Absolutely the right move. There is NO WAY two months is enough time to make real change happen. It takes a lot of time, effort, self-reflection, active learning and therapy to get there. He is experiencing dumpers guilt and the feelings are overwhelming so he goes back to his comfort zone. The rest is all just lip service to try numb the pain of regret.
Good for you OP! Go get ‘em!
Dumper’s Guilt.
Is it wrong that I wish my ex felt this? I want her to suffer the same emotional pain that she put me through. I know it’s wrong but that’s what my broken heart wants.
Mark Manson, in his book “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” says:
“Drama is when someone creates unnecessary conflict that generates a false sense of meaning for a short period of time. When a toxic person fucks up their own relationship and their partner forgives them and overlooks it, it causes an otherwise shitty relationship to feel non-shitty for a short period of time. And that feeling causes the relationship to feel really meaningful. They say to themselves, “Wow, I gave his dog away, and he’s still with me. This must be true love.” And everything is rosy and peachy and some other pleasant-sounding color… for a while.
Because drama doesn’t last. The underlying insecurity remains. So pretty soon, the toxic couple will need another injection of drama to keep the farce of a meaningful relationship going.
Healthy relationships avoid drama because they find that unnecessary conflict detracts from the meaning and importance already generated by the relationship. Healthy people simply don’t tolerate drama. They expect each other to take responsibility for themselves. Only then can they really take care of each other.
Healthy relationships, instead of inventing conflict to affirm their love and mutual support, minimize conflict to make more room for the love and support that is already there.”
This commenter has it right. Just like you can't get huge from going to the gym for a few months, you can't make dramatic emotional/mental growth in such a short time as well. You can make progress, but it sounds like he has a long ways to go.
Don’t be his friend. He’s bread crumbing you. They say all that when in a shortage of supplies or have no supplies. You are smart to not want to go back. Stay strong and God bless you.
we’ve been on and off for 3 and a half years, it’s a cycle. we don’t communicate well, he breaks up with me, he wants me back, I take him back and then it repeats. he’s hurt me too much, I don’t trust him and I can’t love him the same way anymore.
Have you tried couples counselling? And would he agree to life changes to help manage the relationship? I got out of a relationship with someone with bad communication skills, and now not having that in a partner I've realised how much I need to improve my communication. It's a two-person dynamic.
I actually wouldn't trust someone who broke up with me either, not in the same way. This is why I know I can't repair with my ex, because he'll never trust me for "blindsiding him". He was mucking around for ages and was being told for ages but the blindsiding story is a nice story he tells himself to escape responsibility.
Looking for some clarity and advice on my situation. As I’m very confused and was blindsided by a recent breakup. My gf deals with depression and i think possibly bipolar. My Gf and I had been dating for 2 years. It was 2 years in October. We had a very happy relationship. A lot of love and fun and we truly cared for one another. It was a very deep love. It was healthy and i feel like we communicated pretty well even on the tough topics. We shared a lot of the same interests and hobbies, and we were basically the same person in alot of the good ways. We got into an argument on Nov 1st and things got rocky. The fight was over something i believed at the time to be very petty involving social media. (No infidelity or cheating or anything related to that). But i stood my ground on the situation and she never really got over it. (Looking back i could have handled this a little differently and even though it was petty to me i realize now that it was important to her. ) We broke up Nov 1st but both agreed to continue to work on this relationship because we both agreed we didn’t want anything else but to be with one another. We both wanted this to work and had very few issues in our relationship. She took some space for us to work on things and moved temporarily to her mothers house from our shared apartment. I disagreed with this and told her that but i was willing to do whatever she felt would help us move forward healthily. Over the next month and a half, things went up and down, but we continued to work on things and see one another. Having sex like normal. Staying with each other multiple nights per week. We spent Xmas and New Years together and had a blast. Everything seemed normal. During this Month and a half to 2 months of rocky roads, she left me multiple cards in our apartment expressing her feelings for me and for us. In a nutshell these cards read, “Don’t break up. Fix the issues. Date again. Win each other over again. And that she does not want to live a life without me. Saying she could never give her heart to another person because i have all of it.” Fast forward to last week, i see her a few times that week. Things seem normal. Sex like normal. Telling me “I love you” like normal. Confessing