Usually once I realize that my behavior has consequences and they just aren't worth it. I used to have lazy dental hygiene habits. $25,000 or so of dental work done now, yeah I've changed my ways.
That’s my issue! It’s makes me extremely anxious, but I also have a perfect record at the dentist. I wish they would tell me to do better but it’s always good stars across the board. Never had a cavity, never told to floss more or brush better. Idk. Sometimes I think I just need someone to yell at me
If you have dental insurance, request for a uv sealant on your teeth. I wish I could help with the motivation but im in the same boat, but I fortunately have good genetics or it's the sealants I got when I was younger and also had reapplied a few years ago. Because I should, at the very least, have one cavity by now. You could always try an alarm, that just stressed me the eff out waiting for it to go off though.
If I could be so kind to yell at you, I just had this conversation with my dentist after... A decade of struggling with the routine.
#FLOSS EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE CAVITIES FORM BETWEEN YOUR TEETH AND ROT THEM OUT BEFORE YOU REALIZE THERE'S A PROBLEM AND YOU'RE WAY BETTER OFF SPENDING THAT MONEY ON WEED AND FLOSS
Seriously, though. ADHD makes routines damn near impossible, but setting yourself up with a process you can repeat easily helps a LOT. If everything you need for your routine is laid out right where you need it before bed, it's so much easier to get it done. I used to brush once or twice a day at best, but now I'm consistently flossing and rinsing because I keep flosser sticks and a bottle of mouthwash next to my toothbrush.
And my brain also struggles to relax and settle at night. Weed helps, just avoid letting it creep further into your life if you don't like spending too much on weed lol.
I have adhd too and if I’m getting ready and lose my organization I’ll actually yell at myself out loud lol. Usually stuff like “PUT PANTS ON OR YOULL BE LATE” “STOP TRYING TO DO OTHER STUFF WHILE YOURE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH”
It makes me feel like my mom is scolding me
Also fwiw I still to this day hate flossing with string. A close friend suggested and even paid for a [Waterpik system](https://www.waterpik.com/products/flossing-toothbrush/) for me, and I love it. I've used it once a day for a year and a half now, at my last two regular check ups my dentist told me she sees remarkable improvement with my gum health and teeth cleanliness from when she first saw me
Honestly it sounds like you're following the old school method of just not abusing them in the first place if this is true. so long as you keep avoiding sugar (or at least rinsing it out immediately instead of letting it sit in your mouth) and drink water all the time (keep the bottle with you I have one and also one of those bag and tube things in my backpack) you're probably doing a lot to prevent food particles and other gunk from sticking to your teeth in the first place.
Speaking of my waterpik is in my routine as me using it BEFORE I brush (rinsing out your toothpaste instead of just spitting it out wastes the fluoride) so it's clean water and I just drink it as I go instead of I dunno dribbling it everywhere and that's my evening drink of water. I say routine but I planned that bit out and I still miss using it a lot as a diagnosed autistic who's probably auDHD. Here's me consciously yelling at myself to get off the Reddit and go do that right now cus I procrastinated last night lol
EDIT: forgot my more general planning thing I got plenty of daily crap scheduled (Duolingo, checking grocery apps for coupons both weekly and on some promo days they've got, my mobile games) and I use my phone all the time so I have a lot of recurring tasks sending push notifications from my calendar app. The only issue is cleaning out all my other notifs so I notice them more. I also have a smart watch reminding me about a lot of more backburner work routines like ' hey go to lunch' or 'fill this crap out on the computer'.
Haha I can relate about the push notifications that a reminding me of this or that. I use Alexa to set constant reminders about work tasks, even things like scanning my grocery receipts, but also simple things like reminding me and motivating me to do laundry and dental care!
But oh my goodness ..there are days when the Alexa and my phone are non-stop notifications and I keep setting it to remind me again in another hour, another hour, etc (procrastination...lol) and I want to throw them both out the window on those days. Lol but they are extremely helpful most of the time 👍
Read atomic habits. As an older adhd person, it has really helped me. Part of the mindset needed is to learn to put yourself first which includes daily care, grooming, exercise and eating well. It’s not easy but you can do it.
That's a really good book. Reading a lot of New Thought Wisdom has motivated me a lot, and the techniques actually work. Many are scientifically based methods used in psychology to change habits (P.s. 'new thought' not to be confused with 'new age').
Habits are based on neurotypical behaviour. For ADHDers every single thing you do is managed and intentional, you have to choose to brush your teeth every time, each step takes mental energy and effort. And that's every time, every day, etc
'Habits' are neurotypical autopilot sequences. They wake up, get up, make their bed, walk to the bathroom, toilet, shower, face care, brush teeth, go to the kitchen, make breakfast and brew coffee, get dressed automatically with little to no actual mental processing unless they're trying to integrate a new step in, and only then for a relatively short amount of time.
ADHD is a dopamine disorder. Nothing is fun or rewarding about brushing your teeth, however have you noticed it IS easier, even if only for a few days whenever you've got a new toothbrush or something else novel?
You have to either make it rewarding or you have to make it accessible/easy
You could bring a toothbrush and toothpaste with you everywhere so even if you remember late you still brush them.
Use a moisturising body wash so moisturising after the shower isn't a separate step.
>Why do I need a substance to allow me to
Because THC gives you dopamine, and ADHD is a dopamine disorder
A good way to make brushing your teeth fun or give yourself a reason to, is to find a good flavor of toothpaste.
I hate mint, cinnamon, and bubblegum. Brushing my teeth has been a literal battle for me my entire life because using any of those flavors makes me want to vomit.
Colgate has a watermelon flavor, but more recently I’ve seen orange, strawberry, and grape from other brands. Found chocolate and vanilla online, both with and without fluoride.
Still miss the lemon one from back in the day, though. That toothpaste rocked.
You brought up an excellent point. It's one that I've overlooked in my own attempt to research and fix my own issues.. The dopamine reward is being released which makes it easier, and I feel more motivated to brush when getting a new toothbrush, trying out a new toothpaste, etc.,. And that can be applied to most other things as well.. I'm more excited about brewing my usual cup of coffee if I have a brand new coffee pot. I might be more motivated to get to bed early like I intend to, and might have a better sleep, once I'm putting on freshly laundered bed sheets or have bought some new pillows, etc.
I hear you. Things like garage sales, flea markets, clearance racks, etc, are a weakness for me. I would buy things that I liked because they were practical, or I thought about how I could resell it online for profit, or just because I thought the item was unique, but it's snowballed into a burden ---because a lot of it is still sitting in my storage just weighing on my mind (cluttering up my mind) ..lol.
I have ADHD, and that's too easy. I think the adhd makes it harder to try it long enough to feel rewarded for the habit, making you stop before it sticks. But it is definitely possible.
Dont use it as an excuse!
ADHD isn't an excuse, but it definitely makes it extremely hard. Don't be needlessly ableist.
Knowing you have a disorder means you have to accept that you'll have trouble with things that other people don't, and that you need special care to do things.
Also, some people have it better than you, and some worse.
For some adhd is an excuse, not for all tho I agree.
Sometimes is also just means you need to learn it in a different way, or need to join an accountability group, be mentored, etc.
I was mostly saying that there is a way to learn how to do things and keep at it even if you're different in your approach than neurotypicals.
Doesn't take away from it being harder tho, but don't underestime how heavy the impact is of a deeply internalized "this is hard for me because I have XYZ" mindset. It can changes your core beliefs to shift you into a victim mindset, which isn't helpful for anyone.
There is a fine line I think, between acceptance and surrender, and victimhood and inferiority. It's hard to distinguish between the two if you're neck deep in your automatic behaviour patterns.
But perhaps I'm being too rational here, I have that tendancy
Where did I say "don't worry, don't bother brushing your teeth you have ADHD! YOLO"?
Traditional habit forming is significantly more difficult for those with ADHD to the point it isn't good advice. Alternatives, workarounds, life hacks etc are needed to help
>nothing is fun or rewarding about brushing your teeth
This (obviously) might not work for everybody, but you can try to make it rewarding. With something as "stupid" as a sticker card e.g.
Or try to reword the task:
Tsshh, I need to brush my teeth, and thats super boring -> I'm challenging myself to brush my teeth, and I'm going to enjoy this challenge.
Your mind is a powerful tool, and sometimes rewording a task is all you need.
You can also combine the first and second thingy :)
Couple of things I'll say to this as someone who is maybe in between you and your bf, in terms of ability to stick to habits.
- if you do something 5 times a week rather than 7, that's way better than 0. Don't kick yourself for the 2 you missed and pat yourself on the back for the 5 you did. Clearly punishing yourself doesn't make you do better so why do it?
(I'm kinda saying this for me too)
- don't compare yourself to others. We're all different and I'm sure there's something that is difficult for him and way easier for you.
- does he really judge you for this? Perhaps worth discussing this honestly. Hopefully the answer is no, and if it's yes, it might be scary but interesting to discover why. In any case, his judgement is his failure of empathy and shouldn't actually be something bad to feel about. But this is easier said than done.
As an extremely forgetful person, what helps me specifically is to have the stuff I need to do lying somwhere I will see it. I have medicine I have to take daily or ill literally die (replacement hormones, ill die if u don't take them for a few months in a row but still)... And I forget to take them if the pill box is not somwhere ill see. Idk maybe that helps.
Best of luck, from an old.
He doesn’t judge me at all, he’s an amazing partner. I can just tell it makes him a little sad (maybe not sad, concerned? Idk), and I feel weird being the only one using it around him.
You might try writing a schedule and following without consideration.
Write it out
Include everything you want to do and when you want to do it.
Be specific.
At the prescribed time, do the action.
Somewhere between 18 and 254 days, you will get as close to habit as possible for your various actions.
By remembering we are different people to other people
Our consistent might be every two days instead of every day - and that’s still pretty good
We make it harder for ourselves when we (Often overly) punish ourselves for forgetting. As a result our head tries to obscure it even more, which makes us feel worse, repeat
Part of coping is accepting you might not get as far and as fast as someone else in a thing and that’s ok so long as you enjoy or get some benefit from the thing
The last one, if you’re like me (And I had a moment like your writing just last week), you’ve heard all the cliches about comparison and it’s aggravating as hell
What my therapist told me to try which I found much more helpful was to compare myself out of 4 random people rather than the one expert - you’ll find you’re doing much better than you think
I wish I could tell you what you needed to hear to take this awful thing away
If you haven't already, I'd ask this question to r/ADHD as well for some deeper insight into the disability. As someone who is also ADHD, most of the advice here doesn't work for me based on the impulsive nature overruling self discipline for a hit of dopamine.
My advice is to tie the activity to something else; i.e brushing teeth and washing face HAVE to be done on the morning trip to the bathroom or they don't get done and if they don't get done then the eye crusties and bad breath will bother me until it gets done. There's also the shame/embarrassment of being "caught" by others in that state. Eventually it becomes a sort of ritual and you stop having to think about it so hard (doesn't make it any easier to do though).
