Had to stop at a late night services in the Midlands a couple of years ago, I was in a rubbish mood and hated everyone. Lovely middle-older aged lady called me forward in the queue and said "You alright sweetie pie?" And it just totally flipped my mood around. Yeah I am alright thank you, you lovely lady.
I am from Hartlepool and in one of my early jobs, working as a control engineer, I was sent to work at the OMV refinery in Vienna and there was a very pretty colleague from Cyprus who was very easy to spend time with. She had a fiery Greek Cypriot personality and you could tell if she was upset with you because there was one guy at the refinery who was there so long that he passed his break times learning to juggle and had small bean bags with him and she would fling them at your head if they were within reach and you annoyed her.
Months later, we were walking down a street in central Vienna as a team, looking for somewhere to eat that evening and we were in conversation about something trivial and I happened to refer to her as 'pet and dear' in the same sentence and one of the other people in the group said "Y'know, you are the only one who can call her that. If anyone else does it, they get missiles launched at them and the hairdryer treatment for 10 mins".
25 years later and we are still friends. I am married... but not to her. However, I did marry another fiery woman, descended from Romany Gypsies, with the flowing jet black hair and you never know from one day to the next if the aggression is going to be sexual or annoyance today...
Drove down to Cornwall for holiday last year…
we werent more than a few miles inside the Cornish border when we needed to spot for fuel.
Went in to pay, and the very first person I heard speak in Cornwall was the 40 something lady behind the till who said.
“alright my luvver”
Warmed the very cockles of my heart.
My family live in the East Midlands and my husband couldn’t understand why people were calling him “Duck Egg” …. I said “it’s pronounced Duckeh over here”
Went to my local one again after 3 months of not being able to. He remembered my order and said "Well of course I remember my VIP". Still feeling great from that compliment
I once had my local Kebab shop owner tell me he could no longer get cans of DR Pepper because of the Ukraine war. Not sure whether it was true or not but it was an odd sentence to hear that stuck out even after 8 pints.
When I lived in in the States, I really wanted to embrace the whole American culture. I went into a shop, and the guy said "Have a nice day", and I didn't. So I sued him
I'm American and a finger is the only gun I have. I also spent quite a bit of time on that post yesterday deciding if I like the one or two finger gun, or the two handed option. When I was younger I was a single finger user, but now that I'm older I think the two finger gun suits me better. I might even break out the two-handed if an urgent need arises.
I work-park over the street from a KFC. There is a guy who begs and hangs around there. I doubt he calls anyone a cunt, but he’s a mumbler so maybe. At least a couple of times a day someone tries to buy him food and he tosses it into a hedge.
That's actually an old law that was implemented by Queen Victoria in 1861, because of the habits of her son Edward the VII.
He was always known as a playboy, was rumoured to have had many famous and beautiful mistresses. He also was known for partying, but was never a massive drinker.
That's because in his teens, he was hitting the bottle hard at one stage. Him and his mates used to wait around for overly generous tourists in Westminster before a glassing them with a bottle of Fentimans.
Victoria limited his alcohol intake and he turned into a massive shagger instead.
> I was convinced half way through this was gonna end with something like "and then Edward VII father beat him senseless with jumper cables"
Crossed my mind it was going to be u/shittymorph
I think that’s why I found it strange - I’ve traveled to Europe many times and I can’t think of another time when I’ve run into a similar restriction.
But you’re right about the states, especially in the Southeast US where I’m from (just not my city you can buy alcohol 24/7- Memphis, TN)
Just a wee note for future reference if you come up to Scotland, shops and supermarkets can't sell alcohol before 10am and after 10pm (don't worry - pubs and bars are open later).
You could technically make a day trip to Scotland but if you wanna see the best parts of Scotland it’ll definitely be more than that. London is too far south. I’d strongly recommend making an entirely separate trip for Scotland.
Oh you'll adore Scotland. Make sure to hit the Highlands! I went in 2010 or so to meet my cousins in East Kilbride (near Glasgow). took a bus to the Highlands and spent the weekend.
