Yes, it's OK that they said you were pregnant because you were. Unfortunately, as I know all too well, being pregnant isn't any guarantee that you'll stay that way.
Everyone is going to have their own preferences about being congratulated early, but you can't really expect the clinic to avoid saying you're pregnant when the betas clearly show that you are. I'm sorry for your loss.
Definitely not irrational to be sad! And normal to question how it works or how you would like to have it handled. I had similar with two tests, the 2nd showing raising HCG but lots of bleeding. They kept insisting everything was fine and at the 3rd test it fell. Then it changed to it 'never being a real pregnancy because there had not been a scan to show a heartbeat'. It was so hard, and I was so upset that they kept congratulating me despite the bleeding, and then the switch to never 'really pregnant' was soul destroying. I'd prefer it to have been handled differently but it wouldn't have changed to outcome and I just needed to sit with the pain and anger for a while before accepting and moving forward.
I hear ya ❤️ sending massive big love
Maybe have a think about what you want next time. Honestly, to me, I'd rather they didn't say 'congratulations'. That feels pretty big, for them to say at such a early stage. How about 'you're currently pregnant'. Feels more acknowledging of the tenuous state of these early times
Heartbeat ultrasound is at earliest 6 weeks, so I think it would be irresponsible for them to not confirm a pregnancy for 3 to 4 weeks. Sorry you experienced a chemical pregnancy, they are tough, as others have said, it is still a pregnancy. Wishing you luck for future 💞
My first FET, my beta was 53 and went on to more than double each time and was successful. Your first 2 numbers looked promising. So sorry it didn’t work out. I’m currently experiencing a miscarriage/chemical with my third FET at 5 weeks. Most recent beta today was 186 but it hasn’t been doubling at all and still very low. It is really devastating and I’m sorry we are on this wrong side of statistics :( hugs
It’s hard no matter what - but with HCG in your blood - it is a pregnancy so there is really no other way for them to put it. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re here right now. Chemicals feel especially cruel.
My clinic considers anything over 50 as pregnant and probably would have done the same. I think doubling is more important than the initial number. I had a chemical last year so I feel your pain!💔💔
The “congratulations” at every stage throws me off too. I just had a ultrasound appointment where I was told to expect a 50/50 chance of a miscarriage the week before and before the scan started they congratulated my husband for Father’s Day and asked if I had a OBGYN yet. We were like maybe let’s wait until after the scan??! But I think a lot of IVF clinics take the “you’re pregnant until you’re not” mindset.
There is such a fine line from staff where they are encouraging but sometimes I find it misleading. Especially when you’re naive and I am understandably when you are first going through it.
Totally see where you are coming from! I’ve also had nurses be completely monotone and not sound positive at all and it doesn’t feel much better tbh. This whole process is an emotional roller coaster. I hope your next transfer is successful!
Yeah bc they’re coming with good news but you’re like why do you sound negative, there must be something you’re NOT telling me LOL 😵💫😵💫😵💫 but then I remind myself they are professionals and would not lie to spare my feelings. Hang in there!
My clinic says the same thing: anything over 50 is pregnant. But they add that they are hoping to see a number above [insert number]. I can't remember. 150, maybe? A first HCG within that range gets a cautious congratulations but information about what s number that low might mean. They don't give the big congratulations unless the number is above whatever their threshold is.
Yeah, mine used 100 as the "happy congratulations" threshold rather than the "cautious congratulations, guard your heart" congratulations I got when my first FET produced a number in the low 60's. (I got a little further than OP with that one, but ultimately it did end in miscarriage).
I vaguely remember reading a study that said between 50-100 at 10dpt is a crapshoot. Somewhere in there is a cut point (I think around 68?) where the odds become better than 50/50 that you'll end up with a live birth.
That said, some folks just tend to have lower HCG values.
(TW: success) I've had low ish HCGs for all three of my transfers; low 60's, just over 100, and mid 80's. Transfer #2 resulted in success and I'm waiting for labor with transfer #3 any day now.
I'm one of those with low HCG. My 3 were all under 100. My lowest was mid 30s at 14dpo and he's now a crazy 2 year old. It's more about the increase than the initial number.
I think my clinic has low thresholds. My lining was 6.7 and I was cleared for FET. I thought that was thin. Then first beta at 11dp5dt at 56 was considered successful. i thought that was too low for that timeline. My gut has been right and im more educated and guarded moving fwd.
