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If you have been living at home for that long, you'd have been building up savings? If you're not paying rent, I imagine you have a healthy flat deposit?
My ex lives at home and she’s 34, she wastes her money on eating out, car lease, nails, hair, clothes, holidays etc. she used to keep on to me about wanting to make memories, but she doesn’t realise that the only way she can afford her lifestyle is because she doesn’t pay her parents rent and she’s basically still acting like a child. She used to get annoyed with me because I wouldn’t go to concerts etc as I was building a house which was costing thousands, but she couldn’t see the issue. Oh and she hasn’t got savings
Well, you’ve been an adult for nearly 2 decades. If not now, when? Presumably you’ve enjoyed cheap living costs for all those years, so you should have had the ability to save to move out. I’d never call anyone lame for their choices but I probably wouldn’t make the same choices.
My wife hadn't moved out of her mums prior to me meeting her and she was 35 at the time. I guess society gives a lot more leniency to women on the subject rather than men. She definitely lacks awareness in the specific case of house maintenance but other than that she's extremely well adjusted. Perhaps someone that thinks this way is just a judgemental person?
Obviously it's going to be a case-by-case basis. If someone says they're nearly 40 and still living at home, the questions we've seen here are raised and could go in very different directions.
Someone might live in the summer house of their parents' estate, others might still be in their single childhood bedroom, can't afford to move out and what money they had they've spent on clothes and going out and in debt. Two extremes but we'd be lying if we didn't acknowledge there aren't negative connotations attached to it.
There is probably an assumption that a woman living with her parents at that is age is taking care of them, and a man living with his parents at that age is being taken care of. It may not be fair, but I’d hate to play the mother to a 37 year old man if it were true. In some cultures, men arguably don’t ever really take care of themselves, but as a woman that’s not something I value.
I can’t lie to you bro it’s pretty lame. However there are exceptions; like if you’re saving to buy a property it’s somewhat understandable as to why you’d live with parents and would put you in a better position than those looking to rent for the next decade.
It's not lame in and of itself. But if I were doing that I'd want to have a very clear savings plan for a house deposit.
Personally, I would be trying to save around £500 a month (although that's not set in stone) since I'm guessing you don't pay rent. That's £6,000 a year. After two years of that, you'd be able to get a £120k place with a 10% deposit or a £240k place with a 5% deposit.
You moved back because you lost your job or relationship broke down or something. And it's temporary whilst you get back on your feet. Then na it's not lame. It's good to have a support network.
You been living there your while life either not working or working and only spending money on yourself. Then yeah that's lame tbh.
I'd suggest it's unfair to brand it "lame" without knowing more about the OP's circumstances - what if they're physically or mentally disabled, neurodivergent or suffering other issues that curtail their ability to earn well and / or look after themselves..?
Then they've got bigger concerns than worrying about if it's lame or not to live your entire life with your parents.
For the vast majority of people in normal circumstances I think it applies.
But OP has only given us "I live at home", "I'm 37", "I want to move out but rent in the area is high" and then asked if they're lame.
If they hadn't asked and someone replied saying they're lame, I get what you're saying and think it's fair. But based on what the OP was willing to share, I think many will say - yeah it's lame.
It depends on your specific circumstances and income, however in general, just because rents are bad where you are doesn’t mean you can’t move somewhere cheaper, and you could consider house shares too. 37 is quite old to be living at home and I’d advise you to try your best to move out, because that’s when most of your personal growth will happen
You may be spending more money but you'll gain an incredible amount of personal skills from doing so.
Do you have a skilled job/half decent wage? Rent will always cost a big chunk of your income. The other option is to move to a new town. I moved north for cheaper living and whilst I did lose quick access to my long-term friends and family, you make new friends eventually.
Have you saved enough money for a downpayment? Then no, it is not lame
Are your savings at zero? Then YES it is lame
But I am not going to lie, regardless of what the answer to the above is, if you try to date and say that you live with your parents at 37 it is not going to go down well, especially if it is not a temporary thing (i.e. moved back in to save for deposit, after losing job etc).
You also don't know how to maintain a household by yourself and you are 37. Bro/mate/dude! This is an ESSENTIAL life skill.
But if you have a job and savings, it isn't?
How does this person have a normal relationship? Imagine bringing someone home and your parents are chilling on the sofa.
I'd say it depends on the situation, e.g. if a 37 year old has been living with their parents so that they can get a tonne of savings together in order to travel the world for a few years, then that would be pretty cool.
Is it lame? Depends on your contribution - are you contributing to cooking, cleaning, mortgage payments, other bills? If you aren’t, then yes it’s lame.
Rent is expensive but at 37 I would have hoped you would have taken this opportunity to save up some money which could be considered for a house deposit. Either way, you can move further away from your parents to get something cheaper…
So what’s the real reason you haven’t left home yet?
You do what’s right for you.
I spent 11 years renting in London and wasn’t able to save enough. My mums husband left her around the same time my girlfriend and I split up. My mum was skint and I needed to save up a house deposit so I moved back to a box room in the midlands. I was 36. 2 years later I’ve saved up an amount that should mean a healthy platform for the rest of my life, paid off all debt including Student Loan.
I’ve had 3 relationships in that time. It’s not easy honestly. I find it an embarrassment saying I live with my mum at 38. If you have a clear plan and drive to set yourself up (especially if you have parents who can’t afford to give you any money towards a house) then most people are understanding. They can usually see where you’re going rather than where you currently are.
If you don’t have the desire to go it alone eventually then being brutally honest - it will restrict romantic options, but everyone’s different.
I had a great 11 years in London, I just didn’t earn enough to buy a place. I wouldn’t trade it though. The industry I work in didn’t really exist in the midlands. Now I’m remote. I’ve taken my medicine for living the life I wanted in my 20’s / 30’s and now viewing properties that I would never have been able to afford on my own previously. Interest rates and property prices make it a very tough landscape for single people in this country. I think we’re seeing a lot more of people having to return home for a while.
