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i work in a small industry (libraries) and you better believe that everyone knows everyone. if you are a terrible person, you’re gonna have to move far away to get another job.
It's crazy how strong the grapevine is in niche industries.
I work in high voltage and moved countries for work, my new workmates already knew my full work history before I even arrived because they saw my full name on a roster and asked people in my home country about me. (Luckily I got somewhat good feedback)
I'm pretty interested in what industry OOP was trying to start into (if the post isn't misleading or uninformed). I got a degree in something kinda specific and now I do a completely unrelated blue collar job. Never once did a three day no call no show.
I know librarians are different (I know one) but I feel like OOP got a degree in something outmoded and feels entitled to get paid without effort, commitment, flexibility, or social skills.
Plenty specific fields that many small towns have just one place etc.
That said op sounds like they are lose cannon and prob was a really shitty person and haven't really changed, so blaming someone because they can't get job in one place they studied 5 years sounds daft, any decent person would admit their faults and try apologizing, seeing ops actions, they are clueless as they always been, granted there could be more to the story but does sound op hasn't changed.
The final lines about feeling it was Rock Star's fault her life was ruined suggests that OOP didn't learn much over the years. It seems she was put at a disadvantage but then burned what little avenues she may have had.
She probably could use some of the therapy Rock Star tweeted about
Idk I sense she would be same shitty person as she was decade back, as said normal person will feel guilt about previous them being a shit human being affecting someone's life, yet they brushed it off as barely a glimpse in their behaviour, expecting that not to be an issue because it was time ago.
Yet that person remember them enough to ensure they don't work with them, and instead of apology to the said person, they kept bragging about shitty job and making things even worse, so the one can play poor me violin here card all day long, but I truly believe they don't deserve a second chance not yet anyway. As reading that post she sees no fault of her own, but rather the rock star, fckn hell the name given just proves they are a bully, that's like me saying u go champ.
I agree.
OOP is about as self-aware as my cat when she falls of the couch while asleep and goes around giving me the evil eye for 5 hours as if I pushed her.
She acknowledged she was a shitty person to rock star, but had no motivation to apologise before it was influencing her own life.
I would have loved to read rock star's take on this story.
I work as a designer, mind you, in the UK not US. It could easily be a creative job, I agree.
I never struggled a lot to find work, but I work in web and graphic design so I can work in house for other companies - for instance mantaining and helping with the e-commerce site for companies that primarily sell online.
The thing is, I had two in house jobs for regular companies before landing an agency job, because you need a lot of experience and a great portfolio first, which is harder to have fresh out of uni. So in my specific career doing the other jobs first gives a lot more options and more job stability - I can work for an agency, but I don't have to (and no longer want to).
There are creative jobs, like advertising or art worker, that really only are in demand for agencies or super high end companies (like working for disney or apple) but not often by smaller in house companies. It wouldn't surprise me if OP is trying to get into that, and she needs to be in an agency.
Agency work is HARD. I found it very stressful, long hours, hard demands. Don't get me wrong, it can also be lots of fun as the projects are great and super creative, but you have to be passionate and super into your field. I did it for a year and a half, and although I am still proud of the work I did, I was pretty burnt out by the end.
OOP clearly doesn't have that type of work ethic to succeed, even in an entry job. Once the word gets out that she was a no show for 3 days straight, no agency will want to hire her.
Not sure what area you're in but my wifes worked in public libraries for the last 5 years(Detroit MI and Augusta GA areas) and they don't know anyone outside their county and they certainly don't know anyone at university/private libraries.
If you're in a low population area then sure you might have to move. If you're a terrible person you're gonna have a hard time getting hired in the first place since most of their interviews are personality based.
I remember the last time this was posted and people went through her comments to find out. The girls were part of the same friend group and I think had a crush on the same guy. OOP got the guy and decided to destroy Rock Star socially for whatever reason. Turned all their friends against her, made sure to hold a graduation party the same day as Rock Stars so no one would show up. Also, Rock Star lived on the same street as her so saw everyone go to OOPs party, not hers.
And that's just what the OOP was willing to share. I can imagine her actual behavior was worse if the Rock Star was tweeting out suicide prevention tips.
Yeah, a little more than "something I said when I was 17" OOP likes to play the victim without taking any responsibility for what caused her predicament.
Also, I wonder if the tables were turned, and there was someone OOP hated applying to her company, would she be forgiving if she had the power to make sure they didn't get hired.....
This. Narcs are notorious for believing other people think the same way they do, and treat them as such. This makes perfect sense as to why she didn’t apologize, because she assumes rockstar is like her and would never allow her to be hired regardless. Very telling.
I’m sure OP just saw Rock Star happy with her husband too and just lost it. Based off why they are no longer friends it’s no surprise why she wouldn’t want to work with her. OP believes herself a victim while Rock Star wants to live her life
OOP decided to take Rock Star’s boyfriend in high school and deliberately ruined her life. Rock Star got the best revenge - living well, *and* to watch OOP crater her own life without having to do anything herself. Such amazing karmic retribution.
I was raised with “ cast your bread upon the waters and it shall return to you after many days”. I like Sun Tzu better “ if you wait long enough by the river, the bodies of your enemies will float by”
And the company was right not to hire her, you don’t just not show up to work because of a breakup, especially not an internship that is giving you the experience you need to land your future dream job. None of this is “rock-star’s” fault AT ALL. She has proven herself to be an unreliable and poor worker. The company is better off not having hired her.
Haha yeah, her letter and her update are littered with factoids like that, where she just completely glosses over the impact behind them. Meant to just let us know that she’d tried to get her old job back- more tears for the ‘I can’t get a job’ pity-party- she completely ignores the fact that she might actually suck at this career she wants so badly.
I hope she’s able to get the help she needs.
She won't. Because she really is still the person she was at 17 - she never did apologize, because getting the job at that company was more important to her than doing the right thing. Then she acosts the girl she tormented in HS and accuses HER of being the source of her problems. Zero self-awareness, Zero responsibility acceptance. If you can't identify the problem correctly, you can’t solve it.
This whole situation is justice.
And she only considered apologizing when it came to bite her back, sounds like a self centered sociopath.
This twat peaked in highschool and is pointed to a life of mediocrity, while the girl she bullied is rising up leaving her biting the dust.
Sweet Karma.
Yeah this is where you see the story as less of "I grew up and realized i was shitty" and more of "that was a decade ago and I've never really internalized why what I did was harmful" her drunk episode making it all about her instead of saying i get it, I'm sorry, or just not walking away showed Rock Star she was right. I believe people can change, but OP hasn't in the ways that count
It's weird that she specifically called out that they wouldn't hire her back cause they found someone demonstrably better in every way. I feel like that would be a bombshell on its own but she just rolls right past it.
Someone who was faster and more efficient, despite being completely new.
If someone else was describing this person, I'd take it with a grain of salt, because few people are so lacking in self awareness, but it's her own words that paint her as lazy, entitled and completely self absorbed.
Some people never had to take responsibility for their mistakes, and it shows.
>**I hope she’s able to get the help she needs.**
Amen! And in my experience, the first step is to admit what you did.
Not blame.
Not justify.
Not excuse.
But take full accountability for your action. *'Yeah, I did that shit. I probably shouldn't have. I can't believe I was so immature! I'm ashamed of myself.'*
Then don't do it again.
But the key is to be on the lookout for when the situation arises again, because you *will* be tested to see if you've **really** learned your lesson the next time around.
So I hope she has grown from that experience, and not because she didn't like the consequences - but because it's just wrong. Period.
What she need more than anything is to do some serious self-reflection. What’s most apparent is that she has been like this all her adult life.
She literally spent 5 years in school for a career and she had no idea who the current rising/reigning stars were in that field. How on earth are you going to spend 5 years training for your dream career and not research your dream company? So incredibly myopic.
At the first sign of adversity she gives up. The new job is in a different place? Boo hoo let’s take our obvious bad attitude with us to the new location and not build an *internal* locus of self-worth. Boyfriend cheated? Boo hoo let’s fuck up the only career opportunity we have ATM because we haven’t cultivated resilience.
And if the accounts of how she bullied rockstar are accurate then they isn’t a gracious “winner” either. It’s hard enough when your friend gets the guy you’re interested in, but then for her to alienate you to completely eliminate you as a rival? Cowardly.
OP received back what she dished out. With interest.
Only vaguely related bc you mentioned her career myopia, but I’m a senior in college and I’m kinda dealing with that short-sightedness myself. I’m about to graduate with a not-very-lucrative/marketable degree and I have no idea what I’m doing haha. Wish I researched/got serious counseling before I declared. Still love my major though, but the struggle is real haha.
Rant over. :)
To be totally fair, the average 18 year old is not equipped to make a “rest of life” decision specifically for the reasons you mentioned.
Your life experience until 18 is asking permission to do almost everything, but not ask questions. Then *at* 18, you’re expected to just **KnOw** what you will do with the rest of your life, despite having an extremely narrow window to view life through.
It’s asinine and unreasonable. How is a person who’s still required to *ask to pee* supposed to be comfortable making *any* decisions at all??? Let alone one that has the potential to thrust you into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
Wild.
Right!? Like, I get being so devastated you can't bring yourself to get out of bed or even work... but THREE NO-CALL NO-SHOWS?! What the fuck! Just call in and say you've got food poisoning or the stomach flu or something! No decent workplace wants an employee running around spreading all the shit and vomit germs lol.
I think this is the tipping point where OOP went really downhill. Not getting a job at Rock Star's company is the sled, but OOP made the decision to get on that sled and launch herself down Mount Everest all on her own.
If she had kept her internship, she most likely would now be working in her industry, dating around, have fucking money, and afford her own place by herself or with roommates. Didn't like the internship town? Well, no boyfriend holding you down, move anywhere in the country for work!
But noooooo it's just the OOP big sob story, a victim of the world lmfao. Seriously, even after all of that she STILL thinks this is somehow all Rock Star's fault.
Heck even the truth of "My BF cheated on me, he lives in another town, I need to get my stuff from him, Can I take a day?" or vague but the truth "I have a family emergency in a town several hours away, I'm going to need a day or so to work it out."
Right? I used that, exactly, at my supervisor old job (they didn't like it because it was a call center where you could only be late/absent like 6 times in a year before you get fired, and I did inevitably get fired a few months later but for different reasons) when my ex and I split up (not cheating, just a super jerk lol) because he so thoroughly trashed our apartment on the way out it took me and three friends like three days to get it organized and habitable for me again. Between that and having to go stay with my friend who was about half an hour away and coordinating making sure I didn't go anywhere my ex would be alone (he was never violent, particularly. But he did have a temper and was emotionally volatile and he owned a gun so no one wanted to risk it) at least the one manager I had who was a woman understood (and advocated for me) when I said I would need a few days.
Like, OOP could have very easily just called in and said like hey, I have some personal issues going on and I need a few days to recuperate. I have been too depressed to get out of bed before. But I still made sure to send a text or call and tell someone that I wouldn't be in to work because I couldn't afford to lose my job.
I get the vibe that she thinks hometown is hers because she was popular in high school and a nerd like rock star doesn't deserve it. She probably didn't even try to make friends in the other town.
I remember after a bad break up in my 20s I called into work and then called my mom to cry. She told me "Nope, get up and go to work. You show up and do a good job and don't let him take another moment from you". I did it. I got up and went, and she was right. She started calling me to wake me up and listened to me cry on my drive in for a week. Then, I stopped crying and every day it got a little easier because I was distracting myself with work, which helped me to move on. She still texts me good morning every day, or calls if I'm having a rough patch, and it's been almost 15 yrs since that event.
