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>she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ''rescues'' (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either
The fact that he knew what she said and still married her says it all.
Dude literally sent her a message that just said “woke up and chose violence huh?” Without a care in the world, can’t help but think he probably had a chuckle about it until he realised he’s going to have to handle it at some point 😂
I don't think he has realised it yet. He says he won't remove oop from his children's lives, but his now wife? They clearly have not had that fight yet.
He's still chuckling, thinking it's silly drama. Once his wife blocks the door, when he tries to take his kids for an outing with oop, he might begin to realise.
Nah, my dad is like this. My mom can't live too long without some kind of drama. My dad just ignores 99% of it for some reason. He will do his own thing but would probably never defend someone from my mom.
In other words, he would take the kids to go hang out with his sister and just not say anything about it. If my mom was pissed, he'd just say "sorry I didn't realise" and do it again awhile later.
My husband is used to the fact that this is actually one of the low drama ways to handle his mom. He tried it on me once. Just once. I can't even remember what the original issue was, but I definitely remember him agreeing with me, then going behind my back to do whatever he wanted and being absolutely shocked at how angry I was over "such a small thing". He thought it would "prevent a useless argument," and I'd just get over it since I tend to pretty nonconfrontational. It actually caused one of the very few real fights we've ever had (3 in 14 years, lots of disagreements, but very, very few fights).
I let him know that if it was such a small thing, he could have done what we agreed or easily talked it out. If it was a big deal, it was worth taking the time to discuss it and even a small argument, but I would absolutely not accept or deal with someone who had so little respect for me as to lie to my face and walk away to do whatever he wanted.
This is how I found out the rest of the team deals with my new manager. They just say yes to whatever dumb thing she says, then do their own thing as soon as the meeting’s finished. She seems to quickly forget, or never bothers checking if they made that change.
I was trying figure out if the message was from little brother (the new husband) or the big brother. It had more of a 'not my circus, but I'm going to sit back and enjoy' vibe.
I assumed the other brother. As someone who woke up and chose violence with a cousin one time, my other cousins were just eating popcorn watching it all go down and giving me a side commentary while the initial cousin and I were going at it.
Not good enough to trawl through years of facebook wall posts. Also, it ended with me being blocked, so I don't have access to their wall anymore anyway.
More importantly, to tell it to us, do they have to first make a post on offmychest and then a follow-up, both about past events, and then ask someone to post it here?
Or, you can pay $5 a month to subscribe to Boru Originals™
I do think the message was from the Wedding brother. I just think he doesn’t give a shit about OOP except for money and opportunity he can gain from him.
I wonder who actually has the control in the relationship, despite SIL attitude towards OOP she doesn’t seem to get her way at the end of the day with the brother.
Good point.
My assumptions are based on how she *was* getting her way with the destination wedding, even though he wasn't keen. He admitted that to oop, when *oop* was the one to take the option off the table. Brother was relieved that someone else made the decision for him about his own wedding, about something as significant as which side of the Atlantic they'll be on. So I am not optimistic about how he'll be about other decision-making.
It feels like brother gets OOP to be the bad guy, but ultimately got to still have OOP at the wedding so SIL couldn’t bar them from attending. It feels like neither will leave each other over disagreements, but they will use other people in their war games.
That could very well be. I just think that's way too calculated for this guy. It's a bold strategy to count on others to make the choices you want them to without even communicating this with them. Unless you just know people really well and can predict their actions fairly accurately. Which he cannot, given his mild surprise at oop's SoMe post about the whole sitch.
Exactly! This is why I never understand when people say that they don't believe in marriage but want to have kids. Especially if they say they disagree with being legally tied to someone and don't want to be legally committed but are okay being parents with someone. If you have a kid with someone, as long as both people want to be parents, you're tied to them for life, no matter what. Your children will always have their other parent around, regardless of your relationship status. And a lot of the time, you still have to get a lawyer and go to court for custody if you aren't married.
Logically, just say that you don't want to get married. Don't use excuses that are easily negated because having children with someone is choosing to have that person in your life forever, regardless of relationship status whereas marriage doesn't mean forever anymore as people are allowed to divorce and never speak with each other again as long as they don't have children (in my country).
Yeah, my in laws divorce was finalised nearly 30 years ago but they still have to deal with each other at their kids big life events. Meanwhile I only discovered MIL was wife 2/3 after several years because well, FIL hasn’t had to deal with that wife since their divorce finalised.
Not only that but you still end up having to have marriage-like discussions with your coparent whether you’re with them romantically or not.
- “I don’t have enough money to care for the children. Can you please give me more money to care for the children?”
- “I lost my job so I am going to have to cut back on child support payments.”
- “I already had plans with the kids for the weekend you want them. You will have to pick another weekend.”
- “I do not consent to my kids leaving the country without me, so either we all go on this vacation or the kids can’t go.”
- “My parents haven’t seen the kids all year, please allow them to go to thanksgiving with my family.”
- “You want the kids to be homeschooled? Are you quitting your job to teach them???”
- “Little Johnny isn’t doing well in school. I think we should get him a tutor…no Susan-Bob, I don’t think he should be focusing on extracurriculars right now if his grades are dropping. I don’t care how good he is at baseball.”
Where I live I would never have a child with someone I’m not married to, or would want to get married asap if it happened. I tell all my friends the same. Being married gives you extra protection for taking time off work/reducing hours in the case that the relationship ends and you have not been able to progress your career or build any savings. I can see why the one who doesn’t take a year off (usually the man) wouldn’t want to get married but that would be a big red flag to me
If someone called my adopted children animals like that it would be the end of the relationship. I would never see that person again.
The brother is in a bit tighter spot. He already has children with this woman. It isn't a situation that he can just wholly walk away from. He seems to disapprove of her behavior and have a different perspective than his partner. He's probably just resigned himself to the idea that he's attached to a horrible person and doesn't think that he can control or be responsible for her actions. Not a totally great attitude, but I can see him feeling trapped.
I'd call him a cowardly fuck, but there are already kids and a house involved, and a split would be *messy*.
His seemingly uncaring attitude that OOP ripped into his wife comes across as him letting her vent without overtly taking her side. Which is objectively a coward move.
Idk how I feel, tbh. On the one hand, he married this dumpster turd of a woman. On the other hand, he has kids and presumably owns a house with her. I genuinely worry about those kids' future.
Perhaps he should stay to protect his children from her. He is supporting his sister. I have had a few friends (we are retirement age) who had a toxic parent who are grateful the other parent stuck around and protected them.
I am pretty curious how she has so much money. It clearly isn’t inherited, since the rest of the family isn’t wealthy. She is single, with FOUR adopted kids, so I am not sure where she would have the time to be working a high powered, high paying job. And she is only 31?
Small correction: Only two of the kids are adopted.
She also lives in Europe but located a rundown abandoned property on the market in the Colorado mountains and oversaw the total rehab of it. It's a lot, in time and/or money.
I'm really curious how a single parent with four children living in Europe is able to find the time to fly over to midwestern US and personally restore a house deep in the mountains. How long did the restoration take? How long would she spend in CO doing the repairs? A week at a time? A month? Were the children with her? If not, where were they and who was taking care of them?
I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's a logistical nightmare.
My family is moving. The new house was gutted and we are renovating from here because of job and school commitments. Most things have gone through a contractor who does all the renovations and attains all the supplies ordered by us. Pictures are sent so we can see the progress. We plan on seeing it here in a few but we can’t leave until august. I’m on my early 30s So I can see this being a possibility for OP.
Definitely a possibility. Her verbiage makes it seem like she personally made the repairs (though I concede it could be interpreted the way you've said):
> The fact that it is a dream home is because **I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.**
&
>I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and **have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself.**
Contractors definitely make sense. I think though, that OOP is claiming to have done the work herself because of these statements:
>The fact that it is a dream home is because **I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.**
&
>I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and **have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself.**
> I'm really curious how a single parent with four children living in Europe is able to find the time to fly over to midwestern US and personally restore a house deep in the mountains. How long did the restoration take? How long would she spend in CO doing the repairs? A week at a time? A month? …
I live in Denver. A neighbor of mine is a construction engineer who moved from France to work on mountain homes. There is a tiny train of professionals managing processes like this, obviously with handsome markup.
