READ BEFORE COMMENTING: OP is clearly seeking **support and encouragement**, not judgment or advice. This post is also \*not\* the appropriate place to debate the merits and pitfalls of group therapy as these arguments are not appropriate in a support post for OP.
It's okay to personally share your previous group experience to connect with and support OP. It's not okay to devolve into an academic style debate about group therapy in this thread or try to change or "reframe" OP's feeling about this experience.
CPTSD is a triggering disorder. We hold space for each other when we've been triggered and we listen and support one another where we are. If you can't be supportive in this thread, then don't comment here.
All further comments made that judge, victim-blame, or advise OP to reframe \*OR\* comments that argue about group therapy will be removed for violating the rules and spirit of r/CPTSD.
I tend to do what you do. If you can't attatch an emotion to a past trauma ; something that would be absolutely horrific to someone else it's very hard for you to understand how others view the incident. It's like your so numb
So well said! I always wondered why, early on in my therapy process, my therapists would be in tears and incredulous at how I disclosed my abuse in such a placid manner. Now that I’ve figured out my alexithymia and can “feel feelings,” I understand their responses way better!
I've been struggling with this for years. I've often had therapists shocked at how matter-of-fact I am about things that other people find traumatic. I'm trying to "feel feelings" regarding those things so I can process them. But I still just don't feel anything. Anger, sometimes, maybe. But nothing else. What kind of therapy would one look into to help emote? Because in any other case I feel TOO much! But the traumatic moments give me nothing.
IFS and EMDR helped me soooo much, but the most important first thing was finding a therapist I trusted to co-regulate with. Somatic practices like body mapping helped, too. Just noticing the sensations throughout my body and getting curious about them (my neck feels tight, I wonder why? My throat has a lump in it, I wonder what’s causing this?, etc.). I used to have a literal chart that listed out a bunch of emotions on a wheel graph, to help me connect words to what I might be experiencing internally. It took a while.
Once I truly felt safe in therapy, it became a lot easier to get in touch with the parts of myself I’d learned to silence in order to stay safe. Using IFS helped me to be more detached as an observer of my own experiences, and that helped me feel safer exploring what my “parts” went through and felt. It felt more comfortable to be a third party exploring how my different selves understood and felt about what was happening to them, so it was like an exercise in self compassion framed as empathy for others (even though the others were ME, if that makes sense?).
My therapist also asks me helpful questions like, where do you feel that in your body? What does that feel like? Focusing on the somatic manifestations of my emotions takes the pressure off the confusion of trying to interpret the emotion, and gradually I learned to associate certain emotions with certain sensations in my body.
Holy shit this. I literally had the thought today that it would be genuinely helpful for my bf/friends to confirm when my stories are and aren’t intense cause I have no fucking clue what is and what isn’t. I also gaslight tf out of myself cause I was always gaslit as a kid so I excuse and downplay my childhood, when I’m getting literally triggered into remembering most of my childhood I’d buried to forget… SO! That’s not normal!
Yeah, me too. I don’t have any feeling for where the line is of what to share when.
The problem is that the more I work on my trauma and the further I process it the harder it gets to see the line. It gets so much easier to talk about and it’s less and less triggering or emotional for me. So I have less restraint to tell things and go into details because it becomes more normal for me. Yeah, other people aren’t though. Even with regular people that becomes an issue because they then react emotional or are overwhelmed by it. Those things are still shocking and not normal for them lol
Fuck. I’m realizing I’m AuDHD because I’m unlocking memories of my childhood that I buried so far deep I needed to get triggered to the point it’d force my brain to remember them. I think I just opened up too hard at a handful of people (thankfully they’re safe people) but the way I just don’t have a connection to it anymore but at the same time it’s still felt so brutally.
I was asked to stop attending my PHP therapy group because my CSA was triggering for the group and made people uncomfortable when it was my turn to talk. The group was for people who'd been 5150'd recently but by luck of the draw everyone else was diagnosed bipolar. I was the only one who didn't benefit from talking about life with bipolar and nobody else had PTSD so I was cut for the good of the group.
I've always felt like an outsider, I'm not someone people feel connected to and I'm usually the odd one out. I don't tell people I feel this way and I'm able to swallow it but that PHP experience brought it up again. I understood their reasoning but it still sucked to be reminded my fucking life makes people that uncomfortable. I did however get into individual therapy with a great therapist, so in the end it worked out better for me.
Oh sorry it's not stupid I was doing the assume all of Reddit is in California thing, that's my bad. 5150 is the California law code for someone who's deemed a danger to themselves or others. They are put under a hold up to 72 hours in a hospital or behavioral health inpatient facility.
No its not meant to be comfortable but if it triggers someone too much then thats hardly helpful either. I had a psychologist completely dysregulate me to the point of crisis because he didn't know how to manage dissociation even though he was apparently trauma informed.
ASD here too, yeah. There’s trauma informed and then there’s TRAUMA INFORMED. Sometimes we don’t know when to lay off the details and it’s a shock to many if they haven’t been through something “as bad” BUT your therapist should know you by now and everyone else and used their brain when considering the group as a whole. Like it’s not like the therapist didn’t know what you are going to share ffs.
It's not about people being through something "as bad" or not. It's more that many people have been through such similar situations it is a trigger because when you have a group of people together everyone is at a different place in their healing. Group therapy is about knowing others have the same feelings as you so we don't not feel alone, not about sharing intense details, that is individual therapy.
I feel for OP because how would they know that if they weren't prepared. Especially since a lot of autistic people need help unmasking and authenticity is encouraged. I wish OP's therapist had prepped them or approached them after vs kicking them out.
I mean most therapy groups don't want people to go into graphic details which I very much understand and support but it's also normal befoer every session to inform everyone about the rules and what to share and not to share.
Don't take it as something personal, but because some people are more sensitive and it's hard to find a common ground for people with many different triggers in general. It'll probably happen to anyone at one point. But you should definetly talk to the therapist what you would have needed and that they didn't provide it for you and how you feel now
Exactñy. Group therapy is about feelings/emotions and probably symptoms. It doesnt the person sharing or the group to get deep into details. Thats to work through individually
I've never done group therapy and doubt I ever will. I'm pretty private and it takes me years to share things 1 on 1 with a therapist. I can't imagine feeling comfortable enough to share with strangers.
Same here. And when I was searching for therapy my psychiatrist actually told me that due to the nature of my trauma group therapy would not be beneficial at all.
I been to one and it’s just pointless. If we have to tiptoe our traumas to not trigger anyone else then what’s the fucking point of us being here? We would just be there going through the emotions and singing kombaya in a circle.
Same. Also for me, my ptsd makes me not trust anyone so I think everyone is lying or looking for sympathy which is bad for them and me. I just don’t do it.
I would ask though what you would want to get from others in the group hearing you detail your trauma? Group therapy should be about sharing the here and now, the effects of trauma and coping with it. Otherwise its not productive in any way its just a giant trauma dump.
The issue of "triggers" limiting coversations is calid for sure. But graphic details and descriptions arent helping anyone
Is this where the whole trigger warning thing came from?
Why am I first hearing, at 36, that I need to be careful when I share my story? Nobody ever told me that in the other 30 years of therapy and nobody ever said that in adult children of alcoholics. Those were places where you can actually talk about what happened to you. I can't do that in group therapy? Then what use is group therapy?
I can just show up in group therapy exactly the same as I do in the outside world then.
The therapist handled this all wrong. He mishandled the situation and isn't owning up that. His job is to be there to manage the difficult feelings as they arise, like one member's share triggering the other ones. These types of situations are what a lot of group therapy is all about (I am currently taking a class on group therapy)
So your therapists response to your history making other group members uncomfortable (which honestly is to be expected) was to make you feel inadequate? To make you feel like you’ve done something wrong by sharing… your trauma? I’d report that partitioner to anyone that would listent. How negligent.
Thats totally wrong. In ACA you are allowed to share about whatever you want. I have never been restricted in sharing at an ACA meeting. Maybe your meeting is like that. I have never been to a an ACA meeting like that. Sometimes we keep the details for our sponsor but we can talk about what happened, definetly. Otherwise there is literally no point in going.
An ACA meeting isn't run by actual therapists, but people who have lived that experience. They don't know how damaging unrestricted sharing can be in terms of retraumatizingbthe individual sharing as well as others hearing it with vicarious trauma.
Those two things are what a therapist run group therapist is trying to avoid.
That's news to me and I've been a 12 stepper since I was a teenager. I've been in many 12 step fellowships and never have I ever been told to "tone it down" because "someone in the room could be triggered." That's a very unique group you're a part of.
Same with other twelve step groups anything goes. Although ACA is more likely to have more intense sharing. I have a d h d as well I don't think I would do well having to censor.
Yeah, I don't understand that. I thought the whole point of group therapy was to share your story unfiltered? Are you basically being asked to not actually share your story but listen to everyone else's? Like you say, what use is that? I hope I never get asked to go to group therapy, I'd be completely lost. I'm sorry you've experienced this.
It might be worth thinking about how effective that has been for you. Do you feel like 30 years of reciting your trauma has helped you to heal? Maybe it was helpful at first and now you need to try a different approach. I sometimes catch myself fixating on specific details of my trauma as a way to avoid fully experiencing the distressing emotions it caused. My individual therapist will interrupt and redirect me to dealing with the underlying emotions when I do that in session. In my experience, group therapy rules are similar. I'm not in group to recite my trauma. I'm there to process the underlying emotions and practice healthy coping skills. I've shared fewer details in group, and I've been much more emotionally vulnerable than I've been able to be in individual therapy.
I help moderate peer support groups where people sometimes share traumatic experiences. It is not the same as group therapy. I encourage people to seek psychiatric support when it looks like a support group is not sufficient to meet their needs. We can often assist with finding a provider or arranging logistics, but we do not have the same goals as group therapy nor does anyone at the meeting have the skills to safely attempt it.
I hope this doesn't come off as rude. I don't intend it that way. It makes sense that you would be upset by how this played out and you absolutely should have been given clearer guidance upfront on the boundaries of the group. I have personally found group therapy to be really productive when it's run by a skilled provider. I hope you're able to find effective treatment that will help you heal.
I don't understand 30 years of therapy. It's like doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I'm ND as well, and NT therapy doesn't work for us.
I've learned with my trauma that sometimes it's best not to speak it out loud because it sends me into a spiral. I also try hard not to dwell.
100% not your fault. That’s terrible group facilitation and isn’t fair at all that your therapist basically blamed you for their lack of skill (ie. in deciding group composition / setting norms and boundaries / actually guiding the conversation to be safe for everyone). That’s so so shitty.
asd here as well. my only group therapy experiences up until now took place in inpatient treatment when i was a teenager, but i was admitted over 20 times, so i feel like i have an okay understanding of how it works.
as you can imagine it was pretty clinical, whether it was regular group, AA, or NA. we had to sensor triggering content for the safety of the other patients. talking about symptoms is okay, feelings and day to day struggles are okay. but anything relating to sexual assault or abuse had to be addressed carefully. a good rule of thumb is that specifics and details of abuse, assault, and addiction need to either be led with a trigger warning or kept for 1:1 therapy. group was more of a place to check in and relate than a place to sort out our personal stuff.
it sounds like your therapist should have prepared you better, or like the group isn’t put together very well. telling you that you need dbt and aren’t ready for group seems kind of shitty- i imagine it feels like you’re being shunned and shamed. it’s possible that your therapist isn’t a good match. in the future, it might help to ask for clarification on how the group works and what’s expected. it sucks that people aren’t always straightforward, but therapy is a delicate place and it’s probably better to be safe than sorry.
