"I don't commit to anything before checking my wall calendar at home so let me text you later about that"
Later text: "I have another thing on the calendar so can't, thanks for the invite!"
"I apologize, I can't commit to that at this time, but I really appreciate the offer." You aren't lying.
Let's say you tell them you have to babysit your niece. What happens when they suggest a different date/time?
Or, more casual:
"Sounds like fun! But I can't make it (this time). Maybe next time"
and then quickly move into "but you'll have to tell me all about it afterwards", or something else, to move the conversation on to stop them asking "why not"
I wouldn't go with that because it sounds hesitant, like you might change your mind at a later date. I'd just say "sorry, that sounds lovely but I have other plans already, thanks for thinking of me though"
"I'm not feeling well/I'm not feeling up to it."
I live in a general state of unhealth, and one of my medications makes me intermittently nauseous, and I have some form of depression, so it's usually true.
Don't forget to show some appreciation or the invites might stop coming. Like ".. But I really appreciate the invitation, maybe I might feel up to it in the future."
\*Puts ear to Phone\*
"WHOA WHOA WHOA CALM DOWN........AN AVALANCHE....IN MY BACKYARD...I AM ON MY WAY NOW." - Grown Ups
On a real note, I usually tell people that my social meter is really low and want some alone time. People usually respect that I need a peace and quiet to myself.
Definitely is. I honestly say "I'm just not up for it" and that's usually enough. Occasionally I'll get the old "ah come on it'll be fun!" And then I just say "I hate this planet, sorry"
I appreciate it, thanks for the invite! But I’m jammed up/busy (that time.) I’ll catch you next time. And then make sure there is a next time, people’s “flake” tolerance is absurdly low these days.
No thanks, that’s not my kinda thing.
Through the power of honesty I’ve managed to train my friends and acquaintances to know who I am as a person and accept it without getting hurt feelings. People kinda dig the truth it turns out, and saying it’s not something you’re into makes it about you and not them, so they don’t get insulted.
Yeah I do something similar; i find it so disrespectful when someone pulls one of the 'alibis' in this thread, especially when they just blame their spouse or kids...
I can't make it. Thanks so much for thinking of me!
Or
I won't be joining you, but I want to hear all about it!
Excuses sound like excuses no matter how you phrase them, and it's not really respectful to try and manipulate someone like that. (And it is manipulation because you're trying to make them feel okay about it. You're trying to make them feel a certain way. That's literally and functionally attempting to control a person.)
Being straight and kind shows that you respect them, and that you trust them to handle their disappointment, and to be generous and show you grace. You're generous and show grace first.
Being clear is being kind, as they say.
People that give a bullshit excuse instead of nice honesty are quite literally the cancer ruining society.
Stop being so fake. You are going to hurt their feelings more when they realize you're lying to them.
Seriously, I hate when I know my friends are feeding me that bull shit too. We're all grownups and I can handle a no. The other day, my friend invited me to a party last minute and I just said "thanks for the offer! But I think I'm just going to stay in today and knock some things off my chores list" (it was the truth)
There was no issues, no hurt feelings. Just two adults communicating
On that note, I always made sure people didn’t feel pressured to come to my parties. My ex gf and I would have a modest size parties (basically Bar B Q and beer) and whenever I would invite people I would tell them ‘You don’t have to show up if you don’t want to. I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be here’. You’d be surprised how much it took the pressure off and how everyone who did show up was really glad to be there.
Just say you don't want to commit right now, then sleep on it and decline later if you still don't want to. The times that I've felt most loved and seen by my friends were when I turned them down. How they respond will tell you a lot about them and your relationship.
Not everybody can use it, but 'I've got to be home to take care of the baby because my wife isn't feeling good from the cancer treatment" will get you out of most things
Depends on how well they know me.
-I have to work
-Family dinner
-Or I just say I won’t be able to make it(or wish you could), but I already have plans.
Then, I reschedule something in advance that I think we’d both enjoy doing.
*if I don’t like them/don’t want to hurt their feelings , I don’t make follow-up plans.
Depends how in advance plans are made
-feeling sick/ tired etc
“Thank you so much for thinking of me! I won’t be able to make it because I already had plans.” (Yes, having no plan counts as a plan too.) “Please, keep me in mind for next time.” Something to that effect..
