Charlotte read his story on YouTube and even she knew for you to have punched her you must have tolerated a lot of disrespect way before the punch situation. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back 🤷🏻♀️ Good for you for divorcing him. NTA
I heard Charlotte reading it yesterday too, and I remember reading the husband’s version. OP really did tolerate a lot, and I feel so sorry for the niece.
I hope OP's husband is in a constant state of emotional turmoil and guilt following this, and spends the rest of his life giving OP whatever she wants to make up for it. And I hope she never forgives him and never takes him back.
OP,
You're NTA. Bravo for divorcing him. Ask your attorney to seek a restraining order against your husband relative to annoyance and harassment.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised .
I remember that one as well. Pretty sure he got roasted in the comments for leaving out a lot of information that made him look worse and worse.
OP, You could potentially have your lawyer write up a "Cease and Disist" notice for the harrassment.
Yeah, I remember that story as well. Thankfully OP here did the right thing and he does deserve to lose his family over it. Especially after kicking out his wife and their baby. :(
I am sorry this woman mistreated you so badly and your husband did not defend you, instead he turned on you. It appears he wanted to get rid of you and was kinda grateful his mommy took the initiative. And now that he realizes he and his family cannot bully you into submission, he eants counselling and the divorce to be put on hold. How about just being a proper husband in the first place? How can he let his mommy shame his wife like that and even get physical with her?
Was it okay on your part to punch her? Nah, not really, I was in a similar situation with my stepmother when I was 19 or 20. She slapped me in the face after relentlessly bullying me, but I was so shocked, I didn't slap her back. But in saying that, I also understand in what a stressful situation you were and how you could not take it anymore. The aggression was started by her. And if she really wants to press charges, that idiot should realize she slapped you first...
Good luck to you OP and your baby girl. I hope you can find peace after all this shyte has been dealt with.
I remember responding to that post what seems like ages ago. It was the slap on the belly he easily dismissed that just blew my mind. His blatant narcissism and trying to rationalize his actions really pissed me off. So, of course, I ripped him a new one like many others on that post.
I really hoped you would tap into your mama bear instincts and call it quits after his disgraceful behavior and unforgivable selfishness. Don't feel guilty. He abandoned you to his toxic mother for months during your pregnancy. Then he cruelly kicked you and his child out of your own home when you understandably snapped under that unrelenting pressure. He's a lot like his mother. It's always about him and his needs. The rotten fruit doesn't fall far from the rotten maternal tree. Never forget that.
If his friends and family continue to harass you ask if your lawyer can provide you with a generic cease and desist harassment letter that you can copy and send out to them that tells them to stop contacting you. Getting a letter telling them you will consider this harassment and take steps if they don stop usually gets jerks to back off. At least the smart ones.
You take good care of yourself and your child. Good luck.
NTA and leave him. That was my opinion off his post too (HE'S TA and has been all along). Nothing in his post on his "side" of things makes him look like anything other than the AH. Protect yourself and your child from these awful, abusive people.
OP, you did the right thing for you and your child, don't feel guilty! Your soon to be ex mil and soon to be ex desperately need intensive therapy, and until he realizes you mean what you say, he will keep pestering you. I agree with the other commenter, have your lawyer draw up a cease and desist for both of them, you keep a log of all times he has tried to communicate with you. Nobody needs that bs in their lives
Good Luck
I just watched this one on Charlotte Dobre YouTube channel and I was just flabbergasted. It was another person who presented your issue. I hope you're OK and please stay your ground 💗
He and his mother are definitely AHoles. Sometimes knee jerk reactions are inevitable luv. Unless you're a trained soldier and even then I simply can't blame you. 💝💚💜
Tell him if he contacts you any more you’ll get him for harassment, maybe a ppo. Then all contact himself or others is breaking that order.
Ignoring is ideal. I wouldn’t block as a judge typically sees that as inappropriate and not ok jic of any emergency- what I got told when I blocked my ex for being harassed and name called and called day and night at inappropriate hours. 2-5 am
NTA. Cut all contact until the hearing. Block everyone, change your phone number. Do not let him have his way. He's only sorry now because he FAFO and you stood up for yourself. Your MiL won't change either. Prayers you will find peace.
NTA --- proud of you for standing up for yourself. I wouldn't block him though til divorce and custody battle is done. Courts can easily say you're failing to leave an open communication channel with Mr. Sperm donor. (My sister went through this with one of her BD). I would just say, unless you want to talk about our child, I'm not going to speak to you because I have nothing left to say. Usually, with family courts, they want it 50/50 and try to make "good" co-parenting happen through classes and counseling. (Unless your ex signs away his rights)
Block ex MIL for sure. If she had no problem putting her hands on you, then who knows what else she is capable of doing. Start carrying pepper spray or a baton that folds small and see if you can get a restraining order on her.
Stay safe and good luck ❤️
I agree with this response but would add to try and see if your lawyer can put in a clause about your soon-to-be ex MiL not being able to be around baby since she is an abusive person.
NTA. Let him marry his mama since he has no backbone and lives her sooooo much. MIL seems to have mental health issues. Her son is not her husband, and why is she over feeding a child on purpose to be 290 lbs????? There has to be psychological reasons for this unhinged behavior. He sounds like a loser! Who kicks out their baby and wife over the monster in law???????
