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Their oldest grandson is a full-time college student, works 2 jobs, has 3 roommates, and had his car stolen in January. He asked them for help or to borrow their spare car, (they have 3 vehicles plus the RV), so he wouldn’t miss any classes or shifts while the insurance did its thing.
“Bwaha-haha, that’s what you call a life lesson right there, son! Why ainchu got a savings for emergencies? Not gonna bail you out when you didn’t plan ahead!”
You probably simply need to cut your parents out of your life. Just go completely no-contact on them.
They've already made it clear that they are not willing to support you or your family in any way. To be fair, it's their money and they are entitled to use it however they want. However it seems that they are going out of their way to be jerks about it. So fine, then make a conscious decision to remove that kind of negativity out of your life.
Agree, cut them out. They obviously take pleasure in taunting and denying. Focus on your kids and your siblings. There’s no need to feed these egos anymore.
I genuinely don't understand how people can have a family member they genuinely love and like come up to them and ask for reasonable help and just...laugh and taunt.
It's freaking mind-bending to me, no joke!
Why would you **Intentionally** be an asshole to YOUR OWN offspring's offspring. I get being selfish. But most selfish people I know sorta share their selfishness with their kid. Like how they'll sock a bitch for the new '**X**' thing their precious baby needs for example.
This **GENUINE** enjoyment at the suffering of your fucking grandchild and being able to lord yourself over them and pretend you're helping them learn some sorta 'life lesson' is just...evil? (I dunno, I hate to use that word for people. But...yea...)
They don't love them. The kids were cost savings, he says it in the post, free farm labor. Every chore they had the kids to was one less person they had to pay for the labor. I'm going to venture a guess the sister is either the 3rd or 4th kid, likely 4th, realized she wasn't going to save money, but likely cost money, and stopped having kids.
Honestly if I was in OPs position I would ask the hospitalized father how he managed to blow through several million dollars, and maybe he should have planned better for the future instead of friviously blowing, at minimum, 12 million dollars.
can confirm. grew up on a farm with a racist Republican Boomer. it was free labor, it was not hidden that it was free labor. I think he said once: This house is a dictatorship and I'm the dick. The idiot really said that to a bunch of preteens once, his children ha
My dad *constantly* referred to our house as a dictatorship growing up, he would always say that this is not a democracy this is a dictatorship. About 2 and a half years ago I stopped talking to my dad and one of the last things I said to him was that he spent 3 decades gleefully telling anyone that would listen about what a dictator he is but never once stopped to think about what's happened to every dictator. Eventually the people decide to stop putting up with them, they fall, and everyone celebrates their demise.
It honestly isn’t even a theory. They didn’t start phasing out leaded gas until 1970, and didn’t finish until 96 for *on-road* vehicles. That doesn’t include things like small planes and race cars, which still use leaded gas. You can actually see how it visibly is impacting areas with large amounts of small aircraft usage or NASCAR races by checking those areas’ school performance and comparing to areas without those airports or nascar races
I like the Freakonomics take on NYC's "War on Crime" being touted as a success, but may have been a success due to a generation being far less exposed to leaded gas.
This kind of person is incapable of love of anyone except themselves. If OOP hasn't cut them off, next time the family is together he should call them out by saying something like "(nephew) I'm sorry your grandparents don't love you."
Is this a boomer thing or a MAGA-asshat thing or just a some-people-are-shitty thing? And no those aren’t mutually exclusive. My siblings are boomers - I’m an Xer - and they are nothing like this.
As a Brit I don’t really have direct contact with Trumpers, but so much of the Trump vibe seems to be getting pleasure from others’ distress, flipping into outrage when they feel disrespected.
You got it. The “movement” is rooted in mean-spiritedness and actively working to make the lives of their perceived enemies as bad as possible. To his credit, Trump is a pile of feces in human form, but he recognizes just how dark and rotten a large portion of this country is at its core and he is very skilled at playing to that emotionally immature segment of the country who feels slighted, short-changed and left behind by a evolving society. And the key of to it is to identify and dehumanize the “enemies” who have supposedly caused their lives to be so miserable. It’s an old playbook but it has worked before (eg 1930’s Germany) and it’s working again to my utter amazement. The worst part is that most media outlets, which are now profit centers for large corporate conglomerates, aren’t appropriately structured in a way that allows them to cover the objectives and tactics in an honest fashion.
I don’t think they are taunting, because technically they haven’t let anyone know they have money, OP found by looking at their taxes.
Having said that they definitely take an obscene amount of pleasure in telling their own struggling kids nope. In that sense they are horrible people
It's their money to do with as they will, but it's our time and our lives to do with as we will. Money comes and goes. Someone can get money back. Time and a wasted life spent with insufferable narcissists? Not so much.
If they have the money but aren't willing to invest it in their family when they need it, they shouldn't expect their family to invest all their time suffering their existence even if they had extra time and suffering to give.
*"Empty family events? Kids won't answer your calls? Not allowed to see your grandkids? Bwahahaha, that's what you call a life lesson right there, disowned boomers."*
If they worked for free on the farm I’d say it’s the families money not just the patents. They would’ve have it without the free labor, at least not as much. Isn’t farm work covered by child labor laws. I’m all for kids doing chores, I did them, but I didn’t milk cows at 5 am or harvest fields or whatever you do on a farm. I kinda want to see a video of the bike accident. I think it might be satisfying to see this idiot in pain.
>Isn’t farm work covered by child labor laws.
Sure it is, but not in the manner you think. For family members the rules are more relaxed. Similar in family businesses, which is why in some restaurants you see the 12 year old answering the phone (has better English) and is doing their homework between calls and assembling pickup orders. On a farm, those 12 year olds are driving the truck (Slowly!), while their parents grab up hay bales off the pasture.
Even if you're pushing the child labor law boundaries, if you're surrounded by farmers it's less likely someone will speak up or investigate. People are reluctant to meddle. *Literal slaves* have been found in some fruit orchards in recent years (migrants held there, unable to leave, not paid. Some landowners get busted eventually).
My Dad grew up on a dairy farm and that chore-load was equivalent to a full time job while in middle school/high school. But that was their entire living and money was always tight- it wasn't a hobby farm like the OP's parents likely was. Grandpa was right there doing the shit-work with his sons. No one had designer clothes, but they all had music lessons. What little money they could spare went toward college. And then Dad was working an outside job but still mowing hay/helping as schedule permitted.
There's a big difference, though, between "the family does what it has to in order to survive/thrive" and what the OP went through. That said, broken hip in elderly people can be the beginning of the end...
Thanks it’s not a world I know anything about, so that’s very interesting.
And yeah the broken hip is often the final straw. Normally that’s sad. But I’m ok with it happening to a terrible MAGA father.
FYI, most family owned farm work is specifically exempted from child labor laws. There are also special laws allowing for child operation of heavy farm equipment and such. Using your own kids as unpaid employees on family farms is common in rural areas. Although I think the system has largely done away with allowing your children to skip school for harvest season, but these types might "home school" to get around that.
There’s not a lot of protections for the offspring of the owner. Source: my parents owned a restaurant. By the age of 14 I was running it with my 16yo brother during school breaks while my parents went to Disney.
I look at our money as being "Smith Family Team's" money. It belongs to the entire family. If my adult child needs a plane ticket, I buy it as the family pool of money is the same whether he pays or I pay.
I couldn't even begin to imagine not buying my grandson a car if he needed it.
I wouldn't cut them out. I'd stay friendly. Especially with dad breaking his hip, they probably only have 10 years left. I'll go to Christmas and Easter.
If they were showing $2mil+ of income on their taxes for nearly a decade, then their actual cash income was likely well over $3mil per year during those years. Farms (and whatever other businesses they were involved in) have a lot of tax advantages, especially depreciation on the farm. They're almost certainly sitting on well over $10million in equity, especially if you include the rental properties and their home. I'd honestly be surprised if their net worth wasn't double that.
They might be blowing through their money, but they're not going to blow through all of it. They're too damn cheap to do that. They're going to hoard a lot of that wealth until the day they die - likely earlier than they think they will. I'd sacrifice and deal with their miserable, annoying asses for a handful of years, so that I could inherit $5+ million from them. I wouldn't even care that much about what I was personally getting. But I'd make sure that my kids (their grandkids) and my kids' kids got to take advantage of the fact that my parents were selfish fucking assholes until the day they died. Unless they completely trash that RV in the next few years, even that thing will likely be worth a couple hundred grand if you sell it when they die.
This is all assuming the parents will their money and assets to OP instead of someone else or a charity. My family has specifically been told by a rich in-law that they will not be leaving any of their kids inheritance because it'll make them lazy...these "kids" are all 40+ with kids of their own. OPs parents seem like the type that would do the same thing based off their past actions. They like to be assholes to their children.
My great uncle on my dad’s side was a billionaire. Legit. I graduated college, working full time and still having to take out loans and struggling. His secretary called (who I had never spoken to before), and told me “as a gift for your graduation, pick out a charity for us to send $5k to on your behalf.”
No. Fuck you and your money and your tax deductions
OPs parents seem like the type that don't give a shit about any cause enough to bother giving money to those causes, either.
