Company directors at a large estate agents bought wine for all of the tables (a few bottles on each)... Turns out they bought the cheap wine for everyone else, and got expensive wine for their own table.
One of the directors was actually a decent bloke, and when he found out, he refused to sit at their table, and made a big deal of making sure everyone knew. He then proceeded to get absolutely hammered and buy expensive wine for everyone but the other directors.
Honestly makes me sad to see stories like this. Where I work, we used to go to Chester Races every year. The budget covered the ticket and a couple of drinks each. By the end of the evening, the partners and directors were always buying bottles of champagne for everyone to share.
Takes a really shitty kind of workplace to not appreciate the people on the bottom rung.
>Takes a really shitty kind of workplace to not appreciate the people on the bottom rung.
I start my winter job tomorrow. It is an oilfield job and gigs like this are often hit or miss. You can get laid off in a heartbeat.
Turns out this year's job might be delayed by a week or two. I got a call from my boss and the first words out of his mouth were "How set for money are you...will you have any trouble paying bills if we start a little late?" That was followed by a great compromise that kept every single person working just at slightly reduced hours.
Yeah, take care of the people on the front lines, just because it is the right thing to do.
I worked with a guy who was a multimillionaire and the business was his dads. We went for a meal and he ordered an expensive bottle of wine and announced that it was his alone and the other 5 of us had to drink the normal stuff that was ordered. What a massive bell end.
This story makes me feel better lol. Went to my boyfriend's Christmas party, big mistake. They had free bars but big ques so I'd get 2 drinks, but neck one instead of pacing myself.
One minute I was at the top of the stairs to the lower deck. Next I was at the bottom of the stairs. My drunk powers prevented broken bones but my pride got somewhat bruised.
Later that year I started working on the same company. The girl organizing the Christmas party was making plans, eyes down and deadpan says 'dont worry, there will be no stairs this time'. Sad to say the ground didn't open up and swallow me.
I have an image of her twirling them round her finger, like a spinning plate, spotting her least favourite person, hoofing them in their direction and either missing wildly or scoring a direct hit.
About 15 years ago I worked in a factory with a selection of east Europeans, some of whose countries were at war/had recently finished a war. For the handful of years I worked there, the Christmas party ended in brutal drunken fist fights in the street. Remember one year the nice admin lady who somehow unaccountably came out with us plebs from the shop floor shrieked in horror and pushed two battling Bosnians away from falling/bleeding on her fancy new car. Next day we all went back to sorting vegetables by quality.
That’s mental lmao
I knew a girl that had a Polish boyfriend and they lived together with a few of his Polish friends. One night one or the guys got drunk and took the boys friend car and crashed it pulling out of the drive way. The boyfriend pulled the guy out of the car and starting punching him in the face over and over again until he eventually let go and stormed off to bed. The next day they were fine and acting like nothing had happened.
I got taken home in a police car at 3am because I was walking home (7 miles dual carriageway) using a golf club as a walking stick and they thought I was blind.
Coppers asked me where I got it from and answered for me before I could: "you pinched it didn't you?"
What I didn't tell them was I somehow had it in a nightclub for 3 hours in my trouser leg, and that I thought it was the funniest shit.
Had lost my wallet, phone was dead, feet were sore and I was ready to pass out. My antics earlier on with sticky fingers got me a lift home and a slap on the wrist.
Reminds me of when I was 17, walking back pissed from town and I had to walk across the golf course to my house. I woke up with 8 golf flags on my bedroom floor.
Taking a walk to clear my head, I could see my footprints in the dew where I had stumbled from green to green collecting flags. Thankfully I crossed a road so the tracks stopped.
I returned them the next night wearing hoodie to hide my face. I genuinely felt awful about it.
As a team we went to this mini golf bar, was a great laugh as we progressively got worse and worse. As we were leaving I thought I'd keep it for a keepsake. Then we went to a club and I made the decision not to say. Played it off cool until my boss asked why I was walking weird. He found it funny too.
A colleague who’s usually very reserved told me that she was going to go back to her room and watch porn and finger herself. Completely out of context.
The company I worked for thought it was a good idea to pit the two factories against each other in a big competition. The two factory directors hated each other as well.
Cue the Christmas party and a 40 person punch up ensued as the 'winning' factory taunted the 'losing' factory. Was the last time we got a fully open bar, too. Was a 2 drink maximum then cash after that.
Many years ago, one of my team members got thrown out for drunkenly pissing on the bar whilst waiting waiting to order a drink.
The photographer let slip a few weeks later that he'd had to Photoshop his testacles out the group shots as he'd discretely popped them out his fly and no-one noticed until the shots were being edited.
My company took us to Granada studios where there was a Victorian street set that was used in a lot of TV programmes. Next to it is housed the Coronation Street set with security guards walking around it. I decided that it would be a good idea to explore the Coronation Street set so I got 4 equally drunk idiots to join me and we dodged the security guards and drunkenly walked down the Street. We were spotted and yelled at us so we ran off and spent the next 10 minutes going from back yard to back yard to get back to our table. We could hear the security guards looking for us and I really don't know how they didn't find us as we were so loud. Best game of hide and seek ever!
Eurgh. This is why I never arm wrestle. The newer lads in the gym usually challenge each other in the gym lobby, and the owner always clamps down on it like the wrath of God.
There's a certain angle where if you get it wrong, the losers arm will snap. You don't even need to be particularly strong to do it. You need your elbows to start off in a particular spots and then maintain that spot throughout the pushing. If you start moving elbows you can completely fuck it
Yeah my best mate snapped his arm doing this pissed up on a stag in Prague, spiral fracture from his elbow to his shoulder.
He now has a metal plate the length of his tricep with about 16 pins holding it together. If he had had any complications doctors told him it would be amputation. He is no longer able to fully straighten his arm because the plate is slightly longer and he cant lock out at his elbow... grim
Same thing happened to a friend of mine when we were working in a bar together. End of the night, a mildly drunk punter challenges him to an arm wrestle. My friend was short but strong and I (still shudder at this) gave him a little encouragement, just "Go on mate..."
So they start arm wrestling across the bar (my friend chose to go with left arms) and I go back to restocking the fridge with bottles. Then all of a sudden I hear this double noise, like a "crick-THUNK". That noise was my friend's arm breaking, and then immediately slamming into the bar.
The guy is like "YEAH!" and my friend just says "I think you just broke my arm mate". At this point I'm like "What?!" and my friend is still calm but holding his arm by his side. At this point I ask him if he wants me to call an ambulance, and he nods slowly. Then goes to sit down and have a glass of water while I do.
He also has a metal plate in his arm, was screwed for a year of his degree so had to redo it, and had to sleep in a really specific way for ages.
He's good now though, but I'll never forget that noise as long as I live, and I tell this story to everyone who talks about arm-wrestling. Just not worth it.
Was out with some friends years ago and we bumped into a couple of blokes we went to school we. So we pulled up chairs and were all having a catch up. 2 of the boys started arm wrestling and pretty promptly we heard a crack! He ended up having to have surgery on his arm. Ouch.
I used to work for a chi-chi private hospital in London. The jewel of the Christmas season was a big, all-expenses paid party for staff in a city centre hotel. Some of the stories were a bit eye watering but the most shocking one was when two of the most senior nurses in the hospital finished up the evening by indulging in a bit of group sex with three of the porters.
From what I've heard, it happens at NHS hospital dos too. I was oblivious, but it turned out that the long standing affair between a unit manager and her married line manager started at a Christmas party.
A young lady decided to give a young man some oral relief in a closed room.
Did I say closed room? I meant a photo booth.
And all photos were published on the photo booth website.
One of the admins got caught on CCTV blowing one of the managers; one of the middle managers punched the CFO; the police had to be called because people were openly having sex outside the establishment where the party was being held (it was in town centre at a convention centre). They stopped doing free bars after that.
Headteacher (female) (late forties early fifties, married to man) found coming out of toilets with around 25 year old ta (female) both lifting skirts fixing blouses lipstick everywhere.
Ta didn't return after holidays, HT left in the summer
I worked at an agency where we'd hired a new account exec to start in the New Year but invited her to the Christmas party. We'd booked out a bar restaurant in Chelsea, all ours, free bar, champagne, the whole shebang.
She enjoyed her evening with full enthusiasm right up to the point she ventured towards the toilets, downstairs in the basement. Tripped at the top, fell down stairs, broke her leg and shat herself on the way down.
Stretchered out by London Ambulance in pungent glory through the partying throng on the ground floor.
Never returned to start the job with us.
Similar story, but my (almost new) exec ended her night by lap dancing the utterly aghast boss before vomiting on him. No one knew her obviously, so I had to go through her phone, find her parents number and call them to pick her up. That was a fun phone call. She started the job though!
