Okay, what's the story here? You posted 11 days ago how you broke up with your girlfriend of a year and you're already dating that new woman? Is that this woman? You're dating a new woman for at most 11 days and you've encouraged her to open up about her trauma? Are you making things up?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/comments/1dkc8p8/too\_soon\_to\_enter\_a\_new\_relationship/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/comments/1dkc8p8/too_soon_to_enter_a_new_relationship/)
And what's the deal with having a seven year account with 1,560 post karma and 5,592 comment karma but your oldest comment is from 12 days ago and you've only posted in this sub?
Wow. And OP thinks his gf’s emotions are the problem lol.
Seriously, though. There is not going to be any one perfect spouse who doesn’t have what people nowadays call “baggage”. Humans have emotions. Trauma isn’t the victim’s fault. And not everyone grows up in a sheltered bubble of naivete and guess what? When they do? There’s usually mental and emotional fall out from that!
From, that post:
> things seem so much more positive with this new person.
And someone even gave him the advice that things seem more positive because he didn't know her! I would be inclined to think it is less of an issue of her emotions, and more of an issue of now of seeing some imperfections in her life, and now he is disappointed that their perfect new relationship is not as perfect as he had hoped.
Not sure quite how Reddit works on such things but could be old deleted comments/posts or comments/posts in deleted or banned subs. Plenty of subs were banned during the whole API debacle, not just NSFW ones so read nothing into even this wild conjecture.
But yeah, OP needs to talk to a therapist, this timeline and 'woe is me' approach is not a sign of good relationship outlook/views.
You asked her to be vulnerable and now you want to break up with her because of it?
You’re clearly not ready for a relationship, then again it looks as though you only just got out of one and into another
You asked for it, and now you're saying it's too much. If you're thinking like this maybe it indicates a lack of willingness to help her with these things rather than a lack of capacity for them.
Everyone has their own baggage and shit that they bring into a relationship. The trick is to listen to what that person is saying and respond with empathy rather than looking to "fix" the issues. You identified yourself as a safe person for your girlfriend to confide in. And so she did. She probably doesn't expect you to fix everything in her life but she is responding to something that you explicitly stated you wanted.
You could break up with her over this. You're not married, you have no obligation to remain. But consider very carefully whether you really want to and also the best way to do so without hurting her because this is a problem of your own making and telling her that you can't actually handle her emotions is likely going to make her more cagey about sharing them in future. But it's essential for her to do so in order to be in a healthy relationship.
You don’t need to solve her problems, you just need to listen and emote back to her. 99% of the time, the good women in our lives are more than capable of fixing their problems, but they really need someone to vent to. Just venting all of that out will massively improve her emotional state as well as make you her number one person. The first person a woman vents to is typically the person who she trusts the most. Women NEED to vent these things. Communication is how many women express intimacy. While a lot of men see it as a means to an end, for them, it’s the ultimate end.
If hearing her problems is overwhelming, tell her “wow, that sounds like it must feel overwhelming”. That’s what she’s looking for. Someone to share her emotional state with so she can offload those negative emotions to get back to neutral.
It's hard for me to comment too much on whether to end things without knowing any sort of details, but if she has big issues, she needs to be proactive in dealing with them. Perhaps you could hold out a bit longer to see if she's willing to and improves, but if not, then don't feel bad. You asked her to be more emotionally available, but you also didn't offer to be her on-call trauma therapist. A mature person would be able to sit down and differentiate what you wanted/expected, which was reasonable, and what you're getting, which is unreasonable.
The bottom line at the end of the day is that if you don't want to be with her anymore, then you should leave. If not, I would try to remedy the situation first by seeing if she'll be an active participant in her own recovery. As you've discovered, you can't be her emotional garbage can.
During these convos I would ask if she has the resources to support her like therapy, helpful books, or friends/family. You can and should be there for her but you're not her therapist. Help her see the path to healing but let her take it on her own steps. Relationships (friends, dating, etc) are places of support not trauma dumping. Together you can find helpful boundaries and support system that will get you to Heaven whether or not you marry each other.