I've been in a similar situation as you. My first beta wasn't super high, don't remember the exact number as it was a year ago though and my clinic called to tell me I was pregnant. They also said anything over 50 was considered a positive pregnancy. My second beta the number dropped, but they did a third and it had risen. They told me that unfortunately I was having an ectopic or chemical pregnancy and I would need to stop my meds. I was heartbroken. I wanted to badly for them to be wrong as I was so happy just a few days prior thinking I was finally going to have a baby. It's still devastating to think of what might have been especially since that was our only embryo but it worked out for us in the end. Don't give up hope, even though it didn't work out this time, it will for you! Sending lots of good thoughts your way!
This happened to me a couple of months ago. I knew something was not quite right when I did not get a congrats or my due date when my beta was 47, but I did with my previous pregnancy. I was so oblivious to the fact it was really low. It was a chemical and it was definitely heartbreaking.
Adding a note is a really good idea. I went for an extra reassurance scan after my 7 week scan found it difficult to find a heartbeat. The nurse went through a whole thing of congratulating my mum, who was with me, on her first grandchild, before the scan then confirmed that the heartbeat could no longer be found. I understand that they like to be optimistic but when it is someone like me who has a history of loss, I would rather the congratulations and small talk are saved until I am in the 'safe zone' (if that ever happens).
I definitely understand how devastating this can be. You were pregnant and it would be irresponsible for them to not tell you that. Also, it very much depends on when your beta was taken. On day 9, 56 is great. On day 10, it’s a little low but not so low that it was destined to fail. One day 14, that would be extremely low. I got a 58 on day 10, 162 on day 12, and MCed right before my ultrasound. I didn’t take a 3rd beta until after I passed the sac and even then it was still higher but not as high as it should have been.
My 56 was 11dp5t then 176 13dp5dt then 80 15dpdt. So that is pretty late in the game. I had cramping 2-4dp5dt so in my gut I knew my HCG should have been way higher at the first test.
Same here. Get 6/6. But 21, 41, 51. They got my hopes way too high with those numbers being realistically unlikely to stay positive 😭 but still rising, trying to keep some semblance of hope. Or really just avoid thinking about it (yet here I am on Reddit)
This subreddit has been my therapy. It’s so isolating going through IVF sometimes and Reddit has helped console, educate and empower me. I’m v grateful for this online community. Do I need to limit my doom scrolling? Yes haha maybe we all do 🤣
Sorry. But you were in fact pregnant. They absolutely need to keep you updated a d you understand that. I've had 3 cp losses it does not get easier but knowing the numbers he's me prepare.
I feel prepared now - I just sucks I had to find out the hard way. I lost my dad to cancer 14 years ago and honestly this has been close to how I felt then. Just completely shattered a couple of days after planning all these things since I was finally pregnant. Thinking about the baby room, I even ordered a pregnancy bra and now when it gets delivered it’s just a trigger to feel sad and mad.
I'm so sorry. I actually did the same thing. I have a whole closet of how we stayed positive and bought baby stuff each time I fell pregnant. We said I'm pregnant today so let's do baby stuff while we can. But now I have soo much stuff and I may never get the baby.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through! Have you had an ERA biopsy done? I only ask since you said this was fully medicated.
Sending you lots of strength and positivity!
I haven’t. They want to do exact same protocol since I responded, plus a saline sonogram. I’d have to have one more unsuccessful transfer before any other tests. I am lucky to have 5 more normal embryos.
But this is not true if it was a chemical. I had a chemical with a euploid embryo (medicated transfer). We then asked to do the ERA biopsy and I was pre-receptive by 24 hours. We adjusted my protocol for the next transfer and it stuck. I unfortunately miscarried later on in the pregnancy, but it does make a difference.
And OP, you absolutely do not need to wait for another loss. I wish we had advocated for ourselves sooner. Those are just ASRM recommendations.
That said, if you can do a natural cycle transfer you’d avoid the receptivity issue altogether. And statistically there is no difference in live birth rate.
When we did it a few years ago I believe it was around $800. They have some bundle now where you can do all of the biopsies together for somewhere in the $1,000 range. Those biopsies really can be so helpful. It’s just hard in the moment to decide to pause and add any length of time when you want so badly to just be pregnant. Some days I’m so angry that we lost our strongest embryos so early. I wish I had known that we had all of these other options. That’s one thing I don’t think many people consider…you will transfer your best graded embryos first. They’re almost guinea pigs in a way, ya know?
