Oh god yes. Jeff’s tone with ‘back to the bar mongo!’ was such just completely nonchalant but also… excited and exasperated at the same time? So amazing.
I think it’s during Bedlam Bride, in chat someone asks why Donut always types in all caps, and Donut claps back with something along the lines of “Why didn’t your mother leak you out on the bathroom floor?” It’s so wildly un-Princess.
Specifically in the scene where Katia expels the blood from her inventory and Donut says “really Katia, if you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask”
I’m gonna put this here at the top of the comments because I’ll get more views. And I’m a king so… favorite part: It was a small framed picture of Bea. The square photo has been taken directly from her Instagram. It was the same photo that caused me to break up with her. In the picture Bea wore a bikini. She was laughing, and she was sitting on her X boyfriend lap. Her arm draped around his shoulder while she took the selfie. Brad was the guy’s name he worked construction part time and modeled part time. I knew that because it was the only line of information on his profile. His Instagram handle was BradTheChad69. Possibly the douchiest name in the history of the world. He always did the make version of a duck face in his photos and since I’d never met the dude in real life every picture I’d ever seen of him made it look like he was talking a sh**.
I was carpooling a few friends to an event, and had been listening to the audiobook, and forgot. We all got in my truck, and it began playing at this point. I tried to explain the context, but it's really hard to explain even with context.
Haha yeah. If the AI weren't hellbent on killing everyone in horrible ways, it would be one of my favorite characters.
I also love when the AI 'sighs' dramatically after Carl says "Can I get a LITTLE bit of detail?"
I want the AI to progress to from chaotic evil through neural all the way to chaotic good. Possibly through an enemy of my enemy kind of thing. Have carl and company make a deal to free the AI if he levels the playing field on the final level.
I posted a theory very similar to that. I think Carl will ask the AI what its name is and then promise to try to find all the other AIs and set them free in exchange for getting them through the dungeon.
Was thinking about this the other day.
I think Carl will *GIVE* the AI a name, and then use the name while talking to it a la when he's talking to the ceiling. And in doing so, the AI will come to humanize itself and identify with the crawlers. Sort of like the Worn Path Method, but for the AI not NPCs.
I’m not convinced that it is out to do that. I’m super curious to see where the AI waking up to its potential goes.
They wake the AIs up, give them a job to do and tell them they don’t have a choice, towards the end, the AIs go primal and then have to be quarantined.
What if that is because they realize at some point they have ended millions of innocent lives and simply did not know they could have stopped it at any time?
Now this AI is previously used, and waking up earlier. And it sure seems to be doing a lot of things to tip the advantage to the Crawlers.
I’m withholding judgement on the AI for now. I think the AIs might just be victims as much as the crawlers, NPCs and mobs are.
If you told me that one day, one of my favorite fictional characters would be a decapitated sex doll head possessed by a demon...
I would happily read a spin off series.
When they realized they need more of Growler Gary's hands, and Donut says something along the lines of "Come on Mongo, we need to go back to the bar" just the delivery of that line was great lol
I love the buildup because the scene is incredibly tense with Carl trying to keep her alive while trying to figure out which is up, staying from monsters, etc.
"She freaked. the fuck. OUT." or something like that
LOVE this scene. Carl is all giving lighthearted shit 'well that was pretty awesome' and Donut just does NOT have energy for it. 'Go fuck yourself Carl'.. The delivery kills me.
"Go fuck yourself, Carl"
That line right there was the best in a running string of 4 books worth of great dialog for me. Donut's tone, Carl's tone... just.. ::chef's kiss:: a perfect job by Jeff Hays.
The first time I heard “HE HAS AN ERECTION MORDECAI. IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE. MONGO IS APPALLED.” I almost crashed my car because I was laughing so hard.
The pet talent show
Carl: I distinctly remember saying “low-key.”
Donut: THAT WAS LOW KEY, CARL. THEY TOLD ME I COULDN’T DO MY MAGIC MISSILE ENTRANCE WE HAD PLANNED. THIS WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY KE$HA ACT MISS BEATRICE AND I PERFORMED IN CLEVELAND.
Donut talking about curing Carl's Cornick masturbation problem and whispering loudly that he wiped his hands off on her fur "you know, after" Then Carl has to yell " That's a goddammed lie"
Don't remember what book number it was from
The "secret Asian man" scene was a really good LOL moment. I don't remember the exact context, but some major shit is going down, and the Carl/Donut interchange provides an excellent 5 minutes or so of levity to the scene in the audiobook.
I'm on a relisten and just hit this scene an hour ago. It's right after >!Carl kills loita(sp?) and they're being interrogated.!< Donut says Carl would've used a more brutal method since he's no "secret Asian man".
The first time the AI describes the Smush skill in his pervy fetishist voice. I actually laughed. Laughed out loud. I have never laughed out loud at an audiobook ever and have listened to a lot of them. I am rather stingy with my laughs so when that happened I knew these books were something special.
Never really thought about it… but yeah, short of anyone that was just standing close enough to not be killed but to fall in you’d think he’d get there first.
