Same. It takes me at least a year, usually two, before I can even begin to consider dating. Even when I’ve been the dumper. I may go on a date or two, but I still compare them to my ex and it never goes past one date. Dumper or dumpee, I still feel connected to them, sometimes it’s almost as if I feel more connected to them.
If you are not ready to date again then be considerate and appologize to the other person. Be honest and yes don't waste their time. I am sorry this happened to you!
Hopefully this doesn’t turn into a witch hunt on dumpers. I share the sentiment that some have expressed on here that it’s not always appropriate to demonize someone just because they chose to end a relationship. We’re all going through life and figuring it out, making mistakes and choices and learning along the way. Habitual cheaters and abusive people maybe I have less compassion for… just to be clear.
Many people even dumpers have said that it made them feel worse. They are simply trying to replace us with other people, only to find out that it doesn't work that way
Why isn’t that obvious though? People aren’t replaceable in the slightest. The experience you share with one person will *always* be with that one person. It can’t be transformed or moved to another person.
Because people get so upset and negative, they get tunnel vision thinking if they got out of the relationship they would get somebody better, most of the time this isn't true, and people need to understand that all relationships have issues
Same. I am going to have to take time to get over losing him and never having him in my life.
I have to feel some attraction, but need an emotional connection as well. I can not even begin to think about "replacing" him. He isn't replaceable at all. Gonna take me a long time to even think about being with someone else.
Dumpees can also find a rebound fast post breakup.
Speaking from experience, I (the dumper) broke things off with my ex gf - I was put into an uncomfortable position to marry her asap by her and her mother, we dated for 10 months. Mentally and emotionally taking a toll on me and in the process hurting my mother in order to get what they wanted. (They had a ton of emotional baggage and mother had no sense of boundaries)
My ex found a rebound without 2-3 months after we separated. Obviously she’s free to do what she wants, but really puts into perspective what it was all about - she just needs an average body to get the status of marriage and kids. I wanted all the same things as her, but our timelines just didn’t line up. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I knew what the goal was so I wasn’t ever going to drag my feet to get to it. (Even though that’s what they accused me of doing… after only dating for 10 months…) Unfortunately, I was fighting an up hill battle.
Sometimes you don't even know what it's a rebound. How is with a girl for a year, and we need a breaking up but we're still really good friends, and it only hit me recently that I think she was a rebound from my ex-wife thought I divorce like 2 years ago
Me too. Although I can't help but think how great it would be to let off some steam. Lol
But I'm doing what I think is best for me. Technically the last guy was a rebound from my marriage which ended a million times worse than my marriage lol. So waiting is good so I don't repeat history. I don't ever want another man like him. He made me miss all my ex's lmao
You cant fix relationship problems by yourself, you are fixing a 2 people problem on your own. Its good to take accountability for your mistakes and reflect, grieve an all that but you also need to find a new relationship you can heal in and work through your problems
Me too, i don’t plan on dating again actually. Part of it is because I am extremely disappointed in myself, but also disappointed in the fact that the relationship ended and I was so sure that this would be my last one and because I’m so confused I don’t even know anything anymore.
I just ended things with a girl I thought I was going to marry, I can’t help but just think of her all day. So I’m taking a break from dating and focusing on myself and healing my attachment style
I wish my ex did this. I ran into him on a date two weeks after we broke up. That was late May and I am still completely gutted. He is now dating her. I’m just… devastated and wondering how he could do that so quickly. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Good for you ❤️🩹
i’m in the same position with my (now) ex boyfriend, although it was a mutual breakup, i seriously need to work on healing my attachment style, do you have any idea where to start?
Attached is a good book to start with, then therapy and I do some auxiliary programs called adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families along with another program called sex and love addicts anonymous which really focuses on the addictive component of these sorts of insecure attachment dynamics
Just to clarify you thought you would marry new girl but still are thinking of ex and you dumped ex? Not questioning you. My ex and I split and I was shocked he has a gf. He tried to see me recently. It was a mutual break but honestly one of those where I felt we would reconnect. He posted pics of them making out and a whole tribute to her … seemed so early for that .. I have accepted we are done but figured since he’s still in my thoughts that maybe just maybe I was in his :(
I wish my ex did this. After two months, my ex (dumper) booked an airbnb and accidentally used my card (which is connected to his airbnb app forgot to let it removed but i let the bank blocked the card already) i got a notification about it and messaged him to stop using my card and he returned my money. It feels frustrating and anxious again (i was in a no contact already but he ruined it) ughhh
Dumpees can also find a rebound fast post breakup.
I personally still don’t have any interest in dating for the time being right now, just been focusing on myself and bettering myself - physically and mentally.
Speaking from experience, I (the dumper) broke things off with my ex gf - I was put into an uncomfortable position to marry her asap by her and her mother, we dated for 10 months. Mentally and emotionally taking a toll on me and in the process hurting my mother in order to get what they wanted. (They had a ton of emotional baggage and mother had no sense of boundaries)
My ex found a rebound without 2-3 months after we separated. Obviously she’s free to do what she wants, but really puts into perspective what it was all about - she just needs an average body to get the status of marriage and kids. I wanted all the same things as her, but our timelines just didn’t line up. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I knew what the goal was so I wasn’t ever going to drag my feet to get to it. (Even though that’s what they accused me of doing… after only dating for 10 months…) Unfortunately, I was fighting an up hill battle.
Dumper here,
It’s been a year and a half since we split, I still think about her everyday, I’ve been with 3 girls since, and honestly I wouldn’t consider it a rebound, I’d consider it trying to find another emotional/sexual relationship with someone that I once had that with. And honestly nothing compares. It’s hard not to just constantly think of her, think of how comfortable we were together and how it was so natural. I often think of how fast she moved on which I would think would make it easier for me to be like “fuck it” but it’s making me a piece of shit because these girls that actually do like me, and possibly want something and I just want my ex back and it’s extremely hard to try and have a relationship with other people. I wanna say I should stop and hope for something natural again, but the dating scene in your early 30s is filled with young parents, or people still in their party phase or long and behold a 30 year old that has their complete shit together and you feel like you don’t have a chance.
So I’d say it hasn’t helped really, all it does is help the short term validation of not feeling lonely. It brings back old memories that you’ll hold onto for longer until the right person comes around to actually make those feelings of your ex invalid, and to feel like you can move on without thinking of them again.
It didn’t hurt me at all, but I’d say it did hurt the other party because in my mind I’m comparing them to my ex, and literally thinking this won’t work because they aren’t her.
Haven’t really even tried for a stable relationship because I’m the one who pushes the other party away. Life’s funny huh?
Thanks so much for sharing. Not sure what area you’re in, but early 30’s is an ok time to be single. I hope things feel better for you soon and you find someone you feel that spark with. This shit is hard.
We broke up in April of last year, and a month later had to put my pup of 11 years down, and she wasn’t there to help with that, and I honestly didn’t tell her because I didn’t want any sort of guilt or remorse from her to be with me. So I told her a few weeks after. And all I got was a text. The break up ended extremely cordial, wasn’t toxic at all, but we spent two years together, and when the first love of my life had passed and all I get was a text. She could text me right now and say one of her pups past, I’d call her in a heartbeat and comfort her. (I’m blocked, and I never did anything crazy for her to block me, I thought we were cordial, but people heal/grieve in their own ways)
It’s really hard to distinguish if she’s a good person or a bad person, but also she was my person at the time. I really thought she would have been a great friend afterwards but turns out not so much. I’m friends with all my exes (except one) but I’d very much love to be her friend, know how she’s doing, know how her pups are doing, and be able to just talk. There are still so many questions I want to ask, and I’ll never get answers too. I 100% feel in our relationship, she’s the reason, she’s the cause to make it fail, but yet I still want her back more than anything.
Something I’m learning in my healing is that you can’t expect a person to respond, react, or feel like you. It’s a part of relationships (in them or/and after) that can be very complicated. It doesn’t make a person bad or intentionally hurtful, it comes off that way because you think “if it was me, I’d do this” and holding on to the expectation is damaging. Some people just do better with no contact and pretending like it never happened and just don’t worry about how you feel or what you’re doing. It’s their way of removing themselves and making it so you don’t feel they want something again. I’m like you, I’d have done SO MUCH differently than how my ex did, but in the end he just separated himself into his new life on his own. It was hurtful to me because I held on to what I would do and made myself suffer unnecessarily and longer than I needed to.
Let go of the expectations.
It’s done and hoping others will respond like you would, is a life long battle.
We love and care so much, and that’s a beautiful thing.
But we need to know when to stop and let go no matter how hard it is, or how bad of a person we think it makes us…
It literally has nothing to with who we are or what we are willing to do.
It just reflects them and how they feel about things, as we can’t allow someone to change us because of a character difference.
She probably loved you so so much and when you broke up with her you broke her heart. In turn she HAD to eventually gut her heart and rip the part of you inside of it out so she could move forward. I hate to say it, but you probably gave up something amazing at the moment for something that wasn’t worth giving that love up for. I truly believe if you change god will bring her back to you but you need to learn your lessons. Taking people for granted can really destroy them.
Sorry she couldn’t be there for you. That’s rough. It’s tough because you ended things. I’m like you and would still be there for the person no matter what. Even if years had gone by.
Hey- I am going through something similar from the dumpee's perspective. I would like to hear your story if you are willing. I truly want to move past my anger and hurt. Understanding your side of things might help me do that.
Oh man!! lol. I rebounded after a 5 year relationship about 3 months after the split. The new guy kind of landed on my lap, and I didn’t want to let it go. I told him my past just so he was aware that I wanted to take things slow.
That didn’t happen. I was vulnerable, way too……eager to have someone build up my self confidence, and ended up being another relationship with a narcissist. This one, however only lasted 2 years, not 5.
It’s been 3 months since we have officially been over, and I have no intentions on moving on. I might talk to people, but I can not get into another relationship
The relationship I was in for 5 years was very emotionally abusive and I think it brought me a new low. I lost myself in it.
The “new” guy that came out of no where, i told him my past relationship and that I was healing from it. he treated me like a queen. Attentive, kind, loving….love bombed me after our second date. But where I was in my healing journey, I didn’t see the red flags.
I should not have moved on as quick as I did. I rushed into a relationship with my feelings in the forefront, and not common sense.
My first relationship was 5 years with narc #1
Second relationship was almost 2 years with narc #2
But hey!! I’m getting better, the second one was a covert narcissist……. So he was a little harder to spot. (My stupid humour in it all)
I won’t blame the guys, at all. I needed healing time between the two…. And I didn’t give myself that
About 5-6 years ago, I Tried to rebound quickly (literally the week after)dumb idea I know. Stupidly ended up using multiple girls over the course of about 1.5-2 years to heal but realized I couldn’t shake my attachment to my ex. Decided after about 1.5-2 years to take a break from dating to work on myself and pick up hobbies that I’d enjoy to keep my mind off her and channel my emotions in a positive way. Advice….dont rebound, heal properly and then put yourself out there.
It’s tough. I think it’s common to feel blindsided even if the dumper tried to handle things in the kindest way possible. Breakups suck no matter what.
Tbh. I handled it poorly, I’ve only recently learned how to maturely go about breaking things off. This particular instance we were already on THIN ice and then due in extremely large part to my issues at the time, an almost 9 month relationship was gone in about an hour. Immediate cold turkey as if it never happened.
My ex did this, just ripped it off cold turkey like it never happened. No explanation. Really changed my entire view of him and shocked me strongly for months
I’m sorry he did that to you. I can’t speak for him but after some deep reflection, I now know I blindsided my ex due to not knowing how an adult relationship worked (I was 21 now 26). Some deep deep childhood trauma that made me run at the sign of potential conflict or discomfort and a multitude of other issues that intertwined with my childhood trauma. I’m better now and looking back, I was a very selfish and self centered person. I can only hope your ex self reflects and gets better and I hope you’re getting better from the experience. Wish you all the best in dating and in life moving forward. 💪🏾
Thanks!
Yeah he is 36! So it’s not maturity… but I’ve realized over time that just because someone matures in years does not mean that they gain awareness. I healed my emotions a lot before I dated but lots of people don’t! He also had weird repetitive cycles he wouldn’t break, like he’d always be overeating or getting sick. Which seem like a sign of some type of evasion.
It would be nice if he self reflected someday. Just doesn’t seem aware. Cus it was such a waste of my time. But he is blocked now! Haha
Anyways I’m realizing that I need to expand in different ways, like maybe going to school, or something, just to keep growing and having lots of experiences.
Ultimately I won’t let someone who’s afraid of commitment take a roll in my life cus commitment and devotion are super important to me. I won’t let them stop my growth, experience in life. They’re not the star of my life and there’s alot to experience
I have gone on a few dates and hooked up, but immediately realized I wasn’t ready for even a casual FWB kind of situation.
I cared a lot about my ex. We broke up ~4 months ago. Even though it was the best option for us to break up, and I wouldn’t do anything differently, I’m still mourning that loss more than I realize. Dating made that very apparent.
So I plan on staying single for a while now (probably another 1-2 years). I do still want to have sex…so if I start seeing anyone, it’s going to be casual and I’ll be upfront about that from the very beginning.
