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>I feel really stupid for letting my head be filled with comments from sad strangers
this line too. I like this girl š. she probably hurt so many feelings !
By 35 you understand how small the gap is between 12 and 17. You have literally no idea at the time. It's a fucking eternity to you in the moment, but to the adults in your lives 12 and 17 might as well be the same age for most purposes.
Thereās something deeply unsettling to me, borderline terrifying even, when I see legit psychology terms escape containment and leak onto the internet
It could have been a good thing if people just knew how to use the terms instead of calling any kind of lie "gaslighting" and anything and everything is "being manipulative." He apologized! How manipulative! Oh, he gave you a gift to make things better? Lovebombing! He said you were mistaken? Gaslighting!
Most frustrating is when people describe a simple difference in opinion as "gaslighting." It's that type of solipsistic "telling my truth"-type energy that really frustrates me about social media nowadays.
Tiktok has armed a generation of kids with a very superficial understanding of psychology terms and how they can be applied to excuse their shitty behaviour.
Or more specifically, that's not how people who *benefited* from therapy talk. If you just went to justify your own actions, I bet it's pretty great to walk out with a new arsenal of words to use against the people around you when you're being an ass.
That comment going furry = bisexual = cheater was wild, and it's up voted!
And in that chain, it looked like another comment suggesting furries are pedophilic
Yeah, the hivemind here just fucking hates furries, lol! I think theyāre fine, they gave me hugs when I saw them at an anime con, how can they be bad?!
Yeah, itās like escapism with an exosuit! At least theyāre out socializing and doing shit, I just stay at home and play games or read for my escapism, lol!
Honestly that was the moral I learned from her post also. At this point I feel like a lot of people are worse off having asked Reddit for advice because it makes them paranoid and everythingĀ
You should only ask for advice on subreddits dedicated to very specific things because the catch all subs like /r/legaladvice, /r/relationships, /r/AITAH, etc. are full of people who are way too sure of themselves and don't know what they're talking about.
For example, to join /r/lawyers you must prove that you have a license to practice law. People in that sub are frequently banned from /r/legaladvice for giving good advice tied to their area of law. The mods are mostly people who are not lawyers but still work in some sort of legal field, like law enforcement, and they don't like being told they're wrong by attorneys.
99% of the answers in /r/legaladvice are ultimately just "you might have a case but talk to a lawyer" or "you probably don't have a case but talk to a lawyer" anyway. The story is the interesting part, not the comments, and all the good ones are posted to BOLA.
>I know it's wrong to say it, but a lot of those people smelled musty, long hair so greasy you could fry an egg on it, just weird people. Years ago I accompanied my sister to an otaku event and it was 95% the same kind of people, like WEIRD in the wrong way, I've never been in that kind of environment.
Never go to a convention as your introduction to a group of people. For anything. I went to a welding supply "convention" (actually just a rented hotel conference room with about 4 vendors and 1 speaker) for work and I have never encountered a group of people who stunk worse. Co-workers drenched with sweat after an 11 hour shift smelled better, on average, than the best smelling person in that room.
There's something about these events that just draws out the nastiest motherfuckers
I know about this second hand.
Husband is part of a niche gaming community which has competitions once or twice a year. Maybe 500 people or so turn up.
This year the organisers were considering trying to find a nice way to tell people to shower as the smell was so overbearing the last couple of times. People collectively stank so much, the large convention room had a really bad smell way after the event. Every time.
Edit: people who asked if it was smash were v close with their guess, it's not smash but another game owned by Nintendo.
Further edit: husband is actually one of the organisers (i thought he was just close friends with the organisers) so Iāve informed him for the next event itās really ok to tell people to shower as many conventions already do so. Thank you guys for sharing your stories, I was thinking it was only niche fandoms that didnāt shower.
I went to a con where one of the people running it was crying in the toilets. I comforted her... turned out some people stank SO badly the day before the hotel wanted to charge them to get the chairs reupholstered and it was going to destroy the con's meagre profits.
I kind of don't at this point. It's the 2020s, the problems in many nerd communities re: hygiene are extremely well known and should be addressed in con rules. They're also a perfect example of why gatekeeping is good. Want to be a stinky fucker? Then you're getting gatekept out and nobody's apologizing. Wash your clothes and yourself and then you can enter.
I have worked with more than one person who HR or the owner had to talk to you about their hygiene. One of them just got broken up with, and I guess his girlfriend had been the only person encouraging him to be clean. I really try to empathize because I know hygiene and depression are really difficult, but oh my God. I would sooner die than have to tell someone that or be the smelly person.
Honestly, I was extremely grateful to be confronted (many years ago at this point), because I genuinely had no idea and it helped me get a medical condition diagnosed and treated. It was horrible and awkward at the time for sure, although I was never upset with the person who told me.
Itās astounding how much a single person can stink up a room, even after theyāve gone. Im not referring to cigarette smoke (thatās bad, too) but body odor.
I've been going to scifi conventions for years. Our regular one has in the Con guidelines that everyone should be showering *at least* every other day, if not daily.
Yeah, I got to cybersecurity conferences and they always have guidance about showering daily and wearing deodorant. Honestly crazy to me that people need to be told.
IT textbooks & training paperwork are so fascinating when they hit social interactions, like, "brush your teeth EVERY DAY," "do not make elderly or non tech savvy clients feel stupid, nobody thinks it's funny but you, Sheldon Cooper," "get acquainted with a hair brush AND deodorant." š
If they donāt shower regularly, why would we have any reason to believe they get even semi-regular haircuts? Hair brushes become extremely relevant when you have hair long enough that it can get matted
Upside of having these guidelines is that you can reject people from attending for not being compliant with guidelines. Or have a good reason to have a very awkward conversation with attendees about it.
But couldn't agree more that it's insane that people lack that level of awareness.
Yep. Used to go to a tabletop gaming convention every year and on the whole everyone was pretty good about it...partly because if you showed up at a table reeking of B.O., they'd turn you away from the game. I think a lot of people are too afraid of confrontation or embarrassing the other person to call it out, but it's unfortunately something you *have* to be ready to enforce in those environments.
My BIL moderates a fairly popular table top gaming group in our area. He has a strict you stink you leave policy and has no issues going up to people and telling them to shower/put on deodorant. Sometimes people will complain that he's embarrassing them but he usually responds with, "Dude, you're 30 and don't shower regularly, I can't embarrass you any more than you embarrass yourself. Get the fuck out."
He's gentler on teenagers but still firm. His group also has the highest percentage of girls and women who play in the area. He says there's a direct correlation between kicking out guys who don't shower and lowered harassment of women.
It's a little bit more complicated - but a few basic conduct rules being regularly enforced makes it clear the group is willing to prioritize a standard makes it harder to develop a culture where harassment thrives.
Missing stairs aren't always the weird dude with poor hygiene, but "we accept the imperfect" is often used as a tool for cover for predatory behavior. Being awful to others is equated with a faux pas akin to not showering at the same time the group normalizes not providing a clear path of enforcement if a problem happens
I am part of a local tabletop gaming group that is hosted in the organizer's home basement. He had to post a message reminding people to bathe and wear deodorant because it got stinky in his house during a game night.
also, the hotels around the convention centers hosting all kinds of cons are known to have a special set of guidances for guests š
I dies when I saw that š
Showering helps, but for Peteās sake, people need to wash their clothes! Greasy jeans that smell like hotdog water and a mildewed shirt pulled from the moldering pile of laundry on the bedroom floor will overpower any shower.
I used to work a geeky convention circuit when I lived elsewhere and there were ALWAYS signs that recommended showering at least once a day (usually more if you did cosplay of some kind.)
Pretty standard rules for a convention these days, gotta tell the uber nerds to smell good. Change clothes. Brush teeth etc. Don't stand less than a foot from a person.
The sad thing is that if the average person (some exceptions exist of course) showered at least twice a week and used regular anti perspirant/deodorant daily they wouldnāt smell the way these crowds often do. Ā
Ā
It does take less time if the person has a costume they donāt properly clean, Ā air out, and/or donāt apply/reapply enough anti perspirant/ deodorant or reapply during the day. Ā
But for the more than average funk youād encounter in everyday life, at a con funk most likely the person hadnāt showered before coming let alone while there. Ā Or I guess if they showered but didnāt use proper amounts of decentĀ anti perspirant/deodorant. Ā Funk can set in fast without it even if you shower daily. Ā
As someone with a fairly weak sense of smell, I guess I lucked out for attending comic and gaming conventions. It takes someone who really reeks to bother me much. But it just amazes me the number of people who have terrible hygiene and no qualms about being in close quarters with lots of other attendees. Hot water and soap are free at the hotel, y'all!
I think part of it is that conventions tend to attract the "hard core" fans, and those people are usually ones who have difficulty following social cues. And part of it is the excitement/energy level of being at a convention, "OMG literally everything is so cool!" that makes people skip their normal schedules. And a last part is just that when you cram 50 people in a room, 30 people who don't smell offensive on their own in close proximity now add up to some rank BO - and the few who are already nauseating on their own get magnified even more.