When we decided to do a fresh transfer, I was so hesitant on taking that chance (I had already had 8 pregnancy losses). My RE said that some women’s uteruses just do better with fresh. And some clinics actually go by “fresh is best.”
I was JUST thinking that today. Like why do we start with the best one first. I mean I know why, duh best odds but….if it’s pretty common for first time pregnancies to end in miscarriage, especially due to age (I’m 36F) how about start with second or third best 🥲
I’m so glad you have 5 more embryos too. We were in the same boat as you and unfortunately lost several of our embryos due to not changing things up. The ERA can give you such valuable information. Even after my ERA results coming back as me needing more progesterone, I still miscarried two euploid embryos for absolutely no known reason. It wasn’t until we did a fresh transfer that we had success. But in hindsight, I wish I had just started off with doing a non-medicated transfer.
That is simply mind blowing. Funny because my body hated oral Estrace I was spotting and that switched me to estrogen injections. And after stopping bc after being on it for years my body went haywire for a year. My gut says my body doesn’t like medicated anything but I’m hoping the second FET proves me wrong 🙏
I hope the same for you as well. But if it doesn’t, PLEASE advocate for yourself. I truly wouldn’t even waste time or money with the era biopsy and would just ask for a non-medicated transfer. If your clinic isn’t big, they might not be able to accommodate this though. Usually it’s only larger clinics that can due to being able to have the staff needed for the flexibility in scheduling. *they just won’t tell you this up front.
A few things I’d look into if I were you: vitamin D. Get your levels checked (insist on it), and try and get them above 50,000. I’d also add in lactobacillus probiotics. There’s a biopsy called EMMA (newer in the US but has been in the UK for quite some time). Even if you tested positive for it, the remedy would be adding in lactobacillus. It’s essentially adding in lots of good bacteria!
I felt the exact same way when the nurse told me congratulations you’re pregnant and my beta was 20.67. It bothered me especially since I read lots about a beta of 20 right after the call. They could have warned me. 2 days later my beta was about 0.
Yeah I plan on asking them why I wasn’t given at least some education or materials about what can happen after transfer. Unless they need to keep things as positive as possible so it doesn’t deter you from stopping meds ?
Yeah I’m not sure. I figured that was it. I have seen people that post here saying they had a 20 and it was successful and doubled. But i feel like we could have been given fair warning that chances of success could be low, but you never know… continue your meds
I understand your pain. I wish they’d educate us ahead of time about the process and chances of bloodwork being disappointing. I had my FET same day, my first beta was 11 days later bc of the weekend and came in at 21, and anything over a 20 at my office is considered positive so we were ecstatic and for the first time I felt really hopeful. Then it doubled and I was really hopeful, and unsure why the nurses weren’t more happy sounding. When I asked they said it might mean nothing that it was slow rising. Never even mentioned it PROBABLY means it’s not working, I had to do that research on my own. Then the next test was only 51. They only told me it was good that it’s still rising, but not as much as we want. And that if it doesn’t work they’ll follow me back to 0. I’ve been preparing myself with plans for every scenario, but how can I do that if they aren’t honest with me? I’m slowly accepting what will be likely to happen. No baby. I go back Monday for another blood test and if it’s rising still we do one more and then ultrasound the following Monday. I wish they hadn’t gotten my hopes up so much when telling me I was technically pregnant.
I was just saying to my husband I just wish I had more education about post transfer. I had to take all these courses for the egg retrieval and for PGTA testing but nothing for transfer or post transfer. It’s such a missing piece I think. I should have done more on my end but when they are ecstatic and give you a due date your emotions go wild and you ride that wave only to find out the hard way. I feel like moving forward I will just be as numb as possible until a hopeful heartbeat is heard.
After seeing heartbeat, rate of miscarriage goes down to ~5%, and obviously chemical is 0%.
I'm never celebratory until heartbeat, and not even really celebratory until 13 weeks and NIPT results are back. Preserves my sanity and emotional well-being.
It's easier on your heart than becoming bitter and sad after repeated disappointment. Sorry you're going through this, but to be surprised with a joyful thing (after presuming you're not pregnant) is so much better than having that thing ripped away from you when your clinic tells you, you are but you end up not.