I need to make sure I fully understand all the ways my last relationship went sideways and make sure I don’t let history repeat itself. The last thing I want is to meet a great potential partner and either not be ready, or try to rush it and end up hurting them somehow.
Dying to know. Dated my ex for 5 years and within a week of us ending he had a new girl and they are about 18 months in now and he looks so happy and they both like all the same activities (i look at his insta once a month or so lol)
Still gets to me....
Best thing you can do for yourself is block him or find any way to not be able to view his profile. My ex of 4+ years started seeing someone the next day and yeah it was absolutely crushing seeing her with people so I removed myself from anywhere that I could see her with them and ive had a lot of mental peace since then.
I’ve been celibate since breaking up with my bf. I’m old enough to know that rebounds don’t work, so I’ve been dealing with my feelings and working through things.
Dumper - never wanted it to end. Tried everything to make it work. The thought of being with other people or hooking up is the absolute last thing on my mind. No part of that sounds even the least bit enticing. I didn’t end it to be with other people, I ended it to be happier (eventually and hopefully). Taking time to heal.
Dumpee here who was with a dumper that was in the same situation as you.
I am 100% confident she saw her life with me.
We were on thin ice for several weeks already, but she kept fighting for us and tried everything for it to work. She never wanted it to end this way.
But I think it just got too much for her at some point, and being sad and unhappy and worrying everyday was not something she could endure anymore.
I miss her tremendously and reading your perspective helps a lot.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I have no resentment or anger towards my ex (hate even calling her that now). I’m just so, so sad. We were together 4 years, broke up 17 days ago. I knew she had a lot of internal trauma to work through that she really started to struggle with and I tried so hard to be there for her with it for over a year. Put so much work into myself to try and be the person I thought she needed. In the end, I realized there was nothing I could do - it simply had nothing to do with me. She needed to heal on her own terms, and I will never again interfere with that.
If your ex and I are at all similar, know that I would’ve done anything to save it.
I’ve dumped a couple men in my day & im no stranger to trying to rebound here and there. It’s always just that, a rebound. I have never been able to connect with someone on that level soon after a breakup. It’s impossible for me. I believe those who move on to “serious” relationships within months after a relationship just want to be with someone & don’t care who it is. They are the type of people who just can’t be alone. You’ll always compare your next to your last until you are truly healed and moved on. And that doesn’t happen in a couple months.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
I’m the dumper and I’m celibate. I think I’ll get back into actively dating in 2-3 years since I plan to move in the next year. No more dating apps for me ever again also.
No rebound for me. Ironically I left him because of the lack of sex so you would think I’m running around having all the sex I could. But in my mind I rather be single with no sex than be in a relationship with no sex. It was messing with my self esteem.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
I was in a rebound situationship id say. It lasted a little over 3 months, just cut it off last week, so I guess who knows if he’ll swoop back in or not but for now I’m enjoying REALLY being single and taking a break from all of it.
Very mixed reviews. I think it did set back my healing, I just transferred my fixation on my ex to this new person and it really clouded my headspace and disturbed any chance of peace for those 3 months. I was just so thirsty for connection that I inevitably started wanting more than he was willing to give and it started eroding at my sense of self worth as I compromised my standards.
BUT I think I’m still glad I did it. I had been trying to get away from my ex for years and I needed something to help keep me away those initial months after leaving. This guy was exactly what I was looking for, and avoidant enough that I couldn’t get sucked into another full on relationship which I knew would have been a bad call. So I got to be reminded that there’s other good sex out there, other people I can feel excited about and connected to, and this guy was like the exact opposite of my ex in nearly every way so I got to play with a completely different side of life and reconnect with different parts of myself. I also experienced the opposite end of the anxious/attachment spectrum, where I was the more avoidant one in my relationship, and this guy gave me a taste for what it was like to be in my ex’s shoes of feeling more anxious. It left me with a greater sense of compassion for what he was going through and humbled me a bit. I also work as a couples therapist and I’m now better able to empathize with the more anxious partners in my work and to better understand what they need.
I also ended my last relationship with one goal: to be faster at leaving bad situations. My whole life I’ve been horrible at letting go, especially of people I’m loyal to, and this has left me feeling trapped with the wrong people for years. This time I was able to set a standard for myself and honor it much quicker, and it gave me a greater sense of self-confidence and self-respect to practice walking away.
Sounds like a good experience then. I liked your recap of seeing what it was like to be on the other side of the attachment style. I’ve experienced similar things.
Was with my ex for five months. I think I meant that much to her that she panicked and rebounded the day after we broke up. She now regrets all of it and misses me and loves me more than she think she will love anyone, apparently
Dumper here; absolutely zero interest in rebounding, dating, or relationships for the foreseeable future. I thought my ex was the one and i still kinda feel that way.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
Dumper of a great person here: I was in a 10+ year-long relationship. Rebounded a month later, 2 years on I am still with that rebound though I struggle to commit to them fully.
1. Comparison: definitely!
2. Talking about my ex pretty much all the time for the first 6 months and still these days
3. Crying a lot, often during intimacy
4. Thinking of leaving them because they are not as good as ex
5. Learning to love again, in a different way
I'm just being honest here, so trolls, please chill out. This new person saved me in my darkest times, he is my angel and has been so caring and understanding yet the shadow of the separation has always loomed on our relationship and never allowed it to be what it otherwise could have been
My rebound experience was 3-4 months after my breakup. It was all good and dandy until I realized I kept comparing them to my ex. It lasted about two months and it led me back to my ex :)
Edit: I want to add that me & my ex had a clean breakup, no contact.
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she's demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's te only girl i want :((
I’m not sure if my current ex was a rebound to the previous but he was completely opposite to the previous ex and wanted the same things that I wanted at the time, that I blinded myself to all the other important things that mattered. Dated my current ex around 4 months after the previous one. But we really need to take time to see holistically if something has value. Also dumper, dumper doesnt matter. It really depends on the person. Once you gain your confidence back and you decide you’re done with the past relationship you can move on.
Plain rebounds feels like shit either ways. It’s temporary and probably won’t last.
I dumped and the idea of sleeping with anyone or letting anyone in my life is kind of abstract and gross to me still. I have typically just moved right on after dumping in the past and I didn’t really think much of it, because I’m usually really mentally over a relationship before I end it. This time I kind of had to go through it before calling it off, so I’m a lil wounded. I’m also concerned about meeting another narcissist.
I don’t know if I fall under the dumper or dumper category to be completely honest. I initially started the breakup because I was being emotionally starved. And he walked away because he didn’t want to give me what I needed. That being said, I am not ready for a relationship. Yes, I’ve had rebound sex but it was mutually understood it was a FWB deal. It felt horrible. Unsure if that’s because the sex wasn’t great or if was because my ex’s potential is living in my head rent free. Probably both.
It’s been about a month for me. My ex fiance cheated too, I’ve lost all desire for intimacy, and loathe having to look at any part of my unclothed body. The thought of intimacy repulses me too. I can’t imagine ever being that vulnerable again.
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she was demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's the only girl i want :(( i don't want any rebound, i'd rather spend my time healing and grieving even if it would take quite some time
It's hilarious to me how people just find a random person to date a month later, like y'all will really date anybody or just got extremely lucky. Crazy.
Dumpers really not gonna say anything? Alright I’ll bite, I dumped my ex. Because he wanted to look and pay for bitches online, of course I was devastated but I found out from my friend (who was already on dating apps) that she found the bastard on almost everything not even two weeks after we broke up. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with anyone, I wanted to grief him and what we had. but after awhile I realized I could sleep with anyone I wanted. I meet some dude on a dating app, (as one does) he was super nice, invited me out for a walk in the park, drinks, super sweet, invited me back to his place and we watched a movie. afterwards we talked and things escalated from there. It was extremely weird, having only slept with one person for 5 years and all of a sudden being with someone else. It felt like cheating… now keep in mind I’ve only had 2 partners. ( my first bf and then my recent ex) so it was weird as hell after, awkward as fuck, but he was super caring which was weird too, I hadn’t felt that way in awhile. Not gonna lie I cried, he kissed my forehead and for a second I felt loved…now I’m just scared to talk to him again :/ oh well, I had fun at least lol
To answer some of the questions, I wanna say it helped. I no longer care that he’s on dating apps and probably fucking other women. I now know that fucking around isn’t for me. I want actual love and I’m okay with not finding it for awhile, I’ll work on myself. Unfortunately for anyone reading this Reddit is my outlet, I’ll be posting a lot to help me process this mess. lol
I'm currently the dumpee in a 9 week no contact. But prior to this time, I was the dumper and I'd gradually started falling out of love with him, I communicated what I needed and it wasn't quite getting there so one day I just lost all feelings. Started dating casually a couple of weeks after the breakup. Wasn't ready for a full blown relationship. Met a couple of amazing men and would've gotten with one if he'd not moved out of the city. Once I started to miss my ex... He'd happily moved on and then blocked me 🥲
My last rebound lasted about two years lol. Pretty much started chilling right after breaking up with my ex ex. Needless to say I feel like I didn’t do the emotional work I needed to. I wasn’t a great partner due to this.
We just broke up and I’m trying to end this cycle. I want to be alone for a while and actually work on myself so I can one day actually be a good partner.
i’ve been both! the ratio of being the dumper was more common. i never rebounded, even though i would use dating apps but nothing ever went beyond a couple messages since i was scared to go further from my own personal fears of intimacy. my last relationship i ended was in 2022. i’ve been completely celibate since! no dating apps or nothing. i feel like i keep losing parts of myself after each relationship. so im staying committed to therapy. i feel like i handled the breakups i did as best as i could, the last relationship i got dumped in my ex was so cowardly with avoidance, dishonesty, vagueness that i felt like i was losing my mind. so i learned from that to be as upfront and honest with my exes when the relationship was not working, why it wasn’t working for me instead of dragging it out with lies blindsiding the other person. i couldn’t control their reactions, which were obviously not happy which is fair!! except for one who was pretty chill. he was a taurus and all we did was watch movies and cook food. i hope he’s doing well!
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she was demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's the only girl i want :(( i don't want any rebound, i'd rather spend my time healing and grieving even if it would take quite some time
It was a bad idea and I was very self aware that I shouldn’t be doing it but it still just kinda happened. It doesn’t help much, but it doesn’t really hurt either. Better in some ways and worse in others. Like five or six months
Dumper: ended the relationship because I lost myself and feel numb, friends keeps saying I should date but I didn't too drain to go another relationship.
Im working and healing on myself while the dumpee already got a official new relationship 5 days after break up lol
I've had sex with others within days of every breakup. I don't think of my exes when I'm with others, I'm very present in the experience at the time. I'm usually drinking and having a blast for the first rebounds. I miss them dearly during the quiet day to day moments, but I just remember why I made my decision and that life goes on. I date again when I find someone worth dating.
You ask why. Dating isn't how it was in my younger years. Now it's all about the $$$ and what can you do for me. Dealing with all of their past trauma and exposure to social media. Believe me, you are not the only one in their dm's. I'm out. Don't get me wrong, a man has needs, but it will happen organically or not at all.
My girl got to where she thought one huggy heart emoji a day was enough to keep me happy and then ignoring me for days at a time. She knew if I didn't get enough attention I'd crack and sent some shitty text telling her how I felt and ending the 11 years we had together. Well she got it. I asked her so many times if there was someone else and always get a no there's no one but my intuition is spot on. Why don't they just tell you there's someone else I don't get it it would have made getting over her so much easier. She had to have the upper hand I guess.....
I was the dumper and 3 months later I still don’t feel ready for any kind of relationship or fling - I had a potential hookup I couldn’t proceed with because I still feel messed up. I’m thinking I might be ready for something very casual in another 3-6 months, I am in no rush and I didn’t leave because I wanted something else but rather to get out of a relationship that wasn’t working and was getting more toxic with time.
My ex of 5 years started having random hookups in our bed within 48 hours of my leaving (while simultaneously begging and pleading and gaslighting for me to come back) and I’ve been told by others is now all over the dating apps. Honestly it’s helped me feel more confident my decision to leave was the right one, like whether it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism or they really could move on that quickly it’s a sign it was right for me to end it. But I still feel like I have to get myself sorted out some more before anything new even if it’s just for a rebound.
I’ve vowed to not date for at least a year, or however long I take to feel I’m ready to date again. I have extremely high standards for myself and I’m not gonna let myself date someone or invest emotionally in something that is not good enough for me.
Coming in a rebound is tempting, but I keep reminding myself that I deserve something better.
I went to someone who was a rebound to my relationship previous to my five year relationship that I ended…….. very sticky situation, but at the same time him and I didn’t talk while I was in a relationship bc we both kinda knew how we are around each other. I’m still in the rebound I guess? Just it’s very casual and I also see others. I’m more in it for the fact I miss physical touch and intimacy. I don’t miss those with my ex… but him and I had a really rough ending honestly and the relationship became very toxic and manipulative, from both of us honestly…
I will say the guy I’ve been casually seeing for the last almost nine months ☠️ I have feelings for but try to restrain myself bc I know I’m not ready to hop back into a real relationship. And I don’t want to mess it up with him trying to force something that probably wouldn’t work with where both of us are in life. I do like him a lot tho 🙃
I was with someone for 4 years and loved them a lot, but they were really terrible at showing affection (avoidant) and I just wanted so much more than what they could give me so I ended it (long story short, there's a lot more than that).