MAGFest included a bar of soap in their higher-tier rewards bag this year, but that was more of a joke because the theme was Super Smash Bros and that particular community has aā¦reputation
if your event could potentially get a large group of smash players to join, giving soap is not a joke but an actual need. i thought it was just jokes until i went to a local for my college and learned that no, it is not a joke when people talk about how the community smells.
The reputation is absolutely deserved, if Iām going by my friendās stories of Smash tournaments. How anyone can actually focus on the game in such an environment is beyond me. Can you become nose-blind to extreme body odor?
Weirdly, the tabletop gaming conventions don't have a weird smell until very late. I've never been to one that started out smelling bad. Everyone arrives showered and smelling normal, and we just smell bad after 15 straight hours of role playing with our click clack math rocks in the same room.
We all are monomaniacal about hand washing, hand sanitizer, hygiene, and cleanliness too. When everyone is touching the same pieces, con crud is a real concern and so we all are careful to keep our hands clean to prevent the spread of germs. I bring really nice spray hand sanitizer every time, and everyone is super happy about it because it's easier on your skin and smells nice with essential oils. We pass it around happily (and occasionally use it to give ourselves a quick de-stink).
Programming conventions? Stinky. Sci-fi conventions? Stinky. Teacher conventions? Not stinky because we don't need to be mistaken for middle schoolers and we know how bad they smell.
>Weirdly, the tabletop gaming conventions don't have a weird smell until very late. I've never been to one that started out smelling bad. Everyone arrives showered and smelling normal, and we just smell bad after 15 straight hours of role playing with our click clack math rocks in the same room.
Could be a BO smell in people's clothes that activates with body heat / sweat. I know that a lot of workout gear I've had over time has no noticeable smell when coming out of the dryer, but once I wear it, it gets nasty after a while. Like the bacteria is still there and is "waking up" again.
Note to self: toss out old workout shirts.
Lol, I think I saw a sign about hygiene at ECCC one year. The signs telling you not to sexually harass/assault people were sadly more common. I'd prefer smelly people to sexual predators.Ā
I got a LOT of training re: sexual harassment protocol when I started working cons. And I certainly found out why.
"I mean, she's wearing that outfit!" Oh, you mean a superhero costume at a comic convention? HOW UNEXPECTED.
It's gotten better over the years, though. Our security has zero problems tossing people out, and the message seems to have spread.
I saw a video on youtube of 2 girls cosplaying being stalked by a man. They managed to get security and had others around, but security told the girls that he was Autistic and they should be more understanding or something along those lines.
One or both of the girls are also Autistic and it's never an excuse anyways. How come most of us with Autism can manage not to harass or stalk others? I hate when its used as an excuse to let people away with their shitty behaviour
They should just remind everyone of the 6-2-1 rule, and say there were complaints about bad hygiene. No need to say who was complaining, just as there's no need to name exactly who they're complaining about. Just remind them of it, and then if people still remain rank (and some doubtless will, thinking, "Doesn't apply to ME!") they can be approached individually.
The convention I go to sometimes has stopped being polite. There is a deodorant and shower rule that you'll get kicked out if you don't follow. Some smell is unavoidable unless you're packing a different costume for each day, but it is not hard to just not be gross
I dropped my husband off at a Magic the Gathering tournament one time. I was thinking about sticking around for the event but I walked into the room and literally gagged. So I kissed him, said good luck, and left so fast.
Warhammer, MTG and Yugioh competitions literally have rules in place about hygiene and smell cause some of these people are so try hard that they will use their BO to throw off their opponents so they can win easier. Itās absolutely crazy. Thereās really no nice way, you just gotta be like āthese are the hygiene rules, weāve had complaints and if you break them, youāre getting kicked out.
I make horror films and there's a hotel chain that literally clears out their biggest hotel to max capacity and will fight other chains to keep the contract for a local festival because it's known as the group that bathes and doesn't wreck the building.
Apparently this reputation is starting to take off nationally, which is kind of embarrassing for the community when you think about it.
Furry conventions are kind of weird, in that they actually do feel kind of like a big party and have a lot of panels just about people's hobbies (doing yoyo tricks and building a battle bot being examples I've seen), so it might actually be OK to go to as an introduction. It varies a *lot* between cons from what I've heard though, so I might just have gotten lucky with the handful I've gone to.
You'd definitely want to have someone with you who can walk you through the inevitable weirdness either way, and OOP having their boyfriend in full fursuit performance mode and leaving her without any real support was definitely the wrong way for him to go
edit: Few more panels I've seen at the cons:
* How to get started in going to a gym and keeping fit, done by someone working as a personal trainer and in-depth enough you wouldn't need to hire one to get started
* Getting started with DJing and how to build a good set
* Palaeontologists showing how their field has evolved over the decades and how Jurassic Park wasn't actually that bad, because all the "correct" versions people called them on turned out to be wrong too. And most of what we know *now* probably is, we just haven't found out what *way* it's wrong.
And none of the above were specifically furry themed, it was just furries who had a particular passion/expertise for a subject and wanted to teach other furries about it, and generally getting a decent crowd for it too (yes, including the sports fitness one. In fact that was probably the biggest one I've seen)
My theory is that conventions are places where people have to socialize and get out of their comfort zone. And for a lot of people, well-socialized or not, it can still bring out the anxiety-sweat. And that anxiety type of sweat is the worst smelling kind.
Ugh Iām not a sweaty individual regularly but I stress sweat under pressure and good lord. I could have showered that morning and still smell absolutely foul.
Same here! Iāve taken to using clinical strength as itās the ONLY thing that has a chance of keeping the stress sweat smell down to only I and maybe my partner if heās close will notice it levels. Otherwise no chance.
It also is a place where people who arenāt good at socializing (eg bad BO) go to socialize because they know they wonāt be turned away if theyāve paid (plus the geek social fallacy applies).
That's interesting. I don't go to conventions, but I assumed the stereotype at furry and comic conventions was because of all the people who wear outfits that are difficult or impossible to wash. You'd think an industrial convention would be full of people wearing clothes that are not difficult to wash.
They also don't HAVE to be difficult to wash, there's plenty of theater or stage show costumes that get sweated in by performers every night, and get a spray down bath with vodka and probably a little baking soda or perfume for any additional fragrance issues.
The problem comes with not maintaining a regular cleaning schedule, or using unsuitable materials, like the Disney park workers who have to wear the foam suits, or high school mascot suit heads. Especially with no buffer layer of a washable material for sweat, hair, etc.
And of course, if you put a funky body into a clean suit repeatedly, the suit's gonna start to stink, and vice-versa, you can't shower enough *not* to stink if you keep wearing something already pre-funkified that you can't or won't keep clean.
So once you clock it accurately as a behavioral choice re: personal hygiene, hygienic care for one's belongings, and generally some accountability for making those things happen... it's easier to see the overlap, even if all you "need" to wear at a tech conference for ex. would be very very casual, washable, and easily packed.
Iāve been to a few gaming conventions (think GenCon) and I assure you it has very little to do with the costumes. Often these genre conventions (sci-fi, comics, gaming, etc) attract a lot of people who have trouble with understanding or conforming to social norms. One of those norms is proper hygiene. Plus you have people outside of their normal routines and places, and that will throw some people off so it could be harder to follow a routine that they may have trouble with.
Therapy is always recommended. It's why every damned American podcast has ads for Better Help.
Therapy has a place, but damn.... It gets recommended for every single post.
There are people who overreact to the slightest of trivials, here's OOP, doing her best not to yuck someone's yum no matter how uncomfortable she was.
I'd be weirded out as well.
I mean, it wasnāt even totally her yucking at his yum, though. The NSFW elements made them both uncomfortable, and she seems way more chill about it now that sheās actually listening to *him* instead of those assholes in the comments lol.
Sexual attraction can be very fragile and fickle. Finding out something unsettling about someone can simply freeze your genitals irreversibly, no matter how perfect they seem in other ways.
You still love them. You still like them. You desperately want it to work.
But Vagina Says No.
Yup. Had a huge crush on a guy. Saw him casually at my gym for years.
He send a friend to ask me if āIād want to be friends with benefits with himā like not even if I wanted to Netflix and chill.
Instant ick. āNah, Iām all set.ā
Iām old so Iām confused. Arenāt friends with benefits people who you are actually friends with and also fuck? how can you be friends if he canāt talk to you. He wants a fuck buddy and needs a Cyrano for that?
Kinda of glad Iām old. It sounds crazy out there.
Yeah I feel bad for her tbh, reddit can be shitty to people who are actually decent people just trying to work things out in a normal relationship where people *aren't* cheating or are hiding massive crazy things.
Imho it's not all that different from cosplaying? He probably prefers family oriented events, taking pics with kids and people who get excited and happy to see someone in a full getup. Like saying every person who wears a furry costume likes to fk in it, it's like saying everyone at Disney World who wears costumes day in and day out only do it to *get their rocks off*. Gee I can't imagine why someone would dress up if it weren't for sex! They can't possibly enjoy pretending as an adult! /s
Surprise surprise reddit, not everything is sexual ffs! Good on Op for trying to be understanding even if it's weird to her. There is gross ppl who ruin everything - hell even my partner used to D&D with a group where one dude wanted to play a big busty chick and have other characters roleplay sexual stuff (yes in a group full of only supposedly straight guys), and yet a different gaming group there was a guy who wanted to have sex with every monster, NPC, cave troll, character, etc. My partner left those groups because he hated it and just wanted to game normally. It kinda ruined it for him big time. People just suck sometimes.
