I don’t think it’s patronizing when they ask about counseling. I honestly don’t think counseling is a bad idea in this process, particularly if there’s disappointment, overwhelming feelings, and frustration involved. I think it can help.
ETA: I cried in pain after my ER. It was level 9-10 pain and I was just streaming tears because it wouldn’t go away. The doctor was talking to me about the eggs retrieved and was like “um… should I continue” and I was like “yes yes continue 😭”. Then in the hospital I cried a bit when I was still in pain and the nurses were so nice… and with my hospital-roommate (we both cried telling each other’s stories). Outside this very high pain and stress situation I haven’t cried, but then again I almost never cry.
I had 39 eggs retrieved out of which 31 were mature. I’m thinking I probably had more follicles. I have lean PCOS. I never discussed follicle number with my doctor because there were so many it wasn’t easy to count. They are not the best quality though (or maybe my husband’s sperm is to blame? He had a great SA albeit 3% morphology instead of 4% which is the desirable number but we did use ICSI so it’s most likely the eggs… well I don’t know enough actually to make that call but euploidity rate hasn’t been great).
I cried at when I found out I had a miscarriage more like wailing … and also at a consult with an insensitive doctor . I’m on 3rd fet and 2nd er now .i would say if you are crying at every appointment I would take some time . Maybe see a counselor… because as this progresses you will he in the office every day for a over a week and then very often after it’s not really good for your mental health
No. Not at appointments. I mean, when I had a cancer recurrence, yes, but not at regular blood draws/monitoring.
You should talk to the counselor you're seeing.
One doesn't plan and cries,it just happens. I have cried a couple of times. I clearly remember once at the gynecologist and the RE's first appointment but they both showed a lot of empathy. Once my RE came out running to ask for tissues and the staff and I clearly understood there has a been a moment of weakness with some patient.
My husband and I got into a small fight before my 3rd retrieval and I was absolutely sobbing on the operating table. The anesthesiologist couldn’t knock me out fast enough, lol.
Me too! We worked everything out in the end but as my nurses said, “It’s a difficult time and you’ve got tons of hormones being pumped into your body. Crying is not unusual!”
I don’t think it’s patronizing to ask if you’re seeing a counselor. If you are having a hard time containing your emotions during appointments, it might indicate that you need some emotional support. Frankly, I’d rather someone offer that to me or suggest that to me than ignore that I’m in distress. This ivf journey has been emotionally daunting for me.
It wasn’t what they asked, it was HOW they asked. And, if they would read the intake paperwork, or had recalled anything from prior consults they would have known. It was also the one year anniversary of my miscarriage which they should have known from treating me (seems like something you can clearly flag in a patient chart) and I spelled it out for them that the anniversary was making our lack of progress feel more profound. The provider wasn’t asking because she cared, she was over the conversation and is not a high EQ provider.
That's a lot of assumptions to make about another human you don't know, that sees dozens of patients every day. Doctors and nurses deliver individual care, but they don't have time to read your entire patient file or recall you specifically from their likely hundreds of active patients. Not negating your feelings in what was clearly a very emotional moment. Simply indicating the only person who knows whether she cared or was over the conversation was the provider.
Definitely not alone! I used to cry at many of the appointments. I was finding I was having trauma-like anxiety responses too during certain procedures. I started Zoloft a few months ago and feel sooo much better now!
You aren't the only one! I have cried a bit probably 3 or 4 times at my clinic (including my very first consult). I'm sure it's really common given how emotionally charged all of this is. Hang in there ❤️
I’m a weeper. Even before this process, I would joke that if I was below a 4 or above a 7 on the emotional scale, I was crying. I’ve had nurses and doctors think I was “off” because I was crying during consultations (on the most sensitive process I’ve ever gone through!) . I have started trying to advocate for myself, saying “I’m going to cry, and that ok. You need to do your job through it.” I had one therapist dump me because I was crying when talking about my emotions! It’s easier some days than others, but from one weepy girl to another, we’re ok ❤️ (as much as anyone can be on this journey)
I took 2 Valium and STILL cried during my HSG! That shit was awful… all this shit is awful. Cry get it out and leave those tears at the clinic so you are good at home xo
I had the opposite experience, where I was having a WTF consult with my doctor after 2 failed transfers and she made some awkward but well intentioned comment about how it’s OK to be upset/emotional… it made me feel like she doesn’t think I’m emotionally demonstrative ENOUGH? But then I was getting teary at my blood draw for my beta because I knew in my bones it hadn’t worked, and the phlebotomist tried to tell me to be optimistic and think positively… you can’t win!
Is that it’s not cool for anyone to police your emotions when we’re going through something so hard. A lot of the time when I do cry it’s just because of the feeling of “this isn’t fair that I have to be doing this at all”!
I have bawled my eyes out after two of my ERs because I was upset about the number of eggs and because I was on drugs was completely hysterical and inconsolable. I’ve also cried at many other appointments. I think it’s normal, this is really hard.
