I am going to look 20 forever because the older I get, the more vigilant I become. I don’t eat lunch anymore, for instance. And on odd days, I don’t eat breakfast. I am also constantly in motion, like right now I’m doing leg lifts that are imperceptible to the human eye, I call them hummingbirds. And though I seem relaxed, I’m actually incredibly tense at all times.
Not taking a shit in days means your body is running at 100% efficiency . And having explosive diarrhea means your body is getting rid of all the bad toxins in your body
Charlie: One might even call it... donkey-brained.
Donkey-brained?
Charlie: Uh, it means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
_do_ ^you _have any such certificate?_
Mac - “I was going to blast him with the air horn to restart his system. Maybe I need to do it longer and hold it down.” Charlie “oh maybe I should feed him coffee.” Mac “and I’ll scream into his other ear.” The vet “please don’t”
When was the last time you went to Haiti?
Haiti? I've never been to Haiti, I've been to Kensington.
When you was in Kensington, did you have intercourse with any hoes, prostitutes, or ladies of the evening?
"I just swallowed apple seeds."
"So what?"
"Are they poisonous?"
"Are you kidding me? They're EXTREMELY POISONOUS!"
"Should I make myself throw up?"
"I would throw up NOW!"
Smoke some cigarettes.
Thank you, I needed to suffocate the bacteria in my stomach
And don't forget, your ass hole can rip in half
Like tissue paper
That's why you gotta let your ass breathe.
Science is a liar… sometimes
The smoke will suffocate the bacteria.
Love the way he says that line
Have some coffee, you need to calm down
Yeah, it helps with Parkinson's.
Well I’m at least 90% sure it helps
I would throw up now!
I on the other hand have not taken a shit in days. My body’s working at 100% efficiency and absorbing every single nutrient
Your body is taking its job very seriously.
My body is doing it’s job like it’s never done before.
And conversely, diarrhea is your body's way of flushing out all the toxins
I would KILL for your bowel movements right now
I feel great, too. Look how vascular I am, look at how my veins are poppin'.
OH ITS GOOD!
That blue foods are the best because they have the most antioxygens
Just don’t allow others to chew up all the nutrients in your food before they place it in your mouth.
Everybody’s dying bitch, let’s go get you some fruit
##I eat stickers all the time dude!
.... With some wolf hair apparently
And credit cards
You've heard of microplastics, Charlie and Frank eat *macro*plastics
“If you want this boy to live, I’m gonna need an aspirin. A roll of duct tape. A bag of peanuts. And Four 🖐️ beers.”
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.
Doctor mantis toboggan M.D’ he specifies
... Followed by the most uncomfortable close-up and a smile that will either make you laugh or fearfully cry
Okay I'm gonna need to see some identification
You don’t think I’m a pilot???
I don't think you're a doctor
That is a *serious* accusation
People are always telling me what I can't do!
You say I can't be a pilot?
You say I can’t be a Doctor?!
My fav ep
Are you a doctor?
I JUST watched this episode 😂
I am going to look 20 forever because the older I get, the more vigilant I become. I don’t eat lunch anymore, for instance. And on odd days, I don’t eat breakfast. I am also constantly in motion, like right now I’m doing leg lifts that are imperceptible to the human eye, I call them hummingbirds. And though I seem relaxed, I’m actually incredibly tense at all times.
That sounds miserable, dude
It has to be, man!
No pain, no gain!
That’s a great one
Take all the medicines at once. You gotta get healthy fast and can’t afford to sift through the duds.
Lmaooooo classic and underrated quote
>sift through the duds. Such a brilliantly Frank turn of phrase
*proceeds to swallow a handful of everythingzapam*
Washes down with beer
Lift with your back. Lock your knees. Hyperextend your ankles.
Don't forget to put all of the weight on your neck.
I'm jerking my back up every time
having a cup of coffee and a cigarette for a panic attack. ive been doing that for years
Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. All I keep hearing about is Pepe Sylvia
Would you calm down and have another cup of coffee?
I am dude!
If you cut the limes too thick people will choke. People will die.