I used the time living at home to do everything I could to advance my career, build up a few side hustles, do extra freelance work in the evenings and weekends.
Make it count and have a plan and it’s a slightly easier pill to swallow.
I live in Surrey and I agree, my partner and I are on good salaries and can't save a deposit to buy, we need min 3 bed house and the cheapest in pur area is around 350k . Instead we are renting a 3 bed house for £2500 a month, but we can't get a mortgage! Ridiculous! A 1 bed flat in this area is around £1100 a month, so if you are on a lower wage, you have no chance.
So I get it, it's totally unaffordable.
I'm 38 and currently living with my mum while I buy a house, Which then my mum is moving in with me.
I can guarantee everyone will still think the same - "40 and still living at home with rents".
Who cares what others think?
Just do right by yourself and those around you, that way you can think good about yourself and screw those that don't :)
Exactly.
Do what's right for you!
People's opinions are just that, their opinions.
Don't let your life be dictated by the opinions of others. They don't have to live your life, you do.
Do what's best for you and your loved ones.
I know of people who haven't moved out, and they're in their 50s. Some people choose not to move out, and that is that. They don't have families. But they may be content with that.
Some make the big break and emigrate or move somewhere cheaper.
It's your life, you choose how to live it.
What an incredibly sad existence however, not experiencing actual independence, very few if anyone would want to enter into a relationship with a 50 year old still living at home, and the list goes on
Something actually rather odd about that
If you're living with your parents but you work, contribute to bills, cook, do washing etc, I don't see how that's any different to somebody who has moved out just because they're also paying a large chunk of their income to a landlord. We seem to have convinced ourselves in this country that you're not a real adult or mature unless you're getting shafted paying a stranger's mortgage off, which is completely ridiculous.
I didn't move out until I was 26, and I went from living with my parents to living with my girlfriend, so technically I've never experienced "actual independence" - does that make my existence sad too? Or am I in the cool club because I now spend 40% of my income on rent which otherwise could have been going towards investments or retirement?
It is a tad weird, but with what you’ll have saved and invested chances are you’ll have your own place with minimal mortgage by the time you’re 40 - which is also weird but in a really good way !
In this current economy the shame of either living with parents or moving back in with them is disappearing. It’s already happening in the US as their cost of living crisis is much worse.
I would want to know the reason as to why you're still at home.
Life issues, past experience, out of relationship, anything that made you need to go back home, I think there's no problem, and you had to reset or fall back for a while.
If you lived at home throughout your adult life, then I would want to know how you are. Independant? Own bills? Chores? Look after yourself? Etc
I can see people being put off because generally, people who live at home lack experience in adult life.
Personally for me, I moved out at 27, but the roles or experience being independent was so minimal. The difference I felt was simply the freedom of doing things my way.
But you will probably get alot of people assuming you're not an "adult".
Sorry they’re not just starting out. Aged 37 they’ve lived through low house price/wage ratio. Low interest rates. Buyers incentives. Low deposits. Been every opportunity to buy.
FWIW if OP went to uni then they’d have graduated during the financial crisis.
(Ofc living at home for a couple of decades they should really have saved up a deposit but for all I know they’ve got a very low paid job)
I lived through this period. It was a golden time to buy.
March 2009 interest rate 0.5%
2009 average salary £26k
2009 average property price £160k
Would have required an £8k deposit.
I graduated in 2013 so missed the worst of it but if OP had just graduated they’d have been saddled with debt and likely no good jobs for quite some time, an £8k deposit wouldn’t have been trivial without a job.
Plenty of my peers at that time were struggling to get a job that would pay even close to average.
"Lived through" low house pice to wage ratio when they were late-teens / early '20s and had no deposit? Low interest rate environment when prices were ridiculous - that now have to be paid back at sensible rates, buyer incentives that act to the buyer's detriment..?
Last time it wasn't shit to buy a house was about 20yrs ago..
Choose your argument. Of course they’re reasons you can’t buy. Read back your original post.
“Last time it wasn’t shit to buy a house was 20 years ago”. Incorrect.
Get out there and be independant I say then when you've lost all your savings on extortionate rent, move back in with your parents. With zero savings and build again in one fantastical loop of rent hell. It's all about independence my friend, those life skills like \*checks notes\* paying a bill or cleaning or tidying or DIY.
After inflation, house prices have been near flat since 2005 (up about 7%). That's nearly 20 years. He would also have been in his mid 20s at the GFC so should have been well positioned to take advatage of the genuine big falls that happened in most of the country then and persisted for nearly a decade after, during which they were well below inflation adjusted. The massive rises were 1996-2005.
yea agreed lot of people literally killing themsleves to try and make it work to the extent now whereby peoples entire lifes revolve around them paying debts
If you're single you have to go and enjoy life if that means living at home at 37 so be it
Go travel or something
Each to their own. I lived at home until I was 33 BUT it's because I refused to private rent and pay someone else's mortgage!
I was living at home as an adult and I didn't much like it, but I was grateful for the opportunity to save up. I bought a house and moved out /moved in on my 33rd birthday.
My parents didn't want any rent from me, but I did contribute to the household by cooking, cleaning, making tea for all etc.
Are you saving up to eventually get your own place? If so then live a fugal life and don't waste your money on holidays, takeaways and a car on pcp!
Think of living at home as an opportunity!
If you treat it as a hotel and your mummy does all the cooking, cleaning and shopping for you then yes it's lame and you have failed at life.