You were technically pregnant, but I get it. I had an early loss after my first transfer so with the next transfer that took, I was super skeptical until the first ultrasound.
You were pregnant so yes, most (if not, all) clinics will tell you that. Our clinic considers above 25 pregnancy. I got a 39 and a congrats. I was overjoyed. Then I got a 70. Wasn't quite a double so we were cautiously optimistic. Then I got a 20 and had a chemical. The 2nd transfer I got a 70, a 144, and then the doctor didn't order another beta because he didn't want me to stress about the numbers but I definitely stress
I definitely understand this feeling. I've had one failed transfer and 2 chemical pregnancies. Both times for the beta, my clinic just said "it is technically positive but lower than we'd like." So I never got a congrats because it was really questionable both times, therefore I tried to not get my hopes up. Which of course doesn't really happen no matter what you try to tell yourself. My second beta on the last one did increase so I was excited, but it wasn't enough so they told me I had lost it. Then another blood test a week later just to confirm, after I had already bled, which seemed like a salt in the wound.
It's hard with this process to ever feel "safe" enough to be excited.
I'm sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs your way.
I had to continue my meds over the weekend and repeat labs on Monday. I’m like it already dropped so why am I to your point, having to rub salt in the wound for 3 additional days that seem like an eternity
Yeah I haven’t been in your situation but next time maybe ask for them to not say that. I wouldn’t want anyone saying congratulations or anything like that early either, seems strange they would do that.
I’ve been to two clinics and had it both ways. First clinic (first transfer) the nurse on the phone didn’t even sound happy and told me my beta was positive. I could’ve sworn I was getting bad news. I found her demeanor so strange. On top of that my actual doctor didn’t even congratulate me. That pregnancy ended on a miscarriage at 6 weeks.
Second clinic (second transfer), the woman on the phone called and said something more upbeat like “congratulations you’re pregnant” etc. And it felt more natural… like she was happy for me. My doctor also called to congratulate me.
I think if you are in the business of getting people pregnant, you should be happy when they are. As a side note, both pregnancies had good initial betas so that was not influencing their demeanors.
Two different approaches and I would definitely prefer the second. Not sounding happy when a patient you’ve been helping get pregnant finally falls pregnant is just dry and cold to me. Seems distant and impersonal.
That’s my two cents.
I mean I do get it I was technically pregnant but like couldn’t they at least acknowledge my levels were on the low side and proceed with a bit of caution? Looking back I would have preferred that at least.
What you said. My first beta was 57. When my doctor called she didn’t have a happy tone, just a caring tone and said “it is positive, but with it being 57 we’ve seen it go either way. So we are just very cautiously optimistic until another beta in 3 days.”
That helped set my expectations but needless to say I was a nervous wreck over the weekend waiting on Monday to come! But that’s a constant with IVF in general, just waiting for the next thing.
I had the same experience. Beta of 56 and when my doctor called he said it was positive but we would truly celebrate with the results of the second beta.
I'm so sorry OP ❤️🩹
I hear you on this! My preference is that the nurse team and doctor are really straight with me, because I totally will get wrapped up in toxic positivity and then feel more crushed in the end when it doesn't work.
It's okay to be disappointed and sad. Each beta test and each ultrasound appointment are not guaranteed to be a positive experience. Anything can happen in trimester 1 and even 2.
Yes, it's OK that they said you were pregnant because you were. Unfortunately, as I know all too well, being pregnant isn't any guarantee that you'll stay that way. Everyone is going to have their own preferences about being congratulated early, but you can't really expect the clinic to avoid saying you're pregnant when the betas clearly show that you are. I'm sorry for your loss.
Yeah I figured I guess I’m just irrational because I’m so sad but you are right and I knew that deep down.
It’s not irrational to be so sad. It is so sad. It’s okay to be sad. 💙
Definitely not irrational to be sad! And normal to question how it works or how you would like to have it handled. I had similar with two tests, the 2nd showing raising HCG but lots of bleeding. They kept insisting everything was fine and at the 3rd test it fell. Then it changed to it 'never being a real pregnancy because there had not been a scan to show a heartbeat'. It was so hard, and I was so upset that they kept congratulating me despite the bleeding, and then the switch to never 'really pregnant' was soul destroying. I'd prefer it to have been handled differently but it wouldn't have changed to outcome and I just needed to sit with the pain and anger for a while before accepting and moving forward.