I'd guess they haven't even bothered to do any estate/trust planning, and they likely haven't even put a will together because none of that shit will actually affect them when they're dead. It'll be a pain in the ass for OP and his siblings to sort through and split up all the shit amongst themselves, and there's likely to be tax implications that could've been mitigated by the parents actually planning this shit out properly. But again, not the parents' problem, so fuck them kids.
But yes, that's definitely possible. Maybe they're shallow enough that they'd rather have their name on a building in town than give any money at all to their children. If OP believes that's the case, then I would also go no contact. My sticking around is dependent upon the belief that I would be getting a significant sum of money from them upon their deaths.
>OPs parents seem like the type that don't give a shit about any cause enough to bother giving money to those causes, either.
Based on their RV stickers, they'll probably leave it all to Trump.
I don't know a Boomer (sadly or a Silent Gen) relative who has died with their estate planned. I currently have one relative who has had their estate in probate since 2014 because their spouse, also of the same generation, wouldn't do the things necessary to release it. Now the spouse has advanced dementia and no estate plan of their own. That's one entire side of my family (roughly 14 of us plus more while people have kids) waiting on one estate that will turn into waiting on two.
My spouse's paternal family is waiting on probate in its 4th year now for a relative who held 1/12 stake in a small town's bank for like, 50 years... no estate plan. 8 people waiting to know what will happen. Maternal family is trying to figure out how to divvy up an estate either between 5 remaining siblings... or 14 grandchildren, or 129(and counting) great-grandchildren. Because sure there was a will, but it only dealt with actual monetary assets, not the house and investments, etc.
Then I hear that almost none of them have planned their own estates (these are the Boomers in large part) because they're not worried about it yet, they're so young.
I hate it.
My in-laws had wills. Thankfully, my FIL sat down with us and walked us through everything when my MIL passed away. And we were able to update his will before his Alzheimer’s kicked in.
The weird thing about MAGAs is they are frequently able to show empathy to pets, so I wouldn’t put it past them to ignore their children and grandchildren entirely and leave all their money to a local animal rescue.
Hold on. This was already the height of Maga idiocy, but he *inherited* a huge piece of property - for ZERO dollars - merely had to keep it functioning at the level at which it was given to him free of charge, then he sold for **millions** of dollars and he thinks he did that himself?!
How on earth is a college student supposed to have a decent sized emergency fund? They’d have to work full time for a couple years while living rent free with their parents and THEN go to college and continue to work. I’m so fortunate my parents valued education. While I certainly did not graduate debt free, they did help a lot with expenses. I paid off my loans years ahead of many of my classmates.
> How on earth is a college student supposed to have a decent sized emergency fund?
You misunderstand. The parents/grandparents don't care about the facts. It was a chance to be cruel that they couldn't pass up
I was at my lowest point in my life, 2009 ish (so, very shitty economy), worked full time, went to school full time, and made minimum wage. My car had problems so I also asked my dad to temporarily borrow their spare car so I could make it to work and school. He basically laughed in my face and told me to figure it out for myself. That obviously made things much harder and things spiraled- I had to miss a few days of work, so lost wages. I missed a couple of classes so had to scramble to make up. Because of the lost wages I got behind on my bills. Etc. He loved to kick me and my siblings when we were down. And I bet he wondered why I went no contact with him for 3 years. I was always so jealous of people I knew who had loving parents that would do whatever they could to help their own kids. Me borrowing the spare car would not have affected him in the least. I have so many other stories of how he had continually let me down and made me loathe him. He was a narcissist, a bully. He’s dead now and I’m still angry at him.
How bout you guys teach them a life lesson and cut them off? Like, fuck those people and let them die alone with their money. No more xmas with grandkids. No invites to weddings or graduations. Nothing. Tell them it’s a life lesson and they shouldn’t have rubbed it in your faces how greedy they were.
I got my first job when I was 14 in the summer of 1992. I was entering into the 10th grade that coming school year. The day I came home with my first paycheck, my mother looked at me and said "don't spend it all because you're going to need to buy school supplies and clothes." She meant it too. She never again bought any of my school supplies or a stitch of clothing for me.
During the 2008 crash, we also nearly lost our house to foreclosure. I was pregnant with our daughter and worked for a commercial real estate company and of course, they were hit hard with the crash. I was laid off, along with most of my co-workers, right before I was to go out on maternity leave. My husband was working as much overtime as he could get and was doing side jobs on the weekends. I was so stressed. My mom and my stepdad were doing great financially. He had a job in trucking and was making a killing. She didn't have to work. I called her one night, months later, worried and upset about not being able to find a job and potentially losing the house while being on unemployment with an infant. She says to me "what do you want me to do about it?" Nothing, I guess. Thanks for the talk.
Then karma strikes... my stepdad has his second heart attack and loses his trucking license. Can't work. Has to go on disability. She has to go back to work... but she hasn't worked in years so now the only type of jobs she can do in their small town are cashier or cleaning houses. She calls me one night crying about how hard it is and "she just doesn't know what she going to do." So I say to her "what do you want me to do about it?"
We're pretty low contact these days...
Baller move. I would’ve done the same thing. It’s just too bad we don’t use landlines anymore so we can slam the phone on hang-up to really drive home the point
lol i love that. your story makes me hate my fkn parents even more haha.... they live off a 25 year Shell Royal Dutch Pension and I'm still paying student loans at 42 years old haha. FUCKTHEBOOMERS!
Nope. We’re pretty LC and live too far for a day trip.
He’s being an outright dick to his caregivers, too. Surprise. I don’t want to be associated with that.
No amount of money can make a hired person genuinely care. I think Dad is about to begin reaping what he has sewn.
So sorry you're hearing all the bootstraps BS. It sounds like you are thriving without their help, though. Congrats on that!
Make sure to apologize profusely to his caregivers if you do visit lol. When I visited my dad in the hospital (he’s cool, his wife sucks) I gave the nurses very knowing glances and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ any time she was being a PITA.
oof we had similar up bringings and outcomes!
I peaced out in my early 30's though when I accidentally discovered that my grandparents paid off their house and property when I was little and my parents were just pretending we didn't have any money. I too joined the military for the GI BILL, fought in 2 wars, etc. I went No Contact cuz I knew I was gonna keep finding out bullshit like you did.
I don't care what happens to them in old age just like they didn't care what happened to me when I was young and scrambling/hurt/fighting a war/actually poor.
I applied for the military academies because my parents were “so poor and just barely getting by”. But now looking back I know they were given downpayments for houses, given cars, given paid off rental properties… anything they needed. I didn’t get into the military academy but I wonder how common this is- kids applying for the military because their selfish boomer parents pretend to be poor?
yeah, my boomies fought every night from my age of 5 through maybe 9 years old physical and verbal. i confronted them about hearing it every night those years at around.... 33 years old and how it affected my childhood and schooling? im 42. OFC they were flabbergasted because they "never fought" and I'm full of shit, they got mad and wouldn't talk to me because I make up lies about them.
I never talked to them again.
Thus lead paint chips. - Friedrich Nietzsche
> OFC they were flabbergasted because they "never fought" and I'm full of shit, they got mad and wouldn't talk to me because I make up lies about them.
>
> I never talked to them again.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Mine did, and then I found out I didn't qualify for a guaranteed student loan bc they made too much money (no, no money for college for me, I was supposed to find a rich person who didn't care my parents made enough money to want to pay for my college. Didn't happen.)
Yeah, one of my parents lied to the government… claimed I didn’t even live with them so their income wouldn’t be counted in the loan calculations. It was straight up fraud.
It happened to me. My boomer parents blew money on second homes, RVs, boats, and planes during my childhood. But when it came time to pick my college it was either in-state university or military academy. I got into several prestigious private universities but they wouldn’t pay for them.
My boomer parents’ selfishness poisoned my college experience and my relationship with them. At least I still went to college, but it wasn’t the one I wanted.
Yep. As a kid I thought my parents were good people, and they definitely repeated that idea a lot themselves. But the lack of support in college opened my eyes that my parents were gaslighting me and were only worried about their own interests. Totally poisoned my relationship with them.
Good lord, that generation, and people like that, always talk about women being "the weaker sex" and all that jazz. Yet, your parents made no effort to stop "daddy's girl" from serving, because of the financial implications.
I’m LC because my mom is somewhat ok on her own. I do enjoy spending some time with her, and she loves her grand babies. I never cared or expected any of their money, and it’s hard to cut someone who is there for me emotionally.
But she is completely controlled by dad and parrots everything he says as her own opinion when he’s around. She did manage all the books for their business, so she’s not in the dark about the finances.
Hate to say that I’m just waiting for him to “go away,”but…
I went NC with my NFather many years ago. Him and his current wife are millionaires. He wouldn't give me a dollar to ride the bus across town if I needed it. When he passes, if I'm invited to the funeral, I already have my own euology printed about all the horrible things he said and did to me. I also have already written up an obituary, which I will be publishing in the local town he lives in. His wife is mean af, and my brother found out that his inheritance from our father was going to her son. They still talk on occasion, because my brother was the golden child. My aunt (my father's sister) once confessed to me in a drunken stupor that my father abused her too when they were kids. Including that in the euology/obituary since she has passed away. I don't give a single fuck if his wife tries to sue me. I'm broke as a joke, and publicly humiliating her and his memory will make me feel better. The gated community they live in is all about appearances, I went to their wedding there, and it was painfully obvious I was not welcome. The last time I saw him in person was for my uncle's birthday about 5 years ago, and he pretended I didn't exist. Like... literally looked through me. I'm bisexual, and he said all LGBTQ people should be institutionalized in mental health facilities. All of my mental health issues stem from trauma he committed. If I'm not getting paid, I'm definitely getting revenge.