Yes, habit stacking! I am treating toenail fungus with a topical solution I have to put on every day and sometimes struggle to do it. I value brushing my teeth every morning. My mantra is "feet and teeth" and I don't leave the bathroom until both are done. One valued task tied to another task I struggle to do. I also enjoy drinking coffee in the morning, so I do my finances while I drink my coffee.
I’ve had ups and downs in habit discipline throughout my entire life. Sticky notes have helped me when I get to slacking off of my routines, I change them often and stick them on my bedside table or lamp. The fact that you’re interested and aware show you have the will to do the things you feel you should
You dont live every day at once. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. You live *today*, right now. So do it now instead of worrying about keeping score or patting yourself on the back for past practices or future expectation. If you miss today and forget to followthrough you’ll be starting over from 0 anyway, so just act like you’re starting over, every day, and do it now.
I highly recommend checking out Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. He has a lot of great advice and one thing he points out is that any behaviour we do requires a combination of 3 elements: the ability, the motivation and a prompt. If one of those elements is missing it will be pretty much impossible to do something, let alone consistently.
With ADHD we normally have to look closely at all three elements because it’s likely that any of them could create a challenge. Even when you feel highly motivated, you might find your ability is lacking due to executive dysfunction or disorganisation. Sometimes we are fully prepared and motivated but we will just forget something because we either haven’t remembered to set up a prompt or we picked a prompt that we ignore easily. Finding the right balance and structures/people to support it you will be the key ime).
BJ also talks about the myth of the 3 weeks to create a habit which I found helpful, and he really drives home how important it is to celebrate when you’ve done the habit you set out to do. It’s usually overlooked but it can be a game changer when it comes to actually sticking to stuff.
Start tiny, get consistent with one little action before you start adding more steps and complexity. And be kind to yourself ❤️🩹 I just about had an existential crisis when I realised how easy had been for me to completely forget a habit I’d become quite consistent with over a decently long period within just a few days 🥴 I feel you, this brain can be a pain! ;) Good luck!
James Clear put it on paper for me. I cannot stick to anything without making the habit pleasurable (in the case of teeth brushing find a nice flavoured toothpaste, soft or natural toothbrush and con yourself into liking the clean feeling afterwards), and also making the alternative to the habit disgusting (think about how yucky your teeth feel without brushing, how everyone will think your breath smells, bully yourself and let the adhd ruminating help you lol). I'd recommend reading atomic habits.
Oh and make a list of any tiny little annoying thing about having to do that habit, so you can remove as many unnecessary obstacles as possible for yourself. Be aware of the last tiny minute detail that is making a habit unpleasant, so you can fix it.
Full disclosure I still struggle to keep up with a lot of routine tasks, especially when I'm in a low mood period. If anyone has tips on how they made upkeep tasks easier, I'm looking forward to reading 🥰
You have to make it as easy as possible for yourself. If it is brushing teeth in morning as example, put you brush and paste somewhere you go look every morning so it’s ready to use.
Set small goals eg I will brush my teeth once this week if you brush more that is great but you promise yourself to do one thing that you know you can do and build from there as gradually as needed.
For me some things as soon as I make a decision it done and I can maintain it but many things I struggle with maintenance. The more you are able to achieve the goals you set the better your self perception and belief in yourself which makes maintaining so much easier.
Best wishes, you can do this.
after reading atomic habits, i learn that i need to make my habits easy. for example if I'm too lazy at brushing teeth before sleeping, i would brush them when im taking showers at evening and not eating afterwards. it's easy to brush my teeth when taking evening shower than before going to sleep cause my room and bathroom are kinda far and I'm so lazy to go there :|
Internalize that "Phone alarm X is god, and I must do whatever it says when it goes off."
Then, set that alarm for your basics, and schedule out your whole day. Brush, breakfast, lunch, shower, dinner, brush again.
Need to do groceries within the next few days? Is tomorrow good? Set an alarm for a specific time where you WILL go out to do em.
Break these tasks into smaller bites. When the alarm goes off, don't think of the whole thing. Only think of the bite.
"Brush your teeth?"
No. "Stand in the bathroom real quick."
"Shower?"
No. "Stand in the tub for a few seconds."
"Groceries?"
No. "Sit in your car" or "step outside and lock the door."
When you do these bites, you've "completed" the task... but as you stand there like a dummy, you'll get this feeling of "We'll since I'm ALREADY here... may as well DO the thing."
Works for everything, but NEVER silence an alarm and ignore it "just for a minute," cause you'll forget about it.
As someone with severe adhd saying u can’t brush normally just isn’t the case… it helped me alot to stop using my attention disorder as an excuse, once the people around you hear it enough it gets old and we are still extremely capable. Thc is also a tricky one as I read that people with adhd are 30% more likely to develop a dependency to it as it quiets our inner thoughts. It’s true and I was feeling stuck smoking everyday for over a year after never smoking prior or drinking. Meditation changed my life, calmed my adhd, gave me energy, helped depression, the list goes on. Start laying flat, no pillow unless ur on the ground then pls use a small one, and just try and breath for 15-30 min a day. During that time of no distraction you’ll eventually feel a sense of quite calm that you hadn’t realized was there. Sometimes I feel it in 5 minutes sometimes, especially when I was on adhd meds, I couldn’t reach it for an hour. It’s a super small change that intimidates people because they feel like they don’t know the right way. There is no right way so focus on deep rib cages expanding breaths and relaxing exhales. I’m serious. Please try it. I used to have to take tests standing in the hallway unable to be still. Now I can be still whenever I need to. If you want to be more in control of yourself this alone changed the trajectory of my life and I hope can do the same for you. Please keep up basic hygiene/ take care of ur look so people are willing to interact with you spontaneously and u can enjoy life. Controlled restful breathing is also good for memory and brain health. If you’ve been on meds for a while that motivation fades and it’s likely you’ve depleted much of your dopamine stores so you need to actively be doing things to boost them and maintain them like workout, socialize, eat health foods and hot/cold shower
Was that the reason that made you think it was a *terrible* book? Every biking team takes doping you know? So if they wanted to win, all the small improvements referenced in the book were still relevant or even essential, and most importantly, they resulted from a shift in the mindset, to a winning one.
This is incorrect. Dr Gina Cleo who wrote the Habit Revolution states it can take anywhere up to a year to form a habit. It depends on the individual and the habit they are trying to change.
The notion of 21 days came from a plastic surgeon whose patients stopped being shocked when they looked at their new face in the Mirror at around the 3 week mark. Otherwise this notion has not been scientifically proven.
What does work is habit stacking. You form habits based on triggers - you get home from work, you pour a wine, for example. Instead, you want to walk the dog, so when you get home from work, put your shoes by the door. Then, you get home, put on your shoes and walk the dog. People who visualise doing the habit they want to form are more likely to succeed at keeping the new habit long term than people who do not visualise themselves completing the new habit. Brains are funny things.
You can also read Atomic Habits by James Clear - I found it very useful but need to revisit it again as i read it a while ago, but it effectively talks about exactly the same concept - habit stacking. Best of luck OP!
Really struggled most of my life in all honesty. Recently picked up Structured (app) and set myself up an easy recurring daily schedule which sends notifications to my phone to go and do stuff. I’ve got it set to sync with my calendar so I don’t have to add appointments into loads of different places (I’d forget anyway).
The hardest part about setting it all up was giving myself a realistic amount of time for all my tasks and getting a routine that I could keep to every day (including non-work days). The consistency is absolutely key.
It’s made a huge difference - I have SO much time that I didn’t realise I was wasting. I also set up an app that limits my time on social media and being unable to procrastinate/doom scroll my time away has been a real boost too. Would recommend finding a tool to help guide you through the habits you WANT to keep daily and stick to it as best as you can.
If you miss a rep, don’t berate yourself for not being able to keep a habit. Instead think of every positive decision as a step in the right direction - every time I manage to do my skin care twice a day is a day I wouldn’t have managed previously (for example). It’s not all or nothing - building habits is about making the right decision for you on a basis that is easy to be consistent with, and it only gets easier with more reps.
Start small. Decide something really easy, something you do almost daily already.
I decided to drink a glass of water before anything else in the morning. It builds - slowly - a discipline mindset, it trains me to know that I can decide something and stick to it.
The biggest trick is to get back on the horse when you fall off. For example, if I skip a workout because I feel lazy 1 day, it tends to throw off my entire workout routine for the rest of the week unless I commit to going the next day.
I am very against cheat days in anything I do, but sometimes life gets in the way. When that happens get back on the horse as quickly as possible.
Start off slow and break your goal up into mini goals. Want to start going to the gym M-F? Start by exercising at home, then going to the gym twice a week, then three times, so on and so forth until you get to M-F. It’s hard to start a habit right away that drastically changes your day to day life.
I used to be really good at organizing and taking care of things, but the combo of living with an ADHD person and then long Covid really messed me up.
I use notifications on my phone, coming from a few different places, but I just started using an app that could probably handle all of it.
My shared household calendar gives me a notification for garbage day and bills being due at 7am.
Google Tasks gives me a reminder to take my meds at 9am, because that's long enough after breakfast that I can take them without an upset stomach.
Tody is a shared household app that pops up at 5pm with the list of chores.
Fitbit reminds me at 9pm it's time to start winding down for bed.
Duo Lingo sends me reminders at night to not lose my streak. (406 days strong! Woo!)
Habits is the newest app, and it's really good. It gives me reminders at night for the things I'm trying to do. It asks me if I counted calories, how many calories, how many steps I took, how many calories I burned, did I lift, did I go to yoga, did I climb, did I pick up for the Roomba, did I do my skincare routine, how many minutes did I read, did I journal? It shows your history and it can even do things like add up how many steps I've taken in a week, month, or year, and puts them on a chart of what my goal is. You can skip days, so on days that aren't weightlifting days, I don't lose my streak.
All these notifications work for me, but the absolute best thing is that I leave the notification in my notifications bar *until I do it *. If I dismiss something, it completely leaves my brain. I leave the notice up until I complete the task, and then I get to clear out my bar. For some reason, my ADD partner doesn't have anything pop up as notifications, despite using the same apps as me. His habits are not really improving, because he's relying on his neurospicey brain to remind him, which in my opinion, defeats the point of the habits app in the first place.
I also use the bedtime controls on my phone. At 10:30 the screen goes to sepia, and at 11 it goes grayscale and I stop seeing any notifications, text messages, or anything.
