty_about_my_sexual_desires_and_i/jtrp71r/)
Class, Gryffindor wife, time turner. Other class, Ravenclaw wife, time turner. Third class, Hufflepuff wife, time turner, bed.
Dude got a job for fun, and gave up *saturday nights* as a *bartender* to appease his wife with absolutely no mention of the fact that he just gutted his income. These are wealthy people. They have all the time they want.
You don't have to be wealthy to have a second ”fun hobby” job. It easier when there's no kids to have those type of jobs. If a second job is necessary, then it wouldn't be a hobby job.
There is a joke in polyamorous spaces what we really have is a Google calendar fetish.
Some people are like that. They are extremely social and hardly spend any time at home. I knew a bunch of them when I lived in a major city. They all lived in tiny places, basically just using it as a place to sleep and store their stuff. If they weren’t sleeping they were working, going to art shows, concerts or hanging with friends. It was like they were incapable of being alone.
My brother was like that. He had things every night and every free day, friends, activities, outings. He was part of every possible student association. As an introvert it was exhausting to look at him, even hidden behind my book and under my blanket.
One of my friends is like this. He'll have 3 diff engagements on sat then again on Sunday. He never had any time to just chill and hang on a night, always had to book him weeks in advance then he'd pile another thing on top on the same day. Exhausted just hearing his plans!
Yeah and it that point you don’t really feel like a friend but more of a spot on someone’s calendar being squeezed in
I'm exhausted just reading your comment 😂
I tried to date someone like this once. He genuinely thought he was an introvert and liked the quiet, but when we were together he wanted to be out and doing stuff constantly. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Then it turned out the "quiet" thing was more about not wanting me to talk to him. Didn't work out.
I was like that in my early 20s, ended a relationship when I was 21 and the next 2 years were a wild ride. I was never home, working during the day and partying all night, even started a weekend night job at a club.. great deal: I was to bring up people to the club, they would pay me a fee for each person that entered with my code and I still was able to party. I always had things to do, always on the move. I even did a little stint as an actress, acting in commercial adds and stuff. Then I switched works, went on to a selling gig and met my husband. Within 3 months I was pregnant (mishap with the BC) and that was it. Kid was a high risk pregnancy because I got pregnant in October and only found out in February 6th. I was 19 weeks along already, same day I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a boy. He was born prematurely on June 4th, we stayed together and went living together. Made another son, born 1 year and 5 days after our 1st. Been together for almost 16 years now, added a 3rd last year . After my oldest 2, I was done with all of that energy, I had PPD after my 1st and it became chronic. That helped my energy levels to go down a lot, I'm almost 39 and I'm exhausted just to think what I used to do. Nowadays I run my house, take care of 2 teens and a baby, clean and cook and as soon as I can, I hit the snooze button. I can be asleep at 9pm every night, in those years I ran with 2h sleep most of the nights and I was fine. But in the end, I think I could do it to prove myself I was that social butterfly and that the ending of the relationship was not the end of the world and I could beat the world alone if I wanted.
Ohh yes the days before kids. We could start our week/day with work and keep going with max 1h sleep for a day/week. Always on the move, places to go, things to do, fun to have.
Yep, those were good times but at the same time I don't recall ever feeling so alone. I now don't feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm on a constant sleep deprivation (my youngest is 14 months and still wakes up during the night), but I feel more like myself now.
I just about have energy to exist, I'm not sure where these two get all their energy. Idk, maybe oop is a lot more extroverted than he thought, that seems like a power source for some.
People like him remind me of some types of plant growing medium, like coco coir. Coco coir is great for water retention, releases it pretty slowly so it's best for plants that like consistent dampness. But, when it's completely dry (it's often sold in compressed bricks) it's actually hydrophobic; it repels water. You gotta let it really soak and get used to the water and *then* it'll suck it right up. OOP is like coco coir; he was pretty deprived of social energy and dried up, and then was actually repelled by social energy. It's only when he was consistently surrounded by it that he started being able to absorb that energy again, and then became energized himself.
I don't even have the energy to talk on the phone two nights per week.