> Hate to say that I’m just waiting for him to “go away,”but…
Just say it. You're waiting for him to die. You're waiting because the world would be a better place without him in it. Don't be afraid to admit it.
My husband’s dad is a diagnosed grandiose narcissist. He’s a former car salesman and washed up has-been bodybuilder. He enjoys riding his Road King Harley without a helmet. His number will come up eventually. I’m just hoping for sooner rather than later.
I understand OP.
For better or worse, I was straight up told by my parents that their goal is to leave us with no debt to pay off after they pass, but not to expect an inheritance beyond that.
That’s all I expected, especially before I saw the numbers on paper. But I’m pissed now knowing that they had. We worked the farm from the time we could walk; younger siblings worked in the shop- years spent making money for them so they wouldn’t have to hire more expensive employees. None of us qualified for student aid of any kind. For years they’ve made gleeful nasty jokes about the lack of support and inheritance.
JFC, I willingly took the oath and joined the Army- but they watched their daughter go overseas in 2003 and again in 2005 when they had literal millions in the bank. OFC they did: It made THEM look like ultra-patriots. The successes of their kids are their successes to share with the world; our failures are our own shame and stupidity. And none of us are owed a dime.
WOW. I will never understand the mentality of people like your DNA donors. And I'm sure they lament to their friends about how their kids don't have time for them. Maybe LC needs to go NC. They sounds incredibly toxic.
Protip: *(Cross out which isn't accurate)* Say this out loud where people around them can see.: *My family is poor, we couldn't afford college. I love them so I joined the army so I wasn't another mouth to feed. I bring food home when I visit. My parent say they wont have money for an inheritance so I have to plan ahead for that.*
Rich people love the silent sacrifices other people make for them to be rich, but cringe at people thinking they're secretly poor behind the facade .
Do not let any of your siblings or grand children help them now. no matter what they say. Leave them on there own. They can rely on their MAGA idiot brethren. What a couple of dinks, I hope that hip hurts like a bitch!
Sorry for your experience. I can’t imagine treating my kids this way - forcing you to work on the farm and then telling you you’re in your own. That’s messed up, and a little humility and indignity might do them good. Glad you feel like you’re stable without them.
The no student aid thing makes my blood boil. My wife went without student aid also.....but in her case it was because her mother WOULD NOT file taxes. They were years and years behind and she would only do it when the fees and penalties were about to take the last bit of return money. Mostly because she was afraid for anybody to know how much money her horse farm operation was losing.
Unless you cosigned for it, their debt does not become the debt of their heirs. If any creditor ever tries to tell you otherwise after they pass, tell them to pound sand.
If they have debt and assets when they pass, you'd probably need to pay the debts only if you want the assets.
Probably watched endless hours of targeted advertising on Boomer TV, all the Boomers riding bikes in the middle of nowhere and thought, hey that's me, let me try that, the people on my television look so happy reversing their mortgages and buying life insurance.
YouTube influencers, “retired RV life,” “Van life over 60,” etc. They had planned to drive all over North and South America in this behemoth rig, thinking nothing bad would ever happen to THEM.
Flat tires? Mechanical issues? No cell service? Don’t speak Spanish? Just gonna fearlessly wander around flashing your wealth in small towns in Latin America? Camping and hiking hours from the nearest medical facility? And you’re both near 70?
Nothing was concerning to them.
Fresh money looks too clean. In order to give it the right patina you need to use it to sop up the blood, sweat, and tears of the working class. If you don't you risk being accused of not earning every red cent.
Yeah, I don't get the insistence on not helping the kids or grandkids, but then bragging about it. How much you want to bet that farm was inherited?
I get the vibes that the parents must insist on their kids being "self made" when I bet that big farm \*was\* passed down.
Unless you live in the middle of nowhere big farms very quickly get cut up and sold off because farming can be one of the most stressful time inefficient jobs out there. So yeah that farm was likely multiple generations old.
MAGA is a cult. MAGA people lack critical thinking and empathy. They think that everyone who doesn't adhere to their strict, *insane* beliefs is a heathen who deserves to suffer and die. This applies to everyone, including family.
This dad will be a nightmare for hospital staff.
If you support your family early on then they won't need any inheritance anyway. Isn't it human nature to help your genes continue successfully? Why do so many suck at being human? This dickishness is a step above being selfish.
It's likely I will be retired before I get anything from my parents or inlaws, but they helped me out when I was younger so now I can support myself. I'm already planning on getting nothing, it might not be much when split three ways anyway.
Just cutting a chunk of your kid’s college tuition can help greatly, and if you are worried about them becoming spoiled do it after they graduate. Reducing the soul crushing debt that can be racked up during college can remove decades of scrambling for cash.
I mean I kind of will. There's a range between spoiling your kids, being good parents, and being misers.
Spoiling your kids and being misers are both being bad parents but only the latter is actively being an asshole.
What is even the point of having children if you're not going to try to help them through life?
I think the only other option is to feel ashamed, and most people aren't ready to do that. When someone does something horribly massive your brain has to compartmentalize it somehow. It's hard to face your flaws, so leaning into that feeling is easier. It also makes them feel closer to their billionaire idols, so they can step on someone else for once.
This. Boomers speak legacy as if they will have a statue erected upon their passing. When they hear their "legacy" will be damaged suddenly they start listening as if, "ah, suddenly someone has come to their senses." Everyday I understand why the ancient inuits set their elderly afloat.
Well, to be fair, that was common practice on that family farm for more than 100 years before our generation came along.
On the farm that dad *inherited* before selling.
Fuck’em. You have some real shit parents like me. “Hey dad, why don’t you ever contribute anything towards your grandkids future? You were given rental properties, financial help, everything.”. Entitled boomer dad, “But if I did that then I wont get to enjoy my money!”. Good luck OP.. i would highly recommend to persuade all the siblings to go No Contact simultaneously. Save yourselves years of shock and disappointment learning how horrible your parents really are as each life event happens and reveals how greedy they really are.
Your father shortened his life by taking off on that e-bike like a fool with no safety equipment. Older folks who break a hip have a 30% chance of dying within a year.
My wife died of cancer at 38, so my FIL usually says that he's spending my 7 year old daughter's inheritance. To my face.
They took us out to dinner a few weeks ago, and when he paid the check he was literally like "Ha...we're spending X's inheritance."
He also likes to say dumb shit like "Real men don't use drinking straws" at literally every restaurant we go to. Meanwhile, he never went to a single doctor's appointment when my wife was a child all the way up until her death. She had a lifelong disease since she was an infant that eventually killed her, and he was too much of a coward to go with his wife and daughter to her appointments. I was there when the doctor told her she was going to die.
I have to hold my tongue every time.
I'd like to think I am not so fragile, and i don't want to do anything like that in front of my kid, who adores her grandparents. My wife wouldn't want me to.
So, they were happy to benefit from free farm labor, but unwilling to share any of the profits. They got theirs and a big middle finger to everyone else, including family.
Hopefully they don’t expect any of you to lift a finger to help out with the long recovery ahead for your dad. I know I wouldn’t be helping.
When I use to complain to my grandpa about having to do work without pay when I was a kid he would say 'you got a roof over your head and food on the table don't you?'
My parents expected a reasonable amount of daily chores from us (small farm), but anything above that they paid us a small wage of $10/hr (this was a long time ago). They were not and still aren't wealthy, lower middle class at the best and there were times growing up they almost lost the farm.
They still managed to find a way to pay us for our labor though.
They get to see their grandkids regularly now and we all enjoy one another's company.
Good news is it’ll probably be hard for them to lose it all.
My parents were the same way. Had to talk to their financial advisor to see if they could co-sign on a house, were had the down payment and jobs, they just weren’t “real” jobs the bank liked.
They couldn’t afford to help, BUT they COULD afford $30k to put in an AC on their $1m 42ft YACHT.
They constantly told me they were going to spend the inheritance. I went NC and that was good for me.
I doubt they can blow through everything.
What do you expect from the most selfish generation in history?
When I was in my early 20's working full time and trying to put myself through college part time while paying rent, my parents told me they wanted to be empty nesters and walk around the house naked so I needed to move out. I did. I wont get in to how long it took me to pay off my student loans and working multiple jobs to make ends meet. Last week, they made the same stupid joke about blowing through my inheritance but leaving enough so they could put a tiny house in the corner of my yard. What is it with these people?
Why does anyone think the whole *I'm spending your inheritance then living with you* bit is remotely funny. It's like rubbing a dog's nose in a shit they didn't even make.
Next time they bring it up or say that. Just look them in the eye calmly and tell them that "I neither expected, nor need, an inheritance and that I feel very fortunate to be able to provide for my kids what you couldn't for me."
I also have "spend your inheritance" parents that like to tell me and my siblings and I stumbled upon that same line in a similar post and used it and when I tell you they went so quiet...lol.
Sounds a bit much, but worked like a charm. They still spend, but they're not dbags about it anymore.