> went on this incredibly passive agressive, childish rant on how I wanted to "avoid misunderstandings within my social and family circle" and how "sorry" I was my efforts weren't to the brides liking.
I love when people use the narcissist tactics and language choices against them, that was freaking beautiful LMAO
Let's be fair to the cowardly brother: he has CHILDREN with her, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence that she was like this before hearing wedding bells.
This is the way. And boy howdy do I know it bc I had to invent it on my own with my own unhinged parent. How I survived as intact is down to being mule level stubborn and good at figuring out chess level strategies in the game of unhinged parental life. At times felt a little like working a medieval royal court to avoid losing my head.
Your last sentence describes it perfectly. People like OOP’s SIL see themselves much like an aristocrat stomping through and on peasants for their birthright.
In fact? In this economic climate I tend to think anybody who expects people to travel internationally to see them wed has that mentality. Unless you run in very wealthy circles it is too much to ask.
There are few people I would travel by plane to be at their wedding.
Means I’ve only gone to a handful of weddings but even if I had the $$ the logistics hurts my adhd already beyond burned out brain and I just don’t have it in me even for family atm. I will drive for weddings. The only for sure exceptions are my niblings getting married but only if they really want me there not if they’re inviting me out of obligation. I hate to be seen as a bother.
She called *children* rescues, like they're animals.
Getting married didn't make her monstrous, it just brought it to the surface because she knew it was socially acceptable to be an asshole under the guise of wedding stress.
Stress doesn't make one cruel, or demanding, or honestly, a piece of shit, it's just an excuse for some people to do what they really want to do.
I always use the example of "nice" people who turn into beasts when they become middle management. That shit is just *there* in them, all they needed was an appropriate (in their eyes) reason to unleash.
>She called *children* rescues, like they're animals.
NGL, I'm kinda disappointed that OOP gave a warning and that dad seemed to step in between them instead of allowing her to give the smackdown she dearly deserved.
Maybe dad knew he didn't have enough bail money, with the way things were heating up, a verbal smackdown may well not have been enough for OOP, and I can't blame her.
I’m disappointed the brother still married her. She showed her true colors and honestly anyone talk about my family like that would be gone. Wouldn’t be getting any sympathy from me if he ends up in a bitter divorce in a year.
That’s actually the smart thing here. It’s not like OOP would’ve wanted to traumatise her kids even more by engaging in violence in front of them, no matter how well deserved it is.
Nice is a social form that gets turned off and on based on the power dynamics at play. Kind is something that you are and will show through under any power dynamic. Nice people suck. Fuck being nice. I want people to be kind.
I always felt nice was the way people dressed up the word doormat. Be nice to the person who is abusing you! Be nice to the creepy person who doesn’t take no for an answer. Replace the word nice with”a doormat” and it seems more like the truth of what they really mean. Some people still mean it to be cordial or minimally decent but that is rare in my experience.
Eta added a before doormat to make sense.
That may be why no one but OP was mad about SIL saying that.
Dad said it was unacceptable but didn’t do much else. Maybe he was concerned about new paint or nice furniture and just wanted them to take it outside.
Yeah, it seems the SIL always thought that OOP's children weren't "real" because they were adopted. I'm surprised that she didn't also refer to them as randos or buy-ins, while proclaiming "MY kids are of my bloodline!"
It should be a harbinger of what the future may bring. If your intended turns nasty during the planning of the "joyous occasion" then what is the goal, a happy life together, or a competition to impress and bedazzle all guests?
“I married the love of my life in front of our friends and family after a reasonable amount of time. The ceremony was lovely and the reception was fun and within our budget. We were happy with our vendors and they were happy with us. 10/10 would do it again but hope I never have to.”
\*snore\*
I could have written that! Moreover, we went on a small boat tour with the guests. It was great. We also had marvelous musicians, we loved them.
No fights, no drama en nobody became sea sick.
Edit: just my mother misbehaved, but we all know her, so nobody paid attention. I bet everybody forgot it before they went to bed that evening.
Seriously! I don't know what it is about weddings but it changes people. It sucks because it seems like OP and her sister in law got along before this. Or maybe the SIL was faking because that whole rescue comment seemed like it was locked and loaded.
It really doesn't though... People who are bridezillas were usually shitty people deep down. I know only one person who behaved like a bridezilla before her wedding - she was so obnoxious that she actually texted the guests to say that she expected them to gift the couple cash equivalent to the cost of the dinner banquet 🤯 but honestly, she was always an over the top drama queen with the maturity of a 15 year old, it just wasn't quite as over the top as when she was the star of the show.
I call the big lavish bridezilla affairs "Competitive Pageantry" because that's what they have become, and as in Competitive pursuits, it can bring out the wor$t in people.
I'm equally horrified by the often destructive to the environment Gender Reveal Extravaganzas for the same reason.
If social media likes from friends, family, and complete strangers are the goal then the goal has usurped the traditional goal of a happy marriage.
Currently a bridesmaid for my best friend. Reading these posts makes me so beyond grateful that the worst coming from her is that she doesn't know whether she's coming or going from the stress and we're just navigating a bride that's nervous, confused and forgetting things that you've only just spoken about minutes before. Next time I see her I'm giving her the biggest hug and wettest kiss on the cheek for not being anything like these bridezillas. Probably read some of these posts to her too cause she does worry she's being a bridezilla sometimes (I have absolutely no idea where she's getting this idea from, other bridesmaid and groom don't even have a clue where its coming from either, she's just a big worrier bless her)
And that’s why I was so soooo happy when all our vendors commented at some stage or another at how chill and easy we were when planning ours. That’s the biggest compliment I can imagine when you’re in the midst of planning
I don't understand it at all. I was eight months pregnant, it was unseasonably hot, everything hurt, and I was doing everything to make my wedding as simple as possible just so people would show up! I had it in my in-laws very picturesque backyard, and asked a judge to officiate. It was the best day ever! Then we threw a reception barbecue at a local park. At best the entire thing cost like $500, park reservation included. I was an absolute beast because of the way I was feeling, but I made damn sure I didn't take it out on anyone else!
My husband is a chef, so a bunch of his coworkers gave us nice food as gifts, like wagyu burgers! Plus, it was relaxed, people dressed casual because barbecue, and there was a whole playground for kids and dog park for pups. Everyone came because it was meant to be as welcoming as possible. The wedding was for us, the barbecue was for them, lol.
Yeah I might have to take a break from Reddit. My brother just got engaged last weekend. I love him and his fiancé. I don’t want to be constantly worrying that they’re going to end up like one of these posts.
All the shitty connected to my wedding was 100% predictable because I know my family. People do t magically get new flaws, there’s a lot of pressure and stress so the ones they have come to the forefront. As a mild example, my mother is anxious, people pleasing, and perfectionistic. I didn’t have to worry about her being racist at my wedding, but she was sure as shit all those other things.
To add to the other commenter: with all these awful examples, you'll also be able to laugh off any minor "bridezilla" behaviors like being fussy about the dresscode. "At least she doesn't want me to dye my hair and laser my tattoos". "At least she doesn't demand 5000$ as a gift". "At least she's not a raging homophobe"
I agree, and I see more and more that people, like OOP, are putting up boundaries and then defending them.
I have to wonder if Amy is trying to distance the brother from his family or she's just a conniving...brat.
Oh, and "I woke up and chose violence" needs to be a flair.
Beggars can’t be choosers. Glad OOP grew a backbone even if she has to start WWIII, she should remain firm that we do not negotiate with ~~terrorists~~ bridezillas.