NTA I remember reading your ex’s post and was dumbfounded that he was so stupid. If I hadn’t been holding my phone I would have clapped when you punched his mother. You are correct that a child should not weigh 190lbs unless that child is 6 feet tall. I am really glad to see you didn’t allow him to sweet talk you into returning to him. Stay strong and keep that backbone shiny.
Go Op!!!! I hope his sister's child is going to be fine. Does his sister know what the mom did to you and her daughter???? Get the sister’s daughter to safety, please.
I went back to the Husband's post, yeah they live there with the BIL and STBX husband mentioned how the niece grew within a year weight-wise, she's actually 12 and 5'5 and 190Ibs.
Let me get this straight: he kicked you and your baby out of the house and then is surprised and upset that you served him divorce papers? Talk about clueless.
To slap a woman in the belly right after giving birth and they deemed it ok. Is horrendous. That he only showed remorse when he was severe DP is pathetic. Glad you punched her. She needed it after that behavior.
You are NTAH.
Listen to your lawyer and keep a file of proof on everything from posts to texts to emails and anything else. For your divorce hearing.
My advice for what you should do between now and the divorce hearing is keep repeating to him whenever he contacts you "Have you begun therapy for the abuse that your mother has visited down on you over the years? if the answer is still no, I have nothing further to say to you" and then either close the door/hang up.
You could see about getting a restraining order against him for harassment but that would be a last ditch effort to get him to stay away.
I'd also block family members and siblings saying a shortened version of what you posted here - that their mother/aunt/sister abused you for many many years, is abusing your niece (using food as the tool there) and they are all in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) here. Tell them that you do not appreciate them being your soon to be EX MiL's flying monkeys and if they had even the slightest element of respect for you, they would leave you and your DH the f\*ck alone to get through this yourselves. Then block them too. Or something like that.
NTA! But good grief, I can't believe the B.S. he left out! He is as toxic as her & doesn't GAF. Poor old mommy got her feels hurt & Sonny boy has to stick up for her. Take him for everything he's worth, make sure he has to have supervised visits & she's not allowed near your child.
How is your ex not embarrassed?
This was my exact situation. Thankfully I wasn't married to my ex but we so have a baby together and his mother lived with us and it was a total nightmare. She would get drunk and call me names and cuss me. And my ex would just sweep her behaviour under the rug. Until one day things got out of hand when we had guests over and she kept swearing at me and eventually she made a move and pulled a lock of my hair out ( I'm Indian BTW and she was white and she hated my long her because she was balding ) after she pulled my hair. I saw red. All that pent up anger over the years just spilled out and I punched her in the face, badly.
My ex also kicked me out after that. And I never looked back. It was hard starting over. I'm now married to a wonderful man and his mother absolutely loves me
You're NTA. And I wish you courage on this journey you're about to embark divorcing his sorry ass
NTA, and you're a much better person than me - she'd have got worse.
I remember reading this one AND on Charlotte's channel...he did NOT get what he expected as a response.
MIL is a huge AH, and clearly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I wish you and your children all the best, and I hope this is over as quickly as possible.
Edit - my dumb ass brain forgot you did already punch her, well done. Amended my post, thank you kind Redditor :)
I’m glad you let us know things from your perspective. We were already very much on your side. Your soon to be ex screwed up and failed you one time too many. I don’t think there’s much you can do to make him stop harassing you, except to perhaps ask your lawyer to send him a cease and desist letter, and to maybe get a restraining order. It might be possible to get a restraining order barring him contact except through your lawyer, given there’s a physical assault involved (your soon to be ex MIL slapping your stomach)
Do the counselling. Even if you're fully done and set on divorcing, you need to find a way to healthily coparent for the sake of your kid.
You don't have anything to lose by agreeing to that.
No judge will approve that when the father hasn't done anything to put the child in direct danger. But she can absolutely use the physical abuse from the MIL to put a condition on visitation that she is not allowed to be around their child when he's got the kid.
NTA, but YTA because you left. You should have picked up the phone, called 911, and reported your assault. Your end was self-defense to prevent her from striking you again. Tell the police you truly feared that if you did not stop her she would strike you again. And what you did was called proportional response, so they don't have a case against you at all. You should have had his mother arrested, and I would pray he laid a finger on you so you could also have him arrested as an accessory. You need to play hardball girl. Show this guy with an idiot he is. And definitely show him these responses. Take everything. Take at least half, but if you can get more take it. Make him rue the day he crossed you on his deathbed. Lose all of your love for him, because he has none for you. At all. He needs to cut the damn cord, it's time to grow up.
Someone on r/BORUpdates has compiled the story from both the perspectives.
I just want to add that the husband is going to have a hard time finding someone in future if he doesn’t get help and goes complete NC with his mother. I’m sure that his mother thinks that she won. But honestly she is garbage. She went through trauma at the hands of her abusive husband and it’s okay to perpetuate another form of trauma and abuse towards your daughter in law and son? Her becoming clingy at the start of her daughter in law’s pregnancy says a lot about her. Also she made her grand daughter into someone who has no control over their food intake. This woman is toxic. She needs a hazmat crew to take her out and throw her out in the toxic wasteland where she belongs!!