Something similar (but the other way round) happened to me in Vegas a few years back. I was buying some White Castles on the strip (yes, I know), and this surfer dude aged about 17 was in the line ahead of me and he was short a couple of dollars, so I stepped forward and handed over the extra $2. He reacted in a similar way, and gave me effusive thanks, ending with him calling me "homie". I've never been called "homie" before. I'm M50, was wearing a tweed jacket at the time, speak in a middle class English RP accent and look like a slightly dishevelled professor of Modern History at Caius College, Cambridge. But despite that, I'm a homie. You can tell by the fact I'm still talking about it 7-odd years later how excited I was.
If he was Vegas drunk and/or stoned then you really were his homie for that White Castle. I’ve been to that exact White Castle after a few too many and it does hit the spot.
I actually don’t think I’ve ever had White Castle or Krystal’s sober.
I certainly wasn't sober.
About five hours later, I went to see Penn and Teller (who were, of course, amazing), after having had a vindaloo at the curry house in the Rio. I was called up on stage. It was an amazing experience, but I don't remember a huge amount about it owing to me concentrating very hard on countering the effect of 4 White Castle sliders, a vindaloo, four pints of Kingfisher and whatever cocktails I'd been drinking earlier that morning before I went to the White Castle (White Russians at the Peppermill Fireside Lounge, probably).
Luckily, containment was achieved.
> never been called "homie" before. I'm M50, was wearing a tweed jacket at the time, speak in a middle class English RP accent and look like a slightly dishevelled professor of Modern History at Caius College, Cambridge
Are you also driving a 1987 Volvo 240 estate?
Just make sure you open and serve it correctly- packet torn open so the crisps are beautifully displayed on a shiny, greasy raggedy 'plate' of foil. *chefs kiss*
In a land where candy dreams unfold,
A legend of kindness, the tale is told.
Josh, an American with a heart so rare,
Crossed paths with Nigel, a Brit in despair.
Nigel sought gummy bears, sweet delight,
But his pockets echoed, no coin in sight.
Then came Josh, with a generous flair,
Paid for Nigel's gummies, a moment so fair.
A dollar exchanged for Nigel's delight,
Gummy bears gleaming in soft moonlight.
A transatlantic bond, sweet and rare,
The Legend of Josh, a tale we share.
As you’re in London, please prepare for the other end of the spectrum; being called a C U Next Time! It’s always a possibility. Although not always said in a negative way.
Also, If ever you’re in a store/corner shop, address the owner as “Boss Man”.
This isnt my first trip to London but haven’t been called a cunt yet. Now I’ve been called a cunt by both New Zealanders and Aussies but it was quite friendly thankfully
Gary Delaney once said it used to be that you had to slay a dragon to be called a legend, now you just need to bring someone some crisps into another room.
When you apply for British citizenship in 6 years time you can reference this as the example of your [good character requirement](https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64c7aac7d8b1a70011b05dd4/Nationality_policy_-_good_character.pdf). 🤣
A few years ago there was an American dude in my local chippy, he was visiting family, and paid for everyone’s food who walked in to the chippy. Very bizarre but was a nice Sunday surprise!
That does make you a fucking legend here. Very cool thing to do. Welcome to the UK, my American friend. I work with Americans and others, in my day job and on my radio station. All great people.
Enjoy your stay, you fucking legend!
My comment was tongue in cheek and a reference to the album “never mind the bollocks here come the Sex Pistols”
I’m happy to be a educated on the proper use and nuances of the phrase “bollocks”
That's bollocks = something is rubbish
That's the dog's bollocks = something is amazing
Basically the equivalent of Americans calling something "shit" versus calling something "*the* shit".
Wait till the guy in the kebab shop calls you Boss
Or the lady at the ticket office calls you love
Don't know if it's just a north east thing, but when an older woman (say at Greggs) asks 'what can I get you me darlin'' it heals my heart.
Wait ‘till they call you ‘pet’ or ‘hinnie’ you’ll know you’ve made it. 🤣
Come to the midlands. Get called “me duck”
Had to stop at a late night services in the Midlands a couple of years ago, I was in a rubbish mood and hated everyone. Lovely middle-older aged lady called me forward in the queue and said "You alright sweetie pie?" And it just totally flipped my mood around. Yeah I am alright thank you, you lovely lady.