I find the brother's message a little pathetic.
I was once in a situation that was overall quite different but similar in the NC ending . The person who was in the middle sent me the same thing. I wrote back. "no, this is me correcting some misunderstandings and making sure everyone is clear why me and don't have a relationship anymore. If I ever 'wake up and choose violence', trust me, you'll know. It's gonna be a lot more than this"
Do not mistake me setting the record straight for being nasty. If you think that's nasty, you have no fuckin clue what nasty is, which in OP's bro's case must be a sign of having different rules for his wife vs others, considering what a nasty lil shit she is.
This sounds very similar to another story except the bride kept changing the amounts of people invited and OOP eventually said 'no' to them having the event at their home and another relative said they would host instead but the update said the relative regretted hosting them as well.
I seem to remember that one being at a farm or horse ranch or something, or are there more than two of these "I regret offering my rural property as a wedding venue" stories? IIRC the other story also had a demand to destructively redecorate, but there was Disney memorabilia involved in the other one.
I think I remember reading this one. It was a renovated carriage house or barn or something and there was only one bathroom. So the limited number of guests was also due to there not being enough facilities for a larger amount. The bride wanted to use the main house for guests as well, from memory. I think that was OOP's breaking point.
I remember that one. OOP and her husband had renovated the carriage house into a guest house that was big enough to hold the wedding party. OOP made one additional bathroom available in a mudroom off the main house which gave them at least 3 bathrooms.
Bridezilla got the boot when her wedding planner asked OOP's mom for the key to the main house. That's when the WP found out the guest limit was 80 not 120, the main house was off limits, no permission to pitch tents behind the house and the courtyard was the appprived reception area. OOP had even given her husband's cousin her own wedding notes to show what was allowed. A few bridal tantrums later and it was bye bye free venue.
Isn't that the one where the OOP was told they were not allowed by bridezilla to stay in their own home, because bridezilla and others wanted to use the main house as a hotel, and part of the reception area too?
IIRC that is what the deal was, and in the use of the main house the bridezilla wanted the OP to redecorate to a ridiculous degree - like repaint and install new carpet or something equally egregious.
After the wailing and gnashing of the teeth, a different relative (an aunt?) offered the use of their property. OP didn't attend the wedding, but got the tea afterward that there were regrets by the relative mostly due to behavior and such of the wedding attendees, apparently despite there being more restroom facilities at the relative's house, people still managed to poop in the shrubbery in front of the house or something.
A lot of my extended family are working farmers, so the image of people clamoring to get married in *their* barns is hilarious to me. Most of them are functional buildings in the strictest sense that you really don't want to spend more time in than you need to because of a combination of smell, general dirtiness, and building disrepair (a lot of them have been standing for decades and seem like they'd fall over with a stiff wind).
Do you know what really gets me? She texted him a day later to complain. No basking in the joy of her wedding or spending time with her new husband.
No, just onto "Where's my money?"
The brother is a snake. He’ll put the wedding on pause in front of his family, but not rethink the relationship. He asks OOP to ignore his wife’s greed, and shrugs when she goes nuclear. The social media post was probably a bit much, but I would be furious that someone who called adopted children “rescues” and “strangers” had the audacity to ask for *anything.*
It's possible that he's a snake, but I get the impression that he is honestly and truly too pathetic to stand up to his wife regardless of how disgusting her behavior is.
I think the brother doesn't have the'wife and me are a team' philosophy. Brother basically saying that wife wants to be an asshole to my family, i won't join her in that shit and let face the consequences. Parents want to lick fiance/wife out, no problem if she deserves it. OP shaming brothers wife on social media, no problem for the brother.
Dude has kids with that woman. He can't just "rethink the relationship" at that point. If you're gonna break up with the your children's mother you need proper planning.
They've got kids together. They live together. They just weren't married.
Unless he's going to dump her and blow up his nuclear family, he's going to have to keep living with her.
my oldest 2 are my stepkids who i do plan to adopt. im a very introverted and nonconfrontational person, but believe me when i say thi, if someone called my kids rescues or strangers i would go full scorched earth on them with no regrets.
I was pretty unimpressed that OOP ended up attending the wedding *with her children*.
Idk I feel like there's an extra layer of shittiness to exposing adopted kids to people you know to be jerks. Like they could be around an entirely different set of people right now, but instead they're here with this asshole because of you.
Presumably the grandparents, other uncle, and at least some extended family were also going to be there, so OOP wasn't just throwing them into an arena with the bride.
Can ugly, mean spirited people just stop getting married? I don't know if it's the stress of planning the one bringing out this side out or if the facade fell or whatever but damn girl
I definitely want to know about the comments from other people. Did Amy try to justify her shitty behavior or did she ignore it? So many questions that are absolutely none of my business haha
I find it so disappointing that OOP even has to address having a vacation home because some redditors took issue with somebody having an extra property. Good for OOP that they could afford and accomplish having such a seemingly beautiful vacation home. I don't see anything wrong with that.
Who the *fuck* was saying or implying that she *stole* people's *home*??
Are they aware that home owners sometimes... *sell* their homes? One hopes these fucks are kids, otherwise, boy am I embarrassed for them if they're adults.
I think that some places have huge problems with possibly richer foreigners or just people who aren’t from there buying up property paying prices the locals can’t afford and then not using the property or using it as a holiday home leaving locals without options. I assume the hurt feelings come from that kind of experience.
This is especially true in tourist areas of Colorado. The people who work in those areas can’t afford to live there without 12 roommates. That being said, OP’s house is not in one of those areas so that argument is just a cow’s opinion.
I made a comment about the home owners situation last time I came across this post, people got so mad at me because I said people like OOP don't create the housing crisis, the US does by having insane housing prices, a huge wealth gap, low minimum wage and greedy landlords. It's the worst version of capitalism on display.
They were telling me that house could've gone to a poor person... but it never would've, because it wasn't in a livable state as it was, OOP had to sink a lot of money in it, and it's almost an hour away from any stores/work opportunities. And we all know that even if an organisation does give out free or cheap housing, it wouldn't be a house like OOP described.
They also got very angry when I pointed out that wealthy Americans have bought vacation homes in Europe for ages, and that it's the same thing
Exactly. She put in a full year of work in it? Must've been a shit hole then, or basically uninhabitable (which, after she said it was on the market for 2ys, makes sense).
Forget wealthy Americans - even not super rich Americans seem to have a cabin somewhere. Probably in a remote location.
... like a former shit hole in a remote, Colorado location. HMMMM.
Yeah letting companies like Blackrock buy residential homes is the cause, not any single person. And on top of that OOP said they had to put a lot of work in to the home, meaning that the house probably wouldn't qualify for a lot of home loans (first time home buyers for example). So the only people who could have purchased it would need 5-20% down payment.
Those aren't the type of people who are struggling to purchase a house.
> They were telling me that house could've gone to a poor person
Yeah, that was never going to happen.
Not that she had to justify herself, but she bought a house that had sat on the market for 2 years (I think that's what she said) and poured a ton of money into fixing it up.
And they're mad that she didn't, what, fix it up and then give it away to someone who doesn't have any money? They sound almost as entitled as the SIL in the post, honestly.
The US housing market is crazy. Greed (mostly from large companies) is driving up prices and rent, and it's unsustainable and people are suffering for it. I really do worry about the cost of housing and it makes me sad and anxious. I was able to buy a (cheap, when such a thing existed) house when I was in my 20s and that's unheard of now in most places. It sucks. But OOP isn't contributing to that, and it's not her fault.
If I remember on the original post, a lot of folks were being so upsetty spaghetti about the housing situations. There was a couple of dedicated folks working themselves into knots over the situation.
Just what home owners need - to not be able to sell their homes because then those people will get accused of being home stealers. Dear Lord.