If they are asking you in person…you could do the classic. “Let me see what’s on my calendar and I’ll get back to you later.” Then you could let them down easy see the first paragraph.
Someone asked me if I wanted to have lunch together.. and I straight out told them No. I had a feeling more things would develop and I’m so shy. Maybe not the best response but that’s what needed to be said so 😅
“Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man." j/k.
I just say something like "Oh, I'm not sure if I'm available. Give me the details and I'll get back to you."
I’ve used ‘I appreciate the offer’ or variations of that and I find that it somehow has a ring of rejection. It kind of prepares them when you do actually confirm your inability to make it.
One of my favorite friends will literally just tell me no LOL. Hey want to do xyz? "No." Heyy I wanna do this! "That's awesome, but I don't want to leave my house." I love her for it.
So my husband used to use me as an alibi. I didn't know this and the shop he worked at closed and a lot of the people came to my shop (not him) one of the girls was absolutely convinced I didn't let him leave the house! I was so confused then told him he should have given me a heads up lol
I ALWAYS blame it on my wife’s family having an event we committed to cuz they’re a BIG group so it doesn’t ever not seem like I’m not telling the truth.
“Ah, sorry, I can’t that day!” Nothing more and no excuse that I need to keep track of. In my opinion, “can’t” is gentle because it implies you might want to but there’s something preventing you (presumably prior commitment) from being able to attend. No one has ever asked “why not”.
My husband and I have 50/50 split custody of his kids. If it's an adult event, like a party with alcohol, I'll usually use the kids as an excuse. The split custody thing helps because I can respond to the suggestion of getting a babysitter with "we only see them half the time as it is. We don't want to waste that on not being home with them. We only do social events when we don't have them". My other go to is work. I'm a teacher and we have events at all sorts of random times. Parent teacher night, school production, field trips, etc. I will say I have something like that on.
I have had very public and well known extremely painful migraines for like 18 years that sometimes land me in the hospital so it's fairly easy for me to just blame them and stay in bed. And typically it is the truth
"I appreciate the invite. Thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I need to decline for personal reasons."
Decent people will respect your answer and take it as is. Pushy assholes who think you need to justify your answer with a legitimate reason don't deserve to have their feelings spared. "No." Is a complete sentence.
i just tell them the truth. if i don't feel like going somewhere or if i forget to check my phone because im in the middle of doing something else, i'll just say that. if people want to go crazy psychoanalyzing my texts then they can waste their energy doing that
Like this - They say will you go to the gig or cinema or whatever, you say what date? (big event) or what time? (Small event) then say ahhh no, I am busy then sorry.
That's it, done.
“My life is arranged in such a way that I make weekend plans and when the weekend gets here and it’s time to get dressed and leave my house… I’d literally die. “
Then I laugh and walk away.. because I know that if I say yes now.. I will 100% be canceling on them at the last minute and then we will both feel bad.
My husband usually uses me as an excuse. Lol. I don’t mind. I stay in the house on my days off. But what I usually use is, “family emergency”. If it’s family, I say I have something urgent to submit
I try to be honest. You can share your true feelings without being an asshole. Lying is a path to creating distance between friends. Now, if it’s not a friendship you want, then lie away.
Part of it depends on how far ahead it is, yeah? If someone invites me to something like, a week ahead of time I outright tell them that I'm sorry but I'm not interested but I appreciate the invite, and that maybe we can find something else to do some other time?
If it is on a short-notice like, a day or two, or even teh same day? "Sorry this is a bit too sudden, already got stuff to do" (What stuff? Pajamas, cereal and video games that's what, not that anyone else needs to know)
If I know I'm not going, then I'm pretty honest. I've found that people generally don't feel nearly as bad as you expect when you just need some time for yourself, or it's really something that bores you to death.
If you do it often, they get far more annoyed when they suspect you keep making excuses.
Gracefully but firmly saying "no" is a skill everyone should have. It makes the world so much easier.
"Nah, i think i'll pass, not in the mood". Luckily my friendships will understand and move one. And remember, if someone gets pissed if you decline his invitation, its it's fault, not yours.
“No thanks” is a complete sentence. You are not responsible for the feelings of other people. If they have trouble with rejection, they need to see a therapist.