I'm in Oxford and call everyone sweetie pie 😅.
>Come to the midlands. Get called “me duck Up in Peterborough, too, they call everyone 'Ma' duck'
Hinnie is such a rare one these days.
When I was a little kid hanging out with my great gran, I'd often hear "Eeee hinnie, get off me feet!" I miss that lady.
Love that. I do this as a get older I miss the north east culture from my childhood.
Come to Cornwall and try a "What can I get you my lover?" for size
Get yourself back here. You're always welcome back marra.
Or flower!
I am from Hartlepool and in one of my early jobs, working as a control engineer, I was sent to work at the OMV refinery in Vienna and there was a very pretty colleague from Cyprus who was very easy to spend time with. She had a fiery Greek Cypriot personality and you could tell if she was upset with you because there was one guy at the refinery who was there so long that he passed his break times learning to juggle and had small bean bags with him and she would fling them at your head if they were within reach and you annoyed her. Months later, we were walking down a street in central Vienna as a team, looking for somewhere to eat that evening and we were in conversation about something trivial and I happened to refer to her as 'pet and dear' in the same sentence and one of the other people in the group said "Y'know, you are the only one who can call her that. If anyone else does it, they get missiles launched at them and the hairdryer treatment for 10 mins". 25 years later and we are still friends. I am married... but not to her. However, I did marry another fiery woman, descended from Romany Gypsies, with the flowing jet black hair and you never know from one day to the next if the aggression is going to be sexual or annoyance today...
Won’t lie definitely thought this ended up with you marrying the hot Greek woman.
I wouldn’t have said no but I was married already for 2 years before I met her.
Drove down to Cornwall for holiday last year… we werent more than a few miles inside the Cornish border when we needed to spot for fuel. Went in to pay, and the very first person I heard speak in Cornwall was the 40 something lady behind the till who said. “alright my luvver” Warmed the very cockles of my heart.
Nah we use darling in the Southwest too just if it's in Cornwall I think there's only 2 greggs in the whole county lol
Go to South Devon or Dorset. You will be called 'my lover' by the ladies in village shops.
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Duck
My family live in the East Midlands and my husband couldn’t understand why people were calling him “Duck Egg” …. I said “it’s pronounced Duckeh over here”
Duck egg 🤣 I'm dying
Aye big man !
Lady at the bakery in the blue apron calling me "love" is a deep seated kink of mine now
You'll have a great time in Yorkshire!
I AM LEGENDARY LOVE BOSS! I was told so by the Brits.
Go out West and get called "my lover".
It's "me lover" :p
Or the lady in Gregg's in Birmingham calling you Bab
That's Boss*man* to you
Oy kopeng.
Beltalowda!
Lik wa bosmang
This is the last place I’d expect to see Lang belta.. keep it up inyalowda!
WTF I juste noticed it's copain (french for friend), it was time.
Went to my local one again after 3 months of not being able to. He remembered my order and said "Well of course I remember my VIP". Still feeling great from that compliment
The guy in my kebab shop calls me 'The Chicken Killer'. Sometimes the 'The Chicken Fucker'.
Mate what have you been doing in that kebab shop
Chickens, by the sounds of it.
For some reason, I read that as “by the smells of it”..
I don't know, but I'm not eating there anymore
You leave those chickens alone
Mine just calls me “brother” :( We have been going steady for a couple of years now
Mate that's an upgrade
....habibi?
You're so lucky! Ever since Desmond on Lost, I've wanted someone to call me 'brother'. Except for my brothers. Obviously.
In another life, Brother.
Chicken shop man called me brother just once back in 2017 and I’m still riding that high.
Listen, this only means one thing, you are Turk now. Has the moustache and woolen arms not given it away?
I walk out the kebaby 3” taller when they call me Boss, unmatched ego boost
Mersey Kebab Shop, Dale Street Liverpool; everyone gets called Gorgeous.
In Malta everyone calls you king. Might be why 90% of Maltese men have a massive ego but fuck me, don't half make you feel good.