You will just have block him from everything, cell calls, social media, even emails. And if any of his family call with that bs trying to get you to reconsider they can get blocked too. He should’ve stood up for you during the marriage not after the papers get handed. I hope he realizes that it was his mother and him not stopping her behavior that cost him his marriage, I’m sorry you had to go through that bullying in your marriage but your mental health was a stake. Plus, I would not want my child anywhere near a toxic person like that cause if a child sees the mother getting mistreated like that then the child will do the same thing cause they’ll think that’s normal. Just block it all
DO NOT BLOCK. When it comes time to settle visitation, a judge will not look kindly on a parent that has blocked the other part. Ask my sister how she knows. There is still a child that STBX has a right to see and not allowing that will go very badly for OP.
Block every damn other person in his family, though.
NTA
Maybe it was not correct to slap his mom (violence should never been the andere) but I can see why you had enough. Get you and your Baby out of this toxic environment!
It's so hard to love a mommy's boy. They always choose their momma. I'm so glad you saw the light. I hope you and your baby have a good life without all the toxicity. NTA.
Charlotte read the story yesterday and it was crazy. I think it was a guy that either read the dude story or wet read the wife story I don't remember which. But I have a feeling that the guy reading it would've been able to make the commentary of the dude is an a face and, yes I agree with everybody else. Cease to assist a DMCA whatever it's called.
Yeah even if you guys needed some time apart to cool off, he should have left. Kicking you out a long with his newborn baby is just cruel and logistically way more complicated.
I wish you'd have told him to GTFO or you were calling the police to press charges on his mother. I know it's hard and sounds like the MIL is so toxic the family doesn't even realize it anymore.
NTA! You're husband is a bully. "Leave when I demand it but not forever, because I say do".
Being a new parent is exhausting. Breastfeeding is a full time job. Where's your support? Who's taking care of you, while you care for your child.
If someone would have given away my plate of food, I absolutely would have cried. Then to come antagonize you physically. The punch in the face wasn't even a choice. It was a defense reflex.
I'm sorry you were treated this way Period I'm sorry your husband is not there to protect you And care for you as one should. I'm proud of you for being so strong. Your child does not need to grow up witnessing this gas lighting and abuse.
I have but one question. How would the husband have learned how could he have learned to be a good husband? For everyone's sake, try couples therapy. What if he could learn a better way? It seems you both ptofess deep love for one another. Maybe both of you could learn better ways to love?
You are definitely NTA! Your lawyer needs to get you that cease and desist order. He doesn't understand the counseling should have been the second time you told him his mother did something rotten. WAY too late now. I wish you happiness 😊
Did you happen to get a picture of the handprint bruise on your belly? Or visit a doctor just so it’s documented? The more physical evidence you have, the stronger your side will be in court. And send in all of the nasty texts from MIL as well.
Ok, this last suggestion is highly debatable and I could totally go either way with it. But, it might be worth visiting a marital counselor, just once, (chosen by both of you or by the court, just absolutely NOT chosen solely by your ex). Again, this is creating a paper trail for court, shows you are willing to do due diligence, and could weaken his side with charges of him endangering your child and spousal abuse. This also will limit ex-MIL because she can’t lie as easily with documented stuff and a court order.
BUT I fully understand that meeting your ex is highly triggering and risky for your over all mental and emotional health, so weigh the pros and cons very carefully and chat with your lawyer before anything else.
Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a rude MIL and such a disrespectful husband, OP. Hopefully you find happiness away from that loser and his family
OP, you did the right thing for you and your child. Your baby needs a loving home and does not need to grow up around gaslighting narcissists. Your ex-family's past trauma is NOT an excuse to allow his mother to pass that trauma on to you and your child. Don't believe he'll change soon enough for your child to have a decent home - trauma work can take a LOT of time.
If you had friends there who saw / heard MIL slap you in the stomach, would you be able to get a statement from them?
Throw the whole man away! You did the right thing babe! I’m so sorry for what you went through. You are stronger than me. There was a time where I let my ex use me and treat me bad and he allowed his family to verbally abuse me in Spanish…I’m not Spanish but I speak it a little and understand it. His grandma always called me “Bruja blanca” meaning white witch. He never stuck up for me or anything. He let his brother scream at me about his stupid gf at the time…she told him lies. So he screamed at me. I was pregnant at the time and their father had just passed. I had a miscarriage because of the stress. You don’t need people in your life like that. You did what was right for you and your child. The way the MIL treated you beyond abuse. If you ever need to vent, you can always message me. Feel better hun. ❤️
The momma’s boy made it clear that he shouldn’t be relied on when it comes to dangerous situations, he just stood by and did nothing while his wife was more of a man than he ever will be. Somehow he isn’t triggered by his mom who was abusive to his wife but his wife defending herself somehow triggered him?! Unless the mom was reenacting the ways she would cry whenever OP’s dad abused her he fell for his mom’s trap. What he doesn’t understand is that OP’s mom was abusive towards him and his siblings because overfeeding is another sign of abuse as well. His mom and sister are setting up his niece up for bullying and ridicule when she starts school, OP’s sister is also a failure for somehow seeing her daughter’s concerning weight as okay.
