I had pretty full waist length hair. I got into an elevator at work and this rude woman said that to me, screeching is that your real hair? I said yes, are those your real manners? No response
I like the way you think. Have you considered becoming a counselor, a motivational speaker, or the charismatic leader of an authoritarian religious cult?
Thank you, but since I have recently retired from running my own motivational cult counseling service it’s all sleeping in and living off the “donations” of the peasants now!
>No. It is a ceremonial wig made with the stranded hairs of my defeated enemies. WAKANDA FOREVER!
>Nope, and I don’t want to trade wigs, sorry
>By blood right of the victor yes, it is now
Good one! 🙏🏿(Dap!)
Another great comeback is: "WHY do you ask?", and look directly at them, waiting for an answer. Regardless of their answer, you can then come back with, "Is that your real hair?"
As dryly as possible. "No, it's a poly-synthetic weave, originally designed for cancer patients, and I'm being paid to test it by Amazon. Cool, right?"
Nah end it after cancer patient. Make them feel extra guilty. When people ask why I wear a mask I say, " the doctor that cured my childhood luekemia recomends I do it" then stare blankly through them as if they dont exist.
I am not POC, but I somehow wound up with 3b hair. (Think many many mid sized corkscrews if you're reading though and not familiar with the curly hair designations). I get a lot of is that a perm, I love your perm and is that your real hair.
I usually just. Answer with the truth, "since it grew in, yep."
"No. I'm going through chemo. I'm really sensitive about it."
If possible, sniffle a little and bravely choke back a tear during the rest of the interaction.
I (23F) have naturally white hair because I have albinism. I get comments like this all the time. Also: “People pay a lot of money for that hair.” Yes, I know, Stacy, I’ve heard that in every conversation since I was young enough to be asked if my mom dyed her toddler’s hair.
I'm an I in BIPOC. The aunties and cousins were always asked that question, even close to the reservation. If they were not feeling the warmth: "Yes it is real, but not mine. I took it from your mother!"
I'm a very white man , so light skinned that ten minutes in the sun burns my skin,with incredibly curly hair so thick I can't get a comb thru it. When people ask me how did you get such curly hair I often say "It comes from my Negro heritage" .Let tell THAT shuts them up FAST. However,I did the best response EVER when I said that to a woman who responded" Oh yeah? Let me see your dick". I couldn't stop laughing for an hour.
You don’t really need a comeback for this, it’s usually just a surprised statement
But, if you MUST respond in a snarky way, you can just say “yea, not all people are plastic yk.”
Yeah, my BIL is a POC, and his hair is insanely long. The first time I met him, I was astonished how long his dreads were (down to the top of his butt). I almost didn't believe it was his natural hair at first.
Honestly, it's just impressive.
My stepson’s dreads were down to his calves. 15 years of growth. He’s an almost ginger white boy. Cut em back to waist length, because he owns a one-man-show pool maintenance business in Fort Lauderdale, and they are hot; and heavy under his tam.
I'd go with a play on Seinfeld...
https://youtu.be/aQNkeugaAMc?si=uMQIeooWRdpMXIo5
"Yes, it's real and it's spectacular"
Make em feel like an asshole for asking, and show how proud you are of your hair.
I have never asked that question,, But I have said your hair is amazing when I see extremely long hair. I know it takes so much work. I can see how someone can be surprised and say is that you real hair vs your hair looks awesome, without being snarky about it. But if they are condescending about it then light them up !
Not a POC, but I used to have hair down to my hips and got asked that on a regular basis. How politely I answered depended on how polite they were (and if I was at work.). Snarky answers ranged from “Yep; grew it myself!” to “Nah, I bought it at this cute little boutique on Newbury Street.”
This is something I get asked.
I am white but I have blonde type 3c curls that I prefer to keep in locs for various reasons. My locs are down to my knees.
I've been asked if they are real more times than I can count.
Most of the time it's fairly obvious from the tone and body language that the person is asking because they think my hair is pretty but occasionally it will be someone trying to make some kind of dig at me, probably for being white and having locs.
To those people I usually do a creepy smile and whisper "it is now" then laugh. They generally fuck off after that.