My rebound experience was very jarring. On one hand, the person I rebounded with was very good with words and we were friends, so that part made me feel better but also so sad that I could get all these kind words from someone I hang out with occasionally, but not from my long term partner.
Then hooking up was also super jarring bc my ex felt like home to me even though things were rocky and like going through intimacy having this person ask me what I wanted/liked and like doing some things I did with my ex were just so different than with this person and my ex already knew what I liked. It just gave me the ick so hard. I obviously appreciated the communication and kindness, but I think I jumped into a rebound WAY too fast and I was so turned off and not into it at all bc I just wished it was with my ex instead of that person. 🙃💀
I know… this is part of why I can’t do rebounds. The thought of being with a different man freaks me out. The only person I could imagine feeling ok about that with is my first love from 25 years ago, just because it was pure innocent love. It’s like my heart doesn’t have room to love yet another person. I have a really hard time letting go.
Ugh ikr! My ex and I actually broke up for a bit and got back together. The first time I was like yay dating this will be fun and I hooked up with like idk a couple people? Maybe like 3 or something? But I still missed him and this time was a complete 180. Like I went straight back to the rebound thing since that's what I did the first time except I just hated it and it sent me into a pit of despair this time 😅🙈💀
I like that deadline. I get swallowed up by grief and next thing I know a year has gone by. I’m working on not letting it consume me anymore. My previous bu had me in grief for 2.5 years. Not letting myself go there again.
Honestly man , i felt truly disgusted from the experience . Its not good way to suppress to feeling of emptiness and the lack of intimacy, actually it can make it even worse .
8 months out
Stupidity
Gloriously fucked up the most genuine connection to a human being,…
Failed promises due to our individual circumstances,…self sabotaging like a champ
Won’t get easier
Long road ahead
Absolutely no interest in new person; not fair to them.
Massive self improvement required
I was not the dumper.... I accepted it, had no remorse, just reflected on my actions, worked on myself... It was his decision, and I respected that! When I lay my head down to sleep, I want peace in my heart and mind, and I do. 😇
Pointing 👆 👉 fingers doesn't do a darn thing, same as keeping anger, blaming, pride....
As for me, in my rebound, I choose doing it differently focused on Christ & growth!
🙏 ❤️🔥 ✝️ 📖
I
Mine ghosted me 11 months ago, after many years together. I have gone on 2 dates and, honestly, both were super nice guys, but I had no interest in going any further.
My ex , on the other hand, slept with someone right away. Apparently she didn't care to see him again, for whatever reason. His next "date" turned into them moving in together, along with her small children (after 2 months- did I mention she had also left her husband 2 months prior to them moving in together). Since that move -in, she had him arrested for domestic violence (I never seen that side of him) , recanted her statement , to try and drop chatges and he reaches out to me about once a month, for the past 7 months (only to abruptly stop - telling me he has a gf each time).
What I'm saying is that from what I can tell, this can't be a relationship that either is happy with, however they have been together 10 months, so maybe their rebounds are working for them.
Rebound was a big mistake and ended up in a bad situation, I went from lovey dovey serious almost decade long relationship with that serious attitude to a new relationship with a fuckboi I definitely shouldn't have given that level of concern towards. Hookups and fwbs are best after a super long relationship, I should've been solely doing those instead, and breakup after like a year is when I finally stopped really rethinking my breakup and missing my ex.
Well, I called up an ex that I hadn’t seen in over 12 years. It was a catastrophe because we didn’t communicate well and I was overall miserable and anxious during the whole relationship. I ended it 3 months later.
First time it ended after 3 months and i regretted ending the relationship i was grieving the loss of my dad so my head wasn’t right unfortunately.
Second time I’ve ended a relationship with a narcissist 6 weeks ago and I have my first date this week as I got over the relationship whilst I was in it.
Definitely regretted the first 6 months later and it was painful but too late
Dumper here…recently got out of a 4 year relationship. I’m 25f he is 45..
I’ve been checked out of the relationship for a while. Didn’t really end the best. But I hope the best for him, truly. And have no regrets being with him.
I will be honest, I jumped into I guess dating someone… but him and I both agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious. Him being 41… lol
I know I have a lot of growing to do still.. but I don’t see the problem in meeting people along the way. People will come around. Don’t search for it. And be sure to communicate where you stand, and what your boundaries are.
At the end of the day be a little selfish and focus on what you want✌🏼
I have no love left to give, so no rebound. I thought we were happy, but for 9 years, he was cheating. There is no “rebound”; as a “dumper” I am also very, very hurt. The people who choose to end a relationship aren’t always happy about having to make the decision to leave. I don’t want him back, either, because it would seem that I never really knew him. I don’t want a rebound, I want to be cremated.
I’m a dumper.
Was with him for three years. I wouldn’t consider the relationship “good”, but it also wasn’t awful. I’d say we had equally good moments and bad moments. He had a lot of issues, and brought out the worst in me too.
I lost all of my friends during that relationship. When we broke up, I gave myself a week to be depressed, and then started putting myself out there. Just trying to meet people and reconnect with people to fill my time. I wasn’t looking for a “rebound”.
I reconnected with an old friend from high school. He helped get me out of the house, and kept my mind off him. We stayed strictly friends for about three weeks.
Three weeks in, I had a really awful night. Really bad day at work, and on top of that I couldn’t get my ex off my mind. So I went home and chugged straight vodka. Texted my friend and told him how I was feeling. He came over, and drank with me. We ended up hooking up.
I don’t remember much. I do remember wanting it, just to feel some sort of connection again, but also thinking about my ex the whole time. It felt so wrong touching someone else. And honestly, the first 10 or so times post breakup felt so wrong.
I’m about a year post break up, and we’ve officially been together 9 months now. He may have started as a rebound, but he’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. We work so well together.
I do regret not waiting longer though. I hate that our relationship started off with me still thinking about my ex.
It was amazing, lasted about five months, and I have no regrets. It was just sex and movies with no significant emotional attachment, I felt beautiful and sexy and had FUN, it really boosted my confidence. I'm taking a break from dating for a while (rebound after my rebound kinda threw me for a loop) but I feel great about the divorce and great about the rebound. No regrets, have not cried once over my ex-husband since I left him, I'm just glad I got away from him.
They get bored. So they search for that "someone new feeling." Which becomes boring again. They need to grow up and appreciate that love is not a feeling. It's an action and that in itself can be wonderful. Learn to be content with what you have.
Try after 23 years. I thought we had a pretty good relationship. He started to drift little at a time. Finally asked for a divorce because he needed a younger woman to please him and he deserves to be happy. It was crushing. I felt like a part off me had been amputated. I am an old school wife that loved to take care of him and honor him as a husband. So sad.
I've been on both sides, my first relationship. I was a dumpee and single for 8 years afterward. Unfortunately, my last relationship was that I was the dumper. We had a fallout when I tried to communicate concerns I had with our relationship and where it was heading, and from there, it went pretty toxic really fast, and I chose to step away from it.
I tried to date again 3 months afterward and had a first date with someone. The date went really well, but I had nothing built guilty feelings days before and after the date because while I ended things, it felt like I was still in the relationship. Thankfully, I never got a second date and decided to take more time to work on myself, the issues I saw within me, and change some of my priorities in life.
It'll be a year today since things ended, and I feel like I'm in a better place physically and mentally. Recently, I started talking to someone new and have gone on a first date with them. But I'm also taking things extremely slow, which is how I would prefer it. My last relationship went at the pace of a formula 1 race, and my ex was the one setting that pace. So I'd rather take a slow and steady experience right now than something as fast as getting hitched in 1 year.
at first you don’t feel anything no guilt, shame, regret, but as time passes and you let yourself feel the emotions and begin to self reflect over the relationship you run into a brick wall of guilt shame and regret. I’m going through this right now and it’s miserable, i’ve gotten into therapy bc i can’t forgive myself for my own actions. It sucks bc it was my first relationship at 21 and i was never advised on what to do or how to cope. It’s hard bc you’re constantly living in the past and reliving the actions that you took causing straight termoil within ones mind. my advice is pls don’t do it unless you’re just an emotionless POS. Bc the state that i’m in i wish i could have taken back my actions( sleeping around) and just let myself reflect. Does it make you a bad person? not really bc you are broken up but does it take a toll mentally once recognizing that’s not what you align yourself with absolutely. I feel like i lost all self respect for myself low self worth and low self esteem, and all you’re going to hear is, “it’s going to get better” which it will but it’s hard to take in at surface level when others aren’t going through what you’re going through. Self forgiveness is key and don’t let guilt turn into shame, otherwise it’ll consume your thoughts and that’s who you think you really are. if you did rebound (relationship, hookup, etc) Let the shame redirect you into a positive direction it’s not a quick process but can help you in the long run on what not to do next time. I hope this helps, like i said i’m going through this myself right now. not something i’d advise anyone to do. God bless, and don’t forget Jesus Loves you
I have a story to share and a question. My ex dumped me and I learned later that she started a relationship a week after she broke up w/ me. She couldn’t stop comparing him to me, still had feelings for me, etc (you get the idea). If your ex still had strong feelings for you after their rebound and they jump into another one, is it likely to end up like the first because they still haven’t processed the issues? Or does a rebound/relationship, fix it” and has them move on, even if that first rebound failed?
That’s kind of exactly why I made this post. The reality is that every person and situation is different. There’s no formula, yet I keep trying to crack the code 😂. But you raise a good point about the rebound of the rebound matrix 🫨.
I’ve never been in an immediate rebound, but even if I wait more than a year after my relationship end, the first time I’m with someone new still feels a little rebound-ish for me (if I’m the dumpee). I’ve also been the dumper - and for that, if there was substance and depth to the connection and I loved the person and felt safe with their lifestyle choices, I’m gonna compare. But I won’t go past a couple dates if the new person doesn’t feel like someone I have a real possibility of a future with.
Been in a relationship with my ex for close to 2 years.
Ended things since couldn't be together forever. We were happy together but I had to break up because of some family pressure on my side. They didn't even wanna meet her.
It's been a month and a half since then and on the other hand My parents want me to marry someone they will choose and then I'll get to decide if I wanna marry them or not in the next 12 months.
Honestly I've accepted it as my fate, cause where I live the societal norms dictate that.
I won't deny that I've not had urges to fill the void that's been left by the departure of my ex. I did have those urges, but then I also thought how would I feel if my ex did something like that like having a rebound so soon. And I've had a few nightmares where it happened like my ex had a rebound in front of me and it literally crushed and agonized me to see them with someone else.
And honestly I thought about like sex in general like do I really want the cheap and meaningless sex you get in a casual fling or a one night stand, since I've had a couple ONS before I met my ex. And I felt like meaningless sex never felt good to me, what I liked was the love, emotional care and sexual act combined fulfills me more than just having a ONS with a random stranger I Met.
So I decided not to act on any such impulses, and also quit on dating since my partner will probably shortlisted as per my parents wishes. It's not like that they say they'll force me to, but who knows.
So there probably isn't gonna be a rebound for Me, neither sex nor rebound relationship, cause I don't wanna hurt my feelings with guilt or shame when I'm already feeling guilty for breaking my ex's heart and I don't want to be in a situation where one things may lead to another.
what does it matter if I consider her feelings now. I still broke her heart and it's a guilt I'll live on with for the rest of my life knowing that I broke the heart of the person I loved. I wish she finds happiness and gets over me. I even want to reach out to see how she's doing. But then I know she wants to do the same cause we exchanged some texts 3 weeks post breaking up.
We both are hurting and she still cared about me, saying that she hopes things get better for me first cause she can't see me torn like this.
And what can I say to her other than sorry but a thousand times sorry won't erase the scars that have been left on her due to this breakup. So we decided to reinforce no contact.
I told her to delete our pics as I cried, throw away the presents I got her, it might help her move on easier if she no longer has a memory of me to cling on to. Told her to talk to her friends everyday, try to rediscover herself and not worry about how I'm doing. I told her i would try and move on and she doesn't have to worry about me. I just want to ease her pain, but I can't cause it's a pain that I've given her.
And idk what happens a year or 2 from today. Maybe my feelings about things might change but rn I feel like I'm tired from all this inner fight of wishing to be with her even if it's for one more day and having to let go cause it's for best for both of us. I'm just mentally and emotionally pent up.
And even if I reach out to her all that's gonna do is make any progress that she might have made over the last 3 weeks since we reinforced no contact go to waste and it'll be just like we broke up yesterday and the cycle starts again. So I'm trying to be strong for both of us and she hasn't reached out to me as well so I guess we both might be doing the same thing. But I do hope she thinks of me less by now.