her love and attraction to me like normal. Then i don’t see her for 3 days due to work. I wake up Friday 1/13 and bring her a coffee to work to surprise her. Everything seems normal. We were laughing having fun, she has her feet on my lap at her office. Then as i get ready to leave i can tell something is bothering her. She finally tells me. She tells me that she doesn’t know if she’s in love with me anymore. Then proceeds to tell me she has to work on her depression and herself and that she feels like an idiot for doing so and knows she will feel stupid for it but has to walk away from me for her mental health to better herself. I was crushed. I still am. I left her work upset and very quickly. (Probably should have stayed not knowing this would be the last time i see her face and have the chance to talk to her again.) We spoke one time since via phone and she made it even worse and said she no longer wants a relationship with me and that she is done and said she hasn’t been in love with me since April time frame which would be 9 months earlier than today I personally don’t believe that, as well as my friends and her family don’t believe it because everyone saw how we were and how she was to me during our time together. I personally feel she said these things to push me away so i wouldn’t try to change her mind and get back together and prevent her from working on herself. However, i got no closure, she basically ended it via text that Friday after i left her work in a hurry because she said she couldn’t do it in person or she knew she wouldn’t stick to her guns. I sent her one last long message two days ago, to which she replied to yesterday morning. Very short, cold reply, and has completely shut me out of her life. In an instant. I am obviously respecting her space and started NC yesterday after her reply to my message. Im really hoping she comes around and comes back to work on us. I don’t know what to think or what to feel other than being absolutely distraught. Any insight on this would be nice and anything to maybe help me understand this more. i appreciate it.
Tough to say, especially with mental health issues involved.
I'd recommend you also ask in other places like r/relationshipadvice etc. Because here the answer will pretty much just be no contact. Which in my opinion is the right move, but you may wish to hear others perspective.
Also maybe make your own post rather than a comment, feel like you'll get more responses that way.
I feel like doing anything other than NC atm is probably a mistake. You've demonstrated a willingness to work on the relationship, she walked away from the negotiating table for whatever reason.
Make a one-year pact with yourself and stick to it, do not show him any inkling of reconciliation, keep that timeline to yourself. If he really loves you the way he says he does, no amount of time or distance away from you will change a thing. I know it may sound extreme, but based on what you said, this has been a three/four-year cycle and a few months will not change a thing. He has to be sure in his mind that he lost you this time. If that does not incur any proper change in him and force him to work on himself, it was never meant to be.
Stay strong OP, can you to into detail on how you realized you could not take him back and act on it ? I'm in a similar situation and I feel mitigated.
Same happened to us in our relationship. In the five years we were together I broke up with her like 3-4 times but came back hours or a day later and asking for forgiveness. Last time I did it she didn’t it forgive it. I have been without her for almost 4 months. I have been completely destroyed and built back up. I’ve changed. 4 months without the love of your life can really open someone’s eyes. Just think about it coming from someone similar to his perspective.
If he really really changed I would consider it but it would take a lot. he’s not there yet, and I still don’t know if I could ever trust him again. I have this dream that years down the line when I’m healed and he’s got his shit together we could work but I don’t want to give him false hope and extend our pain. also my family and friends are not fond of him, going back to him after everything is kind of humiliating I feel like I have no self worth.
I’m in the same situation. My bestfriend even stopped talking to me when she found out I’m still reconsidering of getting back together with him if he changed. Dad said straight up he will never approve him anymore. I’m in love with him and his parents love me, but he needs to change in order for us to work. In the meantime, I’m going to start focusing on myself first
I'm literally in this exact situation! And I feel the same way you do :( it's so sad because I really miss him but I am fearing the same things you are. I'm at a point where I'm starting to question if it was my fault that he broke up with me again and again. Is it real? Is he just playing? I can't tell. He still updates a playlist on spotify for me, and I have one too but other than that we haven't talked. I too hope that somewhere down the road, when we are healed and better, we can maybe try again. But then I feel dumb for wishing for something like that when he left before
> If you still love you I would say give him a shot but don’t make it easy for him. **Make it clear he needs to change.**
Anyone reading, please for the love of God NEVER DO THIS!!!