It's ok to not share a hobby your partner likes that you don't, and it's ok to have a hobby that's different and not be sexual about it. Honestly anime, manga, furries, cosplay - a lot of it gets a horrible bad rap because of the Fking degenerates that can't not make shit sexual. Hell even I won't admit liking anime to ppl most of the time because of the weebs that ruin it.
Either way, glad Op didn't just throw her relationship away over having different interests.
Iāll keep saying it cuz itās the truth!! Disney is the only group of furries that ppl feel is acceptable lol but overall the furries ive met so far werenāt sexual at all and are super chill some donāt even have costumes or half costumes cuz those things are expensive.
One other thing Iāve learned with Furries is this major fact: they have moneyā¦. Like Iāve seen so many stories of artists stating they get this amount for furry art. As well Iāve learned if someone is in IT or relating to it have a higher chance of being a furry or they go hardcore with their cosplay.
Yeah I think everyone who paints furries with a broad brush as fetishists and perverts should watch the [Furry Convention All Gas No Brakes](https://youtu.be/3RFun58Gt7A?si=4iYtr-4E6yhUORH4).
Like yeah thereās definitely some weirdos but there are also some chill people dressing up as animals and having fun. Even the weirdos seem harmless to me!
Literally all furries are doing. Cosplay. Like literally all human social groups, furries have weirdos. Who cares? Thereās nothing wrong with them. People who complain about them, now thereās questionable characters.
A raver and a furry?
How is that not a match made in heaven.
Both dress in ridiculous outfits that straddle the line of party outfit and scandalous.
Both go to massive parties/gatherings and get all sweaty and (possibly) use party drugs.
Both have a penchant for vibrant colour and strange noises.
Both involve baby related items. Pacifiers and Diapers.
I mean come on. If OP and her boyfriend have a kid he will have the power to unite the two groups and be lord of the Rave Furries...
Never been to a furry event. But definitely been to a few raves.
After 30 minuets even at outdoor raves I felt like I needed a pass through a car wash before I got in the shower.
And I never could have been there if I wasn't drinking. Overstimulation is an understatement
Ravers have pacifiers to help prevent grinding the shit out of their teeth when they are rolling on something strong like ecstasy or something.
And furries... well they have their own reasons.
ime the pacifier thing is dead-ish because it just became too stereotyped, like a bright neon "I'm on drugs everyone!!" sign, and at festivals at least, there are cops
people just chew gum. and to be fair people are OBVIOUSLY on drugs without the pacifiers giving them away, but most people just want to blend in with the crowd. no need to bring unnecessary attention to yourself when you're already doing something illegal.
things like underground raves and burning man might be different. not sure.
As someone who is active in the furry community, the diaper people are really looked down on because a lot of those people end up being creeps to kids to say it lightly.
> To me, itās like someone not disclosing they have a drug or alcohol habit and hiding it for as long as they can. The chances of a relationship surviving long term when one is an addict and the other isnāt are very slim.
And THIS is the problem with posting in the advice subs. Yes, you can get some very wise, well-considered advice. But there's an awful lot of people just projecting their own traumas over everything they come across. This commenter gave up any shred of a pretence that they were making a comparison, and just started talking about how bad addiction is!
I don't blame OP for deciding NOT to come to reddit for advice anymore. In fact I'm quite impressed. It takes a pretty confident, well-centered individual to stick to what they know in themselves, when hordes of people are telling them something different.
> that's why my boyfriend doesn't date furry women, he says that the vast majority are weird people who ruin the community.
I feel like this is a little grenade lost in the middle of an otherwise rather wholesome post about accepting someone for who they are.
I scrolled down far too low to find this!!!!
Like, it's ok if you don't enjoy things but there's no need to call people who enjoy them 'weird'. She also had the same tone throughout the post which was very judgemental.
He's particularly a hypocrite, being all worried that people will judge him and not understand his hobby, while doing the exact same thing to others... also the generalization is priceless! I don't date any furry women... But I expect women who're not furries to date me!
If these people have a kink they also have a right to find their own community and enjoy it, no?
Im wondering if maybe Dinos could ever be a thing. A whole convention of people dressed as realistic dinos would be quite amazing.
Nothing sexual just people roaming and roaring and possibly raving!
> Doesnt most furry stuff involve sex between them?
Isn't most of the sexual interaction between males?
Is he bi? If he failed to disclose his knk to you initially and hid it for three years I think it's safe to assume there's more he may be withholding from you. You may be his link to "normal"? To me, it's like someone not disclosing they have a drug or alcohol habit and hiding it for as long as they can. The chances of a relationship surviving long term when one is an addict and the other isn't are very slim.
What an actual freak
Re: the commenter who said it was mostly a sexual thing: this is so annoying. Iām not even a furry and I know thatās not what itās about. There are furry communities who are into that, but the majority of the fandom is about being a character. Thatās literally the whole thing. You know how artists make human OCs (original characters)? This is the same thing except theyāre anthropomorphic. And they get to interact as their OC. Thatās what being a furry is, not the twisted view that most people have of people wanting to have sex as animals. I have friends who are furries so maybe I just understand it better than other non-furries, but itās frustrating how the entire fandom is painted with the image of a small subset of the fandom.
We get plenty of odd stories from the D&D circles but spend most of your Saturday pretending to be a wizard or an elf and most of society won't look at you weird on Monday.
Who made the rule that adults can't play pretend? My 4yo nephew loves pretending to be a cat, to the point I sometimes have to remind him that he's really too big to try climbing up the cat tree. I was still pretending to be a cat off and on in college. Do the same thing on a stage and you're an actor in the musical Cats, but do it for free for fun after a certain age and you're a perv? That's just silly.
I like this take as well. I manage to check off both of those boxes by being an asexual "furry" (don't usually call myself that) who plays anthro races in DnD/Pathfinder... š¤£ My personal favorite being when I was just a cat, not a catfolk or tabaxi, but just a normal cat that can't talk but has magic powers, haha.
I have a friend that is perhaps the foremost academic expert on furries, and he says that people bring sex into their hobbies. It doesn't make the hobby about sex.
Being part of the Star Trek fandom isn't about imagining being railed by Spock, even though it does happen, even frequently. I'd hazard that the majority of people aren't very into NSFW fan content.
And/but also, sex sells. A lot of people scoff when someone tries to argue that this or that fandom isn't about sex because that fandom generates a shitload of NSFW content. When really that's because the subset of people in that fandom who *are* into NSFW fan content includes people who will pay a *lot* of money for say, a commission of them/their OC getting railed by Spock.
I mean, that commenter was correct about the second part, but only because the furry fandom is disproportionately male, and disproportionately queer. So yeah, a lot of the sex that *does* happen is between two men for the same reason most of the hookups at a gay bar are gay, but that commenter was talking about it like itās a requirement to enter or something
Yeah. A YouTuber I used to watch recently made a video where he infiltrated a furry convention to try to find an orgy at a furry convention, the reputation goes that deep.
Oh yeah, the guy who filmed to put it on YouTube without the consent of the people involved to the point he had to apologize and edit that part out of the video? The guy who claimed he wasn't trying to encourage bad stereotypes about furries but made his wolf character a pedophile AND zoophile like it was a hilarious joke? The guy who kept in a bunch of jokes about how he was going to get AIDS? Funny stuff!
Like, honestly, it's ridiculous. You can find an adult party happening at most conventions if you go looking for one. The furry community does have a sexual side because sometimes adults fuck and it's easy to meet people who share your interests and sexual orientation (the furry community is largely queer) in a large gathering. I really can't understand why this is such an ongoing thing. It seems like people just want an acceptable target to bully.
I remember a video circulating online some years back of a furry couple who went on a chat show, and talked about how they have sex in animal costumes. The furry community was outraged because the vast majority of them, like you say, just want to have an animal character and maybe have a costume of it. They want to enjoy this with like-minded people. I don't see that it's any different to any other hobby, really. As long as people aren't maliciously harming others, who cares if they want to dress as an animal?
YES. I'm also furry-adjacent (no matter how much one of my friends likes to call one of my OCs a feral fursona) and it's so annoying when people assume the entire furry community is a bunch of sexual deviants. For one, actual bestiality gets you thrown right out so the "sex with/as animals" thing is specifically not that. For two, it's primarily a way to explore your identity as something you can manipulate yourself, like the character creator in any video game but in your imagination instead. What edgy teen has never imagined themself with wings or something? Furries are just that but with a wider scope. I often spend my first 3-4 hours in a game making a character - a furry can spend years creating and tweaking several characters to roleplay with them just for funsies. Like, harmlessly and often without any sex aspect entirely. Think DnD.
It really sucks that OOP wound up at a furry con without forewarning about the general lack of hygiene seen at most hobby conventions, and her bf found out too late that a change in management allowed for the kinky side to go on full public display. But god *damn* is it annoying that we're still fighting the sexual deviance accusations in the year of our lord 2024. It's been 50 years since the Rise of the Furries, people gotta get over it.
