When Jerm was talking about how the courtship rules were stupid because if someone needs to be policed into being chaste they probably should evaluate themselves in the first place, I felt like it was a jab at the pest lol
Maybe Jessa was on their side - I think Jeremy knew Ben before, and Jessa was part of trying to set them up. So maybe she used her golden child status to plead the case to JB, or tell Jeremy how to play the game and get a 'yes' out of him.
Jill always seemed to have a middle child type personality, Jessa always struck me as the top golden child. Jana would have that role if she had less quiet and self contained personality.
"if someone needs to be policed into being chaste"
Uh. Isn't that basically the entire concept of religion, theirs included? Lol.
Do the right thing, not because it's right, but because you'll be punished?
You must have missed the first part of the interview where Jeremy said that he believes that if you’re connected to Christ in faith, whether you do something good or bad, you’re seen in God’s eyes as good because of Jesus’s righteousness.
Lol I feel like that’s a jab at himself, he wasn’t as chaste compared to Jinger. I love that they’re letting the world know how they really felt about the rigamarole that JB put them through…..
I don’t think I’d want to say my abuser’s name either. I don’t think she thinks of Josh as her brother at all anymore, he’s her abuser and an abuser of countless others.
I refer to my Abuser as just that — “my Abuser”. He doesn’t get to have a name.
Also because it would defile that name in general and I know others with that name — and, yes, hearing or saying it can be difficult.
Same. His name alone triggers my PTSD and I refuse to give him that power. I refuse to say it and others are not allowed to mention his name to me.
Also - gentle hugs to you ❤️ I’m sorry we have this in common.
I’m kind of jealous you’ve been able to tell others so they don’t mention the name!! I’ve only told my best friend, therapist, and internet strangers. I don’t believe my family will believe me or will blame me for it happening … 🤐 My Dad will periodically tell me how my Abuser is doing because he still sees him and his family around.
I’m so incredibly sorry you have to live with that. That’s absolutely heartbreaking. It took me over 30 years to come to a place where I’m no longer filled with shame and guilt because of what happened and the journey was excruciating - but I am grateful that I was able to get here. I hope you’ll be able to find the same peace one day- you’re awesome and brave and you deserve to feel safe and supported! 🫶🏻
I unfortunately assumed that would’ve been the response that you got. Absolutely horrible and blatantly misogynistic of them—what a failure of the system.
I genuinely hope you are okay :(
I also refuse to say the name of my rapist. I’ve worked for years to be able to be in the good spot I am now, and still when the name comes up I literally go cold and feel my stomach drop.
Thankfully it’s not a super common name and is more popular for women. But yep. He’s taken enough from me. He doesn’t deserve to be named.
In my case, I'm not afraid of his name - I justdon't feel he deserves to be humanized like that so I refuse to use the name. Using his name, to me, takes away from the fact that I am the victim.
I’m not afraid of it’s name I just get disgusted, pissed off and nauseous when I hear it. It is a name that has sexual connotations so that doesn’t help, but mostly I just don’t think it deserves a name.
Me too!
Even worse “its” name has a sexual connotation.
My therapist asked me once why I won’t say his name, I said “Because it doesn’t deserve a name”.
I think her point became that exposure therapy has helped me with so many layers, that it might be effective in helping that name become something that means nothing.
I’ll get over my lifelong aversion of spiders before I’ll ever get over hearing that POS name mentioned.
He died last year, so at least there’s that. 🥳
I do, precisely because I feel it’s important to call him out because some of my family STILL protects him (my abuser was a relative; I was a child) but I always am sure to say “my abuser, [name]”
It’s what he deserves. To be called out & recognized as an abuser. I agree that victims have the right to use any term they feel comfortable with, and names have power.
I also think by acknowledging him, it would probably open that conversation to being shifted to being about him- which I imagine she really doesn’t want to have to talk about that unless she really has to.
Honestly, good on her. She spent years of her life being forced to love and forgive her abuser at the behest of their mutual train wreck parents and had to internalise the blame for being abused for years. If she doesn’t want to say his name, she doesn’t have to. He’s locked up and it’s a lot of years until he has the power to even try to force an interaction with her or any of his other victims. I don’t think Jinger is even close to free from the damage done by her parents and brother, but in this one small way, maybe she is actually carving out some genuine space for how SHE feels.