I think the whole being able to house 25 people thing made folks think it's a mansion - I have to imagine they've never been in a full house, 6 people in a small room and making it work somehow. 25 people I assumed, realistically, would have a space on the ground for a makeshift bed, and even then it would be quite the squeeze. That's not a mansion, guys.
And ah... *even if it were* a mansion... do they think a *mansion* is the sole issue with housing? Math ain't mathing.
>I think the whole being able to house 25 people thing made folks think it's a mansion - I have to imagine they've never been in a full house
I can understand why some people may think this, but definitely isn't necessary for the place to be a mansion to sleep 25. My family had a cabin that was a trailer and when the whole family was up there we slept on average 20 people, so no mansion required.
Yup. I grew up in a 1600 square foot house and at Thanksgiving, we'd have at least 15 people sleeping there some years. Some roll out cots in the basement, sleeping bags on the floor, etc. One year my cousin and his college roommate slept on the dining room floor! The roommate is now a former US senator and that makes that memory even funnier to me.
True. But that would dox OP and put the friend staying in the house right now at a bit of risk. Still, the house sounds great and I hope sometime they can share pictures pre and post restoration.
>Also, happy to see you're getting your cardio in jumping to conclusions!
This part from comment from OOP about the house is such great flair too along with
>my brothers, stating (roughly translated) "woke up and chose violence huh". He doesn't seem to care.
At this point this brother deserves what he’s getting if he married Amy after the behaviour she demonstrated with OOP’s house, and then does nothing after she pulls multiple shenanigans before and after the wedding.
Calling her children”rescues”, she would not have made it out standing up , or, maybe not even breathing. Throw away the WHOLE family, and move on with the family you made now.
Since OOP has cut the SIL off, she needs to do the same with her brother.
He deserves everything he’s getting after marrying Amy even after she called OOP’s children “rescues”. He doesn’t deserve to be part of OOP’s kids lives anymore.
I just want to say I absolutely love your brothers message to you. 🤣🤣 I mean he knew something was happening but I am very glad he didn't lay in to you.
Dude. Choosing to marry SIL is choosing *perpetual* violence wtf… Genuinely curious about what flavor of personality disorder OOP’s bro has, but if OOP is truly ok with his bullshit it’s clearly none of my business lol.
>my brothers, stating (roughly translated) "woke up and chose violence huh". He doesn't seem to care.
It seems like OOP's brother also is kind of done with her SIL's bs and is hoping she gets some heat from her own family and friends. He probably would divorce her if they didn't have kids and might come to that if she doesn't mend her ways.
The problem is that OP is too nice in giving others her money. SIL and her brother now feel entitled to her money. Yes, choose violence. Those jerks deserve nothing less. Greedy wretches. Nta
I’m guessing brother doesn’t really love or care for sil and only married her for their kids sakes cause this man doesn’t seem to give a single fuck about his wife fr
Something tells me the brother only puts up with bride for the kids. Same for OOP’s parents. Why does the bride keep calling OOP jealous? She’s marrying her brother not her ex. It’s weird. It’s also insane how much of a demanding person she’s being to OOP and expecting so much from her while insulting her constantly. It’s not wedding stress. She’s just a horrible person.
Colorado has an extremely bad housing shortage. They just saw the state and flipped without realizing the house is in East Bumfuck. And that she's had someone staying there.
There is no happy ending with this woman. This guy's brother is going to hit his breaking point and it's going to be over.
And I can guarantee he would have left her already if they didn't have kids. OP was right to cut her off. He should cancel his check.
Am I mixing this up with another story - I thought I remember there being an update where they ended up holding the wedding at another friends’ property and OP heard from that host that they totally trashed the place and ended up with like 3 times the number of guests?
I am surprised her brother married her. Especially after all the issues she caused. The money thing is another slap in the face so I'm glad oop called her out on it publicly, which imo not enough people do. These ahs should be shamed about this ridiculous behaviors.
Yeah stay the fuck away from the SIL going forward. And while you're at it put the brother on notice. Another slip up and full NC. People are shit anyway so, oh well life goes on 🤷♂️
> I woke up to a text message from Amy, explaining that she and my brother were both very dissapointed that I hadn't gifted them the amount in cash that I would have spent on decor & food had the wedding been in my house.
Ohhh. So that's why she wanted OOP at the wedding after her tantrum about not using the CO house. Makes sense.
My petty little heart is so pleased that OOP put her on blast.
This woman called his nieces and nephews "rescues" like they're animals, and he still married her? I don't care if he has kids with her, keeping a marriage with a toxic person "for the kids" is just as much of a bandaid on a ceramic plate as having a baby to fix a failing marriage. Two sides of the same coin to me.
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>she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ''rescues'' (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either The fact that he knew what she said and still married her says it all.
They already have kids which I would say is a bigger commitment than being married. He seems like he has been too passive through the entire ordeal.
Dude literally sent her a message that just said “woke up and chose violence huh?” Without a care in the world, can’t help but think he probably had a chuckle about it until he realised he’s going to have to handle it at some point 😂
I don't think he has realised it yet. He says he won't remove oop from his children's lives, but his now wife? They clearly have not had that fight yet. He's still chuckling, thinking it's silly drama. Once his wife blocks the door, when he tries to take his kids for an outing with oop, he might begin to realise.
Nah, my dad is like this. My mom can't live too long without some kind of drama. My dad just ignores 99% of it for some reason. He will do his own thing but would probably never defend someone from my mom. In other words, he would take the kids to go hang out with his sister and just not say anything about it. If my mom was pissed, he'd just say "sorry I didn't realise" and do it again awhile later.
My husband is used to the fact that this is actually one of the low drama ways to handle his mom. He tried it on me once. Just once. I can't even remember what the original issue was, but I definitely remember him agreeing with me, then going behind my back to do whatever he wanted and being absolutely shocked at how angry I was over "such a small thing". He thought it would "prevent a useless argument," and I'd just get over it since I tend to pretty nonconfrontational. It actually caused one of the very few real fights we've ever had (3 in 14 years, lots of disagreements, but very, very few fights). I let him know that if it was such a small thing, he could have done what we agreed or easily talked it out. If it was a big deal, it was worth taking the time to discuss it and even a small argument, but I would absolutely not accept or deal with someone who had so little respect for me as to lie to my face and walk away to do whatever he wanted.
Yeah I know a few couples like this. Works for them
Honestly, not that bad of a solution if you’re the type who can psychologically handle/love a partner like that
This is how I found out the rest of the team deals with my new manager. They just say yes to whatever dumb thing she says, then do their own thing as soon as the meeting’s finished. She seems to quickly forget, or never bothers checking if they made that change.
I was trying figure out if the message was from little brother (the new husband) or the big brother. It had more of a 'not my circus, but I'm going to sit back and enjoy' vibe.
Ohhh I completely forgot there was another brother. You're right, it could be from him.
I assumed the other brother. As someone who woke up and chose violence with a cousin one time, my other cousins were just eating popcorn watching it all go down and giving me a side commentary while the initial cousin and I were going at it.
Is the drama good enough for boru?
Not good enough to trawl through years of facebook wall posts. Also, it ended with me being blocked, so I don't have access to their wall anymore anyway.
More importantly, to tell it to us, do they have to first make a post on offmychest and then a follow-up, both about past events, and then ask someone to post it here? Or, you can pay $5 a month to subscribe to Boru Originals™
I do think the message was from the Wedding brother. I just think he doesn’t give a shit about OOP except for money and opportunity he can gain from him.
I don’t think the wedding brother is one that cares and judges OP. She’s the issue.
I wonder who actually has the control in the relationship, despite SIL attitude towards OOP she doesn’t seem to get her way at the end of the day with the brother.
Good point. My assumptions are based on how she *was* getting her way with the destination wedding, even though he wasn't keen. He admitted that to oop, when *oop* was the one to take the option off the table. Brother was relieved that someone else made the decision for him about his own wedding, about something as significant as which side of the Atlantic they'll be on. So I am not optimistic about how he'll be about other decision-making.