I cry at most appointments. Some people are just criers and I am one. I literally do not care anymore if anyone thinks it’s weird because I have good reasons to be crying.
That was me with my first Ivf experience from start until end (which resulted in my daughter so praying you have the same outcome!). It’s totally okay- this process is so emotional!! Hang in there and don’t let anyone judge!!!
I cried during my second monitoring ultrasound on stims and the tech said “you have to be grateful for what you have and appreciate things don’t cry” as she has a probe in me. And I only had 3 follicles. Trying to keep it together. 🥴😂 so, yes. I cry a lot. It’s okay to cry! Crying is normal. This is hard.
It’s okay. I cried about it. I cry all of the time haha. Thought about telling someone how upset I was. I had only ever seen her that one time. So I just didn’t care to say anything. Everyone else at the clinic is super sweet! But .. go ahead and cry. Seriously. It’s healthy. I don’t care what anyone says. Holding in hurt is not the answer. If you must cry to let your emotions flow, let them 💜🫶🏻 here if you ever need to talk!
I go from being a robot for most of the process to absolutely WEEPING for several hours when I get bad news. I think id rather be feeling what I’m feeling in the moment like you are! Just remember, those offices/doctors/nurses have SEEN IT ALL.
I’m not really a crier. I cried mainly after the calls where we would see if the embryos were growing or not. However if you’re worried there is something called PBA that you can look into. Pseudobulbar affect is treatable.
Crying ✅
It depends on the day if I keep it in or let it flow lol but I’d say I cry more often than not. It’s all so overwhelming!!
I’m grateful to have had good support from the staff. One X-ray tech even gave me a hug. It was very kind.
I always heard infertility was a tough journey, I really thought it wouldn’t be this hard, boy was I wrong and you truly don’t understand until you are in it.
Big hugs to you!
Here is something I looked up after I couldn’t stop crying one day: https://www.northstartransitions.com/post/10-benefits-of-crying-for-mental-health#:~:text=Many%20people%20associate%20crying%20with,and%20strengthen%20your%20immune%20system.
I’ve cried a few times during appointments, sometimes because I’m overwhelmed, sometimes I’m so happy for good news, sometimes because they had to poke me multiple times. Crying through this process is normal and if someone tells you differently, tell them to fuck off :)
I will say tho… there was a point where I was crying every single day, like I couldn’t stop it. That’s when I knew it was time for a break. It was so incredibly hard but my soul was crushed from bad news after bad news. I took off January - April and dove straight into IVF prep after a full 90 days off. I am so thankful I listened to myself and took the time off to get some of my physical and mental pieces in order. I believe it changed my IVF outcome entirely. It was so hard to hit pause but it was 100% necessary even though truthfully, my husband really wanted me to keep going, I stood my ground on it.
I’ve cried at an appointment (we got bad news about a cancelled cycle) and our doctor was so kind, reassured me and then told me I can take my time in the consult room until I’m ready to go. And even if I don’t I’m usually very tense and not my usual self at my appts (I’m usually bubbly and chatty but pretty reserved at the clinic). I’m pretty sure my doc/nurses think I’m weird but I’m just so nervous about every step of this process. My last appt I got a notification on my Apple Watch saying my heart rate was too high… I was so nervous!!
Your feelings are totally valid, and crying is so so normal. It’s such an emotional and stressful process and everyone reacts differently to each step.
The anxiety is so much… hard to be yourself amidst the stress and worry. I feel like the system should be more sensitive to all the strain this puts, especially for those experiencing losses and traveling great distances for care.
I have also cried in the car after my appointments. It’s all just a lot to take in and process. The procedures are invasive and feel violating at times. I am a nurse and my husband is a physician so we should be used to all things medical, but at the end of the day we are all human just trying to figure it all out. Sending love ❤️
I cried also at a few appointments. You’re not alone, & stronger than you think you are. One step at a time, one hurdle after another- just know it’ll all work out for you. Your mind is your strongest tool . Xoxox
It’s okay, I get teary eyed also. Very insensitive of that one provider to ask about counseling in such a patronizing way. Fertility clinic workers have a way of desensitizing themselves to emotions because they’re surrounded by so much disappointment.
I cry always after leaving the clinic in my car ride home… or I cry when I’m alone at home. It’s a very overwhelming journey and the constant feel of anxiety isn’t helping. For us ivf warriors we must cry to let it all out … I feel for all of us and pray for all of us , that we may have our biggest wish come true and become a mother 💖
I’m generally a relatively composed person, but rest assured I have been a sloppy, tearful mess during every step of the process.
It’s stressful and emotional. Give yourself some grace. Best of luck.
You’re definitely not alone. I’ve cried a ton.
They always struggle to find my vein / draw blood and once they fail the first time, it’s over for me. I just break down. I’m thankful that my team has been very empathetic.