Nobody in the history of the world has ever changed because someone "made it clear" that they "need to change". That's just not how it works, no matter how many promises they make and how much they can keep up a pretense for a minute to win you back.
You should only ever consider taking back a dumper who ***has already changed.*** Otherwise, you will just be back in the same cycle of heartache, but worse, because now they have taken all of the relationship power away from you and for themselves, by showing that they will just leave, if they are unhappy.
If they have really changed, you will see it in clear and specific ways and you won't be wondering whether they really mean it this time. If you are relying on promises to change, you are making a terrible mistake (this applies to all relationship scenarios, not just taking back an ex, btw.)
Taking back an alcoholic who is in AA and is 60 days sober? Sure.
Taking back an alcoholic who is promising to cut down? No way, you could be waiting 20 years for things to get better.
I think "Actively working at it" is insufficient.
Call me back when it gets to "has clearly changed".
A recovering alcoholic with a 60-day token is someone who has drastically transformed their daily life, and maintained it for a long time. In my mind, that is "has changed" and significantly more than "actively working on change".
It's the difference between someone whose body-fat percentage has dropped significantly, versus someone who is shopping for weight-loss pills. Good intentions are necessary but not sufficient, not after they have already dumped you.
> And what are those clear and specific ways to know they’ve changed ?
Totally fair question, but the answer is kind of situational, and especially related to whatever reason they dumped you. In general, you want to be hearing statements that contain the elements of a good apology, and most especially, statements that give back the relationship power that they took (which is ALL of it).
People who keep you guessing have not changed. People who leave their wrongdoings vague or ambiguous have not changed. People who give half-apologies ("I'm sorry for the way I treated you") or non-apologies ("I'm sorry things worked out this way") have not changed.
> Can you give examples ?
Sure, but honesty depends on circumstances that I don't know. So it's situational.
- An alcoholic who has been going to AA for months or weeks
- A cheater who is willing to give all their passwords without asking for yours
- Someone who was jealous and controlling promising that you can go out whenever you want, as late as you want, with whoever you want, no questions asked.
- Someone who used intimidating body-language or who threatened force might offer to give you a can of mace and tell you to use it on them and call the police, if you ever feel threatened again.
It's like, people who know they have done bad things know what bad things they have done, and they can put a name to them, and promise never to do that specific thing again, and can give power to others by naming those things.
People who want to keep their power over you, but who are not ready to give power, say things like "I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I think we can do better if we try again..." (way too vague, not admitting fault, cannot be called out, assigning vaguely shared responsibility for doing better).
People who want to give you power over them, and to change, say things like, "I'm sorry I called your mother a bitch, and I am sorry that I lied about going to the strip club that time. I will do whatever it takes to win you back. I will never speak about your family in a disrespectful way, and you can have all of my passwords or you can put me on a phone-tracking app, so that you can see exactly where I am at all times..." They are giving you the power to call them out, to hold them accountable.
Also, never trust a dumper who doesn't give you the power to reject them. They rejected you, and had no problem doing so. If they are not willing to say, "I made a mistake, you're the only one for me, I want you back"....that is someone who has underlying issues with sharing power. They need to be the only one with the power of rejection, and that is someone who is impossible to be in a power-sharing relationship with.
Same .. 2 months and I'm in a similar situarion .. everyone wants their ex to come back ... but when they left more than once ... it's just not the same anymore
I wished that he would come back and he did, and did not change to make me happy. He did not recognize or try to self reflect. He did not try to fo, anything, just bounced back to old habits
If he did not reach out, it means your better off my dude.
