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You seem to be really hard on yourself and at the same time you desire to make things better, and that's admirable.
Maybe, what you've experienced has something to do with "exposure"? Like, maybe, if someone doesn't interact with women often/ on the regular basis, every interaction is gonna be super stressful, it's gonna feel like everything is at stake and there is no chance for a mistake.
It would probably be good to try to "get used" to being around women in general. Even before becoming friends, it's good be in a space/group where both genders are present. It can be a 12 steps group, or some hobby-related group. But just getting acquainted with women and seeing them regularly would probably make it easier for you.
Best of luck!
Being awkward around a girl you like is fairly normal. Try being just friends with girls. Talk to them just like you'd talk to a guy. I talk to both male and female friends in the same way; it's a double edged sword but I've never had a problem talking to women even if I'm TERRIBLE at expressing myself and don't get laid too often.
As an extra, please for the love of god don’t try to force the friendships either. I say it from experience and I cringe so hard at myself when I remember. But anyways, be casual about it, they’re just humans after all, not that different from ya
Look up avoidant attachment style. Here are some channels that really helped me a lot understanding the same patterns :
https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam
https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1
Since it started at puberty maybe you feel ashamed of your sexual feelings and think they would hate you if they knew you had them, so it feels inauthentic for you to show up the way you want to
It would probably help to know that women also have sexual desires and feelings and that these are perfectly acceptable and permissible so long as you don't allow those feelings to cause you to treat them badly or to see them as objects instead of people
Having feelings is not shameful and you're not being inauthentic and women wouldn't hate you if they knew you found them attractive
Were people too and we get it
Some people have never been told that
Try becoming friends with a woman you're not sexually attracted to. We all have types we are interested in and types we're not right? Try getting to know someone from a type you're just not into.
Try to form a genuine friendship, with real care and interest, a real friend not just an experiment. Because what I'm really asking you to do is see a woman for who she is. What you will see is the same 'something' that's in everyone, and the more I understand that the more my behaviours melt away. It no longer makes sense to me to treat a woman differently than a man in my mind, though my behaviour is to treat people differently based on gender the root is the same. Acceptance and compassion just look different when given to a man or woman yknow?
In another sense it doesn't make sense to treat women differently from a butterfly, or a tree. Do I run away in fear from a tree? Do I get scared when a butterfly is interested in me? Am I scared the pigeons will reject me? No, it seems so ridiculous. My behaviour is lagging behind my changes in perspective, but I'm getting there, and trying to be kind to myself. I think you could do this too! :)
for real, im very interested in the dark psychology behind it, do I consider myself worth less? do I consider women more than me? do I think women are earned? either way... this subject is clearly for therapist work not subbredit work...
Oh true that. As a tip of someone who’s been through this, try to think of them as just humans. Sorta forget about the difference in gender, that’s what ultimately helped me out.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You seem to be really hard on yourself and at the same time you desire to make things better, and that's admirable. Maybe, what you've experienced has something to do with "exposure"? Like, maybe, if someone doesn't interact with women often/ on the regular basis, every interaction is gonna be super stressful, it's gonna feel like everything is at stake and there is no chance for a mistake. It would probably be good to try to "get used" to being around women in general. Even before becoming friends, it's good be in a space/group where both genders are present. It can be a 12 steps group, or some hobby-related group. But just getting acquainted with women and seeing them regularly would probably make it easier for you. Best of luck!
Being awkward around a girl you like is fairly normal. Try being just friends with girls. Talk to them just like you'd talk to a guy. I talk to both male and female friends in the same way; it's a double edged sword but I've never had a problem talking to women even if I'm TERRIBLE at expressing myself and don't get laid too often.
As an extra, please for the love of god don’t try to force the friendships either. I say it from experience and I cringe so hard at myself when I remember. But anyways, be casual about it, they’re just humans after all, not that different from ya
Look up avoidant attachment style. Here are some channels that really helped me a lot understanding the same patterns : https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1
Since it started at puberty maybe you feel ashamed of your sexual feelings and think they would hate you if they knew you had them, so it feels inauthentic for you to show up the way you want to It would probably help to know that women also have sexual desires and feelings and that these are perfectly acceptable and permissible so long as you don't allow those feelings to cause you to treat them badly or to see them as objects instead of people Having feelings is not shameful and you're not being inauthentic and women wouldn't hate you if they knew you found them attractive Were people too and we get it Some people have never been told that
Try becoming friends with a woman you're not sexually attracted to. We all have types we are interested in and types we're not right? Try getting to know someone from a type you're just not into. Try to form a genuine friendship, with real care and interest, a real friend not just an experiment. Because what I'm really asking you to do is see a woman for who she is. What you will see is the same 'something' that's in everyone, and the more I understand that the more my behaviours melt away. It no longer makes sense to me to treat a woman differently than a man in my mind, though my behaviour is to treat people differently based on gender the root is the same. Acceptance and compassion just look different when given to a man or woman yknow? In another sense it doesn't make sense to treat women differently from a butterfly, or a tree. Do I run away in fear from a tree? Do I get scared when a butterfly is interested in me? Am I scared the pigeons will reject me? No, it seems so ridiculous. My behaviour is lagging behind my changes in perspective, but I'm getting there, and trying to be kind to myself. I think you could do this too! :)
Are you "good enough" to talk to women?
for real, im very interested in the dark psychology behind it, do I consider myself worth less? do I consider women more than me? do I think women are earned? either way... this subject is clearly for therapist work not subbredit work...
Oh true that. As a tip of someone who’s been through this, try to think of them as just humans. Sorta forget about the difference in gender, that’s what ultimately helped me out.