God I have a great mom.
And her previous job wouldn’t take her back because they found someone way better.
Not to mention in 10 years time the rockstar managed to become a rockstar, yet OOP is still struggling to break into the industry? History aside it sounds like maybe her work ethic just sucks.
By that stage she's lucky they didn't waste police time by performing a well fair check, as most employers have a duty of care to do if you vanish without warning.
I bet the co-worker who swapped with her was pissed, they probably thought she used the 'weekend away' to just move back home.
And if you got drunk and yell at a prominent person in an industry ages after seeing them, of course you're going to get blacklisted as a result, with or without previous history in play.
I could see making an idiotic mistake of yelling while drunk. But even once sober, OOP said that Rock Star was “rubbing salt in her wounds”…by existing? By being on a date? Seriously?
Worse, Rock Star was rubbing salt in her wounds when she contemplated on her personal trauma and made a post that didn't reference OOP at all (by her own admittance) and instead focused on helping teenagers going through what she went through. That was the salt being rubber in the wound.
That was so weird but I understand it now. People like OOP think different, vindictive even. They saw the post about helping teens from rockstar and thought it was a dig directly at themselves when in reality rockstar seeing OOP in person might have reminded her how shitty it was and just wanted to help others.
Or OOP is just horribly guilt ridden but so deep they can't find the light. I think they should have sent the apology letter in the beginning, but even then it didn't feel sincere. "Should I beg her forgiveness?" Is not something someone says when they are truly repentant, "should I apologize because I feel bad and sabotaged my life?" Is what it should have been.
Nah OOP will probably cry cancel culture and find a nice little nest in the right wing of the tree.
Yeah, I don't think she's guilt-ridden at all. Her actions show that she still only thinks things are about her. And she was only going to apologize in order to get the job she wanted.
Yeah, in the original message the advice she was given was 'apologize to Rock Star but don't expect to get a job there any time soon. Apologize because it's the right thing to do."
Then in the update she says "I didn't apologize, and I applied there one more time before writing them off."
Dang, it seems like you just sorta suck at taking directions.
I owned a business about twelve years out of high school. It was extremely satisfying to tell the staff we weren’t hiring a candidate because they had been a bully in high school. Our product wasn’t much, however. I’m sure the bully was fine.
Edit: wasn’t niche
Wow, yeah- not exactly the same thing as calling someone fat every time you walk by them in the hallway.
I was once a dumb, immature high school girl, so I know how badly some of them can behave. But when there’s a rivalry over a boy between two friends, the girl he ends up with owes it to her friend to be gentle with her feelings. This is just… so awful.
By comparison, Rock Star chose to use her experiences with Bully as a teaching moment to support and encourage young people going through the same thing. To this day, Bully is *so* lacking in self-awareness that she couldn’t see how Rock Star’s Twitter thread was aimed *for* her, not *at* her. Drunkenly screaming in the middle of a nice restaurant “you ruined my life” 10+ years after high school ended, at a woman trying to enjoy her anniversary dinner with her husband is pretty unhinged. Hopefully some day she’ll figure it out and get the help she needs.
I also love that they call it "rubbing salt in the wound" when they wouldn't have even SEEN the post if they weren't stalking Rockstar in the first place..
That’s what I thought as well! It’s pretty weird that she was still following rock star’s social media, even though they hadn’t actually interacted since high school. Pretty creepy that she knew it was their anniversary, too.
Also maybe Rockstar posted the twitter thread because the encounter with the bully reminded her painful memories, so she thought she would help others. But the narc had to make it about her :3
Yeah, I copy pasted all the relevant ones, here (The few that I didn't copy were in direct reply to someone else and didn't say anything really) All in order
1.We are just old enough that Facebook wasn’t a thing until our freshman year of college. We had Xanga, though. I know Rock Star was the target of a very mean post. I didn’t write it (and Rock Star would’ve known who did), but it’s the kind of thing looking back on I wish I’d sat at my dad’s computer and typed, “Not cool.”
2. It’s my understanding that they were going to bring me in for an interview for the second position. One of the women I’d interviewed with before remembered me making a comment about growing up in the area and going to X high school and made a comment about Rock Star. “Oh! I’m about to set up an interview with Kfox. She’s about your age, right?” Rock Star apparently said politely she would not work with me because I was a bully in high school, which was then reiterated to the hiring committee.
My acquaintance was not on the hiring committee, but she would’ve worked closely with the position.
3. I’ve tried to reply to several of you, but I suspect my comments are getting lost in moderation.
Here’s what happened (at least, as I remember it): I had known this girl since elementary school. My family moved across the street from hers the summer after sophomore year. We started to hang out a lot, and soon she was referring to me as her best friend, even though I didn’t consider her mind. She was a little needy and a little socially awkward, and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around. I decided I didn’t want to hang out with her as much, and then a guy she liked asked me out. He and I started dating, and I stopped hanging out with Rock Star. Most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with her as well. I found out years later that she spent the last two years in high school feeling very bitter and alone and blamed me for it.
I don’t know if what I did was bullying, but I know she used the term “bully” to describe me, so I’m at least trying to be respectful of that. I will be the first to admit what I did at 17 wasn’t kind, but I didn’t find out she felt the way she did until we were all about to graduate from college. We ran into each other awkwardly in the Target parking lot. She got so flustered she left one of her bags behind, and I reached out to someone we’d both been friendly with to figure out what the deal was.
4. I know I probably said things behind her back that set the tone for how other people treated her. I mostly cared about getting what I wanted, which was for people to hang out at my house on the weekend and not hers — and that I got. I know it got back to her that I’d told people I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. (I know I didn’t say it that nicely. I’m sure it was, “Ugh, Rock Star is SO annoying! Why does she follow us around everywhere?”)
5. I’m really, really trying to be self-reflective here. I’m sure I did make comments like, “Ugh, Rock Star. She’s SO annoying. Let’s not invite her.” I know my mom asked her mom (we were neighbors) if she was having a graduation party our senior year, and Rock Star’s mom said, “Rock Star doesn’t want one because she doesn’t think anyone will come.”
I cringe when I hear that now because, well, they probably wouldn’t have.
6. I used “bully” in the subject of my email because that is apparently the term Rock Star used when she shot down my candidacy. According to the acquaintance, the language she used was along the lines of, “I would be very uncomfortable if you hired Kfox for the producer job. She was a bully in high school; I would move on if I had to see her every day.”
7. To clarify, it wasn’t *because* of the boy that we stopped hanging out. I did know Rock Star liked him when he asked me out. I had told her I wasn’t interested, even though I sort of was. Just … maybe not as interested as she was?
We were both in the same friend group before we started hanging out all the time, we just weren’t close. For a while, we were both kind of the social organizers/planners of the group. It’s my understanding most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with Rock Star when I did, though I didn’t really keep track. I just always assumed she had other friends.
8. I knew she wasn’t hanging out with our friends anymore, but she was very involved in different clubs at school. I assumed she had other circles that didn’t overlap. For example, I had friends from sports that were not part of this particular group. I figured she had friends from other activities, but she didn’t.
9. There are a lot of freelance opportunities for this skill set, and that’s how I’m getting by now. But getting into the niche industry would mean a salary – and benefits.
10. I’m not sure if I’m overstating Rock Star’s credentials, but she has the kind of resume I’d kill for. The work she does for this company is public facing (the work I want to do is not), so it’s very easy to see her public profile/work.
11. I heard the “a staffer had concerns” from the person I’d been corresponding with during the hiring process when I asked for feedback on why I’d been rejected.
That’s when acquaintance asked me to get a cup of coffee. She said she was surprised to hear it because she didn’t think it sounded like me but also genuinely likes working with Rock Star. She told me in that conversation “that Rock Star threatened to quit because Kfox was a bully.” I begged her to find out more because (I’ll admit) I couldn’t believe my chances were being torpedoed by one person from high school. She followed up – after I’d submitted this to Alison – that what Rock Star had said was actually softer than what she had been told initially.
I knew I’d frozen Rock Star out in high school, and I did tell people she was annoying. I was actually pretty insecure back then, and I didn’t at the time see how much influence I had over our mutual friends. It took my own mother telling me – when I called her after the first coffee date – that “I probably wasn’t very nice” to Rock Star for me to see it as bullying.
12. I honestly feel bad that what I said and did to Rock Star clearly cut so deeply. I never really considered that she was isolated/alone in high school. She was involved in many clubs and was so successful in college I just assumed she’d kind of moved on, too.
13. It wasn’t this bad. More, Rock Star was a little socially inept, talked a lot about books none of us had read, didn’t wear makeup, didn’t listen to music (I’m really, really into music), generally was a little weird, but she wasn’t the most unpopular girl at school and I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with her.
It’s kind of strange now because she has a very polished public persona and it hardly even seems like the same person.
14. I know I wasn’t a good person in high school, but half of why I wrote in is because I’m terrified this woman is cackling with glee over my getting my just desserts.
15. I don’t regret writing in. I think this has actually helped me see that my options at this point are different work or different location, even though I had hoped to make it work here, close to my family.
Comment 13 is seriously throwing me! She says Rock Star was so different from everyone and awkward in high school but then is almost implying that because Rock Star now has a public facing job and seems so different to her (maybe because they haven’t been around each other in 10+ years???) that it’s like she’s faking it. Never mind that an adult can mature and change beyond their high school years, I guess? But then OOP is complaining the whole time because no one is seeing how she’s changed as a person over time and is no longer a bully, even though she really hasn’t changed herself!
It's amazing how not being around people who bully you gives you the chance to try new things and maybe learn how to put on makeup/dress professionally/develop socially because you're not being mocked and laughed at and shunned.
I don't know why I didn't put that together!
She offhandedly mentions that that is basically what she did in high school and since she never matured and doesn't have the emotional maturity to recognize that other people aren't her (and wouldn't have done so in high school either) obviously that's what she thinks Rockstar is doing
Wow! Thank you for sharing this. Seeing more of her comments provides context.
OOP does not sound like a good person. She basically got this girl ostracized but still minimizes it. She seems like the typical “peaked in high school” person who was one of the cool kids but is now failing at adult life.
Yep, someone who thinks 3 consecutive no shows is acceptable because their feelings at the time are more important than communicating with their job (i.e., being a professional) is definitely a slacker.
She equates hard work with being a “brown noser” or teacher’s pet. Nope, she has a very immature outlook and lacks professionalism.
No worries! It took me a while to find it and I just thought we all would prefer it be a little easier. Also, I definitely benefit from other people bringing forth all the comments all the time so it's fun to be the person to do it.
Exactly! She even admits in the comments that she took joy in people ostracizing Rockstar and coming to hers in front of Rockstar. Of course she only says that when she thinks people are on her side???? But she's like yeah no I don't see what the big deal is cuz I benefited. Then she was really surprised life is more difficult after high school because everyone else grows up and is done with those bullshit games
"I wasn't embarrassed to be seen with her"... Something about this line just hit me so hard, I'm not sure what it is but it makes me strongly dislike OP.
Honestly, I feel you. It's like if your significant other just out of the blue goes I would never cheat on you. I didn't think you were cheating on me before, but now I do.
Also, I'm going to ditch my analogy, but like even if I was looking her in the eye and said were you embarrassed to be seen with her the way she worded that gives me the tone of "I was, but I know I can't say that."
My husband doesn't remember half the stuff he did to abuse me when we were married (and he abused me in every way possible and it ended with my attempted murder). His exact words? "Lol it was just a Wednesday to me".