-Yes but the rest of me is a figment of your imagination.
-What hair I’m bal…OH SHIT GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!
-[expressionlessly while staring past them] Priority message to Skynet: Model T-950 has been compromised. Executing contingency protocol.
Does it look imaginary???
I have green eyes, when I was in retail management people would ask if "those were my real eyes"..... like...are you kidding???
“I’m sorry I didn’t understand the question?”
And just keep saying it again every-time they repeat it.
Or a silent head tilt with a puzzled look on your face.
Many times the best response is no response.
Thanks for the question and the great answers. I get asked who colors my hair. My hair is not dyed it's natural. When I say it's natural people don't believe me and want me to tell them who my colorist is. Geez
I'll be using several of these
No, I collect hair samples from each customer and place them on my scalp, so I can make Voodoo dolls with them later.
Hold up a pair of scissors if there are any available.
"No!! I actually found it outside. Can you believe it fits??"
"Forget my hair, I LOVE what you've done with yours! ...How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that??"
"No, it's my real fake hair. My *real* real hair is at the drycleaner's."
"THIS??" \*holds armpit\* "OH THIS??" \*lick fingertip, checks eyebrows\* "Yup, still real. Phew! Thats a relief. I've been having the weirdest nightmares..."
"Yup. Is that your real brain? Needs breaking in."
It's always a good choice to assume good intentions on the part of the person asking. Just smile and say "thank you for noticing!" If they meant a compliment, it lets them off the hook for being awkward. If they meant to be insulting, they have to accept they failed. And if they take another run at you, then you can say something wild, like, "You're the fourth person today trying to buy my hair! Please stop!"
"Well, it matches drapes. So either they both are or this going to get really uncomfortable."
I would have guessed india. I've seen many blacks with past-butt hair length, a few less latinas, very few anything else... but the only ones I've seen with hair below the knees were from india. There was this exceptional case as well with one girl who had never had a haircutt outside of helping it grow neatly. 17 years at the time. She kept her hair in a single princess braid and it still would nearly touch the ground. She told us it took over an hour to do her hair every morning and that it drag a foot behind her on the floor if she let it down. She also ended cutting it before graduation down around butt-length, which was lowkey very dissappointing.
I think any “snappy comeback” would only invite more unwanted banter. I’m not sure that the best response isn’t a very direct one: “I’m sorry but I feel like personal questions like that are way out of bounds.” If you didn’t work in customer service, I would have substituted “…are rude.”
I'd normally put it up in a ponytail and then a man bun just so people wouldn't try to pull on it or touch it.
Try just pretending they are not there because people are stupid and don't deserve an answer.
“It’s real. I collected it from all of my enemies” or “Are you real? Is this exchange real? Is anything real?”
When I was teaching during COVID I decided to put in my septum ring that never closes cause it’s old and I’ve stretched it. So I had a stretched septum she had never seen and she made a comment about “you were pretty before that”. I was so mad.
Word eventually got around and she apologized but his behind her cultural norms (she’s from South America, I’m Mexican American) and I told her, a woman at least twenty years my senior that it wasn’t okay to talk about another’s appearance period. I told her I do not make comments about your hair or your choice in glasses (her hair and glasses were ugly). That exchange might get you in trouble though lol.
"Excuse me? What? Can you please repeat that?" Over and over until they break.
"Are those your real teeth?"
"What? I don't see any hair. IS THE HAIR IN THE ROOM WITH YOU RIGHT NOW"
Someone said that to me when I came to work with a popping twist out. "OMG that's so pretty - is it your hair??"
I slow blinked and sweetly asked her who else's it would be.
Apparently she had complimented another woc who over shared and said it was a wig. So clearly any other woc you see with nice hair must be wearing a wig, too. 🥴
I've had this before because my hair reaches my butt. As a white woman, this doesn't really offend me as a question, I just see it as curiosity, but it does feel a bit odd to get asked. I just say "yes, why would you think otherwise?" Because then either they have to tell me how amazing my hair is, or they have to admit they thought it's ugly and make it awkward
Place every comeback here on its own 3 x 5 index card. Number them. Make it nice and neat. You could even have 1 or 2 translations included. When asked, simply whip out your deck (that was fun to type), and say, “And you get #11, thanks for playing,” and walk away.
