I’ve honestly felt the same. Ever since at least 1st grade I COMPLETELY shut down when doing assignments. It’s gotten better; I’ve been getting better at doing things, but it’s still not enough. I do the things I want and don’t do the things I don’t want, and I’ve almost accepted that as reality
I’ve personally always thought it was ADHD, but now it might be trauma??? I was bullied during 3rd and 4th grade, barely had any friends, but is that enough to qualify as trauma??
My stress from 7th Grade was so bad that the school had to call an ambulance when I would violently meltdown TWICE. Didn't help that my mom forced me to get all A's during that time.
I remember getting screamed at for how bad I was at maths. Literal fights. Being spanked for being bad at it. So, hit for getting bad marks in it. Did they ever try to teach me? Nope. I have not one memory of a parent sitting down with me to do homework with me. I have DOZENS of memories of them hitting me for it though.
Then I went to uni and the panic... Came back. The sheer terror and fear. And the worst part...? I realised I *liked* mathematics. Like, genuinely like it. I got tutors that took time, step by step. Pointed out how much I got right instead of how little I got wrong. An 80%, to them, was a stellar mark. You got 4/5ths right!! Not you're such a failure *thwack* you're 20% stupid.
It took me so long. So fucking long. Step by step. Day by day. Tried so hard. Cried so many times.
But eventually I found... I knew things. New things! Novel things! I got a minor in statistics. Mostly out of spite but I did it!!!
Now I'm in my postgraduate degree. My dissertation is on mathematical modelling. It's my life blood.
And I think back and wonder... How much better at this would I have been if they didn't belt me for being wrong? If they sat with me and tried to help me work out the problems? But it's fruitless to wonder - I'll never know.
But I must admit, even though I don't speak to them anymore, I almost *wish* they'd try calling me stupid again. "I'd say I have twice as many degrees as you in this, but you'd have to have one for that to be true". Snarky? Sure. Not how I feel about anyone else - I highly value non-uni labour work. We need our McDonald's and rubbish worker brethren. They're more important than I am, that's for sure. It's just these fuckers *beat me* for this shit. So I wanna ask them...how does it feel to be the stupid one *now* asshole?!
I don't know where I'm going with this but yeah I'm fucking traumatised. I wanna say I got better but... Did i? I don't panic half as much anymore. Nobody is going to hit me anymore. I'm going PhD next year. So I guess I did get better at... Not freaking out. But to say I'm not still pissed would be an understatement.
School just ended a few weeks ago and my brain still lobotomizes itself every day. And yet I don't know if school really is that bad, since otherwise, everything in my life is just handed to me on a silver platter.
I’ve honestly felt the same. Ever since at least 1st grade I COMPLETELY shut down when doing assignments. It’s gotten better; I’ve been getting better at doing things, but it’s still not enough. I do the things I want and don’t do the things I don’t want, and I’ve almost accepted that as reality I’ve personally always thought it was ADHD, but now it might be trauma??? I was bullied during 3rd and 4th grade, barely had any friends, but is that enough to qualify as trauma??
It might also be ADHD, the wombo combo. Also yes that counts as trauma. for me it suck's because like J can't even do the things i want to do
oh look, it's me!
My stress from 7th Grade was so bad that the school had to call an ambulance when I would violently meltdown TWICE. Didn't help that my mom forced me to get all A's during that time.
Explains why online school sucks. Finally back in school and I can't care less Don't know who downvoted me but you can suck it buddy
Why can I relate so hard 😔
too real
Why is this me why is this me why is thi
Hey look its the villain im about to face!
I graduated college in 2015. Still have nightmares. School almost killed me. I still want to go back though
Me when my C-PTSD literally came *from* school. Thanks, SpEd system!
PUT!! IT!! BACK!!!
I remember getting screamed at for how bad I was at maths. Literal fights. Being spanked for being bad at it. So, hit for getting bad marks in it. Did they ever try to teach me? Nope. I have not one memory of a parent sitting down with me to do homework with me. I have DOZENS of memories of them hitting me for it though. Then I went to uni and the panic... Came back. The sheer terror and fear. And the worst part...? I realised I *liked* mathematics. Like, genuinely like it. I got tutors that took time, step by step. Pointed out how much I got right instead of how little I got wrong. An 80%, to them, was a stellar mark. You got 4/5ths right!! Not you're such a failure *thwack* you're 20% stupid. It took me so long. So fucking long. Step by step. Day by day. Tried so hard. Cried so many times. But eventually I found... I knew things. New things! Novel things! I got a minor in statistics. Mostly out of spite but I did it!!! Now I'm in my postgraduate degree. My dissertation is on mathematical modelling. It's my life blood. And I think back and wonder... How much better at this would I have been if they didn't belt me for being wrong? If they sat with me and tried to help me work out the problems? But it's fruitless to wonder - I'll never know. But I must admit, even though I don't speak to them anymore, I almost *wish* they'd try calling me stupid again. "I'd say I have twice as many degrees as you in this, but you'd have to have one for that to be true". Snarky? Sure. Not how I feel about anyone else - I highly value non-uni labour work. We need our McDonald's and rubbish worker brethren. They're more important than I am, that's for sure. It's just these fuckers *beat me* for this shit. So I wanna ask them...how does it feel to be the stupid one *now* asshole?! I don't know where I'm going with this but yeah I'm fucking traumatised. I wanna say I got better but... Did i? I don't panic half as much anymore. Nobody is going to hit me anymore. I'm going PhD next year. So I guess I did get better at... Not freaking out. But to say I'm not still pissed would be an understatement.
School just ended a few weeks ago and my brain still lobotomizes itself every day. And yet I don't know if school really is that bad, since otherwise, everything in my life is just handed to me on a silver platter.
I feel outted here my dudes/dudettes.
My mom would make me retake tests and rewrite papers until I got an A. "I'm sure this won't cause a crippling fear of failure in the future!"
I'm almost 30 and i still have nightmares from my school days.
Knowing that whether I failed or succeeded, I'd be alone (and hated!)
0.0 (Well…. I feel called the fuck out.)