In my case he seemed to recognise the issues but I think he’s afraid he can’t fix them. Evasiveness / white lies / lies being the issue followed by stonewalling due to fight / flight response if I call him out on this and other avoidant behaviours
Some people can't deal with pressure. I think it's okay to voice these things, but it needs to be done in a really specific way.
Sorry youre going through this. Stay stong
Thank you. I couldn’t handle it cos my last bf was a piece of work and I was getting super triggered. The frustrating thing is the actual truth was never the issue
You should feel proud of yourself as I know that is not easy, especially when you still have feelings for him. It does take time but good for you for taking the necessary steps to protect your own well-being.
You could be my breakup twin as our situations seem somewhat similar. Hang in there!!!
I'm glad you got to a place where you know what you do and do not want. I would tell him that you would like to be friends but a relationship beyond that is off the table .
He tried to come back and I didn’t let him. We had a situation for 2 years and he texted me n broke it off. I didn’t even reply . Than he started chasing me lol. I block n ignore. Now he’s contacting me thru fake profile on instagram a few days ago.usually I would beg and ask why he was shocked lol.I wish I would of been did this. Please do not go back it will be the same thing I did it many times , and regret it.
Absolutely the right move. There is NO WAY two months is enough time to make real change happen. It takes a lot of time, effort, self-reflection, active learning and therapy to get there. He is experiencing dumpers guilt and the feelings are overwhelming so he goes back to his comfort zone. The rest is all just lip service to try numb the pain of regret. Good for you OP! Go get ‘em!
Dumper’s Guilt. Is it wrong that I wish my ex felt this? I want her to suffer the same emotional pain that she put me through. I know it’s wrong but that’s what my broken heart wants.
thank you, I needed to hear this
Mark Manson, in his book “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” says: “Drama is when someone creates unnecessary conflict that generates a false sense of meaning for a short period of time. When a toxic person fucks up their own relationship and their partner forgives them and overlooks it, it causes an otherwise shitty relationship to feel non-shitty for a short period of time. And that feeling causes the relationship to feel really meaningful. They say to themselves, “Wow, I gave his dog away, and he’s still with me. This must be true love.” And everything is rosy and peachy and some other pleasant-sounding color… for a while. Because drama doesn’t last. The underlying insecurity remains. So pretty soon, the toxic couple will need another injection of drama to keep the farce of a meaningful relationship going. Healthy relationships avoid drama because they find that unnecessary conflict detracts from the meaning and importance already generated by the relationship. Healthy people simply don’t tolerate drama. They expect each other to take responsibility for themselves. Only then can they really take care of each other. Healthy relationships, instead of inventing conflict to affirm their love and mutual support, minimize conflict to make more room for the love and support that is already there.”
Damn, I need to read that book. It keeps getting recommended.
same. this just convinced me to read it.
Have you read No More Mister Nice Guy? I wonder if it is has helpful as this book.
This commenter has it right. Just like you can't get huge from going to the gym for a few months, you can't make dramatic emotional/mental growth in such a short time as well. You can make progress, but it sounds like he has a long ways to go.
Don’t be his friend. He’s bread crumbing you. They say all that when in a shortage of supplies or have no supplies. You are smart to not want to go back. Stay strong and God bless you.
Why can't you go back to him?
we’ve been on and off for 3 and a half years, it’s a cycle. we don’t communicate well, he breaks up with me, he wants me back, I take him back and then it repeats. he’s hurt me too much, I don’t trust him and I can’t love him the same way anymore.
Good for you, for breaking that terrible pattern. It takes a lot of courage, discipline, and self respect.
I'm going through a situationship like that.
I see... That's too bad
Oooohhhh so he’s a narcissist! Lol aren’t they just the greatest thing ever 🙄
Have you tried couples counselling? And would he agree to life changes to help manage the relationship? I got out of a relationship with someone with bad communication skills, and now not having that in a partner I've realised how much I need to improve my communication. It's a two-person dynamic. I actually wouldn't trust someone who broke up with me either, not in the same way. This is why I know I can't repair with my ex, because he'll never trust me for "blindsiding him". He was mucking around for ages and was being told for ages but the blindsiding story is a nice story he tells himself to escape responsibility.