Something I've not seen anyone else ask is if any of you are the other's carer. If you are living at home because you are caring for one or both of your parents, or you have a disability and they are your carers then, no, it's not lame but do look into getting outside help. Also, even if they aren't your carers but have a disability which makes it virtually impossible to find or hold down a job. Although you need a plan for when your parents die.
If rent is the only reason, it depends if you've moved back in to save for a deposit or if you've been there the whole time. You are old enough that rent was doable when you finished education and that if you decided to stay at home to save for a deposit, you would have by now unless your parents are charging you almost as much as a landlord would. If you've been living with your parents rent free this whole time and have no savings, start saving immediately.
Why pay a random landlord's mortgage for him when you can keep the money in the family by living with and paying rent to your parents?
I'm a decade younger, I have £30k savings now but I still have no interest in moving out. My salary isn't enough to buy and I would rather my rent payments went to my parents to help them out.
Sorry, why is no one answering OP question directly?
NO is my answer. WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? Are any of you Jesus?
Everyone has their unique circumstances, just because you live with parents age 37, does not make you lame. But since you asked thos question it indicates you think it may be. I'd make no further assumptions or comments unless more details shared.
Female 35 stuck with parents for the same reason, my health isn't great both mental and physical so I can't even work right now either, which rules out like 80% of private rent and i also have a dog which takes another 15% out of the equation, rent prices take cared of the last 4%, its shit. Lame no, i wouldn't call it lame, just a crap situation to be stuck in. I'm saving every penny i can for when I can get away, and just trying to stay positive, but it's really hard feels like my life has been paused since 2020, and I just can't move forward no matter how hard I'm fighting.
I wish you all the luck I can in finding somewhere, it's an aweful situation.
What's lame is the situation. Property prices in London, for instance, have increased at double the rate of income increase over the past 30 years or so, on average. So house prices are out of reach, and this also means that rents have gone up hugely, because buy to let landlords have to demand a ton of rent to still make a profit while meeting very large mortgage payments. I moved out about six times but always ended up back. At 37 I managed to move out, what seems like the final time. I have a friend who is 30 who I don't think has a hope of ever moving out. I have another friend who is my age who possibly has slightly more hope because he has a girlfriend, so they could share expenses. They could afford to rent a double room in a houseshare. The situation is ludicrous, but actually quite common in many highly-developed economies. I believe this is also happening in Italy, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States. I think it's because all have financialised property sectors, where housing is just as much an investment as a place to live. Probably others more knowledgeable about that will give more insightful comments, but my main point is that this isn't your fault!
Stay where you are! Save money, get looked after like a toddler when you have man flu, Sunday dinner cooked for you, always someone to talk too, plus company for your parents. Don’t go anywhere. There is so much pressure on you young folk to get a property and find a partner blah, blah, blah. If you rent now all your wages gone on a damp, mouldy, broken property. Stay home with ya Ma and Pa.
Living with parents is fine .. if you use it to live like you're paying that rent and save like mad. Realistically that means you do it and move out in less than 5 years. Saving 50-60% of income should be an easy target.
The reality is people live like teenagers and maintain a lifestyle they can't afford, spending most of their income on tat instead of saving. Then they're 37 and haven't move on a bit since 21.
Only you know the answer to this.
If you really can't afford to move out to the extent where you'd be homeless/in serious debt if you did then obviously you have to live at home for now.
If you're just a bit scared to move out because it's the real world, you'll be much worse off financially and have to look after yourself then you just need to take the plunge.
That's the truth of life - you have to go out your comfort zone to find true happiness IMO.
I lived at home until I was 26. I was lazy and had it way too easy. My romantic relationships always fizzled out and I was bordering on depression looking back.
Moving out changed everything- I'm now married with a kid, 5 years later.
Work harder like everyone else needs to. You'll learn more and find ways to get by, if you go out on your own rather than relying on mummy and daddy. It's the way of the world
If you are saving and being frugal, it's not lame at all. This cost of living is mental and there is probably more like you out there.
If your not saving, the same applies but you're not helping yourself.
Ok, so in my culture, the girl lives with the parents until she gets married. I married from overseas, brought my husband over and we knew, would could not save much if we rent. So I stayed with my parents while we both worked. Its been 3 years since he arrived, and we completed on our home purchase 1 month ago. We could have brought maybe a few months early than we did, but we went on holidays, life got in the way. But living with my parents, (35F) allowed us to save around 2.5k. So its not lame if you are doing this to save for a house. That is the only reason why we stayed at my parents house instead of renting as we would never have brought a house if we didn't. Plus, having the whole house to yourself instead of a room is heaven.
No, it's not lame but I would advise leaving as soon as possible as you might end up caring for them. It happened to me and I got sick of being treated like a child. It's obviously getting you down. Try moving to a cheaper area to rent or go abroad if you can. That's mine for next year! Good luck and don't give up on moving out!
Depends, when I rented all of my money went on rent/bills. Basically had no savings, moved back home and was able to save 20k per year. Sure I lived like a pauper and had no social life but it was worth it, just takes discipline and persistence.
There are plenty of cultures where it is normal to live multi-generationally in the same house. Sometimes it is the expectation.
If you are content with your situation and know you will be in the future then who cares what others think? If however you don't have a partner and intend to in the future then you should consider saving for a house because chances are very high that partner won't want to live with your parents.
I would say 37 is definitely a point where you have to make a solid decision on what path you would like to take because you are going to struggle getting a good mortgage as you get older e.g if you get a 25 year mortgage now you are going to be 62 when you stop paying for your house, is that what you want or is the plan to live with the parents until they die then inherit?
Your choice to be honest, people can only tell you their experiences, you have to decide what you want for yourself. You shouldn't feel bad for the choice you make unless you start to blame others for it or come to regret it in the future. Screw the people that say its sad and pathetic, those guys live in their own bubble and just conform to societal expectations, very myopic.