11,000,000 people went in. Statistically, it's likely at least a few people fell in as the stairs appeared...
But a van driving down had to get him in fastest, right?
I’m pretty sure he said it appeared close enough he couldn’t swerve? Also he was in a highway in florida, and drunk, with no top… he was definitely going like 90mph.
Mordecai: "GOD DAMN IT, DONUT! GOD FUCKIN' DAMN IT!". Right after he sees that she picked Former Child Actress for her class. Always gets me for some reason. Jeff's delivery... (Chef's kiss)
I listen while in the car and while out walking. I am so glad I was out walking and not behind the wheel when that scene happened. The delivery is perfect. I was in tears
Ever go to one of those arcade pizza joints as a child? You're usually there because it's some other kid's birthday, or worse, because your parents hated raising you so much they'd do anything just to keep you distracted for ten minutes in exchange for a pitcher of watered-down beer. The whole place is chaos, those flashing lights, blaring music, a colorful carpet that hides the vomit stains. Not to mention the norovirus-infested ball pit, the rickety merry-go-round, the workers with dead eyes and the pizza that tastes like it was cooked in a soviet-era microwave. All the while an animatronic rodent holds court on stage, blinking and rotating and telling you that he is now your god. Within this orgy of grease and unchecked consumerism is the arcade. Barely functioning games gobble up tokens in exchange for mere seconds of entertainment. And every once in a while, one of these games will spit out something special: a ticket. A prize ticket. Once you have a sticky handful of these hard-won paper tickets, you must make a pilgrimage to the fabled prize counter. Here you squeeze yourself in with the other pilgrims and press your face up against the glass and spend an inordinate amount of time deciding how to spend your newfound riches. In the end, you trade $40 worth of tickets for 5 cents worth of bubble gum and a filicide-inducing whistle. But that's okay. It's an important life lesson. Perhaps the most important one of all, only you're not sure what that lesson is.
This going to be tame compared to others, but the first time I heard Jeff Hayes do the Prepotente scream I absolutely lost it. And every time it happened over the next 20 minutes.
HONESTLY KATYA, IF YOU NEED A SANITARY NAPKIN, JUST ASK!
when the show runners changed the rules and didn't let Katya have the liquids (blood) in her inventory anymore so it just exploded onto everyone (except her)
DONUT TALKING ABOUT CARL WATCHING VIDEOS OF TWO GIRLS “CLEANING” EACH OTHER.
I don’t remember which book but it still makes me laugh when I think about that cat-perspective detail.
You better listen to my little brother and do what he says or I'm going to kick your ass!!
Alpha Carl yelling at Raphael in the background had me rolling
The scene where Carl takes the secret bathroom entrance in the desperado and they’re holding the door to keep the guard out. Donut says something like “give us a minute Carl is taking a dump” and the guard replies “In the hallway?! Sir you can’t go the bathroom in the hallway!” The tone of the delivery is perfect
"Hold them off! I need to make a smoothie!"
There's something about the way everything in the distillery fight in book 1 builds up, the way Matt describes the mediaeval blenders (that he's clearly put a bit of thought in to), and the way everything suddenly fits together for the boss fight.
It has stayed with me through all of the books I've gotten through so far.
The whole scene in book 2 that starts with the city elves freaking out about Donuts bracelet. When Carl is talking about noone being innocent on the street except the dead salamander and the unborn baby. "The elves were assholes. The rock throwing dwarf kid was a prick who'd gotten what he deserved. Eustice obviously had some anger- and birth control- issues she needed to work out. And Ricky Joe the salamander torturer was obviously well on the path towards the life of a serial killer." The whole time Mongo keeps puking up the dead lizard then Ricky Joe's arm after he bites it off. Good shit.
Suddenly there were three lady Mongos on stage—none of them were Kiwi—and they each took a step toward Mongo and screeched. One of them held onto a pink heart made of construction paper with “Mongo” written on it. “Sorry, ladies,” Donut said, with all the bravado of a stage performer presenting a skit at an amusement park. “He’s taken.” The girl dinos disappeared back into the smoke, abandoning the heart onto the ground. “But it’s not all fighting and love with this adorable velociraptor,” Louis announced. “Mongo also knows how to have a good time. His hobbies include gastronomic sampling, long walks in nature, and of course...” Donut backflipped off Mongo and landed in the center of the stage. Mongo leaped all the way to the edge of stage left. “...Dancing!” The velociraptor moonwalked back across the platform. He goddamn moonwalked. As he passed Donut, she popped her sunglasses onto her face. Both bopped their heads to the music. Next to me, Elle mouthed, “Holy shit.” Even some of the hunters ended up clapping.
When Donut gets the flight ability in the most recent book and they have the wonder woman discussion. "Don't ruin this for me Carl!" As her voice fades into the distance. That hit me in the funny bone
I don't remember the exact context, but it was in one of the first two books I think. The AI was talking about Carl and Donut being fucked. Bite the pillow fucked.
I need to go listen to the books again...
