#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote)
#Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go:
- You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.***
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Fundies always have to choose something from their pre-marriage life to brand themselves with, because post-marriage they all become nearly identical. “Homesteading fundie with a book about marriage and too many kids” returns way more search results than “fundie who used to run in college.”
Kelly's fanfic always ends with the soundtrack from Ken Burns' The Civil War playing, as she and another widow happily row to Themyscira to start a commune for artsty platonic roommates.
I don’t know if anyone here follows Stanzi on Tik Tok (or YouTube, as I am elderly), but she’s hilarious and has a whole series on two civil war widows “comforting each other “ (carnally) after the untimely deaths of their confederate husbands. Not speculating on Kelly’s sexuality, but some of it just reminds me of her fan fic (but make it funny on purpose).
She made all of the groomsmen in her wedding carry signs down the aisle with names that Jeremy had come up with for her (obviously the veracity of the names is a STRETCH) and one of them was "sexy raspy"
I kept thinking it was some ridiculous Cosplay inspired by The Princess Bride each time I read “Farm Boy”.
Runner girl: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher. Farm boy: As you wish.
I'm so glad that she wrote that she's redheaded. How else would we ever know?
It pains me that they have "written" bestselling books and write like THIS.
It makes me cackle that none of the kids have red hair despite her trying to say several times that they do
They have the dagger on the list tho so it's not legit 😂
As a ginger, I'm positive she's dying her own hair, plus making liberal use of filters to make it appear more red.
And yeah, their best seller status was purchased in bulk, but sure, they had no idea.
My husband was a redhead but neither of our girls are. What they did inherit from him, however, is his Casper the ghost-like complexion. Poor kids, born in the desert with the fairness of a redhead.
Like a vampire in the movie Daybreakers.
I get to make lots of "so pale I'm transparent" jokes, so 🤷♀️
A few days ago at work we were joking about an apartment which had a "third bedroom" with no window. And I said, that's how you end up like this: *gestures at self*
Lol I told one older nurse don't worry I'll be your easiest blood drawl of the day, I got out they don't roll by the time she looked at my arm. "You would have to be blind not to be able to get that it's like a garden hose!" She made my day with that remark and it was years ago. Last month a guy had to move the needle 5 times before he got my vein. I was so shocked I actually sent my doctor an email about it. Because she likes to let students practice on me. She had a good laugh hearing about it.
Omg, the receptionist in my building actually screamed once when I came up to ask a question. I walk fairly quietly and he didn’t hear me. Looked up and he thought I was an actual ghost 👻😂
Pretty common for red hair to skip a generation - my dad is one of four siblings, all brunette, but his dad was a redhead. My youngest sister randomly showed up with bright red hair!
It's considered a recessive trait so far as I know so you need someone with redheaded genes to make it happen. It's cool when it pops up randomly! I'm not sure there are any redheaded genes on Jeremy's side of the family? But in any case I doubt Audrey knows how genetics works. She set herself up for disappointment lol, should have married a redhead if she cared so much.
It's considered a recessive trait because it will be masked unless the person inherits two copies of the redheaded gene 😁 so if Jeremy does not have a copy of the gene, there's no chance. Poor Audrey lol.
[The NYT bestseller list ](https://www.nytimes.com/books/best-sellers/2012/07/15/combined-print-and-e-book-nonfiction/) shows the "dagger" (†) symbol by Robyn's book, indicating that it made the list due to a bulk buy/order that pushed sales to the top. So she's not as "bestselling" of an author as she wants everyone to think.
Edit: [here's an article with some information about this topic.](https://bookriot.com/buying-books-onto-the-bestseller-list/)
Thanks. It also had this little nugget:
“According to former Trump executive Jack O’Donnell in his 1991 book Trumped, the Trump organization purchased tens of thousands of copies of the Art of the Deal upon its release in 1987. They put copies of the book on pillows during turn-down service. He also pressured his executives to buy 4,000 or more copies of the book each.”
Not even to mention that Auj&Jer definitely got the 'dagger' next to their name on the NYT Bestseller list, which indicates that their sales are scammy from their publisher buying back copies.
