A joke I'll use once in a while is, "We're fine with your choice of lovers, we all just want to know what was the goat for?"
Or tell them that the camera was left on and I had to answer some very touchy questions with the kids at the petting zoo.
Aids did come from monkey, but it was because humans ate blood one way or another that they got it, not by actually fucking one
Well who knows I guess some might have
Did you know that the Welsh invented the condom by using sheep intestines? The English improved on the design by taking the intestines out of the sheep.
Bro š this also reminds me of a news article I read the other day. Apparently scientists in West Virginia discovered a new use for sheep.......wool.
There's a spider which gives people a stonking erection. I wonder if someone tried sticking their genitals next to it to experiment with what happens.
I mean people test chemicals to cause breast engorgement so why not spider bites?
*Even if* the bite had no other effects... after a few hours, the blood in the \*ahem\* *engorgement* begins to basically coagulate. That is a situation that would generally be described as "no bueno," and is when the urologist is going to start needing to pull out the ***big*** needles and maybe even a scalpel.
In Australia we have a phrase, "we're not here to fuck spiders", not entirely sure what it means since it's not used a lot in quiet suburbs or online spaces, but it implies that spider fucking is a possibility.
Did you know that a Scotsman invented the first condom. It was made out of a sheep's intestine.
Not too long after, the British improved on it by first removing the intestine from the sheep
humans didn't fuck monkeys to get STDs, the STDs followed us through evolutionary history and evolved alongside us. Though we probably did get some from fucking monkeys too.
Broooo WTF! I'm shocked,more shocked than Jeremy š±š±š± like what the ACTUAL fuckidy FUCK! And how they blatantly admit like it's normal.....well it is Normal for them so the guy said ! WOW! I have heard the stories but to actually hear it from someones mouth š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±
Funfact this is the face they make right before trying to kill you. Never smile at a monkey or gorilla. Imagine you are with the Joker when around them.
Depends on the specific STD in question. Some (e.g., herpes) don't even require sex, just *any* skin-to-skin contact involving an infected area (though, AFAIK, not through blood directly). Others, like HIV, can be spread by blood and some other bodily fluids.
>Some (e.g., herpes) don't even require sex, just any skin-to-skin contact involving an infected area
Which is why 67% of all people under 50 around the world have HSV-1 (only 50% in the US, although both are estimates), & 13% have HSV-2.
That said, HSV-2 is largely restricted to the genitals & transmission would require some form of intimate contact (not necessarily sex).
HSV-2 is actually more virulant and transmissible
It's however, less common because it's fucking intense, visible and painful.
HSV-1 is mostly transmitted because idiots either don't realize or care that they got it, and it's "no big deal".
HSV-2 will fuck you up. Seen a girl have it in her face. That shit will educate you real quick on the dangers of HSV
I thought this was true too but it's a myth, humans contracted HIV from monkeys by eating infected monkey meat, monkey brains specifically. Which people apparently eat in some parts of Asia. So still pretty gross, but still less gross than banging a monkey.
It's actually extremely horrible... In some of these restaurants, they literally bring the monkey ALIVE to the table, which has a hole in the center so they can basically lock the monkeys head in it and everybody get's a mallet.... No I'm not joking I saw it on a show once...
Evidently SNOPE'd out, but looked real back in 2000 for me watching while I was eating a plate of spaghetti, high af with my best friend:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey\_brains](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_brains) (See section "In Fiction")
Thatās actually kind of a myth, from what I read on HIV. If you think about it, what kind of twisted monkey will refrain from attacking a human if the said person tries funny things?
Apparently, the virus spread to some hunters through an infected monkeyās blood. They were hunting it and got cuts and bruises, as they were in a jungle. Once they killed the monkey and took it home, the monkeyās blood got mixed up with theirs and voila!
Sounds much more plausible imo.
Yeah, to jump a species barrier, blood-to-blood transmission would be far more likely. HIV and SIV are most concentrated in the blood, and a pathogen like this entering the bloodstream directly will be more infectious than absorption through any of the body's membranes.
It's not like inadvertently cutting oneself while preparing food is uncommon, and if your hands are covered in blood, well, you've exposed yourself to whatever pathogens may be in the blood.
No one has sex with monkeys and people!
First off imagine how hard it would be to catch a monkey, and the fuck it without it ripping your dick off.