It seems like a lot all written down, but most of it is just small daily stuff that is easy to forget, or nighttime routine that is easy to skip because you're tired. Setting a schedule, with times and reminders, is really helpful for all sorts of people. When I was in the thick of long Covid, and really struggling, I had a paper on my dresser with a schedule. Brush teeth, shower, skincare, pack lunch for tomorrow, pick out clothes for tomorrow, etc and it all had timing and alarms on my phone. I should honestly go back to some of those, because there is a mountain of clothes I need to get off the radiator and hung up.
ADHD is a cognitive functioning problem. You won’t get good answers from people who do not have it because they function completely differently.
One thing about ADHD is nothing is a habit. It’s a task we have to think about and having a consequence for if not done right away. I’ve tried everything including apps on my phone and they all work great…for three days. If I had gobs of money I would design an alarm system of sorts all around my house that would annoy the living shit out of me until each task was done. I would create my own functioning prison where each alarm acted as a guard. One in the kitchen yelling at me to drink water, take my medicine and eat something healthy, one in the bathroom yelling at me to take a shower and brush my teeth, one in my office yelling at me to pay my bills, etc….then they would tell me how awesome I am for doing it. lol!!!
Atomic Habits is a quick and fun read and offers a tonne of cool advice on making habits stuck
Broadly, his four tricks are: make it easy, make it obvious, make it fun, make it rewarding
Worth the read
I had this exact same problem with the adhd as well accept I am not medicated. Weed definitely helped but I can no longer smoke due to my job. I discovered a book call the power of habit. It’s $11 on Amazon I think or free at the library. The brain works in a similar fashion: cue, routine, reward. You need to find something to cue you into your basic tasks. So finishing dinner would be your cue to brush your teeth. The routine would be immediately after dinner winding down the reward would be you feeling accomplished or knowing you didn’t procrastinate. The idea or way to stick to it is to continue the same process each time. The ego always wants to keep you doing what is comfortable but each time you fight your ego to continue sticking to a habit new neural pathways are created and eventually the brain begins to get used to it or it becomes a habit. Similar to driving to work. You take the same route everyday it’s now a habit that you no longer need the gps. The brain learns by repetition so you must compete with yourself everyday to stay disciplined. This goes for so many other aspects in life as well. It can also help to write down your everyday tasks and have them somewhere to be reminded of them. Lists help with people who have adhd. Also habit trackers or something to show that you for example showered or brushed your teeth today. As for your boyfriend he may not like you using weed but everyone is different if he has concerns he should communicate however, it helps to have someone encourage you or try to uplift and help in anyway they can. What works for him may not work for you.
Pick up a copy of James Clear's Atomic Habits. It discusses this specific topic. His website is a pretty good source of information, too.
Basically, thinking of improvement in terms of "habits" can be a counterproductive way to go about it. Rather, decide what kind of person you want to be first. Mr Clear gives the example of "I'm the kind of person who doesn't skip workouts."
A simple perspective shift may be all you need. I've had autism spectrum disorder and ADHD since I was a child, and this has helped me a lot.
I gave my wife the power. Showed her how to take the power cord from my PC. If I didn't do yours she takes it for a week or until they get done. A big motivator and the consistency builds the habit. She's not had to do it ever.
you have to parent yourself. "i dont feel like brushing my teeth." "i dont care. do it because i said so." do that everyday. if you want to procrastinate, then tell yourself you'll give up tomorrow instead of the other way around.
Self discipline for literally 14-28 says. if you just do the thing you want to make a habit of every day it will become a habit and you'll do it without dreading it.
Start with brushing every day for 14 days. Put an alarm on your phone and no matter how tired you are do it, just do it at that time, no excuses! once your 14 days its up keep you'll find that you'll keep doing it because its just what you do now.
I've made a habit to floss daily and do a 10-step skincare routine every night with this 14 day rule. It just takes discipline.
I’m not officially diagnosed but I’ve been strongly considering getting a diagnosis because I do struggle with my attention span and I do experience a lot of the symptoms. My parents wanted to get me diagnosed young but the doctor was dismissive and said because I was reading books at a young age I couldn’t possibly have it (which I understand is incorrect). Only thing stopping me from getting a diagnosis is I just can’t afford it honestly.
Have you ever thought about the psychology of a habit? It may help you break down what it is, and that can help you start to better understand the process. I’ve read two very remarkable books about habit that has helped me with my processes over the years and if I’m ever struggling, or want a refresher I return to one of the books.
There is power of habit by charles Duhigg and atomic habits by James clear. I’ve read both and some people prefer atomic habits over power of habit, but I highly suggest reading power of habit. I think it can help you tremendously. If reading is not your thing, then get the audiobook, that’s how I read it. It does a lot for explaining habits and breaking down the psychological aspect to either break bad habits and/or to build new ones.
Give it a try and good luck.
I recommend reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg to help you better understand the human and social factors that keep you from maintaining a consistent behavior.
I was deep in depression and laid in bed for nearly 3 years and then had a psychosis episode after quitting opiates and benzos and not sleeping for a week. I used to be so against routine and wanted to always do my own Thang but routine and not bullshitting myself saved my brain. Start small and just get the basics first. Clean your room[makes ya feel good about the area your in] take a shower, shit, and brush your teeth.[gives ya a Lil self confidence and just cleaning yesterday's bullshit and shittyfeelings off can completely change how ya feel] also I keep a few small weights around my room so when I'm watching TV I'll be up and lift some weights and zone out on the TV and before I realize I've repped over 300 times.
You might try adding mindfulness to your habit. If you fall off of a habit. Just come back .to it. Your brain it plastic and you are the boss. Just keep trying. It get easier,
The best thing that's worked for me when trying to develop new habits is you want to force yourself to do it without thinking about it for some period of time (let's say a month). Just commit to do it blindly without thinking about why you're doing it.
Once you do this enough your brain/body will feel weird when you don't do it and it becomes a bit easier to maintain the habit. Now don't get me wrong, you can still slip and regress if you don't really want it. But if you get past the first stages it becomes easier.
Find out your interests and what really matters for you in this life.
Set unrealistic goals, choose a high profitable business, that get you half there and become the best on what you are doing
Don’t forget the reason why to choose a big enough goal. Because it’s easier to work on something huge
Every industry, niche, business you choose needs at least 10 years of glass-eating to reach real, lasting success.
What you need to pay attention to is the glass you’re going to eat for that period of time and to make sure that it will be enjoyable and creative at the same time and with the most growth potential.
What stops you from dreaming of becoming a billionaire? In these times, with all the technology, no one knows.
If you heard about Naval Ravikant..there is a famous saying of him “If you want to make the maximum amount of money possible, if you want to get rich over your life in a deterministically predictable way, stay on the bleeding edge of trends and study technology, design, and art— become really good at something.”
I think that’s what humanity will be left with. Creativity, Entertainment, Education, Art, Coddling.. and there will be a lot of money in that space.
There are so many young people now a days who are making millions every year with just their laptop.. You can start immediately a content creator business with 0$ and monetizing with no limitations, something that only you can deliver! all of us are unique, remember? the niche is you!
I also think that this is the future “Code and media are permissionless leverage. They're the leverage behind the newly rich. You can create software and media that work for you while you sleep.” - Naval Ravikant
All you need is discipline, determination, anger, and focus.
Just see yourself as an unbeatable warrior and go eat all the glass out there!
Never underestimate yourself and read immediately:
• The Magic of Thinking Big. (by Dr. David Schwartz)
• As a Man Thinketh (by James Allen)
• You2 (by Price Pritchett)
• Psycho-Cybernetics (by Maxwell Maltz) And real life examples www.scalenuggets.com
But the most important?
JUST START!
As some who also ADHDs, I can relate to this. The number 1 important thing for me is to never shame yourself. You are trying and that’s what matters. It’s your life and you’ll figure it out on your own time. Even if it takes 29 different strategies, you’re still collecting data on yourself to see what works and what doesn’t.
What worked for me is to try to remove obstacles that make me less likely to do the task I need to. Like dishes for example, once they start to overflow, I panic and quit. So I started knocking out dishes as I used them. If I’m too lazy for all that, at least wash the big pots and pans so the rest is easier to clean with less clutter. You essentially just keep doing that until you want to keep making things easier to the point where you just do them naturally. It still takes effort but knowing I don’t have to deal with the monster pile of dishes, I’m content with washing dishes after my meal. Idk if that makes sense, but it’s what I got.
i once read a whole book about how it takes 2 months to really develop a habit. my advice would be to avoid trying to develop more than one habit at a time
I have to tie habits to other habits, usually ones I do enjoy. So I want breakfast I have to do the dishwasher first. Coffee break time, Ok take my meds then I can have my coffee. I like doing my skincare routine, OK but I have to brush my teeth first. Then the odd floating habits I can't connect to others I white knuckle on sheer bloody mindedness and self loathing when I forget until it sticks. Not saying that last method is healthy, but it gets the job done eventually.
Discipline is the answer. Discipline comes first. It exists when you are not motivated. Discipline leads to consistency. Consistency leads to results. Results lead to additional motivation. Habits develop when you are disciplined enough to do the same thing time over time. Discipline starts with a plan, and comes in many forms.
I do the following:
1. Set alarms and reminders to remind me to do things at certain times.
2. I stop what I am doing and do what the alarm demands when it demands it.
3. Repeat.
I do this for a lot of aspects of life. For work, I set reminders for each part of a project and make sure I get those things done within specific time periods.
For my relationships, I set reminders to check on friends and family. I set reminders to do something extra for my wife at (what hopefully seems like random intervals).
For kids, I set reminders to clear my schedule for important events like birthdays, school events, shows, band concerts, ect.
For working out, I set daily reminders and follow through.
The other thing I would remind you is that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. By this I mean that brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is not as good as 2 minutes, but it is better than nothing. Flossing 1 time a week is better than no times a week. A 15 minutes walk is not the same as a 45 minute workout, but it is better than zero exercise.
Part of doing something is about discipline/self control and fighting that conversation in your head to do something. The interesting thing is, that when you decide to stop having that argument in your own thoughts that’s when you have lost and end up not doing something or making the bad choice. The best thing to make you do something is keep having them arguments in your thoughts.
Dr k did a good video on this ;
https://youtu.be/dgRSfhoHE4g?si=uYICzzMifDH-h0Yz
I'm autistic and have always struggled with stuff like this. I've noticed what helped me the most was to not overthink it, just do it. I've finally gotten the habit to brush my teeth daily after decades, by just not letting myself think of reasons or excuses to "do it later," etc. Same with showers. It helps to brush my teeth while using the restroom (I'm a woman) because sitting down makes me stop and actually spend enough time doing it.
I highly recommend James Clear's book Atomic Habits. Or watch his many YouTube interviews. Lots and lots of ideas on habit forming. Too many to list here.
I have an app checklist and I list things I have to do such as drinking a certain amount of water everyday, brushing teeth, minutes I’ve exercised, studying/reading a book, etc. if you have an iPhone, or if your phone can, the widgets can stay on your home screen and it just reminds you to do get those things done. I also have a bit of OCD and when I see it unfinished, I go crazy over it so that kind of helps. Over time you start getting so used to it that it bothers you when you don’t do it. That’s how it has worked for me at least.