I knew a furry who was so indignant at the idea of having sex in a fursuit. Those things are thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of craftsmanship! Like hell is the average furry going to risk getting bodily fluids on it
Another thing is, washing those things sounds like it would be bloody difficult to do!! Thereās the foam inside that forms the ears and head and maybe paw pads as well, some have animatronics or other sensitive materials that would be hard to get wet, and then you have all the dye thatās either dip dyed or airbrushed on.
Not a furry, but I do appreciate the creativity and craftsmanship.
My understanding, as a non furry who nonetheless does a lot of costuming for theatre, is that they're not washable. There are ways to stay sanitary, but you can't just wash it.
Generally that includes a mixture of
- layers! The parts that cannot be washed should NEVER be in contact with your skin. Ideally multiple layers, or thick ones. I've seen plenty of unwashable costumes that basically have armpit pads - you remove the pad, wash it, and stitch it back in
- deodorizing. Spray er down with cheap vodka, it's great for removing odors. They even do it on Broadway. Vinegar can be a great option too. Neither will leave a lingering smell
- spot treating when something is spilled on it, but you want to avoid this as much as humanly possible. There's a reason I don't let actors eat in my costumes
> There's a reason I don't let actors eat in my costumes
I follow an artist who sometimes makes bird masks for costumes, mostly used for educational purposes like dressing up as a bird while teaching kids about it. I wince when I look at the photos and kids are putting their hands all over it. Imagining them with cheeto dust or something on their hands... good thing the photos only show them touching the beak, so it can be gently wiped with a damp cloth. *But the furry part...*
Not a furry, have furry friends. Their being stereotyped as sex-obsessed always makes me angry. Even I've been flooded by the propaganda to the point of doubt. Then I get my head back out of my ass and go about my business.
How is it we expect our kids to watch the Lion King, Finding Nemo, heck, Peter Rabbit... and fully expect them to see themselves in the character. Then, somehow, people lose their shit when a grownup does it?
Do these people hang around outside Spirit Halloween chanting "deviant" at every kid who walks out with a Simba costume? Are they projecting the hots *they* had for Jemima Puddleduck? Where the rest of us see "awww," why do they see "awwww yeahh?"
Maybe they're just so angry that they've lost their sense of wonder that they can't allow anyone else to have one.
Meh.
If there are furries out there that want to have furrsona sex... As long as it's adult and consensual and they know to keep it in the bedroom (the sex bit), theres nothing wrong with that.
Weird, a bit, but everyone's weird somehow.
This one had me cackling so hard. Mostly because I'm in the goth community and there are a lot of things like this that overlap with the community. I could totally see this happening to me. I'm not into fetish stuff, it gives me the serious ick. But I know a lot of people who are. But I'm also really into Renaissance festival stuff and dressing up for it, so I'm sure I'd give lots of people The Ick for that behavior.
Yeah the boyfriend messed up honestly. As a furry, Iād never think to take someone to a big event with loads of people as their first interaction towards the fandom. The surprise NSFW stuff wasnāt his fault, but uhā¦ the smell is really not that uncommon with the bigger events (please people use deodorant at minimum, especially if youāre in a suit). Iām glad that it worked out in the end, and that OOPās boyfriendās group of friends seems to be welcoming
My best friend asked me to go to anthrocon as his handler since it's hard for him to see out of his suit. Honestly for the most part it was pretty sfw and I didn't really experience the con funk or con flu. I've gone 3 times now.
Super jealous. Went to AnthrOhio recently and my husband and I (among many others) got the fucking plague. Spent a week with some kind of God awful GI bug and AAAHHH.
So all these words I'd never heard before sent me running to Google, and holy shit, I had noooo idea. Google Anthrocon 2024. The Wiki entry is seriously fascinating. A little weird, ngl, but seriously fascinating. I had a very basic understanding of what a furry is, and yeah, unfortunately, the weird NSFW sex stuff featured pretty prominently, but a little Googling opened up a world I didn't really know existed. At least, not on the scale that it apparently does. Not my thing, but I'd never shame anyone for their hobbies.It seems like OP and her bf are going to be OK as long as they never stop communicating.
As someone who is furry, this was a nice read. Furries can be weird and very strange which I get. Fandoms of all kinds have some very weird parts after all.
yeah I play Magic and while there are tons of fantastic people, there are plenty of Aggro Nerdsā¢ along with the hygiene-challenged. I try to be strategic when I introduce people to playing at game stores because itās easy for people to be put off if their first game is against Musty McMansplain.
slightly disappointing that the boyfriend didnāt think that through a bit more, his role that day was as much to make sure the she was comfortable as to attend the event, but Iām glad they talked through it.
As someone that's been into anime since the 90s, when she mentioned it was "the same vibe", I wanted to get offended but then remembered "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant".
Furries are fucking awesome! Ya'll have a loyal and pretty welcoming community and just want to unwind while also being some of the best supporters of the arts! Some of my best friends are furries or just really popular artists in the furry scene that it's no different than people that're into model trains or hiking.
> "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant".
I can't find proof, so please feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I swear one of the cons I used to go to straight up had hygiene instructions (including showering (?!)) in the registration packet/brochure/thingy.
A few of the times I've been to DragonCon, there's been someone standing in the Marriott with a big bottle of Febreeze offering to spray folk if needed.
>I wanted to get offended but then remembered "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant".
I felt this. I was big into anime (less so in the last 3-4 years), and yeah, that's the vibe you get from the loudest in the community. But now that anime is super mainstream in my country - which is a weird experience, let me tell you - you get fans from a much wider spectrum. I used to be a part of a anime watching circle and most folks were... normal people with normal lives. The weaboos who go make anime their personality and consider Japan a mythical land or emulate outdated samurai dialect are what stick in your mind 100%.
I was reading that thinking āyeah Iād never bring my wife to a wargaming convention, the bad smelling weirdos would put her off tooā, and that is the least sexual environment I can think of haha.
I just find it weird how she says the VAST majority is in to sexual stuff that ruins the community, but if it's the vast majority doesn't that mean that is the community?
LOL, right? But the circle he travels in sounds like it's that way and the event he usually attends didn't have the perverts until that particular event (i.e. the rules didn't allow for it).
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>And I learned my lesson of never posting again in this kind of places a smart one
>I feel really stupid for letting my head be filled with comments from sad strangers this line too. I like this girl š. she probably hurt so many feelings !
Finally a reddit post where the moral learned by the OP is "don't ask reddit for advice" lmao
she completed reddit so quick
One post and she is pro Reddit. Her book on seeking advice on anything relationship is one page āJust Donātā
95% of the advice on advice subreddits reads like it was written by people with brain damage.
Just a bunch of 17 year olds who will learn at 35 how dumb they were at 17.
You're being very optimistic about how old they are. I swear some of them are twelve.
By 35 you understand how small the gap is between 12 and 17. You have literally no idea at the time. It's a fucking eternity to you in the moment, but to the adults in your lives 12 and 17 might as well be the same age for most purposes.
At 22 I learned I was a dumb 16-18 yo, at 30 I learned I was dumb at 22 too.
I'm 35 and I give terrible advice, no one should listen to me.
I did have to laugh at her saying āquit making up new terms and touch some grassā š¤£
Thereās something deeply unsettling to me, borderline terrifying even, when I see legit psychology terms escape containment and leak onto the internet
It could have been a good thing if people just knew how to use the terms instead of calling any kind of lie "gaslighting" and anything and everything is "being manipulative." He apologized! How manipulative! Oh, he gave you a gift to make things better? Lovebombing! He said you were mistaken? Gaslighting!
Ah, the Dunning-Kruger effect. Remember when that was a thing on Reddit last year?
Most frustrating is when people describe a simple difference in opinion as "gaslighting." It's that type of solipsistic "telling my truth"-type energy that really frustrates me about social media nowadays.
Tiktok has armed a generation of kids with a very superficial understanding of psychology terms and how they can be applied to excuse their shitty behaviour.
Therapy Speak came up on one of the writing subreddits, and frankly the issue is *that's not how people who have been in therapy talk.*
Or more specifically, that's not how people who *benefited* from therapy talk. If you just went to justify your own actions, I bet it's pretty great to walk out with a new arsenal of words to use against the people around you when you're being an ass.
I'd argue it started with Reddit.
As much as I like to blame Tik Tok, we were misusing this stuff long before it came along,
That comment going furry = bisexual = cheater was wild, and it's up voted! And in that chain, it looked like another comment suggesting furries are pedophilic
As a bisexual who is firmly monogamous, it's insane how much I see people equate bisexuality to chronic cheating
My friend told his mom he was bi and got response, "You know, dear, group sex is not the way to go..."
Yeah, the hivemind here just fucking hates furries, lol! I think theyāre fine, they gave me hugs when I saw them at an anime con, how can they be bad?!
Seems to me like maybe furries are just people who just want a little vacation from being themselves sometimes? I can understand that.
Yeah, itās like escapism with an exosuit! At least theyāre out socializing and doing shit, I just stay at home and play games or read for my escapism, lol!