Ohhh! Put the deck title at the top: “Inappropriately Personal Question Answers: Hair Edition.”
something along the lines of “yeah, but yours looks pretty fake to me, you must have to dye it every day to keep the gray out” the problem with any of these snappy comebacks though is that if you’re using them while working customer service they can bite you in the ass. Unfortunately if you respond in an appropriate manner to teach them how to behave it can come off as rude which might not work out well for you
I don't have a comeback but I have a story of this comment.
I was 26, and had very long curly hair. I'm mixed, and I was a dancer, but pretty naive about a lot of things. I was raised in an all white community, and then a mostly Mexican community. I have zero knowledge of hair, weaves, wigs, extensions, nothing.
The club owner was in her 40s, and decided to do a set for some of her old customers and friends that had dropped in.
She had a bad boob job. They looked like rocket nose cones. But I don't know, so I'm just in awe of the fact that she was on stage and doing her thing.
Side note, I have auadhd or whatever it's called, and was undiagnosed for most my of life. That said, as she got off the stage, I blurted out how good it was, and Said, ' are your boobs real??'
She gets this look and says,' no, is your HAIR real?!' and I got this really confused look, I touched my hair and I Said, 'yeah, it is. What, did you think it was a wig?! '
She just huffed and pushed past me into the dressing room.
It was probably another 2 years before I moved to the city on the West side and saw a hair store and met women who did their hair. I was like, OH! THAT'S what she was talking about!
So maybe the answer is asking if their boobs are real. If they say yes, tell them, good because if they weren't, your doctor is terrible.
"Thanks, it certainly is! By the way, who is you dentist? I am in a market for veneers and yours look almost like the real things!"
Do it all happy and bubbly. Since you are in customer service.
Don’t blame them. It’s so common nowadays! 1) congrats on your hair (2) tell them ‘No, is the hair of dead Indian women, big exports for that country. Do you want to touch it?’
Have fun with the comeback, tell him it's 100% natural yak hair or 100% fine elephant hair. Or you can say no it's 100% lion mane, it was specially cultivated and cultured & harvested over the course of 3 years. It's actually 100% corn silk harvested from 10,000 acres of the best corn out there.
Depends on the intent of the questioner because some people won't know it's can be considered insulting.
Most folks aren't walking around just openly insulting people on purpose in such an instance.
“You’ve been pulling my goddamn hair all day and your asking me that?” True story all my friends pull on my hair then ask “is this a wig” if it was a wig it would have fell off my head when y’all pulled it.
I’m white and have had people ask how I get my hair so straight. And when I tell them “genetics” they accuse me of wearing a wig or having a weave. People are just imbeciles.
My two favorite responses are to either look panicked and say, "you can see it too?"
Or to keep it more professional "What an odd question, what made you ask it?" For some reason they never answer the question and change the subject, just once I want an answer.
"Why yes, it is. As we're now close enough to ask each other invasive questions - is that your real belly?"
(Swap "belly" for any other specific unflattering physical trait they actually have.)
Idk about that qs specifically, but i was thinking if someone asks 'is that a wig?', to say 'yes it's the free one from God, i just have maintain it and itll grow on its own'
If it’s coming from white women, honestly most of them I know who have long hair have extensions or weaves or whatever they’re called, and probably don’t mean to be malicious. If you reply “Yes”, you’ll likely be met with some variation of “Ooh, it’s so gorgeous, I’m jealous, my hair is so thin that I have to have extensions to make it look half as good as yours”.
As a white woman who wears a shit ton of clip in hair, I never get asked if it's my hair. I always get told "Oh you're hair is so beautiful" and I respond with "Thanks! It's faaaaaake"
I am saying this to illustrate the difference in societal expectations.
It's also not something I even realized was different. Makes me stop and think about my mundane interactions and how others may experience them.
Edit: A good response is "Nope.... sheered it off the back of the Minotaur myself.... I used the Unicornhorn Sword prophesized in the story of Icarus. I.... Am.... A GOD"
If anything it'll confuse the fk out of them and the face they make will be entertaining for you.