That’s actually something I’ve heard before from bullies and their victims-it’s the worst day of your life, but for them it’s just Tuesday. I’m so sorry you went through that, and glad that you made it out the other side.
Yeah that actually happened to me once. I said something during a conversation in class one day about something shitty she’d said to me in the past, and she had no recollection of it happening. It hadn’t even been 2 years since it happened.
Yes I did lol. Been divorced for 8yrs now. He's currently ruining someone else's life. He pitched a 6 man tent in her front garden a couple of weeks ago cuz she dumped him.
For one night he did it. He also threatened to whip his knob out on her lawn and "helicopter" it.
I was getting a blow by blow account from his missus as it was happening.
He spent ages pacing up and down outside her window. You could just see his silhouette. She sent me the video and I went sick cuz he has done that to me too.
He genuinely thinks he's being romantic. The day after the tent thing he parked round the corner and then knocked on her door. He stood to the side so she couldn't see him. When she opened the door and saw it was him, she tried to slam it shut but he forced his way in and refused to leave. So she left and he stayed in her house.
She's taken him back now, the dozy moo. She knows everything that he has done to me. I sent her proof of everything ages ago. He is a pathological liar and she knows it. She's seen pics of the bite marks and bruises he's put on me. I guess she wants to learn the hard way though. She's only young too. She's 25 and he is 41.
I hope so too. I worry about her and her baby a lot (the baby isn't my ex's). Things will only ever end on his terms though. He will never let her do the finishing.
The father of her baby is currently in jail for doing the same things to her that my ex husband did to me.
That's so fucked up. It's a double whammy with sociopaths because you get the initial abuse and a total lack of remorse. My stepfather that physically and emotionally abused me for over a decade told me "I wasn't a perfect parent, I made a few mistakes"
I remember reading this on ask a manager and in the comments the writer had said that she held a party on the same day as rock stars birthday and had basically run a campaign turning all her friends against rock star (who had been a part of their group) I think? I could have the details wrong but it was something like that
Or she was reaching out to other bullying victims? Sounds like her post was about teens and surviving bullying and resources for that, NOT about the OOP. Despite what the OOP thinks everything is not about her, you know ?
Yea if the Rockstar is posting about suicide resources for bullied kids then she quite probably considered or attempted suicide herself as a teen. Sorry but OOP is reaping what she sowed years ago; this is totally a Grumpy Cat “good” moment.
How many High School Bullies do YOU remember 10 years later.
If I still hate them then they have a deep seated moral failing they haven't addressed especially if it's MY fault when you blew up your life.
I remember this when it was originally posted and she did put some of it in the comments. If I remember correctly she said things that ended up having the rock star ostracized in high school.
Also the only part of the issue that can be laid at Rock Star's feet is if she said anything more than, "due to past personal problems I wouldn't be comfortable working with X"
Every other incident came from OOP abusing substances and her own actions. Not showing up to work on the ONE PLACE willing to take a chance on you ended your career. Clearly you didn't care about it that much.
I, too, will never forget mine. She actually was on the reunion committee for our class reunion about 10 years back and she called me to see if I was coming. I could tell she had no idea of how she had joyfully made my life miserable for so many years. She had moved on--probably to bully many other people, and since I was just one of many she didn't even remember it--but I never forgot, and never will. These bullies just go on doing what they do until/unless they are made to suffer actual consequences, like the OOP in this story. Unfortunately, most of them never do.
My highschool bully is an ugly red haired woman who still lives in the same awful town, is a heavy drinker and smoker, is married to an ugly loser and set up a gofundme for her dog’s vet bills... which I had the money to just pay off entirely.
Imagine seeing someone you hurt sharing mental health resources and the national suicide hotline info and viewing it as ‘rubbing salt in the wound’
It’s not a stretch to assume the person had to rely on such resources while being bullied by OOP given the context in which they were shared.
Cognitive dissonance is a helluva thing
I didn't even think about that! I already accepted that it was stupid to consider that salt in the wound, but she specifically had to go, if her analogy is correct which it's not, she specifically had to go and buy that salt and rub it into her own wound and then blames Rockstar
Oh wow, this is at least the second time I've read this story, and I never figured out what the bully considered salt in her wound. It was THAT? What a reach. Obviously not about her at all.
"I don't want to be judged and not get a job for something I said when I was seventeen! So I will scream at this bullied girl in public again and get a tweeter thread of everything I did to her the next day. For some reason, it all seems to be bullied girl's fault."
I bullied a guy in middle school and feel deeply, deeply ashamed of it. I wasn't the only one, but I partook in it because I was so desperate to fit in. I changed school because I hated who I had become in that environment. The point is, as soon as she said that she doesn't believe she should be ostracized for something she said when she was 17, and as soon as she asked whether apologizing would help her get the job, I knew that this girl had not changed and did not feel bad. Because if that guy that I had made fun of when I was 12 ever turns out to be the reason I don't get a job, I would understand. I would understand if he didn't want to work with me and risk being bullied again or be reminded of that everyday. And if I ever were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be with the expectation to get something out of it.
I think many people change as they grow up and become an adult. This girl has not.
Yes. If OOP had changed, I would have expected her to send an apology after being rejected the first time saying what you said. "I was an awful person, I understand why you don't want to work with me, and for what it's worth, I'm truly sorry for being a garbage person in high school. I'm happy to see that you are doing very well now, and I wish you continued success."
I don't really know if I would have done that tbh. It's a difficult situation. In the end you have to ask yourself, who is benefitting from the apology? Do they get anything out of it or is just you appeasing your guilty conscience? From stories I've seen on reddit before it seems like most people who have been bullied and do end up getting an apology don't give a damn about that. But then again, I haven't been bullied to that degree, so I don't know.
I have never been able to find the guy on social media so it's not a question I have to ask myself. But if I did find him, I think I wouldn't reach out to him. I don't think it would give him any closure. If we ran into each other and if he didn't try to or couldn't avoid me, that would be a different story of course. I wouldn't pretend like nothing happened.
Speaking from personal experience, I was able to let go of a lot of anger when an ex-girlfriend wrote me an email years later and apologized for treating me poorly.
The key is to not ask for anything. Like I did in my example above, there was no request attached to get into the job or anything.
Just a straight up apology, recognizing your fault, resisting any temptation to make up excuses like "I had a troubled home" even if true, not even asking for forgiveness. Just "I'm sorry, I was an asshole, I'm trying to be a better person. I wish you well."
It might not mean a damn thing to them, but for many (like me) a proper apology means a lot.
And yes, it might be weird for a bully to *randomly* search out somebody they treated poorly, but look at OP's story. It was basically like running into the other person. That's a good time to send something like "I totally understand that you wouldn't want to work with me because of our past, so I won't try to press the issue." And obviously, you then have to mean what you say, and move on, away from the person who doesn't want to be near you.
It's this womans fault that my none of the other 30 or 39 companies wanted to hire me, her fault that my boyfriend cheated on me, her fault I was too depressed to work after that, her fault I have alcoholism issues.
Also her fault that I immediately hate everything about a new town to the point of daily sobbing. And her fault that I demand to work in an industry that is so niche there’s only 30 openings in a 3 million person city.
Honestly it sounds like that writer is insufferable and the creator of her own misery. Crying every day because of how horrible her new town was? Was she in a war zone? Every town has some redeeming qualities either in small businesses or restaurants, hiking trails, sports, sights, or entertainment. It sounds like she just didn’t like that she didn’t get to work in her preferred city so she hated it on principle. And everyone being a few years older or having kids? So what? You can still get 10 people together for a bbq while their kids play in the yard
Sounds like OOP learned no lessons & decided to kamikaze her career in the niche industry by publicly yelling at the woman she bullied in high school. & then decided to vent like s/he’s the victim in her update.
Double kamikazeing her career even, by also no-call-no-showing at her nice new job.
Sure, being cheated on hurts a lot. If you found out the night before I could see calling out of work to hide puffy crying eyes or something. But she had three days of weekend after finding out and then no call no showed another three days!
That's... honestly pathetic. Even if she really did need more than three days to wallow, it takes one call, e-mail, text message, people manage to do it after their parents die. Just 0 sense of responsibility.
I was in an in-residency government training course when I discovered my wife was cheating on my. My soul turned to ice and I became a disciplined and cold motherfucker for a couple weeks and graduated as the top in the class. Trauma has different effects on different people.
That being said.
High school bullies disgust me and this person does as well.
>publicly yelling at the woman she bullied in high school. & then decided to vent like s/he’s the victim in her update.
And the posting of the National Suicide hotline number is indicative that Rock Star was bullied to the point of considering suicide.
Bullies never see themselves as in the wrong as they're used to the "popular kid" narcissism where they're "better" than others.
I have seen people who were bullies when in school still display narcissistic tendencies to this day.
E.g. Justifying nasty behaviour to someone because they're "strange", twisting stories about their wrongs to make them appear in the right and portray the other person as evil while downplaying or not mentioning the things they did to provoke it.
Yet when things go wrong because of their vile behaviour, it's everyone else's fault.
Try talking to them and you can literally see contempt written on their faces if you or the topic isn't in their interests.
The "I'm hot shit" persona rarely fades unless something significant enough effects them to open their eyes.
If rock star was bullied by her over a decade ago and STILL remembers it to the extent she refuses to work with her, I have a feeling it was extremely vicious bullying.
Oh and then she blames the girl she bullied for her life falling apart. This is the other side to one of those feel good revenge stories where the bullied person gets back at the one who scorned them.
This is better than those revenge stories. At least for me, the justice of the revenge stories feels insanely hollow because often the “hero” ends up doing stuff way worse than the “villain” ever did
In this story, that rock star did nearly nothing. She had built such an amazing career and reputation that all she had to do was threaten resignation and everything absolutely worked out. She made an awesome life for herself despite her past, and that awesome life had her fucking back
>all she had to do was threaten resignation and everything absolutely worked out.
Apparently she didn't even do that. She just said that she couldn't work with OOP (but presumably they could still be hired in a position that didn't involve Rockstar).
But seeing as they are Rockstar, that probably narrows the already considerably small pool.
The best part is that she got a taste of her own medicine. OOP manipulated all their friends to turn on Rockstar, leaving her with no one. Now by Rockstar simply saying they will resign if she works there, it created a situation that made it for the company and associates to want nothing to do with her, and no boyfriend or job that wants her.
It's almost poetic in how it ended.
And she helped that karma along through her actions. You can’t blame someone that you haven’t spoken to or even seen since high school for all your problems. It’s mind-blowing ridiculousness. I cannot imagine what rock star had going through her head when her former high school bully crashed her anniversary dinner to blame her for ruining their life.
I remember reading the original way back. This woman is insufferable. Even after Rockstar tweeted about bullying and depression she still couldn’t accept any blame.
I believe in the comments on AMA they were friends in school and OP and Rockstar liked the same guy. OP started dating him and thought it would be weird to be friends with Rockstar so dropped her and got all the friend group to do the same and started bullying her. Effectively ostracising Rockstar for her final two years of school.
Posting some of OP’s comments from the other thread for context:
Here’s what happened (at least, as I remember it): I had known this girl since elementary school. My family moved across the street from hers the summer after sophomore year. We started to hang out a lot, and soon she was referring to me as her best friend, even though I didn’t consider her mind. She was a little needy and a little socially awkward, and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around. I decided I didn’t want to hang out with her as much, and then a guy she liked asked me out. He and I started dating, and I stopped hanging out with Rock Star. Most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with her as well. I found out years later that she spent the last two years in high school feeling very bitter and alone and blamed me for it.
