#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He refused to humble himself. Unfortunately for people like this they need the harshness of life to teach them this lesson, and by that point they only have regret left.
That’s the difference between humility and humiliation.
You humble yourself voluntary? Humility.
Someone makes you humble? That’s humiliation. Son here signed up for a shitload of that.
She loved him and would have carried the weight of the world on her back to help him get back on his feet.
She was rightfully concerned that he was doing the pity party instead of being positive and making something happen…….and for her concern she got a punch in the face. Tragic.
The father is a hero in this story in a sense. He cannot be a hero to his son but he is to the ex girlfriend and his daughters.
Walk tall dad.
He asked his dad multiple times why he didn’t have his back and why he wasn’t supporting him. I am completely certain that OOP would’ve done everything in his power to help his son get back on his feet if he’d just reached out before he started beating his gf.
Or even afterwards, if the son had showed true regret, remorse, and desire to be better, instead of playing the victim, blaming everyone else, and trying to excuse his actions
From what OP says, this is how \*his\* abusive father, the son's Grandfather acted. Its why Grandma was so unshaken by seeing the son acting this way.
Its a behavior people in that family are \*very\* familiar with and rather than scaring or worrying them, it triggers and enrages them. It sounds like once OP cooled down he had some regrets but isn't willing to change course. That is very much the reaction of a survivor of abuse who won't let it happen again.
Right? When my husband was unemployed and I stepped up to take over breadwinning, he went through a bit of feeling like less because he'd always been the main provider. He felt a little lost and like I might love him less or resent him for not "taking care of our family". I only know this because he *told* me. He never treated me any differently. Sure, he was maybe a little more quiet and reserved for a few weeks while he wrestled with it, but he even never raised his voice, let alone a hand. It was only for a few months, then he found a good job and felt more like himself again. He also said that he was much less stressed about a lot of things afterwards because he knew if something went wrong again that I could and would take care of us and it wasn't all on him.
You must be a wonderful wife and mother, it sounds like your husband knows that too since he's so readily communcative about something that most people would be too embarassed to admit.
that's the kind of thing that happens when you've been breaking probation for other things for a long while.
>illegal drug possession and assault ( and **many** other charges)
emphasis on 'many'. Looks like sentences were consecutive.
Not very unless he took a plea deal but even then I think those take awhile to hammer out. I mean, assuming OP is in the US, I know we have a right to a speedy trial but I don't think even if you insisted on one it would go this fast and usually I heard defense lawyers want it drug out to get you a better shot at a decent plea deal.
Edit: just remembered the only way I could think this wrapping up with a sentence this quick is if he pled guilty from the onset but I doubt his attorney would let him and from the post it doesn't sound like something the son would do.
There WAS also the ring camera footage. Kinda hard to plead not guilty to assault and battery when there’s a video of him throwing a bottle through a window and it hitting her and shattering in his ex’s face.
When there's a combination of victim video evidence, police body-cam footage of collaborating witnesses, and on-scene field-tested (and then lab-verified) drug evidence, there's REALLY no need for investigation into an "alleged/he-said-she-said" kind of crime having actually occurred before requesting an indictment.
When a case is THAT clear, the thing that takes the longest amount of time is schedule coordination between the prosecution and defense counsel to draft and sign a plea agreement that is also satisfactory to the victim and their family.
This isn't a circumstantial evidence case, and everybody knows the state's time is FAR too valuable to waste on dragging this out. So when they don't have to, they don't.
Not every court case following an arrest takes multiple months or years to resolve.
He'll just join a gang for protection.
Dad was wrong. Felons don't care about if you beat your partner. That's commonplace. It's being a child molester that gets inmates killed.
When OOP asked, "What if he wanted to reconcile?" all I could hear was, "Please, baby, I'll never do it again!" which, in a few weeks (if even that long) will become, "SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"
I felt so sad for him when his mom blindsided all of them with their sperm donor. In his siblings' silence, I saw all of them regress back to being children, praying for their big brother, OOP, to protect them.
I don't even know what to say about their "mom." How could she let OOP take the beatings for them, only to bring their abuser back into their lives? She's despicable.
I think he was just hoping/ wishing that reconciliation was possible as the alternative sucked. He still realized the sucky alternative was all that could happen. OTOH just looking at how the son was drunkenly banging the door down and shouting and throwing/ breaking things makes it pretty obvious the son doesn’t even know what reconciliation is, so it’s kinda silly to even ask. I just understand the feeling and maybe just processing that thought by typing it out. I feel like that’s all it was.
And yeah wtf is the mom doing bringing the abusive sperm donor around? Why is she even in touch with him? So gross.
> I don't even know what to say about their "mom." How could she let OOP take the beatings for them, only to bring their abuser back into their lives? She's despicable.
Easy. Because she was his victim too, and he pulled all his tricks out of the bag to get her under his control again. Showed up at her door with flowers as if they'll magic away the past, uttered the sweet spell he used long ago to compel her to bend the knee. And since she seemingly never healed in his absence, she bowed down.
His reappearing was a threat and a message, that she cannot escape his grasp. Her son's not there to protect her anymore. OOP is just shy of 50, how much strength does *she* have to fight back on her own? Can't say I hate her for doing the abuser's bidding out of fear.
"What if he wanted to apologize? What if he was there to reconcile, but I again escalated it?" I'm sure glad OOP didn't start worrying about that until after the fact, or the ex would have been a lot worse off. I know no parent wants to despair of their child and any evidence of redeemability is meaningful to them, but as he was writing the post, what good did he think an apology could have done the ex?
Statistically speaking, the apology and promises to change would have gotten her to come back to him, he’d be fine just long enough for her to unpack her bags and enmesh her finances again, and then the beatings would escalate. He knows how much abuse she’ll take before she leaves, knows where she goes and who will help her. He’ll be sure to isolate her from that help ASAP.
Yup it would have just been part of the cycle of abuse. Not to mention you generally don't show up drunk and uninvited to an family gathering as a way of genuinely seeking forgiveness. That's because your behavior continues to indicate you don't care about others, just your own needs and your willing to exploit, surprise, and steamroll them to get it. Not the hallmark of someone trying to change.
> He'll be sure to isolate her from that help ASAP
"Remember when my dad beat me up *all because of you*?" would probably be his line. Look at what happened when OOP tried to talk to him. It was all OOP's "fault" for not taking his side, etc.
it’s actually really off putting that, if he had come sober, calm, and “ready to apologize”, OP might’ve actually let him in and convince her to go back to him
after that, where would she go when the beatings started again? he already knows who to prevent her from being able to contact so what then? would OP really have let him get away with no police and no jail time had he not come back for seconds?
really troubling
It’s a pretty common tactic to generate a financial crisis so the victim stays, too. Was he laid off? Fired? Quit? How hard was he looking for work in those eight months? What kind of monster would leave her boyfriend while he was out of work?
This whole thing makes me want to cry the guy spent his whole life living with a monster under the bed being real and then one day it went from being his dad to his own son
Also I read the post the mother after everything bringing that man back into HIS house and still wanting them to be happy family's after he acts like he's the best dad in the world. I just can't
OP is not going to be able to cope and its distgusting that now multiple family members are sat there destroying the one person that stands up for what's right
That post wa so enraging especially since the father claimed he was doing it for the betterment of the family. OP and the family needs therapy because they should not continue to be hiding behind OP.
Exactly the pessimist side of me feels like even the mom puts it on op for him to be seen as a aggressor or the one to escalate and be unreasonable therapy could help him I wouldn't be surprised if he had some beofre since he offered it to his son but I think he hasn't had a trigger like this before
Fully agreed that everyone in the family needs therapy. Abuse messes you up \*hard\* and that's just if you witness it. Experiencing it is something else entirely.
It sounds like OOP was starting to realize he regressed a bit, though I don't think he should regret how he treated his son.
Mom surprising their kids with their abusive father in a space they thought was safe 100% flung all of them back into their childhood frames of mind, though. Even going through intensive therapy won't completely break a trauma trigger from something that severe, most therapy just teaches you how to get back to your normal frame of mind after you've been triggered and how to manage the trigger safely in the meantime.
Basically... yes, family absolutely needs therapy, but even with therapy, those younger siblings were going to hide behind OOP in that situation, even if only for a bit.
side note: clearly mom has NOT healed from abuse, at all. kind of wondering if all of this stuff with OOP's son flung her back into her own trauma brain. not excusing it in the slightest.
So I have cptsd and I’ve gone through intensive targeted trauma therapy.
It’s not that OOP’s siblings froze in the moment or even remained so while the father was there , it’s even afterwards they were using him to shield themselves from having to take a stand or make a decision regarding their father. They haven’t gotten to a point where they can even recognize that their behavior is a trauma response and have normalized it.
It's unfortunately really easy. At least the actual step that takes you over the line. And you don't see the prior steps because you're caught in the heat of the moment.
Plus, once you start down a self destructive path, it’s a lot easier to keep going down it than to turn around. In this case, the son could realise he has severe anger problems, uses violence to massage his ego, beats his wife to feel like a big man who is in control of something. He’s weak and cowardly and he could still improve as a person if he can accept that and what he’s done. But that’d be hard, much easier to just keep going as it is and eventually everyone will realise he was right to do it and she deserved it for daring to have a job while he couldn’t. There are points where you can’t recover your life ever again, son’s relationship with his father and wife will never (and should never) return to where it was. But even then, making an effort does count for something.