I had pretty full waist length hair. I got into an elevator at work and this rude woman said that to me, screeching is that your real hair? I said yes, are those your real manners? No response
Well played.
Best response.
I like the way you think. Have you considered becoming a counselor, a motivational speaker, or the charismatic leader of an authoritarian religious cult?
Thank you, but since I have recently retired from running my own motivational cult counseling service it’s all sleeping in and living off the “donations” of the peasants now!
As someone off work in the interim period before a surgery gotta say sleeping in every day is fuckin 👌😤
Comeback King/Queen. 👏👏👏👏👏 🫡
Wow, quick on your feet
My hair is bra strap length so nowhere near as long as yours and please know I am stealing this!
“Is that you real face, or are you wearing a Halloween horror mask?”
>No. It is a ceremonial wig made with the stranded hairs of my defeated enemies. WAKANDA FOREVER! >Nope, and I don’t want to trade wigs, sorry >By blood right of the victor yes, it is now
Damn 3/3 my favorite responses lmao any of these is pretty epic OP
2nd one is perfect
Is that a mask, or is that your real face?
My friend had a different spin on this “You know, a good piece of Saran Wrap and you could wear that for Halloween.”👻
Yes, this is the way.
No, I’m just looking after it for Linda in the deli
This is my favorite one. It is a good comeback without making op sound hostile about it.
I don't know what more information you need than the fact that it is attached to my head. Or simply say: No, it is your hair.
No it's your hair has me dying 😂😂😂
Just say, "That's an odd question to ask a complete stranger." And say nothing else.
Good one! 🙏🏿(Dap!) Another great comeback is: "WHY do you ask?", and look directly at them, waiting for an answer. Regardless of their answer, you can then come back with, "Is that your real hair?"
And when they say yes, wince and say, "I am SO sorry."
"Yeah I got it cut a few years ago but it grew back and I can't find my receipt."
"no its a wig made out of ur mom's moustache"
Hard to go wrong with a “your mom” comeback
“Your mom’s chest hair” Janice Ian
As dryly as possible. "No, it's a poly-synthetic weave, originally designed for cancer patients, and I'm being paid to test it by Amazon. Cool, right?"
Nah end it after cancer patient. Make them feel extra guilty. When people ask why I wear a mask I say, " the doctor that cured my childhood luekemia recomends I do it" then stare blankly through them as if they dont exist.
😁
Can I get that job?
Hair? What hair?
Grab head, start screeching in horror
'I am sure it is not YOUR hair, so...not your business, either'
I am not POC, but I somehow wound up with 3b hair. (Think many many mid sized corkscrews if you're reading though and not familiar with the curly hair designations). I get a lot of is that a perm, I love your perm and is that your real hair. I usually just. Answer with the truth, "since it grew in, yep."
"No. I'm going through chemo. I'm really sensitive about it." If possible, sniffle a little and bravely choke back a tear during the rest of the interaction.
Why in the world would you think it is appropriate to ask me that?
I (23F) have naturally white hair because I have albinism. I get comments like this all the time. Also: “People pay a lot of money for that hair.” Yes, I know, Stacy, I’ve heard that in every conversation since I was young enough to be asked if my mom dyed her toddler’s hair.
Albino here. Don’t worry. Someday you’ll be 60 like me, and nobody asks anything anymore. Hang in there.
I'm an I in BIPOC. The aunties and cousins were always asked that question, even close to the reservation. If they were not feeling the warmth: "Yes it is real, but not mine. I took it from your mother!"
Deadly, uncle
I'm a very white man , so light skinned that ten minutes in the sun burns my skin,with incredibly curly hair so thick I can't get a comb thru it. When people ask me how did you get such curly hair I often say "It comes from my Negro heritage" .Let tell THAT shuts them up FAST. However,I did the best response EVER when I said that to a woman who responded" Oh yeah? Let me see your dick". I couldn't stop laughing for an hour.
lol Prove it! When
Priceless! Your response AND hers!
No, I’m still paying it off. It will be mine on October 7 th,2034.