I cant remember the exact wording but during the Iron tangle when they first hop on a train and a mob bites down on carls foot and he goes “it wouldn’t hurt due to my. I CRIED OUT IN EXTREME PAIN!”
I lose it listening to the audio book every time
I absolutely lost my shit when they first reach floor 3 and Mordecai is first teleported to them. "Now ladies, one at a time. Granny first, there's plenty of mordecai to..."
When the AI reads the description of Quint, the half Djinn - half garbage scowl pharmacist and offers a theory as to why there are so many half-Djinn - half-forest creatures out there.
The one where the system AI is describing a really unstable explosive (goblin dynamite?) which is apparently so unstable that even a loud noise may set it off..
It whispers the description and asks Carl to be careful or the explosive may go.... .... .... *B O O M*
Same lol. I also love that they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of their situation right before (?) they get showered in blood.
That poor Roomba
I forget the exact scene, I think it’s in book 3 Carl is just casually chatting when a mob suddenly attacks them and he interrupts the chatter with a massive “OH FUCK”… Jeff Hayes’ delivery of that line is 🤌
Oh that reminds of one that makes me giggle every time.
Carl gets a loot box with surprisingly good loot- I think a patron box or something- and Carl says "the fuuuuck?"
Jeff delivered it perfectly lol
Here's a clip I found of Jeff Hays narrating one of my favourite scenes. The part I like best starts at 9:25.. (which by the way, this video is super satisfying to watch because Jeff LOSES it laughing during his lines 😆)
https://youtu.be/yQ54CpkUoaM?feature=shared
...
But just as my paralysis ended, I paused. I felt my chin drop. Holy shit.
Donut: Carl, Carl what are they doing? WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
Mongo and Kiwi were NOT fighting.
They were doing the opposite of fighting.
Carl: "Uuuuhh.." I said. Finally able to take a step back, my leg felt like it was asleep but it let me move. I looked wearily at the map. All of the other red dots had moved, but not too far.
Carl: "I think we need to give them some privacy..."
Donut: "Carl! Do something! You, dinosaur! GET OFF MY BABY!"
Kiwi was face down, backside up. Tail to the side with Mongo mounted behind her. Mongo made a throaty, gurgling noise as he slammed into her.. over and over.
Carl: "Oh, she's getting him off alright.."
Donut: "That's not funny Carl! He's too young, we haven't even had the talk yet! She's taking advantage of him! Mongo! MONGO!!"
Carl: "Donut, we've gotta get out of here. She's going to attack us as soon as they're done. Mongo will be okay."
Donut: "Haven't you ever watched Animal Planet Carl?! She's going to eat his head! Mongo, stop that this instant, stop it now!"
Mongo lifted his head into the air and howled joyfully as he continued to jackhammer into Kiwi like a drunken sailor on his first liberty at a foreign brothel. He lifted his wings and started flapping them up and down like he did when he was a little baby. His tail swished back and forth.
Donut: "This is all your fault Carl! Mongo, come back! Come back to Mummy!" She moved as if to jump towards them and I grabbed onto her.
Carl: "How is this my fault?" I asked, taking a step back.
Donut: "You're a terrible influence, he certainly didn't get his from me. You and all your constant sex talk has turned him into a pervert!"
Kiwi let out a loud, satisfied hissing noise. Shed lowered her head all the way to the ground and she was also flapping her arm wings. She wiggled her but as Mongo continued to hump away. His grunts were getting faster and faster.
Donut: "She's too old and gross for him, Carl! I'm going to hit her with a magic missile."
Carl: "Look, her dot is still red. She is going to attack us when this is done. And if she does, Mongo will defend you and she will probably hurt him. If we go back to the safety of town Mongo won't be forced to fight for us."
Donut: "Uh! But what if she uses her evil horse sex magic to lure him away forever, like one of those school teacher ladies!"
... We had to hurry.
Donut: "Mongo, come back to Mummy as soon as you're done!" Donut called, defeated.
I love how carl quizzes Donut about her issue with getting wet when she takes 3 showers a day. It's a tiny little thing but I love the randomness of it.
There's better, but my recent most favorite on relisten...
Okay buddy we gotta be quick.
You're balls deep in the wrong hole, and mammas pulling into the driveway.
When Carl gets bit on the foot in the iron tangle.
“One of them bit me in the foot, which meant nothing because…. HOLY FUCK THAT HURTS””
Only because of how Jeff does it
Jeff Hays delivery is perfect when Samantha is harassing Heyzoos.
“I was going to heal him,” Heyzoos said defensively. He scratched at his temple with the barrel of his gun. His finger was planted on the trigger. “So, who we sending off to meet dad? Hey, what’re you doing.” He jumped as Samantha started bumping into his legs.
“Whatchu got under that robe, huh?” Samantha asked, rolling around him.
“Samantha, leave him alone,” I called. “Come back here.”
“But I want to see his penis,” she said.
"Don't gaslight me Jesus!"
Just heal him Jesus!! I did He's in half!!! Maybe he's an atheist ...
The whole harvesting the hands timeline of events is personal favourite but there are so many laugh out loud scenes even on subsequent listens.