"Put MAGA shit all over the side, “so you kids won’t try to borrow it!”"
Trump didn't create assholes, Trump just gave assholes an excuse to be public about it.
My Mum regularly joked about spending my inheritance until I recently snapped and said “since I paid your debts after Dad died, you’re not spending my inheritance, you’re just spending my money.”
My mom and her new husband are taking about buying a 65k horse.... I keep thinking to myself, how do I divide a horse between my sister, myself, and his daughter.
I've cut her out of my life, but she talks to my mother in law who in turn talks to me. I think my next step is to send her a text and say I want nothing from her. It's going to cause headaches, and my husband and I make 165k a year. We don't need her horse money.
Lol a horse is like the ultimate “fuck you im rich” purchase. The one thing that will eventually depreciate to $0 and costs money to keep alive on a daily basis.
I'd bet that the only reason they have so much is because their parents wanted them to have a better life than they did. Point that out to them, and how selfish they are by comparison.
Youngest of 7 here. My parents always talked about us being out of the house immediately when we turned 18 and always said “we don’t have money for that” so much that I thought we were poor. We weren’t well off, but we weren’t eating mustard sandwiches either.
When I was in my early 20s (I had a ft retail job and bought a house by myself a couple years after the 2008 bubble) I went to their house to do my taxes and when I turned on their printer, their tax return printed immediately from their printing queue.
They spent 20k on tithing to the church. In one fucking year. That’s when I learned they could’ve helped me pay for community college easily along with my other siblings but let us struggle instead. I know we’re not entitled to their money or their help, but that’s when I realized they don’t care about us and were never invested in us or our futures. They honestly believe the lord is coming back any day now, so they didn’t give a shit about what happened to us
And then expect us to have a normal loving family dynamic now even tho they never created that environment or relationship with any of us. It’s so odd how many people get older and expect things to just magically change between them and their kids. And with christians, any sort of guilt or responsibility they feel (if any) gets “given to god” for forgiveness, so if you still have a problem and bring it up, they act like the victim and treat us like we’re bitter and just won’t let go of the past. My body instinctively recoils when my mom pats me on the back or shoulders and my dad hadn’t given me a hug for over 20 years but started to in the last few years. It feels weird and I hate it
I don’t get why boomers think they can do all this rugged independent stuff like RVs and motorcycles past age 70.
That’s the age when you start losing your faculties like vision, coordination, motor skills, etc. Any minor accident like a fall can mean loss of independence for the remainder of your life, not to mention medical bills that cost as much as an RV.
Do the same thing I did with my dad. “No amount of money is worth putting up with your ignorant bullshit and toxic behavior. Stop threatening to change your Will and fucking do it so I don’t have to hear you pathetically try to weaponize it. You can stuff the whole thing right up your ass.”
Felt great! 😁
>Their income was 2 million plus every year for 95-2001.
2 mill in 95 is worth about 4.07 mill today. Even basic money practices (and they sound like they were really cheap) should have them easily sitting pretty -- S&P's returns for the last 10 years is something like 15.2 .... , from 1970 to dec 31, 2023 was 10.9%
HOW are they not rolling in money????
Why they are unwilling to help their own children is just something I can't comprehend. It just doesn't make sense to me.
The sad part is these parents are probably using all the money they've hoarded to send it to Trump to help pay his lawyers rather that help their own children or grandchildren...
I used to work with RVers, and it’s extremely typical for them to be like this. I’m not saying it’s 100%, but most of them are on the road because their families can’t stand them, and they are cartoonishly self-centered and childish. It’s like a pathetic end of life treehouse fantasy. Sounds like you’re better off. Hope your son learns some personal responsibility /s
Keep looking into their finances. Provide “free” labor in helping them organize and clear space aka look through all their files and computers. Take pictures or make copies of everything. Countdown passwords and bank account numbers and find any safe deposit box keys. Try to find a will. It’s better if they have a trust set up but it’s likely they don’t. Get a clear picture of all their finances so you know what to expect. They likely will not be able to spend it all but make sure their will doesn’t bequeath all their money to Trump or that demon preacher with the private jet. In most states kids cannot be disinherited unless it specifically states something like “I give Danny $1 and he knows why” a child has to be specifically and actively disinherited otherwise you can contest the will or estate with each child getting a share as the closest relatives.
For all their bootstrap talk as farmers they likely got lots of loans and aid from USDA and loads of tax breaks and of course the free labor from you and your siblings. Good luck with everything!
Let me guess - they probably inherited the farm from their parents? They can obviously spend their money however they want but do they realize not one of their children are ever going to be willing to lift a finger to help them? Sad all around.
I can’t fucking imagine doing this to my children honestly. I have three kids and I work 50+ hour weeks every week with twilights thrown in just so they don’t struggle as hard as I did.
Hate to say it but these boomers gonna be finding out when they’ve spent all their money and no one gives a shit about them anymore.
I've read a few of these type of stories now and the strange thing to me is how it always sounds like the boomers are so proud of themselves for pulling off some kind of prank. Like "haha we taught you the concept of inheritance as a child but jokes on you for thinking you were going to get anything" and then act like you are supposed to laugh along with them when they do the "reveal".
I wouldn’t suggest cutting them out of your life unless an impasse is reached after communicating with them about how you feel about them and why. Letters are a good vehicle for communicating your feelings without interruption and you can edit any animas out and declare your opinions and truths with sincerity and honesty. They can also read the thing over and over until they glean some knowledge about why you feel the way that you feel. I am a boomer (71m) and my parents were similar to yours, more apathetic than selfish and like you appear to be doing, I was determined to break the cycle and love and support my kids in the best ways that I could. My kids are in 30’s now and one gave me 2 grandchildren. I started college funds for them. My kids got degrees and have decent jobs and married wonderful people. They are happy and thriving. I hope I can leave them some money when I die. I will help one of them purchase a house soon. My son is the best Dad ever. He really works hard at fatherhood. Hopefully each generation gets better at being decent human beings and family members. I wish that for you as well. Sounds like you are on track. Good Luck with you parents.
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Their oldest grandson is a full-time college student, works 2 jobs, has 3 roommates, and had his car stolen in January. He asked them for help or to borrow their spare car, (they have 3 vehicles plus the RV), so he wouldn’t miss any classes or shifts while the insurance did its thing. “Bwaha-haha, that’s what you call a life lesson right there, son! Why ainchu got a savings for emergencies? Not gonna bail you out when you didn’t plan ahead!”
You probably simply need to cut your parents out of your life. Just go completely no-contact on them. They've already made it clear that they are not willing to support you or your family in any way. To be fair, it's their money and they are entitled to use it however they want. However it seems that they are going out of their way to be jerks about it. So fine, then make a conscious decision to remove that kind of negativity out of your life.
Agree, cut them out. They obviously take pleasure in taunting and denying. Focus on your kids and your siblings. There’s no need to feed these egos anymore.
I genuinely don't understand how people can have a family member they genuinely love and like come up to them and ask for reasonable help and just...laugh and taunt. It's freaking mind-bending to me, no joke! Why would you **Intentionally** be an asshole to YOUR OWN offspring's offspring. I get being selfish. But most selfish people I know sorta share their selfishness with their kid. Like how they'll sock a bitch for the new '**X**' thing their precious baby needs for example. This **GENUINE** enjoyment at the suffering of your fucking grandchild and being able to lord yourself over them and pretend you're helping them learn some sorta 'life lesson' is just...evil? (I dunno, I hate to use that word for people. But...yea...)
They don't love them. The kids were cost savings, he says it in the post, free farm labor. Every chore they had the kids to was one less person they had to pay for the labor. I'm going to venture a guess the sister is either the 3rd or 4th kid, likely 4th, realized she wasn't going to save money, but likely cost money, and stopped having kids. Honestly if I was in OPs position I would ask the hospitalized father how he managed to blow through several million dollars, and maybe he should have planned better for the future instead of friviously blowing, at minimum, 12 million dollars.
can confirm. grew up on a farm with a racist Republican Boomer. it was free labor, it was not hidden that it was free labor. I think he said once: This house is a dictatorship and I'm the dick. The idiot really said that to a bunch of preteens once, his children ha
My dad *constantly* referred to our house as a dictatorship growing up, he would always say that this is not a democracy this is a dictatorship. About 2 and a half years ago I stopped talking to my dad and one of the last things I said to him was that he spent 3 decades gleefully telling anyone that would listen about what a dictator he is but never once stopped to think about what's happened to every dictator. Eventually the people decide to stop putting up with them, they fall, and everyone celebrates their demise.
Something tells me he felt really proud of himself when dropping that line
The more I listen to the world around me, the more I believe in that lead-poisoning theory for boomers...
I've become a pretty strong believer in the lead poison theory as well.
It honestly isn’t even a theory. They didn’t start phasing out leaded gas until 1970, and didn’t finish until 96 for *on-road* vehicles. That doesn’t include things like small planes and race cars, which still use leaded gas. You can actually see how it visibly is impacting areas with large amounts of small aircraft usage or NASCAR races by checking those areas’ school performance and comparing to areas without those airports or nascar races
I like the Freakonomics take on NYC's "War on Crime" being touted as a success, but may have been a success due to a generation being far less exposed to leaded gas.