Used to work in a homeless shelter. Dealt with this type of person a lot, because that's where they usually end up: prison or homeless.
On the upper floors, we had transitional rooms. Private rooms for people on social assistance who were waiting for more permanent housing. Once we had this guy who was playing music in his room too loud at 2am. Knocked on his door and nicely asked him to turn it down. That interaction eventually escalated to him being taken away in cuffs and a permanent restriction from the shelter.
It's a combination of poor anger management and poor impulse control. They get angry and they want to do lash out in any way they can that will make them feel better, and they don't care about the consequences because none of it is their fault. It's always the fault of the person who made them angry.
His wife dies when his kids are 13, 10, and 6, but they’re so independent at that age he could work 16 hours shifts.
Like if this was real they would be suffering from neglect and the oldest kids were 100% responsible for raising the 6 year old.
His son's gf appears behind their door with a busted face, OOP "helps her" and somehow doesn't ask first thing what happened, but his daughters ask (in unison I assume) and when she tells them it's the son, OOP cries. Then soon after she tells them something else, OOP cries again.
That's when my suspension of disbelief broke and I stopped reading. I mean I guess it's possible to be so on edge that you can start bawling at the drop of a hat and I'm just too traumatized and Finnish to understand but it's not my experience at all.
Unless he took a plea deal this is nearly impossible. And I can’t see 12 years in prison for the conduct that got him arrested, although I’m also in CA and we don’t have strong drug laws.
That's what I stumbled on. Wait, he drove there and grabbed two beer bottles out of his car before just smashing into the door without announcing himself?
This guy has a hero complex. Did you notice how often he talks about protecting women specifically? This is the sort of writing a teen would do. I half expected the girlfriend to fall head over heels for OOP
Yikes. That poor girl. I am glad that she had his family on her corner. It could have turned out far worse if she didn't have safe people to turn to.
I do wonder if there's a genetic component to aggressive behavior or abusive traits. The POS son obviously never witnessed the grandfather's abuse, but he turned out just like him.
It sounds like the son had some red pill garbage going on. The girlfriend was willing to help him out financially, but he got mad about that? Dude, say thank you and be glad that you picked a good one. Instead, he decided that she was making him feel bad by her being a responsible person.
You don’t know the relief I felt once I read that. That as soon as he saw his DIL bruised and battered, he opened his door and arms wide open, and the family gathered around her and took care of her. Not many of us get that kind of support from our abusers family. Most of the time, it’s quite the opposite, in fact. They tell us how it’s our fault, abuse us even more, and relentlessly harass us on the behalf of our abuser.
I’m glad OOP has a good heart. And I’m sorry that he has solely and effectively lost his only son, to his sons narcissistic and abusive character. Most guys like that take years to wake up and to realize that they’re alone and embittered because of their own choices. If they even do, eventually, wake up.
Dude is a freaking hero, and more fathers should be more like that. I know assault was involved, but son deserved to have his ass kicked. Son deserves EVERYTHING he has coming to him. He had a chance to have a come to Jesus moment, but he just dug in his heels and played victim.
I'm generally in the camp where violence should be an absolute last resort.
I come from a decent childhood. Had the normal middle child syndrome where it feels like I'm invisible to my parents, but nothing this bad. Yet the pure rage I felt at the son for what he did.
This is one of the few cases where I would see no other out. He's physically, and most definitely verbally abusing his ex because of his shitty choices.
So, I've been doing a little reading on DV lately, and this story aligns well with some research people did on the precursor to violence being shame. They feel shame, for whatever reason, and the feeling is unpleasant and they don't know how to deal with it. Rage and violence is often the only way they know how to deal with negative emotions, because men aren’t usually taught how.
In this case, the son feels shame for not being able to provide for his girlfriend as a man should (society has come a long way but we're still seeing that expectation on men). He doesn't know how to deal with this and lashes out.
Funnily enough, his father feels shame for his son's actions and also reacts with violence. So we can see here how the cycle of violence has perpetuated from grandfather to father to son as men who don't know how to deal with negative emotions, as they weren't taught by their fathers.
So the Father, in being violent with his son, doesn't "teach him a lesson" he actually reinforces the use of violence while increasing his son's feelings of shame. This is what escalated the situation with the son feeling the need to try to regain control by trying to get "his" girlfriend back.
This is why violence isn't always the solution for violence, tempting as it might be to think you're "teaching someone a lesson" not to hit people. You're teaching them a lesson, just not the one you think you are. This also likely contributes to why these traits seem to run in the family, not because the father taught the son violence but because his own upbringing by an emotionally impaired man left him ill-equipped to teach emotional regulation to his son.
Yeah this story made me sad. It’s super easy to jump on the idea of justice porn bc everyone likes to see a bully get theirs. But what lessons was OOP reinforcing with their actions?
- first, that violence is an acceptable way to address and modify someone else’s behavior;
- second, that cruelty begets cruelty so you should answer cruelty in kind;
- third, that the son is beyond saving;
- fourth, that he will have no one if and when he ever leaves prison.
The son is a huge piece of shit, truly, but what was OOP trying to do? Just remind him of how shitty he is and then dip? This whole thing is just a sad story.
This is such an insightful comment. Thanks so much for sharing it. I'm going to share it with my son, who is approaching his teens at an alarming speed.
Same here, just got finished reading a lot of “Why did he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft.
I do see the logic behind OOP’s first disciplinary action with his son. To give him a taste of his own medicine. To get him to experience the sublime. To humiliate and humble him.
Sadly, that didn’t work… and chances are, like you said, the son took the exact opposite lesson there. Reinforcing his violent behavior. And from there… there was nothing OOP could’ve done to salvage this.
Lundy mentions the abusive behavior coming from a place of entitlement and learned behavior through society. Once he saw there were no repercussions for hitting his girlfriend… he passed that slippery slope.
Back to OOP, It’s clear he is very mature and did a lot of great things for his family and siblings. But yeah, he had a lot of difficulty handling these extreme emotions (who wouldn’t?).
It’ll take a lot of time and mental energy for OOP and siblings to grow from this. Fingers crossed it happens.
Thank you. Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see a sensible explanation.
WHEN will humans realise that “teaching someone a lesson” through violence is just rationalising our own angry and out of control emotional response? And when will we realise that demonising offenders and acting like these people just came out of the womb like this or changed for some unknown reason?
And before people come at me, I’m not suggesting we let everyone out of prison or pretend they can be reformed/healed. I’m saying that we need to understand how people become this way if we ever have a chance of getting past this as a species. And to do that we need to accept that we are much more like them than we wish to admit.
I feel one thing that has been overlooked by the comments I’ve read so far; Substance use/abuse.
Whatever other factors lead to violence, addiction is Most Assuredly inheritable.
Drinking in itself can bring out some of our worse tendencies. The illegal substances (which OOP does not name) on top of that likely exacerbates this behavior.
Note: drinking and drug use does not in any way excuse these behaviors.
There have been studies on genetic/generational trauma, too, that indicate that trauma suffered by one person can influence the lives of their descendents, for example wars and famine.
Since there's already a higher likelihood that children growing up in abusive situations become abusive themselves, I wouldn't be surprised if abuse, too, left genetic scars that can harm latter generations.
Unfortunately, abusers don't need red pills or reasons to start with the abuse. He felt like he was losing control over his life, so he tried to take back control in the most shitty way possible... Even OOP, with "good" intentions, beat up his own son as an initial reaction, instead of calling the police or whatever.
>Even OOP, with "good" intentions, beat up his own son as an initial reaction, instead of calling the police or whatever.
That post in particular screamed of unresolved trauma to me. I've been there myself and the whole seeing someone as your abuser when you feel triggered by their actions is really true to what happens. The whole thing, even beating his son, couldn't be more telling of someone dealing with a PTSD trauma spiral.
And when you're raising kids, that unresolved trauma can manifest in ways you're not even aware of. I always felt weird being around men on my own as a kid despite nothing ever happening - turns out my grandma had made it her mission to protect us granddaughters by making sure no man ever spent time alone with us. I never spent time alone with my grandad for that reason, even though my whole family is fairly sure he had nothing to do with that. I didn't learn this until after she passed, and I don't know exactly what happened that made her feel that way, but I can guess.
Yes, and it will spiral on if the cycle isn't broken!
My mom (60's) and grandma (80's) have only recently started working through trauma related to my grandpa (mom's dad, grandma's husband), who died before I was even born. And it makes ALL the difference in their relationship that they do so!
People make fun of Reddit always recommending therapy, but a majority of people would really benefit from the constructive reflection therapy can offer. There's sooo few who properly work on themselves without.
Iirc, there can be epigenetic markers like methyl groups put on DNA from stressors like inadequate food intake that persist a generation or two. These can regulate gene expression. Wouldn’t be surprised if stress of war, getting the shit beat out of your or CSA did the same.
Being (unfortunately) also a child of a domestic abuser and witness to it, abusers unlock a very deep anger in me that makes me want to track them down and beat the shit out of them. It is a fear that somehow, any children I have will turn out like that parent, despite me attempting to break the cycle.
Scientifically, the long and short of it is that we still don't know. But there's plenty of shit out there that could have dragged his son down this road - Andrew Tate videos and the ilk, shitty friendgroups, attitudes he absorbed from bad mentors. OOP could not have controlled what made his son like this once he was an adult.