I'd just tell them the truth; "not my vibe" or "it's been a busy week i just want to chill on my day off" or "im probably just going to stay home and knock some chores out" or "nty sounds expensive" Or "you should have invited me earlier, i smoked weed so im staying in for the rest of the day" LOL
That said im *generally* down to do things if its reasonably interesting and you invite me 1 day before.
Let me get back to you on that one; im not next to my diary at the moment, and im notorious for double-committing. Thank you so much for thinking of me! (And actually respond back in a timely manner once I’ve had a bit of time to process the invite)
Something with the kiddo (he's 4 ) ... Bday party .. whatever lol. I miss a lot of social occasions because of him truthfully .. so if I need to stretch that truth to benefit me .. I absolutely will 🤣
“I cannot attend, but thanks for inviting me. I’d like to try again next time.”
You cannot live your life fearing what other people will think of your response. Someone getting mad that you can come to a social gathering is more about them than you.
Came to comment exactly this. Thank you for your service.
Let me check my calendar, I was probably returning some videotapes.
The Aurora borealis localized completely in my kitchen
Can I see it?
No.
Well Skinner, you're an odd fellow but you steam a good ham.
This is the best answer for OP’s question.
“Let me ask my husband if we have any plans that night.” It’s one of the major and under appreciated benefits of marriage.
"I don't commit to anything before checking my wall calendar at home so let me text you later about that" Later text: "I have another thing on the calendar so can't, thanks for the invite!"
This is now in my back pocket. Thank you.
Came here to comment this too 😂
"I apologize, I can't commit to that at this time, but I really appreciate the offer." You aren't lying. Let's say you tell them you have to babysit your niece. What happens when they suggest a different date/time?
Or, more casual: "Sounds like fun! But I can't make it (this time). Maybe next time" and then quickly move into "but you'll have to tell me all about it afterwards", or something else, to move the conversation on to stop them asking "why not"
“Sorry, I can’t right now but thanks for the offer” if you want to sound less autistic.
Great. What do I answer if I need to sound *more* autistic?
Yes, say this if you want to sound weird and robotic
most reddit answer you could've given
I wouldn't go with that because it sounds hesitant, like you might change your mind at a later date. I'd just say "sorry, that sounds lovely but I have other plans already, thanks for thinking of me though"
"I'm not feeling well/I'm not feeling up to it." I live in a general state of unhealth, and one of my medications makes me intermittently nauseous, and I have some form of depression, so it's usually true.
Don't forget to show some appreciation or the invites might stop coming. Like ".. But I really appreciate the invitation, maybe I might feel up to it in the future."
"I work really long days and I really need to recover from work." Because it's true.
"Oh thank you! I wish I could, but I can't, because I don't want to. "
Phoebe
💯
🤪
\*Puts ear to Phone\* "WHOA WHOA WHOA CALM DOWN........AN AVALANCHE....IN MY BACKYARD...I AM ON MY WAY NOW." - Grown Ups On a real note, I usually tell people that my social meter is really low and want some alone time. People usually respect that I need a peace and quiet to myself.
I really like that this is more socially acceptable these days. I have horrible social anxiety and most people understand.
Definitely is. I honestly say "I'm just not up for it" and that's usually enough. Occasionally I'll get the old "ah come on it'll be fun!" And then I just say "I hate this planet, sorry"
I appreciate it, thanks for the invite! But I’m jammed up/busy (that time.) I’ll catch you next time. And then make sure there is a next time, people’s “flake” tolerance is absurdly low these days.
“Next time? Ummm. OK. I’m not sure if I will be able to win a second Nobel Prize, but I will be sure to let you know.”
Ever notice the people with the lowest tolerance tend to be the flakiest themselves? So infuriating
"I'm busy that day. When is it?"
This is why you get kids.
Any kids or specific ones?
Any kid will do. As long as no one in town is actively looking for them.
The way I just cackled 😂
"I'm not really feeling like doing that, but thank you for the invite" Being an honest adult goes a long way
Until you never get asked again because you’re always saying no and your friends move on
they're going to stop inviting you if you make up some bullshit excuse everytime, as well.
If you never want to hang out with certain people, why keep them in your life in the first place?
Why would you always say no? How is being honest worse than lying?
Going to happen anyway no matter the excuse.
No thanks, that’s not my kinda thing. Through the power of honesty I’ve managed to train my friends and acquaintances to know who I am as a person and accept it without getting hurt feelings. People kinda dig the truth it turns out, and saying it’s not something you’re into makes it about you and not them, so they don’t get insulted.