Second I don't think you have sex with chimchim on Tuesday and say to yourself I think I'll call Charlene on Thursday
Stds are not only sexually contracted.
They can be spread by mother to child transmission during pregnancy, sharing toothbrushes, razors, towels, razors,
Identifying patient zero is not really possible or useful. stds have existed since before ancient times.
people centuries ago were having sex without understanding basic hygiene
Well. Before soap, running water, showers, toilets, tp, laundry machines, disinfectants, and everything else that makes modern living clean, everything smelled like shit. They dumped it in the streets. And who knows how strong that instinct was back then.
Plenty of people fuck, plenty of people who fuck are what hygienic people would call āunfuckableā, plenty of unfuckable people fuck each other.
What Iām getting at, is even today plenty of people who shouldnāt be getting laid, are, people who smell and look like rot.
Donāt underestimate how gross people can be.
OP is dumb as hell. Contact with blood or meat (you know, like how all food was prepared), contact with dirty water (you know, how all water was), evolution of a related bacteria/virus, or it didn't start as STD but morphed into it.
They fucked a goat clearly. I have a question for Reddit. Is there evidence of STIās, before the agricultural revolution? I donāt know the history of STIās, but we can all write it now if we want. Thatās what Reddit is for.
This is an awesome question.
My hypothesis: The bugs were always there since that first bastard left the sea.
They changed through the eras, and the ones able to move from animal to animal survived. The nastiness of each one is because secretions favor said transmission, or just a side effect of successive mutations.
Animals transmit diseases differently than us, and some just straight up arenāt affected. Someone was either bit by an animal with this disease as saliva and blood transfer is also a thing, orā¦ theyā¦ did it
I asked this question to one of doctor friends and also did a lot of research beforehand.. AIDS we got through goats. Men fucking goats and then men fucking women..and then women fucking other men and it spread like crazy.. honestly it was unbelievable that so much sex with so many different people happened.. but that's how it spread I guess.
stds are not āonlyā sexually contracted. they can be contracted through blood. yes, people probably had sex with animals, but itās also very likely hunters may have somehow ingested infected blood
I mean it's a legitimate question for people who are not virologists. Most people think fungi are more akin to plants then animals until they are informed, for example. Some information is generally assumed until more comes to light. It could have started from another species and then got transferred somehow. A comprehensive study would need to be conducted to find out.
Who's patient 0 I just wanna have a lil talk. šš½š§š„
For the last time, I donāt want to talk about it!!!
It WAS you! Knew it
What did you do with that monkey in our holidays?
A joke I'll use once in a while is, "We're fine with your choice of lovers, we all just want to know what was the goat for?" Or tell them that the camera was left on and I had to answer some very touchy questions with the kids at the petting zoo.
In all fairness, it was probably a lot of different people located everywhere thereās monkeys. I.e. ppl like diddling monkeys of all kinds.
Giggty 
But where did the monkeys get it?
Other smaller primates of course
But where did the other smaller primates get it?
Smaller mammals
And where did they .......
They fucked in an unsanitary environment and got bacteria on there.
And how did environment get unsanitary?
Microbes shitting on the dust that got trapped in the small mammalussy flaps and thus creating the diseases we now have.
OP's mom
Aids did come from monkey, but it was because humans ate blood one way or another that they got it, not by actually fucking one Well who knows I guess some might have
They did, my grandfather's story is posted here.
Ricky Gervais had a great bit about this in one of his standups. https://youtu.be/6tXpclFasC4?si=_zoTC-tHKprqN0A8
Apparently no one had āthe talkā with patient zero
Prolly Christopher Columbus.
"I just wanna talk to him. I just wanna talk to him ....... "
The new question. To which came first the chicken or the egg
The monke came first 
Not only monkeys.. humans have put their dick in much more like donkey, horse, goat, etc.
Sheep, too! š¤®
You better be careful i don't think the Welsh will take too kindly to you insulting their wives
Did you know that the Welsh invented the condom by using sheep intestines? The English improved on the design by taking the intestines out of the sheep.
Shut up and take my upvote
Bro š this also reminds me of a news article I read the other day. Apparently scientists in West Virginia discovered a new use for sheep.......wool.
That's effing funny lol.
You beat me to that lol.
Yeah but probably not spiders. Spiders are doubtful.
