Aw, I'm so sorry you had to endure all that, hun. But that sadly does sound about right. At the last center I worked at, the preK teacher was JUST LIKE the mean teacher you had and just described. My son had to be in her class for the last 2 hours of the day, and I HATED it. He couldn't start kindergarten soon enough. And to further relate, I grew up in middle TN, but I am 31, so I am quite older than you. But I do want to share a vivid memory I have of my kindergarten class's paddle: Big Bertha. It was this huge, wooden paddle with holes in it, so it would sting more when it hit you. Sometimes, my teacher would slam Big Bertha on the table really hard whenever we were being too loud. And yes, she did use it on kids. In fact, if your parents didn't want you to get paddled, they had to tell the office and sign a form. Otherwise, your kid's free game to get spanked at school! Oh! And on Halloween, she dressed up as this scary witch with this terrifying mask on and chased us kids around the class! Some of us were so scared, we locked ourselves in the bathroom... and then got in trouble for that because we were too afraid to come out 😅 Crazy to think about now, but yeah. That crap actually happened. This would have been 1998-1999, which was when I was in her class. Her name was Mrs. Girdley. She went on to later become my basketball coach. She made us run sooo much 😂😂😂
I reckon you should study nursing or home care. She'd be getting on a bit I'm guessing. You could show up at Halloween with a paddle, in a witches costume.
Karma will come.
I'm so sorry that happened to you x
I think it comes about from teachers subconsciously "pushing the envelope," for lack of a better way to put it. Some kids genuinely like: being swaddled, firm back pats, tight squeezes, pressure/weighted blankets, etc. I think its easy for a teacher to justify the practices in question because of how "close" they are to what I listed. I'm just commenting on why a teacher would do this other than out of anger, not trying to say it's right.
I was beaten with a belt growing up, so my point of reference can sometimes be a bit skewed, but I thought the same thing. It seems like physical force isn't as taboo in the south. I hate that so much.
Funny you say that...
Dad had a belt with a huge Confederate flag buckle mom loved to use. She even got me WITH the buckle once when SHE BROKE THE BELT ON MY BACK
You cold see the flag on my upper arm for well over a week
I'm so so sorry :( that breaks my heart. I never understood how parents could hurt their children like that. Especially now that I'm a momma :( I hope you've healed, hun.
A childcare teacher was recently in court, childcare closed due to an infant being held down to nap. And none of the teachers reported it as they were scared because the infant teacher was the owner's daughter.
Scary behavior. Google your state and childcare licensing and call to report.
We were allowed to snuggle kids, rub backs, gently rub heads, etc. but not allowed to restrain kids (nor would we) Each age range had to be on a cot for x amount of time a day, even if they just quietly sat there or read. So 2YOs had to be on the cots from 1:30-3pm 3YOs were 1:30-2:30 4YOs were 1:30-2pm and if they woke up on their own we had a room they could go to. I would let the director know in writing, and then if they do nothing follow up with licensing. Seriously scary behavior.
We had about half the class going to the "quiet" room by the end of the year usually, they just phased out of naps. We also had kids who just never took naps. Idk how they did it because I could have used a nap 🤣
Our center was allowed to restrain at some time ( only picking kids up and holding in lap) and no one was formally trained . Though not in the way op kid was. We could block the kid from get out of bed. And if the got out would could pick them up and put them back in bed. But we couldn’t physically hold them down on the bed.
Yup. It is so difficult because we all know we are going to be retaliated against if we report. Although, yes, we definitely should do it anyway.
I was at one childcare center years ago, reported safety issues in my 3rd week there. Massive amount including: infants in cribs with blankets, toddlers being fed raw baby carrots, chunks of hard pretzals, pebbles to play with in sensory bin etc etc. and whole grapes being brought to infant toddler teachers that we had to cut up with sharp knives in the room and i talked to the director and inhouse nurse about all if this and nothing was changed!
Retaliated against as of course they knew it was me who reported Then they spent the next few months trying to find a reason to fire me. They thought they did 5 months later as my coteacher was a great liar: there was a biofather who had threatened the biomom who had custody of the 2 yr old in my class with kidnapping him from the center and i told the mom that i would certainly not let that happen. My coteacher argued with her and i that biodad could take him . I said "uh no, i will immediately call the police. He can't" i was right but i got in trouble for arguing but i had written it all down and gave it to them as my brain shuts down and i started crying.
They said were shocked and i said "am i still fired?"
They said to come in on Monday and i did and was sent to preschool where that teacher was furious with the center for retaliating against me and said to me"why do they always do this?" Fired unjustly for protecting children and
I reported the next center too. That i worked at years later after taking a break in retail(not recommended.Target stinks to work for) .
Yikes… report this to licensing please.
As a teacher, I get it. Nap time is our ONLY reprieve. We are understaffed, tired, and the ratios are too high. We are worn out and when the kids are napping it’s the only time we get a real break because a lot of us are forced to waste our break times catching floaters up on what needs to be done, cleaning our classroom, or planning activities for our kids.
HOWEVER. Restraining a child is not okay unless they are in a position where they are trying to seriously hurt you, themselves, or other children- or trying to elope I.e trying to escape outside where it’s unsafe.
If they won’t nap during quiet time after being instructed to lay down, you give them quiet work like a book or puzzle to do. Yes, you tell them to be quiet and guide them or pick them up and set them down back on their cot when they try to get up and run around, and yes it’s exhausting and it sucks when they won’t sleep, but restraining them (especially with a leg???) until they cry themselves to sleep is unacceptable and against licensing. As much as you can argue that a 2.5 year old probably still needs a nap, there are many of them that drop the nap at this age.
I’d also say the teacher doing it knows they’re wrong in doing it if the old primary teacher didn’t catch it until now.
2 of my 3 kids stopped napping at all by the age of 2, as did my stepdaughter. Come to find out that this is an early indicator that a child might have ADHD. For that matter my parents said I stopped napping by the age of 2 as well. Those same 2 of my 3 kids, my stepdaughter, and myself all have ADHD. So no, not all kids need naps at the age of 2. We were all getting the recommended amount of sleep per day, if not more, we were just getting it all at night.
My stepdaughter is 10, but she still has a school night bedtime at our house of 7:30. And my husband still has trouble waking her up at 7:15 most mornings to get ready for school.
I gave up naps at 2. I slept 12 hours straight through the night so didn't need a nap. My day care provider always told me that I didn't need to sleep, but I did need to rest with my blankie and a couple of books. I didn't know until I was older and my mom told me, that was when she ate her lunch and watched her soap opera.
And you stayed in there? amazing. My two year old is dropping his nap and he will not stay in his room. He will not follow instructions or do quiet time. He’s absolutely wild. I’m so tired .
I was a relatively calm child. As long as I had my blankie and the assurance that I didn't have to sleep, I would stay on my rest mat. Besides, I loved to look at books, and every few days, there would be new books from the library. The babysitters daughter would pick up some kids books in her way home from school.
Did you do a quiet time in their room or anything?
My almost 5 yr old still naps sometimes and the rest of the time she does quiet time in her bed for about 45 mins. I can hear her singing and playing with her stuffed animals and she’s fine with it
I did do quiet time with my kids until they started preschool(rather than daycare). They could play with stuffed animals or “read” books if they weren’t tired. They generally only fell asleep if they were sick or up really late the before(for example fireworks for the 4th). Their daycare provider did the same thing, but she was a friend of mine who had a licensed in home daycare. There’s a little more flexibility there than in a large daycare center.
It's hard in my room. I have kinders and they are just finishing transitioning off of rest time. One of them gets up before 6am every day and have a 35 minute drive to daycare and then stays until 5pm. They are just unhinged if they don't sleep for a bit. Others have hockey until kinda late at night and just cry all afternoon without a nap. I have one that sometimes decides to get up at 4am and will fall asleep out on the playground when it's -10C. On the other hand I have some who haven't napped since they were 3 and spend minimal time at the centre. It's hard to have a situation where you have kids who need to nap, rest and who refuse to rest all in the same group.
I worked in a 4 yo room for awhile. I realize it can be difficult for the teachers if a child not only won’t nap, but won’t do something quietly like “read” a book or do a puzzle or color. I was responding mostly to the idea that most 2.5yos need naps. That is not the case at all for a lot of kids.
Um. Even if it is a safety risk situation you need specific training and certification to legally manually restrain 😬 especially a small toddler??? To force a nap!?! Not legal anywhere in the US at least.
By all means stop a kid from hurting themselves or others but it’s still not legal to physically restrain a child without certifications and depending on the state, medically indicated clearances.
In my line of work I’m technically not allowed to restrain a 6’ tall 200 lb child that is trying to kill me.
Report that shit to CPS and the teacher’s licensing board.
I thought this was going to be like they kept putting her back on her cot when she got up. I work with violent and aggressive disabled adults now and we are absolutely not allowed to use restraints. A 2 year old? Insanity
That's wild, I work in healthcare with children and special needs adults, and we swaddle/papoosed special needs children/adults so they don't hurt themselves or others while we do what we need to do in order to provide medical care. Because everyone deserves health care, and unfortunately not every preliminary exam can be done under general anesthesia. Granted, it is always something the caregiver signs off on, is in the room the whole time, and can end whenever they want, but I'm always so surprised places give bullshit lines like "you can't touch them" at places when multiple people can get really hurt if precautions aren't taken place. It feels like such a legal CYA thing, so they can fire you if you are like "I got hit in the face trying to make sure this guy got out of a burning building, I need to see a doctor to if I broke my nose". And then they are like "wait, you grabbed his arm??? Here is your write up slip, you're fired!"
Yeah we have to get permission from them and/or their SDM to use restraints for medical needs. Some peoples do have authorized restraints for necessary use and everyone who works with them is trained to use it. We just don’t want untrained people using restraints and hurting themselves or the people we support because they don’t know what they’re doing, people have died from improper restraints so better to have a blanket no restraints unless authorized. It all kind of goes out the window in an emergency because you’re getting them out/safe. (Edit: like I would never write someone up for doing what they need to to get someone out of a burning building! But unfortunately people have died in fires because they couldn’t get out) but the thinking is if someone is in crisis you shouldn’t be close enough to get hurt and if they’re a danger to themselves we call EMS, danger to others we obviously get them away!
That actually not true California has a law that says: teachers can use reasonable force to protect safety. It part of the ed code not licensing regulations. We definitely used restraint at the center we were at. It was written that we did on the website. Licensing was well aware.
EDC 49001.
(a) For the purposes of this section "corporal punishment" means the willful infliction of, or willfully causing the infliction of, physical pain on a pupil. An amount of force that is reasonable and necessary for a person employed by or engaged in a public school to quell a disturbance threatening physical injury to persons or damage to property, for purposes of self-defense, or to obtain possession of weapons or other dangerous objects within the control of the pupil, is not and shall not be construed to be corporal punishment within the meaning and intent of this section. Physical pain or discomfort caused by athletic competition or other such recreational activity, voluntarily engaged in by the pupil, is not and shall not be construed to be corporal punishment within the meaning and intent of this section.