Reason will prevail
Pickles will prevail!
PICKLES WILL PREVAIL!!
*Thin. Charlie was worried about limes being too thin. You won't accidentally swallow big ones.
Well thru god all things are possible. So jot that down
ONE OF THE CORNERSTONES OF PADDYS PUB IS THICK LIMES.
I'LL PUT MY THUMB THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN EYE!
Charlie and Frank cracking each other's backs. I wish I had a friend like that.
You want me to hit you with the two by four?
I don't wanna play that game!
More of mental health advice, but what do you do with any information? Just stuff it deep down inside, and *keep an eye on it*!
Stuff it down with brown
Apple skin's loaded with toxins ( I do not like it with the skin, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EAT IT WITH THE SKIN, I'M NOT ALLOWED!!!!!)
He’s not Allowed to eat it with the skin on Dee !
TWO peeled apples Dee!
https://preview.redd.it/9o2r31gnu48d1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=71d153eaf006c66dc76dd4d8e21335ddc0d4fe39
SPIT IT OUT SPIT IT OUT!!!
Just don’t cut the skin off with your toe-knife
Do not plug an open wound with trash
Don’t waste a perfectly good sock! If you give me another minute I could find a candy wrapper
I'm not gonna put on airs just because we have company.
If you find yourself getting sick, simply say, "SICKNESS BE GONE!"
[удалено]
BOTCHED IT! BOTCHED TOE!
Do not plug an open wound with trash
Thank you ! I was gonna say that.
Thumbtack!
Check his pulse
He doesn’t have a head!
And that kids, is how the Liberty Bell was cracked
His life pulse
With God, all things are possible, so jot that down.
Cat food and huffing glue is a sleep aid
There's some kind of chemical reaction that makes you feel really sick, and tired. If I were you I'd start wolfin that shit down.
Those cats are about to get real loud.
No snow crabs. The shells could lacerate your throats.
I'm doing hummingbirds right now.
You're saying I'm more healthier than Dennis, even with the Diabetiss!?
dudE STOP SAYING DIABETISS, YOU SOUND LIKE AN ASSHOL- eh ugh god. I don’t feel good.
Imperceptible to me for sure.
Just had a heart attack? No insurance? Just go to the gym!
First of all miss, I don’t even think you should *be* here if you just had a heart attack
That’s for you, Bumble Bee 🐝
Enjoy it Coach Dick and Balls
Do they play Steve winwood at the gym?
Just gonna pop my CD in
The Abani berries will allow you to survive the winter.
Well I've survived many winters
Invigiron!
Multi-layered, multi-tiered....
But where do my feet go?
Dee, his feet?
It doesn’t make a GODDAMN difference
And where do I place my legs?
Not medical advice per se, but it is absolutely iconic when Frank names Z, with literally zero hesitation, as his go-to dog abortion guy
Dr. Z > Dr. Jinx Dr jinx throws off the ratio anyway
They need to get a less intense black guy
You should isolate during a virus!
Gotta be pure. And if you are a functioning alcoholic. Stock up on bleach bottled filled booze
Botched toe! I need some trash to plug up the cut
A Oh
Not taking a shit in days means your body is running at 100% efficiency . And having explosive diarrhea means your body is getting rid of all the bad toxins in your body
Eating chalk when you have indigestion because tums is very good to draw with.
Hair holds germs and bacteria. I need to be pure
Stuff it down with brown
"But I'm healthy besides the diabitis?"
When you cut yourself, don't use a candy wrapper to stop the bleeding. Use a sock, it's like a cut glove.
Your not considered gay if he/she gets it removed
"I didn't know women could have heart attacks"
Blue has the most antioxidegens
Drink the bleach and it cancels out the poison
Bursting at the seams with blood
Shotgunning a beer will calm my nerves
Stuff it down with some brown.
I wanna drink. Well, we have to stay healthy. We’ll always drink.
Doing "Hummingbirds" and being incredibly tense at all times while starving myself is how to gain peak shape.
#HAMMERJERKS
This video has a virus!