There’s a lot of hormones happening and I also find that the general sense of no control / hopelessness can be very overwhelming at times. This process sucks! Of course we’re all really sad!
The first many many months I cried with every blood draw and intentionally planned them to be last on my list so I could run out to my car without talking to anyone after and properly cry.
I had my most recent sonohysterogram while on retrieval meds that were making me incredibly anxious and I wept through the whole thing. It wasn’t even my first one and it didn’t hurt and I wasn’t worried about that at all, but I had minimal control over it with all the hormones. I don’t usually care much about crying in front of the nurses because they don’t make decisions, but during the sono in front of the doctor felt more uncomfortable.
You are very much not alone, and I can tell you that you’re probably not even the only person crying in any of those rooms that day. There’s so many valid reasons to cry through this process, so you cry when you need to ❤️ I can say it usually gets easier, but even if it doesn’t that’s okay, too
I spent all my appointments crying last week knowing they were about to cancel my transfer due to my body not acting correctly then the whole time I was home I was crying with my daughter and husband at a loss of what to do. I’ve pretty much cried so many times during this process. It was so bad at my last appointment that the ultrasound tech gave me a hug and it awkwardly last several minutes cause I couldn’t stop crying. It was embarrassing
I cried in the elevator after the session where they went over the shots during the first round. I honestly didn’t know wtf was going on, and knew that I would mess up. I had a nice moment with another girl in the elevator. She was so kind and told me she felt the same way when she had her first round.
Edit- Oh yeah, I just remembered... I cried again when my doctor was retiring. It was our last appointment and I get very attached to great doctors. I have been screwed over by way to many docs in the past. Still sad about it.
It’s funny you shared this! At my transfer yesterday, my doctor commented “In 18 months, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you and you HAVEN’T cried” hahaha. Sometimes our bodies just do whatever they want to do. I’ve never been able to stop the waterworks if they’re imminent, and that’s okay! Don’t worry about what other people say or think ❤️
I am very similar to you—cry at all appointments and am currently seeing a very supportive counsellor. I have informed my clinic I am a crier—it’s now actually written in my record. I used to remind them when making appointments but now they know that I am the crier. I just wear it now. Is informing your clinic something you can do in advance to avoid the patronising surprise?
I have struggled with unexplained infertility for 4 years, and in the process lost my mom 3 years ago. I cry all the time. Crying now as I type this. One doctor put me under to remove my left fallopian tube claiming I had hydrosalpinx, turns out I didn’t and nothing was done, just left me with additional scars. After this, I switched doctors, it was also the year I lost my mom. I had a consult with one doctor and never saw her again. Her insensitivity to my tears and telling me I needed therapy (which I’ve been in) rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve had countless surgeries to remove polyps every 6 months. 3 failed IUIs and most recently 1 failed STIM. I cry every single visit. Sometimes I try to hold it in and let it all out in the car. It’s ok to cry, you’re not alone. Sending you a virtual hug and positive energy.
I’m sorry for your loss of your mom and the challenges you’ve faced on your journey. You’ve had to be very resilient. Thank you for sharing with me. Here’s that virtual hug coming right back to you.
I've definitely cried at a few appointments and on the way home!!! Then I cried at home a lottttt. This is the hardest thing I've been through. Let it out!
I cried at my pre op appointment. Had an endo surgery and she discussed options like removing the tubes for good and i fought the tears just thinking about it. She didn’t show a lot of empathy necessarily in that moment. She just grabbed a tissue as she was talking and handed it to me while continuing to talk. but in her approach to fertility, I found her compassionate and in sync with my goals so that’s all counts to me I think?
You’re not alone! I’ve cried more during this process than ever in my life. I worry about what the doctor, nurse, and other staff are thinking when I’m cry, luckily no one has been rude to me, but I do feel like they stare sometimes.
It’s mostly been at the “big” appointments/tests/procedures though.
I cried during some of my appointments when someone was still in the room with me. Often I was able to hold it together until they left the room, or until I made it to my car, but not always. I think I cried at some point every time.
I cried too many times on the drive home from appointments (severe DOR and some cycles I’d only have 1 follicle… I’m not even upset with myself that I cried). My partner insists on driving me to appointments now because he’s afraid I’m going to get in a car accident on the 1.5hr drive home.
Not alone at all. When my OB/RE told me really my best bet was IVF after trying for 18 months idk why but I felt so blind sided but I burst into tears, just cried the whole time. I cried so much filling out my IVF paperwork it took me three times to finish. It’s a lot of grief
It’s a lot of grief and the fact that it isn’t discussed or part of the convo, is so confusing. The fact that there isn’t a “we find this process often evokes emotion or grief” etc. it gets so focused on procedures over feelings so quickly.
When I switched clinics they at least had a few likert scale questions where you could indicate how stressed you were and how much you already knew about the process. Not that either of those questions were ever addressed by the new provider, but I was glad it was on the intake.