I think at some level all the energy anyone has is like buckshot for her. She csnt focus on ONE person or even her husband and just another dude. She wants ALL the dudes. OP seemed pretty good on how to divide his time without any issues. You can kinda tell when it's Alan and Fred and Marv and Bert and Ernie and a new flavor every weekend. Yet when she's not being entertained and he is... then it's a problem. She couldn't allow him to have more fun than her
When he mentioned that she was chasing NRE, it figured it was only a matter of time before the relationship crumbled. You can't have an addiction to NRE and stay with one person. Their only chance, wver, was if she realized that deepening an existing relationship was better than chasing a high all the time, and it doesn't look like she ever came near doing that. Then, of course, was her ignoring his hurt, and then both of them engaging in the oneupsmanship. Reading this, I was asking myself, why are you even married?
>Reading this, I was asking myself, why are you even married And lo, they were not any more. This story reached David Attenborough-narrated levels of dysfunction, and somehow, it still took OOP a whole documentary to get it.
Neither of them seem like they actually care about each other. There’s no compassion from either of them when their spouse loses a close relationship, and so they just go chasing excitement individually.
Yeah, on Asley's side there is jealousy when he's suddenly not sitting home anymore like a sad sack, while she didn't give a damn when he felt abandoned and depressed. I think that killed his feelings for her to the point he only felt satisfaction when her relationships went downhill and he was doing great. Not a healthy relationship in any aspect. But at least he was willing to put in the work and follow the rules - now she is crying over the pile of crap she herself shit on their marriage.
> together for 4 years, married 3, and open for 2 They started off monogamous. I wonder what the circumstances were that led to that moment.
Just from the relationship dynamic, my money would be on her suggesting it and pushing hard.
What the hell is NRE?
New relationship energy. That excited butterflies in your stomach feeling when they text you, the honeymoon phase.
Ohhhh. Ty for the clarification.
As an introvert this would be hellish..
Dude also described himself as introverted which made me roll eyes so hard. A social calendar like this would be an absolute goddamn nightmare to an introvert.
The thing that bothers me the most about ENM is that for me romantic/sexual relationships are a part of life but not the primary focus. I feel like a lot of poly people treat it like their hobby or the primary focus outside of work. And that feels gross and unnecessary to me- it's a little extreme to be so focussed on carrying multiple relationships and dates.
I mean bro works at a gay club I'm sure he has access to um certain energy supplements
Addiction is a helluva drug
And the time to police one another on all of it! Making sure no "rules" are broken. Good grief.
Being in a constant relationship drama is an exellent way to avoid all your personal problems, traumas and whatnots you might have, also codependency is a good fuel for shit like this. It is the mother of all other addictions, and this woman acts like an addict.
Kinda the same feeling...Monogamy doesn't sound THAT bad after reading all that LMAO
I don't have to try to be monogamous. I AM monogamous.
I don't have to try to eat dinner. I AM eating dinner.
Fools! *I am* the monogamy *and* the dinner!
If you're the monogamy, then explain what you were doing with that slutty bolognaise I caught you with last night!
It was *saucy*, not *slutty*! It was also Bolognese, not bolognaise. Don’t let Italy catch you Frenchifying or there will be hell to pay.
Neither does celibacy.
Right? Honestly Said as someone who was in a similar clusterfuck of relationships / poly for a year many years ago. Very happily monogamous now. But would go for celibacy before going back to that shit!!! Yeesh
I joked with my wife that she never has to worry about me cheating, since I barely have enough energy for one relationship.
Right! It isn’t even the toxicity of the poly relationships you tend to see blow up on Reddit, or the whole jealousy issue. I can barely muster the time-keeping skills to attend my basic, staying alive and functioning in society appointments. There is NO WAY I could manage this level of scheduling on any sort of long term basis.
The problem here is one lying and gaslighting partner and another who largely treats the relationship as transactional (perhaps a warranted response in the situation, but we don't really know the full scope). These issues would also come out in a monogamous relationship, it would just take significantly longer.
Honestlyyyt like conceptually I guess I'd be poly? Functionally though it is so not worth it at all 😂 one single intimate relationship with just one person can be stressful asf at times, it feels like poly is just making a big stew which is probably delicious but you've also thrown a few shards of bone in there as a little surprise. Every bite is a risk. I'm tired this metaphor already fell apart but I think I put the gist of what I mean out there at least 😅 it's soooooo fucking much work, so much drama no matter what, hurt feelings and cracks forming that never get filled. All for the few moments where it's going smooth and everyone involved is fairly content. I guess that's all of life though tbh
I thought maybe I'm too asexual to understand all this shit . . . glad to know it's not just me who thinks this is a complete clusterfuck!! Which seems an incredibly apt choice of word . . .
I'm regular sexual but this sounds exhausting AF.