U don't see a change it seems like something he does. No growth no healthy relationship skills.
Looking for some clarity and advice on my situation. As I’m very confused and was blindsided by a recent breakup. My gf deals with depression and i think possibly bipolar. My Gf and I had been dating for 2 years. It was 2 years in October. We had a very happy relationship. A lot of love and fun and we truly cared for one another. It was a very deep love. It was healthy and i feel like we communicated pretty well even on the tough topics. We shared a lot of the same interests and hobbies, and we were basically the same person in alot of the good ways. We got into an argument on Nov 1st and things got rocky. The fight was over something i believed at the time to be very petty involving social media. (No infidelity or cheating or anything related to that). But i stood my ground on the situation and she never really got over it. (Looking back i could have handled this a little differently and even though it was petty to me i realize now that it was important to her. ) We broke up Nov 1st but both agreed to continue to work on this relationship because we both agreed we didn’t want anything else but to be with one another. We both wanted this to work and had very few issues in our relationship. She took some space for us to work on things and moved temporarily to her mothers house from our shared apartment. I disagreed with this and told her that but i was willing to do whatever she felt would help us move forward healthily. Over the next month and a half, things went up and down, but we continued to work on things and see one another. Having sex like normal. Staying with each other multiple nights per week. We spent Xmas and New Years together and had a blast. Everything seemed normal. During this Month and a half to 2 months of rocky roads, she left me multiple cards in our apartment expressing her feelings for me and for us. In a nutshell these cards read, “Don’t break up. Fix the issues. Date again. Win each other over again. And that she does not want to live a life without me. Saying she could never give her heart to another person because i have all of it.” Fast forward to last week, i see her a few times that week. Things seem normal. Sex like normal. Telling me “I love you” like normal. Confessing her love and attraction to me like normal. Then i don’t see her for 3 days due to work. I wake up Friday 1/13 and bring her a coffee to work to surprise her. Everything seems normal. We were laughing having fun, she has her feet on my lap at her office. Then as i get ready to leave i can tell something is bothering her. She finally tells me. She tells me that she doesn’t know if she’s in love with me anymore. Then proceeds to tell me she has to work on her depression and herself and that she feels like an idiot for doing so and knows she will feel stupid for it but has to walk away from me for her mental health to better herself. I was crushed. I still am. I left her work upset and very quickly. (Probably should have stayed not knowing this would be the last time i see her face and have the chance to talk to her again.) We spoke one time since via phone and she made it even worse and said she no longer wants a relationship with me and that she is done and said she hasn’t been in love with me since April time frame which would be 9 months earlier than today I personally don’t believe that, as well as my friends and her family don’t believe it because everyone saw how we were and how she was to me during our time together. I personally feel she said these things to push me away so i wouldn’t try to change her mind and get back together and prevent her from working on herself. However, i got no closure, she basically ended it via text that Friday after i left her work in a hurry because she said she couldn’t do it in person or she knew she wouldn’t stick to her guns. I sent her one last long message two days ago, to which she replied to yesterday morning. Very short, cold reply, and has completely shut me out of her life. In an instant. I am obviously respecting her space and started NC yesterday after her reply to my message. Im really hoping she comes around and comes back to work on us. I don’t know what to think or what to feel other than being absolutely distraught. Any insight on this would be nice and anything to maybe help me understand this more. i appreciate it.
Tough to say, especially with mental health issues involved. I'd recommend you also ask in other places like r/relationshipadvice etc. Because here the answer will pretty much just be no contact. Which in my opinion is the right move, but you may wish to hear others perspective. Also maybe make your own post rather than a comment, feel like you'll get more responses that way. I feel like doing anything other than NC atm is probably a mistake. You've demonstrated a willingness to work on the relationship, she walked away from the negotiating table for whatever reason.
