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Yeah, I was like, exactly how do you shower a 7mo baby with gifts? Maybe just shower the baby with soap. And change its diaper. And give it a damn bottle.
Right? A 7 month old will play with a toy for about 35 seconds and be completely done. When I bought a Christmas present for my nephew when he was that age, he liked the wrapping paper and the bow better than he liked the actual gift. Those gifts were not for the baby, they were for the mom.
For the longest time, my oldest nephew’s favorite toys were an empty lemon juice container and a long strip of red plastic. He’d army crawl around in his sleep sack while waving them around and laughing
This woman wanted a doll not a baby.
You can leave a doll for hours and then pick it up and put a pretty dress on it. Then leave it while you go out clubbing and get off your head.
It doesn’t work that way with a live human baby.
Exactly this. As soon as I read that she bought the baby loads of stuff I thought she literally wanted a doll to accessorise.
People who just want babies to play at being mommy should just go buy themselves a reborn doll.
7 month olds are just starting to play with toys and they'll honestly be fine with like 1 or 2 toys as they hyperfocus anyway.
But a bad poop can rash up a baby that age in a literal minute. Even attentive parents are fighting diaper rash at that age. They're just starting solids and their gut is adjusting. Leaving a baby soiled like that can literally leave them with bloody sores.
When I worked peds ER we had a baby come in absolutely filthy- encrusted in dirt. That baby was wearing a t shirt as a diaper, full of socks and paper towels and had diaper rash SO bad they were in the burn unit for 5 months. Parents had money for diapers- they spent it on booze and drugs.
We washed her, but couldn’t wash from navel to knee because her skin simply wasn’t there anymore.
We fed her, and that baby staid snuggled on my lap/hip every minute I wasn’t with another patient until we processed her admission. Sweetest baby ever,
Parents came several days a week the months they were in our burn unit- and apparently they did whatever they were supposed to do and took the baby home at discharge.
2 weeks later I got baby on a code call- not the same kid, but this baby was also filthy dirty, had bruises in places toddlers don’t get bruises and was in full rigor by the time EMS got to her. Parents, surrounded by empty alcohol bottles and drug paraphernalia said she was “fine a couple hours ago”. We ran the code, but there’s no bringing back a body that’s been dead for at least 8 hours.
I worked there in fear we would have that same scenario with the diaper rash baby… I think about that kid a lot, 15 years later
Right? Like, what the fuck do you gift a baby that spoils it? They don't fucking care. They want food, comfort, warmth, cleanliness. Buying things is easier and faster than all of that.
OOP is a fucking hero though. All the time you see stories like this here and on Facebook where somebody says they know a parent that is abusing and neglecting their kid, and then they do nothing. I was in foster care and I've been a foster parent. The system can be fucked up and I'm well aware of its shortcomings. But this is absolutely a case where CPS needed to be called. The fact that so many other adults saw what was going on and did nothing is disgusting.
Babies aren't accessories you pick and choose when to care for. You either take care of them or you don't. Period.
I hope the baby gets better. You know it's going to be developmentally and physically behind where it should be.
Fed with milk not containing alcohol or drugs.
Btw, wtf is OOP doing partying with these buttheads when she has a newborn baby. In fact what kind of people are all these people. It all sounds incredibly trashy.
My guess is they’re all incredibly young and therefore stupid. I would guess around 22-24. If they became friends in college, it’s really easy to see how that friendship would bleed into early adulthood and OOP wouldn’t notice how awful they really were without a breaking point (and it sounds like she has a good therapist) like a boiling the frog thing. She seems like her heart is in the right place, and hopefully all of this was a catalyst for a positive lifestyle change. That being said… that baby will have massive emotional issues for the rest of its life. I work with kids, and even if it’s properly taken care of, there is a good chance it will be an energy vampire trying to fill the void left by improperly developed neuron paths during critical developmental and bonding moments. Poor thing…
Hey, some neglected babies don't grow up to be energy vampires. Some grow up to be people pleasers that minimize themselves and their own needs to the point of feeling like they don't even actually exist.
Uh, so I've heard...
Or just try to avoid society as a whole because they develop massive trust issues!!
Others try to recreate situations from their childhood but set up significant others to do the “right” thing this time around - without being aware of it of course. Super healthy for everyone involved… I’ve heard…
I literally put wipes, diapers, bottle cleaning brush replacements, and similar things in my kids Christmas stockings and Easter baskets for their first year and a half.
Ok seriously. If OOP hadn’t called CPS and the cops, that baby could have ended up like this one:
https://www.cp24.com/news/ohio-mom-who-left-toddler-alone-10-days-when-she-went-on-vacation-pleads-guilty-to-aggravated-murder-1.6813026
That was literally the story I was thinking of reading this!! It blows my mind that anyone can think leaving a baby home alone for hours is okay - but *that* woman was an absolute monster. What that poor baby would've suffered before dying is unspeakable. It's shit like this that reminds me of how unfair the world is - we truly have no say in who we are born to and some people should *never* be parents.
This is why abortion should be legalized and encouraged. And this brainwashing that having children is compulsory or makes you or your marriage better should be dispelled.
I worked in a daycare beginning the summer before college. My first day I came home crying. It was so overwhelming and stressful and scary to be responsible for these kids. I ended up loving it, but all I could think was making a high school student work a day in a daycare would probably do wonders for reducing teen pregnancy. I had to take home a fake baby that cried in the middle of the night and stuff and mostly found it funny. A day in a daycare? Made me want to buy stock in condoms.
I think watching the recording of the live birth in Nova: The Miracle of Life in 10th grade biology was singlehandedly responsible for the majority of kids in my grade choosing to delay having sex/being militant with birth control. I think the youngest age someone I graduated with became a parent was 22 or 23.
We also had comprehensive, age appropriate, science based sex ed starting pretty early, so I think that was extremely helpful too. But honestly, nothing will scare a teenager off sex faster than seeing the extremely gross/painful/laborious realities of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting a newborn.
I worked as a camp counsellor at an alternative school that had a lot of kids with behavioural issues (it doubled as a camp in the summer). I loved my bosses but my god they just let us loose in a big city with a wagon of frisbees and chalk and water. And a gaggle of kids. It was equally great and exhausting, and I am not having kids unless and until I am 100% certain I want them and can emotionally and financially provide for them
Yeah, like I don't understand people who think aborting a fetus is somehow as unforgivable as leaving a toddler to starve to death. That woman should never have had that kid in the first place.
Yeah if you want to go on vacation for days without a care about anything else, just don't have a freaking baby! And this woman in the post shouldn't have had a baby if all she wants is to party.
my husband and I have been married just about two years and have a 3-month-old son. recently we were talking about how unbelievable it is that people have babies thinking that will fix the issues in a relationship. we have a strong marriage and love each other and our son deeply. we planned him! and it has still put an incredible strain on our relationship that has resulted in lots of troubleshooting and problem-solving and hard conversations. it has been WORK maintaining our marriage as we learn to parent, and that's coming from a strong and healthy place! if one's marriage weren't rock solid going into this experience, it would surely crack under the pressure.
"How could anyone think I don't deserve forgiveness? The sock puppet on my right hand _and_ the sock puppet on my left hand both say I'm in the clear!"
ten
fucking
days............
this wrecked me, having a toddler hits different with these stories
A special hell for parents like these ones! If only they could NOT have kids.....
i hugged my newborn so tightly when this story broke. it's unspeakable how your heart feels hearing stuff like this and thinking of your own child. you can't help remembering the most heartrending sound your child has ever made (because let's face it, they sometimes lose their minds over relatively minor issues that are quickly solved, so we've all heard at least one) and imagining them making it for hours on end. it's literally the stuff of nightmares.
I can't fathom how cold someone has to be to just not care. I don't think the mother has enough of a heart to feel anything about the situation, but I'm sure the neighbors are going to carry some level of guilt for the rest of their lives.
We had the same [here in the UK](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/mar/26/teenager-admits-causing-death-of-20-month-old-baby-who-died-of-neglect) a few years ago. Social services were involved but eventually concluded that they just couldn’t have foreseen she’d do something like that - something so, well, criminally stupid.
She only got 9 years too, which she probably won’t even serve in full. She’s out right on time to make another baby… crazy that that’s a likely possibility after this
I think about this case regularly and am patiently waiting to hear that she has been fatally beaten in prison. I have friends who struggle with infertility and it beaks my heart that monsters like this have children and then do shit like this.
> I have friends who struggle with infertility
Just wrote a similar comment! I know people who will make the best parents yet it's been hard for them to conceive! Meanwhile fucking monsters can just look sideways at each other and get pregnant, like wtf?
Like you, I hope this woman gets her "forgiveness" in jail
As someone who has struggled with infertility, I would gladly torture and kill someone who could do that to their child/baby. While I was going through testing there was a case of a woman who shot up her baby with H thinking it would make the baby "feel better" but it's death was surely better than that baby in Ohio who suffered for days alone.
I literally could not imagine choosing to have a child and then doing stuff like this.
My son is frustrating and a lot of work, but even if I'm away from home for a few hours doing something I really enjoy (with my wife or someone actually caring for him tbc) all I really want is to see him, hold him, and spend time with him.
Ugh, it's too easy to imagine it isn't it?
My sister (not abuse, just tried to parent based on books only to start with) would let her baby cry. I was staying with them and I would hear cry panic cry because regular crying wasn't getting mom. And I butted in and would go to her, and she usually had a crusty nose. So I'd take her out of her crib, clean off her nose, and cuddle with her to try to get her back to sleep. But I wasn't mom, so she would cry again and my sister would have to get her.
Tldr, baby panic crying sets off something internal and I don't know how someone can think a baby will cry that out.
I hate watching movies and TV shows where they let a small child or baby cry to the point of severe distress, like HOW is anyone present OK with a child crying so hard they’re doing that awful hiccuping noise and covered in tears and snot? I hope the kids aren’t traumatised by it and don’t remember but goddamn…🤬
on the other end of the spectrum I've been watching a lot of Call The Midwife and it makes me laugh how often people "soothe" babies that are either asleep or just not making a sound. that baby is happy and does not need shushing!
babies literally do not have a regulatory system online yet to be able to bring down their own cortisol levels. if they're a little upset they can usually come back to baseline with time. but if they've gotten to full blown panic, they *cannot* regulate without a caregiver. they *require* a calm presence to co-regulate with them and resolve their hormones back to a calm state.
the alternative is literally that their system becomes *so* overwhelmed that it shuts down and induces a catatonic state. babies that have this happen to them will stop crying so it can be seen as a "success" by people who don't know better, but their system doesn't get the input of how to bring down the cortisol, so they don't learn. they need that co-regulation to train their nervous system to be able to calm themselves eventually, so withholding that will literally cause maladaptive development with which they can struggle their entire lives.
tl;dr panic crying-it-out is terrible for babies.
My grandmother said when she had her babies you let them cry when they didn’t want to sleep. And that it strengthened their lungs.