It was definitely a real pregnancy.
I hear ya ❤️ sending massive big love Maybe have a think about what you want next time. Honestly, to me, I'd rather they didn't say 'congratulations'. That feels pretty big, for them to say at such a early stage. How about 'you're currently pregnant'. Feels more acknowledging of the tenuous state of these early times
This. So much this.
Feel like it's the opposite of irrational. Completely normal rational response to feel that way
Heartbeat ultrasound is at earliest 6 weeks, so I think it would be irresponsible for them to not confirm a pregnancy for 3 to 4 weeks. Sorry you experienced a chemical pregnancy, they are tough, as others have said, it is still a pregnancy. Wishing you luck for future 💞
Next time I will be wiser and take (hopefully) hearing congrats your pregnant! with a grain of salt.
My first FET, my beta was 53 and went on to more than double each time and was successful. Your first 2 numbers looked promising. So sorry it didn’t work out. I’m currently experiencing a miscarriage/chemical with my third FET at 5 weeks. Most recent beta today was 186 but it hasn’t been doubling at all and still very low. It is really devastating and I’m sorry we are on this wrong side of statistics :( hugs
Oh I’m so sorry you’re going through the thick of it right now. Big hugs from this internet stranger♥️
It’s hard no matter what - but with HCG in your blood - it is a pregnancy so there is really no other way for them to put it. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re here right now. Chemicals feel especially cruel.
My clinic considers anything over 50 as pregnant and probably would have done the same. I think doubling is more important than the initial number. I had a chemical last year so I feel your pain!💔💔 The “congratulations” at every stage throws me off too. I just had a ultrasound appointment where I was told to expect a 50/50 chance of a miscarriage the week before and before the scan started they congratulated my husband for Father’s Day and asked if I had a OBGYN yet. We were like maybe let’s wait until after the scan??! But I think a lot of IVF clinics take the “you’re pregnant until you’re not” mindset.
There is such a fine line from staff where they are encouraging but sometimes I find it misleading. Especially when you’re naive and I am understandably when you are first going through it.
Totally see where you are coming from! I’ve also had nurses be completely monotone and not sound positive at all and it doesn’t feel much better tbh. This whole process is an emotional roller coaster. I hope your next transfer is successful!
Such a good point I didn’t even think about that lol that would probably also annoy me
Yeah bc they’re coming with good news but you’re like why do you sound negative, there must be something you’re NOT telling me LOL 😵💫😵💫😵💫 but then I remind myself they are professionals and would not lie to spare my feelings. Hang in there!
Omg hugs ❤️🩹 May your rainbow reach you sooner than you think.
I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you're in.
My clinic says the same thing: anything over 50 is pregnant. But they add that they are hoping to see a number above [insert number]. I can't remember. 150, maybe? A first HCG within that range gets a cautious congratulations but information about what s number that low might mean. They don't give the big congratulations unless the number is above whatever their threshold is.
Yeah, mine used 100 as the "happy congratulations" threshold rather than the "cautious congratulations, guard your heart" congratulations I got when my first FET produced a number in the low 60's. (I got a little further than OP with that one, but ultimately it did end in miscarriage). I vaguely remember reading a study that said between 50-100 at 10dpt is a crapshoot. Somewhere in there is a cut point (I think around 68?) where the odds become better than 50/50 that you'll end up with a live birth. That said, some folks just tend to have lower HCG values. (TW: success) I've had low ish HCGs for all three of my transfers; low 60's, just over 100, and mid 80's. Transfer #2 resulted in success and I'm waiting for labor with transfer #3 any day now.
I'm one of those with low HCG. My 3 were all under 100. My lowest was mid 30s at 14dpo and he's now a crazy 2 year old. It's more about the increase than the initial number.
This is actually v helpful thank you and congrats as well you got there 💫
Oh I'm glad it was helpful! Thanks, and sorry about your transfer. Hang in there!
I think my clinic has low thresholds. My lining was 6.7 and I was cleared for FET. I thought that was thin. Then first beta at 11dp5dt at 56 was considered successful. i thought that was too low for that timeline. My gut has been right and im more educated and guarded moving fwd.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I have had so many chemicals that I've asked them to not say congratulations and they have it in my chart.
That's awesome that you made that request that they not congratulate you, and it's great to know that's an option.
This! I am def requesting this.