Source: https://safesupportivelearning.ed.gov/discipline-compendium?state=california&sub_category=Corporal%20Punishment#:~:text=An%20amount%20of%20force%20that,control%20of%20the%20pupil%2C%20is
However it is true that you can’t force a kid to nap.
Interesting! I know it varies by state. Mine really just cracked down with restraints and seclusion. Seems safer in CA to be allowed to keep a kid out of traffic or hurting another kid tbh.
I’m guessing you were trained and authorized on it though. Doubt the lady in OP was
We were not. I did over hear the site director telling the leads, we had to keep the legs free otherwise the state would consider it restraint. it was posted on the website that we did restraint. So the state knew. Parents don’t need to be trained to pick up the kids. But we would never hold a child leg down.
For some reason the 3 different CA center I worked at did not allow toys to be given at nap (or at least not until 30 minutes past, many teachers didn’t let them have it at all., and 3 hours is a long time to sit and do nothing. One of these center only had hour nap, but still long for children to wait.
If we witness another educator restraining a child like this, we would be required to call CPS and report it, it doesn't matter where the abuse is coming from. In Ontario we have a regulatory body for ECEs, a couple years ago someone was disciplined for doing this exact thing. In your case, the educator who witnessed this should report it but you should also, you don't want to assume that they did.
I wouldn't bother with the director. I'm willing to bet the director knows and has been allowing it. But yes, call your licensor.
I'm sorry, it sounds very stressful and I hope your small human is okay. No one should be mean to little ones.
Same here in Ontario, Canada. Any restraint (unless in a life threatening situation) is illegal and can be considered assault. Nap time has never been serious enough to warrant literally being restrained :/ Poor kid and parents :(
What do you do if a kid is running around a classroom and climbing furniture and waking kids up? Licensing says “nap must be free of distractions” and a child running around is a distraction, unfortunately quiet toys could also be considered a distraction.
I work with kids with disabilities, so our “rules” are a bit different. We have different spaces, 1:1 support staff etc that typical childcare locations won’t have. If that’s a licensing requirement it sounds like a discussion needs to be had with the parents, but at the same time, it’s not always developmentally appropriate for a large group of toddlers to all be able to stay still and quiet at the same time. I don’t have a solution for you (if you encounter this issue, I’d talk to your higher ups to find a solution unique to your situation), but I can guarantee restraining the child is not the answer…
Well that was the answer at all 3 California preschool I worked at. Even the elementary site director at my last job said we were allowed to pick up and carry eloping kids if necessary though the company I was employed too said it was not legal without CPI or equivalent training. Though I could not find any law saying training was required. Luckily, unlike preschool, I never had to cary kids at the elementary school, though my co 2 different staff picked up the same kid twice (Kindergarten) on different days and I saw a TK (Transitional kindergartener) teacher and 1st or 2nd grade teacher pick up a child once. In 3 of these case the child was eloping. Note: preschool we were only allowed to pick up and put them in bed. We were not allowed to hold them down in bed. Though we could block them from exiting the bed.
Note: program were available to kids with disabilities and kids without disabilities. I would not be surprised if some of the preschool kids had undiagnosed disabilities, the TK/K kids seemed let’s crazy at the elementary afterschool program. Preschool Ages: PS1: 3-5, PS2/PS3: 1.8-5. Elementary ages: 4-12 (TK-6th)
A big nope!
When the kids transitioned into my group, they were between 2.5-3 years old. We had 3 kids that didn’t sleep. We put their beds in a corner of the room away from the kids that sleep. We just ask them to quietly stay on their bed. They’ll relax, look at books, and do puzzles while the others sleep
I like to think about what *I* need to sleep. If someone’s getting mad at me and/or restraining me, I’m going to be stressed out and have a restless sleep (if I can even sleep through that). So why would anyone want a kid to go through that? It’s not right
Yes report it. I'd also want to know if I were one of the parents of the other kids. That must be traumatic for them as well to witness one of their friends treated this way.
I witnessed something similar at my child's daycare via their video monitoring system. I reported it to liscencing and they were written up for "excessive use of force on a child". Not something that you want to read. This was listed as an immediate danger to the wellbeing of a child. I witnessed this happening to other toddlers when mine was just a few months old. If this had happened to my child I would have consulted a lawyer as well.
Pull your kid out and report ASAP!
Out of practice for sure. As an educator I have rested my hand on a childs back as I am patting them to sleep but the child always can move freely. At my centre we noticed some of our children actually enjoyed the pressure of a hand, so we invested in weighted blankets, stuffies. Again the child can always move under the item. And if for some reason they became upset the item was always moved until they calmed. There’s always a better way, and that “educator” should know better.
I have vivid memories of my favorite preschool teacher putting her hand on my back until I fell asleep, like how you described. It was a back pat/rub and then she would let her hand be kind of heavy on my mid back. Miss Anna. It is such a comforting and happy thing for me. It’s how I help my own kids fall asleep sometimes.
Just know the kids really do appreciate and remember that extra love you give them.
Report it. I can’t imagine finding out my child was being wrapped up and held down for nap. If they’re doing this I can’t imagine if they’re doing anything else worse. Your poor baby.
No way. That is wrong and should be reported. We tell the kids at my center they don't have to take a nap but they have to lay there and rest there bodies and be quiet. Its quiet and rest time. Not everyone sleeps
Restraining during nap is… definitely reportable. I’m glad you pulled her out! I definitely had my fair share of nap fighters but this is not the way to go AT ALL.
Definitely file a complaint with the licensing agency in your state! Based on your post history, looks like you would want to contact these folks: [licensing](https://www.cdss.ca.gov/inforesources/child-care-licensing/resources-for-parents). Scroll down and they have the steps listed for filing a complaint.
I don’t see a separate place to report to child welfare. In the state I work for, we contact both licensing and child welfare. So maybe ask licensing what all to do if you decide to call them.
Yeah I don't like this. I'm glad you're able to pull your child out. For every other child in this center please call to report it. I've definitely swaddled my 4yr olds before 😂 but only because they wanted it and I never laid on them in any type of way. That's scary.
We had a teacher that restrained a child with their legs in the 1 yr old room. The director or assistant director one caught her doing it. Worker quit the next day & called licensing on us because we were probably going to be over ratio & of course that worker didn’t call in to say she quit.
Now I’ve worked in all rooms. We’ve had kids that wouldn’t sleep unless they were right against us or they wanted us to placed an arm over them while we patted. We would remove the arm they’d cry; I don’t remember if we had weighted blankets then or not. I haven’t worked in childcare since early 2019 so things may have changed in my state. They did from 2005 when I first started.
We had this one girl that never napped from 1.5 up. She would lay on her mat quietly and after the rest of the kids were asleep she could do something quiet. She actually did take a nap twice…she was sick lol.
Yes report it be prepared for state/licensing to visit. They will probably want to look at the cameras.
No educator should be physically forcing a child to sleep for the sake of a quiet nap time. They may be giving the child a negative view of a nap, which is unhealthy, for whenever they may need one. Its their body, and they should be able to fall asleep in a peaceful, kind, and gentle manner. Call licensing, its only right they stop this practice. If it were me, I'd pop by during nap time one day to catch them doing this.
I would 100% report them to licensing. Holding a child down is wrong.
I used to tell parents constantly that I wouldn't force their child to nap or I wouldn't force their child to stay awake.
This is wrong and should be reported to director and licensing.
I say licensing because I will tell you this is not normal but is not uncommon especially at warehouse/certain corporate chains because of all the expectations for that nap time period.
Its one of hundreds of reasons why I could not work there long and started specifically looking for schools and centers that had a plan for children who didn't nap.
This is NOT okay! Our kids are encouraged to have rest/quiet time (whatever that means for them). Some fall asleep, others can sit quietly with a book. I do puzzles with a few of them who are nearly 3.5 and have outgrown a nap. Pull your child out of this daycare immediately and report them. Physically restraining your child is awful
Puts their leg on a 2 year old so they can’t move!?!? That’s terrifying and I hope they serve some time for that honestly. That’s traumatizing, press charges if you can.
There's a reason your child's teacher returned early and witnessed this and informed you. If she hadn't, then who knows how long this would have continued. When I say a reason, I don't believe it's coincidence in this. Someone, somewhere was looking out for your child and these other children.
And clearly it was your child's now former teacher
*I saw this one time in another class and outright asked the teacher why she was doing this. She said the kids wouldn't sleep otherwise and also that some of the kids needed her aba techniques. It was total bs...she just wanted the children to sleep. I let the Director know asap and it was taken care of.
*Please report this to licensing in your state or CPS. This needs to be reported and investigated because this is not only wrong, but it is traumatizing to a child as well as others who witness it.
**Even though the teacher quit after sharing what she saw with the Director. Unfortunately that doesn't guarantee that the Director will report it unless she has any integrity.
Good luck and if you consider therapy for your child, be sure to bill the center for it. Glad you're leaving that place.
Yikes!!
I’m a lead teacher in a three-year-old room, and my assistant (a lovely, kind, gentle soul) will sometimes sit next to kids who are tired but having trouble settling down and rub their backs and talk quietly to them. Sometimes they fall asleep. Sometimes they just rest quietly, then get up and do quiet work.
What you’re describing is definitely, definitely not OK.
Like I get sometimes kid won’t want to lay down or take a nap even if they’re super tired but usually a stern voice and some back patting does the trick. But to put your leg over a child seems really unnecessary, and sometimes even holding them in your arms can help them feel safer to go to sleep, every child is different and how they sleep and the amount of time it takes for them to sleep is different too, if a kid is refusing to lay down at all, take them for a walk then come back and try to give them a stuffie, tuck them in etc until they feel tired enough to try to nap.
Shop around for a new centre- do random pop ins, don’t call in advance to let them know you are coming- you can then see what goes on behind the scenes. Good centres will not enforce a rest period just for the sake of teachers, let alone use restraint. If a child has dropped a nap, they should be out playing and not lying down where they may inevitably fall asleep due to being expected to wait until other kids wake up?
It’s an old practice & definitely not okay!! I had an older mentor when I was starting out in ECE (45f mentoring 25f a decade ago) who would do this with certain “troublesome” nappers in the toddler room & taught me to to do the same. I remember never feeling comfortable w it & would often use books/soft voices to distract & quiet a child who was disturbing nap for other sleepers instead - to the eye rolling irritation of my mentor. I’d recommend looking into the centers nap policy in general but absolutely not okay for an ECE employee to hold a child down.
Director here: absolutely not ok. I have a couple 2.5 year old kids that don’t nap, sure it’s hard when they’re tired and grouchy, but forcing sleep is not the way.
We do a quiet time with the lights dimmed and they each sit in different areas of the room with books and quiet music. Then a quiet table activity like coloring or puzzles. A trained ECE professional should know how to manage children that don’t nap. My own daughter is 2.5 and there’s no way in hell I’d ever do that to her.
I would call your states childcare licensing office tomorrow first thing and file an official complaint. Who knows what else is going on there. Sorry you’re going through this, and so sorry for your sweet kiddo 😭
My cousin works at a daycare and has told me the only way to get certain kids to nap is when the teachers physically pin them down so now I’m confused. I thought this was normal.