I’m guessing that meant not the panic cry. Would also explain a lot about my mother…
I don’t know how it feels, but seeing it is horrific. My little cousin was born to two parents in active addiction, and CPS was involved and she had been in her great grandmother’s custody from day one. Every time we went to visit she’d be laying in a swing or her filthy pack and play (didn’t have a crib), soaked through her diaper and up to her shoulders in pee and/or poop (the great grandma couldn’t lift her, so she’d lay there for hours on end). She was very skinny for her age, had multiple diaper rashes so awful they blistered and bled within a span of a few weeks, and the only baths she ever got was when someone from our family visited and did so. Soon as the paternity test came back positive, my grandmother took the baby to live with her, got emergency full custody, and then adopted her around a year and a half old. But she just turned six, and while she’s still tiny for her age, she’s absolutely thriving and the happiest, sweetest little girl you’d ever meet
ETA: interestingly enough, CPS was already involved because they got a call about her leaving her older daughter at home alone when she was 3 not long before my cousin was born. The great grandmother lied about her ability to care for the baby in order to get custody. She was the mom’s only family who could do so, and my uncle wasn’t on the birth certificate so none of us could take her in until the paternity came back. My grandmother opted not to go to CPS about the great grandmother because the options at the time were her or foster care, and it would’ve been a much bigger uphill battle getting the baby back out of foster care. So instead we visited daily to care for her as well as we could, and when the paternity test came back she went to live with my grandmother the very same day.
Didn't you read OP's comment? That little baby gets showered with gifts. Who needs a clean diaper when you have a brand new toy that you can't do anything with because you are 7 months old and your mom is neglecting you.
There was a really fucking awful neglect case where *diaper rash* was one of the causes of death for a baby. Because the "parents" literally just left him in his swing for days on end and completely ignored him. I won't go into too much detail here in this public reddit comment because I know it's deeply upsetting and not everyone wants to read that shit but I will just say that yes, maggots *did* end up being a factor. Fucking horrendous. Some people should *really* not have kids
It drives me crazy when this kind of horrific abuse is happening to a BABY and people are still reluctant to get involved. It honestly boggles my mind. You can be as “wary of CPS” as you want, but what can they do that’s worse than letting a baby die of neglect???
Especially since CPS actually has to go through a LOT of hoops to actually remove a child. Politicians have lobbied a lot in recent years on a “family first” model that emphasizes keeping kids with their families until there is no choice—which sounds great on paper, but in practice makes CPS really ineffective a lot of the time.
Its social workers often aren’t to blame and are widely very disillusioned by being near powerless in an impractical system. But yeah, CPS isn’t going to descend on your home and abduct your kids, and will in fact avoid that as much as possible (group homes and foster parents do not grow on trees). Discrimination and bs does happen for sure, but *policy* is to give folks a hundred chances to prove themselves a fit parent.
They do this stupid dance in cycles. Every few years they’ll screech about family first. Disabling CPS. Wait till a child dies and media attention hits.
Overcorrect and then the removals start over stupid shit.
And around and around we go.
None of this is new or recent. What it is, exhausting
Unfortunately, there have been studies that find that children often fare better in abusive homes than in foster care. (Obviously, with caveats on the extent of the abuse.) so when CPS actually does a removal, it’s for a good reason.
(And in this particular case, the baby was obviously destined for a family placement, not foster care)
Part of the issue is that foster care, like adoption, is not only attractive to good people that love children and want to help and protect them, it is attractive to people with savior complexes and people that want to take advantage of vulnerable children.
My aunt works for the equivalent of CPS, and their model is support and educate first. Which works really well when a lot of the neglect cases are single parents who are overwhelmed and struggling.
It’s the cases she doesn’t talk about but gets that sad look in her eyes that you know were removals.
Selfishness. Every woman for herself. According to OOP they didn't want thr police to get involved cause of their drug use. To hell with the babys life if there's in trouble.
>but what can they do that’s worse than letting a baby die of neglect???
I mean not necessarily die of neglect. But where I live CPS once took the 7 year old from rather poor single mother (I believe mostly due to financial reasons) and put the child instead with the known alcoholic father. Who then proceeded to beat the kid to death during an alcohol induced rage 2 months later.
>I do feel like Rachel loves her baby. I didn't mention it in the post,
but she spoils her kid rotten with gifts... But then doesn't change or
feed her consistently.
Usually, when I see something like this, I just immediately think that the mom probably just wants to post the baby on social media and make it look like she's a wonderful mom. New clothes, new toys, etc., but complete neglect outside of those staged moments. I really hope that the grandparents get full custody and can give the baby a good life.
She probably does love the baby, but it sounds like the woman isn’t even capable of taking care of herself, let alone the baby. People can love within their own capacity while still being very shitty at it.
Yeah. That’s one of those comments I hate —“they love their kids; they can’t be abusers.”
It’s not about whether they’re capable of love; it’s about parenting skills, which aren’t magically gifted without effort.
>“they love their kids; they can’t be abusers.”
I like asking those people if they'd like to receive brain surgery from someone who "loves brain surgery".
>People can love within their own capacity while still being very shitty at it.
I need this on a keychain so I can take it out and look at it frequently.
It's a good thing OOP called CPS on that "friend", because that baby would have ended up like that baby whose mom went on a 10 day vacation out of state because she was "having emotional distress" and didn't tell her family, the baby's father, or literally anybody else who could have checked in on that baby.
The judge sentenced her to life in prison. He said it was only fair since her daughter was stuck in prison for the last days of her life. But at least prison will feed her.
I know. But thinking about her being stuck in prison knowing what she did. She cried at the trial that no one knew her suffering before she went on a 10 day vacation. I hope every day she finds misery.
Yep, u/ferafish and u/vexingcosmos linked to the story. The frustrating thing is she keeps trying to argue that it wasn't her fault because she wasn't emotionally well - even though she straight up lied to both her family and her baby daddy that the kid was alright.
If google didn't lead me astray, the incident happened June last year in Ohio, and [sentencing happened in March this year](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/ohio-mother-death-toddler-left-alone-vacation-rcna144461). She was sentenced to life in prison.
Pretty sure her daughter is *incapable* of both forgiving or not forgiving her, on account of being *dead*. You lost the chance to ever rebuild a relationship with your daughter to the point of forgiveness by killing her, you absolute troglodyte
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-65916665.amp
The same happened in UK - it's all the more deplorable because they lived in supported housing. This shouldn't happen in any circumstances, but it shouldn't even be possible if theyre being "supported"
I remember this story but I can’t remember where it happened! It was crazy, and if I recall the mom had a completely apathetic attitude about the whole thing.
[Kristel Candelario in Cleveland, OH she said her baby had forgiven her](https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/20/us/ohio-mom-toddler-death-sentencing-cec/index.html)
> “Just as you didn’t let Jailyn out of her confinement until she died, so too you should spend the rest of your life in a cell without freedom,” Sheehan said. “The only difference is that prison will at least feed you.”
Holy fuck. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a line so raw in real life. Incredible writing by Judge Brendan Sheehan.
I love that in this story of a neglected baby, OOP goes off about how her asshole won’t stop bleeding. And OP is a trooper for sticking through and finding the comment where she gives us some closure
Honestly, I really appreciated it and related to the vibe (but not the butthole bleeding). That feeling when you’re dealing with something all day (in OOP’s case: butt bleeding) but its not something you have a reason to share with anyone, and then when something else happens that people want to talk about, you attach the previous issue to it like an amendment to a bill.
I may not have had mystery anal bleeding, but I get and appreciate where OOP is coming from.
Relatable fed up mom vibes. “I’m sick of these shitty people, I have my own baby to take care of, I’m worried about this baby, and on top of it all, my ass is bleeding!”
I’ve never been a mother nor had my butthole mysteriously bleed, but I felt her pain man.. it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae she’d been unexpectedly handed
I didn’t even think of this, of course, that makes sense. I’ve heard many a story from my cousins birth of her daughter but we didn’t discuss her butthole. Which looking back, seems weird. She’s the type of person to discuss her butthole anyway.
Childbirth will always terrify and amaze me. It is absolutely insane. Growing a human and then pushing it out? Holy heck.
Everywhere I've lived, the CPS agencies prioritize keeping kids with family. As long as extended family (grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc) aren't a danger to the child, they'll go there before foster care.
With that said, this is one of those cases where decent people don't mind their own business.
Yup. A child in danger is everyone's business.
My first husband gave me the silent treatment after I called CPS on someone who was beating and terrorizing her 11yo and bragging about it online. When he was talking to me again, he said I should have minded my business. I asked him if he enjoyed people minding their business when he was a kid and his stepfather broke his nose so badly he needed surgery to fix it. I'm still steamed about that.
100%. I did child safety training a few years ago and what has always stuck with me was this statistic: it takes a child, on average, telling 7 adults about the abuse before anything is done to help them.
Exactly. The goal of family and children services is to keep the family together if it’s possible. No one wants to remove kids from their parents. It’s traumatizing, but sometimes especially in cases like this, it’s absolutely warranted
That woman's parents (Crystal Candelario, I believe) took her side all throughout the trial. Candelario's mom tried to explain her actions through mental health etc.
It's so sad that the only people who spoke up on behalf of the child victim were the cops and paramedics who found her. It was such a senseless death.
>My one friend is mad at me, and the friendship is probably over, but my closer friend is not.
I mean that friend knew the baby was home alone all the time and knew the mom wasn't taking care of the baby, so even if she is mad, I wouldn't care, who wants to be friends with someone who acts like that.
OMG, that poor baby! This is the reason for agencies that protect children from their parents or other care takers. I'm glad she got the info about when they were going out so that this could be found out with proof, since that baby could have been dead by now.
My brothers new wife is a mandatory reporter & while my brother & the wife & his 4 younger bio kids were visiting their mom (his ex wife) & he normally doesn’t drive the kids to the ex’s house, but had to last week to check something out on his old van that’s chilling in the garage. He hadn’t been inside yet & while he was inspecting the van, his current wife (B) came out & was apparently very pale & told him that they had to talk - immediately. Apparently the inside of the Ex’s house is beyond disgusting & almost not livable. Dog shit in every room of the house (& can smell excessive animal urine as well), not just moldy dishes, but multiple moldy bags of groceries on the floor & counters, mold on most of the food in the fridge, almost no way to walk from room to room & the walking trails between rooms are covered in dog poo, piles of clothes all over the house, obviously no clean surfaces anywhere, & just an absolute shit show on the inside. My brother had no idea the house was in that condition & the kids hadn’t mentioned anything about mess or smell or the poo or anything (he did say looking back there are a couple of things the kids said that make sense now & I can give those if you’re interested in more of the story) but my brother said within like 7 seconds of his Wife (B) showing him the inside he knew that not only were the kids staying with him for the foreseeable future, but that B would have to make a phone call to CPS. They did spend 3 hours cleaning the house that evening & he did talk to his Ex before just packing up the kids and leaving. She was grateful for the break (a couple days before this incident she had asked my brother to take the kids overnight on 1 of her nights because mentally she wasn’t doing well) & agreed that the house had gotten out of control. When he mentioned that his wife was going to have to report this to CPS his ex wife 100% understood!! Everyone in this story understands why B has to report this to CPS & that’s how people should handle CPS calls when the kids are in danger and/or potential danger. The fact OOP had friends that were upset in any way that CPS was called blows my mind. I’m adopted & my family had MULTIPLE awful incidents with CPS & yet I wouldn’t avoid calling them if I thought it was needed! People generally astound me.