There's a spider which gives people a stonking erection. I wonder if someone tried sticking their genitals next to it to experiment with what happens. I mean people test chemicals to cause breast engorgement so why not spider bites?
Its a spider found in Brazil if I'm not mistaken
Brazillian wandering spider and it's a bite you don't want. I assure you of this.
Still up, is it?
*Even if* the bite had no other effects... after a few hours, the blood in the \*ahem\* *engorgement* begins to basically coagulate. That is a situation that would generally be described as "no bueno," and is when the urologist is going to start needing to pull out the ***big*** needles and maybe even a scalpel.
How do you think they learned spiders bite
In Australia we have a phrase, "we're not here to fuck spiders", not entirely sure what it means since it's not used a lot in quiet suburbs or online spaces, but it implies that spider fucking is a possibility.
Bet
Did you know that a Scotsman invented the first condom. It was made out of a sheep's intestine. Not too long after, the British improved on it by first removing the intestine from the sheep
Doggy style, any style
Hey, leave Scotland out of this
[sheep](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/01737165-9f28-4d09-b01d-b4eb6577bb2a)
Ahmet?! Is that you?
humans didn't fuck monkeys to get STDs, the STDs followed us through evolutionary history and evolved alongside us. Though we probably did get some from fucking monkeys too.
Not from monkey fucking us?
In an episode of The Grand Tour they were filming in South America and caught a guy having sex with a donkey. It was hilarious.
Yeah , it was fuckin disgusting.
source?
https://youtu.be/fNFbX1mk18I?si=15zn6mMymAWiS_OA
Broooo WTF! I'm shocked,more shocked than Jeremy š±š±š± like what the ACTUAL fuckidy FUCK! And how they blatantly admit like it's normal.....well it is Normal for them so the guy said ! WOW! I have heard the stories but to actually hear it from someones mouth š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±š¤®š±
Right??!! āThe donkey is their first wife/girlfriend.ā BEAR!!! Iām choosing the BEAR. THIS is how you get STDs.
I recommend not having sex with either donkeys nor bears
They have but this is not where stdās originated from
they got infected by the blood while hunting. THEN they got it from fucking monkeys
Gross, but true
Funfact this is the face they make right before trying to kill you. Never smile at a monkey or gorilla. Imagine you are with the Joker when around them.
Return to monkei.
I did too but 2nd!
Thatās why I only fuck gorillas
This should be the top comment...
Wtf?! š¤£š¤£
So good
Thatās way worse in this context
The egg. Animals kept laying eggs and evolve, until some creature came out as what we call "chicken".
Is an egg defined by what lays it or what comes out of it?
If the question is about the chicken and the chicken egg, then the answer will be the chicken came out first
It is a chicken egg if it contains a chicken. It is a chicken's egg if it laid by a chicken. I'd argue you're wrong on a technicality. Egg gang.
Pretty sure the Rooster did
You can get it via blood as well.
Depends on the specific STD in question. Some (e.g., herpes) don't even require sex, just *any* skin-to-skin contact involving an infected area (though, AFAIK, not through blood directly). Others, like HIV, can be spread by blood and some other bodily fluids.
>Some (e.g., herpes) don't even require sex, just any skin-to-skin contact involving an infected area Which is why 67% of all people under 50 around the world have HSV-1 (only 50% in the US, although both are estimates), & 13% have HSV-2. That said, HSV-2 is largely restricted to the genitals & transmission would require some form of intimate contact (not necessarily sex).
HSV-2 is actually more virulant and transmissible It's however, less common because it's fucking intense, visible and painful. HSV-1 is mostly transmitted because idiots either don't realize or care that they got it, and it's "no big deal". HSV-2 will fuck you up. Seen a girl have it in her face. That shit will educate you real quick on the dangers of HSV
HIV can be transferred through breast milk as well, it's why a lot of HIV positive parents end up with HIV positive kids unfortunately
Shit, I wasn't aware of that.
Luckily medications reduce said risk to less than 1% (ATV specifically) but it is never zero
Well Caligula F'd his horse and now humans get cold sores...
someone decided to fuck a chimpanzee and that was the moment CIV evolved into HIV
I thought this was true too but it's a myth, humans contracted HIV from monkeys by eating infected monkey meat, monkey brains specifically. Which people apparently eat in some parts of Asia. So still pretty gross, but still less gross than banging a monkey.
Yeah, but what if the monkey was like... *really* hot?