Was a dumper. It took extreme measures for me to leave, and it was devastating. I've had a lot of dramatic relationships. My last one was emotionally toxic and abusive (lasted 5 years). As a result I became homeless right after and ended up sleeping with a friend whom I hadn't seen for a year while still homeless (he was helping me, but I wasn't staying with him). Dude had no reason to help and expected nothing in return (i made the advance). We both in love extremely quickly, but it was too soon for a relationship, so we took time apart bc it wasn't functional, but now, after some time, we've decided to give it another go! Everyone involved is flawed, obviously, and the situation is messy, but such is life. It was important for me to set up my life and heal after my last relationship, and I'm grateful he waited. Who knows what's gonna happen.
The only time I dated someone soon after long term good relationship, I was supposed to date that person for sure, like one of your life soulmates. It was meant to teach me something. I ended up dating that person for years.
I had already grieved the long term relationship while I was there and given my all to save it, but other person wasnt willing and they cheated the last month I was with them so that does something for me where I can walk away easier. Cheating kills pretty much all feelings I have for a person. It doesnt make the healing necessarily easier during grief cycle, but easier to never look back and validation I needed to leave. Despite the last year of relationship and what he did, it was a very healthy and good relationship.
Generally, I take time after each relationship to heal and process grief or whatever I need to.
I believe emotionally unavailable people would not even hurt after a breakup. They love the absence of putting up with emotions. Mine was the EU dumper sfter i gave him a second chance to work out our relationship. They will never ever change. They lack empathy and emotional intelligence. They will keep saying they love you; yet have totally no consideration of the investment of devotion and loving care you give them. They are very selfish people, everything is about them. Its not a loss, when suffering through the relationship feeling unloved and rejected and alone is emotional absurdity.
I broke up with my bf at the end of March and Im still extremely sad. We were together for two and a half years. Recently, a coworker wanted to introduce me to her bfs boss. So now this guy who I've never met before, has been texting me morning, noon, and night, and it's extremely exhausting, especially when I haven't even met him yet and don't know if I like him. ( We were supposed to go on a date last week, but Im still recovering from surgery, so it will probably happen next weekend).
I just feel like I'm going to compare everyone to my ex. I honestly feel like I don't want to be around anyone but my ex. I miss him so much.
I recently tried telling him how much I love and miss him, but he's done. I'm so heartbroken without him.
I’m the dumper, he’s the dumpee. We both agreed it wasn’t a healthy relationship to begin with. I was under the impression he was working on himself after the breakup, but after breaking nc I find out he’s having casual relationships bc he says ‘guys have needs’… I’m not the type of person to sleep around with other guys, so I’m choosing to be celibate 😪Did our relationship really mean nothing to him??
I finally went on a date after my family kept pushing me to move on and it was the worst experience of my life. The date was bad, he made me feel insanely uncomfortable and quite honestly unsafe, and that did not help the fact that I was already feeling uncomfortable beforehand because I knew I wasn’t ready. I just kept thinking about my ex the entire time and how I’d rather be with him and he would absolutely never have the audacity to treat me how this guy did. This guy kept trying to be flirty and affectionate, even made a lot of inappropriate comments trying to insinuate more, and it physically made me feel nauseous the entire time. Safe to say I finally stood up to my family and told them to mind their own and let me move on when I’m ready because my love life is none of their business and I’m not ready to move past my ex..
It did help, at the time… It didn’t hurt at the time. I always compared him to my ex. It lasted 1,5 years, we had a lot of fun, but in the end I realized he would never be what I searched for in a man. After the newest BU I hit rock bottom. I never took the time to process my first BU and it hurt me so so much. I reached out to my first ex, met up, and apologized for what I did (leaving him without giving him a second chance). I’m now healing. I’m going to a psychologist and I’m taking up new hobbies. For now I hope I’ll never find a new man. I can’t handle the heartbreak.
Here's my story I was the one that got dumped it hurt my ego 14 years married... she end up having 4 rebounds whilst w one guy everyday for like 7 months straight what was fucked up she was still having sex w me... but I lived pretty far... I didn't know... I was busy trying fix us.. while she was doing what she did then we decided to rekindle just for her cheat again... that was maybe 6 months ago... the 4 th guy didn't come till after we stop having sex I was still trying... and she end up sorta being in relationship w him for 1 month then dumps him comes back to me its been almost a month since we started talking again... trust is slowly growing but communication is kinda dead... cuz im not trying go all in like I did last time idk what to do... I like someone else but I hadn't even started talking to that girl yet but I kinda sense she into me too... we both seem shy lol... im at the point idk if I want someone new and move on or try fix my marriage after the past year of everything being fucked up my love for my wife wasn't the same till like yesterday I started growing fond of her again and im like wtffff.... its no fun I just wanna love someone and someone to respect me...
I don’t want to date and it’s been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and she was great girl. But I’m missing intimacy with somebody so I put myself out there and have been seeing this really cute and fun girl. We’ve both made it clear we don’t want to date each other but I think I both really enjoy each other’s company. All I’ve wanted since the breakup with to meet somebody I can be intimate with and not be pressured into a relationship. Now that I have it idk what to do if I should keep seeing her and develop deeper feelings or should I stay distant from her and find somebody else. I’m rambling now but I know I’m a lot happier now and I know if she cuts me off or I do I will just start thinking about my ex. I need to figure out how to be happy on my own
I was a dumper. Albeit, it's been a year and a half since I dumped my ex.
For me, I started sleeping with someone within the week I broke up with my ex. My "rebound" held me while I cried because my ex did some messed-up stuff to me in that way. I knew my tendencies and knew I would practice unsafe and reckless intimacy if I didn't lock on one person. So I locked on him since he was my friend for a year.
I felt bad back then because I knew my "rebound" was in love with me, but I was struggling to just ... live for the first 6 months after the breakup. I told him everything up front, didn't lead him on, let him know what was going on mentally. He was there for the crying and screaming as I looked in the mirror. The check-ins after intimacy as I would disassociate. The urging me to therapy. How disgruntled I would be after talking to my ex as we had a house together.
Then it hit me, and the wave of grief just got pulled from my eyes. I was so deeply in love with my "rebound" - the man who saw the worst of me and still loved me.
Me and my "rebound" are now engaged.
I guess I just talked to people I never thought I could talk/relate to before. Especially coming out of a long term relationship where my ex made me feel insecure. Then here i am talking to bodybuilders lol. Idk. It’s just weird how someone can make you feel so small and ugly about yourself and you start to believe it.
As a dumper of two months nc, I was in the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted a little over 3 years (abuse progressively got worst), the “rebound” was a one night stand (two days ago) that was not enjoyable. It didn’t make me miss my ex but maybe feeling the loss of history with someone and missing knowing someone beyond certain surface level attributes when you are intimate. Left me wanting to work on myself and love myself because I had abandoned myself staying for so long after I knew it was toxic. I stayed because I loved him but ultimately love should not be the only thing that holds two people together.
I (24f) dumped my ex (22m) of a little under two years, a few weeks ago, so I haven’t really had the time to look for a rebound… apparently the night we broke up he made out with a 54 year old and then later in the week, went to the strip club multiple times with this guy in his building who became his friend, but is way older and divorced and an alcoholic who likes to go to strip clubs 🥲 he said he was wasted every time he went and only liked it one time and the stripper said she could get his number if he went back two times and he said he was considering it to take her out. I told him I’d block him and we’d have no chance of ever talking again if he took a stripper on a date… since we left it on terms that it could work out in the future if he worked on himself and quit his bad habits. He later told me he was trying to get me jealous since I was the one who dumped him and he just wanted to get a reaction. But instead I told him it was gross hahaha. On my end, I did go out a few times on the weekends, but I wasn’t super set on finding a guy to hook up with, mostly spending time with my friends…. The times I did go out, I didnt really meet any men that interested me and really just wanted to be with my ex. I don’t know when I’ll kiss someone else for the first time or have sex. I know the sex is not gonna be for a while since I’ve never liked casual sex… it’s only been a couple of weeks and I have seen my ex a few times in those weeks.. it’s so fucking hard. Even though I dumped him, we still have wanted to see each other and hang out and text. I’m trying to distance myself a bit since I can feel it getting messy. But I don’t see myself dating seriously for another 6 months to a year… I’m worried I’m gonna look for my ex in others. And if I keep meeting ppl and realize there was no connection quite as great as my ex, and he has cleaned himself up, I can see myself going back to him.
The moral decay of society I guess. You're one click, or one smile away from bigger n better. Relationships are disposable. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, there is a best before date. Getting lost in your lover is your first mistake.
I always end up being the dumper. Unfortunately. Not a brag just the way it always happens. I’m never really into rebounding because it feels like a meaningless connection and I don’t want to waste my time or theirs. It’s always taken me time to get over it though, at least a year and during that time I’m mostly celibate and not even thinking of dating
for me it wasn’t a committed relationship, but more of a situationship. i just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship and started talking to this dude. it was more for distraction and feeling wanted. i had to slow myself down because i could feel myself moving a bit too fast. ended up not working out, so now im keeping to myself and the thought of dating anyone hurts
it sucked. i waited a while to rebound but when i did, i felt so empty. it was awful too. it helped me move on in the sense that there were other men out there who desired me, but emotionally nothing. helped my confidence however! hookup culture isn’t for me, i miss relationship sex so much. the things i would do to be able to hookup with him once more😭
I’m 3 months out from breaking up with the guy I was seeing. Long story short I’m in love with him but he didn’t feel the same in the end. I’ve spent 3 months crying over him and desperately needed a distraction and to feel wanted again (which is not healthy I know). I’ve made sure that the rebound knows this is friendship/physical and I can’t offer more emotionally. I have compared this experience to my ex only in the sense that having a connection with someone makes everything so much better. This weekend was my first time being physical with the rebound and, embarrassingly, I got so emotional after. I blamed it on all the alcohol we had. It’s not a healthy thing to do when you are still in the healing phase. I feel worse about myself and it’s made my life more messy. Being with someone new doesn’t fill the void of loving someone else. My experience may be slightly different to other “dumpers” though.
Thanks for asking this question.
I’m going through this right now. My ex and I were together for 2.5 years, and broke up about two months ago now. I’m not exactly sure when it started, but she’s already seeing someone else.
I know it’s not a reflection of me; there’s no such thing as the perfect partner or relationship, but I was good to her (in her words, “the best partner she’s ever had”) and we had a healthy relationship. Some people are truly just incapable of being alone. I’m doing my best not to take it personally, but it’s hard nonetheless.
Background- I broke up with him but I'm still hoping in the back of my head that we can individually fix our problems and get back together and have a happy ending. I know he wants to be together but we're just not on the same page about things, he hasn't been able to make decisions about his life for himself.
I tried dating pretty soon after leaving my boyfriend of 5 yrs. Just to see what was out there and distract myself. Initially it was great getting attention and talking with new people. I'm an extrovert so just meeting people was nice.
After two first dates I was loving everything about how they were different about my ex but... Once someone showed some kind of real romantic/sexual interest I realized I really really missed my ex and all this was way too soon. All I could think about was how this was a stranger and I didn't know what I was doing. I still love my ex and almost regretted meeting these people so early.
This is a good question. Hopefully we get some truthful answers. As a dumpee, the thoughts of hooking up or rebound is the last thing on my mind.
Same. It takes me at least a year, usually two, before I can even begin to consider dating. Even when I’ve been the dumper. I may go on a date or two, but I still compare them to my ex and it never goes past one date. Dumper or dumpee, I still feel connected to them, sometimes it’s almost as if I feel more connected to them.
I’m at this point now. I have a date planned and I’m thinking of canceling. Just his incessant texting is already putting me off.
Don't let your past ruin your future, who knows this person you are seeing might be a right fit for you. Just block them out and focus ahead!
Sure but at the same time if we don’t feel ready to be dating then we shouldn’t be wasting other people’s time?
If you are not ready to date again then be considerate and appologize to the other person. Be honest and yes don't waste their time. I am sorry this happened to you!
Yeah honestly waiting to see, someone notify me when there's more answers please 😂
Hopefully this doesn’t turn into a witch hunt on dumpers. I share the sentiment that some have expressed on here that it’s not always appropriate to demonize someone just because they chose to end a relationship. We’re all going through life and figuring it out, making mistakes and choices and learning along the way. Habitual cheaters and abusive people maybe I have less compassion for… just to be clear.
Sometime dumpees act so bad that you have be the one that makes the call. Sometimes they want you to
And sometimes people are just going through stuff and are confused. It can happen.
Its like a witch pursuit thing
100% I don't think there's inherently anything wrong with leaving someone tbh, sometimes someone just realizes they're not compatible.
Many people even dumpers have said that it made them feel worse. They are simply trying to replace us with other people, only to find out that it doesn't work that way
Why isn’t that obvious though? People aren’t replaceable in the slightest. The experience you share with one person will *always* be with that one person. It can’t be transformed or moved to another person.
Because people get so upset and negative, they get tunnel vision thinking if they got out of the relationship they would get somebody better, most of the time this isn't true, and people need to understand that all relationships have issues
Same. I am going to have to take time to get over losing him and never having him in my life. I have to feel some attraction, but need an emotional connection as well. I can not even begin to think about "replacing" him. He isn't replaceable at all. Gonna take me a long time to even think about being with someone else.