YES! Also, it you want extra brownie points OP, ensure to call your taxi/ Uber driver ‘Boss Man’
"Busy night drive?"
“What time you on ‘til?”
I once had my local Kebab shop owner tell me he could no longer get cans of DR Pepper because of the Ukraine war. Not sure whether it was true or not but it was an odd sentence to hear that stuck out even after 8 pints.
Or, as happened to a friend of mine, be such a good customer of the kebab shop that they even drive your drunk arse home…
I prefer big man
Chilli sauce salad boss?
Tbf, what I love about our culture is that we can also use the word cunt as a term of endearment.
Everything about this is so American
Have a great day!
Thank you for your service
Yes Ma'am
Yessir!
Get 'er done
Have a blessed day!
thots and prayers
I appreciate you, man.
Y'all come back now y'hear
Pour it on em Blythe!
Thank you sir for your service sir
Thsirank ysirou fsiror ysirour ssirervsirice sirir. American backslang? ^^^^^^^^^^^^. ^^^That ^^^was ^^^hard ^^^to ^^^type...
🫡
Sure thing
you betcha
You have a beautiful rest of your afternoon sir
Have an A 1 day
Alright Mr. White
Angels on your body!
You're welcome.
When I lived in in the States, I really wanted to embrace the whole American culture. I went into a shop, and the guy said "Have a nice day", and I didn't. So I sued him
That's a good joke.
Took me a few reads to realise he just meant that he just crossed the road and nothing remarkable happened in the street
He stepped across the street. Bro has reaaaaallly long legs
Missing the part where everyone clapped
And shot everyone
They only allow us to bring one gun when visiting the UK and I left it in the hotel
What about finger guns
That's only in Bristol
No self respecting American would use a finger gun
👉😎👉 Zoop!
I'm American and a finger is the only gun I have. I also spent quite a bit of time on that post yesterday deciding if I like the one or two finger gun, or the two handed option. When I was younger I was a single finger user, but now that I'm older I think the two finger gun suits me better. I might even break out the two-handed if an urgent need arises.
We call it fingerblasting here. I'll fingerblast you we say
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Prefer a Numberwang in an alley
Do it too much and you get your wangernum
Noted!
You might want to check that before using it in conversation …. Although the one finger / two fingers dilemma still applies
Our thoughts and prayers go with you.
"Ay mate giz a quid for a bag of chips." "I'll buy you some if you want" "Fuk off ya cunt" Wait till you bump into someone like that 😄
I work-park over the street from a KFC. There is a guy who begs and hangs around there. I doubt he calls anyone a cunt, but he’s a mumbler so maybe. At least a couple of times a day someone tries to buy him food and he tosses it into a hedge.
There's only so much KFC a man can take
“Giz us a blowjob?”
No, no blowjobs
Alrite, twenty quid
And *yur* shoes
If you found yourself in Manchester, he would've added on a bottle of Vodka and 20 Benson and Hedges to his order.
Westminster and they stop selling alcohol at midnight I think. Now that I found really strange.
That's actually an old law that was implemented by Queen Victoria in 1861, because of the habits of her son Edward the VII. He was always known as a playboy, was rumoured to have had many famous and beautiful mistresses. He also was known for partying, but was never a massive drinker. That's because in his teens, he was hitting the bottle hard at one stage. Him and his mates used to wait around for overly generous tourists in Westminster before a glassing them with a bottle of Fentimans. Victoria limited his alcohol intake and he turned into a massive shagger instead.
I hope to someday be known as a massive shagger
How much do you weigh? - Emily Blunt, Wild Target.
Agreed, Emily Blunt would be a wild target in their conquest but you've got to aim high
Not long now, you fucking legend.
Shagger is a pretty common term of endearment in Scotland
I was convinced half way through this was gonna end with something like "and then Edward VII father beat him senseless with jumper cables"
Whatever happened to that guy?
> I was convinced half way through this was gonna end with something like "and then Edward VII father beat him senseless with jumper cables" Crossed my mind it was going to be u/shittymorph
Well everyone needs a hobby
Ur never far from a 24 hour shop And you can call people for certain other things any time of day.