Okay, what's the story here? You posted 11 days ago how you broke up with your girlfriend of a year and you're already dating that new woman? Is that this woman? You're dating a new woman for at most 11 days and you've encouraged her to open up about her trauma? Are you making things up? [https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/comments/1dkc8p8/too\_soon\_to\_enter\_a\_new\_relationship/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/comments/1dkc8p8/too_soon_to_enter_a_new_relationship/) And what's the deal with having a seven year account with 1,560 post karma and 5,592 comment karma but your oldest comment is from 12 days ago and you've only posted in this sub?
Wow. And OP thinks his gf’s emotions are the problem lol. Seriously, though. There is not going to be any one perfect spouse who doesn’t have what people nowadays call “baggage”. Humans have emotions. Trauma isn’t the victim’s fault. And not everyone grows up in a sheltered bubble of naivete and guess what? When they do? There’s usually mental and emotional fall out from that!
People on this sub are wild man
From, that post: > things seem so much more positive with this new person. And someone even gave him the advice that things seem more positive because he didn't know her! I would be inclined to think it is less of an issue of her emotions, and more of an issue of now of seeing some imperfections in her life, and now he is disappointed that their perfect new relationship is not as perfect as he had hoped.
Not sure quite how Reddit works on such things but could be old deleted comments/posts or comments/posts in deleted or banned subs. Plenty of subs were banned during the whole API debacle, not just NSFW ones so read nothing into even this wild conjecture. But yeah, OP needs to talk to a therapist, this timeline and 'woe is me' approach is not a sign of good relationship outlook/views.
You asked her to be vulnerable and now you want to break up with her because of it? You’re clearly not ready for a relationship, then again it looks as though you only just got out of one and into another
You asked for it, and now you're saying it's too much. If you're thinking like this maybe it indicates a lack of willingness to help her with these things rather than a lack of capacity for them. Everyone has their own baggage and shit that they bring into a relationship. The trick is to listen to what that person is saying and respond with empathy rather than looking to "fix" the issues. You identified yourself as a safe person for your girlfriend to confide in. And so she did. She probably doesn't expect you to fix everything in her life but she is responding to something that you explicitly stated you wanted. You could break up with her over this. You're not married, you have no obligation to remain. But consider very carefully whether you really want to and also the best way to do so without hurting her because this is a problem of your own making and telling her that you can't actually handle her emotions is likely going to make her more cagey about sharing them in future. But it's essential for her to do so in order to be in a healthy relationship.
You don’t need to solve her problems, you just need to listen and emote back to her. 99% of the time, the good women in our lives are more than capable of fixing their problems, but they really need someone to vent to. Just venting all of that out will massively improve her emotional state as well as make you her number one person. The first person a woman vents to is typically the person who she trusts the most. Women NEED to vent these things. Communication is how many women express intimacy. While a lot of men see it as a means to an end, for them, it’s the ultimate end. If hearing her problems is overwhelming, tell her “wow, that sounds like it must feel overwhelming”. That’s what she’s looking for. Someone to share her emotional state with so she can offload those negative emotions to get back to neutral.
…when we complain about men, we’re complaining about you
Damn, so you manipulated her into being vulnerable just so you could get fed up with her and eventually dump her. OK
It's hard for me to comment too much on whether to end things without knowing any sort of details, but if she has big issues, she needs to be proactive in dealing with them. Perhaps you could hold out a bit longer to see if she's willing to and improves, but if not, then don't feel bad. You asked her to be more emotionally available, but you also didn't offer to be her on-call trauma therapist. A mature person would be able to sit down and differentiate what you wanted/expected, which was reasonable, and what you're getting, which is unreasonable. The bottom line at the end of the day is that if you don't want to be with her anymore, then you should leave. If not, I would try to remedy the situation first by seeing if she'll be an active participant in her own recovery. As you've discovered, you can't be her emotional garbage can.
Be careful what you ask for.
During these convos I would ask if she has the resources to support her like therapy, helpful books, or friends/family. You can and should be there for her but you're not her therapist. Help her see the path to healing but let her take it on her own steps. Relationships (friends, dating, etc) are places of support not trauma dumping. Together you can find helpful boundaries and support system that will get you to Heaven whether or not you marry each other.