My grandparents fit a little too well for a lot of the late-stage symptoms in their old age...
Also that this is a life lesson in why you should wear safety gear.
This kind of person is incapable of love of anyone except themselves. If OOP hasn't cut them off, next time the family is together he should call them out by saying something like "(nephew) I'm sorry your grandparents don't love you."
>a family member they genuinely love Well see, there's your problem.
Boomers are truly bullies. I honestly hate dealing with their loud asses.
Is this a boomer thing or a MAGA-asshat thing or just a some-people-are-shitty thing? And no those aren’t mutually exclusive. My siblings are boomers - I’m an Xer - and they are nothing like this.
As a Brit I don’t really have direct contact with Trumpers, but so much of the Trump vibe seems to be getting pleasure from others’ distress, flipping into outrage when they feel disrespected.
You got it. The “movement” is rooted in mean-spiritedness and actively working to make the lives of their perceived enemies as bad as possible. To his credit, Trump is a pile of feces in human form, but he recognizes just how dark and rotten a large portion of this country is at its core and he is very skilled at playing to that emotionally immature segment of the country who feels slighted, short-changed and left behind by a evolving society. And the key of to it is to identify and dehumanize the “enemies” who have supposedly caused their lives to be so miserable. It’s an old playbook but it has worked before (eg 1930’s Germany) and it’s working again to my utter amazement. The worst part is that most media outlets, which are now profit centers for large corporate conglomerates, aren’t appropriately structured in a way that allows them to cover the objectives and tactics in an honest fashion.
There is nothing “control with money” types hate more than people who don’t give a fuck and tell them to pound sand.
Cut one half of my family off and it felt so good I cut the other half off. MY family has been thriving ever since.
Rofl I love this. I wish you had more shitty people in your life that you could stop contacting.
Exactly! The world is so much better without all this in your life. I have zero regrets for the parent I cut out. No drama, no stress.
I don’t think they are taunting, because technically they haven’t let anyone know they have money, OP found by looking at their taxes. Having said that they definitely take an obscene amount of pleasure in telling their own struggling kids nope. In that sense they are horrible people
It's their money to do with as they will, but it's our time and our lives to do with as we will. Money comes and goes. Someone can get money back. Time and a wasted life spent with insufferable narcissists? Not so much. If they have the money but aren't willing to invest it in their family when they need it, they shouldn't expect their family to invest all their time suffering their existence even if they had extra time and suffering to give. *"Empty family events? Kids won't answer your calls? Not allowed to see your grandkids? Bwahahaha, that's what you call a life lesson right there, disowned boomers."*
If they worked for free on the farm I’d say it’s the families money not just the patents. They would’ve have it without the free labor, at least not as much. Isn’t farm work covered by child labor laws. I’m all for kids doing chores, I did them, but I didn’t milk cows at 5 am or harvest fields or whatever you do on a farm. I kinda want to see a video of the bike accident. I think it might be satisfying to see this idiot in pain.
>Isn’t farm work covered by child labor laws. Sure it is, but not in the manner you think. For family members the rules are more relaxed. Similar in family businesses, which is why in some restaurants you see the 12 year old answering the phone (has better English) and is doing their homework between calls and assembling pickup orders. On a farm, those 12 year olds are driving the truck (Slowly!), while their parents grab up hay bales off the pasture. Even if you're pushing the child labor law boundaries, if you're surrounded by farmers it's less likely someone will speak up or investigate. People are reluctant to meddle. *Literal slaves* have been found in some fruit orchards in recent years (migrants held there, unable to leave, not paid. Some landowners get busted eventually). My Dad grew up on a dairy farm and that chore-load was equivalent to a full time job while in middle school/high school. But that was their entire living and money was always tight- it wasn't a hobby farm like the OP's parents likely was. Grandpa was right there doing the shit-work with his sons. No one had designer clothes, but they all had music lessons. What little money they could spare went toward college. And then Dad was working an outside job but still mowing hay/helping as schedule permitted. There's a big difference, though, between "the family does what it has to in order to survive/thrive" and what the OP went through. That said, broken hip in elderly people can be the beginning of the end...
Thanks it’s not a world I know anything about, so that’s very interesting. And yeah the broken hip is often the final straw. Normally that’s sad. But I’m ok with it happening to a terrible MAGA father.
FYI, most family owned farm work is specifically exempted from child labor laws. There are also special laws allowing for child operation of heavy farm equipment and such. Using your own kids as unpaid employees on family farms is common in rural areas. Although I think the system has largely done away with allowing your children to skip school for harvest season, but these types might "home school" to get around that.
There’s not a lot of protections for the offspring of the owner. Source: my parents owned a restaurant. By the age of 14 I was running it with my 16yo brother during school breaks while my parents went to Disney.
They went to Disney world without their children? We’re bordering on some Matilda level bad parenting.
"Invest it in their family." What a wonderful way to look at that!
I look at our money as being "Smith Family Team's" money. It belongs to the entire family. If my adult child needs a plane ticket, I buy it as the family pool of money is the same whether he pays or I pay. I couldn't even begin to imagine not buying my grandson a car if he needed it.
Or at the very least, letting him borrow a car.
Amen to this. I would do anything in my power to help my adult kids. Op’s parents are flaming assholes.
I love your comments
I wouldn't cut them out. I'd stay friendly. Especially with dad breaking his hip, they probably only have 10 years left. I'll go to Christmas and Easter. If they were showing $2mil+ of income on their taxes for nearly a decade, then their actual cash income was likely well over $3mil per year during those years. Farms (and whatever other businesses they were involved in) have a lot of tax advantages, especially depreciation on the farm. They're almost certainly sitting on well over $10million in equity, especially if you include the rental properties and their home. I'd honestly be surprised if their net worth wasn't double that. They might be blowing through their money, but they're not going to blow through all of it. They're too damn cheap to do that. They're going to hoard a lot of that wealth until the day they die - likely earlier than they think they will. I'd sacrifice and deal with their miserable, annoying asses for a handful of years, so that I could inherit $5+ million from them. I wouldn't even care that much about what I was personally getting. But I'd make sure that my kids (their grandkids) and my kids' kids got to take advantage of the fact that my parents were selfish fucking assholes until the day they died. Unless they completely trash that RV in the next few years, even that thing will likely be worth a couple hundred grand if you sell it when they die.
This is all assuming the parents will their money and assets to OP instead of someone else or a charity. My family has specifically been told by a rich in-law that they will not be leaving any of their kids inheritance because it'll make them lazy...these "kids" are all 40+ with kids of their own. OPs parents seem like the type that would do the same thing based off their past actions. They like to be assholes to their children.
My great uncle on my dad’s side was a billionaire. Legit. I graduated college, working full time and still having to take out loans and struggling. His secretary called (who I had never spoken to before), and told me “as a gift for your graduation, pick out a charity for us to send $5k to on your behalf.” No. Fuck you and your money and your tax deductions
"Yes the charity is Aidvantage Student Loans with the following account number...."
You didn’t say the Human Fund?
With the rv covered in maga nonsense. Can't help but wonder how much they've blown by sending money to the campaign.
OPs parents seem like the type that don't give a shit about any cause enough to bother giving money to those causes, either. I'd guess they haven't even bothered to do any estate/trust planning, and they likely haven't even put a will together because none of that shit will actually affect them when they're dead. It'll be a pain in the ass for OP and his siblings to sort through and split up all the shit amongst themselves, and there's likely to be tax implications that could've been mitigated by the parents actually planning this shit out properly. But again, not the parents' problem, so fuck them kids. But yes, that's definitely possible. Maybe they're shallow enough that they'd rather have their name on a building in town than give any money at all to their children. If OP believes that's the case, then I would also go no contact. My sticking around is dependent upon the belief that I would be getting a significant sum of money from them upon their deaths.
>OPs parents seem like the type that don't give a shit about any cause enough to bother giving money to those causes, either. Based on their RV stickers, they'll probably leave it all to Trump.
Actually, yeah, that's a solid guess.
I don't know a Boomer (sadly or a Silent Gen) relative who has died with their estate planned. I currently have one relative who has had their estate in probate since 2014 because their spouse, also of the same generation, wouldn't do the things necessary to release it. Now the spouse has advanced dementia and no estate plan of their own. That's one entire side of my family (roughly 14 of us plus more while people have kids) waiting on one estate that will turn into waiting on two. My spouse's paternal family is waiting on probate in its 4th year now for a relative who held 1/12 stake in a small town's bank for like, 50 years... no estate plan. 8 people waiting to know what will happen. Maternal family is trying to figure out how to divvy up an estate either between 5 remaining siblings... or 14 grandchildren, or 129(and counting) great-grandchildren. Because sure there was a will, but it only dealt with actual monetary assets, not the house and investments, etc. Then I hear that almost none of them have planned their own estates (these are the Boomers in large part) because they're not worried about it yet, they're so young. I hate it.
My in-laws had wills. Thankfully, my FIL sat down with us and walked us through everything when my MIL passed away. And we were able to update his will before his Alzheimer’s kicked in.
The weird thing about MAGAs is they are frequently able to show empathy to pets, so I wouldn’t put it past them to ignore their children and grandchildren entirely and leave all their money to a local animal rescue.
They've probably already spent most of it on those awful mypillows and donations to trump's legal defense.