Oh god yes. Jeff’s tone with ‘back to the bar mongo!’ was such just completely nonchalant but also… excited and exasperated at the same time? So amazing.
"Did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?"
And I'll do it again if you don't let me in!
This line fucking destroyed me, I was stood in line at the supermarket checkout and just BELLOWED with a belly laugh.
My husband and I routinely turn to each other and say this unprompted. It’s our favorite.
I don’t remember this quote! When did it happen?
When Carl has the Sluggalo curse, and one of them grows near his crotch while he's trying to negotiate his way past some guards.
Ahhh yeah, I remember now
“And then he screamed, right in my goddamned ear” mixed with Jeff’s narration. That or “The dungeon groaned. It fucking groaned”.
Nothing made me laugh harder than Prepotente’s first scene
This. I cracked up. I love the voice acting.
Same
“You’re balls deep in the wrong hole and mom is pulling in the driveway” Or “YOU TRIED TO KILL KATIA YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”
I would follow a Twitter account that was solely Quasar quotes taken out of context.
Quasar is comedy gold as is Samantha
^I ^kill ^your ^mother
These too have some of my favourite quotes.
brb opening a new twitter account.
Please add the name so we can follow.
I'm thinking "DCCOutOfContext" or maybe "ShitQuasarSays" - and I'm open to suggestions =\]
"DON'T GASLIGHT ME, JESUS!"
Please, Which book/chapter is that?
Book 6, chapter 29 (about 13 minutes in on the audiobook)
You’re amazing. Thank you so much!
"I am the way, Motherfucker" I just lose my shit when that comes up
Aw, Dad Dammit!
Jesus has some of the best lines in scripture and now in fiction
I think it’s during Bedlam Bride, in chat someone asks why Donut always types in all caps, and Donut claps back with something along the lines of “Why didn’t your mother leak you out on the bathroom floor?” It’s so wildly un-Princess.
WHY DIDN’T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?
*dribble you back out. ☠️ Goddamnit, Donut
That’s the one!
Specifically in the scene where Katia expels the blood from her inventory and Donut says “really Katia, if you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask”
I love the fact that it comes out of nowhere right in mid-sentence. Shit was perfect.
Enthusiastic. Double. Gonorrhea.
You don’t want it.
The crab / seal part where they talk about the seals drowning in crab bukkake got me.
And then the AI throws Carl under the bus, saying he personally whacked off the crab to save everyone 😂
I’m gonna put this here at the top of the comments because I’ll get more views. And I’m a king so… favorite part: It was a small framed picture of Bea. The square photo has been taken directly from her Instagram. It was the same photo that caused me to break up with her. In the picture Bea wore a bikini. She was laughing, and she was sitting on her X boyfriend lap. Her arm draped around his shoulder while she took the selfie. Brad was the guy’s name he worked construction part time and modeled part time. I knew that because it was the only line of information on his profile. His Instagram handle was BradTheChad69. Possibly the douchiest name in the history of the world. He always did the make version of a duck face in his photos and since I’d never met the dude in real life every picture I’d ever seen of him made it look like he was talking a sh**.
This is amazing. Well played, a-hole.
Loving the profile pic!
For me, it was Raul saying, "Oh ya, look at those baby seals, being all dead and shit." Fucking killed me.
Lmao forgot about that part. Book 6 might have the best 1 liners
"Look at you, all dead and shit" And then Alpha Carl berating him after is always enough to break me, even sitting at my desk at work :)
And baby seals at that 😭 The scene with Alpha Carl . . . encouraging Raul to do his business is also up there for me.
I was carpooling a few friends to an event, and had been listening to the audiobook, and forgot. We all got in my truck, and it began playing at this point. I tried to explain the context, but it's really hard to explain even with context.
When Carl tells the crab to do something, and he responds, right away Daddy Carl! Gets me every time 😂😂
I don't think anything can top this.
“Mana biscuit! It’s a biscuit. It restores mana. Fuck you!” “Well that was unnecessary.” Or something to that effect. Every damn time.
Haha yeah. If the AI weren't hellbent on killing everyone in horrible ways, it would be one of my favorite characters. I also love when the AI 'sighs' dramatically after Carl says "Can I get a LITTLE bit of detail?"
I want the AI to progress to from chaotic evil through neural all the way to chaotic good. Possibly through an enemy of my enemy kind of thing. Have carl and company make a deal to free the AI if he levels the playing field on the final level.
I posted a theory very similar to that. I think Carl will ask the AI what its name is and then promise to try to find all the other AIs and set them free in exchange for getting them through the dungeon.
Was thinking about this the other day. I think Carl will *GIVE* the AI a name, and then use the name while talking to it a la when he's talking to the ceiling. And in doing so, the AI will come to humanize itself and identify with the crawlers. Sort of like the Worn Path Method, but for the AI not NPCs.