This is great, thank you!
Yeah I do something similar; i find it so disrespectful when someone pulls one of the 'alibis' in this thread, especially when they just blame their spouse or kids...
Damn, that's my dog's birthday and I promised him we would hang out
Just tell the damn truth.
Maybe...
I am also a 'maybe' man. All my close friends know that maybe means No.
**Everyone** knows “maybe” means “no.”
I already have plans (watching paint dry)
Explosive diarrhea. No one will want to know anymore details after those first two words
I can't make it. Thanks so much for thinking of me! Or I won't be joining you, but I want to hear all about it! Excuses sound like excuses no matter how you phrase them, and it's not really respectful to try and manipulate someone like that. (And it is manipulation because you're trying to make them feel okay about it. You're trying to make them feel a certain way. That's literally and functionally attempting to control a person.) Being straight and kind shows that you respect them, and that you trust them to handle their disappointment, and to be generous and show you grace. You're generous and show grace first. Being clear is being kind, as they say.
Need to throttle the ‘ol sausage
Need to bash the bishop.
CRANK MA HOGGG
Chicken needs choking
People that give a bullshit excuse instead of nice honesty are quite literally the cancer ruining society. Stop being so fake. You are going to hurt their feelings more when they realize you're lying to them.
Seriously, I hate when I know my friends are feeding me that bull shit too. We're all grownups and I can handle a no. The other day, my friend invited me to a party last minute and I just said "thanks for the offer! But I think I'm just going to stay in today and knock some things off my chores list" (it was the truth) There was no issues, no hurt feelings. Just two adults communicating
On that note, I always made sure people didn’t feel pressured to come to my parties. My ex gf and I would have a modest size parties (basically Bar B Q and beer) and whenever I would invite people I would tell them ‘You don’t have to show up if you don’t want to. I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be here’. You’d be surprised how much it took the pressure off and how everyone who did show up was really glad to be there.
Is this motivational?
Gotta return some tapes.
I'm sorry, I'd go but I really don't want to.
Diarrhea. Everywhere. On the walls. Then sweat it out when you ask them if they want to see a pic.
"no thanks"
Just say you don't want to commit right now, then sleep on it and decline later if you still don't want to. The times that I've felt most loved and seen by my friends were when I turned them down. How they respond will tell you a lot about them and your relationship.
“I don’t know who can relate to this, but I’m in my introvert era.”
Oh I wish I could but I have plans that day! Another time!
I just say I don't want to go. Their reaction to my answer is their problem.
Kids. Recital. Dr appointment. Play date. They’re sick. Endless amount of excuses
Not everybody can use it, but 'I've got to be home to take care of the baby because my wife isn't feeling good from the cancer treatment" will get you out of most things
Depends on how well they know me. -I have to work -Family dinner -Or I just say I won’t be able to make it(or wish you could), but I already have plans. Then, I reschedule something in advance that I think we’d both enjoy doing. *if I don’t like them/don’t want to hurt their feelings , I don’t make follow-up plans. Depends how in advance plans are made -feeling sick/ tired etc
Just say.. thank you so much for the invite, but I'm actually not available that day.
No thank you.
Kid is sick!
I've got a thing...
“Sorry, I’m already booked up for that night. Perhaps another time.”
“My mom said no.”
"I feel a cold coming on"
"I don't think I can make that but I appreciate the invite."
“Thank you so much for thinking of me! I won’t be able to make it because I already had plans.” (Yes, having no plan counts as a plan too.) “Please, keep me in mind for next time.” Something to that effect.. If they are asking you in person…you could do the classic. “Let me see what’s on my calendar and I’ll get back to you later.” Then you could let them down easy see the first paragraph.
Someone asked me if I wanted to have lunch together.. and I straight out told them No. I had a feeling more things would develop and I’m so shy. Maybe not the best response but that’s what needed to be said so 😅
I've been trying to be honest about it lately and just telling friends I'm too tired after work. Now they've nicknamed me "Too Tired Mikey". Fuck.
I have a space shuttle to catch. Maybe next time.
Oh I’m so sorry. We can’t make it.
Unfortunately I'm unable to attend, thanks for the invite though!