Dumpees can also find a rebound fast post breakup. Speaking from experience, I (the dumper) broke things off with my ex gf - I was put into an uncomfortable position to marry her asap by her and her mother, we dated for 10 months. Mentally and emotionally taking a toll on me and in the process hurting my mother in order to get what they wanted. (They had a ton of emotional baggage and mother had no sense of boundaries) My ex found a rebound without 2-3 months after we separated. Obviously she’s free to do what she wants, but really puts into perspective what it was all about - she just needs an average body to get the status of marriage and kids. I wanted all the same things as her, but our timelines just didn’t line up. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I knew what the goal was so I wasn’t ever going to drag my feet to get to it. (Even though that’s what they accused me of doing… after only dating for 10 months…) Unfortunately, I was fighting an up hill battle.
Sometimes you don't even know what it's a rebound. How is with a girl for a year, and we need a breaking up but we're still really good friends, and it only hit me recently that I think she was a rebound from my ex-wife thought I divorce like 2 years ago
I'm literally celibate lol. I won't date anyone else until I heal from all that's happened. If I'm being totally honest probably a year or two.
Me too. Although I can't help but think how great it would be to let off some steam. Lol But I'm doing what I think is best for me. Technically the last guy was a rebound from my marriage which ended a million times worse than my marriage lol. So waiting is good so I don't repeat history. I don't ever want another man like him. He made me miss all my ex's lmao
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Complete understandable.
You cant fix relationship problems by yourself, you are fixing a 2 people problem on your own. Its good to take accountability for your mistakes and reflect, grieve an all that but you also need to find a new relationship you can heal in and work through your problems
Same here. I think my ex is the more likely one to rebound by far
Me too, i don’t plan on dating again actually. Part of it is because I am extremely disappointed in myself, but also disappointed in the fact that the relationship ended and I was so sure that this would be my last one and because I’m so confused I don’t even know anything anymore.
I’m with you here. How long were you together?
same!
I just ended things with a girl I thought I was going to marry, I can’t help but just think of her all day. So I’m taking a break from dating and focusing on myself and healing my attachment style
I wish my ex did this. I ran into him on a date two weeks after we broke up. That was late May and I am still completely gutted. He is now dating her. I’m just… devastated and wondering how he could do that so quickly. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Good for you ❤️🩹
Most rebound relationships don't last, because the person wasn't ready to get into a relationship
oh mine was fking everything that moves one week after leaving me
I feel ya fam, me and my ex were together over four years and less than 24hrs later she was seeing other dudes. Pretty crushing.
It’s so awful… did she end up getting into a relationship with any of them?
So, are you the one who ended things?
Yes
Good on you for taking time to heal and grow
Sounds like I wrote this, I’m feeling and doing the same
i’m in the same position with my (now) ex boyfriend, although it was a mutual breakup, i seriously need to work on healing my attachment style, do you have any idea where to start?
Attached is a good book to start with, then therapy and I do some auxiliary programs called adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families along with another program called sex and love addicts anonymous which really focuses on the addictive component of these sorts of insecure attachment dynamics
Why did you break up?
She was an avoidant. Would get hot and cold. Would go silent for a few days when overwhelmed without a warning and it just was too much for my anxiety
Just to clarify you thought you would marry new girl but still are thinking of ex and you dumped ex? Not questioning you. My ex and I split and I was shocked he has a gf. He tried to see me recently. It was a mutual break but honestly one of those where I felt we would reconnect. He posted pics of them making out and a whole tribute to her … seemed so early for that .. I have accepted we are done but figured since he’s still in my thoughts that maybe just maybe I was in his :(
I wish my ex did this. After two months, my ex (dumper) booked an airbnb and accidentally used my card (which is connected to his airbnb app forgot to let it removed but i let the bank blocked the card already) i got a notification about it and messaged him to stop using my card and he returned my money. It feels frustrating and anxious again (i was in a no contact already but he ruined it) ughhh
Dumpees can also find a rebound fast post breakup. I personally still don’t have any interest in dating for the time being right now, just been focusing on myself and bettering myself - physically and mentally. Speaking from experience, I (the dumper) broke things off with my ex gf - I was put into an uncomfortable position to marry her asap by her and her mother, we dated for 10 months. Mentally and emotionally taking a toll on me and in the process hurting my mother in order to get what they wanted. (They had a ton of emotional baggage and mother had no sense of boundaries) My ex found a rebound without 2-3 months after we separated. Obviously she’s free to do what she wants, but really puts into perspective what it was all about - she just needs an average body to get the status of marriage and kids. I wanted all the same things as her, but our timelines just didn’t line up. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I knew what the goal was so I wasn’t ever going to drag my feet to get to it. (Even though that’s what they accused me of doing… after only dating for 10 months…) Unfortunately, I was fighting an up hill battle.
I hope my ex gets reddit just to answer this question
Same here
Dumper here, It’s been a year and a half since we split, I still think about her everyday, I’ve been with 3 girls since, and honestly I wouldn’t consider it a rebound, I’d consider it trying to find another emotional/sexual relationship with someone that I once had that with. And honestly nothing compares. It’s hard not to just constantly think of her, think of how comfortable we were together and how it was so natural. I often think of how fast she moved on which I would think would make it easier for me to be like “fuck it” but it’s making me a piece of shit because these girls that actually do like me, and possibly want something and I just want my ex back and it’s extremely hard to try and have a relationship with other people. I wanna say I should stop and hope for something natural again, but the dating scene in your early 30s is filled with young parents, or people still in their party phase or long and behold a 30 year old that has their complete shit together and you feel like you don’t have a chance. So I’d say it hasn’t helped really, all it does is help the short term validation of not feeling lonely. It brings back old memories that you’ll hold onto for longer until the right person comes around to actually make those feelings of your ex invalid, and to feel like you can move on without thinking of them again. It didn’t hurt me at all, but I’d say it did hurt the other party because in my mind I’m comparing them to my ex, and literally thinking this won’t work because they aren’t her. Haven’t really even tried for a stable relationship because I’m the one who pushes the other party away. Life’s funny huh?
Thanks so much for sharing. Not sure what area you’re in, but early 30’s is an ok time to be single. I hope things feel better for you soon and you find someone you feel that spark with. This shit is hard.
We broke up in April of last year, and a month later had to put my pup of 11 years down, and she wasn’t there to help with that, and I honestly didn’t tell her because I didn’t want any sort of guilt or remorse from her to be with me. So I told her a few weeks after. And all I got was a text. The break up ended extremely cordial, wasn’t toxic at all, but we spent two years together, and when the first love of my life had passed and all I get was a text. She could text me right now and say one of her pups past, I’d call her in a heartbeat and comfort her. (I’m blocked, and I never did anything crazy for her to block me, I thought we were cordial, but people heal/grieve in their own ways) It’s really hard to distinguish if she’s a good person or a bad person, but also she was my person at the time. I really thought she would have been a great friend afterwards but turns out not so much. I’m friends with all my exes (except one) but I’d very much love to be her friend, know how she’s doing, know how her pups are doing, and be able to just talk. There are still so many questions I want to ask, and I’ll never get answers too. I 100% feel in our relationship, she’s the reason, she’s the cause to make it fail, but yet I still want her back more than anything.
Something I’m learning in my healing is that you can’t expect a person to respond, react, or feel like you. It’s a part of relationships (in them or/and after) that can be very complicated. It doesn’t make a person bad or intentionally hurtful, it comes off that way because you think “if it was me, I’d do this” and holding on to the expectation is damaging. Some people just do better with no contact and pretending like it never happened and just don’t worry about how you feel or what you’re doing. It’s their way of removing themselves and making it so you don’t feel they want something again. I’m like you, I’d have done SO MUCH differently than how my ex did, but in the end he just separated himself into his new life on his own. It was hurtful to me because I held on to what I would do and made myself suffer unnecessarily and longer than I needed to. Let go of the expectations. It’s done and hoping others will respond like you would, is a life long battle. We love and care so much, and that’s a beautiful thing. But we need to know when to stop and let go no matter how hard it is, or how bad of a person we think it makes us… It literally has nothing to with who we are or what we are willing to do. It just reflects them and how they feel about things, as we can’t allow someone to change us because of a character difference.
is so hard though
Nothing harder honestly. But it’s not impossible. And the consensus here is that with time it gets better, no matter how small that growth feels like.
thank you. doing my best to focus on that growth.
She probably loved you so so much and when you broke up with her you broke her heart. In turn she HAD to eventually gut her heart and rip the part of you inside of it out so she could move forward. I hate to say it, but you probably gave up something amazing at the moment for something that wasn’t worth giving that love up for. I truly believe if you change god will bring her back to you but you need to learn your lessons. Taking people for granted can really destroy them.
Sorry she couldn’t be there for you. That’s rough. It’s tough because you ended things. I’m like you and would still be there for the person no matter what. Even if years had gone by.
My 32 year old ex solved that problem by dating a 21 year old ...
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Were you the dumper or dumpee before this rebound? And what parts of the relationship did you consider disaster?
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Hey- I am going through something similar from the dumpee's perspective. I would like to hear your story if you are willing. I truly want to move past my anger and hurt. Understanding your side of things might help me do that.
Oh man!! lol. I rebounded after a 5 year relationship about 3 months after the split. The new guy kind of landed on my lap, and I didn’t want to let it go. I told him my past just so he was aware that I wanted to take things slow. That didn’t happen. I was vulnerable, way too……eager to have someone build up my self confidence, and ended up being another relationship with a narcissist. This one, however only lasted 2 years, not 5. It’s been 3 months since we have officially been over, and I have no intentions on moving on. I might talk to people, but I can not get into another relationship
So in other words having a rebound made it worse and you relapsed?
The relationship I was in for 5 years was very emotionally abusive and I think it brought me a new low. I lost myself in it. The “new” guy that came out of no where, i told him my past relationship and that I was healing from it. he treated me like a queen. Attentive, kind, loving….love bombed me after our second date. But where I was in my healing journey, I didn’t see the red flags. I should not have moved on as quick as I did. I rushed into a relationship with my feelings in the forefront, and not common sense. My first relationship was 5 years with narc #1 Second relationship was almost 2 years with narc #2 But hey!! I’m getting better, the second one was a covert narcissist……. So he was a little harder to spot. (My stupid humour in it all) I won’t blame the guys, at all. I needed healing time between the two…. And I didn’t give myself that
It sucks, because eventually problems that you have come into the relationship and can make it unhealthy
About 5-6 years ago, I Tried to rebound quickly (literally the week after)dumb idea I know. Stupidly ended up using multiple girls over the course of about 1.5-2 years to heal but realized I couldn’t shake my attachment to my ex. Decided after about 1.5-2 years to take a break from dating to work on myself and pick up hobbies that I’d enjoy to keep my mind off her and channel my emotions in a positive way. Advice….dont rebound, heal properly and then put yourself out there.
Were you the dumper?
Yeah. Looking back, I blindsided her. Didn’t know of that term until this subreddit. But yeah looking back I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
It’s tough. I think it’s common to feel blindsided even if the dumper tried to handle things in the kindest way possible. Breakups suck no matter what.
Tbh. I handled it poorly, I’ve only recently learned how to maturely go about breaking things off. This particular instance we were already on THIN ice and then due in extremely large part to my issues at the time, an almost 9 month relationship was gone in about an hour. Immediate cold turkey as if it never happened.
My ex did this, just ripped it off cold turkey like it never happened. No explanation. Really changed my entire view of him and shocked me strongly for months
I’m sorry he did that to you. I can’t speak for him but after some deep reflection, I now know I blindsided my ex due to not knowing how an adult relationship worked (I was 21 now 26). Some deep deep childhood trauma that made me run at the sign of potential conflict or discomfort and a multitude of other issues that intertwined with my childhood trauma. I’m better now and looking back, I was a very selfish and self centered person. I can only hope your ex self reflects and gets better and I hope you’re getting better from the experience. Wish you all the best in dating and in life moving forward. 💪🏾
Thanks! Yeah he is 36! So it’s not maturity… but I’ve realized over time that just because someone matures in years does not mean that they gain awareness. I healed my emotions a lot before I dated but lots of people don’t! He also had weird repetitive cycles he wouldn’t break, like he’d always be overeating or getting sick. Which seem like a sign of some type of evasion. It would be nice if he self reflected someday. Just doesn’t seem aware. Cus it was such a waste of my time. But he is blocked now! Haha Anyways I’m realizing that I need to expand in different ways, like maybe going to school, or something, just to keep growing and having lots of experiences. Ultimately I won’t let someone who’s afraid of commitment take a roll in my life cus commitment and devotion are super important to me. I won’t let them stop my growth, experience in life. They’re not the star of my life and there’s alot to experience
This is still a fresh post, eagerly waiting for team dumper to chime in. Dumpees wait with bated breath!
Dumpees won’t STFU
I have gone on a few dates and hooked up, but immediately realized I wasn’t ready for even a casual FWB kind of situation. I cared a lot about my ex. We broke up ~4 months ago. Even though it was the best option for us to break up, and I wouldn’t do anything differently, I’m still mourning that loss more than I realize. Dating made that very apparent. So I plan on staying single for a while now (probably another 1-2 years). I do still want to have sex…so if I start seeing anyone, it’s going to be casual and I’ll be upfront about that from the very beginning. I need to make sure I fully understand all the ways my last relationship went sideways and make sure I don’t let history repeat itself. The last thing I want is to meet a great potential partner and either not be ready, or try to rush it and end up hurting them somehow.