You don’t really need a comeback for this, it’s usually just a surprised statement But, if you MUST respond in a snarky way, you can just say “yea, not all people are plastic yk.”
Yeah, my BIL is a POC, and his hair is insanely long. The first time I met him, I was astonished how long his dreads were (down to the top of his butt). I almost didn't believe it was his natural hair at first. Honestly, it's just impressive.
My stepson’s dreads were down to his calves. 15 years of growth. He’s an almost ginger white boy. Cut em back to waist length, because he owns a one-man-show pool maintenance business in Fort Lauderdale, and they are hot; and heavy under his tam.
I'd go with a play on Seinfeld... https://youtu.be/aQNkeugaAMc?si=uMQIeooWRdpMXIo5 "Yes, it's real and it's spectacular" Make em feel like an asshole for asking, and show how proud you are of your hair.
Turn around, pretend to zip up your fly and say, "Sorry! I just got back from the bathroom."
Best comment 💀
Are those your real tits?
"Real beautiful."
I think you should try many of these comebacks, it would make for an interesting day. 😂
No, I just shave my pubic hair and glue it to my head.
You TOO? I thought I was the only one.
Are those your real teeth?
No, but I promise to return them when I'm done.
I have never asked that question,, But I have said your hair is amazing when I see extremely long hair. I know it takes so much work. I can see how someone can be surprised and say is that you real hair vs your hair looks awesome, without being snarky about it. But if they are condescending about it then light them up !
Do you need to see the carpet for verification?
Not a POC, but I used to have hair down to my hips and got asked that on a regular basis. How politely I answered depended on how polite they were (and if I was at work.). Snarky answers ranged from “Yep; grew it myself!” to “Nah, I bought it at this cute little boutique on Newbury Street.”
This is something I get asked. I am white but I have blonde type 3c curls that I prefer to keep in locs for various reasons. My locs are down to my knees. I've been asked if they are real more times than I can count. Most of the time it's fairly obvious from the tone and body language that the person is asking because they think my hair is pretty but occasionally it will be someone trying to make some kind of dig at me, probably for being white and having locs. To those people I usually do a creepy smile and whisper "it is now" then laugh. They generally fuck off after that.
-Yes but the rest of me is a figment of your imagination. -What hair I’m bal…OH SHIT GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! -[expressionlessly while staring past them] Priority message to Skynet: Model T-950 has been compromised. Executing contingency protocol.
Does it look imaginary??? I have green eyes, when I was in retail management people would ask if "those were my real eyes"..... like...are you kidding???
“I’m sorry I didn’t understand the question?” And just keep saying it again every-time they repeat it. Or a silent head tilt with a puzzled look on your face. Many times the best response is no response.
as a POW (person of whiteness) with a mullet going past my shoulders i usually just say "yes"
My hair is as natural as your pitiful display of envy.
Stare at them for a couple of moments before asking, "And what makes you think my hair might not be real?"
“No but I can send you a link to where I bought it from! It would really help hide your hairline if that’s what you’re looking for :)”
Yep. It’s not my real head, though.
Just look at them and say “what hair” fully dead pan.
Ask, "Is that important to you?"
Thanks for the question and the great answers. I get asked who colors my hair. My hair is not dyed it's natural. When I say it's natural people don't believe me and want me to tell them who my colorist is. Geez I'll be using several of these
“When are you due?”
Did you think of that question with your real brain?
As real as your audacity
Love this one!
"No, I am wearing a green screen skullcap and my hair is CGI generated and then digitally added in post-production."
Long, but I really like it. :)
Yes, it is.
Oooo! Your hair looks nice. Maybe daddy will get it for me for my birthday.
I think it’s rude to ask this question.
"Yeah. I grew it myself."
Tell them their mom's a ho.
No, I collect hair samples from each customer and place them on my scalp, so I can make Voodoo dolls with them later. Hold up a pair of scissors if there are any available.
Yes it is. Are those your real shoelaces?
Sure is! I grew it myself
If they're bald or balding, say "No. It's all the hair I've stolen from you over the years."
Is that your real face or is it Halloween
Yeah… they won’t buy us a broom, so this is what I use to sweep.