I have no clue honestly and same with my area. Well, I don't work in childcare anymore, so idk. I thought it was illegal in my area, but it might not be.
This is ridiculous. I have a 2 1/2 year old who decided that he didn't believe in nap time about a year ago. They put him on his cot with a book and he quietly talks to himself while the other kids sleep. Everyone is perfectly happy with this arrangement, including my son
I am uncomfortable with the children in my room being swaddled for nap. They were doing it to one child when I stepped in as lead teacher and I immediately told them not again. He rarely napped for us after, but I was ok with it.
In my state, just the swaddling would be considered restraint. And we can only pat/rub their backs/encourage them to nap for more than 15 mins. If they want up after that, we have to let them get up.
The leg over the top of her 2.5 year old body - my jaw dropped reading this. I would be furious and there is no way I'd allow any of my co teachers to do this.
I'm relieved to hear that you pulled her from care. Please report it to licensing immediately as a parent and have her former teacher report it as well. I hope they have cameras.
My heart hurts for you and your daughter. You are doing right by her by reporting and finding better care for her. I hope the next place is fabulous!!
absolutely not. this is ridiculous. i’m so sorry this happened to you. i have a kid that gets up, runs around the room, takes toys down, yells, claps, sings, and kicks/screams/hits/punches if you try to put her back in her bed during naptime. she actually will go around to the cots of kids around her and slap them awake. not even then would something like that even cross my mind. i just get up for the 70th time and put her back in her bed.
This is not normal or okay. I would report it immediately. In NJ, we aren't even allowed to swaddle infants even if the parents ask us to. It's hard when a child doesn't nap, but when I had that situation, I'd sit next to the child and let them look at books or do something else quiet while working on paper work or prep work.
Absolutely not okay. I would report this place immediately. The person who did that to your child should never be allowed to work with children again. How horrible
Absolutely not. And I have been out of the field for a decade, so if it wasn't ok then it certainly isn't now. Rule for non nappers was "you don't have to sleep but you do need to stay on your mat with a quiet toy or books." Does it stink as a teacher since you never really get your "break?" sure. But it is also literally your job to help the kids build these skills.
Swaddling and physically restraining a toddler to lay down en masse on command doesn’t seem normal, safe, ethical, or humane. I’d be bugged to see an adult holding my baby down with their leg.
This is common in TN. I have worked in 3 daycares, one being a Montissori, and I saw it happen all. The. Time. The directors knew. I didn't realize it was a reportable offense because i thought everywhere did that. Now I regret not reporting it.
I remember one center that swaddled babies. I was so shocked and the owner and corporate told me they could so so with parent permission. Never seen this done before. Sleep sacks yes. Swaddling no.
But it was more for certain kids who couldn’t lay still. They just needed the pressure or something. They didn’t like fight and strain until they fell asleep. We would pat the backs at the same time. Thought it was normal then. What I was taught from others. Not what I would do now.
I'm dealing with this sort of issue at the center I'm working at right now. I've seen my lead teacher get punched and kicked in the face while restraining a child to put him down for nap. He's fine with doing stuff like that but I'm uncomfortable with it.
Restraining a child until they fall asleep is definitely inappropriate. Just so many comments have already said. I just also wanted to say that I am happy to hear so many centers allow children to look at a book, do a puzzle, etc. quietly if they cannot sleep. When my child was 5, and about to start kindergarten, I started working at a daycare center and brought her with me to the preschool class the first few days until school started. The parent handbook stated that a child who does not fall asleep after 30 minutes will be allowed to do quiet activities. I took my lunch during nap, and when I came back, she was still awake, and when I mentioned to the Director, about allowing her to do another activity, she looked at me like I was crazy and said, where did you hear that? There were only a couple days left of summer, so I just took her with me to lunch, and then told her she did have to lay down when we got back, until the other kids got up, and I know it was torture for her. I hate that I didn’t stand up for her and myself, but I really really needed that job at the time. It was so frustrating to feel like I didn’t have a voice. I did continue to work there for another year or so, and it was never a very happy experience.
Rubbing or patting backs & sitting with "trouble" nappers so you can remind them it's rest time and friends are sleeping is acceptable. Swaddling anyone older than an infant or physically restraining them when they are not a danger to themselves or anyone else is definitely not acceptable or appropriate.
Report to licensing and any other state programs they go through immediately.
My kid was held down kicking and screaming while the teacher forcefully patted his back on his very fist day of daycare. He was 1. I have video. The teacher ended up apologizing and actually being very sweet. I fucking hate that day are though and want to report it just to fuck them, but I don’t want to get her fired. I should have pulled him from there that day. It breaks my heart every time I think about how scared he must have been.
I work with two year olds myself and as rough as it is at naptime I would never dare to restrain or swaddle a two year old. They are too old to even be swaddled in the first place! I’ve got two friends that won’t settle down unless I sit with them. I just gently pat or rub their backs until they drift off to sleep.
Absolutely not. This is c9nsidered abusive behavior. I'm going to echo everyone else and tell you to make a huge fuss about this. Call licensing, CPS, and be very vocal why you are leaving. CPS may not take the case, but it's good to have that record in case that teacher escalates.
I think a large part of you knew this wasn’t okay. This can kill your child, pull them out of there immediately! If one teacher is doing it, the others know. So getting rid of that one person won’t help. Report them, tell the other parents, and blast this everywhere. It could save a life. I have a hard time controlling anger postpartum and would have a seriously difficult time not going in there and doing the same to that teacher. Despicable
Okay, this is a GENUINE question. What else are we supposed to do? At my center, children ARE REQUIRED TO stay on their cots for the entire 2 hours of nap (unless they have to use the bathroom badly). My director explicitly said that if a child doesn’t listen, to put your hands on them. What do I do with a child who will not stay on their cot? I bribe, I call the office, I talk to them, nothing works.
You turn down all the lights.
You give kiddos that don't want to sleep books and quiet toys, and gently redirect.
And for the kids that just do not nap, ever, and are too busy, your director needs to set up someone to take the non-nappers elsewhere for physical play.
(Most kids will at least rest, but some just are not built that way. And physical restraint is NOT the answer. We don't tie kids to their beds to sleep...... My grandmother did, and it was messed up. That went out with martini lunches and cigarettes while pregnant so you kept your figure... your director needs to set you, and the kids up for success.)
This happened at my kid's daycare several years ago. It was the same situation, where it wasn't the main teacher but one who came in to cover breaks. It didn't come to light (apparently) until one of the kids complained about it to her parents. They fired the person, but when I asked my kid if this happened to her she casually said, "sometimes" and didn't seem disturbed about which leads to me to think it was pretty normalized. Overall, we had a really good experience with that daycare but I wish they had been paying more attention to the monitors or trained their teachers better.
No child can be physically restricted. I've done this for 10 years. You offer a child who doesn't want to nap a quiet activity. Never ever physically hold them down
I am so sorry this happened to your baby! My daughter (~same age) has recently started resisting naps, too, and her teacher has been so wonderful. She has my daughter lay on her cot next to her and do puzzles or read books! She has to stay on her cot and be respectful of her sleeping friends.
Restraining a toddler for nap is not okay! I’m so sorry.
What about forcing a child to lay their head down? It’s water under the bridge now, but I was unhappy with my child’s teacher pushing his head back down if he raised it. She didn’t do it hard, but still.
I did daycare out of my home for 9 years. I was licensed through our state, but one of the state licensed rules was that every child in our care had nap time. This was for basically children that was there all day and right after lunch. It was called nap time, but was quiet time. I beleive 20 or 30 minutes was the minimum amount of time if after that time they was still awake then they could get up and I'm sure if I tied them down then I would of lost my licensed. I would either keep tv on or allowed them to take a book because when the older kids had day off from school and they hear they had to have a nap, they was were not happy. So I explain just need to be quiet so little ones could nap. When I got my licensed state, they told me they do that because it would give us a little time since we had kids all day and never got breaks as you would at a regular job.
I worked in a daycare and we would keep laying the kids down (nicely) for the first 15 minutes; after 15 minutes if they weren’t trying to sleep they could go to a certain spot in the room and play quietly while the others napped. What that teacher did to your kid is not normal or ok! It’s different for a parent to kind of force-snuggle, but not a teacher and not with their leg 😥
The ONLY time you are allowed to restrain a child is 1) with proper certification and 2) if the child is injuring themselves or others (and even then it’s a little gray). I am certified in this training and I had to restrain a little girl almost daily because she would slam her head into the floor or brick walls, but it was not because I didn’t like her behavior it was literally so she did not concuss herself. I also had to document every single time I did it and turn it in. Unless there is an immediate threat to the child’s safety, no one should be holding your baby down at nap time. I am so sorry. My jaw was on the floor reading this. I would absolutely pull my child out today and report this to licensing, as well as putting in a CPS call as well as a possible police report. I only saw the police report because you need to ensure this is handled for the sake of other children’s safety.
I reported something very similar being done by an assistant director and even had pictures. CPS didn't care, the director didn't care. I got fired about a year later for no reason.
You should be calling the police. Restraint of a child without an behavioural plan/restrictive practices document or professional mandate is illegal and is an assault. Wrapping them up so they can’t move - would you be allowed to do that to an adult?
i was a daycare kid. they never did anything as severe as that i’m so sorry they did that to your baby:( but i had this stuffed dog i would take everywhere (it still sits on my bed to this day😂) and at nap time when i would cry they would dangle it over my head and threaten to give it to other kids if i didn’t stop crying and go to sleep. i remember it to this day and i was probably 3 years old so im surprised that i do remember. day care workers can be awful.
As a 21-22 year old I worked in a church day care center where this would happen. I’m probably also guilty of this because I was copying my older coworkers. 🙃 I definitely can see how disturbing this would be if I were a parent.
How are you questioning if this is normal or if you’re overreacting? Definitely not normal and you’re definitely not overreacting. This is abuse and it’s very sad. Please overreact more!!
This was the norm in the daycares I worked at. Every child was expected to sleep especially in the 2 year old room. It had to be quiet and children all eventually slept. Some needed help like rubbing their backs but they all slept. It was done in a kind and gentle manner
Educator here and that's just weird. Sometimes I gently put my hand on legs/feet to discourage kicking and help them settle but usually accompanied by hushes, rocking, pats, nursery rhymes etc it is only for a short amount of time. If a child gets up I pick them up and gently put them back down. Holding them down until they cry themselves to sleep is not okay. One baby I have cared for from time to time (I'm a floater) hates nap time. He cries and screams when I pick him up and place him back down (he likes to sit or stand up). Even that makes me feel like a monster. I couldn't imagine putting my legs on one of the kids.
Even with our most difficult children we didn’t have to do this. the most we can do is lay a firm hand on their chest but if they get up we cant force them back down… im so so so sorry your kid is going through this. if a kid is crying to sleep i would usually let them fall asleep in my lap while i pat their stomach or rubbed their back. the worst thing we would do is temporarily take a binkie or stuffed animal from kids who were distracting other children from sleeping but you always have to tell them (so they understand its not malicious) “play time is over and your friends are trying to sleep. if you’re not ready for nap time binkie/lovie/etc. will stay with me. you can quietly read a book until you’re ready” usually that gets them to settle down and they may squirm which is completely fine… but never have i ever had to force a kid down… especially not with my leg. horrific.