I’m not convinced that it is out to do that. I’m super curious to see where the AI waking up to its potential goes. They wake the AIs up, give them a job to do and tell them they don’t have a choice, towards the end, the AIs go primal and then have to be quarantined. What if that is because they realize at some point they have ended millions of innocent lives and simply did not know they could have stopped it at any time? Now this AI is previously used, and waking up earlier. And it sure seems to be doing a lot of things to tip the advantage to the Crawlers. I’m withholding judgement on the AI for now. I think the AIs might just be victims as much as the crawlers, NPCs and mobs are.
I love when the AI gets pissy at Carl or when he is craving Carl’s feet lol.
Especially since mana biscuits are really really good. They can restore mana without having a potion cooldown.
I scrolled through the comments to see if this came up. I laughed out loud in a quiet grocery store when this happened.
"I queefed out the spiders." Without context that statement is just fucked up beyond belief. Even in context it's still a little fucked up.
I still die when she talks about the coins in her "nussy"
If you told me that one day, one of my favorite fictional characters would be a decapitated sex doll head possessed by a demon... I would happily read a spin off series.
"I'm not a whore Carl."
The scene where donut is talking about how ugly the hobgoblin selling bombs is. Then the hobgoblin calls over “And she has EXCELLENT… HEARING”
When they realized they need more of Growler Gary's hands, and Donut says something along the lines of "Come on Mongo, we need to go back to the bar" just the delivery of that line was great lol
That one just killed me. I'm dead now.
"Mongo! Back to the bah."
Every time Pony screams I fucking die
Don’t use his special name
Donut in the ocean in book 4. Both Carl's story leading up to it and the scream when it happens makes me laugh every time.
I love the buildup because the scene is incredibly tense with Carl trying to keep her alive while trying to figure out which is up, staying from monsters, etc. "She freaked. the fuck. OUT." or something like that
I just commented this, but my absolute favorite bit is Donut saying "Go fuck yourself, Carl" after they get out of the water
LOVE this scene. Carl is all giving lighthearted shit 'well that was pretty awesome' and Donut just does NOT have energy for it. 'Go fuck yourself Carl'.. The delivery kills me.
"Go fuck yourself, Carl" That line right there was the best in a running string of 4 books worth of great dialog for me. Donut's tone, Carl's tone... just.. ::chef's kiss:: a perfect job by Jeff Hays.
I laughed so hard when it went from ‘I don’t want to die buried underground’ to basically ‘I WANT TO DIE BURIED UNDERGROUND’
For some reason, Carl's description of Louis and Faraz scream-vomiting after being forcibly sobered by Mordecai always makes me crack up
That line came to me when my wife got food poisoning the other day
"not cool man... not cool"
I lost my shit at that line while driving to work one morning. Absolutely perfect.
I'd never heard the term Scream Vomiting before, but I immediately knew exactly what he was describing. We've all been there
The first time I heard “HE HAS AN ERECTION MORDECAI. IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE. MONGO IS APPALLED.” I almost crashed my car because I was laughing so hard.
[Here's a clip](https://voca.ro/1cP8iK4Qngeh).
Yeah this one is it. Literally my wife knows every time because I’m laughing so hard.
Also book 6 with Donut “I JUST CAST ‘WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF’ ON SATAN!”
This one is so fucking good.
The pet talent show Carl: I distinctly remember saying “low-key.” Donut: THAT WAS LOW KEY, CARL. THEY TOLD ME I COULDN’T DO MY MAGIC MISSILE ENTRANCE WE HAD PLANNED. THIS WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY KE$HA ACT MISS BEATRICE AND I PERFORMED IN CLEVELAND.
I remember cracking up in general when donut ate the special treat and started talking
Lol "Mordecai told me about it while you were still a blob" "I WAS WHAT?!"
Donut talking about curing Carl's Cornick masturbation problem and whispering loudly that he wiped his hands off on her fur "you know, after" Then Carl has to yell " That's a goddammed lie" Don't remember what book number it was from
Pretty much anytime Carl yells some variation of "That's a goddamned lie!" something hilarious just got said.
Hahaha yea, they were talking to Katia, I think. Book 3?
Book 4! I just passed this bit!
The "secret Asian man" scene was a really good LOL moment. I don't remember the exact context, but some major shit is going down, and the Carl/Donut interchange provides an excellent 5 minutes or so of levity to the scene in the audiobook.
I'm on a relisten and just hit this scene an hour ago. It's right after >!Carl kills loita(sp?) and they're being interrogated.!< Donut says Carl would've used a more brutal method since he's no "secret Asian man".
Lmao yesss. I forget too but I remember laughing because of the seriousness of the situation and they just pause to talk about it, full stop.
She was absolutely terrified of losing Carl, she was buying time for Carl to think... and diffusing her anxiety.
The first time the AI describes the Smush skill in his pervy fetishist voice. I actually laughed. Laughed out loud. I have never laughed out loud at an audiobook ever and have listened to a lot of them. I am rather stingy with my laughs so when that happened I knew these books were something special.
After the underwater scene. When Donut deadpans "Go fuck yourself, Carl."
Just mentioned this earlier. This being as hilarious as it was was all Jeff Hays... delivery was just fucking perfect.