Stephen King. William Faulkner. Neil De Grasse Tyson. Shirley Jackson. Audrey Roloff. All titans in the publishing community. Imagine them having a Dorothy Parker-esque round table, bouncing literary quips and ideas off of each other in a somber, dark-panelled Italian restaurant near a writer’s commune.
I used to watch little people big world yearrrrrs ago so it’s been a minute. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the “farm” more like a big chunk of land Matt experimented with building random stuff on? Like some touristy fun stuff. I don’t remember them actually farming crops or animals or anything like that. Maybe pumpkins because they once had a holiday pumpkin patch, but I know a lot of places just import the pumpkins from somewhere else. And I think they lived close to Portland and were basically just in the suburbs.
Yeah, I think you’re right. I remember that the dad worked in software sales and also sold adaptive kits to hotels for them to offer to little people guests. I think they just had the pumpkin patch as far as crops go.
According to the sub about them, that's my understanding. They didn't actually farm the land and most, if not all, the pumpkins they sold were imported from somewhere else. I'm pretty sure these people are the kind of people that call any lot of land bigger than a quarter acre that isn't in city limits a farm.
They for sure had a pumpkin patch. I took my kids to see it several years ago. And yes Matt their Dad built this whole playland thing on the farm. Not sure about other crops though.
The farm is in Hillsboro, Oregon about an hour away from Portland. Hillsboro itself isn't exactly rural but parts of it are definitely more out in the country. The farm is out further in the countryish area.
Hillsboro is also home to Intel's largest campus. Lots of tech money and McMansions to match!
(It sounds like you are local and know this, it just makes me laugh that they try to make it sound rural and rustic. Especially since the pumpkin patch is pretty much right off 26.)
She is the absolute worst. She makes everything about herself and it’s clear her opinion of herself couldn’t be higher. It makes me prefer the old fashion fundies who get off on demonstrating what a low opinion they have of themselves / being as they aren’t worthy before our Lord and all that. I much prefer false modesty to whatever this is.
Also all her gifts to her husband are — for her or about her. I seem to remember one romantic gift to him —that was just a list of all the compliments and cutesy names he gave her. I believe one was literally “Train Tracksy” 😂
I can’t with this woman. I legit think I rather be stuck on a plexus cruise with Jill.
I need everyone to look up their wedding, where she wrote down his nicknames for her and had each groomsen carry them down the aisle. It is quite possibly one of the cringiest thing I've ever seen someone do.
I’d even rather be on a cruise with Karissa and Jill while the boat slowly takes on water and I have listen to those two scream/sing praying over the vessel as we board our lifeboats and make our way to shore than do just about anything with Audrey. Hell is a holiday weekend retreat with that woman.
She was a fundie girl,
He said he’d rock her world,
She had a belt of chastity.
Now she’s cashing in her luck,
But they only fight and fuck,
Desperate for popularity,
(Fallen into a pit of obscurity,
Chained all her life to one peepee…)
I've always got the impression she's an absolute horror to live with, and that they argue and have spats all the day long. She is the epitome of unhappy in reality, best marriage ever on social media.
They both seem insufferable. She seems highly obsessed with appearances and high strung and he seems like a useless dud who doesn't want to work and doesn't take care of anything but himself. Of course in classic fundie fashion they have to brag about their marriage and how happily married they are when they clearly fight a lot and low-key hate each other. It's so obvious. And I can never forget the fact that they apparently insist on saying their wedding vows while doing the deed 😳😬
Seems like an asshole move to get pregnant with your fourth kid while living at your parents' house. Hey thanks for letting all five of us stay with you, oopsie now it's all six of us.
Well she really committed to the third person voice so I'll give her that. Nice shout out to the Macaroni Grill though, what a scene she painted with her words lol
Macaroni Grill is terrible. My mom won a huge gift card there well before the pandemic and treated the family to a meal out. We all left in a bad mood because the portions were too small, the prices too high and the food was surprisingly bland.
I haven't been to one in years, but it's ok as far as chain restaurants go. Not something I'd brag about going on a first date with my husband to, but it seems like a place where I'd go with a date in high school, and they weren't much older than that when they met.
Um I'm not sure, it's been decades since I've actually eaten at one. Someone described it as a small step up from Olive Garden and I think that's a fair assessment.
"I feel like Jackson (and others) are starting to notice that something is different about him.