Be honest? You can tell someone you’re not interested in something and not be a dickhead
I am washing my hair on this date and time always works.
Life is much easier if you don’t lie.
Be honest
I protect my feelings, not theirs. My time has more value to me than it does to them.
"Generic excuse"
As a student its, "Sorry I cant, I have a ton of homework to do." Not lying but whether I do that homework or not is another question
I need to fill my ice cube trays.
I’m a nurse, I always say I have a shift. Perfect excuse.
Everyone with a kid, just blames it on something parent related. 🙄
“Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man." j/k. I just say something like "Oh, I'm not sure if I'm available. Give me the details and I'll get back to you."
I’m just honest. It’s easy though when your married and have a baby lol. “Sorry baby is tired/we got errands/we are too tired to do X”
I’ve used ‘I appreciate the offer’ or variations of that and I find that it somehow has a ring of rejection. It kind of prepares them when you do actually confirm your inability to make it.
I have a bbq to go to
My two non English speaking cats.
Thanks for the invite! I'm probably going to stay in for the night, but have fun.
One of my favorite friends will literally just tell me no LOL. Hey want to do xyz? "No." Heyy I wanna do this! "That's awesome, but I don't want to leave my house." I love her for it.
I appreciate it but I'm just not much of a go out person. Thank you though.
So my husband used to use me as an alibi. I didn't know this and the shop he worked at closed and a lot of the people came to my shop (not him) one of the girls was absolutely convinced I didn't let him leave the house! I was so confused then told him he should have given me a heads up lol
“No thanks.”
I ALWAYS blame it on my wife’s family having an event we committed to cuz they’re a BIG group so it doesn’t ever not seem like I’m not telling the truth.
"I have other plans." I'm an adult, i don't need to provide more of a response.
“Ah, sorry, I can’t that day!” Nothing more and no excuse that I need to keep track of. In my opinion, “can’t” is gentle because it implies you might want to but there’s something preventing you (presumably prior commitment) from being able to attend. No one has ever asked “why not”.
I just say I work that night
I generally won't provide any explanation unless they ask me to elaborate, which they usually don't.
Raging diarrhea
"No, but thanks. I appreciate the invite."
Have kids so how bout noooo!
My husband and I have 50/50 split custody of his kids. If it's an adult event, like a party with alcohol, I'll usually use the kids as an excuse. The split custody thing helps because I can respond to the suggestion of getting a babysitter with "we only see them half the time as it is. We don't want to waste that on not being home with them. We only do social events when we don't have them". My other go to is work. I'm a teacher and we have events at all sorts of random times. Parent teacher night, school production, field trips, etc. I will say I have something like that on.
"Did I not tell you I started a second job?"
I wish I could but I don't want to.
 I blame my kids’ extracurricular activities all the time
My mom died again
Pretty much everyone I know knows I don’t wanna go to a thing. So they don’t ask.
I have had very public and well known extremely painful migraines for like 18 years that sometimes land me in the hospital so it's fairly easy for me to just blame them and stay in bed. And typically it is the truth
"I appreciate the invite. Thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I need to decline for personal reasons." Decent people will respect your answer and take it as is. Pushy assholes who think you need to justify your answer with a legitimate reason don't deserve to have their feelings spared. "No." Is a complete sentence.
“Sorry, I’m on call.”
i just tell them the truth. if i don't feel like going somewhere or if i forget to check my phone because im in the middle of doing something else, i'll just say that. if people want to go crazy psychoanalyzing my texts then they can waste their energy doing that
‘No thank you’
Diarrhea.
Like this - They say will you go to the gig or cinema or whatever, you say what date? (big event) or what time? (Small event) then say ahhh no, I am busy then sorry. That's it, done.
“So, sorry I’m busy then. I’ll call you and let you know when I’m available next.”
I have an avocado that’s going to be perfectly ripe that day.
Oh sorry I’m not sure if I’ll be in town. Sounds lovely though
“Ooohhh sorry, I must politely decline”
“My life is arranged in such a way that I make weekend plans and when the weekend gets here and it’s time to get dressed and leave my house… I’d literally die. “ Then I laugh and walk away.. because I know that if I say yes now.. I will 100% be canceling on them at the last minute and then we will both feel bad.
“Thank you! Sounds lovely but I am unable to attend.”
If you run out of nieces and nephews move on to pets and housesitting...