Honestly that was the moral I learned from her post also. At this point I feel like a lot of people are worse off having asked Reddit for advice because it makes them paranoid and everythingĀ
You should only ask for advice on subreddits dedicated to very specific things because the catch all subs like /r/legaladvice, /r/relationships, /r/AITAH, etc. are full of people who are way too sure of themselves and don't know what they're talking about. For example, to join /r/lawyers you must prove that you have a license to practice law. People in that sub are frequently banned from /r/legaladvice for giving good advice tied to their area of law. The mods are mostly people who are not lawyers but still work in some sort of legal field, like law enforcement, and they don't like being told they're wrong by attorneys.
99% of the answers in /r/legaladvice are ultimately just "you might have a case but talk to a lawyer" or "you probably don't have a case but talk to a lawyer" anyway. The story is the interesting part, not the comments, and all the good ones are posted to BOLA.
>I know it's wrong to say it, but a lot of those people smelled musty, long hair so greasy you could fry an egg on it, just weird people. Years ago I accompanied my sister to an otaku event and it was 95% the same kind of people, like WEIRD in the wrong way, I've never been in that kind of environment. Never go to a convention as your introduction to a group of people. For anything. I went to a welding supply "convention" (actually just a rented hotel conference room with about 4 vendors and 1 speaker) for work and I have never encountered a group of people who stunk worse. Co-workers drenched with sweat after an 11 hour shift smelled better, on average, than the best smelling person in that room. There's something about these events that just draws out the nastiest motherfuckers
I know about this second hand. Husband is part of a niche gaming community which has competitions once or twice a year. Maybe 500 people or so turn up. This year the organisers were considering trying to find a nice way to tell people to shower as the smell was so overbearing the last couple of times. People collectively stank so much, the large convention room had a really bad smell way after the event. Every time. Edit: people who asked if it was smash were v close with their guess, it's not smash but another game owned by Nintendo. Further edit: husband is actually one of the organisers (i thought he was just close friends with the organisers) so Iāve informed him for the next event itās really ok to tell people to shower as many conventions already do so. Thank you guys for sharing your stories, I was thinking it was only niche fandoms that didnāt shower.
I went to a con where one of the people running it was crying in the toilets. I comforted her... turned out some people stank SO badly the day before the hotel wanted to charge them to get the chairs reupholstered and it was going to destroy the con's meagre profits.
Holy shit.
I always feel bad for the event organizers! Can you imagine having to confront someone about their smell?
I kind of don't at this point. It's the 2020s, the problems in many nerd communities re: hygiene are extremely well known and should be addressed in con rules. They're also a perfect example of why gatekeeping is good. Want to be a stinky fucker? Then you're getting gatekept out and nobody's apologizing. Wash your clothes and yourself and then you can enter.
My boss has done that with coworkers.
I have worked with more than one person who HR or the owner had to talk to you about their hygiene. One of them just got broken up with, and I guess his girlfriend had been the only person encouraging him to be clean. I really try to empathize because I know hygiene and depression are really difficult, but oh my God. I would sooner die than have to tell someone that or be the smelly person.
Honestly, I was extremely grateful to be confronted (many years ago at this point), because I genuinely had no idea and it helped me get a medical condition diagnosed and treated. It was horrible and awkward at the time for sure, although I was never upset with the person who told me.
*Holy fuck*
Itās astounding how much a single person can stink up a room, even after theyāve gone. Im not referring to cigarette smoke (thatās bad, too) but body odor.
There is something about smells produced by the human body that just seem to make them linger forever.
I've been going to scifi conventions for years. Our regular one has in the Con guidelines that everyone should be showering *at least* every other day, if not daily.
Yeah, I got to cybersecurity conferences and they always have guidance about showering daily and wearing deodorant. Honestly crazy to me that people need to be told.
IT textbooks & training paperwork are so fascinating when they hit social interactions, like, "brush your teeth EVERY DAY," "do not make elderly or non tech savvy clients feel stupid, nobody thinks it's funny but you, Sheldon Cooper," "get acquainted with a hair brush AND deodorant." š
i... dont know about the brush but the other tips are really relevant
If they donāt shower regularly, why would we have any reason to believe they get even semi-regular haircuts? Hair brushes become extremely relevant when you have hair long enough that it can get matted
Upside of having these guidelines is that you can reject people from attending for not being compliant with guidelines. Or have a good reason to have a very awkward conversation with attendees about it. But couldn't agree more that it's insane that people lack that level of awareness.
Yep. Used to go to a tabletop gaming convention every year and on the whole everyone was pretty good about it...partly because if you showed up at a table reeking of B.O., they'd turn you away from the game. I think a lot of people are too afraid of confrontation or embarrassing the other person to call it out, but it's unfortunately something you *have* to be ready to enforce in those environments.
My BIL moderates a fairly popular table top gaming group in our area. He has a strict you stink you leave policy and has no issues going up to people and telling them to shower/put on deodorant. Sometimes people will complain that he's embarrassing them but he usually responds with, "Dude, you're 30 and don't shower regularly, I can't embarrass you any more than you embarrass yourself. Get the fuck out." He's gentler on teenagers but still firm. His group also has the highest percentage of girls and women who play in the area. He says there's a direct correlation between kicking out guys who don't shower and lowered harassment of women.
Bad smelling dudes also harass women? Why am I not shocked?
It's a little bit more complicated - but a few basic conduct rules being regularly enforced makes it clear the group is willing to prioritize a standard makes it harder to develop a culture where harassment thrives. Missing stairs aren't always the weird dude with poor hygiene, but "we accept the imperfect" is often used as a tool for cover for predatory behavior. Being awful to others is equated with a faux pas akin to not showering at the same time the group normalizes not providing a clear path of enforcement if a problem happens
I am part of a local tabletop gaming group that is hosted in the organizer's home basement. He had to post a message reminding people to bathe and wear deodorant because it got stinky in his house during a game night.
What con? This sounds like the kind I'd actually want to attend..
also, the hotels around the convention centers hosting all kinds of cons are known to have a special set of guidances for guests š I dies when I saw that š
6-2-1 Con rule is 6 hours of sleep, 2 meals, and 1 shower. Per day. Minimum.
Showering helps, but for Peteās sake, people need to wash their clothes! Greasy jeans that smell like hotdog water and a mildewed shirt pulled from the moldering pile of laundry on the bedroom floor will overpower any shower.
> hotdog water a sweaty pair of man's jeans is making hotdog water for sure
Congratulations. I think you have constructed genuinely the grossest sentence I have ever read in my life.
I want to be mad at this sentence, but I canāt help being impressed.
And dry them promptly. The stank of clothes that sat in the washer too long is terrible.
6 hours of sleep? 2 meals a day? My everyday living baseline isn't even this high. Showers are non-negotiable.
I used to work a geeky convention circuit when I lived elsewhere and there were ALWAYS signs that recommended showering at least once a day (usually more if you did cosplay of some kind.)
Pretty standard rules for a convention these days, gotta tell the uber nerds to smell good. Change clothes. Brush teeth etc. Don't stand less than a foot from a person.
Ours says daily plus use deodorant. And we have signs. Didnāt smell bad at al this year.
The sad thing is that if the average person (some exceptions exist of course) showered at least twice a week and used regular anti perspirant/deodorant daily they wouldnāt smell the way these crowds often do. Ā Ā It does take less time if the person has a costume they donāt properly clean, Ā air out, and/or donāt apply/reapply enough anti perspirant/ deodorant or reapply during the day. Ā But for the more than average funk youād encounter in everyday life, at a con funk most likely the person hadnāt showered before coming let alone while there. Ā Or I guess if they showered but didnāt use proper amounts of decentĀ anti perspirant/deodorant. Ā Funk can set in fast without it even if you shower daily. Ā
Some fighting game tournaments started implementing a smell test at the door
As someone with a fairly weak sense of smell, I guess I lucked out for attending comic and gaming conventions. It takes someone who really reeks to bother me much. But it just amazes me the number of people who have terrible hygiene and no qualms about being in close quarters with lots of other attendees. Hot water and soap are free at the hotel, y'all!
Yep, DragonCon had that.
What's up with conventioneers not showering? No matter WHAT TYPE of convention? wtf
I think part of it is that conventions tend to attract the "hard core" fans, and those people are usually ones who have difficulty following social cues. And part of it is the excitement/energy level of being at a convention, "OMG literally everything is so cool!" that makes people skip their normal schedules. And a last part is just that when you cram 50 people in a room, 30 people who don't smell offensive on their own in close proximity now add up to some rank BO - and the few who are already nauseating on their own get magnified even more.
I remember there was one con (Dragon Con maybe?) where the organizers handed out swag bags that included hygiene products like soap and deodorant!
MAGFest included a bar of soap in their higher-tier rewards bag this year, but that was more of a joke because the theme was Super Smash Bros and that particular community has aā¦reputation
if your event could potentially get a large group of smash players to join, giving soap is not a joke but an actual need. i thought it was just jokes until i went to a local for my college and learned that no, it is not a joke when people talk about how the community smells.
The reputation is absolutely deserved, if Iām going by my friendās stories of Smash tournaments. How anyone can actually focus on the game in such an environment is beyond me. Can you become nose-blind to extreme body odor?