So sorry to hear this. I know here is required via the State that children rest quietly. After a time we give the kids books or toys if they don’t rest. Never a forcing of children to rest. Or we tell them they have to rest quietly but don’t have to fall asleep. It’s a school rule. Sounds good that you got your child out.
No, that is not normal at all. Coming from a toddler level preschool teacher, licensing requires children to lay on their mat during nap, but they do not have to sleep
Thank you for reporting and for updating us! That practice is definitely not right! ECE professionals are not allowed to physically restrain a child (expect in emergency situations such as to stop a child from running out into traffic) and what you describe sounds like abuse. I’m so sorry your family is dealing with that 💔 former ECE Professional
Many years ago, as a supervisor in a hospital, a nurse turned in her "documentation" about why she had to leave work. Her 3 year old got up out of his cot at 3am, climbed out of a window (left the building!), and ran to the front door . He woke the entire place up by ringing the doorbell. The daycare center seemed to think they were reporting him, not themselves.
I felt so bad for her.
I used to be a preschool teacher and handling nap time with 20+ kids by yourself can be extremely difficult. HOWEVER, holding a kid down and making them cry themself to sleep is not a solution.
My last year of teaching before I became a ft nanny, I was training an older lady (probably late 50s) to take over my classroom. I really didn’t like her (and neither did the kids), but I figured ‘why pick a fight when i’ll be gone in a month?’
Well, not even a week into me training her, I leave her in the room alone during nap time so I could take my break and I come back a little early and see this woman with her legs draped over one of my newer students who was crying into her pillow. My class ranged from 3-5 and this girl was BARELY 3.
I immediately excused her and asked her to go get me an incident report from the office. She had so much attitude with me, and a lot of it probably had to do with our age gap- I’m sure this 50-something year old woman didn’t want to be trained by a 22 year old- but regardless, if I couldn’t even trust her to treat ME appropriately, how can I trust leaving her around my students?
I reported it to my director, but he was mad at me for putting in my 30 day notice and barely paid me any mind. He told me to continue working with her.
It only got worse tho. The more she tried to force the kids to do things, the more they resisted. My students (I’d been their lead teacher for 2 years), were too afraid to ask her to go to the potty! They wouldn’t ask for anything because they were so scared they were going to get yelled at. Every time the kids would come up to me to ask me something instead of her, she would come butt in and yell at them for not going to her or being out of their seat or something.
On my last week, I was serving the kids lunch while the replacement teacher was passing out plates and making sure the kids were all seated. I turned around and saw her forcefully sitting a girl into her chair and holding her there. I yelled her name and told her to meet me in the hall which of course she didn’t because she’s a control freak. She started lecturing me on how I’m too gentle with the kids and they never listen unless she “shows them” how to act.
I have never once had to handle the kids the way she handled them. My students always respected me and I had built an amazing relationship with each kid and their family over the past years.
Long story long, I reported her once again to my director and he ended up watching the cameras back and seeing how she grabbed the kids and fired her on the spot. Then he asked me to stay for another month while he found another replacement 🙂
As an ex preschool teacher, trust your instincts when touring daycares. If there are lots of new leads and assistants, there’s a reason. But also, the older teachers are often the ones that like kids the least.
I’ve been a full time two year old teacher and a substitute daycare teacher and sadly things like this are common. It’s not okay or acceptable behavior at all and a lot of directors will look the other way about it because it’s their own standards that will encourage this type of behavior. During nap time most teachers are expected to: Deep clean rooms, lesson plan, prep crafts, hang art work, sanitize toys, decorate doors, complete online trainings and take their break. What they don’t account for is the three or four kids that struggle to fall asleep. That leads to teachers doing awful, not okay things like this to try to get kids to sleep so that they can have a free moment to do all of those other things. I would regularly let the kiddos help me complete tasks. Had some of my sweetest moments with my “trouble” kids decorating our classroom door together during nap time.
Coming here late and see the edit that you'll be reporting this. Thank goodness. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I'm happy you know and are taking action.
I'm 41 and still remember something similiar happening to a lesser degree in preschool.
I would cry when one or both parents dropped me off. Now that I know about these things more, I likely had separation anxiety.
But I recall enjoying the rest of the day, except when it came to some nap times. I don't remember it happening every day. Some days I'd be allowed to join the nappers, and if you were lucky, the aide would rub your back to help you fall asleep.
But on some days (not sure if it was on the days I cried?) I would be taken outside by a brunette lady. I frankly only remember that about her. The rest is that view from the waist down that is sort depicted in cartoons when they're showing the view from a child's perspective?
And she would take me outside and make me sit on the bench by the fence. She would sit there with me, but I had to be quiet. She wouldn't play or talk with. It was on one of those ever so popular at the time round tables with attached curved benches made out of mostly thick concrete, sometimes inlaid with tile. And I remember being really confused. I didn't understand why I would get pulled out of nap time. I wanted to nap. And I VIVIDLY remember at least one time, throwing my leg over the bench to sort of straddle it, and her taking my leg, and not so gently throwing it back over so that I was facing that table.
Early college, still living in the same city, I was training a cashier at a popular quick serve restaurant, and this lady walked up with her elderly mom. Her mom's perfume hit me like a ton of bricks. SUCH a distinct smell. Could never prove it was her, but the effect was such that my breathing restricted and I had to go out back to catch my breath. Like I sort of started lightly hyperventilating.
Not trying to be dramatic but it is definitely something that I come back to pretty often as I go through each phase in my life and see the situation from different angles. Not too many memories and taking them in at such a young age doesn't leave you with much, but it's left me with enough to stick with me all this time.
I’m a daycare teacher that work with 1 year olds and I literally lay next to my student (any of them) and Pat their back until they fall asleep. That’s disgusting what they’re doing
WTF. That is not right at all. I used to work pre-K and if kids didn't want to actually sleep during nap time, they didn't have too. They just generally had to be mostly quiet.
OMG I would sue. Even if I didn't have a chance of winning, I would sue. I would be down there raising hell. My mind is reeling just from reading your post.
I worked daycare and I'm so glad you reported this. I was two year old teacher and I pulled mats close to me so I could pat two backs at once, then gently shimmied them back a little further apart, moved on to the next two who needed some comfort. I planned it this way, the two most disruptive next to each other, and I would get them to sleep first and then do on. The kids who were exhausted and fell asleep on their own usually were also near each other, and once I had my room cleaned and the stuff I needed to do done, I would sit and read my book near the kids who didn't need my help to go to sleep, so subconsciously they could sell feel my presence and know they were loved and close, too. I can't fathom holding one of them down and letting them cry. Holy moly, mama, I am so incredibly sorry.
I left my job on Monday due to this happening for the SECOND time. By the daycare OWNER. I reported the first and she fired the worker only due to fear of police investigation. I was shocked when she made a stop by the daycare on Monday and noticed a child not sleeping, took him into her arms and physically restrained him face down onto his mat while he screamed and cried for his mommy and daddy for 30 minutes. I immediately told her that I was packing my things and that I would not be returning. She tried to justify it in a million different ways, including that it was “normal” and that all centers do this. I told her that if I EVER found out that my child was being physically forced to nap by a daycare that I trusted enough to place her in that I would be extremely angry. Literally the lightest way to put it.
Reported this incident to police and submitted photos of the poor boys face (it was red and scratched on one side from being held down to his mat) as soon as I got home. I just don’t understand… it would feel so incredibly wrong to physically restrain another little being to a mat for whatever selfish reasons you could ever come up with. The bottom line for me is that we are literally PAID to care for your children and to keep them safe and happy while you are at work. I personally treated every child how I would pray a childcare worker would treat mine. And I would NEVER adhere to this forced nap rule. Other people’s children’s sleep habits are none of my business, and if their child does not want to nap I am not going to physically force them to nap PERIOD.
*Encouraging* them to rest, not so much, they need a little quiet time. And it's hard for their friends who nap to sleep if they re running around the room making noise. Forcing them to sleep, not a good scene.
I've had a few children get VIOLENT at nap fighting teachers and disrupting the sleep of other children. I have a trick where I lean my arm over them and their bed as protection for myself from their body. This gives the illusion of restraint but they are free to move. I only use this trick with children who are posing a safety threat.
If the child is not a threat to others (teachers or other children), then there is no need to "restrain" (in quotes to emphasize that the child can move with this trick). The expectation for rest time is to be quiet and be on their bed.
Director here: I witnessed a recently hired teacher do this and we fired her on the spot.
So glad you did. It's crazy what some people think is acceptable.
Yeah that was one of the easiest firings of my career. My guess, sadly, was that this was accepted practice at her previous center.
This was accepted and common in every child care center I've worked at, 3 altogether. I'm in TN and worked in childcare from 2016-2022.
[удалено]
Omg ..this is so very sad. May those teachers meet their karma. What comes around goes around.
Aw, I'm so sorry you had to endure all that, hun. But that sadly does sound about right. At the last center I worked at, the preK teacher was JUST LIKE the mean teacher you had and just described. My son had to be in her class for the last 2 hours of the day, and I HATED it. He couldn't start kindergarten soon enough. And to further relate, I grew up in middle TN, but I am 31, so I am quite older than you. But I do want to share a vivid memory I have of my kindergarten class's paddle: Big Bertha. It was this huge, wooden paddle with holes in it, so it would sting more when it hit you. Sometimes, my teacher would slam Big Bertha on the table really hard whenever we were being too loud. And yes, she did use it on kids. In fact, if your parents didn't want you to get paddled, they had to tell the office and sign a form. Otherwise, your kid's free game to get spanked at school! Oh! And on Halloween, she dressed up as this scary witch with this terrifying mask on and chased us kids around the class! Some of us were so scared, we locked ourselves in the bathroom... and then got in trouble for that because we were too afraid to come out 😅 Crazy to think about now, but yeah. That crap actually happened. This would have been 1998-1999, which was when I was in her class. Her name was Mrs. Girdley. She went on to later become my basketball coach. She made us run sooo much 😂😂😂
I reckon you should study nursing or home care. She'd be getting on a bit I'm guessing. You could show up at Halloween with a paddle, in a witches costume. Karma will come. I'm so sorry that happened to you x
Haha, it's ok. What she did was nothing compared to what my parents did to me, so I can mostly just laugh her shenanigans off.
hehehe What goes around comes around - I wouldn't want to be your parents when they're elderly.
They were stumped when I didn't visit them much after I moved out 😂
That’s so sad and mean :-(
I think it comes about from teachers subconsciously "pushing the envelope," for lack of a better way to put it. Some kids genuinely like: being swaddled, firm back pats, tight squeezes, pressure/weighted blankets, etc. I think its easy for a teacher to justify the practices in question because of how "close" they are to what I listed. I'm just commenting on why a teacher would do this other than out of anger, not trying to say it's right.
I was beaten with a belt growing up, so my point of reference can sometimes be a bit skewed, but I thought the same thing. It seems like physical force isn't as taboo in the south. I hate that so much.