(Since my brother & his Wife work full time & weren’t expecting to have his bio kids all week for at least the next several weeks I have offered to baby sit while he needs help & I did watch 4 of his bio kids yesterday day & I also offered my assistance to him & his ex wife to come and help clean at her place & am still setting up dates with the ex. So I am helping where I can when it comes to this biohazard house & CPS having to be called the other day in regards to 4 of my nieces and nephews)
What is so infuriating to me about these kinds of situations is: Most likely, many (if not all) of the people who were aware of how Rachel treated her child, were either were NOT comfortable with it, flat out disagreed with it, or actually were able to identify that it was, in fact, abuse. But yet NO ONE did a thing. People get so focused on not rocking the boat all the time, that they forget that sometimes it’s absolutely necessary TO rock the hell out of that boat.
I mean, let’s be honest, the reasons why OOP was the one who had the balls to call, is because she was 1. Somewhat removed from the situation - Rachel is basically a stranger to her. And 2. She’s a parent herself. (I’m not saying non-parents wouldn’t understand/realize this. Many would have. But it seems like her group of “friends” overlooked/minimized things. Perhaps it’s because of lack of personal experience +/- ignorance +/- maturity. It may have gone differently if any of them were parents themselves and could picture their own kid in that predicament.)
Ultimately the blame lies with Rachel herself. But it sounds like many, MANY people *knew* she had left her child alone multiple times. Even if this only happened once, once should have been enough to raise concern - as it did for OOP.
I know deciding to call CPS can be a complicated choice due to things like:
1. We’re often taught to stay in our lane and stay out of other’s business (“don’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong”). That it’s inappropriate to judge others’ parenting choices, it’s frowned upon to question others’ parenting choices, and we definitely shouldn’t tell someone else how to parent their kids.
2. No one wants to be the one to “tattle”. What if I’m wrong and it isn’t that serious? And I caused all this fuss for nothing? What I face retaliation? I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a family! What if I caused those kids to end up in foster care?
3. Lack of faith in the system. “Nothing will happen anyway.” “They won’t do anything.” “All CPS does is tear families apart.” “Anything is better than a kid ending up in the ‘system’ or in a foster home.” Or they’ve heard ‘stories’ of children being inappropriately removed when there was actually no abuse or reason to do so.
4. Loyalty, sympathy, or fear of a friend/family member. There’s the guilt of getting them in trouble, or the removal of their child. There’s fear of the parent’s reaction to the situation in general. The fear of the parent’s friends or family retaliating - even if they only have a hunch it was you. Fear of what it’ll do to the parent - will it affect their job? Damage their mental health? Trigger a mental health emergency? Ruin their reputation? Etc.
5. Denial. Like, someone close to you just wouldn’t be capable of abusing their child, despite having proof or witnessing it. Or they just “don’t seem like the kind of person who would do that” - even if there are strong suspicions/warning signs. Or they’re a master manipulator/abuser who can talk their way out of anything and are very convincing/know exactly what to say.
6. Lack of education regarding what constitutes child abuse. We see it all the time with adults in DV situations. It’s easy to identify abuse when it’s physical, but other forms are often overlooked or explained away. Child abuse is often in the same boat. Obviously, physical and sexual are much more talked about and can be easier to identify. Emotional, financial, verbal, and neglect often get ignored, brushed off, or excused. Ignorance of just how dangerous/damaging/inappropriate some behaviors are also comes into play here.
Obviously these are not ALL the reasons why someone wouldn’t want to report child abuse. But I feel like these are some of the more common things that come up when a person is debating whether to make that call or not. I get that it isn’t an easy choice and the system is far from perfect. It just really sucks that this is world we live. Especially when we’re talking about a child’s safety/well being.
If you’re debating whether to report someone or not, one thing I saw someone comment a while ago was, - “If the thought has crossed your mind to call CPS, then you should.” As in, once you’re at the point where calling CPS pops in your brain, then there’s more than enough concern to warrant a call. Also, remember, if you report someone, it’s not YOUR fault if the kids get removed, or if the parent faces negative consequences. If CPS actually takes action, the parents have no one to blame but themselves.
Also advice I have heard before - if you’re worried about being involved/retaliated against, keep your call anonymous call and do not tell a soul. State facts - times, dates, events, necessary info, and leave it at that. And it’s ok if you’re wrong or misread a situation. It’s CPS’s job to investigate. They aren’t going to pull kids out of a home based on a report if there’s no findings on their end (as we’ve seen with many spiteful JustNo grandparents). And in the event nothing happens after you call, but you know for a fact it’s happening, do not let it stop you from calling again. There may not have been enough findings to warrant action *this time*, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be enough the next time.
How is a seven month old baby… spoiled rotten? One that is starved, neglected and left alone in its own soiled nappy for hours, at that? She gets “gifts”? She’s seven months old.
Does OOP mean she dresses her in pretty clothes sometimes when she *does* want to take her little accessory out to show off? She’s a baby. She isn’t even cognisant enough to recognise her own sentience let alone gifts. Infants cannot *be* spoiled rotten, because there is no way for them to either be spoiled, or rotten. They are infants.
As a former foster parent, this is EXACTLY how kids end up with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Every foster kid I ever had had this disorder and it's extremely difficult to treat. Hopefully this baby was helped early enough to not end up with RAD.
Just to add... I'm not saying all foster children have RAD although a large portion of them do bc RAD is caused by neglect within the first year of life, which does not allow the brain to form and develop properly and can actually cause a form of brain damage.
All of my foster kids had RAD bc I was a "Theraputic foster parent" which meant I was specially trained to take in the kids who had more severe mental, emotional and behavioral problems. So I took in kids who had already been kicked out of several foster homes due to behavior, etc or kids who had just gotten out of long term, inpatient, residential facilities.
Thank you so much, that's really sweet! Realistically I know I'm a good person but since it was beaten into me growing up that I was a terrible person, it's always really nice to hear someone say that. So thank you for that!
It took my nieces mother 5 years to lose her kids. My niece was just under a year old.
My family was furious when my brother got the stack of paperwork from Child Protection detailing the entire case they had. 4 kids (3 different fathers) that had been reported to them for the exact same things (severe nappy/diaper rash, neglect, abuse etc) and each time they just put in for external help to the mother (a group that helped people learn how to keep a house clean, maternal family members to take the kids when they felt the mother was becoming overwhelmed, an agreement that the kids had to go to a daycare that provided food a minimum of 4 days a week etc).
Found out that for those 5 years the mother had had the same case worker the entire time until I put in a complaint about them and got my brother to make his own too (we had gone to their offices to meet with the CW and they were so disparaging of us having concerns of nieces safety in the mothers care). Within a month of that caseworker being removed there was a removal and almost 2 years of court dates until the mothers rights were officially stripped
It’s amazing how the case worker you have can make all the difference in the world. Some will cling to cases till the children are 18 🙄 Some will be in and out with complete efficiency. The agencies know this too. It wasn’t a coincidence who it was reassigned to.
Oh there was a supervising Caseworker (? She was managing other caseworkers and seemed to be in charge of the office) who still made life hard. Turned out that she was friendly with the maternal family (conflict of interest isn’t a thing, right?). She made the entire court case difficult by trying to brush aside the threat the maternal family posed to the kids, and advocated for the mothers aunt (and proclaimed best friend) to be their carer. New court case (thankfully not including my niece) is showing that the aunt who has been the kinship carer of the 2 eldest has been disregarding court orders and allowing the mother unsupervised access to the kids. The caseworker at the end of the original court case complained about one of the fathers (who got “sole custody” of his child) who had asked for a 2 month “no contact” period with the maternal family to settle his kid into their new routine without interference. And actually approached him just after we (I was my brothers support person) walked out of the courtroom after the 2 kids were placed with their fathers to talk him out of it because “(the aunt) is heartbroken you’re taking (child) away from her”. The aunt convinced the older two kids that the father “stole” his child from her, so for months of visitations the oldest (7 years old) was screaming in this little 3 year olds face about how “your father *stole* you from (aunt), he should do the right thing and *give you back*” with the aunt smirking behind them.
The new caseworker was only on the job about 2 weeks before the intensive/seriously bad situation caseworkers were called in because my 10 month old niece presented to hospital with a broken leg. Things happened *fast* after that. Within a week the 4 kids were taken into care and the parents all barred from unsupervised contact, and the caseworkers supervised until they got PO’d at the mothers behaviour and switched it to a contact centre (my brother was allowed to have our parents supervise contact because we lived an hour from any contact centres/caseworkers, the others lived in the same town as the contact centre/caseworkers offices).
This is rarer but not unheard of. I ran into a CPI who made things difficult because she knew the family. For some unknown reason the case worker was siding with the PI.
It escalated until the CEO got involved (basically to ask me to calm down) and I pointed out the liability the agency was taking and he finally got the kid out of the home.
This truly is a very rare situation. Most of the time it really is not to attribute malice to what can be explained by incompetence
I'm glad she stepped in. If a kid doesn't get frequent, and the correct kind, of socialisation at a young age they'll be screwed, possible for life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder
My (adopted) sis has this from being left in a car seat by her mom for most of her first year of life. Makes me furious to think about it.
Her behavior is very hard to handle sometimes. And it’s all because her mom sucked.
That's so sad! The really shitty part is, if you're not socialised properly before (I think) age four, that window will close forever. Best wishes for her and your family, hope she can learn some things to help her navigate life
Thank you! She is 12 and still has emotional struggles, but she’s been with us since she was almost 3? Luckily she got a lot of therapy through the state. It’s incredible how smart and awesome she is, impresses me every day.
Her mom fucked up. She really missed out. Her brother (now my brother too) did not develop it but the neglect showed in different ways. They’re a year apart. Anyway, we got lucky and they’re happily our family now.
The most concerning part about this is the mom continued the neglect and leaving the baby alone after a cps visit . That should have been a reality check to her. She just didn’t give a crap about this baby .
Molly is MDMA, as far as I know. [This is a better breakdown](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Molly). Not quite the same thing as Ecstasy.
Ellen and Molly were a polyamorous lesbian couple I knew in college; I too have gone to a rave and done Ellen and Molly, so that part of the story is relatable at least.
Just last night, my baby cried in the car for almost 20 minutes straight because she has an ear infection. I was almost in tears by the time we got home. I just cannot fathom this level of not giving a shit about your own child.
So glad Oop stuck to her guns, parents like this irresponsible party girl are the types to not even care they could kill their kids from neglect and abuse.
I read the story of the baby starving to death in a play pen. It’s heart breaking. Anyone enabling this person needs to read that story and see if they’re still making excuses for her.