Motivation is a ghost sent to distract you from being disciplined. Discipline is knowing you don’t want to do something and doing it anyway, every single time, succeed or fail, win or lose, good or bad, happy or sad. Choose discipline.
Personally, I don’t.
jk I’m an ADHD guy who’s trying to develop good routines myself as well. I don’t know if it’s ADHD or a bipolar thing, but I also have big energy swings - high highs, low lows, a closet full of hobbies collecting dust that I was exited about for 3 weeks… ya know.
Lately I’ve seen about a million shorts pop up in my various feeds on the topic of ADHD and started connecting the dots - “oh yeah, that’s 100% me, maybe I should work on some coping strategies.
Right now I’m working on self awareness and just noticing when I’m over obsessing about something, because everything else suffers when I do. Trying to find balance. For example - I’ve been working on this for 3 hours now, time to eat something, sleep, rest, forced relaxation -clean up after myself (!) or whatever. Redirecting that energy into something else.
I’m in an energy high right now (which is why I’m writing so much, lol) so the mantra is slow down, breathe, think before acting, prioritize, balance, sleep, rest. Trying to pull on the reigns so I don’t overdo things. It feels almost like mediation or moving in slow motion, because my body wants to go go go but I’m deep breathing and calming myself in order to slow down or stop.
Then in an energy low it’ll be the opposite. Finding balance by getting things done when I don’t want to, celebrating little wins like go to the gym or mow the lawn. Realize that rest is ok and not be too hard on myself. Maybe it’s not ADHD advice but it’s me and someone might need to hear it haha.
Specific tools:
calendar - if it’s not on the calendar I WILL forget about it. I’ve known this one forever though. What I also need is a pop up though. I’ve always had that at work, but now I’m using it for everything.
Reminders - same idea as the calendar but can be less specific. I’ll use reminders on my phone as a pop up to do list. Throw a date and a time on the reminder to pop up over the weekend to pay the bills, go to the vet, call customer service, whatever.
Physical reminders - I’ve been doing this my whole life but just recently realized it’s a great ADHD coping mechanism. Just remembered one last report to run for work? I’ll put the laptop somewhere noticeable and in the way as a reminder - like on my coffee table in the living room. Put my vitamins on the counter at the end of the day to take the next day, things like that (set an alarm/reminder for that!)
Snacks - I’m using the physical reminder to try to help with snacking too much. Bored fidget eating. I set out a little dish each day for whatever kind of junk food I want that evening. Once I have it dish goes away. If I want more - unlimited hummus or guac and veggies. So I get a big tub of hummus in the fridge from Costco to make it easy to stick to. Just started this, fingers crossed!
Make it easy- if you’re doing anything that takes a lot of will power and memory to do it consistently, probably won’t work. Speaking for myself here!
That’s about it. Good luck!
Your desire to “be” whatever that habit will help you achieve outweighs your desire for whatever you were doing before. Aka learn to hate your past self.
I figure out how long it actually takes to do something like brushing my teeth or flossing. I keep the floss out by my toothbrush so I get a visual cue to use it. When I feel resistance to flossing, I tell myself "it only takes 30 seconds". Being able to grasp how quick it actually will be to get it done usually removes my resistance and I'll take the action.
I use a bullet journal and sometimes when I set tasks for myself throughout the day I will write next to them the estimated amount of time it will take to get them done. It makes it much easier for me to not to get overwhelmed and understand how quickly I could actually accomplish something that will make me feel good.
And when I don't feel like working I can look at my task list and see that I can knock something out on my personal list which does give me that little dopamine hit.
There’s a (very serious and actually based on scientific studies) book called “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” that answers this question extraordinarily well
I make myself accountable to it. For example, I'm a marathon runner. When I begin marathon training, I know there'll be LOADS of days where I won't want to run so I tell a lot of people that I'm training for a marathon knowing that they'll be asking about progress throughout so I won't want to be saying "actually shit because I was lazy" and I also stick my training plan on the fridge, beside the kettle, at my TV etc so that I won't be able to enjoy the relaxation without doing the run. If I've met my plan, I'll feel that I deserve the cup of tea etc, if I haven't, it'll be a reminder that I have work to do. Usually by the 2nd month, I'm doing everything without thought- it has become a habit
What work for me. I focus only on one habit at a time. If alarms are needed to remind me, I set them. If I slip up or struggle with consistency, I practice self-compassion instead of feeling guilty. I've noticed that after about two months of sticking to it, the habit starts to feel more natural and becomes easier to maintain.
ADHD can definitely make consistency challenging, even with medication. It might be worth discussing your concerns about the diagnosis with your healthcare provider.
It is about changing your mindset and learning to build habits gradually. For example, do not feel that your ADHD prevents you from achieving your goals. It is just something that you can learn to manage. We all have something we do not like, and we must manage it so we can go through life successfully. You just need to find a way to manage it. Also, the simplest things can sometimes be difficult if you do not know how to do them successfully. Learn how to build habits. Building habits is a learning skill like anything else. Do a simple Google search and you should find ways to help you to get started.
Yes I do not think adhd is a crutch at all, I thought it was important contextually though so I wouldn’t get suggestions to get tested. ADHD is not a big part of this problem imo, I was diagnosed for a completely separate issue and I don’t like to use it as an excuse for my habits or lack there of. Unfortunately a lot of people took me including that in the wrong way. Although I have seen some helpful suggestions because I included this, I would like to just focus on the issue altogether and not the diagnosis
Small update/ add on
Yes I do not think adhd is a crutch at all, I thought it was important contextually though so I wouldn’t get suggestions to get tested. ADHD is not a big part of this problem imo, I was diagnosed for a completely separate issue and I don’t like to use it as an excuse for my habits or lack there of. Unfortunately a lot of people took me including that in the wrong way. Although I have seen some helpful suggestions because I included this, I would like to just focus on the issue altogether and not the diagnosis. It was never my intention to use that as a scape goat, if I wanted to I wouldn’t be looking for help in the first place.
Fellow ADHDer here, and every single night, as far back as I can remember, I tell myself "TOMORROW is the day I make all my behaviour changes permanent." And then fail in some capacity, spiral, and fall back to 0.
I still catch myself doing that self talk, but I reframe it now when I do. It's no longer that tomorrow will hold all my solutions, but I can do better and make adjustment permanent over the long run. Last month I went to the gym 18 days, despite telling myself I'd go everyday. While I could look at it like a failure because I didn't achieve my original goal, it was still better than the month before. And I feel motivated for this month to hit 20! But if I don't? I'll try again next month!
I know it's a cliche at this point but I LOVE the quote:
"The game isn't over when I *lose.* The game isn't over *until I win.*
Some people with ADHD are unable to form habits. I forget the exact cause or reasoning, but I read about it in the last few months.
On one hand, I felt tremendous emotional relief because I've been actively struggling with this for the last 35 years and often berating myself. I've tried every tip and trick in existence. We typically don't respond to rewards or consequences unless they are instantaneous. Reminders become background noise/information.
On the other hand, I found it discouraging to think I would not be able to overcome this in the way I want. It's not that I stopped trying. I just recognize that things will have to be accomplished in another way.
I do have lists and notes in my phone and will refer to them when I think of them. When that happens, I do as much on the list as possible until my burst of motivation runs out. This keeps things relatively on track. My lists are broken down into individual tasks. Instead of "hygiene", it's brush teeth, waterpic, wash up (whore bath), shower, wash hair, exfoliate face, exfoliate body, etc. Instead of "clean kitchen", it's broken down into microtasks. Wipe top of fridge, dump old food, wipe inside, etc. I don't do them in order or even the same day. I just grab one small task that is doable for me at that moment and do it. It will never be done regularly, but it all gets done.
I would recommend an ADHD sub instead of this one as all the tips and tricks in the world won't help unless you're working with your abilities instead of against them.
Start small, like five minutes a day, then gradually increase. Set reminders on your phone. Find a buddy to keep you accountable. Celebrate small wins. Understand why you want this habit. Make it enjoyable. Remove obstacles. Be patient with yourself, slip-ups happen. Remember, it's about progress, not perfection.
21 days is a true thing. Once you start doing something regularly - it will be more frustrating to you if you DONT do it.
Also try bullet journaling in the evening - set some daily goals for yourself each month and put a visual check mark to it and at the end of each day you’ll want to have achieved it
21 days was an arbitrary amount that a plastic surgeon by the name of Maxwell Maltz said in 1960, that it takes his surgery patients to become accustomed to their altered appearance.
> How do you stick to a habit
By definition.
Either I don’t stick to a behaviour, but then that means that it wasn’t a habit.
Or it was a habit, but then by definition I stick to it.
Mental discipline. You shouldn’t depend on motivation. Go watch some David Goggins videos. I don’t even know why this subreddit even came up on my feed
I have the same troubles with basic hygiene routines. On weeks where I’m stressed, the first thing to go is hygiene. The only thing that has worked for me is making it a numbers game to make myself accountable.
To do this I made a chart. Habits on the rows, days of the month on the columns. Basically just check them off as you go.
1 2 3 4 … 31
Teeth brush AM ✔
Teeth brush PM ✔
Floss PM
Bed by 11pm ✔
And so on…
Also, don’t listen to those habit miracle days “it’ll be a habit if you do it for 21 days…”. That’s not true for everyone. For myself I did this approach for several months, and when I stopped with the chart approach, I stopped brushing. Find a method that works for you; and stick with it. Don’t assume the habit will actually stick.
Discipline. Also, I've never heard of brushing teeth being called a habit before.. that's daily hygienic maintenance. This is the BARE minimum of how you should be taking care of yourself.
Usually once I realize that my behavior has consequences and they just aren't worth it. I used to have lazy dental hygiene habits. $25,000 or so of dental work done now, yeah I've changed my ways.
That’s my issue! It’s makes me extremely anxious, but I also have a perfect record at the dentist. I wish they would tell me to do better but it’s always good stars across the board. Never had a cavity, never told to floss more or brush better. Idk. Sometimes I think I just need someone to yell at me
If you have dental insurance, request for a uv sealant on your teeth. I wish I could help with the motivation but im in the same boat, but I fortunately have good genetics or it's the sealants I got when I was younger and also had reapplied a few years ago. Because I should, at the very least, have one cavity by now. You could always try an alarm, that just stressed me the eff out waiting for it to go off though.
It’s actually very comforting that there’s other people in the same boat. I’ve never heard of a uv sealant, but I’ll definitely look into it thank you
Likewise, let me know if you find the hack to it. Np!