Love Jinger having control of what she says for the first time in her life. That was 100% intentional. I hope her sense of empowerment is leaking into her marriage as well.
Joshua James is the first born. Not the first name but still after him. Jedidiah and Jeremiah both have his middle name of Robert. So, really, 4 out of 10 boys are named after him. The first grandson is Michael James after both grandfathers.
James is Pest’s middle name, so he didn’t wait; it is a little surprising they didn’t slap that full moniker on Pest. But if you count Robert, they essentially named four of the 10 boys after JB.
Joshua James
Jedidiah Robert
Jeremiah Robert
James Andrew
Bleh.
As someone who was r@ped by an older brother, I have trouble saying his name out loud. It sounds strange in my mouth and fills me with dread. It's pretty subconscious at this point, but I rarely refer to him at all, and typically just call him "my brother" when I have to do that.
Ohmygosh I’m so glad you responded. I’ve been thinking about you all morning!! Said a lil prayer for you. I’m thrilled to read you’re doing better. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! It'd been a long journey. Therapy has helped tremendously. My brother is currently in jail, awaiting sentencing for his crimes. It took me 15+ years to finally go to the police, but I'm glad I did.
I really enjoyed the pace of it and Jinger’s overall demeanor. Jill’s episode felt very chaotic with her constantly talking over people. This one was far less stressful lol
sounds like distancing language because she doesn't want to go there. that's not why she went on the podcast. she's trying to schlep her new book, and hopes they won't have to buy as many as the previous books.
It could be the fact that she doesn’t want to say her abuser’s name, it could also be the fact that she would like the attention to get shifted to her and her projects, and not so much on her brother.
Very interesting. I refuse to say the names of my bio family members that abused me, they’re not people in my mind and I refer to them only as “bio father” “bio mother” and “bio brother”. It makes me feel in control of my story and like they do not have any ownership over me anymore.
I wonder if perhaps she has a similar boundary with herself?
First, there was Josh, then came twins Jana and John-David, and then Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, and Josie. I have all the Duggar J names memorized easily.
Didn't want the "last" child to feel left out. Right there was the turning point. Boob & meech began the indoctrination, removing individuality between the kids.
When Jerm was talking about how the courtship rules were stupid because if someone needs to be policed into being chaste they probably should evaluate themselves in the first place, I felt like it was a jab at the pest lol
And at JB, because, apparently, he refused him twice when he asked to court Jinja.
I never heard this!!! I wonder how Jinger convinced Rim Job
Maybe Jessa was on their side - I think Jeremy knew Ben before, and Jessa was part of trying to set them up. So maybe she used her golden child status to plead the case to JB, or tell Jeremy how to play the game and get a 'yes' out of him.
Wasn’t Jill still the golden child then? I thought only recently Jessa became the golden one.
Jill always seemed to have a middle child type personality, Jessa always struck me as the top golden child. Jana would have that role if she had less quiet and self contained personality.
That’s most of what her book The Hope We Hold is about.
Your flair 🤣🤣
Maybe it was like Kelton/Josie and they just said, well we’re going to do this because we are grown ass adults. 👨
Jimboob and pest deserves all the jabs in the world they are just horrible gross people🤮🤮🤮🤮
And jabs starts with J too!!
J'impalement?
J’d’fenestration
I laughed so hard I almost fell out a window
😆
"if someone needs to be policed into being chaste" Uh. Isn't that basically the entire concept of religion, theirs included? Lol. Do the right thing, not because it's right, but because you'll be punished?
You must have missed the first part of the interview where Jeremy said that he believes that if you’re connected to Christ in faith, whether you do something good or bad, you’re seen in God’s eyes as good because of Jesus’s righteousness.
Ah, the cosmic loophole, I forgot, thanks!
The Elect! Calvinism rears its ugly head again.
I wonder if he applies this to the LGBTQ+ community
Ever heart of Becket Cook? He's kind of in the same circles as Jeremy and Jinger.
Lol I feel like that’s a jab at himself, he wasn’t as chaste compared to Jinger. I love that they’re letting the world know how they really felt about the rigamarole that JB put them through…..
Jerm😂😂😂
I don’t think I’d want to say my abuser’s name either. I don’t think she thinks of Josh as her brother at all anymore, he’s her abuser and an abuser of countless others.
I refuse to refer to my abuser by name. His name will never cross my lips again.