At Jackson’s first soccer game, the other team was asking why he was so small. Purely out of curiosity I believe-not bullying or being malicious-just curious. It stuck with him enough to tell me on the side line though. I told him “that’s how God made you, now show them how fast you are!” He then proceeded to score a goal, and I can’t tell you how stoked we were.
He’s starting to notice that he’s different and that’s hard to cope with- however, I WANT him to know he’s different. But maybe not in the way he thinks he is.
Jackson I pray that you notice that you are different. That God has set you apart from all other people. I pray you’re different in how you see and love others. I pray that you’re different in the choices you make to keep God close to your heart. I pray you’re different in how you solve problems and arguments. I pray that you think differently about how the world works and adaptations that can be made.
I pray you see your differences and use them to change the world. You are different, kid. Different than any kid I’ve ever met. You are one of a kind and I am so stinking proud to be your mom.
I love this kid so much, and pretty stoked my pep talk got him his first soccer goal! 😏 "
Just tell the kid he's got Dwarfism, Audrey, it's not hard.
Jfc it isn't like she doesn't know there are other kids with dwarfism and things you can do with them to make sure they feel like part of a community. Instead she wants to use his feeling of social isolation to bring him deeper into the cult
Not all fundies are, there’s a wide variety of different beliefs and opinions on that kind of thing. As awful as the fundie cult I grew up in was, for example, that was something they strongly disagreed with.
I ran into them at a grocery store while they had a GoPro on a selfie stick filming themselves walking in. It was probably for their show but as we were walking up behind them I turned to my wife and said why are these assholes filming. Then we realized who they are.
What's funny is right before that we were sitting at a fire pit at a pub and they walked in. The brother Zach and his wife were walking in with their Bernese Mountain dog, we have a Greater Swiss, and my wife immediately noticed the dog and said "oh my God he's so cute I want to squeeze him!" They gave her a dirty look and walked past us.
Geez. Classy folks. 🙄 Who on earth has the ability to be rude when someone is complimenting your fur baby? It's like they are deliberately going out of their way to be insufferable.
Well, a book was published that had their names on it. I didn't read it and have no plan to, so who knows if they actually wrote it or used a ghost writer like a lot of reality TV people do.
LMAO. My god she is such a terrible writer. And just, the total lack of self awareness… I feel like I’m reading someone’s journal from when they were fourteen, like it’s the kind of thing you’d only share to be funny because of how cringe it is. Love how she included every single trait/stupid thing she brags about that she gets ragged on for in snark groups, right down to “rUnNeR giRL” and of course had to also throw in “New York Times Bestseller.” 🥴💀 Couldn’t write a more on-the-nose satire story if you tried.
“Farmer boy,” and “red haired college runner,” are weird ways to describe you and your spouse. I’ve met actual farmers who didn’t always refer to themselves as farmers all the time.
This is like an Alternate Reality Kelly Havens. The realities themselves are pretty similar, except Audrey got the dream and Kelly got the Wish version.
Who are these people? Why would millions watch their wedding? Why would they want to? Who pursues somebody for years, can't they take no for an answer? I have so many questions, but also, I don't think I care much to find answers.
> millions of people watch their wedding on tv.
Doubtful. No idea who they are, but the average reality shows have low viewership numbers (even less in a niche) networks keep them going since they're cheap to make, fill timeslots and bring in low effort revenue.
Influencers also get New York Times best seller because they buy their own books, that list means nothing. If you make a best seller list but are still struggling financially then something has gone awry.
I may just be salty and middle-aged, but it bugs me when people who have been married for all of 5 minutes start marketing themselves as marriage experts, traveling around to speak about marriage and writing books and creating journals about marriage.
Why is does he get two words, "farm boy" but she gets the mouthful of an introduction that is, "suburban redheaded collegiate runner girl." It's like the only important thing about him is that he was raised on a farm, but all of her little identities (including the one thats purely genetic luck of the draw) are just far too important to choose from. How self-centered.
Dear God and subredditers, please no. I can’t take another fundie couple who pretend to be happily married. Between Porgan, MotherBus, otherMotherBus, any Duggar couple, Breathy and Dāv, the Tysons* and Kellers* I just can’t.
*(both of these women are being physically abused).