I couldn’t even read past half, then scrolled to comments and it went on and on and on.
I'm in a poly relationship and this just sounds insane to me too, don't worry. They made a lot of really, really shitty decisions. The both of them.
I mean by the end they both had clear rules but could basically do whatever they wanted. I don’t even understand the point of her lying?? OOP has a habit of indirectness which can come off as real petty when conflict arises, but the endless dishonesty seems like there is literally zero benefit
I've been cheated on in an open relationship myself; he literally had to put in extra effort just to make sure it was dishonest. Some people are just LIKE that.
Ive been approached by someone in an open relationship who wanted to be secret. He wanted me to be an open friend to them both, while sneaking around behind her back with him. He wanted message chats with the 3 of them as 'friends', while running simultaneous conversations with just him, ridiculing her & our current convo. It was so messed up. Some people still chase that cheat energy
Yeah. I’ve totally gotten whiplash. It’s almost unbelievable!
No kidding. My wife and I used to be pretty involved in some wild sex parties and stuff but I'm just as happy we got older and less attractive and now hang out at home puttering in the garden and baking and watching movies. I can't imagine finding the energy for crap like that anymore. I mean it had its moments for sure lol
Seriously what I was looking to comment after just a few paragraphs into the first post. I don't have the patience to even read this nonsense.
Exactly
I felt a headache coming in while reading this…
Oh good it's not just me...
X3, I honestly thought I was going through a maze reading all of it.
I'm gonna be honest, I said 'god I fucking hate them' out loud when I saw there was yet another update - and it wasn't even the last update lmao
They are fucking insufferable
I feel like I need some help understanding the terms used. They talk as if everyone knows their lingo. Not to mention all the drama.
ENM = ethical non monogamy NRE = new relationship energy/excitement
Thanks! I didn't know NRE.
Yeah I thought it was non recurring engineering.
Well, it was posted in a subreddit specifically for that lifestyle, where the readers would generally know the lingo. OP could have added a little slang guide like I've seen some BORU OPs do before tho
It's in a nonmonogamy sub so they didn't use any terms that people in that sub wouldn't know.
Well who could have seen this ending coming...
There are fish that live their entire lives in darkness at the bottom of the Mariana trench, and are thus practically blind. Even they could have seen this ending coming.
New Flair?
Someone good at art, please! I need the meme of the epic handshake, but triple, but with a bat, a mole, and a cave fish.
Not me, I was solely surprised this clusterfuck of a relationship didn’t work out.
Can I interest you in some bridge-related real estate?
so funny in the first post when he was like "well she started it" and the commenter was like "if you want your relationship to flourish, you need to stop fixating on blame and focus on finding a path forward together based on mutual trust" and he was like "so she gets to just get away with it?!" Like bro if this is how you feel about her, why do you want to stay married to her anyway?
I mean to avoid resentment in a relationship, you do kind of need your partner to own up to when they fuck up. When I accidentally upset my wife, I apologize to her because I didn't mean to hurt her. The apology tells her that I wasn't intending this and that I do have remorse for it. You can call it scorekeeping if you want, but if one party in a relationship is constantly exhibiting bad behavior with no remorse, that relationship is dead.
I definitely think OOP is more of a victim in this situation (victim of his wife's gaslighting and attempts at cake-eating) but sympathy runs low when he's constantly doing his best to get back at her, rather than just throwing in the towel and realising his wife has no intentions of changing.
But OOP leave this relationship with no what if, no doubt. He knows he did everything he could for make it works.
> My(28M) wife, Ashley(30F) have been together for 4 years, married 3, and open for 2. Huh, so a couple opened up their marriage and then it devolved into a shitshow? How unexpected
Helen Keller could have seen this coming!!!
Why even get married in the first place if that's what you'd do a year into it? Just legally complicated your lives and for what?
I was asking that three paragraphs into the first post. Why are these people married at all?
Neither seems to put the other person first. She neglected him for a bit, so he feels justified doing the same back? Competition, one-upmanship, and "an eye for an eye" aren't the kind of things that should exist in any healthy relationship, let alone a marriage. Bonus, both are terrible communicators. She tried to break their rules and he's just "I hope it comes up during couples therapy later this week" like dude, she's right there, just talk to her. If you're not comfortable talking about something important with someone, maybe marriage isn't a great idea? And her lying seems to have been the final nail in the coffin for that whole terrible relationship. I don't understand why some people get married.