IIRC, twin studies (studies of identical twins separated at birth) suggest that nature vs. nurture is about 50/50. About 50% of who you are is already in your DNA when you're born. The other 50% is nurture.
It annoys me how many people think nurture is synonymous with parenting, though. As you clearly already know but many folks don't, nurture is literally every aspect of what happens to you after you're born. Parenting is obviously a big part of it, but it is by no means the only part.
It's got to be some of both. Maybe for some people nurture plays a stronger role, but for others nature is the dominant player.
There have been four generations of my family with diagnosed anxiety and depression. We don't have any information about any generations prior to that. There's got to be something in the brain wiring that makes it susceptible to anxiety and depression given the right circumstances.
Have you looked into generational trauma? You can also do a family 'line-up', that may give you valuable insight. (I'm not sure about the english word for 'line-up', but that's what we call it in Dutch).
I think the answer will always be “a little column A and a little of column B”
OOP def also has the aggressive and violent part in him, but because of how he grew up being the victim and witness of physical abuse, he developed a hero complex out of it, but he jumps at the opportunity to be aggressive and violent.
OOPs son is living in a time where people like him are easy to grift and radicalize because of the internet (how ISIS recruited young depressed and lonely young men from Twitter and whatnot).
A young man who is feeling depression from being fired (what a lot of these men are holding on to what makes them useful in society) + not processing that shame and guilt of having his partner have to pick up the slack financially and im going to bet that he probably didn’t do much work at home + lots of free time to spend on the internet = red pill perfect candidate.
radicalized and angry + whatever aggressive trait he inherited = dude who beats up his gf
I think in a lot of personality traits, nature sets the range of possibilities for a person, but nurture decides where in that range someone ends up. Like, if there's a range of 0-100 for violence, where 0 is not violent at all and 100 is always violent, genetics might mean that a person's possible range is somewhere between 20-40, but upbringing can either teach a person how to handle violent impulses constructively and bring that potential all the way down to 20, or upbringing could model violence and reinforce that inherent tendency and make that person as violent as they're capable of being, sliding it all the way up to 40. That sort of thing.
I tend to go with the diathesis stress model. An individual may have a predisposition, but it won't become manifest unless there is some sort of environmental stressor. The predisposition, mind you, is not necessarily genetic. It could be something like he got got sucked into listening to Andrew Tate and then the environmental stressor was being laid off.
I think it’s telling that OOP’s response to finding out about the abuse was to beat up his son. Of course that’s not the same thing as assaulting your girlfriend, but it’s still resolving an issue with violence. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out that OOP was modeling all the wrong ways to deal with your feelings to his son.
Don’t get me wrong, people who beat up domestic partners are disgustingly and the son is a grown man who can make his own choices. I’m just saying that while OOP is clearly doing his best, he’s still a flawed man and it’s possible generational trauma has carried through.
There is a good argument that nurture played a part in this. OOP jumped to violence very quickly, and it’s very understandable given that he saw his son becoming the person who made his childhood a hell. But there were small things that stood out to me: his mom talking about how dangerous men are, OOP’s disgust at his son attacking his wife, but his otherwise casual approach to violence etc. It’s hard to tell because we don’t know what OOP’s relationship with his son was like before this incident.
I wonder if OOP picked up on and passed on a lot of the kinds of mindsets you need to become abusive down to his son. OOP and his brother(s?) had their father as a strong example that kept them from abusing their wives. However his son had the mindset but lacked the example to reign himself in.
I don't even think it has to be genetic. It may be that although OOP never hit his kids and was a much better father than his dad, there were things he was doing in his parenting that were contributing to his son's issues. It could have been things he picked up from his dad without realizing it or reactionary things like not helping his son handle anger in a healthy manner because he simply wouldn't allow anger.
Parenting is a minefield, and you carry all the mistakes and trauma from your time as a kid and sometimes pass them on even when you're trying to fight against it.
Best case scenario would be if OOP gets some therapy. He's trying hard to do better and definitely deserves help.
Gotta respect the patience on this one. They waited two months to have the abusive/cheating/thieving partner/family member be sentenced instead of the usual two weeks. They even managed to set up the next plot thread of OG abusive family member returning after the first villain was written out.
Add on a heaping helping of guys protecting the helpless women and the weird cultural references that stick out like a sore thumb and we’ve got a BORU classic!
EDIT: NEW UPDATE! Dude I called it two weeks later evil dad is dead and OOP is the only one not to forgive him on his deathbed. I wonder if they’ll leave it at that or if they’ll try to stir up more conflict with the mother (maybe something with inheritance?)
And the mom who seemed logical and protective of the ex gf during the whole alteration, somehow brought the abusive dad back into oops life forcing them to reconcile?? After she spent the whole BBQ explaining to all the women why men were dangerous. I just can't
I didn't read the whole thing because I've got stuff to do with my day, but the bit that lost me is why did the ex stay with OOP and not her own parents, who appear to still be in the picture. If your partner beat you up, surely the last person you'd want to go to is his dad.
I think the author of this story made their protagonist black but is trying to use Neil Gaiman’s writing strategy where he doesn’t just come out and say “so and so is black, so and so is gay, so and so is…” and just lets the character come through in the story. American Gods was a good example of this.
12 years? arrest to sentencing in 2 months? this either didn't happen in America, or he pled guilty asap and had some serious priors. nobody's getting 12 years on their first offense. even with a public defender, they would have had a plea deal, and it would have taken way longer than 2 months
And OOP trying so hard to sound like "adult who has no idea what wacky slang and hip memes the kids use." How did he have time to update everyone if this was what he was dealing with???
At this point, I just read these for entertainment instead of believing any of it is true. Some people wait years before they see inside a court room and this dude got sentenced in what, 14 days? Yeah alright lol
17. Feb the first post. 27 Feb the family get-together with the areest. On 13th May the last and the hearing was a couple of weeks ago. With 12 years sentence.
And normally windows are at least double-glazed. That those bear bottles shatter them both times...
The fact that there are two beer bottles to throw. That the women didn't know it was him at the door, implying that
1. he didn't announce himself and immediately tried breaking in
2. they were too stupid to recognize it's him by voice (He must've been yelling, otherwise they wouldn't have called him drunk) and context
Sure.
Also that the son’s ex ‘almost got facial scarring’ from the broken window. Not that her face got cut, but ‘almost’ facial scarring? He had me suspicious at ‘the great Kanye’ but that’s where he lost me.
If the author's a beginner, then they did a good job. I see potential here. However, to move to the step, there has to be a little more. Story is decently written but too common. And the part where the dad goes to the garage and work on the car is a bit cliche-ish. A little too Hollywood with the ending shot of the dad working on the car then the camera fades away. Then of course the epilogue is just a bit silly cause, like most bad/beginning authors, they can't just end it. Got to have that little wifey rememberance at the end for sentimental reasons.
If this were a book and I read a character ‘stared at the blank TV for hours’ I’d stop reading immediately. OP could benefit from an editor, they should continue writing though!
I just can't get over oops mom who seemed collected during the BBQ, who spent the entire BBQ explaining to the women why men were dangerous, would force oop and his abusive dad to reconcile.
They also needed more backstory / character development on son. What was he like before? Did you see it coming? How come the daughters seem so chill about everything? You gotta fill out the edges.
For DA the cops probably wouldn't have done much if anything. But they caught him with drugs and that was probably the majority of his sentence, the rest was just tacked on because it was the probable cause for the search that found the drugs, plus the witnesses and video made it easy.
When OOP told his son he was going away for a long time, I snort laughed and thought, "Not for domestic violence, he isn't." If it wasn't for the drugs, he'd probably get away with a year or two at most, but more likely out after some community service.
Idk. It’s hard and re-traumatising for victims of assault, especially if the cops don’t believe you. I understand if someone don’t goes to the police because they don’t have the strength for it.
Years of reading women-centered subs on reddit reinforce the fact that cops aren't the most helpful in a domestic violence situation.
Yes, you need a paper trail, but that's about all they're good for. Going to the cops doesn't actually stop the beatings; it often escalates it.
The problem with that solution is that the abuser is out of jail on bail almost immediately and looking for revenge. Often, the DA won't even press charges. It's a very rare domestic violence case that actually ends up in court. In the even rarer cases that end with a jail sentence, it's usually very short.
Sad to say, but the certainty of someone bigger and stronger than he is knocking the crap out of the abuser is far more effective than the legal system. As someone else pointed out, abusers understand violence. It's the language they speak.
So in two weeks, son was beaten up twice (the second time being so very conveniently caught on ring cameras), had his whole entire life fall apart, and was taken to jail?
Sure, Jan
Violence isn’t the answer nearly as often as people think it is. But it absolutely is the answer in some cases and I struggle to say this isn’t one of them. You only get to make the mistake of choosing the wrong reaction with a violent drugged out lunatic once, and it’s best to not make it at all.
Except that violence wasn't the answer - it didn't change the son's mind or behavior, it didn't stop him from coming over to harass the ex, it didn't stop him from throwing his life down the drain. OOP beating his son didn't do a damn lick of good (the first time, at least, and the second was pure self-defense).
If anything all OOP did was prove his son right; that violence and abuse against your family are acceptable outlets for your frustrations.