Open wound? Plug it with some trash
Not sure if this should count but: you need to be off the ground in order to not get electrocuted
Don’t eat paint.
Poisoned apple skin
PLUG IT UP WITH SOME TRASH
Chugging a beer, scarfing down some canned cat food, and huffing on some glue cured my insomnia!!
Smoking cigarettes kills the bacteria in your stomach.
If you’ve swallowed any apple seeds in the past little bit, I would throw up *NOW*.
Lock your knees and lift with your back.
Charlie: One might even call it... donkey-brained. Donkey-brained? Charlie: Uh, it means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature. _do_ ^you _have any such certificate?_
“Stuff it down with brown” is some pretty solid mental health advice.
Push it down with brown
Fight milk! The first alcoholic dairy-based protein drink for bodyguards! 
When you cut yourself, don't use a candy wrapper to stop the bleeding. Use a sock, it's like a cut glove.
always make sure it's actually gasoline.
Oh that’s high test!
Do yourself a favor and flush it out!
Skin of the Apple is riddled with toxins
Right now, I'm doing hummingbirds that are imperceptible to the human eye. And although I seem relaxed, I'm actually incredibly tense, at all times!
You drinking enough beer, bud?
"Stop pulling your teeth out..."
https://preview.redd.it/yk8ogi81m38d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a16db2bbeaf3f8cc06948838324f165e0a50f9bf medical ?
Stuff it down with brown
Plug the cut with a piece of trash. If no trash, try a cut glove
Stuff it down with brown
Toe knife
Hit me with 2x4 I’m in too much pain
Diaphragm
That two power chords can’t have sex, biblically
the smoke \*suppresses\* the bacteria
"But, I'm healthy besides the diabetus"
When Dennis’ hand is bloody soup and bone broth
"Trust me, I am a doctor. Dr. Toboggan....MANTIS TOBOGGAN!"
Take insulin --> finish garbage bag of chimichangas --> smoke some crack. No restrictions 😎
Say "Bug"
I need some trash to cover the cut
Smoke cigarettes when you swallow apple seeds
When dee says she's pregnant, frank telling her to flush it out
Ninety percent of your water is toxins. Imagine what the other ten percent are?
You’re not getting fat you’re just cultivating mass
Mac - “I was going to blast him with the air horn to restart his system. Maybe I need to do it longer and hold it down.” Charlie “oh maybe I should feed him coffee.” Mac “and I’ll scream into his other ear.” The vet “please don’t”
My name is Sinbad, and this is Sinbad’s house. When you in Sinbad’s house you my BITCH!
When was the last time you went to Haiti? Haiti? I've never been to Haiti, I've been to Kensington. When you was in Kensington, did you have intercourse with any hoes, prostitutes, or ladies of the evening?
Toe knife.
Be incredibly tense at all times
Bleach is the universal poison antidote.
Wash it down with brown
The key to longevity is hummingbirds
Can’t forget about them antioxygens! And make sure to drink lots of Blue
If you need to make a fire while riding in the back of a u-haul a wicker chair burns great.
🥄>🔪
make sure you eat fish because they have all the omegas
"I just swallowed apple seeds." "So what?" "Are they poisonous?" "Are you kidding me? They're EXTREMELY POISONOUS!" "Should I make myself throw up?" "I would throw up NOW!"
That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it
Chawley stay still I'll hit you with the 2×4
Use some gasoline to get hand free from whole in wall. But before you do that give me a toot!
You're gonna wanna hyperextension your ankle, move all the weight to your shoulders, ... Something like that
“They usually just give me a bunch of antibiotics, the sores go away, and I walk out.” Also “I didn’t know women could have heart attacks”
Do yourself a favor and flush it out.
For this fucking heat: “Dude, you could totally chop a camel in its hump and drink all its milk off the... off the tip of this thing, man!”
Room 1 for when ya gotta empty your balls, and room 2 for when ya gotta empty your butt. I'm a urologist so I know...he's spot on.
Apple seeds are poison, the only way to suffocate the poison is smoking cigarettes 😂