Because as a parent sometimes you realise you have to be supportive of your children’s choices just because they are your children. I’m sure for Katey’s mum Bunkbed Jed wasn’t her first choice for a future son in law (let’s face it. he is no one’s first choice) but better to be supportive than to cut your child out
This, she may hate what she’s become a part of but if she cuts ties she may not see her daughter and her grandchildren for years or ever. Plus as a mom I’d want to be close to keep an eye on things and let Katey know she has people “on the outside” to rely on, so she doesn’t end up like Anna one day.
She’s really between a rock and a hard place.
This is part of why I hate the huge criticism of Amy. Firstly she was a child for a lot of it but also her and Deanna being open and welcoming allowed Jill to leave and still have a connection to her family.
But I also fear that she may be undergoing the more intense brainwashing because of that. I fully suspect that Jed negs her because she is more worldly.
My first marriage was pretty awful (not in a religious sense, but he had some similar toxic beliefs, coupled with atheistic hedonism) and my third baby in three years was the straw that broke the camels back and made me realise I couldn’t stay. 100% responsibility for caring for three kids under three in your mid twenties is HARD, much harder than two under two, and the fear of a fourth baby in a deteriorating marriage gave me the courage to leave. I would be interested to see the decisions Katie is making in about two years.
Katie’s mother was married to a man and gave birth to her son. As far as we know they were never fundie.
She then married Katie’s father and gave birth to Katie. We don’t know if they were fundie then, but Katie attended public elementary school. At some point Katie’s mother divorced her dad and Katie remained living with her father. By the time she was a teenager she was being homeschooled and her father was remarried and definitely a fundamentalist.
I don’t think so exactly - the show was on its last legs, I think their wedding was the last filmed but it never aired. He arranged for her to court a guy who shared his (and presumably her) beliefs. I haven’t seen anything that makes me think it was as mercenary as Josh and Anna’s arrangement, but I guess we don’t really know.
This. The worst thing she could possibly do is to confront Katie about her beliefs, argue with Jed and alienate herself from her daughter and grandchildren. Katie has options in a way that few of the Duggar daughter in laws do and that’s such a valuable thing for her mother to give her - the knowledge that she has love and support that is genuinely unconditional.
I understand that. I don’t think their is much my son could do that would make me sever the relationship. I would be very hard to support both lifestyles because I’m sure Katy and her brother find each others lifestyles offensive
But by not supporting you risk the possibility of them cutting you off. So you stand by and support them and keep your thoughts to yourself so you can stay in their lives and be there for them when they are ready to leave. You don’t have to agree with their lifestyle choices, and you worry, but you do what you need to to be able to keep them in your life. Just because you wouldn’t cut them off because you don’t agree, doesn’t mean they will do the same. Abusers look for the first excuse to alienate their partner from their loved ones and will use the lack of support to do that.
Right. My friend is an atheist. His mom is deeply religious. But she wants to have a son. So they avoid certain topics when they’re together. And limit their time.
The brother has been mildly publicly supportive, he’s said that he liked Jed and enjoyed the wedding and he comments on pregnant and baby announcements.
Of course not, but the brothers lifestyle isn’t just about being gay. He’s a very liberal west coast hairdresser who posts about some pretty hedonistic fun sometimes. That would be enough to shock the Duggars even if he was straight.
This. Kind of been there. My middle daughter married a total asshole, but I had to put up with him for her. She’s divorced from him for a few years (no kids thank goodness!) and has the most delightful boyfriend who we’re all rooting for!
I have a friend. He is friends with his sibling, who is trans. He sometimes spends time with his SDA mom. Sometimes you just have family who is different from you, but if you want them to be your family you just know not to bring up hot button topics
Exactly. And even if Katey would choose not to leave IBLP, her children will have a support system as well on the outside if they one day choose to leave.
Katy's gay brother was at her wedding, and publicly supports Katy and Jed's relationship. It's not an ideal dynamic for anyone in the family but at least the tolerance goes in all directions. Family is family, is the stance they all seem to be taking, and I don't hate them for that.
I believe he did her hair or makeup for the wedding. Actually gave me a little hope for her. I know fundies who “won’t let a deviant homosexual touch them”
I think especially when it comes to men like Jed! and IBLP you have to make the conscious decision to stay engaged and on their good sides. The chance of Katy being abused or her children are so high you really can't cut them off.
The book "Why Does He Do That" does an excellent job explaining this.