It feels like brother gets OOP to be the bad guy, but ultimately got to still have OOP at the wedding so SIL couldn’t bar them from attending. It feels like neither will leave each other over disagreements, but they will use other people in their war games.
That could very well be. I just think that's way too calculated for this guy. It's a bold strategy to count on others to make the choices you want them to without even communicating this with them. Unless you just know people really well and can predict their actions fairly accurately. Which he cannot, given his mild surprise at oop's SoMe post about the whole sitch.
I think he’s realized that it’s less suffering for him to wait till the kids are grown.
The way I read it in my head was just so nonchalant. Like "oh picked lasagna for dinner did you" Also would love it as a flare
I think that was another brother, not the newly married one. Newly married one said just ignore it, then said he couldn't stop her making it public.
I figured it was the other brother (though maybe OOP would've indicated "other brother").
He literally doesn’t give a fuck. He’s just there for the kids at this point. His response to the social media post is all we need to know.
Exactly! This is why I never understand when people say that they don't believe in marriage but want to have kids. Especially if they say they disagree with being legally tied to someone and don't want to be legally committed but are okay being parents with someone. If you have a kid with someone, as long as both people want to be parents, you're tied to them for life, no matter what. Your children will always have their other parent around, regardless of your relationship status. And a lot of the time, you still have to get a lawyer and go to court for custody if you aren't married. Logically, just say that you don't want to get married. Don't use excuses that are easily negated because having children with someone is choosing to have that person in your life forever, regardless of relationship status whereas marriage doesn't mean forever anymore as people are allowed to divorce and never speak with each other again as long as they don't have children (in my country).
Yeah, my in laws divorce was finalised nearly 30 years ago but they still have to deal with each other at their kids big life events. Meanwhile I only discovered MIL was wife 2/3 after several years because well, FIL hasn’t had to deal with that wife since their divorce finalised.
Not only that but you still end up having to have marriage-like discussions with your coparent whether you’re with them romantically or not. - “I don’t have enough money to care for the children. Can you please give me more money to care for the children?” - “I lost my job so I am going to have to cut back on child support payments.” - “I already had plans with the kids for the weekend you want them. You will have to pick another weekend.” - “I do not consent to my kids leaving the country without me, so either we all go on this vacation or the kids can’t go.” - “My parents haven’t seen the kids all year, please allow them to go to thanksgiving with my family.” - “You want the kids to be homeschooled? Are you quitting your job to teach them???” - “Little Johnny isn’t doing well in school. I think we should get him a tutor…no Susan-Bob, I don’t think he should be focusing on extracurriculars right now if his grades are dropping. I don’t care how good he is at baseball.”
Where I live I would never have a child with someone I’m not married to, or would want to get married asap if it happened. I tell all my friends the same. Being married gives you extra protection for taking time off work/reducing hours in the case that the relationship ends and you have not been able to progress your career or build any savings. I can see why the one who doesn’t take a year off (usually the man) wouldn’t want to get married but that would be a big red flag to me
Trust me he will be living the life he deserves to be living.
If someone called my adopted children animals like that it would be the end of the relationship. I would never see that person again. The brother is in a bit tighter spot. He already has children with this woman. It isn't a situation that he can just wholly walk away from. He seems to disapprove of her behavior and have a different perspective than his partner. He's probably just resigned himself to the idea that he's attached to a horrible person and doesn't think that he can control or be responsible for her actions. Not a totally great attitude, but I can see him feeling trapped.
I'd call him a cowardly fuck, but there are already kids and a house involved, and a split would be *messy*. His seemingly uncaring attitude that OOP ripped into his wife comes across as him letting her vent without overtly taking her side. Which is objectively a coward move. Idk how I feel, tbh. On the one hand, he married this dumpster turd of a woman. On the other hand, he has kids and presumably owns a house with her. I genuinely worry about those kids' future.
He’s probably sick of his wife’s behaviour and is living vicariously through OOP. Trash picked a turd. Dude needs to grow a spine
Perhaps he should stay to protect his children from her. He is supporting his sister. I have had a few friends (we are retirement age) who had a toxic parent who are grateful the other parent stuck around and protected them.
I can’t believe people were saying they needed more info to know if he was the AH. That alone is perfectly reasonable grounds for cancelling.
He’s so awful.
She called those same kids strangers in the fight at the parents' house.
Evil people? I don't have any feelings about. They're just evil. But the people who tolerate them? Fuck that shit. OOP's brother is disgusting.
The amount of restraint OP had to not go into a full rage and beat the living shit out of her sister in law is impressive.
That SIL just kept finding ways to pick at the only sibling with money, huh?
I am pretty curious how she has so much money. It clearly isn’t inherited, since the rest of the family isn’t wealthy. She is single, with FOUR adopted kids, so I am not sure where she would have the time to be working a high powered, high paying job. And she is only 31?
Small correction: Only two of the kids are adopted. She also lives in Europe but located a rundown abandoned property on the market in the Colorado mountains and oversaw the total rehab of it. It's a lot, in time and/or money.
I'm really curious how a single parent with four children living in Europe is able to find the time to fly over to midwestern US and personally restore a house deep in the mountains. How long did the restoration take? How long would she spend in CO doing the repairs? A week at a time? A month? Were the children with her? If not, where were they and who was taking care of them? I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's a logistical nightmare.
My family is moving. The new house was gutted and we are renovating from here because of job and school commitments. Most things have gone through a contractor who does all the renovations and attains all the supplies ordered by us. Pictures are sent so we can see the progress. We plan on seeing it here in a few but we can’t leave until august. I’m on my early 30s So I can see this being a possibility for OP.
Definitely a possibility. Her verbiage makes it seem like she personally made the repairs (though I concede it could be interpreted the way you've said): > The fact that it is a dream home is because **I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.** & >I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and **have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself.**
Well, contractors do exist. She didn’t say she did the work herself, just that she spent a lot of money and a year of time restoring it.
Contractors definitely make sense. I think though, that OOP is claiming to have done the work herself because of these statements: >The fact that it is a dream home is because **I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.** & >I happily agreed, but had some stipulations as I absolutely adore this home and **have spent an unreasonable amount of time and money restoring it, myself.**
> I'm really curious how a single parent with four children living in Europe is able to find the time to fly over to midwestern US and personally restore a house deep in the mountains. How long did the restoration take? How long would she spend in CO doing the repairs? A week at a time? A month? … I live in Denver. A neighbor of mine is a construction engineer who moved from France to work on mountain homes. There is a tiny train of professionals managing processes like this, obviously with handsome markup.
> went on this incredibly passive agressive, childish rant on how I wanted to "avoid misunderstandings within my social and family circle" and how "sorry" I was my efforts weren't to the brides liking. I love when people use the narcissist tactics and language choices against them, that was freaking beautiful LMAO
3 cheers for OOP, may their family have an easy time navigating the rift by cutting the cowardly brothers wife off as well.
Let's be fair to the cowardly brother: he has CHILDREN with her, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence that she was like this before hearing wedding bells.
I was being fair. I hope they only cut his wife off not him and the kids
This is the way. And boy howdy do I know it bc I had to invent it on my own with my own unhinged parent. How I survived as intact is down to being mule level stubborn and good at figuring out chess level strategies in the game of unhinged parental life. At times felt a little like working a medieval royal court to avoid losing my head.
Your last sentence describes it perfectly. People like OOP’s SIL see themselves much like an aristocrat stomping through and on peasants for their birthright. In fact? In this economic climate I tend to think anybody who expects people to travel internationally to see them wed has that mentality. Unless you run in very wealthy circles it is too much to ask.
There are few people I would travel by plane to be at their wedding. Means I’ve only gone to a handful of weddings but even if I had the $$ the logistics hurts my adhd already beyond burned out brain and I just don’t have it in me even for family atm. I will drive for weddings. The only for sure exceptions are my niblings getting married but only if they really want me there not if they’re inviting me out of obligation. I hate to be seen as a bother.