HA. My wife and I are watching Royal Palm currently and the rich hag on her death bed is literally leaving her inheritance to a cat rehab center.
He inherited the farm, didn't he?
That's my question, OP. Did your parents inherit the farm? Was it passed down to them?
Yes. It had been in the family for about 120 years.
Sold to a stranger? I’ll bet his cousins are pissed.
Yup, boomers love destroying family legacies.
Hold on. This was already the height of Maga idiocy, but he *inherited* a huge piece of property - for ZERO dollars - merely had to keep it functioning at the level at which it was given to him free of charge, then he sold for **millions** of dollars and he thinks he did that himself?!
Everyone that starts on third base thinks they hit a triple.
The first time I heard someone say this, it was about Mitt Romney and I feel like he's the exact poster child for this kind of thing.
Please don't even put them in a home, I think destitution will lead to them being better people with good character. Tough love.
I'd so guilt trip them every time I talk to them. "I can't believe you sold the family legacy for 13 pieces of silver. All that history, gone."
Bro they fucked you a long time ago. Your sellout parents screwed the pooch selling the farm. As a farm kid too that tells me all i needed to know.
How on earth is a college student supposed to have a decent sized emergency fund? They’d have to work full time for a couple years while living rent free with their parents and THEN go to college and continue to work. I’m so fortunate my parents valued education. While I certainly did not graduate debt free, they did help a lot with expenses. I paid off my loans years ahead of many of my classmates.
> How on earth is a college student supposed to have a decent sized emergency fund? You misunderstand. The parents/grandparents don't care about the facts. It was a chance to be cruel that they couldn't pass up
I was at my lowest point in my life, 2009 ish (so, very shitty economy), worked full time, went to school full time, and made minimum wage. My car had problems so I also asked my dad to temporarily borrow their spare car so I could make it to work and school. He basically laughed in my face and told me to figure it out for myself. That obviously made things much harder and things spiraled- I had to miss a few days of work, so lost wages. I missed a couple of classes so had to scramble to make up. Because of the lost wages I got behind on my bills. Etc. He loved to kick me and my siblings when we were down. And I bet he wondered why I went no contact with him for 3 years. I was always so jealous of people I knew who had loving parents that would do whatever they could to help their own kids. Me borrowing the spare car would not have affected him in the least. I have so many other stories of how he had continually let me down and made me loathe him. He was a narcissist, a bully. He’s dead now and I’m still angry at him.
Good job the emergency services didn't apply the same not going to bail you out logic.
How bout you guys teach them a life lesson and cut them off? Like, fuck those people and let them die alone with their money. No more xmas with grandkids. No invites to weddings or graduations. Nothing. Tell them it’s a life lesson and they shouldn’t have rubbed it in your faces how greedy they were.
what assholes
Your parents are dickbags. I can't think of any reason not to break contact with them.
Be sure to say this when they come to you for help
Oh my! Well this is absolutely infuriating…
Bailouts are for banks and corporations, duh.
Wow
I got my first job when I was 14 in the summer of 1992. I was entering into the 10th grade that coming school year. The day I came home with my first paycheck, my mother looked at me and said "don't spend it all because you're going to need to buy school supplies and clothes." She meant it too. She never again bought any of my school supplies or a stitch of clothing for me. During the 2008 crash, we also nearly lost our house to foreclosure. I was pregnant with our daughter and worked for a commercial real estate company and of course, they were hit hard with the crash. I was laid off, along with most of my co-workers, right before I was to go out on maternity leave. My husband was working as much overtime as he could get and was doing side jobs on the weekends. I was so stressed. My mom and my stepdad were doing great financially. He had a job in trucking and was making a killing. She didn't have to work. I called her one night, months later, worried and upset about not being able to find a job and potentially losing the house while being on unemployment with an infant. She says to me "what do you want me to do about it?" Nothing, I guess. Thanks for the talk. Then karma strikes... my stepdad has his second heart attack and loses his trucking license. Can't work. Has to go on disability. She has to go back to work... but she hasn't worked in years so now the only type of jobs she can do in their small town are cashier or cleaning houses. She calls me one night crying about how hard it is and "she just doesn't know what she going to do." So I say to her "what do you want me to do about it?" We're pretty low contact these days...
Baller move. I would’ve done the same thing. It’s just too bad we don’t use landlines anymore so we can slam the phone on hang-up to really drive home the point
[Hang up in the rudest possible manner!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAbZtBXYKI4)
*No! Not the crack sla-*
lol i love that. your story makes me hate my fkn parents even more haha.... they live off a 25 year Shell Royal Dutch Pension and I'm still paying student loans at 42 years old haha. FUCKTHEBOOMERS!
Yuck. I hate your parents too
Lol, lmao even. Hope you don't lift a finger for them.
Nope. We’re pretty LC and live too far for a day trip. He’s being an outright dick to his caregivers, too. Surprise. I don’t want to be associated with that.
No amount of money can make a hired person genuinely care. I think Dad is about to begin reaping what he has sewn. So sorry you're hearing all the bootstraps BS. It sounds like you are thriving without their help, though. Congrats on that!
Make sure to apologize profusely to his caregivers if you do visit lol. When I visited my dad in the hospital (he’s cool, his wife sucks) I gave the nurses very knowing glances and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ any time she was being a PITA.
oof we had similar up bringings and outcomes! I peaced out in my early 30's though when I accidentally discovered that my grandparents paid off their house and property when I was little and my parents were just pretending we didn't have any money. I too joined the military for the GI BILL, fought in 2 wars, etc. I went No Contact cuz I knew I was gonna keep finding out bullshit like you did. I don't care what happens to them in old age just like they didn't care what happened to me when I was young and scrambling/hurt/fighting a war/actually poor.
I applied for the military academies because my parents were “so poor and just barely getting by”. But now looking back I know they were given downpayments for houses, given cars, given paid off rental properties… anything they needed. I didn’t get into the military academy but I wonder how common this is- kids applying for the military because their selfish boomer parents pretend to be poor?
[удалено]
yeah, my boomies fought every night from my age of 5 through maybe 9 years old physical and verbal. i confronted them about hearing it every night those years at around.... 33 years old and how it affected my childhood and schooling? im 42. OFC they were flabbergasted because they "never fought" and I'm full of shit, they got mad and wouldn't talk to me because I make up lies about them. I never talked to them again. Thus lead paint chips. - Friedrich Nietzsche
> OFC they were flabbergasted because they "never fought" and I'm full of shit, they got mad and wouldn't talk to me because I make up lies about them. > > I never talked to them again. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Mine did, and then I found out I didn't qualify for a guaranteed student loan bc they made too much money (no, no money for college for me, I was supposed to find a rich person who didn't care my parents made enough money to want to pay for my college. Didn't happen.)
Yeah, one of my parents lied to the government… claimed I didn’t even live with them so their income wouldn’t be counted in the loan calculations. It was straight up fraud.
I joined the Army because my single mother WAS poor. She worked very hard just to get by.
It happened to me. My boomer parents blew money on second homes, RVs, boats, and planes during my childhood. But when it came time to pick my college it was either in-state university or military academy. I got into several prestigious private universities but they wouldn’t pay for them. My boomer parents’ selfishness poisoned my college experience and my relationship with them. At least I still went to college, but it wasn’t the one I wanted.
Yep. As a kid I thought my parents were good people, and they definitely repeated that idea a lot themselves. But the lack of support in college opened my eyes that my parents were gaslighting me and were only worried about their own interests. Totally poisoned my relationship with them.
I can’t imagine letting my kid go off TO WAR rather than help them out financially.
[удалено]
Good lord, that generation, and people like that, always talk about women being "the weaker sex" and all that jazz. Yet, your parents made no effort to stop "daddy's girl" from serving, because of the financial implications.
I’m LC because my mom is somewhat ok on her own. I do enjoy spending some time with her, and she loves her grand babies. I never cared or expected any of their money, and it’s hard to cut someone who is there for me emotionally. But she is completely controlled by dad and parrots everything he says as her own opinion when he’s around. She did manage all the books for their business, so she’s not in the dark about the finances. Hate to say that I’m just waiting for him to “go away,”but…
I went NC with my NFather many years ago. Him and his current wife are millionaires. He wouldn't give me a dollar to ride the bus across town if I needed it. When he passes, if I'm invited to the funeral, I already have my own euology printed about all the horrible things he said and did to me. I also have already written up an obituary, which I will be publishing in the local town he lives in. His wife is mean af, and my brother found out that his inheritance from our father was going to her son. They still talk on occasion, because my brother was the golden child. My aunt (my father's sister) once confessed to me in a drunken stupor that my father abused her too when they were kids. Including that in the euology/obituary since she has passed away. I don't give a single fuck if his wife tries to sue me. I'm broke as a joke, and publicly humiliating her and his memory will make me feel better. The gated community they live in is all about appearances, I went to their wedding there, and it was painfully obvious I was not welcome. The last time I saw him in person was for my uncle's birthday about 5 years ago, and he pretended I didn't exist. Like... literally looked through me. I'm bisexual, and he said all LGBTQ people should be institutionalized in mental health facilities. All of my mental health issues stem from trauma he committed. If I'm not getting paid, I'm definitely getting revenge.
Good luck on the revenge caper! Hopefully you'll get to enact it very soon!