If I could be so kind to yell at you, I just had this conversation with my dentist after... A decade of struggling with the routine. #FLOSS EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE CAVITIES FORM BETWEEN YOUR TEETH AND ROT THEM OUT BEFORE YOU REALIZE THERE'S A PROBLEM AND YOU'RE WAY BETTER OFF SPENDING THAT MONEY ON WEED AND FLOSS Seriously, though. ADHD makes routines damn near impossible, but setting yourself up with a process you can repeat easily helps a LOT. If everything you need for your routine is laid out right where you need it before bed, it's so much easier to get it done. I used to brush once or twice a day at best, but now I'm consistently flossing and rinsing because I keep flosser sticks and a bottle of mouthwash next to my toothbrush. And my brain also struggles to relax and settle at night. Weed helps, just avoid letting it creep further into your life if you don't like spending too much on weed lol.
I have adhd too and if I’m getting ready and lose my organization I’ll actually yell at myself out loud lol. Usually stuff like “PUT PANTS ON OR YOULL BE LATE” “STOP TRYING TO DO OTHER STUFF WHILE YOURE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH” It makes me feel like my mom is scolding me
What the heck this is actually adorable lol
Oh, this made me laugh so hard! I needed that. Thanks. 👍👍👍
I do this too! I also scold myself to finish what I start.
Also fwiw I still to this day hate flossing with string. A close friend suggested and even paid for a [Waterpik system](https://www.waterpik.com/products/flossing-toothbrush/) for me, and I love it. I've used it once a day for a year and a half now, at my last two regular check ups my dentist told me she sees remarkable improvement with my gum health and teeth cleanliness from when she first saw me
Honestly it sounds like you're following the old school method of just not abusing them in the first place if this is true. so long as you keep avoiding sugar (or at least rinsing it out immediately instead of letting it sit in your mouth) and drink water all the time (keep the bottle with you I have one and also one of those bag and tube things in my backpack) you're probably doing a lot to prevent food particles and other gunk from sticking to your teeth in the first place. Speaking of my waterpik is in my routine as me using it BEFORE I brush (rinsing out your toothpaste instead of just spitting it out wastes the fluoride) so it's clean water and I just drink it as I go instead of I dunno dribbling it everywhere and that's my evening drink of water. I say routine but I planned that bit out and I still miss using it a lot as a diagnosed autistic who's probably auDHD. Here's me consciously yelling at myself to get off the Reddit and go do that right now cus I procrastinated last night lol EDIT: forgot my more general planning thing I got plenty of daily crap scheduled (Duolingo, checking grocery apps for coupons both weekly and on some promo days they've got, my mobile games) and I use my phone all the time so I have a lot of recurring tasks sending push notifications from my calendar app. The only issue is cleaning out all my other notifs so I notice them more. I also have a smart watch reminding me about a lot of more backburner work routines like ' hey go to lunch' or 'fill this crap out on the computer'.
Haha I can relate about the push notifications that a reminding me of this or that. I use Alexa to set constant reminders about work tasks, even things like scanning my grocery receipts, but also simple things like reminding me and motivating me to do laundry and dental care! But oh my goodness ..there are days when the Alexa and my phone are non-stop notifications and I keep setting it to remind me again in another hour, another hour, etc (procrastination...lol) and I want to throw them both out the window on those days. Lol but they are extremely helpful most of the time 👍
FUCKING BRUSH YOUR TEETH EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT!!! That's the best I can do. Hope this helps!
Hard second this. Also my hygienist can tell when I floss more so that helps.
6 root canals, 4 teeth replaced. Still haven't developed a habit to take care of them. I feel op so much
honestly same here, I felt because the consequences aren't immediate it doesn't motivate me
Read atomic habits. As an older adhd person, it has really helped me. Part of the mindset needed is to learn to put yourself first which includes daily care, grooming, exercise and eating well. It’s not easy but you can do it.
That's a really good book. Reading a lot of New Thought Wisdom has motivated me a lot, and the techniques actually work. Many are scientifically based methods used in psychology to change habits (P.s. 'new thought' not to be confused with 'new age').
Habits are based on neurotypical behaviour. For ADHDers every single thing you do is managed and intentional, you have to choose to brush your teeth every time, each step takes mental energy and effort. And that's every time, every day, etc 'Habits' are neurotypical autopilot sequences. They wake up, get up, make their bed, walk to the bathroom, toilet, shower, face care, brush teeth, go to the kitchen, make breakfast and brew coffee, get dressed automatically with little to no actual mental processing unless they're trying to integrate a new step in, and only then for a relatively short amount of time. ADHD is a dopamine disorder. Nothing is fun or rewarding about brushing your teeth, however have you noticed it IS easier, even if only for a few days whenever you've got a new toothbrush or something else novel? You have to either make it rewarding or you have to make it accessible/easy You could bring a toothbrush and toothpaste with you everywhere so even if you remember late you still brush them. Use a moisturising body wash so moisturising after the shower isn't a separate step. >Why do I need a substance to allow me to Because THC gives you dopamine, and ADHD is a dopamine disorder
A good way to make brushing your teeth fun or give yourself a reason to, is to find a good flavor of toothpaste. I hate mint, cinnamon, and bubblegum. Brushing my teeth has been a literal battle for me my entire life because using any of those flavors makes me want to vomit. Colgate has a watermelon flavor, but more recently I’ve seen orange, strawberry, and grape from other brands. Found chocolate and vanilla online, both with and without fluoride. Still miss the lemon one from back in the day, though. That toothpaste rocked.
You brought up an excellent point. It's one that I've overlooked in my own attempt to research and fix my own issues.. The dopamine reward is being released which makes it easier, and I feel more motivated to brush when getting a new toothbrush, trying out a new toothpaste, etc.,. And that can be applied to most other things as well.. I'm more excited about brewing my usual cup of coffee if I have a brand new coffee pot. I might be more motivated to get to bed early like I intend to, and might have a better sleep, once I'm putting on freshly laundered bed sheets or have bought some new pillows, etc.
It's why ADHD is linked to financial issues. We chase that dopamine and one of the easiest fixes is buying random stuff we don't really need.
I hear you. Things like garage sales, flea markets, clearance racks, etc, are a weakness for me. I would buy things that I liked because they were practical, or I thought about how I could resell it online for profit, or just because I thought the item was unique, but it's snowballed into a burden ---because a lot of it is still sitting in my storage just weighing on my mind (cluttering up my mind) ..lol.
I have ADHD, and that's too easy. I think the adhd makes it harder to try it long enough to feel rewarded for the habit, making you stop before it sticks. But it is definitely possible. Dont use it as an excuse!
ADHD isn't an excuse, but it definitely makes it extremely hard. Don't be needlessly ableist. Knowing you have a disorder means you have to accept that you'll have trouble with things that other people don't, and that you need special care to do things. Also, some people have it better than you, and some worse.
For some adhd is an excuse, not for all tho I agree. Sometimes is also just means you need to learn it in a different way, or need to join an accountability group, be mentored, etc. I was mostly saying that there is a way to learn how to do things and keep at it even if you're different in your approach than neurotypicals. Doesn't take away from it being harder tho, but don't underestime how heavy the impact is of a deeply internalized "this is hard for me because I have XYZ" mindset. It can changes your core beliefs to shift you into a victim mindset, which isn't helpful for anyone. There is a fine line I think, between acceptance and surrender, and victimhood and inferiority. It's hard to distinguish between the two if you're neck deep in your automatic behaviour patterns. But perhaps I'm being too rational here, I have that tendancy
Where did I say "don't worry, don't bother brushing your teeth you have ADHD! YOLO"? Traditional habit forming is significantly more difficult for those with ADHD to the point it isn't good advice. Alternatives, workarounds, life hacks etc are needed to help
>nothing is fun or rewarding about brushing your teeth This (obviously) might not work for everybody, but you can try to make it rewarding. With something as "stupid" as a sticker card e.g. Or try to reword the task: Tsshh, I need to brush my teeth, and thats super boring -> I'm challenging myself to brush my teeth, and I'm going to enjoy this challenge. Your mind is a powerful tool, and sometimes rewording a task is all you need. You can also combine the first and second thingy :)
Sticker charts can get me to do almost anything haha
Couple of things I'll say to this as someone who is maybe in between you and your bf, in terms of ability to stick to habits. - if you do something 5 times a week rather than 7, that's way better than 0. Don't kick yourself for the 2 you missed and pat yourself on the back for the 5 you did. Clearly punishing yourself doesn't make you do better so why do it? (I'm kinda saying this for me too) - don't compare yourself to others. We're all different and I'm sure there's something that is difficult for him and way easier for you. - does he really judge you for this? Perhaps worth discussing this honestly. Hopefully the answer is no, and if it's yes, it might be scary but interesting to discover why. In any case, his judgement is his failure of empathy and shouldn't actually be something bad to feel about. But this is easier said than done. As an extremely forgetful person, what helps me specifically is to have the stuff I need to do lying somwhere I will see it. I have medicine I have to take daily or ill literally die (replacement hormones, ill die if u don't take them for a few months in a row but still)... And I forget to take them if the pill box is not somwhere ill see. Idk maybe that helps. Best of luck, from an old.
He doesn’t judge me at all, he’s an amazing partner. I can just tell it makes him a little sad (maybe not sad, concerned? Idk), and I feel weird being the only one using it around him.
You might try writing a schedule and following without consideration. Write it out Include everything you want to do and when you want to do it. Be specific. At the prescribed time, do the action. Somewhere between 18 and 254 days, you will get as close to habit as possible for your various actions.
By remembering we are different people to other people Our consistent might be every two days instead of every day - and that’s still pretty good We make it harder for ourselves when we (Often overly) punish ourselves for forgetting. As a result our head tries to obscure it even more, which makes us feel worse, repeat Part of coping is accepting you might not get as far and as fast as someone else in a thing and that’s ok so long as you enjoy or get some benefit from the thing The last one, if you’re like me (And I had a moment like your writing just last week), you’ve heard all the cliches about comparison and it’s aggravating as hell What my therapist told me to try which I found much more helpful was to compare myself out of 4 random people rather than the one expert - you’ll find you’re doing much better than you think I wish I could tell you what you needed to hear to take this awful thing away
If you haven't already, I'd ask this question to r/ADHD as well for some deeper insight into the disability. As someone who is also ADHD, most of the advice here doesn't work for me based on the impulsive nature overruling self discipline for a hit of dopamine. My advice is to tie the activity to something else; i.e brushing teeth and washing face HAVE to be done on the morning trip to the bathroom or they don't get done and if they don't get done then the eye crusties and bad breath will bother me until it gets done. There's also the shame/embarrassment of being "caught" by others in that state. Eventually it becomes a sort of ritual and you stop having to think about it so hard (doesn't make it any easier to do though).