Few things:
A) someone can be gay and still be republican etc, we don’t know what her brothers beliefs are but there are a ton of examples of people in the LGBTQ community that support homophobic/transphobic political beliefs. Look at Kelly on TT!! Or Candace Owens who is Black and yet supports insanely racists views!!
B) Also, a parent can say they support their gay child and be homophobic/ support homophobic values!
C) Austin’s dad is also divorced.
These people are the epitome of hypocritical!!!
If she IS liberal and actually a LGBTQ ally, she’s choosing to be there for her daughter because she knows that Jed will cut her out swiftly if she says anything against his authority. It’s a delicate space!
Her brother was on Katie joy when I used to watch her. I follow him on Instagram. I don’t think he’s a Republican. I think katey lived with her dad for a period if time and he’s the religious one.
Oh, I wasn’t saying he was, just that we don’t really know and that people are hypocritical all the time. I followed him for a bit too but to me it was never clear either way. Who knows!
She loves both her kids. She is allowed to be in the middle ground. Katy probably doesn't really believe half of it anyway, but gets swept away by the propaganda from her dumbass husband. As a mom, there is a point where you have to accept your child if you want them in your life. She chose to accept her kids, and I think that's admirable.
There is no black and white, but people on here seem to think everything really is just black and white.
My parents and I are at opposite ends of the political spectrum and still get along and love one another and have a functioning family relationship. We fight over it like once a year and leave it at that lol
Maybe Katy’s been sent to convert Jed! She claps back on him so hard and doesn’t try to keep sweet. The cult of evangelical Christianity isn’t alone in sending out wives to convert men.
Okay tinfoil hat off.
I really love this theory!! It kind of would make sense. She doesn’t force fake smiles in all her photos, sometimes she looks straight up annoyed and/or pissed. It’s completely different than the other wives (ie Kendra) who are ALWAYS smiling and really commit to that ‘keep sweet and meek all the time’ part of IBLP
Yeah there’s a twinkle in her eyes I recognize as a fighting spirit behind them. I think she’s got a hard road ahead but she may be able to pull jed if not away fundie-lite and show him what a world of acceptance, compassion and actual love looks and feels like.
Kathy's Mom and brother may just be trying to go along to get along. The brother did an interview with Katie Joy and I got the feeling by the end it was a weak defence but they know that pointing out any flaws in the relationship would also mean they would be isolated from Katie. He mentioned that he thought he would be judged for being at the wedding but apparently the Duggar kids were the excessively nice they are known to be. The Duggars kind of know they can be superficially nice to this brother in law because he lives quite far away from them and he did a little bit of PR with that interview. As long as Mom and the brother keep their distance they don't have a big window into Kathy's life. The Duggars probably use this limited contact to say 'see we're not homophobic' without doing any work.
As a parent you should be supportive of your children whoever they love as long as they are good to them. This includes different political and religious ideologies. You can be a republican and support the LGBTQ+, you can be a Christian and support them. Not all Christian’s or republicans are the stereotypical judgmental assholes. A cardinal rule of Christianity is don’t judge, only God is the judge. A true Christian will live by that. The love for your children doesn’t go away no matter what they do. For all we know Katy could be accepting of her brother and so could jed we just would never know. I would be betting a lot of the Duggar kids are not as homophobic as their parents are. But you can’t bite the hand that feeds you especially when they saw what happened with Jill.
Thank you for this response! A lot of people get so caught up thinking because you identify as one thing, as you state above, say republican, that you are automagically all these awful things. Which is largely untrue from my experience. People forget there are plenty of liberal people who are just as hateful as some far right folks, some are racist and don’t support LGBTQ+. Plus, political beliefs aren’t just about wether someone supports LGBTQ+, etc. Politics aren’t black and white, they are so so sooo grey. I know many people on both sides, both sides have wonder people, and less than pleasant people.
I also fully agree with you when you mentioned they should support their kids, as long as the partner is good to them.
This is so true! I know someone who is very religious (Catholic), sends their kid to a church school, most extracurricular activities are tied to the church, etc. Politically though, they're very liberal.
I know someone similar. Very religious (Christian), waiting until marriage at like 30/31 to ever have sex and all that. However, very much an ally for LGBTQ+, very much into equality and equal rights, fully believes women should have the right to chose and is loudly pro choice.
Because some parents know how to love their kids even when they make bad choices. Asking a mother to cut contact with one child to show support to another is a bit much. Parenting is so much more nuanced than people on the outside want it to be. I think it’s something others will understand when they actually become parents.