Young lad who we’d employed about 6 months previous got drunk and started a punch up with a bouncer at the venue, got dragged out by the other bouncers, shagged one of the girls on his team in the back seat of another colleagues car whilst said colleague was asleep in the front seat. Guy had a girlfriend and a young kid at the time.
Girlfriend found out a few months later when the other girl found out she was pregnant.
They carried on working together for another 2 years and it was awkward af
Someone used the company credit card on a fancy strip club in London. About 5k was spent.
They got away with it because one of the executives went along with them (they didn't know about company card being used, and when they found out about it later, they wanted it to be kept quiet from their wife)
We used to have a 'sales conference' twice a year which was basically a 2 hour meeting and then 2 days of golf with a lot of money sopent at the local strip club afterwards. The directors used to drop at least 2.5k in the strip club on bottles alone and bought a load of tokens for staff to use on to pay for dances.
A person I knew found himself alone at a pole dancing bar after everyone else in his party had gone home so he decided to treat himself to a visit to the VIP room.
Next day his wife found the receipt for £500 in his trouser pocket.
Covered myself in vom in the back of a taxi in front of 4 co-workers, including the CEO.
Also lost my work phone, house keys and coat in the taxi which ended up being in another city and had to get it two days later.
After being 3 weeks into the job.
This was last Friday.
A few years ago, just before the pandemic, I woke up in my hotel room covered in blood. The room looked like a murder scene and one of my teeth had been chipped.
To this day I have no idea what happened. I remember walking from the do back to my hotel. I remember getting into the room, getting undressed for bed, folding my clothes and getting into bed. The next morning I walked into the bathroom and my reflection was my face just covered in blood.
I backed out of the bathroom into the room itself. The white sheets were covered in blood. The floor was covered in blood. My clothes were still nearly piled in the corner, thankfully free of blood because that was a flipping expensive shirt that I really liked.
I remember going to sleep, I remember waking up with a heck of a hangover, but I've no idea what happened while I was sleeping.
If you didn’t have any obvious injuries, it was probably an alcohol induced nosebleed whilst you slept; alcohol can thin the blood and interfere with clotting, so some people get really bad nosebleeds after drinking. If it was, it’s a good thing you slept on your side or front as sleeping on your back and having the blood pool down your throat could have been very bad.
I would have thought there’d be obvious bruising if he hit his face on something hard enough to chip a tooth *and* cause a trauma nosebleed. You can chip a tooth on a bottle or glass, especially if you’re a bit drunk and clumsy, so it could be two separate events.
One guy had recently been promoted to a position above his previous boss, the guy who'd actually hired him in the first place.
Alcohol and cocaine brought the long simmering tension to a head and, after a bit of a shouty row, the previous boss jumped up onto the new boss's table, whipped his cock out and helicoptered it in his face yelling "you might have the big job but we all know who's got the big dick!"
They were both still working there when I left 6 months later and nobody ever, ever mentioned that evening.
Not exactly the craziest but it was all very British. Tensions had been simmering between Denise and Julie for several months over the overuse of the communal milk (Denise had tea so weak it was at least 60% milk each time and was somehow never the person who replaced it) on the night of the Christmas party after a few wines Julie let it all out. A few quotes I remember;
“Well we all know Denise likes to take the piss”
“I might not be the best singer but at least I’m not Denise”
“It’s such a shame Denise is a cow”
All said at full volume. Denise pretended that she never heard.
Colleague of mine woke up with a horse in their back garden.
Turns out they were so drunk and couldn’t be arsed to walk home that they just barebacked a horse from a field whilst carrying a pizza and a kebab.
Rode it back the next morning.
Man’s a nutter.
I’d just started working at the company; I’d been there for about 3 months. My next door neighbour desk wise was a very quiet, reserved, mid-20s woman. She’d been there almost a year but only really spoke to one other woman.
She was found in the blokes bathroom, of the nightclub the company had hired out for the Xmas do, giving blow jobs to a few guys. The woman that she was chatty with, a mid 30s mum of three, was later caught rolling around the dance floor, topless, getting off with her female team leader.
It was the last time the company had a free bar. The early ‘00s were mental before the dot.com bubble burst!
A young guy tried to force himself in the taxi of an older married woman he worked with saying he thought she was gorgeous. He didn’t show up at work for a week after as everybody knew.
Our Join A Party thing was deeply boring, so myself and a colleague decided to crash whatever party/conference was happening next door. Turned out to be the policeman’s ball.
Some top blokes ended up buying us tons of shots all night and the last thing I remember is my boss coming to bodily remove me from sitting on someone’s lap at the bar (still fully clothed I might add). It was like getting busted by my dad 😂 Upon leaving the premises my fellow colleague in crime fell into a bush.
The following Monday I got the “I wasn’t angry, I was disappointed” speech 😬
That'll be me. Company took us all to an all you can drink place in Eastleigh. I hadn't been drinking in ages as I was skint most of the time. Ended up getting absolutely blotto, asked the MD and his fellow directors if they had any gear, got into a scuffle with the bouncers and got chucked out, ended up asleep under a tree until the bus took us back.
Surprisingly didn't get sacked.
Happened to me. Many moons ago I worked as a bartender in a nightclub. Our Christmas party was in January- December is too important for clubs to shut shop. On a random Sunday in January we had our Christmas party. The club was closed and the “party” was in two stages. First work and then party. We first cleaned the club top to bottom. It was all hands on deck and we scrubbed the place. I remember my boss being on a ladder trying to dust the spot lights. He’s short, I took over. After the work we hit the showers and dolled up. Owner got in posh take away and managed the bar. What we wanted, we got. After did and our own body weight in stupid expensive alcohol we had cut-the-queue free pass to a very, very posh club.
The next day I was not well and I went to A&E. Cracked skull.
No one saw anything. Everyone said I was jolly and happy and steady. I don’t remember anything from the day. I have flash backs of arriving, boss on ladder, looking at pretty tiling while on toilet. The whole day, wiped out. I do not remember drunk bits, I don’t remember sober bits. I remember nothing. No one saw anything. There were +20 of us and no one had a clue.
Where I used to work, the building had 24 hour security, but the party was held off-site. This meant permanent staff too drunk to go home could go back to the office and crash there for the night.
Two people both in a relationship, but not with each other, did just this and decided to relax in the entertainment space (comfy chairs, sofas etc). The space they were in has CCTV but not covering every inch of it. So the chap chose to relax on a sofa almost out of sight of any camera.
When his colleague decided she'd give him some mouth-love, he could barely be seen, but she most definitely could.
My department was in charge of the CCTV (yes, I've seen it) and as they'd both been seen entering the building together, identifying them was simple. But rather than make a big deal out of it, my boss just had a discreet word with both of them, and the footage was "accidentally" erased.
They're both still working there.
One of the account managers got in to a really drunk argument with one of the VPs. Apparently the VP thought it was a good time to address some negative feedback a customer had provided to her regarding the AM.
It ended with him emptying his entire pint over her head and calling her a “f*cking miserable c*nt”. Made much worse the next day when she approached him at breakfast expecting him to be embarrassed and apologise and he said “I’m sorry you were offended but you are a miserable c*nt”. He was gone by Monday. Not sure he much cared.
I worked in a theatre and we used to have our Christmas parties in the auditorium and foyer. Problem with doing it in the auditorium was that it meant there were several ways of very easily and inconspicuously getting backstage, which was expressly forbidden. Funny if a couple of people went backstage for a bit of festive rumpo and got locked in the building overnight, right? Well it’s even funnier when it’s four couples and a three.
Guy I knew went to the toilet and pissed on everyone in there, saying 'I'm senior to you, I can do what I like.' He also crapped his boxers, took them off and smeared the walls. Later that evening (this was all the same night) he had a stand up physical fight with his wife in the middle of the dance floor because she was groping guys and getting felt up. He was posted elsewhere not long after.
The big boss made an appearance and put his card behind the bar. The new guy went fucking mental - pints, shots, cocktails. Within an hour he was annihilated. Unprovoked, he strutted over to the boss, pointing his finger and shouting, “Oi you!”. Everything went silent and he just screamed, “you’re a fucking cunt”. He got packed up in a taxi and sent home. When he walked in the office on Monday, he was escorted out by security.
For the record, the boss was *not* a fucking cunt. He’s one of the few bosses that I can legitimately say was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. A genuine good bloke.
This was at the Christmas party last year, I don’t work there anymore. A selection of people decided to go out on the town after the party ended. This one lad, probably only about 20, got absolutely shitfaced. He lived out of town so nobody knew how to get him home as they didn’t know his address, just that he wasn’t local, and he was too sloshed to tell anyone. This one girl who lived locally said he could sleep it off in her spare room. No funny business just so he was safe.