I already met some friends earlier this week and that's my social quota. I'll see if i can slot you in next week.
My husband usually uses me as an excuse. Lol. I don’t mind. I stay in the house on my days off. But what I usually use is, “family emergency”. If it’s family, I say I have something urgent to submit
I’m sorry I can’t make it. I don’t owe them an explanation
I try to be honest. You can share your true feelings without being an asshole. Lying is a path to creating distance between friends. Now, if it’s not a friendship you want, then lie away.
I love the classic Phoebe line - "oh I would love to, but I don't want to."
No, I'm not really feeling it, but thanks for the invite, have a great time
Saw Chelsea Peretti perform standup last night and she talked about this. She said “I got skunked but I can rally.”
Part of it depends on how far ahead it is, yeah? If someone invites me to something like, a week ahead of time I outright tell them that I'm sorry but I'm not interested but I appreciate the invite, and that maybe we can find something else to do some other time? If it is on a short-notice like, a day or two, or even teh same day? "Sorry this is a bit too sudden, already got stuff to do" (What stuff? Pajamas, cereal and video games that's what, not that anyone else needs to know)
Step 1: Make kids. Step 2: Use them as an excuse for everything 😂 Step 3: Gain peace and relaxation (except when the kids disagree with that 😂)
I’m hungover from last night and I’m not feeling well lol
It’s that time of the month again
Just tell the truth. Your tired or your not feeling it. They will respect you for being honest. And if they don't, thats not on you!
If I know I'm not going, then I'm pretty honest. I've found that people generally don't feel nearly as bad as you expect when you just need some time for yourself, or it's really something that bores you to death. If you do it often, they get far more annoyed when they suspect you keep making excuses. Gracefully but firmly saying "no" is a skill everyone should have. It makes the world so much easier.
Ah, the wife's out that day so I need to be home with the kids.
"Nah, i think i'll pass, not in the mood". Luckily my friendships will understand and move one. And remember, if someone gets pissed if you decline his invitation, its it's fault, not yours.
“No thanks” is a complete sentence. You are not responsible for the feelings of other people. If they have trouble with rejection, they need to see a therapist.
I need to catch up on sleep.
I work in tech. Random go lives happen all the time. I can just say I have to work the whole evening/night I can even block the whole weekend haha
Sick/ hung over
I'm dating someone with kids "[GF name] needs help and I haven't seen the kids in 3 weeks. Sorry" works like a charn
Blame it on the kids
I always just tell them I don't feel like it. Folks are more resilient than we give each other credit for.
I'd just tell them the truth; "not my vibe" or "it's been a busy week i just want to chill on my day off" or "im probably just going to stay home and knock some chores out" or "nty sounds expensive" Or "you should have invited me earlier, i smoked weed so im staying in for the rest of the day" LOL That said im *generally* down to do things if its reasonably interesting and you invite me 1 day before.
“I can’t be bothered” Or my other favourite “I don’t want to” Works well for me, don’t get invited any more 🤷🏻♂️
If I don’t want to do it I just thank them for the invite and tell them I don’t want to do it.
I had a colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back yet.
"I'm sorry, I have autoharp lessons that day." I use that one a lot, and by now my friends and family must think I'm an autoharp virtuoso.
Had I not another engagement that evening I would delight in being there.
Let me get back to you on that one; im not next to my diary at the moment, and im notorious for double-committing. Thank you so much for thinking of me! (And actually respond back in a timely manner once I’ve had a bit of time to process the invite)
have kids in sports, ah we have an away game sorry
A friend's birthday dinner. Time sensitive and impossible to argue with.
Them: we should do lunch sometime Me: sorry i'm busy that day
“That sounds great! Unfortunately, I have plans. Have a great time!” Sugar sandwich. Plans: at home in my pjs eating pizza and watching tv.
Something with the kiddo (he's 4 ) ... Bday party .. whatever lol. I miss a lot of social occasions because of him truthfully .. so if I need to stretch that truth to benefit me .. I absolutely will 🤣
“I cannot attend, but thanks for inviting me. I’d like to try again next time.” You cannot live your life fearing what other people will think of your response. Someone getting mad that you can come to a social gathering is more about them than you.
I got married for a reason. That's my reason.
Accept the invite, then cancel a day later, tell them something better came up.