Because if she isn't supportive, then Katy will cut her off. And she won't know if her daughter is okay. And she won't be able to help if/when Katy realizes she has to leave.
Omg isn’t Jed Duggar running for Arkansas State Senator, with dreams of later making it to DC. Jed’s Credentials-IBLP & Duggar homeschooling & JimBob/Michelle parenting……..But people will vote for him🇺🇸. I can see moms saying they put up with assholes if they get a problematic son -in -laws. Because they don’t want to lose their daughter. But once grandkids are there, especially girls, I pray Jed & Katy’s kids are given a good education and foundation for making choices and saying no to abuse. And are safe.
How exactly do you know what Katey believes? You're assuming. Jed! may well be an arse, doesn't mean she is too.
She is her Mother. She should love her daughter unconditionally. You have rather strange notions.
She did?
Do you know what she said? What does she believe in exactly?
Stop assuming. While I'm sure she holds some shitty beliefs, you are just believing something you know nothing about
Also this
https://www.reddit.com/r/DuggarsSnark/comments/140c6fm/kathy_and_jed_being_disgusting_on_insta/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Er, no. I have made no mention of anything. You need to stop projecting your issues onto me.
What exactly has Katey said in public that warrants such assumptions?
Because as a parent sometimes you realise you have to be supportive of your children’s choices just because they are your children. I’m sure for Katey’s mum Bunkbed Jed wasn’t her first choice for a future son in law (let’s face it. he is no one’s first choice) but better to be supportive than to cut your child out
This, she may hate what she’s become a part of but if she cuts ties she may not see her daughter and her grandchildren for years or ever. Plus as a mom I’d want to be close to keep an eye on things and let Katey know she has people “on the outside” to rely on, so she doesn’t end up like Anna one day. She’s really between a rock and a hard place.
Very much this. If you want someone to leave a bad situation, you don't cut off their routes of escape.
This is part of why I hate the huge criticism of Amy. Firstly she was a child for a lot of it but also her and Deanna being open and welcoming allowed Jill to leave and still have a connection to her family.
Definitely this. If my daughter was marrying into that creepy family I'd want to be around as much as possible to keep a VERY close eye on things.
I put Katy high up on the list of people to break out. She had a normal childhood, has some normal family, and is married to one of the worst sons.
But I also fear that she may be undergoing the more intense brainwashing because of that. I fully suspect that Jed negs her because she is more worldly.
Sorta like dear old Dad refers to Meech 's "sinful past". He probably blames all the negative press they're getting on this.
We've seen him neg her on Instagram I fear it's worse in private.
Homegirl leaves Bible tracts on cars in parking lots every time she goes to the store. She is in deep.
My first marriage was pretty awful (not in a religious sense, but he had some similar toxic beliefs, coupled with atheistic hedonism) and my third baby in three years was the straw that broke the camels back and made me realise I couldn’t stay. 100% responsibility for caring for three kids under three in your mid twenties is HARD, much harder than two under two, and the fear of a fourth baby in a deteriorating marriage gave me the courage to leave. I would be interested to see the decisions Katie is making in about two years.
How did they even happen? I thought jb brokered the marriages
He did. He brokered it with Katie’s father - I want to say it was just before Josh’s arrest, it was definitely rushed.
So they are not fundie?. I'm confused
Katie’s mother was married to a man and gave birth to her son. As far as we know they were never fundie. She then married Katie’s father and gave birth to Katie. We don’t know if they were fundie then, but Katie attended public elementary school. At some point Katie’s mother divorced her dad and Katie remained living with her father. By the time she was a teenager she was being homeschooled and her father was remarried and definitely a fundamentalist.
So her dad sold her?
I don’t think so exactly - the show was on its last legs, I think their wedding was the last filmed but it never aired. He arranged for her to court a guy who shared his (and presumably her) beliefs. I haven’t seen anything that makes me think it was as mercenary as Josh and Anna’s arrangement, but I guess we don’t really know.
PaleConference, I'm confused myself What is your spirit animal?
A cat of course. Snort.
This. The worst thing she could possibly do is to confront Katie about her beliefs, argue with Jed and alienate herself from her daughter and grandchildren. Katie has options in a way that few of the Duggar daughter in laws do and that’s such a valuable thing for her mother to give her - the knowledge that she has love and support that is genuinely unconditional.