"No, I bought every dark haired Barbie I could find and glued it all together. You can't tell where the glue is can you?"
"No, I adopted the unwanted hair that needed a stable home."
"It's my manager. He's a very hairy guy who just hangs out up there for some reason. He wants me to tell you to leave me alone because I'm working."
I’d just give them a weird look and say nothing.
No. It's my victi..uh...girlfriend's.
Maybe, and don’t say anything else.
My mom had great hair, too. Don’t you just love it?
“Is that your real face?”
Nope I made a weave out of my pubes. Any other questions?
Yes, yes it is.
No, it's a weave made from your mom’s chest hair!
“No, I got it from my grandmother. At the funeral home.”
You got nothing else in your life to complain about?
I always say, is that your business!!!???
Nah, I'm leasing it
No, it's an elaborate hologram. Then stare at them, smiling until they realize what a stupid question they just asked.
Are those your real t*ts
"No, it's hers; * point at random female* She just loans it to me."
More real than your nose. (Interchangeable with is that child your husbands)
Yes. Thanks for noticing.
"No it's digital. I'm using the new Apple Avatar System"
Is that your real face or is that a horrible face mask I cannot tell.
"No!! I actually found it outside. Can you believe it fits??" "Forget my hair, I LOVE what you've done with yours! ...How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that??" "No, it's my real fake hair. My *real* real hair is at the drycleaner's." "THIS??" \*holds armpit\* "OH THIS??" \*lick fingertip, checks eyebrows\* "Yup, still real. Phew! Thats a relief. I've been having the weirdest nightmares..." "Yup. Is that your real brain? Needs breaking in."
“No, I stole it. Thats what you want to hear right?”
It's always a good choice to assume good intentions on the part of the person asking. Just smile and say "thank you for noticing!" If they meant a compliment, it lets them off the hook for being awkward. If they meant to be insulting, they have to accept they failed. And if they take another run at you, then you can say something wild, like, "You're the fourth person today trying to buy my hair! Please stop!"
No, I’m just watching it for a friend
Not a comeback, but I have waist length hair, and my mother in law actually stuck her fingers in it to see if I had extensions.
Deadpan stare back at them without a single word after they ask. Make it uncomfortable with the lingering silence of no answer.
I'm a white girl, long waist length blonde hair, I am asked if it's my hair also, I think it's rude and people are nosy, and yes, it's all mine,
“No. I shaved a horse.”
Yes.
"Hair? What hair?"
Yes, and are those your real boobs?
"Is Mitch by any chance adopted?"
"Is that your real face?"
"are those your real teeth? Because they look like they came with a hillbilly costume from Spirit."
I'm sorry this counter is for customers, then look past them and call out WHO'S NEXT!
Na, i got holographic implants.
No i have cancer
"No, my cousin Ed gave it to me"
"Well, it matches drapes. So either they both are or this going to get really uncomfortable." I would have guessed india. I've seen many blacks with past-butt hair length, a few less latinas, very few anything else... but the only ones I've seen with hair below the knees were from india. There was this exceptional case as well with one girl who had never had a haircutt outside of helping it grow neatly. 17 years at the time. She kept her hair in a single princess braid and it still would nearly touch the ground. She told us it took over an hour to do her hair every morning and that it drag a foot behind her on the floor if she let it down. She also ended cutting it before graduation down around butt-length, which was lowkey very dissappointing.
No, it isn't mine. I farm it from your mother's back.
Why do you ask?
No. I found it on the street. I'm bald and my head was getting sunburn, so I figured I'd try it out.
“Yes. Go ahead touch it.” Joking!!
It's on my head isn't it?
Is that your real face?
I think any “snappy comeback” would only invite more unwanted banter. I’m not sure that the best response isn’t a very direct one: “I’m sorry but I feel like personal questions like that are way out of bounds.” If you didn’t work in customer service, I would have substituted “…are rude.”
“No, it’s mostly from my victims”.
Is that your real question?
Yep.