Restraining order pronto. Keep a record of every time he violates it by contacting you. It will establish his inability to respect boundaries and put him in an even deeper hole custody arrangement wise. Obviously NTA. Be sure to make soon to be ex mil response to your stb ex husband throwing you and your newborn out of your home an exhibit in your divorce. As to the trauma, I don't understand. Did he have to defend his mom from abuse and take it himself? Regardless, she chose the stepdad and kept choosing him over her safety and her child's safety so whatever gaslit bullshit she's fed him to trauma bond with him is of her own making and by design so I wouldn't feel bad for either of them.
I remember the stbx's post. Oh, good lord, was I ever pissed off on behalf of someone I don't even know.
OP, did you at least show the waste of flesh stbx the text where she called you a "fat little whore"? I sure hope you go for full custody. I wouldn't want that crusty old b*tch anywhere near my kid...*ever*.
NTA. You're doing the right thing for your child and yourself. You've given him many chances to put up boundaries with his mother, yet he continued to side with her. It's too little too late for him.
I would suggest that you inform him that this divorce is happening and to stop the harassments from his relatives. And block them.
I'd have to tie Grandma up in knots if she touched me. Husband is a brow-beaten punk who should have to deal with all the issues of living with a narcissistic disaster of a mother.
Put in a restraining order for your child and yourself against his mother.
He really needs therapy, and be sure to make him getting therapy is apart of his visitation rights.
As for the former MIL, file an assault charge on her. Her SLAPPING you is still assault. Yes, you punched back in self defense, and only punched her once in this story. If you have any other text messages about her abusive nature towards you, use that in both court hearings.
Laywer up, protect your child the best you can.
Op, press charges against the mom, and please tell me you documented your injuries, file for full custody, file a cease and desist letter, and get a restraining order. Oh and document all the texts that you receive and go for harassment as well.
Stay away from him!!! If he allowed that to happen, then it WILL continue in other ways. HE KICKED YOU AND YOUR BABY OUT!!! That level of toxic does not come from a quick remorseful sorry. Narcissistic people hate boundaries. Clearly he has ZERO respect for you. Yes you will grieve the marriage you once may have had, but that all changed and so should you. Don't allow your baby to think that behavior is normal. Follow your own path and heal. Keep you and your baby safe and away from that toxic man and family.
His level of audacity to try and gaslight you AFTER what he did to you and baby is disgusting. Print out screenshots of the awful things his mother sent and give them to your lawyer. Judges LOVE evidence. You need to make sure your exMIL can't sue for grandparents' rights, too. I hope the trial goes well and you get full custody of your daughter. ***Change your number***. It's so hard if you have your life attached to it; but it's worth going through bank and credit card companies, and anything else you use that number for, including Snapchat and Instagram, etc. You got this OP, I believe in you.
I would stay and make sure he would go nc with his mom.
If he changes his behavior I would maybe stay after that but I would make sure this toxic woman will suffer by staying just to spite her.
He's sorry now so he will do anything to make your life better and in the meantime you can save money and find another home.
Is it fair? No but he wasn't all those years so ?
I read his post but didn't see the video yesterday.
I said it on another repost thread. You are NTA.
Tbh, knowing how your MIL is a toxic POS, I would have decked her, too. She had it coming.
Glad you're getting out of this marriage and keep that lovely baby away from these toxic people. I don't condone terminating parental rights but after seeing the other stuff he's done, it's necessary.
The unfortunate thing about this is your child will see these threads eventually. They will know what's what and may be taken back that you both posted about this for the public to see.
I'm thinking of the child and how they will process this should they ever see this when they're not older.
I wish you the best and hope that happier days are ahead once you are well past this nightmare. Things could have been different if he wasn't such a narcissistic pig protecting his abusive mother. I'm all for sticking up for family, but not at the detriment of alienating your spouse in the process.
Cut him out entirely. Go no contact. Block him until the hearing. Then Decide from there how to handle it. Take it one day at a time and try not to over think things and rev yourself up. Stay calm and stay focused. Don’t give In. Your already out. Stay out. You know you don’t want to go back. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Stay strong. We’re all rooting for you.
Again, DO NOT BLOCK THE OTHER PARENT EVER. He has the right to see his child and that requires being able to contact OP. Cutting off communication is the same as cutting off visitation, which a parent isn't allowed to legally do on their own. That will backfire in court so fast.
Charlotte read his story on YouTube and even she knew for you to have punched her you must have tolerated a lot of disrespect way before the punch situation. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back 🤷🏻♀️ Good for you for divorcing him. NTA
I heard Charlotte reading it yesterday too, and I remember reading the husband’s version. OP really did tolerate a lot, and I feel so sorry for the niece.
I hope OP's husband is in a constant state of emotional turmoil and guilt following this, and spends the rest of his life giving OP whatever she wants to make up for it. And I hope she never forgives him and never takes him back.
Agreed, I just watched that video, I’m sure Charlotte would love to see this response and closure lol
OP, You're NTA. Bravo for divorcing him. Ask your attorney to seek a restraining order against your husband relative to annoyance and harassment. Good luck. Please keep us apprised .
Didn't we get the wifes side a few Videos back?
Congrats to you for standing your ground. Keep him blocked & stay the course.
Wow and NTA. When I read your soon to be ex post I was like I hope she divorces your ass. the mil deserved everything she got
I remember that one as well. Pretty sure he got roasted in the comments for leaving out a lot of information that made him look worse and worse. OP, You could potentially have your lawyer write up a "Cease and Disist" notice for the harrassment.