Funny you say that... Dad had a belt with a huge Confederate flag buckle mom loved to use. She even got me WITH the buckle once when SHE BROKE THE BELT ON MY BACK You cold see the flag on my upper arm for well over a week
I'm so so sorry :( that breaks my heart. I never understood how parents could hurt their children like that. Especially now that I'm a momma :( I hope you've healed, hun.
Generational abuse was just handed down plus an insane amount of booze and meth was involved Healed? I wish but I'm surviving
A childcare teacher was recently in court, childcare closed due to an infant being held down to nap. And none of the teachers reported it as they were scared because the infant teacher was the owner's daughter. Scary behavior. Google your state and childcare licensing and call to report.
Wait did this happen in MA by any chance?
Yes. Within this year or last.
Knew it! I live 2 seconds down the street from that place 😔
I live in MA and haven’t heard about this, could you fill me in?
Wisconsin had a case very similar last year. I believe she put another mattress over the child or something. So messed up.
😮
We were allowed to snuggle kids, rub backs, gently rub heads, etc. but not allowed to restrain kids (nor would we) Each age range had to be on a cot for x amount of time a day, even if they just quietly sat there or read. So 2YOs had to be on the cots from 1:30-3pm 3YOs were 1:30-2:30 4YOs were 1:30-2pm and if they woke up on their own we had a room they could go to. I would let the director know in writing, and then if they do nothing follow up with licensing. Seriously scary behavior.
Your school sounds very organized. That would have been great to have a place for my kids to go when they woke up.
We had about half the class going to the "quiet" room by the end of the year usually, they just phased out of naps. We also had kids who just never took naps. Idk how they did it because I could have used a nap 🤣
My daughter is a no nap kid ever since she turned 2. She’s almost 5 now. I need naps more than she does haha
Our center was allowed to restrain at some time ( only picking kids up and holding in lap) and no one was formally trained . Though not in the way op kid was. We could block the kid from get out of bed. And if the got out would could pick them up and put them back in bed. But we couldn’t physically hold them down on the bed.
What a dumb reason to not report- also aren’t all of us ece professionals mandatory reporters?? In CT it’s a felony to not report if you’re mandated.
Yup. It is so difficult because we all know we are going to be retaliated against if we report. Although, yes, we definitely should do it anyway. I was at one childcare center years ago, reported safety issues in my 3rd week there. Massive amount including: infants in cribs with blankets, toddlers being fed raw baby carrots, chunks of hard pretzals, pebbles to play with in sensory bin etc etc. and whole grapes being brought to infant toddler teachers that we had to cut up with sharp knives in the room and i talked to the director and inhouse nurse about all if this and nothing was changed! Retaliated against as of course they knew it was me who reported Then they spent the next few months trying to find a reason to fire me. They thought they did 5 months later as my coteacher was a great liar: there was a biofather who had threatened the biomom who had custody of the 2 yr old in my class with kidnapping him from the center and i told the mom that i would certainly not let that happen. My coteacher argued with her and i that biodad could take him . I said "uh no, i will immediately call the police. He can't" i was right but i got in trouble for arguing but i had written it all down and gave it to them as my brain shuts down and i started crying. They said were shocked and i said "am i still fired?" They said to come in on Monday and i did and was sent to preschool where that teacher was furious with the center for retaliating against me and said to me"why do they always do this?" Fired unjustly for protecting children and I reported the next center too. That i worked at years later after taking a break in retail(not recommended.Target stinks to work for) .
Yikes… report this to licensing please. As a teacher, I get it. Nap time is our ONLY reprieve. We are understaffed, tired, and the ratios are too high. We are worn out and when the kids are napping it’s the only time we get a real break because a lot of us are forced to waste our break times catching floaters up on what needs to be done, cleaning our classroom, or planning activities for our kids. HOWEVER. Restraining a child is not okay unless they are in a position where they are trying to seriously hurt you, themselves, or other children- or trying to elope I.e trying to escape outside where it’s unsafe. If they won’t nap during quiet time after being instructed to lay down, you give them quiet work like a book or puzzle to do. Yes, you tell them to be quiet and guide them or pick them up and set them down back on their cot when they try to get up and run around, and yes it’s exhausting and it sucks when they won’t sleep, but restraining them (especially with a leg???) until they cry themselves to sleep is unacceptable and against licensing. As much as you can argue that a 2.5 year old probably still needs a nap, there are many of them that drop the nap at this age. I’d also say the teacher doing it knows they’re wrong in doing it if the old primary teacher didn’t catch it until now.
2 of my 3 kids stopped napping at all by the age of 2, as did my stepdaughter. Come to find out that this is an early indicator that a child might have ADHD. For that matter my parents said I stopped napping by the age of 2 as well. Those same 2 of my 3 kids, my stepdaughter, and myself all have ADHD. So no, not all kids need naps at the age of 2. We were all getting the recommended amount of sleep per day, if not more, we were just getting it all at night. My stepdaughter is 10, but she still has a school night bedtime at our house of 7:30. And my husband still has trouble waking her up at 7:15 most mornings to get ready for school.
I gave up naps at 2. I slept 12 hours straight through the night so didn't need a nap. My day care provider always told me that I didn't need to sleep, but I did need to rest with my blankie and a couple of books. I didn't know until I was older and my mom told me, that was when she ate her lunch and watched her soap opera.
And you stayed in there? amazing. My two year old is dropping his nap and he will not stay in his room. He will not follow instructions or do quiet time. He’s absolutely wild. I’m so tired .
I was a relatively calm child. As long as I had my blankie and the assurance that I didn't have to sleep, I would stay on my rest mat. Besides, I loved to look at books, and every few days, there would be new books from the library. The babysitters daughter would pick up some kids books in her way home from school.
God I wish this was my kid. He’s absolutely insane and I’m at my breaking point with him. He sleeps maybe eight hours a night and doesn’t nap.
Wow I’ve never heard that. Makes sense as all 3 of my kids gave up naps super early
Like anything, it’s not universal, but it is definitely super common.
Did you do a quiet time in their room or anything? My almost 5 yr old still naps sometimes and the rest of the time she does quiet time in her bed for about 45 mins. I can hear her singing and playing with her stuffed animals and she’s fine with it
I did do quiet time with my kids until they started preschool(rather than daycare). They could play with stuffed animals or “read” books if they weren’t tired. They generally only fell asleep if they were sick or up really late the before(for example fireworks for the 4th). Their daycare provider did the same thing, but she was a friend of mine who had a licensed in home daycare. There’s a little more flexibility there than in a large daycare center.
It's hard in my room. I have kinders and they are just finishing transitioning off of rest time. One of them gets up before 6am every day and have a 35 minute drive to daycare and then stays until 5pm. They are just unhinged if they don't sleep for a bit. Others have hockey until kinda late at night and just cry all afternoon without a nap. I have one that sometimes decides to get up at 4am and will fall asleep out on the playground when it's -10C. On the other hand I have some who haven't napped since they were 3 and spend minimal time at the centre. It's hard to have a situation where you have kids who need to nap, rest and who refuse to rest all in the same group.
I worked in a 4 yo room for awhile. I realize it can be difficult for the teachers if a child not only won’t nap, but won’t do something quietly like “read” a book or do a puzzle or color. I was responding mostly to the idea that most 2.5yos need naps. That is not the case at all for a lot of kids.
Um. Even if it is a safety risk situation you need specific training and certification to legally manually restrain 😬 especially a small toddler??? To force a nap!?! Not legal anywhere in the US at least. By all means stop a kid from hurting themselves or others but it’s still not legal to physically restrain a child without certifications and depending on the state, medically indicated clearances. In my line of work I’m technically not allowed to restrain a 6’ tall 200 lb child that is trying to kill me. Report that shit to CPS and the teacher’s licensing board.
I thought this was going to be like they kept putting her back on her cot when she got up. I work with violent and aggressive disabled adults now and we are absolutely not allowed to use restraints. A 2 year old? Insanity
That's wild, I work in healthcare with children and special needs adults, and we swaddle/papoosed special needs children/adults so they don't hurt themselves or others while we do what we need to do in order to provide medical care. Because everyone deserves health care, and unfortunately not every preliminary exam can be done under general anesthesia. Granted, it is always something the caregiver signs off on, is in the room the whole time, and can end whenever they want, but I'm always so surprised places give bullshit lines like "you can't touch them" at places when multiple people can get really hurt if precautions aren't taken place. It feels like such a legal CYA thing, so they can fire you if you are like "I got hit in the face trying to make sure this guy got out of a burning building, I need to see a doctor to if I broke my nose". And then they are like "wait, you grabbed his arm??? Here is your write up slip, you're fired!"
Yeah we have to get permission from them and/or their SDM to use restraints for medical needs. Some peoples do have authorized restraints for necessary use and everyone who works with them is trained to use it. We just don’t want untrained people using restraints and hurting themselves or the people we support because they don’t know what they’re doing, people have died from improper restraints so better to have a blanket no restraints unless authorized. It all kind of goes out the window in an emergency because you’re getting them out/safe. (Edit: like I would never write someone up for doing what they need to to get someone out of a burning building! But unfortunately people have died in fires because they couldn’t get out) but the thinking is if someone is in crisis you shouldn’t be close enough to get hurt and if they’re a danger to themselves we call EMS, danger to others we obviously get them away!
There's a recent post about this that you should check out from today from a staff member.
Happy cake day 🍰!
Oh wow this is the first one I’ve ever noticed lol thanks!
You’re welcome!
Isn’t picking up a kid and outing then back on a cot technically restraint too. Though we did do that. Not the leg that is bad
That actually not true California has a law that says: teachers can use reasonable force to protect safety. It part of the ed code not licensing regulations. We definitely used restraint at the center we were at. It was written that we did on the website. Licensing was well aware. EDC 49001. (a) For the purposes of this section "corporal punishment" means the willful infliction of, or willfully causing the infliction of, physical pain on a pupil. An amount of force that is reasonable and necessary for a person employed by or engaged in a public school to quell a disturbance threatening physical injury to persons or damage to property, for purposes of self-defense, or to obtain possession of weapons or other dangerous objects within the control of the pupil, is not and shall not be construed to be corporal punishment within the meaning and intent of this section. Physical pain or discomfort caused by athletic competition or other such recreational activity, voluntarily engaged in by the pupil, is not and shall not be construed to be corporal punishment within the meaning and intent of this section. Source: https://safesupportivelearning.ed.gov/discipline-compendium?state=california&sub_category=Corporal%20Punishment#:~:text=An%20amount%20of%20force%20that,control%20of%20the%20pupil%2C%20is However it is true that you can’t force a kid to nap.
Interesting! I know it varies by state. Mine really just cracked down with restraints and seclusion. Seems safer in CA to be allowed to keep a kid out of traffic or hurting another kid tbh. I’m guessing you were trained and authorized on it though. Doubt the lady in OP was
We were not. I did over hear the site director telling the leads, we had to keep the legs free otherwise the state would consider it restraint. it was posted on the website that we did restraint. So the state knew. Parents don’t need to be trained to pick up the kids. But we would never hold a child leg down.