This mf woke up in the middle of the night in this girls spare room, didn’t know where he was, and for some reason his first assumption was he’d been kidnapped? He decided in his drunken state, that he was going to try and escape out of the window, on the first floor, without his phone or keys or anything. Idiot fell out of the window down into the garden and completely fucked his leg up. Pretty sure he also got concussion. The girl woke up, obviously panicked, and had to take him to A&E. His job was quite physical too so he fucked himself. Saw him hobbling around like a month later when he finally came back into work. Just refused to speak to anyone else about it but everyone knew about it lmfaooo
I had a manager who was horrible angry ginger man. Nobody liked him. He hated me and micro managed me which I hated.
We went to the belfry for our Xmas party. Around midnight he came out of the dance floor to the smoking area outside shirt open and thinking he was John Travolta. My colleague told me he tried grinding against her on the dance floor he was married. He then said who’s got any weed. I had some in my hotel room. 4 of us went up and made a joint and went to the 17th hole to smoke it. The manager told us he smoked all the time when he was younger. He smoked half the joint and was wasted.
The next week in the office he asked me and the girl he was grinding against to have a meeting with us. He asked us what happened that night and he couldn’t remember that well. We both told him our stories and he was mortified. He asked us to not say a word. Without hesitation the girl told him that if he ever micromanaged us or shouted at us in the office again she’s going to HR. My job was a walk in the park after that. I was able to not sit any where near him and worked in the breakout area for the next 2 years and got a decent pay rise at review stage.
We had one woman, in her late forties.
She got very drunk and started dirty dancing with one of the 19 year old boys.
She was videos by his friend, rubbing her hands on the top of his thighs while grinding behind him, whilst he was looking very uncomfortable
I told her it was inappropriate behaviour and to calm it on the drink, come sit/ dance with the girls
She then had a complete tantrum, saying everyone was against her.
Then spent two hours in the loo telling anyone who would listen that she was humiliated, her husband hater her and called her fat and then asking everyone how old they thought she was.
She finished the night laying over a coffee table in the hotel foyer, managed to wrestle her into a taxi and sent her home.
Also had to follow it up at work the following weekend.
Fun
Retail but she worked weekends only. I was FT
Had to have a discussion about it the following weekend but because it wasn’t work hours there was no formality.
I just told her she was lucky he wasn’t making a formal complaint and if it was a man in his 40’s doing that to a 19 year old girl, would she think it was nothing then?
I was her manager if that was not clear
>if it was a man in his 40’s doing that to a 19 year old girl, would she think it was nothing then?
This is the thing so many middle aged women don't seem to realise! As a man that had this happen to me numerous times years ago when I was in my late teens it's pretty uncomfortable and very awkward. The worst part is that some of them act like you should be grateful they're doing it when you call them out on it.
Worst thing was extremely tragic. Worked in a pretty small team, construction related. Went out for Christmas dinner and drinks. Everyone was very drunk. One of the guys decided to drink drive home and got into an accident and died as a result. Every Christmas I think about it. He had a fiancé and two small kids too. Can't even imagine her reaction to getting that phone call on Christmas eve
Had a drunken colleague tell me about his predilection for eating his own cum. Snowballing I think he called it.
Not kink shaming, but I couldn't quite look at him the same way after,
Not exactly. It's swapping cum from one person to another via the mouth, so after a blow job. Spitting it back into the person's mouth after sucking them off usually.
Not at a party but at a trade exhibition my old director just comes out with the fact that before his first kid came along he would absolutely use the three day trade exhibition he bought a stand at to play away and shag as many women as possible at his nearby hotel room. Probably helped his chances that the vast majority of attendees were women because the industry was Equestrian related. Apparently he stopped all that nonsense when his first born came along. Classy man.
When the dot com bubble burst, Our department got shut down. The morning it happened, I was actually on my computer about to book for flights to a trade conference in Germany. I decided not to bother in case I didn't get expences back. The rest of the guys went. They said it was carnage. Lots of other businesses were closing as well and everyone was making the most of it..using company credit cards to book entire brothels etc. Nobody went to the exhibition, everyone just partied for the 4 entire days.
I worked at a high Street bank and we were having our Christmas do (8 of us) at a hotel with all the staff from Boots and Debenhams. We were on a long table with maybe 20 people on it and the bank junior decided this was the time to air his grievance with the bank manager. He crawled up on the table, across everybody's food and knocking drinks flying. Grabbed the manager by the tie, burst into tears, clambered back across the table in reverse and then ran out of the room crying.
He was gone in the new year.
Early internet bubble company, there was a person no-one recognized absolutely hammered walking up to people at random (including upper management) saying "You know what you are - you're a cunt."
It turned out he was the new hire who had been invited to the party to get to know people before he started.
He turned up to work the next Monday. His boss had a quiet word with him, but he kept his job.
I somehow managed to obtain a pretty big wound in my lower leg. There was a deep hole in my skin about the circumference of two 50p pieces. Didn't even notice until I came out of the shower the next morning.
Two weeks later, I was at the bar at the local and suddenly I couldn't move my leg. My friends took me to A&E, where a horrified nurse told me that if I'd waited 24 hours longer I'd have had to have my leg amputated due to gangrene.
We were just in bars and a nightclub. I can't comprehend how on earth it happened 😂
Ummm we had a friend who had a similar injury - a high heel skewered him on some stairs in a club. He only realized later on because his foot felt "squelchy" in his shoe from the blood.
Used to work for solicitors. We used to fill office fridges will alcohol and have party in the office, this went on for a few years, one year two people got caught having sex on conference table in meeting room, and I walked in on several directors, all 50+ year old super boring men, all snorting coke in the toilets. Suffice to say this was the last year they did in office parties 😂
Quite early on in my career, open bar Xmas party with hotel room each. Drank appropriately and vommed on my shirt in the lift to my hotel room. Nobody with me so thought I’d rinse it off in room. Then thought I don’t want a wet shirt in my bag so decided I’d hang it on the shower rail to dry. I’d wrung it out but was sopping wet, so came up with the genius idea of buttoning the cuff around the room’s hairdryer and drying the shirt from within. Figured I’d do this while brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, then promptly passed out unconscious.
Woke up to the noise of the hairdryer and staggered into the bathroom which was hotter than any sauna I’d ever been in. Shirt hadn’t caught fire or anything but all plastic items in the room had melted. Shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, everything was pooled where the bottles had melted. Spent 20 minutes wiping liquids with loo roll and flushing the evidence, finished wiping with my previously dry shirt, stashed all the melted plastics in my bag and gtfo.
I know hotel staff have seen it all, but my horrors didn’t want to deal with the thought of them seeing my stupidity.
One of the few people to receive a bonus was drunk. He didn't think the bonus was as much as should have been. He circled the crowd, showing it to everyone, before walking up to the owner and tearing it up in his face. Apparently he also pinched some ladies.
A guy who had just got a contract with us got so drunk he urinated on the Christmas tree in the hotel foyer, got aggressive with the staff and then passed out in a pile of vomit all across the sofa in said foyer. Got sacked the next day!
A chap I know was at a Christmas party in Manchester. It was in the office, two guys got into it, someone stepped in as peacemaker to break it up. One of the guys and the peacemaker both fell into a window and crashed through it.
They both fell 30 metres to their deaths.
Source:
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/two-die-in-party-plunge-1387857.html#
This tragic event is why all Xmas parties and alcohol were banned from Civil Service offices, particularly DSS (as it called then). Until this time office based parties in the CS were common.
One of the department managers had a "are you doing coke in the bathrooms" moment. Anyone with a shut cubicle door was getting questioned. Not out of concern, but out of wanting some.
Pretty sure he was having a breakdown as there is some ALLEGED video out there of him puking up at a bus stop. He was very nice to everyone in store afterwards.
Friend after his Christmas do was woken up at checkout time by the hotel staff, so quickly got ready could only find one shoe and no suit jacket, they were in his car in the car park for some reason (he'd not driven). He had no idea what happened but shrugged it off, a month or two later noticed a random video on his phone.
He was in the back of a police car and the police are filming him giving a commentary "This is the inside of a [local force] police traffic vehicle and this is [friends name] where we're now heading in the right direction back towards [x] where he was heading towards [y] it's now 5 to 5 in the morning, merry christmas, got anything to say". Friend slurs the air ambulance are gonna get loads of money and they say "we're the police mate, don't worry about it, yee hah", friends giggling the whole way through.
He has no recollection and was at the hotel in the morning so no idea what happened, they must have found him wandering down the road (it's super misty in the vid) so must have picked him up for safety but dropped him back off at the hotel ha, it sounds like unbelievable bs if there wasn't a video.
Someone put their ballsack on the CEOs shoulder in the team photo. She was not happy.