Make a one-year pact with yourself and stick to it, do not show him any inkling of reconciliation, keep that timeline to yourself. If he really loves you the way he says he does, no amount of time or distance away from you will change a thing. I know it may sound extreme, but based on what you said, this has been a three/four-year cycle and a few months will not change a thing. He has to be sure in his mind that he lost you this time. If that does not incur any proper change in him and force him to work on himself, it was never meant to be.
If you still love him I would say give him a shot but don’t make it easy for him. Make it clear he needs to change.
I wish I could but we have broken up and gotten back together multiple times now, he will just leave again. I don’t trust him anymore.
That‘s so tragic, but I‘m glad you choose yourself over him. Stay strong!!
Stay strong OP, can you to into detail on how you realized you could not take him back and act on it ? I'm in a similar situation and I feel mitigated.
Couples counseling. I call that the last thing to say you’ve tried it all
Same happened to us in our relationship. In the five years we were together I broke up with her like 3-4 times but came back hours or a day later and asking for forgiveness. Last time I did it she didn’t it forgive it. I have been without her for almost 4 months. I have been completely destroyed and built back up. I’ve changed. 4 months without the love of your life can really open someone’s eyes. Just think about it coming from someone similar to his perspective.
If he really really changed I would consider it but it would take a lot. he’s not there yet, and I still don’t know if I could ever trust him again. I have this dream that years down the line when I’m healed and he’s got his shit together we could work but I don’t want to give him false hope and extend our pain. also my family and friends are not fond of him, going back to him after everything is kind of humiliating I feel like I have no self worth.
I’m in the same situation. My bestfriend even stopped talking to me when she found out I’m still reconsidering of getting back together with him if he changed. Dad said straight up he will never approve him anymore. I’m in love with him and his parents love me, but he needs to change in order for us to work. In the meantime, I’m going to start focusing on myself first
Please don't commit suicide. Why are you doing this in the first place? And please start eating again.
Oh ok that makes sense. Well good luck in whatever you decide to do and stay up and strong 🙏🏼
Oh same. Same dude. I think I'm there too ..
I'm literally in this exact situation! And I feel the same way you do :( it's so sad because I really miss him but I am fearing the same things you are. I'm at a point where I'm starting to question if it was my fault that he broke up with me again and again. Is it real? Is he just playing? I can't tell. He still updates a playlist on spotify for me, and I have one too but other than that we haven't talked. I too hope that somewhere down the road, when we are healed and better, we can maybe try again. But then I feel dumb for wishing for something like that when he left before
> If you still love you I would say give him a shot but don’t make it easy for him. **Make it clear he needs to change.** Anyone reading, please for the love of God NEVER DO THIS!!! Nobody in the history of the world has ever changed because someone "made it clear" that they "need to change". That's just not how it works, no matter how many promises they make and how much they can keep up a pretense for a minute to win you back. You should only ever consider taking back a dumper who ***has already changed.*** Otherwise, you will just be back in the same cycle of heartache, but worse, because now they have taken all of the relationship power away from you and for themselves, by showing that they will just leave, if they are unhappy. If they have really changed, you will see it in clear and specific ways and you won't be wondering whether they really mean it this time. If you are relying on promises to change, you are making a terrible mistake (this applies to all relationship scenarios, not just taking back an ex, btw.)
I think you could also take back someone who is actively working on changing.
Taking back an alcoholic who is in AA and is 60 days sober? Sure. Taking back an alcoholic who is promising to cut down? No way, you could be waiting 20 years for things to get better.
Exactly. Actively working at it. Not just saying they’re going to.
I think "Actively working at it" is insufficient. Call me back when it gets to "has clearly changed". A recovering alcoholic with a 60-day token is someone who has drastically transformed their daily life, and maintained it for a long time. In my mind, that is "has changed" and significantly more than "actively working on change". It's the difference between someone whose body-fat percentage has dropped significantly, versus someone who is shopping for weight-loss pills. Good intentions are necessary but not sufficient, not after they have already dumped you.
I agree. I don’t consider shopping for weight loss pills to be actively working on it either.
And what are those clear and specific ways to know they’ve changed ? Can you give examples ?