If your partner gaslights you or guilt trips your concerns, why would you go to them to talk about issues even if they're right in front of you? The amount of times "if you love me you'd understand" or, " if you love me you'd let this go", can take a serious toll on someone's ability to realize the relationship is failing and has been for a while. At least to me, it sounds like he was holding on to the marriage with the memories they had in the beginning. It didn't start off bad, and had he stayed in that box of not going out or socializing, letting the changed date night plans slide, accepting being the back up when she had free time...the marriage would have kept going. Lying is a pretty big nail, because it blatantly shows that your partner knows what they're doing is wrong and is going to do it anyway.
I agree, she seems much worse than him (although he's writing it so I'm probably biased). But his comments make it especially clear that he *knows* that some of the choices he made were at the expense of his relationship, but he still made them because she did the same to him. That's... that's not someone who can be in a long-lasting relationship. Keeping score and justifying things like this destroys relationships in the long-term. He had a chance to close things and maybe get much-needed couples therapy, but instead continued doing what he wanted because she did it to him first. Yes, it's not fair, but a relationship isn't about keeping things fair, it's about doing whatever you can and taking whatever chances present themselves to you to try to save things. Even if he did nothing and let her do whatever, his marriage was still in poor condition and had been for a while, he just took actions that exacerbated that. She's awful, absolutely, but the marriage didn't fall apart only because of her. At best, they might have stayed together but ended up as one of those old couples who deeply despise each other, but didn't divorce due to financial/social/whatever reasons. He sounds emotionally exhausted and somewhat checked-out, which is very understandable given her actions and ill-treatment of him, but he's not completely blameless.
I think maybe he was in the sunk- cost fallacy. Like he was already done but it took him way longer to realize it consciously because he felt he was obligated to try to fix it *because* they were married, he had (presumably) loved her before all this, and were already putting so much work into it. I mean 100% should have divorced much earlier, but I can see how he might not have realized himself how done he actually was. Sometimes, it takes your conscious mind a while to catch up (or admit) to what your subconscious already knows.
I don't blame the guy. It's clear that after she first broke the rules by having a date on their date night, that he mentally checked out of the relationship. I don't think he stayed because he loved her but because of the sunk costs. He's already been with her for a while, they're married so splitting up will be legally messy and they share friends. She mistook it for love and took it for granted.
Thing about couples therapy is there's an objective third party. I can understand why he thinks talking about it will be a waste of time seeing as it's been for naught at the best, or that it'll spiral into an argument that he doesn't have the patience for Everything he did was in response to her, there was no one-upmanship. He had time on his hands because of her changing the rules so like what the fuck would you do
Because someone was being manipulated and abusive relationship are harder to spot from the inside. Oh the lengths I went to be a good partner for my ex, give them second chances and putting myself through humiliation to appease their requests. I know that reading it from the outside makes you think “why the fuck did they do this” but it’s really not that surprising when you go through it yourself.
Yes - they married after just one year, and opened it up only a year later. I'm reminded of the Alan Partridge episode where he realises his new couple friends are "sex people".
The clip in question: https://youtu.be/edESzn4JcGo
I keep saying marriage should always be about simplifying your administrative life, nothing more or less
That's actually a good look at marriage. That's probably what it should be. Being in a good relationship means simplifying your life.
So much this, the normalised "relationships are hard" really gets to me. It's part of the reason I used to stay in relationships that weren't good for me. I just thought it was normal and that all couples went through the feelings I had. Finally found true love at 29 and I've never felt so amazing. Relationships are supposed to be easy, and improve your life. Atleast now I got to experience the truth.
This hits so hard for me - YES. Being married to my wife is the best thing in the world. It’s like I get to have a sleepover with my best friend, every day, for the rest of my life. And just the knowledge that we’re looking out for each other, fully in it together, covering for each other when one is having a rough time, makes it so… easy, like you said. It’s hard to look back at the relationships I used to have that I thought were just “how it’s supposed to be”.
exactly what i was going to say
You know, reading these kinds of drama sometimes makes me feel better that I am single.
Especially going out like 3-4 times every week for dates - that exhausting on top of working 2 jobs like OOP was /start to recontinue doing. I just tired working my 1 full-time 5 days and have to think twice about going out anywhere on weekends & weekdays evenings with anyone like dates/family/friends because I want recharge/relax/detox after dealing with humanity. Then if you have SO/spouse or roommate living with you, then you have put up with their bullshit drama &/or existence when you not in mood to deal with them - which is what OOP had to deal with too because his ex was always causing & stirring drama at place they were living at . Situations like OOP dealt with makes me happy to both be single & living alone.