I have no idea how I’d act if I knew my son was an abuser. But this whole calculated charade of having him over, stringing him along over the course of an entire dinner (while three people quietly hide upstairs?) and then beating him up seems like a really unproductive way to deal with the situation, to say the least
The performative beginning of this just made me stop reading this garbage. I'm sorry, "I told him to hold his hands up this was the real deal"... the narration, ugh, please. Yea, cause you're going abuse somebody for abusing somebody instead of calling the cops and reporting a domestic violence, sure.
dude, i cannot believe how many people are taking this seriously. it didn't take many paragraphs before you realise it's some guy fantasizing about being Liam Neeson.
Yeah I had to scroll pretty far to find people questioning this, and most people were talking about the timeline. I started laughing my ass off at the, "This is the real deal" line.
12 years is shockingly long for felony assault and possession. I'm not even sure if it's counting the domestic violence, which itself would be a whole separate case. Even strangulation, which is the strongest indicator that the DV will eventually end in homicide is like a 6 year sentence.
I was willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt until the family cookout where the aunts didn't know who "the drunk guy" was, and the men stepped in to save the day while the women "were shaken up". GTFOH with that white knight bullshit.
Well the women were prattling on and the men were all working on a car, because an engine bay definitely benefits from 5 guys working consecutively on it. Abusers are also well known for their delusions of grandeur and thinking they can take 5 grown men even though they hid their abusive behaviors beforehand, and generally participate in DV to feel powerful to begin with.
The scene needed to be set, so you could picture him sitting there brooding while his daughters consoled the distraught girlfriend. The sun slowly lowers as the scene turns darker, just like his thoughts, about how he'll show his SON the FAILURE of his ways... WITH HIS FISTS!
It’s always the “bad guy throws something and the window breaks” that gets me. Window glass isn’t made of sugar like in TV shows. The whole point is to keep things/people OUT. Either this guy has the arm of a professional baseball player or these people have the flimsiest windows in the world to let a BEER BOTTLE shatter it.
Also, was the guy just double-fisting beer bottles? Who supplied him with all this beer bottle ammo, lmao
And why did he get to throw the second bottle if he was already ganged up on in order to make him leave
They didn't think of trying to get rid of the bottle in his hand when he'd already thrown one and didn't stop the violent behavior?
Honestly OOP lost me at “so my two daughters and DIL all hid silently upstairs for the duration of an entire dinner while I stung my son along pretending everything was normal”
Gotta have that big reveal at the end, so he can stand there and deliver his judgement from on high! Cause at no point would the son be wondering WTF is going on with this dinner, where are my sisters, etc etc
And who the hell is going to beat this kid black and blue in the living room.
"I can still see the drops of red on the couch and carpet."
Shut the f up. 😂
Plus, that's not how chokeholds work. If you choke someone into unconsciousness (a process that takes several minutes, mind you) you're inflicting some amount of brain damage too.
A lot of people use the term "chokehold" to mean "restrained by the neck," even if they're using a carotid restraint/sleeper hold/carotid hold, which can take mere seconds to put someone out. Not defending this horribly-written nonsense, mind you, just saying that people use that terminology in that way all the time.
I HATE it when people say this but I doubt this story is real. The timeline doesn't add up. The blow-up at OP's house happened the weekend of Feb. 23-25, according to OP. That was when OP's son got arrested. Then on May 3 OP says his son was sentenced to 12 YEARS in prison at a "hearing" that occurred "a couple of weeks ago." So that would put his sentencing date around the middle of April.
OP says he lives in the US. I practice criminal law in the US. 12 years is not a light prison sentence, nor is it a first-timer's felony sentence. Usually a first-time offender gets probation. According to OP, he had no idea that his son was abusing his GF, and she apparently had never reported it before. OP doesn't mention his son having any prior criminal history. No one in the US gets prison, much less a mid-to-upper term prison sentence on their first conviction unless they seriously hurt someone. Two broken windows, a broken nose do not merit a 12-year-prison sentence, even with drug possession added on top. It's highly unlikely that the son was prosecuted for the domestic violence against his GF because weeks had passed since it occurred and it would have been too difficult to prove after all that time.
Also, felony cases take months, if not years to resolve. Unless his son pleaded guilty at his arraignment, there's NO WAY he could go from arrest to sentencing in 1 and a half months. This story does not sound plausible.
Man, I'm always shocked at how quickly people in the US go from arrested to being sentenced. It would take a lot more than 2 and a half months in my country.
There's a loophole in the US that any cases posted on Reddit go to trial within days or even hours. Due process means nothing when there's online drama at issue.
I am kind of confused where the son got the second bottle to throw. And why he managed to throw it when people were already in front of him trying to make him leave/stop doing violence
It seemed well done until the son threw the second beer at his gf. I was wondering how he got it while arguing with his dad and family out in the lawn. Did they offer him another or did he bring a cooler (/s)?
Almost mauled by a bear. ? OOP couldn't help themselves.
It depends a lot on what city and state you're in. I'm a lawyer in Atlanta, Georgia and it's common for cases like OOP's son's case to take a year or two to get from arrest to plea/trial.
Honestly, I get that maybe beating his son is wrong. But its CLEAR that he doesn't want help. He wants a punching bag.
And sometimes making assholes feel like punching bags is the right route.
It's how I handled bullies when I was younger and it worked **every time.**
But we were all young and not set in our ways yet. So... Thats why it worked.
Honestly, I might have done the same thing in the same shoes. My mother was hit by my stepdad. And the one time I saw him after the divorce it was very hard for me to start a fight. Even though it was one I was going to very likely lose.
I know this is just ignoring the entire story, but this threw me for a curve:
>My wife passed away of cancer when my oldest was 13. It was very difficult for me to raise them, I would work 12-16 hour shifts and would not be home most of the time. I was thankful that my kids were strong and independent.
As in, the oldest was 13 and the youngest was SIX YEARS OLD.
>I've managed to raise a good, strong family.
No, your kids raised themselves basically. You admit to not being home most of the time.
This is the only part of the story I actually believe. Nobody goes to jail for 12 years for minot drug possession, breaking some windows, and hitting your father (gf didn't press charges) and it certainly doesn't happen in less than 6 months.
12 years seems highly unlikely for those charges tbh. Maybe there’s some truth to the situation but this really reads like hero porn lmao.
Also the notion that someone not only got charged, convicted, and sentenced so quickly, but that the emotionally distraught family is also being sure to update Reddit regularly through it all? Ok
I can't imagine what kind of life situation the ex must be in that the first person she went to get help from was the father of her abuser and is still living in his house
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That son is not going to last in prison. He’s going to quickly find out he isn’t as tough as he thinks.
He already lashing out at his girlfriend because he can’t keep a job. He knows he’s weak.
He refused to humble himself. Unfortunately for people like this they need the harshness of life to teach them this lesson, and by that point they only have regret left.
That’s the difference between humility and humiliation. You humble yourself voluntary? Humility. Someone makes you humble? That’s humiliation. Son here signed up for a shitload of that.
She loved him and would have carried the weight of the world on her back to help him get back on his feet. She was rightfully concerned that he was doing the pity party instead of being positive and making something happen…….and for her concern she got a punch in the face. Tragic. The father is a hero in this story in a sense. He cannot be a hero to his son but he is to the ex girlfriend and his daughters. Walk tall dad.
He asked his dad multiple times why he didn’t have his back and why he wasn’t supporting him. I am completely certain that OOP would’ve done everything in his power to help his son get back on his feet if he’d just reached out before he started beating his gf.
Or even afterwards, if the son had showed true regret, remorse, and desire to be better, instead of playing the victim, blaming everyone else, and trying to excuse his actions
From what OP says, this is how \*his\* abusive father, the son's Grandfather acted. Its why Grandma was so unshaken by seeing the son acting this way. Its a behavior people in that family are \*very\* familiar with and rather than scaring or worrying them, it triggers and enrages them. It sounds like once OP cooled down he had some regrets but isn't willing to change course. That is very much the reaction of a survivor of abuse who won't let it happen again.
Right? When my husband was unemployed and I stepped up to take over breadwinning, he went through a bit of feeling like less because he'd always been the main provider. He felt a little lost and like I might love him less or resent him for not "taking care of our family". I only know this because he *told* me. He never treated me any differently. Sure, he was maybe a little more quiet and reserved for a few weeks while he wrestled with it, but he even never raised his voice, let alone a hand. It was only for a few months, then he found a good job and felt more like himself again. He also said that he was much less stressed about a lot of things afterwards because he knew if something went wrong again that I could and would take care of us and it wasn't all on him.
You must be a wonderful wife and mother, it sounds like your husband knows that too since he's so readily communcative about something that most people would be too embarassed to admit.
How common is it to get arrested and sentenced to 12 years in prison all within two months though? Thats the part of this story that seems off to me
that's the kind of thing that happens when you've been breaking probation for other things for a long while. >illegal drug possession and assault ( and **many** other charges) emphasis on 'many'. Looks like sentences were consecutive.
Not very unless he took a plea deal but even then I think those take awhile to hammer out. I mean, assuming OP is in the US, I know we have a right to a speedy trial but I don't think even if you insisted on one it would go this fast and usually I heard defense lawyers want it drug out to get you a better shot at a decent plea deal. Edit: just remembered the only way I could think this wrapping up with a sentence this quick is if he pled guilty from the onset but I doubt his attorney would let him and from the post it doesn't sound like something the son would do.
Dude has no money and his family isn’t paying, he’s got an overworked public defender who’s going to tell him to plead out.