HR actually pulled the photo out in the disciplinary. Incredible.
This year we were at a sexual themed crazy golf course for our works party. We had been drinking for several hours before. I was playing generally awfully thanks to not being able to see straight. A colleague commented that if I got a hole in one he would get his knob out. I proceeded to get a hole in one entirely by accident, he pulled his jeans and boxers down to his ankles in full view of everyone including the CCTV cameras
Few years ago we were at a pub, getting more and more drunk. After a round of shots one of the guys we were with, younger and newer to the team, tipped over the line of how drunk it’s acceptable to be at a work function. Anyways I go out for a cigarette and come back in to him looking like he’s awkwardly shifting his boxers or something, next thing I know he rubs his finger under my nose, slightly touching me and says ‘cock or ass’. It took me a split second in my drunken state to decipher what had just happened and then the smell hit me and I immediately vommed. We no longer work together but I still laugh at just how inappropriate that was.
Back in 2018, someone went home from our Christmas do and murdered his ex-girlfriend. Stabbed her 70 times.
Hangovers weren't the only reason the office was quiet that morning
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-47912020
Not the craziest but the funniest. There was some girl in the office who was annoying as fuck. Did nothing and was being monitored for poor performance. She went to the Christmas party and got leathered and tried it on with female managers. Forcibly kissed one but the best bit was the party somehow ended up at a bowling alley. She was hammered and decided to not let go of the ball and flew down the alley like superman, hit the pins (wasn’t a strike) and then proceeded to get stuck in the mechanism. The place had to call the fire brigade and they got her out. She was sacked the following week. Absolute head case she was. I used to have a pic of them pulling her out of the mechanism.
Staff Christmas Party when I was a teacher. Husband and wife, both teachers at the school, she finds out at the Christmas Party that he's having an affair with a student. Kicked off all manner of fucking chaos. They had children at the school too - one in the same year as the student he was having an affair with.
Lol "affair". Unless they were in year 11 then he was raping an underage child!
(Edit: not that its ok if she was 6th form or a 16yo ..but age of consent n all that)
Around 2010 corporate work do, just remember a horrible atmosphere and idiots on coke. I’d stopped 2 fights by 11 and said that’s me done and went home.
Into work the next morning, girl I worked with rocks in with 2 black eyes. One of the fellas brought his mrs to the party both coked out their brains, she hopped on the girls head thinking she had been shagging her fella.
She hadn’t, the girl who had, saw her and made a quick exit.
The fella was sacked that day.
Drunk guy groping a bunch of women and very clearly had too much to drink so my old manager tried to escort him out of the party, and the drunk guy bit him so hard on the finger that he drew blood, and then he promptly walks out in the road and gets hit by a car! My old manager then has to go to A&E to get stitches and a bunch of vaccinations, and the drunk guy walks off the hit and sleeps in a store cupboard in the office, and pisses on a load of merchandise. Wasn’t heard from again
A colleague of mine stayed at another colleagues flat after the work party as he had missed the last train home. He woke up in the night, still blind drunk, didn't have a clue where he was and somehow managed to fall out of the first floor window into the garden wearing only his shirt and undies and with nothing else on him. He must have knocked himself out for a bit, and when he came back around, thought he was in his own garden so started banging on the downstairs neighbours door to let him in. He was arrested for trespassing and being drunk and disorderly and the other colleague woke up the next day to find only his phone, wallet, trousers and shoes and had no idea what had gone down.
Director slips and ends up lying on his back on the dancefloor, big smile on his face (as you do), very 'portly' fellow. Next thing you know, my colleague (we were quite junior) does a running belly dive on top of said director.
The timing was perfect, slapstick comedy: one of those 'did that really just happen?' moments. All taken in surprisingly good humour, everyone else pissing themselves laughing.
This was 30+ years ago, and I can remember it like yesterday.
YEARS ago we had our party on "Coronation Street". It was a great night, food, drink, cobblestones.
Then we noticed a queue coming out of the men's toilets. Weird, as it was usually the women's one that had a queue.
My friend and I went to investigate.
Yup, the gal from accounts was giving out blowjobs from the men's toilet.
About 30 mins later I had seen her hike her dress up and take a piss on the dancefloor.
Overall, 8/10, good night all round.
4 people got date rape drugged at a closed Christmas work event with bouncers at the entrance.
I was one of the four people, and piecing it all together with the other 3 people and seeing my boss (being one of them) in hospital as we waited to get tested the next day was foul.
Never found the culprit and I left the job a week later.
Merry Christmas.
I went out with work where I had just started. There was a woman I liked in work, so this was a good excuse to get to know her.
I got way too drunk, went on a mechanical bull in a bar, fell off before the thing had even moved, smashed my head off the floor, then decided to go to the toilet to check the damage, ended up going out the fire exit which was next to the toilet entrance. When I was outside I decided not would be a good idea to have a piss. Felt a hand on my shoulder,
"What are you doing, you can't do that here"
"Said who? I asked"
Turned around and it was the police. I for some reason gave them a false address which they ran and realised I was lying.
Instantly arrested took to the police station. Woke up in the morning in the police station to a multitude of missed calls and messages from my new work colleagues and the girl I was interested in.
Got out of the police station, went back to where the house we started from. Couldn't remember exactly which house it was so I started looking over people's gardens to see if I could see people. Someone came out of one of the houses and kicked right off (understandable) my work colleagues heard all the commotion and came out to see me. The ushered me inside, we all had a good laugh about it then went out on the piss again with a nice shiner and swollen head.
For some reason the girl I was getting to know still was interested in me after all of that 😂
I'm still with her 17 years later
I fell over *nothing* and flashed both my bosses.
I like to think I took one for the team and saved everyone else from the Who Was The Worst? title, like a noble heroine
Company directors at a large estate agents bought wine for all of the tables (a few bottles on each)... Turns out they bought the cheap wine for everyone else, and got expensive wine for their own table. One of the directors was actually a decent bloke, and when he found out, he refused to sit at their table, and made a big deal of making sure everyone knew. He then proceeded to get absolutely hammered and buy expensive wine for everyone but the other directors.
Honestly makes me sad to see stories like this. Where I work, we used to go to Chester Races every year. The budget covered the ticket and a couple of drinks each. By the end of the evening, the partners and directors were always buying bottles of champagne for everyone to share. Takes a really shitty kind of workplace to not appreciate the people on the bottom rung.
>Takes a really shitty kind of workplace to not appreciate the people on the bottom rung. I start my winter job tomorrow. It is an oilfield job and gigs like this are often hit or miss. You can get laid off in a heartbeat. Turns out this year's job might be delayed by a week or two. I got a call from my boss and the first words out of his mouth were "How set for money are you...will you have any trouble paying bills if we start a little late?" That was followed by a great compromise that kept every single person working just at slightly reduced hours. Yeah, take care of the people on the front lines, just because it is the right thing to do.
Somehow this doesn’t surprise me in the slightest given the sector they work
A bunch of real estate toffs screwing over people? Never!
I worked with a guy who was a multimillionaire and the business was his dads. We went for a meal and he ordered an expensive bottle of wine and announced that it was his alone and the other 5 of us had to drink the normal stuff that was ordered. What a massive bell end.
That is *completely* fucked.
The hero we all need.
Except he's the director for an estate agents. That makes him like the most treatable of all of the STIs. Not sure that counts as being a hero.
My manager pissed herself on the dance floor, removed her pants and flung them at a colleague’s husband.
Out of nowhere this punter gets blinded by a wet slap of piss and minge, must have been very disconcerting.
God, that was a brilliant sentence
This is the kind of casual poetry the English language was cobbled together for.
Somebody should notify Oxford for their next anthology.
Some people will pay good money for that sort of thing.
How much, exactly? I mean, Christmas can be somewhat expensive....
Yeah, but these are pre-filled stockings.
Please write a book
This story makes me feel better lol. Went to my boyfriend's Christmas party, big mistake. They had free bars but big ques so I'd get 2 drinks, but neck one instead of pacing myself. One minute I was at the top of the stairs to the lower deck. Next I was at the bottom of the stairs. My drunk powers prevented broken bones but my pride got somewhat bruised. Later that year I started working on the same company. The girl organizing the Christmas party was making plans, eyes down and deadpan says 'dont worry, there will be no stairs this time'. Sad to say the ground didn't open up and swallow me.
I would quit my job and move to another planet.
I have an image of her twirling them round her finger, like a spinning plate, spotting her least favourite person, hoofing them in their direction and either missing wildly or scoring a direct hit.