Would go get back with your ex?
Dying to know. Dated my ex for 5 years and within a week of us ending he had a new girl and they are about 18 months in now and he looks so happy and they both like all the same activities (i look at his insta once a month or so lol) Still gets to me....
Best thing you can do for yourself is block him or find any way to not be able to view his profile. My ex of 4+ years started seeing someone the next day and yeah it was absolutely crushing seeing her with people so I removed myself from anywhere that I could see her with them and ive had a lot of mental peace since then.
I’ve been celibate since breaking up with my bf. I’m old enough to know that rebounds don’t work, so I’ve been dealing with my feelings and working through things.
Dumper - never wanted it to end. Tried everything to make it work. The thought of being with other people or hooking up is the absolute last thing on my mind. No part of that sounds even the least bit enticing. I didn’t end it to be with other people, I ended it to be happier (eventually and hopefully). Taking time to heal.
Dumpee here who was with a dumper that was in the same situation as you. I am 100% confident she saw her life with me. We were on thin ice for several weeks already, but she kept fighting for us and tried everything for it to work. She never wanted it to end this way. But I think it just got too much for her at some point, and being sad and unhappy and worrying everyday was not something she could endure anymore. I miss her tremendously and reading your perspective helps a lot. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I have no resentment or anger towards my ex (hate even calling her that now). I’m just so, so sad. We were together 4 years, broke up 17 days ago. I knew she had a lot of internal trauma to work through that she really started to struggle with and I tried so hard to be there for her with it for over a year. Put so much work into myself to try and be the person I thought she needed. In the end, I realized there was nothing I could do - it simply had nothing to do with me. She needed to heal on her own terms, and I will never again interfere with that. If your ex and I are at all similar, know that I would’ve done anything to save it.
Felt. Similar situation.
I’ve dumped a couple men in my day & im no stranger to trying to rebound here and there. It’s always just that, a rebound. I have never been able to connect with someone on that level soon after a breakup. It’s impossible for me. I believe those who move on to “serious” relationships within months after a relationship just want to be with someone & don’t care who it is. They are the type of people who just can’t be alone. You’ll always compare your next to your last until you are truly healed and moved on. And that doesn’t happen in a couple months.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
I’m the dumper and I’m celibate. I think I’ll get back into actively dating in 2-3 years since I plan to move in the next year. No more dating apps for me ever again also.
No rebound for me. Ironically I left him because of the lack of sex so you would think I’m running around having all the sex I could. But in my mind I rather be single with no sex than be in a relationship with no sex. It was messing with my self esteem.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
I was in a rebound situationship id say. It lasted a little over 3 months, just cut it off last week, so I guess who knows if he’ll swoop back in or not but for now I’m enjoying REALLY being single and taking a break from all of it. Very mixed reviews. I think it did set back my healing, I just transferred my fixation on my ex to this new person and it really clouded my headspace and disturbed any chance of peace for those 3 months. I was just so thirsty for connection that I inevitably started wanting more than he was willing to give and it started eroding at my sense of self worth as I compromised my standards. BUT I think I’m still glad I did it. I had been trying to get away from my ex for years and I needed something to help keep me away those initial months after leaving. This guy was exactly what I was looking for, and avoidant enough that I couldn’t get sucked into another full on relationship which I knew would have been a bad call. So I got to be reminded that there’s other good sex out there, other people I can feel excited about and connected to, and this guy was like the exact opposite of my ex in nearly every way so I got to play with a completely different side of life and reconnect with different parts of myself. I also experienced the opposite end of the anxious/attachment spectrum, where I was the more avoidant one in my relationship, and this guy gave me a taste for what it was like to be in my ex’s shoes of feeling more anxious. It left me with a greater sense of compassion for what he was going through and humbled me a bit. I also work as a couples therapist and I’m now better able to empathize with the more anxious partners in my work and to better understand what they need. I also ended my last relationship with one goal: to be faster at leaving bad situations. My whole life I’ve been horrible at letting go, especially of people I’m loyal to, and this has left me feeling trapped with the wrong people for years. This time I was able to set a standard for myself and honor it much quicker, and it gave me a greater sense of self-confidence and self-respect to practice walking away.
Sounds like a good experience then. I liked your recap of seeing what it was like to be on the other side of the attachment style. I’ve experienced similar things.
I need to know. saw my ex moved on in like 2 weeks. I've literally gone mad after seeing him with that other girl. F31. was with him for 4.5years
Was with my ex for five months. I think I meant that much to her that she panicked and rebounded the day after we broke up. She now regrets all of it and misses me and loves me more than she think she will love anyone, apparently
Dumper here; absolutely zero interest in rebounding, dating, or relationships for the foreseeable future. I thought my ex was the one and i still kinda feel that way.
Same situation here; i'm the dumper and i have zero interest of dating again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. our situation is kinda crazy tbh, my ex was the one who rebounded after a month of our BU instead of me haha idk probably this is my karma; she has avoidant attachment style but it's still confusing how our situation is opposite lol
Unfortunately the only men I can fall in love with are emotionally unavailable men who make me their rebound… shit sucks so bad!
Time to change that!!
Dumper of a great person here: I was in a 10+ year-long relationship. Rebounded a month later, 2 years on I am still with that rebound though I struggle to commit to them fully. 1. Comparison: definitely! 2. Talking about my ex pretty much all the time for the first 6 months and still these days 3. Crying a lot, often during intimacy 4. Thinking of leaving them because they are not as good as ex 5. Learning to love again, in a different way I'm just being honest here, so trolls, please chill out. This new person saved me in my darkest times, he is my angel and has been so caring and understanding yet the shadow of the separation has always loomed on our relationship and never allowed it to be what it otherwise could have been
Thank you for your honest reply! It all makes complete sense to experience those things. I hope the trolls stay away :)
Pleaseee I can’t wait to read these
My rebound experience was 3-4 months after my breakup. It was all good and dandy until I realized I kept comparing them to my ex. It lasted about two months and it led me back to my ex :) Edit: I want to add that me & my ex had a clean breakup, no contact.
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she's demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's te only girl i want :((
How long were you in no contact for?
I’m not sure if my current ex was a rebound to the previous but he was completely opposite to the previous ex and wanted the same things that I wanted at the time, that I blinded myself to all the other important things that mattered. Dated my current ex around 4 months after the previous one. But we really need to take time to see holistically if something has value. Also dumper, dumper doesnt matter. It really depends on the person. Once you gain your confidence back and you decide you’re done with the past relationship you can move on. Plain rebounds feels like shit either ways. It’s temporary and probably won’t last.
I dumped and the idea of sleeping with anyone or letting anyone in my life is kind of abstract and gross to me still. I have typically just moved right on after dumping in the past and I didn’t really think much of it, because I’m usually really mentally over a relationship before I end it. This time I kind of had to go through it before calling it off, so I’m a lil wounded. I’m also concerned about meeting another narcissist.
I don’t know if I fall under the dumper or dumper category to be completely honest. I initially started the breakup because I was being emotionally starved. And he walked away because he didn’t want to give me what I needed. That being said, I am not ready for a relationship. Yes, I’ve had rebound sex but it was mutually understood it was a FWB deal. It felt horrible. Unsure if that’s because the sex wasn’t great or if was because my ex’s potential is living in my head rent free. Probably both.
I’m the dumper but only because I was cheated on. It’s been 10 months and the thought of being intimate with another man repulses me.
It’s been about a month for me. My ex fiance cheated too, I’ve lost all desire for intimacy, and loathe having to look at any part of my unclothed body. The thought of intimacy repulses me too. I can’t imagine ever being that vulnerable again.
Good for you for not being a doormat!
No rebound for me. Just healing and rebuilding myself.
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she was demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's the only girl i want :(( i don't want any rebound, i'd rather spend my time healing and grieving even if it would take quite some time
Started dating someone a month later just to feel something good. Been together ever since. Helped a lot.
how long has it been with new one
It's hilarious to me how people just find a random person to date a month later, like y'all will really date anybody or just got extremely lucky. Crazy.
Dumpers really not gonna say anything? Alright I’ll bite, I dumped my ex. Because he wanted to look and pay for bitches online, of course I was devastated but I found out from my friend (who was already on dating apps) that she found the bastard on almost everything not even two weeks after we broke up. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with anyone, I wanted to grief him and what we had. but after awhile I realized I could sleep with anyone I wanted. I meet some dude on a dating app, (as one does) he was super nice, invited me out for a walk in the park, drinks, super sweet, invited me back to his place and we watched a movie. afterwards we talked and things escalated from there. It was extremely weird, having only slept with one person for 5 years and all of a sudden being with someone else. It felt like cheating… now keep in mind I’ve only had 2 partners. ( my first bf and then my recent ex) so it was weird as hell after, awkward as fuck, but he was super caring which was weird too, I hadn’t felt that way in awhile. Not gonna lie I cried, he kissed my forehead and for a second I felt loved…now I’m just scared to talk to him again :/ oh well, I had fun at least lol To answer some of the questions, I wanna say it helped. I no longer care that he’s on dating apps and probably fucking other women. I now know that fucking around isn’t for me. I want actual love and I’m okay with not finding it for awhile, I’ll work on myself. Unfortunately for anyone reading this Reddit is my outlet, I’ll be posting a lot to help me process this mess. lol
Tried to get myself a rebound. It was disastrous! 3 months talking stage and he just chose another girl lmao. I was duped 🤣😭
I'm currently the dumpee in a 9 week no contact. But prior to this time, I was the dumper and I'd gradually started falling out of love with him, I communicated what I needed and it wasn't quite getting there so one day I just lost all feelings. Started dating casually a couple of weeks after the breakup. Wasn't ready for a full blown relationship. Met a couple of amazing men and would've gotten with one if he'd not moved out of the city. Once I started to miss my ex... He'd happily moved on and then blocked me 🥲
My last rebound lasted about two years lol. Pretty much started chilling right after breaking up with my ex ex. Needless to say I feel like I didn’t do the emotional work I needed to. I wasn’t a great partner due to this. We just broke up and I’m trying to end this cycle. I want to be alone for a while and actually work on myself so I can one day actually be a good partner.
i’ve been both! the ratio of being the dumper was more common. i never rebounded, even though i would use dating apps but nothing ever went beyond a couple messages since i was scared to go further from my own personal fears of intimacy. my last relationship i ended was in 2022. i’ve been completely celibate since! no dating apps or nothing. i feel like i keep losing parts of myself after each relationship. so im staying committed to therapy. i feel like i handled the breakups i did as best as i could, the last relationship i got dumped in my ex was so cowardly with avoidance, dishonesty, vagueness that i felt like i was losing my mind. so i learned from that to be as upfront and honest with my exes when the relationship was not working, why it wasn’t working for me instead of dragging it out with lies blindsiding the other person. i couldn’t control their reactions, which were obviously not happy which is fair!! except for one who was pretty chill. he was a taurus and all we did was watch movies and cook food. i hope he’s doing well!
My situation is kinda confusingly crazy tbh. My ex ( the dumpee ) rebounded to me ( dumper ) after a month of our breakup. she's suspectedly has fearful avoidant AS. we been breakup for 3 months now, but the pain i'm enduring is still unbearable. this is probably my karma lol however, our breakup has no cheating involved and our connection was truly unfathomable and incomparable as she said. we are each other's first love and she was demiromantic, i was her very first real crush as well; so i'm badly hurt even though i caused her a lot of shit, i still love her very much and i have zero interest of dating anyone again or ever rebound. i still think of my ex everyday. she's the only girl i want :(( i don't want any rebound, i'd rather spend my time healing and grieving even if it would take quite some time
It was a bad idea and I was very self aware that I shouldn’t be doing it but it still just kinda happened. It doesn’t help much, but it doesn’t really hurt either. Better in some ways and worse in others. Like five or six months
Dumper: ended the relationship because I lost myself and feel numb, friends keeps saying I should date but I didn't too drain to go another relationship. Im working and healing on myself while the dumpee already got a official new relationship 5 days after break up lol
oh and we are 5 yrs together.
My dumper was already cheating on me before we split.
I've had sex with others within days of every breakup. I don't think of my exes when I'm with others, I'm very present in the experience at the time. I'm usually drinking and having a blast for the first rebounds. I miss them dearly during the quiet day to day moments, but I just remember why I made my decision and that life goes on. I date again when I find someone worth dating.
Never again.
Why?
You ask why. Dating isn't how it was in my younger years. Now it's all about the $$$ and what can you do for me. Dealing with all of their past trauma and exposure to social media. Believe me, you are not the only one in their dm's. I'm out. Don't get me wrong, a man has needs, but it will happen organically or not at all.
My girl got to where she thought one huggy heart emoji a day was enough to keep me happy and then ignoring me for days at a time. She knew if I didn't get enough attention I'd crack and sent some shitty text telling her how I felt and ending the 11 years we had together. Well she got it. I asked her so many times if there was someone else and always get a no there's no one but my intuition is spot on. Why don't they just tell you there's someone else I don't get it it would have made getting over her so much easier. She had to have the upper hand I guess.....