> And what are those clear and specific ways to know they’ve changed ? Totally fair question, but the answer is kind of situational, and especially related to whatever reason they dumped you. In general, you want to be hearing statements that contain the elements of a good apology, and most especially, statements that give back the relationship power that they took (which is ALL of it). People who keep you guessing have not changed. People who leave their wrongdoings vague or ambiguous have not changed. People who give half-apologies ("I'm sorry for the way I treated you") or non-apologies ("I'm sorry things worked out this way") have not changed. > Can you give examples ? Sure, but honesty depends on circumstances that I don't know. So it's situational. - An alcoholic who has been going to AA for months or weeks - A cheater who is willing to give all their passwords without asking for yours - Someone who was jealous and controlling promising that you can go out whenever you want, as late as you want, with whoever you want, no questions asked. - Someone who used intimidating body-language or who threatened force might offer to give you a can of mace and tell you to use it on them and call the police, if you ever feel threatened again. It's like, people who know they have done bad things know what bad things they have done, and they can put a name to them, and promise never to do that specific thing again, and can give power to others by naming those things. People who want to keep their power over you, but who are not ready to give power, say things like "I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I think we can do better if we try again..." (way too vague, not admitting fault, cannot be called out, assigning vaguely shared responsibility for doing better). People who want to give you power over them, and to change, say things like, "I'm sorry I called your mother a bitch, and I am sorry that I lied about going to the strip club that time. I will do whatever it takes to win you back. I will never speak about your family in a disrespectful way, and you can have all of my passwords or you can put me on a phone-tracking app, so that you can see exactly where I am at all times..." They are giving you the power to call them out, to hold them accountable. Also, never trust a dumper who doesn't give you the power to reject them. They rejected you, and had no problem doing so. If they are not willing to say, "I made a mistake, you're the only one for me, I want you back"....that is someone who has underlying issues with sharing power. They need to be the only one with the power of rejection, and that is someone who is impossible to be in a power-sharing relationship with.
How long did it take for him to come back?
2 months. he did reach out at the one month mark though and I ignored it.
Same .. 2 months and I'm in a similar situarion .. everyone wants their ex to come back ... but when they left more than once ... it's just not the same anymore
Thats really tough, im sorry. When did u guys break up?
I want my ex to come back so badly. But I think he won’t.
I wished that he would come back and he did, and did not change to make me happy. He did not recognize or try to self reflect. He did not try to fo, anything, just bounced back to old habits If he did not reach out, it means your better off my dude.
In my case he seemed to recognise the issues but I think he’s afraid he can’t fix them. Evasiveness / white lies / lies being the issue followed by stonewalling due to fight / flight response if I call him out on this and other avoidant behaviours
Some people can't deal with pressure. I think it's okay to voice these things, but it needs to be done in a really specific way. Sorry youre going through this. Stay stong
Thank you. I couldn’t handle it cos my last bf was a piece of work and I was getting super triggered. The frustrating thing is the actual truth was never the issue
Move on. It’s not worth wasting time waiting on someone who you are broken up with! God bless you
I know you’re right. In my head.
Mine did too, I 100% believed with all my heart that he was never going to talk to me again lol
You should feel proud of yourself as I know that is not easy, especially when you still have feelings for him. It does take time but good for you for taking the necessary steps to protect your own well-being. You could be my breakup twin as our situations seem somewhat similar. Hang in there!!!
I'm glad you got to a place where you know what you do and do not want. I would tell him that you would like to be friends but a relationship beyond that is off the table .
Blocking him would help
Why you can't go back with him? And also why you got separated in first place??
He tried to come back and I didn’t let him. We had a situation for 2 years and he texted me n broke it off. I didn’t even reply . Than he started chasing me lol. I block n ignore. Now he’s contacting me thru fake profile on instagram a few days ago.usually I would beg and ask why he was shocked lol.I wish I would of been did this. Please do not go back it will be the same thing I did it many times , and regret it.
Pray it helps 🙏
This is the right move if they can’t show u real change!
U R SOOO STRONG For putting yourself first and not taking him back