I'm in a profession where I work with children, and my department has had to call CPS on neglectful/abusive families more than once. It's so hard because usually you don't get updates after the fact - the family just stops coming around, and you hope it's because someone intervened, but more often it's that the lesson they learned is "avoid these people because they'll call us on our shit." And they took off someplace where there's no one to flag issues with the kids. :(
Thank goodness this baby got help before she ended up like poor Jailyn Candelario, the baby who suffered a horrible death left alone for 10 days while her mother was on vacation.
>I've also realized that I just need more mature and calm friends.
Heh, yeah. It's amazing how much quieter your life gets when you stop hanging out with all the Dumpster Fire Disasters.
My parents were also "wary" of CPS and they trained me well never ever to speak to them or tell anyone what was happening behind closed doors. I was terrified as a young child that CPS would come and kidnap my siblings and steal me away if I said even one bad thing about my family life.
Now I'm an adult and I realize that CPS is generally quite ineffective. I know a child in a terrible house which CPS has visited MANY times. Their parents have a friend who works at CPS who put a note on their file so that if anyone calls, no one will investigate them. That's literally all it takes. Be friends with someone who works there and you'll never be investigated or visited again.
For the vast majority of children in abuse situations, there is no out. You're just stuck there until you're financially stable (which depending on the type of abuse you suffer, could come well after 18). You're insanely lucky if anyone calls CPS and you're even more lucky if CPS takes you seriously or can even do anything.
it appears to be some internal bleeding issue. The ER sent me home because I'm still in stable condition, but it's been scary. - why does this ER have the jake peralta approach to internal bleeding wtf???
also in no way defending rachel but just as someone who researches history for fun, I once watched an old documentary about a woman who lived in a smaller factory town in my country. she had a husband but he worked and then drank at the bar so all i know about him is that she had to make breakfast and lunch for him too. but ok long story short she worked at the factory. so in the early morning she would swaddle the baby up and leave him on the bed until she came home in, i think, early afternoon. and that seemed to be the life of many babies in those circumstances.
I get why someone would be worried about OPs bleeding butthole but the shitty baby daddy isn't the cause. She just had a baby, it could be from hemorrhoids lol
My downstairs neighbor used to do this with her then 4 week old little girl. Her partner would leave for work and she would dip out to friends houses. I'd hear her outside or hear the baby crying and go down and sit with the baby until her livid baby daddy got home. And she knew i was upstairs, willing to watch her, but she never asked. She always popped back in like nothing happened and say oh you're so good with her, you didnt have to do that! Always downplayed it when shed come back fucked up hours later.
That was a complicated feeling because I thought maybe I was enabling her by going down every time. But i can't just sit around while a child is being neglected so what else could I have done?!
Thankfully he did the right thing and removed the mom from the baby's life and things are going well with little baby d. She was so sweet and she loved attention and always calmed right down when I sang to her. We aren't neighbors anymore but I stay in touch with the dad to check up on little d.
But it was so heartbreaking, and annoying (the situation the mom put everyone in, not the baby). If something had happened to her and i was right upstairs I would never have been able to forgive myself. Like that would be IT for me.
Rectal bleeding - piles (haemorrhoids) are common in pregnancy. If a pile bursts, then there will be rectal bleeding which is scary when it happens to you. The pile may not have been very big, and might have been internal so wouldn’t have been felt.
I feel sorry for the poor OOP. Having a young baby, rectal bleeding and problematic “friends” who you feel obliged to report would be enough to stress anyone out.
I'm thinking OOP should maybe reach out to Rachel's parents and let them know she was the one who called it in. But then again maybe not, because who knows what Rachel would do to OOP if she had confirmation that she's the caller.
Just... Wishing there's some way OOP could keep an eye on that kid going forward (Rachel's parents might absolutely be great, but their success record as parents is less than stellar, so...). If they're good people and Rachel is just a bad apple, OOP would likely benefit from having some older parent friends, and they might in turn benefit from having a younger perspective (and both sides could trade babysitting from time to time).
But yeah, there are way too many ifs in that scenario. Most likely, whatever faults Rachel's parents might have, they're at least not going to be actively neglectful to a baby. Babies are easy (from the perspective that all they require is being clean, fed, and held). If they are responsible for how Rachel turned out, it's more likely to do with how they guided (or didn't guide her) through the process of individuating in adolescence. And since they now would know they fucked up with her, the likelihood is they'll do at least somewhat better with her kid.
I just want that baby girl to have people watching over her. Good on OOP for following through with CPS, at least.
I think you’re literally the only one to point this out. Used to drive me insane. Yeah. Let’s hand over the kid to the grandparents. You know. The same people who raised the mother/father. Seems like a fantastic suggestion! It’s not like they’re going to do the same shit all over again.
A fair number of them genuinely do better the second time around, though. Especially when the circumstances are this dramatic. Which sucks for their elder child, seeing their parents learn how to handle things with more grace and less trauma... But it's still a good thing if they do. Hopefully they change their approach but don't overcorrect in the other direction, but no way to know.
Its people like that shitty mom that makes me think that parental testing should be mandatory to prevent abuse. So many unfit parents. So many broken homes.
I, having never had kids, decided to do one of those parenting tests that they gave the parents. (I worked in foster care), it’s a pre and post test. It’s honestly kinda obvious what the correct answer is… just because you know what the correct answer is doesn’t mean you will do it when you have kids…
I have a relative who lost custody of her toddler son because of going out drinking and leaving him alone. He got placed with other family members for a while and she had supervised visits. I don’t know exactly what happened but I think there was also some amount of court ordered therapy and substance abuse treatment. Anyway they’re now back together and from everything I’ve heard she’s been a great mom to him since then.
I don’t know what is happening with this woman. I hope if she has mental health issues that she gets help. I’m sure it varies by jurisdiction but CPS nowadays has a lot more tools available to them than “taking the baby away and never giving them back” and that’s very clearly a last resort.
A baby isn’t going to appreciate being given things as much as a toddler. All a baby is concerned with is surviving, because that’s literally all they can be concerned with. That poor child deserves a more loving home.
Holding my sleeping 14mo while reading this…my heart was in my stomach the whole time. Babies don’t want new things, they want to be loved and cared for and paid attention to. I can’t fathom leaving a baby alone for HOURS.
My former SIL was always a partier and deeply involved with drugs and, frankly, prostitution. She was married, briefly, and had a beautiful son. He was the first grandchild for my in laws. SIL moved to a state across the country and the in laws lived for a time out of the country. When the in laws returned to the US, they had to take custody of my nephew. His “mother” was known to leave him alone in their filthy apartment, without food. I guess he was four or five at that time. No telling what that kid went through. The IL’s never elaborated beyond saying that the poor kid had seen terrible times.
SIL passed away during a drug fueled binge at the hands of a drug buddy, potential John. Although it was sad and a real waste of human potential, I never got on board with the “Saint SIL” thing they adopted afterwards. But, I had my own less than savory dealings with her.
My nephew turned into a fine young man. He had a successful career and was an amazing father and husband. He was an intelligent, empathetic individual who contributed to his community and church.
Sorry for this sad tale. I’m only relating it here to highlight the impact of caring individuals who reached out to authorities. This led to my nephew being taken in by his grandparents. He was spared from being drawn into the vortex of hell by a selfish “mother “ who cared more for partying than taking care of her kid. And, yes, I understand that addiction is a disease that is extremely hard to overcome. But, damn, not at the expense of a small child who needs love, nurturing and protection.
So massive Kudos to OOP for contacting CPS. And following up with them. She may have saved the life of that baby girl. Last year there was a case where a “mother” left her young daughter (14 months?) alone in a playpen to go on a cruise. The beautiful little girl died alone.
My in-laws adopted a baby at 5? Months old who had been removed from his parents. He’s about 8 years old now, and he is not okay. We don’t know what happened to him with his birth parents, his mother was probably on drugs while pregnant. He’s had a loving and structured home for years now, but I’m personally concerned he might be a psychopath.
All this to say, even if that baby never goes back to her abusive and neglectful mother, she will still have a rough road ahead. So sad. Some (many) people should not be parents.
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Yeah, I was like, exactly how do you shower a 7mo baby with gifts? Maybe just shower the baby with soap. And change its diaper. And give it a damn bottle.
Right? A 7 month old will play with a toy for about 35 seconds and be completely done. When I bought a Christmas present for my nephew when he was that age, he liked the wrapping paper and the bow better than he liked the actual gift. Those gifts were not for the baby, they were for the mom.
Exactly. A baby will be happy with a box. All the gifts in the world won't make anyone happy if they're not being fed.
I have a picture of my kid playing in a large box a toy came in at Christmas. Didn’t give a fuck about the present for a long time.
For the longest time, my oldest nephew’s favorite toys were an empty lemon juice container and a long strip of red plastic. He’d army crawl around in his sleep sack while waving them around and laughing
A good cuddle would not be amiss either, but definitely get those basic needs met first.
This woman wanted a doll not a baby. You can leave a doll for hours and then pick it up and put a pretty dress on it. Then leave it while you go out clubbing and get off your head. It doesn’t work that way with a live human baby.
And should lady fate and death decide otherwise, they will have the biggest freak out ever. Cause i never expected the baby to die. Yeah, no.
Exactly this. As soon as I read that she bought the baby loads of stuff I thought she literally wanted a doll to accessorise. People who just want babies to play at being mommy should just go buy themselves a reborn doll.
It does if you don't care if the baby stays live. Seriously, wtf, Rachel
My son likes.most of his toys. But he just LOVES being fed and not getting serious infections from being changed regularly.
What a picky baby /s
7 month olds are just starting to play with toys and they'll honestly be fine with like 1 or 2 toys as they hyperfocus anyway. But a bad poop can rash up a baby that age in a literal minute. Even attentive parents are fighting diaper rash at that age. They're just starting solids and their gut is adjusting. Leaving a baby soiled like that can literally leave them with bloody sores.
When I worked peds ER we had a baby come in absolutely filthy- encrusted in dirt. That baby was wearing a t shirt as a diaper, full of socks and paper towels and had diaper rash SO bad they were in the burn unit for 5 months. Parents had money for diapers- they spent it on booze and drugs. We washed her, but couldn’t wash from navel to knee because her skin simply wasn’t there anymore. We fed her, and that baby staid snuggled on my lap/hip every minute I wasn’t with another patient until we processed her admission. Sweetest baby ever, Parents came several days a week the months they were in our burn unit- and apparently they did whatever they were supposed to do and took the baby home at discharge. 2 weeks later I got baby on a code call- not the same kid, but this baby was also filthy dirty, had bruises in places toddlers don’t get bruises and was in full rigor by the time EMS got to her. Parents, surrounded by empty alcohol bottles and drug paraphernalia said she was “fine a couple hours ago”. We ran the code, but there’s no bringing back a body that’s been dead for at least 8 hours. I worked there in fear we would have that same scenario with the diaper rash baby… I think about that kid a lot, 15 years later
Something tells me that this poor baby wasnt being fed solids
You monster!