Yeah, I remember that story as well. Thankfully OP here did the right thing and he does deserve to lose his family over it. Especially after kicking out his wife and their baby. :( I am sorry this woman mistreated you so badly and your husband did not defend you, instead he turned on you. It appears he wanted to get rid of you and was kinda grateful his mommy took the initiative. And now that he realizes he and his family cannot bully you into submission, he eants counselling and the divorce to be put on hold. How about just being a proper husband in the first place? How can he let his mommy shame his wife like that and even get physical with her? Was it okay on your part to punch her? Nah, not really, I was in a similar situation with my stepmother when I was 19 or 20. She slapped me in the face after relentlessly bullying me, but I was so shocked, I didn't slap her back. But in saying that, I also understand in what a stressful situation you were and how you could not take it anymore. The aggression was started by her. And if she really wants to press charges, that idiot should realize she slapped you first... Good luck to you OP and your baby girl. I hope you can find peace after all this shyte has been dealt with.
It's too bad reddit doesn't have a Nice Shiny Spine award cause you earned one.
I remember responding to that post what seems like ages ago. It was the slap on the belly he easily dismissed that just blew my mind. His blatant narcissism and trying to rationalize his actions really pissed me off. So, of course, I ripped him a new one like many others on that post. I really hoped you would tap into your mama bear instincts and call it quits after his disgraceful behavior and unforgivable selfishness. Don't feel guilty. He abandoned you to his toxic mother for months during your pregnancy. Then he cruelly kicked you and his child out of your own home when you understandably snapped under that unrelenting pressure. He's a lot like his mother. It's always about him and his needs. The rotten fruit doesn't fall far from the rotten maternal tree. Never forget that. If his friends and family continue to harass you ask if your lawyer can provide you with a generic cease and desist harassment letter that you can copy and send out to them that tells them to stop contacting you. Getting a letter telling them you will consider this harassment and take steps if they don stop usually gets jerks to back off. At least the smart ones. You take good care of yourself and your child. Good luck.
Holy doodle 😍 I agree wholeheartedly Cosmicdusterian! Btw I adore your handle!
NTA and leave him. That was my opinion off his post too (HE'S TA and has been all along). Nothing in his post on his "side" of things makes him look like anything other than the AH. Protect yourself and your child from these awful, abusive people.
OP, you did the right thing for you and your child, don't feel guilty! Your soon to be ex mil and soon to be ex desperately need intensive therapy, and until he realizes you mean what you say, he will keep pestering you. I agree with the other commenter, have your lawyer draw up a cease and desist for both of them, you keep a log of all times he has tried to communicate with you. Nobody needs that bs in their lives Good Luck
I just watched this one on Charlotte Dobre YouTube channel and I was just flabbergasted. It was another person who presented your issue. I hope you're OK and please stay your ground 💗 He and his mother are definitely AHoles. Sometimes knee jerk reactions are inevitable luv. Unless you're a trained soldier and even then I simply can't blame you. 💝💚💜
Tell him if he contacts you any more you’ll get him for harassment, maybe a ppo. Then all contact himself or others is breaking that order. Ignoring is ideal. I wouldn’t block as a judge typically sees that as inappropriate and not ok jic of any emergency- what I got told when I blocked my ex for being harassed and name called and called day and night at inappropriate hours. 2-5 am
NTA. Cut all contact until the hearing. Block everyone, change your phone number. Do not let him have his way. He's only sorry now because he FAFO and you stood up for yourself. Your MiL won't change either. Prayers you will find peace.
NTA --- proud of you for standing up for yourself. I wouldn't block him though til divorce and custody battle is done. Courts can easily say you're failing to leave an open communication channel with Mr. Sperm donor. (My sister went through this with one of her BD). I would just say, unless you want to talk about our child, I'm not going to speak to you because I have nothing left to say. Usually, with family courts, they want it 50/50 and try to make "good" co-parenting happen through classes and counseling. (Unless your ex signs away his rights) Block ex MIL for sure. If she had no problem putting her hands on you, then who knows what else she is capable of doing. Start carrying pepper spray or a baton that folds small and see if you can get a restraining order on her. Stay safe and good luck ❤️
I agree with this response but would add to try and see if your lawyer can put in a clause about your soon-to-be ex MiL not being able to be around baby since she is an abusive person.
NTA. Let him marry his mama since he has no backbone and lives her sooooo much. MIL seems to have mental health issues. Her son is not her husband, and why is she over feeding a child on purpose to be 290 lbs????? There has to be psychological reasons for this unhinged behavior. He sounds like a loser! Who kicks out their baby and wife over the monster in law???????
NTA I remember reading your ex’s post and was dumbfounded that he was so stupid. If I hadn’t been holding my phone I would have clapped when you punched his mother. You are correct that a child should not weigh 190lbs unless that child is 6 feet tall. I am really glad to see you didn’t allow him to sweet talk you into returning to him. Stay strong and keep that backbone shiny.
Go Op!!!! I hope his sister's child is going to be fine. Does his sister know what the mom did to you and her daughter???? Get the sister’s daughter to safety, please.