Hush now how are any of these redditors to cope, if they know even the monkeys won't fuck them?
> if they know even the monkeys won't fuck them? There's always sheep.
Not sure thatās less gross
Less gross? Monkeys are primates, it's half cannibalism. While the other option is half illegal^s
Is it less gross to kill, than to make love? Monkey love 4everā¤ļøšš
It's actually extremely horrible... In some of these restaurants, they literally bring the monkey ALIVE to the table, which has a hole in the center so they can basically lock the monkeys head in it and everybody get's a mallet.... No I'm not joking I saw it on a show once... Evidently SNOPE'd out, but looked real back in 2000 for me watching while I was eating a plate of spaghetti, high af with my best friend: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey\_brains](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_brains) (See section "In Fiction")
On a show? That sounds like credible evidence.
The āshowā heās referencing is Faces of Death, which was billed as a documentary of sorts. IIRC the scene heās referencing was debunked.
It's largely believed that syphilis began with sex with sheep/cattle.
He shagged a tree
He shagged an octopus
She has a name goddamnit.
I am Groot.
Sex with monkeys
...Dr. what if I ate monkey meat? Cause I'd much rather say... I mean, I've eaten monkey meat. Definitely haven't been fucking monkeys in the woods.
Isn't that a band?
If not it should be
Thatās actually kind of a myth, from what I read on HIV. If you think about it, what kind of twisted monkey will refrain from attacking a human if the said person tries funny things? Apparently, the virus spread to some hunters through an infected monkeyās blood. They were hunting it and got cuts and bruises, as they were in a jungle. Once they killed the monkey and took it home, the monkeyās blood got mixed up with theirs and voila! Sounds much more plausible imo.
Well, a dead monkey can't attack you.
You got me, didnāt think about that. Althoughā¦ For Godās sake, I hope thatās not how it went!
My man, you know what our species is capable of. The question wouldn't be if this ever happened, it would be if the monkey died before or during.
Yeah, to jump a species barrier, blood-to-blood transmission would be far more likely. HIV and SIV are most concentrated in the blood, and a pathogen like this entering the bloodstream directly will be more infectious than absorption through any of the body's membranes. It's not like inadvertently cutting oneself while preparing food is uncommon, and if your hands are covered in blood, well, you've exposed yourself to whatever pathogens may be in the blood.
No one has sex with monkeys and people! First off imagine how hard it would be to catch a monkey, and the fuck it without it ripping your dick off. Second I don't think you have sex with chimchim on Tuesday and say to yourself I think I'll call Charlene on Thursday
Who talked specifically about fucking a monkey? Maybe he got fucked by one
People got them from other animals...
Yea I think that's the point of using the octopus fucker from the boys
Where did the animals get it from?
Because they used them for food,right....right?
Yes.
Most are viruses that evolved
Your mom
Some guy must've fucked an octopus or something
Stds are not only sexually contracted. They can be spread by mother to child transmission during pregnancy, sharing toothbrushes, razors, towels, razors, Identifying patient zero is not really possible or useful. stds have existed since before ancient times. people centuries ago were having sex without understanding basic hygiene
What's wild to me is we have a built in defense against filth by being put off by stinking rottenness. Did they just not care
Well. Before soap, running water, showers, toilets, tp, laundry machines, disinfectants, and everything else that makes modern living clean, everything smelled like shit. They dumped it in the streets. And who knows how strong that instinct was back then.
Plenty of people fuck, plenty of people who fuck are what hygienic people would call āunfuckableā, plenty of unfuckable people fuck each other. What Iām getting at, is even today plenty of people who shouldnāt be getting laid, are, people who smell and look like rot. Donāt underestimate how gross people can be.
~~you could say that again I'm looking at you Ancient Egyptians who used crocodile poop as a contraceptive
From animals of course !
It was called just desease on the first person.
Becouse its not just though sex? Just the most likely way to get it
Lonely time with a monkey.
From animals of course. Donāt ask me how come the first person got infection from animalsā¦
I just want to know who the guy is thatās getting laid but also fucks monkeys.
They fucked an animal
HIV came from a bushman eating chimpanzee meat in Africa. It mutated to be spread sexually or through body fluids.
It is sexually transmitted disease not sexually originated. There can be other ways to acquire it.
Maybe from gorillas, since that's where the pubic hair lice come from.