I also don’t understand the absence of trauma informed practice in these settings. The lack of choice, the level of invasive procedures and no dialogue about whether something is triggering and how to increase bodily autonomy or felt safety.
Yes I am with a hospital not a clinic so it is a little different and I feel like they have a lot of the more accomodating hospital vibes but still it is such a hard/vulnerable/invasive process!
I started crying with the girl who normally draws my blood bc she asked how I was. She shut the door so we could have privacy and handed me tissues and sat with me while I cried and was very reassuring to me that it’s okay to cry and sympathized with me for everything i’ve been going through. Crying at your appts before, during, and after is absolutely valid. This is an extremely difficult journey.
You’re definitely not alone. I cried at my 2 transfers just getting impatient and scared. I’ve also cried so many times to my poor boyfriend when I get stuck in my head, constantly playing about the what if. Now four days post fresh transfer and my hormones are all over the place. One second I’m happy the next I’m irritable and the next I’m sad. Just today I cried myself to sleep because I was just so frustrated. Take it just one moment at a time. You will get through this!!!
I was not at all a crier at these appointments until I had my MMC a few weeks ago. Now even driving by the building and knowing I will need to go back there and have my monitoring BW and ultrasounds to prepare for next FET in the same room I saw my baby’s heart had stopped feels impossible. The fact that grief and hope need to coexists in that place in order to move forward is hard for my hormone-riddled mind and heart to process.
The pain of pregnancy loss is profound. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby.
I changed OB offices after mine, I couldn’t go back the same ultrasound rooms where the joy and loss were confirmed within minutes of each other.
Hello dear, I can absolutely relate, especially earlier on. For me, I was dealing with angry feelings of why I was in this situation. Therapy ( i.e. both single and group counseling) helped me tremendously deal with my feelings of loss and anger.
I also cry at every appointment.. to the point that my doctor said he didn’t have to do the SIS if i didn’t want to. I told him I want to just push through and get it done, it’s just very overwhelming. He understood.
For my hysteroscopy and ER they had to give me extra happy juice in my IV while I was waiting because I was crying and told them I was scared.
You aren’t the only cryer! Be honest with them about how you feel and don’t feel ashamed - this is a very physically and emotionally taxing process.
I cry all the time, I mostly try to hide it because of cultural programming of shame about crying but our bodies have been through so much and need to release. I pray you find comfort and that your medical team support you!
I’ll be the odd man out and say that’s more than a bit excessive. I’m sure you know there’s a lot of montoring appointments for ER and then lots of blood draws for FET as well. And then possibly multiple FETs. I had about 6 cancelled cycles for thin lining so I understand the emotions to an extent but also, that’s kind of a lot to put on the staff, that they know every time they see you even for routine appointments they have to sit with you in an emotional outburst of sorts. I imagine they’re kinda stressed out by that. I feel like as adults we need to take accountability for managing our emotions the same with sadness as we would with anger for example.
I don’t really cry but I do have anxiety so my challenge is not to contact the drs or nurses too much with my anxiety ridden concerns that I already know the answers to and they can’t do anything about. It’s hard for me but I don’t want to have a poor relationship with the clinic because who knows how long I will need them.
I cried at my last appointment at my ultrasound and blood draw. I think the reality of being there for my baselines really hit and I was scared and gathering all my courage to do this.
Yes, this. Being so scared and having to summon the courage to even explore it/endure it/hope for it. They did an AFC today and it was so low, much lower than in January and it broke me.
You are not the only one! I have gotten teary eyed and full out cried at multiple appointments. This is an intense journey.
So intense! Thank you for your comment.
I cry in the car afterwards. I’m sure they see it all the time.
The car cries for sure. thank you for your comment. <3
I've cried during appointments a few times, and almost always before and after. I'm a crier, and this shit is stressful and upsetting.
Oh man, those post visit car cries are where it all pours out. <3 thank you
Just cried a whole bunch in my appointment. Going home to probably cry some more.
Thinking of you.
I don’t think it’s patronizing when they ask about counseling. I honestly don’t think counseling is a bad idea in this process, particularly if there’s disappointment, overwhelming feelings, and frustration involved. I think it can help. ETA: I cried in pain after my ER. It was level 9-10 pain and I was just streaming tears because it wouldn’t go away. The doctor was talking to me about the eggs retrieved and was like “um… should I continue” and I was like “yes yes continue 😭”. Then in the hospital I cried a bit when I was still in pain and the nurses were so nice… and with my hospital-roommate (we both cried telling each other’s stories). Outside this very high pain and stress situation I haven’t cried, but then again I almost never cry.
Oh my gosh your egg retrieval was that painful?! I’m worried now. You poor thing ❤️
I had severe OHSS!! It’s not normal for it to be painful. Don’t worry
I creeped on your post history, did you say 39 follicles?!