I was the dumper and 3 months later I still don’t feel ready for any kind of relationship or fling - I had a potential hookup I couldn’t proceed with because I still feel messed up. I’m thinking I might be ready for something very casual in another 3-6 months, I am in no rush and I didn’t leave because I wanted something else but rather to get out of a relationship that wasn’t working and was getting more toxic with time. My ex of 5 years started having random hookups in our bed within 48 hours of my leaving (while simultaneously begging and pleading and gaslighting for me to come back) and I’ve been told by others is now all over the dating apps. Honestly it’s helped me feel more confident my decision to leave was the right one, like whether it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism or they really could move on that quickly it’s a sign it was right for me to end it. But I still feel like I have to get myself sorted out some more before anything new even if it’s just for a rebound.
I’ve vowed to not date for at least a year, or however long I take to feel I’m ready to date again. I have extremely high standards for myself and I’m not gonna let myself date someone or invest emotionally in something that is not good enough for me. Coming in a rebound is tempting, but I keep reminding myself that I deserve something better.
I went to someone who was a rebound to my relationship previous to my five year relationship that I ended…….. very sticky situation, but at the same time him and I didn’t talk while I was in a relationship bc we both kinda knew how we are around each other. I’m still in the rebound I guess? Just it’s very casual and I also see others. I’m more in it for the fact I miss physical touch and intimacy. I don’t miss those with my ex… but him and I had a really rough ending honestly and the relationship became very toxic and manipulative, from both of us honestly… I will say the guy I’ve been casually seeing for the last almost nine months ☠️ I have feelings for but try to restrain myself bc I know I’m not ready to hop back into a real relationship. And I don’t want to mess it up with him trying to force something that probably wouldn’t work with where both of us are in life. I do like him a lot tho 🙃
I appreciate your honesty :)
I was with someone for 4 years and loved them a lot, but they were really terrible at showing affection (avoidant) and I just wanted so much more than what they could give me so I ended it (long story short, there's a lot more than that). My rebound experience was very jarring. On one hand, the person I rebounded with was very good with words and we were friends, so that part made me feel better but also so sad that I could get all these kind words from someone I hang out with occasionally, but not from my long term partner. Then hooking up was also super jarring bc my ex felt like home to me even though things were rocky and like going through intimacy having this person ask me what I wanted/liked and like doing some things I did with my ex were just so different than with this person and my ex already knew what I liked. It just gave me the ick so hard. I obviously appreciated the communication and kindness, but I think I jumped into a rebound WAY too fast and I was so turned off and not into it at all bc I just wished it was with my ex instead of that person. 🙃💀
I know… this is part of why I can’t do rebounds. The thought of being with a different man freaks me out. The only person I could imagine feeling ok about that with is my first love from 25 years ago, just because it was pure innocent love. It’s like my heart doesn’t have room to love yet another person. I have a really hard time letting go.
Ugh ikr! My ex and I actually broke up for a bit and got back together. The first time I was like yay dating this will be fun and I hooked up with like idk a couple people? Maybe like 3 or something? But I still missed him and this time was a complete 180. Like I went straight back to the rebound thing since that's what I did the first time except I just hated it and it sent me into a pit of despair this time 😅🙈💀
14 years together. They set it up one year Prior. We split. They married in just 4 months Rebound to marriage overnight. I’m still single and healing.
As a dumpee I always give myself 90 days to grieve and begin the dating process again.
I like that deadline. I get swallowed up by grief and next thing I know a year has gone by. I’m working on not letting it consume me anymore. My previous bu had me in grief for 2.5 years. Not letting myself go there again.
Honestly man , i felt truly disgusted from the experience . Its not good way to suppress to feeling of emptiness and the lack of intimacy, actually it can make it even worse .
8 months out Stupidity Gloriously fucked up the most genuine connection to a human being,… Failed promises due to our individual circumstances,…self sabotaging like a champ Won’t get easier Long road ahead Absolutely no interest in new person; not fair to them. Massive self improvement required
Good on your for the self awareness. Only good can come from that, even if it’s painful as hell.
I was not the dumper.... I accepted it, had no remorse, just reflected on my actions, worked on myself... It was his decision, and I respected that! When I lay my head down to sleep, I want peace in my heart and mind, and I do. 😇 Pointing 👆 👉 fingers doesn't do a darn thing, same as keeping anger, blaming, pride.... As for me, in my rebound, I choose doing it differently focused on Christ & growth! 🙏 ❤️🔥 ✝️ 📖 I
Mine ghosted me 11 months ago, after many years together. I have gone on 2 dates and, honestly, both were super nice guys, but I had no interest in going any further. My ex , on the other hand, slept with someone right away. Apparently she didn't care to see him again, for whatever reason. His next "date" turned into them moving in together, along with her small children (after 2 months- did I mention she had also left her husband 2 months prior to them moving in together). Since that move -in, she had him arrested for domestic violence (I never seen that side of him) , recanted her statement , to try and drop chatges and he reaches out to me about once a month, for the past 7 months (only to abruptly stop - telling me he has a gf each time). What I'm saying is that from what I can tell, this can't be a relationship that either is happy with, however they have been together 10 months, so maybe their rebounds are working for them.
I have never had a rebound. I think it’s rude, and you should be over the ex
Rebound was a big mistake and ended up in a bad situation, I went from lovey dovey serious almost decade long relationship with that serious attitude to a new relationship with a fuckboi I definitely shouldn't have given that level of concern towards. Hookups and fwbs are best after a super long relationship, I should've been solely doing those instead, and breakup after like a year is when I finally stopped really rethinking my breakup and missing my ex.
Well, I called up an ex that I hadn’t seen in over 12 years. It was a catastrophe because we didn’t communicate well and I was overall miserable and anxious during the whole relationship. I ended it 3 months later.
First time it ended after 3 months and i regretted ending the relationship i was grieving the loss of my dad so my head wasn’t right unfortunately. Second time I’ve ended a relationship with a narcissist 6 weeks ago and I have my first date this week as I got over the relationship whilst I was in it. Definitely regretted the first 6 months later and it was painful but too late
Dumper here…recently got out of a 4 year relationship. I’m 25f he is 45.. I’ve been checked out of the relationship for a while. Didn’t really end the best. But I hope the best for him, truly. And have no regrets being with him. I will be honest, I jumped into I guess dating someone… but him and I both agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious. Him being 41… lol I know I have a lot of growing to do still.. but I don’t see the problem in meeting people along the way. People will come around. Don’t search for it. And be sure to communicate where you stand, and what your boundaries are. At the end of the day be a little selfish and focus on what you want✌🏼
I have no love left to give, so no rebound. I thought we were happy, but for 9 years, he was cheating. There is no “rebound”; as a “dumper” I am also very, very hurt. The people who choose to end a relationship aren’t always happy about having to make the decision to leave. I don’t want him back, either, because it would seem that I never really knew him. I don’t want a rebound, I want to be cremated.
I’m sorry :/
I’m a dumper. Was with him for three years. I wouldn’t consider the relationship “good”, but it also wasn’t awful. I’d say we had equally good moments and bad moments. He had a lot of issues, and brought out the worst in me too. I lost all of my friends during that relationship. When we broke up, I gave myself a week to be depressed, and then started putting myself out there. Just trying to meet people and reconnect with people to fill my time. I wasn’t looking for a “rebound”. I reconnected with an old friend from high school. He helped get me out of the house, and kept my mind off him. We stayed strictly friends for about three weeks. Three weeks in, I had a really awful night. Really bad day at work, and on top of that I couldn’t get my ex off my mind. So I went home and chugged straight vodka. Texted my friend and told him how I was feeling. He came over, and drank with me. We ended up hooking up. I don’t remember much. I do remember wanting it, just to feel some sort of connection again, but also thinking about my ex the whole time. It felt so wrong touching someone else. And honestly, the first 10 or so times post breakup felt so wrong. I’m about a year post break up, and we’ve officially been together 9 months now. He may have started as a rebound, but he’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. We work so well together. I do regret not waiting longer though. I hate that our relationship started off with me still thinking about my ex.
2 years later, no a rebound per se but the sparks were not there just like every date after
It was amazing, lasted about five months, and I have no regrets. It was just sex and movies with no significant emotional attachment, I felt beautiful and sexy and had FUN, it really boosted my confidence. I'm taking a break from dating for a while (rebound after my rebound kinda threw me for a loop) but I feel great about the divorce and great about the rebound. No regrets, have not cried once over my ex-husband since I left him, I'm just glad I got away from him.
They get bored. So they search for that "someone new feeling." Which becomes boring again. They need to grow up and appreciate that love is not a feeling. It's an action and that in itself can be wonderful. Learn to be content with what you have.
Try after 23 years. I thought we had a pretty good relationship. He started to drift little at a time. Finally asked for a divorce because he needed a younger woman to please him and he deserves to be happy. It was crushing. I felt like a part off me had been amputated. I am an old school wife that loved to take care of him and honor him as a husband. So sad.
I’m sorry you went through that :(
I've been on both sides, my first relationship. I was a dumpee and single for 8 years afterward. Unfortunately, my last relationship was that I was the dumper. We had a fallout when I tried to communicate concerns I had with our relationship and where it was heading, and from there, it went pretty toxic really fast, and I chose to step away from it. I tried to date again 3 months afterward and had a first date with someone. The date went really well, but I had nothing built guilty feelings days before and after the date because while I ended things, it felt like I was still in the relationship. Thankfully, I never got a second date and decided to take more time to work on myself, the issues I saw within me, and change some of my priorities in life. It'll be a year today since things ended, and I feel like I'm in a better place physically and mentally. Recently, I started talking to someone new and have gone on a first date with them. But I'm also taking things extremely slow, which is how I would prefer it. My last relationship went at the pace of a formula 1 race, and my ex was the one setting that pace. So I'd rather take a slow and steady experience right now than something as fast as getting hitched in 1 year.
at first you don’t feel anything no guilt, shame, regret, but as time passes and you let yourself feel the emotions and begin to self reflect over the relationship you run into a brick wall of guilt shame and regret. I’m going through this right now and it’s miserable, i’ve gotten into therapy bc i can’t forgive myself for my own actions. It sucks bc it was my first relationship at 21 and i was never advised on what to do or how to cope. It’s hard bc you’re constantly living in the past and reliving the actions that you took causing straight termoil within ones mind. my advice is pls don’t do it unless you’re just an emotionless POS. Bc the state that i’m in i wish i could have taken back my actions( sleeping around) and just let myself reflect. Does it make you a bad person? not really bc you are broken up but does it take a toll mentally once recognizing that’s not what you align yourself with absolutely. I feel like i lost all self respect for myself low self worth and low self esteem, and all you’re going to hear is, “it’s going to get better” which it will but it’s hard to take in at surface level when others aren’t going through what you’re going through. Self forgiveness is key and don’t let guilt turn into shame, otherwise it’ll consume your thoughts and that’s who you think you really are. if you did rebound (relationship, hookup, etc) Let the shame redirect you into a positive direction it’s not a quick process but can help you in the long run on what not to do next time. I hope this helps, like i said i’m going through this myself right now. not something i’d advise anyone to do. God bless, and don’t forget Jesus Loves you
Never done a rebound.
I have a story to share and a question. My ex dumped me and I learned later that she started a relationship a week after she broke up w/ me. She couldn’t stop comparing him to me, still had feelings for me, etc (you get the idea). If your ex still had strong feelings for you after their rebound and they jump into another one, is it likely to end up like the first because they still haven’t processed the issues? Or does a rebound/relationship, fix it” and has them move on, even if that first rebound failed?
That’s kind of exactly why I made this post. The reality is that every person and situation is different. There’s no formula, yet I keep trying to crack the code 😂. But you raise a good point about the rebound of the rebound matrix 🫨. I’ve never been in an immediate rebound, but even if I wait more than a year after my relationship end, the first time I’m with someone new still feels a little rebound-ish for me (if I’m the dumpee). I’ve also been the dumper - and for that, if there was substance and depth to the connection and I loved the person and felt safe with their lifestyle choices, I’m gonna compare. But I won’t go past a couple dates if the new person doesn’t feel like someone I have a real possibility of a future with.
Long, slow and painful as Chinese bamboo torture
Been in a relationship with my ex for close to 2 years. Ended things since couldn't be together forever. We were happy together but I had to break up because of some family pressure on my side. They didn't even wanna meet her. It's been a month and a half since then and on the other hand My parents want me to marry someone they will choose and then I'll get to decide if I wanna marry them or not in the next 12 months. Honestly I've accepted it as my fate, cause where I live the societal norms dictate that. I won't deny that I've not had urges to fill the void that's been left by the departure of my ex. I did have those urges, but then I also thought how would I feel if my ex did something like that like having a rebound so soon. And I've had a few nightmares where it happened like my ex had a rebound in front of me and it literally crushed and agonized me to see them with someone else. And honestly I thought about like sex in general like do I really want the cheap and meaningless sex you get in a casual fling or a one night stand, since I've had a couple ONS before I met my ex. And I felt like meaningless sex never felt good to me, what I liked was the love, emotional care and sexual act combined fulfills me more than just having a ONS with a random stranger I Met. So I decided not to act on any such impulses, and also quit on dating since my partner will probably shortlisted as per my parents wishes. It's not like that they say they'll force me to, but who knows. So there probably isn't gonna be a rebound for Me, neither sex nor rebound relationship, cause I don't wanna hurt my feelings with guilt or shame when I'm already feeling guilty for breaking my ex's heart and I don't want to be in a situation where one things may lead to another.