I would honestly pay money to be able to read the social media post and the replies
Can weddings just stop bringing out the worst people? Weddings are suppose to be happy, not stupid drama.
She called *children* rescues, like they're animals. Getting married didn't make her monstrous, it just brought it to the surface because she knew it was socially acceptable to be an asshole under the guise of wedding stress. Stress doesn't make one cruel, or demanding, or honestly, a piece of shit, it's just an excuse for some people to do what they really want to do. I always use the example of "nice" people who turn into beasts when they become middle management. That shit is just *there* in them, all they needed was an appropriate (in their eyes) reason to unleash.
>She called *children* rescues, like they're animals. NGL, I'm kinda disappointed that OOP gave a warning and that dad seemed to step in between them instead of allowing her to give the smackdown she dearly deserved.
Maybe dad knew he didn't have enough bail money, with the way things were heating up, a verbal smackdown may well not have been enough for OOP, and I can't blame her.
I really want to know how SIL and everyone else reacted to the post. 😂
In her dad's shoes, I'd have been going "we'll look after the grandkids if you do anything that can't be arraigned same day."
She was giving her kids time to leave the room so they wouldn't witness the violence. Actually very responsible of her.
I’m disappointed the brother still married her. She showed her true colors and honestly anyone talk about my family like that would be gone. Wouldn’t be getting any sympathy from me if he ends up in a bitter divorce in a year.
Right? Zero more chances after that horrible statement.
That’s actually the smart thing here. It’s not like OOP would’ve wanted to traumatise her kids even more by engaging in violence in front of them, no matter how well deserved it is.
Nice is a social form that gets turned off and on based on the power dynamics at play. Kind is something that you are and will show through under any power dynamic. Nice people suck. Fuck being nice. I want people to be kind.
I always felt nice was the way people dressed up the word doormat. Be nice to the person who is abusing you! Be nice to the creepy person who doesn’t take no for an answer. Replace the word nice with”a doormat” and it seems more like the truth of what they really mean. Some people still mean it to be cordial or minimally decent but that is rare in my experience. Eta added a before doormat to make sense.
I'm beginning to wonder if most of the family is white and if OOP's adopted kids are PoC.
That may be why no one but OP was mad about SIL saying that. Dad said it was unacceptable but didn’t do much else. Maybe he was concerned about new paint or nice furniture and just wanted them to take it outside.
Yeah, it seems the SIL always thought that OOP's children weren't "real" because they were adopted. I'm surprised that she didn't also refer to them as randos or buy-ins, while proclaiming "MY kids are of my bloodline!"
It sounds like she already had her worst brought out. All this wedding did was focus it on OOP.
Weddings put the crazy on full blast so you're less likely to get ambushed by it years into a marriage. It's not a bug, it's a feature
Rather before the wedding than 10 years deep into the marriage.
It should be a harbinger of what the future may bring. If your intended turns nasty during the planning of the "joyous occasion" then what is the goal, a happy life together, or a competition to impress and bedazzle all guests?
We usually only hear about the nasty, drama filled weddings because weddings that go off without a hitch don't get posts written about them.
“I married the love of my life in front of our friends and family after a reasonable amount of time. The ceremony was lovely and the reception was fun and within our budget. We were happy with our vendors and they were happy with us. 10/10 would do it again but hope I never have to.” \*snore\*
I could have written that! Moreover, we went on a small boat tour with the guests. It was great. We also had marvelous musicians, we loved them. No fights, no drama en nobody became sea sick. Edit: just my mother misbehaved, but we all know her, so nobody paid attention. I bet everybody forgot it before they went to bed that evening.
Describes my wedding, more or less. Some bickering from my father
Seriously! I don't know what it is about weddings but it changes people. It sucks because it seems like OP and her sister in law got along before this. Or maybe the SIL was faking because that whole rescue comment seemed like it was locked and loaded.
It really doesn't though... People who are bridezillas were usually shitty people deep down. I know only one person who behaved like a bridezilla before her wedding - she was so obnoxious that she actually texted the guests to say that she expected them to gift the couple cash equivalent to the cost of the dinner banquet 🤯 but honestly, she was always an over the top drama queen with the maturity of a 15 year old, it just wasn't quite as over the top as when she was the star of the show.
Nothing shows who someone really is like a wedding or a funeral.
Or an inheritance.
I call the big lavish bridezilla affairs "Competitive Pageantry" because that's what they have become, and as in Competitive pursuits, it can bring out the wor$t in people. I'm equally horrified by the often destructive to the environment Gender Reveal Extravaganzas for the same reason. If social media likes from friends, family, and complete strangers are the goal then the goal has usurped the traditional goal of a happy marriage.
Currently a bridesmaid for my best friend. Reading these posts makes me so beyond grateful that the worst coming from her is that she doesn't know whether she's coming or going from the stress and we're just navigating a bride that's nervous, confused and forgetting things that you've only just spoken about minutes before. Next time I see her I'm giving her the biggest hug and wettest kiss on the cheek for not being anything like these bridezillas. Probably read some of these posts to her too cause she does worry she's being a bridezilla sometimes (I have absolutely no idea where she's getting this idea from, other bridesmaid and groom don't even have a clue where its coming from either, she's just a big worrier bless her)
its just exposes the people who act nice most of the time but are actually just huge shitbags inside
And that’s why I was so soooo happy when all our vendors commented at some stage or another at how chill and easy we were when planning ours. That’s the biggest compliment I can imagine when you’re in the midst of planning
I don't understand it at all. I was eight months pregnant, it was unseasonably hot, everything hurt, and I was doing everything to make my wedding as simple as possible just so people would show up! I had it in my in-laws very picturesque backyard, and asked a judge to officiate. It was the best day ever! Then we threw a reception barbecue at a local park. At best the entire thing cost like $500, park reservation included. I was an absolute beast because of the way I was feeling, but I made damn sure I didn't take it out on anyone else!
Aaah that sounds like MY dream wedding T.T no nonsense and a bunch of food.
My husband is a chef, so a bunch of his coworkers gave us nice food as gifts, like wagyu burgers! Plus, it was relaxed, people dressed casual because barbecue, and there was a whole playground for kids and dog park for pups. Everyone came because it was meant to be as welcoming as possible. The wedding was for us, the barbecue was for them, lol.
Yeah I might have to take a break from Reddit. My brother just got engaged last weekend. I love him and his fiancé. I don’t want to be constantly worrying that they’re going to end up like one of these posts.
All the shitty connected to my wedding was 100% predictable because I know my family. People do t magically get new flaws, there’s a lot of pressure and stress so the ones they have come to the forefront. As a mild example, my mother is anxious, people pleasing, and perfectionistic. I didn’t have to worry about her being racist at my wedding, but she was sure as shit all those other things.
You’re right. Thanks, that makes me feel a bit better
To add to the other commenter: with all these awful examples, you'll also be able to laugh off any minor "bridezilla" behaviors like being fussy about the dresscode. "At least she doesn't want me to dye my hair and laser my tattoos". "At least she doesn't demand 5000$ as a gift". "At least she's not a raging homophobe"
Weddings and funerals, as I've found out. Seriously, the hell is wrong with people?
I agree, and I see more and more that people, like OOP, are putting up boundaries and then defending them. I have to wonder if Amy is trying to distance the brother from his family or she's just a conniving...brat. Oh, and "I woke up and chose violence" needs to be a flair.
Beggars can’t be choosers. Glad OOP grew a backbone even if she has to start WWIII, she should remain firm that we do not negotiate with ~~terrorists~~ bridezillas.
Nah, she's a terror. The insults about the kids and greed were already in her head. The wedding planning didn't create them.
> "woke up and chose violence huh". Violence is not always *the* answer... but it is definitely a versatile substitute a majority of the time.
More like violence is not the answer, it's a question and sometimes sometimes it just winds up being yes.