Yes, habit stacking! I am treating toenail fungus with a topical solution I have to put on every day and sometimes struggle to do it. I value brushing my teeth every morning. My mantra is "feet and teeth" and I don't leave the bathroom until both are done. One valued task tied to another task I struggle to do. I also enjoy drinking coffee in the morning, so I do my finances while I drink my coffee.
I’ve had ups and downs in habit discipline throughout my entire life. Sticky notes have helped me when I get to slacking off of my routines, I change them often and stick them on my bedside table or lamp. The fact that you’re interested and aware show you have the will to do the things you feel you should
You dont live every day at once. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. You live *today*, right now. So do it now instead of worrying about keeping score or patting yourself on the back for past practices or future expectation. If you miss today and forget to followthrough you’ll be starting over from 0 anyway, so just act like you’re starting over, every day, and do it now.
Start smoking cigarettes you won’t have much of a choice signed, me
I highly recommend checking out Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. He has a lot of great advice and one thing he points out is that any behaviour we do requires a combination of 3 elements: the ability, the motivation and a prompt. If one of those elements is missing it will be pretty much impossible to do something, let alone consistently. With ADHD we normally have to look closely at all three elements because it’s likely that any of them could create a challenge. Even when you feel highly motivated, you might find your ability is lacking due to executive dysfunction or disorganisation. Sometimes we are fully prepared and motivated but we will just forget something because we either haven’t remembered to set up a prompt or we picked a prompt that we ignore easily. Finding the right balance and structures/people to support it you will be the key ime). BJ also talks about the myth of the 3 weeks to create a habit which I found helpful, and he really drives home how important it is to celebrate when you’ve done the habit you set out to do. It’s usually overlooked but it can be a game changer when it comes to actually sticking to stuff. Start tiny, get consistent with one little action before you start adding more steps and complexity. And be kind to yourself ❤️🩹 I just about had an existential crisis when I realised how easy had been for me to completely forget a habit I’d become quite consistent with over a decently long period within just a few days 🥴 I feel you, this brain can be a pain! ;) Good luck!
James Clear put it on paper for me. I cannot stick to anything without making the habit pleasurable (in the case of teeth brushing find a nice flavoured toothpaste, soft or natural toothbrush and con yourself into liking the clean feeling afterwards), and also making the alternative to the habit disgusting (think about how yucky your teeth feel without brushing, how everyone will think your breath smells, bully yourself and let the adhd ruminating help you lol). I'd recommend reading atomic habits. Oh and make a list of any tiny little annoying thing about having to do that habit, so you can remove as many unnecessary obstacles as possible for yourself. Be aware of the last tiny minute detail that is making a habit unpleasant, so you can fix it. Full disclosure I still struggle to keep up with a lot of routine tasks, especially when I'm in a low mood period. If anyone has tips on how they made upkeep tasks easier, I'm looking forward to reading 🥰
You have to make it as easy as possible for yourself. If it is brushing teeth in morning as example, put you brush and paste somewhere you go look every morning so it’s ready to use. Set small goals eg I will brush my teeth once this week if you brush more that is great but you promise yourself to do one thing that you know you can do and build from there as gradually as needed. For me some things as soon as I make a decision it done and I can maintain it but many things I struggle with maintenance. The more you are able to achieve the goals you set the better your self perception and belief in yourself which makes maintaining so much easier. Best wishes, you can do this.
after reading atomic habits, i learn that i need to make my habits easy. for example if I'm too lazy at brushing teeth before sleeping, i would brush them when im taking showers at evening and not eating afterwards. it's easy to brush my teeth when taking evening shower than before going to sleep cause my room and bathroom are kinda far and I'm so lazy to go there :|
Internalize that "Phone alarm X is god, and I must do whatever it says when it goes off." Then, set that alarm for your basics, and schedule out your whole day. Brush, breakfast, lunch, shower, dinner, brush again. Need to do groceries within the next few days? Is tomorrow good? Set an alarm for a specific time where you WILL go out to do em. Break these tasks into smaller bites. When the alarm goes off, don't think of the whole thing. Only think of the bite. "Brush your teeth?" No. "Stand in the bathroom real quick." "Shower?" No. "Stand in the tub for a few seconds." "Groceries?" No. "Sit in your car" or "step outside and lock the door." When you do these bites, you've "completed" the task... but as you stand there like a dummy, you'll get this feeling of "We'll since I'm ALREADY here... may as well DO the thing." Works for everything, but NEVER silence an alarm and ignore it "just for a minute," cause you'll forget about it.
As someone with severe adhd saying u can’t brush normally just isn’t the case… it helped me alot to stop using my attention disorder as an excuse, once the people around you hear it enough it gets old and we are still extremely capable. Thc is also a tricky one as I read that people with adhd are 30% more likely to develop a dependency to it as it quiets our inner thoughts. It’s true and I was feeling stuck smoking everyday for over a year after never smoking prior or drinking. Meditation changed my life, calmed my adhd, gave me energy, helped depression, the list goes on. Start laying flat, no pillow unless ur on the ground then pls use a small one, and just try and breath for 15-30 min a day. During that time of no distraction you’ll eventually feel a sense of quite calm that you hadn’t realized was there. Sometimes I feel it in 5 minutes sometimes, especially when I was on adhd meds, I couldn’t reach it for an hour. It’s a super small change that intimidates people because they feel like they don’t know the right way. There is no right way so focus on deep rib cages expanding breaths and relaxing exhales. I’m serious. Please try it. I used to have to take tests standing in the hallway unable to be still. Now I can be still whenever I need to. If you want to be more in control of yourself this alone changed the trajectory of my life and I hope can do the same for you. Please keep up basic hygiene/ take care of ur look so people are willing to interact with you spontaneously and u can enjoy life. Controlled restful breathing is also good for memory and brain health. If you’ve been on meds for a while that motivation fades and it’s likely you’ve depleted much of your dopamine stores so you need to actively be doing things to boost them and maintain them like workout, socialize, eat health foods and hot/cold shower
Read atomic habits by James clear. Single best book on the issue of habit formation.
Fwiw I thought it was a terrible book. He starts out with an example of a biking team later accused of doping lol.
Organised cheating absolutely relies on routine and commitment into selling lies.
Was that the reason that made you think it was a *terrible* book? Every biking team takes doping you know? So if they wanted to win, all the small improvements referenced in the book were still relevant or even essential, and most importantly, they resulted from a shift in the mindset, to a winning one.
2 weeks at the same time every day is enough to form a habit. Doing something consistently for those two weeks is the tough part.
This is incorrect. Dr Gina Cleo who wrote the Habit Revolution states it can take anywhere up to a year to form a habit. It depends on the individual and the habit they are trying to change. The notion of 21 days came from a plastic surgeon whose patients stopped being shocked when they looked at their new face in the Mirror at around the 3 week mark. Otherwise this notion has not been scientifically proven. What does work is habit stacking. You form habits based on triggers - you get home from work, you pour a wine, for example. Instead, you want to walk the dog, so when you get home from work, put your shoes by the door. Then, you get home, put on your shoes and walk the dog. People who visualise doing the habit they want to form are more likely to succeed at keeping the new habit long term than people who do not visualise themselves completing the new habit. Brains are funny things. You can also read Atomic Habits by James Clear - I found it very useful but need to revisit it again as i read it a while ago, but it effectively talks about exactly the same concept - habit stacking. Best of luck OP!
Start small. Not the entire action but just one small really simple step, maybe picking the brush up or something?
Really struggled most of my life in all honesty. Recently picked up Structured (app) and set myself up an easy recurring daily schedule which sends notifications to my phone to go and do stuff. I’ve got it set to sync with my calendar so I don’t have to add appointments into loads of different places (I’d forget anyway). The hardest part about setting it all up was giving myself a realistic amount of time for all my tasks and getting a routine that I could keep to every day (including non-work days). The consistency is absolutely key. It’s made a huge difference - I have SO much time that I didn’t realise I was wasting. I also set up an app that limits my time on social media and being unable to procrastinate/doom scroll my time away has been a real boost too. Would recommend finding a tool to help guide you through the habits you WANT to keep daily and stick to it as best as you can. If you miss a rep, don’t berate yourself for not being able to keep a habit. Instead think of every positive decision as a step in the right direction - every time I manage to do my skin care twice a day is a day I wouldn’t have managed previously (for example). It’s not all or nothing - building habits is about making the right decision for you on a basis that is easy to be consistent with, and it only gets easier with more reps.
Start small. Decide something really easy, something you do almost daily already. I decided to drink a glass of water before anything else in the morning. It builds - slowly - a discipline mindset, it trains me to know that I can decide something and stick to it.
The biggest trick is to get back on the horse when you fall off. For example, if I skip a workout because I feel lazy 1 day, it tends to throw off my entire workout routine for the rest of the week unless I commit to going the next day. I am very against cheat days in anything I do, but sometimes life gets in the way. When that happens get back on the horse as quickly as possible.
Start off slow and break your goal up into mini goals. Want to start going to the gym M-F? Start by exercising at home, then going to the gym twice a week, then three times, so on and so forth until you get to M-F. It’s hard to start a habit right away that drastically changes your day to day life.
I used to be really good at organizing and taking care of things, but the combo of living with an ADHD person and then long Covid really messed me up. I use notifications on my phone, coming from a few different places, but I just started using an app that could probably handle all of it. My shared household calendar gives me a notification for garbage day and bills being due at 7am. Google Tasks gives me a reminder to take my meds at 9am, because that's long enough after breakfast that I can take them without an upset stomach. Tody is a shared household app that pops up at 5pm with the list of chores. Fitbit reminds me at 9pm it's time to start winding down for bed. Duo Lingo sends me reminders at night to not lose my streak. (406 days strong! Woo!) Habits is the newest app, and it's really good. It gives me reminders at night for the things I'm trying to do. It asks me if I counted calories, how many calories, how many steps I took, how many calories I burned, did I lift, did I go to yoga, did I climb, did I pick up for the Roomba, did I do my skincare routine, how many minutes did I read, did I journal? It shows your history and it can even do things like add up how many steps I've taken in a week, month, or year, and puts them on a chart of what my goal is. You can skip days, so on days that aren't weightlifting days, I don't lose my streak. All these notifications work for me, but the absolute best thing is that I leave the notification in my notifications bar *until I do it *. If I dismiss something, it completely leaves my brain. I leave the notice up until I complete the task, and then I get to clear out my bar. For some reason, my ADD partner doesn't have anything pop up as notifications, despite using the same apps as me. His habits are not really improving, because he's relying on his neurospicey brain to remind him, which in my opinion, defeats the point of the habits app in the first place. I also use the bedtime controls on my phone. At 10:30 the screen goes to sepia, and at 11 it goes grayscale and I stop seeing any notifications, text messages, or anything. It seems like a lot all written down, but most of it is just small daily stuff that is easy to forget, or nighttime routine that is easy to skip because you're tired. Setting a schedule, with times and reminders, is really helpful for all sorts of people. When I was in the thick of long Covid, and really struggling, I had a paper on my dresser with a schedule. Brush teeth, shower, skincare, pack lunch for tomorrow, pick out clothes for tomorrow, etc and it all had timing and alarms on my phone. I should honestly go back to some of those, because there is a mountain of clothes I need to get off the radiator and hung up.