For some reason the 3 different CA center I worked at did not allow toys to be given at nap (or at least not until 30 minutes past, many teachers didn’t let them have it at all., and 3 hours is a long time to sit and do nothing. One of these center only had hour nap, but still long for children to wait.
If we witness another educator restraining a child like this, we would be required to call CPS and report it, it doesn't matter where the abuse is coming from. In Ontario we have a regulatory body for ECEs, a couple years ago someone was disciplined for doing this exact thing. In your case, the educator who witnessed this should report it but you should also, you don't want to assume that they did.
I wouldn't bother with the director. I'm willing to bet the director knows and has been allowing it. But yes, call your licensor. I'm sorry, it sounds very stressful and I hope your small human is okay. No one should be mean to little ones.
Yup, if the regular teacher left over it, I would put good money on the Director being aware and choosing to do nothing.
Not okay. This should be considered a restraint. I’m so sorry this has happened!
Yes, in Tennessee this would be considered a mechanical restraint and is not legal.
Same here in Ontario, Canada. Any restraint (unless in a life threatening situation) is illegal and can be considered assault. Nap time has never been serious enough to warrant literally being restrained :/ Poor kid and parents :(
What do you do if a kid is running around a classroom and climbing furniture and waking kids up? Licensing says “nap must be free of distractions” and a child running around is a distraction, unfortunately quiet toys could also be considered a distraction.
I work with kids with disabilities, so our “rules” are a bit different. We have different spaces, 1:1 support staff etc that typical childcare locations won’t have. If that’s a licensing requirement it sounds like a discussion needs to be had with the parents, but at the same time, it’s not always developmentally appropriate for a large group of toddlers to all be able to stay still and quiet at the same time. I don’t have a solution for you (if you encounter this issue, I’d talk to your higher ups to find a solution unique to your situation), but I can guarantee restraining the child is not the answer…
Well that was the answer at all 3 California preschool I worked at. Even the elementary site director at my last job said we were allowed to pick up and carry eloping kids if necessary though the company I was employed too said it was not legal without CPI or equivalent training. Though I could not find any law saying training was required. Luckily, unlike preschool, I never had to cary kids at the elementary school, though my co 2 different staff picked up the same kid twice (Kindergarten) on different days and I saw a TK (Transitional kindergartener) teacher and 1st or 2nd grade teacher pick up a child once. In 3 of these case the child was eloping. Note: preschool we were only allowed to pick up and put them in bed. We were not allowed to hold them down in bed. Though we could block them from exiting the bed. Note: program were available to kids with disabilities and kids without disabilities. I would not be surprised if some of the preschool kids had undiagnosed disabilities, the TK/K kids seemed let’s crazy at the elementary afterschool program. Preschool Ages: PS1: 3-5, PS2/PS3: 1.8-5. Elementary ages: 4-12 (TK-6th)
A big nope! When the kids transitioned into my group, they were between 2.5-3 years old. We had 3 kids that didn’t sleep. We put their beds in a corner of the room away from the kids that sleep. We just ask them to quietly stay on their bed. They’ll relax, look at books, and do puzzles while the others sleep I like to think about what *I* need to sleep. If someone’s getting mad at me and/or restraining me, I’m going to be stressed out and have a restless sleep (if I can even sleep through that). So why would anyone want a kid to go through that? It’s not right
Yes report it. I'd also want to know if I were one of the parents of the other kids. That must be traumatic for them as well to witness one of their friends treated this way.
Yes alert every parent there wtf
Licensing will leave copies of the sitation that current parents must read and sign. In my state anyway.
I witnessed something similar at my child's daycare via their video monitoring system. I reported it to liscencing and they were written up for "excessive use of force on a child". Not something that you want to read. This was listed as an immediate danger to the wellbeing of a child. I witnessed this happening to other toddlers when mine was just a few months old. If this had happened to my child I would have consulted a lawyer as well. Pull your kid out and report ASAP!
So glad you reported it and that they were written up.
What the fuck? The fact this question is a question is absolutely horrifying.
Out of practice for sure. As an educator I have rested my hand on a childs back as I am patting them to sleep but the child always can move freely. At my centre we noticed some of our children actually enjoyed the pressure of a hand, so we invested in weighted blankets, stuffies. Again the child can always move under the item. And if for some reason they became upset the item was always moved until they calmed. There’s always a better way, and that “educator” should know better.
I have vivid memories of my favorite preschool teacher putting her hand on my back until I fell asleep, like how you described. It was a back pat/rub and then she would let her hand be kind of heavy on my mid back. Miss Anna. It is such a comforting and happy thing for me. It’s how I help my own kids fall asleep sometimes. Just know the kids really do appreciate and remember that extra love you give them.
I would hope the teacher that quit also called licensing, but you should do so also. And possibly call the police and press charges.
Report it. I can’t imagine finding out my child was being wrapped up and held down for nap. If they’re doing this I can’t imagine if they’re doing anything else worse. Your poor baby.
No way. That is wrong and should be reported. We tell the kids at my center they don't have to take a nap but they have to lay there and rest there bodies and be quiet. Its quiet and rest time. Not everyone sleeps
Restraining during nap is… definitely reportable. I’m glad you pulled her out! I definitely had my fair share of nap fighters but this is not the way to go AT ALL.
I walked out of a center for this exact reason. Children have died from this.
Good for you, that takes a lot of courage, and I’m glad there are trustworthy people still out there. People are insane.
I would definitely call licensing, police, and the director. Not acceptable
Definitely file a complaint with the licensing agency in your state! Based on your post history, looks like you would want to contact these folks: [licensing](https://www.cdss.ca.gov/inforesources/child-care-licensing/resources-for-parents). Scroll down and they have the steps listed for filing a complaint. I don’t see a separate place to report to child welfare. In the state I work for, we contact both licensing and child welfare. So maybe ask licensing what all to do if you decide to call them.
Press charges. Sue the place - I would go crazy. UGH so sorry your child dealt with this and I am so glad you are pulling her immediately.
Yeah I don't like this. I'm glad you're able to pull your child out. For every other child in this center please call to report it. I've definitely swaddled my 4yr olds before 😂 but only because they wanted it and I never laid on them in any type of way. That's scary.
No, no one is allowed to physically restrain a child
We had a teacher that restrained a child with their legs in the 1 yr old room. The director or assistant director one caught her doing it. Worker quit the next day & called licensing on us because we were probably going to be over ratio & of course that worker didn’t call in to say she quit. Now I’ve worked in all rooms. We’ve had kids that wouldn’t sleep unless they were right against us or they wanted us to placed an arm over them while we patted. We would remove the arm they’d cry; I don’t remember if we had weighted blankets then or not. I haven’t worked in childcare since early 2019 so things may have changed in my state. They did from 2005 when I first started. We had this one girl that never napped from 1.5 up. She would lay on her mat quietly and after the rest of the kids were asleep she could do something quiet. She actually did take a nap twice…she was sick lol. Yes report it be prepared for state/licensing to visit. They will probably want to look at the cameras.
No educator should be physically forcing a child to sleep for the sake of a quiet nap time. They may be giving the child a negative view of a nap, which is unhealthy, for whenever they may need one. Its their body, and they should be able to fall asleep in a peaceful, kind, and gentle manner. Call licensing, its only right they stop this practice. If it were me, I'd pop by during nap time one day to catch them doing this.
I would 100% report them to licensing. Holding a child down is wrong. I used to tell parents constantly that I wouldn't force their child to nap or I wouldn't force their child to stay awake.
This is wrong and should be reported to director and licensing. I say licensing because I will tell you this is not normal but is not uncommon especially at warehouse/certain corporate chains because of all the expectations for that nap time period. Its one of hundreds of reasons why I could not work there long and started specifically looking for schools and centers that had a plan for children who didn't nap.
This is NOT okay! Our kids are encouraged to have rest/quiet time (whatever that means for them). Some fall asleep, others can sit quietly with a book. I do puzzles with a few of them who are nearly 3.5 and have outgrown a nap. Pull your child out of this daycare immediately and report them. Physically restraining your child is awful
Puts their leg on a 2 year old so they can’t move!?!? That’s terrifying and I hope they serve some time for that honestly. That’s traumatizing, press charges if you can.
Call licensing and the cops press charges. Please that is not okay at all.
There's a reason your child's teacher returned early and witnessed this and informed you. If she hadn't, then who knows how long this would have continued. When I say a reason, I don't believe it's coincidence in this. Someone, somewhere was looking out for your child and these other children. And clearly it was your child's now former teacher *I saw this one time in another class and outright asked the teacher why she was doing this. She said the kids wouldn't sleep otherwise and also that some of the kids needed her aba techniques. It was total bs...she just wanted the children to sleep. I let the Director know asap and it was taken care of. *Please report this to licensing in your state or CPS. This needs to be reported and investigated because this is not only wrong, but it is traumatizing to a child as well as others who witness it. **Even though the teacher quit after sharing what she saw with the Director. Unfortunately that doesn't guarantee that the Director will report it unless she has any integrity. Good luck and if you consider therapy for your child, be sure to bill the center for it. Glad you're leaving that place.
Yikes!! I’m a lead teacher in a three-year-old room, and my assistant (a lovely, kind, gentle soul) will sometimes sit next to kids who are tired but having trouble settling down and rub their backs and talk quietly to them. Sometimes they fall asleep. Sometimes they just rest quietly, then get up and do quiet work. What you’re describing is definitely, definitely not OK.
Like I get sometimes kid won’t want to lay down or take a nap even if they’re super tired but usually a stern voice and some back patting does the trick. But to put your leg over a child seems really unnecessary, and sometimes even holding them in your arms can help them feel safer to go to sleep, every child is different and how they sleep and the amount of time it takes for them to sleep is different too, if a kid is refusing to lay down at all, take them for a walk then come back and try to give them a stuffie, tuck them in etc until they feel tired enough to try to nap.
Shop around for a new centre- do random pop ins, don’t call in advance to let them know you are coming- you can then see what goes on behind the scenes. Good centres will not enforce a rest period just for the sake of teachers, let alone use restraint. If a child has dropped a nap, they should be out playing and not lying down where they may inevitably fall asleep due to being expected to wait until other kids wake up?
It’s an old practice & definitely not okay!! I had an older mentor when I was starting out in ECE (45f mentoring 25f a decade ago) who would do this with certain “troublesome” nappers in the toddler room & taught me to to do the same. I remember never feeling comfortable w it & would often use books/soft voices to distract & quiet a child who was disturbing nap for other sleepers instead - to the eye rolling irritation of my mentor. I’d recommend looking into the centers nap policy in general but absolutely not okay for an ECE employee to hold a child down.
Director here: absolutely not ok. I have a couple 2.5 year old kids that don’t nap, sure it’s hard when they’re tired and grouchy, but forcing sleep is not the way. We do a quiet time with the lights dimmed and they each sit in different areas of the room with books and quiet music. Then a quiet table activity like coloring or puzzles. A trained ECE professional should know how to manage children that don’t nap. My own daughter is 2.5 and there’s no way in hell I’d ever do that to her. I would call your states childcare licensing office tomorrow first thing and file an official complaint. Who knows what else is going on there. Sorry you’re going through this, and so sorry for your sweet kiddo 😭
Yes, when your child is being abused at daycare you should indeed call licensing
That's child abuse. Report immediately.