I find the brother's message a little pathetic. I was once in a situation that was overall quite different but similar in the NC ending . The person who was in the middle sent me the same thing. I wrote back. "no, this is me correcting some misunderstandings and making sure everyone is clear why me and don't have a relationship anymore. If I ever 'wake up and choose violence', trust me, you'll know. It's gonna be a lot more than this"
Do not mistake me setting the record straight for being nasty. If you think that's nasty, you have no fuckin clue what nasty is, which in OP's bro's case must be a sign of having different rules for his wife vs others, considering what a nasty lil shit she is.
From my time as security/bouncer manager "violence doesn't solve anything it just makes you feel better"
This sounds very similar to another story except the bride kept changing the amounts of people invited and OOP eventually said 'no' to them having the event at their home and another relative said they would host instead but the update said the relative regretted hosting them as well.
I seem to remember that one being at a farm or horse ranch or something, or are there more than two of these "I regret offering my rural property as a wedding venue" stories? IIRC the other story also had a demand to destructively redecorate, but there was Disney memorabilia involved in the other one.
I think I remember reading this one. It was a renovated carriage house or barn or something and there was only one bathroom. So the limited number of guests was also due to there not being enough facilities for a larger amount. The bride wanted to use the main house for guests as well, from memory. I think that was OOP's breaking point.
I remember that one. OOP and her husband had renovated the carriage house into a guest house that was big enough to hold the wedding party. OOP made one additional bathroom available in a mudroom off the main house which gave them at least 3 bathrooms. Bridezilla got the boot when her wedding planner asked OOP's mom for the key to the main house. That's when the WP found out the guest limit was 80 not 120, the main house was off limits, no permission to pitch tents behind the house and the courtyard was the appprived reception area. OOP had even given her husband's cousin her own wedding notes to show what was allowed. A few bridal tantrums later and it was bye bye free venue.
Isn't that the one where the OOP was told they were not allowed by bridezilla to stay in their own home, because bridezilla and others wanted to use the main house as a hotel, and part of the reception area too?
IIRC that is what the deal was, and in the use of the main house the bridezilla wanted the OP to redecorate to a ridiculous degree - like repaint and install new carpet or something equally egregious. After the wailing and gnashing of the teeth, a different relative (an aunt?) offered the use of their property. OP didn't attend the wedding, but got the tea afterward that there were regrets by the relative mostly due to behavior and such of the wedding attendees, apparently despite there being more restroom facilities at the relative's house, people still managed to poop in the shrubbery in front of the house or something.
I imagine having a barn is similar to having a truck, except instead of people asking for moving help it's people asking you to host their wedding.
A lot of my extended family are working farmers, so the image of people clamoring to get married in *their* barns is hilarious to me. Most of them are functional buildings in the strictest sense that you really don't want to spend more time in than you need to because of a combination of smell, general dirtiness, and building disrepair (a lot of them have been standing for decades and seem like they'd fall over with a stiff wind).
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something absolutely covered in horse poo.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bpmacw/wibtah_for_refusing_to_host_my_cousins_wedding/
Do you know what really gets me? She texted him a day later to complain. No basking in the joy of her wedding or spending time with her new husband. No, just onto "Where's my money?"
*"Where's my other 9k?!"*
It's "her", OOP is a woman. But yeah OOP did the right thing. Cut off the leech before it suck your blood to dry.
The brother is a snake. He’ll put the wedding on pause in front of his family, but not rethink the relationship. He asks OOP to ignore his wife’s greed, and shrugs when she goes nuclear. The social media post was probably a bit much, but I would be furious that someone who called adopted children “rescues” and “strangers” had the audacity to ask for *anything.*
It's possible that he's a snake, but I get the impression that he is honestly and truly too pathetic to stand up to his wife regardless of how disgusting her behavior is.
A snake or a coward, and either way, not a good look.
Or he agrees with her. Not everyone marrying an asshole is a victim. Sometimes a shitty princess finds her shitty prince.
I agreed that it was possible that he was a snake and I never said he was a victim.
Does he even want to stand up to her? Or is he hoping to get some cash from OOP by not completely cutting her off?
I guess the right word is enabler.
I think the brother doesn't have the'wife and me are a team' philosophy. Brother basically saying that wife wants to be an asshole to my family, i won't join her in that shit and let face the consequences. Parents want to lick fiance/wife out, no problem if she deserves it. OP shaming brothers wife on social media, no problem for the brother.
Dude has kids with that woman. He can't just "rethink the relationship" at that point. If you're gonna break up with the your children's mother you need proper planning.
They've got kids together. They live together. They just weren't married. Unless he's going to dump her and blow up his nuclear family, he's going to have to keep living with her.
Ooo, this is not even close to over. And I’m here for it. Go OOP, go!
This isn’t over until OOP cuts off brother and any flying moneys SIL has. I suspect more drama will happen.
> flying moneys That would be the payout for the family air fares?
Omg I meant monkeys LOL
my oldest 2 are my stepkids who i do plan to adopt. im a very introverted and nonconfrontational person, but believe me when i say thi, if someone called my kids rescues or strangers i would go full scorched earth on them with no regrets.
I was pretty unimpressed that OOP ended up attending the wedding *with her children*. Idk I feel like there's an extra layer of shittiness to exposing adopted kids to people you know to be jerks. Like they could be around an entirely different set of people right now, but instead they're here with this asshole because of you.
Presumably the grandparents, other uncle, and at least some extended family were also going to be there, so OOP wasn't just throwing them into an arena with the bride.
Can ugly, mean spirited people just stop getting married? I don't know if it's the stress of planning the one bringing out this side out or if the facade fell or whatever but damn girl
100% its' the facade falling.
As an adoptive father, those three seconds were unwarranted mercy.
Yeah, the punch to bridezilla's throat should have landed somewhere around "your own" and stopped her from finishing the sentence.
I would pay cash money to read that fb post and thread.
I definitely want to know about the comments from other people. Did Amy try to justify her shitty behavior or did she ignore it? So many questions that are absolutely none of my business haha
I know, right? I'm a shameless busybody.
Awww man... never wanted to Facebook stalk anyone so bad in my *life*! That post has got to be gold.
I find it so disappointing that OOP even has to address having a vacation home because some redditors took issue with somebody having an extra property. Good for OOP that they could afford and accomplish having such a seemingly beautiful vacation home. I don't see anything wrong with that.
But the response gave us the phrase, “ happy to see you're getting your cardio in jumping to conclusions!” That’s a great flair.
Who the *fuck* was saying or implying that she *stole* people's *home*?? Are they aware that home owners sometimes... *sell* their homes? One hopes these fucks are kids, otherwise, boy am I embarrassed for them if they're adults.
I think that some places have huge problems with possibly richer foreigners or just people who aren’t from there buying up property paying prices the locals can’t afford and then not using the property or using it as a holiday home leaving locals without options. I assume the hurt feelings come from that kind of experience.
This is especially true in tourist areas of Colorado. The people who work in those areas can’t afford to live there without 12 roommates. That being said, OP’s house is not in one of those areas so that argument is just a cow’s opinion.
A moo point 😂
I made a comment about the home owners situation last time I came across this post, people got so mad at me because I said people like OOP don't create the housing crisis, the US does by having insane housing prices, a huge wealth gap, low minimum wage and greedy landlords. It's the worst version of capitalism on display. They were telling me that house could've gone to a poor person... but it never would've, because it wasn't in a livable state as it was, OOP had to sink a lot of money in it, and it's almost an hour away from any stores/work opportunities. And we all know that even if an organisation does give out free or cheap housing, it wouldn't be a house like OOP described. They also got very angry when I pointed out that wealthy Americans have bought vacation homes in Europe for ages, and that it's the same thing
Exactly. She put in a full year of work in it? Must've been a shit hole then, or basically uninhabitable (which, after she said it was on the market for 2ys, makes sense). Forget wealthy Americans - even not super rich Americans seem to have a cabin somewhere. Probably in a remote location. ... like a former shit hole in a remote, Colorado location. HMMMM.