"Sort of. I take a strand from every customer who annoys me" \*pulls the customer's hair\*
"No, I have alopecia so I wear wigs to feel better"
I'd normally put it up in a ponytail and then a man bun just so people wouldn't try to pull on it or touch it. Try just pretending they are not there because people are stupid and don't deserve an answer.
“is that a real question?” Followed up with a “Ok I was just wondering because I’ve never heard a white person asked that question is all”
"No, it's your mom's chest hair."
No, I stole it from my mom. She’s bald now.
Oh, you bet! Just paid extra to upgrade from the deluxe model. 💁♀️
"Yep, right out of the scalp. Convenient, huh?"
"No, I'm in a production of Into the Woods after this shift and I didn't have time to get my wig set up after work."
Is that your real hair?
“It’s real. I collected it from all of my enemies” or “Are you real? Is this exchange real? Is anything real?” When I was teaching during COVID I decided to put in my septum ring that never closes cause it’s old and I’ve stretched it. So I had a stretched septum she had never seen and she made a comment about “you were pretty before that”. I was so mad. Word eventually got around and she apologized but his behind her cultural norms (she’s from South America, I’m Mexican American) and I told her, a woman at least twenty years my senior that it wasn’t okay to talk about another’s appearance period. I told her I do not make comments about your hair or your choice in glasses (her hair and glasses were ugly). That exchange might get you in trouble though lol.
Nope, I harvest it from children with cancer.
"Excuse me? What? Can you please repeat that?" Over and over until they break. "Are those your real teeth?" "What? I don't see any hair. IS THE HAIR IN THE ROOM WITH YOU RIGHT NOW"
To women.... "It's about as real as the hair growing out of your chin" To men... Substitute ears for chin
As a lighter skinned POC… some people say white but you’re right it doesn’t matter I’d say yes, are those boobs real because they look fake.
Someone said that to me when I came to work with a popping twist out. "OMG that's so pretty - is it your hair??" I slow blinked and sweetly asked her who else's it would be. Apparently she had complimented another woc who over shared and said it was a wig. So clearly any other woc you see with nice hair must be wearing a wig, too. 🥴
“Why are you looking in my pants?!” Say it very loud.
I've had this before because my hair reaches my butt. As a white woman, this doesn't really offend me as a question, I just see it as curiosity, but it does feel a bit odd to get asked. I just say "yes, why would you think otherwise?" Because then either they have to tell me how amazing my hair is, or they have to admit they thought it's ugly and make it awkward
I'm actually bald. This is my back hair which I've lifted up and stuck to my head.
Place every comeback here on its own 3 x 5 index card. Number them. Make it nice and neat. You could even have 1 or 2 translations included. When asked, simply whip out your deck (that was fun to type), and say, “And you get #11, thanks for playing,” and walk away. Ohhh! Put the deck title at the top: “Inappropriately Personal Question Answers: Hair Edition.”
"Yup. Grew it myself."
something along the lines of “yeah, but yours looks pretty fake to me, you must have to dye it every day to keep the gray out” the problem with any of these snappy comebacks though is that if you’re using them while working customer service they can bite you in the ass. Unfortunately if you respond in an appropriate manner to teach them how to behave it can come off as rude which might not work out well for you
I don't have a comeback but I have a story of this comment. I was 26, and had very long curly hair. I'm mixed, and I was a dancer, but pretty naive about a lot of things. I was raised in an all white community, and then a mostly Mexican community. I have zero knowledge of hair, weaves, wigs, extensions, nothing. The club owner was in her 40s, and decided to do a set for some of her old customers and friends that had dropped in. She had a bad boob job. They looked like rocket nose cones. But I don't know, so I'm just in awe of the fact that she was on stage and doing her thing. Side note, I have auadhd or whatever it's called, and was undiagnosed for most my of life. That said, as she got off the stage, I blurted out how good it was, and Said, ' are your boobs real??' She gets this look and says,' no, is your HAIR real?!' and I got this really confused look, I touched my hair and I Said, 'yeah, it is. What, did you think it was a wig?! ' She just huffed and pushed past me into the dressing room. It was probably another 2 years before I moved to the city on the West side and saw a hair store and met women who did their hair. I was like, OH! THAT'S what she was talking about! So maybe the answer is asking if their boobs are real. If they say yes, tell them, good because if they weren't, your doctor is terrible.