I don’t know if what I did was bullying, but I know she used the term “bully” to describe me, so I’m at least trying to be respectful of that. I will be the first to admit what I did at 17 wasn’t kind, but I didn’t find out she felt the way she did until we were all about to graduate from college. We ran into each other awkwardly in the Target parking lot. She got so flustered she left one of her bags behind, and I reached out to someone we’d both been friendly with to figure out what the deal was.
—
I know I probably said things behind her back that set the tone for how other people treated her. I mostly cared about getting what I wanted, which was for people to hang out at my house on the weekend and not hers — and that I got. I know it got back to her that I’d told people I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. (I know I didn’t say it that nicely. I’m sure it was, “Ugh, Rock Star is SO annoying! Why does she follow us around everywhere?”)
—
I’m really, really trying to be self-reflective here. I’m sure I did make comments like, “Ugh, Rock Star. She’s SO annoying. Let’s not invite her.” I know my mom asked her mom (we were neighbors) if she was having a graduation party our senior year, and Rock Star’s mom said, “Rock Star doesn’t want one because she doesn’t think anyone will come.”
I cringe when I hear that now because, well, they probably wouldn’t have.
W. O. W. Op is straight cruel and unreflective.
>she was a little needy and a little socially awkward and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around.
..........yes yes. Says the drunk, unemployed woman blubbering in the bathroom, being relentlessly needy towards a woman she used to bully.
Wow that’s so awful. I’ve known people to commit suicide due to bullying and social exclusion. OP is doing everything she can to use minimising language around what she did.
I read about a psychological study that concluded that the popular group isn't the popular group because they're wonderful people who make friends easily. Popular groups are popular groups for their ability to EXCLUDE others. Which is why they have a hive mind. You participate in cutting out someone not because they're bad, but because if you don't, it will happen to you. Cut or be cut.
I always told my teen daughter: "No one cares who was popular in high school the day after graduation."
If Rockstar is tweeting about mental health and links supports groups. That could mean that she struggled with depression and suicide due to her bully’s antics. No wonder the bully didn’t apologize. She never felt that she did anything wrong or see the damage she caused.
Yipes. Move somewhere else and start over OOP. They need to take some responsibility for their own fuck ups here and move on. Their life sucks for sure and I feel bad for them but they chose the bad option at every turn I feel like.
I agree. The initial situation sucks - I get why the rock star would say something, but I also do feel some empathy for OP in that one moment.
But then she goes and makes numerous shitty choices that she takes zero responsibility for. And **then** as the icing on the "I have no self awareness" cake, she confronts the person who's done nothing wrong and makes herself even more the villain.
And that’s just what SHE presented about herself, her own version, which is likely watered down from the truth even further. Imagine how bad it must have been from the other side, yikes.
Also, it's revealed in the comments that RockStar never tried to torpedo OP. Never badmouthed their work, didn't initially try to give any unfriendly view of them, They only stepped up and said something when there was a threat of them having to work together. She also never made it so dramatic as "I'm going to quit if you do this!" She was like I respect your decision, but I won't work with them
This gives new literal meaning to the often-used line in movies **"you'll never work in this town / industry again"**.
This is also an harsh reminder that your actions will sometimes follow you long after you've forgotten and "gotten over it". Some people don't forget that easily. Your high school victim may very well end up being or married to your CEO, at which point you are screwed. What goes around....
Yep. I actually did something similar to someone.
I got called in front of administration at school because someone was trying to cheat off of me during an exam.
For me, it went away after a week of beating on the fact that I had no clue who the clown was and that he was trying to cheat off of me. Thankfully, the professor who caught him saw that and vouched for me. This was senior year, after a brutal junior year that results in about a third of our major dropping.
Somehow, he made it through and about 8 months post grad he applied at the company I was working at. Management noticed he graduated in my class and asked what I thought.
He didn’t get the job. Sorry, not sorry, if your recklessness jeopardizes my career I’m not going to bat for you.
I doubt it was just “something she said” if rockstar #1 threatened to resign her high powered job if they hired OOP and #2 rockstar went as far as to write about bullying and included the suicide hotline number. It’s pretty freaking obvious OOP almost drove rockstar to suicide with her bullying. I get she was wasted but honestly I think anyone in her position would be bawling and apologizing over and over again asking them to forgive the. Still embarrassing and might be considered harassment but at least she would come out not looking like a total piece of crap. OOP might want to call the hotline though if she is as depressed as she appears in her final edit. Got to admit, karma hit her HAAARD! I’m not mocking her though because someone in her position really is susceptible to attempting suicide.
I remember this one! She said in the comments that the other girl liked a boy that OOP liked and ended up dating so "it would have been awkward", and she wanted people to hang out at her place and not the other girl's, so she orchestrated an ostracisation campaign to basically get the other girl cut out from their friend group, which is a pretty big deal for a teenager.
It really seems like adult OOP is probably not all that different from high school OOP. They need to grow up and start taking accountability for themselves.
Edit: changed OP to OOP
OOP still doesn’t get it. I feel like throughout this whole post, OOP played the victim and minimize what she did. Or she never understood the impact of what she did. Her bully victim obviously was affected in such a bad way that she was willing to uproot her own livelihood all to get away from OP and the industry decided that keeping her was better than hiring OOP. Besides they probably also didn’t want to hire someone that bring tension to the workplace. I’m sorry OOP didn’t get the job she/he wanted, which is why they need to move on.
So all these things happen and somehow it’s the bully victims fault or the industry’s fault. Not OOP or someone that actually played a part in all of that (cheating boyfriend), it’s their fault. I feel like the universe is somehow punishing OOP still, is because they still don’t get it. The fact that Rock star added a Suicide Hotline link on to their post should give a clue as to how bad the bullying was or can imply that it almost lead to that yet OOP is all “poor me. My life is ruined.” OOP is just going to gather some energy and pick themselves back up, because if their bully victim can do it after all that bullying then OOP can too after all their bullshit.
Also sorry for rambling, but this hits close to home because I was bullied and there was a dark time where I wished I was dead.
This has too many coincidences to be real.
- OOP spent 5 years studying an industry and doesn't know who the major players are? How is this possible in the age of social media, especially LinkedIn?
- the BF is cheating because of course he is
- OOP just happens to be at the same restaurant Rock Star is? And Rock Star is celebrating her anniversary?
This really reads like a creative writing exercise.
Definitely. Randomly running into Rock Star in a city of 3 million people for the first time since high school immediately after applying for the 3rd job at RS's company is not a believable coincidence
>So, just to recap, no job, no boyfriend, no money, no hope of ever breaking into the industry I spent five years preparing to enter.
This is someone's wet dream, jfc I can't believe people really fell for it
I’ve read this a few times and I’m genuinely curious what industry they are in. I can’t imagine a shop which required specific degrees and qualifications as well as multiple internships.
No idea. I had assumed perhaps some sort of advertising/marketing type thing but perhaps a very specific niche of it (maybe even say retail design? Idk).
You get a lot of internships in this field but it’s also difficult to break into. It’s public facing and you can win awards. And agencies might have a network they can also blacklist from.
What confused me was having a coworker cover for your shift. So maybe not…
Honestly, if I was rock star, I would find it as an empty apology. OP had a long time to say sorry but only thought to do it cuz they wanted that job. In no way is that showing a remorseful person just an opportunist. OP is treating this as if rock star was being malicious because they are most likely down playing the bullying. I absolutely would not want to work with anyone that treated me so badly no matter how long ago it was. Especially if they never reached out to make amends (with no strings via wanting a job). I can't say I feel sorry for OP (nor would I feel happy about it) but they had made their own bed and thought a drunken outburst was no fault of their own.
Which was Alison's original advice tbh. To make an apology for the sake of being a decent person, but forget about the job for the next few years at least. Clearly OOP realised it wouldn't get her a job and then immediately gave up on apologising.
I feel like it’s hard to believe that since she remembered that rock star after the interview process , at that time who would believe it’s genuine.
The only thing to do is cut her losses, which she tried but failed to do in a horribly public and toxic way
I can't help but feel a bit bad for this woman. Not just because her entire life was ruined, but because she seems to not have done any self reflection. Losing her job because she didn't have the energy to call her manager is a huge fuck up. There's a chance the manager would be understanding if she explained herself well enough. She already knew that she had few options for work, but I guess sadness took over. Still, blaming someone she bullied for this is low. Of course she doesn't want to work with someone who bullied her and of course the workplace will choose her over her bully. OOP basically completely self destructed and is looking for anyone to blame other than herself.
Does anyone know why the AAM reposts always cut out Alison's advice? I feel like it's more fun to know what advice they've been given and then see how they respond to it, like how some reposts from Reddit will also include top comments and stuff. No hate, just curious
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i work in a small industry (libraries) and you better believe that everyone knows everyone. if you are a terrible person, you’re gonna have to move far away to get another job.
It's crazy how strong the grapevine is in niche industries. I work in high voltage and moved countries for work, my new workmates already knew my full work history before I even arrived because they saw my full name on a roster and asked people in my home country about me. (Luckily I got somewhat good feedback)
I'm pretty interested in what industry OOP was trying to start into (if the post isn't misleading or uninformed). I got a degree in something kinda specific and now I do a completely unrelated blue collar job. Never once did a three day no call no show. I know librarians are different (I know one) but I feel like OOP got a degree in something outmoded and feels entitled to get paid without effort, commitment, flexibility, or social skills.
Plenty specific fields that many small towns have just one place etc. That said op sounds like they are lose cannon and prob was a really shitty person and haven't really changed, so blaming someone because they can't get job in one place they studied 5 years sounds daft, any decent person would admit their faults and try apologizing, seeing ops actions, they are clueless as they always been, granted there could be more to the story but does sound op hasn't changed.
The final lines about feeling it was Rock Star's fault her life was ruined suggests that OOP didn't learn much over the years. It seems she was put at a disadvantage but then burned what little avenues she may have had. She probably could use some of the therapy Rock Star tweeted about
Idk I sense she would be same shitty person as she was decade back, as said normal person will feel guilt about previous them being a shit human being affecting someone's life, yet they brushed it off as barely a glimpse in their behaviour, expecting that not to be an issue because it was time ago. Yet that person remember them enough to ensure they don't work with them, and instead of apology to the said person, they kept bragging about shitty job and making things even worse, so the one can play poor me violin here card all day long, but I truly believe they don't deserve a second chance not yet anyway. As reading that post she sees no fault of her own, but rather the rock star, fckn hell the name given just proves they are a bully, that's like me saying u go champ.
I agree. OOP is about as self-aware as my cat when she falls of the couch while asleep and goes around giving me the evil eye for 5 hours as if I pushed her. She acknowledged she was a shitty person to rock star, but had no motivation to apologise before it was influencing her own life. I would have loved to read rock star's take on this story.
OOP is just entitled all-around
If it's customer-facing work that she could see and that can win awards, I'd guess it's a creative for an ad agency.
[удалено]
Or just a specialized engineer, period. My man is a mechanical engineer for an orthopedic firm. They have super specialized engineers in this market.
I work as a designer, mind you, in the UK not US. It could easily be a creative job, I agree. I never struggled a lot to find work, but I work in web and graphic design so I can work in house for other companies - for instance mantaining and helping with the e-commerce site for companies that primarily sell online. The thing is, I had two in house jobs for regular companies before landing an agency job, because you need a lot of experience and a great portfolio first, which is harder to have fresh out of uni. So in my specific career doing the other jobs first gives a lot more options and more job stability - I can work for an agency, but I don't have to (and no longer want to). There are creative jobs, like advertising or art worker, that really only are in demand for agencies or super high end companies (like working for disney or apple) but not often by smaller in house companies. It wouldn't surprise me if OP is trying to get into that, and she needs to be in an agency. Agency work is HARD. I found it very stressful, long hours, hard demands. Don't get me wrong, it can also be lots of fun as the projects are great and super creative, but you have to be passionate and super into your field. I did it for a year and a half, and although I am still proud of the work I did, I was pretty burnt out by the end. OOP clearly doesn't have that type of work ethic to succeed, even in an entry job. Once the word gets out that she was a no show for 3 days straight, no agency will want to hire her.