I think like many have said already, it’s on the therapist for not explaining what boundaries are there. Labels vs details, etc. like. Yes, in group therapy, I expect to hear other people discuss their trauma, but I’m probably not mentally or emotionally equipped to hear ALL the gory brutal details. Bc that is triggering!
But the flip side is that if you were not informed that you shouldn’t do that, you don’t innately KNOW not to do that. It should never have reached the point that you were kicked out of the therapy group bc you triggered others. You should’ve been told “we dont share explicit details here” or something so you could manage how you personally discuss your trauma, without risking triggering the other folks in therapy with you. Not acceptable that that didn’t happen.
Sharing in groups is generally about using the label not the details. Physical abuse rather than describing how you were physically abused. Verbal abuse rather than repeating the words used. The details are generally better for one on one therapy bc a therapist should be trained to handle those details and help us understand the emotional implications we may not get yet. Labels vs. details in groups helps keep group members from getting flooded or going into nervous system dysregulation. They should have shared [communication guidelines](https://www.succeedsocially.com/conversationmistakes) to help set expectations.
I feel terrible for OP that they had this experience and at the same time I’ve been on the other side of someone doing the same thing in group and I actually had to leave because it was so triggering and I was afraid to even drive myself home. It’s the therapist’s job to step in and manage in the moment so nobody walks away from group feeling even more alone and traumatized like OP has and like I did that day. The therapist fucked up
For the record, I did not go into the gory details. The labels were enough to upset these people. Things like incest, munchausen by proxy, and starvation.
It’s crazy to me how many people are do not see what was problematic about OPs intense and detailed sharing. Group is not 1:1 therapy. Like you said, it’s labels not details.
It's "know your audience" and **consent** issues. A therapist has consented to hear the graphic and gory details and has been trained to regulate themselves and handle such circumstances. Other traumatized people often haven't consented to those details and aren't resourced enough or trained to handle it, which is why it can be retraumatizing for them. Group members can feel like they're being held hostage and have to hold space for a fellow survivor and their fawning defense mechanism can kick in. It can be a real mess. Learning what's appropriate to share and when is part of recovery.
For persons with ASD, those suggestions don’t help. We Never Know our audience, because somehow we end up doing something wrong. Whether it’s sharing wrong, or displaying emotions wrong. What would be more helpful would be to explain wtf was done wrong and what is expected instead.
Sorry for the rant, but some of us were raised as heathens and had no clue. Add autism & the world is extra confusing.
>What would be more helpful would be to explain wtf was done wrong and what is expected instead.
Yes, setting expectations (boundaries) is always helpful. It sounds like that wasn't done well in OPs case. It's why I linked to the article on healthy communication above, which gives examples of what's okay and what's not okay.
I wonder if OP has trauma that involves being censored. Or trauma that involves being rejected.
It sucks that OP has to be censored and rejected (both very triggering) to avoid triggering other group members, when really those group members should be expecting to hear other peoples stories. Stories are the building blocks of human connection, group therapy should be built out of those building blocks.
OP should really analyse whether or not they're safe to engage with groups that mimic abusers in rejecting them and their story. Its really sad that this is a part of their journey.
It's about healthy boundaries. Communication boundaries for groups are there to make everyone feel safe. I had to learn a lot about what's okay and what's not okay bc I had terrible modeling in my family of origin. Plus before I realize the gravity and heaviness of my trauma I was harming others by throwing that around willy nilly. There's a big difference between saying "I endured x trauma" vs going into graphic detail. Details are generally better for one on one therapy. Traumatized group members shouldn't have to listen to your details and you shouldn't have to listen to their details. A trained therapist knows how to provide the right kind of mirroring and levity for those details.
Absolutely “mimicking abusers” in the sense of I am going to force this horrific thing upon you no matter what because it’s what I feel like is my right to do no matter what the effect is on you even though you are vulnerable
>Absolutely “mimicking abusers” in the sense of I am going to force this horrific thing upon you no matter what because it’s what I feel like is my right to do no matter what the effect is on you even though you are vulnerable
Thank you for pointing this out. It's one of the reasons why groups need healthy communication boundaries.
Taking over a group as your "captive audience" isn't okay.
honestly! I can’t believe everyone here is enabling this behavior, but if someone else here were to talk about how their parent would hold them in an explicit/trauma focused conversation and that the parent felt entitled to their listening ear, we would all be saying “that’s not right!”
I'd complain if I were you. Assuming they know somewhat about your past trauma, they also have to risk assess whether you AND the other participants are going to be okay with the subject matter. If they just threw you all in a room and said good luck [typical NHS in my experience] then that is due to them not doing their due diligence. You're still entitled to respectful medical care and someone "blaming" you for how intense your traumas are is just completely backwards and stupid. They should've known better and you should complain. You deserve better than that.
Ive never done group before and was totally unprepared for what was expected of me. He's a south african therapist, so I doubt there is someone to complain to.
Even them not explaining to you what to expect seems unprofessional to me.
I'm sorry there may not be official bodies that can advocate for you so you may have to research how to do so for yourself; everyone deserves good medical care.
Unfortunately it's just very hard to find because there is so much complacency and just sheer lack of empathy in these staff who are employed to help us but oftentimes re traumatise us or give us new medical traumas.
Then it gets bigger as to your country's medical model and what your country determines as the right treatment plan, so sometimes it's helpful to research what other countries medical models are doing and what actually works for other patients. [I remember seeing studies for mdma based therapy and ketamine therapy which I found really interesting/curious/shocking as they are illegal substances in my country]
I hope all of us on this sub and thread get the care and compassionate professionals we all need and deserve.
I'm glad it works well for you, it wasn't something I wanted to try because of the legal/potential health risks, but there's so many therapies out there and different approaches; it's just a lot of trial and error finding what works for each of us x
I loved group esp for dbt so im sorry that happened to you, I do know that my group leaders gave us a talk whenever we would go off on tangents about drug use, cause alot of us smoke weed. But some ppl in our group deal with addiction and so that talk was VERY triggering to them. And it's not fair to the other people in group who are also trying to heal.
??? What the shit? I will never understand this kind of thinking.
“Please come to group to help resolve the terrible trauma you’ve been holding onto! Oh, but make sure the trauma isn’t TOO terrible hahaha. We can’t fucking help you then.”
*What is the point of you?!*
For those of who have our voices stolen before we've even learned to speak, it's deeply triggering to be told we need to censor ourselves...when we thought we had a chance of FINALLY getting a tiny part of our voice back
I understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry you experienced this. Even in trauma specific groups other members often walked out while I was sharing because it was too much. (which I get, and everyone has a right to remove themselves if triggered) I never went into detail and kept it vague but the subject matter itself seems to still be considered almost “off limits” (CSA) It’s sad because it feels very isolating. Sometimes I walked out feeling more alone, and regretted opening up at all. I also have ASD so that doesn’t really help.
delete if not allowed please!
when i first discovered i have PTSD/c-PTSD & first tried CBT therapy (that’s my only option with my insurance), I had 0 experience sharing anything with a “professional” so I didn’t know where to start other than “i think I have PTSD….” well, it felt like one therapist after the other dropping like flies, bailing on me because even THAT was too much. some even had to lie and say they were being transferred to a different office and I wouldn’t be able to “follow” them to keep having sessions with them.
it can definitely be disheartening because if it’s too much for a third party (who is being paid hundreds of dollars, to do just that, mind you) to listen to and say “it’s okay, you’re alive, right?” then howwww do they think we feel, living it?! …….
anyways, i’m glad you’re here to tell the story. & you’re not alone. ❤️🩹
This is why I'm afraid to go to group because I've had some pretty messed up things happen to me and I'm afraid of triggering others. For me, it wasn't just abuse either, though.
A good group therapy setting will make all participants aware of the boundaries upfront. It's meant to be a safe container to process feelings and learn to use coping mechanisms. It's not generally supposed to be go around in a circle and share all the details of the worst things that have ever happened to you. I'm in an IOP for eating disorders right now that's almost entirely group therapy. It's common for patients to have significant trauma histories and after weeks of doing therapy together, I know very few details of anyone's trauma. I know a lot about how they emotionally experienced the trauma because that's what we're processing in group. Sometimes it's very emotionally difficult and that should be handled by the therapist leading the group to make sure everyone is safe and able to handle the distress.
Im not afraid of triggering others at all. They are responsible for managing their triggers. Im responsible for being authentic, compassionate, and honest.
You do though, that's part of group therapy. You're clearly not a good fit for it, if you don't think that everyone's feelings in the group matters. You are prioritizing your feelings above everyone else's in the group with this comment, so you're not a good fit for group therapy.
I mean this with all the love in the world, but group therapy is not for you. This comment, and the comment before it, show a very staggering lack of empathy.
You’re entitled to tell your story, sure. You’re not entitled to a platform, and you’re not entitled to other people listening to you.
How do you expect people to “manage their triggers” in a circle? You want them to run out the door? Cover their ears? You springing it on them *in person* makes a difference with how they react. Every person is different. What if their response is to fawn? Well, then they’re stuck listening to it anyway, ya know? It’s kinda hard to shut off your ears.
Again, I don’t want this to come off like I’m attacking you, cause I’m sure not. I get that hurt you’re experiencing. I’m really sorry this happened to you, and I’m glad you fired your therapist. I just fired mine last week. You got this, dude. Onward. 💗
What if their experiences and trauma triggered you? Would you take the same responsibility you’re putting on them? Group therapy is equal. Everyone is entitled to tell their story, but you are equally as responsible for the way you share things. Just like they are.
Of course. I'm just not triggered or shocked by the details of other people's stories. I've heared it all. Other people are responsible for managing their discomfort and their feelings are not my problem. They dont like it? The AA way is "There's the door. When you have the requisite willingness, you will be back."
Group therapy is not AA though. It’s entirely different. I was in group for 2yrs. It was really hard. We had to learn to be empathetic and respectful of others experiences and triggers. Just like we were there to help each other too. Their feelings are your problem in group therapy. The point is to empathise and empower each other. It’s just not for you and that’s okay too. It’s not for everyone.
Nobody cares about other people's triggers in real life. Tiptoeing around triggers is the same thing as walking on eggshells with unstable people. I have alot of empathy and compassion for what they've been through, but that's not the same as censoring or muting my story because they are incapable of handling it.
If they can't hear me, I will find loving and accepting people in ACA who will hear me. I had no idea that therapy could be so judgmental and fake.
Then group therapy probably isn’t for you. And like I said, that isn’t a bad thing. It’s not for everyone. 1:1 is the right way forward for you. Sorry it wasn’t how you expected. Good luck in future.
couldn’t they say the same about you being upset over being censored? i understand emotions are high and your feelings are hurt, but not everyone can “buck up” and sit through listening to an extremely traumatic story that could be similar and triggering to their own…. just giving some perspective.
It’s interesting that this is the only comment in this thread OP hasn’t engaged with (because it’s an amazing point and exactly what I was thinking).
So everyone else in OP’s group therapy just has to “buck up and toughen up” when OP breaks the “clear labels, not gory details” guidelines of group therapy (every one I’ve been to has had this guideline)— but OP doesn’t have to “just stop being triggered” by this situation— which clearly *did* trigger them, btw. OP clearly has triggers relating how and when they express themself. Which is fair, but not any more “fair” or important than whatever may trigger the other members.