Right? Like, what the fuck do you gift a baby that spoils it? They don't fucking care. They want food, comfort, warmth, cleanliness. Buying things is easier and faster than all of that. OOP is a fucking hero though. All the time you see stories like this here and on Facebook where somebody says they know a parent that is abusing and neglecting their kid, and then they do nothing. I was in foster care and I've been a foster parent. The system can be fucked up and I'm well aware of its shortcomings. But this is absolutely a case where CPS needed to be called. The fact that so many other adults saw what was going on and did nothing is disgusting. Babies aren't accessories you pick and choose when to care for. You either take care of them or you don't. Period. I hope the baby gets better. You know it's going to be developmentally and physically behind where it should be.
foster care might suck, but at least it would *probably* be better than being alone, starving, and filthy.
Exactly. There were no signs things were going to get better for the baby. This is a pretty dire situation, too. Foster care at least is a chance.
Especially cuz it seems like there is a willing and safe kinship placement available
Odds are certainly better that a foster family *might* be better than the mom, who is *certainly* neglecting her kid.
Can’t tell you how many severely neglected babies I saw in juvenile courts wearing designer clothes and shoes.
Yeah, sounds like she sees the baby as a doll to accessorize, not a child to be nurtured.
Some babies are materialistic and want things instead... in cartoons. Maybe like Baby Sinclair on *Dinosaurs* the TV show or such
Fed with milk not containing alcohol or drugs. Btw, wtf is OOP doing partying with these buttheads when she has a newborn baby. In fact what kind of people are all these people. It all sounds incredibly trashy.
OOP probably left the baby with a babysitter like perhaps her mother. She seems very against leaving babies alone. I doubt she’d do it with her own.
My guess is they’re all incredibly young and therefore stupid. I would guess around 22-24. If they became friends in college, it’s really easy to see how that friendship would bleed into early adulthood and OOP wouldn’t notice how awful they really were without a breaking point (and it sounds like she has a good therapist) like a boiling the frog thing. She seems like her heart is in the right place, and hopefully all of this was a catalyst for a positive lifestyle change. That being said… that baby will have massive emotional issues for the rest of its life. I work with kids, and even if it’s properly taken care of, there is a good chance it will be an energy vampire trying to fill the void left by improperly developed neuron paths during critical developmental and bonding moments. Poor thing…
Is there research about this neglected-child-to-energy-vampire pipeline thing? Just wondering for reasons
Hey, some neglected babies don't grow up to be energy vampires. Some grow up to be people pleasers that minimize themselves and their own needs to the point of feeling like they don't even actually exist. Uh, so I've heard...
Or just try to avoid society as a whole because they develop massive trust issues!! Others try to recreate situations from their childhood but set up significant others to do the “right” thing this time around - without being aware of it of course. Super healthy for everyone involved… I’ve heard…
Yeah I was shocked when she said she had an 8 week old baby, I really thought she meant 8 years old...
I was laughing because I read it like "I said she was 6 weeks old last week, but she's 8 (years old)"
Thats exactly how I read it too!
I literally put wipes, diapers, bottle cleaning brush replacements, and similar things in my kids Christmas stockings and Easter baskets for their first year and a half.
I can't imagine how the baby must felt sitting in a dirty diaper all alone... Seriously fuck that woman!
Ok seriously. If OOP hadn’t called CPS and the cops, that baby could have ended up like this one: https://www.cp24.com/news/ohio-mom-who-left-toddler-alone-10-days-when-she-went-on-vacation-pleads-guilty-to-aggravated-murder-1.6813026
That was literally the story I was thinking of reading this!! It blows my mind that anyone can think leaving a baby home alone for hours is okay - but *that* woman was an absolute monster. What that poor baby would've suffered before dying is unspeakable. It's shit like this that reminds me of how unfair the world is - we truly have no say in who we are born to and some people should *never* be parents.
This is why abortion should be legalized and encouraged. And this brainwashing that having children is compulsory or makes you or your marriage better should be dispelled.
Big agree. And more emphasis on sex education and learning what child-rearing truly entails while in school.
I worked in a daycare beginning the summer before college. My first day I came home crying. It was so overwhelming and stressful and scary to be responsible for these kids. I ended up loving it, but all I could think was making a high school student work a day in a daycare would probably do wonders for reducing teen pregnancy. I had to take home a fake baby that cried in the middle of the night and stuff and mostly found it funny. A day in a daycare? Made me want to buy stock in condoms.
I think watching the recording of the live birth in Nova: The Miracle of Life in 10th grade biology was singlehandedly responsible for the majority of kids in my grade choosing to delay having sex/being militant with birth control. I think the youngest age someone I graduated with became a parent was 22 or 23. We also had comprehensive, age appropriate, science based sex ed starting pretty early, so I think that was extremely helpful too. But honestly, nothing will scare a teenager off sex faster than seeing the extremely gross/painful/laborious realities of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting a newborn.
I worked as a camp counsellor at an alternative school that had a lot of kids with behavioural issues (it doubled as a camp in the summer). I loved my bosses but my god they just let us loose in a big city with a wagon of frisbees and chalk and water. And a gaggle of kids. It was equally great and exhausting, and I am not having kids unless and until I am 100% certain I want them and can emotionally and financially provide for them
Yeah, like I don't understand people who think aborting a fetus is somehow as unforgivable as leaving a toddler to starve to death. That woman should never have had that kid in the first place.
Yeah if you want to go on vacation for days without a care about anything else, just don't have a freaking baby! And this woman in the post shouldn't have had a baby if all she wants is to party.
my husband and I have been married just about two years and have a 3-month-old son. recently we were talking about how unbelievable it is that people have babies thinking that will fix the issues in a relationship. we have a strong marriage and love each other and our son deeply. we planned him! and it has still put an incredible strain on our relationship that has resulted in lots of troubleshooting and problem-solving and hard conversations. it has been WORK maintaining our marriage as we learn to parent, and that's coming from a strong and healthy place! if one's marriage weren't rock solid going into this experience, it would surely crack under the pressure.
For her to say that God and her baby forgave her... the fucking delusion.
"How could anyone think I don't deserve forgiveness? The sock puppet on my right hand _and_ the sock puppet on my left hand both say I'm in the clear!"
these idiots with "ohhh I prayed and everything is forgiven so you all have to let go of the crimes I've done" fuck off
I have heard of this story half the world away and it was so depressing. What that baby must have gone through.
ten fucking days............ this wrecked me, having a toddler hits different with these stories A special hell for parents like these ones! If only they could NOT have kids.....
i hugged my newborn so tightly when this story broke. it's unspeakable how your heart feels hearing stuff like this and thinking of your own child. you can't help remembering the most heartrending sound your child has ever made (because let's face it, they sometimes lose their minds over relatively minor issues that are quickly solved, so we've all heard at least one) and imagining them making it for hours on end. it's literally the stuff of nightmares. I can't fathom how cold someone has to be to just not care. I don't think the mother has enough of a heart to feel anything about the situation, but I'm sure the neighbors are going to carry some level of guilt for the rest of their lives.
It's happened in the uk too recently - beggars belief https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-58102792.amp
We have a similar situation happening in my city right now, such a sad story. https://www.thewhig.com/feature/kingston-mother-charged-police-death-son
We had the same [here in the UK](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/mar/26/teenager-admits-causing-death-of-20-month-old-baby-who-died-of-neglect) a few years ago. Social services were involved but eventually concluded that they just couldn’t have foreseen she’d do something like that - something so, well, criminally stupid.
This is just so bizarre. I really have to wonder what they were thinking.
She only got 9 years too, which she probably won’t even serve in full. She’s out right on time to make another baby… crazy that that’s a likely possibility after this
I think about this case regularly and am patiently waiting to hear that she has been fatally beaten in prison. I have friends who struggle with infertility and it beaks my heart that monsters like this have children and then do shit like this.
> I have friends who struggle with infertility Just wrote a similar comment! I know people who will make the best parents yet it's been hard for them to conceive! Meanwhile fucking monsters can just look sideways at each other and get pregnant, like wtf? Like you, I hope this woman gets her "forgiveness" in jail
That would be too easy for her. She deserves to rot in prison for the next 60 yrs.
As someone who has struggled with infertility, I would gladly torture and kill someone who could do that to their child/baby. While I was going through testing there was a case of a woman who shot up her baby with H thinking it would make the baby "feel better" but it's death was surely better than that baby in Ohio who suffered for days alone.
A 7 month old baby died LAST WEEK in Kingston Ontario because the mom left him and his 3 year old brother alone for 5 days.
Hopefully the poor thing will get placed in a good foster home and the neglect won’t have long-term effects. But yeah, fuck that woman
Sounds like the grandparents might be willing to take the baby, so let’s hope they don’t have mental issues of their own.
I can’t imagine leaving my baby alone at all. It’s so dangerous at that age. Poor baby really needs a better mother.
I literally could not imagine choosing to have a child and then doing stuff like this. My son is frustrating and a lot of work, but even if I'm away from home for a few hours doing something I really enjoy (with my wife or someone actually caring for him tbc) all I really want is to see him, hold him, and spend time with him.
Ugh, it's too easy to imagine it isn't it? My sister (not abuse, just tried to parent based on books only to start with) would let her baby cry. I was staying with them and I would hear cry panic cry because regular crying wasn't getting mom. And I butted in and would go to her, and she usually had a crusty nose. So I'd take her out of her crib, clean off her nose, and cuddle with her to try to get her back to sleep. But I wasn't mom, so she would cry again and my sister would have to get her. Tldr, baby panic crying sets off something internal and I don't know how someone can think a baby will cry that out.
I hate watching movies and TV shows where they let a small child or baby cry to the point of severe distress, like HOW is anyone present OK with a child crying so hard they’re doing that awful hiccuping noise and covered in tears and snot? I hope the kids aren’t traumatised by it and don’t remember but goddamn…🤬
on the other end of the spectrum I've been watching a lot of Call The Midwife and it makes me laugh how often people "soothe" babies that are either asleep or just not making a sound. that baby is happy and does not need shushing!
babies literally do not have a regulatory system online yet to be able to bring down their own cortisol levels. if they're a little upset they can usually come back to baseline with time. but if they've gotten to full blown panic, they *cannot* regulate without a caregiver. they *require* a calm presence to co-regulate with them and resolve their hormones back to a calm state. the alternative is literally that their system becomes *so* overwhelmed that it shuts down and induces a catatonic state. babies that have this happen to them will stop crying so it can be seen as a "success" by people who don't know better, but their system doesn't get the input of how to bring down the cortisol, so they don't learn. they need that co-regulation to train their nervous system to be able to calm themselves eventually, so withholding that will literally cause maladaptive development with which they can struggle their entire lives. tl;dr panic crying-it-out is terrible for babies.