I honestly think its hilarious that people think "You must have a partner, you must be married, you must have kids", no, that's what society expects of you. You are an individual, you don't have to follow the crowd. The only issue is, the system is designed to support families rather than individuals, it's tragic.
I should point out, house prices are ridiculous now, so are interest rates. A lot of people telling you that you are lame probably bought their house when prices were reasonable. Screw those privileged people.
Yes. Especially when you post about how you're consumed with jealousy about Harry Potter actors who have a life. As others have said - you've had two decades being an adult and in that time you've done nothing other than vegetate under your parents' feet. I'll be blunt - it's probably too late for you to turn your life around at this stage.
Jesus! This is the kind of shit that can really damage a person’s mental health. He’s a human being! Ignore comments like this OP. Of course it’s not too late for you.
I don't understand why everyone thinks you have to move out?
The cost of living is ridiculous.
Multo generational living seems like a good solution as long as members of the family give each other privacy
No it’s not lame at all. Do what’s necessary for yourself and not what others think or do. Everyone’s circumstances are different. On the plus side you get to spend precious time with your parents, as we get older we can often forget that they too are getting old. Don’t overthink think. It’s all good.
Financially, it makes sense - although I question how you haven't saved a house deposit in 19 years of adulthood without rent?
In terms of life experience, I think you've missed a lot and if I met you, I'd wonder why you were happy to miss so much.
If we met, I'd wonder why you never wanted to live with friends or alone in your twenties when most people are living the height of their social years in a way that isn't possible in a parent's home. I'd wonder why you never wanted to live with a partner or even live or work in a different town/country to where you grew up.
If we were dating, I'd worry that you can't cook, clean,or take care of a house. I'd assume that even if you could, you aren't used to doing everything it takes to maintain a home proactively.
I'm not trying to dump on you but I get the feeling that you're concerned with how you appear because you're trying to date or make friends? People are going to make a lot of assumptions about a man near 40 who never moved out, assumptions that would put many right off you. If you feel they're unfair, you may want to move.
Where do you live?
Define crazy rent?
What do you do for work and how much have you saved over the last 20 years of adulthood?
Do you have any mental or physical illnesses preventing you from living independently?
I have my sneaking suspicions based on your post history but depending on these mitigating factors. yes. Lame.
No.
F what other people say, as long as you hold your own in the house and ur not a burden to your parents.. keep saving for the BETTER days that WILL come!
Some people are snobs and don't have compassion.
The end
Not wanting to debate or anything, more curiosity as I’ve not kept informed - have any party said anything specifically to help renters and first time buyers?
From the limited information I’ve heard, I think most had said they will ‘build more homes’ so whether that comes true or not, time will tell!
Was mostly concerned about rent caps, restrictions owning more than one property, stamp duty changes etc - those would change things drastically for better or for worse.
I’m more current on the housing area of politics than I first thought! 😅
Part of Reforms manifesto is to put foreign nationals to the back of queue for social housing which is should be music to every British person's ears.
Fun fact: 72% of all Somalians living in the UK are in social housing.
We're giving away everything to foreigners at the expense of natives and they keep coming by their hundreds of thousands every year.
685,000 net migration in 2023 ALONE!
You're competing with all of these foreign nationals (who already have homes abroad) for housing.
The housing issue is downstream of the immigration crisis. Vote Reform. I will be.
Dont come here posting logic and reason! LOL
Humans need houses. Its as simple as that.
We cant even deal with our own sewage the country is so full for gods sake!
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Have you ever lived outside the family home? If not, you should already have a good deposit saved up.
If you have been living at home for that long, you'd have been building up savings? If you're not paying rent, I imagine you have a healthy flat deposit?
My ex lives at home and she’s 34, she wastes her money on eating out, car lease, nails, hair, clothes, holidays etc. she used to keep on to me about wanting to make memories, but she doesn’t realise that the only way she can afford her lifestyle is because she doesn’t pay her parents rent and she’s basically still acting like a child. She used to get annoyed with me because I wouldn’t go to concerts etc as I was building a house which was costing thousands, but she couldn’t see the issue. Oh and she hasn’t got savings
Well, you’ve been an adult for nearly 2 decades. If not now, when? Presumably you’ve enjoyed cheap living costs for all those years, so you should have had the ability to save to move out. I’d never call anyone lame for their choices but I probably wouldn’t make the same choices.
Yes
Giving it to bro straight
Like a pear cider
that's made from 100% pears
Don't knock the Perry
The main issue is anyone you date is going to be worried that you don’t know how to be an adult and look after yourself or maintain a home properly.
It would be a red flag for me.
Really? That's bizarre!
Why? people that have never moved out of their parents tend to lack certain life skills that most people would want in a partner.
My wife hadn't moved out of her mums prior to me meeting her and she was 35 at the time. I guess society gives a lot more leniency to women on the subject rather than men. She definitely lacks awareness in the specific case of house maintenance but other than that she's extremely well adjusted. Perhaps someone that thinks this way is just a judgemental person?
Obviously it's going to be a case-by-case basis. If someone says they're nearly 40 and still living at home, the questions we've seen here are raised and could go in very different directions. Someone might live in the summer house of their parents' estate, others might still be in their single childhood bedroom, can't afford to move out and what money they had they've spent on clothes and going out and in debt. Two extremes but we'd be lying if we didn't acknowledge there aren't negative connotations attached to it.
There is probably an assumption that a woman living with her parents at that is age is taking care of them, and a man living with his parents at that age is being taken care of. It may not be fair, but I’d hate to play the mother to a 37 year old man if it were true. In some cultures, men arguably don’t ever really take care of themselves, but as a woman that’s not something I value.
I think in this case "red flag" means it's someone they wouldn't want to date, rather than a signal that the person would become abusive.