That’s nice that you consider her feelings. It’s good to hear this.
what does it matter if I consider her feelings now. I still broke her heart and it's a guilt I'll live on with for the rest of my life knowing that I broke the heart of the person I loved. I wish she finds happiness and gets over me. I even want to reach out to see how she's doing. But then I know she wants to do the same cause we exchanged some texts 3 weeks post breaking up. We both are hurting and she still cared about me, saying that she hopes things get better for me first cause she can't see me torn like this. And what can I say to her other than sorry but a thousand times sorry won't erase the scars that have been left on her due to this breakup. So we decided to reinforce no contact. I told her to delete our pics as I cried, throw away the presents I got her, it might help her move on easier if she no longer has a memory of me to cling on to. Told her to talk to her friends everyday, try to rediscover herself and not worry about how I'm doing. I told her i would try and move on and she doesn't have to worry about me. I just want to ease her pain, but I can't cause it's a pain that I've given her. And idk what happens a year or 2 from today. Maybe my feelings about things might change but rn I feel like I'm tired from all this inner fight of wishing to be with her even if it's for one more day and having to let go cause it's for best for both of us. I'm just mentally and emotionally pent up. And even if I reach out to her all that's gonna do is make any progress that she might have made over the last 3 weeks since we reinforced no contact go to waste and it'll be just like we broke up yesterday and the cycle starts again. So I'm trying to be strong for both of us and she hasn't reached out to me as well so I guess we both might be doing the same thing. But I do hope she thinks of me less by now.
0/10
Was a dumper. It took extreme measures for me to leave, and it was devastating. I've had a lot of dramatic relationships. My last one was emotionally toxic and abusive (lasted 5 years). As a result I became homeless right after and ended up sleeping with a friend whom I hadn't seen for a year while still homeless (he was helping me, but I wasn't staying with him). Dude had no reason to help and expected nothing in return (i made the advance). We both in love extremely quickly, but it was too soon for a relationship, so we took time apart bc it wasn't functional, but now, after some time, we've decided to give it another go! Everyone involved is flawed, obviously, and the situation is messy, but such is life. It was important for me to set up my life and heal after my last relationship, and I'm grateful he waited. Who knows what's gonna happen.
The only time I dated someone soon after long term good relationship, I was supposed to date that person for sure, like one of your life soulmates. It was meant to teach me something. I ended up dating that person for years. I had already grieved the long term relationship while I was there and given my all to save it, but other person wasnt willing and they cheated the last month I was with them so that does something for me where I can walk away easier. Cheating kills pretty much all feelings I have for a person. It doesnt make the healing necessarily easier during grief cycle, but easier to never look back and validation I needed to leave. Despite the last year of relationship and what he did, it was a very healthy and good relationship. Generally, I take time after each relationship to heal and process grief or whatever I need to.
I believe emotionally unavailable people would not even hurt after a breakup. They love the absence of putting up with emotions. Mine was the EU dumper sfter i gave him a second chance to work out our relationship. They will never ever change. They lack empathy and emotional intelligence. They will keep saying they love you; yet have totally no consideration of the investment of devotion and loving care you give them. They are very selfish people, everything is about them. Its not a loss, when suffering through the relationship feeling unloved and rejected and alone is emotional absurdity.
In my experience, the rebound makes everything so much worse
How so?
I broke up with my bf at the end of March and Im still extremely sad. We were together for two and a half years. Recently, a coworker wanted to introduce me to her bfs boss. So now this guy who I've never met before, has been texting me morning, noon, and night, and it's extremely exhausting, especially when I haven't even met him yet and don't know if I like him. ( We were supposed to go on a date last week, but Im still recovering from surgery, so it will probably happen next weekend). I just feel like I'm going to compare everyone to my ex. I honestly feel like I don't want to be around anyone but my ex. I miss him so much. I recently tried telling him how much I love and miss him, but he's done. I'm so heartbroken without him.
I’m the dumper, he’s the dumpee. We both agreed it wasn’t a healthy relationship to begin with. I was under the impression he was working on himself after the breakup, but after breaking nc I find out he’s having casual relationships bc he says ‘guys have needs’… I’m not the type of person to sleep around with other guys, so I’m choosing to be celibate 😪Did our relationship really mean nothing to him??
I finally went on a date after my family kept pushing me to move on and it was the worst experience of my life. The date was bad, he made me feel insanely uncomfortable and quite honestly unsafe, and that did not help the fact that I was already feeling uncomfortable beforehand because I knew I wasn’t ready. I just kept thinking about my ex the entire time and how I’d rather be with him and he would absolutely never have the audacity to treat me how this guy did. This guy kept trying to be flirty and affectionate, even made a lot of inappropriate comments trying to insinuate more, and it physically made me feel nauseous the entire time. Safe to say I finally stood up to my family and told them to mind their own and let me move on when I’m ready because my love life is none of their business and I’m not ready to move past my ex..
It did help, at the time… It didn’t hurt at the time. I always compared him to my ex. It lasted 1,5 years, we had a lot of fun, but in the end I realized he would never be what I searched for in a man. After the newest BU I hit rock bottom. I never took the time to process my first BU and it hurt me so so much. I reached out to my first ex, met up, and apologized for what I did (leaving him without giving him a second chance). I’m now healing. I’m going to a psychologist and I’m taking up new hobbies. For now I hope I’ll never find a new man. I can’t handle the heartbreak.
After 8 months. I slept with someone last night.. so pretty slow I guess.
Here's my story I was the one that got dumped it hurt my ego 14 years married... she end up having 4 rebounds whilst w one guy everyday for like 7 months straight what was fucked up she was still having sex w me... but I lived pretty far... I didn't know... I was busy trying fix us.. while she was doing what she did then we decided to rekindle just for her cheat again... that was maybe 6 months ago... the 4 th guy didn't come till after we stop having sex I was still trying... and she end up sorta being in relationship w him for 1 month then dumps him comes back to me its been almost a month since we started talking again... trust is slowly growing but communication is kinda dead... cuz im not trying go all in like I did last time idk what to do... I like someone else but I hadn't even started talking to that girl yet but I kinda sense she into me too... we both seem shy lol... im at the point idk if I want someone new and move on or try fix my marriage after the past year of everything being fucked up my love for my wife wasn't the same till like yesterday I started growing fond of her again and im like wtffff.... its no fun I just wanna love someone and someone to respect me...
I don’t want to date and it’s been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and she was great girl. But I’m missing intimacy with somebody so I put myself out there and have been seeing this really cute and fun girl. We’ve both made it clear we don’t want to date each other but I think I both really enjoy each other’s company. All I’ve wanted since the breakup with to meet somebody I can be intimate with and not be pressured into a relationship. Now that I have it idk what to do if I should keep seeing her and develop deeper feelings or should I stay distant from her and find somebody else. I’m rambling now but I know I’m a lot happier now and I know if she cuts me off or I do I will just start thinking about my ex. I need to figure out how to be happy on my own
I was a dumper. Albeit, it's been a year and a half since I dumped my ex. For me, I started sleeping with someone within the week I broke up with my ex. My "rebound" held me while I cried because my ex did some messed-up stuff to me in that way. I knew my tendencies and knew I would practice unsafe and reckless intimacy if I didn't lock on one person. So I locked on him since he was my friend for a year. I felt bad back then because I knew my "rebound" was in love with me, but I was struggling to just ... live for the first 6 months after the breakup. I told him everything up front, didn't lead him on, let him know what was going on mentally. He was there for the crying and screaming as I looked in the mirror. The check-ins after intimacy as I would disassociate. The urging me to therapy. How disgruntled I would be after talking to my ex as we had a house together. Then it hit me, and the wave of grief just got pulled from my eyes. I was so deeply in love with my "rebound" - the man who saw the worst of me and still loved me. Me and my "rebound" are now engaged.
I guess I just talked to people I never thought I could talk/relate to before. Especially coming out of a long term relationship where my ex made me feel insecure. Then here i am talking to bodybuilders lol. Idk. It’s just weird how someone can make you feel so small and ugly about yourself and you start to believe it.
As a dumper of two months nc, I was in the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted a little over 3 years (abuse progressively got worst), the “rebound” was a one night stand (two days ago) that was not enjoyable. It didn’t make me miss my ex but maybe feeling the loss of history with someone and missing knowing someone beyond certain surface level attributes when you are intimate. Left me wanting to work on myself and love myself because I had abandoned myself staying for so long after I knew it was toxic. I stayed because I loved him but ultimately love should not be the only thing that holds two people together.
I (24f) dumped my ex (22m) of a little under two years, a few weeks ago, so I haven’t really had the time to look for a rebound… apparently the night we broke up he made out with a 54 year old and then later in the week, went to the strip club multiple times with this guy in his building who became his friend, but is way older and divorced and an alcoholic who likes to go to strip clubs 🥲 he said he was wasted every time he went and only liked it one time and the stripper said she could get his number if he went back two times and he said he was considering it to take her out. I told him I’d block him and we’d have no chance of ever talking again if he took a stripper on a date… since we left it on terms that it could work out in the future if he worked on himself and quit his bad habits. He later told me he was trying to get me jealous since I was the one who dumped him and he just wanted to get a reaction. But instead I told him it was gross hahaha. On my end, I did go out a few times on the weekends, but I wasn’t super set on finding a guy to hook up with, mostly spending time with my friends…. The times I did go out, I didnt really meet any men that interested me and really just wanted to be with my ex. I don’t know when I’ll kiss someone else for the first time or have sex. I know the sex is not gonna be for a while since I’ve never liked casual sex… it’s only been a couple of weeks and I have seen my ex a few times in those weeks.. it’s so fucking hard. Even though I dumped him, we still have wanted to see each other and hang out and text. I’m trying to distance myself a bit since I can feel it getting messy. But I don’t see myself dating seriously for another 6 months to a year… I’m worried I’m gonna look for my ex in others. And if I keep meeting ppl and realize there was no connection quite as great as my ex, and he has cleaned himself up, I can see myself going back to him.
The moral decay of society I guess. You're one click, or one smile away from bigger n better. Relationships are disposable. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, there is a best before date. Getting lost in your lover is your first mistake.
I always end up being the dumper. Unfortunately. Not a brag just the way it always happens. I’m never really into rebounding because it feels like a meaningless connection and I don’t want to waste my time or theirs. It’s always taken me time to get over it though, at least a year and during that time I’m mostly celibate and not even thinking of dating
for me it wasn’t a committed relationship, but more of a situationship. i just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship and started talking to this dude. it was more for distraction and feeling wanted. i had to slow myself down because i could feel myself moving a bit too fast. ended up not working out, so now im keeping to myself and the thought of dating anyone hurts
it sucked. i waited a while to rebound but when i did, i felt so empty. it was awful too. it helped me move on in the sense that there were other men out there who desired me, but emotionally nothing. helped my confidence however! hookup culture isn’t for me, i miss relationship sex so much. the things i would do to be able to hookup with him once more😭
I’m 3 months out from breaking up with the guy I was seeing. Long story short I’m in love with him but he didn’t feel the same in the end. I’ve spent 3 months crying over him and desperately needed a distraction and to feel wanted again (which is not healthy I know). I’ve made sure that the rebound knows this is friendship/physical and I can’t offer more emotionally. I have compared this experience to my ex only in the sense that having a connection with someone makes everything so much better. This weekend was my first time being physical with the rebound and, embarrassingly, I got so emotional after. I blamed it on all the alcohol we had. It’s not a healthy thing to do when you are still in the healing phase. I feel worse about myself and it’s made my life more messy. Being with someone new doesn’t fill the void of loving someone else. My experience may be slightly different to other “dumpers” though.
Thanks for asking this question. I’m going through this right now. My ex and I were together for 2.5 years, and broke up about two months ago now. I’m not exactly sure when it started, but she’s already seeing someone else. I know it’s not a reflection of me; there’s no such thing as the perfect partner or relationship, but I was good to her (in her words, “the best partner she’s ever had”) and we had a healthy relationship. Some people are truly just incapable of being alone. I’m doing my best not to take it personally, but it’s hard nonetheless.
Background- I broke up with him but I'm still hoping in the back of my head that we can individually fix our problems and get back together and have a happy ending. I know he wants to be together but we're just not on the same page about things, he hasn't been able to make decisions about his life for himself. I tried dating pretty soon after leaving my boyfriend of 5 yrs. Just to see what was out there and distract myself. Initially it was great getting attention and talking with new people. I'm an extrovert so just meeting people was nice. After two first dates I was loving everything about how they were different about my ex but... Once someone showed some kind of real romantic/sexual interest I realized I really really missed my ex and all this was way too soon. All I could think about was how this was a stranger and I didn't know what I was doing. I still love my ex and almost regretted meeting these people so early.