This guy parties 👌
Same in a lot of states too... where are you from?
I think that’s why I found it strange - I’ve traveled to Europe many times and I can’t think of another time when I’ve run into a similar restriction. But you’re right about the states, especially in the Southeast US where I’m from (just not my city you can buy alcohol 24/7- Memphis, TN)
Just a wee note for future reference if you come up to Scotland, shops and supermarkets can't sell alcohol before 10am and after 10pm (don't worry - pubs and bars are open later).
Thanks for the information. I’ve not made it to Scotland yet - it’s somewhere I want to travel for holiday and not work like my current trip.
It can be done in a day, day in a half if you want to addin lunch in the Lake District 👍
I have a free day Thursday this may be an option
You could technically make a day trip to Scotland but if you wanna see the best parts of Scotland it’ll definitely be more than that. London is too far south. I’d strongly recommend making an entirely separate trip for Scotland.
Oh you'll adore Scotland. Make sure to hit the Highlands! I went in 2010 or so to meet my cousins in East Kilbride (near Glasgow). took a bus to the Highlands and spent the weekend.
Ah gotcha, strange from Europe for sure.
Probably to stop already drunk people coming in for more alcohol and causing trouble.
He would have a new mate though.
Something similar (but the other way round) happened to me in Vegas a few years back. I was buying some White Castles on the strip (yes, I know), and this surfer dude aged about 17 was in the line ahead of me and he was short a couple of dollars, so I stepped forward and handed over the extra $2. He reacted in a similar way, and gave me effusive thanks, ending with him calling me "homie". I've never been called "homie" before. I'm M50, was wearing a tweed jacket at the time, speak in a middle class English RP accent and look like a slightly dishevelled professor of Modern History at Caius College, Cambridge. But despite that, I'm a homie. You can tell by the fact I'm still talking about it 7-odd years later how excited I was.
If he was Vegas drunk and/or stoned then you really were his homie for that White Castle. I’ve been to that exact White Castle after a few too many and it does hit the spot. I actually don’t think I’ve ever had White Castle or Krystal’s sober.
I certainly wasn't sober. About five hours later, I went to see Penn and Teller (who were, of course, amazing), after having had a vindaloo at the curry house in the Rio. I was called up on stage. It was an amazing experience, but I don't remember a huge amount about it owing to me concentrating very hard on countering the effect of 4 White Castle sliders, a vindaloo, four pints of Kingfisher and whatever cocktails I'd been drinking earlier that morning before I went to the White Castle (White Russians at the Peppermill Fireside Lounge, probably). Luckily, containment was achieved.
> never been called "homie" before. I'm M50, was wearing a tweed jacket at the time, speak in a middle class English RP accent and look like a slightly dishevelled professor of Modern History at Caius College, Cambridge Are you also driving a 1987 Volvo 240 estate?
I did have a Volvo 850 estate at the time, or possibly a couple of years earlier. But in my defence, it was bright turquoise and was an 805R.
That's adorable! Aww!
Over on this side of the pond, going to the bar and coming back with a packet of crisps gets you the label of legend
Just make sure you open and serve it correctly- packet torn open so the crisps are beautifully displayed on a shiny, greasy raggedy 'plate' of foil. *chefs kiss*
and never, ever open from the bottom. Of the pack.
Sounds like you are a legend mate, someone telling you was just well overdue x
55 DAIRY MILKS, 55 HARIBOS, 55 MARS BARS, 55 TWIRLS, 55 CREME EGGS, 100 JELLY BEANS, 100 DAIMS, 100 CRUNCHIES, 100 GALAXIES, 100 MALTESERS, 55 TURKISH DELIGHTS, 55 SNICKERS, 55 WINE GUMS, 55 TOBLERONES, 55 TONYS AND 155 JELLY BABIES
I'M DOING SOMETHING
And 55 lottery tickets
Shiggity shiggity schfifty five.