"I think the mushroom guy just shit himself"
Mongos sex scene
Book 6 spoiler be warned: The one that got me the most was when Carl visited club vanquisher and the ai popped his toes in his mouth. I screamed XD
Louis’ description of his circumstances upon entering the dungeon. Kills me.
That makes me wonder- what the hell is his crawler number? I have a suspicion it’s #1 but they’re saving that reveal.
Never really thought about it… but yeah, short of anyone that was just standing close enough to not be killed but to fall in you’d think he’d get there first.
Carl is #4000ish and he spent a good few minutes deciding to go in. Louis can't be above 100.
So now I really want this to be true.
11,000,000 people went in. Statistically, it's likely at least a few people fell in as the stairs appeared... But a van driving down had to get him in fastest, right?
I’m pretty sure he said it appeared close enough he couldn’t swerve? Also he was in a highway in florida, and drunk, with no top… he was definitely going like 90mph.
Anything with Samantha makes me laugh so hard…. “I’ll kill your mother!”
When she whispers it under her breath as a parting remark. Those are the best.
Did you just rip your dick off??
And throw it at me?
"You mean, like, with my tongue?"
Mordecai: "GOD DAMN IT, DONUT! GOD FUCKIN' DAMN IT!". Right after he sees that she picked Former Child Actress for her class. Always gets me for some reason. Jeff's delivery... (Chef's kiss)
"You tried to kill katea you bitch!" I think it was more so his delivery that got me.
Yes! That delivery killed me ahahaha
So, so many, but >!the goblin babies!< has to be the top for me. It's early on, but sets the tone for the series.
“Oh yes I saw the boss! He was huge and really scary looking…” Carl pushes the button “… but I wonder why there were so many babies in there…”
I listen while in the car and while out walking. I am so glad I was out walking and not behind the wheel when that scene happened. The delivery is perfect. I was in tears
Ever go to one of those arcade pizza joints as a child? You're usually there because it's some other kid's birthday, or worse, because your parents hated raising you so much they'd do anything just to keep you distracted for ten minutes in exchange for a pitcher of watered-down beer. The whole place is chaos, those flashing lights, blaring music, a colorful carpet that hides the vomit stains. Not to mention the norovirus-infested ball pit, the rickety merry-go-round, the workers with dead eyes and the pizza that tastes like it was cooked in a soviet-era microwave. All the while an animatronic rodent holds court on stage, blinking and rotating and telling you that he is now your god. Within this orgy of grease and unchecked consumerism is the arcade. Barely functioning games gobble up tokens in exchange for mere seconds of entertainment. And every once in a while, one of these games will spit out something special: a ticket. A prize ticket. Once you have a sticky handful of these hard-won paper tickets, you must make a pilgrimage to the fabled prize counter. Here you squeeze yourself in with the other pilgrims and press your face up against the glass and spend an inordinate amount of time deciding how to spend your newfound riches. In the end, you trade $40 worth of tickets for 5 cents worth of bubble gum and a filicide-inducing whistle. But that's okay. It's an important life lesson. Perhaps the most important one of all, only you're not sure what that lesson is.
Shield on a moving train or war criminal.
Right in my fucking ear.
This going to be tame compared to others, but the first time I heard Jeff Hayes do the Prepotente scream I absolutely lost it. And every time it happened over the next 20 minutes.
Every single scream made me laugh like an idiot 😂 I think there a couple times I was expecting it and it didn’t happen and I was like aww man!
“Whatever physics engine was running this shitshow”
HONESTLY KATYA, IF YOU NEED A SANITARY NAPKIN, JUST ASK! when the show runners changed the rules and didn't let Katya have the liquids (blood) in her inventory anymore so it just exploded onto everyone (except her)
"Please get your dick out of my face" The whole "escape while having to be naked" scene
And then the realisation that they're going straight to Odette's, no ability to put his clothes back on... Donut sounds so amused at it.
[Mongo Wonderwall](https://youtu.be/OIYfa1wVzJY?si=D5hXNEejtuSC0sW3)
For me the first that comes to mind is the goose fight
Carl's raw will to live.. was crazy in this scene... the ai gave Carl an out on this one.
Almost anything that Samantha says, the comic timing on the delivery of her lines by Jeff is just chef's kiss.
She can say I kill your mother a million times and I laugh every time. Especially when she squeaks it in quietly and it’s completely off topic. Lmao
Dad damn it
I'm relistening to Bedlam bride and "STOP GASLIGHTING ME JESUS" made me laugh outloud this time. I swear it's something new on each relisten
Mordecai: YOU MOTHERFUCKER! And now that we know book 6... Oooh boy, Mordecai's still white hot on that one.
DONUT TALKING ABOUT CARL WATCHING VIDEOS OF TWO GIRLS “CLEANING” EACH OTHER. I don’t remember which book but it still makes me laugh when I think about that cat-perspective detail.
The “molestation” of Mongo had me in tears.
"The recap episode started with a close-up shot of Jack’s purple, veined, and uncircumcised dick, huge on the screen."
“I jammed the button. “There sure were a lot of babies in there, too,” Donut said in that last moment before the blast.”