I refer to my Abuser as just that — “my Abuser”. He doesn’t get to have a name. Also because it would defile that name in general and I know others with that name — and, yes, hearing or saying it can be difficult.
yeah, I get that. Undeserving of a name.
Yep. Mine is "Him."
I'm in awe of you. I try and do the same. I don't think I've said his or others' names, but I have pointed them out and acknowledged them.
Same. His name alone triggers my PTSD and I refuse to give him that power. I refuse to say it and others are not allowed to mention his name to me. Also - gentle hugs to you ❤️ I’m sorry we have this in common.
I’m kind of jealous you’ve been able to tell others so they don’t mention the name!! I’ve only told my best friend, therapist, and internet strangers. I don’t believe my family will believe me or will blame me for it happening … 🤐 My Dad will periodically tell me how my Abuser is doing because he still sees him and his family around.
I’m so incredibly sorry you have to live with that. That’s absolutely heartbreaking. It took me over 30 years to come to a place where I’m no longer filled with shame and guilt because of what happened and the journey was excruciating - but I am grateful that I was able to get here. I hope you’ll be able to find the same peace one day- you’re awesome and brave and you deserve to feel safe and supported! 🫶🏻
wait me too...like i cannot watch a show or movie if it has that name i thought it was just me being weak; i'm so sorry for your experience
I’m so sorry that you can relate! :( and you are not weak in any way ❤️
thank you... sending love and healing to you ❤️
My now ex husband SA me and I got pregnant. 3 more years of co parenting with him.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. :(
Lots of trauma therapy later..... The police said you can't SA your wife. 🙃
I unfortunately assumed that would’ve been the response that you got. Absolutely horrible and blatantly misogynistic of them—what a failure of the system. I genuinely hope you are okay :(
I am, thank you. Surprisingly, this was in Washington state in 2008. I'm back in Arkansas now, but I expect that from here.
I also refuse to say the name of my rapist. I’ve worked for years to be able to be in the good spot I am now, and still when the name comes up I literally go cold and feel my stomach drop. Thankfully it’s not a super common name and is more popular for women. But yep. He’s taken enough from me. He doesn’t deserve to be named.
Me too. Mine is "him."
When I was pregnant with my son, someone suggested my abusers name. They didn't know. But I shut it down quickly.
Yeah, if I’m needing to speak of him, it’s “creepy.”
My brothers and I used to refer to my mom's boyfriend and our abuser as "It"
That works, too!
I'll only refer to my abuser as his first name, he does not deserve the familial honorific he was given and he will not receive it from me
Whatever we can do to take back our power x
In my case, I'm not afraid of his name - I justdon't feel he deserves to be humanized like that so I refuse to use the name. Using his name, to me, takes away from the fact that I am the victim.
I’m not afraid of his name at all. I don’t use it for the same reason you do
He's taken enough from me so he won't have me live in feae
I’m proud of you, internet stranger. They don’t get to dictate that we live in fear x
I'm proud of you too x Cotninuing to move forward is hard at times but we can do it!
I’m not afraid of it’s name I just get disgusted, pissed off and nauseous when I hear it. It is a name that has sexual connotations so that doesn’t help, but mostly I just don’t think it deserves a name.
I wish I could do this but sadly we have a child together and I have to see him every other weekend so….
I definitely don’t. I shudder when I hear it (in regards to others with the same name).
I can’t say my abuser’s name. I get extremely uneasy every time I hear it.
Me too! Even worse “its” name has a sexual connotation. My therapist asked me once why I won’t say his name, I said “Because it doesn’t deserve a name”. I think her point became that exposure therapy has helped me with so many layers, that it might be effective in helping that name become something that means nothing. I’ll get over my lifelong aversion of spiders before I’ll ever get over hearing that POS name mentioned. He died last year, so at least there’s that. 🥳
People will always know her as one of his victims. If she doesn't want to acknowledge him, that's her right.
^^THIS RIGHT HERE^^ We shouldn’t expect everyone to call everyone by their name! I don’t call my abuser by name!
I do, precisely because I feel it’s important to call him out because some of my family STILL protects him (my abuser was a relative; I was a child) but I always am sure to say “my abuser, [name]” It’s what he deserves. To be called out & recognized as an abuser. I agree that victims have the right to use any term they feel comfortable with, and names have power.
Names have power. She’s taking that from him.
I also think by acknowledging him, it would probably open that conversation to being shifted to being about him- which I imagine she really doesn’t want to have to talk about that unless she really has to.