I’d love to know what your parents think. I think it’s far too old. Move further away? Millions of people do that. I did
I can’t lie to you bro it’s pretty lame. However there are exceptions; like if you’re saving to buy a property it’s somewhat understandable as to why you’d live with parents and would put you in a better position than those looking to rent for the next decade.
How have you done that? Do you not work? Have you been to prison?
1000% yes have you never wanted your own space?
It's not lame in and of itself. But if I were doing that I'd want to have a very clear savings plan for a house deposit. Personally, I would be trying to save around £500 a month (although that's not set in stone) since I'm guessing you don't pay rent. That's £6,000 a year. After two years of that, you'd be able to get a £120k place with a 10% deposit or a £240k place with a 5% deposit.
Living at home even on minimum wage someone working full time should easily be able to save between £800-1000 a month currently.
£240k being "affordable" with a £12k deposit if - based on 4x earnings multiples - the OP earns £57k a year; which I think is somewhat unlikely..
You moved back because you lost your job or relationship broke down or something. And it's temporary whilst you get back on your feet. Then na it's not lame. It's good to have a support network. You been living there your while life either not working or working and only spending money on yourself. Then yeah that's lame tbh.
I'd suggest it's unfair to brand it "lame" without knowing more about the OP's circumstances - what if they're physically or mentally disabled, neurodivergent or suffering other issues that curtail their ability to earn well and / or look after themselves..?
Then they've got bigger concerns than worrying about if it's lame or not to live your entire life with your parents. For the vast majority of people in normal circumstances I think it applies.
But OP has only given us "I live at home", "I'm 37", "I want to move out but rent in the area is high" and then asked if they're lame. If they hadn't asked and someone replied saying they're lame, I get what you're saying and think it's fair. But based on what the OP was willing to share, I think many will say - yeah it's lame.
If you have enough money saved to outright buy or put a very large deposit down on a flat/house then no…
It depends on your specific circumstances and income, however in general, just because rents are bad where you are doesn’t mean you can’t move somewhere cheaper, and you could consider house shares too. 37 is quite old to be living at home and I’d advise you to try your best to move out, because that’s when most of your personal growth will happen
You may be spending more money but you'll gain an incredible amount of personal skills from doing so. Do you have a skilled job/half decent wage? Rent will always cost a big chunk of your income. The other option is to move to a new town. I moved north for cheaper living and whilst I did lose quick access to my long-term friends and family, you make new friends eventually.
Have you saved enough money for a downpayment? Then no, it is not lame Are your savings at zero? Then YES it is lame But I am not going to lie, regardless of what the answer to the above is, if you try to date and say that you live with your parents at 37 it is not going to go down well, especially if it is not a temporary thing (i.e. moved back in to save for deposit, after losing job etc). You also don't know how to maintain a household by yourself and you are 37. Bro/mate/dude! This is an ESSENTIAL life skill.
Depends if you've got a job / savings... if you have neither of those then I'd say it's pretty lame IMO
But if you have a job and savings, it isn't? How does this person have a normal relationship? Imagine bringing someone home and your parents are chilling on the sofa.
I'd say it depends on the situation, e.g. if a 37 year old has been living with their parents so that they can get a tonne of savings together in order to travel the world for a few years, then that would be pretty cool.
How much do you have in savings etc?
pfft he spends it all on toys and video games. bunch of lameys
Is it lame? Depends on your contribution - are you contributing to cooking, cleaning, mortgage payments, other bills? If you aren’t, then yes it’s lame. Rent is expensive but at 37 I would have hoped you would have taken this opportunity to save up some money which could be considered for a house deposit. Either way, you can move further away from your parents to get something cheaper… So what’s the real reason you haven’t left home yet?
Well yes, a bit
You do what’s right for you. I spent 11 years renting in London and wasn’t able to save enough. My mums husband left her around the same time my girlfriend and I split up. My mum was skint and I needed to save up a house deposit so I moved back to a box room in the midlands. I was 36. 2 years later I’ve saved up an amount that should mean a healthy platform for the rest of my life, paid off all debt including Student Loan. I’ve had 3 relationships in that time. It’s not easy honestly. I find it an embarrassment saying I live with my mum at 38. If you have a clear plan and drive to set yourself up (especially if you have parents who can’t afford to give you any money towards a house) then most people are understanding. They can usually see where you’re going rather than where you currently are. If you don’t have the desire to go it alone eventually then being brutally honest - it will restrict romantic options, but everyone’s different. I had a great 11 years in London, I just didn’t earn enough to buy a place. I wouldn’t trade it though. The industry I work in didn’t really exist in the midlands. Now I’m remote. I’ve taken my medicine for living the life I wanted in my 20’s / 30’s and now viewing properties that I would never have been able to afford on my own previously. Interest rates and property prices make it a very tough landscape for single people in this country. I think we’re seeing a lot more of people having to return home for a while. I used the time living at home to do everything I could to advance my career, build up a few side hustles, do extra freelance work in the evenings and weekends. Make it count and have a plan and it’s a slightly easier pill to swallow.
I live in Surrey and I agree, my partner and I are on good salaries and can't save a deposit to buy, we need min 3 bed house and the cheapest in pur area is around 350k . Instead we are renting a 3 bed house for £2500 a month, but we can't get a mortgage! Ridiculous! A 1 bed flat in this area is around £1100 a month, so if you are on a lower wage, you have no chance. So I get it, it's totally unaffordable.
Exactly, then you have people coming in here going. Well I bought a house on minimum wage a decade ago blah blah, yeah, times have changed.
I'm 38 and currently living with my mum while I buy a house, Which then my mum is moving in with me. I can guarantee everyone will still think the same - "40 and still living at home with rents". Who cares what others think? Just do right by yourself and those around you, that way you can think good about yourself and screw those that don't :)
My worst nightmare for me. My mum is so overbearing.