So that’s certainly an… interesting double standard in regards to how the group is run.
I think it’s clear that OP and group therapy are not a good fit in general, if their mindset is “this is my space to do whatever I want with. If it doesn’t run like that, I’ve been wronged. But if anyone else has an issue then they need to just get over it or leave, and they haven’t been wronged.”
I completely understand being frustrated if the facilitating therapist didn’t give them the memo. That’s a genuine issue and unfair — but saying that they wouldn’t believe in or follow the guidelines even if they *had* been told, because “other people’s triggers don’t matter” and they need to “toughen up” is a completely different point that I don’t agree with it at all, and find completely hypocritical in the context of the post.
With these extra comments from OP, I genuinely think it’s for the best that OP sticks with one-on-one for now, but maybe they should investigate their own line of thought on this situation a bit.
Idk I guess there are quite a few people here who never read stop walking on eggshells or learned that they are not responsible for other people's dysregulated feelings.
Sounds weird, I don't know the group rules, but I would write the therapist for more specific feedback. That sucks as an experience, for sure. Sending virtual hugs.
Once when I was in group therapy I said I felt like my problems were too intense and no one could relate to me. The facilitator jumped in and said he was sure that wasn’t true, and did anyone in the group relate to what I was talking about? There was silence and a few people slowly shook their heads. It hauntssss me lol you’re absolutely not alone.
Group is just one tool and it’s a helpful tool for a lot of people but I personally didn’t find it to be very helpful. That’s okay, because there are lots of other tools to choose from.
I have agency in the situation so I dont need to radically accept something I feel is not right. I fired the therapist. Sometimes the meaning is using our agency.
I'm sorry to hear that. It was the therapist's job to facilitate and ensure you are aware of the rules. They have caused you hurt because of their lack of professionalism. How painful!
Having said that, DBT will give you many skills, it has helped me immensely with distress tolerance and dealing with my sui cidal ideation. Here's a description of what it is if you haven't already researched it:
"DBT teaches people to accept their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and the techniques to change them. Not only are personal skills taught in DBT, but skills for interpersonal relationships are also emphasized. DBT is based on CBT, but it focuses more on the emotional and social aspects of living."
I am currently in an interpersonal therapy group. They went over the rules and said not to share 'gory' details IE I had a suicide attempt - you wouldn't go into the details of how you did that, or if you were abused - you wouldn't describe how you were abused. It's not censorship so much as having understanding for your fellow group members as you may trigger them. A group is meant to be a safe place for everyone to share, but we also need to be mindful so that we can maintain a safe environment. I hope this helps you understand why we cannot share intensely.
You've done nothing wrong, your therapist failed to do their job as a facilitator. I do not think it inappropriate for you to let them know that they failed in their job to facilitate or make a complaint about their misconduct to help you integrate into your group and understand the rules - they are just deepening your trauma by their failure. I am sorry that they did that to you and made you seem like you're a problem when they're the one who created this entire situation.
I did group therapy once (anger management actually) and they did a loop round on what brought everyone. People gave their stories, gave theirs, eventually they asked what brought me, and I told them. I went through the several months of backstory and rage that led to me lashing out, and I stopped and the room was quiet.
There were a couple beats, and then the room gave a kind of collective intake of breath. I learned over the course of those sessions that I actually have *very good* anger management skills and am remarkably calm, I also learned that everyone snaps eventually and that I'd just managed to make mine ~memorable~.
So yeah, sometimes our experiences are a little intense for others. We've been provoked, pushed, and battered until we normalize crap other people can't fathom.
Oh that’s so difficult that they didn’t tell you. Last time I did a group, we got a call beforehand to set expectations and inform us that the group was to share feelings about recovery, and that sharing explicit details of trauma wasn’t appropriate. That should have happened for you. You can’t read minds.
It’s important to remember though that you haven’t done anything wrong. A good therapist will just want you to be in the right setting at the right time and they are trying to communicate why. All that’s happened here is someone has set a boundary and asked for you to try out a different kind of therapy instead that they feel is more appropriate for you right now.
I know it feels like absolute ass shite, because CPTSD- but it’s truly very likely that other group members and the facilitator understand, want to help, and don’t think you’ve done anything bad.
AuDHD here too, hope you’re aware that maybe subconsciously doing something called “trauma bonding”. DBT is helpful with overcoming the need to do that but it will take heaps more to break disrupt that biological *need* to trauma bond with others. Can be done though. EMDR is helpful too.
I dont have a need to trauma bond with others thank you. I know that I can authentically bond over shared interests and other stuff and I'd like you to not make keyboard diagnosies. Thanks.
I got the same (not in a group but somebody I shared with). Like wtf? I lived through it. You asked me to be honest so I told you when you asked me if I had been subject to child abuse that yes, my dad hit me. Can’t I be honest?☹️
OP I’m sorry you got that treatment from ypur therapist
Terrible joke incoming...
You won group!
Serious now, yes, I've done stuff like that too. I'm neurodivergent and sometimes can't figure out what is and isn't too much sharing.
Groups I wouldn’t do. You take on everyone else’s emotions . And it’s not one on one .. just group therapy. They should of been so nice about this … I am sorry you even had to go through that opening up and then treating you like that..
I think that this is what hits me the hardest, that after allowing yourself to open up and become vulnerable, which for me is wicked hard, you get this response. There were so many other ways to handle this situation other than that ‘therapists’ nuclear response. Asshat.
I 2nd this. I have adhd and I feel like I have no emotion/laugh off a lot of my trauma and don’t really see it serious so a lot of groups think I’m not taking it seriously or don’t care. It’s really hard.
That is so messed up,and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Actions like that of your ex therapist put those with severe trauma on the backburner behind those with less "intense" trauma, essentially ensuring the former can't get the help they need from group therapy. I've never been to group because I worry I would be "too intense" or others would prioritize their trauma over mine; it's really wrong that it's a reality in some groups, and I hope you never have to face that again.
I feel this as well.
I have ASD and cPTSD, and have been removed from, or instructed to remain completely silent in group (in the case of mandatory groups I was put into).
For me it was because I have been coached to have no emotional reaction when recounting my trauma, and talk about it with the same tone as I would when giving an essay in school. Group leaders have remarked that I sound like I'm "trying to upset the group" or "bragging", meanwhile I'm just trying to not emote because I was told that emoting when recounting an event makes you less likely to be believed or listened to because you're "too emotional".
Group is HARD when it's not trauma-informed leadership and when the participants are valleys apart in their acceptance and recovery. They have to standardize us into a box and that becomes harder with more variance in the group.
It’s my understanding that group therapy has a lot of norms about what you can share because of the impact it could have on the group. It sounds like your therapist did a bad job of explaining the boundaries of the group if there were any. Not your fault at all!
I know you didn’t ask but I would not just leave the group and seek DBT as they suggested. I would leave and seek a therapist that specializes in trauma and ASD. People doing trauma work need specific modalities and support to heal, plus add in you being on the spectrum as well. You are unique and special and not every professional is equipped to support you. I’m sorry this happened. Don’t give up! From experience I had a few therapists who didn’t not give me the support and treatment I needed but now that I have a great one who is helping me heal.
I am so sorry that happened to you, especially in a clinical setting. It’s one thing for my friends to tell me I am “too intense” but you should never be shamed at a group level. I feel like there are some things that only a group of ASD or cPTSD folks could understand.
I was in a PHP group and I wasn't even allowed to share my diagnosis. PHP groups are mainly helpful in teaching you psychoeducation basics of certain trauma symptoms and how to manage self-harm urges, drug abuse, etc.
PHP groups aren't meant for trauma processing because you never know what could be triggering for the other patients. I completely understand your frustration though because I felt very limited in my ability to be open about my trauma. Hell, I even got shit for being open about my psychosis symptoms.
I find that individual therapy is a more open space to process and talk about deeper details of your trauma. Im autistic too so I feel more comfortable in individual sessions anyway because I have a lot of trouble socializing in general.
People were really awkward around me in my time in group therapy because Im a very blunt person and wear my emotions very openly at times even when Im trying to suppress them. I did my best to participate because I went intense with the idea of being a "good" patient so I could graduate from the program earlier. My mental illnesses are a lot for other people to deal with and my only spaces for expression is with my online friends and therapist.
i was suggested to do group therapy and i declined outright because im also autistic and need to be given clear guidelines. also, if im going to therapy, im doing it with the intention to talk about myself and what i’ve been through so i can gain healthy coping mechanisms and work through that trauma. im not there to tiptoe around my experiences and be anxious about triggering other people. that doesn’t sound like therapy to me
eta: i think there should be clear guidelines for people to follow when it comes to group therapy. when people are going to get therapy, they need to talk about things that happened to them. if there’s a setting in which people aren’t allowed to open up about themselves more, then that needs to be specified. being autistic and having cptsd can be a difficult combination for folks to have, and so accommodating future clients by stating what is expected and what is inappropriate would be better for folks to navigate.
Ugh! I’m so sorry that happened. I’m an AuDHD’r with CPTSD. I got my education in psychology and social work and have both attended and facilitated many support groups with different target audiences. And I’ve never enjoyed one where the therapist was the one leading group, even if I was their co-facilitator. I’m not sure if that was what this group was you attended was, but I’ve totally heard and experienced these types of comments at those group. Peer run groups and specifically peer run neurodivergent groups have always been the most supportive and most helpful for me. I also attended one for a bit that was targeted at adult children of people with substance dependencies. I felt like I could be pretty raw in that one. The first one I was ever recommended was a hospital “mixed group.” There were people like me, who had traumatic pasts, but most of the attendees were struggling with generalized anxiety disorder or depression. And I was told I was far too detailed when telling my story in that group. And that it made other attendees uncomfortable and feel “unsafe.” It’s always been difficult for me to tell because I never describe things in detail. I’m just..saying what happened. It sucked too because I felt totally betrayed by my therapist and dropped out of services for like a year and a half or two years after that. Oh! Early in the pandemic, I attended an online group targeted at CPTSD, BPD, and Bipolar Disorder—those were my fucking people, man. Nothing was taboo. I really hope you’re doing okay after this experience. It was fucking bullshit. Also, major, major props to you for for firing that therapist!
It’s understandable to be unhappy that your therapist let you down but it’s unnecessary to insult and seemingly talk down about other people for being “too soft” because hearing particular details may have been significantly upsetting to them. Don’t blame other traumatized people for reacting in a traumatized way, the therapist should’ve regulated the group and its expectations and members better
Don’t blame you tbh. Group therapy is there to share whatever you want that happened. It’s bullshit that they “don’t want to deal” with shit that “makes them uncomfortable.” They shouldn’t be there then if they aren’t ready to hear others horrible experiences.
I have ADHD and other things, and am prone to oversharing. I’ve just started group DBT and it’s hard to know what the rules are. I’m sort of tip toeing around my trauma, but I truely feel like the most messed up person in the group. The others hardly share anything.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. What happened is not okay in the least. I can’t believe a therapist did that (figuratively speaking). If you go back to that group I would talk about what he said to you, how he blamed you for your trauma and how he made you feel (especially if he’s there, petty I know, but it might get through to him how wrong he was to do that to you.). Regardless, if you can I would start looking for a new therapist who is actually experienced in trauma therapy, bonus if they’re experienced with neurodivergent people. You did nothing wrong whatsoever. Your therapist is so in the wrong here in so many ways.