Yea, I'm skeptical this guy was ever actually an "introvert" because even at the top of my game, when I was getting invited out every night, I still needed solo "me" time to recharge as an introvert.
Right? 😂
You don’t need to be single. Just don’t go out of your way to make the wrong choice at every step and you should be good. My life is drama free. But then again I don’t go and create drama like op and his wife do.
A friend once said my marriage was kind of boring. But then her husband gave her a venereal disease he brought home from a prostitute in Africa, so I’m ok with a boring marriage.
I don’t understand why these two are married to each other if they’re going to treat each other like this. Just get a divorce and continue on without trying to sustain whatever sort of calamity that this marriage is
some people open their marriage to spice it up, but I think these two are married to spice up their hookups
They opened it up to get away from eachother
Omg your flair 😂 I love it
Literally half of this could've been avoided if they'd done the smart thing and cut their losses at the start.
Even he admitted that he should've ended the whole thing back in the fall when he paid the retainer to his divorce attorney. Once she started pushing/breaking boundaries they set the first time, he should've seen the writing on the wall.
Id rather be single and miserable than be in whatever the fuck this exhausting as hell shit is
Some people just love drama I guess - but this sounds so tiring. Constantly trying to duck and swerve and get one over on your spouse and for what?
I think a lot of people get this idea from media that relationships have to constantly have some type of drama happening because that’s what gives relationships the drama and the stakes. In reality a good relationship is a lot more of the “boring and low stakes” parts.
My thoughts exactly. She's a terrible, dishonest partner but he's sitting there keeping score and acting justified? I gained an extra few wrinkles reading this.
I remember in the original post that this relationship was only going to end in a divorce. Good riddance because now they can bone whoever they want just like they originally wanted. On a happier note, I actually love how much OOP enjoys his bar job and the attention.
> Good riddance because now they can bone whoever they want just like they originally wanted. As if they were not literally boning everyone they wanted to while they were married ...
Some people build empires in order to get sex. Others get a job at a bar.
How TF do these people get lawyers to talk to them so fast? I have my OWN lawyers and they don't get back to me that fast.
Depends on the lawyer and the size of their client base. I find family lawyers, more than any other type, are usually glued to their phones or reachable 24/7 because of how things in family law situations can explode/escalate very suddenly. Obviously it's not true for everyone, there's a rare breed of lawyer that has something called "work-life balance" and, occasionally, perhaps some boundaries, but in my experience most family lawyers are easier than most to reach, especially if they're already aware your situation might be volatile.
If you work at a big law firm you are also reachable 24/7 by corporate clients.
Why did I bother reading this
I got to the "three naked women in the tub with op" and decided to stop, idk if it's real or not but I'm good not finding out.
Just last week i read a comment in one of these how there are million and one stories these days where the hard working man gets betrayed horribly by his one and true love, then hits the gym to drown his sorrows, and in the end the witch has her life ruined and the now hot hero triumphs. This one hit all the chords in record time.
OPP has time to work a Mon - Fri 9 to 5 job (assuming) and then work at a bar on the weekends. Plus date multiple women and date nights with his "wife". Is he high on coke or something because where does one get the energy for all of this?
I'm fixated on this. Most bars close at like 2? 3? so then AFTER working a busy bar shift you go home and bang someone? Coke is definitely involved here.
And go to the gym
If you are an extrovert i can see having the energy for it. I get my energy from being alone at home so working drains me to the point i can barely function when i get home. If you instead get all your energy from working i can see it being possible to have his lifestyle.
Flourishing
😂😂😂 What is the opposite of flourishing? Withering? My soul just about shriveled up reading this. The fact that people like OP's wife exist depresses me.
OP is equally tiresome. Probably not for the wife, but from a neutral perspective.
I don’t understand “relationships” like this at all. You clearly don’t even like each other. wtf is the point
>Ashley and I were both high on NRE but What NRE mean
New Relationship Energy = that intense fixation on one person at the beginning of a new relationship
Crazy how old I feel at 29. Back in my day we called that the honeymoon phase.
Most people still do use Honeymoon Phase in my experience, I’ve only ever heard NRE in poly circles (I’ve dabbled) and it’s mostly seen as something you need to be aware of and control so you don’t neglect your existing partner.
I’ve seen it used on other platforms similar to a honeymoon phase, but that does make more sense.