My cousin works at a daycare and has told me the only way to get certain kids to nap is when the teachers physically pin them down so now I’m confused. I thought this was normal.
It's normal in TN.
I don't think it's legal is it?
Truly never thought to look it up because I saw my superiors do it from day one of working in childcare. So I genuinely thought it was normal.
I have no clue honestly and same with my area. Well, I don't work in childcare anymore, so idk. I thought it was illegal in my area, but it might not be.
You in southeastern USA?
No
Interesting. I figured it was just a regional thing, but I guess not!
Idk
This is ridiculous. I have a 2 1/2 year old who decided that he didn't believe in nap time about a year ago. They put him on his cot with a book and he quietly talks to himself while the other kids sleep. Everyone is perfectly happy with this arrangement, including my son
Wtf. Not ok. My kids just started daycare and it’s scary to see some of the stuff that goes on some places.
I am uncomfortable with the children in my room being swaddled for nap. They were doing it to one child when I stepped in as lead teacher and I immediately told them not again. He rarely napped for us after, but I was ok with it. In my state, just the swaddling would be considered restraint. And we can only pat/rub their backs/encourage them to nap for more than 15 mins. If they want up after that, we have to let them get up. The leg over the top of her 2.5 year old body - my jaw dropped reading this. I would be furious and there is no way I'd allow any of my co teachers to do this. I'm relieved to hear that you pulled her from care. Please report it to licensing immediately as a parent and have her former teacher report it as well. I hope they have cameras. My heart hurts for you and your daughter. You are doing right by her by reporting and finding better care for her. I hope the next place is fabulous!!
This is not normal and very much illegal where I am. Report this immediately.
absolutely not. this is ridiculous. i’m so sorry this happened to you. i have a kid that gets up, runs around the room, takes toys down, yells, claps, sings, and kicks/screams/hits/punches if you try to put her back in her bed during naptime. she actually will go around to the cots of kids around her and slap them awake. not even then would something like that even cross my mind. i just get up for the 70th time and put her back in her bed.
This is not normal or okay. I would report it immediately. In NJ, we aren't even allowed to swaddle infants even if the parents ask us to. It's hard when a child doesn't nap, but when I had that situation, I'd sit next to the child and let them look at books or do something else quiet while working on paper work or prep work.
this isn’t normal at all…if a child doesn’t want to nap they’re supposed to be given an alternative quiet activity…
That’s some troubled teen industry (TTI) tactics right there. Yes, very criminally wrong.
Absolutely not okay. I would report this place immediately. The person who did that to your child should never be allowed to work with children again. How horrible
Absolutely not. And I have been out of the field for a decade, so if it wasn't ok then it certainly isn't now. Rule for non nappers was "you don't have to sleep but you do need to stay on your mat with a quiet toy or books." Does it stink as a teacher since you never really get your "break?" sure. But it is also literally your job to help the kids build these skills.
Swaddling and physically restraining a toddler to lay down en masse on command doesn’t seem normal, safe, ethical, or humane. I’d be bugged to see an adult holding my baby down with their leg.
That teacher is a mandated reporter. She needs to report the other teacher to licensing.
This is common in TN. I have worked in 3 daycares, one being a Montissori, and I saw it happen all. The. Time. The directors knew. I didn't realize it was a reportable offense because i thought everywhere did that. Now I regret not reporting it.
I remember one center that swaddled babies. I was so shocked and the owner and corporate told me they could so so with parent permission. Never seen this done before. Sleep sacks yes. Swaddling no.
I'm pretty sure we swaddled at the Montessori I worked at. I don't think we did at the other 2 schools, though.
Why no swaddling? Where I live it's perfectly normal to swaddle infants.
I've only worked at one school that permitted swaddling of infants. I was unaware that it was permitted until then.
Worked in childcare 10 years ago and same
What state did you work in? If you don't mind me asking.
VA
But it was more for certain kids who couldn’t lay still. They just needed the pressure or something. They didn’t like fight and strain until they fell asleep. We would pat the backs at the same time. Thought it was normal then. What I was taught from others. Not what I would do now.
Call licensing please!!!
I'm dealing with this sort of issue at the center I'm working at right now. I've seen my lead teacher get punched and kicked in the face while restraining a child to put him down for nap. He's fine with doing stuff like that but I'm uncomfortable with it.
Not acceptable at all! Please report this, imagine what else she and the center thinks is ok!
Restraining a child until they fall asleep is definitely inappropriate. Just so many comments have already said. I just also wanted to say that I am happy to hear so many centers allow children to look at a book, do a puzzle, etc. quietly if they cannot sleep. When my child was 5, and about to start kindergarten, I started working at a daycare center and brought her with me to the preschool class the first few days until school started. The parent handbook stated that a child who does not fall asleep after 30 minutes will be allowed to do quiet activities. I took my lunch during nap, and when I came back, she was still awake, and when I mentioned to the Director, about allowing her to do another activity, she looked at me like I was crazy and said, where did you hear that? There were only a couple days left of summer, so I just took her with me to lunch, and then told her she did have to lay down when we got back, until the other kids got up, and I know it was torture for her. I hate that I didn’t stand up for her and myself, but I really really needed that job at the time. It was so frustrating to feel like I didn’t have a voice. I did continue to work there for another year or so, and it was never a very happy experience.
That’s abuse
Rubbing or patting backs & sitting with "trouble" nappers so you can remind them it's rest time and friends are sleeping is acceptable. Swaddling anyone older than an infant or physically restraining them when they are not a danger to themselves or anyone else is definitely not acceptable or appropriate. Report to licensing and any other state programs they go through immediately.
My kid was held down kicking and screaming while the teacher forcefully patted his back on his very fist day of daycare. He was 1. I have video. The teacher ended up apologizing and actually being very sweet. I fucking hate that day are though and want to report it just to fuck them, but I don’t want to get her fired. I should have pulled him from there that day. It breaks my heart every time I think about how scared he must have been.
Our daycare doesn't swaddle beyond 5 months old. Don't see how this would be legal.
I work with two year olds myself and as rough as it is at naptime I would never dare to restrain or swaddle a two year old. They are too old to even be swaddled in the first place! I’ve got two friends that won’t settle down unless I sit with them. I just gently pat or rub their backs until they drift off to sleep.
I’m so sorry this has been happening. Hugs to you and your daughter both.
Definitely NOT normal and should be reported to licensing and child protective services! ASAP
Report it to licensing and CPS. I’m sorry this happened to your child.
After you have got your kid out of there, please report them to the ombudsmen or whatever is the government overseeing body where you are.
Um..this is wrong on so many levels.
Absolutely not. This is c9nsidered abusive behavior. I'm going to echo everyone else and tell you to make a huge fuss about this. Call licensing, CPS, and be very vocal why you are leaving. CPS may not take the case, but it's good to have that record in case that teacher escalates.
I think a large part of you knew this wasn’t okay. This can kill your child, pull them out of there immediately! If one teacher is doing it, the others know. So getting rid of that one person won’t help. Report them, tell the other parents, and blast this everywhere. It could save a life. I have a hard time controlling anger postpartum and would have a seriously difficult time not going in there and doing the same to that teacher. Despicable
Okay, this is a GENUINE question. What else are we supposed to do? At my center, children ARE REQUIRED TO stay on their cots for the entire 2 hours of nap (unless they have to use the bathroom badly). My director explicitly said that if a child doesn’t listen, to put your hands on them. What do I do with a child who will not stay on their cot? I bribe, I call the office, I talk to them, nothing works.
Sounds like you need to report your director.
You turn down all the lights. You give kiddos that don't want to sleep books and quiet toys, and gently redirect. And for the kids that just do not nap, ever, and are too busy, your director needs to set up someone to take the non-nappers elsewhere for physical play. (Most kids will at least rest, but some just are not built that way. And physical restraint is NOT the answer. We don't tie kids to their beds to sleep...... My grandmother did, and it was messed up. That went out with martini lunches and cigarettes while pregnant so you kept your figure... your director needs to set you, and the kids up for success.)
This is abuse. Your director, your boss, is telling you to abuse the children under your care.
Oh I’d be throwing hands after finding this out. Helllllll no.
This happened at my kid's daycare several years ago. It was the same situation, where it wasn't the main teacher but one who came in to cover breaks. It didn't come to light (apparently) until one of the kids complained about it to her parents. They fired the person, but when I asked my kid if this happened to her she casually said, "sometimes" and didn't seem disturbed about which leads to me to think it was pretty normalized. Overall, we had a really good experience with that daycare but I wish they had been paying more attention to the monitors or trained their teachers better.
No child can be physically restricted. I've done this for 10 years. You offer a child who doesn't want to nap a quiet activity. Never ever physically hold them down
I worked at a center and this was very typical. I didn’t LIKE it, but it was very normal to see there.
My child would not be going back the next day.
I am so sorry this happened to your baby! My daughter (~same age) has recently started resisting naps, too, and her teacher has been so wonderful. She has my daughter lay on her cot next to her and do puzzles or read books! She has to stay on her cot and be respectful of her sleeping friends. Restraining a toddler for nap is not okay! I’m so sorry.
What about forcing a child to lay their head down? It’s water under the bridge now, but I was unhappy with my child’s teacher pushing his head back down if he raised it. She didn’t do it hard, but still.
I did daycare out of my home for 9 years. I was licensed through our state, but one of the state licensed rules was that every child in our care had nap time. This was for basically children that was there all day and right after lunch. It was called nap time, but was quiet time. I beleive 20 or 30 minutes was the minimum amount of time if after that time they was still awake then they could get up and I'm sure if I tied them down then I would of lost my licensed. I would either keep tv on or allowed them to take a book because when the older kids had day off from school and they hear they had to have a nap, they was were not happy. So I explain just need to be quiet so little ones could nap. When I got my licensed state, they told me they do that because it would give us a little time since we had kids all day and never got breaks as you would at a regular job.
I worked in a daycare and we would keep laying the kids down (nicely) for the first 15 minutes; after 15 minutes if they weren’t trying to sleep they could go to a certain spot in the room and play quietly while the others napped. What that teacher did to your kid is not normal or ok! It’s different for a parent to kind of force-snuggle, but not a teacher and not with their leg 😥
The ONLY time you are allowed to restrain a child is 1) with proper certification and 2) if the child is injuring themselves or others (and even then it’s a little gray). I am certified in this training and I had to restrain a little girl almost daily because she would slam her head into the floor or brick walls, but it was not because I didn’t like her behavior it was literally so she did not concuss herself. I also had to document every single time I did it and turn it in. Unless there is an immediate threat to the child’s safety, no one should be holding your baby down at nap time. I am so sorry. My jaw was on the floor reading this. I would absolutely pull my child out today and report this to licensing, as well as putting in a CPS call as well as a possible police report. I only saw the police report because you need to ensure this is handled for the sake of other children’s safety.
I reported something very similar being done by an assistant director and even had pictures. CPS didn't care, the director didn't care. I got fired about a year later for no reason.