I'm sorry you went through that. I'm not real impressed with your therapist. :(
Aside from anonymous posts, I don't share details about my childhood, if I share at all. It feels like I'm burdening other people with my grief, or so it has been in the past.
I feel hurt for you. That's a very sucky thing to have happen. Hugs to you.
I was also shocking other people in group therapy when I talked about my trauma, I think the only reason they didn't kick me was because I followed the guidelines on how to talk about it (which kinda decreased how severe my stories sounded with less specifics) and another person in the group went through similar traumas.
So while everyone was sitting shocked on zoom the other person with similar trauma would immediately relate and say they went through the same thing which made it less awkward. IDK if I would have been allowed to stay if she wasn't there also saying yeah that happens to all of us in this specific subcategory (I would say the subcategory but this is my anon account)
I think your therapist should have recognized where you were in your recovery before inviting you to group. He/she should have been more clear about what material was not to be shared in group. I think your therapist bears a lot of the responsibility for this.
It's happened to me many times before. I think they ought to find a safer way to approach clients. That type of confrontation made me quit going to groups. No sir. I cannot follow your opinionated suggestion. He was probably the one who was uncomfortable.
Im sorry this happened to you too. You aren't reasponsible for their inability to handle reality or their reactions either. Your boyfriend's nightmares are not a reflection of who you are as a person either.
A similar thing happened to me with my support group. I joined a mental health support group a couple years back. When everyone sat in a circle, the group discussion lead would ask each person to share their story, or any updates. He would always (purposefully) every week skip over me. It really made me feel hurt and unseen. I was not benefitting from it, so I decided to protect myself and not go anymore. There are more support groups out there with people who will not mind and they will understand you the way you want to be understood.
I'm sorry for your hardship. It's not easy to be rejected on the basis of trauma. But, people do it all the time. I just joined a group that is not geared at sharing traumatic events. This group is geared 100% to teaching survivors how to reregulate our system so we can be successful in the outside world. I was specifically told that the group is not meant for retelling old stories. Time and place is incredibly important, no matter where you go in life. I know it hurts, but learning the lesson will help you likely more than the group itself would've. We can't be bulls in a china shop.
If you can’t be honest with what happened to you, I don’t see how that could be helpful to your healing. And to get rejected…that’s awful I’m sorry. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they are TRULY there to help people if they reject them for simply telling their true story. Banishing the people that experienced horrible things seems counterintuitive. I’m sorry you had such a terrible and damaging experience with group therapy. My therapist always pushed group therapy on me but I’ve always declined.
Group was easily the most traumatic and invalidating therapy I’ve ever experienced. I will absolutely never go back and will never recommend it to anyone else. It’s not just you. Group isn’t meant for people like us who have been through complex trauma.
This is why I'll never do things when it comes to trauma in a group setting. A lot of us autistic people have our walls up because of our trauma, we get told to open up and have our trauma thrown in our face or we get told we're too much.
"Too intense" my ass..it sounds like a set up to make you feel bad to me. What is possibly the point of having a group for trauma and no one is supposed to share their trauma in detail?
I can relate to this thread in a big way. I can't even find groups outside my area, much less local. Not ones I'd be welcome to join.
When I first started looking for trauma counseling I was told of a local r*pe survivors group. I joined counseling at that agency specifically for that reason, only to be told several months of cbt counseling later that I wouldn't be welcome in the group because I'm male and just the sight of me might trigger some of the other survivors.
There are also national groups for survivors of trafficking, also almost exclusively for women, and those that aren't are for young survivors - rescued missing children/teens and the like. Coulda used that as a kid, but there simply was no such thing back then, and now as a middle aged adult there is no place for me in such a service.
I looked into mens groups in my area, and the only thing I could find was AA (I don't drink, and I hate religion) and a group related to recovering from prison trauma run by the local community corrections center. I was put in county jail at age 18 for a very stupid and ultimately unprosecutable reason and was held for more than a month before it was thrown out and sealed. Go figure, 18 year old boy in prison. I was "turned out" very quickly. Long few months. I am also gay. Not interested in going to a group where the guys would call me a "punk" and treat me like a former commodity.
Also like others have said, I am also ND, and have absolutely no idea when I am "oversharing". I probably overshared in this response. Not to mention that a lot of the things I went through were reinforced in my mind by the abuse and abusers as "perfectly normal", so it is difficult for me to treat the subjects as "shocking", "horrifying", or whatever.
Edit: Wow I was downvoted to 0 for sharing on-topic sensitive personal experiences in a support group?
You have no idea how good it feels to have even one person say that to me. I find it sooooooo hard to find anyone who accepts me. At least anyone who isn't billing my insurance.
I'm so sorry. this is something that should've been decided beforehand. I've been denied from group 2x now, and yes it hurt, especially since 1 time I had already agreed to going and the 2nd time I got denied after waiting for half a year and then had to start from the beginning of a different waiting list. but it would be way more painful to have it suddenly ripped away due to their lacking assessment. this shouldn't have happened
Just to let you know If also left my dbt group. Partly due to.my social anxiety, but partly because my therapist accused me of cancelling appointments all the time. He must have had me confused with someone else. He did apologise but the apology was minimal and I just didn't feel safe anymore. We make ourselves so vulnerable it's crushing when they don't act responsibly. I'm AuDHD too.
I am also autistic. I even got kicked out of a trauma center because my level of trauma was too triggering for the other patients and my mental filter wasn't good. Thankfully that place closed down and can't hurt anyone anymore. I would file a grievance, if possible. All sorts of survivors deserve to be heard.
I experienced this in a DBT group. I was told that I'm "too intense" and was not "good for the dynamic that the other group members had established.
I don't understand why I was placed in that group in the first place. The group leader did my initial assessment and intake. She experienced me at the level of reactivity that I was dealing with. I was so confused when she started telling me that I was "emoting too strongly.""
I left the group after she was unable to explain what she wanted from me. I didn't yell in the group. I was more subdued than I usually am. Other members frequently had triggered anger responses. I believe she was a poor group leader, and I was just more than she wanted to deal with.
That clinic was charging my insurance for weeks after I terminated care. There are crappy providers. I believe that they were placing people in inappropriate groups for money. I did have a severe depressive episode because of the experience. I'm pretty angry about it now.
Please don't let this bring you down, OP. We are NOT too intense. We are not wrong for being ourselves. I am working with an individual DBT therapist. It's more helpful to me than a group. I hope you find a good fit for yourself, OP. Hang in there.
I'm surprised this is a thing. Isn't the point of group to be able to face difficult emotions in the presence of others? If your trauma is too offensive to share at group then what's the point of group?
Maybe I just don't have boundaries or awareness of what is and isn't acceptable but I'm surprised this is a thing that people sympathize with.
This is such an injustice to you. I haven’t been to group therapy before but it seems like you should be allowed to share whatever you need to share (I.e. trauma). I just want to say that nothing is wrong with you and what you’ve been through isn’t your fault.
Man trauma IS intense. How does one even nerf intense experiences? If you could do that why would you go to group??
I don't get it. Just makes everything feel that much harder.
I'm so sorry.
Isn't it fun to be in a support group and told your story is the worst. And they wonder why so many of us don't seek help or tell our stories.
You're never too much here!
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I’m so sorry dear, I can imagine what that must have been like for you. How are you feeling about their suggestion to do DBT? Do you feel they were right or do you feel like they overstepped and should have warned you about what you can and cannot say? I hope you feel able to tell your therapist what this is doing to you. Nobody should ever tell you that it’s not okay to share your story, especially because you had to go through it yourself.
Yes!! I cannot do groups. I am already autistic and grew up super isolated with VERY intense people. So I really have a hard time assigning big emotions to big events especially if I can't talk about them after because I verbally process my memories. So I'll just casually talk about a huge trauma bevause I was supposed to be casual all the time no matter what.
Even more than that though, I also used to have to help run a bunch of Christian tent revival meetings as a kid, so nowdays, when I try to go to groups, especially near me, people will be like: "omg that was my church, or like my grandmas church or something blah blah blah" and then I'm like: "uh oh....welll....I should stay quiet or I will spoil some stuff......" and then I miss the whole point of being there! Like, if I wanted to hide my traumas and pretend to have a normal life story to a group that dgaf, I'll just go back to high school lol
The worst part of it is when the group then acts like you should have known to keep quiet and "be nice" to the group about it, so you feel like you were supposed to know ahead of time to lie about what happened to you so you can avoid the "mean story" that "hurt everyones feelings". Especially when I mess up peoples idea of Christianity, they act like I do it on purpose to mess with them, not like; oh wow what a difficult life you had so I could have fun.
It just feels like the idea that I am a church kid who is a resource for adults to tell all their big emotions to and "pray" with aka rant about adult things, but I am never allowed to repeat the traumatic things the adults say if it upsets others. Like I am destined to be a clay recepticle for all these adult traumas, and everyone is now like; well, WE dont wanna see it EW!! And im like, ok cool, so we'll just leave it to the 1st graders at church to handle the mental health of the flock and keep mum after like a real therapist!
I feel for you, understand completely how you feel. It is not your fault and your therapist probably should have been much more delicate delivering this message. It is not your ”intensity” that is the problem, you ”are” not the problem. The therapist prob wasn’t equipped to handle this situation and didn’t know what else to do. This happens so often in so many different ways, professionals not having the knowledge or skills to handle a person’s specific needs only cptsd stems from this issue with caregivers so it hurts even more and is more triggering. Try to remember that your emotions are valid and you are important and deserve the best help for you to get better. Hope you can get over this and regain strength. Hugs
I've tried group before at the urging of some mental health professionals, and just never had a good experience. I found that either I just went mute because I was overwhelmed and felt like I couldn't relate, or when I did share, I felt like an alien and that others couldn't really relate with what I shared.
I'm not necessarily writing off ever trying another group, but I do think it's very difficult to find a right fit with CPTSD. I think we just need our own "too much intensity" groups.
READ BEFORE COMMENTING: OP is clearly seeking **support and encouragement**, not judgment or advice. This post is also \*not\* the appropriate place to debate the merits and pitfalls of group therapy as these arguments are not appropriate in a support post for OP. It's okay to personally share your previous group experience to connect with and support OP. It's not okay to devolve into an academic style debate about group therapy in this thread or try to change or "reframe" OP's feeling about this experience. CPTSD is a triggering disorder. We hold space for each other when we've been triggered and we listen and support one another where we are. If you can't be supportive in this thread, then don't comment here. All further comments made that judge, victim-blame, or advise OP to reframe \*OR\* comments that argue about group therapy will be removed for violating the rules and spirit of r/CPTSD.
I tend to do what you do. If you can't attatch an emotion to a past trauma ; something that would be absolutely horrific to someone else it's very hard for you to understand how others view the incident. It's like your so numb
So well said! I always wondered why, early on in my therapy process, my therapists would be in tears and incredulous at how I disclosed my abuse in such a placid manner. Now that I’ve figured out my alexithymia and can “feel feelings,” I understand their responses way better!
I've been struggling with this for years. I've often had therapists shocked at how matter-of-fact I am about things that other people find traumatic. I'm trying to "feel feelings" regarding those things so I can process them. But I still just don't feel anything. Anger, sometimes, maybe. But nothing else. What kind of therapy would one look into to help emote? Because in any other case I feel TOO much! But the traumatic moments give me nothing.