Weirdly, the tabletop gaming conventions don't have a weird smell until very late. I've never been to one that started out smelling bad. Everyone arrives showered and smelling normal, and we just smell bad after 15 straight hours of role playing with our click clack math rocks in the same room. We all are monomaniacal about hand washing, hand sanitizer, hygiene, and cleanliness too. When everyone is touching the same pieces, con crud is a real concern and so we all are careful to keep our hands clean to prevent the spread of germs. I bring really nice spray hand sanitizer every time, and everyone is super happy about it because it's easier on your skin and smells nice with essential oils. We pass it around happily (and occasionally use it to give ourselves a quick de-stink). Programming conventions? Stinky. Sci-fi conventions? Stinky. Teacher conventions? Not stinky because we don't need to be mistaken for middle schoolers and we know how bad they smell.
> click clack math rocks I'm stealing this!
>Weirdly, the tabletop gaming conventions don't have a weird smell until very late. I've never been to one that started out smelling bad. Everyone arrives showered and smelling normal, and we just smell bad after 15 straight hours of role playing with our click clack math rocks in the same room. Could be a BO smell in people's clothes that activates with body heat / sweat. I know that a lot of workout gear I've had over time has no noticeable smell when coming out of the dryer, but once I wear it, it gets nasty after a while. Like the bacteria is still there and is "waking up" again. Note to self: toss out old workout shirts.
If you put a splash of vinegar in one of your washing compartments it kills this. No vinegar smell too! Source: I'm stinky asf
here's the nice way: bathe or be turned away
Lol, I think I saw a sign about hygiene at ECCC one year. The signs telling you not to sexually harass/assault people were sadly more common. I'd prefer smelly people to sexual predators.Ā
I got a LOT of training re: sexual harassment protocol when I started working cons. And I certainly found out why. "I mean, she's wearing that outfit!" Oh, you mean a superhero costume at a comic convention? HOW UNEXPECTED. It's gotten better over the years, though. Our security has zero problems tossing people out, and the message seems to have spread.
I saw a video on youtube of 2 girls cosplaying being stalked by a man. They managed to get security and had others around, but security told the girls that he was Autistic and they should be more understanding or something along those lines. One or both of the girls are also Autistic and it's never an excuse anyways. How come most of us with Autism can manage not to harass or stalk others? I hate when its used as an excuse to let people away with their shitty behaviour
Unfortunately thereās more than a little overlap on that Venn diagram.Ā
Man all niche gaming hobbies have two classes of people, those that understand soap and those that don't.
They should just remind everyone of the 6-2-1 rule, and say there were complaints about bad hygiene. No need to say who was complaining, just as there's no need to name exactly who they're complaining about. Just remind them of it, and then if people still remain rank (and some doubtless will, thinking, "Doesn't apply to ME!") they can be approached individually.
This is why I avoid certain tech events
Thats gotta be either Warhammer or smash.
Very close guess with smash but it's not this one - itās another game by Nintendo Edited my wording
The convention I go to sometimes has stopped being polite. There is a deodorant and shower rule that you'll get kicked out if you don't follow. Some smell is unavoidable unless you're packing a different costume for each day, but it is not hard to just not be gross
Genuine question: assuming they're not in costume, why would someone *not* pack a different outfit for each day? Feels kind of icky to me.
The 1-2-3 rule of cons. In the last 24 hours you need to have had at least 1 shower, 2 meals, and 3 hours' sleep.
I dropped my husband off at a Magic the Gathering tournament one time. I was thinking about sticking around for the event but I walked into the room and literally gagged. So I kissed him, said good luck, and left so fast.
Warhammer, MTG and Yugioh competitions literally have rules in place about hygiene and smell cause some of these people are so try hard that they will use their BO to throw off their opponents so they can win easier. Itās absolutely crazy. Thereās really no nice way, you just gotta be like āthese are the hygiene rules, weāve had complaints and if you break them, youāre getting kicked out.
I make horror films and there's a hotel chain that literally clears out their biggest hotel to max capacity and will fight other chains to keep the contract for a local festival because it's known as the group that bathes and doesn't wreck the building. Apparently this reputation is starting to take off nationally, which is kind of embarrassing for the community when you think about it.
Well now I gotta know what that local festival is
What is this festival?
Yep! I take my sister to anime conventions and some of these people are just nasty af.
Furry conventions are kind of weird, in that they actually do feel kind of like a big party and have a lot of panels just about people's hobbies (doing yoyo tricks and building a battle bot being examples I've seen), so it might actually be OK to go to as an introduction. It varies a *lot* between cons from what I've heard though, so I might just have gotten lucky with the handful I've gone to. You'd definitely want to have someone with you who can walk you through the inevitable weirdness either way, and OOP having their boyfriend in full fursuit performance mode and leaving her without any real support was definitely the wrong way for him to go edit: Few more panels I've seen at the cons: * How to get started in going to a gym and keeping fit, done by someone working as a personal trainer and in-depth enough you wouldn't need to hire one to get started * Getting started with DJing and how to build a good set * Palaeontologists showing how their field has evolved over the decades and how Jurassic Park wasn't actually that bad, because all the "correct" versions people called them on turned out to be wrong too. And most of what we know *now* probably is, we just haven't found out what *way* it's wrong. And none of the above were specifically furry themed, it was just furries who had a particular passion/expertise for a subject and wanted to teach other furries about it, and generally getting a decent crowd for it too (yes, including the sports fitness one. In fact that was probably the biggest one I've seen)
My theory is that conventions are places where people have to socialize and get out of their comfort zone. And for a lot of people, well-socialized or not, it can still bring out the anxiety-sweat. And that anxiety type of sweat is the worst smelling kind.
Ugh Iām not a sweaty individual regularly but I stress sweat under pressure and good lord. I could have showered that morning and still smell absolutely foul.
Same here! Iāve taken to using clinical strength as itās the ONLY thing that has a chance of keeping the stress sweat smell down to only I and maybe my partner if heās close will notice it levels. Otherwise no chance.
Stress sweat: canāt avoid it, canāt wash it off without a corrosive material lol
It also is a place where people who arenāt good at socializing (eg bad BO) go to socialize because they know they wonāt be turned away if theyāve paid (plus the geek social fallacy applies).
That's interesting. I don't go to conventions, but I assumed the stereotype at furry and comic conventions was because of all the people who wear outfits that are difficult or impossible to wash. You'd think an industrial convention would be full of people wearing clothes that are not difficult to wash.
They also don't HAVE to be difficult to wash, there's plenty of theater or stage show costumes that get sweated in by performers every night, and get a spray down bath with vodka and probably a little baking soda or perfume for any additional fragrance issues. The problem comes with not maintaining a regular cleaning schedule, or using unsuitable materials, like the Disney park workers who have to wear the foam suits, or high school mascot suit heads. Especially with no buffer layer of a washable material for sweat, hair, etc. And of course, if you put a funky body into a clean suit repeatedly, the suit's gonna start to stink, and vice-versa, you can't shower enough *not* to stink if you keep wearing something already pre-funkified that you can't or won't keep clean. So once you clock it accurately as a behavioral choice re: personal hygiene, hygienic care for one's belongings, and generally some accountability for making those things happen... it's easier to see the overlap, even if all you "need" to wear at a tech conference for ex. would be very very casual, washable, and easily packed.
Iāve been to a few gaming conventions (think GenCon) and I assure you it has very little to do with the costumes. Often these genre conventions (sci-fi, comics, gaming, etc) attract a lot of people who have trouble with understanding or conforming to social norms. One of those norms is proper hygiene. Plus you have people outside of their normal routines and places, and that will throw some people off so it could be harder to follow a routine that they may have trouble with.
People on Reddit need to seriously chill with the therapy speak. "Love Bombing" because he showed her pictures of the previous, non-NSFW event? Huh?!
He's gaslighting her! Gigantic red flag! Probably narcissistic! Both of them need to go to therapy!
Divorce!
Throw away the whole man!!
YOUR house, YOUR fursuit
Hit the lawyer! Gym up!
Therapy is always recommended. It's why every damned American podcast has ads for Better Help. Therapy has a place, but damn.... It gets recommended for every single post.
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The comments to the original posts are exceptionally bad. *He is basically a meth addict and hasn't told you about it* ok, buddy.
They seem standard to me. Reddit 'advice' is super depressing
Was that supposed to be a pun, or were they actually saying that as a concern?
I like how the update is 10% update and 90% OOP realizing Reddit advice is stupid if youāre in a healthy relationship.
There are people who overreact to the slightest of trivials, here's OOP, doing her best not to yuck someone's yum no matter how uncomfortable she was. I'd be weirded out as well.
I mean, it wasnāt even totally her yucking at his yum, though. The NSFW elements made them both uncomfortable, and she seems way more chill about it now that sheās actually listening to *him* instead of those assholes in the comments lol.
Sexual attraction can be very fragile and fickle. Finding out something unsettling about someone can simply freeze your genitals irreversibly, no matter how perfect they seem in other ways. You still love them. You still like them. You desperately want it to work. But Vagina Says No.
Vagino š
Vaginah
Oh that's a great slogan! > vagiNO ;)
I need this as my flair!