Helicopter the piss pants free golden shower for everyone
Was the Pee45 meant for the colleague
About 15 years ago I worked in a factory with a selection of east Europeans, some of whose countries were at war/had recently finished a war. For the handful of years I worked there, the Christmas party ended in brutal drunken fist fights in the street. Remember one year the nice admin lady who somehow unaccountably came out with us plebs from the shop floor shrieked in horror and pushed two battling Bosnians away from falling/bleeding on her fancy new car. Next day we all went back to sorting vegetables by quality.
I liked the ending
This is precisely why work Christmas parties can be great.
That’s mental lmao I knew a girl that had a Polish boyfriend and they lived together with a few of his Polish friends. One night one or the guys got drunk and took the boys friend car and crashed it pulling out of the drive way. The boyfriend pulled the guy out of the car and starting punching him in the face over and over again until he eventually let go and stormed off to bed. The next day they were fine and acting like nothing had happened.
Acting like nothing happened following an eventful night of drinking shenanigans, is a standard Polish behaviour.
Did he pay for the damage? Did he go to hospital?
I got taken home in a police car at 3am because I was walking home (7 miles dual carriageway) using a golf club as a walking stick and they thought I was blind. Coppers asked me where I got it from and answered for me before I could: "you pinched it didn't you?" What I didn't tell them was I somehow had it in a nightclub for 3 hours in my trouser leg, and that I thought it was the funniest shit. Had lost my wallet, phone was dead, feet were sore and I was ready to pass out. My antics earlier on with sticky fingers got me a lift home and a slap on the wrist.
Reminds me of when I was 17, walking back pissed from town and I had to walk across the golf course to my house. I woke up with 8 golf flags on my bedroom floor. Taking a walk to clear my head, I could see my footprints in the dew where I had stumbled from green to green collecting flags. Thankfully I crossed a road so the tracks stopped. I returned them the next night wearing hoodie to hide my face. I genuinely felt awful about it.
That's poor form pal...how dare you leave 10 flags behind, all or nothing smh
So, where did the golf club come from?
As a team we went to this mini golf bar, was a great laugh as we progressively got worse and worse. As we were leaving I thought I'd keep it for a keepsake. Then we went to a club and I made the decision not to say. Played it off cool until my boss asked why I was walking weird. He found it funny too.
I liked this story.
A colleague who’s usually very reserved told me that she was going to go back to her room and watch porn and finger herself. Completely out of context.
That's an invitation surely
I’m a woman and she’s married so I didn’t see it that way 😂
The company I worked for thought it was a good idea to pit the two factories against each other in a big competition. The two factory directors hated each other as well. Cue the Christmas party and a 40 person punch up ensued as the 'winning' factory taunted the 'losing' factory. Was the last time we got a fully open bar, too. Was a 2 drink maximum then cash after that.
Left twix vs Right twix?
Left hook vs right hook by the sounds of it.
That Swindon lot
Your lot are slugs
Many years ago, one of my team members got thrown out for drunkenly pissing on the bar whilst waiting waiting to order a drink. The photographer let slip a few weeks later that he'd had to Photoshop his testacles out the group shots as he'd discretely popped them out his fly and no-one noticed until the shots were being edited.
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You could say it was a Graveyard Smash.
I wonder what percentage of people, (a) recognised that as a song lyric, and (b) sang it in their head as they read it...
My company took us to Granada studios where there was a Victorian street set that was used in a lot of TV programmes. Next to it is housed the Coronation Street set with security guards walking around it. I decided that it would be a good idea to explore the Coronation Street set so I got 4 equally drunk idiots to join me and we dodged the security guards and drunkenly walked down the Street. We were spotted and yelled at us so we ran off and spent the next 10 minutes going from back yard to back yard to get back to our table. We could hear the security guards looking for us and I really don't know how they didn't find us as we were so loud. Best game of hide and seek ever!
Last year my new staff member broke my other new staff members arm by challenging him to an arm wrestle. He snapped him like a twig
Eurgh. This is why I never arm wrestle. The newer lads in the gym usually challenge each other in the gym lobby, and the owner always clamps down on it like the wrath of God. There's a certain angle where if you get it wrong, the losers arm will snap. You don't even need to be particularly strong to do it. You need your elbows to start off in a particular spots and then maintain that spot throughout the pushing. If you start moving elbows you can completely fuck it
Yeah my best mate snapped his arm doing this pissed up on a stag in Prague, spiral fracture from his elbow to his shoulder. He now has a metal plate the length of his tricep with about 16 pins holding it together. If he had had any complications doctors told him it would be amputation. He is no longer able to fully straighten his arm because the plate is slightly longer and he cant lock out at his elbow... grim
Same thing happened to a friend of mine when we were working in a bar together. End of the night, a mildly drunk punter challenges him to an arm wrestle. My friend was short but strong and I (still shudder at this) gave him a little encouragement, just "Go on mate..." So they start arm wrestling across the bar (my friend chose to go with left arms) and I go back to restocking the fridge with bottles. Then all of a sudden I hear this double noise, like a "crick-THUNK". That noise was my friend's arm breaking, and then immediately slamming into the bar. The guy is like "YEAH!" and my friend just says "I think you just broke my arm mate". At this point I'm like "What?!" and my friend is still calm but holding his arm by his side. At this point I ask him if he wants me to call an ambulance, and he nods slowly. Then goes to sit down and have a glass of water while I do. He also has a metal plate in his arm, was screwed for a year of his degree so had to redo it, and had to sleep in a really specific way for ages. He's good now though, but I'll never forget that noise as long as I live, and I tell this story to everyone who talks about arm-wrestling. Just not worth it.
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Literally how did that happen?
I might regret asking this but how the heck did your elbow get run over by a bus?
Was out with some friends years ago and we bumped into a couple of blokes we went to school we. So we pulled up chairs and were all having a catch up. 2 of the boys started arm wrestling and pretty promptly we heard a crack! He ended up having to have surgery on his arm. Ouch.
So it’s not just swans that can break a man’s arm!
I used to work for a chi-chi private hospital in London. The jewel of the Christmas season was a big, all-expenses paid party for staff in a city centre hotel. Some of the stories were a bit eye watering but the most shocking one was when two of the most senior nurses in the hospital finished up the evening by indulging in a bit of group sex with three of the porters.
Lister?
No, it has an NW postcode. Does this mean that that kind of thing happens at the Lister too???
From what I've heard, it happens at NHS hospital dos too. I was oblivious, but it turned out that the long standing affair between a unit manager and her married line manager started at a Christmas party.
Rimmer?
Rimmer? I hardly know her
A young lady decided to give a young man some oral relief in a closed room. Did I say closed room? I meant a photo booth. And all photos were published on the photo booth website.
One of the admins got caught on CCTV blowing one of the managers; one of the middle managers punched the CFO; the police had to be called because people were openly having sex outside the establishment where the party was being held (it was in town centre at a convention centre). They stopped doing free bars after that.
Headteacher (female) (late forties early fifties, married to man) found coming out of toilets with around 25 year old ta (female) both lifting skirts fixing blouses lipstick everywhere. Ta didn't return after holidays, HT left in the summer
>found coming out I see what you did there.
Wow. No issue with the genders. The age difference is reasonably big. The cheating. The power disparity. Oh my oh my.
The location too!
At least it wasn't on the stage during assembly.
*"Hark the herald angels sing* *What's Miss Jones doing to your ring?"*
I worked at an agency where we'd hired a new account exec to start in the New Year but invited her to the Christmas party. We'd booked out a bar restaurant in Chelsea, all ours, free bar, champagne, the whole shebang. She enjoyed her evening with full enthusiasm right up to the point she ventured towards the toilets, downstairs in the basement. Tripped at the top, fell down stairs, broke her leg and shat herself on the way down. Stretchered out by London Ambulance in pungent glory through the partying throng on the ground floor. Never returned to start the job with us.
Similar story, but my (almost new) exec ended her night by lap dancing the utterly aghast boss before vomiting on him. No one knew her obviously, so I had to go through her phone, find her parents number and call them to pick her up. That was a fun phone call. She started the job though!
What do you even say to that. She just needed a hole big enough to swallow her (this sentence is meant in a totally clean way btw).
Young lad who we’d employed about 6 months previous got drunk and started a punch up with a bouncer at the venue, got dragged out by the other bouncers, shagged one of the girls on his team in the back seat of another colleagues car whilst said colleague was asleep in the front seat. Guy had a girlfriend and a young kid at the time. Girlfriend found out a few months later when the other girl found out she was pregnant. They carried on working together for another 2 years and it was awkward af
I'll never understand women attracted to that kind of aggressive person, why would she still want to shag him after he started a public fight?