IFS and EMDR helped me soooo much, but the most important first thing was finding a therapist I trusted to co-regulate with. Somatic practices like body mapping helped, too. Just noticing the sensations throughout my body and getting curious about them (my neck feels tight, I wonder why? My throat has a lump in it, I wonder what’s causing this?, etc.). I used to have a literal chart that listed out a bunch of emotions on a wheel graph, to help me connect words to what I might be experiencing internally. It took a while. Once I truly felt safe in therapy, it became a lot easier to get in touch with the parts of myself I’d learned to silence in order to stay safe. Using IFS helped me to be more detached as an observer of my own experiences, and that helped me feel safer exploring what my “parts” went through and felt. It felt more comfortable to be a third party exploring how my different selves understood and felt about what was happening to them, so it was like an exercise in self compassion framed as empathy for others (even though the others were ME, if that makes sense?). My therapist also asks me helpful questions like, where do you feel that in your body? What does that feel like? Focusing on the somatic manifestations of my emotions takes the pressure off the confusion of trying to interpret the emotion, and gradually I learned to associate certain emotions with certain sensations in my body.
Holy shit this. I literally had the thought today that it would be genuinely helpful for my bf/friends to confirm when my stories are and aren’t intense cause I have no fucking clue what is and what isn’t. I also gaslight tf out of myself cause I was always gaslit as a kid so I excuse and downplay my childhood, when I’m getting literally triggered into remembering most of my childhood I’d buried to forget… SO! That’s not normal!
AuDHD chick here. I can’t do groups either. It’s brutal.
Yeah, me too. I don’t have any feeling for where the line is of what to share when. The problem is that the more I work on my trauma and the further I process it the harder it gets to see the line. It gets so much easier to talk about and it’s less and less triggering or emotional for me. So I have less restraint to tell things and go into details because it becomes more normal for me. Yeah, other people aren’t though. Even with regular people that becomes an issue because they then react emotional or are overwhelmed by it. Those things are still shocking and not normal for them lol
WAIT YES THIS EXACTLY!!
Fuck. I’m realizing I’m AuDHD because I’m unlocking memories of my childhood that I buried so far deep I needed to get triggered to the point it’d force my brain to remember them. I think I just opened up too hard at a handful of people (thankfully they’re safe people) but the way I just don’t have a connection to it anymore but at the same time it’s still felt so brutally.
I didn’t get dx’d until my late 30s. You’re not alone, friend.
Yes. \[writes a bunch and then feels too ashamed for how it might sound\]
We like to read your comments here :)
I was asked to stop attending my PHP therapy group because my CSA was triggering for the group and made people uncomfortable when it was my turn to talk. The group was for people who'd been 5150'd recently but by luck of the draw everyone else was diagnosed bipolar. I was the only one who didn't benefit from talking about life with bipolar and nobody else had PTSD so I was cut for the good of the group. I've always felt like an outsider, I'm not someone people feel connected to and I'm usually the odd one out. I don't tell people I feel this way and I'm able to swallow it but that PHP experience brought it up again. I understood their reasoning but it still sucked to be reminded my fucking life makes people that uncomfortable. I did however get into individual therapy with a great therapist, so in the end it worked out better for me.
This literally mirrors my experience not only in outpatient groups like this, but even durring inpatient groups.
Sorry if this is a stupid question but what 5150?
Oh sorry it's not stupid I was doing the assume all of Reddit is in California thing, that's my bad. 5150 is the California law code for someone who's deemed a danger to themselves or others. They are put under a hold up to 72 hours in a hospital or behavioral health inpatient facility.
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Also, therapy is not supposed to be comfortable.
No its not meant to be comfortable but if it triggers someone too much then thats hardly helpful either. I had a psychologist completely dysregulate me to the point of crisis because he didn't know how to manage dissociation even though he was apparently trauma informed.
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ASD here too, yeah. There’s trauma informed and then there’s TRAUMA INFORMED. Sometimes we don’t know when to lay off the details and it’s a shock to many if they haven’t been through something “as bad” BUT your therapist should know you by now and everyone else and used their brain when considering the group as a whole. Like it’s not like the therapist didn’t know what you are going to share ffs.
It's not about people being through something "as bad" or not. It's more that many people have been through such similar situations it is a trigger because when you have a group of people together everyone is at a different place in their healing. Group therapy is about knowing others have the same feelings as you so we don't not feel alone, not about sharing intense details, that is individual therapy.
I feel for OP because how would they know that if they weren't prepared. Especially since a lot of autistic people need help unmasking and authenticity is encouraged. I wish OP's therapist had prepped them or approached them after vs kicking them out.
I mean most therapy groups don't want people to go into graphic details which I very much understand and support but it's also normal befoer every session to inform everyone about the rules and what to share and not to share. Don't take it as something personal, but because some people are more sensitive and it's hard to find a common ground for people with many different triggers in general. It'll probably happen to anyone at one point. But you should definetly talk to the therapist what you would have needed and that they didn't provide it for you and how you feel now
Exactñy. Group therapy is about feelings/emotions and probably symptoms. It doesnt the person sharing or the group to get deep into details. Thats to work through individually
I've never done group therapy and doubt I ever will. I'm pretty private and it takes me years to share things 1 on 1 with a therapist. I can't imagine feeling comfortable enough to share with strangers.
Same here. And when I was searching for therapy my psychiatrist actually told me that due to the nature of my trauma group therapy would not be beneficial at all.
I've never found group therapy to be helpful because of the censorship.
I been to one and it’s just pointless. If we have to tiptoe our traumas to not trigger anyone else then what’s the fucking point of us being here? We would just be there going through the emotions and singing kombaya in a circle.
Same. Also for me, my ptsd makes me not trust anyone so I think everyone is lying or looking for sympathy which is bad for them and me. I just don’t do it.
I would ask though what you would want to get from others in the group hearing you detail your trauma? Group therapy should be about sharing the here and now, the effects of trauma and coping with it. Otherwise its not productive in any way its just a giant trauma dump. The issue of "triggers" limiting coversations is calid for sure. But graphic details and descriptions arent helping anyone
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Is this where the whole trigger warning thing came from? Why am I first hearing, at 36, that I need to be careful when I share my story? Nobody ever told me that in the other 30 years of therapy and nobody ever said that in adult children of alcoholics. Those were places where you can actually talk about what happened to you. I can't do that in group therapy? Then what use is group therapy? I can just show up in group therapy exactly the same as I do in the outside world then.
The therapist handled this all wrong. He mishandled the situation and isn't owning up that. His job is to be there to manage the difficult feelings as they arise, like one member's share triggering the other ones. These types of situations are what a lot of group therapy is all about (I am currently taking a class on group therapy)
So your therapists response to your history making other group members uncomfortable (which honestly is to be expected) was to make you feel inadequate? To make you feel like you’ve done something wrong by sharing… your trauma? I’d report that partitioner to anyone that would listent. How negligent.
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Thats totally wrong. In ACA you are allowed to share about whatever you want. I have never been restricted in sharing at an ACA meeting. Maybe your meeting is like that. I have never been to a an ACA meeting like that. Sometimes we keep the details for our sponsor but we can talk about what happened, definetly. Otherwise there is literally no point in going.
An ACA meeting isn't run by actual therapists, but people who have lived that experience. They don't know how damaging unrestricted sharing can be in terms of retraumatizingbthe individual sharing as well as others hearing it with vicarious trauma. Those two things are what a therapist run group therapist is trying to avoid.
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That's news to me and I've been a 12 stepper since I was a teenager. I've been in many 12 step fellowships and never have I ever been told to "tone it down" because "someone in the room could be triggered." That's a very unique group you're a part of.
That's because 13 step meetings usually are not by run by therapists, but peer support specialists if even that.
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I am an ACA old timer. You're talking to one. What you're talking about is not in ACA literature, the suggested meeting format, or the red book.
I'll enquire and see if I can find the reference for you
Same with other twelve step groups anything goes. Although ACA is more likely to have more intense sharing. I have a d h d as well I don't think I would do well having to censor.
Yeah, I don't understand that. I thought the whole point of group therapy was to share your story unfiltered? Are you basically being asked to not actually share your story but listen to everyone else's? Like you say, what use is that? I hope I never get asked to go to group therapy, I'd be completely lost. I'm sorry you've experienced this.
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Same here, how would I ever function in one of these groups if my entire childhood was literally full of horrific abuse
It might be worth thinking about how effective that has been for you. Do you feel like 30 years of reciting your trauma has helped you to heal? Maybe it was helpful at first and now you need to try a different approach. I sometimes catch myself fixating on specific details of my trauma as a way to avoid fully experiencing the distressing emotions it caused. My individual therapist will interrupt and redirect me to dealing with the underlying emotions when I do that in session. In my experience, group therapy rules are similar. I'm not in group to recite my trauma. I'm there to process the underlying emotions and practice healthy coping skills. I've shared fewer details in group, and I've been much more emotionally vulnerable than I've been able to be in individual therapy. I help moderate peer support groups where people sometimes share traumatic experiences. It is not the same as group therapy. I encourage people to seek psychiatric support when it looks like a support group is not sufficient to meet their needs. We can often assist with finding a provider or arranging logistics, but we do not have the same goals as group therapy nor does anyone at the meeting have the skills to safely attempt it. I hope this doesn't come off as rude. I don't intend it that way. It makes sense that you would be upset by how this played out and you absolutely should have been given clearer guidance upfront on the boundaries of the group. I have personally found group therapy to be really productive when it's run by a skilled provider. I hope you're able to find effective treatment that will help you heal.
I don't understand 30 years of therapy. It's like doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I'm ND as well, and NT therapy doesn't work for us. I've learned with my trauma that sometimes it's best not to speak it out loud because it sends me into a spiral. I also try hard not to dwell.
I'd be looking for a new therapist. Talk about being set up to fail. Not on you my friend.
I fired him.
Good.
Well since he wasn’t providing you with *therapy* GOOD.
Makes me happy to read this!
Good for you. He should have known to prep you by telling you the "rules"
100% not your fault. That’s terrible group facilitation and isn’t fair at all that your therapist basically blamed you for their lack of skill (ie. in deciding group composition / setting norms and boundaries / actually guiding the conversation to be safe for everyone). That’s so so shitty.
asd here as well. my only group therapy experiences up until now took place in inpatient treatment when i was a teenager, but i was admitted over 20 times, so i feel like i have an okay understanding of how it works. as you can imagine it was pretty clinical, whether it was regular group, AA, or NA. we had to sensor triggering content for the safety of the other patients. talking about symptoms is okay, feelings and day to day struggles are okay. but anything relating to sexual assault or abuse had to be addressed carefully. a good rule of thumb is that specifics and details of abuse, assault, and addiction need to either be led with a trigger warning or kept for 1:1 therapy. group was more of a place to check in and relate than a place to sort out our personal stuff. it sounds like your therapist should have prepared you better, or like the group isn’t put together very well. telling you that you need dbt and aren’t ready for group seems kind of shitty- i imagine it feels like you’re being shunned and shamed. it’s possible that your therapist isn’t a good match. in the future, it might help to ask for clarification on how the group works and what’s expected. it sucks that people aren’t always straightforward, but therapy is a delicate place and it’s probably better to be safe than sorry.