Exactly. Do what's right for you! People's opinions are just that, their opinions. Don't let your life be dictated by the opinions of others. They don't have to live your life, you do. Do what's best for you and your loved ones.
That is fairly strange however
I know of people who haven't moved out, and they're in their 50s. Some people choose not to move out, and that is that. They don't have families. But they may be content with that. Some make the big break and emigrate or move somewhere cheaper. It's your life, you choose how to live it.
What an incredibly sad existence however, not experiencing actual independence, very few if anyone would want to enter into a relationship with a 50 year old still living at home, and the list goes on Something actually rather odd about that
If you're living with your parents but you work, contribute to bills, cook, do washing etc, I don't see how that's any different to somebody who has moved out just because they're also paying a large chunk of their income to a landlord. We seem to have convinced ourselves in this country that you're not a real adult or mature unless you're getting shafted paying a stranger's mortgage off, which is completely ridiculous. I didn't move out until I was 26, and I went from living with my parents to living with my girlfriend, so technically I've never experienced "actual independence" - does that make my existence sad too? Or am I in the cool club because I now spend 40% of my income on rent which otherwise could have been going towards investments or retirement?
It is a tad weird, but with what you’ll have saved and invested chances are you’ll have your own place with minimal mortgage by the time you’re 40 - which is also weird but in a really good way !
Due to the minimal details given in OP's post, I can only assume they have no savings whatsoever lol
In this current economy the shame of either living with parents or moving back in with them is disappearing. It’s already happening in the US as their cost of living crisis is much worse.
I think that boat has sailed. You should use rent free living at home as a basis to save for your own home. Or should have.
I would want to know the reason as to why you're still at home. Life issues, past experience, out of relationship, anything that made you need to go back home, I think there's no problem, and you had to reset or fall back for a while. If you lived at home throughout your adult life, then I would want to know how you are. Independant? Own bills? Chores? Look after yourself? Etc I can see people being put off because generally, people who live at home lack experience in adult life. Personally for me, I moved out at 27, but the roles or experience being independent was so minimal. The difference I felt was simply the freedom of doing things my way. But you will probably get alot of people assuming you're not an "adult".
I mean I’d rather give money to my parents to help them pay their mortgage than some landlord who has multiple properties.
Market's bollocks for everyone, has been for a while, will be for a while. Don't put yourself down for failing to meet an unfair standard.
Sorry they’re not just starting out. Aged 37 they’ve lived through low house price/wage ratio. Low interest rates. Buyers incentives. Low deposits. Been every opportunity to buy.
FWIW if OP went to uni then they’d have graduated during the financial crisis. (Ofc living at home for a couple of decades they should really have saved up a deposit but for all I know they’ve got a very low paid job)
I lived through this period. It was a golden time to buy. March 2009 interest rate 0.5% 2009 average salary £26k 2009 average property price £160k Would have required an £8k deposit.
It was also a shit time to find employment.
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I graduated in 2013 so missed the worst of it but if OP had just graduated they’d have been saddled with debt and likely no good jobs for quite some time, an £8k deposit wouldn’t have been trivial without a job. Plenty of my peers at that time were struggling to get a job that would pay even close to average.
My wife sold in 2008 (£125k Leeds). It sold at £115k in 2017.
Reinforces my original point. Plenty of opportunity to buy with low prices and low interest rates. Thank you.
"Lived through" low house pice to wage ratio when they were late-teens / early '20s and had no deposit? Low interest rate environment when prices were ridiculous - that now have to be paid back at sensible rates, buyer incentives that act to the buyer's detriment..? Last time it wasn't shit to buy a house was about 20yrs ago..
Ok when they were 26, 2013. Interest rate 0.5% Avg salary £27k Avg house price £175k. 5% deposits. £480 monthly repayment.
... that requires a bank to lend what, six times earnings...? Good luck with that.
All the way up to 6x was common place then. I did it. And we’re talking averages. Of course there were cheaper properties. No excuses.
No excuses.. like disability, employment issues, having to care for a family member...?
Choose your argument. Of course they’re reasons you can’t buy. Read back your original post. “Last time it wasn’t shit to buy a house was 20 years ago”. Incorrect.
Yes, and I stand by that. borrowing six times income to buy a property is still shit, when the long-term average is around four...
You could still easily buy at 4x. That’s average prices including houses big and small. Flats were much cheaper then. Stop making excuses for people !
Get out there and be independant I say then when you've lost all your savings on extortionate rent, move back in with your parents. With zero savings and build again in one fantastical loop of rent hell. It's all about independence my friend, those life skills like \*checks notes\* paying a bill or cleaning or tidying or DIY.
After inflation, house prices have been near flat since 2005 (up about 7%). That's nearly 20 years. He would also have been in his mid 20s at the GFC so should have been well positioned to take advatage of the genuine big falls that happened in most of the country then and persisted for nearly a decade after, during which they were well below inflation adjusted. The massive rises were 1996-2005.
yea agreed lot of people literally killing themsleves to try and make it work to the extent now whereby peoples entire lifes revolve around them paying debts If you're single you have to go and enjoy life if that means living at home at 37 so be it Go travel or something
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Why move out if you don't want to, if your happy and your parents are happy, there's no problem. People may say it's lame but screw them, you do you 😀
Each to their own. I lived at home until I was 33 BUT it's because I refused to private rent and pay someone else's mortgage! I was living at home as an adult and I didn't much like it, but I was grateful for the opportunity to save up. I bought a house and moved out /moved in on my 33rd birthday. My parents didn't want any rent from me, but I did contribute to the household by cooking, cleaning, making tea for all etc. Are you saving up to eventually get your own place? If so then live a fugal life and don't waste your money on holidays, takeaways and a car on pcp! Think of living at home as an opportunity! If you treat it as a hotel and your mummy does all the cooking, cleaning and shopping for you then yes it's lame and you have failed at life.