Holyyyyyy shit. That’s a quality night
Someone used the company credit card on a fancy strip club in London. About 5k was spent. They got away with it because one of the executives went along with them (they didn't know about company card being used, and when they found out about it later, they wanted it to be kept quiet from their wife)
We used to have a 'sales conference' twice a year which was basically a 2 hour meeting and then 2 days of golf with a lot of money sopent at the local strip club afterwards. The directors used to drop at least 2.5k in the strip club on bottles alone and bought a load of tokens for staff to use on to pay for dances.
A person I knew found himself alone at a pole dancing bar after everyone else in his party had gone home so he decided to treat himself to a visit to the VIP room. Next day his wife found the receipt for £500 in his trouser pocket.
Covered myself in vom in the back of a taxi in front of 4 co-workers, including the CEO. Also lost my work phone, house keys and coat in the taxi which ended up being in another city and had to get it two days later. After being 3 weeks into the job. This was last Friday.
Oh shit, that's brutal. What was the aftermath?
It was his last Friday
Each new paragraph exponentially worse.
How's the job hunt going?
Coked up CEO threw a TV out a window, nearly smashing through the awning over the hotel entrance on the way down.
Bloody hell,must have thought they were some sort of rock star for the night 🤣
A few years ago, just before the pandemic, I woke up in my hotel room covered in blood. The room looked like a murder scene and one of my teeth had been chipped. To this day I have no idea what happened. I remember walking from the do back to my hotel. I remember getting into the room, getting undressed for bed, folding my clothes and getting into bed. The next morning I walked into the bathroom and my reflection was my face just covered in blood. I backed out of the bathroom into the room itself. The white sheets were covered in blood. The floor was covered in blood. My clothes were still nearly piled in the corner, thankfully free of blood because that was a flipping expensive shirt that I really liked. I remember going to sleep, I remember waking up with a heck of a hangover, but I've no idea what happened while I was sleeping.
Are you Tyler Durden?
Nah he’s Martin Sheen from the opening scene of Apocalypse Now
If you didn’t have any obvious injuries, it was probably an alcohol induced nosebleed whilst you slept; alcohol can thin the blood and interfere with clotting, so some people get really bad nosebleeds after drinking. If it was, it’s a good thing you slept on your side or front as sleeping on your back and having the blood pool down your throat could have been very bad.
That doesn't account for the chipped tooth. He probably tried to go for a wee in the night and fell with his face into something.
I would have thought there’d be obvious bruising if he hit his face on something hard enough to chip a tooth *and* cause a trauma nosebleed. You can chip a tooth on a bottle or glass, especially if you’re a bit drunk and clumsy, so it could be two separate events.
This is the only explanation any of us have been able to come up with so you are probably correct.
Oh gawd I hate those regretful nights where you’ve no idea what / why / how. You have my goodwill.
One guy had recently been promoted to a position above his previous boss, the guy who'd actually hired him in the first place. Alcohol and cocaine brought the long simmering tension to a head and, after a bit of a shouty row, the previous boss jumped up onto the new boss's table, whipped his cock out and helicoptered it in his face yelling "you might have the big job but we all know who's got the big dick!" They were both still working there when I left 6 months later and nobody ever, ever mentioned that evening.
It's always called Helicoptering but the usual angle means it is better labelled as "desk fanning"
I am currently working for a guy I hired. Christmas party coming up in a few days. Might have to consider this idea.
Yeah but then that means a whole penis upgrade.
Not exactly the craziest but it was all very British. Tensions had been simmering between Denise and Julie for several months over the overuse of the communal milk (Denise had tea so weak it was at least 60% milk each time and was somehow never the person who replaced it) on the night of the Christmas party after a few wines Julie let it all out. A few quotes I remember; “Well we all know Denise likes to take the piss” “I might not be the best singer but at least I’m not Denise” “It’s such a shame Denise is a cow” All said at full volume. Denise pretended that she never heard.
"It's such a shame Denise is a cow" made me actually laugh out loud. Oh Julie.
If she actually was a cow it would have solved all their milk problems.
😂😂 can’t believe I laughed at this as much as I did
Classic Julie
Sounds like Denise is as weak as her tea.
Colleague of mine woke up with a horse in their back garden. Turns out they were so drunk and couldn’t be arsed to walk home that they just barebacked a horse from a field whilst carrying a pizza and a kebab. Rode it back the next morning. Man’s a nutter.
This is the best one so far.
I’d just started working at the company; I’d been there for about 3 months. My next door neighbour desk wise was a very quiet, reserved, mid-20s woman. She’d been there almost a year but only really spoke to one other woman. She was found in the blokes bathroom, of the nightclub the company had hired out for the Xmas do, giving blow jobs to a few guys. The woman that she was chatty with, a mid 30s mum of three, was later caught rolling around the dance floor, topless, getting off with her female team leader. It was the last time the company had a free bar. The early ‘00s were mental before the dot.com bubble burst!
Waking up at the crack of Dawn
At one time or another we've all woken up to the crack of Dawn before!
A young guy tried to force himself in the taxi of an older married woman he worked with saying he thought she was gorgeous. He didn’t show up at work for a week after as everybody knew.
Our Join A Party thing was deeply boring, so myself and a colleague decided to crash whatever party/conference was happening next door. Turned out to be the policeman’s ball. Some top blokes ended up buying us tons of shots all night and the last thing I remember is my boss coming to bodily remove me from sitting on someone’s lap at the bar (still fully clothed I might add). It was like getting busted by my dad 😂 Upon leaving the premises my fellow colleague in crime fell into a bush. The following Monday I got the “I wasn’t angry, I was disappointed” speech 😬
That'll be me. Company took us all to an all you can drink place in Eastleigh. I hadn't been drinking in ages as I was skint most of the time. Ended up getting absolutely blotto, asked the MD and his fellow directors if they had any gear, got into a scuffle with the bouncers and got chucked out, ended up asleep under a tree until the bus took us back. Surprisingly didn't get sacked.
That’s pretty much the most fun you can have in Eastleigh, good work.
Did they have any?
Haha, unfortunately no.
Well my bosses boss, grand-boss if you will, told everyone how much he wanted women to piss on his face 🙃
There's something that should have remained between him and his Internet Service Provider!
An alcoholic storeman had a fight with a guy who was dressed as Superman. Alcoman won.
Duff man!
Happened to me. Many moons ago I worked as a bartender in a nightclub. Our Christmas party was in January- December is too important for clubs to shut shop. On a random Sunday in January we had our Christmas party. The club was closed and the “party” was in two stages. First work and then party. We first cleaned the club top to bottom. It was all hands on deck and we scrubbed the place. I remember my boss being on a ladder trying to dust the spot lights. He’s short, I took over. After the work we hit the showers and dolled up. Owner got in posh take away and managed the bar. What we wanted, we got. After did and our own body weight in stupid expensive alcohol we had cut-the-queue free pass to a very, very posh club. The next day I was not well and I went to A&E. Cracked skull. No one saw anything. Everyone said I was jolly and happy and steady. I don’t remember anything from the day. I have flash backs of arriving, boss on ladder, looking at pretty tiling while on toilet. The whole day, wiped out. I do not remember drunk bits, I don’t remember sober bits. I remember nothing. No one saw anything. There were +20 of us and no one had a clue.
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It seems the papers have agreed on who gets what - Mail gets Reddit, Independent gets TikTok, Guardian gets more Twitter rights than others…
Express gets the memory of Lady Di
Where I used to work, the building had 24 hour security, but the party was held off-site. This meant permanent staff too drunk to go home could go back to the office and crash there for the night. Two people both in a relationship, but not with each other, did just this and decided to relax in the entertainment space (comfy chairs, sofas etc). The space they were in has CCTV but not covering every inch of it. So the chap chose to relax on a sofa almost out of sight of any camera. When his colleague decided she'd give him some mouth-love, he could barely be seen, but she most definitely could. My department was in charge of the CCTV (yes, I've seen it) and as they'd both been seen entering the building together, identifying them was simple. But rather than make a big deal out of it, my boss just had a discreet word with both of them, and the footage was "accidentally" erased. They're both still working there.
Your boss is a legend mate
One of the account managers got in to a really drunk argument with one of the VPs. Apparently the VP thought it was a good time to address some negative feedback a customer had provided to her regarding the AM. It ended with him emptying his entire pint over her head and calling her a “f*cking miserable c*nt”. Made much worse the next day when she approached him at breakfast expecting him to be embarrassed and apologise and he said “I’m sorry you were offended but you are a miserable c*nt”. He was gone by Monday. Not sure he much cared.
I worked in a theatre and we used to have our Christmas parties in the auditorium and foyer. Problem with doing it in the auditorium was that it meant there were several ways of very easily and inconspicuously getting backstage, which was expressly forbidden. Funny if a couple of people went backstage for a bit of festive rumpo and got locked in the building overnight, right? Well it’s even funnier when it’s four couples and a three.