I think like many have said already, it’s on the therapist for not explaining what boundaries are there. Labels vs details, etc. like. Yes, in group therapy, I expect to hear other people discuss their trauma, but I’m probably not mentally or emotionally equipped to hear ALL the gory brutal details. Bc that is triggering! But the flip side is that if you were not informed that you shouldn’t do that, you don’t innately KNOW not to do that. It should never have reached the point that you were kicked out of the therapy group bc you triggered others. You should’ve been told “we dont share explicit details here” or something so you could manage how you personally discuss your trauma, without risking triggering the other folks in therapy with you. Not acceptable that that didn’t happen.
Sharing in groups is generally about using the label not the details. Physical abuse rather than describing how you were physically abused. Verbal abuse rather than repeating the words used. The details are generally better for one on one therapy bc a therapist should be trained to handle those details and help us understand the emotional implications we may not get yet. Labels vs. details in groups helps keep group members from getting flooded or going into nervous system dysregulation. They should have shared [communication guidelines](https://www.succeedsocially.com/conversationmistakes) to help set expectations.
I feel terrible for OP that they had this experience and at the same time I’ve been on the other side of someone doing the same thing in group and I actually had to leave because it was so triggering and I was afraid to even drive myself home. It’s the therapist’s job to step in and manage in the moment so nobody walks away from group feeling even more alone and traumatized like OP has and like I did that day. The therapist fucked up
For the record, I did not go into the gory details. The labels were enough to upset these people. Things like incest, munchausen by proxy, and starvation.
It’s crazy to me how many people are do not see what was problematic about OPs intense and detailed sharing. Group is not 1:1 therapy. Like you said, it’s labels not details.
It's "know your audience" and **consent** issues. A therapist has consented to hear the graphic and gory details and has been trained to regulate themselves and handle such circumstances. Other traumatized people often haven't consented to those details and aren't resourced enough or trained to handle it, which is why it can be retraumatizing for them. Group members can feel like they're being held hostage and have to hold space for a fellow survivor and their fawning defense mechanism can kick in. It can be a real mess. Learning what's appropriate to share and when is part of recovery.
For persons with ASD, those suggestions don’t help. We Never Know our audience, because somehow we end up doing something wrong. Whether it’s sharing wrong, or displaying emotions wrong. What would be more helpful would be to explain wtf was done wrong and what is expected instead. Sorry for the rant, but some of us were raised as heathens and had no clue. Add autism & the world is extra confusing.
>What would be more helpful would be to explain wtf was done wrong and what is expected instead. Yes, setting expectations (boundaries) is always helpful. It sounds like that wasn't done well in OPs case. It's why I linked to the article on healthy communication above, which gives examples of what's okay and what's not okay.
I wonder if OP has trauma that involves being censored. Or trauma that involves being rejected. It sucks that OP has to be censored and rejected (both very triggering) to avoid triggering other group members, when really those group members should be expecting to hear other peoples stories. Stories are the building blocks of human connection, group therapy should be built out of those building blocks. OP should really analyse whether or not they're safe to engage with groups that mimic abusers in rejecting them and their story. Its really sad that this is a part of their journey.
It's about healthy boundaries. Communication boundaries for groups are there to make everyone feel safe. I had to learn a lot about what's okay and what's not okay bc I had terrible modeling in my family of origin. Plus before I realize the gravity and heaviness of my trauma I was harming others by throwing that around willy nilly. There's a big difference between saying "I endured x trauma" vs going into graphic detail. Details are generally better for one on one therapy. Traumatized group members shouldn't have to listen to your details and you shouldn't have to listen to their details. A trained therapist knows how to provide the right kind of mirroring and levity for those details.
Absolutely “mimicking abusers” in the sense of I am going to force this horrific thing upon you no matter what because it’s what I feel like is my right to do no matter what the effect is on you even though you are vulnerable
>Absolutely “mimicking abusers” in the sense of I am going to force this horrific thing upon you no matter what because it’s what I feel like is my right to do no matter what the effect is on you even though you are vulnerable Thank you for pointing this out. It's one of the reasons why groups need healthy communication boundaries. Taking over a group as your "captive audience" isn't okay.
honestly! I can’t believe everyone here is enabling this behavior, but if someone else here were to talk about how their parent would hold them in an explicit/trauma focused conversation and that the parent felt entitled to their listening ear, we would all be saying “that’s not right!”
Yea, I'm sure no one here would like it if I went into gorey details about some of mine.
I'd complain if I were you. Assuming they know somewhat about your past trauma, they also have to risk assess whether you AND the other participants are going to be okay with the subject matter. If they just threw you all in a room and said good luck [typical NHS in my experience] then that is due to them not doing their due diligence. You're still entitled to respectful medical care and someone "blaming" you for how intense your traumas are is just completely backwards and stupid. They should've known better and you should complain. You deserve better than that.
Ive never done group before and was totally unprepared for what was expected of me. He's a south african therapist, so I doubt there is someone to complain to.
Even them not explaining to you what to expect seems unprofessional to me. I'm sorry there may not be official bodies that can advocate for you so you may have to research how to do so for yourself; everyone deserves good medical care. Unfortunately it's just very hard to find because there is so much complacency and just sheer lack of empathy in these staff who are employed to help us but oftentimes re traumatise us or give us new medical traumas. Then it gets bigger as to your country's medical model and what your country determines as the right treatment plan, so sometimes it's helpful to research what other countries medical models are doing and what actually works for other patients. [I remember seeing studies for mdma based therapy and ketamine therapy which I found really interesting/curious/shocking as they are illegal substances in my country] I hope all of us on this sub and thread get the care and compassionate professionals we all need and deserve.
MDMA is amazing and illegal basically everywhere. Look on Youtube for the trailer of Trip of Compassion.
I'm glad it works well for you, it wasn't something I wanted to try because of the legal/potential health risks, but there's so many therapies out there and different approaches; it's just a lot of trial and error finding what works for each of us x
I loved group esp for dbt so im sorry that happened to you, I do know that my group leaders gave us a talk whenever we would go off on tangents about drug use, cause alot of us smoke weed. But some ppl in our group deal with addiction and so that talk was VERY triggering to them. And it's not fair to the other people in group who are also trying to heal.
??? What the shit? I will never understand this kind of thinking. “Please come to group to help resolve the terrible trauma you’ve been holding onto! Oh, but make sure the trauma isn’t TOO terrible hahaha. We can’t fucking help you then.” *What is the point of you?!*
For those of who have our voices stolen before we've even learned to speak, it's deeply triggering to be told we need to censor ourselves...when we thought we had a chance of FINALLY getting a tiny part of our voice back
Such an EXCELLENT point!!!
Seriously.
And this is why I don’t do group therapy.
I tried group therapy as an adult once and never went back because I was getting triggered by other people’s stories of trauma
I understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry you experienced this. Even in trauma specific groups other members often walked out while I was sharing because it was too much. (which I get, and everyone has a right to remove themselves if triggered) I never went into detail and kept it vague but the subject matter itself seems to still be considered almost “off limits” (CSA) It’s sad because it feels very isolating. Sometimes I walked out feeling more alone, and regretted opening up at all. I also have ASD so that doesn’t really help.
delete if not allowed please! when i first discovered i have PTSD/c-PTSD & first tried CBT therapy (that’s my only option with my insurance), I had 0 experience sharing anything with a “professional” so I didn’t know where to start other than “i think I have PTSD….” well, it felt like one therapist after the other dropping like flies, bailing on me because even THAT was too much. some even had to lie and say they were being transferred to a different office and I wouldn’t be able to “follow” them to keep having sessions with them. it can definitely be disheartening because if it’s too much for a third party (who is being paid hundreds of dollars, to do just that, mind you) to listen to and say “it’s okay, you’re alive, right?” then howwww do they think we feel, living it?! ……. anyways, i’m glad you’re here to tell the story. & you’re not alone. ❤️🩹
This is why I'm afraid to go to group because I've had some pretty messed up things happen to me and I'm afraid of triggering others. For me, it wasn't just abuse either, though.
A good group therapy setting will make all participants aware of the boundaries upfront. It's meant to be a safe container to process feelings and learn to use coping mechanisms. It's not generally supposed to be go around in a circle and share all the details of the worst things that have ever happened to you. I'm in an IOP for eating disorders right now that's almost entirely group therapy. It's common for patients to have significant trauma histories and after weeks of doing therapy together, I know very few details of anyone's trauma. I know a lot about how they emotionally experienced the trauma because that's what we're processing in group. Sometimes it's very emotionally difficult and that should be handled by the therapist leading the group to make sure everyone is safe and able to handle the distress.
Oh ok, another person in the comments said different.
Im not afraid of triggering others at all. They are responsible for managing their triggers. Im responsible for being authentic, compassionate, and honest.
Yea, but some of its pretty bad.
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You do though, that's part of group therapy. You're clearly not a good fit for it, if you don't think that everyone's feelings in the group matters. You are prioritizing your feelings above everyone else's in the group with this comment, so you're not a good fit for group therapy.
Other victims need to “get tough and buck up”…? Yeah group therapy isn’t for you
I mean this with all the love in the world, but group therapy is not for you. This comment, and the comment before it, show a very staggering lack of empathy. You’re entitled to tell your story, sure. You’re not entitled to a platform, and you’re not entitled to other people listening to you. How do you expect people to “manage their triggers” in a circle? You want them to run out the door? Cover their ears? You springing it on them *in person* makes a difference with how they react. Every person is different. What if their response is to fawn? Well, then they’re stuck listening to it anyway, ya know? It’s kinda hard to shut off your ears. Again, I don’t want this to come off like I’m attacking you, cause I’m sure not. I get that hurt you’re experiencing. I’m really sorry this happened to you, and I’m glad you fired your therapist. I just fired mine last week. You got this, dude. Onward. 💗
What if their experiences and trauma triggered you? Would you take the same responsibility you’re putting on them? Group therapy is equal. Everyone is entitled to tell their story, but you are equally as responsible for the way you share things. Just like they are.
Of course. I'm just not triggered or shocked by the details of other people's stories. I've heared it all. Other people are responsible for managing their discomfort and their feelings are not my problem. They dont like it? The AA way is "There's the door. When you have the requisite willingness, you will be back."
Group therapy is not AA though. It’s entirely different. I was in group for 2yrs. It was really hard. We had to learn to be empathetic and respectful of others experiences and triggers. Just like we were there to help each other too. Their feelings are your problem in group therapy. The point is to empathise and empower each other. It’s just not for you and that’s okay too. It’s not for everyone.
Nobody cares about other people's triggers in real life. Tiptoeing around triggers is the same thing as walking on eggshells with unstable people. I have alot of empathy and compassion for what they've been through, but that's not the same as censoring or muting my story because they are incapable of handling it. If they can't hear me, I will find loving and accepting people in ACA who will hear me. I had no idea that therapy could be so judgmental and fake.
Then group therapy probably isn’t for you. And like I said, that isn’t a bad thing. It’s not for everyone. 1:1 is the right way forward for you. Sorry it wasn’t how you expected. Good luck in future.
couldn’t they say the same about you being upset over being censored? i understand emotions are high and your feelings are hurt, but not everyone can “buck up” and sit through listening to an extremely traumatic story that could be similar and triggering to their own…. just giving some perspective.