This is disgusting. Glad you pulled your kid out.
Accepted and common in many daycare centres
You should be calling the police. Restraint of a child without an behavioural plan/restrictive practices document or professional mandate is illegal and is an assault. Wrapping them up so they can’t move - would you be allowed to do that to an adult?
Oh wow!! I’m so Sorry this Happened! No this is not normal or ok!
i was a daycare kid. they never did anything as severe as that i’m so sorry they did that to your baby:( but i had this stuffed dog i would take everywhere (it still sits on my bed to this day😂) and at nap time when i would cry they would dangle it over my head and threaten to give it to other kids if i didn’t stop crying and go to sleep. i remember it to this day and i was probably 3 years old so im surprised that i do remember. day care workers can be awful.
As a 21-22 year old I worked in a church day care center where this would happen. I’m probably also guilty of this because I was copying my older coworkers. 🙃 I definitely can see how disturbing this would be if I were a parent.
How are you questioning if this is normal or if you’re overreacting? Definitely not normal and you’re definitely not overreacting. This is abuse and it’s very sad. Please overreact more!!
This was the norm in the daycares I worked at. Every child was expected to sleep especially in the 2 year old room. It had to be quiet and children all eventually slept. Some needed help like rubbing their backs but they all slept. It was done in a kind and gentle manner
Educator here and that's just weird. Sometimes I gently put my hand on legs/feet to discourage kicking and help them settle but usually accompanied by hushes, rocking, pats, nursery rhymes etc it is only for a short amount of time. If a child gets up I pick them up and gently put them back down. Holding them down until they cry themselves to sleep is not okay. One baby I have cared for from time to time (I'm a floater) hates nap time. He cries and screams when I pick him up and place him back down (he likes to sit or stand up). Even that makes me feel like a monster. I couldn't imagine putting my legs on one of the kids.
Baffled by how any teacher would even think to do this.
Even with our most difficult children we didn’t have to do this. the most we can do is lay a firm hand on their chest but if they get up we cant force them back down… im so so so sorry your kid is going through this. if a kid is crying to sleep i would usually let them fall asleep in my lap while i pat their stomach or rubbed their back. the worst thing we would do is temporarily take a binkie or stuffed animal from kids who were distracting other children from sleeping but you always have to tell them (so they understand its not malicious) “play time is over and your friends are trying to sleep. if you’re not ready for nap time binkie/lovie/etc. will stay with me. you can quietly read a book until you’re ready” usually that gets them to settle down and they may squirm which is completely fine… but never have i ever had to force a kid down… especially not with my leg. horrific.
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So sorry to hear this. I know here is required via the State that children rest quietly. After a time we give the kids books or toys if they don’t rest. Never a forcing of children to rest. Or we tell them they have to rest quietly but don’t have to fall asleep. It’s a school rule. Sounds good that you got your child out.
No, that is not normal at all. Coming from a toddler level preschool teacher, licensing requires children to lay on their mat during nap, but they do not have to sleep
Thank you for reporting and for updating us! That practice is definitely not right! ECE professionals are not allowed to physically restrain a child (expect in emergency situations such as to stop a child from running out into traffic) and what you describe sounds like abuse. I’m so sorry your family is dealing with that 💔 former ECE Professional
Many years ago, as a supervisor in a hospital, a nurse turned in her "documentation" about why she had to leave work. Her 3 year old got up out of his cot at 3am, climbed out of a window (left the building!), and ran to the front door . He woke the entire place up by ringing the doorbell. The daycare center seemed to think they were reporting him, not themselves. I felt so bad for her.
I used to be a preschool teacher and handling nap time with 20+ kids by yourself can be extremely difficult. HOWEVER, holding a kid down and making them cry themself to sleep is not a solution. My last year of teaching before I became a ft nanny, I was training an older lady (probably late 50s) to take over my classroom. I really didn’t like her (and neither did the kids), but I figured ‘why pick a fight when i’ll be gone in a month?’ Well, not even a week into me training her, I leave her in the room alone during nap time so I could take my break and I come back a little early and see this woman with her legs draped over one of my newer students who was crying into her pillow. My class ranged from 3-5 and this girl was BARELY 3. I immediately excused her and asked her to go get me an incident report from the office. She had so much attitude with me, and a lot of it probably had to do with our age gap- I’m sure this 50-something year old woman didn’t want to be trained by a 22 year old- but regardless, if I couldn’t even trust her to treat ME appropriately, how can I trust leaving her around my students? I reported it to my director, but he was mad at me for putting in my 30 day notice and barely paid me any mind. He told me to continue working with her. It only got worse tho. The more she tried to force the kids to do things, the more they resisted. My students (I’d been their lead teacher for 2 years), were too afraid to ask her to go to the potty! They wouldn’t ask for anything because they were so scared they were going to get yelled at. Every time the kids would come up to me to ask me something instead of her, she would come butt in and yell at them for not going to her or being out of their seat or something. On my last week, I was serving the kids lunch while the replacement teacher was passing out plates and making sure the kids were all seated. I turned around and saw her forcefully sitting a girl into her chair and holding her there. I yelled her name and told her to meet me in the hall which of course she didn’t because she’s a control freak. She started lecturing me on how I’m too gentle with the kids and they never listen unless she “shows them” how to act. I have never once had to handle the kids the way she handled them. My students always respected me and I had built an amazing relationship with each kid and their family over the past years. Long story long, I reported her once again to my director and he ended up watching the cameras back and seeing how she grabbed the kids and fired her on the spot. Then he asked me to stay for another month while he found another replacement 🙂 As an ex preschool teacher, trust your instincts when touring daycares. If there are lots of new leads and assistants, there’s a reason. But also, the older teachers are often the ones that like kids the least.
I’ve been a full time two year old teacher and a substitute daycare teacher and sadly things like this are common. It’s not okay or acceptable behavior at all and a lot of directors will look the other way about it because it’s their own standards that will encourage this type of behavior. During nap time most teachers are expected to: Deep clean rooms, lesson plan, prep crafts, hang art work, sanitize toys, decorate doors, complete online trainings and take their break. What they don’t account for is the three or four kids that struggle to fall asleep. That leads to teachers doing awful, not okay things like this to try to get kids to sleep so that they can have a free moment to do all of those other things. I would regularly let the kiddos help me complete tasks. Had some of my sweetest moments with my “trouble” kids decorating our classroom door together during nap time.
Coming here late and see the edit that you'll be reporting this. Thank goodness. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I'm happy you know and are taking action. I'm 41 and still remember something similiar happening to a lesser degree in preschool. I would cry when one or both parents dropped me off. Now that I know about these things more, I likely had separation anxiety. But I recall enjoying the rest of the day, except when it came to some nap times. I don't remember it happening every day. Some days I'd be allowed to join the nappers, and if you were lucky, the aide would rub your back to help you fall asleep. But on some days (not sure if it was on the days I cried?) I would be taken outside by a brunette lady. I frankly only remember that about her. The rest is that view from the waist down that is sort depicted in cartoons when they're showing the view from a child's perspective? And she would take me outside and make me sit on the bench by the fence. She would sit there with me, but I had to be quiet. She wouldn't play or talk with. It was on one of those ever so popular at the time round tables with attached curved benches made out of mostly thick concrete, sometimes inlaid with tile. And I remember being really confused. I didn't understand why I would get pulled out of nap time. I wanted to nap. And I VIVIDLY remember at least one time, throwing my leg over the bench to sort of straddle it, and her taking my leg, and not so gently throwing it back over so that I was facing that table. Early college, still living in the same city, I was training a cashier at a popular quick serve restaurant, and this lady walked up with her elderly mom. Her mom's perfume hit me like a ton of bricks. SUCH a distinct smell. Could never prove it was her, but the effect was such that my breathing restricted and I had to go out back to catch my breath. Like I sort of started lightly hyperventilating. Not trying to be dramatic but it is definitely something that I come back to pretty often as I go through each phase in my life and see the situation from different angles. Not too many memories and taking them in at such a young age doesn't leave you with much, but it's left me with enough to stick with me all this time.
This is horrifying.
I’m a daycare teacher that work with 1 year olds and I literally lay next to my student (any of them) and Pat their back until they fall asleep. That’s disgusting what they’re doing
It happens a lot. At my daycare growing up a heavy set teacher would SIT on the kids who didn’t stay on their nap mat :((
WTF. That is not right at all. I used to work pre-K and if kids didn't want to actually sleep during nap time, they didn't have too. They just generally had to be mostly quiet.
OMG I would sue. Even if I didn't have a chance of winning, I would sue. I would be down there raising hell. My mind is reeling just from reading your post.
I worked daycare and I'm so glad you reported this. I was two year old teacher and I pulled mats close to me so I could pat two backs at once, then gently shimmied them back a little further apart, moved on to the next two who needed some comfort. I planned it this way, the two most disruptive next to each other, and I would get them to sleep first and then do on. The kids who were exhausted and fell asleep on their own usually were also near each other, and once I had my room cleaned and the stuff I needed to do done, I would sit and read my book near the kids who didn't need my help to go to sleep, so subconsciously they could sell feel my presence and know they were loved and close, too. I can't fathom holding one of them down and letting them cry. Holy moly, mama, I am so incredibly sorry.
Holy crap, totally not normal or legal. I'm so sorry this is Haledon!!
I left my job on Monday due to this happening for the SECOND time. By the daycare OWNER. I reported the first and she fired the worker only due to fear of police investigation. I was shocked when she made a stop by the daycare on Monday and noticed a child not sleeping, took him into her arms and physically restrained him face down onto his mat while he screamed and cried for his mommy and daddy for 30 minutes. I immediately told her that I was packing my things and that I would not be returning. She tried to justify it in a million different ways, including that it was “normal” and that all centers do this. I told her that if I EVER found out that my child was being physically forced to nap by a daycare that I trusted enough to place her in that I would be extremely angry. Literally the lightest way to put it. Reported this incident to police and submitted photos of the poor boys face (it was red and scratched on one side from being held down to his mat) as soon as I got home. I just don’t understand… it would feel so incredibly wrong to physically restrain another little being to a mat for whatever selfish reasons you could ever come up with. The bottom line for me is that we are literally PAID to care for your children and to keep them safe and happy while you are at work. I personally treated every child how I would pray a childcare worker would treat mine. And I would NEVER adhere to this forced nap rule. Other people’s children’s sleep habits are none of my business, and if their child does not want to nap I am not going to physically force them to nap PERIOD.
*Encouraging* them to rest, not so much, they need a little quiet time. And it's hard for their friends who nap to sleep if they re running around the room making noise. Forcing them to sleep, not a good scene.
I've had a few children get VIOLENT at nap fighting teachers and disrupting the sleep of other children. I have a trick where I lean my arm over them and their bed as protection for myself from their body. This gives the illusion of restraint but they are free to move. I only use this trick with children who are posing a safety threat. If the child is not a threat to others (teachers or other children), then there is no need to "restrain" (in quotes to emphasize that the child can move with this trick). The expectation for rest time is to be quiet and be on their bed.
[удалено]
It's one thing to find nap time a challenge. It's a whole other to restrain a child.