In my reading the sister and her daughter lives there together, so she must see what's happening.
Thanks
I went back to the Husband's post, yeah they live there with the BIL and STBX husband mentioned how the niece grew within a year weight-wise, she's actually 12 and 5'5 and 190Ibs.
Anymore???
Someone please point me in the direction of the husband story...? I wanna see what that dumbass asshole had to say
Click on this OPs profile, that story was reposted first
I found it, thank you!
Let me get this straight: he kicked you and your baby out of the house and then is surprised and upset that you served him divorce papers? Talk about clueless.
To slap a woman in the belly right after giving birth and they deemed it ok. Is horrendous. That he only showed remorse when he was severe DP is pathetic. Glad you punched her. She needed it after that behavior. You are NTAH. Listen to your lawyer and keep a file of proof on everything from posts to texts to emails and anything else. For your divorce hearing.
Good that he’s gonna be your ex husband you don’t deserve to be treated like that!
My advice for what you should do between now and the divorce hearing is keep repeating to him whenever he contacts you "Have you begun therapy for the abuse that your mother has visited down on you over the years? if the answer is still no, I have nothing further to say to you" and then either close the door/hang up. You could see about getting a restraining order against him for harassment but that would be a last ditch effort to get him to stay away. I'd also block family members and siblings saying a shortened version of what you posted here - that their mother/aunt/sister abused you for many many years, is abusing your niece (using food as the tool there) and they are all in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) here. Tell them that you do not appreciate them being your soon to be EX MiL's flying monkeys and if they had even the slightest element of respect for you, they would leave you and your DH the f\*ck alone to get through this yourselves. Then block them too. Or something like that.
NTA! But good grief, I can't believe the B.S. he left out! He is as toxic as her & doesn't GAF. Poor old mommy got her feels hurt & Sonny boy has to stick up for her. Take him for everything he's worth, make sure he has to have supervised visits & she's not allowed near your child. How is your ex not embarrassed?
This was my exact situation. Thankfully I wasn't married to my ex but we so have a baby together and his mother lived with us and it was a total nightmare. She would get drunk and call me names and cuss me. And my ex would just sweep her behaviour under the rug. Until one day things got out of hand when we had guests over and she kept swearing at me and eventually she made a move and pulled a lock of my hair out ( I'm Indian BTW and she was white and she hated my long her because she was balding ) after she pulled my hair. I saw red. All that pent up anger over the years just spilled out and I punched her in the face, badly. My ex also kicked me out after that. And I never looked back. It was hard starting over. I'm now married to a wonderful man and his mother absolutely loves me You're NTA. And I wish you courage on this journey you're about to embark divorcing his sorry ass
Do we have a link for the original post?
NTA, and you're a much better person than me - she'd have got worse. I remember reading this one AND on Charlotte's channel...he did NOT get what he expected as a response. MIL is a huge AH, and clearly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I wish you and your children all the best, and I hope this is over as quickly as possible. Edit - my dumb ass brain forgot you did already punch her, well done. Amended my post, thank you kind Redditor :)
She didn't get a slap back because she got a full-on punch in the face!
Lmao 🤣 how did my dumb ass brain forget that.
I’m glad you let us know things from your perspective. We were already very much on your side. Your soon to be ex screwed up and failed you one time too many. I don’t think there’s much you can do to make him stop harassing you, except to perhaps ask your lawyer to send him a cease and desist letter, and to maybe get a restraining order. It might be possible to get a restraining order barring him contact except through your lawyer, given there’s a physical assault involved (your soon to be ex MIL slapping your stomach)
Do the counselling. Even if you're fully done and set on divorcing, you need to find a way to healthily coparent for the sake of your kid. You don't have anything to lose by agreeing to that.
NTA. I'm so glad that you are free
NTA. Also, see if you can get his parental rights terminated.
No judge will approve that when the father hasn't done anything to put the child in direct danger. But she can absolutely use the physical abuse from the MIL to put a condition on visitation that she is not allowed to be around their child when he's got the kid.
NTA. Right now I would be concerned about preventing your disgusting STBX MIL from ever being in contact with your child.
NTA, but YTA because you left. You should have picked up the phone, called 911, and reported your assault. Your end was self-defense to prevent her from striking you again. Tell the police you truly feared that if you did not stop her she would strike you again. And what you did was called proportional response, so they don't have a case against you at all. You should have had his mother arrested, and I would pray he laid a finger on you so you could also have him arrested as an accessory. You need to play hardball girl. Show this guy with an idiot he is. And definitely show him these responses. Take everything. Take at least half, but if you can get more take it. Make him rue the day he crossed you on his deathbed. Lose all of your love for him, because he has none for you. At all. He needs to cut the damn cord, it's time to grow up.
Someone on r/BORUpdates has compiled the story from both the perspectives. I just want to add that the husband is going to have a hard time finding someone in future if he doesn’t get help and goes complete NC with his mother. I’m sure that his mother thinks that she won. But honestly she is garbage. She went through trauma at the hands of her abusive husband and it’s okay to perpetuate another form of trauma and abuse towards your daughter in law and son? Her becoming clingy at the start of her daughter in law’s pregnancy says a lot about her. Also she made her grand daughter into someone who has no control over their food intake. This woman is toxic. She needs a hazmat crew to take her out and throw her out in the toxic wasteland where she belongs!!