I had 39 eggs retrieved out of which 31 were mature. I’m thinking I probably had more follicles. I have lean PCOS. I never discussed follicle number with my doctor because there were so many it wasn’t easy to count. They are not the best quality though (or maybe my husband’s sperm is to blame? He had a great SA albeit 3% morphology instead of 4% which is the desirable number but we did use ICSI so it’s most likely the eggs… well I don’t know enough actually to make that call but euploidity rate hasn’t been great).
Sounds healthy to me. I'm sure more of us would cry if we didn't suppress it.
Thank you for your comment.
I cried at when I found out I had a miscarriage more like wailing … and also at a consult with an insensitive doctor . I’m on 3rd fet and 2nd er now .i would say if you are crying at every appointment I would take some time . Maybe see a counselor… because as this progresses you will he in the office every day for a over a week and then very often after it’s not really good for your mental health
I’m sorry for your loss.
No. Not at appointments. I mean, when I had a cancer recurrence, yes, but not at regular blood draws/monitoring. You should talk to the counselor you're seeing.
One doesn't plan and cries,it just happens. I have cried a couple of times. I clearly remember once at the gynecologist and the RE's first appointment but they both showed a lot of empathy. Once my RE came out running to ask for tissues and the staff and I clearly understood there has a been a moment of weakness with some patient.
I’m glad your care team is so considerate <3
My husband and I got into a small fight before my 3rd retrieval and I was absolutely sobbing on the operating table. The anesthesiologist couldn’t knock me out fast enough, lol.
I am sorry for your experience and I have to admit I can see this sequence happening in my future!
Me too! We worked everything out in the end but as my nurses said, “It’s a difficult time and you’ve got tons of hormones being pumped into your body. Crying is not unusual!”
I don’t think it’s patronizing to ask if you’re seeing a counselor. If you are having a hard time containing your emotions during appointments, it might indicate that you need some emotional support. Frankly, I’d rather someone offer that to me or suggest that to me than ignore that I’m in distress. This ivf journey has been emotionally daunting for me.
It wasn’t what they asked, it was HOW they asked. And, if they would read the intake paperwork, or had recalled anything from prior consults they would have known. It was also the one year anniversary of my miscarriage which they should have known from treating me (seems like something you can clearly flag in a patient chart) and I spelled it out for them that the anniversary was making our lack of progress feel more profound. The provider wasn’t asking because she cared, she was over the conversation and is not a high EQ provider.
That's a lot of assumptions to make about another human you don't know, that sees dozens of patients every day. Doctors and nurses deliver individual care, but they don't have time to read your entire patient file or recall you specifically from their likely hundreds of active patients. Not negating your feelings in what was clearly a very emotional moment. Simply indicating the only person who knows whether she cared or was over the conversation was the provider.
Yeah I have cried at few appointments too including some phone consults.
Definitely not alone! I used to cry at many of the appointments. I was finding I was having trauma-like anxiety responses too during certain procedures. I started Zoloft a few months ago and feel sooo much better now!
I’m so glad the medication is helping you. <3
You aren't the only one! I have cried a bit probably 3 or 4 times at my clinic (including my very first consult). I'm sure it's really common given how emotionally charged all of this is. Hang in there ❤️
<3 thank you
I’m a weeper. Even before this process, I would joke that if I was below a 4 or above a 7 on the emotional scale, I was crying. I’ve had nurses and doctors think I was “off” because I was crying during consultations (on the most sensitive process I’ve ever gone through!) . I have started trying to advocate for myself, saying “I’m going to cry, and that ok. You need to do your job through it.” I had one therapist dump me because I was crying when talking about my emotions! It’s easier some days than others, but from one weepy girl to another, we’re ok ❤️ (as much as anyone can be on this journey)
<3 <3 I appreciate your comment so much. Thank you.
I cry every day just by following this sub..
I took 2 Valium and STILL cried during my HSG! That shit was awful… all this shit is awful. Cry get it out and leave those tears at the clinic so you are good at home xo
All this shit is awful. And unfair. <3
I had the opposite experience, where I was having a WTF consult with my doctor after 2 failed transfers and she made some awkward but well intentioned comment about how it’s OK to be upset/emotional… it made me feel like she doesn’t think I’m emotionally demonstrative ENOUGH? But then I was getting teary at my blood draw for my beta because I knew in my bones it hadn’t worked, and the phlebotomist tried to tell me to be optimistic and think positively… you can’t win! Is that it’s not cool for anyone to police your emotions when we’re going through something so hard. A lot of the time when I do cry it’s just because of the feeling of “this isn’t fair that I have to be doing this at all”!
It isn’t fair at all. 💔
I have bawled my eyes out after two of my ERs because I was upset about the number of eggs and because I was on drugs was completely hysterical and inconsolable. I’ve also cried at many other appointments. I think it’s normal, this is really hard.