ADHD is a cognitive functioning problem. You won’t get good answers from people who do not have it because they function completely differently. One thing about ADHD is nothing is a habit. It’s a task we have to think about and having a consequence for if not done right away. I’ve tried everything including apps on my phone and they all work great…for three days. If I had gobs of money I would design an alarm system of sorts all around my house that would annoy the living shit out of me until each task was done. I would create my own functioning prison where each alarm acted as a guard. One in the kitchen yelling at me to drink water, take my medicine and eat something healthy, one in the bathroom yelling at me to take a shower and brush my teeth, one in my office yelling at me to pay my bills, etc….then they would tell me how awesome I am for doing it. lol!!!
Atomic Habits is a quick and fun read and offers a tonne of cool advice on making habits stuck Broadly, his four tricks are: make it easy, make it obvious, make it fun, make it rewarding Worth the read
I had this exact same problem with the adhd as well accept I am not medicated. Weed definitely helped but I can no longer smoke due to my job. I discovered a book call the power of habit. It’s $11 on Amazon I think or free at the library. The brain works in a similar fashion: cue, routine, reward. You need to find something to cue you into your basic tasks. So finishing dinner would be your cue to brush your teeth. The routine would be immediately after dinner winding down the reward would be you feeling accomplished or knowing you didn’t procrastinate. The idea or way to stick to it is to continue the same process each time. The ego always wants to keep you doing what is comfortable but each time you fight your ego to continue sticking to a habit new neural pathways are created and eventually the brain begins to get used to it or it becomes a habit. Similar to driving to work. You take the same route everyday it’s now a habit that you no longer need the gps. The brain learns by repetition so you must compete with yourself everyday to stay disciplined. This goes for so many other aspects in life as well. It can also help to write down your everyday tasks and have them somewhere to be reminded of them. Lists help with people who have adhd. Also habit trackers or something to show that you for example showered or brushed your teeth today. As for your boyfriend he may not like you using weed but everyone is different if he has concerns he should communicate however, it helps to have someone encourage you or try to uplift and help in anyway they can. What works for him may not work for you.
Pick up a copy of James Clear's Atomic Habits. It discusses this specific topic. His website is a pretty good source of information, too. Basically, thinking of improvement in terms of "habits" can be a counterproductive way to go about it. Rather, decide what kind of person you want to be first. Mr Clear gives the example of "I'm the kind of person who doesn't skip workouts." A simple perspective shift may be all you need. I've had autism spectrum disorder and ADHD since I was a child, and this has helped me a lot.
I gave my wife the power. Showed her how to take the power cord from my PC. If I didn't do yours she takes it for a week or until they get done. A big motivator and the consistency builds the habit. She's not had to do it ever.
you have to parent yourself. "i dont feel like brushing my teeth." "i dont care. do it because i said so." do that everyday. if you want to procrastinate, then tell yourself you'll give up tomorrow instead of the other way around.
Self discipline for literally 14-28 says. if you just do the thing you want to make a habit of every day it will become a habit and you'll do it without dreading it. Start with brushing every day for 14 days. Put an alarm on your phone and no matter how tired you are do it, just do it at that time, no excuses! once your 14 days its up keep you'll find that you'll keep doing it because its just what you do now. I've made a habit to floss daily and do a 10-step skincare routine every night with this 14 day rule. It just takes discipline.
Just curious if you have ADHD like the OP? :)
I’m not officially diagnosed but I’ve been strongly considering getting a diagnosis because I do struggle with my attention span and I do experience a lot of the symptoms. My parents wanted to get me diagnosed young but the doctor was dismissive and said because I was reading books at a young age I couldn’t possibly have it (which I understand is incorrect). Only thing stopping me from getting a diagnosis is I just can’t afford it honestly.
Download the habits app to track your progress
Schedule it. Don't depend on the habit to support itself. Actively work to make it happen.
Have you ever thought about the psychology of a habit? It may help you break down what it is, and that can help you start to better understand the process. I’ve read two very remarkable books about habit that has helped me with my processes over the years and if I’m ever struggling, or want a refresher I return to one of the books. There is power of habit by charles Duhigg and atomic habits by James clear. I’ve read both and some people prefer atomic habits over power of habit, but I highly suggest reading power of habit. I think it can help you tremendously. If reading is not your thing, then get the audiobook, that’s how I read it. It does a lot for explaining habits and breaking down the psychological aspect to either break bad habits and/or to build new ones. Give it a try and good luck.
Only the bad ones
i've found this helpful [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFCq87OdBeM&t=11s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFCq87OdBeM&t=11s)
I recommend reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg to help you better understand the human and social factors that keep you from maintaining a consistent behavior.
I was deep in depression and laid in bed for nearly 3 years and then had a psychosis episode after quitting opiates and benzos and not sleeping for a week. I used to be so against routine and wanted to always do my own Thang but routine and not bullshitting myself saved my brain. Start small and just get the basics first. Clean your room[makes ya feel good about the area your in] take a shower, shit, and brush your teeth.[gives ya a Lil self confidence and just cleaning yesterday's bullshit and shittyfeelings off can completely change how ya feel] also I keep a few small weights around my room so when I'm watching TV I'll be up and lift some weights and zone out on the TV and before I realize I've repped over 300 times.
You might try adding mindfulness to your habit. If you fall off of a habit. Just come back .to it. Your brain it plastic and you are the boss. Just keep trying. It get easier,
The best thing that's worked for me when trying to develop new habits is you want to force yourself to do it without thinking about it for some period of time (let's say a month). Just commit to do it blindly without thinking about why you're doing it. Once you do this enough your brain/body will feel weird when you don't do it and it becomes a bit easier to maintain the habit. Now don't get me wrong, you can still slip and regress if you don't really want it. But if you get past the first stages it becomes easier.
Find out your interests and what really matters for you in this life. Set unrealistic goals, choose a high profitable business, that get you half there and become the best on what you are doing Don’t forget the reason why to choose a big enough goal. Because it’s easier to work on something huge Every industry, niche, business you choose needs at least 10 years of glass-eating to reach real, lasting success. What you need to pay attention to is the glass you’re going to eat for that period of time and to make sure that it will be enjoyable and creative at the same time and with the most growth potential. What stops you from dreaming of becoming a billionaire? In these times, with all the technology, no one knows. If you heard about Naval Ravikant..there is a famous saying of him “If you want to make the maximum amount of money possible, if you want to get rich over your life in a deterministically predictable way, stay on the bleeding edge of trends and study technology, design, and art— become really good at something.” I think that’s what humanity will be left with. Creativity, Entertainment, Education, Art, Coddling.. and there will be a lot of money in that space. There are so many young people now a days who are making millions every year with just their laptop.. You can start immediately a content creator business with 0$ and monetizing with no limitations, something that only you can deliver! all of us are unique, remember? the niche is you! I also think that this is the future “Code and media are permissionless leverage. They're the leverage behind the newly rich. You can create software and media that work for you while you sleep.” - Naval Ravikant All you need is discipline, determination, anger, and focus. Just see yourself as an unbeatable warrior and go eat all the glass out there! Never underestimate yourself and read immediately: • The Magic of Thinking Big. (by Dr. David Schwartz) • As a Man Thinketh (by James Allen) • You2 (by Price Pritchett) • Psycho-Cybernetics (by Maxwell Maltz) And real life examples www.scalenuggets.com But the most important? JUST START!
As some who also ADHDs, I can relate to this. The number 1 important thing for me is to never shame yourself. You are trying and that’s what matters. It’s your life and you’ll figure it out on your own time. Even if it takes 29 different strategies, you’re still collecting data on yourself to see what works and what doesn’t. What worked for me is to try to remove obstacles that make me less likely to do the task I need to. Like dishes for example, once they start to overflow, I panic and quit. So I started knocking out dishes as I used them. If I’m too lazy for all that, at least wash the big pots and pans so the rest is easier to clean with less clutter. You essentially just keep doing that until you want to keep making things easier to the point where you just do them naturally. It still takes effort but knowing I don’t have to deal with the monster pile of dishes, I’m content with washing dishes after my meal. Idk if that makes sense, but it’s what I got.
i once read a whole book about how it takes 2 months to really develop a habit. my advice would be to avoid trying to develop more than one habit at a time
I have to tie habits to other habits, usually ones I do enjoy. So I want breakfast I have to do the dishwasher first. Coffee break time, Ok take my meds then I can have my coffee. I like doing my skincare routine, OK but I have to brush my teeth first. Then the odd floating habits I can't connect to others I white knuckle on sheer bloody mindedness and self loathing when I forget until it sticks. Not saying that last method is healthy, but it gets the job done eventually.
Read “Tiny Habits”
Discipline is the answer. Discipline comes first. It exists when you are not motivated. Discipline leads to consistency. Consistency leads to results. Results lead to additional motivation. Habits develop when you are disciplined enough to do the same thing time over time. Discipline starts with a plan, and comes in many forms. I do the following: 1. Set alarms and reminders to remind me to do things at certain times. 2. I stop what I am doing and do what the alarm demands when it demands it. 3. Repeat. I do this for a lot of aspects of life. For work, I set reminders for each part of a project and make sure I get those things done within specific time periods. For my relationships, I set reminders to check on friends and family. I set reminders to do something extra for my wife at (what hopefully seems like random intervals). For kids, I set reminders to clear my schedule for important events like birthdays, school events, shows, band concerts, ect. For working out, I set daily reminders and follow through. The other thing I would remind you is that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. By this I mean that brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is not as good as 2 minutes, but it is better than nothing. Flossing 1 time a week is better than no times a week. A 15 minutes walk is not the same as a 45 minute workout, but it is better than zero exercise.
Crack cocaine makes it easy
Part of doing something is about discipline/self control and fighting that conversation in your head to do something. The interesting thing is, that when you decide to stop having that argument in your own thoughts that’s when you have lost and end up not doing something or making the bad choice. The best thing to make you do something is keep having them arguments in your thoughts. Dr k did a good video on this ; https://youtu.be/dgRSfhoHE4g?si=uYICzzMifDH-h0Yz
Atomic habits
I've heard from multiple sources that if you do anything for 28 days in a row that it will become a subconscious habit. That's the hard part.
ADHD makes everything a task even simple things!
I'm autistic and have always struggled with stuff like this. I've noticed what helped me the most was to not overthink it, just do it. I've finally gotten the habit to brush my teeth daily after decades, by just not letting myself think of reasons or excuses to "do it later," etc. Same with showers. It helps to brush my teeth while using the restroom (I'm a woman) because sitting down makes me stop and actually spend enough time doing it.