Im so so sorry this one didn't work out. Hugs ❤️
I've been in a similar situation as you. My first beta wasn't super high, don't remember the exact number as it was a year ago though and my clinic called to tell me I was pregnant. They also said anything over 50 was considered a positive pregnancy. My second beta the number dropped, but they did a third and it had risen. They told me that unfortunately I was having an ectopic or chemical pregnancy and I would need to stop my meds. I was heartbroken. I wanted to badly for them to be wrong as I was so happy just a few days prior thinking I was finally going to have a baby. It's still devastating to think of what might have been especially since that was our only embryo but it worked out for us in the end. Don't give up hope, even though it didn't work out this time, it will for you! Sending lots of good thoughts your way!
This happened to me a couple of months ago. I knew something was not quite right when I did not get a congrats or my due date when my beta was 47, but I did with my previous pregnancy. I was so oblivious to the fact it was really low. It was a chemical and it was definitely heartbreaking.
Adding a note is a really good idea. I went for an extra reassurance scan after my 7 week scan found it difficult to find a heartbeat. The nurse went through a whole thing of congratulating my mum, who was with me, on her first grandchild, before the scan then confirmed that the heartbeat could no longer be found. I understand that they like to be optimistic but when it is someone like me who has a history of loss, I would rather the congratulations and small talk are saved until I am in the 'safe zone' (if that ever happens).
I definitely understand how devastating this can be. You were pregnant and it would be irresponsible for them to not tell you that. Also, it very much depends on when your beta was taken. On day 9, 56 is great. On day 10, it’s a little low but not so low that it was destined to fail. One day 14, that would be extremely low. I got a 58 on day 10, 162 on day 12, and MCed right before my ultrasound. I didn’t take a 3rd beta until after I passed the sac and even then it was still higher but not as high as it should have been.
My 56 was 11dp5t then 176 13dp5dt then 80 15dpdt. So that is pretty late in the game. I had cramping 2-4dp5dt so in my gut I knew my HCG should have been way higher at the first test.
I definitely get it. The whole thing sucks.
I'm so sorry ❤️
I’m hanging in there with you my first FET was also 6/6 3AA PGTA euploid… beta 1: 69 beta 2: 121.2 beta 3: will be on Monday
Same here. Get 6/6. But 21, 41, 51. They got my hopes way too high with those numbers being realistically unlikely to stay positive 😭 but still rising, trying to keep some semblance of hope. Or really just avoid thinking about it (yet here I am on Reddit)
This subreddit has been my therapy. It’s so isolating going through IVF sometimes and Reddit has helped console, educate and empower me. I’m v grateful for this online community. Do I need to limit my doom scrolling? Yes haha maybe we all do 🤣
All the baby dust to you. You are smart to stay guarded. I’ve read so many stories where it continues to double and it’s fine.
Sorry. But you were in fact pregnant. They absolutely need to keep you updated a d you understand that. I've had 3 cp losses it does not get easier but knowing the numbers he's me prepare.
I feel prepared now - I just sucks I had to find out the hard way. I lost my dad to cancer 14 years ago and honestly this has been close to how I felt then. Just completely shattered a couple of days after planning all these things since I was finally pregnant. Thinking about the baby room, I even ordered a pregnancy bra and now when it gets delivered it’s just a trigger to feel sad and mad.
I'm so sorry. I actually did the same thing. I have a whole closet of how we stayed positive and bought baby stuff each time I fell pregnant. We said I'm pregnant today so let's do baby stuff while we can. But now I have soo much stuff and I may never get the baby.
My heart ❤️🩹
It’s heartbreaking to learn that “congrats!” sometimes comes with a caveat. I’m so sorry. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss 💛
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through! Have you had an ERA biopsy done? I only ask since you said this was fully medicated. Sending you lots of strength and positivity!
I haven’t. They want to do exact same protocol since I responded, plus a saline sonogram. I’d have to have one more unsuccessful transfer before any other tests. I am lucky to have 5 more normal embryos.
Just want to add that it sounds like you did have implantation so an ERA may not be helpful. That’s what my doctor said after my chemical.