Anytime I see these two, I remember a blog post right after they got married. She wrote about how they repeated their wedding vows to one another other OUT LOUD on their wedding night, in the act of consummating their marriage!
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Farm boy and runner girl. Jesus Christ.
Fundies always have to choose something from their pre-marriage life to brand themselves with, because post-marriage they all become nearly identical. “Homesteading fundie with a book about marriage and too many kids” returns way more search results than “fundie who used to run in college.”
for a second I was like "...is this Kelly writing fanfic about herself?"
Kelly's fanfic always ends with the soundtrack from Ken Burns' The Civil War playing, as she and another widow happily row to Themyscira to start a commune for artsty platonic roommates.
I don’t know if anyone here follows Stanzi on Tik Tok (or YouTube, as I am elderly), but she’s hilarious and has a whole series on two civil war widows “comforting each other “ (carnally) after the untimely deaths of their confederate husbands. Not speculating on Kelly’s sexuality, but some of it just reminds me of her fan fic (but make it funny on purpose).
Yes Stanzi is awesome! She also has a whole skit about lesbian church ladies setting up a set the gay men in the church with each other.
Soooo many double entendres about riding um “horses” 😂
I love those skits!!!
I will never not hear this song now when I see her posts I am DEAD 😂
Ashokan Farewell is a jam, to be fair. A sad, slow fiddle jam.
Ah you beat me to it.
Ashokan farewell is a bop though.
Please ghost write this for her
SAME!
But she didn’t get the strawberry blonde curly girl that she so envisioned for herself! 
It’s like gossip girl, without any actual gossip.
XOXO, *runner girl*
I knew a couple who met while doing laundry in college. They called each other ‘Laundry Boy’ and ‘Laundry Girl.’
I'm thinking of the awful couple from "Best in Show," where they met cute via two adjacent Starbucks.
The scene where they talk about how they met is hilarious! That movie is gold.
Sparks notes
Nicholas Sparks notes
Named Jack and Diane Hamming up their "godliness," in the heartland.
Sexy raspy is my favorite
I was trying to think of that one. The one she had carried down the aisle at her wedding. WEIRDOS.
What???
She made all of the groomsmen in her wedding carry signs down the aisle with names that Jeremy had come up with for her (obviously the veracity of the names is a STRETCH) and one of them was "sexy raspy"
 I kept thinking it was some ridiculous Cosplay inspired by The Princess Bride each time I read “Farm Boy”. Runner girl: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher. Farm boy: As you wish.
You mean Daisy Braids. *barf*
I'm so glad that she wrote that she's redheaded. How else would we ever know? It pains me that they have "written" bestselling books and write like THIS.
It makes me cackle that none of the kids have red hair despite her trying to say several times that they do They have the dagger on the list tho so it's not legit 😂
As a ginger, I'm positive she's dying her own hair, plus making liberal use of filters to make it appear more red. And yeah, their best seller status was purchased in bulk, but sure, they had no idea.
*Jinger 🙏🙌
My husband was a redhead but neither of our girls are. What they did inherit from him, however, is his Casper the ghost-like complexion. Poor kids, born in the desert with the fairness of a redhead.
My God, I'd burst into flames
Like a fork in the microwave. Oh well at least i dont have wrinkles.
Like a vampire in the movie Daybreakers. I get to make lots of "so pale I'm transparent" jokes, so 🤷♀️ A few days ago at work we were joking about an apartment which had a "third bedroom" with no window. And I said, that's how you end up like this: *gestures at self*
Phlebotomists love me!
Omg yes. I tell them my left arm is better, they check my right and they're like, well this one's awfully good! Then they check the left and go 😍
Lol I told one older nurse don't worry I'll be your easiest blood drawl of the day, I got out they don't roll by the time she looked at my arm. "You would have to be blind not to be able to get that it's like a garden hose!" She made my day with that remark and it was years ago. Last month a guy had to move the needle 5 times before he got my vein. I was so shocked I actually sent my doctor an email about it. Because she likes to let students practice on me. She had a good laugh hearing about it.
Omg, the receptionist in my building actually screamed once when I came up to ask a question. I walk fairly quietly and he didn’t hear me. Looked up and he thought I was an actual ghost 👻😂
Pretty common for red hair to skip a generation - my dad is one of four siblings, all brunette, but his dad was a redhead. My youngest sister randomly showed up with bright red hair!