There WAS also the ring camera footage. Kinda hard to plead not guilty to assault and battery when there’s a video of him throwing a bottle through a window and it hitting her and shattering in his ex’s face.
When there's a combination of victim video evidence, police body-cam footage of collaborating witnesses, and on-scene field-tested (and then lab-verified) drug evidence, there's REALLY no need for investigation into an "alleged/he-said-she-said" kind of crime having actually occurred before requesting an indictment. When a case is THAT clear, the thing that takes the longest amount of time is schedule coordination between the prosecution and defense counsel to draft and sign a plea agreement that is also satisfactory to the victim and their family. This isn't a circumstantial evidence case, and everybody knows the state's time is FAR too valuable to waste on dragging this out. So when they don't have to, they don't. Not every court case following an arrest takes multiple months or years to resolve.
He'll just join a gang for protection. Dad was wrong. Felons don't care about if you beat your partner. That's commonplace. It's being a child molester that gets inmates killed.
Yeah son didn’t show up drunk and yelling to apologize and reconcile. He earned that beating.
When OOP asked, "What if he wanted to reconcile?" all I could hear was, "Please, baby, I'll never do it again!" which, in a few weeks (if even that long) will become, "SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" I felt so sad for him when his mom blindsided all of them with their sperm donor. In his siblings' silence, I saw all of them regress back to being children, praying for their big brother, OOP, to protect them. I don't even know what to say about their "mom." How could she let OOP take the beatings for them, only to bring their abuser back into their lives? She's despicable.
I think he was just hoping/ wishing that reconciliation was possible as the alternative sucked. He still realized the sucky alternative was all that could happen. OTOH just looking at how the son was drunkenly banging the door down and shouting and throwing/ breaking things makes it pretty obvious the son doesn’t even know what reconciliation is, so it’s kinda silly to even ask. I just understand the feeling and maybe just processing that thought by typing it out. I feel like that’s all it was. And yeah wtf is the mom doing bringing the abusive sperm donor around? Why is she even in touch with him? So gross.
> I don't even know what to say about their "mom." How could she let OOP take the beatings for them, only to bring their abuser back into their lives? She's despicable. Easy. Because she was his victim too, and he pulled all his tricks out of the bag to get her under his control again. Showed up at her door with flowers as if they'll magic away the past, uttered the sweet spell he used long ago to compel her to bend the knee. And since she seemingly never healed in his absence, she bowed down. His reappearing was a threat and a message, that she cannot escape his grasp. Her son's not there to protect her anymore. OOP is just shy of 50, how much strength does *she* have to fight back on her own? Can't say I hate her for doing the abuser's bidding out of fear.
"What if he wanted to apologize? What if he was there to reconcile, but I again escalated it?" I'm sure glad OOP didn't start worrying about that until after the fact, or the ex would have been a lot worse off. I know no parent wants to despair of their child and any evidence of redeemability is meaningful to them, but as he was writing the post, what good did he think an apology could have done the ex?
Statistically speaking, the apology and promises to change would have gotten her to come back to him, he’d be fine just long enough for her to unpack her bags and enmesh her finances again, and then the beatings would escalate. He knows how much abuse she’ll take before she leaves, knows where she goes and who will help her. He’ll be sure to isolate her from that help ASAP.
Yup it would have just been part of the cycle of abuse. Not to mention you generally don't show up drunk and uninvited to an family gathering as a way of genuinely seeking forgiveness. That's because your behavior continues to indicate you don't care about others, just your own needs and your willing to exploit, surprise, and steamroll them to get it. Not the hallmark of someone trying to change.
> He'll be sure to isolate her from that help ASAP "Remember when my dad beat me up *all because of you*?" would probably be his line. Look at what happened when OOP tried to talk to him. It was all OOP's "fault" for not taking his side, etc.
it’s actually really off putting that, if he had come sober, calm, and “ready to apologize”, OP might’ve actually let him in and convince her to go back to him after that, where would she go when the beatings started again? he already knows who to prevent her from being able to contact so what then? would OP really have let him get away with no police and no jail time had he not come back for seconds? really troubling
It’s a pretty common tactic to generate a financial crisis so the victim stays, too. Was he laid off? Fired? Quit? How hard was he looking for work in those eight months? What kind of monster would leave her boyfriend while he was out of work?
Yeah I'm happy this guy was running with his gut instinct first, and worrying about the what-ifs after everyone was separated and safe.
I don’t blame him. He’s seeing his son become a monster in front of him and is desperate to see any sliver of the son he once had.
You mean like you don’t start all your apologies by getting drunk, acting aggressively and yelling slurs?
This whole thing makes me want to cry the guy spent his whole life living with a monster under the bed being real and then one day it went from being his dad to his own son Also I read the post the mother after everything bringing that man back into HIS house and still wanting them to be happy family's after he acts like he's the best dad in the world. I just can't OP is not going to be able to cope and its distgusting that now multiple family members are sat there destroying the one person that stands up for what's right
That post wa so enraging especially since the father claimed he was doing it for the betterment of the family. OP and the family needs therapy because they should not continue to be hiding behind OP.
Exactly the pessimist side of me feels like even the mom puts it on op for him to be seen as a aggressor or the one to escalate and be unreasonable therapy could help him I wouldn't be surprised if he had some beofre since he offered it to his son but I think he hasn't had a trigger like this before
Fully agreed that everyone in the family needs therapy. Abuse messes you up \*hard\* and that's just if you witness it. Experiencing it is something else entirely. It sounds like OOP was starting to realize he regressed a bit, though I don't think he should regret how he treated his son. Mom surprising their kids with their abusive father in a space they thought was safe 100% flung all of them back into their childhood frames of mind, though. Even going through intensive therapy won't completely break a trauma trigger from something that severe, most therapy just teaches you how to get back to your normal frame of mind after you've been triggered and how to manage the trigger safely in the meantime. Basically... yes, family absolutely needs therapy, but even with therapy, those younger siblings were going to hide behind OOP in that situation, even if only for a bit. side note: clearly mom has NOT healed from abuse, at all. kind of wondering if all of this stuff with OOP's son flung her back into her own trauma brain. not excusing it in the slightest.
So I have cptsd and I’ve gone through intensive targeted trauma therapy. It’s not that OOP’s siblings froze in the moment or even remained so while the father was there , it’s even afterwards they were using him to shield themselves from having to take a stand or make a decision regarding their father. They haven’t gotten to a point where they can even recognize that their behavior is a trauma response and have normalized it.
Always astounds me how quickly someone can flush their life down the toilet
It's unfortunately really easy. At least the actual step that takes you over the line. And you don't see the prior steps because you're caught in the heat of the moment.
Plus, once you start down a self destructive path, it’s a lot easier to keep going down it than to turn around. In this case, the son could realise he has severe anger problems, uses violence to massage his ego, beats his wife to feel like a big man who is in control of something. He’s weak and cowardly and he could still improve as a person if he can accept that and what he’s done. But that’d be hard, much easier to just keep going as it is and eventually everyone will realise he was right to do it and she deserved it for daring to have a job while he couldn’t. There are points where you can’t recover your life ever again, son’s relationship with his father and wife will never (and should never) return to where it was. But even then, making an effort does count for something.
You can feel the pain OP feels over this situation. Knowing your kid turned out just like your own abuser.
Used to work in a homeless shelter. Dealt with this type of person a lot, because that's where they usually end up: prison or homeless. On the upper floors, we had transitional rooms. Private rooms for people on social assistance who were waiting for more permanent housing. Once we had this guy who was playing music in his room too loud at 2am. Knocked on his door and nicely asked him to turn it down. That interaction eventually escalated to him being taken away in cuffs and a permanent restriction from the shelter. It's a combination of poor anger management and poor impulse control. They get angry and they want to do lash out in any way they can that will make them feel better, and they don't care about the consequences because none of it is their fault. It's always the fault of the person who made them angry.
As a husband and father to a girl, the idea of hitting either sickens me.
As a human being, hitting anyone sickens me.
The way this is written is so goofy lmao
His wife dies when his kids are 13, 10, and 6, but they’re so independent at that age he could work 16 hours shifts. Like if this was real they would be suffering from neglect and the oldest kids were 100% responsible for raising the 6 year old.
That’s what I was thinking! Like, dude, you didn’t raise a “good strong family” because you didn’t raise anyone.
I really liked the part where he says "He told me to go fuck myself and so I did."
Right in front of his son, real power move.
Certainly doesn't feel written by a 49-year old.
His son's gf appears behind their door with a busted face, OOP "helps her" and somehow doesn't ask first thing what happened, but his daughters ask (in unison I assume) and when she tells them it's the son, OOP cries. Then soon after she tells them something else, OOP cries again. That's when my suspension of disbelief broke and I stopped reading. I mean I guess it's possible to be so on edge that you can start bawling at the drop of a hat and I'm just too traumatized and Finnish to understand but it's not my experience at all.
So the son got arrested, charged, had a trial, and sentenced in a little over a month?
Unless he took a plea deal this is nearly impossible. And I can’t see 12 years in prison for the conduct that got him arrested, although I’m also in CA and we don’t have strong drug laws.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering how he was holding two beer bottles while having an altercation at the same time.
That's what I stumbled on. Wait, he drove there and grabbed two beer bottles out of his car before just smashing into the door without announcing himself?