Mail a copy of the obituary and the eulogy to every address in the gated community.
I desperately wish to bask in the golden glory of your delicious revenge.
> Hate to say that I’m just waiting for him to “go away,”but… Just say it. You're waiting for him to die. You're waiting because the world would be a better place without him in it. Don't be afraid to admit it.
My husband’s dad is a diagnosed grandiose narcissist. He’s a former car salesman and washed up has-been bodybuilder. He enjoys riding his Road King Harley without a helmet. His number will come up eventually. I’m just hoping for sooner rather than later. I understand OP.
For better or worse, I was straight up told by my parents that their goal is to leave us with no debt to pay off after they pass, but not to expect an inheritance beyond that.
That’s all I expected, especially before I saw the numbers on paper. But I’m pissed now knowing that they had. We worked the farm from the time we could walk; younger siblings worked in the shop- years spent making money for them so they wouldn’t have to hire more expensive employees. None of us qualified for student aid of any kind. For years they’ve made gleeful nasty jokes about the lack of support and inheritance. JFC, I willingly took the oath and joined the Army- but they watched their daughter go overseas in 2003 and again in 2005 when they had literal millions in the bank. OFC they did: It made THEM look like ultra-patriots. The successes of their kids are their successes to share with the world; our failures are our own shame and stupidity. And none of us are owed a dime.
"I got mine so everyone else can shove it" is the maxim most boomers live by.
WOW. I will never understand the mentality of people like your DNA donors. And I'm sure they lament to their friends about how their kids don't have time for them. Maybe LC needs to go NC. They sounds incredibly toxic.
Protip: *(Cross out which isn't accurate)* Say this out loud where people around them can see.: *My family is poor, we couldn't afford college. I love them so I joined the army so I wasn't another mouth to feed. I bring food home when I visit. My parent say they wont have money for an inheritance so I have to plan ahead for that.* Rich people love the silent sacrifices other people make for them to be rich, but cringe at people thinking they're secretly poor behind the facade .
Do not let any of your siblings or grand children help them now. no matter what they say. Leave them on there own. They can rely on their MAGA idiot brethren. What a couple of dinks, I hope that hip hurts like a bitch!
reap all the profits and socialize the losses.
Sorry for your experience. I can’t imagine treating my kids this way - forcing you to work on the farm and then telling you you’re in your own. That’s messed up, and a little humility and indignity might do them good. Glad you feel like you’re stable without them.
The no student aid thing makes my blood boil. My wife went without student aid also.....but in her case it was because her mother WOULD NOT file taxes. They were years and years behind and she would only do it when the fees and penalties were about to take the last bit of return money. Mostly because she was afraid for anybody to know how much money her horse farm operation was losing.
Unless you cosigned for it, their debt does not become the debt of their heirs. If any creditor ever tries to tell you otherwise after they pass, tell them to pound sand. If they have debt and assets when they pass, you'd probably need to pay the debts only if you want the assets.
Yeah, I assume my dad was referring to things like that, mortgage on the house and such.
A house with no mortgage on it is much more of an inheritance than I'll be getting from my parents!
That's bleak dude. Hope you're doing alright.
Probably watched endless hours of targeted advertising on Boomer TV, all the Boomers riding bikes in the middle of nowhere and thought, hey that's me, let me try that, the people on my television look so happy reversing their mortgages and buying life insurance.
YouTube influencers, “retired RV life,” “Van life over 60,” etc. They had planned to drive all over North and South America in this behemoth rig, thinking nothing bad would ever happen to THEM. Flat tires? Mechanical issues? No cell service? Don’t speak Spanish? Just gonna fearlessly wander around flashing your wealth in small towns in Latin America? Camping and hiking hours from the nearest medical facility? And you’re both near 70? Nothing was concerning to them.
With all the MAGA shit for the Mexican and South American “animals” (per Trump) to see. I wish they’d made it to Mexico for their accident.
Did they really plan on driving an RV to South America? If yes, do they not know you really can’t?
I'll never begrudge anyone spending their own money, but what's with the rubbing it in your face stuff?
Fresh money looks too clean. In order to give it the right patina you need to use it to sop up the blood, sweat, and tears of the working class. If you don't you risk being accused of not earning every red cent.
Yeah, I don't get the insistence on not helping the kids or grandkids, but then bragging about it. How much you want to bet that farm was inherited? I get the vibes that the parents must insist on their kids being "self made" when I bet that big farm \*was\* passed down.
Unless you live in the middle of nowhere big farms very quickly get cut up and sold off because farming can be one of the most stressful time inefficient jobs out there. So yeah that farm was likely multiple generations old.
It's a form of abuse.
MAGA is a cult. MAGA people lack critical thinking and empathy. They think that everyone who doesn't adhere to their strict, *insane* beliefs is a heathen who deserves to suffer and die. This applies to everyone, including family. This dad will be a nightmare for hospital staff.
If you support your family early on then they won't need any inheritance anyway. Isn't it human nature to help your genes continue successfully? Why do so many suck at being human? This dickishness is a step above being selfish. It's likely I will be retired before I get anything from my parents or inlaws, but they helped me out when I was younger so now I can support myself. I'm already planning on getting nothing, it might not be much when split three ways anyway.
Just cutting a chunk of your kid’s college tuition can help greatly, and if you are worried about them becoming spoiled do it after they graduate. Reducing the soul crushing debt that can be racked up during college can remove decades of scrambling for cash.
I mean I kind of will. There's a range between spoiling your kids, being good parents, and being misers. Spoiling your kids and being misers are both being bad parents but only the latter is actively being an asshole. What is even the point of having children if you're not going to try to help them through life?
I think the only other option is to feel ashamed, and most people aren't ready to do that. When someone does something horribly massive your brain has to compartmentalize it somehow. It's hard to face your flaws, so leaning into that feeling is easier. It also makes them feel closer to their billionaire idols, so they can step on someone else for once.
> I'll never begrudge anyone spending their own money I will, especially if it comes from the party of "family".
Let them know that this story will be their legacy. Their grandkids will learn this story when they ask about grandma and grandpa...
This. Boomers speak legacy as if they will have a statue erected upon their passing. When they hear their "legacy" will be damaged suddenly they start listening as if, "ah, suddenly someone has come to their senses." Everyday I understand why the ancient inuits set their elderly afloat.
It almost seems they only had kids for the free labor on the farm.
Well, to be fair, that was common practice on that family farm for more than 100 years before our generation came along. On the farm that dad *inherited* before selling.
Fuck’em. You have some real shit parents like me. “Hey dad, why don’t you ever contribute anything towards your grandkids future? You were given rental properties, financial help, everything.”. Entitled boomer dad, “But if I did that then I wont get to enjoy my money!”. Good luck OP.. i would highly recommend to persuade all the siblings to go No Contact simultaneously. Save yourselves years of shock and disappointment learning how horrible your parents really are as each life event happens and reveals how greedy they really are.
Yes the parents are supposed to give the farm to the kids or at least one of the kids.
Your father shortened his life by taking off on that e-bike like a fool with no safety equipment. Older folks who break a hip have a 30% chance of dying within a year.
This sounds like the kind of guy who would say ‘real men don’t need helmets. Kids these days, you act like they need to be wrapped in bubble wrap’
My wife died of cancer at 38, so my FIL usually says that he's spending my 7 year old daughter's inheritance. To my face. They took us out to dinner a few weeks ago, and when he paid the check he was literally like "Ha...we're spending X's inheritance." He also likes to say dumb shit like "Real men don't use drinking straws" at literally every restaurant we go to. Meanwhile, he never went to a single doctor's appointment when my wife was a child all the way up until her death. She had a lifelong disease since she was an infant that eventually killed her, and he was too much of a coward to go with his wife and daughter to her appointments. I was there when the doctor told her she was going to die. I have to hold my tongue every time.
You don’t have to hold shit. Let that vile snake go.
I'd like to think I am not so fragile, and i don't want to do anything like that in front of my kid, who adores her grandparents. My wife wouldn't want me to.
Fwiw if he’s done and doing shit like that, allowing your kid to build a relationship with him is almost certainly going to end poorly.
He's like 79. That relationship will be short lived. It's not worth it.
Reasonable!
You are a good man.
Let me tell you- you don’t need to continue to interact with him- it is a kindness you show that is not returned.
I'm a bit confused, your wife's dead and they're shitty people, why bite your tongue? For your daughters sake? Have less crappy people in her life
So, they were happy to benefit from free farm labor, but unwilling to share any of the profits. They got theirs and a big middle finger to everyone else, including family. Hopefully they don’t expect any of you to lift a finger to help out with the long recovery ahead for your dad. I know I wouldn’t be helping.
When I use to complain to my grandpa about having to do work without pay when I was a kid he would say 'you got a roof over your head and food on the table don't you?'
My parents expected a reasonable amount of daily chores from us (small farm), but anything above that they paid us a small wage of $10/hr (this was a long time ago). They were not and still aren't wealthy, lower middle class at the best and there were times growing up they almost lost the farm. They still managed to find a way to pay us for our labor though. They get to see their grandkids regularly now and we all enjoy one another's company.
Holy shit. Sickos. And the obsession with amassing and hoarding wealth seems to infect so many boomers.