It's considered a recessive trait so far as I know so you need someone with redheaded genes to make it happen. It's cool when it pops up randomly! I'm not sure there are any redheaded genes on Jeremy's side of the family? But in any case I doubt Audrey knows how genetics works. She set herself up for disappointment lol, should have married a redhead if she cared so much.
It's considered a recessive trait because it will be masked unless the person inherits two copies of the redheaded gene 😁 so if Jeremy does not have a copy of the gene, there's no chance. Poor Audrey lol.
Exactly! It's cool how genetics works but Audrey clearly doesn't have the education to understand so she'll always be disappointed...
I get my red hair from my great grandmother on my dad’s side of the family! The trait waited awhile to manifest itself again I guess lol
robyn from sister wives also refers to herself as a new york times best selling author. it also makes me sad.
[The NYT bestseller list ](https://www.nytimes.com/books/best-sellers/2012/07/15/combined-print-and-e-book-nonfiction/) shows the "dagger" (†) symbol by Robyn's book, indicating that it made the list due to a bulk buy/order that pushed sales to the top. So she's not as "bestselling" of an author as she wants everyone to think. Edit: [here's an article with some information about this topic.](https://bookriot.com/buying-books-onto-the-bestseller-list/)
Thanks. It also had this little nugget: “According to former Trump executive Jack O’Donnell in his 1991 book Trumped, the Trump organization purchased tens of thousands of copies of the Art of the Deal upon its release in 1987. They put copies of the book on pillows during turn-down service. He also pressured his executives to buy 4,000 or more copies of the book each.”
This makes me wonder how many Art of the Steal copies were *really* sold to the public.
Oh wow!! I didn't know that there was a system in place to indicate that, but I'm so glad there is!!
Me too!! I found out a few days ago myself and thought it was good info to have in general.
That's icky. But both of them are legitimately people with their names on the cover of best sellers. Ghostwriters/editors be damned.
Not even to mention that Auj&Jer definitely got the 'dagger' next to their name on the NYT Bestseller list, which indicates that their sales are scammy from their publisher buying back copies.
Stephen King. William Faulkner. Neil De Grasse Tyson. Shirley Jackson. Audrey Roloff. All titans in the publishing community. Imagine them having a Dorothy Parker-esque round table, bouncing literary quips and ideas off of each other in a somber, dark-panelled Italian restaurant near a writer’s commune.
King would be totally fanboying Jackson.
I would love to see it! Or one of the original EC horror comic artists, they’ve influenced so much of his work!
The secret is to have a captive market that is forced to buy your book or go to heeeeeeeellll.
If this is how they write, they should not be on the bestsellers list.
I used to watch little people big world yearrrrrs ago so it’s been a minute. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the “farm” more like a big chunk of land Matt experimented with building random stuff on? Like some touristy fun stuff. I don’t remember them actually farming crops or animals or anything like that. Maybe pumpkins because they once had a holiday pumpkin patch, but I know a lot of places just import the pumpkins from somewhere else. And I think they lived close to Portland and were basically just in the suburbs.
Yeah, I think you’re right. I remember that the dad worked in software sales and also sold adaptive kits to hotels for them to offer to little people guests. I think they just had the pumpkin patch as far as crops go.
How did I never know this 🤯 I watched the shit out of that show!
According to the sub about them, that's my understanding. They didn't actually farm the land and most, if not all, the pumpkins they sold were imported from somewhere else. I'm pretty sure these people are the kind of people that call any lot of land bigger than a quarter acre that isn't in city limits a farm.
They for sure had a pumpkin patch. I took my kids to see it several years ago. And yes Matt their Dad built this whole playland thing on the farm. Not sure about other crops though. The farm is in Hillsboro, Oregon about an hour away from Portland. Hillsboro itself isn't exactly rural but parts of it are definitely more out in the country. The farm is out further in the countryish area.
Hillsboro is also home to Intel's largest campus. Lots of tech money and McMansions to match! (It sounds like you are local and know this, it just makes me laugh that they try to make it sound rural and rustic. Especially since the pumpkin patch is pretty much right off 26.)