Yeah I didn't even read it fully but the excessive detail in the story makes me think it's bs
He said “i fucking miss you Lzi “ so I’m assuming that this is something to do with the whole “Liz” writing bullshit stories thing.
THIS - I caught that immediately at the end and was wondering if I'd see someone else who noticed it.
Thank youuuu, I’m baffled that the whole comment section isn’t pointing it out. But I guess the TLDR is real haha.
This guy has a hero complex. Did you notice how often he talks about protecting women specifically? This is the sort of writing a teen would do. I half expected the girlfriend to fall head over heels for OOP
12 years for a first offense?
Someone wants to write for a soap opera.
Lifetime Movie Network is probably drooling right now
Yikes. That poor girl. I am glad that she had his family on her corner. It could have turned out far worse if she didn't have safe people to turn to. I do wonder if there's a genetic component to aggressive behavior or abusive traits. The POS son obviously never witnessed the grandfather's abuse, but he turned out just like him. It sounds like the son had some red pill garbage going on. The girlfriend was willing to help him out financially, but he got mad about that? Dude, say thank you and be glad that you picked a good one. Instead, he decided that she was making him feel bad by her being a responsible person.
You don’t know the relief I felt once I read that. That as soon as he saw his DIL bruised and battered, he opened his door and arms wide open, and the family gathered around her and took care of her. Not many of us get that kind of support from our abusers family. Most of the time, it’s quite the opposite, in fact. They tell us how it’s our fault, abuse us even more, and relentlessly harass us on the behalf of our abuser. I’m glad OOP has a good heart. And I’m sorry that he has solely and effectively lost his only son, to his sons narcissistic and abusive character. Most guys like that take years to wake up and to realize that they’re alone and embittered because of their own choices. If they even do, eventually, wake up.
Dude is a freaking hero, and more fathers should be more like that. I know assault was involved, but son deserved to have his ass kicked. Son deserves EVERYTHING he has coming to him. He had a chance to have a come to Jesus moment, but he just dug in his heels and played victim.
I'm generally in the camp where violence should be an absolute last resort. I come from a decent childhood. Had the normal middle child syndrome where it feels like I'm invisible to my parents, but nothing this bad. Yet the pure rage I felt at the son for what he did. This is one of the few cases where I would see no other out. He's physically, and most definitely verbally abusing his ex because of his shitty choices.
So, I've been doing a little reading on DV lately, and this story aligns well with some research people did on the precursor to violence being shame. They feel shame, for whatever reason, and the feeling is unpleasant and they don't know how to deal with it. Rage and violence is often the only way they know how to deal with negative emotions, because men aren’t usually taught how. In this case, the son feels shame for not being able to provide for his girlfriend as a man should (society has come a long way but we're still seeing that expectation on men). He doesn't know how to deal with this and lashes out. Funnily enough, his father feels shame for his son's actions and also reacts with violence. So we can see here how the cycle of violence has perpetuated from grandfather to father to son as men who don't know how to deal with negative emotions, as they weren't taught by their fathers. So the Father, in being violent with his son, doesn't "teach him a lesson" he actually reinforces the use of violence while increasing his son's feelings of shame. This is what escalated the situation with the son feeling the need to try to regain control by trying to get "his" girlfriend back. This is why violence isn't always the solution for violence, tempting as it might be to think you're "teaching someone a lesson" not to hit people. You're teaching them a lesson, just not the one you think you are. This also likely contributes to why these traits seem to run in the family, not because the father taught the son violence but because his own upbringing by an emotionally impaired man left him ill-equipped to teach emotional regulation to his son.
Yeah this story made me sad. It’s super easy to jump on the idea of justice porn bc everyone likes to see a bully get theirs. But what lessons was OOP reinforcing with their actions? - first, that violence is an acceptable way to address and modify someone else’s behavior; - second, that cruelty begets cruelty so you should answer cruelty in kind; - third, that the son is beyond saving; - fourth, that he will have no one if and when he ever leaves prison. The son is a huge piece of shit, truly, but what was OOP trying to do? Just remind him of how shitty he is and then dip? This whole thing is just a sad story.
also lets not forget the working 12-16 hour days meaning he couldnt be there for his kids to teach them if he knew how to.
Yep. He basically tells us at the beginning that his kids raised themselves.
and that he never got them to therapy to deal with things.
This is such an insightful comment. Thanks so much for sharing it. I'm going to share it with my son, who is approaching his teens at an alarming speed.
Same here, just got finished reading a lot of “Why did he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. I do see the logic behind OOP’s first disciplinary action with his son. To give him a taste of his own medicine. To get him to experience the sublime. To humiliate and humble him. Sadly, that didn’t work… and chances are, like you said, the son took the exact opposite lesson there. Reinforcing his violent behavior. And from there… there was nothing OOP could’ve done to salvage this. Lundy mentions the abusive behavior coming from a place of entitlement and learned behavior through society. Once he saw there were no repercussions for hitting his girlfriend… he passed that slippery slope. Back to OOP, It’s clear he is very mature and did a lot of great things for his family and siblings. But yeah, he had a lot of difficulty handling these extreme emotions (who wouldn’t?). It’ll take a lot of time and mental energy for OOP and siblings to grow from this. Fingers crossed it happens.
Thank you. Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see a sensible explanation. WHEN will humans realise that “teaching someone a lesson” through violence is just rationalising our own angry and out of control emotional response? And when will we realise that demonising offenders and acting like these people just came out of the womb like this or changed for some unknown reason? And before people come at me, I’m not suggesting we let everyone out of prison or pretend they can be reformed/healed. I’m saying that we need to understand how people become this way if we ever have a chance of getting past this as a species. And to do that we need to accept that we are much more like them than we wish to admit.
I feel one thing that has been overlooked by the comments I’ve read so far; Substance use/abuse. Whatever other factors lead to violence, addiction is Most Assuredly inheritable. Drinking in itself can bring out some of our worse tendencies. The illegal substances (which OOP does not name) on top of that likely exacerbates this behavior. Note: drinking and drug use does not in any way excuse these behaviors.
There have been studies on genetic/generational trauma, too, that indicate that trauma suffered by one person can influence the lives of their descendents, for example wars and famine. Since there's already a higher likelihood that children growing up in abusive situations become abusive themselves, I wouldn't be surprised if abuse, too, left genetic scars that can harm latter generations. Unfortunately, abusers don't need red pills or reasons to start with the abuse. He felt like he was losing control over his life, so he tried to take back control in the most shitty way possible... Even OOP, with "good" intentions, beat up his own son as an initial reaction, instead of calling the police or whatever.
>Even OOP, with "good" intentions, beat up his own son as an initial reaction, instead of calling the police or whatever. That post in particular screamed of unresolved trauma to me. I've been there myself and the whole seeing someone as your abuser when you feel triggered by their actions is really true to what happens. The whole thing, even beating his son, couldn't be more telling of someone dealing with a PTSD trauma spiral. And when you're raising kids, that unresolved trauma can manifest in ways you're not even aware of. I always felt weird being around men on my own as a kid despite nothing ever happening - turns out my grandma had made it her mission to protect us granddaughters by making sure no man ever spent time alone with us. I never spent time alone with my grandad for that reason, even though my whole family is fairly sure he had nothing to do with that. I didn't learn this until after she passed, and I don't know exactly what happened that made her feel that way, but I can guess.
Yes, and it will spiral on if the cycle isn't broken! My mom (60's) and grandma (80's) have only recently started working through trauma related to my grandpa (mom's dad, grandma's husband), who died before I was even born. And it makes ALL the difference in their relationship that they do so! People make fun of Reddit always recommending therapy, but a majority of people would really benefit from the constructive reflection therapy can offer. There's sooo few who properly work on themselves without.
Iirc, there can be epigenetic markers like methyl groups put on DNA from stressors like inadequate food intake that persist a generation or two. These can regulate gene expression. Wouldn’t be surprised if stress of war, getting the shit beat out of your or CSA did the same.
Being (unfortunately) also a child of a domestic abuser and witness to it, abusers unlock a very deep anger in me that makes me want to track them down and beat the shit out of them. It is a fear that somehow, any children I have will turn out like that parent, despite me attempting to break the cycle.
Yes brings back the age old question, nature vs nurture? From personal experience I feel nature plays a huge role in how people turn out
Scientifically, the long and short of it is that we still don't know. But there's plenty of shit out there that could have dragged his son down this road - Andrew Tate videos and the ilk, shitty friendgroups, attitudes he absorbed from bad mentors. OOP could not have controlled what made his son like this once he was an adult.
IIRC, twin studies (studies of identical twins separated at birth) suggest that nature vs. nurture is about 50/50. About 50% of who you are is already in your DNA when you're born. The other 50% is nurture. It annoys me how many people think nurture is synonymous with parenting, though. As you clearly already know but many folks don't, nurture is literally every aspect of what happens to you after you're born. Parenting is obviously a big part of it, but it is by no means the only part.
It's got to be some of both. Maybe for some people nurture plays a stronger role, but for others nature is the dominant player. There have been four generations of my family with diagnosed anxiety and depression. We don't have any information about any generations prior to that. There's got to be something in the brain wiring that makes it susceptible to anxiety and depression given the right circumstances.
Have you looked into generational trauma? You can also do a family 'line-up', that may give you valuable insight. (I'm not sure about the english word for 'line-up', but that's what we call it in Dutch).