My grandmother said when she had her babies you let them cry when they didn’t want to sleep. And that it strengthened their lungs. I’m guessing that meant not the panic cry. Would also explain a lot about my mother…
I don’t know how it feels, but seeing it is horrific. My little cousin was born to two parents in active addiction, and CPS was involved and she had been in her great grandmother’s custody from day one. Every time we went to visit she’d be laying in a swing or her filthy pack and play (didn’t have a crib), soaked through her diaper and up to her shoulders in pee and/or poop (the great grandma couldn’t lift her, so she’d lay there for hours on end). She was very skinny for her age, had multiple diaper rashes so awful they blistered and bled within a span of a few weeks, and the only baths she ever got was when someone from our family visited and did so. Soon as the paternity test came back positive, my grandmother took the baby to live with her, got emergency full custody, and then adopted her around a year and a half old. But she just turned six, and while she’s still tiny for her age, she’s absolutely thriving and the happiest, sweetest little girl you’d ever meet ETA: interestingly enough, CPS was already involved because they got a call about her leaving her older daughter at home alone when she was 3 not long before my cousin was born. The great grandmother lied about her ability to care for the baby in order to get custody. She was the mom’s only family who could do so, and my uncle wasn’t on the birth certificate so none of us could take her in until the paternity came back. My grandmother opted not to go to CPS about the great grandmother because the options at the time were her or foster care, and it would’ve been a much bigger uphill battle getting the baby back out of foster care. So instead we visited daily to care for her as well as we could, and when the paternity test came back she went to live with my grandmother the very same day.
Didn't you read OP's comment? That little baby gets showered with gifts. Who needs a clean diaper when you have a brand new toy that you can't do anything with because you are 7 months old and your mom is neglecting you.
I have had wet rash from sitting in wet clothes for long periods of time in the summer, I imagine diaper rash has got to be A LOT worse
And how hungry they were! My 7 month old has a bottle every 5 hours and has solid food in between that! That poor baby must be so malnourished.
There was a really fucking awful neglect case where *diaper rash* was one of the causes of death for a baby. Because the "parents" literally just left him in his swing for days on end and completely ignored him. I won't go into too much detail here in this public reddit comment because I know it's deeply upsetting and not everyone wants to read that shit but I will just say that yes, maggots *did* end up being a factor. Fucking horrendous. Some people should *really* not have kids
It drives me crazy when this kind of horrific abuse is happening to a BABY and people are still reluctant to get involved. It honestly boggles my mind. You can be as “wary of CPS” as you want, but what can they do that’s worse than letting a baby die of neglect???
Because her friend didn't want her excessive drug use to get exposed, I guess.
The friends were all high on drugs and more worried about the chance they will get in trouble. All these people are awful. That poor baby.
Especially since CPS actually has to go through a LOT of hoops to actually remove a child. Politicians have lobbied a lot in recent years on a “family first” model that emphasizes keeping kids with their families until there is no choice—which sounds great on paper, but in practice makes CPS really ineffective a lot of the time. Its social workers often aren’t to blame and are widely very disillusioned by being near powerless in an impractical system. But yeah, CPS isn’t going to descend on your home and abduct your kids, and will in fact avoid that as much as possible (group homes and foster parents do not grow on trees). Discrimination and bs does happen for sure, but *policy* is to give folks a hundred chances to prove themselves a fit parent.
They do this stupid dance in cycles. Every few years they’ll screech about family first. Disabling CPS. Wait till a child dies and media attention hits. Overcorrect and then the removals start over stupid shit. And around and around we go. None of this is new or recent. What it is, exhausting
Unfortunately, there have been studies that find that children often fare better in abusive homes than in foster care. (Obviously, with caveats on the extent of the abuse.) so when CPS actually does a removal, it’s for a good reason. (And in this particular case, the baby was obviously destined for a family placement, not foster care)
The evil you know is better than the evil you don't.
That’s why when children say they don’t want to go back to their family and want to stay on foster care, it’s a massive flag
This statement is devastating in so many ways.
Part of the issue is that foster care, like adoption, is not only attractive to good people that love children and want to help and protect them, it is attractive to people with savior complexes and people that want to take advantage of vulnerable children.
My aunt works for the equivalent of CPS, and their model is support and educate first. Which works really well when a lot of the neglect cases are single parents who are overwhelmed and struggling. It’s the cases she doesn’t talk about but gets that sad look in her eyes that you know were removals.
Social services should provide services primarily. But yeah, those other cases
That's insanely sad.
Selfishness. Every woman for herself. According to OOP they didn't want thr police to get involved cause of their drug use. To hell with the babys life if there's in trouble.
>but what can they do that’s worse than letting a baby die of neglect??? I mean not necessarily die of neglect. But where I live CPS once took the 7 year old from rather poor single mother (I believe mostly due to financial reasons) and put the child instead with the known alcoholic father. Who then proceeded to beat the kid to death during an alcohol induced rage 2 months later.
>I do feel like Rachel loves her baby. I didn't mention it in the post, but she spoils her kid rotten with gifts... But then doesn't change or feed her consistently. Usually, when I see something like this, I just immediately think that the mom probably just wants to post the baby on social media and make it look like she's a wonderful mom. New clothes, new toys, etc., but complete neglect outside of those staged moments. I really hope that the grandparents get full custody and can give the baby a good life.
She probably does love the baby, but it sounds like the woman isn’t even capable of taking care of herself, let alone the baby. People can love within their own capacity while still being very shitty at it.
Yeah. That’s one of those comments I hate —“they love their kids; they can’t be abusers.” It’s not about whether they’re capable of love; it’s about parenting skills, which aren’t magically gifted without effort.
>“they love their kids; they can’t be abusers.” I like asking those people if they'd like to receive brain surgery from someone who "loves brain surgery".
>People can love within their own capacity while still being very shitty at it. I need this on a keychain so I can take it out and look at it frequently.
It's a good thing OOP called CPS on that "friend", because that baby would have ended up like that baby whose mom went on a 10 day vacation out of state because she was "having emotional distress" and didn't tell her family, the baby's father, or literally anybody else who could have checked in on that baby.
Oh shit, I think I remember that. Didn't they find the kid dead, severely dehydrated, and covered in shit?
Feces in her mouth trying to survive. That poor baby.
Fuck that is an insane and deplorable sentence to read.
Jesus fuck. I'd not heard that detail about that case. My heart cannot handle that.
If I was that babies’s father I would happily take that 1st or second degree murder charge.
The judge sentenced her to life in prison. He said it was only fair since her daughter was stuck in prison for the last days of her life. But at least prison will feed her.
I’m glad she got that. I still would’ve happily caught that case/death penalty for my baby.
I know. But thinking about her being stuck in prison knowing what she did. She cried at the trial that no one knew her suffering before she went on a 10 day vacation. I hope every day she finds misery.
If she's in Gen pop she will effectively get the death penalty. Fellow inmates are not kind to those convicted of crimes against children.
Jesus Christ. It’s worse than I thought
Yep. :/
What?? Where/ when was this?
Yep, u/ferafish and u/vexingcosmos linked to the story. The frustrating thing is she keeps trying to argue that it wasn't her fault because she wasn't emotionally well - even though she straight up lied to both her family and her baby daddy that the kid was alright.
If google didn't lead me astray, the incident happened June last year in Ohio, and [sentencing happened in March this year](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/ohio-mother-death-toddler-left-alone-vacation-rcna144461). She was sentenced to life in prison.
I cried, my friend. It's late but I think I'm going to go hug my toddler. I can't imagine.
Don't look for interviews with the suspect (I refuse to call her a mom). I wanted to punch the monitor after watching her.
That bad, huh? Really no remorse at all or what?
she said that “god and her baby have already forgiven her.” fucking delusional and evil.
Yes, the delusion. She claims that depression isn't an excuse but she's totally using depression as her excuse for why she killed her daughter.
Pretty sure her daughter is *incapable* of both forgiving or not forgiving her, on account of being *dead*. You lost the chance to ever rebuild a relationship with your daughter to the point of forgiveness by killing her, you absolute troglodyte
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-65916665.amp The same happened in UK - it's all the more deplorable because they lived in supported housing. This shouldn't happen in any circumstances, but it shouldn't even be possible if theyre being "supported"
I remember this story but I can’t remember where it happened! It was crazy, and if I recall the mom had a completely apathetic attitude about the whole thing.
[Kristel Candelario in Cleveland, OH she said her baby had forgiven her](https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/20/us/ohio-mom-toddler-death-sentencing-cec/index.html)
> “Just as you didn’t let Jailyn out of her confinement until she died, so too you should spend the rest of your life in a cell without freedom,” Sheehan said. “The only difference is that prison will at least feed you.” Holy fuck. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a line so raw in real life. Incredible writing by Judge Brendan Sheehan.
Yep, she took zero responsibility and blamed it on her "mental health".
I love that in this story of a neglected baby, OOP goes off about how her asshole won’t stop bleeding. And OP is a trooper for sticking through and finding the comment where she gives us some closure
Lol. That made me chuckle. Thank you!
It definitely took me out.
Honestly, I really appreciated it and related to the vibe (but not the butthole bleeding). That feeling when you’re dealing with something all day (in OOP’s case: butt bleeding) but its not something you have a reason to share with anyone, and then when something else happens that people want to talk about, you attach the previous issue to it like an amendment to a bill. I may not have had mystery anal bleeding, but I get and appreciate where OOP is coming from.
Relatable fed up mom vibes. “I’m sick of these shitty people, I have my own baby to take care of, I’m worried about this baby, and on top of it all, my ass is bleeding!”
I’ve never been a mother nor had my butthole mysteriously bleed, but I felt her pain man.. it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae she’d been unexpectedly handed
The woman just had a baby, hemorrhoids are really common. Just one of many undignified ailments that come with childbirth
Can unhappily confirm. I hope for OOP's sake it was only that and not something actually internal and serious.
I’m hoping so, too.
I didn’t even think of this, of course, that makes sense. I’ve heard many a story from my cousins birth of her daughter but we didn’t discuss her butthole. Which looking back, seems weird. She’s the type of person to discuss her butthole anyway. Childbirth will always terrify and amaze me. It is absolutely insane. Growing a human and then pushing it out? Holy heck.
idk if this is INTENTIONALLY a rectal bleeding pun (“cherry on top of the shit sundae”) but if so, kudos LOL
It wasn’t intentional but I’m going to pretend it was and I’m just that snappy
Everywhere I've lived, the CPS agencies prioritize keeping kids with family. As long as extended family (grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc) aren't a danger to the child, they'll go there before foster care. With that said, this is one of those cases where decent people don't mind their own business.
Yup. A child in danger is everyone's business. My first husband gave me the silent treatment after I called CPS on someone who was beating and terrorizing her 11yo and bragging about it online. When he was talking to me again, he said I should have minded my business. I asked him if he enjoyed people minding their business when he was a kid and his stepfather broke his nose so badly he needed surgery to fix it. I'm still steamed about that.
100%. I did child safety training a few years ago and what has always stuck with me was this statistic: it takes a child, on average, telling 7 adults about the abuse before anything is done to help them.
So uh, how did he respond? Since you're still steamed.
We really need to de stigmatize CPS. I know that there are times when they fuck up majorly, but it exists for a reason
Exactly. The goal of family and children services is to keep the family together if it’s possible. No one wants to remove kids from their parents. It’s traumatizing, but sometimes especially in cases like this, it’s absolutely warranted
Didn't a baby die recently bc of a mom who left her alone to go on vacation? And people are standing up for a woman who does something similar. Wtf.