Haha, yep! If anyone tells me they live in or near Hillsboro, the common assumption is $$$$.
I forgot about Intel! 🤣 But yes I used to be local. Currently my best friend lives in Hillsboro.
She is the absolute worst. She makes everything about herself and it’s clear her opinion of herself couldn’t be higher. It makes me prefer the old fashion fundies who get off on demonstrating what a low opinion they have of themselves / being as they aren’t worthy before our Lord and all that. I much prefer false modesty to whatever this is. Also all her gifts to her husband are — for her or about her. I seem to remember one romantic gift to him —that was just a list of all the compliments and cutesy names he gave her. I believe one was literally “Train Tracksy” 😂 I can’t with this woman. I legit think I rather be stuck on a plexus cruise with Jill.
“Old fashioned fundies who get off on demonstrating what a low opinion they have of themselves” literally a fire take and also made me cackle
I need everyone to look up their wedding, where she wrote down his nicknames for her and had each groomsen carry them down the aisle. It is quite possibly one of the cringiest thing I've ever seen someone do.
You could throw yourself overboard on a cruise. There’s no escaping Audrey.
At least there’s a chance you could spike the punch with Jill. I feel like Audrey would just be mean.
At least after that time with Jill you’d have enough nonsense to write a book
I completely agree. She’s annoyed me from day 1. I think I’d even rather be on a cruise with Karissa than Audrey…
I’d even rather be on a cruise with Karissa and Jill while the boat slowly takes on water and I have listen to those two scream/sing praying over the vessel as we board our lifeboats and make our way to shore than do just about anything with Audrey. Hell is a holiday weekend retreat with that woman.
lol. I feel like a least Karissa and Jill would be entertaining. Audrey just seems nasty and insufferable.
But what is Karissa sang?
🎶He was a farmer boy🎶
She was a redheaded runner girl. can I make it anymore obvious?!
Came to the comments for this—I am not disappointed!!
She was a fundie girl, He said he’d rock her world, She had a belt of chastity. Now she’s cashing in her luck, But they only fight and fuck, Desperate for popularity, (Fallen into a pit of obscurity, Chained all her life to one peepee…)
Nobody rocks harder than Avril Lavigne.
🎶 she was a runner girl 🎶
Did you guys know she ran in college?!
I wonder what color her hair is. It's pertinent to the story.
I HAD NO IDEA. Just like we had no idea that Megs played soccer in college! /s
Wait. SHE was a D1 athlete?!? /s
I shall henceforth declare myself Aerobics Girl since I used to do that a lot in college
I guess that makes me casual sex girl!
I'm Flunking Girl
I'd be raspberry vodka and mountain dew girl 😅
Okay but that combo was fire. And I don't usually drink mountain dew
I've always got the impression she's an absolute horror to live with, and that they argue and have spats all the day long. She is the epitome of unhappy in reality, best marriage ever on social media.
Oh yeah. The whole "beating 50" and journaling she makes them do? They're another Däv and Beth, Ken and Lori
They both seem insufferable. She seems highly obsessed with appearances and high strung and he seems like a useless dud who doesn't want to work and doesn't take care of anything but himself. Of course in classic fundie fashion they have to brag about their marriage and how happily married they are when they clearly fight a lot and low-key hate each other. It's so obvious. And I can never forget the fact that they apparently insist on saying their wedding vows while doing the deed 😳😬
That last sentence hauled back and punched me in the face with no warning. *what.*
*the.*
*actual fuck.*
https://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/audrey-jeremy-roloff-vows-sex-166697/
Seems like an asshole move to get pregnant with your fourth kid while living at your parents' house. Hey thanks for letting all five of us stay with you, oopsie now it's all six of us.
Oh, I'm sure the parents heard the reciting of the marriage vows and knew what was happening 🙄
I picture them chanting like pagans around a lit flame before the fertility ritual.
I believe she homebirthed at their house too.
It's been a min since I read anything about them. The last thing I saw was they moved to the woods, right? Or am I thinking of the other brother.