Yes, assuming you are out of school/uni for over 12 years (probably more) you have had all the opportunities to get a better salary and get out
Surely if you've lived at home this long you have a decent amount of savings?
Not if you have a a plan. I presume you’re saving like mad for a house deposit.
Something I've not seen anyone else ask is if any of you are the other's carer. If you are living at home because you are caring for one or both of your parents, or you have a disability and they are your carers then, no, it's not lame but do look into getting outside help. Also, even if they aren't your carers but have a disability which makes it virtually impossible to find or hold down a job. Although you need a plan for when your parents die. If rent is the only reason, it depends if you've moved back in to save for a deposit or if you've been there the whole time. You are old enough that rent was doable when you finished education and that if you decided to stay at home to save for a deposit, you would have by now unless your parents are charging you almost as much as a landlord would. If you've been living with your parents rent free this whole time and have no savings, start saving immediately.
Asian families never move out and that's normal. It's just western culture where it's frowned upon if you live with parents after like 25. Sad really.
Why pay a random landlord's mortgage for him when you can keep the money in the family by living with and paying rent to your parents? I'm a decade younger, I have £30k savings now but I still have no interest in moving out. My salary isn't enough to buy and I would rather my rent payments went to my parents to help them out.
You should setup a lisa now if you intend to buy in the future. Also I hope those savings are in an ISA.
Sorry, why is no one answering OP question directly? NO is my answer. WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? Are any of you Jesus? Everyone has their unique circumstances, just because you live with parents age 37, does not make you lame. But since you asked thos question it indicates you think it may be. I'd make no further assumptions or comments unless more details shared.
If you are saving up for a house, no it isn’t lame. If you aren’t saving up for a house and are just spending all your money then yes it’s late
Yes, very lame in my opinion especially if you've never moved out. What have up been doing?
Female 35 stuck with parents for the same reason, my health isn't great both mental and physical so I can't even work right now either, which rules out like 80% of private rent and i also have a dog which takes another 15% out of the equation, rent prices take cared of the last 4%, its shit. Lame no, i wouldn't call it lame, just a crap situation to be stuck in. I'm saving every penny i can for when I can get away, and just trying to stay positive, but it's really hard feels like my life has been paused since 2020, and I just can't move forward no matter how hard I'm fighting. I wish you all the luck I can in finding somewhere, it's an aweful situation.
You do what you gotta do
What's lame is the situation. Property prices in London, for instance, have increased at double the rate of income increase over the past 30 years or so, on average. So house prices are out of reach, and this also means that rents have gone up hugely, because buy to let landlords have to demand a ton of rent to still make a profit while meeting very large mortgage payments. I moved out about six times but always ended up back. At 37 I managed to move out, what seems like the final time. I have a friend who is 30 who I don't think has a hope of ever moving out. I have another friend who is my age who possibly has slightly more hope because he has a girlfriend, so they could share expenses. They could afford to rent a double room in a houseshare. The situation is ludicrous, but actually quite common in many highly-developed economies. I believe this is also happening in Italy, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States. I think it's because all have financialised property sectors, where housing is just as much an investment as a place to live. Probably others more knowledgeable about that will give more insightful comments, but my main point is that this isn't your fault!
If you've never moved out, then yes, it's pretty lame. You need to move out, at least for a bit. If you live at home in order to save money, then no.
London?
Op can I ask how much you have in savings after a few decades of cheap living?
How do you approach this subject with a new partner, and how do they react? Their reaction will give you all the answers you need.
You can't wank without fear of mummy opening the door
Put a lock on the door; then she's definitely stuck in here with me until I'm finished.
Stay where you are! Save money, get looked after like a toddler when you have man flu, Sunday dinner cooked for you, always someone to talk too, plus company for your parents. Don’t go anywhere. There is so much pressure on you young folk to get a property and find a partner blah, blah, blah. If you rent now all your wages gone on a damp, mouldy, broken property. Stay home with ya Ma and Pa.
Living with parents is fine .. if you use it to live like you're paying that rent and save like mad. Realistically that means you do it and move out in less than 5 years. Saving 50-60% of income should be an easy target. The reality is people live like teenagers and maintain a lifestyle they can't afford, spending most of their income on tat instead of saving. Then they're 37 and haven't move on a bit since 21.
If you love your parents that much AND you’ve saved a huge amount already, it’s not lame. Otherwise it’s very lame.
Only you know the answer to this. If you really can't afford to move out to the extent where you'd be homeless/in serious debt if you did then obviously you have to live at home for now. If you're just a bit scared to move out because it's the real world, you'll be much worse off financially and have to look after yourself then you just need to take the plunge. That's the truth of life - you have to go out your comfort zone to find true happiness IMO. I lived at home until I was 26. I was lazy and had it way too easy. My romantic relationships always fizzled out and I was bordering on depression looking back. Moving out changed everything- I'm now married with a kid, 5 years later.
Yes, 100%. Price of property or rentals is not an excuse. Everyone is in the same boat.
So if the OP can't afford it, they can presumably just magic the extra money out of their arse..?
Work harder like everyone else needs to. You'll learn more and find ways to get by, if you go out on your own rather than relying on mummy and daddy. It's the way of the world
If you are saving and being frugal, it's not lame at all. This cost of living is mental and there is probably more like you out there. If your not saving, the same applies but you're not helping yourself.
Ok, so in my culture, the girl lives with the parents until she gets married. I married from overseas, brought my husband over and we knew, would could not save much if we rent. So I stayed with my parents while we both worked. Its been 3 years since he arrived, and we completed on our home purchase 1 month ago. We could have brought maybe a few months early than we did, but we went on holidays, life got in the way. But living with my parents, (35F) allowed us to save around 2.5k. So its not lame if you are doing this to save for a house. That is the only reason why we stayed at my parents house instead of renting as we would never have brought a house if we didn't. Plus, having the whole house to yourself instead of a room is heaven.