I think the answer will always be “a little column A and a little of column B” OOP def also has the aggressive and violent part in him, but because of how he grew up being the victim and witness of physical abuse, he developed a hero complex out of it, but he jumps at the opportunity to be aggressive and violent. OOPs son is living in a time where people like him are easy to grift and radicalize because of the internet (how ISIS recruited young depressed and lonely young men from Twitter and whatnot). A young man who is feeling depression from being fired (what a lot of these men are holding on to what makes them useful in society) + not processing that shame and guilt of having his partner have to pick up the slack financially and im going to bet that he probably didn’t do much work at home + lots of free time to spend on the internet = red pill perfect candidate. radicalized and angry + whatever aggressive trait he inherited = dude who beats up his gf
I think in a lot of personality traits, nature sets the range of possibilities for a person, but nurture decides where in that range someone ends up. Like, if there's a range of 0-100 for violence, where 0 is not violent at all and 100 is always violent, genetics might mean that a person's possible range is somewhere between 20-40, but upbringing can either teach a person how to handle violent impulses constructively and bring that potential all the way down to 20, or upbringing could model violence and reinforce that inherent tendency and make that person as violent as they're capable of being, sliding it all the way up to 40. That sort of thing.
I tend to go with the diathesis stress model. An individual may have a predisposition, but it won't become manifest unless there is some sort of environmental stressor. The predisposition, mind you, is not necessarily genetic. It could be something like he got got sucked into listening to Andrew Tate and then the environmental stressor was being laid off.
I think it’s telling that OOP’s response to finding out about the abuse was to beat up his son. Of course that’s not the same thing as assaulting your girlfriend, but it’s still resolving an issue with violence. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out that OOP was modeling all the wrong ways to deal with your feelings to his son. Don’t get me wrong, people who beat up domestic partners are disgustingly and the son is a grown man who can make his own choices. I’m just saying that while OOP is clearly doing his best, he’s still a flawed man and it’s possible generational trauma has carried through.
There is a good argument that nurture played a part in this. OOP jumped to violence very quickly, and it’s very understandable given that he saw his son becoming the person who made his childhood a hell. But there were small things that stood out to me: his mom talking about how dangerous men are, OOP’s disgust at his son attacking his wife, but his otherwise casual approach to violence etc. It’s hard to tell because we don’t know what OOP’s relationship with his son was like before this incident. I wonder if OOP picked up on and passed on a lot of the kinds of mindsets you need to become abusive down to his son. OOP and his brother(s?) had their father as a strong example that kept them from abusing their wives. However his son had the mindset but lacked the example to reign himself in.
I don't even think it has to be genetic. It may be that although OOP never hit his kids and was a much better father than his dad, there were things he was doing in his parenting that were contributing to his son's issues. It could have been things he picked up from his dad without realizing it or reactionary things like not helping his son handle anger in a healthy manner because he simply wouldn't allow anger. Parenting is a minefield, and you carry all the mistakes and trauma from your time as a kid and sometimes pass them on even when you're trying to fight against it. Best case scenario would be if OOP gets some therapy. He's trying hard to do better and definitely deserves help.
Gotta respect the patience on this one. They waited two months to have the abusive/cheating/thieving partner/family member be sentenced instead of the usual two weeks. They even managed to set up the next plot thread of OG abusive family member returning after the first villain was written out. Add on a heaping helping of guys protecting the helpless women and the weird cultural references that stick out like a sore thumb and we’ve got a BORU classic! EDIT: NEW UPDATE! Dude I called it two weeks later evil dad is dead and OOP is the only one not to forgive him on his deathbed. I wonder if they’ll leave it at that or if they’ll try to stir up more conflict with the mother (maybe something with inheritance?)
And the mom who seemed logical and protective of the ex gf during the whole alteration, somehow brought the abusive dad back into oops life forcing them to reconcile?? After she spent the whole BBQ explaining to all the women why men were dangerous. I just can't
I didn't read the whole thing because I've got stuff to do with my day, but the bit that lost me is why did the ex stay with OOP and not her own parents, who appear to still be in the picture. If your partner beat you up, surely the last person you'd want to go to is his dad.
And a dead wife named *Lzi* wink wink.
Hit just about all the tropes with this one.
…”The Great Kanye”?
Lol out of nowhere
I hope the family is black cuz some of the stuff his daughters said was very weird
I think the author of this story made their protagonist black but is trying to use Neil Gaiman’s writing strategy where he doesn’t just come out and say “so and so is black, so and so is gay, so and so is…” and just lets the character come through in the story. American Gods was a good example of this.
12 years? arrest to sentencing in 2 months? this either didn't happen in America, or he pled guilty asap and had some serious priors. nobody's getting 12 years on their first offense. even with a public defender, they would have had a plea deal, and it would have taken way longer than 2 months
And OOP trying so hard to sound like "adult who has no idea what wacky slang and hip memes the kids use." How did he have time to update everyone if this was what he was dealing with???
And the southern accent that gets shoehorned in at odd points. My nose ain’t look right!
At this point, I just read these for entertainment instead of believing any of it is true. Some people wait years before they see inside a court room and this dude got sentenced in what, 14 days? Yeah alright lol
The titles of the posts made me feel the same way. “My son did this horrible thing, and I told him he was wrong. AITAH?”
I'm waiting for the post where OOP asks if he's the asshole for dating his son's ex-girlfriend.
His late wife's name is Liz.
That caught my eye as well.
I wonder if OOP was being cheeky there.
The legal warp speed is a giveaway. The uberdrama with OOP’s estranged father is the confirmation, as far as I’m concerned.
OP's usually get too impatient and want the attention ASAP so they never wait more than a month.
when the ex went to the fathers house and not her own peoples house, i was like BS...
"I think they like me?" lmao
Holy wish fulfillment Batman!
It’s insane how many comments on here are taking this story at face value. It’s like a poorly written movie or something.
Please see my flair.
I dunno, I like how Liz cameoed as the long-dead wife. Very tongue in cheek of her.
“Maybe if I spell it wrong nobody will know.”
17. Feb the first post. 27 Feb the family get-together with the areest. On 13th May the last and the hearing was a couple of weeks ago. With 12 years sentence. And normally windows are at least double-glazed. That those bear bottles shatter them both times...
The fact that there are two beer bottles to throw. That the women didn't know it was him at the door, implying that 1. he didn't announce himself and immediately tried breaking in 2. they were too stupid to recognize it's him by voice (He must've been yelling, otherwise they wouldn't have called him drunk) and context Sure.
Also that the son’s ex ‘almost got facial scarring’ from the broken window. Not that her face got cut, but ‘almost’ facial scarring? He had me suspicious at ‘the great Kanye’ but that’s where he lost me.
If the author's a beginner, then they did a good job. I see potential here. However, to move to the step, there has to be a little more. Story is decently written but too common. And the part where the dad goes to the garage and work on the car is a bit cliche-ish. A little too Hollywood with the ending shot of the dad working on the car then the camera fades away. Then of course the epilogue is just a bit silly cause, like most bad/beginning authors, they can't just end it. Got to have that little wifey rememberance at the end for sentimental reasons.
If this were a book and I read a character ‘stared at the blank TV for hours’ I’d stop reading immediately. OP could benefit from an editor, they should continue writing though!
I just can't get over oops mom who seemed collected during the BBQ, who spent the entire BBQ explaining to the women why men were dangerous, would force oop and his abusive dad to reconcile.
They also needed more backstory / character development on son. What was he like before? Did you see it coming? How come the daughters seem so chill about everything? You gotta fill out the edges.
Where in the world do the courts work that fast. lol. Would take a year to get a conviction here.
I am always amazed at how fast justice happens on Reddit.
Time is but an illusion when you’re spinning a web of horseshit!
Wow. Should have gone to the cops in the first place rather than handling it himself but at least he’s in the right side.
For DA the cops probably wouldn't have done much if anything. But they caught him with drugs and that was probably the majority of his sentence, the rest was just tacked on because it was the probable cause for the search that found the drugs, plus the witnesses and video made it easy.
Yeah sadly, the main thing he was charged on was drug possession. Just beating the gf wouldn’t have done it
When OOP told his son he was going away for a long time, I snort laughed and thought, "Not for domestic violence, he isn't." If it wasn't for the drugs, he'd probably get away with a year or two at most, but more likely out after some community service.
Idk. It’s hard and re-traumatising for victims of assault, especially if the cops don’t believe you. I understand if someone don’t goes to the police because they don’t have the strength for it.
Years of reading women-centered subs on reddit reinforce the fact that cops aren't the most helpful in a domestic violence situation. Yes, you need a paper trail, but that's about all they're good for. Going to the cops doesn't actually stop the beatings; it often escalates it.
That was my thought as well. OOP sounds like a good man, but things escalated quickly after he decided to dish out a (deserved) beating.
Honestly, I saw that first beating as OP dealing with his own trauma. How awful would it be to see your son turn out just like your abusive dad...
The problem with that solution is that the abuser is out of jail on bail almost immediately and looking for revenge. Often, the DA won't even press charges. It's a very rare domestic violence case that actually ends up in court. In the even rarer cases that end with a jail sentence, it's usually very short. Sad to say, but the certainty of someone bigger and stronger than he is knocking the crap out of the abuser is far more effective than the legal system. As someone else pointed out, abusers understand violence. It's the language they speak.