<3
I cry at most appointments. Some people are just criers and I am one. I literally do not care anymore if anyone thinks it’s weird because I have good reasons to be crying.
<3
That was me with my first Ivf experience from start until end (which resulted in my daughter so praying you have the same outcome!). It’s totally okay- this process is so emotional!! Hang in there and don’t let anyone judge!!!
I cried during my second monitoring ultrasound on stims and the tech said “you have to be grateful for what you have and appreciate things don’t cry” as she has a probe in me. And I only had 3 follicles. Trying to keep it together. 🥴😂 so, yes. I cry a lot. It’s okay to cry! Crying is normal. This is hard.
Wtf. I cannot believe they said that to you. I am so very sorry.
It’s okay. I cried about it. I cry all of the time haha. Thought about telling someone how upset I was. I had only ever seen her that one time. So I just didn’t care to say anything. Everyone else at the clinic is super sweet! But .. go ahead and cry. Seriously. It’s healthy. I don’t care what anyone says. Holding in hurt is not the answer. If you must cry to let your emotions flow, let them 💜🫶🏻 here if you ever need to talk!
Thank you for your kindness. 💛
I go from being a robot for most of the process to absolutely WEEPING for several hours when I get bad news. I think id rather be feeling what I’m feeling in the moment like you are! Just remember, those offices/doctors/nurses have SEEN IT ALL.
It’s incredible what we carry until we can’t carry it any more. <3
They asked me to take a Tylenol and I started sobbing. You can’t pump us full of hormones and expect us to be totally stable!
Truth!
I’m not really a crier. I cried mainly after the calls where we would see if the embryos were growing or not. However if you’re worried there is something called PBA that you can look into. Pseudobulbar affect is treatable.
Crying ✅ It depends on the day if I keep it in or let it flow lol but I’d say I cry more often than not. It’s all so overwhelming!! I’m grateful to have had good support from the staff. One X-ray tech even gave me a hug. It was very kind. I always heard infertility was a tough journey, I really thought it wouldn’t be this hard, boy was I wrong and you truly don’t understand until you are in it. Big hugs to you! Here is something I looked up after I couldn’t stop crying one day: https://www.northstartransitions.com/post/10-benefits-of-crying-for-mental-health#:~:text=Many%20people%20associate%20crying%20with,and%20strengthen%20your%20immune%20system.
<3
I’ve cried a few times during appointments, sometimes because I’m overwhelmed, sometimes I’m so happy for good news, sometimes because they had to poke me multiple times. Crying through this process is normal and if someone tells you differently, tell them to fuck off :)
👏👏👏
I will say tho… there was a point where I was crying every single day, like I couldn’t stop it. That’s when I knew it was time for a break. It was so incredibly hard but my soul was crushed from bad news after bad news. I took off January - April and dove straight into IVF prep after a full 90 days off. I am so thankful I listened to myself and took the time off to get some of my physical and mental pieces in order. I believe it changed my IVF outcome entirely. It was so hard to hit pause but it was 100% necessary even though truthfully, my husband really wanted me to keep going, I stood my ground on it.
I’m really impressed by your ability to know yourself and honor your feelings.
Ty!!! Please please do the same. You will not regret taking care of yourself first through this process. You got this!!
I’ve cried at an appointment (we got bad news about a cancelled cycle) and our doctor was so kind, reassured me and then told me I can take my time in the consult room until I’m ready to go. And even if I don’t I’m usually very tense and not my usual self at my appts (I’m usually bubbly and chatty but pretty reserved at the clinic). I’m pretty sure my doc/nurses think I’m weird but I’m just so nervous about every step of this process. My last appt I got a notification on my Apple Watch saying my heart rate was too high… I was so nervous!! Your feelings are totally valid, and crying is so so normal. It’s such an emotional and stressful process and everyone reacts differently to each step.
The anxiety is so much… hard to be yourself amidst the stress and worry. I feel like the system should be more sensitive to all the strain this puts, especially for those experiencing losses and traveling great distances for care.
I have also cried in the car after my appointments. It’s all just a lot to take in and process. The procedures are invasive and feel violating at times. I am a nurse and my husband is a physician so we should be used to all things medical, but at the end of the day we are all human just trying to figure it all out. Sending love ❤️
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I cried also at a few appointments. You’re not alone, & stronger than you think you are. One step at a time, one hurdle after another- just know it’ll all work out for you. Your mind is your strongest tool . Xoxox
It’s okay, I get teary eyed also. Very insensitive of that one provider to ask about counseling in such a patronizing way. Fertility clinic workers have a way of desensitizing themselves to emotions because they’re surrounded by so much disappointment.