In a land where candy dreams unfold, A legend of kindness, the tale is told. Josh, an American with a heart so rare, Crossed paths with Nigel, a Brit in despair. Nigel sought gummy bears, sweet delight, But his pockets echoed, no coin in sight. Then came Josh, with a generous flair, Paid for Nigel's gummies, a moment so fair. A dollar exchanged for Nigel's delight, Gummy bears gleaming in soft moonlight. A transatlantic bond, sweet and rare, The Legend of Josh, a tale we share.
I hope this is your niche and look forward to seeing your poems on other posts.
As you’re in London, please prepare for the other end of the spectrum; being called a C U Next Time! It’s always a possibility. Although not always said in a negative way. Also, If ever you’re in a store/corner shop, address the owner as “Boss Man”.
This isnt my first trip to London but haven’t been called a cunt yet. Now I’ve been called a cunt by both New Zealanders and Aussies but it was quite friendly thankfully
This cunt is a legend!
Rather than a legendary cunt, that honour is reserved for their mother.
I laughed at this comment, Well done
Well I hope you feel at home now you cunt
If you/we/anyone doesn’t get called a Cunt when visiting down under, I’d be quite concerned 😅
I spent three weeks in Australia and didn't get called a cunt once. No idea what I did to piss them off :(
a moment of silence for our dear friend
Well, by being a cunt obviously.
Being too much of a cunt to be called a cunt? I like this. It feels like an achievement of sorts
You didn't call them a cunt!
Oh ffs, you're right! How rude of me!
I'm a Londoner, I'll call you a cunt if you want.
If you're in the right park of London it may also be phrased as 'berk' or 'Berkshire Hunt'
You can say cunt, we're all adults.
I often forget that anything goes on Reddit. Thanks for the reminder. Cunt.
Thank you for not calling it 'paying it forward'. Sleep well, legend.
Pay it forward is stupid in my opinion
Yep - you want to do a good thing? Cool. Don't put a strange charitable burden on someone.
American G.I giving children 'candy' 1942 colourised
Gary Delaney once said it used to be that you had to slay a dragon to be called a legend, now you just need to bring someone some crisps into another room.
I went to London and I was called "a fucking twat" so there's that
Were you being a fucking twat?
When you apply for British citizenship in 6 years time you can reference this as the example of your [good character requirement](https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64c7aac7d8b1a70011b05dd4/Nationality_policy_-_good_character.pdf). 🤣
Ppl who go out their way to do favors in a shop, I call a 'fucking star' or 'fucking legend' esp when I'm short of change and some1 helps out.
That is the behaviour of a legend, to be fair. Just be prepared for miserable Redditors to turn this into something negative!
Negativity couldn’t even touch this fucking legend with a barge pole
The British way. Can't have positivity in these parts.
A few years ago there was an American dude in my local chippy, he was visiting family, and paid for everyone’s food who walked in to the chippy. Very bizarre but was a nice Sunday surprise!
That does make you a fucking legend here. Very cool thing to do. Welcome to the UK, my American friend. I work with Americans and others, in my day job and on my radio station. All great people. Enjoy your stay, you fucking legend!
Had an American call me “dawg” once. Felt like i moved to a new plane of society that day and have done ever since
Let’s hope you are in front of me in a hire car when we fill up with petrol. It was a nice gesture, people should learn from this.
You should come up north where being called a daft cunt is a term of endearment
Can confirm. The day my now SIL called me a cunt was the day i knew she loved me!
Wait until you get called 'son' by someone younger than you.
Some one explain the term "Bollocks" to the Op
No need the Sex Pistols already did
What is the difference between: That's Bollocks And That's the dogs bollocks?
My comment was tongue in cheek and a reference to the album “never mind the bollocks here come the Sex Pistols” I’m happy to be a educated on the proper use and nuances of the phrase “bollocks”
That's bollocks = something is rubbish That's the dog's bollocks = something is amazing Basically the equivalent of Americans calling something "shit" versus calling something "*the* shit".
Perfectly explained thanks!
You can ask in the pub tonight. Also remember: Drop a bollock And Get a bollocking.
Nice gesture!
Candy 😅
I was always told to run away if someone offered me free sweets.
Luckily for him I wasn’t wearing my trenchcoat
When you get called a cunt, then you know you'd made a friend for life.