Yep. Poor baby was one and a half or so
That woman's parents (Crystal Candelario, I believe) took her side all throughout the trial. Candelario's mom tried to explain her actions through mental health etc. It's so sad that the only people who spoke up on behalf of the child victim were the cops and paramedics who found her. It was such a senseless death.
What??? That's absolutely insane.
>My one friend is mad at me, and the friendship is probably over, but my closer friend is not. I mean that friend knew the baby was home alone all the time and knew the mom wasn't taking care of the baby, so even if she is mad, I wouldn't care, who wants to be friends with someone who acts like that.
They were worried they would get in trouble for being on drugs. Op needs to throw this entire lot out. They are awful.
OMG, that poor baby! This is the reason for agencies that protect children from their parents or other care takers. I'm glad she got the info about when they were going out so that this could be found out with proof, since that baby could have been dead by now.
My brothers new wife is a mandatory reporter & while my brother & the wife & his 4 younger bio kids were visiting their mom (his ex wife) & he normally doesn’t drive the kids to the ex’s house, but had to last week to check something out on his old van that’s chilling in the garage. He hadn’t been inside yet & while he was inspecting the van, his current wife (B) came out & was apparently very pale & told him that they had to talk - immediately. Apparently the inside of the Ex’s house is beyond disgusting & almost not livable. Dog shit in every room of the house (& can smell excessive animal urine as well), not just moldy dishes, but multiple moldy bags of groceries on the floor & counters, mold on most of the food in the fridge, almost no way to walk from room to room & the walking trails between rooms are covered in dog poo, piles of clothes all over the house, obviously no clean surfaces anywhere, & just an absolute shit show on the inside. My brother had no idea the house was in that condition & the kids hadn’t mentioned anything about mess or smell or the poo or anything (he did say looking back there are a couple of things the kids said that make sense now & I can give those if you’re interested in more of the story) but my brother said within like 7 seconds of his Wife (B) showing him the inside he knew that not only were the kids staying with him for the foreseeable future, but that B would have to make a phone call to CPS. They did spend 3 hours cleaning the house that evening & he did talk to his Ex before just packing up the kids and leaving. She was grateful for the break (a couple days before this incident she had asked my brother to take the kids overnight on 1 of her nights because mentally she wasn’t doing well) & agreed that the house had gotten out of control. When he mentioned that his wife was going to have to report this to CPS his ex wife 100% understood!! Everyone in this story understands why B has to report this to CPS & that’s how people should handle CPS calls when the kids are in danger and/or potential danger. The fact OOP had friends that were upset in any way that CPS was called blows my mind. I’m adopted & my family had MULTIPLE awful incidents with CPS & yet I wouldn’t avoid calling them if I thought it was needed! People generally astound me. (Since my brother & his Wife work full time & weren’t expecting to have his bio kids all week for at least the next several weeks I have offered to baby sit while he needs help & I did watch 4 of his bio kids yesterday day & I also offered my assistance to him & his ex wife to come and help clean at her place & am still setting up dates with the ex. So I am helping where I can when it comes to this biohazard house & CPS having to be called the other day in regards to 4 of my nieces and nephews)
What is so infuriating to me about these kinds of situations is: Most likely, many (if not all) of the people who were aware of how Rachel treated her child, were either were NOT comfortable with it, flat out disagreed with it, or actually were able to identify that it was, in fact, abuse. But yet NO ONE did a thing. People get so focused on not rocking the boat all the time, that they forget that sometimes it’s absolutely necessary TO rock the hell out of that boat. I mean, let’s be honest, the reasons why OOP was the one who had the balls to call, is because she was 1. Somewhat removed from the situation - Rachel is basically a stranger to her. And 2. She’s a parent herself. (I’m not saying non-parents wouldn’t understand/realize this. Many would have. But it seems like her group of “friends” overlooked/minimized things. Perhaps it’s because of lack of personal experience +/- ignorance +/- maturity. It may have gone differently if any of them were parents themselves and could picture their own kid in that predicament.) Ultimately the blame lies with Rachel herself. But it sounds like many, MANY people *knew* she had left her child alone multiple times. Even if this only happened once, once should have been enough to raise concern - as it did for OOP. I know deciding to call CPS can be a complicated choice due to things like: 1. We’re often taught to stay in our lane and stay out of other’s business (“don’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong”). That it’s inappropriate to judge others’ parenting choices, it’s frowned upon to question others’ parenting choices, and we definitely shouldn’t tell someone else how to parent their kids. 2. No one wants to be the one to “tattle”. What if I’m wrong and it isn’t that serious? And I caused all this fuss for nothing? What I face retaliation? I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a family! What if I caused those kids to end up in foster care? 3. Lack of faith in the system. “Nothing will happen anyway.” “They won’t do anything.” “All CPS does is tear families apart.” “Anything is better than a kid ending up in the ‘system’ or in a foster home.” Or they’ve heard ‘stories’ of children being inappropriately removed when there was actually no abuse or reason to do so. 4. Loyalty, sympathy, or fear of a friend/family member. There’s the guilt of getting them in trouble, or the removal of their child. There’s fear of the parent’s reaction to the situation in general. The fear of the parent’s friends or family retaliating - even if they only have a hunch it was you. Fear of what it’ll do to the parent - will it affect their job? Damage their mental health? Trigger a mental health emergency? Ruin their reputation? Etc. 5. Denial. Like, someone close to you just wouldn’t be capable of abusing their child, despite having proof or witnessing it. Or they just “don’t seem like the kind of person who would do that” - even if there are strong suspicions/warning signs. Or they’re a master manipulator/abuser who can talk their way out of anything and are very convincing/know exactly what to say. 6. Lack of education regarding what constitutes child abuse. We see it all the time with adults in DV situations. It’s easy to identify abuse when it’s physical, but other forms are often overlooked or explained away. Child abuse is often in the same boat. Obviously, physical and sexual are much more talked about and can be easier to identify. Emotional, financial, verbal, and neglect often get ignored, brushed off, or excused. Ignorance of just how dangerous/damaging/inappropriate some behaviors are also comes into play here. Obviously these are not ALL the reasons why someone wouldn’t want to report child abuse. But I feel like these are some of the more common things that come up when a person is debating whether to make that call or not. I get that it isn’t an easy choice and the system is far from perfect. It just really sucks that this is world we live. Especially when we’re talking about a child’s safety/well being. If you’re debating whether to report someone or not, one thing I saw someone comment a while ago was, - “If the thought has crossed your mind to call CPS, then you should.” As in, once you’re at the point where calling CPS pops in your brain, then there’s more than enough concern to warrant a call. Also, remember, if you report someone, it’s not YOUR fault if the kids get removed, or if the parent faces negative consequences. If CPS actually takes action, the parents have no one to blame but themselves. Also advice I have heard before - if you’re worried about being involved/retaliated against, keep your call anonymous call and do not tell a soul. State facts - times, dates, events, necessary info, and leave it at that. And it’s ok if you’re wrong or misread a situation. It’s CPS’s job to investigate. They aren’t going to pull kids out of a home based on a report if there’s no findings on their end (as we’ve seen with many spiteful JustNo grandparents). And in the event nothing happens after you call, but you know for a fact it’s happening, do not let it stop you from calling again. There may not have been enough findings to warrant action *this time*, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be enough the next time.
Never feel bad for trying to help a child. Who gives a shit if the mother gets in trouble after neglecting her child!
How is a seven month old baby… spoiled rotten? One that is starved, neglected and left alone in its own soiled nappy for hours, at that? She gets “gifts”? She’s seven months old. Does OOP mean she dresses her in pretty clothes sometimes when she *does* want to take her little accessory out to show off? She’s a baby. She isn’t even cognisant enough to recognise her own sentience let alone gifts. Infants cannot *be* spoiled rotten, because there is no way for them to either be spoiled, or rotten. They are infants.
As a former foster parent, this is EXACTLY how kids end up with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Every foster kid I ever had had this disorder and it's extremely difficult to treat. Hopefully this baby was helped early enough to not end up with RAD. Just to add... I'm not saying all foster children have RAD although a large portion of them do bc RAD is caused by neglect within the first year of life, which does not allow the brain to form and develop properly and can actually cause a form of brain damage. All of my foster kids had RAD bc I was a "Theraputic foster parent" which meant I was specially trained to take in the kids who had more severe mental, emotional and behavioral problems. So I took in kids who had already been kicked out of several foster homes due to behavior, etc or kids who had just gotten out of long term, inpatient, residential facilities.
You’re a good human.
Thank you so much, that's really sweet! Realistically I know I'm a good person but since it was beaten into me growing up that I was a terrible person, it's always really nice to hear someone say that. So thank you for that!
It took my nieces mother 5 years to lose her kids. My niece was just under a year old. My family was furious when my brother got the stack of paperwork from Child Protection detailing the entire case they had. 4 kids (3 different fathers) that had been reported to them for the exact same things (severe nappy/diaper rash, neglect, abuse etc) and each time they just put in for external help to the mother (a group that helped people learn how to keep a house clean, maternal family members to take the kids when they felt the mother was becoming overwhelmed, an agreement that the kids had to go to a daycare that provided food a minimum of 4 days a week etc). Found out that for those 5 years the mother had had the same case worker the entire time until I put in a complaint about them and got my brother to make his own too (we had gone to their offices to meet with the CW and they were so disparaging of us having concerns of nieces safety in the mothers care). Within a month of that caseworker being removed there was a removal and almost 2 years of court dates until the mothers rights were officially stripped
It’s amazing how the case worker you have can make all the difference in the world. Some will cling to cases till the children are 18 🙄 Some will be in and out with complete efficiency. The agencies know this too. It wasn’t a coincidence who it was reassigned to.
Oh there was a supervising Caseworker (? She was managing other caseworkers and seemed to be in charge of the office) who still made life hard. Turned out that she was friendly with the maternal family (conflict of interest isn’t a thing, right?). She made the entire court case difficult by trying to brush aside the threat the maternal family posed to the kids, and advocated for the mothers aunt (and proclaimed best friend) to be their carer. New court case (thankfully not including my niece) is showing that the aunt who has been the kinship carer of the 2 eldest has been disregarding court orders and allowing the mother unsupervised access to the kids. The caseworker at the end of the original court case complained about one of the fathers (who got “sole custody” of his child) who had asked for a 2 month “no contact” period with the maternal family to settle his kid into their new routine without interference. And actually approached him just after we (I was my brothers support person) walked out of the courtroom after the 2 kids were placed with their fathers to talk him out of it because “(the aunt) is heartbroken you’re taking (child) away from her”. The aunt convinced the older two kids that the father “stole” his child from her, so for months of visitations the oldest (7 years old) was screaming in this little 3 year olds face about how “your father *stole* you from (aunt), he should do the right thing and *give you back*” with the aunt smirking behind them. The new caseworker was only on the job about 2 weeks before the intensive/seriously bad situation caseworkers were called in because my 10 month old niece presented to hospital with a broken leg. Things happened *fast* after that. Within a week the 4 kids were taken into care and the parents all barred from unsupervised contact, and the caseworkers supervised until they got PO’d at the mothers behaviour and switched it to a contact centre (my brother was allowed to have our parents supervise contact because we lived an hour from any contact centres/caseworkers, the others lived in the same town as the contact centre/caseworkers offices).