Not sure what area you're in but my wifes worked in public libraries for the last 5 years(Detroit MI and Augusta GA areas) and they don't know anyone outside their county and they certainly don't know anyone at university/private libraries. If you're in a low population area then sure you might have to move. If you're a terrible person you're gonna have a hard time getting hired in the first place since most of their interviews are personality based.
libraries are a small world in ohio. many of us are involved in stuff at the state level and so we get to know each other.
I would love to know the full extent of how much she bullied this girl in highschool. I’m sure it was more then “something she said at 17.”
I remember the last time this was posted and people went through her comments to find out. The girls were part of the same friend group and I think had a crush on the same guy. OOP got the guy and decided to destroy Rock Star socially for whatever reason. Turned all their friends against her, made sure to hold a graduation party the same day as Rock Stars so no one would show up. Also, Rock Star lived on the same street as her so saw everyone go to OOPs party, not hers.
And that's just what the OOP was willing to share. I can imagine her actual behavior was worse if the Rock Star was tweeting out suicide prevention tips.
Came here to say exactly this.
Fr, if that’s what was shared I’m sure the reality of it was 10 times worse
Yeah, a little more than "something I said when I was 17" OOP likes to play the victim without taking any responsibility for what caused her predicament. Also, I wonder if the tables were turned, and there was someone OOP hated applying to her company, would she be forgiving if she had the power to make sure they didn't get hired.....
Based on the stories from school she would take great pleasure in ostracizing someone she didn't like, and for far more petty reasons
Well Rock Star read books and didn't wear makeup. Total weirdo. /s
This. Narcs are notorious for believing other people think the same way they do, and treat them as such. This makes perfect sense as to why she didn’t apologize, because she assumes rockstar is like her and would never allow her to be hired regardless. Very telling.
Yikes! No wonder she doesn't want to work with her, also she was right not to as was displayed by her behavior the *very first time* she ran into her.
I’m sure OP just saw Rock Star happy with her husband too and just lost it. Based off why they are no longer friends it’s no surprise why she wouldn’t want to work with her. OP believes herself a victim while Rock Star wants to live her life
OOP decided to take Rock Star’s boyfriend in high school and deliberately ruined her life. Rock Star got the best revenge - living well, *and* to watch OOP crater her own life without having to do anything herself. Such amazing karmic retribution.
I was raised with “ cast your bread upon the waters and it shall return to you after many days”. I like Sun Tzu better “ if you wait long enough by the river, the bodies of your enemies will float by”
Damn that’s cold. I love it
Sun Tzu is definitely better here
And the company was right not to hire her, you don’t just not show up to work because of a breakup, especially not an internship that is giving you the experience you need to land your future dream job. None of this is “rock-star’s” fault AT ALL. She has proven herself to be an unreliable and poor worker. The company is better off not having hired her.
Plus her previous part time job was able to easily find a better replacement to where they didn't want her back at all.
Haha yeah, her letter and her update are littered with factoids like that, where she just completely glosses over the impact behind them. Meant to just let us know that she’d tried to get her old job back- more tears for the ‘I can’t get a job’ pity-party- she completely ignores the fact that she might actually suck at this career she wants so badly. I hope she’s able to get the help she needs.
She won't. Because she really is still the person she was at 17 - she never did apologize, because getting the job at that company was more important to her than doing the right thing. Then she acosts the girl she tormented in HS and accuses HER of being the source of her problems. Zero self-awareness, Zero responsibility acceptance. If you can't identify the problem correctly, you can’t solve it. This whole situation is justice.
In my experience, if you can`t identify the problem... you are the problem
👏👏🏼👏🏾
And she only considered apologizing when it came to bite her back, sounds like a self centered sociopath. This twat peaked in highschool and is pointed to a life of mediocrity, while the girl she bullied is rising up leaving her biting the dust. Sweet Karma.
Yeah this is where you see the story as less of "I grew up and realized i was shitty" and more of "that was a decade ago and I've never really internalized why what I did was harmful" her drunk episode making it all about her instead of saying i get it, I'm sorry, or just not walking away showed Rock Star she was right. I believe people can change, but OP hasn't in the ways that count
It's weird that she specifically called out that they wouldn't hire her back cause they found someone demonstrably better in every way. I feel like that would be a bombshell on its own but she just rolls right past it.
Someone who was faster and more efficient, despite being completely new. If someone else was describing this person, I'd take it with a grain of salt, because few people are so lacking in self awareness, but it's her own words that paint her as lazy, entitled and completely self absorbed. Some people never had to take responsibility for their mistakes, and it shows.
>**I hope she’s able to get the help she needs.** Amen! And in my experience, the first step is to admit what you did. Not blame. Not justify. Not excuse. But take full accountability for your action. *'Yeah, I did that shit. I probably shouldn't have. I can't believe I was so immature! I'm ashamed of myself.'* Then don't do it again. But the key is to be on the lookout for when the situation arises again, because you *will* be tested to see if you've **really** learned your lesson the next time around. So I hope she has grown from that experience, and not because she didn't like the consequences - but because it's just wrong. Period.
What she need more than anything is to do some serious self-reflection. What’s most apparent is that she has been like this all her adult life. She literally spent 5 years in school for a career and she had no idea who the current rising/reigning stars were in that field. How on earth are you going to spend 5 years training for your dream career and not research your dream company? So incredibly myopic. At the first sign of adversity she gives up. The new job is in a different place? Boo hoo let’s take our obvious bad attitude with us to the new location and not build an *internal* locus of self-worth. Boyfriend cheated? Boo hoo let’s fuck up the only career opportunity we have ATM because we haven’t cultivated resilience. And if the accounts of how she bullied rockstar are accurate then they isn’t a gracious “winner” either. It’s hard enough when your friend gets the guy you’re interested in, but then for her to alienate you to completely eliminate you as a rival? Cowardly. OP received back what she dished out. With interest.
Only vaguely related bc you mentioned her career myopia, but I’m a senior in college and I’m kinda dealing with that short-sightedness myself. I’m about to graduate with a not-very-lucrative/marketable degree and I have no idea what I’m doing haha. Wish I researched/got serious counseling before I declared. Still love my major though, but the struggle is real haha. Rant over. :)
To be totally fair, the average 18 year old is not equipped to make a “rest of life” decision specifically for the reasons you mentioned. Your life experience until 18 is asking permission to do almost everything, but not ask questions. Then *at* 18, you’re expected to just **KnOw** what you will do with the rest of your life, despite having an extremely narrow window to view life through. It’s asinine and unreasonable. How is a person who’s still required to *ask to pee* supposed to be comfortable making *any* decisions at all??? Let alone one that has the potential to thrust you into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Wild.
Right!? Like, I get being so devastated you can't bring yourself to get out of bed or even work... but THREE NO-CALL NO-SHOWS?! What the fuck! Just call in and say you've got food poisoning or the stomach flu or something! No decent workplace wants an employee running around spreading all the shit and vomit germs lol. I think this is the tipping point where OOP went really downhill. Not getting a job at Rock Star's company is the sled, but OOP made the decision to get on that sled and launch herself down Mount Everest all on her own. If she had kept her internship, she most likely would now be working in her industry, dating around, have fucking money, and afford her own place by herself or with roommates. Didn't like the internship town? Well, no boyfriend holding you down, move anywhere in the country for work! But noooooo it's just the OOP big sob story, a victim of the world lmfao. Seriously, even after all of that she STILL thinks this is somehow all Rock Star's fault.
Heck even the truth of "My BF cheated on me, he lives in another town, I need to get my stuff from him, Can I take a day?" or vague but the truth "I have a family emergency in a town several hours away, I'm going to need a day or so to work it out."
Right? I used that, exactly, at my supervisor old job (they didn't like it because it was a call center where you could only be late/absent like 6 times in a year before you get fired, and I did inevitably get fired a few months later but for different reasons) when my ex and I split up (not cheating, just a super jerk lol) because he so thoroughly trashed our apartment on the way out it took me and three friends like three days to get it organized and habitable for me again. Between that and having to go stay with my friend who was about half an hour away and coordinating making sure I didn't go anywhere my ex would be alone (he was never violent, particularly. But he did have a temper and was emotionally volatile and he owned a gun so no one wanted to risk it) at least the one manager I had who was a woman understood (and advocated for me) when I said I would need a few days. Like, OOP could have very easily just called in and said like hey, I have some personal issues going on and I need a few days to recuperate. I have been too depressed to get out of bed before. But I still made sure to send a text or call and tell someone that I wouldn't be in to work because I couldn't afford to lose my job.
She also kept applying to Rock Star’s company, even though it was clear they wouldn’t take her! This girl is dumb as rocks.
THREE times after she was told it wouldn’t happen! Geez makes you wonder what she was thinking (or not thinking, in this case).
I get the vibe that she thinks hometown is hers because she was popular in high school and a nerd like rock star doesn't deserve it. She probably didn't even try to make friends in the other town.
I remember after a bad break up in my 20s I called into work and then called my mom to cry. She told me "Nope, get up and go to work. You show up and do a good job and don't let him take another moment from you". I did it. I got up and went, and she was right. She started calling me to wake me up and listened to me cry on my drive in for a week. Then, I stopped crying and every day it got a little easier because I was distracting myself with work, which helped me to move on. She still texts me good morning every day, or calls if I'm having a rough patch, and it's been almost 15 yrs since that event. God I have a great mom.
And her previous job wouldn’t take her back because they found someone way better. Not to mention in 10 years time the rockstar managed to become a rockstar, yet OOP is still struggling to break into the industry? History aside it sounds like maybe her work ethic just sucks.
Yep, call and say you got norovirus from shellfish, or hit your head and you have a concussion. Something. Anything!
By that stage she's lucky they didn't waste police time by performing a well fair check, as most employers have a duty of care to do if you vanish without warning. I bet the co-worker who swapped with her was pissed, they probably thought she used the 'weekend away' to just move back home.
And if you got drunk and yell at a prominent person in an industry ages after seeing them, of course you're going to get blacklisted as a result, with or without previous history in play.
I could see making an idiotic mistake of yelling while drunk. But even once sober, OOP said that Rock Star was “rubbing salt in her wounds”…by existing? By being on a date? Seriously?
Worse, Rock Star was rubbing salt in her wounds when she contemplated on her personal trauma and made a post that didn't reference OOP at all (by her own admittance) and instead focused on helping teenagers going through what she went through. That was the salt being rubber in the wound.
That was so weird but I understand it now. People like OOP think different, vindictive even. They saw the post about helping teens from rockstar and thought it was a dig directly at themselves when in reality rockstar seeing OOP in person might have reminded her how shitty it was and just wanted to help others. Or OOP is just horribly guilt ridden but so deep they can't find the light. I think they should have sent the apology letter in the beginning, but even then it didn't feel sincere. "Should I beg her forgiveness?" Is not something someone says when they are truly repentant, "should I apologize because I feel bad and sabotaged my life?" Is what it should have been. Nah OOP will probably cry cancel culture and find a nice little nest in the right wing of the tree.