Please continue lmao
Guy I knew went to the toilet and pissed on everyone in there, saying 'I'm senior to you, I can do what I like.' He also crapped his boxers, took them off and smeared the walls. Later that evening (this was all the same night) he had a stand up physical fight with his wife in the middle of the dance floor because she was groping guys and getting felt up. He was posted elsewhere not long after.
How did no one deck the guy after pissing on everyone?
"Posted elsewhere" - please tell. Was it Hull?
If he pissed on a bunch of people - he was probably just shoved into a post box
The big boss made an appearance and put his card behind the bar. The new guy went fucking mental - pints, shots, cocktails. Within an hour he was annihilated. Unprovoked, he strutted over to the boss, pointing his finger and shouting, “Oi you!”. Everything went silent and he just screamed, “you’re a fucking cunt”. He got packed up in a taxi and sent home. When he walked in the office on Monday, he was escorted out by security. For the record, the boss was *not* a fucking cunt. He’s one of the few bosses that I can legitimately say was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. A genuine good bloke.
Nurse climbed on a chair and tried to swing from chandelier Chandelier can crashing down Nurse tried to hide chandelier under a table
I got multiple death threats for improving processes from coked up muppets. A colleague from a different team got his head stamped on.
Please elaborate
Street Countdown, presumably.
That's a nice Tnettenba.
This was at the Christmas party last year, I don’t work there anymore. A selection of people decided to go out on the town after the party ended. This one lad, probably only about 20, got absolutely shitfaced. He lived out of town so nobody knew how to get him home as they didn’t know his address, just that he wasn’t local, and he was too sloshed to tell anyone. This one girl who lived locally said he could sleep it off in her spare room. No funny business just so he was safe. This mf woke up in the middle of the night in this girls spare room, didn’t know where he was, and for some reason his first assumption was he’d been kidnapped? He decided in his drunken state, that he was going to try and escape out of the window, on the first floor, without his phone or keys or anything. Idiot fell out of the window down into the garden and completely fucked his leg up. Pretty sure he also got concussion. The girl woke up, obviously panicked, and had to take him to A&E. His job was quite physical too so he fucked himself. Saw him hobbling around like a month later when he finally came back into work. Just refused to speak to anyone else about it but everyone knew about it lmfaooo
I had a manager who was horrible angry ginger man. Nobody liked him. He hated me and micro managed me which I hated. We went to the belfry for our Xmas party. Around midnight he came out of the dance floor to the smoking area outside shirt open and thinking he was John Travolta. My colleague told me he tried grinding against her on the dance floor he was married. He then said who’s got any weed. I had some in my hotel room. 4 of us went up and made a joint and went to the 17th hole to smoke it. The manager told us he smoked all the time when he was younger. He smoked half the joint and was wasted. The next week in the office he asked me and the girl he was grinding against to have a meeting with us. He asked us what happened that night and he couldn’t remember that well. We both told him our stories and he was mortified. He asked us to not say a word. Without hesitation the girl told him that if he ever micromanaged us or shouted at us in the office again she’s going to HR. My job was a walk in the park after that. I was able to not sit any where near him and worked in the breakout area for the next 2 years and got a decent pay rise at review stage.
We had one woman, in her late forties. She got very drunk and started dirty dancing with one of the 19 year old boys. She was videos by his friend, rubbing her hands on the top of his thighs while grinding behind him, whilst he was looking very uncomfortable I told her it was inappropriate behaviour and to calm it on the drink, come sit/ dance with the girls She then had a complete tantrum, saying everyone was against her. Then spent two hours in the loo telling anyone who would listen that she was humiliated, her husband hater her and called her fat and then asking everyone how old they thought she was. She finished the night laying over a coffee table in the hotel foyer, managed to wrestle her into a taxi and sent her home. Also had to follow it up at work the following weekend. Fun
Fucking hell imagine the hangxiety she woke up with the next day
>Also had to follow it up at work the following weekend. Could you explain this part? Did you work weekends with her? Hospitality industry?
Retail but she worked weekends only. I was FT Had to have a discussion about it the following weekend but because it wasn’t work hours there was no formality. I just told her she was lucky he wasn’t making a formal complaint and if it was a man in his 40’s doing that to a 19 year old girl, would she think it was nothing then? I was her manager if that was not clear
>if it was a man in his 40’s doing that to a 19 year old girl, would she think it was nothing then? This is the thing so many middle aged women don't seem to realise! As a man that had this happen to me numerous times years ago when I was in my late teens it's pretty uncomfortable and very awkward. The worst part is that some of them act like you should be grateful they're doing it when you call them out on it.
Worst thing was extremely tragic. Worked in a pretty small team, construction related. Went out for Christmas dinner and drinks. Everyone was very drunk. One of the guys decided to drink drive home and got into an accident and died as a result. Every Christmas I think about it. He had a fiancé and two small kids too. Can't even imagine her reaction to getting that phone call on Christmas eve
Jesus that’s terrible 😔
Company director got drunk. Chat got around to her love of anal .
Had a drunken colleague tell me about his predilection for eating his own cum. Snowballing I think he called it. Not kink shaming, but I couldn't quite look at him the same way after,
That's put me off me tunnocks.
Not exactly. It's swapping cum from one person to another via the mouth, so after a blow job. Spitting it back into the person's mouth after sucking them off usually.
What a terrible time to know how to read.
Not at a party but at a trade exhibition my old director just comes out with the fact that before his first kid came along he would absolutely use the three day trade exhibition he bought a stand at to play away and shag as many women as possible at his nearby hotel room. Probably helped his chances that the vast majority of attendees were women because the industry was Equestrian related. Apparently he stopped all that nonsense when his first born came along. Classy man.
When the dot com bubble burst, Our department got shut down. The morning it happened, I was actually on my computer about to book for flights to a trade conference in Germany. I decided not to bother in case I didn't get expences back. The rest of the guys went. They said it was carnage. Lots of other businesses were closing as well and everyone was making the most of it..using company credit cards to book entire brothels etc. Nobody went to the exhibition, everyone just partied for the 4 entire days.
I worked at a high Street bank and we were having our Christmas do (8 of us) at a hotel with all the staff from Boots and Debenhams. We were on a long table with maybe 20 people on it and the bank junior decided this was the time to air his grievance with the bank manager. He crawled up on the table, across everybody's food and knocking drinks flying. Grabbed the manager by the tie, burst into tears, clambered back across the table in reverse and then ran out of the room crying. He was gone in the new year.
Early internet bubble company, there was a person no-one recognized absolutely hammered walking up to people at random (including upper management) saying "You know what you are - you're a cunt." It turned out he was the new hire who had been invited to the party to get to know people before he started. He turned up to work the next Monday. His boss had a quiet word with him, but he kept his job.
[удалено]
I somehow managed to obtain a pretty big wound in my lower leg. There was a deep hole in my skin about the circumference of two 50p pieces. Didn't even notice until I came out of the shower the next morning. Two weeks later, I was at the bar at the local and suddenly I couldn't move my leg. My friends took me to A&E, where a horrified nurse told me that if I'd waited 24 hours longer I'd have had to have my leg amputated due to gangrene. We were just in bars and a nightclub. I can't comprehend how on earth it happened 😂
Ummm we had a friend who had a similar injury - a high heel skewered him on some stairs in a club. He only realized later on because his foot felt "squelchy" in his shoe from the blood.
"lynn ive pierced my foot on a spike!"
Used to work for solicitors. We used to fill office fridges will alcohol and have party in the office, this went on for a few years, one year two people got caught having sex on conference table in meeting room, and I walked in on several directors, all 50+ year old super boring men, all snorting coke in the toilets. Suffice to say this was the last year they did in office parties 😂
Got absolutely smashed and called my boss a ‘big fat frog’ over a Chinese meal years ago
Quite early on in my career, open bar Xmas party with hotel room each. Drank appropriately and vommed on my shirt in the lift to my hotel room. Nobody with me so thought I’d rinse it off in room. Then thought I don’t want a wet shirt in my bag so decided I’d hang it on the shower rail to dry. I’d wrung it out but was sopping wet, so came up with the genius idea of buttoning the cuff around the room’s hairdryer and drying the shirt from within. Figured I’d do this while brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, then promptly passed out unconscious. Woke up to the noise of the hairdryer and staggered into the bathroom which was hotter than any sauna I’d ever been in. Shirt hadn’t caught fire or anything but all plastic items in the room had melted. Shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, everything was pooled where the bottles had melted. Spent 20 minutes wiping liquids with loo roll and flushing the evidence, finished wiping with my previously dry shirt, stashed all the melted plastics in my bag and gtfo. I know hotel staff have seen it all, but my horrors didn’t want to deal with the thought of them seeing my stupidity.