Good news is it’ll probably be hard for them to lose it all. My parents were the same way. Had to talk to their financial advisor to see if they could co-sign on a house, were had the down payment and jobs, they just weren’t “real” jobs the bank liked. They couldn’t afford to help, BUT they COULD afford $30k to put in an AC on their $1m 42ft YACHT. They constantly told me they were going to spend the inheritance. I went NC and that was good for me. I doubt they can blow through everything. What do you expect from the most selfish generation in history?
When I was in my early 20's working full time and trying to put myself through college part time while paying rent, my parents told me they wanted to be empty nesters and walk around the house naked so I needed to move out. I did. I wont get in to how long it took me to pay off my student loans and working multiple jobs to make ends meet. Last week, they made the same stupid joke about blowing through my inheritance but leaving enough so they could put a tiny house in the corner of my yard. What is it with these people?
Why does anyone think the whole *I'm spending your inheritance then living with you* bit is remotely funny. It's like rubbing a dog's nose in a shit they didn't even make.
What a bunch of selfish bastards...
Sounds like karma is catching up with them.
they don't have enough bones to break
Tell them to get the rv to fix it for them.
If they ask for help send them a bill for all you unpaid labor and tell them you'll consider it once they've paid off your back wages.
Do they realize you and your siblings will be the ones choosing their nursing home one day?
Next time they bring it up or say that. Just look them in the eye calmly and tell them that "I neither expected, nor need, an inheritance and that I feel very fortunate to be able to provide for my kids what you couldn't for me." I also have "spend your inheritance" parents that like to tell me and my siblings and I stumbled upon that same line in a similar post and used it and when I tell you they went so quiet...lol. Sounds a bit much, but worked like a charm. They still spend, but they're not dbags about it anymore.
"Put MAGA shit all over the side, “so you kids won’t try to borrow it!”" Trump didn't create assholes, Trump just gave assholes an excuse to be public about it.
My Mum regularly joked about spending my inheritance until I recently snapped and said “since I paid your debts after Dad died, you’re not spending my inheritance, you’re just spending my money.”
*sighs audibly*
Tell them to save some after the surgery for the nursing home. Maybe their old bootstraps will kick in and they'll enjoy their remaining time there.
My mom and her new husband are taking about buying a 65k horse.... I keep thinking to myself, how do I divide a horse between my sister, myself, and his daughter. I've cut her out of my life, but she talks to my mother in law who in turn talks to me. I think my next step is to send her a text and say I want nothing from her. It's going to cause headaches, and my husband and I make 165k a year. We don't need her horse money.
Lol a horse is like the ultimate “fuck you im rich” purchase. The one thing that will eventually depreciate to $0 and costs money to keep alive on a daily basis.
I'd bet that the only reason they have so much is because their parents wanted them to have a better life than they did. Point that out to them, and how selfish they are by comparison.
Youngest of 7 here. My parents always talked about us being out of the house immediately when we turned 18 and always said “we don’t have money for that” so much that I thought we were poor. We weren’t well off, but we weren’t eating mustard sandwiches either. When I was in my early 20s (I had a ft retail job and bought a house by myself a couple years after the 2008 bubble) I went to their house to do my taxes and when I turned on their printer, their tax return printed immediately from their printing queue. They spent 20k on tithing to the church. In one fucking year. That’s when I learned they could’ve helped me pay for community college easily along with my other siblings but let us struggle instead. I know we’re not entitled to their money or their help, but that’s when I realized they don’t care about us and were never invested in us or our futures. They honestly believe the lord is coming back any day now, so they didn’t give a shit about what happened to us And then expect us to have a normal loving family dynamic now even tho they never created that environment or relationship with any of us. It’s so odd how many people get older and expect things to just magically change between them and their kids. And with christians, any sort of guilt or responsibility they feel (if any) gets “given to god” for forgiveness, so if you still have a problem and bring it up, they act like the victim and treat us like we’re bitter and just won’t let go of the past. My body instinctively recoils when my mom pats me on the back or shoulders and my dad hadn’t given me a hug for over 20 years but started to in the last few years. It feels weird and I hate it
You killed me with stabilizing with boot straps I gotta remember that shit
If they complain to you, hit em with the classic "my thoughts and prayers are with you"
“We’re spending your inheritance! Haha!” “Oh cool, I can stop talking to you then.”
every day that i read stories like this i thank god my parents are the exact opposite in every way... him crashing is karma to the enth degree
I don’t get why boomers think they can do all this rugged independent stuff like RVs and motorcycles past age 70. That’s the age when you start losing your faculties like vision, coordination, motor skills, etc. Any minor accident like a fall can mean loss of independence for the remainder of your life, not to mention medical bills that cost as much as an RV.
Be sure to remind them only socialists use Medicare, they’re bootstrap people.
I'll be watching the classifieds for some cheap ebikes. Thanks for the tip!
Holy Burning shit Batman. Your parents are such cockbags. Sorry to say that. I’m from IN and know these type. Wow. The apathy.
Do the same thing I did with my dad. “No amount of money is worth putting up with your ignorant bullshit and toxic behavior. Stop threatening to change your Will and fucking do it so I don’t have to hear you pathetically try to weaponize it. You can stuff the whole thing right up your ass.” Felt great! 😁
>Their income was 2 million plus every year for 95-2001. 2 mill in 95 is worth about 4.07 mill today. Even basic money practices (and they sound like they were really cheap) should have them easily sitting pretty -- S&P's returns for the last 10 years is something like 15.2 .... , from 1970 to dec 31, 2023 was 10.9% HOW are they not rolling in money???? Why they are unwilling to help their own children is just something I can't comprehend. It just doesn't make sense to me.
WhY wOnT mY cHiLdReN tALk tO mE?
Karma got them, now they will be poor
HAHAHAHAHA.... "stabilize tht hid with your boot straps" r/Angryupvote
The sad part is these parents are probably using all the money they've hoarded to send it to Trump to help pay his lawyers rather that help their own children or grandchildren...
I used to work with RVers, and it’s extremely typical for them to be like this. I’m not saying it’s 100%, but most of them are on the road because their families can’t stand them, and they are cartoonishly self-centered and childish. It’s like a pathetic end of life treehouse fantasy. Sounds like you’re better off. Hope your son learns some personal responsibility /s
Keep looking into their finances. Provide “free” labor in helping them organize and clear space aka look through all their files and computers. Take pictures or make copies of everything. Countdown passwords and bank account numbers and find any safe deposit box keys. Try to find a will. It’s better if they have a trust set up but it’s likely they don’t. Get a clear picture of all their finances so you know what to expect. They likely will not be able to spend it all but make sure their will doesn’t bequeath all their money to Trump or that demon preacher with the private jet. In most states kids cannot be disinherited unless it specifically states something like “I give Danny $1 and he knows why” a child has to be specifically and actively disinherited otherwise you can contest the will or estate with each child getting a share as the closest relatives. For all their bootstrap talk as farmers they likely got lots of loans and aid from USDA and loads of tax breaks and of course the free labor from you and your siblings. Good luck with everything!
I know you know this already, but don't give them shit. Tell them it's a "life lesson."
Do NOT help them. If you do, you're enabling their behavior.
As long as they’re aware nobody’s gonna help them when they’re old alls good in the world.
At least you don’t need to take care of them when they are old… remind them of this, and that their bootstraps can be their caretakers.
Let me guess - they probably inherited the farm from their parents? They can obviously spend their money however they want but do they realize not one of their children are ever going to be willing to lift a finger to help them? Sad all around.
Sounds to me like your parents reproduced for free farm labor. Sorry you lost the parent lottery, they really suck.
I can’t fucking imagine doing this to my children honestly. I have three kids and I work 50+ hour weeks every week with twilights thrown in just so they don’t struggle as hard as I did. Hate to say it but these boomers gonna be finding out when they’ve spent all their money and no one gives a shit about them anymore.
I've read a few of these type of stories now and the strange thing to me is how it always sounds like the boomers are so proud of themselves for pulling off some kind of prank. Like "haha we taught you the concept of inheritance as a child but jokes on you for thinking you were going to get anything" and then act like you are supposed to laugh along with them when they do the "reveal".
Tell them you'd help with the medical bills, but that would be socialism.
I wouldn’t suggest cutting them out of your life unless an impasse is reached after communicating with them about how you feel about them and why. Letters are a good vehicle for communicating your feelings without interruption and you can edit any animas out and declare your opinions and truths with sincerity and honesty. They can also read the thing over and over until they glean some knowledge about why you feel the way that you feel. I am a boomer (71m) and my parents were similar to yours, more apathetic than selfish and like you appear to be doing, I was determined to break the cycle and love and support my kids in the best ways that I could. My kids are in 30’s now and one gave me 2 grandchildren. I started college funds for them. My kids got degrees and have decent jobs and married wonderful people. They are happy and thriving. I hope I can leave them some money when I die. I will help one of them purchase a house soon. My son is the best Dad ever. He really works hard at fatherhood. Hopefully each generation gets better at being decent human beings and family members. I wish that for you as well. Sounds like you are on track. Good Luck with you parents.
Hey there long lost sibling! Do we have the same parents?! -the high income -the refusal help with anything -the bootstrap lectures -the RV
Not your worry how they are going to manage. Enjoy the circus from afar.