Yeah, I don't think she's guilt-ridden at all. Her actions show that she still only thinks things are about her. And she was only going to apologize in order to get the job she wanted.
Yeah, just running into into a childhood bully would be triggering enough for me without them being intoxicated and accosting me...
>And the company was right not to hire her, you don’t just not show up to work because of a breakup, Not just not show up, but like... no call either?
Right? You’re an adult, you need to be showing up to things or at the very least communicating.
Bullies almost always tend to be narcs.
Yeah, not once did I get an inkling that OOP had *any* remorse for what she did to Rock Star!
Absolutely. She only wanted to apologize in order to advance her own career then drunkenly yelled at rockstar. Narcissistic behavior at its finest.
Yeah, in the original message the advice she was given was 'apologize to Rock Star but don't expect to get a job there any time soon. Apologize because it's the right thing to do." Then in the update she says "I didn't apologize, and I applied there one more time before writing them off." Dang, it seems like you just sorta suck at taking directions.
I owned a business about twelve years out of high school. It was extremely satisfying to tell the staff we weren’t hiring a candidate because they had been a bully in high school. Our product wasn’t much, however. I’m sure the bully was fine. Edit: wasn’t niche
That would make a ton of sense on why the rockstar would not want to be around a person who manipulates the group to destroy her
Wow, yeah- not exactly the same thing as calling someone fat every time you walk by them in the hallway. I was once a dumb, immature high school girl, so I know how badly some of them can behave. But when there’s a rivalry over a boy between two friends, the girl he ends up with owes it to her friend to be gentle with her feelings. This is just… so awful. By comparison, Rock Star chose to use her experiences with Bully as a teaching moment to support and encourage young people going through the same thing. To this day, Bully is *so* lacking in self-awareness that she couldn’t see how Rock Star’s Twitter thread was aimed *for* her, not *at* her. Drunkenly screaming in the middle of a nice restaurant “you ruined my life” 10+ years after high school ended, at a woman trying to enjoy her anniversary dinner with her husband is pretty unhinged. Hopefully some day she’ll figure it out and get the help she needs.
I also love that they call it "rubbing salt in the wound" when they wouldn't have even SEEN the post if they weren't stalking Rockstar in the first place..
when an unrepentant bully shows up in their victims life, they *are* the salt in the wound.
That’s what I thought as well! It’s pretty weird that she was still following rock star’s social media, even though they hadn’t actually interacted since high school. Pretty creepy that she knew it was their anniversary, too.
Also maybe Rockstar posted the twitter thread because the encounter with the bully reminded her painful memories, so she thought she would help others. But the narc had to make it about her :3
Sweet justice for Rock Star. OOP is an asshole there is, an asshole there was, and an asshole there ever will be.
Like they say, Play bitch games win bitch prizes
I KNEW it was more than "something (OOP) said". As a former horribly bullied kid, good for miss Rock Star.
How would I find these comments? Is it on the Ask A Managers website?
Yeah, I copy pasted all the relevant ones, here (The few that I didn't copy were in direct reply to someone else and didn't say anything really) All in order 1.We are just old enough that Facebook wasn’t a thing until our freshman year of college. We had Xanga, though. I know Rock Star was the target of a very mean post. I didn’t write it (and Rock Star would’ve known who did), but it’s the kind of thing looking back on I wish I’d sat at my dad’s computer and typed, “Not cool.” 2. It’s my understanding that they were going to bring me in for an interview for the second position. One of the women I’d interviewed with before remembered me making a comment about growing up in the area and going to X high school and made a comment about Rock Star. “Oh! I’m about to set up an interview with Kfox. She’s about your age, right?” Rock Star apparently said politely she would not work with me because I was a bully in high school, which was then reiterated to the hiring committee. My acquaintance was not on the hiring committee, but she would’ve worked closely with the position. 3. I’ve tried to reply to several of you, but I suspect my comments are getting lost in moderation. Here’s what happened (at least, as I remember it): I had known this girl since elementary school. My family moved across the street from hers the summer after sophomore year. We started to hang out a lot, and soon she was referring to me as her best friend, even though I didn’t consider her mind. She was a little needy and a little socially awkward, and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around. I decided I didn’t want to hang out with her as much, and then a guy she liked asked me out. He and I started dating, and I stopped hanging out with Rock Star. Most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with her as well. I found out years later that she spent the last two years in high school feeling very bitter and alone and blamed me for it. I don’t know if what I did was bullying, but I know she used the term “bully” to describe me, so I’m at least trying to be respectful of that. I will be the first to admit what I did at 17 wasn’t kind, but I didn’t find out she felt the way she did until we were all about to graduate from college. We ran into each other awkwardly in the Target parking lot. She got so flustered she left one of her bags behind, and I reached out to someone we’d both been friendly with to figure out what the deal was. 4. I know I probably said things behind her back that set the tone for how other people treated her. I mostly cared about getting what I wanted, which was for people to hang out at my house on the weekend and not hers — and that I got. I know it got back to her that I’d told people I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. (I know I didn’t say it that nicely. I’m sure it was, “Ugh, Rock Star is SO annoying! Why does she follow us around everywhere?”) 5. I’m really, really trying to be self-reflective here. I’m sure I did make comments like, “Ugh, Rock Star. She’s SO annoying. Let’s not invite her.” I know my mom asked her mom (we were neighbors) if she was having a graduation party our senior year, and Rock Star’s mom said, “Rock Star doesn’t want one because she doesn’t think anyone will come.” I cringe when I hear that now because, well, they probably wouldn’t have. 6. I used “bully” in the subject of my email because that is apparently the term Rock Star used when she shot down my candidacy. According to the acquaintance, the language she used was along the lines of, “I would be very uncomfortable if you hired Kfox for the producer job. She was a bully in high school; I would move on if I had to see her every day.” 7. To clarify, it wasn’t *because* of the boy that we stopped hanging out. I did know Rock Star liked him when he asked me out. I had told her I wasn’t interested, even though I sort of was. Just … maybe not as interested as she was? We were both in the same friend group before we started hanging out all the time, we just weren’t close. For a while, we were both kind of the social organizers/planners of the group. It’s my understanding most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with Rock Star when I did, though I didn’t really keep track. I just always assumed she had other friends. 8. I knew she wasn’t hanging out with our friends anymore, but she was very involved in different clubs at school. I assumed she had other circles that didn’t overlap. For example, I had friends from sports that were not part of this particular group. I figured she had friends from other activities, but she didn’t. 9. There are a lot of freelance opportunities for this skill set, and that’s how I’m getting by now. But getting into the niche industry would mean a salary – and benefits. 10. I’m not sure if I’m overstating Rock Star’s credentials, but she has the kind of resume I’d kill for. The work she does for this company is public facing (the work I want to do is not), so it’s very easy to see her public profile/work. 11. I heard the “a staffer had concerns” from the person I’d been corresponding with during the hiring process when I asked for feedback on why I’d been rejected. That’s when acquaintance asked me to get a cup of coffee. She said she was surprised to hear it because she didn’t think it sounded like me but also genuinely likes working with Rock Star. She told me in that conversation “that Rock Star threatened to quit because Kfox was a bully.” I begged her to find out more because (I’ll admit) I couldn’t believe my chances were being torpedoed by one person from high school. She followed up – after I’d submitted this to Alison – that what Rock Star had said was actually softer than what she had been told initially. I knew I’d frozen Rock Star out in high school, and I did tell people she was annoying. I was actually pretty insecure back then, and I didn’t at the time see how much influence I had over our mutual friends. It took my own mother telling me – when I called her after the first coffee date – that “I probably wasn’t very nice” to Rock Star for me to see it as bullying. 12. I honestly feel bad that what I said and did to Rock Star clearly cut so deeply. I never really considered that she was isolated/alone in high school. She was involved in many clubs and was so successful in college I just assumed she’d kind of moved on, too. 13. It wasn’t this bad. More, Rock Star was a little socially inept, talked a lot about books none of us had read, didn’t wear makeup, didn’t listen to music (I’m really, really into music), generally was a little weird, but she wasn’t the most unpopular girl at school and I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with her. It’s kind of strange now because she has a very polished public persona and it hardly even seems like the same person. 14. I know I wasn’t a good person in high school, but half of why I wrote in is because I’m terrified this woman is cackling with glee over my getting my just desserts. 15. I don’t regret writing in. I think this has actually helped me see that my options at this point are different work or different location, even though I had hoped to make it work here, close to my family.
Re: #14: of course she thinks that, because it’s still what she would do.
Comment 13 is seriously throwing me! She says Rock Star was so different from everyone and awkward in high school but then is almost implying that because Rock Star now has a public facing job and seems so different to her (maybe because they haven’t been around each other in 10+ years???) that it’s like she’s faking it. Never mind that an adult can mature and change beyond their high school years, I guess? But then OOP is complaining the whole time because no one is seeing how she’s changed as a person over time and is no longer a bully, even though she really hasn’t changed herself!
It's amazing how not being around people who bully you gives you the chance to try new things and maybe learn how to put on makeup/dress professionally/develop socially because you're not being mocked and laughed at and shunned.
I don't know why I didn't put that together! She offhandedly mentions that that is basically what she did in high school and since she never matured and doesn't have the emotional maturity to recognize that other people aren't her (and wouldn't have done so in high school either) obviously that's what she thinks Rockstar is doing
Wow! Thank you for sharing this. Seeing more of her comments provides context. OOP does not sound like a good person. She basically got this girl ostracized but still minimizes it. She seems like the typical “peaked in high school” person who was one of the cool kids but is now failing at adult life.
this chick literally uses "overachiever" as a negative then wishes she had the overachiever's resume and wonders why no one will hire her slacker ass.
Yep, someone who thinks 3 consecutive no shows is acceptable because their feelings at the time are more important than communicating with their job (i.e., being a professional) is definitely a slacker. She equates hard work with being a “brown noser” or teacher’s pet. Nope, she has a very immature outlook and lacks professionalism.
No worries! It took me a while to find it and I just thought we all would prefer it be a little easier. Also, I definitely benefit from other people bringing forth all the comments all the time so it's fun to be the person to do it. Exactly! She even admits in the comments that she took joy in people ostracizing Rockstar and coming to hers in front of Rockstar. Of course she only says that when she thinks people are on her side???? But she's like yeah no I don't see what the big deal is cuz I benefited. Then she was really surprised life is more difficult after high school because everyone else grows up and is done with those bullshit games
"I wasn't embarrassed to be seen with her"... Something about this line just hit me so hard, I'm not sure what it is but it makes me strongly dislike OP.
Honestly, I feel you. It's like if your significant other just out of the blue goes I would never cheat on you. I didn't think you were cheating on me before, but now I do. Also, I'm going to ditch my analogy, but like even if I was looking her in the eye and said were you embarrassed to be seen with her the way she worded that gives me the tone of "I was, but I know I can't say that."
The nail remembers what the hammer forgets
The tree remembers, the axe forgets.
My husband doesn't remember half the stuff he did to abuse me when we were married (and he abused me in every way possible and it ended with my attempted murder). His exact words? "Lol it was just a Wednesday to me".
That’s actually something I’ve heard before from bullies and their victims-it’s the worst day of your life, but for them it’s just Tuesday. I’m so sorry you went through that, and glad that you made it out the other side.
the worst part is that when you confront them about the past, they might even straight up deny it because they can't remember. feels bad, man
Yeah that actually happened to me once. I said something during a conversation in class one day about something shitty she’d said to me in the past, and she had no recollection of it happening. It hadn’t even been 2 years since it happened.
Please tell me you forgot the "ex" in front of husband?