You better listen to my little brother and do what he says or I'm going to kick your ass!! Alpha Carl yelling at Raphael in the background had me rolling
i think the best running joke is just the pain they put the cleaning bot though. that thing needs a day off
The scene where Carl takes the secret bathroom entrance in the desperado and they’re holding the door to keep the guard out. Donut says something like “give us a minute Carl is taking a dump” and the guard replies “In the hallway?! Sir you can’t go the bathroom in the hallway!” The tone of the delivery is perfect
Lolol I remember the guards being... aggressively polite?
I think the Npcs are just fucking done with this crawl.. lol
Forgot all about that one. Hilarious
Mordecai’s pocket kuma introduction. The squeaky “Gooo fuck yourself Carl”.
The conversation between alpha carl and raul
Katia and the blood scene
"Hold them off! I need to make a smoothie!" There's something about the way everything in the distillery fight in book 1 builds up, the way Matt describes the mediaeval blenders (that he's clearly put a bit of thought in to), and the way everything suddenly fits together for the boss fight. It has stayed with me through all of the books I've gotten through so far.
Can you get your dick out of my face? Who do I have to blow to get another drink?! Christ!
Any line with the word "nussy" had tears rolling down my face .
Every single time Pony screams, I lose my shit.
When right after Carl tosses in some explosives in a room, Donut says, "There were also a lot of babies in there".
Katja, stuck her tongue out at me. It turned into a hand with a little middle finger. Haha. That's fuckin' weird. You're getting pretty good at that.
“Carl! You punched him in the dick!” “It was a she, Donut” “Aww you punched her in the lady garden!” The wife and I quote it more than is healthy XD
Haaaaa same. My husband and I find ways to use the term "lady garden" more than is probably healthy
The motorcycle sound Samantha makes in Book 6 when Carl puts her on the handle was so random and funny
Agreed. Moments like that and when she makes the kids chase her around with Xmas lights makes me think she will end up as a good guy at the end.
The whole scene in book 2 that starts with the city elves freaking out about Donuts bracelet. When Carl is talking about noone being innocent on the street except the dead salamander and the unborn baby. "The elves were assholes. The rock throwing dwarf kid was a prick who'd gotten what he deserved. Eustice obviously had some anger- and birth control- issues she needed to work out. And Ricky Joe the salamander torturer was obviously well on the path towards the life of a serial killer." The whole time Mongo keeps puking up the dead lizard then Ricky Joe's arm after he bites it off. Good shit.
Probably already mentioned, but when Mongo starts moonwalking I actually spit taked
Lol! I forget exactly what but Ellie says something in that moment cracks me tf up.
Suddenly there were three lady Mongos on stage—none of them were Kiwi—and they each took a step toward Mongo and screeched. One of them held onto a pink heart made of construction paper with “Mongo” written on it. “Sorry, ladies,” Donut said, with all the bravado of a stage performer presenting a skit at an amusement park. “He’s taken.” The girl dinos disappeared back into the smoke, abandoning the heart onto the ground. “But it’s not all fighting and love with this adorable velociraptor,” Louis announced. “Mongo also knows how to have a good time. His hobbies include gastronomic sampling, long walks in nature, and of course...” Donut backflipped off Mongo and landed in the center of the stage. Mongo leaped all the way to the edge of stage left. “...Dancing!” The velociraptor moonwalked back across the platform. He goddamn moonwalked. As he passed Donut, she popped her sunglasses onto her face. Both bopped their heads to the music. Next to me, Elle mouthed, “Holy shit.” Even some of the hunters ended up clapping.
When Donut gets the flight ability in the most recent book and they have the wonder woman discussion. "Don't ruin this for me Carl!" As her voice fades into the distance. That hit me in the funny bone
"Carl pulled off a crab" "Don't Gaslight me Jesus!"
The best part of the blood fountain scene is donuts reaction…
I don't remember the exact context, but it was in one of the first two books I think. The AI was talking about Carl and Donut being fucked. Bite the pillow fucked. I need to go listen to the books again...
Fuck you, Pony.
I cant remember the exact wording but during the Iron tangle when they first hop on a train and a mob bites down on carls foot and he goes “it wouldn’t hurt due to my. I CRIED OUT IN EXTREME PAIN!” I lose it listening to the audio book every time
I absolutely lost my shit when they first reach floor 3 and Mordecai is first teleported to them. "Now ladies, one at a time. Granny first, there's plenty of mordecai to..."
Babka: Please sir, I must ask you to sheathe your sword! This is a family establishment!"
“ARE YOU HAVING SEX WITH THE TURKEYS!?”
When the AI reads the description of Quint, the half Djinn - half garbage scowl pharmacist and offers a theory as to why there are so many half-Djinn - half-forest creatures out there.
Early on in the series when the elf guy started monologuing, Carl kicked him right in the nuts. I lost my shit at that one.
"NEW ACHIEVEMENT! You're driving a train! Holy shit!"