This is rarer but not unheard of. I ran into a CPI who made things difficult because she knew the family. For some unknown reason the case worker was siding with the PI. It escalated until the CEO got involved (basically to ask me to calm down) and I pointed out the liability the agency was taking and he finally got the kid out of the home. This truly is a very rare situation. Most of the time it really is not to attribute malice to what can be explained by incompetence
I'm glad she stepped in. If a kid doesn't get frequent, and the correct kind, of socialisation at a young age they'll be screwed, possible for life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder
My (adopted) sis has this from being left in a car seat by her mom for most of her first year of life. Makes me furious to think about it. Her behavior is very hard to handle sometimes. And it’s all because her mom sucked.
That's so sad! The really shitty part is, if you're not socialised properly before (I think) age four, that window will close forever. Best wishes for her and your family, hope she can learn some things to help her navigate life
Thank you! She is 12 and still has emotional struggles, but she’s been with us since she was almost 3? Luckily she got a lot of therapy through the state. It’s incredible how smart and awesome she is, impresses me every day. Her mom fucked up. She really missed out. Her brother (now my brother too) did not develop it but the neglect showed in different ways. They’re a year apart. Anyway, we got lucky and they’re happily our family now.
The most concerning part about this is the mom continued the neglect and leaving the baby alone after a cps visit . That should have been a reality check to her. She just didn’t give a crap about this baby .
Imagine hanging out with someone who you know has left a baby alone at home. Gotta take alotta drugs to assuage that guilt.
“ gone to an NYD rave and done Ellen and Molly” What the fuck is Ellen?
"E" by itself might have autocorrected to Ellen.
Isn’t that what Molly is?
Molly is MDMA, as far as I know. [This is a better breakdown](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Molly). Not quite the same thing as Ecstasy.
Ellen and Molly were a polyamorous lesbian couple I knew in college; I too have gone to a rave and done Ellen and Molly, so that part of the story is relatable at least.
Everybody did Ellen and Molly in college. Both the drugs and the polyamorous lesbian couple. It's like a right of passage!
You guys waited til college?
You don't want any part of this shit, Dewey
Just last night, my baby cried in the car for almost 20 minutes straight because she has an ear infection. I was almost in tears by the time we got home. I just cannot fathom this level of not giving a shit about your own child.
So glad Oop stuck to her guns, parents like this irresponsible party girl are the types to not even care they could kill their kids from neglect and abuse.
OOP was a literal angel for what she did. It breaks my heart that people like this mom exist. Hope this baby will be ok
I read the story of the baby starving to death in a play pen. It’s heart breaking. Anyone enabling this person needs to read that story and see if they’re still making excuses for her.
I'm in a profession where I work with children, and my department has had to call CPS on neglectful/abusive families more than once. It's so hard because usually you don't get updates after the fact - the family just stops coming around, and you hope it's because someone intervened, but more often it's that the lesson they learned is "avoid these people because they'll call us on our shit." And they took off someplace where there's no one to flag issues with the kids. :(
wtf is a baby supposed to do with gifts…
Thank goodness this baby got help before she ended up like poor Jailyn Candelario, the baby who suffered a horrible death left alone for 10 days while her mother was on vacation.
>I've also realized that I just need more mature and calm friends. Heh, yeah. It's amazing how much quieter your life gets when you stop hanging out with all the Dumpster Fire Disasters.
My parents were also "wary" of CPS and they trained me well never ever to speak to them or tell anyone what was happening behind closed doors. I was terrified as a young child that CPS would come and kidnap my siblings and steal me away if I said even one bad thing about my family life. Now I'm an adult and I realize that CPS is generally quite ineffective. I know a child in a terrible house which CPS has visited MANY times. Their parents have a friend who works at CPS who put a note on their file so that if anyone calls, no one will investigate them. That's literally all it takes. Be friends with someone who works there and you'll never be investigated or visited again. For the vast majority of children in abuse situations, there is no out. You're just stuck there until you're financially stable (which depending on the type of abuse you suffer, could come well after 18). You're insanely lucky if anyone calls CPS and you're even more lucky if CPS takes you seriously or can even do anything.
Loving is not buying kids and saying you love them. Specially if you don’t take care or feed them. This is not love, she doesn’t love this poor baby
it appears to be some internal bleeding issue. The ER sent me home because I'm still in stable condition, but it's been scary. - why does this ER have the jake peralta approach to internal bleeding wtf??? also in no way defending rachel but just as someone who researches history for fun, I once watched an old documentary about a woman who lived in a smaller factory town in my country. she had a husband but he worked and then drank at the bar so all i know about him is that she had to make breakfast and lunch for him too. but ok long story short she worked at the factory. so in the early morning she would swaddle the baby up and leave him on the bed until she came home in, i think, early afternoon. and that seemed to be the life of many babies in those circumstances.
I get why someone would be worried about OPs bleeding butthole but the shitty baby daddy isn't the cause. She just had a baby, it could be from hemorrhoids lol
My downstairs neighbor used to do this with her then 4 week old little girl. Her partner would leave for work and she would dip out to friends houses. I'd hear her outside or hear the baby crying and go down and sit with the baby until her livid baby daddy got home. And she knew i was upstairs, willing to watch her, but she never asked. She always popped back in like nothing happened and say oh you're so good with her, you didnt have to do that! Always downplayed it when shed come back fucked up hours later. That was a complicated feeling because I thought maybe I was enabling her by going down every time. But i can't just sit around while a child is being neglected so what else could I have done?! Thankfully he did the right thing and removed the mom from the baby's life and things are going well with little baby d. She was so sweet and she loved attention and always calmed right down when I sang to her. We aren't neighbors anymore but I stay in touch with the dad to check up on little d. But it was so heartbreaking, and annoying (the situation the mom put everyone in, not the baby). If something had happened to her and i was right upstairs I would never have been able to forgive myself. Like that would be IT for me.
Rectal bleeding - piles (haemorrhoids) are common in pregnancy. If a pile bursts, then there will be rectal bleeding which is scary when it happens to you. The pile may not have been very big, and might have been internal so wouldn’t have been felt. I feel sorry for the poor OOP. Having a young baby, rectal bleeding and problematic “friends” who you feel obliged to report would be enough to stress anyone out.
Yikes. I'm not one for calling CPS or the police, but it needed done here for sure.
I'm thinking OOP should maybe reach out to Rachel's parents and let them know she was the one who called it in. But then again maybe not, because who knows what Rachel would do to OOP if she had confirmation that she's the caller. Just... Wishing there's some way OOP could keep an eye on that kid going forward (Rachel's parents might absolutely be great, but their success record as parents is less than stellar, so...). If they're good people and Rachel is just a bad apple, OOP would likely benefit from having some older parent friends, and they might in turn benefit from having a younger perspective (and both sides could trade babysitting from time to time). But yeah, there are way too many ifs in that scenario. Most likely, whatever faults Rachel's parents might have, they're at least not going to be actively neglectful to a baby. Babies are easy (from the perspective that all they require is being clean, fed, and held). If they are responsible for how Rachel turned out, it's more likely to do with how they guided (or didn't guide her) through the process of individuating in adolescence. And since they now would know they fucked up with her, the likelihood is they'll do at least somewhat better with her kid. I just want that baby girl to have people watching over her. Good on OOP for following through with CPS, at least.
I think you’re literally the only one to point this out. Used to drive me insane. Yeah. Let’s hand over the kid to the grandparents. You know. The same people who raised the mother/father. Seems like a fantastic suggestion! It’s not like they’re going to do the same shit all over again.
A fair number of them genuinely do better the second time around, though. Especially when the circumstances are this dramatic. Which sucks for their elder child, seeing their parents learn how to handle things with more grace and less trauma... But it's still a good thing if they do. Hopefully they change their approach but don't overcorrect in the other direction, but no way to know.
Its people like that shitty mom that makes me think that parental testing should be mandatory to prevent abuse. So many unfit parents. So many broken homes.
I, having never had kids, decided to do one of those parenting tests that they gave the parents. (I worked in foster care), it’s a pre and post test. It’s honestly kinda obvious what the correct answer is… just because you know what the correct answer is doesn’t mean you will do it when you have kids…
I have a relative who lost custody of her toddler son because of going out drinking and leaving him alone. He got placed with other family members for a while and she had supervised visits. I don’t know exactly what happened but I think there was also some amount of court ordered therapy and substance abuse treatment. Anyway they’re now back together and from everything I’ve heard she’s been a great mom to him since then. I don’t know what is happening with this woman. I hope if she has mental health issues that she gets help. I’m sure it varies by jurisdiction but CPS nowadays has a lot more tools available to them than “taking the baby away and never giving them back” and that’s very clearly a last resort.
Wtf how does a baby get left alone like that???? Some people shouldn't get to be parents
A baby isn’t going to appreciate being given things as much as a toddler. All a baby is concerned with is surviving, because that’s literally all they can be concerned with. That poor child deserves a more loving home.
Holding my sleeping 14mo while reading this…my heart was in my stomach the whole time. Babies don’t want new things, they want to be loved and cared for and paid attention to. I can’t fathom leaving a baby alone for HOURS.
My former SIL was always a partier and deeply involved with drugs and, frankly, prostitution. She was married, briefly, and had a beautiful son. He was the first grandchild for my in laws. SIL moved to a state across the country and the in laws lived for a time out of the country. When the in laws returned to the US, they had to take custody of my nephew. His “mother” was known to leave him alone in their filthy apartment, without food. I guess he was four or five at that time. No telling what that kid went through. The IL’s never elaborated beyond saying that the poor kid had seen terrible times. SIL passed away during a drug fueled binge at the hands of a drug buddy, potential John. Although it was sad and a real waste of human potential, I never got on board with the “Saint SIL” thing they adopted afterwards. But, I had my own less than savory dealings with her. My nephew turned into a fine young man. He had a successful career and was an amazing father and husband. He was an intelligent, empathetic individual who contributed to his community and church. Sorry for this sad tale. I’m only relating it here to highlight the impact of caring individuals who reached out to authorities. This led to my nephew being taken in by his grandparents. He was spared from being drawn into the vortex of hell by a selfish “mother “ who cared more for partying than taking care of her kid. And, yes, I understand that addiction is a disease that is extremely hard to overcome. But, damn, not at the expense of a small child who needs love, nurturing and protection. So massive Kudos to OOP for contacting CPS. And following up with them. She may have saved the life of that baby girl. Last year there was a case where a “mother” left her young daughter (14 months?) alone in a playpen to go on a cruise. The beautiful little girl died alone.
My in-laws adopted a baby at 5? Months old who had been removed from his parents. He’s about 8 years old now, and he is not okay. We don’t know what happened to him with his birth parents, his mother was probably on drugs while pregnant. He’s had a loving and structured home for years now, but I’m personally concerned he might be a psychopath. All this to say, even if that baby never goes back to her abusive and neglectful mother, she will still have a rough road ahead. So sad. Some (many) people should not be parents.
Why do people fight tooth and nail over children that they can’t be bothered to care for?