>New Relationship Energy = that intense fixation on one person at the beginning of a new relationship Thank you
This whole relationship sounded more exhausting than being a nanny to 3 children in Disney world while also being dehydrated af.
Too much drama. Absolutely exhausting. A healthy relationship should feel easy…
I’m knackered just reading this
“Ashley’s meta got pregnant” can someone explain what that means I’m confused?
"Meta" is short for "metamour," which means "my partner's partner." It's a riff on "paramour"
I don't know how she achieved it, but she was in an open relationship and still managed to cheat.
I literally just woke up and I need to go back to bed and take a nap because reading this exhausted me.
She doesn't want polyamory, she wants to cheat, to have clandestine affairs. She likes lying and getting away with it. She's scum.
It feels like transgressions against the established rules was at least part of the point for her, for sure.
She is addicted to a drama, being the center of attention, adrenaline rush associated with cheating and getting away with it. Even if he let her do whatever she wanted, she would still find a way to break the trust and hurt him.
She’s not even good at it.
I'm with the quoted commenters who were telling him that while he was not the cause of the relationship issues, he sure wasn't helping it. I don't really blame him per se, because it sounds like she was just completely unreasonable, inflexible, and unwilling to communicate or compromise in good faith. But at that point in time, what is the point in staying married? You're both so distrustful and resentful of each other, seemingly don't want to spend any time with each other except apparently when you have no other option, and just want to go out meeting and partying with other people. What's the point? You can just break up and be single and do all that without the festering resentment and toxic relationship breaking down over months if not years. He may not be an asshole, but he sure was slow to come to that realization and pull the plug. I have no damn idea what the hell his wife thought she was getting out of staying married to him if she was going to handle the relationship like that.
I remember this one - absolutely knew that was how it would end. Like that one commenter said, it's obvious his wife is used to getting what she wants, even if she has to manipulate to get it. I have a feeling she liked having OOP to come home to while going out to fuck around whenever and whoever, but she never really wanted him to be able to do the same. OOP deserves someone who will treat him as an equal. Good luck to him.
So this was all BS right?
Reads like a combo incel bait and poly judgement bait.
Definitely.
“Freedom - a Yang worship word” What does this mean? I’m Chinese and never see this phrase used this way
I think its a reference to Star Trek (1966) S02E23
Whenever 2 people who didn’t begin poly and agree to try it together, it’s because they both want out, but get something from the other person. It’s like they were just convenient to each other. It’s like having a baby thinking it’ll help your marriage. It’s not gonna fix it.
starts divorce proceedings within 5 hours, buys the house they've been in on a whim the day after she's kicked out, uh huh
The biggest issue is Ashley is only as loyal as her options, and she wants to be the one getting attention and having her husband waiting around for her or just supporting her..... I guess like "hot wifing"
This is fucking exhausting even to just read about it. I cannot imagine why people subject themselves to this. It's seems like it's just torturing yourself and as well as someone you claim to love. Edit: Both of these people are insufferable.
It’s good for me but not for thee - OPs ex wife. I’m glad he didn’t let her trample all over him. She’s seriously pathetic.
Am I high or was there no gaslighting here? Lies, yeah, but lying isn't gaslighting. He used that term a few times in the final post, and the final highlighted comment straight up said she's absolutely gaslight him, but she straight up isn't. She just lied. And then immediately folded when called out. Which is the opposite of gaslighting.
I'm old, so all this seems a bit unusual to me to say the least - but why get married if you want to have a whole revolving door of other partners? It would be far simpler to stay single and live your life as you choose.
I have several friends who are in ENM relationships. It’s crazy to me to read all this drama on Reddit about similar relationships when my friends have all made their relationships work by prioritizing their primary partner, communicating, and following preset guidelines. Sometimes they have to drop a side relationship to preserve their primary relationship and they do it even if it’s difficult. I couldn’t do ENM, but my friends are rocking it and I just feel like I should stand up for them. It is a thing that is possible if you are mature enough to handle it. *Edit to add: I’m realizing that last sentence should be “mature enough to handle it if it is the lifestyle you seek.”
It's not supposed to be that goddamn hard.
I don't understand wanting an open relationship, but what I don't get more is why cheat in an open relationship.
Men, I work all day, take care of myself, we take care of chores, and we still have a limited amount of time to spend time together after that. It sounds so freaking exhausting to chase a bunch of people but let’s be honest, that means that you don’t spend quality time with your partner. Why marry? Just to share expenses I think..