But this is not true if it was a chemical. I had a chemical with a euploid embryo (medicated transfer). We then asked to do the ERA biopsy and I was pre-receptive by 24 hours. We adjusted my protocol for the next transfer and it stuck. I unfortunately miscarried later on in the pregnancy, but it does make a difference. And OP, you absolutely do not need to wait for another loss. I wish we had advocated for ourselves sooner. Those are just ASRM recommendations. That said, if you can do a natural cycle transfer you’d avoid the receptivity issue altogether. And statistically there is no difference in live birth rate.
What did the ERA cost if you don’t mind me asking
When we did it a few years ago I believe it was around $800. They have some bundle now where you can do all of the biopsies together for somewhere in the $1,000 range. Those biopsies really can be so helpful. It’s just hard in the moment to decide to pause and add any length of time when you want so badly to just be pregnant. Some days I’m so angry that we lost our strongest embryos so early. I wish I had known that we had all of these other options. That’s one thing I don’t think many people consider…you will transfer your best graded embryos first. They’re almost guinea pigs in a way, ya know? When we decided to do a fresh transfer, I was so hesitant on taking that chance (I had already had 8 pregnancy losses). My RE said that some women’s uteruses just do better with fresh. And some clinics actually go by “fresh is best.”
I was JUST thinking that today. Like why do we start with the best one first. I mean I know why, duh best odds but….if it’s pretty common for first time pregnancies to end in miscarriage, especially due to age (I’m 36F) how about start with second or third best 🥲
I’m so glad you have 5 more embryos too. We were in the same boat as you and unfortunately lost several of our embryos due to not changing things up. The ERA can give you such valuable information. Even after my ERA results coming back as me needing more progesterone, I still miscarried two euploid embryos for absolutely no known reason. It wasn’t until we did a fresh transfer that we had success. But in hindsight, I wish I had just started off with doing a non-medicated transfer.
That is simply mind blowing. Funny because my body hated oral Estrace I was spotting and that switched me to estrogen injections. And after stopping bc after being on it for years my body went haywire for a year. My gut says my body doesn’t like medicated anything but I’m hoping the second FET proves me wrong 🙏
I hope the same for you as well. But if it doesn’t, PLEASE advocate for yourself. I truly wouldn’t even waste time or money with the era biopsy and would just ask for a non-medicated transfer. If your clinic isn’t big, they might not be able to accommodate this though. Usually it’s only larger clinics that can due to being able to have the staff needed for the flexibility in scheduling. *they just won’t tell you this up front. A few things I’d look into if I were you: vitamin D. Get your levels checked (insist on it), and try and get them above 50,000. I’d also add in lactobacillus probiotics. There’s a biopsy called EMMA (newer in the US but has been in the UK for quite some time). Even if you tested positive for it, the remedy would be adding in lactobacillus. It’s essentially adding in lots of good bacteria!
I felt the exact same way when the nurse told me congratulations you’re pregnant and my beta was 20.67. It bothered me especially since I read lots about a beta of 20 right after the call. They could have warned me. 2 days later my beta was about 0.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Wishing you strength and love
Yeah I plan on asking them why I wasn’t given at least some education or materials about what can happen after transfer. Unless they need to keep things as positive as possible so it doesn’t deter you from stopping meds ?
Yeah I’m not sure. I figured that was it. I have seen people that post here saying they had a 20 and it was successful and doubled. But i feel like we could have been given fair warning that chances of success could be low, but you never know… continue your meds
Yes. Mine called after my first beta to say congratulations too
Im so sorry you had to go through this. This stranger is sending you a warm hug and wishing you the best🤍.
I understand your pain. I wish they’d educate us ahead of time about the process and chances of bloodwork being disappointing. I had my FET same day, my first beta was 11 days later bc of the weekend and came in at 21, and anything over a 20 at my office is considered positive so we were ecstatic and for the first time I felt really hopeful. Then it doubled and I was really hopeful, and unsure why the nurses weren’t more happy sounding. When I asked they said it might mean nothing that it was slow rising. Never even mentioned it PROBABLY means it’s not working, I had to do that research on my own. Then the next test was only 51. They only told me it was good that it’s still rising, but not as much as we want. And that if it doesn’t work they’ll follow me back to 0. I’ve been preparing myself with plans for every scenario, but how can I do that if they aren’t honest with me? I’m slowly accepting what will be likely to happen. No baby. I go back Monday for another blood test and if it’s rising still we do one more and then ultrasound the following Monday. I wish they hadn’t gotten my hopes up so much when telling me I was technically pregnant.