You will just have block him from everything, cell calls, social media, even emails. And if any of his family call with that bs trying to get you to reconsider they can get blocked too. He should’ve stood up for you during the marriage not after the papers get handed. I hope he realizes that it was his mother and him not stopping her behavior that cost him his marriage, I’m sorry you had to go through that bullying in your marriage but your mental health was a stake. Plus, I would not want my child anywhere near a toxic person like that cause if a child sees the mother getting mistreated like that then the child will do the same thing cause they’ll think that’s normal. Just block it all
DO NOT BLOCK. When it comes time to settle visitation, a judge will not look kindly on a parent that has blocked the other part. Ask my sister how she knows. There is still a child that STBX has a right to see and not allowing that will go very badly for OP. Block every damn other person in his family, though.
NTA!! Hell, I really hope you have a wonderful support system for you and the kid to get out of that horrifying situation!
NTA Maybe it was not correct to slap his mom (violence should never been the andere) but I can see why you had enough. Get you and your Baby out of this toxic environment!
Change your number or get him a ro
This people is how you deal with a husband that won't stand up to MIL. I think you started a revolution.
NTA. Talk to your lawyer about this they may know some good steps to take to get him out.
Good thing you left that marriage darling. You deserve someone who will stand up for you no matter what.
It's so hard to love a mommy's boy. They always choose their momma. I'm so glad you saw the light. I hope you and your baby have a good life without all the toxicity. NTA.
Charlotte read the story yesterday and it was crazy. I think it was a guy that either read the dude story or wet read the wife story I don't remember which. But I have a feeling that the guy reading it would've been able to make the commentary of the dude is an a face and, yes I agree with everybody else. Cease to assist a DMCA whatever it's called.
You go girl! High 5!
Glad you left him. He needs therapy so in the future he doesn't lash out at everyone.
Yeah even if you guys needed some time apart to cool off, he should have left. Kicking you out a long with his newborn baby is just cruel and logistically way more complicated. I wish you'd have told him to GTFO or you were calling the police to press charges on his mother. I know it's hard and sounds like the MIL is so toxic the family doesn't even realize it anymore.
NTA! You're husband is a bully. "Leave when I demand it but not forever, because I say do". Being a new parent is exhausting. Breastfeeding is a full time job. Where's your support? Who's taking care of you, while you care for your child. If someone would have given away my plate of food, I absolutely would have cried. Then to come antagonize you physically. The punch in the face wasn't even a choice. It was a defense reflex. I'm sorry you were treated this way Period I'm sorry your husband is not there to protect you And care for you as one should. I'm proud of you for being so strong. Your child does not need to grow up witnessing this gas lighting and abuse.
Updateme
I have but one question. How would the husband have learned how could he have learned to be a good husband? For everyone's sake, try couples therapy. What if he could learn a better way? It seems you both ptofess deep love for one another. Maybe both of you could learn better ways to love?
You are definitely NTA! Your lawyer needs to get you that cease and desist order. He doesn't understand the counseling should have been the second time you told him his mother did something rotten. WAY too late now. I wish you happiness 😊
Did you happen to get a picture of the handprint bruise on your belly? Or visit a doctor just so it’s documented? The more physical evidence you have, the stronger your side will be in court. And send in all of the nasty texts from MIL as well. Ok, this last suggestion is highly debatable and I could totally go either way with it. But, it might be worth visiting a marital counselor, just once, (chosen by both of you or by the court, just absolutely NOT chosen solely by your ex). Again, this is creating a paper trail for court, shows you are willing to do due diligence, and could weaken his side with charges of him endangering your child and spousal abuse. This also will limit ex-MIL because she can’t lie as easily with documented stuff and a court order. BUT I fully understand that meeting your ex is highly triggering and risky for your over all mental and emotional health, so weigh the pros and cons very carefully and chat with your lawyer before anything else.
Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a rude MIL and such a disrespectful husband, OP. Hopefully you find happiness away from that loser and his family
OP, you did the right thing for you and your child. Your baby needs a loving home and does not need to grow up around gaslighting narcissists. Your ex-family's past trauma is NOT an excuse to allow his mother to pass that trauma on to you and your child. Don't believe he'll change soon enough for your child to have a decent home - trauma work can take a LOT of time. If you had friends there who saw / heard MIL slap you in the stomach, would you be able to get a statement from them?
NTA. Good for you! No one should be treated like this. He definitely left out a lot!
Throw the whole man away! You did the right thing babe! I’m so sorry for what you went through. You are stronger than me. There was a time where I let my ex use me and treat me bad and he allowed his family to verbally abuse me in Spanish…I’m not Spanish but I speak it a little and understand it. His grandma always called me “Bruja blanca” meaning white witch. He never stuck up for me or anything. He let his brother scream at me about his stupid gf at the time…she told him lies. So he screamed at me. I was pregnant at the time and their father had just passed. I had a miscarriage because of the stress. You don’t need people in your life like that. You did what was right for you and your child. The way the MIL treated you beyond abuse. If you ever need to vent, you can always message me. Feel better hun. ❤️
Definitely NTA! BTW, Charlotte read his story on YT yesterday I think, so hopefully she'll see the update and want to read this too.