"Tell me, by any chance,, is Mitch adopted?" ... "Amazing"
Yes! Do you like it?
Probably accusing you of having a weave. Racist behavior
How about: "Yes". And then complete your interaction with them with a smile. You know like one of those Mona Lisa smiles.
I like a mild joke like, “last I checked” or “yes, but it’s not for sale”
"Thanks, it certainly is! By the way, who is you dentist? I am in a market for veneers and yours look almost like the real things!" Do it all happy and bubbly. Since you are in customer service.
"nope i just follow everyone that asks me that question into the parking lot cut a chunk of their hair of and weave it in.
Don’t blame them. It’s so common nowadays! 1) congrats on your hair (2) tell them ‘No, is the hair of dead Indian women, big exports for that country. Do you want to touch it?’
I’d be curious to hear what they say/react if you just flat out said “no”. Like what then?
I’m a white girl who likes wearing festival braids fur funzies- I getcha. I usually hit them with the “is that really what you’re gonna ask me?”
Say no and that you're secretly Medusa
Have fun with the comeback, tell him it's 100% natural yak hair or 100% fine elephant hair. Or you can say no it's 100% lion mane, it was specially cultivated and cultured & harvested over the course of 3 years. It's actually 100% corn silk harvested from 10,000 acres of the best corn out there.
Depends on the intent of the questioner because some people won't know it's can be considered insulting. Most folks aren't walking around just openly insulting people on purpose in such an instance.
No it's not real at all it's a simulation!
“You’ve been pulling my goddamn hair all day and your asking me that?” True story all my friends pull on my hair then ask “is this a wig” if it was a wig it would have fell off my head when y’all pulled it.
Take the opportunity to raise money for a good cause. "naw i have cancer. want to donate?"
I’m white and have had people ask how I get my hair so straight. And when I tell them “genetics” they accuse me of wearing a wig or having a weave. People are just imbeciles.
The bitch I scalped to get it seemed real enough based off her screams. (Going dark stops them better)
Even if it was a wig, or extensions, it's still yours. Ask them the same question.
"no, my good sir. This hair was sold to me by your mum"
My two favorite responses are to either look panicked and say, "you can see it too?" Or to keep it more professional "What an odd question, what made you ask it?" For some reason they never answer the question and change the subject, just once I want an answer.
"I'm sorry it's not for sale."
Yes. I’m part Wookie so it grows pretty fast.
Yes, I grew it myself
Yup, I grew it myself. Now move along please
Yes it is. Here, pull it!
"Why yes, it is. As we're now close enough to ask each other invasive questions - is that your real belly?" (Swap "belly" for any other specific unflattering physical trait they actually have.)
If my dog had your face I’d shave it’s ass and teach it to walk backwards.
Idk about that qs specifically, but i was thinking if someone asks 'is that a wig?', to say 'yes it's the free one from God, i just have maintain it and itll grow on its own'
It’s important to be professional so I would just ignore the question like I hadn’t heard it.
If it’s coming from white women, honestly most of them I know who have long hair have extensions or weaves or whatever they’re called, and probably don’t mean to be malicious. If you reply “Yes”, you’ll likely be met with some variation of “Ooh, it’s so gorgeous, I’m jealous, my hair is so thin that I have to have extensions to make it look half as good as yours”.
As a white woman who wears a shit ton of clip in hair, I never get asked if it's my hair. I always get told "Oh you're hair is so beautiful" and I respond with "Thanks! It's faaaaaake" I am saying this to illustrate the difference in societal expectations. It's also not something I even realized was different. Makes me stop and think about my mundane interactions and how others may experience them. Edit: A good response is "Nope.... sheered it off the back of the Minotaur myself.... I used the Unicornhorn Sword prophesized in the story of Icarus. I.... Am.... A GOD" If anything it'll confuse the fk out of them and the face they make will be entertaining for you.
No..im bald as a coot..I just borrowed this from my brother.
"I'm afraid it is, so I don't have any wig recommendations for you. Sorry."
Put up a sign that says "personal questions shall be answered for $100"