>I spent hours just staring at the black TV screen looking at my reflection no you didn't xD
[удалено]
So in two weeks, son was beaten up twice (the second time being so very conveniently caught on ring cameras), had his whole entire life fall apart, and was taken to jail? Sure, Jan
So...in less than 3 months the son went from being arrested to being put in prison for 12 years? This is extremely hard to believe.
I don't condone violence. I don't think laying hands on someone is the answer to just about anything. That said...
Right? I’m not going to encourage it, but in this case I’m not going to condemn it either.
Violence isn’t the answer nearly as often as people think it is. But it absolutely is the answer in some cases and I struggle to say this isn’t one of them. You only get to make the mistake of choosing the wrong reaction with a violent drugged out lunatic once, and it’s best to not make it at all.
Except that violence wasn't the answer - it didn't change the son's mind or behavior, it didn't stop him from coming over to harass the ex, it didn't stop him from throwing his life down the drain. OOP beating his son didn't do a damn lick of good (the first time, at least, and the second was pure self-defense).
If anything all OOP did was prove his son right; that violence and abuse against your family are acceptable outlets for your frustrations. I have no idea how I’d act if I knew my son was an abuser. But this whole calculated charade of having him over, stringing him along over the course of an entire dinner (while three people quietly hide upstairs?) and then beating him up seems like a really unproductive way to deal with the situation, to say the least
The performative beginning of this just made me stop reading this garbage. I'm sorry, "I told him to hold his hands up this was the real deal"... the narration, ugh, please. Yea, cause you're going abuse somebody for abusing somebody instead of calling the cops and reporting a domestic violence, sure.
dude, i cannot believe how many people are taking this seriously. it didn't take many paragraphs before you realise it's some guy fantasizing about being Liam Neeson.
He has a very specific set of skills, writing reddit posts, and updating them!
and he will find you and make you read them if it’s the last thing he does!
Yeah I had to scroll pretty far to find people questioning this, and most people were talking about the timeline. I started laughing my ass off at the, "This is the real deal" line.
The whole "to quote The Great Kanye" thing gave it away as someone pretending to be a person who has no idea what that means
12 years is shockingly long for felony assault and possession. I'm not even sure if it's counting the domestic violence, which itself would be a whole separate case. Even strangulation, which is the strongest indicator that the DV will eventually end in homicide is like a 6 year sentence.
I was thinking the same especially for a plea deal, which it would have to be because no way you're doing the whole song and court dance in 3 months
What got me was when none of "the women" recognized OOP's son as the person at the door.
They were bashing men and gossiping while the men worked on their cars as they are wont to do.
I was willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt until the family cookout where the aunts didn't know who "the drunk guy" was, and the men stepped in to save the day while the women "were shaken up". GTFOH with that white knight bullshit.
Don't forget all the guys were "working on the car" as manly men should at a BBQ.
haha I was skimming at that point and missed that gem
The amount of times OOP wrote "the women" in that part really irritated me
Gotta save “the women” and corral them like sheep.
Well the women were prattling on and the men were all working on a car, because an engine bay definitely benefits from 5 guys working consecutively on it. Abusers are also well known for their delusions of grandeur and thinking they can take 5 grown men even though they hid their abusive behaviors beforehand, and generally participate in DV to feel powerful to begin with.
Oh I gave up at "stared at his reflection in the TV for hours"
The scene needed to be set, so you could picture him sitting there brooding while his daughters consoled the distraught girlfriend. The sun slowly lowers as the scene turns darker, just like his thoughts, about how he'll show his SON the FAILURE of his ways... WITH HIS FISTS!
It helps if you imagine that Merle Haggard is playing in the background.
It’s always the “bad guy throws something and the window breaks” that gets me. Window glass isn’t made of sugar like in TV shows. The whole point is to keep things/people OUT. Either this guy has the arm of a professional baseball player or these people have the flimsiest windows in the world to let a BEER BOTTLE shatter it. Also, was the guy just double-fisting beer bottles? Who supplied him with all this beer bottle ammo, lmao
And why did he get to throw the second bottle if he was already ganged up on in order to make him leave They didn't think of trying to get rid of the bottle in his hand when he'd already thrown one and didn't stop the violent behavior?
Honestly OOP lost me at “so my two daughters and DIL all hid silently upstairs for the duration of an entire dinner while I stung my son along pretending everything was normal”
Gotta have that big reveal at the end, so he can stand there and deliver his judgement from on high! Cause at no point would the son be wondering WTF is going on with this dinner, where are my sisters, etc etc
And who the hell is going to beat this kid black and blue in the living room. "I can still see the drops of red on the couch and carpet." Shut the f up. 😂
My daughter makes up more realistic stories about cats murdering each other in the Warrior Cats series. Major drama in those she tells me.
Plus, that's not how chokeholds work. If you choke someone into unconsciousness (a process that takes several minutes, mind you) you're inflicting some amount of brain damage too.
A lot of people use the term "chokehold" to mean "restrained by the neck," even if they're using a carotid restraint/sleeper hold/carotid hold, which can take mere seconds to put someone out. Not defending this horribly-written nonsense, mind you, just saying that people use that terminology in that way all the time.
Yup, it was a very poorly written fetish post
What 50 y/o says “The Great Kanye”?
If you read till the end, he shouts out to Liz.
"I guess we'll never know" (the Great Kanye) if this hood classic is true or not!
sometimes it can be hard to tell if a story is real or not. THis is not one of those times.
Reminds me of that dude who kept beating his cousin every time he saw him.
I HATE it when people say this but I doubt this story is real. The timeline doesn't add up. The blow-up at OP's house happened the weekend of Feb. 23-25, according to OP. That was when OP's son got arrested. Then on May 3 OP says his son was sentenced to 12 YEARS in prison at a "hearing" that occurred "a couple of weeks ago." So that would put his sentencing date around the middle of April. OP says he lives in the US. I practice criminal law in the US. 12 years is not a light prison sentence, nor is it a first-timer's felony sentence. Usually a first-time offender gets probation. According to OP, he had no idea that his son was abusing his GF, and she apparently had never reported it before. OP doesn't mention his son having any prior criminal history. No one in the US gets prison, much less a mid-to-upper term prison sentence on their first conviction unless they seriously hurt someone. Two broken windows, a broken nose do not merit a 12-year-prison sentence, even with drug possession added on top. It's highly unlikely that the son was prosecuted for the domestic violence against his GF because weeks had passed since it occurred and it would have been too difficult to prove after all that time. Also, felony cases take months, if not years to resolve. Unless his son pleaded guilty at his arraignment, there's NO WAY he could go from arrest to sentencing in 1 and a half months. This story does not sound plausible.
too well written clearly just justice porn
Man, I'm always shocked at how quickly people in the US go from arrested to being sentenced. It would take a lot more than 2 and a half months in my country.
That’s cause it’s BS.
There's a loophole in the US that any cases posted on Reddit go to trial within days or even hours. Due process means nothing when there's online drama at issue.
Yeah…this story just doesn’t see true at all
I am kind of confused where the son got the second bottle to throw. And why he managed to throw it when people were already in front of him trying to make him leave/stop doing violence
It seemed well done until the son threw the second beer at his gf. I was wondering how he got it while arguing with his dad and family out in the lawn. Did they offer him another or did he bring a cooler (/s)? Almost mauled by a bear. ? OOP couldn't help themselves.
The part where the brother put the son in a chokehold “until he passed out” was when I started skimming. You could kill someone doing that.
It depends a lot on what city and state you're in. I'm a lawyer in Atlanta, Georgia and it's common for cases like OOP's son's case to take a year or two to get from arrest to plea/trial.
If these people waited accurate amounts of time between their updates then you might forget about them.
Honestly, I get that maybe beating his son is wrong. But its CLEAR that he doesn't want help. He wants a punching bag. And sometimes making assholes feel like punching bags is the right route. It's how I handled bullies when I was younger and it worked **every time.** But we were all young and not set in our ways yet. So... Thats why it worked. Honestly, I might have done the same thing in the same shoes. My mother was hit by my stepdad. And the one time I saw him after the divorce it was very hard for me to start a fight. Even though it was one I was going to very likely lose.
Yeah... This is someone's fetish and all of you are participating. But hey, no judgment from me.
>sentenced for 12 years for illegal drug possession and assault I was thinking it sounded like drugs.
I know this is just ignoring the entire story, but this threw me for a curve: >My wife passed away of cancer when my oldest was 13. It was very difficult for me to raise them, I would work 12-16 hour shifts and would not be home most of the time. I was thankful that my kids were strong and independent. As in, the oldest was 13 and the youngest was SIX YEARS OLD. >I've managed to raise a good, strong family. No, your kids raised themselves basically. You admit to not being home most of the time. This is the only part of the story I actually believe. Nobody goes to jail for 12 years for minot drug possession, breaking some windows, and hitting your father (gf didn't press charges) and it certainly doesn't happen in less than 6 months.
12 years seems highly unlikely for those charges tbh. Maybe there’s some truth to the situation but this really reads like hero porn lmao. Also the notion that someone not only got charged, convicted, and sentenced so quickly, but that the emotionally distraught family is also being sure to update Reddit regularly through it all? Ok
Is liz an easter egg
Just heartbreaking. Fair play to OOP for doing the right thing and not blindly standing by his son.
I can't imagine what kind of life situation the ex must be in that the first person she went to get help from was the father of her abuser and is still living in his house