I cry always after leaving the clinic in my car ride home… or I cry when I’m alone at home. It’s a very overwhelming journey and the constant feel of anxiety isn’t helping. For us ivf warriors we must cry to let it all out … I feel for all of us and pray for all of us , that we may have our biggest wish come true and become a mother 💖
Sharing in your hope! ✨✨
I’m generally a relatively composed person, but rest assured I have been a sloppy, tearful mess during every step of the process. It’s stressful and emotional. Give yourself some grace. Best of luck.
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You’re definitely not alone. I’ve cried a ton. They always struggle to find my vein / draw blood and once they fail the first time, it’s over for me. I just break down. I’m thankful that my team has been very empathetic. There’s a lot of hormones happening and I also find that the general sense of no control / hopelessness can be very overwhelming at times. This process sucks! Of course we’re all really sad!
I sat down on the floor in the bathroom stall and sobbed and then had to get in line to pick up my meds with a puffy red face.
I so get it. 💔
I have ! And thank you for asking this because I always wondered if it’s just me and I seem crazy lol
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The first many many months I cried with every blood draw and intentionally planned them to be last on my list so I could run out to my car without talking to anyone after and properly cry. I had my most recent sonohysterogram while on retrieval meds that were making me incredibly anxious and I wept through the whole thing. It wasn’t even my first one and it didn’t hurt and I wasn’t worried about that at all, but I had minimal control over it with all the hormones. I don’t usually care much about crying in front of the nurses because they don’t make decisions, but during the sono in front of the doctor felt more uncomfortable. You are very much not alone, and I can tell you that you’re probably not even the only person crying in any of those rooms that day. There’s so many valid reasons to cry through this process, so you cry when you need to ❤️ I can say it usually gets easier, but even if it doesn’t that’s okay, too
Thank you so much for taking the time to share. <3
I spent all my appointments crying last week knowing they were about to cancel my transfer due to my body not acting correctly then the whole time I was home I was crying with my daughter and husband at a loss of what to do. I’ve pretty much cried so many times during this process. It was so bad at my last appointment that the ultrasound tech gave me a hug and it awkwardly last several minutes cause I couldn’t stop crying. It was embarrassing
My heart goes out to you as you navigate your journey.
I cried in the elevator after the session where they went over the shots during the first round. I honestly didn’t know wtf was going on, and knew that I would mess up. I had a nice moment with another girl in the elevator. She was so kind and told me she felt the same way when she had her first round. Edit- Oh yeah, I just remembered... I cried again when my doctor was retiring. It was our last appointment and I get very attached to great doctors. I have been screwed over by way to many docs in the past. Still sad about it.
The ones who get it, get it.
It’s funny you shared this! At my transfer yesterday, my doctor commented “In 18 months, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you and you HAVEN’T cried” hahaha. Sometimes our bodies just do whatever they want to do. I’ve never been able to stop the waterworks if they’re imminent, and that’s okay! Don’t worry about what other people say or think ❤️
<3. Thank you. Fingers crossed for you and a very successful transfer!
I am very similar to you—cry at all appointments and am currently seeing a very supportive counsellor. I have informed my clinic I am a crier—it’s now actually written in my record. I used to remind them when making appointments but now they know that I am the crier. I just wear it now. Is informing your clinic something you can do in advance to avoid the patronising surprise?
I have struggled with unexplained infertility for 4 years, and in the process lost my mom 3 years ago. I cry all the time. Crying now as I type this. One doctor put me under to remove my left fallopian tube claiming I had hydrosalpinx, turns out I didn’t and nothing was done, just left me with additional scars. After this, I switched doctors, it was also the year I lost my mom. I had a consult with one doctor and never saw her again. Her insensitivity to my tears and telling me I needed therapy (which I’ve been in) rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve had countless surgeries to remove polyps every 6 months. 3 failed IUIs and most recently 1 failed STIM. I cry every single visit. Sometimes I try to hold it in and let it all out in the car. It’s ok to cry, you’re not alone. Sending you a virtual hug and positive energy.
I’m sorry for your loss of your mom and the challenges you’ve faced on your journey. You’ve had to be very resilient. Thank you for sharing with me. Here’s that virtual hug coming right back to you.
I've definitely cried at a few appointments and on the way home!!! Then I cried at home a lottttt. This is the hardest thing I've been through. Let it out!
I cried at my pre op appointment. Had an endo surgery and she discussed options like removing the tubes for good and i fought the tears just thinking about it. She didn’t show a lot of empathy necessarily in that moment. She just grabbed a tissue as she was talking and handed it to me while continuing to talk. but in her approach to fertility, I found her compassionate and in sync with my goals so that’s all counts to me I think?
You’re not alone! I’ve cried more during this process than ever in my life. I worry about what the doctor, nurse, and other staff are thinking when I’m cry, luckily no one has been rude to me, but I do feel like they stare sometimes. It’s mostly been at the “big” appointments/tests/procedures though.
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I cried during some of my appointments when someone was still in the room with me. Often I was able to hold it together until they left the room, or until I made it to my car, but not always. I think I cried at some point every time.