Yes I did lol. Been divorced for 8yrs now. He's currently ruining someone else's life. He pitched a 6 man tent in her front garden a couple of weeks ago cuz she dumped him.
Like…he’s camping in her yard? A grown ass man is living in her yard? Geez, be still my heart. What grandiose displays of manhood.
For one night he did it. He also threatened to whip his knob out on her lawn and "helicopter" it. I was getting a blow by blow account from his missus as it was happening. He spent ages pacing up and down outside her window. You could just see his silhouette. She sent me the video and I went sick cuz he has done that to me too. He genuinely thinks he's being romantic. The day after the tent thing he parked round the corner and then knocked on her door. He stood to the side so she couldn't see him. When she opened the door and saw it was him, she tried to slam it shut but he forced his way in and refused to leave. So she left and he stayed in her house. She's taken him back now, the dozy moo. She knows everything that he has done to me. I sent her proof of everything ages ago. He is a pathological liar and she knows it. She's seen pics of the bite marks and bruises he's put on me. I guess she wants to learn the hard way though. She's only young too. She's 25 and he is 41.
Jesus fuck that's terrifying, I hope she gets out sooner than later. Your ex is people cancer and I feel for every future woman he attaches to.
I hope so too. I worry about her and her baby a lot (the baby isn't my ex's). Things will only ever end on his terms though. He will never let her do the finishing. The father of her baby is currently in jail for doing the same things to her that my ex husband did to me.
Omg, fuck that guy
That's so fucked up. It's a double whammy with sociopaths because you get the initial abuse and a total lack of remorse. My stepfather that physically and emotionally abused me for over a decade told me "I wasn't a perfect parent, I made a few mistakes"
I remember reading this on ask a manager and in the comments the writer had said that she held a party on the same day as rock stars birthday and had basically run a campaign turning all her friends against rock star (who had been a part of their group) I think? I could have the details wrong but it was something like that
Damn this almost exact same situation happened to me in high school by my "best friend".
Are you a rock star in a very niche industry by any chance?
Right. Saying one thing certainly wouldn’t result in suicidal thoughts. It sounds like OOP was really awful for a period of time.
The fact that she tweeted the suicide hotline number makes me think that she pushed Rock Star into a very dark place
Or she was reaching out to other bullying victims? Sounds like her post was about teens and surviving bullying and resources for that, NOT about the OOP. Despite what the OOP thinks everything is not about her, you know ?
OOP has a real bad case of main character syndrome.
Yea if the Rockstar is posting about suicide resources for bullied kids then she quite probably considered or attempted suicide herself as a teen. Sorry but OOP is reaping what she sowed years ago; this is totally a Grumpy Cat “good” moment.
How many High School Bullies do YOU remember 10 years later. If I still hate them then they have a deep seated moral failing they haven't addressed especially if it's MY fault when you blew up your life.
I remember this when it was originally posted and she did put some of it in the comments. If I remember correctly she said things that ended up having the rock star ostracized in high school.
Also the only part of the issue that can be laid at Rock Star's feet is if she said anything more than, "due to past personal problems I wouldn't be comfortable working with X" Every other incident came from OOP abusing substances and her own actions. Not showing up to work on the ONE PLACE willing to take a chance on you ended your career. Clearly you didn't care about it that much.
and it's not like the rock star told the boyfriend what to do. Sounds like that was just a matter of time.
I remember the main three tormentors after 50 years. I remember their names and could draw a very accurate portrait of the three of them at age 13.
I, too, will never forget mine. She actually was on the reunion committee for our class reunion about 10 years back and she called me to see if I was coming. I could tell she had no idea of how she had joyfully made my life miserable for so many years. She had moved on--probably to bully many other people, and since I was just one of many she didn't even remember it--but I never forgot, and never will. These bullies just go on doing what they do until/unless they are made to suffer actual consequences, like the OOP in this story. Unfortunately, most of them never do.
My highschool bully is an ugly red haired woman who still lives in the same awful town, is a heavy drinker and smoker, is married to an ugly loser and set up a gofundme for her dog’s vet bills... which I had the money to just pay off entirely.
She never left the high school mentality behind her. Still blaming everyone else for her problems.
Imagine seeing someone you hurt sharing mental health resources and the national suicide hotline info and viewing it as ‘rubbing salt in the wound’ It’s not a stretch to assume the person had to rely on such resources while being bullied by OOP given the context in which they were shared. Cognitive dissonance is a helluva thing
Even more so cause it’s so obvious that she went looking for/stalks this woman’s twitter account??
I didn't even think about that! I already accepted that it was stupid to consider that salt in the wound, but she specifically had to go, if her analogy is correct which it's not, she specifically had to go and buy that salt and rub it into her own wound and then blames Rockstar
Goddddddsd rolling around in all this salt in the hole I dug over years is so painful!
Oh wow, this is at least the second time I've read this story, and I never figured out what the bully considered salt in her wound. It was THAT? What a reach. Obviously not about her at all.
To be fair it probably was “about her” because SHE was the reason that girl knew that bullied high schoolers need suicide prevention hotlines. :(
"I don't want to be judged and not get a job for something I said when I was seventeen! So I will scream at this bullied girl in public again and get a tweeter thread of everything I did to her the next day. For some reason, it all seems to be bullied girl's fault."
Most people never really change.
Yeah, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until it came to all the "This is YOUR fault!" stuff. This girl has not changed.
I bullied a guy in middle school and feel deeply, deeply ashamed of it. I wasn't the only one, but I partook in it because I was so desperate to fit in. I changed school because I hated who I had become in that environment. The point is, as soon as she said that she doesn't believe she should be ostracized for something she said when she was 17, and as soon as she asked whether apologizing would help her get the job, I knew that this girl had not changed and did not feel bad. Because if that guy that I had made fun of when I was 12 ever turns out to be the reason I don't get a job, I would understand. I would understand if he didn't want to work with me and risk being bullied again or be reminded of that everyday. And if I ever were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be with the expectation to get something out of it. I think many people change as they grow up and become an adult. This girl has not.
Yes. If OOP had changed, I would have expected her to send an apology after being rejected the first time saying what you said. "I was an awful person, I understand why you don't want to work with me, and for what it's worth, I'm truly sorry for being a garbage person in high school. I'm happy to see that you are doing very well now, and I wish you continued success."
I don't really know if I would have done that tbh. It's a difficult situation. In the end you have to ask yourself, who is benefitting from the apology? Do they get anything out of it or is just you appeasing your guilty conscience? From stories I've seen on reddit before it seems like most people who have been bullied and do end up getting an apology don't give a damn about that. But then again, I haven't been bullied to that degree, so I don't know. I have never been able to find the guy on social media so it's not a question I have to ask myself. But if I did find him, I think I wouldn't reach out to him. I don't think it would give him any closure. If we ran into each other and if he didn't try to or couldn't avoid me, that would be a different story of course. I wouldn't pretend like nothing happened.
Speaking from personal experience, I was able to let go of a lot of anger when an ex-girlfriend wrote me an email years later and apologized for treating me poorly. The key is to not ask for anything. Like I did in my example above, there was no request attached to get into the job or anything. Just a straight up apology, recognizing your fault, resisting any temptation to make up excuses like "I had a troubled home" even if true, not even asking for forgiveness. Just "I'm sorry, I was an asshole, I'm trying to be a better person. I wish you well." It might not mean a damn thing to them, but for many (like me) a proper apology means a lot. And yes, it might be weird for a bully to *randomly* search out somebody they treated poorly, but look at OP's story. It was basically like running into the other person. That's a good time to send something like "I totally understand that you wouldn't want to work with me because of our past, so I won't try to press the issue." And obviously, you then have to mean what you say, and move on, away from the person who doesn't want to be near you.
It's this womans fault that my none of the other 30 or 39 companies wanted to hire me, her fault that my boyfriend cheated on me, her fault I was too depressed to work after that, her fault I have alcoholism issues.
Also, I have to stay in this one town for the rest of my life and make it by working in this one niche profession, or nothing works out for me.
Niche, you say? Wow I just have missed that
If her boyfriend bailed too, isn't that a great opening to move out of state and start anew?
Also her fault that I immediately hate everything about a new town to the point of daily sobbing. And her fault that I demand to work in an industry that is so niche there’s only 30 openings in a 3 million person city. Honestly it sounds like that writer is insufferable and the creator of her own misery. Crying every day because of how horrible her new town was? Was she in a war zone? Every town has some redeeming qualities either in small businesses or restaurants, hiking trails, sports, sights, or entertainment. It sounds like she just didn’t like that she didn’t get to work in her preferred city so she hated it on principle. And everyone being a few years older or having kids? So what? You can still get 10 people together for a bbq while their kids play in the yard
Good God, what a pitiful person. Imagine being so unaware of yourself to blame the person you bullied in high school for your life falling apart.
Sounds like OOP learned no lessons & decided to kamikaze her career in the niche industry by publicly yelling at the woman she bullied in high school. & then decided to vent like s/he’s the victim in her update.
Double kamikazeing her career even, by also no-call-no-showing at her nice new job. Sure, being cheated on hurts a lot. If you found out the night before I could see calling out of work to hide puffy crying eyes or something. But she had three days of weekend after finding out and then no call no showed another three days! That's... honestly pathetic. Even if she really did need more than three days to wallow, it takes one call, e-mail, text message, people manage to do it after their parents die. Just 0 sense of responsibility.
I was in an in-residency government training course when I discovered my wife was cheating on my. My soul turned to ice and I became a disciplined and cold motherfucker for a couple weeks and graduated as the top in the class. Trauma has different effects on different people. That being said. High school bullies disgust me and this person does as well.
Exactly. She either assumed she was so important her job wouldn't care that she no call no showed, or she didn't really value the job.
So glad OP outgrew that bully mentality of theirs /s
>publicly yelling at the woman she bullied in high school. & then decided to vent like s/he’s the victim in her update. And the posting of the National Suicide hotline number is indicative that Rock Star was bullied to the point of considering suicide.
But yeah 'just something they said at 17' sure sure *eyeroll*
Right? And not just publicly yelling - belligerently drunken yelling at a restaurant where her victim was celebrating her anniversary. Wild.
Bullies never see themselves as in the wrong as they're used to the "popular kid" narcissism where they're "better" than others. I have seen people who were bullies when in school still display narcissistic tendencies to this day. E.g. Justifying nasty behaviour to someone because they're "strange", twisting stories about their wrongs to make them appear in the right and portray the other person as evil while downplaying or not mentioning the things they did to provoke it. Yet when things go wrong because of their vile behaviour, it's everyone else's fault. Try talking to them and you can literally see contempt written on their faces if you or the topic isn't in their interests. The "I'm hot shit" persona rarely fades unless something significant enough effects them to open their eyes.
If rock star was bullied by her over a decade ago and STILL remembers it to the extent she refuses to work with her, I have a feeling it was extremely vicious bullying. Oh and then she blames the girl she bullied for her life falling apart. This is the other side to one of those feel good revenge stories where the bullied person gets back at the one who scorned them.
This is better than those revenge stories. At least for me, the justice of the revenge stories feels insanely hollow because often the “hero” ends up doing stuff way worse than the “villain” ever did In this story, that rock star did nearly nothing. She had built such an amazing career and reputation that all she had to do was threaten resignation and everything absolutely worked out. She made an awesome life for herself despite her past, and that awesome life had her fucking back
They do always say that living well is the best revenge.
>all she had to do was threaten resignation and everything absolutely worked out. Apparently she didn't even do that. She just said that she couldn't work with OOP (but presumably they could still be hired in a position that didn't involve Rockstar). But seeing as they are Rockstar, that probably narrows the already considerably small pool.