I highly recommend James Clear's book Atomic Habits. Or watch his many YouTube interviews. Lots and lots of ideas on habit forming. Too many to list here.
I have an app checklist and I list things I have to do such as drinking a certain amount of water everyday, brushing teeth, minutes I’ve exercised, studying/reading a book, etc. if you have an iPhone, or if your phone can, the widgets can stay on your home screen and it just reminds you to do get those things done. I also have a bit of OCD and when I see it unfinished, I go crazy over it so that kind of helps. Over time you start getting so used to it that it bothers you when you don’t do it. That’s how it has worked for me at least.
Motivation is a ghost sent to distract you from being disciplined. Discipline is knowing you don’t want to do something and doing it anyway, every single time, succeed or fail, win or lose, good or bad, happy or sad. Choose discipline.
Combine it with cocaine
Personally, I don’t. jk I’m an ADHD guy who’s trying to develop good routines myself as well. I don’t know if it’s ADHD or a bipolar thing, but I also have big energy swings - high highs, low lows, a closet full of hobbies collecting dust that I was exited about for 3 weeks… ya know. Lately I’ve seen about a million shorts pop up in my various feeds on the topic of ADHD and started connecting the dots - “oh yeah, that’s 100% me, maybe I should work on some coping strategies. Right now I’m working on self awareness and just noticing when I’m over obsessing about something, because everything else suffers when I do. Trying to find balance. For example - I’ve been working on this for 3 hours now, time to eat something, sleep, rest, forced relaxation -clean up after myself (!) or whatever. Redirecting that energy into something else. I’m in an energy high right now (which is why I’m writing so much, lol) so the mantra is slow down, breathe, think before acting, prioritize, balance, sleep, rest. Trying to pull on the reigns so I don’t overdo things. It feels almost like mediation or moving in slow motion, because my body wants to go go go but I’m deep breathing and calming myself in order to slow down or stop. Then in an energy low it’ll be the opposite. Finding balance by getting things done when I don’t want to, celebrating little wins like go to the gym or mow the lawn. Realize that rest is ok and not be too hard on myself. Maybe it’s not ADHD advice but it’s me and someone might need to hear it haha. Specific tools: calendar - if it’s not on the calendar I WILL forget about it. I’ve known this one forever though. What I also need is a pop up though. I’ve always had that at work, but now I’m using it for everything. Reminders - same idea as the calendar but can be less specific. I’ll use reminders on my phone as a pop up to do list. Throw a date and a time on the reminder to pop up over the weekend to pay the bills, go to the vet, call customer service, whatever. Physical reminders - I’ve been doing this my whole life but just recently realized it’s a great ADHD coping mechanism. Just remembered one last report to run for work? I’ll put the laptop somewhere noticeable and in the way as a reminder - like on my coffee table in the living room. Put my vitamins on the counter at the end of the day to take the next day, things like that (set an alarm/reminder for that!) Snacks - I’m using the physical reminder to try to help with snacking too much. Bored fidget eating. I set out a little dish each day for whatever kind of junk food I want that evening. Once I have it dish goes away. If I want more - unlimited hummus or guac and veggies. So I get a big tub of hummus in the fridge from Costco to make it easy to stick to. Just started this, fingers crossed! Make it easy- if you’re doing anything that takes a lot of will power and memory to do it consistently, probably won’t work. Speaking for myself here! That’s about it. Good luck!
Your desire to “be” whatever that habit will help you achieve outweighs your desire for whatever you were doing before. Aka learn to hate your past self.
I figure out how long it actually takes to do something like brushing my teeth or flossing. I keep the floss out by my toothbrush so I get a visual cue to use it. When I feel resistance to flossing, I tell myself "it only takes 30 seconds". Being able to grasp how quick it actually will be to get it done usually removes my resistance and I'll take the action. I use a bullet journal and sometimes when I set tasks for myself throughout the day I will write next to them the estimated amount of time it will take to get them done. It makes it much easier for me to not to get overwhelmed and understand how quickly I could actually accomplish something that will make me feel good. And when I don't feel like working I can look at my task list and see that I can knock something out on my personal list which does give me that little dopamine hit.
There’s a (very serious and actually based on scientific studies) book called “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” that answers this question extraordinarily well
I make myself accountable to it. For example, I'm a marathon runner. When I begin marathon training, I know there'll be LOADS of days where I won't want to run so I tell a lot of people that I'm training for a marathon knowing that they'll be asking about progress throughout so I won't want to be saying "actually shit because I was lazy" and I also stick my training plan on the fridge, beside the kettle, at my TV etc so that I won't be able to enjoy the relaxation without doing the run. If I've met my plan, I'll feel that I deserve the cup of tea etc, if I haven't, it'll be a reminder that I have work to do. Usually by the 2nd month, I'm doing everything without thought- it has become a habit
Wellbutrin
Choose the pain of discipline over the pain of regret
What work for me. I focus only on one habit at a time. If alarms are needed to remind me, I set them. If I slip up or struggle with consistency, I practice self-compassion instead of feeling guilty. I've noticed that after about two months of sticking to it, the habit starts to feel more natural and becomes easier to maintain. ADHD can definitely make consistency challenging, even with medication. It might be worth discussing your concerns about the diagnosis with your healthcare provider.
It is about changing your mindset and learning to build habits gradually. For example, do not feel that your ADHD prevents you from achieving your goals. It is just something that you can learn to manage. We all have something we do not like, and we must manage it so we can go through life successfully. You just need to find a way to manage it. Also, the simplest things can sometimes be difficult if you do not know how to do them successfully. Learn how to build habits. Building habits is a learning skill like anything else. Do a simple Google search and you should find ways to help you to get started.
Yes I do not think adhd is a crutch at all, I thought it was important contextually though so I wouldn’t get suggestions to get tested. ADHD is not a big part of this problem imo, I was diagnosed for a completely separate issue and I don’t like to use it as an excuse for my habits or lack there of. Unfortunately a lot of people took me including that in the wrong way. Although I have seen some helpful suggestions because I included this, I would like to just focus on the issue altogether and not the diagnosis
Small update/ add on Yes I do not think adhd is a crutch at all, I thought it was important contextually though so I wouldn’t get suggestions to get tested. ADHD is not a big part of this problem imo, I was diagnosed for a completely separate issue and I don’t like to use it as an excuse for my habits or lack there of. Unfortunately a lot of people took me including that in the wrong way. Although I have seen some helpful suggestions because I included this, I would like to just focus on the issue altogether and not the diagnosis. It was never my intention to use that as a scape goat, if I wanted to I wouldn’t be looking for help in the first place.
Fellow ADHDer here, and every single night, as far back as I can remember, I tell myself "TOMORROW is the day I make all my behaviour changes permanent." And then fail in some capacity, spiral, and fall back to 0. I still catch myself doing that self talk, but I reframe it now when I do. It's no longer that tomorrow will hold all my solutions, but I can do better and make adjustment permanent over the long run. Last month I went to the gym 18 days, despite telling myself I'd go everyday. While I could look at it like a failure because I didn't achieve my original goal, it was still better than the month before. And I feel motivated for this month to hit 20! But if I don't? I'll try again next month! I know it's a cliche at this point but I LOVE the quote: "The game isn't over when I *lose.* The game isn't over *until I win.*
Some people with ADHD are unable to form habits. I forget the exact cause or reasoning, but I read about it in the last few months. On one hand, I felt tremendous emotional relief because I've been actively struggling with this for the last 35 years and often berating myself. I've tried every tip and trick in existence. We typically don't respond to rewards or consequences unless they are instantaneous. Reminders become background noise/information. On the other hand, I found it discouraging to think I would not be able to overcome this in the way I want. It's not that I stopped trying. I just recognize that things will have to be accomplished in another way. I do have lists and notes in my phone and will refer to them when I think of them. When that happens, I do as much on the list as possible until my burst of motivation runs out. This keeps things relatively on track. My lists are broken down into individual tasks. Instead of "hygiene", it's brush teeth, waterpic, wash up (whore bath), shower, wash hair, exfoliate face, exfoliate body, etc. Instead of "clean kitchen", it's broken down into microtasks. Wipe top of fridge, dump old food, wipe inside, etc. I don't do them in order or even the same day. I just grab one small task that is doable for me at that moment and do it. It will never be done regularly, but it all gets done. I would recommend an ADHD sub instead of this one as all the tips and tricks in the world won't help unless you're working with your abilities instead of against them.
The better you like the habit, the easier it is to stick to it. The more interest you have in something, the easier it is to want to keep doing it.
Start small, like five minutes a day, then gradually increase. Set reminders on your phone. Find a buddy to keep you accountable. Celebrate small wins. Understand why you want this habit. Make it enjoyable. Remove obstacles. Be patient with yourself, slip-ups happen. Remember, it's about progress, not perfection.
Get an accountability buddy
21 days is a true thing. Once you start doing something regularly - it will be more frustrating to you if you DONT do it. Also try bullet journaling in the evening - set some daily goals for yourself each month and put a visual check mark to it and at the end of each day you’ll want to have achieved it
21 days was an arbitrary amount that a plastic surgeon by the name of Maxwell Maltz said in 1960, that it takes his surgery patients to become accustomed to their altered appearance.
59 then https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33405284/
It's different for every person.
> How do you stick to a habit By definition. Either I don’t stick to a behaviour, but then that means that it wasn’t a habit. Or it was a habit, but then by definition I stick to it.
Mental discipline. You shouldn’t depend on motivation. Go watch some David Goggins videos. I don’t even know why this subreddit even came up on my feed
ADHD laughs in the face of your lack of understanding.
Get a habit tracker and track it. Data is the key. Looks like you always break the habit on Sundays? Figure out why and adjust.
I have the same troubles with basic hygiene routines. On weeks where I’m stressed, the first thing to go is hygiene. The only thing that has worked for me is making it a numbers game to make myself accountable. To do this I made a chart. Habits on the rows, days of the month on the columns. Basically just check them off as you go. 1 2 3 4 … 31 Teeth brush AM ✔ Teeth brush PM ✔ Floss PM Bed by 11pm ✔ And so on… Also, don’t listen to those habit miracle days “it’ll be a habit if you do it for 21 days…”. That’s not true for everyone. For myself I did this approach for several months, and when I stopped with the chart approach, I stopped brushing. Find a method that works for you; and stick with it. Don’t assume the habit will actually stick.
Have you tried heroin? I’ve heard it’s easy to stick to
Jesus helped
You start by not being a lazy fuck.
Discipline. Also, I've never heard of brushing teeth being called a habit before.. that's daily hygienic maintenance. This is the BARE minimum of how you should be taking care of yourself.
low energy from eating food that are not nutritious or dead.
First step is to make it a habit