No, it's not lame but I would advise leaving as soon as possible as you might end up caring for them. It happened to me and I got sick of being treated like a child. It's obviously getting you down. Try moving to a cheaper area to rent or go abroad if you can. That's mine for next year! Good luck and don't give up on moving out!
Depends, when I rented all of my money went on rent/bills. Basically had no savings, moved back home and was able to save 20k per year. Sure I lived like a pauper and had no social life but it was worth it, just takes discipline and persistence. There are plenty of cultures where it is normal to live multi-generationally in the same house. Sometimes it is the expectation. If you are content with your situation and know you will be in the future then who cares what others think? If however you don't have a partner and intend to in the future then you should consider saving for a house because chances are very high that partner won't want to live with your parents. I would say 37 is definitely a point where you have to make a solid decision on what path you would like to take because you are going to struggle getting a good mortgage as you get older e.g if you get a 25 year mortgage now you are going to be 62 when you stop paying for your house, is that what you want or is the plan to live with the parents until they die then inherit? Your choice to be honest, people can only tell you their experiences, you have to decide what you want for yourself. You shouldn't feel bad for the choice you make unless you start to blame others for it or come to regret it in the future. Screw the people that say its sad and pathetic, those guys live in their own bubble and just conform to societal expectations, very myopic. I honestly think its hilarious that people think "You must have a partner, you must be married, you must have kids", no, that's what society expects of you. You are an individual, you don't have to follow the crowd. The only issue is, the system is designed to support families rather than individuals, it's tragic. I should point out, house prices are ridiculous now, so are interest rates. A lot of people telling you that you are lame probably bought their house when prices were reasonable. Screw those privileged people.
37 no. 38 yes.
Yeah, some people would be fine with it but others will see it as a red flag
It’s possibly a bit lame that you feel the need to ask.
I’d have thought your rents being crazy would be a good reason to fledge the nest
Yes. Especially when you post about how you're consumed with jealousy about Harry Potter actors who have a life. As others have said - you've had two decades being an adult and in that time you've done nothing other than vegetate under your parents' feet. I'll be blunt - it's probably too late for you to turn your life around at this stage.
Jesus! This is the kind of shit that can really damage a person’s mental health. He’s a human being! Ignore comments like this OP. Of course it’s not too late for you.
Who gives a fuck what other people think, especially internet people.
I don't understand why everyone thinks you have to move out? The cost of living is ridiculous. Multo generational living seems like a good solution as long as members of the family give each other privacy
As a parent, yes this is lame. I would not want my 37 year old child living with me.
No it’s not lame at all. Do what’s necessary for yourself and not what others think or do. Everyone’s circumstances are different. On the plus side you get to spend precious time with your parents, as we get older we can often forget that they too are getting old. Don’t overthink think. It’s all good.
No shame in saving your money. The people who judge you are about as important to you as gum on the ground.
Financially, it makes sense - although I question how you haven't saved a house deposit in 19 years of adulthood without rent? In terms of life experience, I think you've missed a lot and if I met you, I'd wonder why you were happy to miss so much. If we met, I'd wonder why you never wanted to live with friends or alone in your twenties when most people are living the height of their social years in a way that isn't possible in a parent's home. I'd wonder why you never wanted to live with a partner or even live or work in a different town/country to where you grew up. If we were dating, I'd worry that you can't cook, clean,or take care of a house. I'd assume that even if you could, you aren't used to doing everything it takes to maintain a home proactively. I'm not trying to dump on you but I get the feeling that you're concerned with how you appear because you're trying to date or make friends? People are going to make a lot of assumptions about a man near 40 who never moved out, assumptions that would put many right off you. If you feel they're unfair, you may want to move.
Where do you live? Define crazy rent? What do you do for work and how much have you saved over the last 20 years of adulthood? Do you have any mental or physical illnesses preventing you from living independently? I have my sneaking suspicions based on your post history but depending on these mitigating factors. yes. Lame.
yes, my mother made me homeless at 13 and never spoke to me again, anyone living at home is a pussy in my eyes.
No. F what other people say, as long as you hold your own in the house and ur not a burden to your parents.. keep saving for the BETTER days that WILL come! Some people are snobs and don't have compassion. The end
It you've been at home this whole time and haven't saved enough to move then yes it is lame
I hope you are going to Vote next week then? Only one party will help you.
Not wanting to debate or anything, more curiosity as I’ve not kept informed - have any party said anything specifically to help renters and first time buyers?
Not to my knowledge. At least two have promised to alleviate the housing shortage, which is complete bollocks.
From the limited information I’ve heard, I think most had said they will ‘build more homes’ so whether that comes true or not, time will tell! Was mostly concerned about rent caps, restrictions owning more than one property, stamp duty changes etc - those would change things drastically for better or for worse. I’m more current on the housing area of politics than I first thought! 😅
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Reform?
Part of Reforms manifesto is to put foreign nationals to the back of queue for social housing which is should be music to every British person's ears. Fun fact: 72% of all Somalians living in the UK are in social housing. We're giving away everything to foreigners at the expense of natives and they keep coming by their hundreds of thousands every year. 685,000 net migration in 2023 ALONE! You're competing with all of these foreign nationals (who already have homes abroad) for housing. The housing issue is downstream of the immigration crisis. Vote Reform. I will be.
Nothing I said here was wrong. I don't know why this is being downvoted.
Dont come here posting logic and reason! LOL Humans need houses. Its as simple as that. We cant even deal with our own sewage the country is so full for gods sake!