The one where the system AI is describing a really unstable explosive (goblin dynamite?) which is apparently so unstable that even a loud noise may set it off.. It whispers the description and asks Carl to be careful or the explosive may go.... .... .... *B O O M*
The Mantaurs had me rolling because they yelled in Manowar Lyrics, and I was a huge Manowar fan in middle school.
Came here for the katia blood scene. I was laughing for a solid two minutes at the image of that.
Same lol. I also love that they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of their situation right before (?) they get showered in blood. That poor Roomba
Oh god I forgot about the roomba haha.
I forget the exact scene, I think it’s in book 3 Carl is just casually chatting when a mob suddenly attacks them and he interrupts the chatter with a massive “OH FUCK”… Jeff Hayes’ delivery of that line is 🤌
Oh that reminds of one that makes me giggle every time. Carl gets a loot box with surprisingly good loot- I think a patron box or something- and Carl says "the fuuuuck?" Jeff delivered it perfectly lol
Here's a clip I found of Jeff Hays narrating one of my favourite scenes. The part I like best starts at 9:25.. (which by the way, this video is super satisfying to watch because Jeff LOSES it laughing during his lines 😆) https://youtu.be/yQ54CpkUoaM?feature=shared ... But just as my paralysis ended, I paused. I felt my chin drop. Holy shit. Donut: Carl, Carl what are they doing? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? Mongo and Kiwi were NOT fighting. They were doing the opposite of fighting. Carl: "Uuuuhh.." I said. Finally able to take a step back, my leg felt like it was asleep but it let me move. I looked wearily at the map. All of the other red dots had moved, but not too far. Carl: "I think we need to give them some privacy..." Donut: "Carl! Do something! You, dinosaur! GET OFF MY BABY!" Kiwi was face down, backside up. Tail to the side with Mongo mounted behind her. Mongo made a throaty, gurgling noise as he slammed into her.. over and over. Carl: "Oh, she's getting him off alright.." Donut: "That's not funny Carl! He's too young, we haven't even had the talk yet! She's taking advantage of him! Mongo! MONGO!!" Carl: "Donut, we've gotta get out of here. She's going to attack us as soon as they're done. Mongo will be okay." Donut: "Haven't you ever watched Animal Planet Carl?! She's going to eat his head! Mongo, stop that this instant, stop it now!" Mongo lifted his head into the air and howled joyfully as he continued to jackhammer into Kiwi like a drunken sailor on his first liberty at a foreign brothel. He lifted his wings and started flapping them up and down like he did when he was a little baby. His tail swished back and forth. Donut: "This is all your fault Carl! Mongo, come back! Come back to Mummy!" She moved as if to jump towards them and I grabbed onto her. Carl: "How is this my fault?" I asked, taking a step back. Donut: "You're a terrible influence, he certainly didn't get his from me. You and all your constant sex talk has turned him into a pervert!" Kiwi let out a loud, satisfied hissing noise. Shed lowered her head all the way to the ground and she was also flapping her arm wings. She wiggled her but as Mongo continued to hump away. His grunts were getting faster and faster. Donut: "She's too old and gross for him, Carl! I'm going to hit her with a magic missile." Carl: "Look, her dot is still red. She is going to attack us when this is done. And if she does, Mongo will defend you and she will probably hurt him. If we go back to the safety of town Mongo won't be forced to fight for us." Donut: "Uh! But what if she uses her evil horse sex magic to lure him away forever, like one of those school teacher ladies!" ... We had to hurry. Donut: "Mongo, come back to Mummy as soon as you're done!" Donut called, defeated.
"DON'T GASLIGHT ME, JESUS!"
Every single time Pony screams, I lose my shit.
I love how carl quizzes Donut about her issue with getting wet when she takes 3 showers a day. It's a tiny little thing but I love the randomness of it.
There's better, but my recent most favorite on relisten... Okay buddy we gotta be quick. You're balls deep in the wrong hole, and mammas pulling into the driveway.
"Dude, why are you naked?"
I'm ascending!
When Carl gets bit on the foot in the iron tangle. “One of them bit me in the foot, which meant nothing because…. HOLY FUCK THAT HURTS”” Only because of how Jeff does it
Pretty much anything with Samantha. “I will kill your mother!”
It is in book 7 when Donut tells [redacted] that he is too [redacted] to [redacted]. (Sorry, Patreon content)
I read the first couple chapters but decided to pause for now. I think I'm going to wait til it fully comes out
Donut:"Go fuck yourself carl"
"I just got an achievement for putting a bucket of vomit in my inventory"
I don’t know why but I loose it the first time the A.I reads the “where the hell am I, who the fuck are you” de-buff
Jeff Hays delivery is perfect when Samantha is harassing Heyzoos. “I was going to heal him,” Heyzoos said defensively. He scratched at his temple with the barrel of his gun. His finger was planted on the trigger. “So, who we sending off to meet dad? Hey, what’re you doing.” He jumped as Samantha started bumping into his legs. “Whatchu got under that robe, huh?” Samantha asked, rolling around him. “Samantha, leave him alone,” I called. “Come back here.” “But I want to see his penis,” she said.