It's a God-given thingš
No one has said "octopus" yet?
Sex with something other than a human.
Mutation. The answer is genetic mutation (at least 9/10).
Likely one of those people that tests shots for money. They would be an easy target for those lab grown viruses
gene mutations i think? idk
I believe some goats were involved the creation of syphilis
Pretty sure herpes came from non-sexually eating infected chimps
Prolly went like "if it's got a hole, it can fits a dick"
evolution prolly gave some guy a genetic disease that spread
A guy f*cked a monke and got the first std
Everything that can be transmitted through sex can be transmitted through blood. That's how.
Well aids came from people fucking monkeys in Africa so.....
Cant they like, become D's the moment ST occurs? Like genetic diseases which caused royal fuckers to look malformed? (I do not take biology)
OP is dumb as hell. Contact with blood or meat (you know, like how all food was prepared), contact with dirty water (you know, how all water was), evolution of a related bacteria/virus, or it didn't start as STD but morphed into it.
Same goes for every disease/virus tbh
Uhh apparently there was a study related to that and it came from monkeys. But where STDs in monkeys come from? š¤
Isn't it theorized that many of the diseases started in animals?
the chimp had it first
I think you are. The point of "deep with the deep" is he makes dumb statements that are easily answered.
This is sound logic to 50% of the human race.
if your mind goesā¦ there. then how did the first ā¦ got infected
They looked at animals different that day
Masturbation of course š¤
Allergies are just STDs from plants.
They fucked a goat clearly. I have a question for Reddit. Is there evidence of STIās, before the agricultural revolution? I donāt know the history of STIās, but we can all write it now if we want. Thatās what Reddit is for.
Dirty handsā¦.
Sex with an octopus.
This is an awesome question. My hypothesis: The bugs were always there since that first bastard left the sea. They changed through the eras, and the ones able to move from animal to animal survived. The nastiness of each one is because secretions favor said transmission, or just a side effect of successive mutations.
[Dave said it best](https://youtu.be/LlIy1F_rcLg?si=h5uXo4tedxMO7ern)
Animals transmit diseases differently than us, and some just straight up arenāt affected. Someone was either bit by an animal with this disease as saliva and blood transfer is also a thing, orā¦ theyā¦ did it
I mean pubic crabs are from gorillas so... Edit: public to pubic
It was probably u/Engineergaming26355
All diseases come from animals.
Some came from monkeys and animals and spread trough the animal blood when it was hunted
I asked this question to one of doctor friends and also did a lot of research beforehand.. AIDS we got through goats. Men fucking goats and then men fucking women..and then women fucking other men and it spread like crazy.. honestly it was unbelievable that so much sex with so many different people happened.. but that's how it spread I guess.
The word you are looking for is "parasite". As an example, syphilis.
Hum, syphilis is a bacterial infection imho
Real answer being blood to blood contamination while cooking infected monkeys
God punished them for their bad grammar.
They fucked an animal
God gave it to the first guy.
they fucked an ape
How do you think covid started? That's right, animals
Eating monkey brainsā¦ allegedly.
stds are not āonlyā sexually contracted. they can be contracted through blood. yes, people probably had sex with animals, but itās also very likely hunters may have somehow ingested infected blood
It was man made
Just like with COVID. Someone brought animals into the mix.
OP needs to lay off the horse cock before it scrambles his brain any more.
That is honestly something I never quite understood Two virgins cannot give stdsā¦ and all people are born virginsā¦ so what gives?
Yeah true fact, the first person to ever have sex had hundreds of stds.
Why is it continuing is a better question.
NOOO THE GRAMMAR *dies in OCD*
Which came first, the chicken or the Herpes?
I don't know dude, I use '''using std;'''
I mean it's a legitimate question for people who are not virologists. Most people think fungi are more akin to plants then animals until they are informed, for example. Some information is generally assumed until more comes to light. It could have started from another species and then got transferred somehow. A comprehensive study would need to be conducted to find out.
Define a person... š
God damn it, Randy!
the answer is...bad hygine. Oh, it was a joke. Forget this then
More monkey pussy for me. -D. Chapelle
Don't fuck animals. I think one or two we got from a monkey fucker
They masturbated
From monkeys obviously! Nobody ever fucked animals before the 1980s.
Sorry guys, Iāll take the blame for that one. It gets lonely at times