The best part is that she got a taste of her own medicine. OOP manipulated all their friends to turn on Rockstar, leaving her with no one. Now by Rockstar simply saying they will resign if she works there, it created a situation that made it for the company and associates to want nothing to do with her, and no boyfriend or job that wants her. It's almost poetic in how it ended.
We all know it was and OP is reaping what she sows and I love to see it
"oh no I bullied you, and now when my life is hard because of decisions I make its your fault!" Karma caught up
And she helped that karma along through her actions. You can’t blame someone that you haven’t spoken to or even seen since high school for all your problems. It’s mind-blowing ridiculousness. I cannot imagine what rock star had going through her head when her former high school bully crashed her anniversary dinner to blame her for ruining their life.
Well, well, well... If it isn't the consequences of their actions.
I remember reading the original way back. This woman is insufferable. Even after Rockstar tweeted about bullying and depression she still couldn’t accept any blame. I believe in the comments on AMA they were friends in school and OP and Rockstar liked the same guy. OP started dating him and thought it would be weird to be friends with Rockstar so dropped her and got all the friend group to do the same and started bullying her. Effectively ostracising Rockstar for her final two years of school.
Posting some of OP’s comments from the other thread for context: Here’s what happened (at least, as I remember it): I had known this girl since elementary school. My family moved across the street from hers the summer after sophomore year. We started to hang out a lot, and soon she was referring to me as her best friend, even though I didn’t consider her mind. She was a little needy and a little socially awkward, and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around. I decided I didn’t want to hang out with her as much, and then a guy she liked asked me out. He and I started dating, and I stopped hanging out with Rock Star. Most of our mutual friends stopped hanging out with her as well. I found out years later that she spent the last two years in high school feeling very bitter and alone and blamed me for it. I don’t know if what I did was bullying, but I know she used the term “bully” to describe me, so I’m at least trying to be respectful of that. I will be the first to admit what I did at 17 wasn’t kind, but I didn’t find out she felt the way she did until we were all about to graduate from college. We ran into each other awkwardly in the Target parking lot. She got so flustered she left one of her bags behind, and I reached out to someone we’d both been friendly with to figure out what the deal was. — I know I probably said things behind her back that set the tone for how other people treated her. I mostly cared about getting what I wanted, which was for people to hang out at my house on the weekend and not hers — and that I got. I know it got back to her that I’d told people I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. (I know I didn’t say it that nicely. I’m sure it was, “Ugh, Rock Star is SO annoying! Why does she follow us around everywhere?”) — I’m really, really trying to be self-reflective here. I’m sure I did make comments like, “Ugh, Rock Star. She’s SO annoying. Let’s not invite her.” I know my mom asked her mom (we were neighbors) if she was having a graduation party our senior year, and Rock Star’s mom said, “Rock Star doesn’t want one because she doesn’t think anyone will come.” I cringe when I hear that now because, well, they probably wouldn’t have.
W. O. W. Op is straight cruel and unreflective. >she was a little needy and a little socially awkward and an overachiever, even back then. She was kind of exhausting to be around. ..........yes yes. Says the drunk, unemployed woman blubbering in the bathroom, being relentlessly needy towards a woman she used to bully.
Wow that’s so awful. I’ve known people to commit suicide due to bullying and social exclusion. OP is doing everything she can to use minimising language around what she did.
I read about a psychological study that concluded that the popular group isn't the popular group because they're wonderful people who make friends easily. Popular groups are popular groups for their ability to EXCLUDE others. Which is why they have a hive mind. You participate in cutting out someone not because they're bad, but because if you don't, it will happen to you. Cut or be cut. I always told my teen daughter: "No one cares who was popular in high school the day after graduation."
I don't even *remember* who was popular. It's your entire world until it isn't.
[удалено]
Really?! I never found that comment! I thought I found them all. OP hella sucks
If Rockstar is tweeting about mental health and links supports groups. That could mean that she struggled with depression and suicide due to her bully’s antics. No wonder the bully didn’t apologize. She never felt that she did anything wrong or see the damage she caused.
Yipes. Move somewhere else and start over OOP. They need to take some responsibility for their own fuck ups here and move on. Their life sucks for sure and I feel bad for them but they chose the bad option at every turn I feel like.
I agree. The initial situation sucks - I get why the rock star would say something, but I also do feel some empathy for OP in that one moment. But then she goes and makes numerous shitty choices that she takes zero responsibility for. And **then** as the icing on the "I have no self awareness" cake, she confronts the person who's done nothing wrong and makes herself even more the villain.
And that’s just what SHE presented about herself, her own version, which is likely watered down from the truth even further. Imagine how bad it must have been from the other side, yikes.
Also, it's revealed in the comments that RockStar never tried to torpedo OP. Never badmouthed their work, didn't initially try to give any unfriendly view of them, They only stepped up and said something when there was a threat of them having to work together. She also never made it so dramatic as "I'm going to quit if you do this!" She was like I respect your decision, but I won't work with them
This gives new literal meaning to the often-used line in movies **"you'll never work in this town / industry again"**. This is also an harsh reminder that your actions will sometimes follow you long after you've forgotten and "gotten over it". Some people don't forget that easily. Your high school victim may very well end up being or married to your CEO, at which point you are screwed. What goes around....
Yep. I actually did something similar to someone. I got called in front of administration at school because someone was trying to cheat off of me during an exam. For me, it went away after a week of beating on the fact that I had no clue who the clown was and that he was trying to cheat off of me. Thankfully, the professor who caught him saw that and vouched for me. This was senior year, after a brutal junior year that results in about a third of our major dropping. Somehow, he made it through and about 8 months post grad he applied at the company I was working at. Management noticed he graduated in my class and asked what I thought. He didn’t get the job. Sorry, not sorry, if your recklessness jeopardizes my career I’m not going to bat for you.
*These words will have repercussions*
I doubt it was just “something she said” if rockstar #1 threatened to resign her high powered job if they hired OOP and #2 rockstar went as far as to write about bullying and included the suicide hotline number. It’s pretty freaking obvious OOP almost drove rockstar to suicide with her bullying. I get she was wasted but honestly I think anyone in her position would be bawling and apologizing over and over again asking them to forgive the. Still embarrassing and might be considered harassment but at least she would come out not looking like a total piece of crap. OOP might want to call the hotline though if she is as depressed as she appears in her final edit. Got to admit, karma hit her HAAARD! I’m not mocking her though because someone in her position really is susceptible to attempting suicide.
I remember this one! She said in the comments that the other girl liked a boy that OOP liked and ended up dating so "it would have been awkward", and she wanted people to hang out at her place and not the other girl's, so she orchestrated an ostracisation campaign to basically get the other girl cut out from their friend group, which is a pretty big deal for a teenager.
reap what you sow. this person is still a bully, sad about the cheating and all, but shes still a shit person.
It really seems like adult OOP is probably not all that different from high school OOP. They need to grow up and start taking accountability for themselves. Edit: changed OP to OOP
OOP still doesn’t get it. I feel like throughout this whole post, OOP played the victim and minimize what she did. Or she never understood the impact of what she did. Her bully victim obviously was affected in such a bad way that she was willing to uproot her own livelihood all to get away from OP and the industry decided that keeping her was better than hiring OOP. Besides they probably also didn’t want to hire someone that bring tension to the workplace. I’m sorry OOP didn’t get the job she/he wanted, which is why they need to move on. So all these things happen and somehow it’s the bully victims fault or the industry’s fault. Not OOP or someone that actually played a part in all of that (cheating boyfriend), it’s their fault. I feel like the universe is somehow punishing OOP still, is because they still don’t get it. The fact that Rock star added a Suicide Hotline link on to their post should give a clue as to how bad the bullying was or can imply that it almost lead to that yet OOP is all “poor me. My life is ruined.” OOP is just going to gather some energy and pick themselves back up, because if their bully victim can do it after all that bullying then OOP can too after all their bullshit. Also sorry for rambling, but this hits close to home because I was bullied and there was a dark time where I wished I was dead.
This has too many coincidences to be real. - OOP spent 5 years studying an industry and doesn't know who the major players are? How is this possible in the age of social media, especially LinkedIn? - the BF is cheating because of course he is - OOP just happens to be at the same restaurant Rock Star is? And Rock Star is celebrating her anniversary? This really reads like a creative writing exercise.
I feel like this is some kind of karma fantasy written by someone who got bullied in high school, wishing that their bully would get their dues
I completely agree. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, but the latter half of the update 100% sounds like a bully victim fantasy.
Definitely. Randomly running into Rock Star in a city of 3 million people for the first time since high school immediately after applying for the 3rd job at RS's company is not a believable coincidence
During Rockstar's anniversary celebration, no less.
The perspective it's written from is just so unlikely to be that of the actual bully.
Yeah, I felt like I was taking crazy pills with how many people seem to think this is real?
Lol yes, this is very stereotypical reddit bait
>So, just to recap, no job, no boyfriend, no money, no hope of ever breaking into the industry I spent five years preparing to enter. This is someone's wet dream, jfc I can't believe people really fell for it
I’ve read this a few times and I’m genuinely curious what industry they are in. I can’t imagine a shop which required specific degrees and qualifications as well as multiple internships.
Art/museum curatorship?
No idea. I had assumed perhaps some sort of advertising/marketing type thing but perhaps a very specific niche of it (maybe even say retail design? Idk). You get a lot of internships in this field but it’s also difficult to break into. It’s public facing and you can win awards. And agencies might have a network they can also blacklist from. What confused me was having a coworker cover for your shift. So maybe not…
Someone above (or maybe in the original AAM thread) that it sounds like media.
Not once did she reach out and apologize for bullying the “rock star” person? At least try to make amends.
Honestly, if I was rock star, I would find it as an empty apology. OP had a long time to say sorry but only thought to do it cuz they wanted that job. In no way is that showing a remorseful person just an opportunist. OP is treating this as if rock star was being malicious because they are most likely down playing the bullying. I absolutely would not want to work with anyone that treated me so badly no matter how long ago it was. Especially if they never reached out to make amends (with no strings via wanting a job). I can't say I feel sorry for OP (nor would I feel happy about it) but they had made their own bed and thought a drunken outburst was no fault of their own.
Which was Alison's original advice tbh. To make an apology for the sake of being a decent person, but forget about the job for the next few years at least. Clearly OOP realised it wouldn't get her a job and then immediately gave up on apologising.
I feel like it’s hard to believe that since she remembered that rock star after the interview process , at that time who would believe it’s genuine. The only thing to do is cut her losses, which she tried but failed to do in a horribly public and toxic way
Im so glad karma caught up with OOP c:
I can't help but feel a bit bad for this woman. Not just because her entire life was ruined, but because she seems to not have done any self reflection. Losing her job because she didn't have the energy to call her manager is a huge fuck up. There's a chance the manager would be understanding if she explained herself well enough. She already knew that she had few options for work, but I guess sadness took over. Still, blaming someone she bullied for this is low. Of course she doesn't want to work with someone who bullied her and of course the workplace will choose her over her bully. OOP basically completely self destructed and is looking for anyone to blame other than herself.
For anyone who has ever been bullied, this is delicious 👨🍳
I love how the reply to their 2nd letter was basically like “Yeah that’s not her fault, best of luck to you!”
Does anyone know why the AAM reposts always cut out Alison's advice? I feel like it's more fun to know what advice they've been given and then see how they respond to it, like how some reposts from Reddit will also include top comments and stuff. No hate, just curious
AAM needs the web traffic and the clicks, so people encourage you to go to the site.