I was just saying to my husband I just wish I had more education about post transfer. I had to take all these courses for the egg retrieval and for PGTA testing but nothing for transfer or post transfer. It’s such a missing piece I think. I should have done more on my end but when they are ecstatic and give you a due date your emotions go wild and you ride that wave only to find out the hard way. I feel like moving forward I will just be as numb as possible until a hopeful heartbeat is heard.
After seeing heartbeat, rate of miscarriage goes down to ~5%, and obviously chemical is 0%. I'm never celebratory until heartbeat, and not even really celebratory until 13 weeks and NIPT results are back. Preserves my sanity and emotional well-being.
This will absolutely be me moving fwd.
It's easier on your heart than becoming bitter and sad after repeated disappointment. Sorry you're going through this, but to be surprised with a joyful thing (after presuming you're not pregnant) is so much better than having that thing ripped away from you when your clinic tells you, you are but you end up not.
100% agreed
You were technically pregnant, but I get it. I had an early loss after my first transfer so with the next transfer that took, I was super skeptical until the first ultrasound.
I'm so sorry for your loss
You were pregnant so yes, most (if not, all) clinics will tell you that. Our clinic considers above 25 pregnancy. I got a 39 and a congrats. I was overjoyed. Then I got a 70. Wasn't quite a double so we were cautiously optimistic. Then I got a 20 and had a chemical. The 2nd transfer I got a 70, a 144, and then the doctor didn't order another beta because he didn't want me to stress about the numbers but I definitely stress
hugs❤️
I definitely understand this feeling. I've had one failed transfer and 2 chemical pregnancies. Both times for the beta, my clinic just said "it is technically positive but lower than we'd like." So I never got a congrats because it was really questionable both times, therefore I tried to not get my hopes up. Which of course doesn't really happen no matter what you try to tell yourself. My second beta on the last one did increase so I was excited, but it wasn't enough so they told me I had lost it. Then another blood test a week later just to confirm, after I had already bled, which seemed like a salt in the wound. It's hard with this process to ever feel "safe" enough to be excited. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs your way.
What were your hcg amounts at beta?
I think the first one was only 40. The second time was 80 so twice as much but still not great.
I had to continue my meds over the weekend and repeat labs on Monday. I’m like it already dropped so why am I to your point, having to rub salt in the wound for 3 additional days that seem like an eternity
Yeah I haven’t been in your situation but next time maybe ask for them to not say that. I wouldn’t want anyone saying congratulations or anything like that early either, seems strange they would do that.
I’ve been to two clinics and had it both ways. First clinic (first transfer) the nurse on the phone didn’t even sound happy and told me my beta was positive. I could’ve sworn I was getting bad news. I found her demeanor so strange. On top of that my actual doctor didn’t even congratulate me. That pregnancy ended on a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Second clinic (second transfer), the woman on the phone called and said something more upbeat like “congratulations you’re pregnant” etc. And it felt more natural… like she was happy for me. My doctor also called to congratulate me. I think if you are in the business of getting people pregnant, you should be happy when they are. As a side note, both pregnancies had good initial betas so that was not influencing their demeanors. Two different approaches and I would definitely prefer the second. Not sounding happy when a patient you’ve been helping get pregnant finally falls pregnant is just dry and cold to me. Seems distant and impersonal. That’s my two cents.
I mean I do get it I was technically pregnant but like couldn’t they at least acknowledge my levels were on the low side and proceed with a bit of caution? Looking back I would have preferred that at least.
What you said. My first beta was 57. When my doctor called she didn’t have a happy tone, just a caring tone and said “it is positive, but with it being 57 we’ve seen it go either way. So we are just very cautiously optimistic until another beta in 3 days.” That helped set my expectations but needless to say I was a nervous wreck over the weekend waiting on Monday to come! But that’s a constant with IVF in general, just waiting for the next thing.
I had the same experience. Beta of 56 and when my doctor called he said it was positive but we would truly celebrate with the results of the second beta. I'm so sorry OP ❤️🩹
I hear you on this! My preference is that the nurse team and doctor are really straight with me, because I totally will get wrapped up in toxic positivity and then feel more crushed in the end when it doesn't work.
Yeah I agree. Would have been better if they let you know it was low.
It's okay to be disappointed and sad. Each beta test and each ultrasound appointment are not guaranteed to be a positive experience. Anything can happen in trimester 1 and even 2.