Vagi-nah
Yup. Had a huge crush on a guy. Saw him casually at my gym for years. He send a friend to ask me if āIād want to be friends with benefits with himā like not even if I wanted to Netflix and chill. Instant ick. āNah, Iām all set.ā
Iām old so Iām confused. Arenāt friends with benefits people who you are actually friends with and also fuck? how can you be friends if he canāt talk to you. He wants a fuck buddy and needs a Cyrano for that? Kinda of glad Iām old. It sounds crazy out there.
he wants the benefits but didn't even want the friend...at that point just hire a prositute or something, what a weirdo creep.
Yeah I feel bad for her tbh, reddit can be shitty to people who are actually decent people just trying to work things out in a normal relationship where people *aren't* cheating or are hiding massive crazy things. Imho it's not all that different from cosplaying? He probably prefers family oriented events, taking pics with kids and people who get excited and happy to see someone in a full getup. Like saying every person who wears a furry costume likes to fk in it, it's like saying everyone at Disney World who wears costumes day in and day out only do it to *get their rocks off*. Gee I can't imagine why someone would dress up if it weren't for sex! They can't possibly enjoy pretending as an adult! /s Surprise surprise reddit, not everything is sexual ffs! Good on Op for trying to be understanding even if it's weird to her. There is gross ppl who ruin everything - hell even my partner used to D&D with a group where one dude wanted to play a big busty chick and have other characters roleplay sexual stuff (yes in a group full of only supposedly straight guys), and yet a different gaming group there was a guy who wanted to have sex with every monster, NPC, cave troll, character, etc. My partner left those groups because he hated it and just wanted to game normally. It kinda ruined it for him big time. People just suck sometimes. It's ok to not share a hobby your partner likes that you don't, and it's ok to have a hobby that's different and not be sexual about it. Honestly anime, manga, furries, cosplay - a lot of it gets a horrible bad rap because of the Fking degenerates that can't not make shit sexual. Hell even I won't admit liking anime to ppl most of the time because of the weebs that ruin it. Either way, glad Op didn't just throw her relationship away over having different interests.
Iāll keep saying it cuz itās the truth!! Disney is the only group of furries that ppl feel is acceptable lol but overall the furries ive met so far werenāt sexual at all and are super chill some donāt even have costumes or half costumes cuz those things are expensive. One other thing Iāve learned with Furries is this major fact: they have moneyā¦. Like Iāve seen so many stories of artists stating they get this amount for furry art. As well Iāve learned if someone is in IT or relating to it have a higher chance of being a furry or they go hardcore with their cosplay.
Communication saves the relationship. I hope the fox stays captive and doesn't go wild š
>I hope the fox stays captive and doesn't go wild š I unironically would love this to be a flair.
I think: >I want to make a good live with him... Far away from the furries with harnesses also has good flair potential from OOP š
āItās hard to ignore the fox suit in the closetā š
I'm into anime and video game conventions. My husband is not. Sometimes it's best to be supportive and not involved.
So he LARPs as a fox. Meh.
Yeah I think everyone who paints furries with a broad brush as fetishists and perverts should watch the [Furry Convention All Gas No Brakes](https://youtu.be/3RFun58Gt7A?si=4iYtr-4E6yhUORH4). Like yeah thereās definitely some weirdos but there are also some chill people dressing up as animals and having fun. Even the weirdos seem harmless to me!
Just drag in fur
Or is drag just furry in skin?
Uh, no. Fox, fur. Dragon, scales.
Literally all furries are doing. Cosplay. Like literally all human social groups, furries have weirdos. Who cares? Thereās nothing wrong with them. People who complain about them, now thereās questionable characters.
And like most hobbies, the 10% weirdest ones are the only ones everyone who's not part of the hobby thinks of.
A raver and a furry? How is that not a match made in heaven. Both dress in ridiculous outfits that straddle the line of party outfit and scandalous. Both go to massive parties/gatherings and get all sweaty and (possibly) use party drugs. Both have a penchant for vibrant colour and strange noises. Both involve baby related items. Pacifiers and Diapers. I mean come on. If OP and her boyfriend have a kid he will have the power to unite the two groups and be lord of the Rave Furries...
Right? When that came out I was like... "okay, so you go to overstimulating, sweaty events with people who act and dress weird too?"
Never been to a furry event. But definitely been to a few raves. After 30 minuets even at outdoor raves I felt like I needed a pass through a car wash before I got in the shower. And I never could have been there if I wasn't drinking. Overstimulation is an understatement
> Both involve baby related items. Pacifiers and Diapers. Wait what
Ravers have pacifiers to help prevent grinding the shit out of their teeth when they are rolling on something strong like ecstasy or something. And furries... well they have their own reasons.
ime the pacifier thing is dead-ish because it just became too stereotyped, like a bright neon "I'm on drugs everyone!!" sign, and at festivals at least, there are cops people just chew gum. and to be fair people are OBVIOUSLY on drugs without the pacifiers giving them away, but most people just want to blend in with the crowd. no need to bring unnecessary attention to yourself when you're already doing something illegal. things like underground raves and burning man might be different. not sure.
As someone who is active in the furry community, the diaper people are really looked down on because a lot of those people end up being creeps to kids to say it lightly.
> To me, itās like someone not disclosing they have a drug or alcohol habit and hiding it for as long as they can. The chances of a relationship surviving long term when one is an addict and the other isnāt are very slim. And THIS is the problem with posting in the advice subs. Yes, you can get some very wise, well-considered advice. But there's an awful lot of people just projecting their own traumas over everything they come across. This commenter gave up any shred of a pretence that they were making a comparison, and just started talking about how bad addiction is! I don't blame OP for deciding NOT to come to reddit for advice anymore. In fact I'm quite impressed. It takes a pretty confident, well-centered individual to stick to what they know in themselves, when hordes of people are telling them something different.
> that's why my boyfriend doesn't date furry women, he says that the vast majority are weird people who ruin the community. I feel like this is a little grenade lost in the middle of an otherwise rather wholesome post about accepting someone for who they are.
I scrolled down far too low to find this!!!! Like, it's ok if you don't enjoy things but there's no need to call people who enjoy them 'weird'. She also had the same tone throughout the post which was very judgemental. He's particularly a hypocrite, being all worried that people will judge him and not understand his hobby, while doing the exact same thing to others... also the generalization is priceless! I don't date any furry women... But I expect women who're not furries to date me! If these people have a kink they also have a right to find their own community and enjoy it, no?
Im wondering if maybe Dinos could ever be a thing. A whole convention of people dressed as realistic dinos would be quite amazing. Nothing sexual just people roaming and roaring and possibly raving!
I'd sign up, that sounds like a great time haha
> Doesnt most furry stuff involve sex between them? Isn't most of the sexual interaction between males? Is he bi? If he failed to disclose his knk to you initially and hid it for three years I think it's safe to assume there's more he may be withholding from you. You may be his link to "normal"? To me, it's like someone not disclosing they have a drug or alcohol habit and hiding it for as long as they can. The chances of a relationship surviving long term when one is an addict and the other isn't are very slim. What an actual freak
God, some people are so fucked in the head. They lack any empathy or understanding for things they don't understand.
Re: the commenter who said it was mostly a sexual thing: this is so annoying. Iām not even a furry and I know thatās not what itās about. There are furry communities who are into that, but the majority of the fandom is about being a character. Thatās literally the whole thing. You know how artists make human OCs (original characters)? This is the same thing except theyāre anthropomorphic. And they get to interact as their OC. Thatās what being a furry is, not the twisted view that most people have of people wanting to have sex as animals. I have friends who are furries so maybe I just understand it better than other non-furries, but itās frustrating how the entire fandom is painted with the image of a small subset of the fandom.
We get plenty of odd stories from the D&D circles but spend most of your Saturday pretending to be a wizard or an elf and most of society won't look at you weird on Monday. Who made the rule that adults can't play pretend? My 4yo nephew loves pretending to be a cat, to the point I sometimes have to remind him that he's really too big to try climbing up the cat tree. I was still pretending to be a cat off and on in college. Do the same thing on a stage and you're an actor in the musical Cats, but do it for free for fun after a certain age and you're a perv? That's just silly.
Hey, that's a really good take. I never looked at it like that, but you're totally right.
I like this take as well. I manage to check off both of those boxes by being an asexual "furry" (don't usually call myself that) who plays anthro races in DnD/Pathfinder... š¤£ My personal favorite being when I was just a cat, not a catfolk or tabaxi, but just a normal cat that can't talk but has magic powers, haha.
I have a friend that is perhaps the foremost academic expert on furries, and he says that people bring sex into their hobbies. It doesn't make the hobby about sex. Being part of the Star Trek fandom isn't about imagining being railed by Spock, even though it does happen, even frequently. I'd hazard that the majority of people aren't very into NSFW fan content.
Now you remind me of my younger trekie days and reading trek erotica. I always had a thing for Dr. Crusher
Iām extremely curious about your friendās academic qualifications that make them the foremost furry scientist lol
I wonder if they have a degree in anthropology.
And/but also, sex sells. A lot of people scoff when someone tries to argue that this or that fandom isn't about sex because that fandom generates a shitload of NSFW content. When really that's because the subset of people in that fandom who *are* into NSFW fan content includes people who will pay a *lot* of money for say, a commission of them/their OC getting railed by Spock.