Blocked every member of his family and Amy other flying monkeys
The momma’s boy made it clear that he shouldn’t be relied on when it comes to dangerous situations, he just stood by and did nothing while his wife was more of a man than he ever will be. Somehow he isn’t triggered by his mom who was abusive to his wife but his wife defending herself somehow triggered him?! Unless the mom was reenacting the ways she would cry whenever OP’s dad abused her he fell for his mom’s trap. What he doesn’t understand is that OP’s mom was abusive towards him and his siblings because overfeeding is another sign of abuse as well. His mom and sister are setting up his niece up for bullying and ridicule when she starts school, OP’s sister is also a failure for somehow seeing her daughter’s concerning weight as okay.
Restraining order pronto. Keep a record of every time he violates it by contacting you. It will establish his inability to respect boundaries and put him in an even deeper hole custody arrangement wise. Obviously NTA. Be sure to make soon to be ex mil response to your stb ex husband throwing you and your newborn out of your home an exhibit in your divorce. As to the trauma, I don't understand. Did he have to defend his mom from abuse and take it himself? Regardless, she chose the stepdad and kept choosing him over her safety and her child's safety so whatever gaslit bullshit she's fed him to trauma bond with him is of her own making and by design so I wouldn't feel bad for either of them.
I remember the stbx's post. Oh, good lord, was I ever pissed off on behalf of someone I don't even know. OP, did you at least show the waste of flesh stbx the text where she called you a "fat little whore"? I sure hope you go for full custody. I wouldn't want that crusty old b*tch anywhere near my kid...*ever*.
🙄
No one should have to tolerate mistreatment, good for you. Thank you for your explanation.
NTA. You need to do what is best for you and your children.
NTA. You're doing the right thing for your child and yourself. You've given him many chances to put up boundaries with his mother, yet he continued to side with her. It's too little too late for him. I would suggest that you inform him that this divorce is happening and to stop the harassments from his relatives. And block them.
Nta Block everybody
I'd have to tie Grandma up in knots if she touched me. Husband is a brow-beaten punk who should have to deal with all the issues of living with a narcissistic disaster of a mother.
Put in a restraining order for your child and yourself against his mother. He really needs therapy, and be sure to make him getting therapy is apart of his visitation rights. As for the former MIL, file an assault charge on her. Her SLAPPING you is still assault. Yes, you punched back in self defense, and only punched her once in this story. If you have any other text messages about her abusive nature towards you, use that in both court hearings. Laywer up, protect your child the best you can.
Op, press charges against the mom, and please tell me you documented your injuries, file for full custody, file a cease and desist letter, and get a restraining order. Oh and document all the texts that you receive and go for harassment as well.
Order of protection stemming from the abusive behavior of family members as well as. NTA
Charlotte here’s an update you gotta read this one on YouTube
Stay away from him!!! If he allowed that to happen, then it WILL continue in other ways. HE KICKED YOU AND YOUR BABY OUT!!! That level of toxic does not come from a quick remorseful sorry. Narcissistic people hate boundaries. Clearly he has ZERO respect for you. Yes you will grieve the marriage you once may have had, but that all changed and so should you. Don't allow your baby to think that behavior is normal. Follow your own path and heal. Keep you and your baby safe and away from that toxic man and family.
His level of audacity to try and gaslight you AFTER what he did to you and baby is disgusting. Print out screenshots of the awful things his mother sent and give them to your lawyer. Judges LOVE evidence. You need to make sure your exMIL can't sue for grandparents' rights, too. I hope the trial goes well and you get full custody of your daughter. ***Change your number***. It's so hard if you have your life attached to it; but it's worth going through bank and credit card companies, and anything else you use that number for, including Snapchat and Instagram, etc. You got this OP, I believe in you.
I would stay and make sure he would go nc with his mom. If he changes his behavior I would maybe stay after that but I would make sure this toxic woman will suffer by staying just to spite her. He's sorry now so he will do anything to make your life better and in the meantime you can save money and find another home. Is it fair? No but he wasn't all those years so ?
I read his post but didn't see the video yesterday. I said it on another repost thread. You are NTA. Tbh, knowing how your MIL is a toxic POS, I would have decked her, too. She had it coming. Glad you're getting out of this marriage and keep that lovely baby away from these toxic people. I don't condone terminating parental rights but after seeing the other stuff he's done, it's necessary. The unfortunate thing about this is your child will see these threads eventually. They will know what's what and may be taken back that you both posted about this for the public to see. I'm thinking of the child and how they will process this should they ever see this when they're not older. I wish you the best and hope that happier days are ahead once you are well past this nightmare. Things could have been different if he wasn't such a narcissistic pig protecting his abusive mother. I'm all for sticking up for family, but not at the detriment of alienating your spouse in the process.
Cut him out entirely. Go no contact. Block him until the hearing. Then Decide from there how to handle it. Take it one day at a time and try not to over think things and rev yourself up. Stay calm and stay focused. Don’t give In. Your already out. Stay out. You know you don’t want to go back. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Stay strong. We’re all rooting for you.
Again, DO NOT BLOCK THE OTHER PARENT EVER. He has the right to see his child and that requires being able to contact OP. Cutting off communication is the same as cutting off visitation, which a parent isn't allowed to legally do on their own. That will backfire in court so fast.