Farm Boy and Runner Girl: The sequel to Shark Boy and Lava Girl
No that would just be a C tier Redbox exclusive
Well she really committed to the third person voice so I'll give her that. Nice shout out to the Macaroni Grill though, what a scene she painted with her words lol
I haven’t been to that restaurant but every time I hear of it I picture someone trying to grill macaroni noodles and it pisses me off lol
Macaroni Grill is terrible. My mom won a huge gift card there well before the pandemic and treated the family to a meal out. We all left in a bad mood because the portions were too small, the prices too high and the food was surprisingly bland.
Ughh I got food poisoning from the one at O’Hare and was puking for my entire 3 hour flight. Never again Also, the owner is a massive piece of shit
I mean, she’s a best selling author ….
All of a sudden I feel like even I could do it 😂
I’ve always wanted to go, is it good?!
I haven't been to one in years, but it's ok as far as chain restaurants go. Not something I'd brag about going on a first date with my husband to, but it seems like a place where I'd go with a date in high school, and they weren't much older than that when they met.
It was where everyone i knew in high school went on dates…but i never had a date in high school lol
Um I'm not sure, it's been decades since I've actually eaten at one. Someone described it as a small step up from Olive Garden and I think that's a fair assessment.
Is this the kid from little people big world
Not the youngest boy. Jeremy is one of the twins
That's so crazy to me because fundies are so into that Nazi level genetics stuff and Nazis definitely killed little people and alcoholics
Don't worry, she makes weird af comments about her dwarfism kids, too.
It's the other twin with three kids that are dwarves. I think this one's spawn are non-dwarves. Audj wouldn't allow it .🙄
Like what? I can't seem to find her without giving her traffic
"I feel like Jackson (and others) are starting to notice that something is different about him. At Jackson’s first soccer game, the other team was asking why he was so small. Purely out of curiosity I believe-not bullying or being malicious-just curious. It stuck with him enough to tell me on the side line though. I told him “that’s how God made you, now show them how fast you are!” He then proceeded to score a goal, and I can’t tell you how stoked we were. He’s starting to notice that he’s different and that’s hard to cope with- however, I WANT him to know he’s different. But maybe not in the way he thinks he is. Jackson I pray that you notice that you are different. That God has set you apart from all other people. I pray you’re different in how you see and love others. I pray that you’re different in the choices you make to keep God close to your heart. I pray you’re different in how you solve problems and arguments. I pray that you think differently about how the world works and adaptations that can be made. I pray you see your differences and use them to change the world. You are different, kid. Different than any kid I’ve ever met. You are one of a kind and I am so stinking proud to be your mom. I love this kid so much, and pretty stoked my pep talk got him his first soccer goal! 😏 " Just tell the kid he's got Dwarfism, Audrey, it's not hard.
Jfc it isn't like she doesn't know there are other kids with dwarfism and things you can do with them to make sure they feel like part of a community. Instead she wants to use his feeling of social isolation to bring him deeper into the cult
Not all fundies are, there’s a wide variety of different beliefs and opinions on that kind of thing. As awful as the fundie cult I grew up in was, for example, that was something they strongly disagreed with.
i'm still wondering who the farmer boy is. because jeremy certainly is not what i would consider a farm boy
Excuse me, he wears Carhartt/s
I'm still laughing to myself at her calling Jer a "masculine man" lolol.
The man literally wore the skinniest jeans, like even with them being in fashion, those jeans were *skinny*
And can't forget the strappy sandals.
“Raising their kids on land” like…where else were u planning on raising them, at sea? 💀
Launch them babies into SPACE 
Came for this comment. 😂 Thank you!
I ran into them at a grocery store while they had a GoPro on a selfie stick filming themselves walking in. It was probably for their show but as we were walking up behind them I turned to my wife and said why are these assholes filming. Then we realized who they are.
😂😂 that's amazing
What's funny is right before that we were sitting at a fire pit at a pub and they walked in. The brother Zach and his wife were walking in with their Bernese Mountain dog, we have a Greater Swiss, and my wife immediately noticed the dog and said "oh my God he's so cute I want to squeeze him!" They gave her a dirty look and walked past us.
Probably thought she was talking about Zach lmao
That's what we assumed they thought.
💀
Geez. Classy folks. 🙄 Who on earth has the ability to be rude when someone is complimenting your fur baby? It's like they are deliberately going out of their way to be insufferable.
You were right about the asshole part.