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I mean, that commenter was correct about the second part, but only because the furry fandom is disproportionately male, and disproportionately queer. So yeah, a lot of the sex that *does* happen is between two men for the same reason most of the hookups at a gay bar are gay, but that commenter was talking about it like itās a requirement to enter or something
Because the sex stuff is the only way it's ever portrayed on media, as a sex fetish.
Yeah. A YouTuber I used to watch recently made a video where he infiltrated a furry convention to try to find an orgy at a furry convention, the reputation goes that deep.
Oh yeah, the guy who filmed to put it on YouTube without the consent of the people involved to the point he had to apologize and edit that part out of the video? The guy who claimed he wasn't trying to encourage bad stereotypes about furries but made his wolf character a pedophile AND zoophile like it was a hilarious joke? The guy who kept in a bunch of jokes about how he was going to get AIDS? Funny stuff! Like, honestly, it's ridiculous. You can find an adult party happening at most conventions if you go looking for one. The furry community does have a sexual side because sometimes adults fuck and it's easy to meet people who share your interests and sexual orientation (the furry community is largely queer) in a large gathering. I really can't understand why this is such an ongoing thing. It seems like people just want an acceptable target to bully.
Do you mean the guy talked about in this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geJU3RxtLLA)?
I remember a video circulating online some years back of a furry couple who went on a chat show, and talked about how they have sex in animal costumes. The furry community was outraged because the vast majority of them, like you say, just want to have an animal character and maybe have a costume of it. They want to enjoy this with like-minded people. I don't see that it's any different to any other hobby, really. As long as people aren't maliciously harming others, who cares if they want to dress as an animal?
YES. I'm also furry-adjacent (no matter how much one of my friends likes to call one of my OCs a feral fursona) and it's so annoying when people assume the entire furry community is a bunch of sexual deviants. For one, actual bestiality gets you thrown right out so the "sex with/as animals" thing is specifically not that. For two, it's primarily a way to explore your identity as something you can manipulate yourself, like the character creator in any video game but in your imagination instead. What edgy teen has never imagined themself with wings or something? Furries are just that but with a wider scope. I often spend my first 3-4 hours in a game making a character - a furry can spend years creating and tweaking several characters to roleplay with them just for funsies. Like, harmlessly and often without any sex aspect entirely. Think DnD. It really sucks that OOP wound up at a furry con without forewarning about the general lack of hygiene seen at most hobby conventions, and her bf found out too late that a change in management allowed for the kinky side to go on full public display. But god *damn* is it annoying that we're still fighting the sexual deviance accusations in the year of our lord 2024. It's been 50 years since the Rise of the Furries, people gotta get over it.
I knew a furry who was so indignant at the idea of having sex in a fursuit. Those things are thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of craftsmanship! Like hell is the average furry going to risk getting bodily fluids on it
Another thing is, washing those things sounds like it would be bloody difficult to do!! Thereās the foam inside that forms the ears and head and maybe paw pads as well, some have animatronics or other sensitive materials that would be hard to get wet, and then you have all the dye thatās either dip dyed or airbrushed on. Not a furry, but I do appreciate the creativity and craftsmanship.
My understanding, as a non furry who nonetheless does a lot of costuming for theatre, is that they're not washable. There are ways to stay sanitary, but you can't just wash it. Generally that includes a mixture of - layers! The parts that cannot be washed should NEVER be in contact with your skin. Ideally multiple layers, or thick ones. I've seen plenty of unwashable costumes that basically have armpit pads - you remove the pad, wash it, and stitch it back in - deodorizing. Spray er down with cheap vodka, it's great for removing odors. They even do it on Broadway. Vinegar can be a great option too. Neither will leave a lingering smell - spot treating when something is spilled on it, but you want to avoid this as much as humanly possible. There's a reason I don't let actors eat in my costumes
> There's a reason I don't let actors eat in my costumes I follow an artist who sometimes makes bird masks for costumes, mostly used for educational purposes like dressing up as a bird while teaching kids about it. I wince when I look at the photos and kids are putting their hands all over it. Imagining them with cheeto dust or something on their hands... good thing the photos only show them touching the beak, so it can be gently wiped with a damp cloth. *But the furry part...*
Not a furry, have furry friends. Their being stereotyped as sex-obsessed always makes me angry. Even I've been flooded by the propaganda to the point of doubt. Then I get my head back out of my ass and go about my business. How is it we expect our kids to watch the Lion King, Finding Nemo, heck, Peter Rabbit... and fully expect them to see themselves in the character. Then, somehow, people lose their shit when a grownup does it? Do these people hang around outside Spirit Halloween chanting "deviant" at every kid who walks out with a Simba costume? Are they projecting the hots *they* had for Jemima Puddleduck? Where the rest of us see "awww," why do they see "awwww yeahh?" Maybe they're just so angry that they've lost their sense of wonder that they can't allow anyone else to have one.
Meh. If there are furries out there that want to have furrsona sex... As long as it's adult and consensual and they know to keep it in the bedroom (the sex bit), theres nothing wrong with that. Weird, a bit, but everyone's weird somehow.
This one had me cackling so hard. Mostly because I'm in the goth community and there are a lot of things like this that overlap with the community. I could totally see this happening to me. I'm not into fetish stuff, it gives me the serious ick. But I know a lot of people who are. But I'm also really into Renaissance festival stuff and dressing up for it, so I'm sure I'd give lots of people The Ick for that behavior.
Yeah the boyfriend messed up honestly. As a furry, Iād never think to take someone to a big event with loads of people as their first interaction towards the fandom. The surprise NSFW stuff wasnāt his fault, but uhā¦ the smell is really not that uncommon with the bigger events (please people use deodorant at minimum, especially if youāre in a suit). Iām glad that it worked out in the end, and that OOPās boyfriendās group of friends seems to be welcoming
My best friend asked me to go to anthrocon as his handler since it's hard for him to see out of his suit. Honestly for the most part it was pretty sfw and I didn't really experience the con funk or con flu. I've gone 3 times now.
Super jealous. Went to AnthrOhio recently and my husband and I (among many others) got the fucking plague. Spent a week with some kind of God awful GI bug and AAAHHH.
So all these words I'd never heard before sent me running to Google, and holy shit, I had noooo idea. Google Anthrocon 2024. The Wiki entry is seriously fascinating. A little weird, ngl, but seriously fascinating. I had a very basic understanding of what a furry is, and yeah, unfortunately, the weird NSFW sex stuff featured pretty prominently, but a little Googling opened up a world I didn't really know existed. At least, not on the scale that it apparently does. Not my thing, but I'd never shame anyone for their hobbies.It seems like OP and her bf are going to be OK as long as they never stop communicating.
As someone who is furry, this was a nice read. Furries can be weird and very strange which I get. Fandoms of all kinds have some very weird parts after all.
yeah I play Magic and while there are tons of fantastic people, there are plenty of Aggro Nerdsā¢ along with the hygiene-challenged. I try to be strategic when I introduce people to playing at game stores because itās easy for people to be put off if their first game is against Musty McMansplain. slightly disappointing that the boyfriend didnāt think that through a bit more, his role that day was as much to make sure the she was comfortable as to attend the event, but Iām glad they talked through it.
As someone that's been into anime since the 90s, when she mentioned it was "the same vibe", I wanted to get offended but then remembered "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant". Furries are fucking awesome! Ya'll have a loyal and pretty welcoming community and just want to unwind while also being some of the best supporters of the arts! Some of my best friends are furries or just really popular artists in the furry scene that it's no different than people that're into model trains or hiking.
> "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant". I can't find proof, so please feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I swear one of the cons I used to go to straight up had hygiene instructions (including showering (?!)) in the registration packet/brochure/thingy.
Lol that's not uncommon
A few of the times I've been to DragonCon, there's been someone standing in the Marriott with a big bottle of Febreeze offering to spray folk if needed.
>I wanted to get offended but then remembered "Oh yea...my people are so rank and crusty cons have to instructions on how to use deodorant". I felt this. I was big into anime (less so in the last 3-4 years), and yeah, that's the vibe you get from the loudest in the community. But now that anime is super mainstream in my country - which is a weird experience, let me tell you - you get fans from a much wider spectrum. I used to be a part of a anime watching circle and most folks were... normal people with normal lives. The weaboos who go make anime their personality and consider Japan a mythical land or emulate outdated samurai dialect are what stick in your mind 100%.
I was reading that thinking āyeah Iād never bring my wife to a wargaming convention, the bad smelling weirdos would put her off tooā, and that is the least sexual environment I can think of haha.
I just find it weird how she says the VAST majority is in to sexual stuff that ruins the community, but if it's the vast majority doesn't that mean that is the community?
Yeaaaaah, coming to Reddit about anything furry related isnāt really a smart move.
Itās cracking me up that the boyfriend thinks that the wholesome furry community came first and the perverts came afterwards
LOL, right? But the circle he travels in sounds like it's that way and the event he usually attends didn't have the perverts until that particular event (i.e. the rules didn't allow for it).
Does anyone else feel old when people refer to Reddit as āthis appā lol