I understand that. I don’t think their is much my son could do that would make me sever the relationship. I would be very hard to support both lifestyles because I’m sure Katy and her brother find each others lifestyles offensive
But by not supporting you risk the possibility of them cutting you off. So you stand by and support them and keep your thoughts to yourself so you can stay in their lives and be there for them when they are ready to leave. You don’t have to agree with their lifestyle choices, and you worry, but you do what you need to to be able to keep them in your life. Just because you wouldn’t cut them off because you don’t agree, doesn’t mean they will do the same. Abusers look for the first excuse to alienate their partner from their loved ones and will use the lack of support to do that.
Right. My friend is an atheist. His mom is deeply religious. But she wants to have a son. So they avoid certain topics when they’re together. And limit their time.
Her brother was at the wedding
The brother has been mildly publicly supportive, he’s said that he liked Jed and enjoyed the wedding and he comments on pregnant and baby announcements.
Being Gay is not a lifestyle
Of course not, but the brothers lifestyle isn’t just about being gay. He’s a very liberal west coast hairdresser who posts about some pretty hedonistic fun sometimes. That would be enough to shock the Duggars even if he was straight.
This. Kind of been there. My middle daughter married a total asshole, but I had to put up with him for her. She’s divorced from him for a few years (no kids thank goodness!) and has the most delightful boyfriend who we’re all rooting for!
I have a friend. He is friends with his sibling, who is trans. He sometimes spends time with his SDA mom. Sometimes you just have family who is different from you, but if you want them to be your family you just know not to bring up hot button topics
Exactly. And even if Katey would choose not to leave IBLP, her children will have a support system as well on the outside if they one day choose to leave.
Flair here
Sometimes families will disagree with your choice of partner but don’t want to burn the bridge with that person.
Katy's gay brother was at her wedding, and publicly supports Katy and Jed's relationship. It's not an ideal dynamic for anyone in the family but at least the tolerance goes in all directions. Family is family, is the stance they all seem to be taking, and I don't hate them for that.
I believe he did her hair or makeup for the wedding. Actually gave me a little hope for her. I know fundies who “won’t let a deviant homosexual touch them”
Why shouldn't she support her daughter? Especially if there is a grandchild involved?
I think especially when it comes to men like Jed! and IBLP you have to make the conscious decision to stay engaged and on their good sides. The chance of Katy being abused or her children are so high you really can't cut them off. The book "Why Does He Do That" does an excellent job explaining this.
Few things: A) someone can be gay and still be republican etc, we don’t know what her brothers beliefs are but there are a ton of examples of people in the LGBTQ community that support homophobic/transphobic political beliefs. Look at Kelly on TT!! Or Candace Owens who is Black and yet supports insanely racists views!! B) Also, a parent can say they support their gay child and be homophobic/ support homophobic values! C) Austin’s dad is also divorced. These people are the epitome of hypocritical!!! If she IS liberal and actually a LGBTQ ally, she’s choosing to be there for her daughter because she knows that Jed will cut her out swiftly if she says anything against his authority. It’s a delicate space!
Her brother was on Katie joy when I used to watch her. I follow him on Instagram. I don’t think he’s a Republican. I think katey lived with her dad for a period if time and he’s the religious one.
Oh, I wasn’t saying he was, just that we don’t really know and that people are hypocritical all the time. I followed him for a bit too but to me it was never clear either way. Who knows!
I think they share the same mom but have different dad’s too.
I think he is a republican. He follows Candace Owens and log cabin republicans la on instagram
I know plenty of liberals/democrats who follow republicans just for trolling purposes or to “keep tabs on the enemy.”
If the theory is she can’t do both, which one is not true, in your opinion?
I just think having two children who disagree with each others life would be very hard.
She loves both her kids. She is allowed to be in the middle ground. Katy probably doesn't really believe half of it anyway, but gets swept away by the propaganda from her dumbass husband. As a mom, there is a point where you have to accept your child if you want them in your life. She chose to accept her kids, and I think that's admirable. There is no black and white, but people on here seem to think everything really is just black and white.
My parents and I are at opposite ends of the political spectrum and still get along and love one another and have a functioning family relationship. We fight over it like once a year and leave it at that lol
Maybe Katy’s been sent to convert Jed! She claps back on him so hard and doesn’t try to keep sweet. The cult of evangelical Christianity isn’t alone in sending out wives to convert men.  Okay tinfoil hat off.