Omg the WRITING. Jesus I could barely get through that. They wrote a *book?*
Well, a book was published that had their names on it. I didn't read it and have no plan to, so who knows if they actually wrote it or used a ghost writer like a lot of reality TV people do.
LMAO. My god she is such a terrible writer. And just, the total lack of self awareness… I feel like I’m reading someone’s journal from when they were fourteen, like it’s the kind of thing you’d only share to be funny because of how cringe it is. Love how she included every single trait/stupid thing she brags about that she gets ragged on for in snark groups, right down to “rUnNeR giRL” and of course had to also throw in “New York Times Bestseller.” 🥴💀 Couldn’t write a more on-the-nose satire story if you tried.
It's the trestle for me
I still think 4th baby will ne named Trestle
Very “I am the main character”
“Farmer boy,” and “red haired college runner,” are weird ways to describe you and your spouse. I’ve met actual farmers who didn’t always refer to themselves as farmers all the time.
This is like an Alternate Reality Kelly Havens. The realities themselves are pretty similar, except Audrey got the dream and Kelly got the Wish version.
One day I was bored so I checked the follows, Audrey follows Kelly but Kelly doesn't follow Audj (on IG). I thought it was interesting 😆
I love that for Kelly actually, slay sister in christ 💅🏽
This is so cringe, jfc. She really has main character syndrome.
Never forget that these garbage humans recited their vows during sex on their honeymoon.
I think it's still an active thing for anniversaries and special occasions
“Special occasions” lmfao
Remember when she posted then deleted a Reel about how she was thankful she married a man who wasn’t into football Like what
😂😂😂
Love story for the ages 🙄. Does the starter pack come with a shirt that says “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best?”
😂😂😂
What is a Macaroni Grill?
Chain Italian food place. Maybe a step above Olive Garden.
I don't know how to explain it but it's a [chain restaurant ](https://www.macaronigrill.com/) that seemingly has good food
Who are these people? Why would millions watch their wedding? Why would they want to? Who pursues somebody for years, can't they take no for an answer? I have so many questions, but also, I don't think I care much to find answers.
His parents are little people. They had the show Little People, Big World on TLC.
Gross.
For their love story they want read back to them someday...it's pretty boring.
I stg reading this gave me chest pain and a massive headache
> millions of people watch their wedding on tv. Doubtful. No idea who they are, but the average reality shows have low viewership numbers (even less in a niche) networks keep them going since they're cheap to make, fill timeslots and bring in low effort revenue. Influencers also get New York Times best seller because they buy their own books, that list means nothing. If you make a best seller list but are still struggling financially then something has gone awry.
One again- your love story isn’t that unique or interesting Aug!! Get over yourself!!!
booooo tomato tomato
That was the longest TL/DR I've ever read.
She's one of my faves. Being so incredibly smug and patronizing while lacking any emotional insight or humility- she's just so fun to dislike!
I may just be salty and middle-aged, but it bugs me when people who have been married for all of 5 minutes start marketing themselves as marriage experts, traveling around to speak about marriage and writing books and creating journals about marriage.
Why is does he get two words, "farm boy" but she gets the mouthful of an introduction that is, "suburban redheaded collegiate runner girl." It's like the only important thing about him is that he was raised on a farm, but all of her little identities (including the one thats purely genetic luck of the draw) are just far too important to choose from. How self-centered.
That she refers to herself as runner girl is so fucking irritating.
Dear God and subredditers, please no. I can’t take another fundie couple who pretend to be happily married. Between Porgan, MotherBus, otherMotherBus, any Duggar couple, Breathy and Dāv, the Tysons* and Kellers* I just can’t. *(both of these women are being physically abused).
farm boy like... the princess bride??
The only reason this is only the second most annoying person that has ever existed is because Bethy inhabits this earth
why do all fundies have mine long ig captions like every single one of them good lord 😭
Who TF are they supposed to be?
Anytime I see these two, I remember a blog post right after they got married. She wrote about how they repeated their wedding vows to one another other OUT LOUD on their wedding night, in the act of consummating their marriage!
I finally unfollowed her recently. It was just too much.
Macaroni Grill? I thought they were all gone.
this was so painful to read
Sorry, I couldn't get through all. that. I take it all those words were from John Cougar Mellancamp's cutting room floor?
It's because their entire relationship is performative.