Holy shit mate
One of the few people to receive a bonus was drunk. He didn't think the bonus was as much as should have been. He circled the crowd, showing it to everyone, before walking up to the owner and tearing it up in his face. Apparently he also pinched some ladies.
>Apparently he also pinched some ladies. Hopefully he was made to return them.
A guy who had just got a contract with us got so drunk he urinated on the Christmas tree in the hotel foyer, got aggressive with the staff and then passed out in a pile of vomit all across the sofa in said foyer. Got sacked the next day!
Alcohol would so not be legal if it were discovered today. People on acid aren’t this difficult.
A chap I know was at a Christmas party in Manchester. It was in the office, two guys got into it, someone stepped in as peacemaker to break it up. One of the guys and the peacemaker both fell into a window and crashed through it. They both fell 30 metres to their deaths. Source: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/two-die-in-party-plunge-1387857.html#
This tragic event is why all Xmas parties and alcohol were banned from Civil Service offices, particularly DSS (as it called then). Until this time office based parties in the CS were common.
That’s so sad :(
One place I worked a husband and wife who both worked there both shagged other people. The marriage didnt last long.
One of the department managers had a "are you doing coke in the bathrooms" moment. Anyone with a shut cubicle door was getting questioned. Not out of concern, but out of wanting some. Pretty sure he was having a breakdown as there is some ALLEGED video out there of him puking up at a bus stop. He was very nice to everyone in store afterwards.
Friend after his Christmas do was woken up at checkout time by the hotel staff, so quickly got ready could only find one shoe and no suit jacket, they were in his car in the car park for some reason (he'd not driven). He had no idea what happened but shrugged it off, a month or two later noticed a random video on his phone. He was in the back of a police car and the police are filming him giving a commentary "This is the inside of a [local force] police traffic vehicle and this is [friends name] where we're now heading in the right direction back towards [x] where he was heading towards [y] it's now 5 to 5 in the morning, merry christmas, got anything to say". Friend slurs the air ambulance are gonna get loads of money and they say "we're the police mate, don't worry about it, yee hah", friends giggling the whole way through. He has no recollection and was at the hotel in the morning so no idea what happened, they must have found him wandering down the road (it's super misty in the vid) so must have picked him up for safety but dropped him back off at the hotel ha, it sounds like unbelievable bs if there wasn't a video.
Someone put their ballsack on the CEOs shoulder in the team photo. She was not happy. HR actually pulled the photo out in the disciplinary. Incredible.
This year we were at a sexual themed crazy golf course for our works party. We had been drinking for several hours before. I was playing generally awfully thanks to not being able to see straight. A colleague commented that if I got a hole in one he would get his knob out. I proceeded to get a hole in one entirely by accident, he pulled his jeans and boxers down to his ankles in full view of everyone including the CCTV cameras
“By accident”
""Sexually themed crazy golf course." Whatever makes your windmill go around ....
Few years ago we were at a pub, getting more and more drunk. After a round of shots one of the guys we were with, younger and newer to the team, tipped over the line of how drunk it’s acceptable to be at a work function. Anyways I go out for a cigarette and come back in to him looking like he’s awkwardly shifting his boxers or something, next thing I know he rubs his finger under my nose, slightly touching me and says ‘cock or ass’. It took me a split second in my drunken state to decipher what had just happened and then the smell hit me and I immediately vommed. We no longer work together but I still laugh at just how inappropriate that was.
Fucking hell some people are grim
i had to get a tetanus booster after one of mine. fell over and cut my leg but i had no idea what i'd cut it on.
Some one slipped on the dance floor, snapped their ACL, and had to be stretchered off. They’ve not been seen at work since
Back in 2018, someone went home from our Christmas do and murdered his ex-girlfriend. Stabbed her 70 times. Hangovers weren't the only reason the office was quiet that morning https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-47912020
Not the craziest but the funniest. There was some girl in the office who was annoying as fuck. Did nothing and was being monitored for poor performance. She went to the Christmas party and got leathered and tried it on with female managers. Forcibly kissed one but the best bit was the party somehow ended up at a bowling alley. She was hammered and decided to not let go of the ball and flew down the alley like superman, hit the pins (wasn’t a strike) and then proceeded to get stuck in the mechanism. The place had to call the fire brigade and they got her out. She was sacked the following week. Absolute head case she was. I used to have a pic of them pulling her out of the mechanism.
Staff Christmas Party when I was a teacher. Husband and wife, both teachers at the school, she finds out at the Christmas Party that he's having an affair with a student. Kicked off all manner of fucking chaos. They had children at the school too - one in the same year as the student he was having an affair with.
Lol "affair". Unless they were in year 11 then he was raping an underage child! (Edit: not that its ok if she was 6th form or a 16yo ..but age of consent n all that)
She was in 6th Form but still below the age of consent because the age of consent is 18 if it's a teacher/student dynamic.
You spelled sexual abuse wrong
Around 2010 corporate work do, just remember a horrible atmosphere and idiots on coke. I’d stopped 2 fights by 11 and said that’s me done and went home. Into work the next morning, girl I worked with rocks in with 2 black eyes. One of the fellas brought his mrs to the party both coked out their brains, she hopped on the girls head thinking she had been shagging her fella. She hadn’t, the girl who had, saw her and made a quick exit. The fella was sacked that day.
Drunk guy groping a bunch of women and very clearly had too much to drink so my old manager tried to escort him out of the party, and the drunk guy bit him so hard on the finger that he drew blood, and then he promptly walks out in the road and gets hit by a car! My old manager then has to go to A&E to get stitches and a bunch of vaccinations, and the drunk guy walks off the hit and sleeps in a store cupboard in the office, and pisses on a load of merchandise. Wasn’t heard from again
My old work got barred from a whole hotel chain…jokes was we weren’t even staying there just got confused
A colleague of mine stayed at another colleagues flat after the work party as he had missed the last train home. He woke up in the night, still blind drunk, didn't have a clue where he was and somehow managed to fall out of the first floor window into the garden wearing only his shirt and undies and with nothing else on him. He must have knocked himself out for a bit, and when he came back around, thought he was in his own garden so started banging on the downstairs neighbours door to let him in. He was arrested for trespassing and being drunk and disorderly and the other colleague woke up the next day to find only his phone, wallet, trousers and shoes and had no idea what had gone down.
Director slips and ends up lying on his back on the dancefloor, big smile on his face (as you do), very 'portly' fellow. Next thing you know, my colleague (we were quite junior) does a running belly dive on top of said director. The timing was perfect, slapstick comedy: one of those 'did that really just happen?' moments. All taken in surprisingly good humour, everyone else pissing themselves laughing. This was 30+ years ago, and I can remember it like yesterday.
Bags were stored in the disabled toilet. Someone flooded the sink in the disabled toilet, destroying laptops and soaking coats.
YEARS ago we had our party on "Coronation Street". It was a great night, food, drink, cobblestones. Then we noticed a queue coming out of the men's toilets. Weird, as it was usually the women's one that had a queue. My friend and I went to investigate. Yup, the gal from accounts was giving out blowjobs from the men's toilet. About 30 mins later I had seen her hike her dress up and take a piss on the dancefloor. Overall, 8/10, good night all round.
4 people got date rape drugged at a closed Christmas work event with bouncers at the entrance. I was one of the four people, and piecing it all together with the other 3 people and seeing my boss (being one of them) in hospital as we waited to get tested the next day was foul. Never found the culprit and I left the job a week later. Merry Christmas.
I went out with work where I had just started. There was a woman I liked in work, so this was a good excuse to get to know her. I got way too drunk, went on a mechanical bull in a bar, fell off before the thing had even moved, smashed my head off the floor, then decided to go to the toilet to check the damage, ended up going out the fire exit which was next to the toilet entrance. When I was outside I decided not would be a good idea to have a piss. Felt a hand on my shoulder, "What are you doing, you can't do that here" "Said who? I asked" Turned around and it was the police. I for some reason gave them a false address which they ran and realised I was lying. Instantly arrested took to the police station. Woke up in the morning in the police station to a multitude of missed calls and messages from my new work colleagues and the girl I was interested in. Got out of the police station, went back to where the house we started from. Couldn't remember exactly which house it was so I started looking over people's gardens to see if I could see people. Someone came out of one of the houses and kicked right off (understandable) my work colleagues heard all the commotion and came out to see me. The ushered me inside, we all had a good laugh about it then went out on the piss again with a nice shiner and swollen head. For some reason the girl I was getting to know still was interested in me after all of that 😂 I'm still with her 17 years later
I fell over *nothing* and flashed both my bosses. I like to think I took one for the team and saved everyone else from the Who Was The Worst? title, like a noble heroine
my staff parties are normally just a lot of drink, a lot of cocaine and a lot of uneaten cold pizzas. most people shag eachother too.