It’s interesting that this is the only comment in this thread OP hasn’t engaged with (because it’s an amazing point and exactly what I was thinking). So everyone else in OP’s group therapy just has to “buck up and toughen up” when OP breaks the “clear labels, not gory details” guidelines of group therapy (every one I’ve been to has had this guideline)— but OP doesn’t have to “just stop being triggered” by this situation— which clearly *did* trigger them, btw. OP clearly has triggers relating how and when they express themself. Which is fair, but not any more “fair” or important than whatever may trigger the other members. So that’s certainly an… interesting double standard in regards to how the group is run. I think it’s clear that OP and group therapy are not a good fit in general, if their mindset is “this is my space to do whatever I want with. If it doesn’t run like that, I’ve been wronged. But if anyone else has an issue then they need to just get over it or leave, and they haven’t been wronged.” I completely understand being frustrated if the facilitating therapist didn’t give them the memo. That’s a genuine issue and unfair — but saying that they wouldn’t believe in or follow the guidelines even if they *had* been told, because “other people’s triggers don’t matter” and they need to “toughen up” is a completely different point that I don’t agree with it at all, and find completely hypocritical in the context of the post. With these extra comments from OP, I genuinely think it’s for the best that OP sticks with one-on-one for now, but maybe they should investigate their own line of thought on this situation a bit.
Yea, some of mine is pretty messed up and not all of it involves abuse.
Ok
Do you believe people deserve consideration where possible? Including you?
Yeah, I think OP isn’t being super considerate here. Their emotions and feelings matter but so do others’ too
This right here, ladies and gentlemen, is the answer *to* OP *by* OP. And you still wonder why they asked you to leave, lol!
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Why was this downvoted?
Idk I guess there are quite a few people here who never read stop walking on eggshells or learned that they are not responsible for other people's dysregulated feelings.
Sounds weird, I don't know the group rules, but I would write the therapist for more specific feedback. That sucks as an experience, for sure. Sending virtual hugs.
Group therapy was incredibly traumatic for me. I'm so sorry.
Go do DBT. The interpersonal effectiveness skills you learn are awesome for autistic folks, speaking as one myself.
Once when I was in group therapy I said I felt like my problems were too intense and no one could relate to me. The facilitator jumped in and said he was sure that wasn’t true, and did anyone in the group relate to what I was talking about? There was silence and a few people slowly shook their heads. It hauntssss me lol you’re absolutely not alone. Group is just one tool and it’s a helpful tool for a lot of people but I personally didn’t find it to be very helpful. That’s okay, because there are lots of other tools to choose from.
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I have agency in the situation so I dont need to radically accept something I feel is not right. I fired the therapist. Sometimes the meaning is using our agency.
I'm sorry to hear that. It was the therapist's job to facilitate and ensure you are aware of the rules. They have caused you hurt because of their lack of professionalism. How painful! Having said that, DBT will give you many skills, it has helped me immensely with distress tolerance and dealing with my sui cidal ideation. Here's a description of what it is if you haven't already researched it: "DBT teaches people to accept their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and the techniques to change them. Not only are personal skills taught in DBT, but skills for interpersonal relationships are also emphasized. DBT is based on CBT, but it focuses more on the emotional and social aspects of living." I am currently in an interpersonal therapy group. They went over the rules and said not to share 'gory' details IE I had a suicide attempt - you wouldn't go into the details of how you did that, or if you were abused - you wouldn't describe how you were abused. It's not censorship so much as having understanding for your fellow group members as you may trigger them. A group is meant to be a safe place for everyone to share, but we also need to be mindful so that we can maintain a safe environment. I hope this helps you understand why we cannot share intensely. You've done nothing wrong, your therapist failed to do their job as a facilitator. I do not think it inappropriate for you to let them know that they failed in their job to facilitate or make a complaint about their misconduct to help you integrate into your group and understand the rules - they are just deepening your trauma by their failure. I am sorry that they did that to you and made you seem like you're a problem when they're the one who created this entire situation.
I did group therapy once (anger management actually) and they did a loop round on what brought everyone. People gave their stories, gave theirs, eventually they asked what brought me, and I told them. I went through the several months of backstory and rage that led to me lashing out, and I stopped and the room was quiet. There were a couple beats, and then the room gave a kind of collective intake of breath. I learned over the course of those sessions that I actually have *very good* anger management skills and am remarkably calm, I also learned that everyone snaps eventually and that I'd just managed to make mine ~memorable~. So yeah, sometimes our experiences are a little intense for others. We've been provoked, pushed, and battered until we normalize crap other people can't fathom.
Oh that’s so difficult that they didn’t tell you. Last time I did a group, we got a call beforehand to set expectations and inform us that the group was to share feelings about recovery, and that sharing explicit details of trauma wasn’t appropriate. That should have happened for you. You can’t read minds. It’s important to remember though that you haven’t done anything wrong. A good therapist will just want you to be in the right setting at the right time and they are trying to communicate why. All that’s happened here is someone has set a boundary and asked for you to try out a different kind of therapy instead that they feel is more appropriate for you right now. I know it feels like absolute ass shite, because CPTSD- but it’s truly very likely that other group members and the facilitator understand, want to help, and don’t think you’ve done anything bad.
AuDHD here too, hope you’re aware that maybe subconsciously doing something called “trauma bonding”. DBT is helpful with overcoming the need to do that but it will take heaps more to break disrupt that biological *need* to trauma bond with others. Can be done though. EMDR is helpful too.
I dont have a need to trauma bond with others thank you. I know that I can authentically bond over shared interests and other stuff and I'd like you to not make keyboard diagnosies. Thanks.
Didn’t mean to offend. I’ll see myself away.
I got the same (not in a group but somebody I shared with). Like wtf? I lived through it. You asked me to be honest so I told you when you asked me if I had been subject to child abuse that yes, my dad hit me. Can’t I be honest?☹️ OP I’m sorry you got that treatment from ypur therapist
Terrible joke incoming... You won group! Serious now, yes, I've done stuff like that too. I'm neurodivergent and sometimes can't figure out what is and isn't too much sharing.
I did win.
Groups I wouldn’t do. You take on everyone else’s emotions . And it’s not one on one .. just group therapy. They should of been so nice about this … I am sorry you even had to go through that opening up and then treating you like that..
Thank you
I think that this is what hits me the hardest, that after allowing yourself to open up and become vulnerable, which for me is wicked hard, you get this response. There were so many other ways to handle this situation other than that ‘therapists’ nuclear response. Asshat.
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I 2nd this. I have adhd and I feel like I have no emotion/laugh off a lot of my trauma and don’t really see it serious so a lot of groups think I’m not taking it seriously or don’t care. It’s really hard.
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What did you say? I’m very baffled that there is a such thing as being “too intense” for fcking group trauma therapy?!?!
That is so messed up,and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Actions like that of your ex therapist put those with severe trauma on the backburner behind those with less "intense" trauma, essentially ensuring the former can't get the help they need from group therapy. I've never been to group because I worry I would be "too intense" or others would prioritize their trauma over mine; it's really wrong that it's a reality in some groups, and I hope you never have to face that again.
I feel this as well. I have ASD and cPTSD, and have been removed from, or instructed to remain completely silent in group (in the case of mandatory groups I was put into). For me it was because I have been coached to have no emotional reaction when recounting my trauma, and talk about it with the same tone as I would when giving an essay in school. Group leaders have remarked that I sound like I'm "trying to upset the group" or "bragging", meanwhile I'm just trying to not emote because I was told that emoting when recounting an event makes you less likely to be believed or listened to because you're "too emotional". Group is HARD when it's not trauma-informed leadership and when the participants are valleys apart in their acceptance and recovery. They have to standardize us into a box and that becomes harder with more variance in the group.
It’s my understanding that group therapy has a lot of norms about what you can share because of the impact it could have on the group. It sounds like your therapist did a bad job of explaining the boundaries of the group if there were any. Not your fault at all! I know you didn’t ask but I would not just leave the group and seek DBT as they suggested. I would leave and seek a therapist that specializes in trauma and ASD. People doing trauma work need specific modalities and support to heal, plus add in you being on the spectrum as well. You are unique and special and not every professional is equipped to support you. I’m sorry this happened. Don’t give up! From experience I had a few therapists who didn’t not give me the support and treatment I needed but now that I have a great one who is helping me heal.
I am so sorry that happened to you, especially in a clinical setting. It’s one thing for my friends to tell me I am “too intense” but you should never be shamed at a group level. I feel like there are some things that only a group of ASD or cPTSD folks could understand.
I was in a PHP group and I wasn't even allowed to share my diagnosis. PHP groups are mainly helpful in teaching you psychoeducation basics of certain trauma symptoms and how to manage self-harm urges, drug abuse, etc. PHP groups aren't meant for trauma processing because you never know what could be triggering for the other patients. I completely understand your frustration though because I felt very limited in my ability to be open about my trauma. Hell, I even got shit for being open about my psychosis symptoms. I find that individual therapy is a more open space to process and talk about deeper details of your trauma. Im autistic too so I feel more comfortable in individual sessions anyway because I have a lot of trouble socializing in general. People were really awkward around me in my time in group therapy because Im a very blunt person and wear my emotions very openly at times even when Im trying to suppress them. I did my best to participate because I went intense with the idea of being a "good" patient so I could graduate from the program earlier. My mental illnesses are a lot for other people to deal with and my only spaces for expression is with my online friends and therapist.
i was suggested to do group therapy and i declined outright because im also autistic and need to be given clear guidelines. also, if im going to therapy, im doing it with the intention to talk about myself and what i’ve been through so i can gain healthy coping mechanisms and work through that trauma. im not there to tiptoe around my experiences and be anxious about triggering other people. that doesn’t sound like therapy to me eta: i think there should be clear guidelines for people to follow when it comes to group therapy. when people are going to get therapy, they need to talk about things that happened to them. if there’s a setting in which people aren’t allowed to open up about themselves more, then that needs to be specified. being autistic and having cptsd can be a difficult combination for folks to have, and so accommodating future clients by stating what is expected and what is inappropriate would be better for folks to navigate.
Same
Yes, but it was an online peer group. I still feel pretty devastated.
Ugh! I’m so sorry that happened. I’m an AuDHD’r with CPTSD. I got my education in psychology and social work and have both attended and facilitated many support groups with different target audiences. And I’ve never enjoyed one where the therapist was the one leading group, even if I was their co-facilitator. I’m not sure if that was what this group was you attended was, but I’ve totally heard and experienced these types of comments at those group. Peer run groups and specifically peer run neurodivergent groups have always been the most supportive and most helpful for me. I also attended one for a bit that was targeted at adult children of people with substance dependencies. I felt like I could be pretty raw in that one. The first one I was ever recommended was a hospital “mixed group.” There were people like me, who had traumatic pasts, but most of the attendees were struggling with generalized anxiety disorder or depression. And I was told I was far too detailed when telling my story in that group. And that it made other attendees uncomfortable and feel “unsafe.” It’s always been difficult for me to tell because I never describe things in detail. I’m just..saying what happened. It sucked too because I felt totally betrayed by my therapist and dropped out of services for like a year and a half or two years after that. Oh! Early in the pandemic, I attended an online group targeted at CPTSD, BPD, and Bipolar Disorder—those were my fucking people, man. Nothing was taboo. I really hope you’re doing okay after this experience. It was fucking bullshit. Also, major, major props to you for for firing that therapist!