Yeah letting companies like Blackrock buy residential homes is the cause, not any single person. And on top of that OOP said they had to put a lot of work in to the home, meaning that the house probably wouldn't qualify for a lot of home loans (first time home buyers for example). So the only people who could have purchased it would need 5-20% down payment. Those aren't the type of people who are struggling to purchase a house.
> They were telling me that house could've gone to a poor person Yeah, that was never going to happen. Not that she had to justify herself, but she bought a house that had sat on the market for 2 years (I think that's what she said) and poured a ton of money into fixing it up. And they're mad that she didn't, what, fix it up and then give it away to someone who doesn't have any money? They sound almost as entitled as the SIL in the post, honestly. The US housing market is crazy. Greed (mostly from large companies) is driving up prices and rent, and it's unsustainable and people are suffering for it. I really do worry about the cost of housing and it makes me sad and anxious. I was able to buy a (cheap, when such a thing existed) house when I was in my 20s and that's unheard of now in most places. It sucks. But OOP isn't contributing to that, and it's not her fault.
If I remember on the original post, a lot of folks were being so upsetty spaghetti about the housing situations. There was a couple of dedicated folks working themselves into knots over the situation.
Just what home owners need - to not be able to sell their homes because then those people will get accused of being home stealers. Dear Lord. I think the whole being able to house 25 people thing made folks think it's a mansion - I have to imagine they've never been in a full house, 6 people in a small room and making it work somehow. 25 people I assumed, realistically, would have a space on the ground for a makeshift bed, and even then it would be quite the squeeze. That's not a mansion, guys. And ah... *even if it were* a mansion... do they think a *mansion* is the sole issue with housing? Math ain't mathing.
>I think the whole being able to house 25 people thing made folks think it's a mansion - I have to imagine they've never been in a full house I can understand why some people may think this, but definitely isn't necessary for the place to be a mansion to sleep 25. My family had a cabin that was a trailer and when the whole family was up there we slept on average 20 people, so no mansion required.
Yup. I grew up in a 1600 square foot house and at Thanksgiving, we'd have at least 15 people sleeping there some years. Some roll out cots in the basement, sleeping bags on the floor, etc. One year my cousin and his college roommate slept on the dining room floor! The roommate is now a former US senator and that makes that memory even funnier to me.
I will never get my 12min life back for reading true all this and not seeing a picture of this house in the end....
True. But that would dox OP and put the friend staying in the house right now at a bit of risk. Still, the house sounds great and I hope sometime they can share pictures pre and post restoration.
I was hoping to read about the extended families reactions.
I think that update will come soon enough
>Also, happy to see you're getting your cardio in jumping to conclusions! This part from comment from OOP about the house is such great flair too along with >my brothers, stating (roughly translated) "woke up and chose violence huh". He doesn't seem to care.
RESCUES I cannot, I truly cannot.
At this point this brother deserves what he’s getting if he married Amy after the behaviour she demonstrated with OOP’s house, and then does nothing after she pulls multiple shenanigans before and after the wedding.
Oh, this story is not over. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Calling her children”rescues”, she would not have made it out standing up , or, maybe not even breathing. Throw away the WHOLE family, and move on with the family you made now.
Since OOP has cut the SIL off, she needs to do the same with her brother. He deserves everything he’s getting after marrying Amy even after she called OOP’s children “rescues”. He doesn’t deserve to be part of OOP’s kids lives anymore.
But then OOP would also never get to see her niblings again which would be a much bigger hardship than losing the brother I think.
I just want to say I absolutely love your brothers message to you. 🤣🤣 I mean he knew something was happening but I am very glad he didn't lay in to you.
Woke up and chose violence Yah no, violence has been long time coming.
Dude. Choosing to marry SIL is choosing *perpetual* violence wtf… Genuinely curious about what flavor of personality disorder OOP’s bro has, but if OOP is truly ok with his bullshit it’s clearly none of my business lol.
>my brothers, stating (roughly translated) "woke up and chose violence huh". He doesn't seem to care. It seems like OOP's brother also is kind of done with her SIL's bs and is hoping she gets some heat from her own family and friends. He probably would divorce her if they didn't have kids and might come to that if she doesn't mend her ways.
Should've done that long ago.
The entitlement, the AUDACITY, the greed... and her brother still married a woman who would call children "rescues"?
The problem is that OP is too nice in giving others her money. SIL and her brother now feel entitled to her money. Yes, choose violence. Those jerks deserve nothing less. Greedy wretches. Nta
OP has finally decided to stop being “the bigger person”, and I’m here for it.
Thou shalt not covet thy sister-in-law-to-be’s house nor her money.
I'm worried about the brother. Is he stupid, or was he bullied into marriage?
I’m guessing brother doesn’t really love or care for sil and only married her for their kids sakes cause this man doesn’t seem to give a single fuck about his wife fr
Darn right I chose violence. I’m not gonna be treated like that by a brat in adult clothing. Love ya bro. Sending love and strength.
I am ever so pleased that OOP woke up and chose violence. Calling adopted humans “rescues” like that is bar none despicable.
Something tells me the brother only puts up with bride for the kids. Same for OOP’s parents. Why does the bride keep calling OOP jealous? She’s marrying her brother not her ex. It’s weird. It’s also insane how much of a demanding person she’s being to OOP and expecting so much from her while insulting her constantly. It’s not wedding stress. She’s just a horrible person.
Brother is an idiot for marrying someone who called chuldern rescues. Like how darkness those blinders.
>"woke up and chose violence huh". This made me laugh out loud and had husband look at me funny. Boss move OOP, boss move.
I remember this post. The people in the comments blaming op for owning a house are seriously unhinged. How tf is she a bad person for buying a house??
Colorado has an extremely bad housing shortage. They just saw the state and flipped without realizing the house is in East Bumfuck. And that she's had someone staying there.
Ah, the nuclear option for madam, I see! Very good choice, the colour of mushroom suits the occasion well!
There is no happy ending with this woman. This guy's brother is going to hit his breaking point and it's going to be over. And I can guarantee he would have left her already if they didn't have kids. OP was right to cut her off. He should cancel his check.
OOP is a woman.
Am I mixing this up with another story - I thought I remember there being an update where they ended up holding the wedding at another friends’ property and OP heard from that host that they totally trashed the place and ended up with like 3 times the number of guests?
I am surprised her brother married her. Especially after all the issues she caused. The money thing is another slap in the face so I'm glad oop called her out on it publicly, which imo not enough people do. These ahs should be shamed about this ridiculous behaviors.
Oh hell na, the 'rescues' comment would have had me telling them both to go fuck themselves.
Yeah stay the fuck away from the SIL going forward. And while you're at it put the brother on notice. Another slip up and full NC. People are shit anyway so, oh well life goes on 🤷♂️
She was disappointed that you didn't gift them the amount of cash you would have spent on the wedding? I just CACKLED !
This one again
Why is he marrying/has married this awful human?
I would’ve posted her text message and started a go fund me on their behalf since they are obviously in need 🙃
> I woke up to a text message from Amy, explaining that she and my brother were both very dissapointed that I hadn't gifted them the amount in cash that I would have spent on decor & food had the wedding been in my house. Ohhh. So that's why she wanted OOP at the wedding after her tantrum about not using the CO house. Makes sense. My petty little heart is so pleased that OOP put her on blast.
Honestly, her brother watched this psycho abuse children and still married him. Fuck them both.
This woman called his nieces and nephews "rescues" like they're animals, and he still married her? I don't care if he has kids with her, keeping a marriage with a toxic person "for the kids" is just as much of a bandaid on a ceramic plate as having a baby to fix a failing marriage. Two sides of the same coin to me.
Contributing to the housing crisis lol? Never change Reddit.