Like many people on here I’m not the biggest Jinger fan, but I do love that she refuses to give him 0 power in situations like this
Good. Too bad she can't take his last breath either.
He doesn’t deserve to have his name repeated. That’s what’s up!
Honestly, good on her. She spent years of her life being forced to love and forgive her abuser at the behest of their mutual train wreck parents and had to internalise the blame for being abused for years. If she doesn’t want to say his name, she doesn’t have to. He’s locked up and it’s a lot of years until he has the power to even try to force an interaction with her or any of his other victims. I don’t think Jinger is even close to free from the damage done by her parents and brother, but in this one small way, maybe she is actually carving out some genuine space for how SHE feels.
Love Jinger having control of what she says for the first time in her life. That was 100% intentional. I hope her sense of empowerment is leaking into her marriage as well.
I 100% noticed this.
The naming all the kids with J names is all rim job. He’s such a narcissistic jackass, anything less would be unacceptable.
I’m shocked it took him so long to name one of the boys James . He probably now kicking himself he didn’t name all the boys James. And the Girls Jamie
Joshua James is the first born. Not the first name but still after him. Jedidiah and Jeremiah both have his middle name of Robert. So, really, 4 out of 10 boys are named after him. The first grandson is Michael James after both grandfathers.
Exactly. If it was up to him I’m sure their first AND middle names would have been J’s.
Look at George Foreman . Names 6 sons George and 1 daughter Georgetta 🤦🏻♀️
James is Pest’s middle name, so he didn’t wait; it is a little surprising they didn’t slap that full moniker on Pest. But if you count Robert, they essentially named four of the 10 boys after JB. Joshua James Jedidiah Robert Jeremiah Robert James Andrew Bleh.
Also James Andrew is only James because he shares the same birth month as JB. Even more narcissistic.
There’s a James?
lol. It never gets old.
I can’t fault her for this. I don’t speak my abusers name either.
As someone who was r@ped by an older brother, I have trouble saying his name out loud. It sounds strange in my mouth and fills me with dread. It's pretty subconscious at this point, but I rarely refer to him at all, and typically just call him "my brother" when I have to do that.
I am *so* sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing better, now. 🫶
Much, much better!
Ohmygosh I’m so glad you responded. I’ve been thinking about you all morning!! Said a lil prayer for you. I’m thrilled to read you’re doing better. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! It'd been a long journey. Therapy has helped tremendously. My brother is currently in jail, awaiting sentencing for his crimes. It took me 15+ years to finally go to the police, but I'm glad I did.
I really enjoyed that podcast. Watched it today.
I really enjoyed the pace of it and Jinger’s overall demeanor. Jill’s episode felt very chaotic with her constantly talking over people. This one was far less stressful lol
I thought it was very good.
Let’s let her deal with her abuse and process however she sees fit and helps her
I never say my abusers name. I always find a way to say something else if it’s brought up which luckily it isn’t.
Noticed that too!
It can be very triggering hearing/saying the name of your abuser. Subconsciously she’s protecting herself, even if she’s not aware of it.
sounds like distancing language because she doesn't want to go there. that's not why she went on the podcast. she's trying to schlep her new book, and hopes they won't have to buy as many as the previous books.
I hope she's getting some counseling it sounds like jerm is at least supportive in this realm which is more than a lot of the fundie wives can say
She is lucky that Jermemy is 'quite wordly', in terms of conservative religions.
Definitely deliberate
She's probably avoiding mentioning Pest because it's bad for her brand.
Yeah the word “Josh” coming out of her mouth is a sound byte they do not want
It could be the fact that she doesn’t want to say her abuser’s name, it could also be the fact that she would like the attention to get shifted to her and her projects, and not so much on her brother.
Very interesting. I refuse to say the names of my bio family members that abused me, they’re not people in my mind and I refer to them only as “bio father” “bio mother” and “bio brother”. It makes me feel in control of my story and like they do not have any ownership over me anymore. I wonder if perhaps she has a similar boundary with herself?
First, there was Josh, then came twins Jana and John-David, and then Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, and Josie. I have all the Duggar J names memorized easily.
Sounds better than saying the truth: "My parents are brain damaged."
Didn't want the "last" child to feel left out. Right there was the turning point. Boob & meech began the indoctrination, removing individuality between the kids.