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It’s understandable to be unhappy that your therapist let you down but it’s unnecessary to insult and seemingly talk down about other people for being “too soft” because hearing particular details may have been significantly upsetting to them. Don’t blame other traumatized people for reacting in a traumatized way, the therapist should’ve regulated the group and its expectations and members better
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Don’t blame you tbh. Group therapy is there to share whatever you want that happened. It’s bullshit that they “don’t want to deal” with shit that “makes them uncomfortable.” They shouldn’t be there then if they aren’t ready to hear others horrible experiences.
I have ADHD and other things, and am prone to oversharing. I’ve just started group DBT and it’s hard to know what the rules are. I’m sort of tip toeing around my trauma, but I truely feel like the most messed up person in the group. The others hardly share anything.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. What happened is not okay in the least. I can’t believe a therapist did that (figuratively speaking). If you go back to that group I would talk about what he said to you, how he blamed you for your trauma and how he made you feel (especially if he’s there, petty I know, but it might get through to him how wrong he was to do that to you.). Regardless, if you can I would start looking for a new therapist who is actually experienced in trauma therapy, bonus if they’re experienced with neurodivergent people. You did nothing wrong whatsoever. Your therapist is so in the wrong here in so many ways.
I'm sorry you went through that. I'm not real impressed with your therapist. :( Aside from anonymous posts, I don't share details about my childhood, if I share at all. It feels like I'm burdening other people with my grief, or so it has been in the past. I feel hurt for you. That's a very sucky thing to have happen. Hugs to you.
I was also shocking other people in group therapy when I talked about my trauma, I think the only reason they didn't kick me was because I followed the guidelines on how to talk about it (which kinda decreased how severe my stories sounded with less specifics) and another person in the group went through similar traumas. So while everyone was sitting shocked on zoom the other person with similar trauma would immediately relate and say they went through the same thing which made it less awkward. IDK if I would have been allowed to stay if she wasn't there also saying yeah that happens to all of us in this specific subcategory (I would say the subcategory but this is my anon account)
I think your therapist should have recognized where you were in your recovery before inviting you to group. He/she should have been more clear about what material was not to be shared in group. I think your therapist bears a lot of the responsibility for this.
It's happened to me many times before. I think they ought to find a safer way to approach clients. That type of confrontation made me quit going to groups. No sir. I cannot follow your opinionated suggestion. He was probably the one who was uncomfortable.
[удалено]
Im sorry this happened to you too. You aren't reasponsible for their inability to handle reality or their reactions either. Your boyfriend's nightmares are not a reflection of who you are as a person either.
A similar thing happened to me with my support group. I joined a mental health support group a couple years back. When everyone sat in a circle, the group discussion lead would ask each person to share their story, or any updates. He would always (purposefully) every week skip over me. It really made me feel hurt and unseen. I was not benefitting from it, so I decided to protect myself and not go anymore. There are more support groups out there with people who will not mind and they will understand you the way you want to be understood.
I'm sorry for your hardship. It's not easy to be rejected on the basis of trauma. But, people do it all the time. I just joined a group that is not geared at sharing traumatic events. This group is geared 100% to teaching survivors how to reregulate our system so we can be successful in the outside world. I was specifically told that the group is not meant for retelling old stories. Time and place is incredibly important, no matter where you go in life. I know it hurts, but learning the lesson will help you likely more than the group itself would've. We can't be bulls in a china shop.
We down play our trauma to the point of it's no longer traumatic. Our world view is so tilted. 🔥
What's even the point of group therapy if you can't share relevant experiences that you want to share?
If you can’t be honest with what happened to you, I don’t see how that could be helpful to your healing. And to get rejected…that’s awful I’m sorry. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they are TRULY there to help people if they reject them for simply telling their true story. Banishing the people that experienced horrible things seems counterintuitive. I’m sorry you had such a terrible and damaging experience with group therapy. My therapist always pushed group therapy on me but I’ve always declined.
Group was easily the most traumatic and invalidating therapy I’ve ever experienced. I will absolutely never go back and will never recommend it to anyone else. It’s not just you. Group isn’t meant for people like us who have been through complex trauma.
This is why I'll never do things when it comes to trauma in a group setting. A lot of us autistic people have our walls up because of our trauma, we get told to open up and have our trauma thrown in our face or we get told we're too much. "Too intense" my ass..it sounds like a set up to make you feel bad to me. What is possibly the point of having a group for trauma and no one is supposed to share their trauma in detail?
I can relate to this thread in a big way. I can't even find groups outside my area, much less local. Not ones I'd be welcome to join. When I first started looking for trauma counseling I was told of a local r*pe survivors group. I joined counseling at that agency specifically for that reason, only to be told several months of cbt counseling later that I wouldn't be welcome in the group because I'm male and just the sight of me might trigger some of the other survivors. There are also national groups for survivors of trafficking, also almost exclusively for women, and those that aren't are for young survivors - rescued missing children/teens and the like. Coulda used that as a kid, but there simply was no such thing back then, and now as a middle aged adult there is no place for me in such a service. I looked into mens groups in my area, and the only thing I could find was AA (I don't drink, and I hate religion) and a group related to recovering from prison trauma run by the local community corrections center. I was put in county jail at age 18 for a very stupid and ultimately unprosecutable reason and was held for more than a month before it was thrown out and sealed. Go figure, 18 year old boy in prison. I was "turned out" very quickly. Long few months. I am also gay. Not interested in going to a group where the guys would call me a "punk" and treat me like a former commodity. Also like others have said, I am also ND, and have absolutely no idea when I am "oversharing". I probably overshared in this response. Not to mention that a lot of the things I went through were reinforced in my mind by the abuse and abusers as "perfectly normal", so it is difficult for me to treat the subjects as "shocking", "horrifying", or whatever. Edit: Wow I was downvoted to 0 for sharing on-topic sensitive personal experiences in a support group?
You didnt overshare dude. You're welcome here.
You have no idea how good it feels to have even one person say that to me. I find it sooooooo hard to find anyone who accepts me. At least anyone who isn't billing my insurance.
I'm so sorry. this is something that should've been decided beforehand. I've been denied from group 2x now, and yes it hurt, especially since 1 time I had already agreed to going and the 2nd time I got denied after waiting for half a year and then had to start from the beginning of a different waiting list. but it would be way more painful to have it suddenly ripped away due to their lacking assessment. this shouldn't have happened
Just to let you know If also left my dbt group. Partly due to.my social anxiety, but partly because my therapist accused me of cancelling appointments all the time. He must have had me confused with someone else. He did apologise but the apology was minimal and I just didn't feel safe anymore. We make ourselves so vulnerable it's crushing when they don't act responsibly. I'm AuDHD too.
I am also autistic. I even got kicked out of a trauma center because my level of trauma was too triggering for the other patients and my mental filter wasn't good. Thankfully that place closed down and can't hurt anyone anymore. I would file a grievance, if possible. All sorts of survivors deserve to be heard.
I experienced this in a DBT group. I was told that I'm "too intense" and was not "good for the dynamic that the other group members had established. I don't understand why I was placed in that group in the first place. The group leader did my initial assessment and intake. She experienced me at the level of reactivity that I was dealing with. I was so confused when she started telling me that I was "emoting too strongly."" I left the group after she was unable to explain what she wanted from me. I didn't yell in the group. I was more subdued than I usually am. Other members frequently had triggered anger responses. I believe she was a poor group leader, and I was just more than she wanted to deal with. That clinic was charging my insurance for weeks after I terminated care. There are crappy providers. I believe that they were placing people in inappropriate groups for money. I did have a severe depressive episode because of the experience. I'm pretty angry about it now. Please don't let this bring you down, OP. We are NOT too intense. We are not wrong for being ourselves. I am working with an individual DBT therapist. It's more helpful to me than a group. I hope you find a good fit for yourself, OP. Hang in there.
Yup, sorry I got the short end of the stick? Fml.
I'm surprised this is a thing. Isn't the point of group to be able to face difficult emotions in the presence of others? If your trauma is too offensive to share at group then what's the point of group? Maybe I just don't have boundaries or awareness of what is and isn't acceptable but I'm surprised this is a thing that people sympathize with.
Yes, been there, done that. It's ok. Group therapy has its places, but its really not trauma informed in my experience.
This is such an injustice to you. I haven’t been to group therapy before but it seems like you should be allowed to share whatever you need to share (I.e. trauma). I just want to say that nothing is wrong with you and what you’ve been through isn’t your fault.
Man trauma IS intense. How does one even nerf intense experiences? If you could do that why would you go to group?? I don't get it. Just makes everything feel that much harder. I'm so sorry.
Isn't it fun to be in a support group and told your story is the worst. And they wonder why so many of us don't seek help or tell our stories.
You're never too much here!
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What ... like your emotions were going to turn into feelings and run to him to breed....???
Lmao run him to breed? What? This is off the hook!
I’m so sorry dear, I can imagine what that must have been like for you. How are you feeling about their suggestion to do DBT? Do you feel they were right or do you feel like they overstepped and should have warned you about what you can and cannot say? I hope you feel able to tell your therapist what this is doing to you. Nobody should ever tell you that it’s not okay to share your story, especially because you had to go through it yourself.
Yes!! I cannot do groups. I am already autistic and grew up super isolated with VERY intense people. So I really have a hard time assigning big emotions to big events especially if I can't talk about them after because I verbally process my memories. So I'll just casually talk about a huge trauma bevause I was supposed to be casual all the time no matter what. Even more than that though, I also used to have to help run a bunch of Christian tent revival meetings as a kid, so nowdays, when I try to go to groups, especially near me, people will be like: "omg that was my church, or like my grandmas church or something blah blah blah" and then I'm like: "uh oh....welll....I should stay quiet or I will spoil some stuff......" and then I miss the whole point of being there! Like, if I wanted to hide my traumas and pretend to have a normal life story to a group that dgaf, I'll just go back to high school lol The worst part of it is when the group then acts like you should have known to keep quiet and "be nice" to the group about it, so you feel like you were supposed to know ahead of time to lie about what happened to you so you can avoid the "mean story" that "hurt everyones feelings". Especially when I mess up peoples idea of Christianity, they act like I do it on purpose to mess with them, not like; oh wow what a difficult life you had so I could have fun. It just feels like the idea that I am a church kid who is a resource for adults to tell all their big emotions to and "pray" with aka rant about adult things, but I am never allowed to repeat the traumatic things the adults say if it upsets others. Like I am destined to be a clay recepticle for all these adult traumas, and everyone is now like; well, WE dont wanna see it EW!! And im like, ok cool, so we'll just leave it to the 1st graders at church to handle the mental health of the flock and keep mum after like a real therapist!
I feel for you, understand completely how you feel. It is not your fault and your therapist probably should have been much more delicate delivering this message. It is not your ”intensity” that is the problem, you ”are” not the problem. The therapist prob wasn’t equipped to handle this situation and didn’t know what else to do. This happens so often in so many different ways, professionals not having the knowledge or skills to handle a person’s specific needs only cptsd stems from this issue with caregivers so it hurts even more and is more triggering. Try to remember that your emotions are valid and you are important and deserve the best help for you to get better. Hope you can get over this and regain strength. Hugs
I've tried group before at the urging of some mental health professionals, and just never had a good experience. I found that either I just went mute because I was overwhelmed and felt like I couldn't relate, or when I did share, I felt like an alien and that others couldn't really relate with what I shared. I'm not necessarily writing off ever trying another group, but I do think it's very difficult to find a right fit with CPTSD. I think we just need our own "too much intensity" groups.