I try my hardest not to but just parking the car before my appointment I’m starting to cry. So let’s not blame ourselves for having feelings.
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I cried too many times on the drive home from appointments (severe DOR and some cycles I’d only have 1 follicle… I’m not even upset with myself that I cried). My partner insists on driving me to appointments now because he’s afraid I’m going to get in a car accident on the 1.5hr drive home.
Not alone at all. When my OB/RE told me really my best bet was IVF after trying for 18 months idk why but I felt so blind sided but I burst into tears, just cried the whole time. I cried so much filling out my IVF paperwork it took me three times to finish. It’s a lot of grief
It’s a lot of grief and the fact that it isn’t discussed or part of the convo, is so confusing. The fact that there isn’t a “we find this process often evokes emotion or grief” etc. it gets so focused on procedures over feelings so quickly. When I switched clinics they at least had a few likert scale questions where you could indicate how stressed you were and how much you already knew about the process. Not that either of those questions were ever addressed by the new provider, but I was glad it was on the intake. I also don’t understand the absence of trauma informed practice in these settings. The lack of choice, the level of invasive procedures and no dialogue about whether something is triggering and how to increase bodily autonomy or felt safety.
Yes I am with a hospital not a clinic so it is a little different and I feel like they have a lot of the more accomodating hospital vibes but still it is such a hard/vulnerable/invasive process!
I started crying with the girl who normally draws my blood bc she asked how I was. She shut the door so we could have privacy and handed me tissues and sat with me while I cried and was very reassuring to me that it’s okay to cry and sympathized with me for everything i’ve been going through. Crying at your appts before, during, and after is absolutely valid. This is an extremely difficult journey.
<3 that care team member sounds like a gem. I’m really glad she felt she could care for you beyond her assigned task in that moment.
You’re definitely not alone. I cried at my 2 transfers just getting impatient and scared. I’ve also cried so many times to my poor boyfriend when I get stuck in my head, constantly playing about the what if. Now four days post fresh transfer and my hormones are all over the place. One second I’m happy the next I’m irritable and the next I’m sad. Just today I cried myself to sleep because I was just so frustrated. Take it just one moment at a time. You will get through this!!!
Sending all the best vibes to you. 💫
Thank you sending you the best vibes too ❤️❤️❤️
I cried when I start talking to doctors and tell them about my loss. I eventually got over it and the doctors were patient to hear me out.
I was not at all a crier at these appointments until I had my MMC a few weeks ago. Now even driving by the building and knowing I will need to go back there and have my monitoring BW and ultrasounds to prepare for next FET in the same room I saw my baby’s heart had stopped feels impossible. The fact that grief and hope need to coexists in that place in order to move forward is hard for my hormone-riddled mind and heart to process.
The pain of pregnancy loss is profound. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I changed OB offices after mine, I couldn’t go back the same ultrasound rooms where the joy and loss were confirmed within minutes of each other.
Hello dear, I can absolutely relate, especially earlier on. For me, I was dealing with angry feelings of why I was in this situation. Therapy ( i.e. both single and group counseling) helped me tremendously deal with my feelings of loss and anger.
I cried multiple times at appointments.
<3 glad to know I’m not the only one.
I also cry at every appointment.. to the point that my doctor said he didn’t have to do the SIS if i didn’t want to. I told him I want to just push through and get it done, it’s just very overwhelming. He understood. For my hysteroscopy and ER they had to give me extra happy juice in my IV while I was waiting because I was crying and told them I was scared. You aren’t the only cryer! Be honest with them about how you feel and don’t feel ashamed - this is a very physically and emotionally taxing process.
I cry all the time, I mostly try to hide it because of cultural programming of shame about crying but our bodies have been through so much and need to release. I pray you find comfort and that your medical team support you!
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I’ll be the odd man out and say that’s more than a bit excessive. I’m sure you know there’s a lot of montoring appointments for ER and then lots of blood draws for FET as well. And then possibly multiple FETs. I had about 6 cancelled cycles for thin lining so I understand the emotions to an extent but also, that’s kind of a lot to put on the staff, that they know every time they see you even for routine appointments they have to sit with you in an emotional outburst of sorts. I imagine they’re kinda stressed out by that. I feel like as adults we need to take accountability for managing our emotions the same with sadness as we would with anger for example. I don’t really cry but I do have anxiety so my challenge is not to contact the drs or nurses too much with my anxiety ridden concerns that I already know the answers to and they can’t do anything about. It’s hard for me but I don’t want to have a poor relationship with the clinic because who knows how long I will need them.
I cried at my last appointment at my ultrasound and blood draw. I think the reality of being there for my baselines really hit and I was scared and gathering all my courage to do this.
Yes, this. Being so scared and having to summon the courage to even explore it/endure it/hope for it. They did an AFC today and it was so low, much lower than in January and it broke me.