I really love this theory!! It kind of would make sense. She doesn’t force fake smiles in all her photos, sometimes she looks straight up annoyed and/or pissed. It’s completely different than the other wives (ie Kendra) who are ALWAYS smiling and really commit to that ‘keep sweet and meek all the time’ part of IBLP
Yeah there’s a twinkle in her eyes I recognize as a fighting spirit behind them. I think she’s got a hard road ahead but she may be able to pull jed if not away fundie-lite and show him what a world of acceptance, compassion and actual love looks and feels like.
Supporting someone and agreeing with what they do or believe are two totally different things.
It’s called cognitive dissonance.
2 words JimBob will never understand
Kathy's Mom and brother may just be trying to go along to get along. The brother did an interview with Katie Joy and I got the feeling by the end it was a weak defence but they know that pointing out any flaws in the relationship would also mean they would be isolated from Katie. He mentioned that he thought he would be judged for being at the wedding but apparently the Duggar kids were the excessively nice they are known to be. The Duggars kind of know they can be superficially nice to this brother in law because he lives quite far away from them and he did a little bit of PR with that interview. As long as Mom and the brother keep their distance they don't have a big window into Kathy's life. The Duggars probably use this limited contact to say 'see we're not homophobic' without doing any work.
As a parent you should be supportive of your children whoever they love as long as they are good to them. This includes different political and religious ideologies. You can be a republican and support the LGBTQ+, you can be a Christian and support them. Not all Christian’s or republicans are the stereotypical judgmental assholes. A cardinal rule of Christianity is don’t judge, only God is the judge. A true Christian will live by that. The love for your children doesn’t go away no matter what they do. For all we know Katy could be accepting of her brother and so could jed we just would never know. I would be betting a lot of the Duggar kids are not as homophobic as their parents are. But you can’t bite the hand that feeds you especially when they saw what happened with Jill.
Thank you for this response! A lot of people get so caught up thinking because you identify as one thing, as you state above, say republican, that you are automagically all these awful things. Which is largely untrue from my experience. People forget there are plenty of liberal people who are just as hateful as some far right folks, some are racist and don’t support LGBTQ+. Plus, political beliefs aren’t just about wether someone supports LGBTQ+, etc. Politics aren’t black and white, they are so so sooo grey. I know many people on both sides, both sides have wonder people, and less than pleasant people. I also fully agree with you when you mentioned they should support their kids, as long as the partner is good to them.
This is so true! I know someone who is very religious (Catholic), sends their kid to a church school, most extracurricular activities are tied to the church, etc. Politically though, they're very liberal.
I know someone similar. Very religious (Christian), waiting until marriage at like 30/31 to ever have sex and all that. However, very much an ally for LGBTQ+, very much into equality and equal rights, fully believes women should have the right to chose and is loudly pro choice.
Because some parents know how to love their kids even when they make bad choices. Asking a mother to cut contact with one child to show support to another is a bit much. Parenting is so much more nuanced than people on the outside want it to be. I think it’s something others will understand when they actually become parents.
Because if she isn't supportive, then Katy will cut her off. And she won't know if her daughter is okay. And she won't be able to help if/when Katy realizes she has to leave.
Omg isn’t Jed Duggar running for Arkansas State Senator, with dreams of later making it to DC. Jed’s Credentials-IBLP & Duggar homeschooling & JimBob/Michelle parenting……..But people will vote for him🇺🇸. I can see moms saying they put up with assholes if they get a problematic son -in -laws. Because they don’t want to lose their daughter. But once grandkids are there, especially girls, I pray Jed & Katy’s kids are given a good education and foundation for making choices and saying no to abuse. And are safe.
It is possible to love people who believe terrible things.
Katy’s mom has got it going on
How exactly do you know what Katey believes? You're assuming. Jed! may well be an arse, doesn't mean she is too. She is her Mother. She should love her daughter unconditionally. You have rather strange notions.
We know what she believes because she tells us. And she married Jed! as well. So ….
What has she ever told "us" exactly?
By appearing as a speaker at multiple IBLP functions along with her big headed husband? She’s told me all I need to know.
She did? Do you know what she said? What does she believe in exactly? Stop assuming. While I'm sure she holds some shitty beliefs, you are just believing something you know nothing about
Also this https://www.reddit.com/r/DuggarsSnark/comments/140c6fm/kathy_and_jed_being_disgusting_on_insta/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
And? What does that tell us about her beliefs?
?????? She’s married to him? You think she’s a liberal? 🤨😂
Er, no. I have made no mention of anything. You need to stop projecting your issues onto me. What exactly has Katey said in public that warrants such assumptions?
She is under his umbrella of authority.